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1. CHARACTERS KYLE, Male. Mid 20S. the Doorman of a Luxurious

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1. CHARACTERS KYLE, Male. Mid 20S. the Doorman of a Luxurious 1. CHARACTERS KYLE, Male. Mid 20s. The Doorman of a luxurious building in Manhattan. He is the charming and bright-eyed underdog who appreciates the little things in life. He dreams of one day studying music at The Berklee School of Music. GARY, Male. Early 20s. The janitor, as well as Lebron’s partner in crime during the night shifts. Gary remains somewhat of a comedic mystery throughout the entire play. We never learn any important information about Gary, except for that he is a janitor. LUX, Female. Early 20s. A sweet young woman who lives in the building where Lebron works. An aspiring musician who has trouble financially supporting herself, and has turned to an online dating service called "Seeking Arrangements". But as her admiration for Lebron grows throughout the story, she becomes more conflicted with her lifestyle choices. RANDY, Male. Late 30s or early 40s. A disgustingly rich, arrogant older man that pays Lux to spend time with him. Otherwise known as Lux’s "Sugar Daddy". He can be surprisingly kind at times, but is more often seductive and manipulating. He ultimately leaves a bittersweet taste in our mouthes. ELLE, Female. Early 20s. One of Lux’s roommate. A care-free millennial with no obvious career path in mind. She is free-spirit, incredibly promiscuous, and uses her sexuality to her advantage. She is an advocate and promoter of the sugar baby website, "Seeking Arrangements". LOLA, Female. Early 20s. Lux’s other roommate, as well as the new manager of Dylan’s Candy Bar. Lola is a hard-working young woman who lives paycheck to paycheck. A naïve rule follower who has no idea her roommate’s have double lives as "sugar babies". SETTING New York City, Present day. There are three locations in this story: The Lobby, The Girl’s Apartment, and a penthouse hotel room. At the top of the play: Two ottomans, center stage. One large desk, stage right, with a swivel office chair facing in towards the center. A bowl full of candy sits on the desk and a metal trash can is placed in front. The piano is stage right. 2. ACT 1 PRE-SHOW MUSIC PLAYS. 1 WELCOME HOME DARLING LIGHTS UP. KYLE, the doorman, sits at a desk in the lobby of a luxurious building in Manhattan. He is furiously writing something in his notebook. He sometimes stops to think, staring off into space. GARY, a janitor, is mopping in the background. KYLE (Breaking a really intense silence:) Whoa! I have no idea what I was just thinkin about. I don’t even think I was thinkin. GARY That used to happen to me a lot as an Uber driver! KYLE You used to drive for Uber too?! GARY Yupppppppppp. KYLE You know the Brooklyn Bridge?! (Duh.) Well, once it took a girl throwin’ up in the backseat to stop me from drivin right off it! GARY Oh, yeah. Definitely been there before! KYLE That’s why I stopped drivin’ Ubers... Plus, I control the music, not some stupid white girl in the backseat who only gives you one star because you don’t have an aux cord. BOTH (Mocking white girl tone.) "Aux Chord". GARY I can’t stand girls like that. (Long beat.) So, how’s the college application coming along? KYLE Not great. I don’t know where to start. 3. GARY Just start with whatever runs across your brain first. Does that help? KYLE Not really. GARY Oh. Okay, well tell me this! What are you thinking about right now? No thinking! Go! KYLE Hmm... uh... My mom? GARY Dude, what? That’s pretty weird... KYLE Well... No, I mean, I wish I could get inside my mom’s head and get to know her mind better. Every head is a world, ya know. A big ol’ galaxy spinning around up there and no one else knows which way it’s turnin. Even if I told you everythin’ in this head of mine, you still wouldn’t know anything about my brain constellations. You can’t ever know. There’s just no way. I mean, I sure as hell never know what’s goin’ on up there. But somethin’ always is, ya know? Some great big daydream or some song just stuck to your forehead. Or some girl. LUX enters from elevators. LUX Hi, Kyle. KYLE Hi, Lux. LUX exits through the lobby doors. GARY Some girl? Or that girl? KYLE Who, Lux?! I don’t think about Lux! GARY gives KYLE a "Don’t lie to me" look. Aren’t you suppose to be on a break or somethin’? GARY (Mocking:) "Hi, Kyle!" GARY exits. 4. LIGHTS FOCUS IN ON LEBRON. KYLE That’s Lux. She’s always sayin’ hi to me. Most people in this building, they just walk right on by. Nothin’. But not Lux. Lux says Hi. All pretty. Hi. LIGHTS SWITCH TO LUX. LUX Hello? Hi, yes, I see you. (Waves hand.) Do you see me? Ugh, okay, whatever. I’ll just come to you. One second. (Hangs up.) This fucking Uber better have an Aux chord. LUX exits. LIGHTS SWITCH BACK TO KYLE. KYLE sings WELCOME HOME DARLING. WELCOME HOME DARLING Welcome Home Darling, How was your day Hope the people were charming, And it all went your way My how I missed you, But that’s nothin new It snows through the weekend, It always does without you Get home safe baby, It’s been a long night Hope you’re home warm and cozy, And you’re sleeping alright Today I miss you, But I always do Light of my life today I give credit to you And I think I like you Just like the stars hold the moon And I’ll hold right onto you Just tell me when to let go Just tell me when to let go Cuz if you don’t then I won’t I really hope that you don’t So just tell me when to let go 5. And if you don’t then I won’t BLACKOUT. 2 LOST LIGHTS UP. LUX is lying on the bed of a penthouse hotel with RANDY. They are both half-dressed, post-sex. Their clothes are scattered about the room. LUX is drinking a milkshake. RANDY I’m so glad you didn’t cancel on me after all. LUX It’s Thursday! Why would I cancel? RANDY Last week you said you had plans! Randy recieves a text. He sends a text back. LUX No plans. I think my roommates forgot. I mean, they didn’t wish me a Happy Birthday or anything. Can you believe that? Facebook even sends reminders, and they still forgot! RANDY is glued to his phone, not listening. I mean, I kinda expected that. Well, not from Lola actually. Silence. RANDY sends another text. It just would have been cool if they remembered, I guess. RANDY Sorry, sorry. I’m listening. LUX No, it really doesn’t matter. RANDY I’m the best plans anyways. RANDY is still texting. LUX rolls her eyes, but he does not notice. Right, Darling? 6. LUX Can’t argue with that. RANDY So, you’re finally legal! LUX I already was legal. RANDY I thought you turned twenty-one today? LUX No, twenty-two. RANDY Oh, really? I’m all mixed up. LUX No biggy. RANDY How does it feel? Another year older. LUX The same. I guess I feel older though. RANDY Well, you don’t look any older. LUX You probably see me too often to notice. RANDY Man, I miss my twenties. LUX OK, Dad. RANDY Seriously! I’d do anything to be twenty again. LUX Aren’t you the one always saying age is just a number...? RANDY Yeah... but my twenties though. Those were the best years of my life. LUX Ugh, why does everyone always say that?? 7. RANDY Because It’s true! They are! LUX Then why do I feel like I’m doing nothing but wasting them? RANDY That’s what your twenties are for! You’re smart, you’ll figure it out. RANDY Checks his phone again. Shit. Gotta run. LUX Already? I thought- RANDY I’d love to stay but I’m surprising the wife with Hamilton tickets. LUX Wow. Nice surprise. RANDY Fucking pricey for some stupid play if you ask me. RANDY gives LUX a kiss on the forehead. He begins to exit. Oh, I almost forgot. RANDY hands LUX a copy of Lolita wrapped in ribbon. LUX For me? RANDY Happy Birthday, my Darling Lux. LUX Awe! You didn’t have to do that. RANDY Enjoy this view for me. LUX Thanks. I will. RANDY See you next Thursday? 8. LUX See you next Thursday. RANDY exits. LUX sings LOST. LOST E/B/C#m/Asus [Verse 1] She is young but she’s tough And she knows what she wants She takes and she takes She learns quite a lot How to be who she is Forgive who she’s not How to hate just a little And love quite a lot She’s reckless but smart Sometimes too lucky Her parents don’t know She spends too much money She gets her shit done She does her shit well I bet that most of you Probably can’t tell that She’s lost, So lost Can’t pick the right track Went down the wrong path and got Lost, So lost Won’t draw up a map Can’t find her way back 9. So she’s lost [Verse 2] She’s not who you think That she probably is She’ll lie to your face So that she can fit in Ashamed of her secrets Keeps them inside Hiding them where she knows No one can find them And she makes pretty things Just to get by The ugly she knows Explains why she cries She’s broken and bruised But she never shows it So the rest of the world Can’t possibly know that She’s lost, So lost Can’t pick the right track Went down the wrong path And got Lost, So lost Won’t draw up a map Can’t find her way back So she’s lost [closing] 10.
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