201 S. Gammon Rd, Madison, WI 53717 jmmswordandshield.com “Sword & Shield” @jmmnews [email protected]
APRIL FOOLS’ 2019 VOLUME LII
James Madison Memorial High School Student Newspaper
- SATIRE - SATIRE - SATIRE - SATIRE - SATIRE - SATIRE - SATIRE - SATIRE - SATIRE - SATIRE
E -
R S I A T T A I S R
- E
E -
R S I A T T A I S R E
-
S A E T R I SATIRE I R T E A
S -
- S ISSUE ! A E T R I I R T E A
S -
- S
A E T R I I R T E A FIND OUT WHAT
S STUDY TIPS -
- SPILLING S THE HOTTEST TO ACE YOUR A E NEW DIET IS T
R THE TEA
I CLASSES I
P. 23 R T ON EACH OF P. 9 E A
S - THE EDITORS
- S P. 4 A E T R I I R T E A
S -
- S
A E SCIENTISTS REVEAL WHY YOU SHOULD T R I I R
T THE EARTH IS STOP READING E A ACTUALLY FLAT THE NEWS
S -
- P. 12 P. 21 S
A E T R I I R T E A
S
-
- E R I T A S - E R I T A S - E R I T A S - E R I T A S - E R I T A S - E R I T A S - E R I T A S - E R I T A S - E R I T A S - E R I T A S APRIL FOOLS’ 2019
HEY SPARTANS, As your Arts & Entertainment editors, we want to wish everyone a happy April! This month’s edition is a full issue of satire pieces. We do have real articles on our website though, so don’t forget to check out www.jmmswordandshield.com! Spring is here! We have longer days, spring sports, and warmer weather. Just two more months until summer vacation - we can do it! There’s a lot going on at school during these last few months: sports, Prom, AP tests, finals….but don’t wor- ry! We’re here to keep you notified on everything going on at school and outside. Speaking Arts and Entertainment...there are a bunch of new movies, albums, and other media coming out soon, make sure to check them out! April is a reminder that sometimes, laying back and having a fun time is better than JASSI CHAHAL + CLAIRE REID stressing out and being frustrated. Keep going, we’re almost Arts & Entertainment Editors there!
STUDENT LIFE NEWS ARTS & ENTER. SPORTS OPINIONS 4 // Sword & Shield 10 // Peeps Plant 15 // Quick Movie 18 // Sports 21 // Why Not to Secret Tea Personnel Summaries Moments That I Read the News On all of the editors. Prosecuted Find out what The Wish Were Fake 22 // Why Clickbait 5 // Senior Advice 11 // Four Years of Favourie, A Star is Born, 19 // My is Good Green Book, Five Feet Column No Reason to Not Apart, Us, Call Me By Commitment to the 23 // The Best Diet Developing relationships Get Married Your Name, and The NBA for Losing Weight with teachers and staying Commitment-phobes Room are about. A student reveals a 23 // Freshmen Are motivated. forced to settle down. 15 // Tic Tac Toe surprising career choice. an Important Part of 5 // Luxurious Su- 11 // Discovering 16 // Horoscopes High School shi Recipe Greatness on New 23 // Freshmen Get rich quick. America Must Be Banned 6 // Bathroom 11 // New Mexican Remodel Dirt Some long-awaited For only $5 per bag. changes 12 // The Earth is 6 // ETH Club Flat??? Advocating for the Ethical Treatment of 12 // Book: Watch Houseflies. Out Apple 7 // How to Prepare 13 // No Daylight for AP Exams Savings 8 // Cartoon 13 // World War 3: How to draw a bunny What Happened and 9 // How to Be How We Missed It Productive in 14 // President School Trump Impeached Don’t let senioritis catch up with you.
2 EDITORS Co-Editors-in-Chief What’s ha ening Garrett Kennedy & April Beatričė Naujalytė THIS MONTH at JMM? Student Life Editors Amisha Talati & Deney Li 2019 Opinions Editor Maggie Di Sanza Sports Editors 1 April Fish Kari Larsen & 2 Rahima Osman News Editor 3 Leah Vredenbregt Arts & Entertainment Editors