Light of his life Five years of freedom How every good piece of Ruth Wyner reflects upon a art has a great woman Hell’smiscarriage Bell’s of justiceit’s some that behind it morechanged films her outlook coming on life

The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 No. 630, 20th January, 2006

Cambridge University in 2006 and the people who define it

www.varsity.co.uk Including: Cambridge’s most stylish The people who organise our social lives and Clubs and Societies News Feature Sport Interview Varsity interviews Ed Bolton Richard Caborn, and Phillip Scott, stars of Government sports minister, Channel Four’s new series says that he has the best job Beauty and the Geek, about in the world. right now. With The Fast Show’s cold showers, Primark and the Olympics won and Charlie Higson on leaving the lab to bed down Britain’s recent sporting with the High Street Honeys successes in rugby and having a life >>page 3 >> page 3 cricket, it’s hard to disagree >>page 9 >>page 27 >>Drinking societies 2 Varsity News 20.01.06

news in brief Exam marking threat Galloway Drama 3As good enough for us university staff, but this has not Jonathan Birch Geoff Parks, Cambridge’s Jamie Munk proved satisfactory as a long- Falconer Director of Admissions, has term solution for the unions. Hamish slammed the current trend Students’ degrees could be in At present there seems little George Galloway, the Respect MP for students to take “a string danger this year as Cambridge prospect of the dispute being set- currently mid-way through a con- of subjects” at A level. He staff and lecturers prepare for tled. Nick Savage, Secretary of JAMIE MARLAND troversial stint on Celebrity Big said that gaining five or six A potential strike action. As part of Cambridge AUT would like to Brother, has stirred up tension grades at A level only proved a national pay dispute between see more negotiations and told closer to home this week thanks to that a student was “pretty teaching unions and the Varsity: “I’m not optimistic that his impending appearance at the good” at a range of subjects, Universities and Colleges the UCEA aren’t going to play Cambridge Arts Theatre. and they should aim for Employers Association (UCEA), some brinkmanship with this”. Mr Galloway plans to follow his depth of understanding the Cambridge branch of the Chair of the UCEA and Vice TV breakthrough with a lucrative instead.“A student with three Association of University Chancellor of the University of speaking tour of the UK. On As at A level can be a much Teachers (AUT) is balloting its Westminster, Geoffrey Copland, February 12 he is booked to better applicant than one members on whether to pursue said: “we were prepared to give appear at the Cambridge Arts George Galloway is due to speak at with six.” strike action. The move come serious positive consideration to Theatre, a move that has angered the Arts Theatre after the UCEA failed to reach an this new claim but unfortunate- some Cambridge residents. suggested that the various protests Morrissey vs Life agreement on wage increases for ly, the academic unions flatly Nick Savage, Secretary of Cambridge Professor Matthew Kramer of may originate from one coordinat- AUT, anticipates strike action over pay Sciences university staff. refused to engage in such nego- Churchill College has been partic- ed campaign. Huntingdon Life Sciences The demands for pay increases tiation, preferring to proceed the demands of the AUT and ularly vocal in voicing objections Mr Galloway is no stranger to have condemned ageing come at time when universities with their pre-planned industrial NATFHE in calling for higher pay to the MP for Bethnal Green and scandal and enjoys a long-estab- rocker Morrissey for backing are about to receive extra rev- action.” In the last AUT strike for teachers and lecturers. It is Bow’s visit. Professor Kramer, an lished reputation as a controversial violent attacks on scientists enue through the new system of students faced widespread can- disgraceful that the promises expert in Legal and Political orator with a keen eye for publici- involved in research on ani- top-up fees. CAUT maintain that cellation of lectures in made to staff that top-up fee Philosophy, has engaged in ty. In 2004 he was embroiled in a mals. He said,"I support the a third of the money from top-up Cambridge, as well as an assess- income would result in higher lengthy correspondence with the libel battle against The Daily Tele- efforts of the Animal Rights fees was promised to them. Alan ment boycott on all academic pay have proven to be empty. “ Theatre and objects to the booking graph and was widely criticised Militia (ARM) in England and Johnson, the former Higher marking. This time the strike Laura Walsh, CUSU President on several grounds. He takes issue over video footage shown during I understand why fur farmers Education Minister, said in a action is likely to take place from rather ambiguously said, "The with the claim in the Arts court proceedings which appeared and so-called laboratory sci- statement in the Commons in early March. Such a strike would AUT were good friends to stu- Theatre’s brochure that Mr to show him saluting Saddam entists are repaid with vio- April 2004: “University Vice- see all preparation for exams and dents during the top-up fees fight Galloway was expelled from the Hussein. However a commanding lence. It is because they deal Chancellors tell us that, in gener- marking of coursework termi- and we should support them Labour Party “for his opposition to performance at a televised US in violence themselves and al, at least a third of that money nated at a crucial time in the now in their quest to get better the war in Iraq”, and objects more Senate hearing in 2005, at which it's the only language they will be put back into the salaries academic year. Savage warns of pay... However, CUSU would dis- generally to the use of theatres as he refuted accusations he had understand - the same princi- and conditions of their staff.” “a danger of some students not courage action that would platforms for extremist views. profited from the UN Oil For Food ples that apply to war." The AUT see the UCEA and Vice- graduating” if such a strike were impact negatively on our stu- “I don’t think the Arts Theatre is programme, went some way Chancellors as reneging on this not to be swiftly resolved. dents. We hope that it would not a suitable venue” he told Varsity. towards restoring his reputation Hughes Hall is college-to- promise. Their general secretary, The University does not offi- come to a boycott of assess- “Galloway’s extremist views within the UK. be Sally Hunt, said: “This was their cially recognise the Cambridge ments..." should be aired, but only so long Professor Kramer believes there Hughes Hall is on its way to chance to demonstrate that AUT, and was unwilling to fur- National AUT balloting of their as they are subject to vigorous is weight behind the allegations of becoming a fully-recognised decades of telling us they wanted nish an opinion on the dispute. 48,000 members finishes on challenge by someone joining bat- anti-Semitism which have previ- college after the University to pay staff more, but couldn't A spokesperson said, February 15, and, in Savage’s tle with him on an even field.” ously been levied against Mr Council recommended a because of a lack of money, were “Negotiations between the aca- view, the verdict is most likely to Varsity has also learnt of similar Galloway but he conceded “I don’t change in its status. At pres- not just empty promises and they demic trades unions and the be in favour of strike action. If letters of objection from other think his remarks at present are ent it is an ‘Approved have blown it." University and Colleges' negotiations fail, he told Varsity, influential figures within legally objectionable, and I think Foundation’ of the University, Pay for university staff has fall- Employers Association are still in “there will be people taking Cambridge, including Samuel that’s proper: odious people but as a college its associa- en by 40% compared with other progress and until these are con- strike action in Cambridge.” Green, President of the Cambridge should be allowed to express their tion with the University will professions over the last 20 years. cluded, it is inappropriate for the Savage refused to confirm the Jewish Society, and Reuven Leigh, odious views.” be permanent. Reforms passed in August mean University to comment.” They number of current members of a Cambridge-based Rabbi. Galloway’s impending appear- that Cambridge staff are now added, “students may be assured, CAUT, but there were 762 on The Arts Theatre has refused to ance will not be the first time he Terror Bill rejected paid according to the national however, that the University will record in 2004. However, it is cancel the booking and a has aired his views in Cambridge: The clause in the govern- pay grading scale, HERA, agreed take all steps necessary to protect difficult at this stage to ascertain spokesperson assured Varsity that In Michaelmas term 2005 he ment’s proposed Terror Bill between the UCEA and the their interests.” whether a significant number of “Galloway’s appearance will go spoke in slightly more low-key which Varsity reported last unions. This also resulted in pay The National Union of Students examinations will go unmarked, ahead”. The Theatre’s Executive surroundings for the Peterhouse term was raising concerns increases of three per cent for (NUS) have said they "support in the event of strikes. Director, Dave Murphy, has also Politics Society. that lecturers and librarians could be prosecuted has ben Oxbridge commuters finally flying Prostitution crack down managing prostitution and money launder- Addenbrooke’s overstretched defeated in the House of From February 1 it will finally be possible In an update on Varsity’s investigation last ing. Two women who were among the Addenbrooke’s Hospital is on “red alert” fol- Lords.Vivienne Stern, senior to fly between Oxford and Cambridge term into the sex trade in Cambridge, police number originally arrested are now under lowing a massive influx of emergency public affairs officer at and the average journey time will be just have smashed a local prostitution ring investigation for immigration offences. patients. It reached crisis point last week. A Universities UK, said the 22 minutes. Last year Varsity reported on thought to have an annual turnover of sev- Detective Inspector Dan Vajzovic said: state of “black alert” – the most critical pos- organisation was "absolutely the unsuccessful attempts of 19 year-old eral million pounds. A total of ten people “Prostitution and money laundering make sible - was declared last Wednesday. delighted" that the govern- entrepreneur Martin Halstead to launch were arrested following raids on four sus- up a small part of the total picture of serious Addenbrooke’s was forced to impose tight ment's amendment - leaving his own “Oxbridge airline”, Alpha1 pected brothels, a home in Royston and a and organised crime. However, very often it admission restrictions, accepting only 999 the clause in place had been Airways. Cambridge Airport said of Sky business address in Great Yarmouth. These is these smaller operations that fuel the big- calls and pre-booked patients. By the next rejected by 100 votes. Commuter Ltd, the company now arrests were the culmination of more than gero perations including drug and people day the situation had improved and the launching the route, “they are very 18 months of undercover investigation byf trafficking and terrorism. By disrupting alert level was lowered, however the hospi- Foster pleads not guilty enthusiastic and have done their home- Cambridgeshire Police. Five of the ten have these smaller operations, we can go some - tal remains under immense pressure to Alethea Foster has denied work”. now been charged with various counts of way to tackling the bigger problem." accommodate patients. attempting to murder Lucy Cavendish student Julie Simpson last term. Appearing in court last Harry Potter and the amateur journalists week, Foster, 61, spoke only >>page 10 to confirm her name and Jamie Horder implores us to take science seriously plead "not guilty". Simpson, This year’s Cambridge Science Departments and theories, but understand- As far as I can see, those over-simplification – any Adam 44, a mother of two, was University Science many associated research ing little about the process who talk and write about scientist is aware that a stabbed repeatedly in the Festival, part of National centres make our city one of debate within the scien- science often don’t fully single study, even if it’s McNestrie face, chest and hands at the Science Week in March, is of the largest concentra- tific community. understand the issues published in a prestigious college in October. to have a Harry Potter tions of scientific research As a scientist, these behind the latest ideas, journal, is never the whole aims higher Fosterhas been granted con- theme. What exactly this in the UK, yet the story problems are close to my making it difficult for them story. ditional bail, pending will involve isn’t clear, but that hits the headlines heart, and I can’t help but to effectively communi- But perhaps I’m being review. the message is obvious – mentions none of the vital think the fundamental cate and promote complex too hard on them - as I’ve the public won’t be inter- work going on here, but issue here is the fact that scientific ideas. As an easy pointed out, the writers ested in science unless it’s rather a Harry Potter many of those responsible way out, the media tend to and editors may honestly mixed up with some silli- Science Fair! for promoting science to a focus only on those topics not know any better. ness to keep them enter- And this is a problem. I wider audience – science which require the least No science is inherently listen tained. concede that people will correspondents and edi- time and effort to commu- so difficult or boring that it Call me a cynic, but this always pay attention to tors, for example – have nicate, like the perennially can’t be communicated in does seem to be an attitude discoveries which have a no real background in sci- popular “X gives you can- a fun way without dumb- You can hear shared by many in the direct relevance to issues ence. Many are English cer” stories, where a new ing it down, but this takes media and PR depart- such as their health, but graduates, and whilst we study says that X causes a combination of scientific Varsity on the ments of our scientific for the media to exploit scientists would steer clear cancer, so don’t expertise and journalistic radio on institutions. And whilst this by uncritically publi- of criticising the latest eat/drink/have anything passion which is rarely making science accessible cizing attention-grabbing novel, science news is to do with X. The concept found in one person. Mondays at to non-scientists is a noble claims (the MMR-autism being reported by those is simple to understand, Maybe it’s time we sci- 7pm. endeavour, why do we controversy, or the more that know very little about and also relevant to every- entists sought and were need witches and broom- recent “Vitamin D pre- the subject. Some might one in offering some sort offered a place amongst CUR 1350 sticks to do it? vents cancer” story, for have a degree, but very of ‘lifestyle guidance.’ The the humanities students of Take Cambridge for example) leaves the public few have ever worked in a problem with such stories the media? example: the University bombarded with facts and lab doing original research. is that they are always an our policy The

VARSITY IS DEDICATED TO BRINGING YOU THE MOST RELEVANT AND INTRIGUING NEWS AS Week In AND WHEN IT HAPPENS. Weather THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN OUR CONTENT ARE THOSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBU- FRI SAT SUN MON TUE WED TORS, AND NOT NECESSARILY OF VARSITY PUB- THUR LICATIONS LIMITED. 20.01.06 News Varsity 3 New Channel 4 show has tongue firmly in geek Cambridge third year nerds aim to become sex gods in reality programme ANHFLETCHER HANNAH Hannah Fletcher and bright red t-shirt. “My dad’s a landscape gardener.” He hangs Ed Bolton has a penchant for his head. “So, I find it very jam sandwiches. He has one for important to prove my manli- breakfast and supper. Every day. ness by not manicuring my nails He cuts them into four triangles, or using conditioner. eats the bottom triangle in five Sharing a bed with a beauti- bites, the top triangle in four ful woman (admittedly, with a bites, the smaller side triangle in pillow propped along the mid- three and the last in two. He has dle) has failed to reconcile him a sip of milk after the first and with the delights of preening. last bites of each triangle. Philip’s beauty woke early every Philip Scott sings while he morning so she could spend an cooks. About what he is cook- hour in the bathroom. “Then ing. “If I’m cooking a piece of she’d kick me awake. I’d get up pig, I’ll sing something like, and have a cold shower because ‘Little piggy. Soon we’re going she’d used all the hot water”. to eat you up.’ That sort of Despite this, Philip has a thing.” newfound respect for “girls like Ed does not have Obsessive that. I’d assumed that they were Compulsive Disorder. Philip is all just ditzy blondes...and to be not a particularily ferocious car- fair, they were all ditzy blondes. nivore. They are geeks. And in But they’re actually quite sharp; February, with the airing of a you can teach them things. It’s new E4 reality TV show, Beauty just, they don’t have to worry and the Geek, they will become about things like...spelling...in Cambridge’s most recognised their life. They just get on with and celebrated geeks. it.” Filmed last month, the pro- Ed Bolton (left) displays his dramatic transformation, whilst Philip Scott (right) even fails to buy a new shirt But were Philip and his pro- gramme sees Ed, a third year motions girl or Ed and his wait- material scientist at Downing, up the tension. You could cut Year, one was a page three girl, Ed has a lisp and glasses. He smart shirts and a new suede ress able to accept each other Philip, a third year computer the atmosphere with a knife.” one was a Grab A Grand Sky TV talks with a fast-paced, stam- jacket from Primark. Ed is a enough to win the show? scientist at Jesus, and five other There was also the inevitable presenter and one was a podi- mering enthusiasm that the Primark convert having been Ed stalls, “Umm, we might not British geeks whisked off to a behind the scenes bitching. “I um-dancing fire-eater.” Among burden of cool inevitably stifles. Introduced to it by the High even know who won.” Scottish castle where they are know my girl’s concerned about the geeks, “four of the guys Philip has a broad, open face, Street Honey. Apparently, she You don’t know who won? paired up with seven beauties. having bitched about more peo- were students, one was an untouched by attitude or doesn’t shop anywhere else. Ed “You’d only know who’d won if Each couple must share a room ple than just me,” Ed smirks, RSPB fundraiser with degrees feigned nochalance. He regular- wears his new modern man you were there.” and complete daily tasks. The “and she’s not so concerned from Cambridge and Oxford ly travels around the world to identity with relish. “Benetton So do you know who won or beauties teach the geeks how to about me.” and one had kissed Christine computer conventions where is ordered by, like, colour - don’t you? pick up girls. The geeks teach The crackling emotion in the Hamilton.” he “geeks it up to the max...We that’s a bit gay. You walk into “We don’t know.” Philip shrugs. the beauties rocket science. programme, they claim, is all In their search for partici- take our little programmes and John Lewis and it’s ordered by “If we haven’t won, we would- Following each task, two cou- real. Hardly surprising when pants, Channel 4 “e-mailed all compete to see who’s got the designer and you think that’s a n’t know.” Ed adds, helpfully. ples are nominated for elimina- you consider the range of the geekiness they could find”, best...Oh, it’s great! I love it!” Ed bit pricey. Then you walk into “We don’t know.” Philip tion. The final couple left wins mutually suspicious, clasically targeting maths and chess soci- used to live in sports brand t- Primark and it’s ordered by repeats. £20,000. British stereotypes crammed in eties across the country. Ed shirts, “a bit baggy, a bit wide, a price!” So neither of you won. Talking exclusively to Varsity, under one, albeit “proper recieved his call to stardom bit off-white”, ill-fitting jeans, Philip has stood his ground “We can’t say.” Ed and Philip tell tales of tears swish”, roof. through the university table fleeces and “a rather poor pair stoically in the face of such What would two geeks do and tantrums on set. “When “To give you an idea,” Ed football society. Philip likewise, of white trainers.” overt metrosexuality. “This is with twenty grand anyway? someone was kicked out, you offers, “one of the girls was through the Gilbert and His post-Beauty and the Geek all that goes on,” he gestures at Philip says he would buy a glid- could see the director cranking FHM High Street Honey of the Sullivan society. look is verging on stylish in his shiny black leather jacket er. Ed would buy a frying pan. A serious hamster rap Downing MCR Disaffiliate visited Petsessories in BEN

Cambridge on June 22nd and JONES purchased a Syrian hamster for £5.99. The manageress, Josephine Rusby, said that she recognised the pair from a visit the week before when she had refused to sell them a hamster because they both appeared MIRANDA HOWARD-WILLIAMS drunk. The court heard that Jordan gave a false name and address when purchasing the hamster, before going with Cole to a nearby public toilet to seal it in an envelope and then drop it into the post box. When asked by the magis- trate why he had given a false name Jordan said “because I thought it would be a bit suspi- cious posting a hamster if I got caught. He added “I knew I The Market Square postboxes where the hamster began its journey Downing MCR President Beth Wensley leads Downing MCR into independence could get into trouble for it. I 1960s and that the authorities don’t think it crossed my mind Ellis Jonathan Prance, MCR Larsen praised the GU for its Joe Gosden will take these things very seri- that it was morally wrong.” William Treasurer, told Varsity they will ability to provide services relevant ously.” They went on to add The hamster was discovered Downing MCR voted overwhelm- spend the money on welfare ini- to graduates without attempting Churchill students David that “we have expressed our by postman Robert Maher ingly in favour of leaving CUSU in tiatives and academic services, to “dabble in national politics or Jordan and James Cole were remorse on several occasions, when he was emptying the box a referendum on December 1, but such as journal subscriptions. campaign on external issues,” both fined and banned from but once again would like to on Market Square in the after- have chosen to remain affiliated to Tom Larsen, outgoing Downing adding that for Downing gradu- keeping animals for 10 years at apologise to anyone that feels noon of June 22. It had the Graduate Union. MCR Vice-President, said “there is ates to want to re-affiliate to Ely Magistrates Court on let down by this incident.” chewed through a corner of The vote came after Senior an increasing perception amongst CUSU it would have to no longer Tuesday 17th January after A spokesperson for Churchill the bag and its head was pok- Tutor and expert in Equity Law, our students that CUSU does not be dominated by a minority posting a live hamster last sum- College said that the “college ing out. Upon catching the ani- Graham Virgo, discovered that function well as either a represen- “whose views are far from moder- mer. Jordan was fined £750 deplores the actions or Mr Cole mal, Maher took it to a nearby under the terms of the Education tative body or services organisa- ate” and would need to be “far and Cole £500, in addition to and Mr Jordan. The college will vet who examined it and found Act it is a legal requirement for tion, particularly for graduates... It more visible.” In response to the prosecution costs of £100 each, be considering, in the light of it to have survived the ordeal JCRs and MCRs to vote annually was difficult to make an argument accusation that Downing MCR for carrying out the somewhat their guilty pleas and the unscathed. Had the rodent on affiliation to external bodies. in favour of us continuing to pay would effectively be freeloading cruel practical joke after “get- action taken by the Court, made it to the sorting office The motion was carried 54 to them affiliation fees.” on the system, Larsen countered ting plastered” at a garden what further action is neces- unnoticed then it could have 22 and the move will see Downing CUSU President Laura Walsh that CUSU had effectively been party in June. They had tried to sary.” Such views were faced an interesting end in the join Magdelene as the two colle- responded, saying “CUSU is sad- freeloading off them, by “taking send the hamster in a bid for acknowledged by the pair, who mechanism of the mechanical giate bodies that have severed dened that Downing MCR has our money for so little return.” revenge on a man who had added that the incident has sorting machine used there, links with CUSU in recent years. decided not to affiliate to CUSU,” Walsh denied that it was a legal allegedly threatened Jordan “been a useful lesson in the the court learnt. As of this month, Downing she explained, however, that she requirement for JCRs and MCRs four months earlier. apparent priorities of society, The animal has now been MCR will retain the CUSU affilia- saw CUSU as still providing valu- to vote on affiliation. At the time In a joint statement the pair one that we are not going to adopted by a nurse at the vet- tion fee for its graduate students able services for graduates with of going to press Varsity had been told Varsity that they “hope forget easily.” erinary practice and given the and instead spend the money to “70% of CUSU casework being unable to contact Dr Virgo to hear that any students tempted to Michael Taylor, prosecuting name First Class. provide the services that CUSU done on behalf of graduate stu- his view. Downing JCR will vote pull any similar activities on behalf of the RSPCA, told would otherwise provide. dents.” on disaffiliation this month. realise that this is not the the court that Jordan and Cole 4 Varsity News 20.01.06

On Campus University slashes deficit AI MARLAND JAMIE Puking on the piste Snow joke for pro chairman Bill Gates and provides Oxford and Cambridge stu- The trip was hit by another deba- Rachel Cooper financial aid for overseas students dents caused £2290 worth of cle when the free style competi- wishing to study at Cambridge. damage on the final night of the tion was re-scheduled without Cambridge University is almost Professor Minson added: “The annual Varsity ski trip in inci- the awareness of many of the back in the black after a major financial position remains tight dents involving vomiting and key competitors. The Burton- cost-cutting exercise. Accounts and the university must continue kicking doors in. sponsored Ed Gunn, much tout- published for 2004-05 reveal that to take proactive measures if we The damage was principally to ed to take the honours, missed last year’s deficit of £8.3 million are to bring the entire budget into the expensive acrylic flooring of the competition, leaving the has been slashed to £500,000. balance.” the final night event venue, the President of the CU An increased income and a The University admitted that it Tignes Sport Centre. “You prac- Snowboarding Society, Paolo strong investment performance had been struggling to reverse tically had to wade through sick Suarez-Serrato, to retain the by its endowment fund have several years of losses and was to get to the loos” conceded a prize for the second year run- enabled the financial recovery. under pressure because of under- second-year from Trinity Hall, ning. Tony Minson, Pro Vice- funding in higher education. Cambridge recently but there has not been a habit “and they'd basically become Chancellor for planning and Professor Minson described the announced the launch of an of asking.” fountains of vomit. People were resources, said: “The university current climate as an “environ- Ivy League-style funding cam- Earlier this month, the also sick down the walls and on Snapshot rescue has made good progress this year ment of significant uncertainty.” paign to coincide with its University announced the forma- the drinks table. Additional Dr Tim Flack, an engineering fel- to strengthen its financial posi- From next year, an extra 800th birthday in 2009, which tion of its first Investment Board costs were incurred for unre- low of King's College, used his tion. We have increased our annual income of £14 million is aims to raise £1 billion by which will advise the University turned bed linen, missing keys camera flash as a beacon to income to £695 million, reduced forecast from top-up fees of up to 2012. In a recent interview on all matters relating to its and breakages in individual guide mountain rescuers to his the deficit to modest levels and £3000 a year, which Cambridge with The Observer newspaper, endowment and other invest- apartments. On one night, the family after they got lost in the increased our net assets to £1.9 will charge for all its undergradu- the University Vice-Chancellor ment assets. Professor Richard police were called to the dark on a hill-walking trip in billion.” ate degree courses. Cambridge, in Professor Alison Richard said described the Board as a “signifi- accommodation blocks on Ireland. Dr Tim Flack and his £219 million of the extra cash line with most of the Russell that she would like to increase cant step forward for Cambridge.” three separate occasions. four young children were strand- came from the inclusion - for the Group of leading universities has the percentage of alumni The Chief Investment Officer The Communications Officer of ed in a dangerous mountain first time - of the activities of the stated that this increased income donating money to the uni- from Yale University, Professor the trip said, “It is regrettable pass in West Cork for several Cambridge trusts in the accounts, will be spent predominantly on versity from 10 per cent to 30 Richard’s previous workplace, that everyone on the trip had to hours on January 2. As it fell including the Gates Trust. The student bursaries and also on per cent. She added: “There will sit on the board along with contribute to some of the dam- dark they got lost and had to Trust was funded by Microsoft upgrading teaching facilities. hasn’t been a habit of giving other leading financial specialists.

age, but we are all jointly huddle together for warmth. By BUSES LOTHIAN responsible for looking after the 9pm a mountain rescue team resort when we are in Tignes, had managed to track them Self-steering buses and it was impossible to attrib- down, using Dr Flack's camera ute these costs to any individ- flash to find the stranded family. Laura Freeman tion and braking, and is able to ual.” However, the resort and override the system at any time. organizing companies seem International Britain's first 'self-steering' buses Asked if it was wise to intro- unfazed. Ski Alpine, who could be seen in Cambridge by duce a system of automated buses organized the 2004 Varsity trip, research the summer. The city has been in a city packed with cyclists, said they would happily take The Universities of Oxford and chosen to pioneer the scheme due Andy Campbell, Managing the job again, their general Cambridge have joined the to the network of narrow streets Director of Stagecoach impression being that the trip International Alliance of in its historic centre, which can- Cambridgeshire, which run the ran ‘pretty smoothly’, and both Research Universities (IARU), not comfortably accommodate scheme jointly with the local the resort and accommodation officially launched at the ordinary buses. If the trial works, Council, said: “From the point-of- agencies are keen for the trip’s Inaugural IARU Presidents’ pedestrians and cyclists will be view of cyclists, the system is custom in 2006. Tim Wilkes, Meeting in Singapore on January able to use roads without fear of actually better. It ensures the the President of the trip com- 14. The IARU consists of 10 the driver veering off course. vehicle follows the same path mittee said, ‘There is a certain research-intensive universities. The buses will not be left every time it moves round the amount of damage each year entirely to their own devices. corner, so cyclists can predict following the Varsity Trip.’ Self-steering buses in action in Edinburgh There will still be a driver, who exactly where the bus is going to continues to control the accelera- go.” Cross Campus

Rector Boris cash to students who provide full Boris Johnson has received notes, a tape recording and a seven times as many nomina- copy of teaching materials. The THE MAY ANTHOLOGIES 2006 tions than needed to stand as invitation is an attempt by the rector of the University of rightwing group to counter what Edinburgh. The shadow higher they think is a leftwing bias at the Submissions Invited: education minister has won the university. Their website explains support of the students, receiving a "long-term project dedicated to 275 nominations more than was exposing UCLA's most radical Poetry, Prose, Drama, Photos, Cover Art needed to stand. Students elect a professors." new rector every three years in a The Mays is an anthology of new writing by students tradition unique to the older Gay horseplay Scottish universities. The rector The case of the Oxford "Gay in Cambridge and Oxford, which is released to critical represents Edinburgh students' Horse" was finally dropped by the interests at the university court, Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) acclaim each year. which they also chair. They also last week. The incident, attend general council meetings occurred in May 2005 when an The best submitted material will be published in the in the absence of the chancellor. Oxford student spent the night in Election results will be a cell after calling a policeman's upcoming MAYS14 anthology, and the finalist’s work announced on February 17. horse "gay". After Brown, from Balliol, college, will be distributed in advance to every major literary OUSU in crisis refused to pay the £80 fine for agency in the country. Sabbatical officers have discov- being drunk and disorderly it ered a massive shortfall in its taken to the CPS. The CPS have budget. Rather than the expect- decided not to proceed with the Don’t miss the deadline! ed £50,000 profit expected last case against him, claiming that year OUSU have incurred an esti- they had insufficient evidence to mated deficit of approximately show that the accused was "dis- £50,000. The current budget orderly". Deadline: February 3rd decisions could result in an even bigger deficit of up to £60,000. Less choice for Send your work to: [email protected] The shortfall for last year resulted Oxford applicants from huge overestimations of Admissions to Oxford will profit margins for OUSU's com- become centralised if proposals mercial branch, OSSL, in the are accepted by tutors later this Amended Budget of Hilary 2005. month. Under the terms of the OSSL expected club nights and report students would no longer The Oxford Student newspaper specify a preferred college on to be more profitable than they application and the offers of inter- were. views and places would be Free MAYS14 Literature Event offered by the department. The JANUARY 27TH, 2006 – 2.30PM – JUDITH E. WILSON DRAMA STUDIO, $100 to spy on anti- review of admissions claimed Bush profs that the reforms would ensure FACULTY OF ENGLISH - ‘BRITISH PUBLISHING: FACTS AND FICTION’ Students at the University of Los that college choice is not the fac- Angeles and California (UCLA) tor in candidate's chance of a have been offered $100 to spy on place. The proposals will have to their professors. The right-wing be agreed on by the Conference Speakers include representatives from leading literary agency ICM and publisher group, the Bruin of Colleges which could mean Penguin. Refreshments will be provided and all attendees will receive Alumni Association, the brain changes introduced by 2008. child of a former leader of the col- a free copy of last year’s anthology lege's Republicans, is offering the 20.01.06 News Varsity 5 Selwyn Porter plays it again Mitchell performing a range of pieces to Lizzie members of the University and Alan Ward first heard the town that evening. The NYJO’s National Youth Jazz Orchestra repertoire is designed to appeal play in the Cambridge Guildhall to all kinds of listener and the in the late 1970s. He was struck quality of play has earnt them by both the remarkable ability of high regard in the musical com- the players and the questionable munity as well as collaborations suitability of the venue for with such famous names as musical performance. Buddy Greco, with whom they Six months later the director will be touring this spring. of the orchestra, Bill Ashton, Many of the new generation still recalled the Cambridge of jazz stars have emerged from acoustics with a shiver. And their ranks; the trumpeter Guy almost thirty years on, Mr Ward, Barker, trombonist Mark Head Porter of Selwyn College, Nightingale and composer Paul has finally fulfilled his ambition Hart are all among the alumni of to bring the NYJO back to the orchestra, which continues Cambridge: on Sunday January to pour forth fresh talent. 29, they will give a concert at Performing in Cambridge on the West Road Concert Hall. the 29th will be, among others, weekdays Mr Ward first began talks Attila Hussein, a singer and one with Bill Ashton last spring. of the rising stars of jazz. In the Although he has used the medi- words of the musician John um of the Selwyn College Music Dankworth, “Forget the word DAVE MURPHY Society to turn a pipe dream Youth, this is one of the best DIRECTOR OF THE ARTS THEATRE into a reality, the impetus and bands you will ever hear”. the bulk of the work involved in And the Cambridge such a project have all been his Guildhall? If you go there on a own. still, dark night and listen care- Mr Ward has also provided an fully, you can still hear the echo. Saturday answer to the very real problem Off to the West End on my motorbike for a matinee per- of financial backing, underwrit- NYJO will be appearing at formance of Schiller’s ‘Mary Stuart’ – absolutely fabulous ing the costs of the concert him- West Road Concert Hall on production. Would love it for the Arts. Back to Cambridge self. If the show is a success, the Sunday 29 January at 7.30pm. in time to meet my wife and friends for dinner. Selwyn College Music Society Tickets, priced £15, or £10 will reap the benefits; if it fails to concessions, are available Sunday excite enough interest, it will from Selwyn College by tele- Lunch with friends and various children. Back to the cost Selwyn nothing. phoning 01223 767844, fax Theatre for the final performance of our panto ‘Dick Members of the orchestra will 01223 767843 or e-mail alum- Whittington and his Cat’ and then on to the 60th birthday be holding a jazz workshop at [email protected]. party of our Board Chairman Nigel Brown, at West Road King’s College School on the Proceeds will go to support Concert Hall. afternoon of the 29th, before music students at Selwyn. Selwyn Head Porter Alan Ward (top) and NYJO (above) Monday Meeting with possible production team for next year’s panto. Followed by meeting with candidate to produce pos- sible new musical for next season. Meeting with three staff Classics go fully cyberactive members to talk about the progress of their MA studies at eBooks to universities includ- three logins aren't enough we Anglia Ruskin University (Arts Management). ing UCL, Sheffield and can negotiate for more next Edinburgh. year.” Tuesday The project’s objective is to The initiative is part of a At the gym at 7 a.m. Christmas and New Year festivities meet undergraduate demand year-long trial during which have resulted in my bike leathers somehow getting too for major texts. “It will be of user surveys and statistics will small for me. Lunch with Rob Hammond, Chief Executive immense benefit to students be observed and collated in an of the City Council, to discuss a possible capital project. who need to read short pieces evaluation report in Autumn Then off to Covent Garden to see ‘The Nutcracker’. of text, print off a chapter or 2006. Peter Fox, University check a reference. Being able Librarian, told Varsity: “We Wednesday to get the material online want to see how students react Bring my son Charlie (11) to school on my bike. Ring removes the hassle involved in to the scheme but if it is a suc- Ducati dealer to see how my sick sportsbike is getting on. tracking down paper copies of cess we hope that it will be First night of national tour of ‘Private Lives’ with Belinda books which are in heavy expanded to cover a wider Lang and Julian Wadham, followed by post-show drinks demand,” says Dr Mark range of books. with the cast and company. Nicholls, St John’s College Students should try the new Librarian and CCLF eBooks service and feed back to their Thursday funded by a very generous Project Team. College librarians so that they At the gym at 7 a.m. Possibility of having to buy new set Victoria Hunter donation from Professor Robert Students can browse eBooks can plan for the future of the of leathers looming. Talk to new Front of House Manager Z. Aliber of St John’s College for a maximum of 15 minutes service.” He added, “I am about changes to current working practices. Reply to criti- Over one hundred of along with substantial contri- and usage is restricted to three delighted with the scheme. It is cisms received about the appearance of George Galloway Cambridge students’ most pop- butions from six colleges. readers at a time. Sarah something the UL has been sup- on 12th February. Meet with Touring Director of the ular books have been made The new online collection Stamford, Selwyn College porting since it was first consid- National Theatre. See performance of Ibsen’s ‘Wild Duck’ available online. can be accessed via NetLibrary Librarian and CCLF eBooks ered, and it should make access at Donmar Warehouse. eBooks@Cambridge was 24 hours a day from anywhere Project Team, told Varsity: to books a lot easier for students, launched by the Cambridge in the university domain and “We've been advised by uni- particularly those in colleges Friday College Libraries’ Forum off-site using a Raven pass- versities of comparable size with libraries that don't stock a Go up onto the Theatre roof to discuss a problem with the (CCLF) on January 7 , making word. NetLibrary also offers a that three is sufficient. If there wide range of textbooks.” building with our Technical Manager. Take over as Chairman accessible 118 of the College list of 3,400 publicly-accessi- are already three logins in use of the Friends of Arthur Rank Hospice. Meet with property libraries’ most-borrowed titles ble titles incorporating histori- you can request an email alert advisers regarding designs for our new foyer project. Discuss to all members of the cal, scientific and fictional to be sent to you when one literary rights for a new play we want to produce. University. The project was texts. It currently supplies has logged out. If we find that www.netlibrary.com

… and the back of my neck On the stroke of eleven she arm. In a sweeping movement the first time I had seen tingled. I nodded in submission neatly arranged her knife and she turned and kissed me Archipelago from the inside. and wondered what drama was fork across the centre of her half aggressively and passionately Before it had always seemed so unfolding behind me. finished meal, put the napkin before teetering sharply back- inviting, but now my solitude Sophie’s eyes waltzed from upon the table and stood up. I wards upon her high heels and was imposing. fraudulent disinterest to staring questioned where she was marching militaristically out of I picked up the ten pound disapproval at the intruder’s going, but she sullenly ignored the glass door without a thought note that Sophie had placed on presence. I dared not press fur- me, drawing a dusty ten pound towards my protestations. the table. I turned it over and to ther lest it erode the disguise note from her purse and placing I sat back in my chair in mild my surprised scrawled across that she had instigated, howev- it beside my plate. She turned shock. It was certainly unex- the back in blue biro was a er attempts at conversation heel, but I reached to grab her pected and far more enigmatic name and a seven digit number. were thwarted by her transfixion than I had actually anticipated The name was a mystery, with the unwanted diner. She from her considering the con- ‘Avery’ and the number was cut sentences abruptly and I versation that had taken place. I almost certainly a telephone tired of pushing her to finish looked back at my meal and fin- number.I scribbled the number them. Eventually I just left her to ished off the remaining pota- on my hand, paid the bill and Sam Blatherwick gives the story of The drift off, slices of chatter fading toes. I glanced over my shoul- left the Archipelago. into the air. I felt guilty since the der towards the man that had Archipelago Restaurant a mysterious pretence and subconscious been the subject of her gaze. twist, but where does it go from here? longing of a relationship was He was gone. The realisation of being spoilt by obviously poor this also came with a realisation Next week, it could be in your hands... conversation, however her that I was now alone in the Email your 400 words to [email protected] drunken state deceived her into restaurant. Empty chairs sat a belief that the act was work- lonely tucked underneath neatly and if we think your continuation is the best, ing. laid tables. I realised this was we’ll print it here. 6 Varsity Features 20.01.06 ROUGH JUSTICE?

RUTH WYNER was one of the “CAMBRIDGE TWO” jailed in 1999 for knowingly permitting the supply of heroin at the Wintercomfort homeless centre. JUDE TOWNEND talks to her about the case which shocked the nation, seven months of life inside, five years of freedom outside, and swapping helping the homeless for working with prisoners

ust over six years ago Ruth kind of tabloid mentality. It’s not came out I was completely over- ered, but in her mind there was group” and so he said, “okay.” Wyner, then Director of an issue people don’t have an whelmed by these feelings of no doubt about which was more When he asked for the banned JCambridge Wintercomfort opinion on in Cambridge- shame just because I’d been in traumatic: prison or cancer. book [a list of names of homeless was sentenced to five years’ there’s no sitting on the fence.” prison. That’s the expectation “Prison,” she told a friend, people banned from the premis- imprisonment for knowingly Ruth Wyner did, and still does society puts on you.” “being locked up and treated like es for suspected drug dealing] permitting or suffering the sup- empathise with the homeless. Helping prisoners find identity scum felt worse than having a and I refused, in accordance with ply of a Class A drug (heroin) at Some would say too much – her as a person, in order to develop life threatening disease.” our confidentiality policy, he said the Wintercomfort day drop-in empathy led to seven months in respect for themselves and others Regarding her conviction, she “okay.” He never said “if you under Section 8 of The 1971 prison after thirty years of home- is the basis of Wyner’s current seems surprisingly measured and don’t comply, you’ll be arrested.” Misuse of Drugs Act. She, and less work in Norwich and work. “In the course of the group pragmatic. In her controlled If he had said that I would have her co-defendant (and manager Cambridge. She has not worked work, some of the things people voice, husky from smoking (I gone to my trustees and said of the centre), John Brock, both with the homeless since her con- say can access parts of them- forget to ask her whether she has “I’ve got to do this.” I didn’t protested innocence, which they viction. The case of “the selves other than the criminal managed to completely give up know I would contravene the continue to do today. The prose- Cambridge Two” as they became part. It might be buried, but they after re-acquiring the habit on law [by withholding the book.]” cution insisted that Wyner and known in the local and national have to learn to access it. If they the day she was sent to prison) Wyner has clearly moved on. Brock had not done everything media, has recently attracted develop a respectful part of she tells me that whilst she sees She is no longer in touch with they could to combat drug deal- renewed attention since the pub- themselves they can start to the police arrest as a combination any of her former inmates (“I ing at the centre, The Bus, and lication and general acclaim of respect others. This can help of “conspiracy and cock-up” she was in touch with one, but she that the size of the drug problem Stuart: A Life Backwards by work towards preventing people can see that the police frustration has been deported back to at The Bus was so large that Alexander Masters, Cambridge from re-offending - which is at increasing heroin use, which Germany. I guess she is back on Wyner and Brock must have graduate and winner of the more of a focus in prisons now.” they couldn’t stop, led to them heroin, which make me sad.”) been ignoring it. Guardian First Book Prize. Wyner used her own strong scapegoating her (and John). She rarely sees John Brock - After spending 208 days in Masters, the chairman of the sense of injustice to help her She says she is uninterested in “when I do get in touch with him prison, they were released on Cambridge Two campaign, through her seven months in pursuing the appeal any further: he tends to feel very guilty that unconditional bail, pending describes their case in his unusu- prison. In her book she describes “we could have taken it to I’m doing all these things and he appeal against conviction. The al biography of Stuart Shorter, a how she persistently fought life Europe but after the appeal we hasn’t been able to do that. As I appeal, however, held on homeless drug addict. Wyner inside: demanding rights and wanted to get on with our lives” understand it he’s still not very December 1 2000, upheld their describes the book as a “brilliant, furiously writing letters and a but gives me endless evidence of well. That link has kind of drift- convictions. Though their sen- marvellous book” but doesn’t journal. how she feels they suffered a ed really.” tences were reduced to fourteen really want it to lead to more “I tended to fight the system a miscarriage of justice. Most of She isn’t trying to reform the months, meaning they were able attention – “I’ve got my life going bit, which is a way of keeping the anecdotes I’ve already read judicial system. She isn’t trying to walk free, they would be tar- again now. In my new work as going and avoiding going under,” in the book, and in the media to reform prisons. She has left nished with a criminal record for a psychotherapist, [she works as she says. But this wasn’t always coverage in 2000. She describes the homeless to her husband the rest of their lives. a Group Analyst for the Dialogue easy. Her co-defendant Brock, the judge, Jonathan Haworth, Gordon, who is the manager of On my way across Jesus Green Group in prisons] you tend not given a lesser sentence of four very personally but how much another local shelter. She’s a to meet Ruth Wyner, an old, to want to be too high profile for years, suffered a nervous break- personal influence does she determined woman using her heavily bearded man, who I pre- your clients.” down in prison and is “still very think he was really able to exert? experiences of prison to help sume to be homeless, blocks the However, she agreed to meet ill to this day”. He hasn’t worked After all, the jury had the final others. path. One hand rests on a trolley me, and over a cup of coffee at since his arrest in May 1998. decision. “I think he had quite a Throughout our conversation, of some sorts, laden with army- Clowns we discuss the many Wyner was most shocked at the lot of influence. My barrister I try to fathom how she keeps style bags with two khaki roll things that have been buzzing deprivation in prison and “its commented that he seemed to this level-headed approach while mats poking out; the other hand round my head since reading her impact ... there was this loss of rule against us from the start. He she clearly feels she was treated clutches a can of special brew. I book From the Inside, an incensed, oneself. There is this misconcep- wouldn’t uphold complaints that irrationally. Wyner explains, wonder if it would be pointed to powerful and often shocking tion you go in and have time to I was being bullied in the dock, “Immediately I was very disillu- cycle out on the grass around account of the case and her sub- read lots of books and write and or that it was unfair question. He sioned and depressed, but the him but by the time I reach him sequent time in prison. She’s so on, but because the regime is was continually ruling against campaign kept me going…You he has staggered off the path. smaller than I expected, with a so deprived it is very traumatis- us. I thought his summing up have to accept the world is not It is this type of regular mass of wiry curls. She’s tough, ing and actually I couldn’t con- was incredibly weighted and did- perfect.” encounter that makes so many though not as energetically bitter centrate on reading for the first n’t summarise it all fairly.” I find myself with enormous people of Cambridge openly hos- about her perceived injustice as weeks at all.” She also talks of “My remit at Wintercomfort respect for this woman who, tile to the 61 rough sleepers comes across in the book. the “us and them” between offi- was to shout from the rooftops whilst still very angry, is able to (though the actual number is Sense of identity is a theme cers and the prisoners. This is a about homelessness – which I “look at it more rationally…You probably much higher) who that pervades our conversation, particularly striking theme of her did. When I came to Cambridge can see that people’s disgruntle- spend their nights on the streets something she has clearly spent a book. “Sometimes [the treat- “ I was astonished at the lack of ment with the homeless (who WE COULD of Cambridge. long time considering as a crucial ment by the officers] felt quite provision for the homeless. In are really difficult people, really Wyner thinks that feeling in part of her work as a group ana- sadistic. There are some sadistic HAVE TAKEN IT my mind I was doing what I difficult - nobody likes to see Cambridge is very polarised: lyst (which she explains as a officers. But things are changing. could to stop drug exchanges and someone who’s really down at whilst there are some “who do meeting point of psychotherapy There’s less in term of punish- TO EUROPE use on the premises…I would heel, dirty, off their heads, understand that some people and sociology). “It’s very hard to ment.” BUT AFTER THE talk publicly about it, long before gouching out on heroin or what- don’t have the chances they hold onto your identity in She blames the prison experi- it came to the forefront in peo- ever) was directed at me. All have had or come from the back- prison,” Wyner tells me, “You ence for her diagnosis of well- APPEAL WE ple’s minds. I don’t think I was those feelings about the home- grounds a lot of us were fortu- become a con. You get to know advanced breast cancer in 2001. guilty: I was doing what I could, less seem to have been projected nate to have; on the other side yourself like that. You’re very In her book she states “I was WANTED TO and my police liaison inspector onto me, into me – I was the per- you have people who don’t much part of the inmate cul- under no illusions about what GET ON WITH was working with me telling me son they could blame.” As an understand at all, and could feel ture.” And did she find it diffi- had caused my cancer: the stress I was doing what I could within afterthought she adds, “I was quite disgusted that people allow cult to lose that when she was of the arrest, trial and imprison- OUR LIVES my remit. He did once ask me lucky to survive it really. But it this situation [homelessness] to released? “I found it very difficult ment – the shock of it, and the why I didn’t chuck off all the hit my belief in the criminal jus- have happened to themselves. to hold onto the other part [the injustice.” After a year of terrible drug addicts and I said “I’m fund- tice system, and that’s for sure.” They don’t empathise at all – that non-criminal] of myself. When I illness she was 75 per cent recov- ” ed to work with that client 20.01.06 Features Varsity 7 AI MARLAND JAMIE RUTH WYNER: FACTFILE

I AGE: 55 I STATUS: Married, with two children I EDUCATION: Left school at 17. Studied journalism I CAREER: 1970 - reporter, Eastern Daily News; 1979-93 -part-time night shelter worker, St Martin's Housing Trust and became deputy director; 1993-95 - Co-ordi- nator, Herring Housing Trust; 1995-98 - director, Wintercomfort; 2003 - director, Dialogue Trust, a char- ity which convenes dialogue groups in prison and for offenders in the community. She is a fully trained group analytic therapist. On the frustrations of working with homeless people: “Any small movement, changes, that’s what you hold onto. Sometimes someone will make good. But the ones who do, are the ones you don’t hear about because they don’t need you anymore. And so they go off and do their own thing. And that’s reassuring and keeps you going.” On Cambridge’s high number of rough sleepers: “I think because Cambridge is a city it will attract peo- ple locally. People will come here because they have heard of it. It’s a familiar name and it’s inevitable. It happens in Oxford too… they come, they think it’s a university town and there’s lots of money.” On seeing more in prison than on the outside: “I saw more drug addicts. In drug tests, done random- ly, 1 in 5 are positive which is quite high considering the security. I’d say 75-80 per cent of prisoners at Wandsworth [where she currently works] are having to be detoxed.” HOMELESSNESS IN CAMBRIDGE

I Outside of London, Cambridge has one of the high- est numbers of people sleeping rough. I The latest Cambridge Council report (July 2005) found 161 homeless clients using the homeless serv- ices, with 61 different individuals found to be sleep- ing rough throughout the year. I Homeless support includes groups: the Cambridge Cyreans, Jimmy’s Night Shelter, ECHG, SOT, the YMCA and Wintercomfort. I Wintercomfort is still going and in 2002 “The Bus” was re-opened as “The Centre”. They now have a strictly no-drugs and no- alcohol policy on premises.

www.cambridgetwo.com www.cambridge.gov.uk /ccm/navigation/housing/homelessness www.wintercomfort.org.uk

VARSITY presents extracts from STUART: A LIFE BACKWARDS and FROM THE INSIDE, the acclaimed books detailing the trial and imprisonment of the Cambridge Two

Stuart: A Life just ordinary. I was a bit and John medals for what From the Inside controversial, figure. But home- Now locked away, I had Backwards by shocked, to tell the truth. they were doing rather than by Ruth lessness was a controversial area, become one of those shadows Alexander Stuart and I have given nine sending them to prison for Wyner and now I had been beaten myself. Masters or ten talks together about the what they could not control?’ down, reduced to nothing, as a campaign since we’ve been Sometimes in his talk a stray Ruth contem- result of my endeavours. Further into her sentence Ruth is Stuart, a local working together: in ‘fuck’ or ‘cunt’ will slip past plates her fate Maybe it would be better at increasingly aware of the high level of homeless man Birmingham, London, Oxford, and then he’ll blush or laugh, as she waits to Highpoint, I thought. Though drug activity in the prision. introduced as a in villages around Cambridge, put his hand to his mouth in be transferred prison was always prison. It “thief, hostage to a half-full hall of university an unexpectedly girlish fash- from HMS seemed surreal: my arrest; the I am noticing more now how the taker, psycho students at Anglia Polytechnic. ion and apologise for ‘me Holloway to long months on bail while I tried addicts communicate and work and sociopathic street racon- We are the only people in French’. HMS Highpoint. to keep Wintercomfort afloat; the together. One week someone teur”, has joined the campaign to free Cambridge who have time to He often ends up by suggest- pantomime of the trial; and now gets something and shares it, and the Cambridge Two. do it and we have developed a ing that the government kick waited alone in the cell, impa- jail. Did I really deserve this? so they get a hit of what comes in good pattern. I speak first, for out their current homelessness tient for the sweatbox that I had been outspoken during the next week from another tuart tells me that he has twenty minutes, about the Tsar and employ Ruth instead. Iwould ship me out to another my time working in homeless- source. But it is a constant hassle: changed since he began details of the case ... then ‘I really do honestly believe place of torment. I felt the inac- ness, certainly more outspoken the supplies are not regular and Sworking on the cam- Stuart gets up and knocks the that.’ tivity of prison would destroy me, than most of my colleagues... there are constant rows about paign. People have got friend- audience out of its seat with Clap! Clap! Clap! as would the lack of agency. I That was my job. Was it also what is owed to whom. I come lier. They’ve taken seriously the story of his life. More often that not, a was used to making decisions for my crime? To speak up for the across one woman who got her what he has to say. ‘I am the sort of person standing ovation. other people as well as myself, as destitute and the dispossessed in move to Kainos [Ruth’s house at When the open meeting at these two dedicated charity This speech and tactic are a charity director, running proj- our midst, people from all walks HMS Highpoint] because her Wintercomfort was over he workers were trying to help,” entirely Stuart’s idea. He does ects and heading staff teams, of life who had lost hope for the roommates had threatened to had asked for a role, and was he says, in effect. ‘Do you see two things for the campaign: overseeing budgets and leading future. I had got to know these ‘de-crotch’ her. They thought she immediately given one. ‘I was what a nightmare I was? Do he folds letters and exposes his on new developments, often hav- people, those who lived like had smack hidden in her fanny really surprised, to be honest,’ you see how difficult it would soul. ing to deal with angry opposition shadows, seen by many as a stain and wanted a look. he says. ‘I thought middle- have been to govern a person to them. on our communities, as lower class people had something like me? Do you see now why © Alexander Masters & In Cambridge I had got to be and lesser, undeserving of our © Ruth Wyner & Aurum wrong with them. But they’re we should have awarded Ruth Harper Collins, 2005 quite a well-known, if rather aid. Press, 2003 8 Varsity Features 20.01.06

Paper, paper, everywhere, but not a jot of ink. I’m sorry? THE ARTFUL My New Year’s resolution was to be more organised and get things done on time but I can’t seem to find a way to get work started let alone finished. Have you considered trying to organise yourself by using a computer, setting up timetables and to make lists?

I did think for a while that computers were supposed MR SMITH to make us more productive but mine just ends up being another one of those things JONATHAN YARKER talks to CHARLES SAMAUREZ SMITH, that distracts me. I sometimes find myself director of the National Gallery, about populism versus elitism and huddled in the corner of my room, rocking gently, after a sparking a revolution in the museums mammoth 3 hour binge on the BBC News website. useums are hardly your THE Smith originally wanted to cap-

It sounds like you are the traditional hotbed of NA italise on the newly created perfect candidate for a bit of Mrevolution, but behind TIONAL GALLER pedestrian piazza in front of the lifehacking. the stone porticos and institu- gallery with a grand staircase tional facades lurks a cultural into Trafalgar square, but dissat- I know I’ve been bad but revolt. Successive governments isfaction with the architects and that sounds a little drastic. have let museums slip into lack of funding means he gives Y

Not at all. Lifehacking is a decay. Fuelled by ambitious , LONDON/PHILIP the loaded response “I feel the broad term that covers a building programs, unrealistic gallery needs a rest from any growing variety of simple to access schemes and failed com- more onerous fundraising.” not so simple tricks to make a mercial enterprises some of our Although this isn’t an official person more productive. It most beloved galleries are on suspension of works, it estab- comes primarily from the the brink of bankruptcy. lishes his priorities and the re- world of computer The majority of British insti- SAYER build is no longer one of them. programmers and enthusiasts tutions have hit back by prosti- There is government money. who wanted to adapt the idea tuting their academic integrity Recently Tessa Jowell promised of a hack in computing terms in favour of commercialisation. “an avalanche of arts” following (a quick and simple solution to Exhibitions like Mario Testino a treasury review, but the truth a small complex problem) to at the National Portrait Gallery is much of the money has productivity terms. are merely pieces of opportunis- already been promised to a new tic commercialism. The man body, Creative Partnerships, to I’m really not that technical behind Testino is now the inspire and organise school- so how is this going to help Director of the National Gallery, children to become involved in me? the most important collection of the arts. But education initia- You don’t have to be technical Old Masters in the Country, tives don’t build new galleries to use a lifehack or find out possibly even the world? Surely or research and curate exhibi- about them. There are two this is like letting the cheeky tions. Smith is evidently tired by websites in particular that can girls conduct the Royal the tyranny of education: “We be very useful: lifehacker.com Philharmonic? But, Dr Charles run a number of programs, but and 43folders.com. The first Saumarez Smith is hardly a our most successful are the website is updated several populist. Educated at highly specialised public talks. times a day whereas the Marlborough and King’s Recently Paul Binski gave a second is updated less College, immaculately dressed series of lectures on Gothic frequently but often with more and utterly charming; his man- Architecture - they were in depth articles. ner is more patrician than packed. It shows that people media uber-cool. want the highest quality aca- How about a tip to whet my “I believe that people don’t demics, not...” He is too politic appetite then? want generalisations - they to end the sentence in anything Well the first tip I think you’d want expertise, exhibitions that other than a Voltaire-like laugh. find useful is actually a piece are of the highest academic Recently the NG housed of free software that has been rigour, that say something works by Rolf Harris. Is this part written to stop time wasting utterly new.” Is this the man of the Testino-esque dumbing on computers (Windows only that put Tracey Emin next to down? More laughter. “Again, I I’m afraid) called Temptation Elizabethan portraits? “I believe inherited our commitment with Blocker. When you start the in elitism, I believe the National Rolf Harris, we decided to place program you can see a list of Gallery should have the best his work in the Café…I was programs that you use on paintings, the most demanding amazed at the response: he is your computer and beneath it exhibitions.” regarded as a kind of folk hero. a slider for hours and a slider So, Saumarez Smith wants I’m not sure whether we’ll for minutes. Select the galleries to “brain up” rather repeat the experiment.” programs that distract you than “dumb down.” This is all In his first weeks as director, most, for example your web very well, but what about the landscapes and Bill Viola.” The have a fetish for loo building he was faced with the Madonna browser, and chose a time you evidence? Three years after fact is Smith is being diplomatic and CSS, as his staff call him, of the Pinks hysteria. The Earl want them to be disabled for. becoming director the pro- about an inherited programme isn’t immune. Its depressing of Halifax had decided to follow When you click start they are gramme of exhibitions have of exhibitions. 2006 is the year that most institutions have had the ducal precedent and sell then disabled for the specified hardly been “demanding.” The in which his ideas are crys- ‘major developments’ in the last Titian’s early masterpiece time. last few years have been filled tallised into action, “I’m plan- ten years which have culminat- Portrait of a Young Man, cur- with a program of easy viewing: ning to collaborate with the ed in vastly improved ‘facilities’ rently housed at the gallery, for That sounds brilliant, but Titian, Raphael, Caravaggio and Prado, Velazquez and Tinteretto and vastly indifferent new gal- an estimated £66 million. “We what if I really, really, really Stubbs, were all cynically mar- for example.” This is serious leries: Dulwich, the Wallace are negotiating with Lord need to use my e-mail and keted to a loyal audience of her- stuff, no longer is the Gallery “ Collection, Tate (Britain and Halifax, but I think I can tell I’ve turned it off for 2 hours? itage tourists. Stubbs could have going to rely on American part- I BELIEVE Modern), the British Museum, you we offered £45 million and You can gain access to your been a chance to concentrate on nership for major loan exhibi- the V&A and even the National it was rejected. There’s going to programs again by clicking on his paintings of agricultural tions, it can utilise the phenom- IN ELITISM Gallery. So how does he justify be a lot of press reaction if the the Temptation Blocker icon in labour in the midst of depres- enal resources and cultural cli- yet another planned extension painting goes abroad.” For a the taskbar and then entering sion or his remarkable social mate of Madrid. -THE to his gallery empire? “We have curator who wants “the best the 32 character code that is observations; instead it was an Saumarez Smith is serious NATIONAL dead space throughout the art” for the gallery, to lose such displayed. It is a mixture of exhibition of pretty horses. about Museums and serious building, in the form of court- a significant piece must be a upper and lowercase letters Well, why not? Eighty thou- about the National Gallery. GALLERY yards and Soviet-style base- major blow. The Lottery forked and numbers, hopefully sand of us were prepared to pay Many people saw his appoint- ments; why not capitalise on out £22 million for the Raphael; onerous enough to enter that eight pounds for the pleasure. ment as a clear signal by the SHOULD existing space?” it is unlikely to help again. you won’t find yourself to Perhaps I shouldn’t be such a trustees as a desire for change. The recently opened Saumarez Smith admits “It’s weak to resist. prig; Museums are money mak- It is fast becoming evident that HAVE Annenberg court is the result of highly unlikely we’re going to ing organisations after all. “I Smith is no radical, he believes stage one. I sense Saumarez get it - we couldn’t even find was shocked by their populari- in the collection before any- THE BEST Smith is unimpressed “I feel the the 45 we offered.” This is the www.lifehacker.com ty, we are in no way trying to thing else. “I think it would be whole space is a very interesting true Charles Saumarez Smith: a www.43folders.com mount a series of blockbusters, irresponsible to alter the charac- PAINTINGS development, but perhaps it’s a passionate believer in the www.webjillion.com/misc/down- we don’t have the space and I ter of the galleries, I’m not little too… monumental.” For National Gallery, its collection loads/tblocker_setup.exe consider our permanent collec- going to strip the flock wallpa- “monumental” read sterile and and its continuation. New loos tion far more important.” per and replace it with un-ren- unwelcoming. Even the 22 mil- or Mario Testino might be a Doug Saumarez Smith adds with a dered concrete.” lion pound re-paint in the porti- passing fashion, but Titian’s McMahon smile “what about the Russian Modern museum directors ” co is a little underwhelming. portrait is timeless. 20.01.06 Features Varsity 9 MAKING LOVE TO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

CHARLIE HIGSON talks to TOM KINGSLEY about reviving THE FAST SHOW, writing James Bond for children and the importance of having a life

t’s people like you,” says funny? “Well, the really clever kind of story from one sketch to wrote four savagely dark adult known how to scramble an egg Charlie Higson. He points his ones can, I suppose,” he con- another.” In fact, they carried thrillers under the pseudonym to save his life.” Ifinger at me pointedly. cedes. “But personally, I’m glad I on, ending up with a 70-minute of “Charles Higson”. Both of He comes across as genuinely “There are too many newspa- didn’t rush in to comedy.” He film exploring how Higson’s those things make it rather enthusiastic, even apologising as pers, too many magazines, too points out that some of their character of the repressed unexpected that he should be he goes off on that “probably many people doing media stud- best characters were inspired by homosexual Lord Ralph ends up writing a best-selling series extremely dull” tangent on ies – and they all think they real people – the Suits You char- trying to find a wife in order to about James Bond, set at Eton in Fleming’s editor. He just loves should ask difficult questions acter, for example, was “nicked save his estate, while still trying the 1930s when 007 was 13. writing – whether it’s Ian about comedy. There’s a ridicu- lock, stock and barrel” – and you to befriend his Irish gardener He’s taken up the task with rel- Fleming or Bob Fleming. “I’ve lous over-analysis of stuff these only meet people like that if you Ted. Swiss Toni, the used car ish – getting into the spirit of been really lucky in that I’ve days. But comedy’s simple. If get outside the house. The inco- salesman, did one better, getting things by doing everything from been able to do serious novels, something’s funny, it’s funny.” herent barrister Rowly Birkin two series of his own sitcom. spending months in the Eton sketch shows, drama, whatev- No nonsense with Charlie QC who is always “very, very “Although the central thing to library to trekking up moun- er.” He likes mixing genres. Higson, but then, no arrogance drunk”, the tragic old man in Swiss Toni is the way he com- tains in Sardinia to find suitably “When I went to Sardinia to either. The most arrogant thing the pub who tries to make con- pares everything to making love exciting locations for Bond’s research the James Bond book, about him is probably the name versation by insisting that he did to a beautiful woman, I did feel exotic school trips. And it really Paul Whitehouse came along. of his band – The Higsons. He the stranger’s job “for thirty you could look at why someone works. I read the newest one, We were killing two birds with has the confidence to be years, man and boy”, and even is like that and round him out.” BloodFever, expecting it to be a one stone – we were working on relaxed. He didn’t rush into the competitive dad who is Higson played all these char- guilty pleasure, and was happily our film project at the same comedy after leaving university, obsessed with beating his chil- acters as well as writing them. surprised to find it was just a time. It’s going to be a comedy desperate for acclaim. Instead, dren at sport were nearly identi- Did that make a difference to pleasure. I actually told him film.” Aha – a Fast Show film? he spent six years touring with cal to characters the pair had the writing? Is it easier to write that. Desired effect. “Well, it will involve as many of the band, and then became a met over the years. jokes you know you’re going to He creates a very credible the Fast Show team as we can house decorator, working with But while the tragic pathos be delivering? “To be honest, we early version of Fleming’s char- get involved. But it wouldn’t be Paul Whitehouse, one of his best that these well-observed charac- normally just wrote the sketch- acter. Young James is both a Fast Show film – it would just friends from the University of ters had never prevented them es, and then decided on casting friendly and principled, yet be along those lines.” And wh – East Anglia. While they were from being very funny, Higson afterwards. I wasn’t originally also wildly headstrong and “that’s about all I can tell you,” establishing themselves as deco- admits that it can also be better going to play Ralph, and we slightly masochistic – so much he interrupts. rators, their friends Harry to leave any attempt at dramatic auditioned lots of John Cleese so that he spends the entirety Whatever it is, it’s not going Enfield and Vic Reeves had been realism and just to stick with a types looking for the right per- of the second half of the book to be overly elaborate. “There’s a establishing themselves as simple idea. “In Suit You, for son. But we never found one, battered, bloody and feverish, problem with British comedy comedians. Enfield needed example, all people want to see and so as I’d been playing the running on adrenalin. In a films, in that because we make material for Saturday Night is two people in a shop aim part in read-throughs, we just children’s book? He chews on so few, people say – well, it’s our Live, and Higson and unwanted sexual innuendoes at went with that. A lot of it is a sandwich. “Some of the big chance, we’ve got to put Whitehouse obliged, with the their customers. And it was down to chance. Well, happy books have almost horror ele- everything into this film, and characters of Stavros and extremely hard to come up with chance.” ments, yes. But kids love all make it amazing and Stand Out. Loadsamoney. They wrote new ways of writing their He’s very modest. It goes with that. I know my kids do. And So films get over-burdened a lot some more, and realised they sketches, or Bob Fleming’s the steel-coloured hair, the quiet when the Ian Fleming estate of the time.” Higson and had enough for their own show. sketches where he just coughs manner of speech and the way commissioned me to write it, Whitehouse have avoided that. The Fast Show. the whole time, without doing he rubs his eyes every so often. they didn’t want a sanitised “Through the process of writing Getting a break like that with- the same thing over and over Maybe that’s why they seem to jolly little kid’s book – they the film, we’ve ended up writ- out having to climb the comedy again. Because you can’t open twinkle quite so much. There wanted it to have an edge to it, ing a lot of things which work ladder is pretty lucky. “Well, it out their lives – they don’t real- are nearly ten enormous platters to be true to that brooding side better as sketches. So we’ve kept was essential,” says Higson, “the ly exist. They’re not real people. of sandwiches, cherry tomatoes of Bond’s character.” them to one side for a potential way we had some form of a life. Those are certainly the hardest and bunches of grapes spread He’s respectful of Fleming, but future TV project.” There are too many people now ones to write. out on the table between us. not in awe of him. “There’s a During Higson’s brief break who do media studies at school, “ “In fact, the sketch format is Neither of us has any idea why dichotomy with Bond – on the from TV, the kind of opposite of then something at university, JAMES a particularly difficult format there’s quite so much food here. one hand he’s a tough no-non- The Fast Show has appeared in and all they just want to do is be to write for. Everything is con- Still, we’re certainly grateful, sense, no-frills killer, but on the the form of The Office. a TV presenter or do TV comedy. BOND’S densed so much that it really and so we both pick at the sand- other hand he’s a fussy maiden- “Comedy goes in cycles. I What are they going to write uses up a lot of material.” wiches nervously. It’s probably aunt figure who cares about expect we’ll have a glut of about? What life experiences ALMOST Especially on The Fast Show. just some random kindness how his eggs are cooked and his shows like The Office, and then are they going to bring to it? “Well yeah. Obviously. And from the staff of Heffers. hair is brushed. I think that people will say it’s the end of the Their knowledge of the world QUITE GAY. you can really burn yourself They’re very nice at Heffers, makes him much more interest- sketch show. And then some- comes entirely from watching out writing sketches. You which is where I’m interviewing ing than being a simple Action one’ll do a traditional sketch other TV shows.” I THINK haven’t got all those props to him, backstage, before he gives a Man.” He plucks a grape, and show with an audience and peo- Sure, but then, the gimmick use, like drama and so forth. talk to a large crowd of excited munches it. “I mean, Bond’s ple will say – it’s so fresh, so for The Fast Show – that it was THAT MAKES You can’t have plain drama children and their equally excit- almost quite gay. But that side to original, but sadly it’ll mean the fast – was inspired by watching HIM MORE that can carry you through ed parents about his new series him was simply added in by end of The Office! But it really TV. Or at least, watching a something.” James Bond series. Fleming’s extremely gay editor. doesn’t matter what the format showreel of edited highlights INTERESTING So are recurring characters Higson’s been writing novels He was very keen that Bond is, or the style. You can’t say – from Harry Enfield’s show, the only way of introducing since university, where his nov- should always turn out immac- well, it’s not funny because of which showed that the leanest drama into a sketch show? els were “long, involved, post- ulate wherever possible. A kind this and that and that. You just sketches got the most laughs. “With characters like Ted and modern and unpublishable” of Queer Eye for the Straight know if something’s funny or Can’t you just be independently ” Ralph, we tried to build up a until he changed his style and Guy! Ian Fleming wouldn’t have not.” 10 Varsity Features 20.01.06 YOUNG,GIFTEDANDCHIC BENJ SEIDLER chats over cake with ALE CIRULLI and ALE PLANO, two of Milan’s very brightest young designers

which at the time was in need of team’s style shone through into daughter) has meant an industry young designer shows promise, a makeover. After three months the collections. It would be great requiring complete devotion con- word spreads around Milan like a she was officially hired. Plano to be a completely creative ceding that its key players (who, rash from polyester. Dolce & knew she wanted to start in the designer, but fashion is a business increasingly, are women of child- Gabanna recently called on Cirull, accessories field and realised this and sometimes creativity needs to bearing age) deserve more time to asking her to be a womenswear was the perfect opportunity. Etro make way for sales.” Plano nods sustain a family. And what about designer. Plano is going from called for Cirulli, who says she got in agreement. They are both keen younger women in the industry? strength to strength at Bottega. her job not just for the quality of to stress how important research Do they feel stereotypes that fash- With women continuously gain- her work, which she had been is to their work. ion presents are unhealthy? “I ing prominent positions in the he home lives of Alessandra tradition, in warmth and in good told in school was exceptional, “A job in fashion may very well think fashion is a very powerful industry are they predicting any Cirulli and Alessandra Plano old fashion manners. but because of her attitude. mean a life in fashion,” declares media,” says Cirulli. “Images of great change in the fashion land- Tare concurrent with their “Determination and passion “Being from Rome,” she explains, Plano. “To succeed, your passion luxurious clothes on thin models scape in a few years? Plano lives in the fashion houses they brought me to where I am today; “you learn to be self-assured, can be dangerous. If you work in answers, “I don’t think women work for. Their surroundings are it’s as simple as that,” explains relaxed and friendly.” fashion, you get used to it, so you will ever be more predominant in as haute bourgeois as you get in Plano. “I got interested in fash- Although not charicatures by know where to draw the line and the fashion world.” While she Milan. But there is an element of ioned when I was twelve and my any means, Plano and Cirulli “ how to be realistic. There have plans to stay at Bottega and “learn quirkiness that makes their father gave me a copy of Harper’s reflect certain aspects of the hous- IF YOU WORK IN been tragedies involving drugs, even more,” she dreams of open- youthful decorating ideas stick Bazaar.I knew I had to go to fash- es they work for. Plano, pale, neat, anorexia, money, but these prob- ing an atelier in New York. out (David Lachapelle photo- ion school and follow my heart. I and strikingly beautiful, gives you FASHION YOU lems are deeply rooted, more than Cirulli’s recent departure from graphic proofs hang on graphic felt I would be taught the work- the same vibe as Bottega’s luxuri- simply in the fashion world. I Etro has provoked various reac- wallpaper fit for the living room ings of the business and the tech- ous but unpretentious pieces. GET USED TO don’t think about ‘unhealthy’ tions among staff. She says that of any Italian Mama). This cheery nicalities of the craft.” Plano met Plano acknowledges that she has SEEING THAT fashion, and think that those it’s hard to leave old colleagues. awkwardness translates to their Cirulli when she left Turin for been “greatly influenced by the images are manipulated because “Being a freelance consultant is design skills, which have helped Italy’s premier design school, Bottega craftsmanship, the quali- MUCH BEAUTY it’s our society that’s so very something I can really see myself emboss two stuffy Italian luxury Istituto Marangoni in Milan. ty, more so than vice versa,” espe- SO YOU KNOW unhealthy.” doing, because I like exciting new houses with joy. Cirulli works as For Cirulli, things were a little cially since being promoted to Cirulli and Plano are very ventures. Also, working here and womenswear designer at Etro different. Born and raised in shoe designer three months ago. WHERE TO DRAW aware of what is relevant today to there would give me more time to and Plano designs shoes for Rome, Cirulli says it was her fond- For Plano, the best is yet to come. THE LINE AND the people that would buy their pursue a life outside of fashion.” Gucci’s Bottega Veneta. Both ness for art, prompted by her fam- As I write, her shoe designs will be designs. Do they think their youth They agree that the most frus- have gone through revivals in the ily and the general Roman way of presented at the Bottega Veneta HOW TO BE has a big part in their success? trating aspects of their careers are last five years thanks to their cre- life, which led her to a career in menswear show for Autumn REALISTIC“ Cirulli explains, “it’s nice to think long hours and short deadlines. ative directors (Veronica Etro at fashion. She is a gifted 2006, and she’s buzzing. of a young designer as a child, But they are consumed by the Etro and Tomas Maier at draughtswoman, and began by Cirulli is a laugh a minute, and saying everything on their mind. “exquisite pain” of their minds Bottega). being obsessed with drawing any- a colourful personality. “I’ve The adults listen to them, and revolving around collections at The two have more in com- thing. She was thirteen when she grown a lot on Veronica’s team,” once in a while let them do some- least twice a year. Both designers mon than name. As they sit on bought her first Vogue Italia. It is she recounts, “I’ve designed a lot will make you aware of the latest thing carefully, to teach them to adore the shows, when every- the beige couch, this season’s the artistic portrayal of fashion in but obviously it’s the whole team trends and shows. Looking for grow slowly. Senior designers lis- thing comes together and every- prints tower around them, in the that magazine that persuaded her that makes the final decisions. It’s something new is intuitive; you’re ten to younger designers’ ideas one is “hysterical, crazy, excited, form of pillows one gets given at to join the fashion forces. Both important to create the right doing it wherever you may be.” and translate them into some- and, naturally, passionate.” high-fashion shows. They serve Cirulli and Plano sold themselves atmosphere in the studio so that The word passion peppers their thing with fewer ‘mistakes’. It’s all There it is again, that word crostata cake and sport warm in many interviews. Then oppor- your ideas, even if not always sentences. The two also mention about a growing process. A good always said with such candour as smiles. For two young ladies who tunity knocked. Plano received a drawn up, are very much in the family values - a big issue in fash- fashion house appreciates that.” if referring to their fairy godmoth- have had a part in pushing fash- call from Gucci asking her to air. You won’t have full creative ion at the moment. Recent news Both have grown tremendous- er. “Passion is needed,’ Plano ion forward at the turn of this intern at one of their newly control in your first job, but you of Phoebe Philo’s departure from ly in recent years, as have their repeats, to which she hastily adds, century, they remain rooted in acquired labels, Bottega Veneta, should share your ideas. The Chloe (to look after her newborn respective labels. And when a “and luck!”

:DQW WR ÀQG RXW PRUH DERXW PDQDJHPHQW FRQVXOWDQF\"

'LVFRYHU  FRXOG EH IRU \RX 0DUFK WK XQWLO $SULO VW 7KLV DOOH[SHQVHV SDLG UHVLGHQWLDO HYHQW LV IRU DOO QRQÀQDOLVW XQGHUJUDGXDWHV

Mirror, Mirror 09. Splitting Hairs Whether tied back in an tle at Space.NK stores in artless bun or left to its central London, beautiful own freely flowing hair comes at an ugly devices, hair this season price, due to all those is natural in every way it cheap stripping chemi- can be: length is not cals that are swapped for stunted by eager scissors, its tex- real fruit oils, which are pleasing ture hasn’t been meddled with by both in the health sense and the scolding irons and its colour is olfactory one. Also, elegant glass true to its roots. It is now the qual- bottles and aluminium tubes are a ity of the hair itself that needs to costly alternative to all those be targeted. nasty synthetic preservatives. Sacred Locks’ range of products Tip 1: The Good, the Bad and starts at £22 (at Selfridges and the Greasy Space.NK in London) for a bottle When shampoo gets rid of grease of shampoo, because it employs and grime, it takes the hair’s nat- grapefruit seed oil to keep it fresh. ural oils with it. A squeaky sound means the hair has been over Tip 4: The Skint Alternative washed of its inherent moisture to Why not just cut out the middle- the point of damage. Locks may man and take all those nutrients lose lustre due to an overdose of right from their source? Sixties silicone. Good hair, like a good methods like a brush over of a lover, is always a little dirty. mixture of egg yolk and rum real- ly do leave hair shiny, cashmere Tip 2: Picking a shampoo is like soft and smelling sweet. Citrus making a friend. juices contain amino acids that It is important to find a product certain shampoos steal from the that understands your specific hair, leaving it coarse. needs and limits. Not all ‘special- ist’ shampoos are tailor made for Tip 5: The Perfect Blow Job specific hair types – ‘oily hair’ is Blow drying hair can undo all the not a specific hair type and you repair of a good wash. The hot air may be washing away more than of the drier traumatises the hair, you can afford to lose. Just think even more so when the surround- about the greasiest person you ing breeze is freezing. Target hair know. They probably think their while it is still wet, so it is not con- hair is ‘just a little oily’ too. fused by a sudden heat from the air which dries it. And although Tip 3: Let’s Get You All Lathered the high fashion styles are free Up! flowing, a necessary easy neat- Phyto has developed a wide ness means tangled towel-dried range of shampoos called hair is simply not going to Phyto Specific. Phyto cut it, and neither will products employ phy- over-ironed not-a-hair- totherathry, the science of out-of-place dos. caring for hair using plant nutrients. At £10.50 a bot- Benj Ohad Seidler

winter warmer

Celeriac and stilton soup Rich and creamy to perfection, this soup demands to be tried a.s.a.p. Enjoy, and forget about the bleak January weather outside and the fact that you still need to catch up on last term’s reading.

I Ingredients I Serve With 1 large celeriac Croutons 200g stilton Lardons fried with parsley Chicken/veg stock Herbs (either fresh or a bouquet garni sachet, but not chopped I Instructions dried mixed herbs) 1-4 mins: Chop onions; chop Seasoning celeriac into 2cm pieces. 100ml cream 4-6 mins: Heat oil, add onions 1 onion and salt. Fry until soft. Oil 6-15 mins: Add celeriac pieces and herbs, and stir until start to soften. Do not allow to stick to the pan. 15-35 mins: Add stock, cover and leave until the bits of cele- I You will need riac crumbles when pressed Big knife between fingers. Skim any fat Chopping board that rises to the top. Big pot 35-37 mins: Remove herbs. Smaller pot Blend the soup until smooth. Dorothy wears a dress (Ark Vintage - 25 pounds) and peeptoe heels Blender 37-39 mins: Sieve through into Sieve the smaller pan and simmer. (Topshop - 40 pounds); Ed wears tweed suit trousers (Oxfam - 20pounds), Spoon Add cream to your preferred Whisk thickness. Season with salt and Christian Lacroix shirt (40 pounds), white linen tie (Tie-rack - 30 a lot of pepper. pounds) customised with poster paints, silk scarf (Moss Bros - 30 40 mins: Just before serving, pounds), waistcoat (Oxfam - 5 pounds), brown loafers (Oxfam - 15 pounds), melt in the stilton pocketwatch and ring (model’s own) David Nowell-Smith 12 Varsity Features 20.01.06

think most people could accept swamped by the rest of the wanted the same things would vate sector, and if they want that there is a basic level of children” and the less able have been equally damaging. “to top up vouchers they can”. All the knowledge to which all chil- “simply feel humiliated and Surely one of the most exciting Who can? The vouchers would dren have a right, and that the bored and alienated because and important things about be for two to three thousand Answers accumulation of certain skills is they know that they’ve failed, school is that you learn to pounds. I consult the website key to learning to articulate they know that they’ll contin- interact with a variety of of Cognita, the chain of private one’s ideas successfully. ue to fail in subjects that are people with an equally diverse schools of which he is now However, I can’t help but feel inappropriate for them.” This is range of interests and skills, as chairman. The cheapest is quite enamoured by the child- an argument of some force, but you will have to in later life? If £4,125 per annum (and this is Chris Woodhead centred approaches for which is it a justification for splitting the problem that Woodhead only for the nursery) and the he reserves such derision: “it children off into separate insti- identifies is a real one, which it most expensive costs £10, 035. by seems to believe that education tutions on the basis of the may well be, we can surely Even my ‘progressively’ taught is somehow about liberating interests and promise they deal with it without recourse maths detects a shortfall. Natalie Whitty the innate potential of the show in the most uncertain, to complete segregation – by Woodhead had a chance per- child. Teachers are meant to whimsical and challenging increasing the variety of sub- suading me that a return to facilitate the child’s own dis- period of their lives? jects and opportunities offered grammar and vocational covery of everything.” When I was 14, I had never by state comprehensive schools could avoid being You might propose that schools. socially divisive (“more kids there could be a halfway house One of the most controver- from working class homes got between education as a simple sial aspects of Woodhead’s into Oxford and Cambridge transmission of facts and edu- politics (aside from his morale than they do now”). His belief cation as a forum for self “ boosting assertion that “15% of that “every child, class, ability, discovery. The National INTELLIGENT, teachers are incompetent”), whatever, should have the Literacy and Numeracy has been his plan to overhaul opportunity to learn about his- Strategies brought into schools ACADEMIC the education system as a tory, geography and the rest of partly on the recommendation CHILDREN whole, transforming the way it as a human right” is faultless. of Woodhead should, imple- in which it is provided. But to propose a system mented effectively, ensure that TEND TO GET All schools would, under his whereby the most well off can by the time children leave pri- SWAMPED BY proposals, be cut free from use public money to supple- mary school they are in government control and func- ment their ‘fund’ for privately possession of the skills they THE REST tion as commercial ventures, educating their children, which need to begin exploring their battling it out for corporate the poorest would still be own personal views about the sponsorship: a ‘survival of the unable to afford, as consistent subjects they are studying. fittest’ marketplace in educa- with that aim? Sorry, but no. Not for long though. tion that placed the onus on Woodhead would split children ”studied politics. I wanted to be parental choice and responded Professor Chris Woodhead according to their academic a swimming teacher, because to their demands. Failing was Chief Inspector of ability, through a mechanism the woman who taught me had schools would die out. Schools from 1994 – 2000 similar to the old 11+ (though a great pair of sunglasses and a But what about the children and earned a reputation as he recommends this should yellow Mini. This, I thought, whose parents are not one of the most controver- hris Woodhead is not a dain for ‘progressive’ (I think I happen at 14). The brightest was the ultimate in fulfilment. equipped with the skills to sial figures in British well liked man. heard him spit after he used would be educated in grammar Soon after, I moved to London choose the best school for their education. He is currently CIntellectually respected, this word) teaching tech- schools, and “total, vocational, and never learnt to drive, and child (perhaps as a result of the Professor of Education at but not famed for his tact, he niques. “As an English teacher, practical qualifications” quickly decided that PE lessons ghastly standard of education the private University of holds an esteemed position on for example, for maybe the devised for the children “who were better spent having coffee some will have received – oh Buckingham, Chair of the the dartboard of school staff first three to five years of my are never going to read Greek and roll ups in a grotty café. A yes – under the old grammar- Cognita chain of inde- rooms across the country. The career, I was more interested in and Greats or whatever”. specialist sports academy secondary modern pendent schools and a former Chief Inspector of children expressing themselves Under Woodhead’s proposals, would not have been the place dichotomy)? Should these chil- columnist for the Sunday Schools resigned from the post than I was in teaching full then, some teenagers would for me. dren be left to languish in a Times. He began his in 2000, and the teaching stops and spelling. But you never get the chance to But I digress. My point is school that does not do them career as an English unions (who are, apparently, need the tools of the linguistic unleash these painstakingly that to be tethered to an educa- justice and which, thanks to teacher, where it was “resolute in their stupidity”) trade in order to express your- learned grammatical rules on a tion system restricting me to a the liberation of schools from revealed he had a relation- charged their glasses in relief. self effectively. A lot of full range of academic subjects. particular path at that age government scrutiny, is no ship with one of his sixth Perhaps he has been unfairly teachers say ‘oh, we don’t They would, rather, be offered could have been somewhat longer the responsibility of the form pupils. In 1999, he caricatured. He was teach the Curriculum, we “curricula latched to what they suffocating, trapping me into state? claimed such relationships unashamedly right wing in an teach the child.’ Well, what do can do and what they want to choices that seemed natural at It would seem so. could be “experiential and age when it was distinctly you teach the child? I came to do with their lives”. the time but are in retrospect Woodhead’s other big idea is educative on both sides”, unfashionable to be so. see that my early enthusiasms According to Woodhead, in rather ill judged. And to have that of vouchers for parents, a remark for which he later At the centre of Woodhead’s were a bit naïve.’ the current system, “intelligent been pursuing that path sur- which could be cashed in to apologised. approach to education is a dis- So far, so uncontroversial. I academic children tend to get rounded only by peers who pay for education in the pri- SOMETHING BY the new claret? THE WATER Venue and River Bar: Restaurant Review by Anthony Marlowe and Joe Schutzer-Weissmann bscurity in restaurants, as overlooking the River (sur- into the more muscular side of in most things, is a fate far prised?) - seem to do them a Lesbos. Emphasised are simple Oworse than infamy. We disadvantage in terms of custom. recipes made with fresh ingredi- ought to pour scorn on establish- And in both this side-street feel ents- we ask for nothing more ments whose popularity far added charm to their views. In and were left happily sated. outweighs their quality and to terms of food and drink, they're We look forward to the new highlight the less obvious eateries. slicker than your average and food and cocktail menu - we were t’s that time of year once reputed to linger in everyday, Which waters should be Strange how obscurity is often treated to an exclusive preview of again. Walking around, recycled water - slowly turning tried, then? the life-blood of student fads, the the latter and if Dirty Sanchez Isuckling keenly at a bottle men to women and fish into soil in which they grow. The means nothing to you it will do like a new babe at its mothers mutants. Highland Spring – Cheap lesser-known is mistaken for the soon. And we're not just talking breast, seeing the New Year as That said, plastic bottles will and conventional. Spends 15 undiscovered, often in self-delud- “IF ONLY about insane Welshmen. Think a time of detoxification, the leach oestrogen-like molecules years filtering through rocks to ing and solipsistic hope of fame STUDENTS WOULD chilli, chocolate and tequila - water junkie emerges. if refilled, so do beware! leave it pure. and fortune to come cf. Pop Idol three of those little bare necessi- It’s often said that we should Finally, tap water is free in col- 100 cl Bottle - £ 0.72 auditions and dashed hopes. EXPERIMENT WITH ties we feel. Horace Walpole says consume at least two litres of lege. If you’re really fussy, from Sainsbury’s It is sad, therefore, that this RESTAURANTS AS “Try everything once except water a day to stay healthy. I there’s always the option of trend extends to food but not Morris Dancing and Incest.” We certainly don’t and haven’t buying a filter. Badoit – Bicarb in a bottle. restaurants. Why is Chez Gerard READILY AS THEY agree and would like to add died yet. If you’re still not convinced Excellent for your gran in lieu packed every night, while Venue DO WITH DRUGS Chain Restaurants to his list. Indeed, the infamous time by the above, what more can of Rennie’s. and River Bar struggle in the gas- OR ACTING that poor Anthony Andrews we possibly say about mineral 100 cl Bottle - £ 0.99 tronomic background? If only In nutshells was rushed into intensive care water? It’s normally clear, from Sainsbury’s students would experiment with having drunk too much of the often bubbly and may taste restaurants as readily as they do RIVER BAR precious liquid still looms large like bicarb. Perrier – The king of French with drugs or acting. Venue and Where: St Edward’s Passage in my mind. It’s also an excellent, prof- waters and has a link to French River Bar both suffer the bully Prices: £45 for two people Cynicism aside (at least for a itable product to sell your revolutionary politics. Ideal for ” Food Highlights: Steak blows of chain restaurants. It’s much tastier than Craig David. moment or two), the ultimate customers if you’re a restau- Champagne socialists on like little village stores, bankrupt- Venue’s wine list left us reeling Wine: Fine Fleurie question remains: is bottled ranter (so much so that some detox. ed when Tesco Metro rocks up with an impressive range and Ratings water actually worth it? There restaurants now have ‘water- 75 cl Bottle - £ 0.75 next door. This is the injury of laudable bias towards French fine Food 9/10 are some major arguments in sommeliers’). from Sainsbury’s globalisation with the added wines. They serve homemade Value 9/10 its favour. Firstly, you will Even if I sound as though I insult of poorer value for money. bread, which is more than most Atmosphere 8/10 probably avoid typhoid and despise bottled water, this isn’t Voss – Norwegian water - and A corrective, then: Venue is homes do. The confit duck with VENUE cholera or, more likely, feeling technically correct. Give me a ideal for posers, as the bottle good value for money, three wasabi mash and hoi sin reduc- Where: St Edward’s Passage as though you’ve drunk a glass of San Pellegrino any day was designed by Calvin Klein. courses costing £15. River Bar tion sets the tone of their Prices: £15 for 3 courses. swimming pool. and I’ll be happy. Give me a 80 cl Bottle: £2.60 excels with the best-tasting and promising new menu. Food Highlights: Duck Confit There’s also the fact that spray can of Evian, or that per- from kosherwines.co.uk costing rib-eye steak in town, and We already mentioned the Wine: Warming Winter Rioja bottled water doesn’t contain petual bottle sucker and I’ll get we’ve tasted a few (and paid for steak at River Bar. We mention it Ratings all the hormones that are annoyed. none.) In both cases, their spec- again, and recommend it along- Food 7/10 tacular locations - Venue’s views side a hearty tuna steak or Value 9/10 of rooftops and spires, River Bar Portobello mushrooms if you’re Atmosphere 6/10 Lionel Nierop Fiona Roberts 20.01.06 Comment Varsity 13

OXBRIDGE There Is Life Online OBSESSION SOMETIME LAW Rupert Facehooked: who needs real friends anyway? STUDENT Myers

ambridge graduate Tom Ed Blain Ap Rhys Pryce was trag- Cically killed in a mug- ging at knifepoint this month. n the last few weeks of the party shot. And all claimed to One day later a black man was Michaelmas term I lost my be reading A More shot dead in an alleyway just a will to work. I told my Pretentious Book Than Yours, mile away. The disparity in the

I CALDER SIMON supervisor it was because I the new work by An quantity of media coverage was directing a play. I told my Unpronounceable Refugee. told another sad story. Does friends that week 5 blues The fools, I thought; the the media hold the Oxbridge were kicking in late. I told humiliatingly pitiful, self- few in higher regard than the myself that it was due to my compartmentalizing fools. rest of society? extreme natural laziness. But That kind of sad, pathetic There is a danger - in forget- a term later I still find it hard time wasting was not for me, ting that Cambridge is a res- to get excited about Caesar’s so I reached for the ‘log off’ olutely fair institution - of Gallic Wars, or even about button. falling into the easy trap of going out for a coffee. I Except I didn’t. Just as I accusing the media. Tutors looked deep for the reason, was about to click myself out employ no “social logic” to the and what I found was of danger a wicked thought admissions policy here, but go depressing. It was all because crossed my mind. What if for what they can best define of the Facebook. there were other people ‘like as merit and capability. At the beginning of last me’ on Facebook. What if If we don't pick the facile term I made a pact with a there were girls. option, how else can we friend. Let’s call him Dennis. Soon I found all sorts of explain the Oxbridge obses- To preserve our self-respect likeminded people. There sion? Cambridge will turn out we promised each other that were people who wanted to another year of talented indi- this year we would never go stomp on their college’s lawn. viduals this sunny Easter, to Cindie’s or join the There was a Gardie’s appreci- drunk on success and Facebook. It made us feel ation society, a gap-year supe- Champagne, but they will be good about ourselves. It made riority society, a lazy arts stu- drowned out by a sea of equal- us feel superior to the hud- dents’ society and, the clinch- ly brilliant and ambitious peo- dled masses shivering in the er, a society for anybody ple from all over the globe. late night queue next to Eat. remotely Welsh. Perhaps the distinctiveness is And it made us both confi- All thoughts of my impend- a hallmark of the British way dent that one day we’d get ing essay crisis forgotten, I of seeing things; we belong to a fifty pounds when the other settled down to join. And I’ve group about whom much is bloke broke first. never looked back. I’ve never speculated, little is true, and A few weeks ago I realised looked sideways either, as I’ve less is admitted, but a group I’d been had. Dennis had been glued to my computer we are, and a group we shall been on Facebook the whole screen. In the beginning I did- remain. In a Britain where time. Since July, in fact. To be n’t have any photos so I spent people are defined as much by fair he had no photo, two “ a few days posing as a gilded who they are not, as by who friends, and fewer interests The fools, I thought; the humiliatingly pitiful, Byzantine Emperor. He they are, our past says some- than an agoraphobic Eskimo, attracted quite a lot of atten- thing about us. but there he was on Facebook self-compartmentalizing fools. That kind of tion and some unlikely Are we worth more - for our all the same. friends, but now that some- time here - when we are killed I smiled. For a few days I sad, pathetic time-wasting was not for me, one has kindly provided me in a meaningless attack? Do we felt enormously superior. But with a mugshot of myself require more column inches? then slowly, surely, niggling so I reached for the ‘log-off’ button. I have joined the faceless Of course not. Obituaries vary self-doubt crept in. What was Facebook horde, all of us in length on the basis of public I missing? Why did I see anonymous in our carefully- interest, as do murder reports. nobody wandering around crafted individuality. It’s now Here there may be the basis College any more? And how the Pitt Club or a religious mousy-haired Cambridge stu- learn to do other stuff” good a safe bet that I’ll never go to of a distinction. In general, the did new acquaintances know fundamentalist’s heaven; they dents reinvented themselves, too. The possibilities were Cindie’s. I don’t think I’ll media are concerned with pub- that they had sixteen mutual won’t let you in unless you’re where Cindie’s devotees endless. Ugly people were even leave my room. Heaven lic, and not private life. There friends before they’d finished a member. So another friend became indie idols, and where able, with much time-wasting knows how I’ll ever find new is an attitude among many shaking hands? I wanted to kindly showed me her page in absolutely everyone seemed and ingenuity, to display a bands and books to make my here that public service is a investigate. Strictly, you the Facebook, and from there to be doing a part time course beautiful photo of themselves. Facebook self seem interest- hallmark of a rewarding life, a understand, for research. I I explored its mysteries. at the Derek Zoolander Beautiful people showed they ing. But at least Dennis and I spirit of concern for others that couldn’t use my own name, What I found was incredi- Center for kids who can’t knew they were beautiful by are friends again. Facebook is clearly seen in the numbers because the Facebook is like ble. It was a place where read good and who wanna using a deliberately unstudied friends. of graduates choosing to work in the civil service, academia, development and charity. A significant number of us feel the debt to society that we owe for having had the oppor- The Right To A Fair Trial tunities we have enjoyed, and this participation can only be a good thing, since often those of Sometimes responsibilty just sneaks up on you intellectual merit and industry are in shortest supply where they are needed most. But it cannot lead to a false distinc- Tom Williams tion merely on the basis of our ot long ago, I received an enve- front of a group of unknowns, and, c) gone a necessary adult duty, and began “But then, yeah, I get one day off, academic past. It is a lazy and lope sternly emblazoned with they probably wouldn’t listen to me to question when indeed I would truly yeah, and I just get trashed and end up predictable device used to label Nthe crest of Her Majesty’s Court anyway. be suitable for such a duty. in a skip or something!” Cue riotous us, and as we all know it is a Service. In a panic, I checked my e- But of course, one is not called for Most of us, excluding the privileged laughter. I laugh along with him. Five small few that earn the reputa- mails, my documents, even my such service in order to experience few, are already experienced in the minutes later, and he is still roaring. tion which we hope to enjoy. Facebook photos; there was no evi- heroism on the smallest of scales; one decidedly adult world of work. My placatory chuckle turns to a silent There is no answer to this dence. I breathed with seismic relief, is summoned because it is a social However, most of us, excluding the look of fear. He continues his hysteria, problem, but we can be a part and opened the letter. ‘They’ – those responsibility of the adult. Here my privileged few, have only partaken in the tears streaming down his cheeks. I of the solution by seeking to anonymous few so feared yet so, well, second dilemma began; how did I jobs as a sort of passage of humiliation, have nothing to say. Suddenly, the value everyone equally until anonymous – had requested me for acquire such status? Indeed, when did in order to experience the fictitious vast abyss separating our lives seemed they give us reason to do oth- jury service. And so I was faced with a I prove myself to such an extent that I and frankly unpleasant “real world” as a lot narrower, and I am afraid. erwise; we should judge - if at great dilemma; reject the request, and was being ordered under threat of a means of raising money. Such Now,I doubt very much that I all - individuals and not continue my self-enclosed experience prosecution to fulfil these obligations? masochism is necessary when young. would, at this moment in time, groups, be quick to be open of student life, or seize the opportuni- I eventually declined their request, It educates us about basic finances, approach a profession with any more minded and slow to assume. ty, forgo part of my education and stressing that even my holidays were routines, labour and degradation, all of maturity than my friend. But it con- Those journalists who pour entertain fantasies of standing atop a swamped with the rigours of my which are vitally important to our cerns me, or at least interests me, that column inches over the shiny table, watched by grey-haired degree. They accepted my reply with- future life. But little does it educate the point where one reaches actual Cambridge graduate and none professionals wiping their brows, as I out argument. For an establishment so about the idea of responsibility; nor maturity is very much dictated by soci- over “the other man” are doing screamed in an unexpectedly high heavily entrenched in debate and, indeed does university. ety. Someone, somewhere has been us all a disservice. voice about the innocence of the more importantly, exhibiting such Not long ago I met a smug, sharp- spared my judgement in court, but As Aristotle said, excellence unfortunate defendant. absolute power, I was disappointed suited friend, and engaged him on his only through the shield that is my is a habit and not an act, and Soon enough, the glamour of this that the Crown Service was such a weekly routine, as one would. ever-shortening period of education. the predisposition of Oxbridge scene turned to distinct social realism, pushover. Tottering on his feet, he leaned in to Next time, they won’t be so lucky. It’s students to play a valuable role as I reflected that: a) such a situation But then that feeling most unusual speak: “Yeah, so I work, like thirteen not that I don’t look forward to the in society is a challenge to us was unlikely to arise, b) I would, in to the student species crept over me; days a fortnight; I mean, thirteen days moment when I can confidently accept as individuals, and not a set of any case, be too nervous/ignorant of guilt. For all my assumed inadequacy a fortnight, can you believe it?” these duties; it’s just that I want to laurels to be placed upon our the legal system to act so violently in as a court judge, I felt that I had for- I nodded, believing it. decide when it happens. heads at graduation. 14 Varsity Comment 20.01.06 O KINGSLEY TOM

Well, it’s 2006. Good riddance to 2005. 2006 will be much, much Ibetter. This relies on your 2005 having been awful – if it was not then you will be an anomaly and an out- cast, so consider lying if you want to remain cool. Everyone asked me what I was doing for The New Year (I say every- one to make myself sound more pop- ular). I imagine you experienced the same. It is a silly thing to say, because it was merely A New Year, not The New Year. I guess it’s a way of blocking out all the times in the past where you’ve said “this next year’s going to be great” and been eventual- ly proven wrong, by pretending never to have had a New Year before. This is only the second year you’ve ever had and it’s sure to learn from the mis- takes of the one just gone. This kind of thinking can only lead to tears. Crying should be avoided around this time of year if your name is Eve, in fear of the question ‘New Tears, Eve?’ This will only make you cry more. My resolution is to give up puns. My other resolution concerns raf- fles. This will take up, I think, the rest of the column. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I hope I can change things The University’s Motivational Deadlock before I leave. Raffles need to change. Here is why. If you’re going to dangle a carrot, dangle a decent one When people hold raffles they wish

everyone luck before the draw. This is t has taken the most strenuous efforts a deeply unfair, uncommunicative and beyond most of us; and we cannot be Adam useless. It just raises everyone’s luck of all of the finest minds of the last enervating degree classification. I am not expected to motivate ourselves in such a exactly the same amount. The topog- Ieight centuries to devise a system of attacking those who get 2:1’s, but the way. raphy of the luck remains the same. classification which is as disincentivizing institution that gives them out as they Many political commentators are con- Everyone’s luck in relation to every- as the one we now have in Cambridge. now are. It is unfair because of the mas- cerned that Gordon Brown’s tax credit one else in the raffle remains the In the pursuit of this goal, as of all oth- sive chasm that separates the highest scheme represents a considerable disin- same as it was before. You may as ers, Cambridge has succeeded in demon- candidates in this grotesquely fat band centive structure for those claiming, with well not have altered anyone’s luck at strating peerless merit and insightfulness. from the lowest. It is uncommunicative benefit withdrawal rates being such as to all for all the good it does anybody. Cambridge does a lot of things very because it cannot tell an employer with impose effective marginal tax rates of And you can’t say that it’s changed well. It educates very well; it researches any precision or clarity how well the can- 50%, 60%, 70%; but Brown’s poverty their luck in relation to everyone out- at a world-class level (as I am repeatedly trap is nothing in comparison to side of the raffle in the real world - it told); there is something else good about Cambridge’s mediocrity trap. At the

doesn’t work that way. The luck is raf- it as well presumably. But my God have moment students labouring under this McNestrie fle specific. What happens in the raf- they fucked up in trying to create a clas- horrible Tripos fatalism are being fle stays in the raffle. Like mickey sification system that is both incentiviz- “ required to motivate themselves by refer- mouse money. Otherwise you’d get ing and discriminating. The principal According to ence to the intrinsic worth of their edu- luck junkies entering raffles to fill up problem is the ubiquity of the Upper cation, the virtue of work in and for on luck before fleeing to the big busi- Second. According to the official univer- the official univeristy itself, and the desire to perfect, or com- ness places – like casinos or the lot- sity statistics (CUP 2005) every single pete against, themselves. It seems to me tery, taking the luck away from local student in Cambridge got a 2:1 last year - statistics every that, under these motivations, a lot of business where it belongs. and I fear that this may understate the people at Cambridge don’t work very

Then when someone wins, every- extent of the problem. A source close to single student in hard. The incentive structure is bankrupt one claps. It’s nice when you win the Vice-Chancellor even told me that and its ancillaries are insufficient or inap-

something. It’s nice when people clap one student who dropped out and anoth- Cambridge got a posite. If people don’t really want to at you. You don’t need both. Save the er who died in the course of the year work hard at Cambridge then that’s up to clapping for the people who didn’t were awarded the worthlessly ubiquitous 2:1 last“ year them, but if Cambridge has aspirations to win. Or slow-clap the winners. upper second. Still another turned up be a great educational institute commit- So, what should happen, then: drunk, stoned and abusive at the wrong ted to furthering the learning of each of Before the proper raffle, there should exam hall on the wrong day. Their its members as best it can, then it ought be a raffle of luck, to give different grade? That never fussy, always avail- at least to recast the class system so as to people different amounts. Then, if able, unremarkable Upper Second. didate did in their degree. It is enervat- sharpen its discrimination. The least that someone who didn’t get the luck A 2:1 is like a giant institutional fun- ing because it gives many very able stu- they could do would be to cut the Upper wins, the applause will reward them nel: wide at one end, narrow at the dents, for whom a First is not a realistic Second in two. Failing that they could for breaking the system. other. The disparate mixture of under- prospect without Stakhanovite and perhaps start awarding more than a few One in the eye for Fate and graduate marks are poured in at one end, Stoical extremes, nothing to aim for, exemplary Fails and Ordinaries whilst Fortune, who are both bastards. and a narrow, constrained stream passes nothing to extend themselves toward. A commuting the rest into 2:2’s and 2:1’s. I realise it’s dangerous to call Fate through the other end as if it were all the huge swathe of our student population You’re pretty clever Cambridge. and Fortune bastards, but I’m relying same. The 2:1 is a disgustingly blunt has the perception - and in terms of C’mon now: scratch your eight-hundred on the fact that everyone, deep down, tool. Its use calls to mind the (ill- determining their actions the perception year old pate, stroke your bestubbled if they’re really honest, when it comes advised) employment of sledgehammers is everything - that they cannot realisti- chin, puff away upon your elaborate to brass tacks thinks ‘you know, I in microelectronics. The Upper Second is cally get a First, but that they can secure Gandalf-pipe and muse upon this irra- would really like just somebody to call a great homogenizing influence that per- a mid or low 2:1 with only spasmodic or tional system. Then get up off your me a bastard.’ verts the multifarious into the unifarious. fitful effort. If one is to be purely utili- superannuated arse and put to use all Probably. It confounds the mediocre and the meri- tarian and consequentialist about it, then your collective and historical wisdom in torious; the indifferent and the proficient. these students are damned right to ask: coming up with a solution. You’re the STOP PRESS!!! I am not suggesting that a 2:1 is worth ‘Why, in this situation, ought I to work?’ daddy of British universities, one of the nothing or that those who get one are With the system as it is they shouldn’t. wise old grandees of the personified Wow. In with the human ‘movers and culpable (I myself have been a con- To sustain one’s motivation throughout a academies of the world; if you can’t shakers’ in this year’s Varsity 100, there stituent of that primordial mess), I simply course of this sort with simple platitudes work this one out then it is suggestive are four objects listed: a pencil, an make the point that the 2:1 as it stands is like ‘you should always do your best’ is of senility. orange and two bicycles. Do you want to write for Varsity? Email [email protected] to get involved

Editor James Dacre [email protected] Chief News Editor Amy Goodwin [email protected] Features Editor Jon Swaine [email protected] Varsity has been Cambridge’s Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Arts Editor Ned Beauman [email protected] Sports Editor Joe Speight [email protected] Online Editor Jon Hewer [email protected] independent student newspaper since and printed by Cambridge Evening News. All 1947, and distributes 10,000 free copies copyright is the exclusive property of Varsity Business Manager Chris Adams [email protected] Production Ifti Qurashi and Michael Derringer [email protected] Associate Editors to every Cambridge college and ARU Publications Ltd. Adam Edelshain, Jessica Holland, Mungo Woodifield [email protected] Arts Commissioning Editor Emma Paterson [email protected] weekly. Varsity is proud to be the holder Company Secretary Patricia Dalby [email protected] of numerous student media awards and a vast number of alumni now working in News Editors Rachel Divall, Joseph Gosden, Jude Townend, [email protected] Interviews Editor Emily Stokes [email protected] No part of this publication is to be reproduced, Investigations Editor Zoe Pilger [email protected] Science and Analysis Editors Zoe Smeaton and Krystina Larkham [email protected] international media. Varsity also publishes BlueSci magazine, The Mays, and an stored on a retrieval system or submitted in Comment Editor Olaf Henricson-Bell [email protected] Opinion Editor Adam Swersky [email protected] Satire Editor Luke Roberts online edition at www.varsity.co.uk, and any form or by any means, without prior per- [email protected] Web Content Douglas McMahon [email protected] Restaurants Anthony Marlowe and Joe Schutzer-Weissman broadcasts weekly on CUR1350. [email protected] Food and Drink Lionel Nierop and Wendy Tsang-Man Pun [email protected] Fashion Editors Tom True and Rosie mission of the publisher. Ibbotson, Quentin Jones, Lucy Minyo and Aisha Speirs Fashion Content Benjamin Seidler [email protected] Board of Directors: Dr. Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Mr Tim Literature Editors Tom Kingsley, Alison Pearce [email protected] Music Editors Mary Bowers, Sam Blatherwick [email protected] Theatre Harris, Ms Katy Long, Mr Tim Moreton, © Varsity Publications Ltd, 2006. Editors Laura Draper, Jenny Lee [email protected] Visual Arts Miriam Foster, Jonathan Yarker [email protected] Screen Editors Carly Mr Tom Wilkie, Mr Ifti Qurashi, Mr James Farthing, Hanna Briggs [email protected] Dacre (Varsoc President), Mr Tom 11-12 Trumpington St.,Cambridge CB2 1QA Chief Sub-editors David Marusza, Louise Williamson Sub-editors Rosalind Earis, Rebecca Greig, Tom Aizlewood Graphics Adam Welch, Tom Walters, Ms Amy Goodwin, Mr Jon Kingsley, Tom Windley [email protected] Swaine and Mr Jon Hewer Tel: (01223) 353422 Fax: (01223) 352913 20.01.06 Comment Varsity 15 Correspondence email us: [email protected] or write to: Varsity, 11-12 Trumpington Street, Cambridge CB2 1QA

The meaning of the national elections in March Israeli politics, in the same way Letters In defence of a geek Sharon even if he is not its leader. the left and right have for over Senior Israeli politicians from half a century. Hopefully they speech convention, Griffin has What's the difference between searching for the highest across the spectrum, including will be more successful. no case. prime number that fits into your calculations, and Dear Sir, the likes of left winger Shimon Rights come responsibilities. searching for the best Joy Division B-side that fits into Peres, did not just flock to John Burman If Griffin truly believed in the Sharon remains gravely ill, but Kadima because of Ariel Queens’ College right to free speech - for every- your DJ set? What's the difference between hunting on this is not necessarily the end of Sharon. They did so because one - he would not place it in eBay for a rare issue of Batman, and hunting on eBay for the political movement he Israeli popular opinion has The Griffin Trial jeopardy time and time again by a limited edition Comme Des Garcons T-shirt? Two of the founded. come to accept a fundamental deliberately stirring up intellec- standard pillars of cool, fashion and music, actually Many people think that compromise between the tradi- tually subnormal thugs, on appeal to the geekiest side of the male temperament, the Kadima (meaning “Progress”), tional left and right in Israel: the Dear Sir, whom even these slight sub- the party Sharon left Likud to Palestinians should finally be tleties are apparently lost in a same side that lets men spend hours obsessing over found, is based entirely on his allowed to have their own state As I write, Nick Griffin and morass of football hooligan cul- maths or science or comics or Tolkien - or, for that mat- personal leadership. (…but only on Israeli terms). Mark Collett are on trial for ture, misguided machismo and ter, over girls. People say that autism is just an extreme And with tensions rising in This movement to secure finally incitement to hatred. poorly executed petty crime. form of maleness, and they're probably right. All males the Middle East owing to Iran’s Israel’s future is bigger than one Griffin and his supporters are Griffin's argument should continued research into nuclear man – even if that man is Ariel cloaking themselves in the certainly not be dismissed out of are geeks, but some are geeks about more socially-accept- technology, the Israeli public Sharon. mantle of free speech in order hand. But there is the distinct able subjects than others. will want a strong leader in In a nutshell, Kadima is all to mount their defence. In the possibility that convicting him Cambridge scientists and mathematicians glow with charge, and soon. All of this about Israeli unilateral action. unwritten letter of the unwrit- would help to release freedom Geek Pride - they live in a community which, more than sounds very ominous for the The inhabitants of the West ten law of free speech, Griffin of speech from its current, tired any other they are ever likely to find, lets their geek side continued existence of Mr Bank and the Gaza Strip may and his cohorts certainly have a imprisonment between extrem- Sharon’s new party. well end up with their own for- claim to protection, and they ist stupidity and Labour bureau- breathe and flourish. Meanwhile other Cambridge boys But before writing Kadima’s mal state, but it will be behind continue to point out several cracy, and begin its transforma- use an asymmetric haircut and a girlfriend on their arm obituary, the question must be very large security fences – that worrying double standards tion into an entity behind to hide their geek side, but it's still there, lurking, lycan- asked: when Sharon founded Israel has already started build- (such as the comparative lack of which all British people, of thropic. Cool is arbitrary - imagine a world where girls Kadima, was he leading Israeli ing. action against hate-preaching whatever religion, can unite. public opinion, or was he fol- Sharon came from the gener- "Islamic" clerics and the occa- swooned at the thought of a boy who could factorise six- lowing it? The reality is that ation of the founders of Israel, sionally dubious tactics of the Majeed Neky digit numbers in his head - in fact, for all we know, that's Sharon was articulating a vision the soldier-politicians. But with BBC documentary) which Emmanuel College how it is among the futuristic pagodas of the Centre For that was already shared by the his move to the centre ground, deserve more liberal media Mathematical Sciences. It's no stranger than a world silent majority in Israel. Early he has prepared the way for a attention. However, when con- Letters may be edited for where being a DJ carries some kind of mystique, when polls suggest Kadima will win new generation to dominate sidered in the spirit of the free space and style everyone knows you could teach a monkey to mix. And it's no stranger than a world where doing English is cool- versity supposedly trying to am not slogging my guts out fulfilled and, tellingly, suc- er than doing Maths, when obviously a year of TS Eliot repel and yet simultaneously for a First – but I know this cessful, are those in whom I needs tunnel vision just as intense as a year of binary cal- satisfying a number of stereo- would be a tall order for me, recognise a real love for what types (Varsity Comment, 25 and since I have no desires to they are doing, be it reading, culus. November). work in the city, I am more conducting, or studying So why is it that arts people so often dress better and The abounding opportuni- interested in getting a good Natural Sciences – not merely socialise more smoothly than science people? Maybe it's ties in Cambridge should not 2.1 (shock horror!) to eventu- a love for “Cambridge”. In just weight of expectation. All men should be grateful to be taken for granted. ally get a job that will fulfil short, the concept of “The Full The OC's Seth Coen, who proved you can be a geek and However, these chances me. What does she know Cambridge Experience” is at should fit into the people we about my many ambitions? I best apocryphal, at worst get the girl. Will the geeks of Beauty and the Geek get the are, and should not be used to know of others to whom the intimidating, and should not girl? Let's hope so, for the sake of the rest of Cambridge mould who we want to be. To notion of having a main be propounded. Instead, we menfolk. At Varsity we did a “How geeky are you?” quiz say that if one gets longer friendship group outside of should be proactively engen- on the official Beauty and the Geek website, and appar- than 6 hours’ sleep a night, Cambridge would be incom- dering a balanced culture pro- one cannot get “The Full prehensible – “but, this is moting life. ently we're “pretty geeky”. Well, we're not ashamed. Cambridge Experience” is as your life, isn’t it?” No, actual- Geek Pride. ludicrous as to say all ly. Vicki Corke Cambridge students should If it is, great. If not, also Christ’s College work in the library ten hours great. If you want to get a Statutory last words a day, or indeed never do any First/row/write an opera Letter of the work and yet still obtain a about a kebab shop, great. If Cambridge congratulates itself enough and nowhere so First Class Honours degree. you don’t, also great. Calder’s Universities in Britain seem admirable comment sat appo- explicitly than in what has now become the institution Week to exist in a vacuum in which sitely amongst the same pages Letter of the that is the annual Varsity 100 – so I will at least be brief if students are not supposed to as Tess Riley’s interview with Week wins a not modest. For it is important that certain people are My so-called live in “the real world”, but Doris Lessing, whose advice specially select- thanked in this last issue of the paper for one editorial are instead treated like a sep- that “experiencing life is the “Cambridge” life arate breed; unlike their best education” many stu- ed bottle from team. This is both because the business and complexity European counterparts, in dents here would do well to our friends at of the Varsity beast is rarely appreciated, and because Dear Sir, which students (more heed. I love my life, and my Cambridge Wine two words in the box opposite are not enough recogni- maturely, in my opinion) treat life happens right now to be Merchants, tion for the hours and days of often thankless work that Simon Calder’s commendable higher education far more as a in Cambridge. In that order. King's Parade everyone included in that team list offers to this paper appeal to readers to “Find the job than a lifestyle. When I leave for the vacation, Cambridge that’s right for One student has repeatedly my life does not fall apart, nor every week. No activity or society in Cambridge can you” displayed a refreshing criticised me for having “no will it do when I graduate. demand as much of its contributors, nor offer more in iconoclasm welcome in a uni- ambition” simply because I The people I see here most the way of the possibility for contribution. Hundreds of people pass through the Varsity offices every term, hun- dreds more contribute in some way to the paper’s suc- “She drawled,‘Come een, Zo-eh, seet down... And listen’” cess. All deserve my thanks and, if you have liked what they have done, their readers’ appreciation. In particu- (Another) Last Word lar, Adam, Amy, Emma, Jess, Jon, Mungo and Ned on the editorial side, Michael and Ifti (retiring after nearly a half-century of Varsitys) on the production side, Adam, This Week: La France, encore une fois Tom and Tom for their tireless and always exciting aving completed the would see her, motionless in the ed to launch into a not-unpleas- design work and Chris, a better Business Manager than I first half of my year shadows, but for the intermit- ant rendition of Bach. She said, Zoe Ross could have hoped to work alongside. I hope that I speak in Paris, I can now tent languid movement of a “You see, he eez asking heem- confirm that hand raising a cigarette to her self questions. He eez asking, the floor in the Metro, and sud- for everyone of the above in saying that Varsity nights nowhere is secure withered lips. ‘What am ah doing here?’” denly, for absolutely no reason, have been a perfect excuse to share serious debates, silly Hground, not even my own But this initial, vaguely seedy Anyway,I did finally manage becoming excessively abrasive conversations, sleepless nights and a continuous supply home. display – perhaps our to slip away, but remain per- with the person attempting to of coffee, sugar and free pizza. They have all enabled the As it goes, it isn’t strictly my Honeymoon period ? – has now turbed by the persistently return it to me, by saying, “No, I paper to be fully relaunched, both here and at ARU, to home, since I am living under given way to a far more discon- bizarre nature of life here. The don’t want it, I don’t want it” – I the roof of a feisty lady of mid- certing state of affairs. Only too good news is that I have finally honestly don’t know what I was regularly enjoy 40 pages of full-colour and to generate dling-to-advanced years – a bit few nights ago, I stepped into begun to temper my own per- doing…). more interest, excitement and debate than I, or anyone of a sexed-up sexagenarian, if the hallway after a perfectly sonal propensity towards auto- I might dare to dream that a else at Varsity, can remember. They are some of the you will. In earlier, blissfully civilised evening to be met by humiliation (except for telling a New Year will herald a conclud- most inspiring, able and ridiculous people that I have naive days I would find her my landlady plumped tri- lady at work recently that I find ing few months of Parisian life behaviour quite entertaining, umphantly at the piano in a pair it incredibly difficult to physical- without incident. With regards ever met. sliding through the front door at of generous knickers, clear ly lie down, when I meant to say to the landlady, though, this the end of the evening to be met tights and some kind of cardi. relax, and for suggesting to my does seem unlikely, particularly I cannot overstate how well I think Jon and Amy will by elegant curls of smoke waft- I drew back, feeling already boss that a piece of paper per- as she is apparently to perform edit Varsity.I expect that our team will all experience an ing from her Vogue Menthols, strangely violated. But she taining to a file on anthologies at a concert, with an increasing inevitable mix of jealousy and pride as the paper and a gravelly “Hellooooh, Zo- drawled, “Come een, Zo-eh, seet probably belonged in the frequency of scantily-clad ehh.” Advancing tentatively down… And listen. ” With this, anthology section – genius – and rehearsals assured. I hope I’m increases in strength and popularity this term. into the darkened lounge, I she began to sway, and proceed- for dropping a chocolate bar on not invited to join her. 3UMMERS!D#AMBPDF 16 Varsity Advertisement 20.01.06

#

-

9

#-

-9

#9

#-9

+

8F BSF OPX BDDFQUJOH BQQMJDBUJPOT GPS 4VNNFS "OBMZTU QPTJUJPOT "QQMZ POMJOF BU XXXNFSDFSNDDPNKPJOMPOEPO CZ  'FCSVBSZ  in association with TOM n Cambridge there’s one hundred peo- Iple that run everything. They all know WINDLEY each other. They are Cambridge’s self- appointed aristocrats and they all go the same secret house parties and they’d rather eat soil than kiss one of the peas- ants. If you’re not already one of them, bad luck: you never will be. That’s one view. Here’s the other. Cambridge is too big and too diverse to have an elite. To pick out a hundred people is meaningless and arbitrary – it’s not for us to tell the rest of the world what it is to be a “success” in Cambridge. Everything will be different in a year’s time anyway. In Cambridge, no one cares if you’re talented or diligent. What matters is that you went to an expensive public school – or that you’re fit – or that you know how to work a room - or that you always know which bands to mention - or that you always have drugs on you. That’s one view. Here’s the other. Everything in Cambridge – from Varsity editor to Hawks president to resident DJ at Urbanite – is open. It’s just about putting in the time. No one cares where you're from - they just want to know what you can do. If you're planning to sit back and rely on your contacts, you're in for a nasty shock. In Cambridge, if you haven't made it by the time you graduate, then you might as well give up hope. If you were ever going to do anything interesting with your life, then you would already have started. If you're lucky then, when these hundred people get famous, you'll be able to boast to your dull friends that you used to know them. That's one view. Here's the other. Four words: big fish, small pond. In the real world, no one cares that for a few terms you were the talk of our little town. On the day you graduate, everybody's score is reset to zero. By the age of twenty-five, a lot of people have already burnt out, and a lot of others are just getting going. Make up your own minds. Write to us and tell us why you hate each and every person on this list (we won't say you're jealous), or who you would be number one Dr. Marijn Ford, in your own Cambridge mafia. But the hun- Dr. Nick Baylis Dr. John Gray, Dr. Alison Smith, Dr. Marston, Prof. Keith dred people featured on the following pages Dept. of Dept. of Plant Dept. of Plant Chairman of the MRC Lab of Richards, Dept. of are our personal heroes. Whether they've Psychology Science Science Faculty of Music Molecular Biology Geogrpahy got there by brains, brawn, beauty or just hard grind, they're helping make Cambridge one of the most exhilarating, diverse and downright exhausting places to spend the last days of our adolescence. Stick pictures of them by your beds and learn their names off by heart - love them or hate them, they are people you can't ignore.

The Varsity 100 aims to say something sociologially significant about the Prof. Geoffrey Dr. Emma Wilson Yvonne Mc Devitt Raj Shah Olly Duff Michael Nabarro University by listing 100 people who have Hawthorne, Dept. Dept. of French Judith E. Wilson Mercer Management Independent Manager of the journalist made an impact upon University life and of Politics Drama Fellow Consultants ADC Theatre the university’s image through academic or extra-currrricular achievement and notoriety.

Following 450 nominations from a team of 50 journalists, academics and student representatives, the entirely independent panel below have cho- sen those who are, in their view and ours, the very best. Prof. Marcial Dr. KM Jaszczolt, Love it, hate it, the Varsity 100 follows. Echenique, Dept. Dept. of A word from Mercer Management Consultants... of Architecture Linguistics We would like to be the first to congratulate we do at Mercer. We help senior executives Key: each of the members of this year's "100 list" across a wide range of industries solve their - College on the impact that they have made on most difficult problems. Our unique - Year of Degree Cambridge University life and in furthering approaches combine analytical rigour, cre- - Subject the university's image. While no doubt there ative thinking, and deep business insight. Put - Last grade where will be some debate about the final make up simply, we help our clients make a difference. available of the list, the idea of recognising and congrat- This term we're recruiting for summer ana- - School where ulating those making the most of their time at lysts. If you would like to solve some of the applicable Cambridge and changing it for the better, is toughest problems in business and start to - Home region one we wholeheartedly support. make a difference in the commercial world as Having impact is fundamental to everything well, we'd love to hear from you. 2 Varsity 100 Creative Arts 20.01.06

Sam Hanna Helen Juliet Kitchener Osmolska Oyeyemi Lapidos

Churchill, 2nd year, History 2.1, Corpus Christi, 2nd year, SPS New Hall, MPhil, Gates Llandaf Church-in-Wales High (GAT) Ordinary, Cardinal Scholar, GPA: 3.97, New York School, from Cardiff Vaughn Memorial School, from Juliet, a New Yorker, is studying for an Mirror, Lewisham MPhil in English Literature on a Gates Scholarship. A talented writer herself, Mirror The queen of she was on the editorial team of the Yale the techie After publishing Review of Books, which got her clued Most Stylish boys hive, Hannah her first novel in up on contem- has been a her first year, porary fiction. stage manager, The Icarus Girl, She is now the publicity Helen has gone co-editor of designer, pro- on to write two Mays. In ten ducer, and plays - Juniper's years, she sees production Whitening and herself back in electrician for Victimese which New York a wide variety of shows in Cambridge have been per- struggling to Christ’s, 3rd year , English 2.1, including Matilda Liar!, and the formed in Latymer School, from Hackney pay for extor- ADC/Footlights pantomime, Spartacus. Cambridge. Somehow she has also tionist rents. “I In her spare time, Hanna can usually found time to embark on a second novel think I'll be like The British Theatre Guide described be found in the ADC bar. She is cur- which she is still currently writing. The him as “One to watch for the future” Woody Allen with all of the neuroses rently working on the ADC Lent term Icarus Girl comes out in paperback in and none of the talent.” She is the hold- whilst TCS has dubbed him a “ Titan of musical and CAST (Cambridge February at which time she will be doing the ADC”. Sam has acted in 21 plays er of numerous scholarships and American Stage Tour). Hannah also more book readings, reviews, newspaper awards. whilst at Cambridge, tackling parts tour managed for the Footlights in articles and other literary events. Her such as Richard III, Polonius, and Ross. 2005 and has worked in Cardiff, friends worry, however, for her degree. Tommy Adeane, Magdelane , 3rd Year He directed the 2004 Footlights Cornwall and at the London Fringe. Tommy is a classic Eton goes to Pantomime and has been a writer/per- She sits on the ADC committee as the Cambridge style: laconic, self-assured, former in 13 smokers. He sits on the Stage Manager/Producer's representa- clean cut, preppy with a twist. Tommy Footlight’s committee as the archivist. tive and the Footlights committee as embodies a type of man that girls should Now bearded, Sam is preparing to play Junior Treasurer. She likes the idea of aspire to like they do a Chanel suit: time- King Lear in an outdoor production facilitating exciting projects: “As a less and self-consciously elegant, if a littl that will see him battling against the producer, if you’re doing your job aloof. elements of Cambridge’s winter. properly, then everyone else has a Likely to wear: rope to hold up his but- Famed for his rich voice quality which good time.” tonless courdoroy trousers can be heard as much on the stage as down the street and around the town. Rachel Wolf

Trinity, 3rd Year, Natural Sciences 2.2, Alleyns, from Dulwich Rachel is one of the founders of Avenue maga- Eshwar zine, a free Albert Mockel von dem Bussche, glossy aimed at Alladi King’s, 3rd Year the Cambridge His careless sense of style and classical student. A pop- Downing, 4th year, Medicine 2.1, Manchester European features makes him a Prince ular mixture of Grammar School, from Manchester features, fashion Rainer for our times and a captivating Eshwar has been involved in over 15 productions in Cambridge, and lifestyle arti- refined natural beauty. Sometimes taking his first role as Bernardo in West Side Story at the Arts Theatre cles, Avenue has scummy, always yummy, watch out for in 2003 and appearing in acclaimed productions of Peter Pan at the been a great suc- him kerb-crawling King’s Parade in his Edinburgh Festival, My Fair Lady, Death and the Maiden and Hair. He cess and has a print run of over 3,500 seventies BMW. is also a talented designer and producer, having created publicity copies. Avenue colleague Alex Filby com- Likely to wear: a striking red pashmina artwork for a myriad of show posters, and co-producing Macbeth: mented: “Her absence from the list shawl The Hour at last year's Edinburgh Fringe. Best when onstage, Lucy would truly be a hideous oversight.” whether singing, dancing or method acting, he never fails to Styles impress - and proves that at the ADC it is possible to be a jack of all Charlie trades and still master of one.

Clare, 3rd year, Architecture 2.1, Espiner St Paul’s, from Islington Kings, 2nd Year, 2.1, Bristrol Grammar School, from Bristol Charlie has worked as a cos- tumier at the Hackney Empire in London for a Benj Ohad Seidler, Homerton , 2nd Year showcase of cut- The man who designed the most exciting ting edge theatre. runs in last year’s Fashion Show and has One play powered Varsity’s fashion content, Benj is involved “creat- the authority on what looks good on cob- ing spoof super- bled streets and in ivory towers. Formerly hero costumes at Central St. Martins, expect him to rock using random the fashion world upon leaving. clothing and The current president of the ADC, Likely to wear: his heart on his sleeve accessories to cre- Benjamin has appeared in 24 separate An individual and visually striking ate comic type productions. Roles include Henry Higgins designer, Lucy has worked on three characters. It was amazing how marigold in My Fair Lady and Macbeth in the ADC’s Cambridge shows for the Edinburgh gloves can manage to look superhu- Macbeth: The Hour at the 2005 Edinburgh festival and directed Pirandello’s Six man.” She also designed the costumes Festival Fringe. He is most proud of his Characters in Search of an Author for Ether Frolics, a collaborative project performance in Wild Honey (the ADC there in 2002. She has designed between the Shunt and Sound and Fury 150th Anniversary MainShow) as many shows in Cambridge including theatre companies that toured the UK in Platonov, which was his mother’s Mamet's The Water Engine (originally 2005: “a combination of Victorian gothic favourite. His performances have won a radio play) and a large-scale pro- to evoke the times when ether was wide- praise from actors Ian McKellen and Clive duction of Stravinsky’s The Rake's ly used, together with a clinical/medical Swift, and he has also been known to Progress. She was Creative Director of aesthetic.” The designer, Lizzie Clachan write and perform stand up comedy. His the triumphant Cambridge from Shunt, wanted a sexy look and set- favourite actors are Ian McKellen University Fashion Show in 2005, tled on making all the costumes having a (“which is why I was so excited and over- ran Cinecam and edited the Varsity revealing slit up the back to show the whelmed to meet him”), Derek Jacobi Fashion section. A secret chess backs and behinds of the three actors.” In (“you only have to listen to him deliver- Benjamin Weaver, Cauis, 3rd Year board demon, Lucy narrowly made it Cambridge she has costumed numerous ing the Chorus' first speech in Branagh's His Facebook albums make him the onto this list shows, most recently Paper Flowers at the Henry V to see why”), Jeremy Irons (for Cecil Beaton of our times. He is danger- having with- Corpus Playroom and Wild Honey, the his “incredible voice”)and Jonathan Pryce ously conservative and his college drawn from ADC 150th Anniversary show. Her idols Benjamin (“he pops up, zelig-like, in the strangest rooms pay devoted homage to Cambridge’s are Vivienne Westwood (“revolution- places and just seems to fit in”). Although Brideshead chic. Tweed is his bitch. creative scene ary”), film directors and designers Peter Deery critics have not rushed to praise him as Rarely spotted without cane, cravat or in favour of a Greenaway and Tim Burton, Kevin much this year as they did last, his reign raised eyebrow life of domes- Pollard (who did “an amazing produc- St. John’s, 3rd year, English over the ADC has produced a successful Likely to wear: brogues, brogues, tic bliss. Check tion of The Magic Flute with surreal gar- 2:1, Eastbourne College, programme. He is represented by Hatton brogues Mate! ments and set inspired by Matisse”). Sussex McEwan. 20.01.06 100 Creative Arts Varsity 3

Ned Jenny Beauman Leow

Trinity, 3rd year, Philosophy 1st, Winchester, from Hampstead Mirror, Mirror Most Stylish boys

New Hall, 3rd Year, English 2.1, Luke Varndean, from Brighton Ned was nominated for two highly Jenny has been involved in several competitive Guardian Student Media Roberts Churchill, 2nd year, English , RGS Newcastle, from films while at Cambridge, including Awards for his writing in Varsity – as Afterthings (winner: 2004 Cinecam Feature writer of the year and as Newcastle Festival), The Archivist and Columnist of the year. He also won Luke Roberts, a second year English student at Churchill, Unspoken. She is currently produc- the Other Prize in 2005, a prestigious resents the Varsity 100 for its divisive and elitist nature, but ing I Like to Stand in Fields and £750 prize for an original and unper- would be bitter and resentful not to be on it: “This makes me a Scream and is the current CineCam formed play. His play Camera Obscura hypocrite.” His writing has been described as “fresh, edgy, witty Festival Manager. She is responsible James Norton, Fitzwilliam, 2nd Year was received well by Cambridge audi- and askew” (Varsity). Luke is the author of both The Hoomit Con- for organising frequent 48hr Film James is a Hollywood golden boy in ences when it was staged last term: “I versations, staged at the ADC and Evelyn Budden, and Auctioneer, Challenges (in which a group makes the making. He has a sumptuous wrote it because all the people I've the winner of the 2005 Harry Porter Memorial Prize. He is cur- a 6 minute film in 48 hours) and the androgynous style, and won’t be seen ever met who I can imagine killing in rently “toying with narrative prose and also getting out a few annual CineCam Film Festival (12- without a scruffy scarf and distin- cold blood have come from public more one liners because I don't have many so can't be funny 13th March this year). Her favourite guished overcoat. Look out for him in school, and they're often also the most quickly which would be useful when it comes to muggers.” He films are In The Mood For Love, I most schoolgirls’ not-so-innocent charming. None of the characters rep- has acted in several shows as well as performing and writing heart Huckabees, Fargo, Head On nighttime fantasies. resent me though.” He’s had stories regularly for Footlights smokers. “Obviously in the perfect world and Heathers. Likely to wear: Tibetan hats a go-go published in the Mays, Meat and I would be playing Doctor Who.” Imprint and has performed stand-up at Footlights Smokers. Meanwhile he has been very successful academically Zack and achieved a First Class in Part IIb Philosophy, designed sound for Simons Astrakhan Winter and is the Arts Editor for Varsity. His heroes include Daniel Gonville and Caius, 3rd year, Kitson, Sufjan Stevens, F. Scott English 2.1, Oundle , from Fitzgerald, Graham Greene, Truman Capote and Kazuo Ishiguro. He wants Sheffield to be a novelist. Greg Aldous Bertram,Trinity, 2nd Year Cook Being Cambridge’s hottest property since Lord Byron cannot be an easy Queens’, 4th year, PGCE student title to live up to. With his British spin on Abercrombie chic, Aldous makes a from London Simon stereotypical style his own and sports Bird a love-to-hate-it brand of Pitt Club Queen’s, 3rd year, English, Royal Grammar School, arrogance to help him pull it off. Likely to wear: a pout and a shaggy from Guildford barnet The President of Footlights, Simon co-wrote the 2004 Footlights Pantomime Great Expectations; co-wrote and Born in Florida, Zack moved to starred in the 2005 Footlights Tour Show, under the blue blue Sheffield when he was three (“a bit moon; starred in Diagnosis with Nick Mohammed; wrote of a step down to be honest”). He is sketches for ITV, and won the Harry Porter Prize and the a director whose shows have never 2004 TCS/Varsity award for new student writing for his first failed to draw a large audience, play, Daddy’s Dead. He’s performed stand-up across Britain regardless of whether he is staging and America, but narrowly made it into this list as many Pinter or Panto. His favourite pro- attributed the critical slammings of the recent footlights duction has been My Fair Lady. Zack tour show to his overly-ambitious comic style. was the director and co-writer of Daddy’s Dead, which received the 2004 Harry Porter Memorial Prize. He also won the Varsity/TCS 2004 award for new student writing. Zack directed Diagnosis, which Greg began playing after he met fel- transferred to the Hen and low bandmates Sleepwalker in their Chickens theatre in London, and he Bill Greenwood, Emmanuel, 2nd Year Freshers’ Week at Queens’. Ever regularly writes and performs for A foxy delicate boy with perfectly bal- since, they have never looked back James Footlights. He is pragmatic about anced features, Bill graced the Varsity and over the last three years have directing: “You choose the piece, fashion page last term with effortless undoubtedly become one of the most Dacre you put in far, far too many hours, style. Clean lines and always looking popular student bands in Cambridge. Jesus, 3rd year, days and weeks into it, and the pay- fine, with a 26 inch waist, don’t let this off is a pretty desperate sense of On the back of two EPs, they have Theology 1st, waif slip through your fingers. only just released their first self-pro- nervousness on opening nights. But Most likely to wear: his girlfriend’s Eton, from East it's a pretty wonderful thing.” He duced album, which has sold spec- skinny jeans tacularly well. All in all, they have Sussex would like to make the leap from sold over a thousand CDs in Cambridge to the West End and on Cambridge alone. Beginning as a Retiring Varsity edi- to Hollywood like Sam Mendes, but covers band playing the college cir- tor who dramatically he’s not absolutely sure that he will cuit, they soon began penning and relaunched the paper be trying to get into drama profes- rehearsing their own material, and and now presides sionally: “Too few jobs, too many have played at non-university ven- over the Varsity talented people, too little chance of ues in Cambridge, including several Society. James has success.” events for Amnesty International at directed extensively Clare Cellars. They have broken onto in theatre, opera and the London gig circuit with perform- dance at the ADC, ances at the Barfly and Camden’s Arts Theatre and Cambridge Union and his inter-disciplinary Dublin Castle, but have shunned work has been described by the national press as “The best acted several offers of recording contracts student show I have seen in a very long time” (Observer), “thor- so far in favour of a few more years oughly professional, and at a very high standard”(British Theatre Jon Lopez, King’s, 3rd Year of academia and pleasing their wide, Guide) and “Absolutely Unmissable,” (BBC). James has champi- cross-college fanbase in Cambridge. oned new writing in a theatre scene that favours well-established With a razor sharp haircut, this rock There are high hopes for works, and taken two multi-award-nominated plays to the ‘n’ roll master certainly cuts edge. In Sleepwalker being one of those rari- Edinburgh Fringe, where he returns this year with a profession- his element on stage with The ties: the Cambridge student band al production at the Traverse, Scotland’s New Writing Theatre. Boomslangs, wearing filthy plimsolls who really do achieve commercial James won the College Theology prize, ran the Visual Arts and a moody stare. success and retain their integrity. Society and the Cambridge Student Art exhibition, exhibiting Most likely to wear: his own skinny with both, and played University Rugby. jeans 4 Varsity 100 Creative Arts 20.01.06

Joe Johnny Thomas Sweet

Pembroke, 3rd Year, History 2.1, Pembroke, 3rd Year, English 2.1, Mirror, King Edward VI Grammar Nottingham High School, from Mirror School, from Chelmsford Nottingham Footlights Vice-President Most Stylish girls and perennial on-stage funny-man to Joe Thomas’ straight man, most notably in last term’s The Future. Creator of News King for the Varsity Satire pages, he co-direct- Joe is best known for his sketch comedy ed the controvserial cabaret Dan Mansell with Jonny Sweet, both at Footlights Seashells, Hell’s Belles and a Brawl on Smokers and in The Future, which tri- Brighton Beach at the Union, and Lucy Minyo, King’s, 2nd Year Queens’, 3rd Year, English 2.1, Colne Primet High umphed last year. He also played the starred in Beyond a Joke, the 2004 She is the feline slinker with an inex- School, from South Wales title role in last year’s Evelyn Budden: Auc- Footlights Tour Show. According to haustible selection of vintage dresses. tioneer, the 2004 Footlights Pantomime, The director of the 2006 Footlights National Tour. Dan per- the Evening Standard, he had “a pup- High waists and skinny belts suit her and co-wrote and co-directed Progress, formed in last year’s tour show, under the blue, blue moon, and pyish charm”. Now an old dog, he best although she is partial to a thermal the 2005 Footlights Spring Revue. An is a regular writer/performer at Footlights Smokers and May still constantly surprises with new vest. Catch her wriggling to electro in absurdist comedian who may prove too Balls. He has also tackled fifteen challenging dramatic parts tricks. super silken skirts.Miaow. clever for the Edinburgh audience he while in Cambridge, including James in The Morning After Opti- Likely to wear: a directional haircut will face this summer. mism and Davies in The Caretaker. Tim Smith-Laing Henry Lydia James Day Wilson Pallister

Trinity, 1st Year of PhD, Queens’, 3rd Year, English 2.1, Fitzwilliam, Graduate, SPS 2.1, Classics, Downside, from Bath Henrietta Barnet School, from New College Durham, from London Durham Has played lead roles in numer- ous prominent Phoebe Arnold, Downing, 3rd Year productions A willowy and delicate creature, Phoebe including two has an unpretentious purity to her. successive Phoebe is a porcelain, sinewy girl and Marlowe reminds us of what we loved about Society shows Pembroke, 2nd Year, English 2.1, Twiggy in a more contemporary way. at Cambridge Tonbridge, from Kent Much more at home locked safely away Arts Theatre, Tim has “only really been alive since in a cabinet than trashing herself at the 2004 ETG he came to Cambridge,” though he Kambar. tour of Romeo and Juliet, and Peter Pan won some prizes before, like being a Likely to wear: her white fur at the Edinburgh fringe. She directed runner-up in “Tower Poetry” one Suddenly Last Summer at the ADC (“a year and a “Foyle Young Poet of the completely stunning production” - James is editor of Meat magazine, the Year” in 2005. With his newfound Varsity). Also an artist with an unmis- winner of the Guardian student media vitality he performs as a standup Co-editor of this year’s Mays and takable style, contributing illustra- awards and dedicated to “non wanky comic and actor, and also designed President of the Trinity College tions to Meat and Varsity. Always a arts coverage.” The magazine is being the publicity for Ghosts, while still Literary Society. Has contributed to compelling actress, her most memo- extended and relaunched next month, pouring out his heart on to paper at the London Review of Books, Q, the rable performance was her silent one sourcing material from across the uni- frequent and inspired intervals. Times, and the Independent on Sunday. in Cigarettes and Chocolate. versity. James also edited the latest Regarded as one of the university’s Oxford and Cambridge Careers Handbook. finest writers. Peter Foggitt

Quentin Jones, Fitzwilliam, 3rd Year Quentin owns an old school mystery. One part gypsy chic, two parts sultry temptress; it ‘s a potent cocktail.She has a simplicity and verve in her self-styling that she picked up from her time as a model. Embellishes with a wink and a shimmy on the tiles. Likely to wear: expensive underwear

King’s, 3rd Year, Music 2.1, Chetham's School of Music, from Dunbar Peter is well-known throughout Cambridge as a pianist, composer and singer of great talent. No piano Tommy is safe from his marauding fingers. Compositions include music for the Hewitt-Jones Footlights pantomimes Spartacus and Gonville and Caius, 3rd Year, Music 2.1, Great Expectations, two piano concer- Dulwich College, from Dulwich Anna O’Grady, Homerton, 2nd Year tos and a completion of Mozart’s Requiem. As a pianist he has recent- A composer to watch - Tommy was the Senior Winner of the 2003 Anna’s ice queen demeanour ensures ly performed concertos by Ravel and BBC Proms/Guardian Young Composer Competition and Principal she stays cool under the glare of the Prokofiev, yet his recitals often Composer of NYO in 2004/5. His compositions have been widely spotlight. A scene stealer on King’s include a second-half where he will feted and include performances at St John’s Smith Square and on Parade and at the ADC, she has an uni- improvise on audience submitted the South Bank.He has worked with ensembles such as The Britten versal look that gives her a star quality in themes ranging ‘from Blackadder to Sinfonia, Sounds Positive, the NYO Sinfonietta and members of the the now. Uber-Hollywood. Briney’ - don’t miss him as Orchestra of the Royal Opera House. . Currently Organ Scholar at Likely to wear: a show-stopping ball Caius College, Tommy's recent projects include a commission for gown, perfect for the red carpet Antonion in the upcoming CUSO production of Figaro. the BBC Proms and perfecting his vocal imitation of the Caius fire alarm system. 20.01.06 100 Creative Arts Varsity 5

Tom Kingsley Adam Welch

Pembroke, 3rd Year, English 1st, Hampton, London Mirror, Single-hand- edly raised the Mirror bar for student theatre public- ity with his Most Stylish girls beautiful poster designs for What The Butler Saw, Morning After Optimism, Comedy of Errors, Oleanna Gonville & Caius, 2nd Year, and Ismene. Directed a wild and visually stunning production of English Prelim, Eton, from London Brecht’s Baal at the ADC. Acted in East, The Morning After Optimism, and, Directed Dead Funny and Kafka’s at the Edinburgh Fringe, Peter Pan Dick, co-wrote Our Darker Purpose Caroline and Astrakhan Winter. Varsity’s Chief and produced The Future. Regularly Williams Designer and Associate Editor this involved in publicity design for term, Adam adds style to everything shows, his website for the Fitzwilliam, 3rd Year, English 2.1, Marlborough, he touches. He also DJs around Fooglights 2005 Pantomime was a from London Cambridge regularly and plays bass triumph. He is also a regular writer in Los Bandidos. and performer for the Footlights A quietly excellent presence on the Cambridge drama scene, only committing to Flora Joll, King’s, 3rd Year Smokers and Varsity Literature projects that she believes in rather than acting for acting’s A modern English rose with artless ele- Editor. He was heavily involved in sake. Throughout 2003 Caroline devised theatre and participated in the running of Ben gance, Flora has adopted staples into the re-design of Varsity and will be various acting workshops in Cape Town’s townships. In 2004 she won best short her wardrobe and infused them with a Associate Editor this term. He will film in an East Anglia competition. In Cambridge she has played the Sillis slouch that makes her the type of hand- also co-direct The Circus, the 2006 lead roles in several shows including Vivienne Bearing in Wit and some, strong minded woman that Britain Footlights Spring Revue, his third Mrs Venable in Suddenly Last Summer. As part of a group that devised the loves to boast about. play with the Trinity of Toms. ADC show Eveline Syndrome for the Young Dublin Fringe Festival she was nominat- Robinson, 2nd Year, History Likely to wear: men’s y-fronts ed for the best actress award for her performance at that festival. Prelim, Drayton Manor School, from Ealing Simon Jon Amy Ben is the new editor of TCS. Hicks Swaine Goodwin Having started writing news Robinson, 4th Year, Engineering Selwyn, 3rd Year, SPS 2.1, Kings, 2nd Year, History Prelim, and film reviews 2.1, Royal Grammar School, King Edward VI Grammar Headington School, from Oxford for both Varsity High Wycombe, from Marlow, School, from Chelmsford and TCS, he Buckinghamshire Set to co-edit Incoming Co- became Deputy Varsity this Editor of Varsity, News Editor and subsequently News term, Jon has Amy’s rise Editor of TCS in Michaelmas term 2005. devoted many through the Ben also writes for numerous film web- long evenings ranks has been sites, reviewing DVDs and new releases to the cause in meteoric: from with the ultimate aim of becoming a film Georgie Fozzard, Fitzwilliam, 2nd his previous lowly new- journalist. As well as his work on Year roles as shound to top Cambridge’s student press, Ben also Features Editor dog in under a year. The fiery redhead Georgie has a laissez faire way with recently represented the University in the clothes that disregards fashion and and Music Editor.A JCR activist proved a Chief News Editor to be reck- varsity Taekwondo match. at Selwyn, he served a successful oned with, breaking shocking drugs, bur- seems to stem from an inner intuition year as Ents Officer in 2004, and glary, and CUSU stories and a few hearts that makes her sensual but never brash. then as Vice-President in 2005. along the way. Often glimpsed out jog- Tim Her doll-like features are complemented When not posting on the JCR ging in the early morning, the former by a hard, sensible edge and provoking forum, he also found time to run KCSU exec member also ran a museum conversation. Dickinson Likely to wear: something floaty Seen as Cambridge’s brightest theatrical the Selwyn Snowball in 2004 and in France for a summer. Many have technician, Simon’s extensive lighting play a mean defence for the col- Amy’s photo habit to thank for capturing design credits include Little Shop of Hor- lege first XI football team. those moments they never want to forget. rors (“impressive lighting” - Varsity) and Trinity, 3rd Year, Music 2.1, Utopia Unlimited (“attractively illuminat- Eton, from Essex ed” - The Cornishman) at the Minack Theatre. “To an audience, most of what the lighting designer does is subcon- scious, but if the lighting is right then it should enhance the production.” Aaron Rosen Natalie Kroener, Trinity, 1st Year Pembroke, PhD, Jewish Studies, Bridget Bardot-esque, pouty, come- Bowdoin College, from hither, killer curves, Lolita...these are just Pittsfield, Maine, USA some of the cliches that do this first year beauty absolutely no justice. She sticks to conservative and pretty pieces that prove that allure is more about what you cover up. Likely to wear: a pea-coat and a smile

A passionate, Batman-loving per- former, composer, and consumer of music, equally at home in classical and Olly popular settings. He’s sung leading parts (quite often as the Devil) in sev- Wainwright eral operas and, until last term, the Kate Ward, Pembroke, 3rd Year prestigious Trinity Chapel Choir. He’s Kate expensively makes cheap look Co-President of the Cambridge King’s, 3rd Year, Architecture 2.1, Benton Park School, also led enchanting folk collective expensive. The Queen of sample sales Student Art Exhibition 2004, and from Leeds Elephant Juice and the now-defunct with an eye for the fashion classic. heavily involved the year before. One Dedicated himself to making Cambridge more beautiful. Designed epic rock quartet the Favourite Game. Kate enjoys spinning the wheels of of the university’s authorities on con- the 2005 Arts and Sports Review and the first issue of Contraband, as Look out for his new band Enamel. steel to ska, checking out her bopping temporary arts, particularly modern well as helping with the redesign of Varsity. Heavily involved in the He’s also acted in plays including A crowd from behind timeless aviators. Jewish painters like Marc Chagall, 2005 Cambridge Student Exhibition, contributor to Meat, and Midsummer Night’s Dream and Camera Likely to wear: costume jewellery Philip Guston, and R.B. Kitaj. designer of publicity for numerous ents and plays. Obscura. 6 Varsity100 Sport 20.01.06

Catherine Nicolaas Tubb Alberts

Churchill, PhD Organic Hughes Hall, 3rd Year, Chemistry, Oxford High School, Economics 3rd, Afrikaanse from Whitney Hoen-Seunsskool, from Pretoria

CLUBS & SOCIETIES

Catherine has a number of firsts to her name. She competed in the Phyllis first Female Varsity boxing match, Agbo became the first female boxer to win a Blue, and is now the first The Ferretz Trinity, 2nd Year, Natural Sciences 3rd, The Grey female President of the Boxing President: Craig Bennett Club. She has a fight record of one Membership: involves obscene Coat Hospital from Chelsea, London Nicolaas has a Blue in three different win and one loss and reached the sports; Rugby, Cricket and Athletics. He drunkenness, watersports and excessive Phyllis is one to watch with real Olympic potential. She is cur- semi finals of the British University homo-eroticism has been key to Cambridge Rugby over rently ranked 12th in the UK in the heptathlon despite her age Boxing Championships and has Motto: “Happy and Free” and is ranked 6th at u23 level. She has also furthered her repu- the last two years and has played Location: The Church in London, also represented Cambridge Tigers provincial Rugby for Western Province, which is followed by Bagpackers bar tation by finishing 4th in 2005 in an u23 competition against (Women’s 2nd XV) rugby side, France and Spain, and then 5th against Russia and France. At Natal, The Northern Bulls, L’Aquilla near Kings Cross Station, with its den- playing in the last three Varsity (Italy) and Landsdowne (Ireland). He tist’s chair, and then back to u20 level, she was also ranked in the top ten for three individ- matches. Cambridge, Milton Brewery or just ual events including shot put, 100m hurdles and long jump. In has also featured in a World XV against round Cambridge - usually on Cuppers Athletics in Cambridge, she set a new undergraduate Italy in 2001 and played 7’s for Caesarean Sunday. Tours to record, winning 5 events, including her personal favourite, the Springbok Rugby. In Athletics, he won Oktoberfest in Germany 110m hurdles. the Drake Digby Memorial Trophy, Colours/Costume: their initiation awarded for best performance in the themes have included Native Blues Varsity Match, and the Paul Americans and Smurfs Jennifer Alex Claire Gomme Trophy, awarded for the best Most likely to say: performance in a throwing event from “What shall we call ourselves?” Lees Mugan Hollingsworth “What about the Weasles?” any of the men’s or women’s Varsity “Nah – we need something more Robinson, 3rd Year, Medicine Matches. He has also played Cricket for Girton, 3rd Year, History 2.1, Newnham, 2nd Year, Engineering South Africa in an African Cricket Cup. edgy.” 3rd, Craigholme School from “What about the Ferrets?” Mount Carmel R.C. High School, 2.1, Aylesbury High School, from “Let’s spell it with a ‘z’.” Glasgow from Accrington Haddenham “Fuck me, you’re the dogs bollocks,let’s go and play a sport.” Jennifer played Alex is the cur- Manager and in the last two rent captain of captain of the Varsity hockey the Cambridge women’s uni- matches for football 1st XI, versity football Cambridge and having won the team, is currently BUSA league Hollingsworth captain of the with the team in is a consistently side for 2005 - 2004 and made impressive per- 2006. She has over 50 appear- former in the a hockey ances for the centre of coaching award and was selected to side. He won defence and has represent Scotland at u18 level in the club’s “Clubman of the Year” award previously been scouted by Arsenal. A 2002 and 2003. She also has qualifi- for 2005 and has been invited to trial beaten finalist in last year’s Cuppers The Hawks’ cations in Skiing, windsurfing, sailing President: Steffen Buschbacher, and for the English Universities side. Alex is final with Newnham, she has bounced and kayaking and a penchant for also Vice President of Girton College back to lead her team to the top of the the Secretary is Carl Bradshaw muffins. Membership: must have earned a JCR. He supports Blackburn Rovers and university rankings in a summer tour- Full Blue, Half Blue or University believes that England will win the nament in Cheshire in 2005. Her tal- Second Team Colours by representing Natalie World Cup. ents also extend to karate, where she the University against Oxford in your has achieved 5th Kyu in Kyokushinkai. chosen sport. Prospective members McGoldrick must be proposed by a member of the current committee, seconded, and nominated by at least six other mem- bers. They are then elected at a com- Charlie mittee meeting in the style of a tradi- tional English gentlemen's club. Desmond Members are admitted for life Dr. Tom Location: Portugal Place, est. 1991 Girton, 3rd Year, Land Economy Edwards Colours/Costume: Cambridge blue 2.1, Haileybury, from Hertford Most likely to say: “The Hawks’ is widely regarded as Cambridge's pre- Gonville & Caius, PhD Medical mier drinking society but this label Genetics, The Friends school, does not do it justice. The club is a thriving community of distinguished from Cambridge, Tasmania sportsmen and with its palatial club- house is more of a ‘dining’ than ‘drinking’ society.” Tom has been Did you know? When contacted, President of the the Hawks club spent almost 1000 Cambridge words talking about Rumboogie, their University Boat “Boatrace” drinking competition, and Club since May the fact that they have been banned 2005. He was a from holding their cocktail parties in member of the any venue in the whole of Cambridge Churchill, 5th Year,Veterinary VIII in last before claiming that, although some Medicine 2.1, Portsmouth High year’s Varsity may have “the impression the club has boat race and School from Horndean won the Canal Cup with Cambridge, a drinking culture,” - (What? Why?!) Charlie plays on the wing for - “in actual fact the club and its mem- Natalie is currently top of the British beating international crews from the Student Rider leader board having won Cambridge’s rugby team and scored the USA, Netherlands, Germany and Great bers are much more concerned with match saving try for Cambridge in the Varsity the World University Equestrian Britain. He has previously represented celebrating the fine traditions of 2003 Varsity match. Although he was sport.” Championships in 2005. She also won Australia twice while at university individual gold for showjumping at the an unused substitute in 2004, he has there and has also made appearances Student Rider Nations Cup and attained been a key figure in 2005. He was also for Tasmania. overall Silver. She has captained the a member of the Cambridge Athletics Cambridge riding team since 2004, team, running the 200m and 4x100 winning the BUSA Nationals in 2004. metre relay in the Varsity match 2005. She is now shortlisted for the World When not playing Rugby, Charlie is University Equestrian Championships almost certainly watching sport or lis- 2006 to defend her title. She was in the tening to Hip Hop- with Kanye West Varsity Talent list in 2005 and was and The Neptunes on his ipod. selected as Varsity’s sportsperson of the year in the Sports and Arts Review. 20.01.06 Sport Varsity100 7

Jonny Lorna Clubs & Societies Ufton Collins

St. Edmunds Girton, 3rd year, Natural sciences, 3rd year, Geography 2.1, 2.1, King’s College, Taunton, Whitgift from Chiswick from Amesbury

Jonny has Lorna proved played in the she was a last three “tough guy” in Varsity match- the 2005 com- es, playing a petition of the key role in their same name, but The Caesarians 2005 win at looking at the President: Richard Bartholomew Twickenham. sports she com- Membership: sporting prowess Jonny has also petes in, its Motto: “Peace, Love and Joy” represented clear she Location: Jesus College England at dif- deserves her Colours/Costume: purple togas, ferent levels reputation. A purple, brown and white ties including county standard Most Likely to say: “Keen or Schools, Colts swimmer and Gay?” (U-19), U-21s previous winner of the Wessex cross Did you know? Despite the basis for and Students. country champion, she also dabbles in membership being an “undefinable He has made hockey, netball and sailing, and none quality”, the list of desirable factors – over 100 of these are her sport of choice. She is including “sporting prowess”, “physical appearances for Wasps, winning the president of the Women’s Boat Club, stature”, and “the gift of the gab” – can Courage league with them in 1996 and and finished 4th in the National lead us to a reasonable definition of 1997 and the Tetley Bitter Cup in 2000. Rowing Championships in 2005. Lorna that quality: being a jock. And, need- He has also played Cricket for Kent and was inspired by Cath Bishop, the less to say, we can read “an ability to Surrey at junior levels and played for Ed Athens silver medalist, but sees herself socialise in a group” as “the ability to the Cambridge Crusaders in their Carter in a lab coat and not a row boat in her intimidate other people in a club or bar Varsity Match in 2005. future career. by speaking loudly, doing manly St. Edmunds, 3rd Year, SPS 2.2, King’s School, things, laughing obnoxiously at repre- hensible jokes and acting like plonkers Parramatta from Sydney in a group.” The Caesarians hold an Paolo Ed Carter is the current captain of Cambridge University’s annual event called Caesarian Sunday, rugby team. He played as both centre and full back in the vic- Sebastian which is the bank holiday Sunday in Natali torious Cambridge side in last year’ Varsity match at May, held on Jesus Green, and Twickenham. Before coming to Cambridge, Ed had played for Thormann involves a ten-minute fight against the Christs, 2nd Year, History 1st, Australian Schoolboys, Australian u19s, Australian Girton Green Monsters. It is apparently Universities and Australian 7s, captaining the latter in 2003. He Peterhouse 1st year, MPhil in “widely regarded as the best day of the Liceoseientifico A. Righi school, has also played for NSW Waratahs Super 12 Squad and U.S.A.P medical sciences, Dietrich drinking society calendar.” from Bologna, Italy (Perpignan), France. Interestingly, despite his numerous career highlights he maintains his most memorable to be the sight of Bonhoeffer, from Wertheim, fellow Varsity 100 sportsman Nic Alberts in tight, white shorts. Germany Paolo has been Ed is a Wasps fan and names Stu Eru, former captain of a central figure CURUFC, as the rugby player he admires the most, adding that Sebastian is an in the “Eru shows that people of all shapes and sizes can play great international Cambridge Hare rugby.” rower and had and Hounds won 15 (cross country) national for the past two German years and won National Blues in both Championship years. In 2005 titles before he came second in the Varsity match, starting but was the fastest Cambridge runner. Cambridge in The Kids He also won a Blue in athletics where October 2005. President: Laura McIntyre he came first in the 1500 and 5000 His numerous- Membership: 10 meters, both on the same day. He has rowing acco- Location: Downing College also competed regularly in the 1500 lades include a Colours/Costume: none meters and 3000 steeplechase in the bronze medal Motto: “Banter, booze and boys” Italian Senior Championships. with the coxless four at the World Most likely to say: “I’m going Championships in 2003. He was also a to talk about a “strawpedo” member of the German coxless four because I know you don’t know that finished 7th in the 2004 Olympics. what one is and I want to intimi- He has already helped Cambridge to date you because words are all I Catherine victory in the Canal Cup in Rendsburg, have,” or, “How many girls can a title he won four times in Germany. drink two pints in 16 seconds or Gunn strawpedo faster than the blink of an eye?” To which we reply, “not many” and “Ladies, are you Alex happy in yourselves?” Gillen

Magdalene 5th year, Veterinary Medicine 2.2, Berkhamsted James Collegiate, from Tring Chervak Jesus, 3rd Year, Law 2.1, Ashville College from Harrogate, North Yorkshire James won the one-day Varsity cricket match for Cambridge almost single Downing Patricians handedly after scoring 40 runs from 40 President: Tom Godwin balls, including the winning runs. He has Membership: 15 people a first class average of 37 , modelling his Location: The Cricketers Churchill, 5th Year, Veterinary batting on Brian Lara, even though he Colours/Costumes: green, Medicine 2.1, Portsmouth High himself is right-handed. Before coming magenta and black to Cambridge, he had a contract with School from Horndean Most likely to say: “Awesome” Yorkshire County Cricket Club. He rep- Alex has played rugby for Cambridge Did you know? Banned from resented England at u15 level and was Catherine has been captain of women’s team at both XV’s and 7’s, talking to girls before 11pm on their also selected as captain of the Jesus Cambridge’s Tennis team for her sec- playing in four Varsity matches. She weekly Friday night outings, the rugby team for 2004/5 season, although ond year, playing as Number 1 and has also played in the BUSA semi-final ‘Pats’ are famed for their entertain- a back injury stopped him from leading lead the team to victory in last year’s for rugby. In addition, she has also the team on the field. When not playing sport, James is usual- ing skills at their annual banquet. Varsity match. She came 2nd in the played in three Varsity matches in ly tuced away in his room, watching Friends. Despite having Strongly linked to the Downing individual BUSA lacrosse, but her chief sport is dressage, rugby team, aspiring freshers are the obvious potential to be a college pin-up, he maintains an where she has competed in the British tennis champi- put through their paces on the aura of mystery amongst the Jesus womenfolk. u21 championships and came second onships and has notorious annual pub crawl before been invited on in the British Dressage Winter being thoroughly tested during the a tour of the US Championships. Funnily enough it was year prior to a two day-long initia- with the British bad luck that introduced her to dres- Universities ten- sage, when her horse was injured tion procedure. They have their nis team. while eventing, forcing her to switch own “Green Goddess” cocktail, and disciplines. it’s cheap and disgusting. 8 Varsity100 Academia 20.01.06 the iGEM Group

The team entered the International Genetically Engineered Machine (IGEM) competition organized by MIT. The event attracted teams from all over the world to design and make machines made entirely from biological components. Over the summer they designed, constructed and tested a machine to control bacterial chemo- taxis with a flipping DNA switch activated by a pulse. The team were awarded the prize for “best data and visu- als” and articles about their success were published in Nature magazine and Cambridge’s BlueSci. CLUBS & SOCIETIES Eva James Cheng Godman

Girton, PhD, Engineering, Magdalene, Natural Ningbo foreign language school, Sciences 2.1, Ningbo, China Haywards Heath College, West Sussex

Eva is very James is planning to The Swallows interested in apply for a place on a President: Nienke Patel. international PhD course. He has a Membership: 11 Russell student support show on CUR1350, Location: Selwn/The Maypole in Cambridge Cambridge’s student Colours: Black / Pink. Brown and currently radio station Motto: “It’d be rude not to” co-Chairs Most Likely to Say: “Look at me, Christ Church (Oxford), PhD, Chemistry 2.1, Hills Road ICUSU. She has look at me, I’m so drunk, look at Sixth Form College, Cambridge also parachuted me. Please. Please. Look at me. I’m for charity. Eva not kidding: look at me. Look at me Russell was awarded Best Master of Ceremonies at the iGEM is planning to work to promote some more now please. Ta. No do it Jambouree and is planning to return to Cambridge to study medicine. iGEM in China. She is also interest- again. Did you stop looking at me? ed in travel, reading photography, Because I want you to look at me. karate and badminton. I’m drunk, and not at all in an iron- ic way. just drunk. Look at me.” They are most likely to be seen Chris James wearing ‘smiles, sparkles and skirts’ and ‘out their livers. Their motto, Field Brown ‘It’d be rude not to’ has replaced previous incarnations ‘’scuse fin- gers,’ ‘does anyone know the way Gonville & Caius, 3rd Year, Downing, 4th Year, Engineering to the soviet embassy’ and ‘could Engineering,2.1, from Oundle 2.1, from Worcester you pass the colman’s english mus- tard, thanks’. Chris was on the University James is the Challenge team social secretary which is for Downing appearing in Football Club. the current He is planning series, reaching to apply for a the quarter- PhD in molecu- finals. He is also lar Genetics Alice a Master Assassin and won the within Plant Assassins’ Guild Lent 2005 game. He is Sciences. He is Young The Porcupines currently applying for a PhD in currently in President: Craig Bennett Systems Biology with the Engineering contention for Gonville & Caius, Natural Sciences 2.1, King’s College, Membership: To be eligible to join, Department in Cambridge, looking to iGEM European from Taunton Ambassador an individual must have either repre- do research in this new area of science. Alice is planning a career in developmental biology. sented the University in a Varsity 2006. match or played two college sports at Cuppers standard. Following a vote by current members a shortlist is nar- rowed down to two or three candi- dates who will then be initiated. Location: Sidney Sussex College Colours/Costume: None ing study of the Farasan Islands, Red Most Likely to say: “Imbibe” or David Annelise Sea and taking part in the production Bengt “Consequently two policemen on of an Atlas of the Amirantes, an bikes backed up withtwo riot vans Butterfield Hagan island group in the western Indian Cousins Jenvey came to check out the situation on Ocean. Annelise is also a keen under- Jesus Green which didn’t look too St Catherine’s, Geography, PhD, water photographer and was recently great considering both participants placed 4th in the Beginner's Portfolio were passed out and covered in their Wycombe Abbey, Berkshire competition of the 'British Society of own vomit!!” Underwater Photographers'. Having com- pleted her PhD in November 2004 on a very topical issue – Catriona the health of coral reefs, Dr Silvey Annelise Hagan has recently com- Corpus Christi, English The Cobblers Christ’s, 3rd year, Classics, *1st, pleted a 9 month post-doc and has Literature, 1st, Repton School, Lancaster Royal Grammar School, been engaged in examining post Glasgow President: Henry Ellis from Great Strickland, Cumbria tsunami damage in the Indian Ocean. Sidney Sussex, 3rdYear, Membership: To join you have to be Annelise, currently with the depart- Architecture. 2.1, Southend entertaining and show strength of David has won numerous prizes, ment of Geography’s Cambridge High School for Boys, Essex character. including the Craven scholarship, all Coastal Research Unit, is at the fore- Location: Trinity College and Mitre four Browne Medals and the Porson front of research into reef degrada- Considered an “outstanding” architec- Colours: Pink and Blue, with a Prize, and has come top in the Tripos tion and regeneration. Her PhD has ture student, Bengt is co-president of golden boot on the tie. both years with high starred firsts. Yet it been one of the few studies which ArcSoc, the student Architecture soci- Initiation: a minimum of 8 pints his work outside the confines of the syl- have tracked in detail reef recovery ety, alongside George Rhys Jones. He (up to 20) in two hours,followed by labus that marks him out: he founded in the western Indian Ocean follow- has been at the helm of several high- hedgejumping into St John’s. The (and edits) 'Opellae', an undergraduate ing ecosystem collapse on coral profile projects, including the first stu- inititees then drink two pints of Classics journal (available in the UL), bleaching in 1998. Last year Annelise dent exhibition at the Royal Institute has worked on the Greek Lexicon ‘Cobble’(1/3 Vodka, 1/3 Port, 1/3 was the chief scientist on an expedi- of British Architects and the installa- Project, and was elected as the youngest tion ‘Supper-market’ at the 2005 Guiness) in a darkened room with tion to assess immediate post-tsuna- Catriona was awarded the Betha member to date of the Cambridge Deptford X exhibition with the Berlin- Wagner’s ‘The ride of the Valkyries’ mi impacts in the southern Wolferstan Rylands Prize for the best Philological Society. His primary interest Seychelles and later in the year she based group Pankof Bank. This proj- in the background. overall tripos result in Part I English. lies in textual criticism, and here he helped co-ordinate reef damage She has also been awarded the ect, which received funding from the It’s hard not to warm to the cob- often works on matters unconnected assessments in Banda Aceh. In 2006, Gaylord Donnelley Exchange British Arts Council, included a farm, a blers. They seem slightly ashamed to with the Tripos with various academics. through her work for the Khaled bin Scholarship for a year’s postgraduate restaurant, a school and a laboratory, be a drinking society. One of our Most noteworthy, however, is his infec- Sultan Living Oceans Foundation, study at the University of Chicago and and culminated in a public feast each favourites. tious enthusiasm for Classics, a boon to she will be organising a reef monitor- is interested in creative writing. night Bengt wants to go into time- a subject often viewed as staid. based architecture. 20.01.06 Academia Varsity100 9 CLUBS & SOCIETIES Theo Stewart Creber McTavish

St. John’s, 3rd Year, Architecture, 1st, Latimer, London Peterhouse, Engineering, MPhil 2.1, Dubai College, from Tireless presi- Bellshill, Scotland dent of Architecture When Stewart Sans Frontieres: first graduated The Pitt Club organised the he wasn't President: Prof. David Watkin first ASF sum- enthused by the Membership: Non-specific mer graduate Location: The Pitt Club, Jesus Lane school at Rupert recruitment Colours/Costume: Hampshire half the Eden events or the change Project Russell idea of corporate Most likely to say: “You can find and set up links life so he set up me at the club”. with other uni- a small IT con- Jesus, 3rd Year, SPS, 1st*, Westminster School for sulting business. He has since returned 100 members from across the uni- versities/organ- versity enjoy a lavish clubhouse com- isations. Boys, London to the university to help other entre- preneurs. He has gone on to become plete with bar and dining room. Rupert has come top of his class every year so far (Part I and President and Famous for their parties and Sunday Tom Part IIA), earned a First with Distinction both years and won currently Chairman of CUE. In the dinners. The Pitt Club describe their every prize you could possibly win, both in the Faculty and process he has set up a national net- standard member as “male, ugly and Whyntie at Jesus (the Part IIA Prize for the best overall performance work of student enterprise clubs, chuffed.” Presumably because they in Sociology and Psychology in the second year; two changed the £50k to the current consider themselves so rich that they Scholarships from Jesus for his results in Part I and Part IIA; CUEBiC and been asked to speak at could describe themselves as “turds two Benefactor's Prizes for being among the seven who events as far away as Iran about wrapped in a bow” and people achieved the best results in the College in Part I and in Part student enterprise. He is currently would still shag them. IIA; and two Malthus Prizes, which are reserved for the two working on national enterprise best exam performances in the social sciences and economics policy as well as starting two new students at Jesus). companies. Ben Maddox

Catz Whiskers President: Charly Lester Sidney Sussex, 3rd year, NatSci 1st, Membership:Only the cutest of lit- tle pussy cats are allowed anywh- St Vincent’s College, from here near this bowl of cream. Titchfield, Hampshire Location: Old Orleans Last November, Tom entered and won the Colours/Costume: Black ties with UK and Ireland’s Institute of Physics a small pink cat Undergraduate Lecture Competition, Most likely to say: “You’re tread- which was held in Dublin. He spoke for 20 ing on my tail” minutes on fundamental particle physics, An amalgamation of the Purrfect which related to the research he had done Girls and Puss in Boots, the Catz over the summer at the Institute Laue- Jesus, 4th Year, Biochemistry Jude Whiskers use their large member- Langevin, France. His success means that MSci, 1st, from Voorburg, ship to ensure that they get around he will represent the UK and Ireland at the Netherlands Gomila more than just about any other International Conference of Physics Gonville & Caius, 4th year, Engineering, 2.1, society. Sporting little back dresses Students, which takes place later this year In his Part II project Ben contributed Dr Challoner’s Grammar School, London and big black whiskers, their in Romania. Tom has played the double significantly to the discovery of a cousins the AlleyCatz, achieved bass with the Cambridge University Jazz sequence in collagen III which is Jude believes he has an “incredible drive”, something that he has notoriety by being featured in the Orchestra and edited his college magazine. important in the onset of thrombosis used to initiate a number of entrepreneurial projects. Half national press cavorting around the He is currently Vice Chair of the Cambridge and will be used to develop new Gibraltarian, he was part of the ConnetEase team that reached college in bin bags and nothing else. University Physics Society, on the Board of anti-thrombotic drugs. Other results the final of the ‘50k’ competition with a technology that reduces Soon to include the SophistiCatz as the Faculty of Physics and Chemistry, and from his project were also published the risk of infection and discomfort for kidney dialysis users. well, they put on a hugely popular a student representative on the East Anglia in a Journal of Biological Chemistry Having previously won the Integrated Design Project at the summer garden party at St Chad's Branch of the Institute of Physics. Tom’s paper. He is currently planning a Engineering Department and occasionally working as marketing and can be found conducting initia- ultimate goal is to work at CERN, the PhD, but is also interested in moving officer for CUE, his first venture was at the age of five when he tions each summer with flashing L- world-renowned particle physics laborato- into the field of intellectual property. used to assemble animal figurines out of household rubbish and plates attached. Boasting "three ry in Switzerland. sell them on the street. societies in one," unsuspecting boys have been known to awake the next morning to find their pet pussy cat gone by dawn and a mys- terious pair of whiskers on their the engIndia team face.

Details of the team's success As part of engIndia, a partnership between 6 students from the University of Cambridge, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and the Indian Institute of Bombay, an expedition was conducted during the summer of 2005 to the area of Pabal, Maharashtra. The team worked with Vagyan Ashram and the local community to gain an under- standing and appreciation of the development issues concerning rural India which could be tackled through engineering. During the trip the team surveyed the attitudes of the local community and the rural technology available to the region. The expedition was approved and partially funded by the Royal Geographic Society and officially recognized by the University. The team also received widespread media attention whilst in India. Elliott Tim Dave The Harlots Furminger Laundon Walker President: Sophie Pickering Membership: 12 members Jesus, Engineering, 2.1, Location: The Mitre and New Corpus Christi, Social Gonville & Caius, Chemical Hall Northampton School for Boys , Anthropology, 2.2, Eastbourne Engineering, 2.2, Royal Grammar Colours/Costume: Santa from Nottingham College, from Shoreham-by-Sea School Guildford, from Motto: “Chins up. look sharp” Most Likely to say: “I like it Elliot is the Farnham, Surrey Tim is a mem- saucy. Vas” engIndia UK ber of Dave has trav- Team Leader and elled extensively Not letting a lack of men on Cambridge home turf get in their way, New an avid traveller University in western who firmly Europe as well as Hall's finest dozen are often seen Yachting Club dressed in Santa outfits and cud- believes in the and is looking in Gambia and educative value of east Asia. He is dling up to senior management at into the possi- Cindies. Just to make sure they're venturing away bilities of taking External Officer from home. He on his College fully prepared for doing the "walk students sailing of shame" past the porters when wants to and using the Student Union, work towards Chartership with a view and captain living up to their namesakes, the yacht as an Harlots reportedly retain a love of to applying his engineering skills experiential of Caius IV football team. After gradu- abroad, either in a development sense ating he hopes to gain some industrial sado-masochism, although only teaching aid for after they've drunk everyone or in renovation. engIndia have applicable top- experience within the process industry recently put forward 19 project pro- and ultimately to work for a sustain- around them under a whipped- ics at GCSE, As cream covered table. Aspirations posals, which the group Engineers and A2 level. able development based NGO or com- Without Borders have agreed to back pany, extending the work of the of members include world peace, as well. engIndia expedition. charity work and snorkelling. 10 Varsity100 Academia 20.01.06 Claire Harriet Hammond Boulding

Newnham, 3rd Year, Arch and Anth 2.1, The Corsham School, Jackson Boxer Corsham and Orazio Cappello: Harriet has won place- ments with both the MoD and Department for Gonzo Work and DJing in the tradition of Pensions dur- Ronojoy Dam’s Piss Up ing which she Look Sharp. First We carried out Take Manhattan has anthropological research into home- been packing the lessness and the benefit system in Emmanuel, 3rd Year, Music 1st , Tarek Britain. She spent her entire gap year Kambar solid with a Nottingham hedonistic blend of working at the social fund section of Mouganie the benefit office and enjoyed the punk.electro, new Clare Hammond is in her third year challenge offered by looking at society wave, and, lately, ska studying music at Emmanuel St Catharine’s, Materials Science PhD , Ridge School, from a different angle. Harriet is also and rhythm and blues. College, Cambridge University where Kumasi Ghana, from Beirut fluent in British sign language, having she has won several prizes including Most likely to play: Tarek produced 10 publications as a result of a collaborative project been born deaf and had her hearing the CUMS Concerto Competition and Peaches - Fuck The with the European Commission on the development of high super- restored following an operation at the the Nigel W Brown Prize. After win- Pain Away conductors in ink-jet printing. He is also the founder of the age of 4, and during her time at the ning the European Piano Teacher’s Cambridge University Roots and Shoots Society which invited Dr Benefit office she was able to use this Association piano competition in Jane Goodnall DBE to give a high profile lecture at the University skill. Harriet is also an officer on the 2001 she attended a number of mas- last year. Whilst she was here Tarek organized a charity ball which Cambridge University Women’s terclasses with Bernard Roberts. raised over £50,000. He also created the Rushing project which aims Executive and is the founder and edi- Ned Beauman Clare also entered the 2004 BBC to deal with identity issues in the third culture generations. Tarek is tor in chief of Siren, Cambridge’s Young Musician of the Year and Jessica currently consulting for private equity and venture capital firms with Women’s magazine. She also plays in a Competition where she reached the Holland: a view to humanitarian and charity work dealing with policy and band that performed at both Trinity keyboard finals, subsequently broad- human rights in both Africa and the Middle East. and Robinson May Ball last year. cast on television. Next year she will stay on at Cambridge to do a MusB and is then hoping to go to the Guildhall School of Music and Drama Jiehong to continue studying with her Hazel Peter teacher, Ronan O'Hora. After that Huang This Modern Clare would like to study abroad, in Pearson Bailey Love is another one of the States or Germany, and then Piss Up Look Sharp’s return to London to set up a career as bastard offspring. a pianist. Downing, Linguistics, Gonville & Caius, 4th year, Smouldering Mulder- graduated, 1st* Medicine/Physiology, 1st, and-Scully-style sexual Hazel comp- Rodsborough School, from tension finally Jessica leted the Godalming resolved, leaving Ned Linguistics For his part II and Jess free to con- Hrivnak T ripos project Peter centrate on shaking Part II last year adapted and with a starred improved tech- King’s Cellars (on Darwin, Architecture, graduated Saturday), Po Na Na, first class result, nically from diploma, Pass, South East which is the demanding and the Union with highest indie, electro, dance- experimental A 2005 gradu- result in the techniques to hall, and 60’s girl ate of the history of the study a possible groups. Department of Linguistics cause of muscle Most likely to play: Architecture, Tripos. She also fatigue during exercise. The work is M.I.A. - Pull Up The received the produced a about to be submitted as part of a New Hall, 4th year, PhD, People RIBA Silver dissertation in lieu of one of the papers paper for publication and has implica- Pharmacology, from medal from the which is comparable in quality to tions for other clinical areas including Guangzhou, China RIBA President the work of very good PhD students. diabetic comas and brain injury. Peter Amit Gudka: Jack Pringle for Currently she is holding a competitive is currently continuing his medical Jiehong was nominated by the head the best disser- postgraduate scholarship at Harvard training at Oxford and hopes to pursue of her faculty for the important con- tation amongst over 100 schools of University, working on semantics and a career in neurosurgery. He also runs tribution she made to a study on the architecture submissions world wide. pragmatics, and intends to pursue her a small web design business and rows molecular basis of pain and inflam- She is currently studying for a diploma doctoral studies in the U.S. for his college. mation, which was recently pub- in Architecture in the University. lished in the scientific journal EMBO. The same paper also received a men- tion in the magazone Nature’s as DJ Sasha “Research Highlights” section. In Rip, Amit’s been 2001 Jiehong was awarded the almost single-handedly Siem Excellent Academic Performance responsible for waking Prize by Peking University, Beijing. up sleepy Cambridge She hopes to get a postdoctoral posi- Girton, Music MPhil , 1st*, tion in academia after finishing her to grime and dubstep, St Paul’s, from London which he mashes up PhD. with hip hop, r’n’b, Sasha dancehall, Katherine Siem, drum’n’bass, and, is currently Paul Stuart recently, minimal doing a masters Davis house. Resident at in music at CUSU Urbanite, DJs all Girton College. over town, and organ- Last year she Downing, 4th Year, Law,1st*, ised college ents with got the top first, Nottingham High School, has had compo- Nottingham grime/dubstep heroes sitions per- like Plasticman and formed and Paul Stewart Skepta. continues to Davies, Most likely to play: perform herself. Downing, has Lethal Bizzle - Forward Upcoming performances of contempo- won The rary works in Cambridge include Clifford Chance James "Secrets" for Cello solo and Gamelan David Gottlieb Yanni Zographos at Kettles' Yard and "Constance" (a 15 Prize (part IB), the ECS Wade and Eric Denton: Gold minute character sketch) to be per- prize for consti- formed by the Cambridge Opera Peterhouse, 2nd year, History, Bancroft’s School, Essex tutional law, Society. Sasha is particularly interested the highest mark in Tort law, a James, who remains a tripos virgin, is the sole owner and director in writing music for film and theatre Rebecca Flower Squire Scholarship of England’s largest firm of party wall surveyors. Living in and is currently working for directors and the only starred first for IB law. London’s Docklands, he maintains separate interests in one of in London and New York. My Paul is fluent in French and Japanese. London’s largest commercial property development groups and a "Rhapsody on a Windy Night" for He spent last summer working for law the number of other residential development companies. Maintaining large ensemble has recently been pre- firms in Tokyo, and is currently taking Video Club is the the firm belief that Nicholas Van Hoogstraden will never give prop- miered by London Musici under Mark part in the ERASMUS exchange pro- only student-run night erty developers a bad name, he is also the President of the Stevenson. In March she is writing the gramme, studying law in Poitiers, to feature live bands. Peterhouse May Ball committee and plays university level rugby. music for two films to be released by France. MGM. 20.01.06 100 Politics, Societies, Welfare, Management and Entrepreneurs Varsity 11

Fitzwilliam, Graduated, SPS 2.2, Last term they had lo-fi Runshaw Further Education electro from the Chap College Leyland, from Wigan Jo (above), folk and blues Laura Walsh swept to victory in last from Cambridge song- year’s CUSU presidential elections, Hayward writer Dave after a last-minute decision to switch Sutherland, and UK hip her candidacy and contest the top job. hop from LowKey. More She has tackled a host of issues during Peterhouse, 2nd year Chemistry this term, followed as her first term, securing the passage of a 2.2, Queen Catherine’s School, usual by DJs playing “No Platform Policy” she believes is from Kendal rock, blues, soul and critical in ensuring that minorities are Jo was raised more. Next one on 2nd “able to study here free of intimida- “in a variety of February. tion”. During her undergraduate different loca- career, she worked tirelessly as CUSU’s Most likely to play: Led tions.” Upon Zeppelin - Immigrant Target Campaigns Officer as well as leaving Queen helping to bridge the gap between Catherine’s Song Cambridge’s two unions, holding sev- School in Laura eral positions in the other Union, Kendal and including a stint as Treasurer. She arriving at Sam Leon and Walsh plans to become a teacher in Peterhouse to Mike Miciewicz: Lancashire. Her political idol is study Chemistry, Jo set up Student the DIY ethic Aneurin Bevan. Community Action, the university’s largest voluntary organisation. A regis- tered charity with over 600 volunteers, Laurie it provides “Big Siblings” to children in the local area, running things such as a Fitzjohn-Sykes homework club and offering special support to those whose first language is isn’t just for not English. Jo, draws her inspiration indie. Nice Up The Sonja Tim Selwyn, 3rd year, Economics 2.1, “from the enthusiasm she sees in oth- Leighton Park School Reading, ers,” and even claims to enjoy the Shakedown brought Marjanovic Stanley from Totnes, Devon administrative side of running the reggae, dub, funk, soul, and drum’n’bass to the Laurie never charity. However, she admits that she couldn’t do it all without help from Kambar. This Monday Judge School, PhD, Damelin rests. Not con- Trinity, Graduated, History 1st, tent with a first such supportive friends. it’s back with the new College Judd School, from Kent class result in name of Nice Up and his first year, he Twist Again, adding Named Was a surprise won election as Neil Motown, ska and rock- Europe’s top pick as a the the Union’s ’n’roll to the mix. young technol- Labour candi- Entertainments Brighton Most likely to play: ogy innovator date for Officer, intro- Pendulum - Tarantula by US Red Her- Sevenoaks in ducing the cur- rent system of weekly bops and making ring magazine, 2005, having Churchill, Graduate, Sonja rose to several other changes. After a valiant been a member Architechture, Carleton School, Nikhil Shah: by pre-eminence of the Labour and hard-fought, albeit unsuccessful, day, as CUSU after winning Party since he campaign for the presidency, he quick- from Ottowa, Canada the 2003 was fifteen ly moved on to take up the Chair of ents man- Neil came to Cambridge University Entrepreneur (below the official minimum age limit). CUCA, where he delivered the highest Cambridge on a Business Plan Competition. Her com- He’s also been campaign manager for recruitment and speaker meeting placement with pany, DiagnovIS, develops precise and two local elections, edits the Sevenoaks turnout in many years. His incredible ShelterCentre, cost-effective methods for diagnosing Labour paper The Sentinel, is secretary energy and entrepreneurship saw him which was based infectious and parasitic diseases such as of the West Kent Charter 88, and, in a found and edit The Berry, a new politi- in the Architecture gonnorhea and tuberculosis. Her works rare show of disloyalty to his chosen cal newspaper with a circulation of Department. Since, has proved crucial in the Third World, party, is a NO2ID campaigner. A famil- 10,000. As a political animal, he has he has taken up a ager and she was finalist in the Community iar face at the Union, his acerbic drawl- worked for Conservative Central Office full internship with Nikhil’s brought big Category of the Daily Mail’s ing soundbites have often landed him and campaigns regularly for the organisation, Enterprising Young Brits competition in trouble. Conservative candidates. He says, “I’ve name DJs like Tim for her contribution to global health- always tried to introduce lasting working on the Westwood to care. changes, not maintain the status quo.” design of shelters for disaster relief agen- Cambridge and also Laurie will be entering the world of cies. His work has helped in the relief oversees CUSU nights finance after graduating this summer. measures following the Boxing Day Melamondo,Top His favourite British Prime Minister is Tsunami and the shelters that he works Banana, and Urbanite. Winston Churchill. on provide the temporary shelters to help survival until full rebuilding can begin. By night, as DJ Sketchy, he plays out hip hop, grime and r’n’b around Cambridge and has won the last two Matthew Simon Cambridge Student DJ Competitions Most Jamison Sprague likely to play: Dizzee Rascal - Stand Up Tall

Gonville & Caius, Graduated, Physical Natural Sciences 1st, Oliver Riley-Smith:a Dulwich College, from Croydon ubiquitous DJ in As President of Tom Rag Simon aims to raise Smith £150,000 in 2005/6; that’s PhD, Physics 1st (Imperial), Cottenham Village College, Peterhouse, Graduated, £20,000 more from Cambridge History 2.1, Bangor College, than any previ- Born in Cambridge, Tom completed his undergraduate degree at from Bangor ous year. Cambridge, he’s Imperial College (a first in Physics) before coming back to study Insiders say been crowd-pleasing Matthew’s political resumé is formi- that he secretly for a PhD in Engineering. In 2005 he won the Sunday Times One dable. As a Conservative, he served as resident at Queens’ Minute Pitch competition with his design for a pump that could aims to raise Ents and on the Varsity Campaigns Officer and Chairman of nearer £200,000 revolutionise irrigation in developing countries. It is powered by CUCA and worked as a Parliamentary Ski Trip. He’s even auc- the sun’s heat and has no moving parts, so it can be used in areas and RAG are Researcher to Oliver Letwin MP. As a already £18,000 ahead of last year. tioned off DJ lessons without an electricity supply and will cost only about £50 to pro- political enthusiast and dynamic for RAG. duce. He hopes that his designs will eventually play a role in tack- During his undergraduate years (he’s entrepreneur, he founded and chaired now in a sabbatical post) he person- Most likely to play: ling some of the world’s great problems and lists his greatest inspi- the Peterhouse Politics Society, bring- ration as being his father, who “had no formal education but was ally raised about £11,423 by way of Britney Spears - Toxic ing high profile speakers from street collections. He put in an probably one of the best read and certainly most enthusiastic peo- Michael Portillo to Sir Christopher ple I’ve ever known.” incredible amount of time during his Meyer, Geoffrey Howe to the Marquis final year as Chairman of RAG help- of Salisbury. Matthew was also a reg- ing to raise a magnificent £130,000 Aisha Speirs, JJ Waters ular at the Union and gave barn- for local charities, whilst also manag- and Ben storming speeches in main debates. ing to get a First in his degree in Since 2005, he has served as Media Physical Natural Sciences. During Secretary and UK section editor of his undergraduate years his college, The Henry Jackson Society, a neocon- Caius, always came top of all the col- servative foreign policy think tank, leges – raising a total of £ £22,255.60 helping to draft its Statement of while he was the rep in 2003/4. Principles. Matthew writes, “I commit RAG committee members praise him and dedicate my life towards working for his exceptional motivation and and fighting for a free world”. organisation. Burnham: one of the nicest venues in Cambridge, Clare 12 Varsity100 Politics, Societies, Welfare, Management and Entrerepreneurs 20.01.06

Cellars attracts the best DJs in all genres, Magnus Vicki whether grime MC Gittins Mann Wiley, d’n’b hero Pendulum, or (later this term) mash-up cowboy Priti Sidney Sussex, 3rd year, History Eddie Temple-Morris Trinity Hall, 4th year 2.2, Presdales School Ware, from Mostly likely to play: Parikh An extraordi- Hertford Wiley - What Do You narly preco- CUSU President Laura Walsh says of Call It? cious busines- Vicki, “absolutely amazing, totally reliable man, Magnus and very Gittins, at 19, approachable. Cath set up and sold She is so hard- Richardson, off the working and Australian ver- committed to sion of CUSU that she is Freeserve, then taking a year out became CEO of the £100m company mid-degree to do Advance Nanotech Inc and a partner it.” Vicki’s time as with consultancy firm Sterling FCS. Welfare Officer He’s spoken at events like the Milken has been marked Institute Global Conference and the with progress on Katherine Dolan Newnham, MPhil, Sustainable Development, Best High World Nano-Economic Conference. a range of thorny issues, from street light- and Jacqui Tedd: con- School, from Gujarat, India He is also a former CUCA president ing to drink spiking and student safety. stant battles with col- and stood for the council in the 2004 For Vicki, the most urgent welfare issue in Priti was involved in slum rehabilitation projects while growing up in elections. lege authorities over India and contributed greatly to the 'Slum Networking' project for Cambridge is mental health - she is cur- bar licensing and improving infrastructure. Having worked as a consultant engineer in rently drafting a CUSU Mental Health opening hours haven’t India, she came to Cambridge last year to take an MPhil in Sustainable Strategy, which will set out clear guide- distracted KCSU from Development. Priti, who thinks that although the Make Poverty History lines on the correct way to help students campaign did well to raise awareness it hasn't changed much on the with mental health problems. After grad- re-establishing King’s uating, Vicki hopes to apply her organisa- Cellars as one of the ground, works supporting Engineers Without Borders UK and The Humanitarian Centre training days. She is taking a PhD to improve her tional and campaigning skills to the world top college venues, of public relations. despite its sticky floors ideas for poverty alleviation further. and claustrophobic ceilings. Fridays and Saturdays bring every- Mark Michael Jaimie Rich thing from indie to Gettleson Brooks Hanson drum’n’bass. Simcox Most likely to play: Bloc Party - Banquet Kings, 2nd year, Medecine 2.1, Homerton, 3rd year, SPS 2.1, Magdalene, 3rd year, Law 2.2, King’s, 3rd year, History 2.2, The Great Wyrley High School, from King Edward’s School John Lyon School Harrow, from Colchester Royal Grammar School, from Essex Cannock Birmingham, from Sutton Ruislip Coldfield Jamie Milne Mark’s fifteen-month and Tom Eilon: Jaimie joined the Rich, from Sutton term as Chair of Cambridge Coldfield, has risen to Cambridge Student University Labour the directorship of Liberal Democrats cul- Club in his first two separate compa- minated in the victory year. He was a nies by the tender of David Howarth as member of the age of 21. His first, Cambridge’s first October 2005 dele- Quintessential, is Liberal MP in a centu- gation that went to predominantly a at ry on the second Paris for the Franco- printing company Queens’: Cheese. largest swing in the country. As a Liberal British Student Alliance. As treasurer and employs three full time staff whilst Cheese. Cheese. Democrat he has worked for the Lib Dem of the Labour Club over the last year his second, Rasco, is a promotions and Treasury team at Westminster and volun- he played a key role in the dispute marketing company that employs two Dress up as a super- teered at “almost every election and by- hero (above). Michael is the station manager of between the club and the Labour full time and seven part time staff. Rich election campaign since joining the party CUR1350, Cambridge’s award-winning Students Organization. He opposed a has found that being at Cambridge lends Cheese. Dress up as in 1999”. Mark must be one of student radio station, helping to gain the motion for reaffiliation and has since credibility to his business persona, a nurse. Cheese. Cambridge’s most prolific committee station a nomination in the SRA Station stood firmly in rejecting any attempt of although to fill whatever student persona Indie. Cheese. members, serving as KCSU LGBT Officer, of the Year Awards in 2005. Michael has the Labour Students Organization to spare time he has left, Rich plays Rugby Surprising everyone External Officer and NUS delegate been involved with CUR since coming up claim funds from the club. In the League for the university and got himself with a grime night (twice). He was a student member of to Cambridge, having previously held the future he hopes to propose more elected as Magdelene JCR President in his and bringing down King’s College Council in 2005 and has roles of Presenter and Head of motions aimed at preserving the club’s second year. However, his real pride is Lethal Bizzle. been twice elected to the college govern- Promotions. Michael plans to continue reputation and credibility as an ind- apparently reserved for his achievements ing body. With “more than one” picture building on the success of the station in pendent and progressive body. in the Wyverns. Cheese. Cheese. Hip of Gladstone in his room and “a passion- hop. Cheese. the coming term, having brought in 7100 ate belief in Liberals as the natural force of student listeners in Michaelmas. Most likely to play: progressive government,” Mark must be ABBA - Dancing Cambridge’s most likely student to Queen become a Lib Dem MP. Matt Sims Susanna Robinson, 3rd year, Medicine 2.1, Arun Sethi: the con- Rickard John Cabot City Technological densation on the College, from Bristol walls He’s CUSU Green St. John’s, 3rd Year, Philosophy Officer, among 2.1, St. Pauls Girls School, from many other things. London As Laura Walsh put it, "he booked more tables at the Aspiring bar- Freshers' Fair this rister and year than anyone tells you chairman of in history". Matt has been involved in a everything you need CU Amnesty ridiculous number of committees and to know about Funk International, societies since his first year. Whilst most Susanna takes da Bar at Emma. people quickly got themselves off the a hard line Great atmosphere, email lists they all-too excitedly signed when it comes loads of sweat, danc- up for in Fresher's week, Matt firmly to claims by ing ‘til dawn - by committed to his choices. In college he Jaime some that tor- which we mean was on the May Ball Committee for two ture can ever years and was heavily involved in Rag, Royo-Olid twelve, but you’ve justified. She raising over £1500 in 2004/5. He single- had so much fun it heads an St. John’s, Graduated 2005, Architecture 2.1, European handedly took it upon himself to feels like you’ve organisation ressurect Robinson SAFE and was the School of Brussels, from Madrid, Spain been there all night. that has 31 col- Amnesty rep last year. He also ran a lege groups and 15 volunteers, and Jaime studied Architecture as an undergraduate, during which Hip hop, marathon in his first year. He's a runner has orchestrated numerous cam- time he set up Architecture Sans Frontieres UK and set up the drum’n’bass, dub, for the cross-country second team and paigns on things such as violence AsiaLink programme in the department. Filling his spare time and more. came in as the first Cambridge runner against women and managed to gain with an occasional spot of basketball, he has worked in Paris as Pharaoh Monche - [third overall] in the Varsity match 2005. 1,000 signatures on a petition the ASF-Secretariat dealing with post-tsunami reconstruction Simon Says He's an active member of CU Amnesty, against torture. She left her previous projects. A man frustrated by the tendency of architects since CU SAFE, the CU Bone Marrow Society comprehensive school for St Paul's the 1960s to try and boost their own egos through an uncritical and Medsoc. He is the Co-ordinator of because she found it "stifling and faith in infrastructure, over and above the needs of inhabitants, the Free Tibet society and current Co- boring". Jaime has also founded the Cambridge University European ordinator of One World Week. He goes Society, a political debate association with over a thousand to so many committee meetings it's sur- members. If that wasn't enough, he's also known to pick up the prising his much loved Blackberry has guitar every now and then. coped. Heaven forbid if he ever lost the stylus... 20.01.06 Arts Varsity 17 Venue Guide: the essential events of the next seven days ARU Academy Where is it? The clue is in the not nearly as bad as being right at name. You walk through the main the front at the Junction. That's doors and right to the end of the still where everyone stands hallway, turn left and there's the though isn't it? entrance. For those of you who What goes on? Well, next week don't know where ARU is, shame they're launching a Beats and on you. It's across the crossroads Breaks night which runs on the the other side of Parkers Piece last Saturday of every month, and it looks swisher than the Law there's an indie club every theatre Betrayal The Taming of Faculty. Thursday night and there are the Shrew Why ARU Academy? Some bands listed every night for this The enfant terrible of the decent gigs this term, recent UK indie club on their website, how- Returning from their Ismene 1960s, now the Nobel eek Top 20 singles act The Kooks and ever curiously none of the bands European tour, and fol- Danish Prog in Mew, to name a admit to playing on their own web- Laureate for Literature, A new play written in Pinter is enjoying a wide- lowing the sell-out suc- couple. It's also open (and serving) sites. Go along and find out for response to a small but cess of Romeo and till 2am on a Friday night, but last yourself - the queue is certain to spread revival.Betrayal is Juliet (January 2005), growing tradition of the most recent of his- entry is 11. So it's basically a lock be shorter than that for the Fez Greek Tragedy appropri- ETG presents a new take in! Also has very nice light work, and the drinks are bound to be ated by Irish writers. major works. on this classic everyone looks a nice shade of cheaper. Shakespearean comedy. Corpus Christi Playroom, blue near the back. Some have ADC, 10.30pm, £3-5, Wed 25th - moaned about the soundsystem, 8pm, £5.50/£4, Tue 24th - Sat ADC, 7.45pm, £5-8, Tue 17th - Sat 28th January 28th January W but I loved Ladytron there and it's www.apusu.com Sat 21st January book now: of the

film & music Ferris Bueller’s Get Rich or Die Day Off Tryin’ Derren Brown George Galloway Britten Sinfonia John Hughes’ classic 50 Cent’s life story. The Bond-villain-in-the-mak- The Respect MP will probably comedy. “The sportos, Cambridge gangstas will ing brings his creepy psychic ignore calls for a triumphant powers to the skeptical town reprise of his cat impression Works by Shostakovich the motorheads, geeks, be able to draw a lot of of Cambridge. Why this man on Celebrity Big Brother. (above), John Woolrich, sluts, bloods, waistoids, life lessons from this film. isn’t off stealing from banks dweebies, dickheads - Fiddy was originally and sleeping with beautiful Apparently he cost the House JS Bach and Mozart women I will never know. of Commons £1,491 for every they all adore him. They introduced to the direc- vote he cast, making him the West Road Concert Hall, 8pm, think he's a righteous tor, Jim Sheridan, by most expensive MP. Thursday 26th January, £5 conces- dude.” Bono. Corn Exchange Cambridge Arts Theatre sions Arts Picturehouse, Friday and Sunday 2nd April Saturday Night Vue, from Friday Sunday 12th February Pick When I was 21: Jonathan Romney Martha & Jonathan Romney is film critic of the Independent on Sunday, and also writes for Sight and Sound, Modern Painters and other publications. In what year were you 21 and what were you doing? 1980. I was in my last year at Mathilda Trinity Hall, studying French and Russian. I’d Singing their final shrew-song for had a year out in France, so this was my Varsity... third year, and I felt a bit surprised to be back in Cambridge. A few years later, I igh-kicking off the term comedy and a battle of words gothic design scheme: although would return again for the third year of my Hthis week the ADC dusts and wit, Petruchio sets about historically accurate it may be, PhD research, after a year in Paris, and off the dust sheets for the the ‘taming’ of his shrew with it again highlights the slight again feel pretty surprised to be back. So I return of the wandering play- a madness that leads to clash between the action and probably spent an inordinate amount of my ers of the European Theatre method. some elements of direction. time in Cambridge in a state of shock, one Group tour, home from the Zara Tempest-Walters and “Marry Me a Little”, which way or another. wars (or theatrical adventure Miles Bullock are consistently follows the evolution of a rela- in Europe) to show off the complementary throughout tionship in New York between Where did you live? In a room on Trinity spoils of their dramatic assays. two people in adjoining apart- Hall’s Wychfield estate, up Castle Hill, in a Shakespeare’s “The Taming of ments, is also staged with a modern building that seemed to be mod- the Shrew” is accompanied by measure of alienation – the elled on a stack of TV sets. Stephen Sondheim’s ‘Marry audience are certainly aware of Me a Little’ from the shifts from a naturalistic scene What was your favourite outfit? I had a Cambridge University Musical “TEMPEST-WAL- (comprising two beautifully rather bulky pinstripe jacket that didn’t my band at the time, Fish Turned Human. Theatre Society. detailed studio flats side-by- remotely suit me but seemed perfect for the Mike stands were as butter in my hands, but First to boot their plunder TERS IS side) to the more spectacular time, and probably lasted me my entire col- it wasn’t that I had the Iggy Pop gene – I are the ETG, the infamous SUBLIMELY song and dance. Here however, lege career, plus some ludicrously pointy was just unbelievably clumsy. shrew of Padua, Katharina the shift is more tacit, the boots, and an assortment of second-hand (Zara Tempest-Walters), is the STORMY AND awareness of the space and ties. I still have one or two of them, but they What are you ashamed of having done? object of this production in each other is admirable as were designed for someone with a much Thinking of things at that period, it’s proba- every way. Suitors clamour for ALWAYS POISED James Smoker and Rebecca thinner neck. bly more shame than embarrassment. I cer- the young Bianca Baptista, but AS KATHARINA Hutchinson fling each other tainly had the embarrassment gene. her gentle countenance is around the maze of their clut- What was your most prized possession? usurped in the vole temper of tered rooms. The departure to a My LPs. Vinyl used to stir fetishistic passions What did you believe in? Art, arrogance, her sister, Katharina. The edict symbolic reality is always high- that CDs have never been able to equal. I the power of a youthful sneer. It made sense of their father, the wealthy lighted with effective lighting still haven’t forgiven the person who at the time. Signor Baptista (Henry Eliot), this production, with Tempest- and musical accompaniment scratched my rare copy of… Oh, to hell with declares the marriage of the Walters sublimely stormy and from Richard Bates, and direc- it, let bygones be bygones. What was your most political action? At shrew must precede Bianca – ”always poised as Katharina, tor Adam Lenson should feel the time, the phrase on everyone’s lips was hence the suitors Gremio and who effects a transition from proud of this production that What were you afraid of? My LPs getting ‘The personal is political’. So it was possible Hortensio are forced to attempt rage to calm without losing really integrates the mediocrity scratched. to spend your life thinking you were being the task of finding a match for strength. Miles Bullock’s of daily life with the accom- totally radical, when actually you were just Katharina. Chaos enshrews as Petruchio similarly retains a plished solos and duets of man Who were your heroes? Writers: Boris strutting around fancying yourself. the interest of a young man of confident serenity throughout and woman, and achieves Vian, Céline. Musicians: Patti Smith, Brian Venice, Lucentio (Wil which offsets his calculated fits Sondheim’s circular progres- Wilson, John Cale, Richard Hell. Film direc- What made you cry? My embarrassment Featherstone) begins to play of fiery humour well. The cast sion perfectly. tors: oddly, I think I barely knew they existed, gene. the desperate and greedy suit- as a whole are polished, but the although maybe Werner Herzog was the ors off against one another. By play occasionally feels discor- Taming of the Shrew, exception. What do you wish you had known then well-contrived chance this all dant as a Brechtian alienation 7.45pm, £5-8, Tue 17th - Sat that you know now? How easy it is to get turns out well, even including of setting and characterisation 21st January Where did you spend most of your out of touch with people that you shouldn’t. the arrival of a gentleman of are sometimes at odds with the Marry Me A Little, evenings? Slough of Despond. Although in the decades before e-mail, it dubious character, Petruchio spoken verse, which flows ADC, 11pm, £3-5, Wed 18th - was that little bit harder. Now there’s no (Miles Bullock), to woo the much as Shakespeare intended. Sat 21st January What was the most rebellious thing you excuse. Be warned. shrew. Wooed and wedded The feeling of discord is echoed did? Smash various bits of equipment with Emily Stokes with commendable physical in the soft-rock score and the 18THE Varsity Arts 20.01.06 FEMALE OF THE SPECIES TOM WINDLEY Emma Paterson on the troubling phenomenon of the female muse

hen Fellini cooed, “For been touched by God, the proof they could be shaped “according me, woman is the repre- of that intimacy would not be to the heroine I have created in Wsentation of the eternal found in her flat and mannered my imagination”. He admitted to principle of creation”, poor performance in Match Point. And an erotic fascination with the Giuletta Masina, wife, actress and even more certainly, Allen’s idol- blonde - yet was married to a artistic muse, should have urged atrous affection for his new muse brunette for sixty years. He - him to change the record. The betrays more about his fantasy reportedly - had Tippi Hedren, long dynastic tradition of woman image of woman than it does star of The Birds (1963) and as the seed of artistic genesis is about Johansson herself. Marnie (1964), blacklisted within no erudite fact. Nor, when spo- Feminist film theorist, Laura Hollywood after she spurned his ken in hushed, sentimental tones Mulvey, would have us believe advances, and terrorized Kim - and this Guiletta should have that it’s all about spectatorship. Novak on the set of Vertigo (1958) also mentioned - is it a very She would reduce years and for similar reasons. It comes as interesting one. Born of Greek years of mythological romantici- no surprise, then, that in The mythology, in which the Muses sation of the female form in art Birds, Tippi Hedren is mangled by were the nine daughters of Zeus vultures; in Vertigo, Kim Novak is and Mnemosyne, and each repre- thrown from a tower; and as we sented a particular art form, the all know, Janet Leigh in Psycho role of Muse has been inhabited (1960) is stabbed to a very lurid by the female form throughout “ death. Much has been written the ages. And from Eve to Gala THE IDEALISED about the attraction-repulsion Dali to Yoko Ono, the idealised PROGENITOR OF dialectic that framed Hitchcock’s progenitor of the proverbial cre- fixation with the female muse, ative juice will almost always be THE PROVERBIAL and as a mere recreational view- wearing female shoes. CREATIVE JUICE er of his work, I won’t attempt to The current epoch sees nothing WILL ALMOST add to that body of criticism new. With his latest cinematic here. But it is no coincidence offering, Match Point (reviewed ALWAYS BE that Hitchcock and Allen alike below), and the upcoming WEARING FEMALE have fetishized the female form release of his next film, Scoop, SHOES like two unlikely Romeos draw- Woody Allen introduces us to his ing cartoon goddesses in their most recent source of inspiration notepads - before using their in the form of an over-deified biros to stab them in the heart. and over-sexualised Scarlett Does the muse shape the cre- Johansson. “She was touched by ”to the word objectification. Yet it ation, or the creation shape the God,” he told one reporter, “and cannot be denied that there is muse? When the inspiration she can do no wrong”. some argumentative weight to inevitably deflates, someone new Johansson, then, is to follow her contention. “The determining will take its place, and the work keenly in the footsteps of past male gaze projects its fantasy on will survive, but the muse may muses Diane Keaton and Mia to the female figure which is not. After all, Allen, as he waxes Farrow, becoming the third styled accordingly,” she begins. religious about the young member of Allen’s artistic harem. “She holds the look, plays to and Johansson, neglects to mention Beautiful and talented though signifies male desire...In herself that her role in Match Point was she is, there is an unnervingly the woman has not the slightest offered to Kate Winslet first. Any delusional quality to the deific importance”. And in many muse will do, I suppose, if you’ve praise that Allen has bestowed respects, she’s right. Hitchcock, already created the perfect speci- upon Johansson in the press. for one, openly declared that he men in your mind. Certainly, if she were to have chose his film heroines only if An Idiot’s Guide to Tennis - and London

Woody Allen’s Match Point is no Grand Slam, says Olaf Henricson-Bell

s its name might suggest to the more cussion about the difference between com- The other main story being hit back and astute viewer, Woody Allen’s new edy and tragedy, with the earth-shattering forth in the months preceding release was Afilm, Match Point, has something to conclusion that life contains both. In Match the appearance of Scarlet Johansson as do with tennis. Just in case you missed Point the same attempt to place (top-)spin Allen’s latest muse. Perhaps her preoccu- this, the film opens with a voiceover on a pretty standard story of sexual betray- pation with that new role explains the explaining that life is very much like a al and murder serves (ha ha) only to high- vacant expression she adopts for much of match in the extent to which it is depend- light the essential banality of that tale. the film. Indeed, so far is Johansson from ent on small moments of chance. Good Match Point was much hyped as Allen’s her usual self that she cannot even muster point, Woody. first ‘London’ film, and the early rumours any spirit for the verbal volleying that The thing is, tennis does involve ele- were of a comeback of Agassian dimen- accompanies the unravelling of Rhys- ments of luck, but for the most part suc- sions. Sadly, however, the presentation of Meyers’ and her affair.To be fair, she is cess or failure, victory or defeat, is over- our capital fails to clear the net, relying in having to deal with a script as wooden as, whelmingly determined by skill. Yet poor large part on characters agreeing to meet say, a 1950s tennis racket. On the plus old Woody blunders ahead with his already “At the TATE MODERN”. “Where?” “At side, Woody does send her for a moody, stretched metaphor, even making his male the T-A-T-E MODERN”. “Oh, at the TATE rain-drenched walk without a bra on. lead (Jonathan Rhys-Meyers) an ex-pro, MODERN”. “Yes the TATE MODERN”. If What’s gratuitous? Where? and having him inform the audience from that sugary institution hasn’t at least Like an old tour-pro Allen keeps turning time to time that, 'the man who said he bought Allen a new racket, the blow will up to play his game; every now and then would rather be lucky than good, saw be sweetened by a nice contribution from he might get through the first round, cre- deeply into life'. Subtle, about as subtle as the, soon to be moved, Saatchi Gallery, ating a bit of a media stir, but the days of Mark Philippoussis' serve (which, by the which also makes an appearance. There is Grand Slam victories are far behind him. way, isn’t very subtle). even a section in which ‘London expert’ Perhaps it’s time to quit the main draw The problem, as with Allen’s previous Emily Mortimer shows newcomer Rhys- and take up mixed doubles. I hear Martina outing Melinda and Melinda, is that the film Meyers the secret-heart of the city by tak- Navratilova is looking for a partner, and thinks it’s being a bit clever, when in fact, ing him to Horse Guards. There might as we all know she likes a torturously over- like Tim Henman, it’s just a bit shit. In that well have been a shot of Big Ben framed extended tennis analogy / career. film we had a framing narrative of a dis- by the London Eye. Oh wait, there was. Johansson and Rhys-Meyers take a minute off-court 20.01.06 Arts Varsity 19 The courage to film the “unfilmable” Carly Farthing on the difficulties of adapting tricky tomes for the screen daptation is a problem- within-a-film conceit, with TV sex or violence. Bret Easton atic business at the best comedy legend Steve Coogan Ellis’ American Psycho was long Aof times. Translating a playing an actor named Steve termed cinematically play to the screen is hard Coogan who is starring in a untouchable due to its shock- enough; a novel - with all its film adaptation of Tristram ingly violent content, and also shifting perspectives, sequen- Shandy. And what’s more, it the third-act twist that, like tial acrobatics, unreliable nar- works. Fight Club, questions the reali- rators and episodes that com- So far, so self-conscious; but ty of everything that has come pletely resist any kind of liter- such devices, when attempting before. al presentation – can be down- the mammoth task of adapting Yet British director Mary right impossible to film‘accu- a notoriously difficult novel, Harron’s intelligent film ver- rately’. are nothing new. The most sion chooses to focus on the Yet there is a particular sub- notable employment of such a savagely comic elements of genre of movie that derives structure is the late Karel Easton Ellis’ pitch-black satire, most of its notoriety from Reisz’s The French Lieutenant’s wisely leaving most of the proudly adapting a novel pre- Woman, from the novel by Grand Guignol-style killings viously deemed ‘unfilmable’, John Fowles. Like many off-screen and putting the with the most recent example, ‘unfilmable’ books, the prob- focus on the psychological dis- Michael Winterbottom’s A lem here lies with the role of integration of Christian Bale’s Cock and Bull Story, on release the narrator; here, a verbose psychotic yuppie. One director from today. figure who is as prominent in who has proved themselves With a stellar cast, his own story as his characters unafraid to tackle the infa- Winterbottom has attempted are. mously unfilmable is David the unthinkable and adapted a The narrative technique is a Cronenberg, who not only book whose name strikes fear demanding one to replicate on filmed William Burrough’s into the hearts of English screen, so screenwriter Harold hallucinatory Naked Lunch but undergrads everywhere: Pinter opts to capture the also J.G Ballard’s highly con- Laurence Sterne’s comic epic essence of Fowles’ self-refer- troversial novel Crash – both to Tristram Shandy. ential structure by giving us acclaim. The sprawling, anarchic Jeremy Irons and Meryl Streep Cronenberg’s background in narrative; endless digressions as actors whose real-life love extreme and unflinching hor- that meander for whole pages; affair mirrors the one they are ror back in the 1970s may a narrator who is not even acting out in the period-drama make him less reticent to born until the halfway mark – The French Lieutenant’s Woman. approach such explicit materi- it’s enough to make any sane Chuck Palahniuk’s novel Fight al, but it appears the golden filmmaker run weeping for the Club posed a similar challenge rule of ‘difficult’ adaptations is rights to the latest John to Se7en director David to dismiss notions of slavish Grisham doorstop. Fincher, with its climactic faithfulness to the novel. Yet rave reviews from the volte-face that calls everything By accepting the limitations 2005 London Film Festival we have just seen - and of cinema, directors such as suggest that Winterbottom – through whose eyes we have Winterbottom, Fincher, director of Jude, 24 Hour Party seen it - into question, yet Harron and Cronenberg have People and the controversially Fincher delivers one of the proved it is possible to capture explicit Nine Songs – has tri- greatest cinematic twists of the the essence of a difficult novel umphed. 1990s with aplomb. He also without collapsing under its By accepting the novel’s proves that any audacious weight - and produce a good myriad challenges and playing adaptation needs no small film too. as fast and loose with his sub- amount of wit and verve to ject as Sterne did with literary carry off such a feat. A Cock and Bull Story is on gen- convention back in the eigh- Some literary works are eral release today. teenth century,Winterbottom deemed unfilmable simply by chooses to employ a film- virtue of their high levels of Rob Brydon and Steve Coogan star as Uncle Toby in A Cock and Bull Story

Brokeback Mountain #####

+RZ WR WXUQ \RXU LGHDV LQWR UHDOLW\

$ IUHH HYHQLQJ SURJUDPPH WR LQVSLUH LQGLYLGXDOV WR SXUVXH WKHLU HQWUHSUHQHXULDO DPELWLRQV

 -DQ 0DNH D GLIIHUHQFH

&KULV :HVW %HHUPDW (QWUHSUHQHXU

 -DQ The homoerotic subtext of the some breathtaking mountain those around them as for the %DFN WR EDVLFV Western has been the subject scenery; rugged, mysterious central couple itself. Ennis’ of many a doctoral disserta- and monumental. unfortunate wife (Michelle 'HQR )LVFKHU 6LPRQ :DONHU -XOLHWWH 0RUJDQ tion. With Brokeback If this first segment is Williams) is the principle victim Mountain, however, that sub- enough to make you swoon, it here, and the scenes in which text has been well and truly is the return to the real world she realises that her life has blown apart. But this is not a for both couple and audience fallen apart are heartbreaking. ‘gay film’ in any narrow or lim- that is the making of the film, Brokeback Mountain might ited sense. Like its central as the reality of being gay in just be the best film you will )HE %XLOGLQJ D JUHDW WHDP pairing it ranges far and wide, 1960s small-town America see this year. It is a complex examining the role of central asserts itself. and beautifully told story of moments in our lives and the Unfortunately, there are no romantic longing for youth and 'DYLG &OHHYHO\ 6HULDO (QWUHSUHQHXU painful longing of possibilities civil unions in the Union and possibility. Yes, it’s a film denied. soon both Jack and Ennis find about two gay men, but, con- Cowboys Ennis (Heath themselves in conventional, if trary to the recent controversy, Ledger) and Jack (Jake stifling marriages, seeing each that is not what makes this 2SHQ WR DOO VWXGHQWV &DPEULGJH 8QLYHUVLW\ VWDII DQG PHPEHUV Gyllenhaal) are thrown togeth- other only for intermittent involving and highly affecting RI WKH ORFDO EXVLQHVV FRPPXQLW\ er for a summer of sheep ‘fishing’ holidays on movie a must-see. herding on the titular moun- Brokeback Mountain. These tain, and soon find themselves brief interludes are painful Brokeback Mountain is out ZZZHQWUHSUHQHXUVMEVFDPDFXN neglecting the livestock for the reminders of what they have now at Vue and the Arts pleasures to be found at base missed and both become Picturehouse camp. And it’s no surprise as increasingly frustrated with director Ang Lee treats us to lives that are as difficult for Olaf Henricson-Bell LQ FRQMXQFWLRQ ZLWK 20 Varsity Arts 20.01.06 A hundred years of The Marlowe

UHGREENISH HUGH How would you advise a stu- Sara Sheridan dent hoping to become a on how the director to train themselves? Learn to act first. I’m really glad I society will spent time training to be an actor celebrate their before I became a director. You need to understand human centenary experience from the inside. Simon Mc Burney said it’s an n 2007, the Marlowe Society Anglo-Saxon trait to put things will be 100 years old. The in boxes ‘that’s good, that’s evil’ society is one of the oldest in I or ‘that’s dance, that’s ballet’. If Cambridge; founded to pro- you look at things from the out- mote the performance of side you tend to judge. I’ve been Renaissance verse plays, it has really inspired by a couple of consistently provided students movies that really move inside with the unique opportunity of the situation they’re portraying: working alongside theatre pro- Tom Cornford in rehearsal with the cast of Richard III The Godfather, Apocalypse Now, and fessionals. Looking at a list of Downfall, that actually goes down previous members, it is not dif- Isabel Morrison and Jenny Lee talk to director Tom Cornford, the man behind this inside Hitler’s bunker. Bruno ficult to see why the Society is Richard III Dance (who acted Hitler) still thriving after its founding year’s Marlowe production at the Cambridge Arts Theatre - explained that “we normally we in 1907, with names such as What’s so good about the to sell the play, how does it watching your production of act with our past, about how see Hitler as either a clown or a Trevor Nunn, Ian Mckellen, theatre? relate to your vision and/or Richard III? political and historical myths are madman and I just don’t think Griff Rhys Jones, Peter Hall It’s live. I’m always disappointed approach to the production? I don’t think I really think about developed and the way that his- that’s enough.” It’s a perspective and Sam Mendes treading the when I go to see plays and the I wanted the blurb to sound like my audience that much. There’s tory is related. that subverts the idea that it’s Marlowe boards. band come on at the end and the voiceover artist who does a Russian director called Lev great to laugh at the Nazis as it 2007 will see an alumni you hadn’t realised they were film adverts could speak it. The Dodin who replied in answer to Can you describe your gives us power over them. The weekend event, including there because you thought it was play is extremely filmic and bold: a similar question: ‘Well, do rehearsal process? hardest and the most important readings of Marlowe’s work, all pre-recorded. As a director I I wanted that to be part of the painters think about their audi- All of our behaviour in life and thing is to see them as human seminars and workshops with try to exploit the live aspects of publicity. ence?’ I think it’s a good ques- on the stage is governed by our beings. It’s the same with Richard well-known directors and performance the whole time. For Sin itself is repetitious; I sup- tion, because while painters are greatest hopes and direst fears, III. I’m particularly interested in actors open to all students who example, when somebody walks pose it could be described as a creating their work for people to whether we are aware of it or him as it seems he’s one of the want to take part. Further to across the stage their footsteps palindrome. I was stopped dead see they have some paint, a can- not. What I try to do in rehearsal original evil men. this there is a proposed auction make a noise, and that noise can by a painting by L S Lowry of the vass and a subject, and they’re is to get the actors to understand So, if you want to be a great to be held of sought-after film become music, it has rhythm, sea: it’s just the ripples and negotiating between those that about their characters, and director you need to examine and theatre memorabilia just as people’s voices also have waves of the sea going out to the things. with no constraints from me, to your own life, you need to donated by various companies, rhythm. Just as movement and horizon. That’s really what I’m doing: perform it live. I don’t block any- immerse yourself in the attempts actors and directors. speech are determined by text, Next to it there was a quota- I’ve got this paint (this play) and thing they do and I never decide by people of all different types to The centenary will culmi- lighting and movement come tion from his diary that read “it’s this canvass (the theatre), and on anything. I don’t believe in express themselves. I spend loads nate with a large-scale produc- together because lighting dictates all there in the sea, the battle of I’m trying to bring them together choices and decisions in life of time in galleries, listening to tion of one of Christopher movement; the final product is a life is there and the futility of it in a way which reflects my expe- because I don’t see my life as a music and reading. It’s totally Marlowe’s plays directed by spider’s web of interrelated disci- all and the purpose”. I thought rience of life, my beliefs about series of decisions, I see it as a vital to figure out why people one of the society’s most pres- plines; as a director my job is to that was really fascinating in life and what the play itself is series of opportunities: the world want to express themselves and tigious alumni. weave them together as tightly terms of history and waves and trying to say. I don’t expect them presents things to me and I react. what they want to express and I as I can. cycles. to take anything specific away I don’t see life as something to think as a director that’s what from it. I hope it will make them try and be in control of and I cer- you have to do. The Arts Theatre have used Do you expect the audience to think about the issues that the tainly don’t think the people in www.themarlowe.org the quote ‘sin will pluck on sin’ learn anything in particular by play brings up: the way we inter- Richard III do, even Richard. 20.01.06 Arts Varsity 21 Hüsker Düde Bob Mould chats to Sam Blatherwick ahead of his UK Tour JIM SAAH ob Mould is a busy man. In the past week Body of Song in which he used the experiences The last time he was in England he was with he has spent his time doing a remix for he had learnt whilst experimenting electronically his band, but this tour will be a solo affair with BRammstein (they were impressed), DJing and adapted them to his guitar playing. just him and a guitar, both electro and acoustic. at his Blowoff club night and writing songs for an Mould seems as in touch with the current He professes to having a fond relationship with upcoming album. Now he has thirteen interviews music scene as ever. He spins records by LCD England. In the eighties there was a suspicion to do and he’s catching a plane to Greece tomor- Soundsystem and Death From Above 1979 and amongst some American alternative acts about a row. Mould entered the music industry as a mem- remixes for Interpol and Low. He second guesses make-them-and-break-them culture in the ber of legendary US band Hüsker Dü. Their me when we’re discussing the internet on the British Press – Mudhoney were even close to call- incredible fusion of hardcore punk rock and psy- Arctic Monkeys and the power that it has. He tells ing an album England Schmengland, but Mould chedelica, along with wild stories of drug fuelled me Hüsker Dü would have used it and laughs at is dismissive. He says that that it’s always been the debauchery (there is a story of them rubbing the thought of the government trying to control it case that bands might make it in another country speed under their eyelids) influenced a genera- (“They can bring in as much legislation as they to their own first. He is appreciative to the reac- tion of American rockers. Mould eventually him- like, but it was their invention; not Microsoft’s”). tion that the Sugar record Copper Blue got in self joined them with his next band Sugar, beat- Mould has embraced the internet to the full (and England (it was NME album of the year in 1992) ing off grunge upstarts with experience and judging by the utterly comprehensive FAQ’s pro- and it really helped the band. tunes. More recently he has been experimenting vided online for Hüsker Dü and Sugar; so have his He is also excited about the upcoming tour, with electronics and is releasing an album to fans). He runs a blog from his website and felt that which will be a trip through his history as he plays accompany his Blowoff night with fellow DJ Rich after a fallow period in his songwriting during 200 songs from Hüsker Dü, Sugar and his own solo Morel. Last year he released an album entitled it got him back into the swing of things again. material. >> Bob picks his best albums... Bob Mould - Workbook Hüsker Dü - Zen Sugar - Copper Blue (1989) Arcade (1984) (1992) “If it wasn’t for this album “We were really I wouldn’t be talking to “Obviously...” touched by the recep- you now... it was impor- tion this recieved in tant I made a break from England ” the sound of Hüsker Dü” HANNADAMS RHIANNON

i Noir Jim There are 4 rules T

that one must obey Love of ower Arctic Monkeys when reviewing music. Whatever People say I am,that’s what I’m not RULE 1: Don’t judge an album by ##### its cover. I did. Liz Bradshaw How apt that a vir- tually unknown Sheffield taxi drivers that Mancunian who make them perceptive and plays all his own entertaining commentators instruments and on everyday British life in the records himself at home should choose hand- #### spirit of Mike Skinner and cut hearts pouring from an ivory tower window The Libertines. But some- to represent his music. thing’s missing. Whatever RULE 2: Don’t describe music by comparing the hype, they’ll never be a it to established bands. Whatever you do, don’t culturally significant band in mention that the diversity of instruments (guitar, # the tradition of The Smiths, flute and saxophone) is reminiscent of Belle and Cards on the table: I have a Oasis and The Libertines, Sebastian. Don’t tell anyone that the backing As you start stockpiling for revision, a reminder of why you dilemma when it comes to because they’ll never mean harmonies are an echo of the Beach Boys. And this band. Their debut is more to anyone than a good don’t say that the perfect use of indie-electronic can’t beat the good old-fashioned bookshop one of the most anticipated time, although this in itself reminds you of the Flaming Lips/Air. records of recent years, and may be reflective of a deep- RULE 3: Tell existing fans if they’ll be disap- Borders (306188) - 12-13 Market for good reason. They’ve er malaise. They’re a heady pointed. Well, I would, but there probably aren’t Street. No academic books, but still has a got the tunes, they embody fling rather than a lifelong any. Things have happened very fast for 23- Cambridge University massive fiction section, a surprisingly the musical zeitgeist and it’s love. Whatever People Say year-old Noir. He has released only 3 EPs previ- Press, 1, Trinity Street, (333 large number of plays and Cambridge's hard not to be seduced by I Am… is one of the most ous to this, his debut album and the sleeve 333) Firstly and most impor- biggest collection of quality magazines lyrics like ‘All the weekend enjoyable records you’ll hear looks like it has been made with his inkjet print- tantly: 20% discount for and graphic novels. You have to apply for rock stars are in the toilets this year, but don’t believe er. students if you bring your a special Borders card if you want a stu- practicing their lines’. Alex the ‘defining band of their RULE 4: Don’t finish the article with the same University Student Card. As dent discount. Turner’s broad Yorkshire era’ rumours. The Arctic metaphor that you started with – it’s cheesy. the Mecca of Cambridge accent lends added charm Monkeys may be about to Jim has promised to assemble a band and go Neil Companions, it's a must for to the Monkey’s own brand take over the world, but on a live tour. If this album is anything to go by, Galloway and Porter (367876) - 30 essay preparation or if you of witty folklore, tales of they’re not going to change the shows should be well worth the entry fee. Sidney Street With the biggest selection simply fancy purchasing a Singh chavs, prostitutes and it. And when he finally does leave his ivory tower, of severely discounted books in posh academic book in pris- he may find a horde of bewitched fans waiting Cambridge, you should never visit anoth- tine condition. 28 day for him, each holding a bit of his heart. er bookshop until you've checked here refund policy is also very first. Boasts an impressive range of cheap reasonable

The Str okes academic books, £1 fiction books, and Amber If you’re already famil- Clearlake massive glossy art and cooking books G.David, 16, St. Edward's First Impr essions of Earth iar with the work of from £2. Beats the internet any day. Passage (354 619) Jacqui Tedd Clearlake then I’m The Haunted Bookshop, 9, St. Established in 1896 it is the ##### certain you won’t be city's oldest bookshop, disappointed by their Edwards Passage (312 913) A family run business specialising in collectable chil- entering G.David is like There is an abundance of current musical offer- opening a bottle of fine vin- ##### dren's books and antiquarian items. snappy drum beats, sim- ing, Amber. tage port. Finely bound From the burning Nestled between Indigo's café and a leafy ple yet beguiling guitar courtyard, The Haunted Bookshop pro- books and prints, new books hooks and retro vocals, opening of ‘No Kind "at reduced prices" and gen- of Life’, Clearlake vides good browsing fodder and a break ensuring there is no mis- from work. No student discount however. eral second-hand books taking this album as the layer on grainy guitars cater for wide range of stu- work of anyone else. Yet and purposeful beats, drawing you into comfort- dent interests, although Heffers (568568) - 20 Trinity Street the album lacks the raw ably familiar territory. The fantastic sound of finding them can be a little Best for academic books on anything from passion that allowed their Jason Pegg’s voice still hits just the right spot, difficult due to sparse cate- medicine to linguistics. And though their Twenty-something, music previous songs to receive understated and expressive without any whiny gorisation and labyrinthine fiction section isn't quite so impressive, loving F seeks American such huge acclaim. showing off. ‘Neon’ yowls out with real contrast, stacks. Fr Heffers more than makes up for it with its males. GSOH, brilliant gui- Innovative tunes are the unusual harmonica standing out and helping

eya knowledgable staff and distinguished rep- tar playing/music writing sparse, but the album to make it truly danceworthy. It’s perhaps sur- utation for attracting famous authors for abilities essential. must not be completely prising ‘Neon’ wasn’t chosen as the first single Oxfam Bookshops, 28 book signings and talks. You get money Unfortunately when The dismissed. Even the most instead of ‘Good Clean Fun’, which really doesn’t Sidney St. (3133 73) There's Johnson-Ross off the more you go, with their strange Strokes replied to my per- critical of you will find at seem to have the same soul as so many other always a chance of getting Caffe Nero style loyalty card. sonal ad in the form of least one tune you enjoy, tracks on this album. The title track combines lucky and finding a much gentle chiming with dark, pared down strings to longed for book here, but as their third album First and in my book taking at Waterstone's (351688) - 22/24 Sidney Impressions Of Earth it least a morsel of positive display yet another facet of Clearlake’s talents. always, it requires a little Amber is a poised, well-balanced album; running Street If you ignore the gloom of what's patience and a sharp eye for was not a case of love at feeling from a date with probably the most lifeless bookshop in first sight. I so desperately music is a good thing. the gamut of moods and displaying enough bargains. Offers an eclectic complex musical ideas to keep the most dis- town, you'll find Waterstone's has the mix from £500 antique wanted to fall for this Regrettably, my search for best selection of academic books after album. All the things that a band who consistently cerning musos interested for a few listenings. books to £1.99 fiction, and Amazingly Clearlake foster their indie-ish sensi- Heffers. It's pretty good for most other as a last resort, Free Trade everyone loves about The steal my heart will just books, and they're happy to order things Strokes can still be heard. have to go on. Any takers? bilities without boring those of us with a patho- chocolate, you'll never leave logical hatred of rock. in for you from other branches. And here disappointed. there's a 10% student discount. 22 Varsity Advertisement 20.01.06

If you want to win, make sure you get a good start.

ING Wholesale Banking has a foothold in every major financial centre in the world.

Unique opportunities exist for exceptional graduates on the Structured Finance We expect you to have strong academics, a high degree of numeracy and Corporate Clients Graduate Trainee Programme. Over 16 months you will and a demonstrable interest in finance. But more importantly, rotate through areas such as: we are looking for individuals whose desire and ability to interact with clients puts them head and shoulders in front of the rest. Acquisition Finance & Sponsor Coverage ~ Syndications ~ Corporate Clients Securitisation ~ Shipping Finance ~ Project Finance ~ Risk Management ING Wholesale Banking is now looking for high calibre interns and graduates to start in 2006. For more information on ING But the race doesn’t end there. Wholesale Banking visit www.ingwholesale.com

After gaining unparalleled exposure to several of the most high profile areas of the business, you will be allocated to a specific team - not just a generalist Interested? Send your CV to [email protected] analyst pool. With ongoing training and mentoring provided, joining Structured Finance will give you a flying start to your banking career. Cornellpartnership 20.01.06 Listings Varsity 23

through an animated realm of their fast-paced and fully impro- people who can save the confusion, elegance and farce, vised shows, ADC, 11pm, £4/£3, Tuesday Discworld are three witches, ADC, 7.45pm, £5-8, Tue 17th - Sat 21st January 24th January Granny Weatherwax, Nanny, Ogg and Magrat Garlik. This is Ismene Macbeth, turned up until the knob Marry me a Little Set in contemporary Northern comes off! A Sondheim musical within the Ireland, This bold new play uses the Junction 2 The Shed, 7.30pm, £7/5, Friday harsh glow of New York City, Antigone myth to respond to the 20th January Marry Me a Little explores the McCartney murder. themes of loneliness, uncertainty, ADC, 10.30pm, £3-5, Wed 25th - Sat 28th playfulness, romance, comfort January and loss.

stage ADC, 11pm, £3-5, Wed 18th - Sat 21st January Private Lives Betrayal Noel Coward’s classic comedy Nobel-laureate Harold Pinter about a pair of divorcees who find Dave King takes us from the end of the affair their passion reignited when on hol- to its beginning, chronicling the iday with their new partners, petty deceptions that accumulate Cambridge Arts theatre, Tuesday – Saturday, 7.45pm and Saturday, 2.30pm: “These are crazy days but they to destroy three lives, Corpus Christi £10/£20/£24/£26, Thursday, 2.30pm: make me shi-ine / Time keeps Playroom, £5.50/£4, 8pm, Tue 24th - Sat 28th £10/£15/£20 rolling by”. The wise words of The Taming of the January Noel Gallagher; probably not Shrew Whose ICE was it Terry Pratchett's Wyrd intended as a comment on the In a Gothic swirl of black and anyhow? Sisters life of an undergrad with purple, rock music, leather and Improvised comedy from the uni- A wicked Duke and Duchess, the impending work crises, but lace, the European Theatre Group versity's premier improv group, dead King's ghost and some strangely resonant none the recreates this battle of the sexes return to the ADC with another of pretty dim soldiers - but the only less. The madness and overindulgence of the holiday period is already retreating into the past, with nothing but a Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (15) 11.00pm Hotel Rwanda (12A) 10.00 Arts Picturehouse Consequences of Love(15) 11.OOpm Avant Garde Season: In The Beginning pot belly left to remind you of Friday 20 November (18) 1.00pm the heady excess. Plus it’s still A Cock and Bull Story (15) Sunday 22 January: 12.20, 2.20, 7.00, 9.00 A Cock and Bull Story (15) Thursday 26 January: the middle of bloody dark and Brokeback Mountain (15) 12.20, 2.20, 7.00, 9.00 A Cock and Bull Story (15) miserable winter. So generally 12.30, 3.20, 6.10, 8.50 Brokeback Mountain (15) 12.20, 2.20, 7.00, 9.00 Match Point (12A) 12.40, 3.10, 5.50 3.20, 6.10, 8.50 Brokeback Mountain (15) it’s a pretty depressing time of Breakfast on Pluto (15) 4.20, 8.30 Match Point (12A) 12.40, 4.10, 6.40 12.30, 3.20, 6.10, 8.50 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (15) 11.00pm Breakfast on Pluto (15) 4.20, 9.10 Match Point (12A) 12.30, 5.50 year, with too much work and Consequences of Love (15) 11.00pm een Best of Brazil: You Me & Them (18) 1.00 Breakfast on Pluto (15) 3.00, 8.30 gloom and Christmas-hang- MML: Golden Balls (18) 5.00 over. Fortunately there are a Monday 23 January: A Cock and Bull Story (15) few events coming up to bring 12.20, 2.20, 7.00, 9.00 St John’s some much needed relief to Brokeback Mountain (15) The Constant Gardener 12.30, 3.20, 6.10, 8.50 Sun 22 January, 7pm, 10pm the term’s endeavours. On Match Point (12A) 12.40, 3.10, 5.50 Saturday Roll Deep, the grime Breakfast on Pluto (15) 4.20, 8.30 collective that nurtured the tal- scr Tuesday 24 January: Christ’s ents of Dizzy Rascal and Wiley, A Cock and Bull Story (15) Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the 12.20, 2.20, 9.10 Were-Rabbit are playing at the Junction. Brokeback Mountain (15) 3.40, 6.20 They are big names in grime, Match Point (12A) 1.00, 3.50, 6.45 Sun 22 January 7.30, 10pm Breakfast on Pluto (15) 4.15, 9.00 and with such illustrious U3A: Together With You (18) 1.30 alumni it’s easy to see why. Madingley: Whisky Galore (U) 9.15 Robinson The biggest gig of the week is Saturday 21January: Wednesday 25 January: Charlie & The Chocolate Factory A Cock and Bull Story (15) surely the one for which no A Cock and Bull Story (15) Sun 22 January, 6pm, 9pm 12.20, 2.20, 7.00, 9.00 2.20, 7.00, 9.00 promotion has been done at Brokeback Mountain (15) Brokeback Mountain (15) 3.20, 6.10, 8.50 all. I am speaking of 12.40, 3.20, 6.10, 8.50 The Big Lebowski Match Point (12A) 12.40, 3.10, 5.50 Match Point (12A) 3.10, 5.50 Razorlight, who will be playing Breakfast on Pluto (15) 4.20, 8.30 Breakfast on Pluto (15) 4.20, 8.30 Thu 26 Jan, 9pm a secret gig at the Soul Tree on Tuesday. I recommend that you put your morals aside and do whatever it takes to get a Starting at Zero: Black Art for Mailing September until 31st March 2006 January 2006 - 1st July free entry ticket to this. I am not saying Mountain College Wildlife Stamp Designs you should steal/sleep with a 1933-57 by Ian Loe Deadly Energy Currency in Africa bouncer/tunnel in through the From sketchbook to the postbox Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology Musuem of Archeology and Anthropology, free An exhibition about experiment in entry, till the 1st March 2006 floor, but they’re options worth the arts, education and communi- this exhibition charts the detailed 19th September - 30th April 2006, free entry considering for a chance to ty. Including works by Motherwell, and exacting process of research- see one of the most exciting ing, designing and creating Rembrandt’s de Kooning, Leach, Rauschenberg postage stamps. young bands in the country in and Nolan. Christmas Fitzwilliam Museum, free entry, 26th January - Kettle’s Yard, free entry, 28th January - 2nd April Rembrandt’s etchings of the a tiny venue. Another exciting 23rd April Christmas story range from the young act The Kooks will be at dramatic Angel appearing to the Anglia Ruskin Uni (neé APU) Lucie Rie Shepherds of 1634 to intimate on Thursday. As for the col- Gallery talk given by Sebastiano scenes of Christ’s nativity and leges, the rightly lauded Jazz Barassi. childhood. at Johns night returns on Kettle’s Yard, free entry, 26th January, 1.30pm Fitzwilliam Museum, free entry, until 19th Friday 27th, featuring Four February 2006 Brothers and a Ghost. For the The Antarctic rest of the term, watch out for Photographs of Visible Language: Katie Melua next Sunday, Herbert Ponting Dante in text and MOBO-winner Sway at Photographs taken from the origi- image Rawganics (16 Feb), Andy C at nal negatives of the intrepid An exhibition of books and manu- Warning Feb), Maximo Park photographer who accompanied scripts tracing the transmission Scott's expedition to the Antarctic and the Arctic Monkeys on the exhibitions and influence of Dante’s works NME Tour (12 Feb), Belle and in 1910-1914 (right). from fourteenth to the twenty-first Sebastian (2 Feb) and Graham Scott-Polar Research Institute, free entry, 1st century. University Library, free entry, 17 Coxon (30 Mar).

Badger Attack This Modern Love Robyn Hitchcock and Nice Up and Twist Bob Mould Club Goo International Student minimal techno indie, electro, soul, the Minus 3 Again see interview p.20 indie, with the Rumble Night 9-2 £4 grime and probably the singer-songwriter reggae, funk, soul, 7pm £13 Strips na zdravje! Legends Bar some kissing is joined by REM’s rock’n’roll, and The Junction 8-2 £5 9-2 £4 9:30-12:45 £2 Peter Buck drum’n’bass The Soul Tree Ballare Def Fly and Real King’s Cellars 7pm £13 9-2 £1 before 11, £2.50 Truant with Semtex, Dizzee The Junction after UK hip hop Funk da Bar Urbanite Rascal’s DJ Roll Deep The Kambar 9-2 £3 you love this is killing Cambridge 9-12:30 £4 chaotic grime crew Sunday Roast The Soul Tree 8-12 £3 9-2 £3 Clare Cellars 10-2:30 £9 the weekend stops Internationl Student Emmanuel bar The Soul Tree The Junction here, and so does your Night F.I.S.T. Boogie dignity pohjanmaan kautta! gabba/noise/jungle Courtney Pine The Kooks disco inferno Instinct 9-1 £4 9:30-2 £5 7:30-12 £2 winner of Best Jazz Act support from the 11-2:30 £7 with Nu York State Live Life Life The Geldart at the Urban Music Automatic The Junction 9-4 £8 Awards 8pm £6 The Soul Tree Acoustic open mic Richard Thompson Unique 7:30 £16.50 ARU Express Yourself dubious cheerful singer-song- LBG night The Corn Exchange ‘freestyle dance com- Thunder 9pm free writer 9:30-1 £4 Urban Grooves petition’ riffs-a-go-go CB2 7:30 £17.50 Life ‘fresh and funky’ 9-11 £1 7:30 £18.50 The Corn Exchange 9-3 £3 The Soul Tree The Corn Exchange The Soul Tree

fri sat sun mon tue wed thu YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO GOING OUT IN CAMBRIDGE 24 Varsity Box Ads & Classifieds 20.01.06

Buy any takeaway for pizza at the Pizza Hut on the left on 2 Monday to CAMBRIDGE Thursday and get LEISURE PARK 1 two DVDs for the Tel: price of one at (01223) 414488 CHOICES rental Have a great NIGHT in ON US! on the Leisure Park CAIUS MAY

Awakening Your Light Body The Ariel Society announces auditions for BALL A Course of Spiritual Growth with Christopher Sell Measure for Measure is looking for You are welcome to a friendly Introductory Meeting by William Shakespeare at Second Riverside, University Centre, Granta Place, Mill Lane To be staged on the MUSICIANS, London Fringe at Easter on Sunday 22 January at 7.30pm. £5 at the door. (highly recommended for those without MAGICIANS, DJs and Tripos exams) “Mere words can’t express the wonder of it all.” ACTORS. If you fancy a Some singing parts. discounted ticket to the Details from Heaven on Earth: 32 Brighton Road, Shoreham by Sea, 2-6pm, Sat 21st and Sun 22nd BN43 6RG 01273 594150 or 0845 458 9878 (local rate) Winstanley Lecture Theatre, Trinity Ball or cash to fund May Contact Duncan ([email protected]) [email protected] www.heaven-on-earth.co.uk Week then e-mail Sophie (sehw3) or John (jljr2) to MAKE A DIFFERENCE EDINBURGH FESTIVAL 2006 arrange an audition. Join a stimulating, home-based plan for our 11-year old, mildy autistic Solve your accommodation problems by calling Carole daughter, based on the ‘son-rise’ pro- Groups, individuals and all gramme. Smith/Anne Goring on 01620 810 620 styles of music welcome. email address: festfl[email protected] We would like to ask you to work for 2-4 hours a week (for six months). auditions deadlines or write to Festival Flats, 3 Linkylea Cottages, Gifford, No experience needed; events jobs birthdays full training given. £5 an hour. opportunities bops courses anything! East Lothian, EH41 4PE Make the call: www.festivalflats.net Tel: 01223 248622 16,000 students read Varsity - advertise on this page Make a difference! from just £20 - email [email protected]

JUDITH E. WILSON DRAMA STUDIO FACULTY OF ENGLISH

FIONA SHAW ON TRAGEDY

AT 6PM WEDNESDAY 25th January 06 20.01.06 Advertisement Varsity 25 26 Varsity Sport 20.01.06 Bites, bruises and scratches galore Cambridge women’s Water Polo team suffer bruising experience in Spain

The team soon settled into a SOPHIE Sophie Pickford rhythm of training, eating and sleep- Water polo is vicious. No, really it is. ing and results were gradually and PICKFORD Referred to by some as rugby in somewhat painfully achieved water, torn swimming costumes, through a series of intensive and black eyes, scratches, bruises and rather chilly practices in Calella’s A WEEK IN THE LIFE OF even the occasional bite are all com- fantastic outdoor fifty metre pool. mon. So it was with a certain sense Four hours a day of swimming, drills, PHYLLIS AGBO of excitement, as well as perhaps a ball-handling and arc-work quickly GBR HEPTATHLETE little trepidation, that the Cambridge put the team into shape, with a con- Water Polo team travelled to sistently high work rate and intensi- Catalonia, home to some of the best ty level maintained by captain saturday & sunday sides in Europe. In this veritable Bridget Riley. By the time of the sec- Monthly National Multi Events squad Mecca of polo genius players are ond match, played in Barcelona, the weekend at Brunel University. Those bred big; last year’s experience con- team were ready for a win. The that have been part of the GBR team firmed that teenage Spaniards built game, vs. Mediterrani Juniors, was meet up for a weekend to train and like Amazons are not to be messed initially close, with the Cambridge have workshops. This month, the with. After the general whitewash of starting seven matching, if not workshop was about sports psycholo- 2005, not to mention a number of trumping, their every move. Once gy. Trained in all seven events of the thinly veiled threats concerning mis- the fatigue of long and arduous heptathlon (100m Hurdles, High Jump, erably long and arduous swim sets training sessions set in, however, the Shot Putt, 200m, Long Jump, Javelin, from coach James Scott, the game slowly slipped away from a 800m) including learning to high jump Cambridge girls turned up leaner and bruised and battered Cambridge side. off my other leg- very daunting but fitter than ever at the beginning of Cambridge’s women water polo players in action in Spain seems to be working. Also threw the January ready to take on the opposi- javelin pain-free for the first time since tion, no matter how strong or how “In this veritable ball from being protected right in Davies played an impressive defen- May last year! mean. front of the goalkeeper. With some sive role and fresher Rachael Mell The tour kicked off immediately mecca of polo highly-tuned, slick moves up their showed that she is one to watch for monday with a match against local club sleeves, the girls entered the final the Varsity match. Though the result Rest day as far as training is con- ACSE. Though play initially showed genius players are match of the week against the was a narrow defeat, mainly due to cerned. Went to work 1000-1830 at L K a lack of both awareness and cohe- Montjuic Juniors with quiet confi- over-training and fatigue, the girls Bennett in Harvey Nichols, London. sive team-work due to the long bred big” dence. Offerings were made to the could be proud of their performance Christmas break, the Cambridge girls water polo gods that the pool would and of their progress over the week tuesday reliably kept apace with the The defence melted, leaving the be indoors, and as the team drove as a whole. Work until 1830 then straight to Spaniards’ counter attack. It was Cambridge goalkeeper more than over Barcelona’s Olympic hill and The development of the team dur- Battersea Park Athletics Track for an only in their finishing that the team once in an isolated position. Though spotted their destination, their ing tour has only sharpened their 800m related training session - 3 sets was consistently let down, with a the result was a disappointing loss, prayers were answered. This was determination for forthcoming of 2x200m runs (each 200 to be run in number of solid chances missed due progress had been made, including a surely a sign. The match opened with matches. Armed with a new arsenal 33 seconds, 30 seconds’ recovery to erratic shooting, a problem recti- far greater level of awareness and an impressive goal by newbie Leila of techniques and the odd Turbo between 200’s and 5 minutes’ recovery fied later in training. The match some impressive goals, particularly Walker, playing for the first time in polo costume, Cambridge can look between sets). Let’s just say that I col- ended in a 3-3 draw - a promising from hole-players Maxi von Eye and the starting seven. Wing turns on the forward with relish to the coming lapsed on the floor of the track pavilion start, particularly from the newer, Donna Etiebet. counter attack were reliable and term, which kicks off this Sunday once I had finished…it took another 20 younger players who had little time The next sessions were spent back Cambridge’s efficient arc-work with a BUSA match vs. ULU in mins before I could bring myself to do to adjust to the Spanish style, though in the Calella pool, focussing on ensured that the team held onto the London. This year’s Varsity match a warm down jog. It didn’t help that it there was clearly much work to be problems that had reared their head lead by their fingertips in the first will be played in Oxford on Saturday was freezing cold! done by everyone. in Barcelona, such as protecting the quarter. Line zu-Ermgassen and Jo February 18th. wednesday Woke up for work but never actually made it as I had the worst head cold ever! Probably resulting from many Jesus dominate Clare Novices training sessions in the freezing cold. I just say to myself that the suffering will HELEN occasionally snowy conditions. The all be worth it in the end… Caught up Fisher quality of rowing could only be on some uni work.

Helen FISHER described as variable, with some fairly Rowing in Michaelmas term is a strong crews, notably Magdalene thursday strange affair. Half the river is filled women and Jesus, Clare and Robinson Worked until 1830 then went for a long with impatient seniors anxious to get men, while others appeared unsure in jog (instead of a technical training ses- their University IVs or Fairbairns train- which direction to pull. Everything sion). Started packing as for some rea- ing in; the other with over 1000 new proceeded fairly smoothly though, son I have double the amount of stuff rowers and coxes struggling to deal with only a couple of crashes and min- of everyone else… with the traffic, river bends and wind. imal damage to both crews and boats – The culmination for these is Clare always a hazard in novice events. friday The Clare crew in action on The Cam Novices Regatta - exclusively for those Saturday morning saw the first Last day at work! Had the late shift who have never rowed before, along a crews for the women’s Cup lining up at bank and broke off their bows. crew in .all four races. One wondered 1130-2000 so had a nice lie-in. Got side-by-side 800m course, proceeding 7:50am, a time not especially popular As the day continued, races became whether they would manage a clean home and attempted to finish pack- in a knockout format. There are four with either rowers or marshals. Some progressively closer and the quality of sweep, and, they succeeded in style – ing…went to bed at 0330 still unfin- competitions: the Cup for men’s and immediately began to show their rowing improved as weaker crews defeating Magdalene in the women’s ished. women’s first boats, and the Plate, for strengths, other races were more were knocked out and those left Plate, Robinson in a very closely con- lower boats. In 2004 the competition dependent on luck or lack of crashing. improved in their racing confidence tested men’s Plate, Queens’ in the saturday was almost entirely dominated by The same could also be said for the first and really started to impress. No women’s Cup and finally a very Woke up at 0700 to go and have my LMBC, and the spectators were eager rounds of the Men’s Cup, though the regatta is without controversy and strong LMBC B crew in the men’s hair plaited as of 0900. Finished at to see which club would come out on form of Jesus and LMBC was immedi- this one duly received its share, but Cup. However, final results aside, the 1230. top this time – particularly following ately impressive here. The damage luckily it did not really affect the most important thing to take away the Queens’ ergs results. count did start to rise though, as LMBC friendly spirit between crews, which from the regatta for all involved was The first rounds of the Plate compe- had some inexplicable steering prob- is the most important thing in novice hopefully an enthusiasm for racing, titions took place on Thursday and lems, possibly due to rudder damage, rowing. And so eventually we and a desire to come back next term Friday afternoons, in blustery and and Emma were ploughed into the reached the finals stage, with a Jesus for Bumps.

Win one of three copies of ‘The THE LOW-DOWN Aristocrats’. The Aristocrats is avail- sport in brief able to buy and rent on DVD on 30th January from Pathe Distribution Ltd. Boxing: www.fox.co.uk SHOOTING The Cambridge Blues Boxers are entertaining Trinity College, Dublin on Friday 20th January (tonight) at the Cambridge Union from 8pm. >>Name: ring on the target it falls within. Tickets are £10 and available from Z W E AF Cambridge University Revolver and >>National: Ryder and Amies, Brian Magee Pistol Club Mike Gault is one of the best known DM ([email protected]) and Tom N I A NCAWUB TD >>Where: British shooters and is currently Bennett-Britton ([email protected]). Elizabeth Way Ranges English, Commonwealth and British A E A A >>When: shooting champion. Volleyball: Wednesdays 8-10pm and Saturdays >>Cambridge: Cambridge Mens seconds Volleyball ZIE L R C 3-5pm Recently Cambridge has done pretty Team took part in last term’s EVA >Who: well, winning last year’s Varsity match Student Cup qualifiers against some KAN Open to all university members at home and also winning trophies at tough opposition. Despite being >Aim: Bisley. given directions to the wrong venue, You aim to hit as close to the centre >>Contact: they had a successful day, posting SRABI © Adam Edelshain of a target 10 metres away with each [email protected] or see great scores against Loughborough Re-arrange the letters by rotating the shot, whilst only being allowed to website at and Exeter and narrowly missing out discs to create six separate six-letter words leading in to the centre. hold the pistol in one hand. Each shot www.srcf.ucam.org/curpc/index on qualification. is awarded points based on which Email your answer to: [email protected] 20.01.06 Sport Varsity 27 ... “Sport is an underutilised asset” Incidentally by Zoe Sports Minister Richard Caborn discusses why sport matters with Joe Speight Organ

As he sits in his office overlooking Trafalgar school sports partnerships, which is one DCMS ometimes in Square in central London, Richard Caborn specialist sports college, 8 secondary winter when presides over what he describes as “the schools and 30 primaries, running togeth- Sthe black most coveted ministerial job in govern- er with 3000 school sports coordinators”. trees stick up out of ment”. As Minister for Sport, Caborn’s The former engineer and trade union offi- the snow they look responsibility is a significant one – to cial also acknowledges the lack of a sport- like a thousand simultaneously enhance both ends of the ing culture in much of the older popula- frozen nerve end- sporting spectrum by developing grass- tion. “We also need to address the fault line ings in terrified roots level sport in schools and local com- which exists in universities in particular paralysis. munities on the one hand in partnership where 70% of young people do not con- Sometimes no with Sport England, and improving facili- tinue with active sport after they have left ties and funding for elite performers on the school. At the moment only a third of the amount of hot soup and tea on other with the help of UK Sport. It is a population do what the World Health getting in from the cold can undo challenge which the MP for Sheffield Organisation say they should do (five half their effect. No amount of any- Central is more than enthusiastic about. hours of moderate physical activity per thing will do. We dream of the Caborn, who describes his beloved week), and there is a third who will prob- white numbness that has become Sheffield United’s Bramall Lane stadium as ably never do it. But we are after that mid- cold, of the white light that may the “Mecca of football”, is adamant regard- dle third and are doing that by developing or may not come, as some have ing the role of sport in society. “It is incred- one quality multi-sport facility within 20 said, those who have returned ibly important. I recall the words that Tony from their brief foray with the Blair said to me when I was given this job dead. But now we are like bundles four and a half years ago, that sport is an “This is the most of black and burning sticks who incredible but underutilised asset in deliv- coveted ministerial cluster on to the end. ering the government’s policy on health, Just as our fathers hung fig leaves social inclusion and education.” Since then round their shame, so we long, British sport has undergone a large pro- job in government” naked and in a shrivelled land- gramme of reform in an attempt to make it “fit for purpose. When I came into this job minutes travel time for each of the popula- scape, to hang ourselves with four governing bodies were on the brink of tion, and our target is to increase physical leafy flutters, suitable, sensible, so bankruptcy and we’d spent £1.5bn and activity by 1% per annum. we can breathe and breeze only increased participation by 0.3%.” Caborn also sees the role of higher edu- through life with little tongues to This performance has been improved cation as crucial in developing our sporting fan the flame. In winter we dream through a raft of measures to link schools stars of the future. “On elite side, where of this green world, where green and communities through sport. “We now universities play a role, we have intro- means GO- go forth and multiply, have a sustainable infrastructure of 400 duced a Talented Athletes Sponsorship and in the assurance of our folia- Scheme (TASS) so it will now be much Richard Caborn is the second longest serving Sports Minister geous disguise, we have the stride more by design than by chance that we to do outrageous things with life, fact file pick up young people as they come one of my teeth. So I found a dentist, and And my very first visit abroad as Sports to hide the hard and black and through to reach world class performance. she said to me that the one thing that has Minister was when I went to Munich for enervating pain. We start as prim- Name: Richard Caborn MP In 18 months we have had 1500 students inspired her ten year old daughter more England’s 5-1 win and it was fantastic to sit roses and break into scarlet ripe Born: 1943 begin on TASS. I think education and sport than anything else is wanting to perform at next to Franz Beckenbaur with his head in and furry-bearded strawberries, go together and a physically active lifestyle the Olympics in 2012. We are determined his hands with Deutschland 1-5 England Constituency: Sheffield Central and slightly sickened watch it start goes hand in hand with better academic to make sure this is a national games and on the scoreboard in the background” And Position: Minister for Sport to rot away. And even in winter, Party: Labour attainment levels”. The Minister is also full whenever we can involve the nation in the most disappointing experience? “I was- there are some who are still ever- Ministerial Responsibilities: of praise for BUSA and the competitive delivering the spirit of 2012 we will”. n’t too chuffed about being flown back Sport, London 2012 Olympics, spirit in University sport, and despite some Caborn has been in office during one of from Australia before the Rugby World green, and the rest hang them Gambling, Horse Racing and the funding shortcomings, sees university the most successful periods for British Cup final for a commons vote!” with lights and dress them with Tote, National Lottery policy sport as being in a comparatively healthy sport, but two particular highlights stand Despite its frustrations, Caborn insists stars and gather round to worship. Positions held: Elected to House state. out. “Winning the Olympics was fantastic. “It’s the best job in government, and I’ve But these are hung with needles, of Commons in 1983, Member of The real feather in the cap of Britain’s When Jacques Rogge (IOC President) had four a half years which I could write a and stand stiff and still, a joke on European Parliament (1979-84), second longest serving Minister for Sport is opened that letter and said “London” it book about”. Amidst rhetoric of Olympic our vitality. Minister of Trade (1999-2001), Privy last year’s successful London 2012 was brilliant. We all worked very hard and legacies, he wants to leave his own mark How might we address ourselves Councillor (1999) Olympics bid. But how will this benefit the in the last ten weeks before the announce- with “a much more sustainable infrastruc- to love, in such a place as this? To Supports: Sheffield United F.C. country at large? “The effect it has had on ment I travelled to Beijing, Moscow twice, ture for sport”. A few more victory parades address oneself to love is to forget. the nation is remarkable. I went on holiday five Eastern European states, South Africa, outside the office window probably It comes, like a flood of anaesthet- to Cornwall in August and I lost a crown off Montreal, Zambia, Chicago and Madrid. wouldn’t go amiss either. ic, to protect. Selves from selves are guarded by its storms, that Cambridge 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Across Down flood our brittle tenterhooks 8 4. Dismiss trench around Bath, for 1. Literary name for a quarry (7) awhile, and grant us leave to example (8) 2. Displaying magic grin? Quite the bend. And perhaps we may bend 10 9 stage 8. I fled wine-region in fear (6) opposite (9) for life, and take consolation from these glamorous distortions, twist 10 9. No roster on show in this town (8) 3. Entertainment providing big Taekwondo 10. It can aid memory, initially (8) bucks? (6) and shout. Some of us can defy 12 13 11 11. Unfortunate flier vicar used to 4. Create own profile - or that of The White Witch, who might hide (6) one's leprechaun! (8,7) expose our rapturous positions, tournament 12 16 17 12. Boil croc mixed with vegetable 5. Undeviating hand (8) never to be recovered, always to 18 13 14 (8) 6. Devastation near a stadium (5) be remembered, like photos of the Sarah Taylor 13. Giant hard to find amongst 7. Leathers worn for feline movements of our dreams. We 19 15 winged insects (8) courtship? (7) must eternally avoid her. On Sunday 27th November, 16. Gross as a turbulent sea (8) 14. How to keep hold of your hus- 16 17 22 18 Of course this is all sounds terri- Cambridge University 19. Not south of Watford, and not band? (9) ble, and would be foul and indul- Taekwondo Club hosted the 6th 23 19 20 the Navy either (8) 15. Day those constituents reorgan- gent if I really believed it, if it did- Cambridge Open Competition at 21. Odds on Common Market ised, in their usual way (2,4,2) n’t for some reason induce the Kelsey Kerridge Sports Centre. 21 22 26 head's first oration (6) 17. Mollify chimp with green vegeta- need to laugh. It seems somehow Fighters of all grades from uni- 25 26 23 23. Good man concealing a stain - bles (7) versities across the country, as mixed up in the occult (8) 18. Love-god faces charge of disso- hilarious, and even if hilarity is well as a few smaller non- 24 24. Stonemason's ugly face (8) lution (7) another one of these necessary University clubs, came to com- 25. Exclamation after collapse of 20. Approve distribution of fairy over anaesthetics, it makes for a much pete in the largest Open run by 31 25 undeveloped markets (6) time (6) better way of life. People who run CUTKD to date. 26 26. Says goodbye, making player 22. Gradually moved key between all the time get used to producing Cambridge performed well see red (5,3) two men (5) © Mathmo natural painkillers, and it seems with the men winning a gold the same with a lot of things: the and two bronze medals and the more pain you feel the less ladies taking the gold and a POT BLACK COMPETITION painful it gets. We should never, bronze in the Senior category. then, stop running or look into Special mention must go to Instructions: To celebrate the release of the movie Jarhead, we’ve got copies of the mirror of winter and see our- Rebecca Powell from Caius who Complete the questions in order from red to black. The answer to the original memoir by Anthony Swofford to give away. selves stripped to the bone. We took silver in the Ladies Novice each ball is integral to the following question. To win, answer this simple question: are not trees, and we should con- category. She had a fantastic tinue to flex ourselves into the debut fight to win her semi-final, Who knocked Andy Murray out of the Australian Open? despite the size of her opponent. most perverse emotional positions Which country does “Redball” come from? Jake Gyllenhaal stars in possible until we burn out. There The team shield this year Jarhead went to the University of Central The “Yellowball” flag is chiefly White and what colour? . Which other is only a month and half to go Lancashire who narrowly beat current film does he also until march. CUTKD into second place with 4 The “Greenball” ball wins you how many points in snooker? golds, a silver and 2 bronzes. Which team has won “Brownball” World Cups? star in? For answers to the crossword and Pot We are now looking forward Black, contact: to our Varsity Match in Oxford Which footballer from “Blueball” is World Player of the Year? on 12th February. “Pinkball” played for which French club before moving to Spain? Send your answer to [email protected] by 27th January 2006 [email protected]

Student Membership still available from £35.50 per month Call: (01223) 305060 or drop round for a viewing - on Thompson’s Lane, off Bridge Street. Varsity 20.01.06 VARSITY RUGBY ROWING TAEKWONDO VOLLEYBALL

Cambridge U21s 6-23 Oxford U21s Jesus claim clean sweep Cambridge host national open Men’s 2nds narrowly miss out sport Youngsters beaten by powerful Four trophies for Jesus in Fighters win two gold medals Despite strong performances Oxford to lose MMC Plate Clare Novices regatta but finish in 2nd place overall 2nds fail to qualify in EVA Cup AI MARLAND JAMIE

DAVE AKINLUYI

PLAYER’S VIEW

Relatively few have experienced a build-up to a match such as the intense and emotional journey that ended on 6th December. You are acutely aware of who and what has gone before you, and who you represent. So many ques- tions are asked of oneself that the game could easily be lost before a foot is set on the pitch. Stifled excitement, nerves and careful preparation set the tone for the day before. One of the last things you expect to happen while you’re playing is for someone to be knocked out so early in a game, only for his replacement to go the same way moments later! Thoughts of ‘What’s going on?’ and ‘Who’s next?’ may well have been on our minds less than 20 minutes in. “WE HAD THE UPPER HAND IN ALMOST ALL AREAS OF THE GAME - ESPECIALLY UP FRONT” MMC Trophy returns to Grange Road

This pair of freak incidents was dis- Jamie Brockbank Rampant Cambridge crush Oxford in Twickenham showdown ruptive and came amidst a number of rather uncharacteristic errors. Having Cambridge, replacement Steffan pered in the 36th minute when Bosch, ahead to snatch himself an unopposed played in front of cameras and specta- CAMBRIDGE 31 Thomas was nearly stretchered off just making his 4th Varsity appearance, 30 yard run-in. An exasperated and tors numbering tens of thousands OXFORD 16 minutes later, after he mistimed a took jumper James Jones out in the air shell-shocked Oxford’s morale plum- before, this ‘grand stage’ was not a tackle. Fortunately, Thomas groggily dangerously to become the fixture’s meted. wholly new experience. However, the Not one of Twickenham’s last seven returned to the field of play in the 14th first ever player to receive a yellow Ufton’s touchline conversion extend- struggle to communicate over the roar nail-biting Varsity contests has been minute, but not before Cambridge con- card. ed the lead to an unassailable 24-9, of such a bipolar crowd, much of decided by more than seven points, but ceded more damage, this time on the Oxford opted for the 3 points again allowing the vociferous Cambridge sup- whom were friends, family and stu- a second-half rampage from Cambridge scoreboard. but were soon to rue their slim 9-5 first port in the stands to take gleeful delight dents past and present, proved to saw the Light Blues buck tradition and Desmond failed to release after run- half lead as Cambridge, initially down in lauding their bragging rights over contribute to the state of things. In the regain the MMC Trophy by the widest ning the ball out alone from deep to to 14 men, edged 10-9 ahead after the their Dark Blue rivals amongst the ensuing period of play we managed to margin since their victory in 1996. needlessly gift Whittingham his second break thanks to influential Afrikaner 38,733 crowd. withstand everything the Other Place Cambridge’s forward-dominated placekick, calmly slotted over to make it flanker Nic Alberts’ 43rd minute pick Oxford regained some vestige of had to throw at us and, once finding game plan proved resoundingly suc- 6-0 to an ominously dominant Oxford. and drive over the line. pride when awarded a penalty try in our rhythm, we responded strongly. cessful as their commanding pack, This prompted skipper Ed Carter to Formidable Cambridge scrummaging the 74th minute after Alberts became The second half saw a Cambridge tipped as the stronger beforehand by switch from inside centre to fullback to on the five metre line forced the sinbin- the 3rd man sinbinned for pulling down side playing as it should and could, fol- Wasps Director of Rugby Ian bring much-needed authority to the ning of Oxford tighthead prop Sean the maul, a rather draconian tally con- lowing the performances in preceding McGeechan, scored four of their five shaky defence. Brophy in the 50th minute. Whereas sidering the game was played in good games. We had the upper hand in tries and secured the base for former In practically the Light Blues’ first Oxford had failed to capitalise during spirit. But the irrepressible Bosch had almost all areas of the game - especial- Wasps man, Jonny Ufton, to shrewdly foray into the Oxford 22 in the 27th Bosch’s earlier 10 minute spell in the not finished hogging the headlines, this ly up front. The superiority of our tight exert a calming and controlling influ- minute, hooker Joe Clark’s throw bin, Cambridge, in contrast, exploited time as the video referee awarded him five was obvious, and the efforts of the ence from fly-half. found his former Oxford under-21 team their extra man advantage to the full as his 2nd pushover try in the dying whole team culminated in some out- Few would have predicted mate Andy Clements soaring in the they bagged two converted tries with- stages. standing, hard-fought tries. Before the Cambridge’s emphatic 2nd half per- lineout. He set up a monstrous catch out reply in the game’s defining passage Moments later man of the match game you worry that you, and the formance after Oxford had literally and drive for the burly South African of play. Ufton nudged the ball into touch to team as a whole, might not play to smashed their authority on the game’s loose-head prop, Rudolf Bosch, to score At first it appeared that Oxford might usher the final whistle and scenes of anywhere near potential. We were able traumatic opening stages. In only the the opening try and Cambridge’s first survive unscathed as they agonisingly delirium from Carter and his team. As to step off the pitch letting our per- fourth minute, full back Ian McInroy points against the run of play. withstood no fewer than 5 scrums but Cambridge held aloft the trophy tri- formance speak for itself. dithered in dealing with a teasing grub- Cambridge’s revival continued as Cambridge’s patience at keeping the umphantly in the richly deserved The final whistle left the two teams ber kick deep into the Cambridge 22 Ufton’s deft chip ahead bounced kindly ball tight was finally rewarded as bruis- culmination of months of hard work worlds apart: both exhausted, but us and he was knocked senseless by for Akinluyi, who gathered at pace to ing lock Andy Clements bundled over over 13 preparatory fixtures, Oxford brimming over with joy, elation and onrushing Oxford flanker Doug Abbot, launch a jinking 40 yard break which with the help of number 8 Mike might have been left wondering relief. You shake the hands of those with winger Dave Akinluyi only nar- threatened Oxford’s line. He was roared Harfoot in the 56th minute. whether following their collapse they who lost and see what it would have rowly thwarting an Oxford try in the on by his fans in the crowd who had But the hammer blow was dealt just will need a rebuilding exercise on the been like…and then the celebrations corner as the ball spilled loose. lined up to spell out his name on their 2 minutes later, when Akinluyi charged scale of Twickenham’s new South Stand began! To compound a nervy start for lettered t-shirts. But spirits were tem- down the full-back’s attempted chip- in order to regain the trophy in 2006.

2 5 8 1 Next Week Quick Kakuro     Quick Sudoku Easy   Easy 5 3   9 3 5  Shoeless 3 4 6 2  5 8 6 9 students - Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in  7 9 8 1 the box above or to the left. Use     The object is to insert the num- Aren’t they only numbers 1-9, and never use  bers in the boxes to satisfy only 1 2 6 a number more than once per one condition: each row, column run (a number may reoccur in the and 3x3 box must contain the 6 9 profound?   same row in a separate run). digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 6 5 1 4 Solution and solving aids at www.dokakuro.com What could be simpler? © www.dokakuro.com © Daily Sudoku Ltd 2005