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TI-IE ETRIE WEEKLY "The press is to be used as a mirror in which public figures can see whether they are on the right track." - Nelson Mandela

Volume XXXII, Number 15 1000 Hilltop Circle, Baltimore, MD 21250 January 27, 1998 On the Winter Graduates Housing Get Pomp and Move? Circumstance Problem, Some Speculate For the first time, winter graduates had a full-fledged Possible UMCP Will Nab commencement ceremony - complete with caps and gowns. Hrabowski Dan Magaha (left) and Enid Butler (right), happy to be finished; Solution (bottom) the graduating class. KARAN LEE Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff KARAN LEE Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff UMBC may be a university "on the move," according to President As more students than ever be­ fore opt to return to campus hous­ Freeman Hrabowski, but for now, ing, Residential Life hopes to tackle he said he's not going anywhere. the problem of increased Speculation that Hrabowski could be the one to replace soon­ recontracting by asking residents to leaving University of Maryland, have their Spring 1998 university College Park President William E. bills paid for by March 2. A non­ "Brit" Kirwan, has shown up in The refundable deposit of $100 will also Baltimore Sun and has been dis­ be required at the same time. The deadline comes a month ear­ cussed within the ranks of higher education since early January when lier than in past years when pay­ Kirwan announced his resignation ment for university bills and the to accept the presidency at Ohio housing deposit - which used to State University. be refundable - were due during The talk, however, was met with the first week of April. Hrabowski publicly saying that he Residential Life is currently try­ is not interested in the position and Close Call With Rabies on Campus ing to solve the problem of an ever­ increasing waiting list for housing, that he wants to stay here at UMBC. which is anticipated to exceed the "I am absolutely challenged and irtg. Within that day, the department infectious saliva. Those in contact ELAINE R. ELGAMIL 418 students on last year's list, said fascinated by my work at UMBC," Retriever Weekly Staff Writer analyzed the remains, which tested with the raccoon after it was Karla Nurczy k, director of Residen­ he said." ... My colleagues are sup- positive for rabies. skinned were put at an even greater tial Life. Approximately 150 stu­ Rabies, a viral infection which risk for the disease because they As students prepared for their fall dents on next years' s waiting list are affects the nervous system in ani­ may have touched the cerebral fluid SEE PRESIDENT, PAGE 4 semester finals, an incident on cam­ expected to be incoming freshmen mals and humans, can be contracted after the carcass was exposed. pus left some worrying about their and new transfers whom Residen­ through contact with an infected Saliva is infectious up to two health. tial Life has given priority to live animal. In Maryland, raccoons are hours after death, whereas the spi­ On December 12, a community on campus. one of the most likely carriers of nal fluid can carry the infection as director reported to campus police Nurczyk said she hopes that the virus. long as it remains wet. that a resident had hung the skin of since the deposit is now non-re­ Barbara McLean, a staff physi­ According to McLean, a group a dead raccoon over a Breton apart­ fundable that it would determine the cian for the Baltimore County of students and non-students who ment balcony to dry and had also number of people who seriously Health Department's division of were driving home from a bar .left the carcass to decompose. Dis­ intend to live on campus in the fall communicable diseases, handled around 1 :30 a.m., found the rac­ gusted with the sight of the remains, while reducing the number of can­ the case: She said that the case was coon lying dead in the middle of another resident of the complex also cellations over the summer. unusual and sensitive. Yohrnan said the road. Two of the group picked contacted the police, said campus However, Nurczyk believed this that the Baltimore County Health up the animal by its tail with a plas­ police Chief David Yohman. measure won't prevent most resi­ Department had an incident simi­ tic bag to protect their hands. One The police were concerned that dents who want to move back to lar to this in the past when a person of the students, experienced in salt­ Photo courtesy of the President's Office the raccoon might have been rabid campus next fall from doing so. skinned a rabid racoon. ing and tanning hides, kept the ani­ and contacted the Baltimore County "We want to send the message to Will he or won't he? Some say Rabies is carried only in saliva mal and planned on using the Health Department. The carcass students that we will be able to Hrabowski may be leaving for and cerebral spinal fluid, but most treated skin for a fur hat. was immediately sent to the Depart­ accomodate the majority of stu- College Park, but he says he's ment of Health and Mental Hygiene people contract the disease if an One of the three people that staying here. lab in downtown Baltimore for test- open wound comes in contact with SEE RABIES, PAGE 4 SEE HOUSING, PAGE 6

new women.ts xg.Q/f team~ ., ...~, .~. PAGE2 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS January 27, 1998 I.-. ::B:ri_e:f

FAFSA Applications Now Available If you apply electronically, be sure to print Roussillon: French Themes and Local Varia­ The new application for financial aid for out, sign and mail the required signature page. tions," at noon on Wednesday, Feb. 11 at academic year 1998-99 is now available. The Johns Hopkins University's Homewood cam­ FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Amnesty International Meeting pus, 3400 N. Charles St. in Baltimore. Aid) may be picked up at the Office of Fi­ A new Amnesty International group has Alderson will lead the audience to a part nancial Aid or at the Student Information been formed at UMBC. Students interested of France that has been an inspiration to many Giving Heed To Weed ·Center at the University Center. If you want in the organization, which is concerned with artists, musicians, writers and others. The A professor at the University of Toronto to apply for financial aid for the 1998-99 aca­ worldwide humari rights, can attend a meet­ lecture will highlight the architecture, art, has asked school administrators for per­ demic year, you must complete this form. ing February 4 at 1 p.m. in UC 310. geography, history and the music of the re­ mission to grow marijuana for medicinal To receive priority consideration for' all A guest speaker from Amnesty's regional gion. use in the university's greenhouse. types of financial aid, it is recommensfed that office will be at the meeting. -., Alderson received her Ph.D. from ,Ohio If Diane Riley, an instructor of behav­ you submit the FAFSA by the end of January University and retired from the Baltimore ioral sciences, gets her wish, the univer­ _1998. UMBC's priority deadline is a FAFSA Legal Speeding · County Public .School system where she sity could be the first organization autho­ receipt date of March 1 for the next school Students interested in ski racing can com­ taught French for many years. She is a long­ rized under Canada's Controlled Drug and year. Early submission is recommended. pete in the college circuit under the Univer­ time member of Alliance Francaise, a national Substance Act to grow the plant legally. If you completed a FAFSA for 1997-98 by sity of Maryland Ski Racing Team. French society, and is currently president of . The act allows research institutes, phar~ October 25, you should receive a renewal Please contact Vlad Enache at 'the Baltimore chapter. 1 maceutical companies and universities to FAFSA application by mail. [email protected] or at (301) 6l.3--8523 This lecture is part of the Wednesday Noon test and produce illegal drugs. You may also choose to complete your for more details. Series presented by The Johns Hopkins Uni­ If the university agrees to grow the 1998-99 FAFSA ~lectrontcaily. Two options versity Office of Special Events. This pro­ plant, it's more likely the Canada's health available: apply online using FAFSA on the Johns Hopkins University Lecture gram is held in the Clipper Room of Shriver departm~nt will approve the use of mari­ Web at www.fafrn.ed.gov or download Frances Alderson, MLL profe~sc}r at the hall. Admission is free. juana for emergency medicinal purposes, FA!~' SA Express so~tware on the Web at University of Maryland, .Baltimore County, For further information, call the Office of said Dann Michols, who is in charge of www. ed:govloffices/OP£/express. html. will give an illustrated lecture, "Languedoc- Special Events at 410-5 16-7157. regulating all drugs and medical devices in the nation.

Bro_wn Students Drop Cl]arges Absolute LOWEST PRICES & LARGES~ SELECTION Of all paper & film! Two Brown University Students have Man Suffers N oboey has more than Abbey! • struck an unusual truce: she's no longer claiming rape, and he's dropped his libel Abbey Camera's Huge suit against her. Broken Nose Adam Lack and Sara Klein recently re­ BACK solved theii differences and are "moving TO SCHOOL 51\LEJ past the troubles of the last two years," In,/ Assault said university spokesman Mark Nikel. FILM SPECIALS B&W PAPER SPECIALS The university's disciplinary council TRAVIS TIMMONS found Lack, now a senior, guilty of sexual Retriever Weekly. Staff Wrzter · ' 1l1or11M61'1d1e1ux~ · ; ..• . .. ·· ··•· 'Kodak TMax100Jfas-24 .... $ 2.19 misconduct, and suspended him for a se­ . \ MultigraaefBBx:to.. >. •··· Kodak T . Maxt00/135~36 .....$ 3.6.9 · mester in 1996, after Klein, a sophomore, An aggravated assault involving a studer.:it 25 .sheets ...... :...... •..... $13.99 Kodak TMai41•ooo• .. · 1/•. 11•· 23p5 ..2 .. 4.. m.$$ 22_.4899: claimed he raped her. Lack appealed the and an alumnus took place at the Choptank ' MUlliQ . ". ~de F~ 8110 · : . Kodak TMax . 0 .· • ·. - . .. '.. ·..• •·

case and received a reduced charge of "fla­ apartments on campus early last week, po­ •••••• ; •••••• u.•• 100 sheets. 00 $47~95 Kodak TMax 400 · 11 3 5~36~ ... f · ~~ . 79 · grant disrespect" and probation. lice said. MdltigradefB11x14 '> KodakTMax 400 1 .1 ·· 2.. 0·· .; ..... uAA:·· {?. 5·· .·9 · Lack argued that he had sex with Klein The assailant attackedthe victim with bare 50sheets ...... -.. $46.95 · · KodakTri-X/ 135~24··· .. ;...... $$> 2.59•· because she wanted to, not because she hands and fractured the victim's nose, said IVlultigrade RC 8x10 , Kodak Tri-X 1.. 135~3 6,,,...... ·3 .6 ·0 was drunk, as she later claimed. He said police. However, the perpetrat_ / "I was completely shocked," said because it was broken in two places." Alejandro Purgue, a postdoctoral scholar Senior Zenon Pantazonis, 20, said that he in UCLA's physiological department, who talked to the assailant after the incident oc­ made the discovery. "It took me six curred. months of research to convince myself "- "[The assailant said] his reason for attack­ that this finding was correct. ing the victim was because 'He wouldn't tell Frog-watchers have iong assumed the me what was going on,"' said Pantazonis. frog's ribbits emanates from the balloon­ "The assailant ... was asking the victim a lot like sac at the frog 's throat. But Purge of questions. When the victim said he was measured sound vibrations from vari

Guidelines for the Budget Season WORLD JAMIE SMITH money have sometimes gotten less from the his assistant, Stephen Letschin, would Retriever Weekly Staff Writer SGA. Under the proposed policy, however, step up. N E w s they will get more: Up to $5,000 in money But the Judicial Board, which reviewed The SGA's budget policy is now in ef­ raised can be matched by the SGA. The first the SGA's constitution at President Will­ fect - which mean~, that clubs looking $250 raised will net $125 from the SGA; the iam Barnes' request, decided otherwise. 1 for funding can find out exactly what they next $500 nets $150; the next $1,500 nets According to the document, the board need to do and when they need to do it. $375; and the last $2,750 nets $550. The ruled ~ the SGA vice president assumes the Hammurabi Livest As far as senators know, this is the first amounts have been adju·sted slightly from the duties of speaker until one is voted in. Un- In September, prominent Iraqi. ortho­ time the club budget process has been put original proposal. ~il February 16, VP Reginald Riley will pedic surgeon Hassan al-Khoudairi down on paper. In the past, rules were un­ •Clubs that miss the deadline for request­ preside over the senate. · abruptly fled the country after local news­ written and could change· from year-to ing funds - four weeks into the spring se­ Before he left, Laird said he thought year, frustrating some club members who mester - will be punished. Tardy clubs this the constitution needed an adjustment. casts showed that his patient, Saddam Hussein's son Odai, was still walking thought they understood the system but year cannot get more than 70 percent of their "Given the way the constitution is writ­ with a bad limp after being treated by the found out they didn'i.t current budget next year, except in extreme ten now, it's a justifiable interpretation," doctor following a 1996 assasination at­ "When I was a sophomore and a jun­ cases. he said of the board's ruling. "I don't tempt. ior, I completed the budget packets - and • The SGA will not give funding for more think, however, that it's what should hap­ And in November, the bodies of three it was a pain," said Jessica O'Neill, 21, than 100 flyers per event. pen in the future. From what I've heard prominent Mexican plastic surgeons were team captain of the UMBC Parliamentary Before the proposal became policy, the from others, there is a good amount of a found, mutilated and encased in concrete Debate Society. "It was very difficult be­ senate made some changes to it, mostly tech­ support for some kind of constitutional within 66-gallon drums alongside a high- cause we didn't know what they [SGA nical, according to Peter Laird, last semester's amendment to fill in this hole." way. _ members] were looking for." speaker of the senate. Students who want to Laird -said the two "favored" options The doctors had operated on drug lord "Now, from year to year, we will have see the updated version can pick one up in he's heard are having the assistant speaker Amado Carrillo fuentes, who died in July a system that everyone can turn to, ev­ the SGA office, UC 205. take over until a new speaker can be voted of complications from the surgery. eryone can plan for," said O'Neill, who Laird said he was happy the policy is in in, or having the assistant speaker take .attended a fall meeting for club members. place. "I think it's long overdue, to be hon­ over permanently and electing a new as­ to discuss the then-proposed policy. Those est," he said. sistant. Contents Under Pressure In November, Paul Z. Singer, head of who spoke at the meeting were mostly What happens now because of the policy In any case, he said, "it's always en­ Singer Financial Corporation in Philadel­ complimentary about the proposal. remains to be seen, he said: "I think its real lightening to have other people read your phia, was ·sentenced to nine months in At the close of the semester, the policy trial will come over the year." documents ... because they see thlngs and was overwhelming passed by the senate, interpret things in ways that the authors prison for·an extreme reaction to what he 14 to 1, and signed by President William Senate Speaker Mix-up of the documents just plc!in can't." called business pressures. One night in 1996, an extremely de­ Barnes. Now, as the budget season begins, Peter Laird's retirement as speaker of the pressed Singer decided to deal with his clubs can expect these changes: senate at the end of last semester raised some Next Senate Meeting tension by loading a backpack full of • Club members can fundraise without questions. Namely, who takes over? The next meeting will be at 7:30 p.m. spray paint cans into his BMW. fear of being penalized during their bud­ When he announced his. impending resig­ on Monday, February 2, location to be de­ get review. In the past, clubs that raised nation - due to graduation - Laird assumed · termined. When he was arrested, said police, he had written graffiti all over 31 walls, win­ dows and automobiles.

Intelligent Vegetables Kenneth Curtis, 32, was arrested in GAIN S1RENG1H IN NUMBERS AT GW November in Hartford, Conn., and state prosecuteors will again attempt to bring him to trial for the 1987 murder of his Position yourself for a· successful professional career with one of former girlfriend . . GW's graduate programs in accounting and taxation. Curtis had avoided trial earlier because of mental incompetence during a brain • Master of Accountancy ( 40 credit hrs) injury caused by shooting himself in the head in a suicide attempt. • Master of Science in Professional Accounting (30 credit hrs) A judge had released him in 1989, say­ • Master of Taxation ( 46 credit hrs) ing Curtis had almost no chance of ever regaining his mental faculties, and an appeals court removed an order that he Ideal preparation for professional .careers in public accounting, be retested every year. corporate accounting, financif!.l management, government, Curtis was freed simply because Con­ or ·consulting. -- necticut has no law to require him to be detanied. However, WWTNH-TV, New Haven, +Accountancy programs provide background preparation for the found that Curtis is currently enrolled in CPA, CMA, CIA, CFM, or CGFM certificates a pre-med curriculum at Southern Con­ + Small sections with highly experienced faculty necticut State University, with 48 credits and a 3.3 (B) average, and that a state + Opportunities to meet professionals and prospective agency had given him almost $1,000 in _employers ·· tuition assistance. + Minimum 10 months full-time or 2 years part-time· Selling Plea Bargains At Wal-Mart In Springfield, Mo., in June, Vernon Now accepting applications_for Fall 1998. Wayne Richmond, 18, stood up in court to give the details of his crime as part of Find out how you can strengthen your career opportunities a plea bargain to cocaine possession. Richmond said he found cocaine, put with a graduate program that really adds up! it in his pocket, and then was arrested by police after a Wal-Mart guard detained him. Call (202) 994-3 288 Unfortunately, Richmond had misun­ Fax (202) 994-5164 derstood which of his cases the plea was E-mail [email protected] for. Actually, the district attorney was http://www.sbpm.gwu.edu prosecuting him for an earlier arrest for having cocaine in his car and was un­ aware of the Wal-Mart arrest. PAGE4 'THE RETRIEVER'WEEKLY NEWS · Janu·ary 27, .1998 Will College Park Get Hrabowski? ' ., .•.. ~ . ' ', FROM PRESIDENT' PAGE 1 . .. t:·__ ..._;;,, ·· portive. Students at UMBC are wonderful. I fessional advancements~. ;;, he said. , a lettet from the committee asking them enjoy working there, and most important, it's King described college presidents as _b~­ whether or not they want to continue in the clear to me that the university is on the ing the equivalent of "athletic superstars" in search process. move." the higher education profession, and the num­ As of last week, the group had not been Hrabowski said he was not sure how long ber of truly qualified persons is low, many of completely formed and no official nomina­ he would stay at UMBC, although The Sun them already heading universities across the tions have been made. However, Ryan said quoted him as saying that he would be on country. that Hrabowski's name had already been rec­ campus until the year 2000. He has been on "The odds are that the person who is best ommended as a candidate for the College campus for 11 years and was formerly the for this job may be very content, may be do­ Park presidency. vice provost before he became president six ing an excellent job somewhere else and re­ It is estimated that about 200 leaders will years ago. ally isn't looking to leave," he said. "And so be considered, and that number will be nar­ This is not the. first time Hrabowski has you have to entice that person away." rowed down to several finalists. By July, said turned down a position, and it won't be the In fact, as King put it, this happened in Ryan, the committee should have a person to last. He currently receives top job offers from Kirwan's case. recommend as a candidate for the presidency, universities, one recently from a college in "It wasn't that [Kirwan] had been out there although the final decision is left up to the North Carolina, and also from corporations. throwing his name into presidential searches, regents. "People call me to askif I'm interested in but because of what he's accomplished here For now, some faculty and students are [job] possibilities and I'm able to say with ' and the stability of his presidency here, he breathing a sigh of relief that Hrabowski said Photo courtesy of College Park University Relations confidence and comfort that 'No, I'm not, that had built a very appealing track record at he is styaing, and several interviewed be­ UMBC. is the place for me,"' he said. other institutions," he said. "And Ohio State lieved that his departure would be a detri­ William E. "Brit" Kirwan, president of College Park, will be leaving in July. Roland King, director of university rela­ spotted him and came ~~er him, basically." ment to the campus. tions of College Park, said that even though The University System of Maryland Board "I'm sure that the time will come when Hrabowski said he was not interested in the of Regents is responsible for establishing a he'll receive offers that are too good to pass position, he is still a viable candidate at this "search and screen" committ,ee and ultimately UQ, but I'm hoping that he'll stay at UMBC point of the pr esidential search, v._:hich will deciding who the new president will be from for a long time," said Marsha Goldfarb, pro­ take approximately six months. the nominated candidates, according to Katie fessor of economics. "[UMBC] has a president ... who has done Ryan, executive assistant to USM Chancel­ Edward Orser, president of the UMBC fac­ wonders with that institution in the time he's lor Donald N. Langenberg. Currently, the -- ulty senate, agreed. been president," he.said. " I can certainly un­ system is creating a search committee, which "We would be incredibly distressed to lose derstand why people are considering him." will consists of 15 people who are constitu­ Hrabowski as president," he said. "From the Stephen Letschin, assistant speaker of the ents of the College Park campus, including point of view of faculty, there's no question SGA senate said that he would be surprised faculty, .staff and students. that people would like him to stay here as to see Hrabowski accept the presidential can­ "This is going to a major presidential long as he can." Buy recycled. It wouldme an the world to them. didacy. search for the whole country," she said. For now, Hrabowski said that he is focus­ ~wlh)~ ~~ i;;g~n~ Ii) prok;.+d~it fuoo when~ b_.y rtod~~ "I think if. it comes to the ·fact that he is a The group will nominate leaders, and a ing on the campus. tiidefwm ~kl ti$tt'iiab. Su ~rldintr Amctk~ ~lm lJiy QU candidate for the presidency of College Park search firm may be hired to help the "It's about being where you want to be and No1•i!t~ l5lL, l~ " h-~ lm.xbi~ 4f! l·SOO-C:ALL·EDF or viiit u11t ~h dlt !!tww.itAl.Qtg . that he's going to look very seriously into his commitee get as broad of a range of pros­ doing the work you want to do," he said. "It's & relationship with UMBC, any possible rela­ pects as possible, said Ryan. She added that that simple. I couldn't imagine being any­ Elf tionships with College Park and his own pro- in the process, candidates will eventually get where else at this point in my life." I w Rabid Raccoon Near Campus FROM RABID, PAGE 1 1 phone-mail. handled the raccoon was recommended to "Our concern ... was notifying the people receive treatment. The student involved with because it was a public health situation," leavin ~ the dead body in the residential area Yohman said. is allegedly in violation of the residential McLean believed that the police depart­ conduct code and will go through the judi­ ment handled the case effectively by recog­ cial process. nizing the possibility that the animal was ra­ The police were able to alert the students · bid and by tracking the people involved im­ who had come into contact~ith the rabid mediately. raccoon on that same day. Other students, "This was all solved in a couple of hours," faculty and staff were also notified through she said. "It is serious [because] rabies is fa- . campus-wide announcements, e-mail and tal." 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'· THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS January 27, 1998 PAGES

Operating an Unregistered Vehicle mulch outside the Fine Arts building. Pfc. woman home with him, assuring officers that nine other reported cases. The investi­ December 3, 8:00 a.m. - Pfc. Glover Conklin and Pfc. Milford responded to the he would initiate a domestic violence· com­ gation continues. stopped a non-stude,nt for a radar viola­ fire, located an area of mulch that was smol­ plaint in P.G. County. tion on UMBC Blvd:'Further investiga­ dering, and extinguished it. Destruction of Property tion revealed the vehicle operated by him Burglary January 8, 8:17 p.m. - An employee was not registered and displayed a regis­ Drug Violation December 29, 6 p.m. - A student at reported the tires on his vehicle were tration plate not assigned to the vehicle. December 9, 2:20 p.m. - University police 'N' anti coke apartments reported that person(s) damaged at Hilltop Circle, Administra- The vehicle was stored by Varsity Tow­ obtained arrest warrants charging two UMBC illegally entered her apartment and removed . tion Drive. The defendant has been ing and the plate seized as evidence. Traf­ resident students with "burglary and assault her goldfish, which she values at $3. The in­ charged in this incident. fic citations were issued. with intent to rob a fellow-student." Arrested vestigation will continue. were Eric R. Schermerhorn, 20, and Thomas Destruction of Property Drug Distribqtion, Arrest Paolini, 20. both arestees were residents of Suspicious Condition January 8, 8:20 p.m.' - An employee December 3, 8:20 a.m. - UMBC stu­ the Chester apartments where officers ex­ December 30, 1: 18 a.m. -A non-student re­ reported the tires on her vehicle were dent Bradley Herrell surrendered himself ecuted a search and seizure warrant. During ported that he parked his vehicle on the road­ slashed at Hilltop Circle, Administration to campus police after they obtained a the course of the search of the residence of way. Upon returning to his vehicle, he dis­ Drive. The defendant has been charged warrant charging him with the possession Schermerhorn, paraphernalia containing the covered that two of the tires were flat. A po­ with the incident. and sale of marijuana and related charges. suspected residue of marijuana was found and . lice officer examined the tires, but failed to Bail was set at $10,000. Tlie investiga­ seized as contraband/evidence. find any signs that suggest criminal activity. Destrucfion of Property tion in continuing. January 8, 1~34 p.m. - A student re­ Attempted Suicide Destruction of Property ported-that the tires on her parents' ve­ Theft from Auto December 13, 1:50 a.m. -A student called January 3, 8:25 p.m. -,,A police officer took hicle were slashed at Hilltop Circle. The December4, 12:45 a.m. -A student re­ and reported that a student- swallowed an a report at Lot #9 of 3 tires slashed on a defendant has been charged with the in­ ported that she parked a vehicle at the unknown quantity of prescription capsules in student's vehicle. A second and a third ve­ cident. rear of the University Center at tO:qo an effort to commit suicide. Her boyfriend hicle were also observed with flat tires. A p.m. and returned at 12: 30 a.m. to dis­ found her lying ori. her bed seemingly uncon­ follow-up interview a short time later with Destruction of Property cover the right rear window smashed and scious. Upon arrival, officers found the vic­ the UMBC student revealed that four tires January 9, 1:07 a.in. -A vehicle regis­ property stolen from the vehicle. tim awake and sitting in a chair in the lobby on the vehicle had been slashed. Additional tered to a non-student had the two right of Chesapeake Hall. An ambulance arrived investigative leads are being pursued. tires slashed at Hilltop Circle, Center Missing Student at the scene. The victim was transported to Street. The defendant has been charged December 4, 4:50 p.m. - The mother of St. Agnes Hospital for obseI'Vation. Destruction of Property with·the incident. a UMBC student reported that. she January 5, 5:11 p.m. -A student reported dropped her son off at he AOK Library· Telephone Misuse that person(s) unknown cut, slashed, pieced Destruction of Property on November 10, 1997 at approximately December 17, 9:50 a.m. - A UMBC em- . and punctured, therefore destroying two tires . January 9, 1:07 a.m. - A vehicle regis­ 4 p.m. Her son has not been seen or heard ployee received a threatening phone call from that were on his vehicle, parked in Lot #9. tered to a non-student was discovered . from since that time. Investigation with a former UMBC student regarding an out­ He estimated that the tires cost $50 a piece. with slashed tires at Lot #11. The de­ his instructors at scheduled classes indi­ standing library bill. The investigation will continue. fendant has been charged in this inci­ cated that he had no~ attended class for dent. some time. He said to his mother on No­ Burglary · Destruction of Property vember 10 that he would be staying with December 19, 2:06 a.m. -A resident UMBC January 5, 7 p.m. -A student reported that Destruction of Property a friend at an off-campus residence. She student reported that an unknown person en­ person(s) unknown punctured one of the tires January 9, 11 :08 a.m. -A graduate stu­ was advises to initiate a missing person's tered his room and placed. a picnic bench, on the car he was using. He estimated that dent reported that three tires on his ve­ report with the Anne Arundel County along with several beer cans, in the room. the tire had a value of $50. The investigation hicle were slashed while parked and police department. When he returned to his room he found that will continue. unattended at Lot #9. A defendant has the door was unlocked, although he said he been charged in related cases. Arrest was not sure whether or QOt he had locked Destruction of Property December 4, 8:54 p.m. - At approxi­ his door before he left. The officer, through January 7, 9:53 p.m. - A student reported Destruction of Property mately 6 p.m., Olice that there was fire in the summoned to the location and took the charged with "destruction of property" in the charged in related·cases.

This space for ·rent. Call (410) 455- 1260. PAGE6 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS January 27, 1998

Officials Expecting ~igh Housing Waiting List FROM HOUSING, PAGE 1 up to date on all their payments by March 2 "I feel like it's a little unfrur to kind of kick ing here may allow them to adjust to the uni­ dents who want to recontract," she said. and continue to be after that date, said out people who already live here," said St. versity more easily, said Nancy Young, asso­ Residential Life anticipated last Novem­ Nurczyk. Cyr in November. "I understand ORL's con­ ciate ~tor of Residential Life last year. ber that about 63 percent of resident students After all bills have been paid or accounted cern about [accomodating] a freshman class, According to Fey in November, a fresh­ - or 1,400 people - will recontract for for, the student must provide Residential Life but I think that upperclassmen are just as man may have a greater need for housing than housing for next fall, which is about IO per­ with a $100 housing deposit betwe~n Febru­ valuable." a 21-year-old who has been at the university cent more than in each of the school years ary 16 and March 2 in order to recontract. Stephen Jacobs, 20, was also unhappy. for years and knows the community well. from 1992-1997. They had projected that Residential Life officials will be having a "If students want to stay the whole time ·'When you're a 17- or 18-year-old com­ between 1,300 and 1,350 students can recon­ meeting this week to decide what to do, if they should be able to," the junior said in No­ ing from home, whether it's in Baltmore or tract for sp~ces next fall. for one reason or another, their plan does not vember. "If you're going to make a commit­ Arizona, you and your parents ... are going According to Residential Life, to be eli­ free up 150 spaces. Additional solutions in­ ment to someone's education, it's almost like to want to make sure that you' re safe, secure gible to recontract, students must have paid clude a lottery based on credits or distance, stabbing someone in the back when you say and that the university is able to provide for their spring 1998 tuition, fees, room and not letting people recontract who have been 'I don't want you here anymore."' you and what you need," he said. board or have Financial Aid verify that funds involved in incidents of misconduct on cam­ Charles Fey, vice president for Student On February 2, at 7 p.m. in the Potomac have been approved, but have not been pus and not allowing fifth-year seniors to stay Affairs and the administrator who oversees · Hall community room there will be a work­ posted, by March 2. In addition, students who on campus. Residential Life, was quoted in a December shop given by the Financial Aid office. The are on the university payment plan must be However, while Residential Life has not edition of The Retriever Weekly as saying that program aims to answer general financial aid made any final decisions .yet, no group is more important than another questions that residents may have about pay­ officials said in November that group. ing their balance this spring or applyirtg for grades will not be a factor in their "I don't think that anx_particular class of funds to pay for the next school year. decision to restrict the number people ought to be disadvantaged over an­ Residential Life had a workshop last De­ of students who can reapply foe other one," he said. "We have to look at all cember about off-campus housing and plans housing. the factors and come up with a decision that to have another one soon. A member of the Some students, including jun­ will be the most fair to the most people." CIRC desk in the UC gave a presentation to ior Danielle St. Cyr, were wor­ Incoming freshmen have priority for hous­ students on how to use the center as a resource ried that they may not be able to ing because many of them·· could or would to find ?-partment communities, some on live on campus in the fall. not otherwise attend UMBC and because liv- UMBC bus shuttle routes.

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January 27, 1998 PAGE7 OPINION TI-I -E I ETRIEVER I' I WEEKLY I Editor-in-Chief Opinion Editor General Manager Bethany Nikfar Emily Bernstein Raymond Dubicki

-Try a N'ew Approach This Semester

If you just passed your classes by the skin on your teeth last semester, you have three distinct choices. You could do exactly the same thing you've been doing - the bare mini­ mum - and hope you squeak by again this spring. Similarly, you could give up on school, . stock your fridge with beer and wait to get forcibly removed from campus. But, your third, and by far best, option would be actually to buckle down-::--- somewhat - and get something done. Any kind of school failure only indicates that you ought to consider cutting down on such detrimental behavior as skipping class for the sake of playing pool in the game room, putting aside assigned readings in favor of going to what will probably be a lame party SIGNE anyway or spending three hours online trying to ,convince yourself that the " Ho{ and Lacy PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS Homepage" will help you better understand biology. Philadelphia Turning down your friends' party offers once in a while should not be regarded as anti­ USA social but rather as a way to save your ~oney by not extending your college career beyond the typical decade or so of most UMBC students' tenure. A semester lasts ~or about three months. You have the rest of your life to spend your time procrastinating. So, if you are assigned a paper, don't wait until the night before_and freak out with the realization that there is not enough time for you to research and write a 15 page paper. Rather, do the research a couple of days before the deadline (you'll need it since the library isn't open all night, even though it should be) and give yourself a day or two to think about the approach your going to take to the paper. By the time that dreaded nigfit before rolls around, you'll have no problem finishing the paper - perhaps .somewhat lacking in detail- by your eight o'clock class. The most crucial thing of all is that you have to take control of your life because no one is going to do it for you. Your success or failure is your personai decision and only your immediate action will IDake any difference this-semester.

0 RL Should Consider R eal Roommate P roblems

Welcome back, 0 students, ye who hath travelled far and wide to get here, from the outer reaches of Asia, Europe and Downingtown, PA. Nothi~g could be better than unload­ ing your stuff into a new room, setting up your semester-long habitat and meeting this year's Roommate From Hell. · CARTOONISTS &WRITERS SYNDICATE hltp://CarloonWeb.c:om The Office of Residential Life, those helpful folk who place you with your roommates and suitemates, seem to do.everything within their collective power to ensure that yqu are sharing your home with a complete and total strange·r with whom you have nothing in common. Granted, this campus houses-a couple thousand students, a hefty number to coor- · dinate, so it's not bloody likely that you'll find an exact match to your personality. John Mischke ...... Managing Editor Retriever Weekly staff editorials reflect -Still, perhaps in addition to the basic questions, like "Do you smoke?" and "Do you Karan Lee ...... News Editor the views of the editorial board; signed col­ study in your room or in the library?" the list should be more in-depth, more in-tune with Brigitta Kral ...... - ~··· ..... Focus Editor umns represent the opinions of the individual what students really need to know about this strange person with whom they've been paired. Jen Siciliano ...... ~ .... Features Editor writers and do not necessarily reflect those The Retriever Weekly would like to suggest ORL seek answers to such crucial questions Christina Sabato ...... Asst. Features Editor of The Retriever Weekly or the University of as "Can you unclog a toilet?" and "Do you like to leave dirty dishes lying around?" or even Agnes Osinski ...... Sports Editor Maryland Baltimore County. _ Chris Kerner...... ,. Asst. Sports Editor "Will you bring significant (or even not-~significant) others back to the room to do good­ Letters to the editors are printed verba­ ness-knows-what on your roommate's bed?" Matthew Gannon ...... Photography Editor tim, although the editors reserve the right to These are the sorts of things potential roommates want to know, not whether or not you Dave Chen ...... Asst.Photography Editor edit any letter deemed lengthy, repetitive, li­ have friends over on school nights. Heath Balcer ...... Advertising Manag~r belous or otherwise in need of revision. The Nicole Butter...... Advertising Manager Other important things ORL should be considering when m~tching up potential roo~­ editors further reserve the right not to print mates are issues of courtesy. Adding the following to the questionnaire should avert many Susan Graham ...... Business Manager any letter for any reason. Letters to the Edi­ common roommate conflicts: Jamie Peck ...... Production Assistant tor must be typed or written legibly and in­ 1. Will you steal things out of your roommate's closet without asking? Carl Gehrman ...... Production Assistant clude the author's name and telephone num­ 2. If the phone rings, but isn't for you, will your roommate ever get that mes-sage? J affiie Smith ...... Production Assistant ber. The author's namemay be withheld upon 3. Halfway through the semester, will your roommate find that over 50% of his or her Casey Reilly ...... Circulation Manager request. Letters must be received by 12 p.m. CDs are either under your bed~ scratched or have been sold for a meager chunk of change so Tony Fitzwater ...... Operations Manager on Thursday and may not exceed 400 words. that you and your little cohorts could buy a case of really repugnant beer that will cause you Benjamin Shayne ...... Operations Consultant The Retriever Weekly subscribes to the to come stumbling in, loudly, at 4 a.m. only to vomit in the shower? · Jackie Vreatt ...... Copy Assistant College Press Service and publishes weekly The questionnaire does not necessarily have to include our suggestions verbatim, but Christopher Corbett ...... Faculty Adviser on Tuesdays during the regular school year. clearly this is the sort of information students living on campus need. It would be nice for Editors can be reached at 410-455-1260 dur­ each student to know that his or her roommate (who is really hard to get rid of mid-semester ing normal business hours or at University if the whole thing goes sour) bas similar morals. And even if no morals are available, similar Center214, lOOOHilltopCircle, UMBC, Bal­ motives will do. timore, MD 21250. The Retriever Weekly is an equal opportunity employer. PAGES THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPl~ION January 27, 1998 Clinton Goes Down Because Hillary Won't Stand Up Presidential Indiscretions Spawn Deep ~oat IJ, Literally, and Have a Detrimental Effect on Women same. ranting from a feminist Bethany Nikfar This observation is in no way intended manifesto, consider it to excuse Clinton for his behavior or to dif­ carefully. Mull it over. fuse the blame. And,-unlike many conserva­ Men's escapades out­ As word of the alleged affair spread tives who have long shouted battle cries to side of their marital around Washington and then the nation, the expose and remove the president, I did not boundaries are often question on everyone's lips was, "How could want the allegations to be true. But as the excused as part of their he be so stupid? An affair with an intern? In details flooded in, I believe that all signs point natural appetite. Pow­ the Oval Office?" to guilty. erful men have power­ Surely, no president would be foolish For example, the U.S. Ambassador to the ful urges. Wives, how­ enough to make such a gross mistake. United Nations Bill Richardson went to the ever, have never been Although it will take some time for the Watergate apartment complex to offer a po­ . encouraged to stand up allegations of the infidelity and subsequent sition to Monica Lewinsky. How many of for themselves, to de­ coverup to be proven true or false, I am cer­ your potential employers have come to your mand more from their tain that President Bill Clinton had a sexual home to interview you for a job? Seems a bit husbands. Through his­ relationship with Monica Lewinsky, the fishy, as if he was asked to go out of his way tory, women have former White House intern and then encour­ as part of Clinton's efforts to placate borne the burden of ei­ aged her to cover it up by lying under oath. Lewinsky. Every detail of the story stinks - ther being mistresses or . But I'm not wondering just how he could be from the smallest trinkets given as gifts to disregarded wives - so stupid. It was not stupidity'. It was arro­ the concrete, recorded evidence. and little more. gance. All though I don't want to believe it, I It is widely re­ The sort of arrogance that is fostered by realize that our nation's leader is a misogy­ puted that every presi­ years of be_ing forgiven by the many women nistic coward who has hidden behind scores dent, save Richard whom he has taken advantage of. The sort of of people who have covered for him his whole Nixon and Jimmy· arrogance that is inflated by voters that elect life. And, as much as I don't want to betray Carter, has had extra­ to the highest position of leadership a man my feminist instincts, I blame Hillary Clinton marital affairs. The wbo had confessed to an affair, causing as well. names of women on "pain" in his marriage. The sort of arrogance Mrs. Clinton stood by her man, from the the sidelines will echo that accumulates after ignoring the vows of first rumors of Gennifer Flowers through the through presidential marriage and having his transgressions con­ accusations of Paula Jones and now _she re­ lore, from George Bush's alleged mistress been done: The conservatives have added fuel tinually ignored by his wife, Hillary. pels the inquiries into the ·Lewinsky affair. Jennifer Fitzpatrick to John F. Kennedy's ren­ to their campaign agai·nst the Democrats in The latest sex scandal is not merely the That's. a good little woman, honey. She re­ dezvous with bombshell Marilyn Monroe. 2000. They'll accuse the liberal adn:iinistra­ result of one man's raging lust or one peatedly forgave him for his flagrant viola­ Furthermore, it should not be overlooked tion of playing fast and loose with the rules. woman's flirtatious ways. It is the conse­ tions of th~ir marital oaths, despite the toll it that both Clinton and former Democratic If Clinton is impeached, the whole ship will quence of a culture that publicly frowns upon surely took on their marriage and family. presidential candidate Gary Hart have pro­ sink and the Republicans will be practically improper sexual relationships and affairs but, I am the first to salute Mrs. Clinton's ac­ fessed their desire to be like JFK. Interest­ guaranteed a victory in 2000. If Clinton re­ through its actigns, endorses~ them all the complishments and ambition, but I am deeply ingly, Gary Hart's 1987 campaign came ~o a signs, then Gore will most likely suffer the troubled that she stays screechiJ).g halt when his affair with Donna same fate as Gerald Ford, an easily discarded by his side, displaying Rice surfaced. Their ambitions raise these remnant from a corrupt-administration. a lack of self-respect, men high, but their desires bring them down. A Republican return to the White House and that she fulfills her Yet, now, the American public says, "We will cause women and minorities to lose the ambition vicariously don't care about their private lives. We only ground that they had gained with Clinton's through her husband. expect that they be good public servants." administration. Reflect for a moment on the Hillary Clinton, like Voters were able to overlook the fact that · white-male faces thardominated the Repub­ j too many women be- Clinton had run roughshod over the vows he lican cabinets through the '80s. The network fore her, permits her took to his wife, the woman he promised to of good 'ol boys rewarded them well, leav- . husband his dalliances be faithful to, and still expected that he would ing women and minorities to work behind the and conquests. be loyal to them. Instead, he has allegedly scenes, if tbey had any part at all. Those days · Why does she slipped down the moral slippery slope to vio­ are not so far gone. _ stay with him? Is it the late the laws he was sworn to uphold. Still The Clinton scandal is still fresh, and will thrill of being the other some have persisted in defending his actions, not be resolved for months. More allegations half of the couple that claiming that no one would survive the scru- - will be exposed with intensive media cover­ includes the world's tiny that he is under_unscathed; they com­ age. Eventually, the people will become con­ most powerful man? If pare him with the average Joe and argue that vinced of the charges against their leader or that is so, then why do he should be forgiven because, after all, ev­ will throw their hands up in disgust, tossing so many women re­ erybody does it. If that is true, then that could down their newspapers and turning off their main with their cheat­ be the saddest conclusion to this whole sor­ TVs. Although no one should retreat to the ing partners? It is be~ did mess. If we don't expect more from our moral highground, I can only hope that they cause this society does leaders, then what can we expect from our­ will not simply dismiss the affair - turning not raise its women to selves? the other cheek '!_Ild fanning the flames of ar­ defend their positions The possible results of this scandal could rogance that mir~culously have yet to singe as equal partners and be farther reaching and have more serious a confessed adulterer. as beings who deserve effects on women, beyond just Clinton's at-_ loyalty and fidelity. titude and alleged behavior. If the accusations Bethany Nikfar is a senior majoring in po­ Before that state­ subside and he does finish out his second litical science and history and is the editor­ ment is dismissed ata _ .in-chief of The Retriever Weekly. T_HE RETRIEVE~ WEEKLY, OPINION January 27, 1998. .PAGE9 Can't Compete? Deal With It, Don't Change the Rules It May Not Seem ·Fair to Keep Disabled Golfers-Out, But It Sure Wouldn't Be Fair to Give Them Carts

John IWschke a near fatal car crash that crushed his legs, pare playground basketball to the NBA, carts Martin as proof that the kid can play and Ken Venturi risking death to win the 1964 simply are not part of the professional tour. should be given a chance. But the reality is Open in brutally hot and humid conditions One argument used by Martin's support­ . that it hurt his case. Hundreds of players have There's no doubt that Casey Martin is a and, just last year, Jose Maria Olazabal re- ers is to point out that carts are allowed on competed for years on the PGA or Nike Tours talented golfer. He was good enough to be a . turning to win a tournament and play on the Senior tour. So what? The Senior tour is and never~ never, ever won a single event. key member of Stanford's 1994 NCAA Europe?s Ryder Cup team after an 18 month for old, fat guys who play 54 holes (not 72) Yet, this 25-year old kid, with the added pres­ Championship team - Martin and the Car­ absence due to an arthritic foot condition. over Mickey Mouse courses that are 1,000 sure of the world watching, wins 1:tls first time dinal lost a playoff for the,title in '95 - anc;l Give these guys caps and Hogan and yards shorter than most PGA Tour courses out. he was good enough to scratch out a living1 Olazabal never miss a beat, while Venturi's and ·is more about entertainment than com­ I feel sorry for Casey Martin. I wish he in golf's lower echelon over the last two years story is a non-issue. That would be a shame, petitive golf. didn't have a bad leg that was none of pis and earn card for this year's Nike Tour, the because it's the huinan stories of prevailing And the two biggest events in Senior own aoing. But he does. And while many golf equivalent of AAA baseball. oYer adversity - within the rules and with­ -golf, the U.S. Senior Open (operated by the doors have been rightfully opened for the However, Martin's lack of one ability out the benefit of a com\telling a private or- USGA and not the Senior PGA Tour) and the disabled in recent years, we must accept that prevents him from being an effective player . there are just certain things that some people on the PGA Tour. He can only walk with great cannot do. pain, thanks to a congenital leg condition, I'm 5' 10" and a slight 160 pounds. I've -~'It's a different game in the world of competitive golf, and just Klippel-Trenaunay-Webef syndrome, which wanted to be an NFL quarterback since I was doesn't allow proper blood circulation in his as you can't compare playground basketball to the NBA, carts a little boy. Would it be fair for defenders bad leg. Because the extensive walking in­ simply are not part of the professional tour." not to be allowed to tackle me or not to be volved could worsen his condidtion or even able to jump at the line of scrimmage to kill him, Martin is going to court for the right knock down my passes? That's what Casey to transport himself around the course in a ·ganization how to make its own rules - that PGA Seniors Championship (operated by the Martin w:Ots: for the rules of the game to be cart. make sports 'great. PGA of America) do not allow carts. Even changed. Walking is required on the PGA Tour and Carts have never been a part of compefr­ when given the choice, the Senior tour's big­ , The rules ()f the game. That's what Casey the Nike Tour, whicQ is owned and operated tive golf, and Martin's battle would have gest stars, Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer and Martin's case is really about. The PGA Tour by the PGA. In fact, carts are not allowed on never happened if the introduction of carts Gary Player, never use carts because they un­ does its part to accommodate the disabled by any of the world's pro golf tours (except the into country clubs and recreational play had derstand the bad example it would give rec­ providing easy spectator access and parking Senior PGA Tour), in any of the ·USGA never happened. There, carts have already reational players if they were spotted in carts.. at all their events. Does their obligation ex­ (United States Golf Association) champion­ done enough damage to the game of golf. Does the use of a cart proviqe an advan­ tend to inside the ropes? For a private sports ships and in very few top-level amateur They've hurt the game's image as a genu­ tage? If the weather's oppressive or the course organization for which competitors must events. It is the ardent belief of golf's gov­ ine athletic undertaking, caused American has plenty of hills, then they provide a defi­ meet a certain standard to qualify, the answer erning bodies·, and a great number 6t its rec­ courses ~o be paved over with ribbons and nite advantage. They might be an advantage is no. The PGA Tour's definition of competi­ reational players, that walking is a part of ribbons of concrete paths and destroyed cad­ without adverse conditions. How else do you tive golf is what matters, .not anyone else's the game. dying, from which generations of youths who explain Martin, who was allowed to use a cart interpretation. If Casey Martin cannot meet And for those who know the history of didn't grow up in ritzy country clubs were in the first two Nike events of the year be­ those standards, then he deserves no special golf, it is hard to argue. The game's history given an opportunity to excel at golf and be- fore the case goes to court, winning his first advantage. is full of players who overcame adversity to come great players. · event at the highest level of competitive golf win despite physical difficulties: Ben Hogan But it's a different game in the world of that he had ever experienced? John Mi~chke is the managing editor of The winning the 1953 U.S. Open after suffering competitive golf, and just as you c_an't com- That win was· heralded by supporters of Retriever Weekly. Happy 1998: It Gets Stranger and Stranger Every Day

Joe Schwartz Kennedys. was elected because 6f his ideas and his· vi­ rob it individually? Maybe he was just stuck Now, a lot of you will probably be ask­ sion, not just because he used to be famous. in line behind somebody with lots of cou­ ing, wasn't Cher 16 when she moved in with Fortunately for Mr. Bono and Mr. pons and figured it would be less tro~ble to I realized it was going to be a strange Sonny Bono, who had a few years on her? Kennedy, the title of Most Pathetic Failure start shooting than to wait for a price check year when one of the very first things I saw The difference is that Sonny was poor, bald­ of 1998 has already been secured by con­ on a IO-pound bag of Meow Mix. The world on January 1 was two women beating each ing and ugly. He got his 16-year-old fair and fessed U nabomber Theodore Kaczynski for may never know. other senseless right in front of me. My band · square, riot just because he came from a rich attempting to hang himself with his under­ Finally, in what can only be described was playing in a Fells Point bar, and some · and powerful family. He earned it. Not only wear, failing and then having the news of the as the most grossly inappropriate behavior ladies who had missed out on the glory days that, but he had the decency to marry her and attempt reported by every media outlet in the possible, Baton Rouge police are searching of G.L.nW. were recreating a scene from make her more wealthy and fam~us than he country._Nonetheless, I believe that because for an African-American man who murdered Patrick Swayze's Roadhouse stage left. was by writing songs for her, creating their he provided valuable lesson - that no mat­ James Carter, 20, as he marched in a Martin The next day, I got word that the swift television show and managing their career. ter how pathetic your life is, it could be worse Luther King, Jr. Day Parade. tree of justice had killed confessed adulter­ It is a credit to Sonny that all four of his ex­ - Kaczynski has prevented hundreds of sui­ Three children, aged seven, nine and 11, ous child molester Michael Kennedy. In a wives could get together peacefully. cides. For this service to the world, he has were also injured in the shooting. Police sus­ remarkable turn of events, said babysitter­ The most Michael Kennedy's wife ever probably saved more lives than he took, so pect the motive was personal. Couldn't the boinking son of Robert F. Kennedy was not said to his girlfriend was, "The phone num­ his karma is cleared as far as I'm concerned. guy have just waited until after the parade? drunk at the time of his death. Michael ber of the restaurant is on the fridge. Make In local news, our very. own Wilkens He had the whole day off to shoot Carter~ yet Kennedy should never have been on the sure Timmy is in bed by 10." . Avenue Giant supermarket was the target of he couldn't even wait one hour. slopes that day, because he should have been By the late ' 80s, Sonny was such a has­ an ill-fated bandit who decided ~o shoQt it This is what.happens in our fast-paced, in jail for statutory rape. been that his biggest achie_vement in show out with cops to protect his loot and fiis booty. do it now, no time to procrastinate society. I'm just bitter because no girls would business was being chosen to block Jim J. He ended up full ·of holes an~ permanently People can't just relax, enjoy a parade and sleep with me when I was 16. Think about it. Bullock and Martha Reeves on Hollywood . short of breath, which has got be· embarrass­ then put acap in somebody's ass. Even God How could the young men of Massachusetts Squares. Then, after one successful career ing when you get to that corner-of hell re­ took a day off after he made the universe. compete with a rich, middle-aged man? Ev­ closed, he started an entirely new one as a served for people who shoot at cops. Every­ Can't we expect the same from our crazed ery rich old guy who has sex with a randy restaurant owner, ma)'-Or of Palm Springs and, body else there got killed robbing banks or gunmen? 16-year-old girl is denying a law-abiding high later, U.S. Congressman. armored cars or even liquor stores, but to get school student a·chance to score. Kids should Do you think Kenny G or Michael shot robbing Giant is 'downright disgraceful. Joe Schwartz is a senior and is majoring in be having sex with other kids, not with Bolton will ever be elected to office? So~y Did he have to go to each register and history. .PAGE 10 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION January 27, 1998 gr~enspace

ready recycle cans, what would be so diffi­ make the planet healthier. Emily Bernstein cult about placing some extra canisters for We may not be the only university mak­ other recyclables near vending machines and ing_ such a small recycling effort, but I daresay in lobby areas? we are not in the majority. Most major col­ By winter break, I had managed to Recycling services for items such as leges across the country have large recycling stockpile more than 30 plastic and glass cans, plastic, glass and paper are widely avail­ programs, taking paper, aluminum, glass and bottles in various cubbyholes around the able in Maryland. There is no reason the ad­ plastic. Retriever Weekly office. I never intended ministration of this fine institution should Columbia University in New York City - to amass such a collection, but I ended up continue doing nothing to increase the recy­ has large blue recycling bins in nearly every with it as a direct result of the lack of recy­ cling opportunities on this campus. building on campus, as well as outside along cling here at UMBC. Admittedly, whatever logic may be be­ walkways. Bucknell University in Pennsyl­ Sure, in a couple obscure comers of hind our recycling woes seems to agree with vania has a program of a smaller scale, with some of the buildings there are aluminum the logic that prevails around this· campus. fewer r~ceptacles, but still recycles all of the can recycling containers, some even lo­ The idea to build a n~w physics building, ig­ four materials mentioned. Even here in Mary­ cated conveniently near soda machines . . noring a disgracefully long and growing wait­ land, the Johns Hopkins University makes a And upon careful examination of the of­ ing list for on-campus housing, follows this notable recycling ~ffort. fices around campus, one might even be inexplicable logic. Building a research park, As college students, we should be very able to find a paper recycling box or two. also ignoring the housing waiting list as well concerned about the future. As UMBC stu­ Nowhere on the campus, however, is a as the woodland destroyed by such a project, dents, we should put aside our collective apa­ glass or plastic recycling bin, and I haven't · is another product of typical UMBC reason­ thy for a while and do something to make . seen any indication that the administration ing. our planet - and our school - better. The intends to fix the problem. In light of this, is it wrong to expect a future is bright for many of us, but if years UMBC - the great Honors Univer­ little forward thinking? Absolutely not. As down the line our land is overrun with the sity in ·Maryland, the biology Mecca of paying customers (which, being tuition-pay­ glass and plastic we should have recycled state colleges, the USM school with the ing students, we are), we can demand that rather than hauling it all off to the landfills, Emily Bernstein is a sophomore majoring highest tuition and fees- is flagrantly dis­ changes be made here that at least put a size­ even.the brightest future will be considerably in interdisciplinary studies. She is the opin­ regarding our environment. Since we al- able dent in our daily garbage output and dimmed. ion editor of The Retriever Weekly. Victims.of Acute Laziness Disorder, This Is Your Cure answer questions which make no sense to . toms of neuroses or disorders. and blame cannot be erased by psychologi­ Jessica O'Neill them. If they have any pride, they pity the Frequently, these' ubiquitous disorders cal double talk. teacher who will be forced to piece together are defined in a circular pattern. A person with If a student chooses to slack off, that in­ such rubbish. personal interaction disfunction is someone dividual,must accept blame for it. In order to With the cold breath of February rapidly The observant reader may realize that I who displays an inability to interact with correctone's faults, one must be willing to approaching, so begins yet another semester. feel some real sense-of disdain for the plight other individuals in a civilized fashion. Some­ be ashamed of them. Of course, this is an Once again, students at UMBC have an op­ of these woebegone students. Let me make one who never shows up to cl~ss possesses a unpleasant way to look at one's performance. portunity to prove their worth, ex~el in their it clear that I do not feel s~perior to them. I, disorder which is manifested by a profound It would be so much easier if we could be­ classes and take a few more tentative steps too, have fallen to such depths of irresponsi­ inability to motivate oneself and to maintain lieve that some chemical deficiency were to toward achieving the status of responsible bility and shamefulness. I have no disillusions direction. These typ~s of psychological in­ be held responsible for all our blunders. adult. Or maybe not. about my own capacity for slacking off. vestigation sound to me less like diagnoses · UnfortunEttely, for those who subscribe For many students, the coming semes­ to such psychological theories, if we choose ter will prove largely to be a failure. Most not to accept blame for our errors, then in- will start with an earnest desire to attend "When students-fall into the pattern of slacking off, they , tegrity demands that we reject credit for our classes; learn their lessons and fulfill their accomplishments. In my humble opinion, this obligations. Unfortunately; 'after several frequently justify themselves .by claiming fervently that they seems a mighty poor way to lead a life. weeks of dull or difficult classes, many will 'simply c_an 't make it to class,' or that they 'can't sit down and So what is a wayward student to do? feel the call of the wild - or maybe just the · study.' These excuses are pitiful." Granted, there exists no simple solution. Life call of their warm, comfy bed - as they al­ is a mighty big project, and it requires a huge low class after class and opportunities galore amount of work to make good of it. Fortu­ to pass them by. Yet it seems to me that oqr society en­ and more like overblown descriptions. nately, life only happens one minute at a time, Grades will drop, though not badly courages a kind of acceptance of this sort of Naturally, someone who is mean is likely and it is a lot easier to make a minute worth enough to inspire any real attempt at salva­ behavior, and this I find truly disturbing. In not to work well with others. An individual something than it is to improve an entire life­ tion. Professors will wonder sadly at the fate my experience, wnen students fall into the who is just plain lazy probably will not show time. of those who disappeared into the swamps. · pattern of slacking off, they frequently jus­ up regularly to class. These observations I suppose if some random student Most of these poor ac~emic wretches tify themselves by cl.ii.ming fervently that should not come as a surprise to anyone. chooses to leave discipline by the wayside, will dare to show their faces in class on oc­ they "simply can't make it to class," or that I do not object to this kind of psycho­ it's no real concern of mine. Maybe he or she casion, if only to take a pitiful stab at an exam they "can't sit down and study." These ex-: logical observation. However, in seeking to wµI beco~e ashamed of being a deadbeat and on a subject about which they know little or cuses are, quite frankly, pitiful. justify and excuse a society's weaknesses of do something to fix the problem. For that nothing. As they sit among their more knowl- The frightening part is that modem pop character, pop psychology has overstepped student's sake, I hope so. . edgeable peers, dredging up dark memories .psychology teaches us to accept these pro­ its bounds. It is mandatory that one draw a from a high school class or something they testations as valid. In our new warm and distinction betwee.n understanding a charac­ Jessica O'Neill is a senior and is majoring read in a disreputable rag, they attempt to fuzzy world, all faults of character are symp"' ter flaw and excusing it. The concepts of fault in modem languages and linguistics. ==----, ------~ ------~------~--~--~------

Jan.27 -PAGE 11 FEATURES

[ INSERT NAME HERE ]

EMBARASS YOURSELF PUBLICLY AND WIN SUBSTANDARD PRIZES! We know you're out there: restless, yearning, desirous of anything that even slightly expands y.ou~ minds. For you, the desperate, the atrophying we offer The INSERT NAME HERE, the Retriever Weekly's stab at a bi-weekly contest which demands your creativity -- consequently demanding that you think about something that doesn't involve your major, your impend­ ing graduation date or even your cable bill which is, as of yet, still unpaid. For those who read the Washington Post's weekly "Style Invita­ tional," we're not them. While we are invitational, we do not pre­ tend to have that much style. As-a tip of the hat we wish to credit the Washington Post with inspiration, but we promise not to surpass them because it would make them look bad and that's not what we're about. We're about good, clean fun. Good clean fun and going off on mean­ ingless rants about stuff. We digress. Week One will focus on the lost art of limericks. We ask that you concoct a limeri ck (or two -- if you've got it in you) about your favorite (or least favorite) profe~sor, or about UMBC or even Balti­ more.

Example: There once was a man named Hrabowski Who lived in a very nice houski. While walking his dog, He tripped on a log SIGN OF and obtained a very big ow-ski. - Now obviously, this is a bad limerick, but you get the idea. Entries will be judged on creativity, complexity and humor. Extra points (although it's really not on a point scale) will be given for entries which use hard-to-rhyme words, such as "Hrabowski," "Linthicum," THE TIMES "Pfrogner," and if you can utilize "lake trout" that's a plus. Entries featuring the word "Nantucket" won't be considered. CHRISTINA SABATO UMBC connection keeps their per-The company incorporates sign The winner will receive a broken lava lamp, which for all intents Retriever Weekly Staff Writer formances fairly local. Dancers language into the movements of the ·and purposes could just stand to have a new lightbulb. The runners-: Chuck Adkins, Nicola Critchlow, dance, also relying occasionally on up will receive movie posters from various "feel-good" movies -­ Kimberley Hofe "always wanted Evan Davidson, Jeff Davidson, Lily a signing choir to sign lyrics in per­ posters which, due to their number and lack of disappearance are a company with great dance." In McFadden, Adrienne McGuire, fofll1anC~__. Vital Sign currently has deemed an office fire hazard. Please note that we know these prizes July, Hofe joined with fellow · Kim Militch, Stacie Sakay, and Sa- about eight pieces in its repertoire, are sub-standard. If we had money to give you people real prizes, we UMBC graduate Victoria Francese rah Seeley are all UMBC students performed to music that varies from could all get raises. to found Vital Sign Dance Com- or alumni, and the troupe rehearses clas.sical to modem. Entries must be received by Friday, January 30, by 5 p.m., at the pany, which combines sign Ian- twice weekly in a UM~C studio. One dance is set to Tori Amos' Retriever Weekly office in UC 214 (x 1260). Please include your name, guage, music and dance into its per- Francese and Hofe choreograph and song "Cruelty;" another dance otherwise we'll have n()body to blame if they suck, and you'll only formances. "It's an integration of also perlortn.with their-comp_any. ·piece, entitled "Equal Hands," ex,.. have yourself to blame if you win but are unable to prove it. Win­ text and music, movement and lyr;.. Sakay, who became involved plores the tense. relationsbip be­ ning entries, runners-up and the next col).test proposal \Yill be printed ics," explains Hofe. "We'.re.not try- witb Vital Sign after performing · tweep the hearing and de_af commu:. in our February 9 issue," at which point you will see if you ' v~ won ing to reach deaf audiences only, or with Francese in a UMBC class, nities t9 the tune of Pink Floyd's and will come to our office to claim your prize. The INSERT NAM~ dance lovers only. We have an en- said the company -will ;oori b~gin ."Keep Talki:rtg". Vital Sign is also HERE is open to all students, faculty and staff at UMBC, and if you .·· · ergy that reaches general audi- · - to rehearse three times a weeJc~ . looking _for .composers to create don't fall into any of these categories go ahead ~d submit one any~ · "We'rejust learning · origin'1:1 _niusic for their origiJ)al · e~ces'. " ~nd . perfecti.ng ·.way .;._ there'll be room, we're sure. At the· risk of having the entire The troupe has recently been the dances now/' she reports; but · · dances. - staff quit en masse, employees of the Retriever Weekly are ineligible. granted performances at both The adds, " ... as we get more.in-depth "It's all about communi.cation," not only for class registration, bµt for entry in this contest as well. Dance Place in Washington, D.C. in learning the choreography, each said Hofe. "It's thematic and all­ Judges' decisions are final. and The Baltimore Museum of Art. dancer will begin to add his or her · inclusive -- we perform not 'just Y'all come back now, y'hear? •• - •••• •!. own style." dance', but the whole story."

next time in [ INSERT NAME HERE ] ••• we celebrate VALENTINE's DAv with a little bit of conversation ,.,,,,...... ·-· -- -PAGE 12 --· THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES ·-· January 27, 1998

"IE:W ~S>ICE:W Paradise by the Desktop Light REVIEWS OF EVENTS,. ACTIVITIES & PLACES Pool, Poker and Purple Men Eat Piles of ~emory Ascending to RAYMOND DUBICKI programming the most addictive, yet simple General Manager game (yeah, right after they beat Tetris). · But I digress. As I said, there is really noth­ Great Heights Memory may come cheap these days, but ing wrong with the games themselves. They that does not necessarily mean that every are both good. Do not purchase them until BRIGITTA KRAL I was impressed by their variety of noise game must be rendered so to take up all of they drop belOw 20 bucks, but I would buy Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff making devices which included not only a the space in my computer. Two such memory­ either of them before investing in, say, a fish­ drummer but a separate percussionist man eaters fell into my lap of late, Virtual Pool 2 ing sim. With the voice of a childhood church as well. The chick lead ~ inger wore a tight and Beat the House 2. Now, for the little purple men. Atomic choir member, the dress of a dominatrix but not obscene tank-sleeved black vinyl Now, most people may glean the plots of Bomberman has been playing on my com­ on a dinner date and the body of a secure dress set off by her butt-length black wavy these_games from their titles, but for those of puter for a number of weeks now. I can hon­ model not afraid to eat but not at all fat, haii, you educated in Montgomery County, they estly say that I don't mind the amount of the lead singer of the "goth" band This Being the catty bitch that I ani, my first are a billiards game and a space it takes up, either in Ascensiori captivated the small black-clad .impression (after smacking my boyfriend's gambling game, respectively. ATOMIC BoMBERMAN memory or in time. audience of Fletcher's (on Bond Street) as mouth shut) was, "Oh great! Just another Both games are wonderful Look 4 For those of you who don't the opening act at the recent Clan o/Xymox painfully untalented male-membered band to look at and play. VP2 has Feel 4 know, Bombermen are little concert. who realized that the only way they'd ever a complete set of controls that Plot 1 guys who have the nasty ten­ Clan ofXymox is one of those Goth-in­ play in public was to find a gorgeous singer allow you to do just about Difficulty 5 dency to drop high explosives. · dustrial sometimes techno-ish groups never with the voice of a tortured fJ:og." I'm still Fun 5 anything you can imagine Overall 19 I 25 Preferably these fall near other playe~ on the radio but with a devout and consumed with my ex-Catholic-school­ with a pool stick an.ct cue ball Bombermen, but occasionally mysteriously-acquired cult following. The girl-induced guilt for that thought. (hmmm... ). The pool table ro­ BEAT THE House 2 next to themselves. Some concert was slated to start at 10:00 with The lead singer of This Ascension had tates in 3-D and. the game has Look 4 people also call them the IRA. Xymox appearing at 11 :00, so my man the melodic voice of Tori Amos comple­ Feel 4 mented by some of the most hypnotic, video coaches by great bil­ Plot n/a Up to 12 folks can play Gary and I wandered over to Fells Point liards players ready at the Difficulty 3 Bomberman in a networked around 9:30. After the usual painful park­ church hymnal influenced music I've ever press of the button. Fun 3 game, each placing and deto­ ing experience which once again convinced heard. The percussionist was amazing with Beat the House 2 actually Overall 14 nating bombs in a hodgepodge me to trade in my Geo Metro for a monster his bongos, symbols and those pipes you feels like you are in one of of fire and animated violence. truck -- which would enable me to park on run the stick over to make the music come Vegas's cleaner, upscale ca­ VIRTUAL PooL 2 The controls are si mple, with top of other vehicles -- we wandered into out (I'm not a musician). Look 4 si nos. There is background the top floor concert portion of the small, I was in a trance for This Ascension's Feel 4 two action buttoris and four­ noise that peaks and falls so Plot n/a way directional control. We dark and cozy Fletcher's. entire 45-minute set, swaying to the mu­ naturally that you will swear Difficulty 3 got eight people playing at Gary and I were unconcerned about the sic and being ·lulled to sleep. When they you hear someone talking Fun 3 once (six of them cC?mputer­ possibility of -missing This Ascension, finished playing, my desire for a: good con­ Overall 14 about you behind your back. . controlled) before the com- thinking the band to be just another bad cert was fulfilled and I was ready to go The game offers craps, slots, puter started slowing down. choice of~ no-name opening act. You see, home. But there was still Clan of Xymox, poker and the other usual ·suspects. The action was fast and furious. I've developed this ~versiori to opening the band we had come to see. " -the gripe with these games is not about If caught in a blast, the bttle cartoon men bands, having been scarred in the past by So, Gary and I waited for Xymox to the games themselves, it is that there need to squeal and scream and vaporize. I miss the heavy metal wannabes attempting to pre­ grace us with their P!esence -- for at least be 64 Megabytes free in my hard drive just cartoon men. I like the cartoon men. I am pare the crowd for good ol' fashioned an hour. They, finally gathered on stage to do a little electronic gambling. Why can't going to play withthe cartoon men now. But punks. Upon entering Fletcher's to find an around 11 :45, a bit later than originally . they make games anymore like Minesweeper first, as a service to you the readers of empty stage and an almost empty club, I scheduled. Yawning, I checked out the lead or FreeCell, games that take up about 30 ki­ UMBC's foremos~ fishrag, I will bring this was certain that my premonitions about the singer, discovering that he looked like lobytes of memory, dag-nabbit? I have a prob­ review to a close. quality of the opening band were psychic Robert Smith's less adorable and more lem with the fact that we sent men to the Buy Atomic Bomberman, share it with gospel. Luckily, I have no concept of "gos­ hair-friendly younger brother. This impres­ moon on ships with the computing power of your friends. Wait on Beat the House 2 and pel truth" -- psychic or otherwis~. This sion was reinforced when Xymox Man a calculator while we can't get a decent new Virtual Pool. Lobby your favorite game com­ Ascension, quite frankly, rocked (or per­ greeted the "crowd" with a cute little Brit­ game that runs with anything less than a pany for more sanity 'in sizing their games. haps I should say "gothed"). ish accent. gigabyte of space and 500 mHz of speed. Eat your Pub pizza before it congeals, or you In retrospect, I've decided that 10 p.m. I must confess that after the surprisingly Someone' is going to get really rich one day realize that you're e.ating Pub pizza was simply too early for the-mostly-Goth amazing performffnce of This A sce nsi ~m, crowd to venture into the night; after all, Clan of Xymox was a bit of a disappoint­ the sun had only been down for a few hours. ment. I enjoyed the hour of their set that I The few people who were there seemed a saw, but I wasn't seeing God or anything. litt1e off somehow, especially "Mr. Zc;mo" Gary pointed out that as a devout Xymox -- a man lurking around in a black cow­ fan he was disturbed to find that almost boy-style hat with a silver chain circling aH oftheir,music was synthetic, generated the brim, black jeans and shirt and a black entirely by computer with little-to-no ac­ cotton cape which resembled a cross be­ tual playing of instruments by the band Tuesday, January 27 and Apu on The Simpsons. tween Count Dracula and the legendary members (but lots of pretending). Sex and Candy?? Zorro ("I vant to carve a Z in your neck Oh well, we can't all be This Ascension. Marcy Playground hits the Eight By Ten Friday, January 30 and_suck your blood from the large gaping So, after about ~n hour of Xymox, we de­ on Federal Hill. Go - feel free to cast Maid to Order - But Without Ally­ hole.") cided to head home and contemplate the devious looks in their directions. They Sheedy Well, around 10:-30 the members of This oddity of enjoying the performance of an don't mind. For more info call the Eight Jean Genet's The Maids is playing at Ascension found their way to the intimate opening band we'd never heard before, By Ten at 410-625-2000, or call Ticket Fells Point Comer Theatre, Fridays and floor level, 10 feet from the audience stage: more than the band we came to see. Master Phone Charge at 410-481-SEAT. Saturdays at 8 p.m. and Sundays at 2p.m. through February 15. Check out Wednesday, January 28 this tale of trickery and mistaken iden­ Thenk You, Come Again. tity, directed by Alex Willis. Tickets are Meet representatives from the Retriever $10 and $11, for details call 410-276- Weekly-in the UC Plaza (walk, do not 7837. run) for the Retriever FunFest during · free hour (do we still have free hour?) Monday, February 2 for tickets to sneak previews of The Knittin' Kaboodle Replacement Killers and Great Expec­ It's Knitting Appreciation Day! Knit­ tations. Hank Azaria's in Great Expec­ ting was invented in~he year 10. Happy tations - he does the voices of Moe 1,988th birthday, knitting! r1ters ante call(· 10 45 -1260 J an~earn cash or college credit THE RETRIEVER WEE~LY _ F~ATURES \January 27, 1998 PAGE13 PAGE14 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FOCUS January 27, 1998

ORNOG PHY According to Webster's New World Dictionary of the AmeTican Language, the word pornog­ raphy was ''originally a description of prostitutes and their trade"; hence, the current defi~ition of ''wri~ings, pictures, etc. intended to arouse sexual desire." Now, when most people think of pornography, an act or object so innocent and natural as to merely "arouse sexual desire" rarely comes to mind. By that definition, ones interest in add~ssing th~se issues· naked lover would be porno- or trying to reach any definite con~ graphic. What constitutes pornog- clusion on our overall stance on raphy, how it differs from art and pornography. We were just bored whether or not porn breeds·sexual one night and decided it would b~ deviance are issues subject to ones fun to explore the world of porn opinion. and relate our experiences to you. The Retriever Weekly has little So, enjoy. Booty Call at the Kaos Grill

BRIGITTA KRAL sion on the part of the girls. At the Kaos Club, Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff rather than dancing or even keeping to the beat of the music, nudity, butt shaking, pole The blond woman gyrating on stage in a action and fake lesbian sex scenes are the white thong bikini and tassel pasties on her main sources of entertainment. nipples was celebrating her birthday, accord­ The stage is literally the top of the bar ing to the MC at the Kaos Grill. where the patrons have easy access to their She seemed oblivious to the small crowd favorite strippers. If feeling shy, the men can of horny men huddled around the stage, ex­ sneak off to dimly lit tables in the comer. cept when it was time to brighten her smile, Once strategically placed, these strip con- A note: Contrary snuggle up close and lift the band on her gar­ noisseurs generally buy drinks for the girls to po-pular ter as a not-too-subtle request for who are taking a break from "dancing" belief, none of money. Of course, men don't _ so they can experience the tits-and-ass these people are actually go to the Kaos Club for up close and personal. That method employees of The Retriever Weekly. subtlety, they go is apparently effective, judging from Please stop calling us. Management thanks you. for the· "fe­ one popular white-haired gentle­ male revue." man who was surrounded by as The dancers m~ny as four pairs of bare They Work Hard at this part~cular breasts at a time. join_t in Towson · As one of the only fully­ do not "take it all clad woman employed at for Their Money off' -- just most of Kaos (a waitre·ss) ex­ If you don 't have the guts to go see real live strip­ it. Each girl starts her plained, ."The girls go to pers at the Kaos Grill and other fine establishments, dance sporting a cute, the men who treat them you can always travel to your local theater, where little, themed outfit. It's well -- buy them drinks characters who take it off all in a hard day's work are ratty Daisy Duke shorts, and give them big breaking into the controvers~al mainstream. Here's a a halter top and spiky four­ tips." look at the past three years and what they've given inch-heels for the misplaced T-hat certainly . us in the way of pole-dancing and sp~edo-flinging. country girl caught in the big m_akes sense. Af­ O Showgirls (1995) Who takes it off: A nu­ city. A pair of skintight ass-dis­ ter all, what bile, easily-angered, Whopper-hungry dancer (Eliza­ playing black vinyl shorts, a ze­ woman would .beth Berkley) and her icy, bisexual rival (Gina bra-striped shirt and black vinyl · remove ali or Gershon). What they take it off to: U2's "Numb," studded heels for the wild one. Not most of her Prince's "319." What we learned: New uses for to mention a slinky white-lace, X­ clothes, parade ice cubes-. Budget: $45 million. Final Gross: $20.3 rated evening gown with matching around in four-inch heels• million. Outcome: Dubbed Ho girls and became an white heels for the coquettish sophisti­ on a tiny stage, hang upside instant midnight movie success, a la The Rocky Hor- MGMIUA cate. down and spin around a pole and shake But don't be fooled by the costumes. her bare breasts and butt cheeks three inches · ror Picture Show. , Showg~t;I~' Elizabeth Berkley Striptease (1996) Who takes it off: Areluc- finds herself. They only exist to help the men differentiate from the faces of strange men if she didn't o tant single mom (Demi Moore), trying to gain funds between the girls for the two minutes before make good money? to regain custody_of her daughter. What she takes it off to: Annie Lennox's "Swee~ they strip down to their wedgie-inducing un­ It must be straining on a woman's emo­ Dreams," Spencer Davis Group's "Gimme Some Lovin'." What w~ learned: Denn derwear and nipple pasties. tional and psychic energy to do that night af­ works out. A lot. Budget: $50 million. Final Gross: $32.8 million. Outcome: Moore Now, some clubs offer full nudity (such as ter night, with the thought that these men took most of the rap for the film's failure, but later received raves for her tum in last Night Shift in Baltimore), but apparently the (many married) will later go home and mas­ summer's G.I. Jane. amount of coverage depends on whether or turbate to her image. That know ledge is what O The Full Monty (1997) Who takes it off: A group of laid-off English friends not the establishment has a llquorlicense. No made Sarah, a college student who seriously (including Trainspotting's Robert Carlyle), attempting to attain financial solvency. What license? Birthday suit bonanza! License? The considered stripping, change her mind. they take it off to: Tom Jones' "You Can L_eave Your Hat On," Hot Chocolate's "You girls can pretend they are dancers and not "I Jcept thinking about what those wom1n Sexy Thing." What we learned: The dangers of removing your shirt while smoking a strippers (even though the distioction only must do every night when they get home :.._ cig~ette, not to mention a plethora of regional slang. Budget: $3.5 million. Final comes from a three-inch strategically placed shower and try to forget the feel of the mens' Gross: $35.7 million (as of yet). Outcome: Monty could grab a Best Picture nod strip of cloth). hands on their thighs," explained Sarah. when the Oscar nominations are announced next month. We shall see. - Jamie Peck It would, however, take a lot of self-delu- SEE KAOS, PAGE 21 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY · FOCUS Jan~ary 27, 1998 PAGE15

Pornos: Moans, Groans and Bad Music PoP Quiz

ADRIENNE CASSARA with for over a year, wants her to watch his Just then the title song starts to play as Retriever Weekly Staff Writer private collection of pornos with him. Linda tries out her new discovery on her doc­ "I don't know what to think about that. Is tor. "Oh," Jack said;as Linda's face morphed Pornography always seems to be a bit ta­ he bored with me?," she wondered. and stretched to accommodate all of the doc- boo, especially among females. There can be I didn't have an answer for her, but I prom- .tor. But aesthetically speaking, we were ter­ some..strong opinions on the subject, includ- ised to give her the results of my research. n'bly disappointed. Jack asks if we can watch ing the stigma that porno movies are solely I was nervous too. Would my man look at the next movie because this one is t_uming for lonely, deviant men who have nothing these voluptuous, adventurous women and be him off. better to do on a Friday'·night. With this in disappointed when he turned to see me sit- Behind the Green Door was a vast im- mind, I ,was pleasantly surprised. by the · ting next to him? provement. The lead, Marilyn Chambers, is amount of positive feedback I got when I told I swallowed my pride and called Video beautiful (Jack ruined it for me by saying she others that I would be playing porn "movie Americain to reserve my selections, Behind looks like Meg Ryan). There isn'tmuch of a reviewer." the Green Door and Deep Throat. The gentle- • plot, but the movie was more interesting than My friend Greg* wanted to make sure my man on the ,phone was very helpful, and ig- Deep Throat. A woman is kidnapped and research was well-rounded; he suggested gay nored my giggles when he recommended that brought on stage in front of formally dressed or "at least bisexual" porn as an option. My I come in and look at the section in the adult people wearing masks. They watch as she is · mother immediately responded with, "Deep movie room titled "Classic Smut." When I "tortured" (although -she doesn't seem to Throat. And something with John Holmes in told him that this was research for an article mind) -- first by about six women, and then it. I haven't seen one but I heard he's really .. I was writing, he was unfazed-- as if he hears by several men. big!" that excuse all the 9.me. Behind the Green Door was so refreshingly My current "companion," Jack*, was all too The initial mood at Jack's apartment was different from Deep Throat because it actu- Porn to eager to make sure he had a night free so I fairly tense. Neither of us wanted to look too ally took itself seriously. There was hardly wouldn't have to watch the pornos alone. excited about what we were doing, so we hid any music, and there were very few close- The project seemed overwhelming; could our excitement behind critic's eyes. We put ups of the penetration, something J;Dost fe­ Be Wild I really spend an entire weekend watching in Deep Throat, sat on tlie couch upright, our males (and some men) can do without. It felt pornography? I've seen som~ of Dad's se- bodies not touching, as though we were more like a film rather than a home movie, If you had your choice, which would cret under-the-bed stash, and when you've watching a Jane Austen film. and it was more erotic than sexual. you rent: Edward Scissorhands or Ed­ seen one you've seen them all, right? The "plot" is ridiculous (surprise, surprise): In the interest of preventing this becoming ward Penishands? Cliffhanger or · Fearing sensory overload, I decided to nar- Linda Lovelace loves to have sex, but she a letter to Penthouse Forum, I will spare you Cliffbanger? Jurassic Park or Jurassic row down my scope of viewing "pleasure" feels that she's missing something. She wants the details of my evening after the movie. But, Pork? Forrest Gump or Florence Hump? and attempt to answer a question that I had to hear bells ringing, see fireworks, have during the movie, we loosened up, cuddled The Firm with Tom Cruise or The Firm been wondering about for a long time: Why bombs going off in bed. She sees a doctor together and talked openly about our likes with Tom Scruze? Are you a porn fre~ are films like Debbie Does Dallas and Deep about this. Doc-man gives her a physical ex- and dislikes, things we'd want to try with each or a poseur? Match the titles with their Throat considered classics? amination and discovers that an important other, all with very little embarrassment. taglines and find out. "Plot," another friend replies with convic- part of the female anatomy is nof where it is I felt we shared something unique and very tion, even though I wasn't exactly expecting supposed to be, but rather nine inches down personal, and I know that Jack felt the same 1 . Asian Invasion an answer. Well, yeah, "plot" is good. But in her throat. satisfaction. So, while I don't have a definite 2. The Attendant what are we talking about? Star-crossed lov- Now at this point, we're about 20 r_ninutes answer for Jill as to how she should feel about · 3. Chinatown II ers? International intrigue? Highly doubtful.· into the movie, and interspersed in the story her boyfriend wanting to share his porn with 4. Cunt Hunt I told Jill*about my plans to watch the vid- are scenes with very unattractive-people hav- her, I know that I find it an interesting bond­ 5. Fetish eos with Jack, someone I've had a casual re- ing sex, and Jack and I are a little frustrated. ing method for couples. 6. Gigolo lationship with for a few months. Jill revealed "So, I don't understand," he said. "What *Names have been changed to protect the 7. Lost Weekend that her current boyfriend, whom she's been makes this a classic?" shy or fully-clothed. 8. Malibu Racki Boobwatch 2 9. Mall Slut 10. Nightshift r 24-Hour Porn Within Minutes of Campus 11 . Psychosexx 12. Sexpose CASEY REILLY Happy cem if this was the case because this maga­ 13. Sin Boy 4: Bareass Barbecue Retriever Week{y Staff Jerk-Off zine was wrapped tightly in plastic. 14. Totally_ Depraved 2 Santa: It Movie Sales, located on Rolling Road just As if any of you out there didn't already truly is off of Route 40, boasts a wide selection of a. "The Story of a Cunt-Crazed know this, there are two very fine adult-ori­ better to ·Family and Adult films. They have more Superstud Lost in Pussy Paradise" ented establishments (porn shops) located on give than films than the Pack Shack, but fewer maga­ b. "Things to Do in the Mall When Route 40, a mere 10 minutes from campus. to receive. zines. Your Cunt Itches, Your Ass Quivers This reporter was sent to gather informa­ However, Jet the reader be warned; accord­ and You Need a Big, Hard Cock in tion regarding these two very fine establish­ ing to store policy, RUBBER GOODS CAN Your Mouth" ments, although he protested vehemently at ONLY BE RETURNED WITHIN SEVEN . c. "Absolutely the Sickest Movie Ever such a sordid assignment, boldly seizing the DAYS OF PURCHASE. So be very careful Filmed" - moral high ground, which was, as usual, left For the Ancient Studies majors out there, -- a guy I know kept forgetting this heinous d. "Real Sex Filmed Live on the unoccupied by the other-employees of this the Pack Shack has a scant few remaining and unfair policy and ended up stuck with a Streets and in the Backseats of ~leazy rag of a newspaper. (Porn shops? copies of the Encyclopedia Sexualis, which I lot of rubber goods. L.A.'s Hottest Taxicabs" That's boring! Why can't I do something fun suppose must be some sort of classical Latin For lifting enthusiasts, both of these fine e. "Where No Man Has Gone Before" like a comparison of different porno maga­ text. I attempted to investigate further, barely establishments stock a wide variety of maga­ f. "The World's Wildest Asian Slutfest" zines? Come on, how about porno movies?! able to control my excitement at finding some zines and movies which somehow deal with g. "So Many Men, So Little Time" Dammit!) evidence of high culture in this den of sin, Olympic weightlifting, or at least the first of h. "Nobody Bakes a Clam Like Al" Equipped with a very understanding sig­ only to realize that the Encyclopedia was the two competitive lifts, the Snatch. It was i. "Cum to Drink of It, I Will" nificant other, this writer wasn't worried wrapped in plastic. No doubt, the Pack Shack not clear from the covers of these 'publica­ j. "For the Woman Who Has about having to explain why he spent all of was forced to resort to such measures after tions or videos exactly how they related to Everything" Thursday morning looking at pornography, too many patrons handled this ancient tome the sport of weightlifting. k. "Slave to the Serpent" but hoped that the Accounting Office would in pursuit of higher leamin&: One would think that a magazine dedicated I. "Sex on the Beach With a Twist" wove to be equally understanding when it The Bad Girl Starter Kit would make a nice to the Snatch would feature the great Anto­ m. "An Innocent, Vulnerable, Willing came time to reimburse this brave journalist gift for any female you know who is inter­ nio Krastev on the cover or perhaps other well Victim of Lust" for his "research" expenses. ested in looking like a complete slut. This known world-record holders in this lift, such n. "Just When You Thought No One Located next door to the Dunkin' Donuts convenient kit contains pretty much anything as Sergei Syrtsov or Aleksandr Kurlovich. Would Find Out About Your Dirty on Route 40, the Pack Shack is open 24 hours you'd ever need to be really, really trashy. And what sense does a "dripping wet Snatch" Little Secrets" a day. After all, when do you need porn more Oddly, the woman pictured on the box looked make? Performing such a demanding lift un­ than at two o'clock in the morning? I think I to be dressed very similarly to the woman on der wet conditions would be dangerous for can confidently say that the Pack Shack has the cover of Assertive Woman Magazine, also the lifter and anyone else nearby. It's just Ans ·We rs something for everybody. available at the Shack. silly! · First, though it may be hard to believe (or I imagine AW must be a publication for In a nutshell, both the Pack Shack and the ~vi !L/ €1- !u zi !! ii stomach), the Pack Shack apparently stocks today's woman; taking charge in the corpo­ Movie Sales place are very, very fine estab­ !p OJ,. !q 6 !/ 8 !6 L !{ 9 the entire line of Happy Jerk-Off cultural icon rate world, leading feminism into the 21st lishments, but if magazines are your bag head toys, including Happy Jerk-Off Santa Claus century and not afraid to be called bitchy. for the Shack. (They even have Crotch Con­ !w s !e v !Jt € !a z !J /,. and Happy Jerk-Off Peter Rabbit. Once again, liowever, I was unable to dis- nection.) PAGE 16 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES January 27, 1998

.' ~. :SGA IB UllLILIEllllN IBOAIRJD

YI from the SGA: Welcome back! The SGA would like to wish all members of the UMBC Looking for a Student Body, Faculty and Staff a warm greeting as the Spring Semester starts. The Spring Semester brings with it several very important activities club to join? for the SGA. The Fiscal Year 1999 Annual ~udget Review Period will be starting with a Treasurer's Meeting and the distribution of Annual Budget Student Organization Fair Proposal Packets on February 10th. While not required, all organizations Friday, January 30, 1998 are strongly encouraged to send a representative to this, meeting to understand the new guidelines and regulations concerning SGA funding. 10:00-2:00 UC Ballroom A timeline of important dates for budgeting is available on the SGA Office (UC 205) door and in the news section of the SGA Homepage (~ttp:// sta.umbc.edu/-sga). This spring will also feature the annual SGA General Special Notice Elections. Timelines for election related events are also available at the Due to the extreme amount of change that can occur in SGA Office and on the SGA Homepage. In addition to budgeting and organization meeting time and location between the Fall and elections, the SGA Constitutional Review Committee ·will continue to be Spring semesters, this week's calendar only includes events which reviewing club constitutions. If you are not sure whether your organization are registered with Campus Sched.uling for the Spring Semester. If is currently under review, please contact Nick Acks at the SGA Senate Office, x2224. Finally, the spring is sure to bring with it a variety of new your organization has a regularly scheduled event which is not listed, please contact both the Campus Scheduling office to reserve challenges to deal wit~ and for the student body. Best wishes to all of you as the semester begins and remember thatthe SGA is always open to student a location and the SGA Office to be added to the calendar as soon input, assistance, concerns and comments. Stop by our office in UC 205 as possible. or simply contact a SGA Senator or member of the Executive Branch at x2220. Legislative Action:

Allocation of Funds for Aikido Club #1 Calendar of Events: (L040-9798)

Tuesday l/27 : 8:00am Late Orientation - UC Ballroom Lounge Plan of Organization Amendment 4:00pm Men and Women Varsity Swimming Teams vs . UMCP - UMBC Natatorium Regarding the Steering Committee of the Wednesday 1/28: 8:00am Late Orientation - UC Ballroom Lounge Senates l:OOpm African Student Assoc. Meeting - MP 008 Blirck Student Union Mass Meeting - LH 2 (RO 13-9798) Career Development & Placement Info Sessions - MP 104/105 Lutheran Campus Ministry Bible Study- MP 102 The Retriever Weekly Fun Fest - UC Plaza SEB Quiz Bowl Practice - SS 108 The above items were both signed by the Tau Beta Pi Meeting - CP 207 Young Democrats Meeting - SS 109 SGA President on 12/5/97. R013-9798 was 2:00 pm Interfaith Circle Meeting - LIB 214 7:30 pm Men 's Varsity Basketball at Mt. St. Mary's forwarded to the UMBC Steering Committee Thursday 1/29: for consideration by all of UMBC's Senates. 3:00 pm Women Empowering Women Mentor Orientation - UC Ballroom Lounge 7:00 pm Alpha Sigma Alpha Meeting - UC 31 4 Women ·s Varsity Basketball at Liberty SGA Budgetary Policy Ratification Act Friday 1/30: 10:00 am Student Organization Fair - UC Ballroom (L035-9798) . I l:OOam Black Hi story Month Kickoff - Retriever Grill l:OOpm Baptist Campus MinistiY Bible Study - MP I 05 Muslim Students Assoc. Friday Prayers - LH 2 SEB Quiz Bowl Practice - SS 108 Approves the SGA Budgetary Policy as an 4:00pm Chess Club Meeting - UC 312 · 7:00pm Sigma Gamma Rho Meeting - UC Ballroom Lounge SGA Standing Rule. This policy governs all 9:00 pm Si gma Gamma Rho Event - The RATT SGA and SGA-recognized club financial Saturday I /31: 7:00am Sigma Gamma Rho Mid-Winter Meeting - SS Building _matters. Further, repeals any previ~us 8:00 am Sigma Gamma Rho Mid-Winter Nat' I Meeting - LH 5 9:3o·am Chess Club Training Session - AC!V 210 legislation, or parts thereof, in confliet with l :OO pm Women's Varsity Swimming Team vs. George Washington - UMBC Natatorium 4:00pm Men's Varsity Basketball vs. Winthrop - UMBC Fieldhouse the policy. Men's Varsity Swimming Team vs. George Washington and Navy - UMBC Natatorium 6:00pm UMBC Athletic Hall of Fame Dinner - Diuing Hall Wing I Passed Senate 12/9/97 9:00 pm Men's Varsity Tennis at Navy IO:OOpm Black Student Union Event - UC Ballroom Signed by President 12/9/97

6:00 pm Delta Phi Epsilon Chapter Meeting - FA 306 Complete copies of all SGA Legislation, I J :00 am Black History Month Kickoff - UC Lobby Resolutions~ Constitutional Amendments, and I :00 pm Career.Development & Placement Info Sessions - MP 104/105 Caribbean American Student Assoc. Meeting - SS 108 Standing Rules Amendments are k~pt on file Class Council Committee Freshmen Interest Meeting - LH 3 lnterfratemity Council Business Meeting - SS 107 in the SGA Office and are available for 6;00 pm Baptist Campus Ministry Encounter - UC 314 Interfaith Circle Meeting- LIB 2 14 public review at any time. 7:00 pm Lambda Chi Alpha Meeting- UC 310 Men's Varsity Basketball vs. Radford- UMBC Fieldhouse Supersession in a Pinch - UC Ballroom Lounge Women's Varsity Basketball at Radford 7:30 pm Delta Phi Epsilon Rush/Initiation - UC 312 Student Government Association Senate Meeting - LH 5 Clubs and organizations may submit items to be included in the calendar of events to the SGA Office (UC 205) before 12:00pm on the Wednesday prior to any Retriever Weekly issue. Times and dates are subject to change, so contact the sponsoring organization to verify events. Contact information is available in the SGA Office. Organizations noting errors are requested to contact the SGA' Office wlth corrected information as soon as possible. ------~-

-- - -...... - - .,.... - ,.--: "" -... ·~ ;.., --- . . ' .-_ .. THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES January 27, 1998 PAGE17 PAGE18 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES January 27, 1998

FILM

I Lo_w Spirits Phantoms'' Scares Fall STEVEINTLEKOFER Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

Nothing new under the sun. On coming out of Phantoms I felt a strange depression, one similar to the kind I feel after engaging in small talk with a person I see every day - no progress has been made or will be made in the near future. I will now sum up the plot very quickly: Attractive young sisters Jenny and Lisa (played respectively by Joanna Going and Rose McGowan) come to the town of Snow­ field, Colorado, and find that it has been stripped of its inhabitants. They discover vari­ ous bloated ,- blue corpses and some severed heads before meeting up with law enforce­ ment. Sheriff Bryce Hammond (Ben Affleck) and his two deputies proceed to search the town and soon realize that they are up against some strange and menacing evil pres­ ence which absorbs the thoughts Joanna Going and Ben Affleck take a moment to reflect on their situation in Phantoms. of its victims and then takes the after many gory deaths, we have Peter O'Toole doing here? His performance a quarter of the way into the film. The action form of "phantoms" from their the final confrontation, in which "is decent enough, but he is completely out of , scenes are plentiful and fairly well-staged - minds. Eventually, the military is our remaining heroes must fig­ place, and his character is written so that he, the initial hotel search is particularly strong called in (a complete surprise to me, for one) . ure out a way to poison the creature using comes off as an old, pompous ass with un­ - but I can't help feeling that the whole thing and, with them, evil creature expert Peter quickly-multiplying bacteria. clear motives. As he emerges in a space suit is a muddled conglomerate of films we've O'Toole. In the press release, Dean Koontz' script is from a futuristic military van, he is asked by seen before, namely Alien, Outbreak, and O'Toole's character is Timothy Flyte, a praised for its philosophical/theological ele­ Sheriff Bryce how he got involved in the Poltergeist. Also, I have a hard time under­ scientist who has given up his research ca­ ments. I believe these consist of the "Ancient whole thing. "Reluctantly," he says. standing why such a powerful entity would reer for the tabloids after claiming to have Enemy" being large, having an ego and be­ Affleck, McGowan and Going are all dull bother with little annoyances, like turning the discovered something called the "Ancient ing constantly compared to Lucifer. Speak­ in parts any actor could have played. Liev lights on and off or calling on the phone to Enemy," the creature now threatening the ing of egos, at least one must have been sub­ Schreiber's Deputy Stu is interesting in a bi­ babble incoherently. I would think the "An­ town. Blah, blah, blah ... and then suddenly, verted in order to make this film. What is zarre role, but the character i~ killed off about cient Enemy" has better things to do.

~TARH fRIDAY JANUARY JOTH IN THEATm MRYWHm THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES .[anua_ry 2 0 199~ PAGE19 Reviewing 1997: Titanic Sailed, But The Pest Sank

JAMIE PECK Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

It's that time again- time to weed out the . class and the crass from the previous year's sea of movie releases. It was a fairly easy task this go-round thanks to the standard-set­ ting behemoth Titanic, which easily will be remembered not only on Oscar night, but also when it's time to compile'a·list of the decade's finest films. On the other end of the spec­ trum is The Pest, which I pegged as the worst of the year when I saw it last February - and was right. Here are the numbers: I reviewed 122 mov­ ies during 1997, and 37 of them were good - enough to be considered for ·the best list. I gave overtly positive i;ey1ews (that's three stars) to still .26 more. Add those figures to­ gether, and I had a "good" time at the mov­ ies roughly half of the time - a percentage up about five points from 1996. Accentuate the positive with me, folks. · 1 THE BEST 1. TITANIC Those naysayers who prejudged James Cameron's mega-budgeted take on the · 1912 ship sinking did so without seeing even a ininute of film, and thus stuck their feet in their collective mouths big time. Titanic i~ an epic in every sense of the word, an awe­ inspiring cinematic feat that places you right aboard the doomed ocean liner, and captures Titanic: Paramount; Scream: Dimension; Square: Hollywood From last year's best movies (clockwise from left): the destruction and turmoil with staggering, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet make love aboard . heartbreaking realism. As the unlikely couple Titanic; Da_vid Arquette and Jamie Kennedy do lunch in that make up the movie's heart, Leonardo Scream 2; and Washington Square's Jennifer Jason DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are too wonder­ Leigh is on the inside looking out. ful to put into.words. 2. CONTACT Mankind has its first encoun- very likely the most unjustly overlooked 10. SHALL WE DANCE? We shall. This of a Playstation game. C) Never let your su­ ter with oth~rworldly life, and there are no movie of the year. delightful Japanese import finds a middle- perhero be upstaged by his cape. D) Special exploding Empire State Buildings, alien mind 6. LA. CONFIDENTIAL This dazzling bit aged businessman (Koji Yakusyo) raging effects do not a good movie make. melds .or light sabers. Instead, Contact of pulp fiction finds cops and crooks (and a against the machine by taking up ballroom 5. WARRIORS OF VIRTUE Kangaroo handles its subject matter with importance mixofthetwo)populatingalively 1950sLos dancing, a move that can make waves in a kung-fufightersfromtheGreatBeyondbattle and intelligence, tackling the plight of its Angeles setting. What's wonderful about place where public· affection between hus- an evil warlord who vamps and kvetches like ..., heroine (a brilliant Jodie Foster), a radio as- Confidential is that its sense of story, style, · bands and wives is frowned upon. Not only -an aging-rock god. It's little more than a col­ tronomer who first discovers a message from character and humor remain completely in­ is the comedy gentle and irresistible, but the lection of inane fight scenes that seem to have beyond, with deep, heady views into the con- tact during the journey, something that can­ glimpse into a society so different from our been photographed on fast-forward and flicting arguments of science and religion. not be said for practically all other genre at­ own is downright fascinating. through cheesecloth. Forget Forrest Gump, because this is Robert tempts of late (Mullholland Falls, anyone?). Honor Roll: Alien Resurrection; As Good 6. SHADOW CONSPIRACY This dopey Zemeckis' masterpiece. Kim ·Basinger enjoys her finest role as a As It Gets; Face/Off, The House of Yes; Romy political thriller had the misfortune of open-· .3. GROSSE POINTE BLANK John comely, mysterious dead ringer for Lana and Michele s High School Reunion ing opposite the Star Wars re-release, a fate Cusack is at his sly, winning best. as an a~- Turner. it deserved. The finale, where terrorists try s~ssin visiting his hometown to pull off one 7. SCREAM 2 And now for something com­ THE WORST to off the prez with a remote-control helicop­ last job; while there, he reluctantly decides pletely different - a horror_spoof sequel ter, must be seen to be believed. to attend his IO-year high school reunion. The rushed into production following the 1. THE PEST John Leguizamo gets to fart 7. MEET WALLY SPARKS Rodney sharp screenplay (co-written by Cusack) original's smash success, and it's a spooky, his way through a Shakespeare soliloquy and Dangerfield plays a randy talk show host in boasts the most subversive black comedy savvy lark. More ingenious pop culture-rib­ puke over the side of a boat after a pummel- this painfully unfunny farce. Dangerfield of­ since Pulp Fiction, memorable one-liners ("I bing follows Scream's surviving gang plus ing of seagull poop Jn this completely laugh-_,,,. ten wonders why he gets no respect; starring killed the president.of Paraguay with a fork.") new cast members as they dodge the knife of free comedy. Tasteless quips are made at the in movies like this can't be helping that im­ and nifty supporting parts for Minnie Driver, a mystery killer. Am I the only person who expense of males, females, Caucasians, Af- age. ~ ·Alan Arkin and, most of all, Dan Aykroyd. thinks Jamie Kennedy deserves Oscar con- rican-Americans,Asians, Latinos, epileptics, 8. JUNGLE 2 JUNGLE More proof that 4. HERCULES Disney's 35th animated film siderat_~on for his deliriously funny portrayal Jews, ~omosexuals and (presumably just for Hollywood needs to stay away from remak­ gives the Greek legend a tremendously en- · of J;he franchise's resident film geek? the heck of it) narcoleptics. If the filmmak- ing foreign films. This stinky update of Un thusiastictreatmentthatmakesitthestudio's 8. THE Amazon-raised Low on original songs but high on fuQ ce- .._ thriller. that's tnlly unpredictable. Michael 2. THAT DARN CAT A bored girl (Chris- · so.n-through New York, and still finds time lebrity vocals (James.. Woods does a killer · Douglas plays an irivestni.~pt banker trapped tina-Ricci), a bumbling fed (Doug E. Doug) for a subplot devoted to the Russian l\1afia. Hades) and rapid-fire sight gags, Hercules has inside a weird world wllere even ~e most and 'a suave tabby i~vestigate the~ town~s 9 ... DOUBLE "(EAM Jean-Claude Van no Achille"s' heels to speak of and keeps mo- mundane occ1:1rrehct?s seem. to· yield iught­ strange nig~tlife: Str~ng talent is_sucked ·. Damm:e and Dennis Rodman battle Mickey mentum and merriment spinning at a break- .. marish circumstances. Par~oia flows like down the ,: drain thanks: to a dull _sc.reenp1ay · Rourke iJi a supremely out-there action flick. neck pace. Of special notice is Herc's excit- - ·wine, and the movie's smartest trick is that it from thewriters of The People vs. Larry Flynt · How out-there, you ask? The climax involves ing battle against the multi-headed Hydra and nevet f~reshadows its.sJ;iockiiig send-off on (!). Ricci plays tbe material with a strrught the.Roman Coliseum, a.tiger, land mines and his romance with very fleshed-out leading a first viewing. ., . - face, whil~ Doug mugs so endlessly, I wanted a motorcycle car/rying an infant ln the handle- lady Meg. 9. WAG TH~ DOG What's the best way to to drink-coffee out of his h~ad. - . . bar ba5kec '1i~ff said~ .- . 5. WASHINGTON SQUARE Who knew divert the public from an impending White 3. AiR· B-UD"A-friend of mine insists he saw · 10.- EXCESS' BAGGAGE Thanks to a me- 1- - Union Square could look so beautiful with House sex scandal?.Go to war with Albania. Buddy,, Air .Bud's hoops-shooting canine · andering story that's practically devoid of any all of the drug needles swept up? Director At least that's the answer from a fast-think­ · mascot, on a segment of David Letterman's discern able sense of humor, Alicia Agni~szka Holland's visual prowess compli- irig spin doctor (Robert De Niro) and a slick "Stupid Pet Tricks." What. an appropriate Silverstone's road comedy/romantic drama/ rilents this emotionally taut story of a mid- movie producer (Dustin Hoffman) in Barry connection - this movie is a stupid pet trick. kidnap thriller sure ~oesn't live· up to 1850s heiress (Jennifer Jason Leigh, who Levinson' s uproarious political satire. Faux .... 4. SPAWN As messy as it is, there are les-, Clueless. But it is clueless. normally plays yuppies) tom between money news footage is a definite highlight, as is sons to be learned from Spawn. A) John As Bad As It Gets: Gone Fishin '; The 6th and lo:ve flawlessly, fi lling each scene with Willie Nelson's pro-American anthem, "We Leguizamo needs a new agent. B) Satan just Man; SwitchBack; Turbulence; Vegas Vaca­ sigh-worthy sights. Washington Square "is Have the Right to Fight for Democracy." isn't scary when he looks like he walked out tion T_HE RETRIEVE~ WEEKLY, OPINION January 27, 1998. .PAGE9 Can't Compete? Deal With It, Don't Change the Rules It May Not Seem ·Fair to Keep Disabled Golfers-Out, But It Sure Wouldn't Be Fair to Give Them Carts

John IWschke a near fatal car crash that crushed his legs, pare playground basketball to the NBA, carts Martin as proof that the kid can play and Ken Venturi risking death to win the 1964 simply are not part of the professional tour. should be given a chance. But the reality is Open in brutally hot and humid conditions One argument used by Martin's support­ . that it hurt his case. Hundreds of players have There's no doubt that Casey Martin is a and, just last year, Jose Maria Olazabal re- ers is to point out that carts are allowed on competed for years on the PGA or Nike Tours talented golfer. He was good enough to be a . turning to win a tournament and play on the Senior tour. So what? The Senior tour is and never~ never, ever won a single event. key member of Stanford's 1994 NCAA Europe?s Ryder Cup team after an 18 month for old, fat guys who play 54 holes (not 72) Yet, this 25-year old kid, with the added pres­ Championship team - Martin and the Car­ absence due to an arthritic foot condition. over Mickey Mouse courses that are 1,000 sure of the world watching, wins 1:tls first time dinal lost a playoff for the,title in '95 - anc;l Give these guys caps and Hogan and yards shorter than most PGA Tour courses out. he was good enough to scratch out a living1 Olazabal never miss a beat, while Venturi's and ·is more about entertainment than com­ I feel sorry for Casey Martin. I wish he in golf's lower echelon over the last two years story is a non-issue. That would be a shame, petitive golf. didn't have a bad leg that was none of pis and earn card for this year's Nike Tour, the because it's the huinan stories of prevailing And the two biggest events in Senior own aoing. But he does. And while many golf equivalent of AAA baseball. oYer adversity - within the rules and with­ -golf, the U.S. Senior Open (operated by the doors have been rightfully opened for the However, Martin's lack of one ability out the benefit of a com\telling a private or- USGA and not the Senior PGA Tour) and the disabled in recent years, we must accept that prevents him from being an effective player . there are just certain things that some people on the PGA Tour. He can only walk with great cannot do. pain, thanks to a congenital leg condition, I'm 5' 10" and a slight 160 pounds. I've -~'It's a different game in the world of competitive golf, and just Klippel-Trenaunay-Webef syndrome, which wanted to be an NFL quarterback since I was doesn't allow proper blood circulation in his as you can't compare playground basketball to the NBA, carts a little boy. Would it be fair for defenders bad leg. Because the extensive walking in­ simply are not part of the professional tour." not to be allowed to tackle me or not to be volved could worsen his condidtion or even able to jump at the line of scrimmage to kill him, Martin is going to court for the right knock down my passes? That's what Casey to transport himself around the course in a ·ganization how to make its own rules - that PGA Seniors Championship (operated by the Martin w:Ots: for the rules of the game to be cart. make sports 'great. PGA of America) do not allow carts. Even changed. Walking is required on the PGA Tour and Carts have never been a part of compefr­ when given the choice, the Senior tour's big­ , The rules ()f the game. That's what Casey the Nike Tour, whicQ is owned and operated tive golf, and Martin's battle would have gest stars, Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer and Martin's case is really about. The PGA Tour by the PGA. In fact, carts are not allowed on never happened if the introduction of carts Gary Player, never use carts because they un­ does its part to accommodate the disabled by any of the world's pro golf tours (except the into country clubs and recreational play had derstand the bad example it would give rec­ providing easy spectator access and parking Senior PGA Tour), in any of the ·USGA never happened. There, carts have already reational players if they were spotted in carts.. at all their events. Does their obligation ex­ (United States Golf Association) champion­ done enough damage to the game of golf. Does the use of a cart proviqe an advan­ tend to inside the ropes? For a private sports ships and in very few top-level amateur They've hurt the game's image as a genu­ tage? If the weather's oppressive or the course organization for which competitors must events. It is the ardent belief of golf's gov­ ine athletic undertaking, caused American has plenty of hills, then they provide a defi­ meet a certain standard to qualify, the answer erning bodies·, and a great number 6t its rec­ courses ~o be paved over with ribbons and nite advantage. They might be an advantage is no. The PGA Tour's definition of competi­ reational players, that walking is a part of ribbons of concrete paths and destroyed cad­ without adverse conditions. How else do you tive golf is what matters, .not anyone else's the game. dying, from which generations of youths who explain Martin, who was allowed to use a cart interpretation. If Casey Martin cannot meet And for those who know the history of didn't grow up in ritzy country clubs were in the first two Nike events of the year be­ those standards, then he deserves no special golf, it is hard to argue. The game's history given an opportunity to excel at golf and be- fore the case goes to court, winning his first advantage. is full of players who overcame adversity to come great players. · event at the highest level of competitive golf win despite physical difficulties: Ben Hogan But it's a different game in the world of that he had ever experienced? John Mi~chke is the managing editor of The winning the 1953 U.S. Open after suffering competitive golf, and just as you c_an't com- That win was· heralded by supporters of Retriever Weekly. Happy 1998: It Gets Stranger and Stranger Every Day

Joe Schwartz Kennedys. was elected because 6f his ideas and his· vi­ rob it individually? Maybe he was just stuck Now, a lot of you will probably be ask­ sion, not just because he used to be famous. in line behind somebody with lots of cou­ ing, wasn't Cher 16 when she moved in with Fortunately for Mr. Bono and Mr. pons and figured it would be less tro~ble to I realized it was going to be a strange Sonny Bono, who had a few years on her? Kennedy, the title of Most Pathetic Failure start shooting than to wait for a price check year when one of the very first things I saw The difference is that Sonny was poor, bald­ of 1998 has already been secured by con­ on a IO-pound bag of Meow Mix. The world on January 1 was two women beating each ing and ugly. He got his 16-year-old fair and fessed U nabomber Theodore Kaczynski for may never know. other senseless right in front of me. My band · square, riot just because he came from a rich attempting to hang himself with his under­ Finally, in what can only be described was playing in a Fells Point bar, and some · and powerful family. He earned it. Not only wear, failing and then having the news of the as the most grossly inappropriate behavior ladies who had missed out on the glory days that, but he had the decency to marry her and attempt reported by every media outlet in the possible, Baton Rouge police are searching of G.L.nW. were recreating a scene from make her more wealthy and fam~us than he country._Nonetheless, I believe that because for an African-American man who murdered Patrick Swayze's Roadhouse stage left. was by writing songs for her, creating their he provided valuable lesson - that no mat­ James Carter, 20, as he marched in a Martin The next day, I got word that the swift television show and managing their career. ter how pathetic your life is, it could be worse Luther King, Jr. Day Parade. tree of justice had killed confessed adulter­ It is a credit to Sonny that all four of his ex­ - Kaczynski has prevented hundreds of sui­ Three children, aged seven, nine and 11, ous child molester Michael Kennedy. In a wives could get together peacefully. cides. For this service to the world, he has were also injured in the shooting. Police sus­ remarkable turn of events, said babysitter­ The most Michael Kennedy's wife ever probably saved more lives than he took, so pect the motive was personal. Couldn't the boinking son of Robert F. Kennedy was not said to his girlfriend was, "The phone num­ his karma is cleared as far as I'm concerned. guy have just waited until after the parade? drunk at the time of his death. Michael ber of the restaurant is on the fridge. Make In local news, our very. own Wilkens He had the whole day off to shoot Carter~ yet Kennedy should never have been on the sure Timmy is in bed by 10." . Avenue Giant supermarket was the target of he couldn't even wait one hour. slopes that day, because he should have been By the late ' 80s, Sonny was such a has­ an ill-fated bandit who decided ~o shoQt it This is what.happens in our fast-paced, in jail for statutory rape. been that his biggest achie_vement in show out with cops to protect his loot and fiis booty. do it now, no time to procrastinate society. I'm just bitter because no girls would business was being chosen to block Jim J. He ended up full ·of holes an~ permanently People can't just relax, enjoy a parade and sleep with me when I was 16. Think about it. Bullock and Martha Reeves on Hollywood . short of breath, which has got be· embarrass­ then put acap in somebody's ass. Even God How could the young men of Massachusetts Squares. Then, after one successful career ing when you get to that corner-of hell re­ took a day off after he made the universe. compete with a rich, middle-aged man? Ev­ closed, he started an entirely new one as a served for people who shoot at cops. Every­ Can't we expect the same from our crazed ery rich old guy who has sex with a randy restaurant owner, ma)'-Or of Palm Springs and, body else there got killed robbing banks or gunmen? 16-year-old girl is denying a law-abiding high later, U.S. Congressman. armored cars or even liquor stores, but to get school student a·chance to score. Kids should Do you think Kenny G or Michael shot robbing Giant is 'downright disgraceful. Joe Schwartz is a senior and is majoring in be having sex with other kids, not with Bolton will ever be elected to office? So~y Did he have to go to each register and history. - -~------~-----~·- .. --~-~

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES January 27, 1998 PAGE21

Ain't Nothin' But a G-String The Retriever FROM KAOS, PAGE 14 or whatever cliche-named girl's garter. It was But it isn't always just the thighs that the difficult to figure out where the feeling of drunken customers grope in their eagerness sexual pleasure or even satisfaction rumored Weekly has the to show their appreciation for bare flesh. On to be found at strip clubs was coming from. this particular night at the Kaos Club, one Aaron, a 21-year-old, heterosexual male man grabbed a stripper between her legs, al­ college student with the usual horniness, was following PAID though it was difficult to determine exactly appalled by his first experience at a strip club. which region of her body he molested. The He pointed out that the dancer's nakedness look on the woman's face was one more so lacked any meaning -- robbing it of its sen­ positions available: of annoyance than of shock -- all in a day's suality. work. Aaron said that it was "depressing" to see Production The strangest part about ~e atmosphere at these women on stage spinning arou_nd the the Kaos Club was that, with the exception pole, liumping the ground and each other like of one absolutely wasted man in a business dogs in heat and grabbing their own boobs . suit and trench coat, none of the customers with obviously faked pleasure in an attempt Manager were having an openly, raucously good time. to get bigger" tips. · The men were basically sitting in their seats However, bas.ed on the mon_etary success Asst. News Editor with little self-satisfied smiles which would of ~strip clubs and the porn industry' in gen­ widen with the approach of bare bouncing eral, the majority of males do not agree with butts or breasts. The liveliest the men would Aaron. The positive side to stripping is that Asst. Opinion get was when they leaned forward to tuck women can make a hell of a lot money -- if their dollar bills into Roxanne's or Debbi's they don't mind losing a part of themselves. Editor Asst. Focus Editor All Writers & Photographers. Stop.by UC21 4 and apply today! PAGE22 Jan.27,1998 SPORTS Retriever Revival: Women's Dogs Are Trampled Golf To Victims No More Be Added lead at halftime on a basket by JOHN MISCHKE -freshman center Kennedy Okafor in Fall Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff with one second before halftime. The game remained close in the JENELLE D' ALESSANDRO No more jokes about Retriever opening minutes of the second half Retriever Weekly Staff Writer basketball. All of a sudden, this before the Retrievers went on a 14- team, which starts four freshmen 3 run to lead 49-40 with 9: 18 to The UMBC athletic depart­ and a sophomore, should be taken play. ment will celebrate the inception of seriously, as it has already bettered The Eagles would later cut the it's 21st varsity-level sport next fall, its win total from each of the last deficit to five, at 64-59 with 1: 19 as women's golf will be officially two years with an even 8-8 record remaining, but UMBC converted its added to the UMBC athletics line­ (3-3 in the Big South Conference). ·1ast 12 free throws to pull away. The up. UMBC will join Mount St. On Saturday, UMBC claimed a 74- Retrievers were led by freshman Mary's College and' become only 63 victory at Winthrop for their guard Rich Giddens, who scored 18 the second Maryland school with sixth win in nine games. points and had six rebounds, five - such a team. Most of the credit for the im­ assists and five three-point field As UMBC makes the confer­ provement goes to the sterling goals. Okafor added 13 points and ence switch from the Big South to freshman class, which is starting to 11 rebounds and sophomore Kerry the Northeast Conference in 1998, open eyes after inconsistent play Martin came off the bench to con- . the linkster-Lady Retrievers will early in the season. "These kids are tribute career highs of 17 points and participate in the NEC's very first more athletic and have a lot more nine rebounds. . ---.... Women's Golf Championship, to be basketball experience;" said UMBC The game was the second of a ·held in the fall. Aside from Mount coach Tom Sullivan in judging his two-game road trip last week. The St. Mary's, UMBC will face other six rookies. "I think a lot of the _ first was a 57-55 loss at Liberty, in golfers from schools §Uch as game preparation and scouting is which the Flames hit nine three­ Wagner, Robert Morris College, sinking in~" pointers and survived multiple · Jason Putsche I Retriever Weekly Staff and Farleigh Dickinson University. Against Winthrop, the host chances by the Retrievers to tie or Sophomore forward Isaac Green goes up for two of his career- UMBC Athletic Director Dr. Eagles came out of the gate fast and take the lead in the final seconds. high 18 points in UMBC's 71-59win over Charleston Southern. Charles Brown is extremely enthu- led 12~0 early. But the Retrievers After an early season slump, Green has averaged a solid 8.0 SEE REVIVAL, PAGE 27 SEE GOLF, PAGE 24 would battle back and Jook a 27-26 po_ints and 5.1 rebounds over the last nine games. Swim Team Splits With American

AGNES OSINSKI Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff

On Saturday, January 24, the women's swim team (125 points) wiped out American University (118 points) at a dual meet held at the UMBC Natatorium. But the men's team had to settle for second place, as the visiting Eagles claimed a 114-109 victory. A top performer for the women's -team was freshman Christy Maskeroni. Maskeroni won both the 1000 meter freestyle event (10:41.5.1) and the 500 meter freestyle event (5: 13.8). Maskeroni also served as an -anchor on the . Jason Putsche I Retriever Weekly Staff women's 400 meter relay (Carrie . Jason Putsche I Retriever Weekly Staff Senior Kendra Damann, who scored 25 points against Freshman Kevin Goh won the 200 meter butterfly and fimshed Miller, Erin Kerig~Terra Peterson) Winthrop, is once.again one of the Big South's leading scorers. . secon~ in two other events, but UMBC lost to American. that won with a time of 3:41.83. Another strong performer was (Nikki Sansbury, Caitlin O'Brien, · and Alison Schaeffer squeezed in Victory Snaps Five- sophomore Megan Donovan. Veronica Castro), which captured another poinJ for the Retrievers by Donovan won the 50 meter · rrrst place (4:07.48). finishing fifth (2: 18.82). freestyle with a time of 25 .81, along Freshman Carrie Miller took The Retrievers are in the pro­ Game Losing Streak with a tight win in the 200 meter frrst place in the 100 meter freestyle cess of changing gears as the sea­ breast stroke (2:28.85) with her (54:91) and second place in the 200 son draws in closer to the ECAC CHRIS KERNER With the win, the Lady Re­ teammate Caitlin O'Brien taking meter freestyle (1 :56.88). Team­ Championships on February 26. "In Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff trievers moved to. 2-4 in the Big second place (2:32). "I think Caitlin mates Erin Kerig (56:56) and Chris­ a couple of weeks we will start ta- South and 5-14 overall. The team's. and I both had really good races ei- tinaHawley (1:01) also contributed - pering," said Donovan. "Which The UMBC women's basket­ five victories have already sur­ ther way," said Donovan. "The to the team score in the 100 meter means that will be lessening the ball team rebounded from three passed last season's total of four competition in most of the events freestyle event by finishing fourth meterage and working on speed." straight road losses, and snapped an wins. However, improvement has was so close tha~ the total outcome and fifth, respectively. While in the On the men's team, freshman overall losing streak of five games, not come easy for the ladies, begin­ could have gone either way;" _ 200 meter back stroke-Veronica Kevin Goh won the 200 meter but­ on ,Saturday by defeating confer­ ning when sophomore forward Donovan also anchored the Castro placed second (2: 12.22), fol­ terfly stroke (1:55.04), along with ence rival Winthrop at the SEE WOMEN, PAGE 26 women's 400 meter relay medley lowed by Nikki Sansbury (2: 13) Fieldhouse. SEE SWIMMING, PAGE 24 ------~----...__,....______. ------~-~----~------.------

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS January 27, 1998 PAGE23

Gustavo Aizcorse: Another UMBC Potential NCAA Standout on the ALUMNI ASSOCIATION SCHOLARSHIP Men's Track Team

AGNES OSINSKI Retriever Weekly;' ~ditorial Staff ·

Leaving behind the desert heat, Gustavo Aizcorse transferred from UTEP (University of Texas-El Paso) to UMBC last semester and $1200 has joined the men's track and field team. Aizcorse is a native of Torreon Coahuila, SCHOLARSHIPS Mexico and moved to the U.S. not only to further pursue his spqrt, but also to gain in­ sight about the American experience. "I The Alumni Association in partnership with the PHH wanted to learn about the American culture " , Corporation will award 3 scholarships said ' to students who meet the following minimum criteria: Aizcors~. I Currently, Aizcorse is a potential NCAA qualifier in the 800 meter run. This potential =:> Degree seeking UMBC underg1·aduates with 45 credits by has already been demonstrated by Aizcorse's January 1998 past performances. As a freshman, He was ~ One completed semester of study at UMBC ~ Cumulative GPA of 3.0 or higher named to the All-WAC team with a third ~ Campus/leadership involv;ment- place finish in the 800 meters ( 1:51 ), and at the Mexican national time trials Aizcorse ran One Scholarship ~ill be awarded to a son or dm1ghter of a UMBC Alumnus/a a time of 1:50.46). In 1995, Aizcorse competed in the Jun­ APPLICATIONS AVAILABLE AT INSTITUTIONAL ior Pan Am games held in Chile and com­ peted for a place on the Mexican National ADVANCEMENT (9th Floor Administration Bldg.), Team. Also just a week ago on January 17th, FINANCIAL AID AND UC INFO DESK Aizcorse placed second in the SOO meter event at the Lehigh Invitational with a time of 1:58. Aizcorse, however, claims that he FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL 455-3946 has most recently not been running to his Matthew Gannon I Retriever Weekly Staff fullest ability. "The last two seasons I have Aizcourse is a UMBC athlete with been getting injured," said Aizcorse. Olympic potential -- for Mexico. DEADLINE FOR APPLICATIONS: So far, Aizcorse has enjoyed being here February 20, 1998 at UMBC. "I like the city and people", said division for Celaya. It was not until he started Aizcorse. "And I like the climate because high school in Lagona that Aizcorse started where I come from it's desert; there are no to run and began to enjoy the sport tremen­ trees." dously. Aizcorse enjoys the sport for its mere There has been no notable difference in simplicity, as there are no specific rules. "It's terms of competition for Aizcorse, however, so simple: you put on your shoes and run and he finds the training here at UMBC more that is what I like about it," said Aizcorse-: demanding. "[Head Coach Jim Pfrogner] Asides from track, Aizcorse is an eco­ pushes me more, but he is easy to coqununi­ nomics major a,nd plans to pursue a masters cate with like a friend." saidAizcorse. "Back degree in the field. "I plan to study for my there [at UTEP] you couldn't talk with the masters in Spain," said Aizcorse. coach or anything." Gustavo Aizcorse is not only an example Aizcorse has intentions in competing at of a promising talent on the men's track team, the Olympics, since he still has Mexican citi­ but also a an indication of the diversity of zenship. "It's very hard to go to the Olym­ the student body here at UMBC. pics with a U.S. citizenship, but it is reason­ able in Mexico," explained Aizcorse. Before Aizcorse had any of thought of competing at the Olympics or moving to Maryland, he was playing soccer. Even his father has played soccer in Mexican Second

You'll gain as much as you give.

Buy recyclet It would mean the world to them. TEACHFORAMERICA ~ling keeps working to proted their future when )'Oil Luy products Take two years to teach in America's most under-resourced urban and rural public schools. made from recycled materials. So celebrate America Recycles Day on No previous education coursework required. Positions are full-time and paid. "'- Novemk 15th. fur af ree 1rocke, call l-800·CALL-EDF or Yisit 1-800-TFA-1230 • www.teachforamerica.org 01u we~ site at www.edf.org also, find more information in your campus career service office. ~. The final application deadline is March 2, 1998. EIF w PAGE24 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS Janiiary 2-7, J.998 Women's Golf

Becomes ._ - UMBC's21st Varsity Sport

·FROM GOLF, PAGE 22 Contemporary Jewish History JOST 274 Shimoff Tih 8:30.9:45 AM siastic about the· new addition. He has ap­ Jewish civilization in the 20th century with attention to the inter-war pointed men's golf coach Pat Kotten to lead -years, the Holocaust, and post-war developments in America, the first-year team. Although unavailable for Europe, the former Soviet Union and Israel. comment, Kotten has already begun the re:: cruitment process for next fall, according to Interpreting the Torah (The Five Books of Moses) Brown. A squad of 10 players will complete JOST 290 Si.egman MW.F 11:00.11:50 AM for the team. ~hapters of the Torah chosen for analysis will be selected for their Brown feels that the primary concern for relevance to such overarching issues as violence in human society, in the 1998 season will be to attract local play­ faith and skepticism, the meaning of pain and suffering and the ers. "Our goal will _be to win the NEC cham­ role of the Land of Israel in Jewish the~logy. pionship in the fall ... but to first attract any local players to UMBC, being that there is Modern Israel no other school in the area to offer women's JOST 310 Lukacs Th 7:00.9:45 PM I golf," said Brown. A multidisciplinary study of the historical background and current Finding female athletes to compete for issues in the modern State of Israel. The State of Israel marks the- UMBC should not be an arduous task, as golf 50th anniversary of its independence in 1998. interest has been fast-growing in the United States for the past 5-10 years. "Tiger-mania" Judaism in the Time of Jesus and Hiiiei has fanned the flame of the American golf JOST 390A Fine W 3:30-6:15 PM craze in the past two years, as the phenom A survey of the history of Judaism and of the Jewish people Tiger Woods has added a new dimension to from the Babylonian Captivity (c. 586 BC} through the Greco- the game. Searching for budding "Tigeresses" Roman period (c. 800 AD). - of the future should prove virtually effort­ less in a state where approximately 20-30 fe­ The Holocaust and Forgiveness male golfers turn out every October at the JOST 390B Udoff Tih 2:30.3:45 PM Maryland State High School Championships. Philosophical and theological ~pproaches to the study of the Since golf is not a high expenditure sport, Holocaust. Development of informed bases to reflect on the evil Dr. Brown does not foresee any budgetary against which the possibility of forgiveness is to be measured. concerns. Initially, scholarships will not be What would constitute repentance for such an evil? available to recruits for 1998-99. Bro~ notes that the financial pull of women's golf should The 20th Century Jewish American Experience in Fiim be on a "small scale" being that Coach Kotten JOST 390C Lander T 4:00-6:45 PM will share responsibility with the men's team, An exploration of the experiences of Jews in 20th century America players provide their own equipment, and the as portrayed in film through various themes that have helped to shape American Jewish identity. team will enjoy free playing time at local courses, such as Timbers at Troy Golf Club. Special Study or Project In Judaic Studies Additionally, UMBC is equipped with it's - own practice range on campus. JOST 400 Finkelstein TBA The fall of 1998 will no doubt be an ex­ Tutorial or independent study, or archival or empirical research, or field placement. 1-3 Qredits Permission required citing time of year for uMBC women's golf and the Northeast Conference. In the_mean­ time, any interested female golfers are being Elementary Modern Hebrew II sought out to possibly form a Club Women's HEBR 102 Litov Tih 1:00-2:15 PM Golf team this Spring. An introduction to Hebrew as it is spoken and written today. Listening compr-ehension, speaking, reading and Writing skills are developed along with exposure to Israeli society and culture.

For further information about the Spring 1998 courses, contact Jonathan C. Flnkelsteln, Director ( 410) 455-2427 _ [email protected]

Freshman Goh Leads Men in Loss FROM SWIMMING, PAGE 22 Jeremy Sansbury (1:42), Constantinos slight nudge which produced ...., a second-place finish in both the 200 meter Kleopa (1:46.11) and· Jeff Taegel (1:46.93) the winners. The Retrievers "'~ - ~ breast stroke event (2:08.61) and the 200 took the second, third and fourth places, in will be competing once· again, ~ meter individual medley event (1 :54.93). order, in the 200 meter freestyle event. Tak­ today at 4:00 p.m. against ~ Also in the 200 meter breast stroke event, ing second place in the 200 meter back stroke Maryland-College Park at ~ ::i:i teammates Robert Gigby and Steve Mason event, Matt Rausch finished with the time of home. ~- followed Goh, finishing third (2: 10) and 1: 544, followed by teammates Phil Boyer o (1 :55) and Jeremy Smith (1 :57). ~ fourth (2: 13), respectively. Megan Donovan won the ~ So far, Goh feels S?tisfied with his per­ Overall, the com.Petition was so clos~ SOm freestyle and the ~ formance up to this point in the season."I that both UMBC and American had to hang 200m breaststroke. _ _ j think that I've improved so much," he said. - in by the skin o__f their teeth and it was only a .~--...... ,,,.. - -~ .... -~------..... _____ --______..---...------,._ - ----

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY ·,_ -SPORTS January 27,. 1998 PAGE25

writers writers Big South Men's Basketball Standings writers

.•.,";. . writers - · Conference Overall writers w L w L -UNC Asheville 6 0 12 7 writers Coastal Carolina 3 2 7 11 UMBC 3 3 8 8 writers · Radford 2 2 8 8 writers • Liberty 2 2 6 11 Charleston Southern 1 3 3 14 writers Winthrop 0 5 3 15 writers

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JOHN MICHAEL MCCRORY Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

The 1998 Lacrosse season for UMBC is one of.great expectations for the men's team. The UMBC squad is ranked number 18th nationally in a preseason opinion poll, after last years 9-3 season, in which the Retriev­ ers had a chance to qualify for the NCAA tournament if they had beaten Maryland­ College Park in the season finale. However, a couple of injuries to key players will test the team's mettle early. The team is led by junior goalie Andrew Hampson, attackmen Chris Turner, a junior, and Dan Marohl, a sophomore, and defen­ sive lynch pin Jason Quenzer. Head Coach Don Zimmerman regards the national rank­ ing as a magnet for future athletes. "It really Dave Chen I Retriever Weekly Staff helps us with our recruiting," said Junior attackman-Chris Turner, honored as an All-American last season, will Zimmerman. "Kids look at those rankings, miss the first three to seven weeks of the season with an injury. , see we are in the top twenty, now see us as Chris Turner, the returning All-American. probably the hardest working player on the an upcoming program which I feel we are, "He was progressively improved over the team as far as conditioning wise," said and gives us some notoriety." course of his ten~re here, and we are looking Zimmerman. "We feel he can be one of the Keep up with the UMBC has a rugged schedule through­ forward for him to lead us on the offensive top defensive men in the country." out the upcoming year. The regular season end," said Zimmerman. Coach Zimmerman intends to keep the late~t U~BC sports begins against Navy, who has beaten UMBC Disappointingly, Turner will miss three team focused on the upcoming matches, and news. in their last three meetings. to seven weeks due to an injury, ~d may not not have the problem of looking too far ahead. Call the Retriever Zimmerman is looking fol"Ward to see­ be ready for the regular season opener against Zimmerman is also pleased with the campus ing top performers, such as goalie Andrew Navy. support which the team has gained. "I think Sports Hotline at Hampson reach their highest potential this The other star attack man for UMBC is people enjoy coming out and watching high 455-2129 for scores season. "He was in the top ten in save per­ Dan Marohl. He had an outstanding first year, caliber lacrosse, that I think we are playing centage (in the nation), and we are looking when he was the top freshman in the nation now, and also people like following winners," and results. 24 for him to have even a better year as a jun­ in regards to scoring. "We look for him to be said Zimmerman. hours a day, 7 days ior," said Zimmerman. "Unfortunately, even better this year, he has gotten bigger and Further adding, Zimmerman said,"We a week. Hampson injured a ligament in the off-sea­ stronger, and that should help him to be able · have established ourselves as a winning la­ son, and hopefully will make the season open­ to handle the top defensive men that he will crosse program, now I think there is alot of ing scrimmage against Johns Hopkins on draw," said Zimmerman. excitement in the air, and people are looking February 7, here at UMBC Stadiu_m." Junior Jason Quenzer will be back this forward to seeing the type of team we will l On the UMBC attack, Coach season with more dedication than ever; 'He field this year, and it will hopefully effect. ! Thanks to you. all sorts of everyday Zimmerman has his expectations for Junior is just an outstanding defensive man, and attendance,in a positive way." products are beinq made from the paper. plastic. metal and qlass that Damann, Brown Lead UMBC to Win you've been recyctinq .. But to keep recydinq working to versity behind them and came out with a win FROM, WOMEN, PAGE 22 help protect the environment. you at home. From the opening tip the tone was Serena Hampton went down with a foot in­ set on defense for UMBC who forced sev­ need to buy those products. jury early in the season. Hampton was a key eral first half turnovers with_their suffocat­ player off the bench for Coach Kathy Solano. ing full-court press. These turnovers turned "Serena is a big loss for us," said Solano. "She into easy baskets and, eventually, a five-point IUY RICYCLID. was playing so well before the injury and advantage with ten ·minutes to go in the first probably won't be back until the last four half' 18-13. games of the season." Winthrop responded to UMBC's defen­ On Saturday the Retrievers put this ad- sive pr~ssure W_ith a full-court press of their own that provided little resistance to the pro­ ficient offense of the Retrievers. Sophomore point guard Kim Brown led the offense by scoring 10 points, six of which came during a 12-0 run that helped give UMBC a 35-27 halftime lead. In the second half, the Retrievers started 1; slowly and the visiting Eagles quickly took r advantage by scoring 19 points in the first nine minutes and grabbing their first lead since early in the first half. But, UMBC did ANDSAYI: I not quit and they followed the Eagles' run So look for and l#IY products made . with a 9-0 streak of their own, regaining the lead at 53-46. from recycled materials. And dont for- ti From there, the Retrievers converted on qet to celebrate America Recycles Day I·.. ·.•. seven of nine free throws to secure their sec­ on November 15th, ond conference victory of the season. Kendra I Damann scored 25 points, 11 of which came Dave Chen I Retriever Weekly Staff It would mean the world to us. Fot a Serena Hampton was a key I from the foul line, while Kim Brown added ft¢e brochure, call 1-800-CALL-EDF or 13. This game was won on defense, however, contributor before suffering a ·toot where UMBC forced 19 turnovers. injury. visit our web site at www.edf.orq "Our defensive pressure forced turnovers~ tivation the players received from a pre-game Jason Putsche I Retriever Weekly Staff that gave us many easy baskets", agreed · talk that Solano gave to her players, empha­ Sophomore Kim Brown scored 13 Solano. "We didn't have to rely on our sizing how to be a winner. The team hopes to points to help UMBC claim . their II~ EIF halfcourt offense as much as we usually d0." take that winning attitude into each of their second Big South victory this year. Credit for the win might also go to mo- seven remaining games_ '· ~lllllW•'lt'Ml'P'''l11&.t..•llt1• . THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS _. January 27, -1998_ . PAGE~? Dogs Stand Firm at .500 FROM REVIVAL, PAGE 22 . Big South Player-of-the-year, senior Josh Okafor had a chance to score inside with Pittman, led UNC Asheville with 24 points Liberty ahead 56-55, but missed. Sophomore and junior Kevin Martin scored 17 of his 19 Isaac Green grabbed the offensive rebound points in the second half for the Bulldogs. but couldn't score either. After a free throw Remaining on the schedule for the Re­ by Liberty's Erik Sorensen, freshman point trievers is tomorrow's game at Mount St. guard Terence Ward's pull-up jumper was Mary's, the second half of the Big South bfocked by Sorensen at the buzzer. schedule and three winnable non-conference Okafor led UMBC with 15 points and games, against Patriot League opponents 10 rebounds and Green scored 13. Mean­ Lehigh and Bucknell and cross-town rival while, &ophomore reserve Jason Womble Towson, Which is mired in a miserable sea­ s@ored a season-high 11 points in the first half. son. The Retrievers should have an excellent It was the highest point total of the season chance of finishing with a winning record for . for Womble, who has played sparingly this the first time since the 1988-89 season . season after being named to last year's Big Okafor, the redshirt freshman who had South All-Rookie team. to wait a year for his collegiate debut due to The contributions made by Womble a bone fragment in his knee last fall, is a huge were key because Sullivan benched Giddens, part of the Retriever revival. The 6'7" 250 the team's leadi r:ig scorer with 13.9 points per lb . Brooklyn native is averaging 12.4 points game, for the first 13 minutes of the game per game and is the leading rebouooer in the due to a violation of team rules. Big South with 9.6 per game. Before their loss at Liberty, the Retriev­ NOTES: Ward was the most recent ers had reached the .500 mark twice, with UMBC freshman to earn Big South Rookie­ three straight wins before the New Year to of-the-Week honors, earning the award for bring their record to 5-5, including a 57-56 the week ending January 5 .... Okafor, who triumph at Robyrt Mortis that avenged their earned the rookie honors twice in December, season-opening loss to the same team, and was named Player-of-the ~ Week for the week with dominating_performances at home over ending December 15 . ... Freshman Tim Charleston Southern (71-59) and Coastal Hyland (8.9 points per game) scpred a ca­ Carolina (78-62)that improved them to 7 ~ 7. reer-high 19 points against Quinnipiac, but In those two conference games, the Re­ fractured his right wrist and will be out at trievers put on a defensive display that ne­ least another week. ... Okafor (78.1 percent) gated some offensive mistakes (29 turnovers and Giddens (77 .6 percent) are the two lead­ Matthew Gannon I Retriever Weekly Staff against Coastal Carolina). In both games, ing free throw shooters in the Big South .... Freshman center Kennedy Okafor is a leading candidate for the Big South UMBC held the opponents shooting percent­ As of last week, UMBC ranked first in the Rookie-of-the-Year award, averaging 12.4 points per game and a league-leading age below 30 percent, and against Coastal, it league in free throw percentage and second 9.6 rebounds per game. took the visiting Chanticleers 7:06 to finally in rebounding margin and field goal percent­ score -- on a free throw that made the score age defense. 13-1. 1997-98 Men's Basketball "When you have this many young play­ ers on the floor, there's going to be numer­ Schedule & Results (8-8, 3-3) ous mistakes at every position," said Sullivan after the win over the Chanticleers. "Butthis Nov.18 ROBERT MORRIS L, 69-51 team can really mount some defensive Nov.21 Loyola W, 76-66 stands." Nov.25 Navy L, 76-64 Those two wins improved UMBC's Dec.I MT. ST. MARY'S L, 66-58 record to 2-2 in the Big South after losses to Dec.3 WASHINGTON COLLEGE W, 87-79 UNC Asheville and Radford, both by-identi­ Dec.7 N.C. State L, 66-49 cal 71-68 scores, to open the league sched­ Dec.13 Maryland L, 104-66 ule. In both games, the Retrievers held the Dec.20 WESTERN MARYLAND W, 83-79 lead with less than five minutes to go, before Dec.23 QUINNIPIAC - W, 80-64 losing by three. I Dec.30 Robert Morris W, 57-56 The loss to UNCAsheville, at home, was Jan.3 UNC-ASHEVILLE* L, 71-68 particularly painful. The Retrievers had Jan.IO Radford* L, 71-68 battled back from an eight-point deficit in the Jan.14 CHARLESTON SOUTHERN* . -W, 71-59 second half to take a 66-61 lead with three Jan.17 COSTAL CAROLINA* W, 78-62 minutes remaining against the Bulldogs, the Jan.22 Liberty* L, 57-55 consensus pick to win the Big South and cur­ Jan.24 _Winthrop* W, 74-63 rently undefeated in league play, but a couple Jan.28 Mt. St. Mary's (WLG) 7:30pm of key turnovers hurt the UMBC cause and Jan.31 WINTHROP* 4pm the Bulldogs escaped with the win. UMBC's Feb.2 RADFORD* (WLG/CTV20) 7pm only score in the final three minutes was a Feb.7 Coastal Carolina* 7:30pm meaningless lay-up at the buzzer. Feb.9 LEHIGH 7:30pm Dave Chen I Retriever We,ekly Staff Ward led the Retrievers with 19 points Rich Giddens is UMBC's leading Feb.11 Bucknell 7:30pm and senior center Eric Poiesz came off the scorer with 13.9 points per game. Feb.14 UNC-Asheville* 4pm bench to score a career-high 13. Last year's Feb.16 Towson 7:30pm Feb.19 LIBERTY (CTV20) 7pm Feb.21 Charleston Southern* 2pm Feb.26-28 Big South Tournament at Lynchburg, VA

*Big South games. HOME GAMES IN CAPS. PAGE28 January 27,1998 CLASSIFIEDS

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