VINTAGE VEHICLES Imperial’s rich motoring history: Page 7
“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1485 FELIX 11.03.11 The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949 Lecturers to strike FEATURE National walkout to hit Imperial unless pensions dispute is resolved
Miles Robertson Haralambos Dayantis Kadhim Shubber
The University and College Union How immigration (UCU) has scheduled strikes over changes to pension schemes of univer- changed the Mirpuri sity staff, with English universities due to be affected on the 22nd and 24th of community: Page 6 March. Falling in the last week of term, the strikes could have a damaging effect on lecture courses across many depart- ments, if employers and unions don’t come to an agreement. The changes include an increase in FASHION employee contributions, an increase in the pension age and reduced pensions for staff who are made redundant. With no time to reschedule lectures, and many exams falling straight after the Easter break, undergraduate students could suffer signifi cantly from strike ac- tion. The UCU represents thousands of Imperial staff for collective bargaining purposes, but according to the College, of the 520 UCU members at Imperial, only around 290 are academics and lecturers. The future of fashion The President of the UCU at Imperial, Dr Michael McGarvey, declined to confi rm after Galliano: or deny these fi gures. However, it is un- clear as to how many members of staff Page 25 would walk out; although Dr McGarvey ...Continued on Page 3 Strikes will occur on the 22nd and 24th of March if unions and employers don’t come to an agreement FOOD Post-study work route could be saved
Sophia David the number of dependants that can enter After a consultation on the student have a sponsor. In 2009, 38,000 foreign the UK with students. After “profound visa regime launched by the immigra- graduates were permitted to stay after The government is reconsidering its concern” expressed by sixteen univer- tion minister, Damian Green proposed they had fi nished their studying via this student visa proposals announced at the sity vice-chancellors in a letter to the scrapping the post-study work route route along with an additional 8,000 de- end of January. These included raising Observer, universities minister, David completely, Willetts has now said that pendents, which includes partners and the minimum level of English profi cien- Willetts, has said that the government is the government is considering a “range children less than 18 years of age. Abol- Is there anything cy required for entry, limiting opportu- considering reforming rather than scrap- of options”. The post-study work route ishing the post-study work route would nities for work experience and part time ping the post-study work route as well allows international graduates who have force international students to leave the better than Nandos?: work for students, total abolishment of as re-thinking its restrictions on entry of studied here to stay and work in the UK UK as soon as they fi nish their course, the post-study work route and restricting dependants. for up to two years, without needing to ...Continued on Page 3 Page 29 2 Friday 11 MARCH 2011 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS On campus Sexual Health Survey Techtonics Carbon Footprint Reduction (A proper one!) A Cappella at Metric Thursday 17th March. 19:00-23:00 Staff and students interested in learning about and promoting the College’s carbon reduction campaign, StepChange, take note. On Tuesday, members of the Facilities Management Division will report on the College’s progress towards its target to cut its carbon footprint by 20% by 2014. Email sustainability@ imperial.ac.uk if you would like to attend. Royal School of Mines, G20 15 March 17:30
A Cappella music has really kicked off since 2010. Sabb Election Results People are addicted to Glee and singing programs such as last choir standing. The Techtonics is one of three A Fingers crossed that cappella groups at Imperial and have decided to host nothing will go awry in an entire night dedicated to A cappella music in Metric. the Sabbatical elections. Fortunately for people who like alcohol the evening will Hopefully none of the be held on St Patricks day so the newly formed A cap- candidates will cry Does anyone actually wear coloured condoms? They’re just silly; pella society is looking to show off its talent to all the “RECOUNT!” If our hopes seriously, do one night stands need to be any more weird and hilarious? Guinnesed goons in the union! come true then the The Techtonics are hosting the night in the name of results of the elections the newly formed A Cappella Society and have invited will be announced in It seems that everyone wants to know groups from all over such as the Kings Chix, Oxford FiveSixEight and we’ll Belles and All the Kings men. Luke Johnston discover who the people about your sexual lives, Imperial. How- have chosen as next year’s Sabbatical team. ever, while the Felix Sex Survey was mainly tongue-in-cheek (giggidy) this survey from Lolcat of teh week The Union, FiveSixEight three local doctors and an Imperial medi- 16 March 12:30 cal student is aimed at gauging the quality of the sexual health services that Imperial Serpentine Charity Run students receive to fi nd a way to improve IC UNICEF is organising a charity run around the Ser- them. The responses are anonymous (you pentine. The person who raises the most money and the person who finishes the 5km first will both win aren’t asked to sign in with your College a brand new iPod. The entry fee is £7 in advance or £9 on the day. Each runner gets a free t-shirt and a ID) and every entrant will be entered into a bottle of VitaminWater. Sign up in the JCR on Monday or Thursday or just turn up on the day. Email unicef@ draw to win a £50 Waterstones gift voucher imperial.ac.uk for more information. (if you choose to enter your email address, Hyde Park, Bandstand your survey response cannot be linked to 19 March 11:00 it). Complete the survey at surveymonkey.com/s/imperialsurvey
Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2011.
Editor-in-Chief Kadhim Shubber Deputy Editor Gilead Amit Copy Chief Lizzy Griffiths Assistant Editor Dan Wan News Editors Alex Karapetian Matt Colvin Reporters Katherine Bettany Charles Betts Sophia David Maciej Matuszewski Deepka Rana Aemun Reza Ian Wei Umair Aasem Genevieve Pugh Haralambos Dayantis Madhura Ghosh Victoria Druce Design Editor Veronika McQuadeova Features Editor Lizzie Crouch Sports Editors Jovan Nedic David Wilson Science Editors Kelly Oakes Charlie Harvey Business Editors Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos Politics Editors Rory Fenton Rajat Jain Technology Editor Samuel Gibbs Feroz Salam Comment Editors Anna Perman Jan Piotrowski Arts Editor Rox Middleton Music Editors Greg Power Christopher Walmsley Luke Turner Film Editors Jade Hoffman Ed Knock TV Editors Matt Allinson Veronika McQuadeova Food Editors Dana Li Vicky Jeyaprakash Fashion Editor Saskia Verhagen Games Editor Simon Worthington Online Editors Niharika Midha Dakshaa Rai Chris Birkett Jonathan Kim International Editor Kenneth Lee Puzzles Captains Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar Photo Editors Miles Robertson Thomas Welch Travel Editor Chris Richardson Copy Editors Alex Nowbar Hannah Thomas Sharanya Subbu Ritika Gupta Zainab Ali Shruti Mishra Sophia Man Tim Arbabzadah Jamie Fraser Illustrators Hamish Muir Benjamin Kennedy Amanda Diez Joshua Yerrell FELIX Friday 11 MARCH 2011 3 NEWS Strike over changes to pensions
...Continued from Front Page is more fl exibility in rescheduling their have been left with no [other] choice”. spokesman. At present, employees must Employers say that the current pen- says that the expectation is that UCU classes. However, the Divisional Ad- Criticising the UCU’s decision to annually pay 6.25% of their total sal- sion arrangement is unsustainable in the members will strike, he said that they do ministrator for Biology and Cell and strike, Brian Cantor, chair of the EPF, ary into the fund, whilst employers pay long term. They argue that people are not “dictate” to members and that it will Molecular Biology, Pat Evans, said said: “We do not believe that industrial 16%. Under the new proposals, em- living longer (therefore drawing their be up to individuals to decide whether that rescheduling undergraduate classes action is an appropriate step for UCU to ployees would see their contributions pensions for longer) and that salaries to participate in the strike. Imperial Col- would be “more tricky.” take. We do not agree that students and increase to 7.5%. have risen faster than previously antici- lege UCU members were balloted on Dr McGarvey said that any disruption their parents will share your view that Other changes include raising the pen- pated. Therefore, they say, the scheme is Wednesday the 3rd of March about strike to students’ courses would be “unfor- there is ‘no choice’ but to strike.” sion age to 65 and introducing a cap on in “danger of becoming unaffordable”. action: 84 of the 132 that returned ballots tunate”. He argued that it was not the The dispute originated in late 2008, infl ationary increases to pension pay- The changes are aimed at reducing voted in favour of the strike. union’s intention to negatively affect when the Universities Superannuation ments at 5%. Following the consulta- employers’ long-term liabilities. The Although preparations are being made their studies and claimed that the strike Scheme (USS), the central pension fund tion period, during which concerns were consultation document readily admits for the strike action, the UCU has yet to was necessary to protect university edu- which covers the majority of university raised about this proposal, the cap has that “the scheme is not in crisis” and the give formal notice, which legally must cation in the long-term. pensions, set up a committee to review been raised to 10%. Additionally, new USS’s annual report for 09/10 shows an be given at least seven days in advance UCU General Secretary Sally Hunt the pension arrangements of its mem- members joining the scheme would be £8.5 million positive return after pen- of any action. An Imperial College has called on employers to return to the bers. A consultation period on the pro- have a career-average pension rather sions have been paid. Dr Michael Mc- spokesman said that once notice has negotiating table but the Employers’ Pen- posals ran from October to December than a fi nal-salary pension, which would Garvey said that the Union do not wish been given, they will “ask any staff in- sion Forum (EPF), who are representing last year and the fi nal proposals, includ- leave them signifi cantly worse off. to jeopardise the scheme, but argued that tending to participate in industrial action universities in the dispute, have rejected ing changes following the consultation, Perhaps one of the most contentious the proposals “are more extreme than to declare this.” Following this they will calls for further talks, saying “we are not are due to be implemented on the 1st proposals would see staff who are made are required.” A USS spokesman told assess the possible disruption to teaching persuaded that it is appropriate to re-open of April. The changes, which amongst redundant after the 31st of March 2013 Felix that the dispute has arisen, partly, and “take steps to minimise the impact” formal negotiations”. Sally Hunt accused other things would see employees mak- receive a reduced pension. The propos- because employers want to mitigate fu- Postgraduates such as taught masters the EPF of engaging in “a macho stand- ing increased contributions to their pen- als would leave it up to universities to ture risk now, while the UCU is reluc- students are thought to be less vulner- off” and said that although striking was sions, were called “the most radical” decide whether or not to offer a full pen- tant to increase the burden on employees able to possible strike action, since there a “last resort”, UCU members “feel they in the history of the scheme by a USS sion as part of a redundancy package. based on predicted trends. Rethink on visas
...Continued from Front Page sive science and engineering courses leaving them with no opportunity to ac- to close. Data from the government’s quire valuable work experience. Higher Education Funding Council for “There may be ways we can tighten it England also indicates that universities up and make sure it is not abused by be- are increasingly reliant on fees from coming a route to settlement. There are foreign students to boost their fi nances. a whole range of options between com- Imperial is a notorious example, charg- plete closure of the route and the sta- ing international fees of up to £26,250 “Imperial College Business School graduates tus quo and we are discussing with the whilst fees for British and EU students Home Offi ce what these options might are capped at £3,290 this academic year make a difference. We make things be,” said Willetts. (rising to £9000 from 2012). Despite The post-study work route currently the 3934 students from outside the EU happen. We shape the future.” enhances the UK’s overall offer to inter- making up less than half of the student national students and universities have population enrolled in 2009, their fees Ranked by the FT as Europe's top business expressed concern that scrapping the generate twice as much income: £75.1m school for entrepreneurship. Joint first for the scheme will make them less competitive to be precise, compared with the £31.3m with other countries in attracting stu- from the 9539 UK/EU students. percentage of research activity assessed as world- dents. Dr Wendy Piatt, director general The proposals to reduce the number of leading or internationally excellent. (RAE 2008) of the Russell Group of universities, said student visas form part of a major coali- that, “If we do not offer international UK tion pledge to reduce net migration from •Full-Time MBA •MSc International Health university graduates the opportunity to “hundreds of thousands to tens of thou- Management work for a short period in highly skilled sands” by 2015. With two-thirds of non- •Executive MBA (weekday or jobs, some of the world’s brightest stu- EU migrants entering the UK on student weekend) •MSc Management dents will choose to study elsewhere.” visas, tightening this system is a crucial •Distance Learning MBA •MSc Finance After Damian Green argued that part of the strategy. •MSc Innovation and •MSc Risk Management and the student visa system was subject to “This government want to ensure that Financial Engineering “widespread abuse” and said that the the primary reason for those who enter Entrepreneurship NEW government would limit the number on a student visa is genuinely to come •MSc Strategic Marketing NEW •MSc Actuarial Finance of dependants entering the UK with here to study. We are working closely •Doctoral Programme students, David Willetts now indicates with the Department for Business and that these proposals are also still under will make an announcement in due Join us at our next information session. consideration. He questions “to what course,” a spokesperson for the Home Find out more and register online. extent does people’s ability to bring in Offi ce said. dependants affect their own willingness University and Colleges Union gener- Xiaonan Zou, MSc Management 2010, UBS graduate training programme to come to study?” al secretary, Sally Hunt has recognised University vice-chancellors have the reconsiderations as “encouraging” also argued that a visa reduction would but claims that “we have a long way to www.imperial.ac.uk/business-school/waystomeetus have devastating consequences for the go before anything this government is funding of higher education in the UK, doing to higher education could be con- even forcing the typically more expen- sidered welcomed.” 4 Friday 11 MARCH 2011 FELIX
News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] Union launches Welfare and £9,000 fees conditions revealed long-awaited Halls Surveys Ian Wei “Universities asked to perial and Exeter. Oxford University has said that it would need to charge at least Kadhim Shubber 70% of students say that they want a full The Offi ce for Fair Access (Offa) has invest up to 30% of £8,000 to simply “maintain the status breakdown of their rent on their bill. published new guidelines that could quo”, and many have warned that there The Union’s delayed survey on hall The survey originally asked to students force universities charging over £6,000 fees over £6,000 into will a ‘race to the top’ as universities rents has launched this week. It comes to rank the services that they receive in in tuition fees to invest a percentage into will want to avoid damaging their image after weeks of debate about the value of halls in order of importance, including fair access schemes. fair access schemes” by charging less than the maximum rate. the halls Amenities fund, which subsi- water, electricity and heating. President Universities are advised to spend be- Imperial College Union has backed dises social events and is paid into by Alex Kendall originally defended the tween 15% to 30%, based on the propor- Imperial’s decision to raise fees to £9,000 all students in halls. The survey asks a question saying that they were all costs tion of under-represented students, of any a low proportion of under-represented arguing that it will protect bursaries. range of questions including whether or that formed part of the halls rent but later extra amount charged above the standard students. Each year, under the ‘access President Alex Kendall has said “By in- not students think that Ethos should re- removed the question, admitting that it £6,000 tuition fees on access schemes agreement’ system universities submit creasing the fees to £9,000, those from main free or not. was “perhaps a bit stupid.” which will have to be approved by Offa plans to Offa detailing the measures to lower income will have a much greater Imperial College Union said that the A welfare survey has also been on an annual basis. The guidelines would ensure fair access for under-represented bursary scheme available to them.” survey was intended to “gauge student launched separately which asks students see top universities spending up to £900 students, such as outreach and improve- The Director of Offa, Sir Martin Har- opinion on how they view their Halls a comphrehensive set of questions re- of the £9,000 fee on fair access schemes. ment of school and college links. How- ris, said that while access for higher ed- experience and to present some options garding all of Imperial’s welfare servic- In 2009/10 Imperial spent 17.5% of the ever, the plans are rarely if ever rejected ucation has increased considerably over given to us by College Commercial Ser- es. This ranges from the Health Centre income from home and EU students’ tu- and Offa has never imposed sanctions the past fi ve years, the “progress in im- vices on how to reduce rents.” to Personal Tutors. It also asks questions ition fees on fair access schemes. on a university. proving access to the most selective uni- However, a detailed breakdown of hall about student depression and crime on However, some are skeptical about The announcement comes after a versities has remained virtually fl at”. He rents and where the money goes has not campus. Deputy President (Welfare) Offa’s ability to regulate universities. month of confusion in the higher edu- warns that under higher tuition fees that yet been released. Despite calls from Charlotte Ivison said that she hoped the The body has only three full-time and cation sector as the government delayed “There is a real risk that disadvantaged students and efforts by the Union to get survey would lay the foundations for the one part-time member of staff, aside the publication of its plans to reform students in particular will start to feel such information, the College has resist- future of Imperial’s welfare services and from its director. NUS President Aaron universities. It was forced to retreat af- they cannot afford to go to university”. ed releasing a breakdown or the mecha- that it was “the most wide-ranging sur- Porter has called the body a “weak and ter it became clear that it didn’t have the Offa’s director added that such changes nism by which rents are calculated. vey the Union has ever done.” toothless regulator.” legal power to prevent universities from have an unpredictable impact on student Director of Commercial Services, Both surveys are available on the The guidelines are not binding and charging the maximum £9,000 rate of behaviour and the assessment of agree- Jane Neary, declined to comment except Union’s website, www.imperialcolleg- universities will continue to set their fees. Currently only three universities ments will be amended in future years. to say: “All the services we provide are eunion.org. The Welfare survey is open own targets. Additionally, it will be up to have said that they plan to charge the Universities have until April 2011 to sub- fi nancially interdependent.” until the 1st of April. The Halls survey universities to decide whether they have maximum £9,000 rate: Cambridge, Im- mit their 2012-2013 access agreements. From the respondents so far, over closes on Friday.
In Friday’s issue of The Daily Felix (4th March), the incorrect text was Voting closes on Saturday 12th at 23:59 printed for Stefan Bauer’s manifesto. It is printed correctly below (along Go to www.imperialcollegeunion.org/elections to vote and with his competitor’s, Jason Parmar). Felix apologises for this error. for live election statistics. The Department of Life Sciences Deputy President (Education) currently has the highest turnout at 36%. Stefan Bauer
uring my 4 years at Imperial, I have been made that will have a sig- to iron out problems where they may 2012, it is important that the univer- Dhave enjoyed the responsibility nifi cant impact on student lives in occur, so it can succeed. sity’s academic commitment mirrors of holding many positions in clubs the near future and it is crucial to Postgraduate representation is the fi nancial commitment of the pro- & societies’ committees within the ensure that everybody gets the best important, but there is a long way spective students. It will be crucial Union, such as the Handball Club, out of their time at Imperial. between the fi rst point of contact to deal with any issues that arise in the German Society and the ACC The changes to feedback quality and the Sabbatical Offi cers. Provid- the forthcoming year with the stu- and I have grown fond of the college and timeliness, including a feedback ing a solid PG representation system dent body in mind in order to ensure and its students. Now, I want to use code of practise have been a step in that works well will help information that Imperial stays as good as it is. my experience and commitment and the right direction, making Imperial a to fl ow in both directions more effi - represent the student body on the more effi cient and dynamic academ- ciently. highest level. ic environment. I aim to ensure it is With the upcoming and unavoid- In the past year, many decisions implemented to its full potential and able increase in tuition fees in Jason Parmar
y name is Jason Parmar and I are something I take very seriously. I recorded podcasts for all our lecture Vote J.P for D.P.E for improved Mhave what it takes to be the next will fi ght to make sure that any chang- courses. coursework and exam feedback. Deputy President for Education. es are effective, yet reasonable, and We study at a world-class universi- Vote J.P for D.P.E for your voice to I’m currently a Chemistry under- are in all of our best interests. ty; we deserve to have ALL our lecture be heard. graduate studying towards a four-year If elected I will work with all students material to be of a world-class quality Representing every demographic at degree with Management. and staff to fi nd a timetable structure so we can be world-class graduates. Imperial. Being an Imperial student isn’t the that fi ts everyone’s needs. We’re not Vote J.P for D.P.E for podcasts of Representing you. easiest of tasks. It’s diffi cult to bal- all perfect; sometimes we do miss lecture courses. Go to http://www. ance the demanding workload we get lectures, be it because of the Eyjafjal- Vote J.P for D.P.E for better quality facebook.com/home. from our respective courses with our lajökull volcanic eruption or from not lecture notes. php?sk=group_202852719741906 other commitments. knowing your limits the night before. Vote J.P for D.P.E for SOLE to have or www.twitter.com/votejpfordpe The proposed timetabling changes I believe it’s time for us to bring in more of an impact. for more information VARSITY 2011 6 Friday 11 MARCH 2011 FELIX
Features Editor: Lizzie Crouch
FEATURE [email protected] From Mirpur to the Midlands Omar Hafeez-Bore and Kahfeel Hussain on how Pakistani immigration to the UK changed not only this country, but parts of Pakistan and Pakistanis themselves
or an international student from rudeboys, the focused student with dreams of Pakistan, London is an explosion studying pharmacy or the relaxed school-leaver of new experiences. People form helping his dad in the tyre shop. All are born queues, food is bland, the police (at an impressive rate) in all-Pakistani migrant actually care (but families hardly communities. All suffer from the cultural con- seemF to), dogs are walked, old men jog, com- fusion brought about by their circumstance. muters are silent, ‘smiling shop staff’ are rarely So why the Mirpuri focus? Extremism. That as described, and under the ground men sit and is to say, Mirpuris, sometimes branded ‘back- let women stand on tubes, whilst above it buses ward’ by snootier migrants, often embody the actually arrive on time. Compared to Islam- idiosyncracies of ‘Pakistanis’ to their extreme, abad, it might as well be Oz. as well as the effects of the last 40 years A.B. What anchor can such a student reach for (After Boat-trip). And numbers. Mirpuris make in this sea of change? Perhaps the Pakistani up a huge proportion of England’s ‘Pakistani’ communities who settled here years ago, who community. This severed limb of Pakistan has still cling on to their rocks of religion and tra- fl ourished, growing rapidly here in this foreign dition like barnacles in this cultural storm? culture medium. Not quite. The Pakistanis here have changed. Calling the Mirpur region a limb of Pakistan, Many were originally from Mirpur, a land just however, is an exaggeration. It is at best a little 68 miles from the people of Islamabad, but a fi nger, making up just 0.13% of Pakistan’s land world away from their thoughts. A land whose mass and 0.22% of the total population. This is people are almost unknown to the rest of Paki- roughly equivalent to what the Isle of Wight is stan, yet make up the overwhelming majority to Great Britain. Okay, so more a fi nger nail, of Pakistanis here in Britain. And because of then, but one that has helped etch a thriv- this, it is a land whose future is now tethered ing scene of markets, curry-houses and Asian to the insulated communities that have grown southern-fairy/northern-monkey divide of Eng- fashion emporiums into the urban landscape in England, a bond of people stronger than any land pathetic by comparison. of Britain. It is estimated that around 70% of international alliance or diplomatic gesture. But even those 68 miles are nothing, a few the 800,000 Pakistanis living in England are of Every year another kind of Pakistani leaves inches on a map compared to the 6,000 mile Mirpuri descent, and in towns like Bradford this home to study in London. He is a British Paki- migration to Britain and the 40 years spent raises to 90%. This has often made the people of stani, brought up here but on a solid founda- making it their home. That’s a real, four dimen- Mirpur the unoffi cial, unintended, but undeni- tion of Pakistani-ness, evident in his view of sional shift, a Back-to-the-Future style alternate able ambassadors of Pakistan in the U.K. I have punctuality as a quaint pursuit of white people reality compared to the Pakistanis who carried been brought up in Birmingham (may it forever and his casual mistrust of British authority. His on back home. All geographical and class com- stand tall) all my life, but still had to readjust parents came from Mirpur but his home is in parisons are just exaggerated by adaptations of my impression of what a Pakistani was when those old industrial towns of the midlands and Mirpuris in this foreign land. I met middle class and highly educated Paki- the north. He comes to Imperial College, hav- So far, so human. Wholesale migrations of stanis at university, who so differed to the desi ing worked hard to come to London, the big communities are nothing new, and it is cer- Mirpuri-Punjabi combo of the midlands. Using city. It is the land of opportunity and diversity, tainly not just Mirpuris who have settled here. my Talking-Real-English voice (full sentences, of exciting events and important happenings. I could talk about the reams of Punjabi Paki- proper words, less grunts) with Pakistani peers It is crap. People are antisocial, no one drives, stani migrants, like my mum’s own family from at university is a novelty that still hasn’t got old. proper apna food is a rarity and tasteless frauds Gujranwala or Phelwana da shehar, the ‘City of But bro, how did all this happen? It can’t be de- all too common. The fashion is over-fl amboy- Wrestlers’. This also explains my near-superhu- nied that all the reasons for migration described ant, cricket is under-revered, no one has any man strength. Or, I could talk about the Paki- earlier are important. But none of these are as community contacts and even fewer seem to stanis who settled here after fi ghting alongside dramatic as the 1967 construction of the Man- have common sense. Suddenly uprooted from the English during the war. Or the post-partition gla Dam, the world’s largest earth fi lled dam. his community, from his Biradari, our man sense of freedom, of starting anew. I would It was designed to increase water for irrigation looks for commonality in the university’s Paki- mention those willing to work for a better life, and source more electrical power in Pakistan. stani Society, one built, surely, upon the values who came during the post-war years from the Oh, and it also submerged around 280 villages by which he defi nes himself. One built upon his newly-minted Pakistan into the open arms of an in the region, including Old Mirpur city, displac- code of Pakistani honour, of izzat, of unspoken English industrial boom. ing 110,000 people in the process. Such collat- community, unbreakable pride and a nuanced All of these settlers helped build new Paki- eral damage could not be ignored, and Pakistan love for Doner Kebabs. Instead he meets some stani villages, ones carved into the urban coves quickly brokered a deal with a welcoming UK, freshies, educated Pakistanis fresh-off-the-boat of industrial towns in Yorkshire, Lancashire and giving compensation, Mahfeza, to scores of from Islamabad, 68 miles from Mirpur but very the Midlands. Ones with fewer donkeys. All of men. This took the form of get-into-England- different in their character. “Just a quick fortune them are responsible for a strange hybrid-culture free tickets, where they could go and work in the Well, duh. A lot can happen in 68 miles. One of the Pakistani and British working class, one textile mills and factories of industrial England. crosses the eastern border of the Punjab into the made and then an that is both part of, and yet alien to its two par- Just temporarily, of course. Just a quick for- South-West of Azad Kashmir, the less disputed ent countries. And all of them have brought up tune made and then an even quicker journey part of the highly disputed Kashmir region. One even quicker journey children here who embody this limbo commu- back to Pakistan, right? Right? How wrong they leaves the middle classes of Islamabad’s airy nity, not quite integrated enough into the British were. England proved a more fertile land than streets for the farms and fi elds of the Mirpur re- back to Pakistan, mainstream to stop referring to them as Johns they could ever expect and, without realising it, gion. The refi ned Urdu of newsreaders morphs or Gorey, but not desi enough to feel at home these men of the earth grew roots of their own. into rapid fi re Potahari, or ‘Mirpuri’, and the right? Right? How on the Pakistan trips of their summer holidays. We hope to delve into the concluding part of people harden from educated urbanites to the These are the children of all Pakistanis. From the story – from big gangster attitudes to the earth-wise people of the country. It makes the wrong they were.” the hard-line religious to the hard-drinking Little England of Mirpur – next week. FELIX Friday 11 MARCH 2011 7 FEATURE Imperial’s motorised mascots A homage to the fl eet of vintage vehicles that belong to all of us. By Jenny Wilson
ride is a funny sort of thing. Our youngest addition is lovingly It tends to only come out on known as Clem. She is a Morris T-type special occasions: times like (I’m sure that means something to some when you realise the person people) one tonne truck born on 13th you are overhearing on the October 1926. Having changed hands a Ptube went to a university that is rated 3rd couple of times, she was adopted by the from the bottom rather than 3rd from the students of the Royal School of Mines top of the league tables and you sit there to become their replacement vehicular thinking that you’re pleased that you mascot in 1960. Despite being a truck, go to Imperial. I think part of our pride she is very much in touch with the mod- comes from the fact that Imperial offers ern stereotypical Imperial girl, being somewhat ‘classical’ subjects, showing understated in looks but a rewarding a reverence for the timeless and histori- lover if you give her the attention she cally robust. In particular, those things deserves. In days gone by, she boldly that make sense to us but the rest of the sported the RSM colours with a yellow From left: Jezebel Dennis, Derrick, Boanerges and Clementine (II) Morris world think are slightly bizarre, such as cab, black bonnet and wings, and a red the fact that we have Varsity against our- chassis. Her biggest claim to fame is a selves and that we have a Mountain Hut total resurrection in 1987, having been “She’s in touch with in the midst of Wales. We are one of put aside in boxes with the intention of three universities (guess the other two) an overhaul 11 years before. Despite the modern stereo- with an Exploration Board that encour- this medical marvel, she runs like a ages students to get off campus and ex- charm and continues to pass her MOT. typed Imperial girl; plore the world, and we are one of two Jezebel Dennis is perhaps the celebrity taking care of Vintage Vehicles. of the fl eet in a sort of Jordan-glamour- understated in looks The students of Imperial College Lon- model way. She’s got large assets in the don are collectively the owners of four form of her working pump, as she is an but a rewarding lover” vintage vehicles that are as much a re- original 1916 Dennis N-Type fi re en- pository of the College history as the gine that was used by the London Fire Archive Offi ce itself. Each vehicle was Brigade up until her retirement in 1932. ameter turning circle. Despite having a bestowed, bought or assimilated to be- She then had a fl ing with another owner maximum speed of 28mph, he was pur- Getting to lectures in the morning used to be so much more fun... come part of the biggest university fl eet before settling down to become the sued for speeding in 1956 by the police. in the country, which is now envied by RCSU mascot in 1955 on the grounds Charges were dropped after the famous our competitors. They are Clementine that the RCSU of the time “were look- British satirical magazine, Punch, pub- Sponsored Editorial (II) Morris, Jezebel Dennis, Derrick ing for a suitable means of transport for lished a cartoon of the episode on their and Boanerges – oh yes, our fl eet have their President.” However, like Jordan front cover that week. Bo has a younger names. and being a bit cheeky, 2 years later she brother, Derrick, which is a 1926 Ner-a- It seems pleasingly appropriate that managed to ruin the Queen Mother’s car motor cycle. Together, the vehicles More student cuts Imperial would have these attributes as a coat with her new red paint job. Since undergo a strange gender transition to unique selling point, having been a lead- the early days, she’s become the more become a homage to Bo Derek (yes, a er in engineering since the genesis of demure Katie Price and an excellent ad- change in spelling), a popular Holly- motorised transport. Who doesn’t crack vocate for the college by representing us wood actress of the 80’s. Discount haircuts for Imperial into a smile or point them out when a at events like the Lord Mayors Show and In many ways these vehicles are the vintage vehicle chugs down the road? To the New Year celebrations until in 2009 perfect hobby for the budding engineer students at Fresh Hairdressers this end, when they do get out and about, when she had a run in with a Routemas- or DIY enthusiast. The other rare op- they serve as some of the very best am- ter bus… literally. What you would only portunity for a university student here is bassadors for the college and its students fi nd out in her autobiography (Jez’s not that you get to be a caretaker of some- More student cuts for Imperial 0207 823 8968. Ask for a in humility, respect and technical ability. Katie’s) is that she is the owner of her thing that has been passed down to us students at South Kensington’s student discount and bring your own Blue Peter Badge, which she got from our own alumni with the hope of FRESH Hairdressers. Imperial ID. for appearing on the show in 1982, and carrying on what was started long before Men’s cuts £22 Cash only. starred in Michael Winner’s “The Jok- our transient experience of the college, Women’s shampoo and cut and ers”; a fi lm released in 1966. and continuing that source and tradition shake dry £28 Boanerges (translated as ‘Sons of of pride. You don’t even have to be an Women’s shampoo, cut and Thunder’) is the older gentleman of the engineer, as it’s a great learning envi- blow-dry £38 fl eet and a true gentleman’s sort of ve- ronment for anyone who wants to appre- All of our cuts are done by highly hicle. Abbreviated to Bo’, he is the mas- ciate vintage in one of its most lasting experienced stylists. cot of CGCU and was bought in 1934 forms. Failing that, the uniforms that ac- Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to for a handsome £40 though the car was company the cars could perhaps do with 4.30 (sorry no discounts on born in 1902: a James & Browne with a visit from a sewing machine if that is Saturdays). a 9 horse power engine. In 1953, in the more your style. If you’ve been charmed We are only 70 metres from 50th publication of Felix, he underwent into getting involved or lured by a false South Kensington tube station a challenge that can only be thought to promise of meeting Katie Price, please To book an appointment, call be the idea for the modern day TV show, email [email protected] – the clubs These be some ‘fl y’ chaps... YO Top Gear, in which he boasted a 35ft di- would be happy to show you the ropes. 8 Friday 11 MARCH 2011 FELIX
Science Editors: Charlie Harvey Kelly Oakes SCIENCE [email protected] You won’t believe it.. There’s no need to fear robots
Kadhim Shubber thought – this is where I began to shudder at the thought of someone reducing the intercon- The Polish restaurant on Exhibition Road, Og- nectedness of my neurons and wiping away my nisko, seems to be out of its time. The décor consciousness in the process, silly I know. and atmosphere would seem to suggest that The crucial point, however, is that this is not mink-ensconced fl appers and mustachioed air- enough for consiciousness. These reverberations men could come swooping into the dining hall must have some correlation with the outside at any moment. It’s in these surroundings that world. In short, you must be able to interpret and I have the pleasure to sit beside Emeritus Pro- recognise the world around you. The neurons fessor Igor Alexander, who has just spent the also form imprints and patterns of reverberations previous hour or so talking about how the inter- that can be triggered and fi red off without exter- connectedness of neural networks in the brain nal input – this is where memory and our ability could be the cause of consciousness itself. I ask to interpret and recognise could reside. him if his understanding of the brain has altered Coming back to robots, to the fear of the his experience of the world and his awareness rise of the machines, a being’s consciousness of his own consciousness. He gives a short sin- is dependent on its needs and its experience of Willing to look like this for a hundred grand? cere laugh and replies that it’s made him feel the world. A packaging robot’s consciousness much more comfortable about the whole thing. Charlie Sheen ain’t looking good... is grounded solely in its experience of being a During his lecture, entitled: “Can mankind packaging robot. Similarly its needs are simple; Who wants to be a Legionnaires? survive in the age of information?” and hosted if it’s constantly plugged in, why would it re- by Friends of Imperial, he displayed a similar system and he has published over 200 scienftif- volt against mankind? Want to win £100,000 and catch a dangerous dis- air of ease and confi dence. He readily admits ic papers and 12 books about the mind. Why The problem with his argument, I guess, is ease? Well, a proposed “new reality TV show” adver- at the beginning that the title is a tad mislead- shouldn’t an electrical engineer pioneer re- that one can always have nightmares about a tised just that in its search for contestants. Asking ing. It’s too easy a question, he suggests, and search into the brain? is the challenge he raises specifi c robot in a highly specifi c set of cir- for individuals who were “Not worried about look- it can be answered “in three seconds fl at.” The when he says: “The brain is a physical, chemi- cumstances that would crush all of mankind. ing and feeling your worst on live TV?” the show, answer is obviously Yes, he says. Sitting at the cal and electrical device”, therefore it can be Professor Alexander obviously doesn’t worry Quarantine, was to be set in a virology lab with the front of the lecture theatre, I can almost feel the analysed using the tools of physicists, chemists about such things (who seriously does?) but contestants exposed to infectious diseases. The quizzical looks of the audience behind me de- and electrical engineers. the lecture still left me unsettled. Although he last contestant remaining in the room would win the manding: “then what is this lecture about?” So what did people like Ed Fredkin, who claimed to be more at ease with his consicious- money. Published in the Daily Mirror, the advert re- Asking whether mankind can survive in the in 1983 suggested on the BBC’s Horizon that ness through understanding where it might ceived over 200 applications. Medical professionals 21st century, in this age of information, implies within eight years computers would have arise, I became more worried about the fragility kicked up a fuss condemning the show. However, it that there is something to fear. The point of grown so powerful that they would keep hu- of my identity. Each moment of our existence is was later revealed to be an experiment by the Mirror Professor Alexander’s lecture – starting with mans as pets, get wrong about consciousness? unique and defi nable, he says (well thank good- to see “just how far people will go in the pursuit of knocking down the title at the beginning – is to Professor Alexander fi rst explained what might ness!) but as you reduce the interconnectedness fame”. show that those who gloomily predict the rise conjure up consciousness. Neurons behave like of a neural system, your capacity to distinguish Ben Good of computers (and the fall of mankind that usu- the components of a circuit, in that they per- between them, and thus your ability to interact ally accompanies their narrative) or the dam- form the same sort of logical operations. How- with the world diminishes. aging effect of the Internet on our brains, are ever, they don’t have the same linear relation- Oh dear. I’d better lay off the wine then! misunderstanding something crucial about our ship between input and output. They’re looped brains and consciousness. and networked in such a way that they pass Friends of Imperial’s next lecture will be by Touched by a robot As a man who has devoted his entire career to signals between each other and, in his words, Professor Frank Berkshire on the 17th of understanding the mind, Professor Alexander is “reverberate”. This internal reverberation, March, in the Sir Alexander Fleming Build- more than qualifi ed to make such a statement. which may not result in any output, could be ing from 19:00. It is entitled “Chaotic cards He is an electrical engineer who designed and the source of thought. The more interconnected and dynamic dice” and looks at how math- built the world’s fi rst neural pattern recognition a network, the greater the ability for conscious ematics can be used for gain in gambling. Protein possible anti-leukaemia agent
Anum Niaz ceptor molecules regulate B-lymphocytes re- ulated genes were analysed in greater detail, leased during an immune response against the and lead the researchers to the conclusion that A protein, CD19-ligand, demonstrates a prom- primary leukaemia cells. By interacting with CD19-L had a signifi cant effect on cell signal- My prayers have been answered... ising cure for one of the most common forms its co-receptor molecules, CD19 allows the ling, causing cell death and gene expression. of childhood cancer: Acute Lymphoblastic smooth ‘development, proliferation, activation The experiment is furthered by the treatment Being touched by a sexy nurse is one of the most Leukaemia (ALL). and differentiation’ of B-lymphocytes. Howev- of chemotherapy resistant ALL CD19 positive common fantasies (not admitting anything person- The ALL cells are recognized as mutagens, er, the interaction between CD19-ligands and cells with CD19-L concluding that CD19-L also ally here) – but how would you feel if your object which leads to an immune response and the leukaemia results in cell death which assists causes cell death in relapsed ALL cells (CD19+). of affection was a robot? Researchers from Geor- generation of antibodies against the cancer. in the regulation of immune responses and the The importance of determining CD19-L gia Institute of Technology found that volunteers Researchers, Fatih M. Uckun and Hong Ma, prevention of autoimmunity. In CD19+ leukae- binding and functionality lies in the recovery of were happy to be touched by a robot nurse, if un- alongside others, began working with a se- mia cells this interaction results in an altered patients with relapsed ALL. As lead researcher der the impression they were cleaning a wound. If ries of basic procedures which fi nally led to set of signals being sent which cause cell death. Fatih Uckun says “These are the cells that are told the robot was there to provide comfort, partici- the cloning of part of the DNA which directly Hence, the structure and bonding of the ligand the most diffi cult to treat. The challenge is to pants were less than positive about the experience. codes for part of the CD19 receptor. This part with its co-receptor determines the fate of the kill these cells while leaving healthy cells in- Strangely enough, people have a similar reaction of DNA was then compared with the predeter- cell. tact.” The major advantage of CD19 is its spe- to human nurses – obviously they’ve just met the mined gene sequences within the GeneBank CD19-L was then tested as a down-regulator cifi c and ample expression on leukaemic cells. wrong sort of nurse. Database. The resulting DNA sequence was of leukaemic activity in ALL cells with CD19 CD19-Ligands are potential agents for the Charlie Harvey further developed to form a specifi c secondary positive co-receptors. At this stage the interac- transport of cytotoxic materials to leukaemic structure. tion between CD19 co-receptors and CD19-L cells, and may be a more effective and less The researchers discovered that CD19 re- altered the regulation of genes; the down-reg- damaging solution to an on-going problem. FELIX Friday 11 MARCH 2011 9 SCIENCE Floods, fi reballs and chaos? Sci-Fi Column Kelly Oakes on how we could be in the middle of Earth’s sixth Maciej Matuszewski This week I’d like to talk about the BBC’s newest science fi ction series, mass extinction (and barely even notice) Outcasts. Set in the near future it follows the fortunes of a colony of humans on the planet Carpathia who have fl ed the Earth to escape some as yet unspecifi ed problems on Earth. After a promising fi rst episode, where Carpathia was established as a danger- ous yet interesting place the show soon began to go downhill. The main prob- lem is with the characters. The colony’s leader, President Tate, was portrayed in the fi rst episode as a noble idealist struggling to build to a utopian society on the planet. The audience, however, soon found out that he had once ordered the execution of an entire group of hu- man clones because he wrongly thought that they were carrying a deadly disease, dismissing the notion of quarantine as ‘more unkind’. I wouldn’t have had problems with this if not for the fact that the show is structured so as to make this deranged man the good guy. What’s even worse is that when he reveals what he did to the colony’s inhabitants for some reason nobody is outraged or calls for him to be arrested or even at least re- Boom! The scientifi c consensus is that the dinosaurs were killed off by an exploding meteor, but not all mass extinctions are this dramatic... sign. This could have worked if we were shown the colony considering the clones as sub-human but we weren’t shown any f the four billion species eral different methods to calculate the sions. species. Rapid climate change and an reaction at all. that have existed on the rate of extinctions that happened in the It appears to be humans who are caus- increase in the amount of carbon dioxide Newly arrived on a transport from Earth, only 1% are still past in order to put what we see today in ing these devastating extinction rates, in the atmosphere could both push many Earth is Julius Berger, the corrupt for- around today. Many of context. They used the fossil record to and Barnosky and collegues think we animals towards extinction. mer head of the Earth evacuation project these forgotten creatures estimate plausible rates during the times should be doing something about it. Despite this, Barnosky is hopeful: who has proclaims that he has found reli- Obecame extinct gradually, slowly mak- of previous mass extinctions and then Comparing the Earth today with what “We still have a lot of Earth’s biota to gion; worshiping some vague ‘universal ing way for new ones to evolve and compared this with what they estimate scientists believe the Earth was like dur- save,” he said. “It’s very important to spirit’. Despite having the feel of a slimy take their place. However, sometimes the rates are now. ing the Big Five extinction events of the devote resources and legislation toward televangelist he somehow manages to the rate of extinction can increase so They found that although the recent past, it looks like we are cooking up a species conservation if we don’t want to gather a large following. What’s worse much that more than three quarters of loss of species is “dramatic and seri- “perfect storm” of conditions that are be the species whose activity caused a is that even Dr Isen, the highly rational the world’s species are lost in a short ous”, it is not yet, technically, a mass conducive to the catastrophic loss of mass extinction.” head of police, begins to trust him, de- period of time. extinction. However, if all the animals spite her knowing that that he effectively It is tempting to imagine devastating currently classed as “critically endan- killed somebody on the transport. Tate, scenes of fi reballs, fl oods and chaos gered” were to disappear, even if it took despite the colony having an advanced when we hear the phrase “mass extinc- 1000 years, it would tip us over the edge “The Big Five” brain scanner which could literally show tion”, but the reality can be much more into true mass extinction territory. If this all of Berger’s memories of his crimes subtle than that – so subtle that it could were expanded to include all animals The Ordovician event, ending 443 possibly a meteor impact have all to the colony, instantly dispelling his pass by without much fanfare at all. In in the “endangered” and “vulnerable” million years ago, was made up of been implicated. following, instead gives him a place on fact, some scientists think we could be categories, we could bring about a mass two bursts of extinction separated Carpathia’s ruling council. in the middle of one right now. extinction in just a few centuries. by a million years. Caused by a low- The Triassic event ended 200 I do not think, however, that we should A mass extinction is defi ned as the Barnosky and colleagues are quick ering sea level, it destroyed habi- million years ago. Occuring just be too harsh with our judgements of loss of over three quarters of all spe- to point out the shortcomings in their tats along continental shelves, before Pangaea started to break Outcasts. The fi rst seasons of Babylon cies in a geologically short time period methods. As most of the world’s spe- and glacially driven cooling. apart, this event is thought to 5 and Star Trek: The Next Generation – around two million years, or less. This cies have yet to be formally described, have cleared out ecological niches were pretty bad and look at how these may not sound short, but the Earth has documented numbers of extinctions are The Devononion event ended 359 allowing the dinosaurs to become shows turned out. There is a lot of good been around for four billion years, mak- likely to be underestimates. The types of million years ago. This event is dominant. It was caused by an in- in Outcasts, such as the mysteries of the ing it is a fraction of a percentage of our animals that can be studied are also lim- thought to have taken a long time crease in atmospheric CO2 which visions appearing to Carpathia’s inhab- planet’s total lifetime. There have been ited. For example, it is only possible to to occur and mainly affected ma- increased global temperatures itants and of what happened to Earth. fi ve previous mass extinctions, known make direct comparisons between fos- rine life. It was caused by global (sound familiar?). Outcasts has the promise of becoming among palaeontologists as the “Big sils and their modern day counterparts cooling, followed by warming, something we see so little of on televi- Five”. In a review published in Nature for species that can be fossilised in the amongst other things. The Cretaceous event ended 65 sion: an intelligent, slow-paced hard sci- last week, Anthony Barnosky and col- fi rst place. million years ago. The most infa- ence fi ction series with the focus on plot leagues, from the University of Califor- “Obviously there are caveats,” Bar- The Permian event ended 251 mous of all mass extinctions, this rather than action; something in the vein nia at Berkley, brought together fossil nosky said. “What we know is based on million years ago. Also known, one wiped out the dinosaurs. A of the little known but brilliant Defying evidence and recent paleontological data observations from just a very few twigs cheerfully, as the “Great Dying”, meteor exploding over the Earth, Gravity. Unfortunately, declining view- to work out whether we are in the middle plucked from the enormous number of this event is the most severe of leading to global cataclysm and ing fi gures and mixed critical reception of the sixth big extinction event of the branches that make up the tree of life.” the Big Five. Global warming, vol- rapid cooling, is thought to be the means that that Outcasts is very likely to past 540 million years. Despite these fl aws, Barnosky and col- canoes, ocean acidifi cation and likely culprit. follow in the footsteps of Defying Grav- Barnosky and colleagues used sev- leagues are confi dent in their conclu- ity and be cancelled after its fi rst season. Sabbatical Where do y should be o 2011 v Over halfway through voting and o e target. If you think Imperial should b e make sure you vote now. It only tak
How do I vote? It’s quick and eas You can vote online from any imperialcollegeunion.org/elec fi nd information on all the pos i and a nice big VOTE! button.
Which faculty is winn Not voted yet? You’re letting your fac - and maybe even your halls of resid breakdowns of how many people ha Or use your mobile phone. faculty, department and hall who is w Not near a computer? Fancy voting right now? Good plan. Point your phone’s browser to the handy URL bit.ly/voteicu. This will take you straight to the voting page. No messing around.
Vote online from Tuesday 8 March 00:01 until Saturday 12 March 23:59. imperialcollegeunion.org/elections you think Imperial on this list? Top UK University Election Turnouts ver halfway to our SOAS - 28.8% e higher up this list then York University - 28.6% es a couple of minutes! Southampton University - 27.2%
Lougborough University - 27%
Edinburgh University - 26.7%
Bournemouth University - 24.9% sy! Sheffi eld University - 24.9% computer. Head to ctions. Here you will Bath University - 24.4% itions and candidates London School of Economics - 20.9%
Goldsmiths University - 20.7% ning the race? culty down! And your department Imperial College London - 18.9% so far ence. We are publishing detailed ave voted. Check online to see by Durham University - 18.6% winning the race. Queen Mary University - 17.5%
Essex University - 16.7%
Warwick University - 14.9%
King’s College London - 13.9%
University College London - 12.2%
Election turnout taken from AMSU Survey 2010. List not exhaustive. 12 Friday 11 MARCH 2011 FELIX
Technology Editors: Samuel Gibbs Feroz Salam TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Free App of the Week Crime on your street mapped iOS - Opera Mini Feroz Salam
Two burglaries and a case of vehicle crime – not your an average night out in a rough part of London, but a description of the crime in my street in the last month according to the po- lice’s latest initiative, www.police.uk. The site, which allows you to enter a postcode and re- trieve detailed crime statistics for the area, has been a massive success, receiving 400m hits in the two months it’s been online. The site is a coordinated effort by various government departments and has been hailed by ministers as a step towards greater transpar- ency with regards to the working of your local police force. In addition to providing a local- ised crime map, it also offers local police force information and a list of events being held by the police in the area. What? You mean South Kensington isn’t a den of vice and crime? The site throws up little in the way of surpris- es; the Imperial-infested and expensive south- west of London is remarkably safe. Albertopo- “The site throws up little Despite some very interesting figures hav- lis itself is devoid of any crime, with the worst ing come out of the release of the data, there you should be expected to endure is a case or in the way of surprises” are still many questions regarding privacy that two of the one-fits-all ‘anti-social behaviour’, have yet to be answered. The government con- something that you’re probably used to at Im- tracts a large amount of work out to private perial in any case. hours. companies, and it’s a matter of debate whether The site has been surprisingly divisive, how- Supporters of the site are overwhelmingly they are required to be as transparent. ever, with many people questioning the point positive about it’s performance however, and The government doesn’t have a great track in releasing crime data for individual streets. the numbers seem to agree that whatever the record so far when it comes to opening up Beyond the voyeuristic pleasure of scouring reason, the website has managed to tap into our data to developers either. TfL’s London Un- With O2 and others blocking sites, now’s the time to some of London’s seedier neighbourhoods, natural curiosity. It is hoped that the effort will derground API (which should allow users to start using a proxy based browser. Fast, even over there is little that the information offers that put pressure on local police forces to deal with create websites and apps for phones) is noto- rubbish 3G signal, Opera does the job in a pinch. wasn’t publicly available a few months ago, crime better, and allow residents to lobby for a riously unreliable. Its basic functionality has and almost no functionality apart from it either. better presence in more troubled areas. been withdrawn unexpectedly multiple times While it’s certainly healthy fuel for paranoia, The site is just the latest measure in the gov- over the last few years, much to the chagrin there is also little you can do to get involved ernment’s continuing effort to bring data and of developers who depend on it for their apps. beyond staring at you screen; there is no way to transparency in their dealings to the public. With the police.uk website going down on the Android - Opera Mini/Mobile provide feedback or suggestions to your local Driven by the central hub of data.gov.uk, da- day of its launch as well, it’s clear that while police force through the site. tasets released to the public include the ‘Com- transparency may be the order of the day, it’s This lack of apparent purpose has led many pendium on Motorcycling Statistics’ and the meaningless if the data is stuck on a server in a to question whether the government really had ‘Survey of Vegetables and Flowers’. The idea back office in central London. to spend £300,000 on the project. Software ar- is to bring accountability to the government’s Head on over to the crime map to stare in hor- chitect Rob West took it upon himself to churn actions as well as allowing interested parties to ror at the nearest case of violent crime; I per- out a virtually identical website on the evening analyse and present the data in ways the gov- sonally find the Compendium of Motorcycling of the site’s launch, managing it in roughly 8 ernment may not have thought of. Statistics gets me off faster.
Rubberise your iPhone 4 with SecondSkin
Samuel Gibbs as there’s simply too much friction. As a conse- quence, if you’re wearing jeans, it can be pretty Silicon cases have been a dime-a-dozen ever difficult to get your phone out of your pocket since the original iPod. When you get to the when it rings, and when you do it’ll be covered iPhone 4, those same soft silicon cases haven’t in fluff and dust. really evolved very much. Sure they have cut The SecondSkin isn’t as tightly fitting as you outs now so you can access the buttons and the might like either, and can come off in a loose ports, but they’re still pretty poor. pocket, or bag. It’ll also let a load of dust and The Cygnett SecondSkin for the iPhone 4 pocket debris get under the case, something is no different. It’s a quick and easy fit silicon that Apple’s worried is scratching and weaken- case that can be had in a variety of colours. In ing the back glass of the iPhone 4. You can’t an attempt to differentiate it from the £2 eBay- really get round that when you want a form-fit- specials, Cygnett have included a screen pro- ting case on your phone, but being a bit tighter tector in the package as a welcome extra. and closer fitting could help. Android’s got the choice of two Opera incantations, The SecondSkin is marketed as having a For about £15 it’s not a bad case. It offers de- Mini and Mobile. Mobile for when you want a full ‘soft, talky touch feel’ and while it’s slightly cent, if a bit thin, protection, while access to the browser, Mini for when your signal is pants. less tacky than your average silicon case, it still buttons and ports is decent. It’s not that it’s a suffers from the age old problem of pocket jam bad case, it’s just not great or cheap. FELIX Friday 11 MARCH 2011 13
Business Editors: Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos [email protected] BUSINESS Imperial students victorious in enterprise competition Maximo Sanz Hernandez and Alexandru Podgurschi, from Imperial’s Entrepreneurs Society, report on winning this year’s London Apprentice Challenge
Photos by Alexandru Podgurschi n Monday February 21st, three teams repre- senting Imperial College London, King’s College London and UCL com- Opeted in the London Apprentice 2011 in the fi rst year of the event. Proudly organized by Imperial Entrepreneurs, the KCL Business Club and the UCL Entrepreneurs Society, the competi- tion was a major success, attracting high-profi le judges such as Margaret Mountford (from ‘The Apprentice’), The Imperial College team presenting their business plan Pier Paolo Mucelli (founder and CEO of eOffi ce) and a representative from Oliver Wyman. The competition consisted of three challenges which took place over the Q! YU`ORcObS^OQYOUS weekend and were presented before the E]`Y]\TOaQW\ObW\UbSQV\]Z]UgS\OPZSR^`]XSQbaT]` public the following Monday at King’s College London. The fi rst task was de- From left: The judges looking bored, bemused and scared, respectively ZSORW\UP`O\Ra 0caW\SaaBSQV\WQOZ1]\acZbW\UO\R4W\O\QS 2]\¸b[Waag]c`]^^]`bc\Wbgb]X]W\bVS1A15`ORcObS “[The Imperial paper clip and exchange it for something estimated the costs of running a nation- more valuable, a step repeated as many al-scale gym service. Lastly, Imperial >`]U`O[[SO\RPSQ][SO^O`b]TbVSe]`ZR¸aZO`USab Entrepreneurs’ team] times as possible in order to obtain the presented ‘Tesco Learn’, an educational W\RS^S\RS\b7BaS`dWQSaQ][^O\g 2c`W\U]c` "!$[]\bV greatest profi t. platform that provided basic literacy ^`]U`O[[Sg]c¸ZZe]`YeWbV]c`RWdS`aS`O\US]TZSORW\U managed to eke out Time was just one of the many con- and numeracy training. Although it was QZWS\baeVWQVW\QZcRS0/3AgabS[a@]gOZ;OWZO\RbVS straints added to the task, as was the rule a noble idea, the judges were not com- <6A EVS`SbVObZSORaWac^b]g]c over £100 from a that prohibited donations. Every item or pletely sold on it. /^^ZWQObW]\aQZ]aSa]]\a]dWaWb amount of money had to be traded for After the presentation of these three paper clip!” something else. Team work and having a tasks, the judges took some time to eee QaQU`ORcObSa Q] cYO\RO^^Zgb]ROg clear strategic approach to the task were discuss the performance of each team crucial in this challenge. Teams’ strate- and announced the winner of each chal- signing the ideal offi ce for the future gies ranged from visiting individual lenge, followed by the presentation of and radical high-tech ideas were in no homes to travelling to touristic areas, the overall winner. As you would all ex- /<7<4=@;/B7=< shortage. where they could easily “rip off” people. pect, Imperial dominated the competi- B316<=:=5GA3@D713A The projects presented by the teams Imperial chose the former and knocked tion winning two out of three tasks, and varied widely. UCL proposed an offi ce on the doors of South Kensington hous- won the title of London Apprentice of 1=;>/
Politics Editors: Rory Fenton Rajat Jain POLITICS [email protected] The world beyond College walls Fit as a Fidel We could learn from Cuba’s international health system
Malaysia
Malaysia’s Leader of the Opposition, Anwar Ibra- him has won a critical ruling in his second sodomy trial. The Malaysian High Court ordered three pieces of evidence crucial to the prosecution’s case to be excluded after finding that they had been obtained incorrectly. This ruling means that the prosecution’s case will now rest solely on the testimony of the complainant Saiful Bukhari who claimed that he was sodomised by Anwar in an apartment. Anwar’s second trial for sodomy, which is illegal in Malaysia is seen by many as a political conspiracy with the Human Rights Watch calling the trial a charade of justice.
Libya
The Head of Libya’s rebel movement has said that General Gaddafi will not be persecuted if he quits within 72 hours and stops bombing his country- men. This comes as Libya’s rebellion entered its Western media paid little attention to Cuban doctors volunteering in Haiti third week with the Gaddafi government counter- attacking in several key cities. General Gaddafi is struggling to hold on to his grip on power but there Red Elmahdi (CPH) programme has formed the cornerstone able to reach more people. Availability of fund- are signs that he may be willing to resign in return of Cuban international health operations. This ing and resources however presents the largest for dropping the charges against him and a guaran- The Cuban healthcare system is renowned for programme has allowed the Cubans to move obstacle to the CPH. These programmes are tee that he would be allowed to exit safely. Interna- being one of the most effective healthcare sys- towards the establishment of durable interna- implemented in the most deprived countries tional pressure is building up on Gaddafi and the UK tems in the world today with life expectancies tional healthcare provisions and runs alongside in the world and consequently the facilities and France is currently drafting a UN Resolution for equal to those of some of the world’s wealthi- its international emergency relief programme. available to Cuban healthcare professionals are a no-fly zone in Libya which is supported by the Gulf est countries. Cubans have for some time been The CPH aims to promote international soli- often poor, with frequent absences of essential States and the Organisation of Islamic Conference. making a push to reach out far beyond their darity and bolster the public health infrastruc- drugs and clinical equipment. These problems small island borders in order to export their ture of a country through staffi ng local clinics have been minimised by increased effi ciency, methods of disease prevention and treatment and hospitals with Cuban medical teams. improved logistics and informed human re- worldwide, particularly in the developing The programme runs in 27 countries in Latin source management but there is no denying world where their impact is most noticeable. America, Africa and Asia and as a result there that there continues to be an absolute need for Cuban medical international, otherwise are now health workers providing medical additional funding that cannot be generated by known as ‘doctor diplomacy’, is a Cuban pro- care and assistance for some of the most iso- the deprived populations served. gramme founded after the Cuban Revolution in lated and deprived populations in the world. Unlike the usual aid and development pro- 1959 that is aimed at exporting Cuban health In fact in several countries such as Honduras, grammes implemented by developed countries practices and practitioners to developing na- Guatemala and Mali, CPH services have been and large NGOs, which require signifi cant tions. Rooted both in foreign policy objectives, the only health service provisions available for investment and are largely vertical, running including Cuba’s policy of supporting anti-co- many rural and indigenous communities for parallel to existing health facilities the Cuban lonial struggles of the 1960s, and humanitari- decades. approach of integrating health provision and anism, the programme today employs 50,000 The Cuban approach combines population strengthening existing systems has been the United States healthcare personnel globally. based public health principles and preventa- key to its success. Traditional health develop- As one of the fi rst countries to become ac- tive programmes with clinical medicine, for- ment programmes are often additionally lim- tive in medical crisis operations, Cuba has mulating long-term healthcare initiatives and ited by political alliance and ideology. Cuban dispatched emergency assistance teams and taking these directly to the populations where programmes work in complete cooperation US President Barack Obama is lifting a two year medical professionals to provide support to it’s needed. Since its foundation, the CPH is with the poorest countries embracing ideas of ban on military trials for detainees held in Guanta- struggling national governments after major estimated to have sent 3,446 health profession- international fraternity and disregarding politi- namo Bay in Cuba. This move is the latest signal to natural disasters and confl icts in Chile, Nicara- als to participating countries. These personnel cal agendas and economic interest. The ques- many that Guantanamo Bay will remain open in the gua, Iran, Algeria and Haiti since the 1960s, of- have carried out over 96 million patient visits, tion now is how do they begin to convince the near future despite Obama’s pledge to shut it down ten arriving on the scene well before the large saved 1.8 million lives in the poorest parts of rest of the global health community to imple- within one year of taking office. Mr Obama has said NGOs and Charities have mobilised. In 2005 the world and greatly improved the quality of ment such methods? that this move would broaden America’s ability to Cuba even prepared to send a brigade of 1,500 life of many more. This level of provision is bring terrorists to justice. It is expected that Abd al- doctors to New Orleans in the wake Hurricane what many large international health develop- The “Developing Health Systems” confer- Rahim al-Nashiri, accused of bombing the USS Cole Katrina; this offer was declined however by the ment programmes can only dream of achieving. ence will take place on 26th March at 9.30 will be the first to be tried under Obama’s new order. former US president George Bush. The price of such success is, however, high to in the Business School, comparing Cuba, Humanitarian crises, although devastat- the individual practitioners who are deployed the UK and others. More information at Edited by Kenneth Lee ing when they occur, are rare, which is why, internationally, and the question remains tickets available at www.imperialcolleg- since 1998, the Cuban Comprehensive Health whether such efforts are sustainable and scal- eunion.org/medsin FELIX Friday 11 MARCH 2011 15 POLITICS
Sarah Jeyaprakash
Will Ataturk’s secularism or Khomeini’s theocratic vision prevail? The Middle East protests are secular Navid Nabijou argues that you can’t claim the revolutions for Islam
ast Thursday, the Muslim marily of a feverish, lengthy and some- gage with them, they could not acquire “These modern, Islam is at best misinformed, at worst Student Council hosted what tedious elaboration on the brutality any legitimacy. plain malicious. an event entitled: “Middle of the dictatorial regimes. Whilst ac- Take, for instance, the title’s strident liberal youth are As mentioned before, the speak- East: Revolution, Democ- knowledging these facts is important, declaration of “the end of U.S. hege- ers did make a few fairly compelling ratisation, and the End of the insistence on rendering them in such mony.” A fairly strong argument can be overwhelmingly points. Mr. El-Helbawy highlighted LU.S. Hegemony.” The evening featured minute detail unfortunately lowered the put forward for the quasi-imperialistic the hypocrisy of Western governments, four invited speakers, talking about re- tone of the evening to one of indignant nature of American foreign policy in secular” which extol democracy while sanction- cent events in their home countries: victimhood. the Middle East. But because everyone ing the exclusion of particular parties Saeed Shehabi from Bahrain, Monjia A related problem – a touch ironical already seemed to be in agreement on from elections. Of all the speakers, Mr. Abidi from Tunisia, Kamal El-Helbawy given the title of the event – was the this, none of the speakers even both- pressed their belief that the current up- El-Gamaty was certainly the most inter- from Egypt and Guma El-Gamaty from homogeneity of the speakers. On al- ered. Rather than discuss and explore risings are Islamic in nature. This is pa- esting and engaging. He spoke in detail Libya. most all the major issues, the panel was the background and nuances of the tently false. The disparate protests and of the impacts that events in neighbour- Each speech (with the notable excep- unanimous: there was a total absence of situation, the infl uence of America revolutions currently spreading across ing Tunisia and Egypt had on the Libyan tion of Mr El-Gamaty’s) consisted pri- healthy debate. This might have been was simply a tacitly assumed (though the Middle East have just one thing in people, and gave reasons supporting his forgivable, had the purpose of the event not at all well-defi ned) fact. This was common: their youth. This vital de- view that Colonel Gadaffi would soon been simply to present the experiences fi nally challenged in the far-too-short mographic, frustrated from years of be defeated. However, due to the one- of a group of fairly remarkable individu- Q&A session, when a member of the oppressive government and lack of op- sided format of the event, these state- EVENTS als. But of course this was not the case: audience made the very good point that portunity, fi nally conscious of its own ments could not develop beyond the the incendiary title, together with the the instigators, collaborators and ben- strength, has shrugged off its shackles embryonic stage. MedEd presents An overall tone of the speakers, demonstrat- efi ciaries of dictatorship in a particular and is leading the revolt against tyr- In the end, this event should serve as Introduction to Tropical ed that the event was aimed at making country are themselves overwhelming- anny. Each of the speakers lauded the both a lesson and a warning: plurality; defi nitive judgements. Unfortunately, ly citizens of that country. Unsurpris- young people for their crucial role in confl ict and resolution, are essential for Medicine. Sunday 20th, the organisers failed to realise that any ingly, this charge was not responded to the uprising. But these modern, liberal the development of a complete, robust 10am, SAF Building. conclusion is meaningless when all the adequately. youth, along with the movements they view of the world. Groups of people as- Contact [email protected] for participants hold the same views. In- The evening had a religious slant represent, are overwhelmingly secular; sembling with the sole purpose of agree- more info and tickets: £5 deed, there were several interesting and from the start, even opening with the they draw upon notions of national, not ing with one another should be wary that valid points made by the speakers; but recitation of a Koranic verse. Several religious, unity. To claim the incredible they are not taking the fi rst steps towards with nobody on the opposing side to en- (though not all) of the speakers ex- achievements of Tunisia and Egypt for their own delegitimisation. 16 Friday 11 MARCH 2011 FELIX
Comment Editors: Anna Perman Jan Piotrowski COM M ENT [email protected] FELIX Up is the new down Should Ethos be free? It’s easy to keep your head down and get lost in your own When the Union President Alex Kendall said that using the amenities fund to subsidise world. Maybe we should all get a new perspective alcohol was immoral, there was an eruption of anger. Postgraduate students rose to the Ben Kennedy defense of the amenities fund, and Kendall claimed that he was merely encouraging de- bate. The discussions about hall rents have almost entirely focused on this subject, but beneath the furore another, perhaps more contentious, question is being asked by the survey: Should Imperial continue to offer free gym and swim facilities at Ethos? Imperial is possible the only university in the UK that guarantees free gym access to all of its students. Although services like exercise classes or squash courts are Rhys Davies charged, the state-of-the-art gym and pool facilities are not. Few students would ever omeone once told me that be heard complaining about the quality of dogs can’t look up. After the facilities, and it is fair to say that the the serendipitous, albeit not free access is a luxury. entirely legal acquisition of In the context of the ongoing debate about several dogs and the sys- reducing hall rents, one must ask whether Stematic placing of bones, dog food, and it is worth keeping this luxury. Is it right that even cats on formidably high shelving, I profit from hall rents should go to provide at last determined that this was utter bol- free gym access for all? locks. But it got me thinking. Dogs can There are some very convincing argu- look up, but can people? ments for saying No. Not all students who Well, of course, they can – the me- live in halls use the gym regularly and it’s chanical basis is there. I’ve spent many likely that many of them will use the gym an hour manhandling anatomy skeletons only once or twice throughout their time at into a variety of ungodly shapes and Imperial. Additionally, free gym member- looking up is but one permutation. But ship creates problems in terms of usage; out on the streets, it’s hard to find any in zero cost should logically lead to infinite vivo confirmation. demand. At certain times of the week, it In fact, on the underground, it’s practi- seems as though this rule is adhered to lit- cally unheard of. Commuters have gone erally. This crowding forces students to use several stops past their destination to the gym at unsociable hours or pay for pri- save the public humiliation of having vate gym membership elsewhere. Raising to look up as the station names, embla- the cost would dampen demand and there- zoned upon the platform walls, flash by. fore the congestion. Already we’ve seen I think it might a defence mechanism, measures put in place to address the issue a throw–back to that stage of evolution The summer is almost here! Unfortunately so are exams... FAIL of overcrowding. Members of staff (who pay when the human race was particular vul- for Ethos) now have allocated gym time on nerable to having its throat ripped out. Tuesdays and Thursdays. In looking up, we expose a very fleshy, you ask? Nothing. If the sky can’t be fenced, why Of course, these arguments can be coun- very vital piece of anatomy, practically I find there’s nothing better than look-- tered with just as much strength. Staff welcoming a good garrotting. ing up at bright azure sky and seeingg should I be? Break out, live members earn salaries and are therefore So resisting the urge to look up is a absolutely nothing, save for the faintestt able to pay. There is no need to introduce survival strategy, part of the “head down whispers of cloud. dangerously, do something ‘economics’ into gym overcrowding be- and carry on” mentality of the collec- For me, there is nothing more inspi- cause it’s already there; students who don’t tive. Still, I think it’s sad that a young rational than a big fat nothing. Firstly, that scares people! like using the gym when it’s busy can go at woman under attack is more likely to re- there are no boundaries, no limits, on a different times or use a private gym (why ceive help from passers–by if she shouts blue summer’s sky. If the sky can’t be penalise those who don’t mind?) Do 1st “fire!” than if she cries “rape!” It may fenced, why should I be? Break out, live“ years in Halls really subsidise Ethos? Well have started as a means of survival, but dangerously, do something that scares draw inspiration from their shoes (with only if they all dropped out; a 3rd year using keeping our heads down nowadays is people! Those people who say the sky is the possible exception of Doc Marten). the gym ‘for free’ paid for it when he or she beginning to work against us. the limit just aren’t thinking big enough. Newton was gazing up at the moon in was in halls in their 1st year. This is such a shame because I think Secondly, it is the ultimate blank canvas. his orchard when” gravity struck. In This is clearly only a taster of the discus- people are missing out on something You could do anything on a clear sky, school, Einstein day-dreamed that he sions being had on the issue. But most incredible, something you can only see from playing about with sky–writing was riding a star-beam. importantly, we mustn’t forget the value of when you look up. To make sure you get and making shapes out of the clouds to It is important to look up, and not just free Ethos gym membership as a symbol. It a really good gander at it, you need to circumnavigating the world in a hot-air to be inspired. Sometimes, it is impor- is a luxury, no doubt, but we all feel some go somewhere high, or open. Preferably balloon...and a moustache. There’s so tant to look up, just to feel good. pride in being able to say that our university both. much potential, it actually makes me I mean, how can we ever hope to be offers its students free gym membership. I can vouch for the top of the Queen’s tingle. Have your say on up–lifted if we don’t know what things It’s a feather in our collective cap – and that Tower and Hampstead Heath, they’ll And I don’t think I’m alone in this. look like in that direction? Never under- has real value. both do. Go up on a really clear day and Throughout the long, long annals of his- this article at estimate the untold beauty that hangs you can see it. What are you looking for, tory there has not been a single person to felixonline.co.uk above you. Unless it’s raining. FELIX Friday 11 MARCH 2011 17
The opinions expressed on the Comment pages represent the views of the author only. COM M ENT Our society is pretty tolerant of all lifestyles, right? Johann Hari recently exposed the rise of homophobic Whats wrong with the new generation? incidents in East London. The question is... Games. They’re like gigantic, electric playgrounds. And like playgrounds, nowadays they’re all tarmac and cutesy wooden houses for the reception kids IS OUR SOCIETY to play in, whereas we were lucky to have a bit of rusty old pipe to play catch with. At least that’s the impression I get from Alex Karapetian’s article ACTUALLY LESS in Monday’s Daily Felix, which seemed to imply that games are less engaging, less addict- ing and less related-to-cartoon- HOMOPHOBIC? series than they used to be. Despite understanding this point perfectly, I’ve seen vide- ogames grow and evolve over the last decade into something unrecognisable. There are now large communities using them as art forms, engines for so- cietal change, medical tools, learning aids, and most impor- tantly a way to stave off bore- Stuart Haylock Chris Socha dom and entertain the mind. I’m happy to see gaming move lthough homosexuality “Hate crimes started welve years ago, a nail “One in five gay on. Alex’s point is representa- was legalised in England bomb exploded in a gay tive of how he feels; how many in 1967, the views of the getting reported pub in central London, people have been a people his age feels. But it people in the UK hardly killing 3 and injuring 70 shouldn’t be a judgement on changed at all. Those when people realised more; nowadays the pub is victim of homophobic gaming itself. Awho came out as gay, acted gay, or were Tregarded as an iconic landmark of the To say that gaming has even remotely ‘metrosexual’ were still that others would last in a series of attacks on the capital’s hate crimes in the changed, and that we’ll no discriminated against for many years. minority groups. longer have tacky card game Over time, the work of groups such as listen” Despite recent advances in LGBT last three years” tie-ins, is probably true. But to ‘Stonewall’ and School’s Out managed (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgen- say that this is a bad thing, or to promote anti–discriminatory laws and der) rights in UK law, recent statistics a sign of a weaker generation, regulations, and the lives of gay people in the UK improved dramatically. on homophobic hate crime can be interpreted to show an increase in crimes against is wrong. My brother’s gen- Schools however were a completely different story; being gay was synonymous with LGBT people. One in five lesbian and gay people in Britain have been a victim of eration, ten years behind me, bullying and schools and the police mostly ignored it. For many years children were one or more homophobic hate crimes in the last three years. Three in four of these bonds through discussions of teased, bullied and even driven to suicide, and the police and teachers stood by and did not report them to the police. These incidents ranged from regular insults on the guns and special forces, rather let it happen. Anti–homophobia campaigns in schools and the teaching of the past street to serious physical and sexual assaults. While some argue that this is because than swords and sorcery. But taboo subject of gay people have changed that, and schools have become much less the police have become more ‘gay friendly’ and approachable, campaigner Peter the fifty hours he spent hon- tolerant of any form of bullying, giving children the chance to explore their own Thachell suggests “As more people come out they become more visible and more ing his quickscoping is no dif- personalities, rather than the personalities that other people demanded of them. easily identifiable. I remember there was a similar backlash in the US in the 60s, a ferent, really, to the fifty hours My personal experience in school was far better than I expected, I came out as gay big rise in racist attacks in the wake of the civil rights movement.” I spent running Final Fantasy when I was sixteen in my final GCSE year. I was scared of what would happen Now if we’re examining homophobia among young people, one good way is to VIII. And at the heart of it is still thanks to things told to me by friends and stories in the media, but I was not bullied look for relevant information within schools and colleges. Research in Stonewall’s the same human enjoyment of further then the occasional name calling of being camp (which is an understate- ‘The Teacher Report’ found that nine in ten secondary school teachers and more than playing. ment!). I understand this view is not the same for every school and every person in two in five primary school teachers say children and young people, regardless of What’s exciting is that it’s not the country but I went to a state school in one of the toughest areas in east London, their sexual orientation, currently experience homophobic bullying, name calling or just the upcoming newer gener- and felt safe. The only reason I didn’t come out earlier was because of the scare¬– harassment in their schools. It’s scary to think that almost 90% of teachers regularly ations who are shaping the me- mongering that people in the media, like Johann Hari, do. hear the phrases ‘you’re so gay’ or ‘that’s so gay’ and other insulting homophobic dium today, but also people of Overall, police also started taking homophobic hate crimes seriously too; they remarks such as ‘poof’, ‘dyke’, ‘queer’ and ‘faggot’. all ages who are slowly finding started getting reported when people finally realised that other people would listen. In many cases these can be picked up from parents or celebrities (Chris Moyles’ the right games and platforms Statistics indicate an increase in hate crime, but this is due to people realising that “gay” ringtone) who may be homophobic, or may just not understand that what they for them. As more people join, they don’t have to take that sort of abuse in this country, despite the media’s constant are saying is offensive, because unfortunately ‘gay’ is used as a catch–all negative; we’re going to see even more barrage of warnings. for anything from bad, wrong, weak, to pathetic, fake or overly–emotional. diversification. But we’ll all still Many gay people in the media also claim that young kids use the term ‘gay’ as a This is why (despite what Melanie Phillips may say...), ‘School’s Out’s attempt be sharing in something that, derogatory phrase and are therefore homophobic. I argue that this is stupid and that to introduce LGBT elements into the curriculum is important! One school in Stoke psychologically, is very similar they should get a life. The term ‘gay’ meant happy long before it was attributed to Newington has developed lessons on gay historical figures who suffered persecu- – playing. gay people. To quote Stephen Fry, “languages change and evolve just as animals do; tion, which has succeeded in “more or less eliminating homophobic bullying” in its So here’s to moaning about to think that they should always stay the same is a fallacy”. You can’t argue that what classrooms and playgrounds over the last five years. The homophobia problem is the younger generation. But young people say has any bearing on its original meaning, given that most kids don’t even worse in faith schools, as columnist Johann Hari explains “Today, schools in also a reminder that the games, even know the original meaning. Muslim areas like Tower Hamlets and across Europe are deeply reluctant to explain like the kids, are alright. In summary, homophobia is not increasing amongst young people, only the media that homosexuality is a natural and harmless phenomenon that occurs in every hu- sees it that way and forces children to believe it. As soon as people realise that it’s man society: they know that many parents will go crazy. Tough.” I could go on and Angry Geek the media that sets these things off in the first place then maybe we’ll see a better on with my argument, but in summary: homophobia is rife among our youth, and society overall. unless we do something about it, this is not something which will change. I,SCIENCE THE SCIENCE MAGAZINE OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE the ‘unseen science’ issue featuring interviews with dr stephen curry, lord jenkin and sir patrick moore out now
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Arts Editor: Rox Middleton [email protected] ARTS Afghanistan’s magnifi cent heirlooms
Christina Flanagan frontier of the vast Greek empire. accessory: a portable folding crown of were stolen from the National Museum The atmosphere is good, dominated by My impressions improved as I moved pure gold and loads more stunning jew- of Afghanistan during looting in the full-wall photographs of the Afghani- Afghanistan. What images are conjured deeper inside as there are some re- ellery. Even the gold appliqué which early 90s. They were recently identifi ed stan landscape, and there are some very up in your mind? The sad reality is that, ally lovely pieces which epitomise this would have spangled their robes is care- and salvaged abroad and, thankfully, shiny computer reconstructions. How- for many of us, 3000 years of history unique fusion of East and West – in fully laid out alongside drawings which following this exhibition they will be ever, I fi nd the student price of £8 maybe has been eclipsed by 30 years of chaos. particular a carving of the Greek god- reconstruct the day’s dress. returned, along with everything on dis- too much for the relatively limited col- Fortunately the aim of the British Mu- dess Aphrodite marked with a bindi, the For me, the most interesting display play, to the National Museum in Kabul, lection on show. It is, however, worth seum’s exhibition Afghanistan: Cross- traditional Hindu symbol of marriage, came at the end of the exhibition and the motto of which is, “A nation stays noting that there are 2-for-1 tickets for roads of the Ancient World is to remind on her forehead, and a Roman glass did not concern the ancient world at all. alive when its culture stays alive.” students Friday 17.30 - 19.30. us of the country’s crucial historic role enameled with a beautiful illustration The stories of how Afghanistan’s trea- The British Museum has clearly taken as a junction of the silk routes between of a Tiger. However, the third section sures were safeguarded during the wars a great deal of care over this exhibition. At the British Museum until 3rd July Rome, India and China. is by far the most eye-catching. Gold and turbulence that have wracked the I was initially disappointed by the ex- abounds. This is the bling of three of country during the past 30 years – Soviet Thierry Olliver hibition. On entering, I was met by an Afghanistan’s ancient nomad rulers, invasion, civil war and Taliban regime – array of Greek and Roman style pots and which they chose to be buried in. It is are very moving. The Taliban famously statuettes which, while adequately mak- laid out exactly as it was found when blew up Afghanistan’s giant Bhuddas, a ing the point that there was extensive archaeologists fi rst entered their tombs. series of rock carvings up to 50m high, contact between the Greeks and Romans The haul includes the ultimate nomadic after condemning them as idols. In order and this part of the ancient world, didn’t to evade such wrath, curators and arche- really bring it to life for me. There didn’t ologists concealed fi lm reels behind false seem to be anything there unique to Af- “This is the walls, painted in watercolour over trea- ghanistan. The accompanying displays sured oil paintings and stashed archaeo- brought the history a little more into fo- bling of three of logical fi nds deep within bank safes. cus. Once part of the Persian Empire, it The display features a set of beauti- was conquered by Alexander the Great Afghanistan’s ancient ful ivory carvings featuring ornately who, as always, took a local wife, and so decorated and sensuously posed women. Afghanistan found itself on the Eastern nomad rulers” They date from the 1st century AD and I love my new belt buckle...
itting down in a dingy backroom kerchief and not blood spewing from the moments. However overall this seemed local authentic fried chicken restaurant Somebody of a pub in Camden, it seemed actress’s neck) but of the play itself. to be more of a technical run through chain and tried to solve the mystery of Sthat we the audience were to play The play was supposed to be a version than an opening night, with many of the whodunit? Was it the fault of the direc- a more crucial role in this Hitchcock of Hitchcock’s classic Dial M for Mur- sound effects being misplaced and the tor? The Actors? A lack of time to re- killed the parody than previously anticipated. I der, however this became condensed actors forgetting their lines. All in all hearse? Or was it the representation of turned to my ‘Partner in Crime’ and into a twenty minute slot with plenty of there was a very rushed feeling to the the Iconic Hitchcock fi lm “The Birds”, wryly noted that there were 13 mem- other Hitchcock references thrown in, performance, which ended abruptly and being reduced to a wig on a stick chas- show bers of the audience, indeed an unlucky which didn’t allow the audience to com- fairly inconclusively. So much so that ing the actors around the stage? I think number for the opening night of this prehend the fairly complex plot. There the audience would have been unsure if so. performance. Over the next twenty min- were some redeeming points, including there was an interval, had the cast not utes we witnessed the murder, not of a the good quality of acting from some taken their bows. Dial L for Latchkey, Pelas Theatre Kelly Osborne human being (it was clearly a red hand- of the cast and some legitimately funny Afterwards my partner and I sat in a Company was at Etcetera Theatre Heart-warming sketches from St Trinians’ creator
Cecily Goodwin Mole, the alter ego of Monica, about 90th birthday last year. fl ies towards the open arms of Mr Mole’. her provencal residence. The house in Searle’s work is often associated This was produced a few months before In 1969, cartoonist Ronald Searle’s wife which Mrs Mole is seen drinking tea with a darkly mischievous humour, as the Searles moved into their house in Monica was diagnosed with a particu- and champagne, arranging fl owers and shown in the misbehaviour and trick- Provence previously only occupied in larly virulent form of breast cancer and admiring views represents one the cou- ery of the St Trinian’s schoolgirls and the cartoons by Mrs Mole. After 5 years given six months to live. She went on ple had bought a few months previous in the Molesworth cartoons. As in all of diffi cult treatment, Monica Searle had to undergo a series of experimental and to Monica’s diagnosis. Thus the life of his cartoons, this collection wonderfully survived the cancer and they have been particularly unpleasant chemotherapy Mrs Mole is the idyllic life she might portrays the character of his subject, but living there for the last 35 years. treatments. picture and look forward to during her in detailing the life of Mrs Mole, Searle The Cartoon Museum is charming, During this distressing period, Searle treatment. only portrays peace and content in the well worth a visit in itself, and an ideal was determined to do something to sup- Ronald Searle is regarded by many possible future represented by the draw- location for this exhibition. Searle’s dis- port his wife and has claimed ‘I have contemporaries, and indeed introduced ings. The cartoons are full of hope and tinctive and masterful style is shown only my talent for drawing, so I drew’. in the exhibition, as the greatest living light and Mrs Mole herself is delightful in the cartoons but they are uniquely The result is currently being exhibited, cartoonist. The illustrator of Moles- as she goes about her pastimes, planting, optimistic and uplifting. The collection in association with many cancer and worth and St Trinian’s, he has also picking and arranging brightly coloured of small drawings, personal tokens of women’s charities, in The Cartoon Mu- worked for many high profi le magazines fl owers, looking in her patchwork store Searle’s affection and concern for his seum under the title Les tres riches heu- including Life. He began his career de- and gazing at birds and butterfl ies that wife, is genuinely moving, and I would res de Mrs Mole. These tokens of love tailing the horrors of the WWII Japanese fl utter about the terraces. greatly recommend a visit. and support were never meant for pub- camps where he was held as a Prisoner The exhibition ends with a cartoon not lication and consist of 47 pocket-sized David Cameron’s Big Society of War for three and a half years. He still part of the series entitled ‘The Beautiful At the Cartoon Museum until 20th images detailing the potterings of Mrs (WARNING: May not be accurate) continues to draw, having celebrated his Dream comes True in which Mrs Mole March, students £3 Do you want to do a centrefold? Email [email protected] – it’s not just for Clubs & Societies! IC RAG Fashion Show 2011 Saturday 19th March In aid of St Mary’s Paediatric Department Tickets: www.icfashionshow.co.uk
Photo by: 22 Friday 11 MARCH 2011 FELIX Music Editors: Greg Power Luke Turner Christopher Walmsley MUSIC [email protected] Album of The Week The Streets Odd Future killed them all Computers and Blues Or how a bunch of teenagers are taking over the world
2011 Art by Matt Martians, OF’s resident artist f you are even remotely interested in music, and regardless of your stylis- tic preferences, then there is a strong chance you have heard of Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All by now (Odd FutureI for the lazy). If you have not, then you must be living under a rock somewhere with no Mike Skinner’s music is like Marmite, you either love wi-fi , phone or carrier pigeon service. Freak. The Streets or you hate them. You can however, hate Over the past year this group of teenagers has them and over time learn to love them, which is ex- been making serious ripples left and right all actly what happened to my opinion of The Streets, over the Internet. Case in point: since upload- after listening to this new album Computers and ing his new single ‘Yonkers’ on YouTube just Blues. I must say that this is an excellent album, con- under a month ago, leader of the Wolf pack Ty- sidering I was expecting the worst. Typically honest ler, The Creator has racked up 2,700,000 views lyrics are displayed with exceptionally smart rhythm, on that song alone. Kanye West has fi nally spo- fl owing almost like a rap with well thought construc - ken out about OF, proclaiming the insanely en- tion of phrases, that gives the vocal line its distinc- tertaining black-and-white video for ‘Yonkers’ tive Streets sound as I’m sure you’ve heard before. – directed by the 19 year old Tyler himself – as Progessing his UK garage sound over the years, this the best video of 2011. It may be a little early album puts everything in a far more optimistic per- for that sort of declaration, but Yeezy makes a spective than previous albums: Original Pirate Mate- serious point. “SWAG! SWAG! SWAAAAAG!” – Mos Def, February 2011. Amen, brother rial and A Grand Don’t Come For Free. Looping pianos Odd Future is a collective of 17 to 23 year and synth-sounds provides its garage basis and mel- olds, making some of the most interesting mu- low, feel-good choruses interject the speedy drum sic out there today. The most incredible fact The Ring. The set starts off weird enough, but and KoRn for a decade ago. pad rhythms to come wondefully together in a highly about this band is that they have not sold a when the chorus of the song hits (featuring a Yet at the same time there is something emotional piece of work. It is undeniable that Mike single record yet, despite releasing four mix- gang chant-like repitition of two words: ‘Wolf unique and refreshing about them: as a collabo- Skinner’s work truly comes from the heart, and that tapes and eight albums through the Odd Future Gang’) it feels like a goddamn tidal wave. The ration-heavy collective, each member manages is what music should be all about, not the money. So Tumblr page. Consisting of rappers Tyler, the video is a masterclass in how to execute a per- to exude his own quirkyness whilst the releases I applaud The Streets for their genuine, inspirational Creator, Hodgy Beats, Earl Sweatshirt, Domo fect fi rst TV appearance, scaring the hell out of retain an overall cohesiveness throughout. album, and for converting me to a future of enjoy- Genesis and Mike G, Casey Veggies, singer White America in the most offensive way pos- Whether it is the ‘dystopian weed-rap’ of ing their back catalogue, a hell of an album for The Frank Ocean and producers Left Brain, The sible. OF bring hip-hop back to the basics of Domo Genesis, the pretty-boy gangbangin’ of Streets to bow out on. Luke Turner Super 3 and Syd the Kid, already have an in- what made Eminem so succesful and exciting Hodgy Beats or the mature lover crooning of sane back catalogue of 250 songs so far, most back in his heyday. Frank Ocean, each member has a distinct per- of which are sick. The Fallon appearance perfectly illustrates sonality and sound that is communicated bril- For anyone not initiated to the group, I would everything that is so exciting about Odd Fu- liantly, making each crossover collaboration all 1. Radiohead say the best possible place to start is Tyler and ture: they ally the twisted soul and energetic the more exciting. Most lis- 2. Daft Punk Hodgy’s fi rst television appearance on Jimmy performance of metal with urban beats and There is no doubt that OF’s rise to fame is tened to 3. Muse Fallon a few weeks ago. Since being broadcast clever (albeit over-the-top) lyrics. They aim to going to be accompanied with its fair share 4. Arcade Fire the performance has been echoing throughout shock, and achieve this goal with bravado in of hype (‘the new Wu-Tang’ is being tossed this week by the interwebs. It is a raw, visceral rendition an age in which we are all pretty much desen- around far too much) and the obligatory hip- 5. The xx of their old hit ‘Sandwiches’, performed on a sitised. I would go as far as calling them the sters. But this time the hype is justifi ed, and Felix Music 6. James Blake stage decorated with garden gnomes. Backed new rock n’ roll. Parents and religious authori- these kids have a tongue-in-cheek sense of hu- 7. The Beatles by The Roots (which in itself says enough ties will forever hate them for the shocking de- mour that will keep them grounded. As for the members on 8. The Smiths about how huge these guys are quickly becom- scriptions of rape and carnage; kids will love hipsters, Tyler actively encourages the forma- 9. The Strokes ing), the two rappers hit the stage in skimasks, them for their portrayal of teenage angst and tion of violent mosh-pits at their gigs, so they last.fm standing next to some random freaky chick the nihilistic, ‘fuck it all’ attitude that crowds probably won’t stick round for too long. Their 10. Kanye West dressed as Samara from the 2002 horror fl ick fl ocked towards Nu-metal acts such as Slipknot loss. Greg Power Join in at: http://www.last.fm/group/Felix+Music
Make sure not to miss The Strokes’ new album is coming! Chase and Status March 21st can’t come quickly enough Thhe Roundhouse Friday 11th March 2011 (tonight!) One of the most popular rock bands of the time The Strokes, have confi rmed that they This may be too short notice for such a mind-blowing will be releasing their new album titled An- gig, however, the terrible two-some will be tearing up gles on the 21st of this month in the UK via the stage at The Roundhouse tonight with their drum Rough Trade. There has been much specu- and bass energy, wobbling dubstep bass and fi lthy lation and anticipation of this album follow- synth sounds. Taking to the stage to showcase their ing their 2006 release, First Impressions Of incedibly successful album No More Idols, I wish you Earth. Many snippets and samples of songs all luck in aquiring tickets. Luke Turner can be found on the net including the fi rst release from the album, ‘Under Cover Of The Strokes come out of the shadows for their new album release on the 21st Darkness’. Watch this space. Luke Turner Diversity week2011 14 -19 March Culture Clash Film Night Tuesday 15 March /18:30 - 23:00 / Huxley 308 :HҋOOEHVKRZLQJ%ROO\ZRRGKLWҊ:DNH8S6LGҋEDFNWREDFN/*%7ÀOPҊ;;<ҋ Rainbow Rave Thursday 17 March /20:00 - 23:00 / Metric $VKRZFDVHRI,PSHULDOҋVÀQHVWPXVLFLDQVDQGVWDQGXSV:HDUDVPDQ\FRORXUVDV\RXFDQWRZLQ DSUL]H Has Multicultralism Failed? Debate Friday 18 March /13:00 - 14:00 / Saf G16 -RLQXVDVZHGLVFXVVWKHHYHUUHOHYDQWFRQÁLFWEHWZHHQWKHQRWLRQRILPPLJUDQWVUHWDLQLQJWKHLU FXOWXUDOLGHQWLWLHVYVLQWHJUDWLRQ Sports Day Hyde Park Saturday 19 March /12:00 - 16:00 / Albert Memorial &RPHWRWKH$OEHUW0HPRULDOIRUDGD\RIIXQWU\LQJRXWWDVWHUVRIGLIIHUHQWLQWHUQDWLRQDOVSRUWVDVZHOO DVWUDGLWLRQDO(QJOLVKVSRUWGD\VLOOLQHVV Diversity imperialcollegeunion.org/news week2011 24 Friday 11 MARCH 2011 FELIX
Film Editors: Jade Hoffman Ed Knock FILM fi [email protected] Classic Cinema
Fargo Hammer Horror’s predictable return The Resident Director Antti Jonkinen Screenwriter Antti Jonkinen, Robert Orr Cast Hilary Swank, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Lee Pace, Christopher Lee John Park Marge Gunderson, you’re a real super lady... Why the two-time Academy Award winning, much-respected actress Hilary Swank thought Sometimes the Oscars are a little controversial. How- she needed to do another cheap horror after the ever, Fargo fully deserved the two it was awarded in not so well received The Reaping is anyone’s 1996 for Best Actress and Best Original Screenplay. guess. But before you immediately dismiss this The film is the story, marvellously told by the Coen as another scare-free “horror” film, just know brothers, of a car salesman, Jerry. This salesman, that the film is not without its moments, and played by William H. Macy, is strapped for cash and although everything is predictable almost to so hires two thugs to kidnap his wife for a ransom an annoying level, creepy moments do pop up from his rich father-in-law. Now if ever I heard a plan every now and then. Thankfully it’s a relatively which simply cannot go wrong, that’s it. short film too – only around 90 minutes – so if After the death of three people, Police Chief Marge you’re willing to bear the frustrating moments Hilary Swank is hungry for nose (Frances McDormand) starts investigating. She is for a few scenes that do truly pay off once in a not the clichéd wise-cracking super-cop found in so while, this might be the laid-back, thoughtless many films. In fact this film is, refreshingly, totally entertainment we all need occasionally. “This might be ance as Juliet’s on-and-off boyfriend and absent of cliché. She is a seven month pregnant, There are, of course, much better, much Christopher Lee’s talent is also wasted here: coffee-drinking woman who is in a genuinely loving scarier films out there, and there is nothing the thoughtless the 88 year-old veteran is somewhat involved relationship. She also happens to be a very intelli- original about the “haunted house” theme of in Max’s background story but that alone is not gent policewoman, as she painstakingly investigates The Resident. Creaky doors and odd noises are entertainment we all enough to justify his presence in the film. Pace the triple murder. From the outset, she is depicted as the least of Juliet’s (Swank) problems when she has hardly any dialogue, and what he has is a very human. Her encounter with the crime scene re- moves into her new, spacious New York flat; need occasionally” very clunky, tacky set of lines delivered uncon- minds us of this as she suddenly switches from hun- its pricing suggests that it’s too good to be true. vincingly by the weakest actor in the cast. gry to doubled over about to vomit and back again It is in fact, since Juliet is very soon stalked Both lead actors are more than qualified for a to hungry – the Coen brothers demonstrate that she by her psychologically troubled landlord Max Jokinen doesn’t spend much time trying to en- film like this and they quite easily breeze through is as vulnerable and hormonally maladjusted as any (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). Whenever she drinks gage the audience in a guessing game. Anyone their roles. Swank’s looks of absolute fear are pregnant woman. wine, sleeps, or takes a bath (these seem to be who has seen the poster will notice Morgan effective, as are her expressions of shock and Subtlety is this film’s watchword. The final mes- the only things Juliet ever does in her new flat), standing over Swank giving a scary, glaring disgust as she begins to discover the dark secret sage of Fargo is very easy to miss, and the tension there is a disturbed pair of eyes, combined with look. If that is not a dead giveaway, it’s hard to that surrounds her new flat. Morgan’s character and drama is not accompanied by massive crescen- heavy breathing following her through the in- know what is. Plus the film doesn’t even attempt has the tendency to show up out of nowhere, a dos from an overworked score. Instead, everything is tricately adjusted space behind the walls. to throw the viewers in the wrong direction well-worn technique used over and over again derived from the exquisite screenplay, providing great It’s a good thing first-time film director Antti with red herrings. We meet Max’s grandfather but oddly it works, largely thanks to the con- dark humour and excellent characters. As well as the (Christopher Lee) and although he is the classic fined and grim nature of Juliet’s New York flat. driven policewoman and the hapless car salesman, ‘creepy old man in a horror film saying ambigu- Max’s sexually frustrated, predatory actions are there’s the belligerent businessman father-in-law ous things that don’t make sense,’ it’s clear his captured well by the fragile-looking Morgan, and the two hired thugs. These thugs are another ailing body could not possibly keep up with psy- and so despite the limited depth to his character, highlight of the film. One, played by Steve Buscemi, chotic activities. Could the cause be supernatu- he keeps the tension going as much as possible is hilariously described as “kinda funny-lookin’” and ral? Nope, because even the trailer disproves thanks to bringing more to the screen than what gets increasingly wound up as the plot progresses. this theory. So the bottom line is, Morgan is the the script originally required of him. The other, Peter Stormare’s character, is depicted as villain and there is no tension surrounding it. The Resident marks the wave of films sign- a menacing psychopath who usually communicates Not a lot of explanation is given about Max’s aling the return of the Hammer Film Produc- through grunts and stares, and whose actions are state of mind and obsessive personality. A few tions Company, but as its comeback film, the almost exclusively threatening, violent or just down- rushed flashbacks of disturbing images, news- new horror doesn’t help its reputation. For an right unpleasant. The strained relationship between paper articles and ominous voiceovers try to organisation that once dominated the horror these two, typified by the one-sided conversation set up a history for him but it’s not enough. market in the past, it’s a disappointing effort, they have during the car journey to kidnap the wife, is To make an effectively disturbing psychopath, and doesn’t come close to capturing the goth- a memorable source of constant tension. there needs to be plenty of sound, logical ex- ic-type atmosphere their best films are known The real beauty here is the understatement of all planation, or none at all. Anything half-hearted for. Logic is the last thing you would find in the drama: there are no huge explosions, no fast- doesn’t work and begs the question of “why a mindless film like this one, and although paced adrenaline-driven car chases but it still man- bother?” A few references to Max’s messed up the gruesome final showdown that marks the ages to be a gripping and very human thriller laced childhood don’t explain a lot and are unimpres- film’s climax that we knew was coming from with dark humour. sive to say the least. For a guy who must have the start is a wholly acceptable one, it turns out been doing things like this for years, his meth- to be an unoriginal effort. It’s predictable, and Guy Needham ods can be shockingly careless at times, which despite the good performances of its absolutely adds up to more disappointment. spot-on cast, they are largely reduced to some- Take out the goddamn trash!!! Lee Pace makes a pointless cameo appear- thing entirely forgettable. FELIX Friday 11 march 2011 25
Fashion Editor: Saskia Verhagen [email protected] FASHION Tisci to replace disgraced Galliano? As rumours of Givenchy designer Riccardo Tisci as successor to the Dior throne grow, the industry reminisces about Galliano’s legacy: Saskia Verhagen reports
fter allegations of anti- “With few other mented that perhaps a ready-to-wear semitic and racial slurs collection was not a proper farewell against a couple in a designers considered for Galliano, “it was a pale testament Parisian café, and the re- to the extraordinary work the ateliers lease of a damning video his equal, his absence have done for Galliano over the past Aevidencing yet more abusive behaviour, 14 years. The proper tribute would ide- John Galliano was dismissed from his will be felt acutely; ally have been one of the Dior couture role as designer for Christian Dior last shows, where the extravagant drama of Thursday. Although the fashion world many have been the designer’s soaring imagination was has been rocked by the shocking events evenly matched by breathtaking work- leading to his dismissal, fashion month, sympathetic to his manship.” now at its tail-end, continued unhin- There is no doubt that John Galliano’s dered, and Galliano’s fi nal show at Dior demise” behaviour was unacceptable and that went ahead on Sunday. Dior CEO Sid- he is in need of help and rehabilitation ney Toledano prefaced the show with a for his problems with alcohol. Previ- speech about the values that Christian opportunity for change at the House of ous disgraces in the fashion industry, Dior has represented, asserting that Dior, and evolution of a brand is un- especially amongst its most brightly they would be preserved by “the heart avoidable and ought to be celebrated. shining stars, have not been uncom- of the House of Dior, which beats un- Galliano will still be sorely missed mon. Pictures released in 2005 of Kate seen… made up of its teams and studios, as one of the fashion industry’s real Moss snorting cocaine led to her being of its seamstresses and craftsmen”. It is heavy-hitters. With few other design- dropped from numerous advertising rumoured that these petites mains bore ers considered his equal in terms of campaigns; Galliano is now employing most of the brunt of this fi nal collection talent and infl uence, (Karl Lagerfeld, Gerald Tyrrell, the lawyer whose help whilst John Galliano was battling his Jean Paul Gaultier and Giorgio Armani Moss enlisted at the time. Tim Blanks problems with alcoholism. arguably make up the rest of fashion’s remarked, “The only precedent for this Following Galliano’s ignominious ‘old guard’) his absence will be felt situation is Coco Chanel’s post-war fall, rumours have become rife as to acutely; many have been sympathetic denunciation as a Nazi collaboratrice. who will be his successor. Amongst the to his demise. Says Suzy Menkes of Her exile from the fashion world lasted contenders are: Stefano Pilati, designer the International Herald Tribune: “The nine years.” at Yves Saint Laurent; Alber Elbaz, the pressure from fast fashion and from celebrated designer behind Lanvin; Ol- the instant Internet age to create ivier Theyksens, who has previously new things constantly has worn designed for Rochas and Nina Ricci; down other famous names. Marc and Haider Ackermann, whose most Jacobs, design director of Louis recent own-label collections have been Vuitton, ended a wild streak in received to much critical acclaim. The rehab. Calvin Klein famously frontrunner, however, appears to be rambled across a sports Riccardo Tisci, designer at Givenchy pitch and admitted to sub- – the label which John Galliano spent stance abuse. And the late two years designing for before moving Yves Saint Laurent spent to Christian Dior. Tisci will be familiar a lifetime fi ghting his de- with the large number of collections ex- mons.” Hilary Alexander pected at the great and historic design of the Daily Telegraph house, which turns 64 this year. Chris- was shocked at his be- tian Dior sends out two ready-to-wear haviour but added, “I am collections as well as two couture col- not for a moment excus- lections; most design houses no longer ing his behaviour. There create the expensive couture collections John Galliano at the end of his fi nal couture collection (below) for Dior will come a time when he that arguably maintain the essence of must confront the viper in the particular design house’s aesthetic. his breast. But right now, However, amongst the most traditional ligious, anatomical lime femininity. this is a moment in his life brands that still produce couture, which and deathly imagery. Despite this, there are when he needs support and include Valentino and Chanel, Givenchy Dior, on the other few doubts about Tisci’s love from the industry he remains one of them, which places Tisci hand, will require level of craftsman- has given his life to.” at huge advantage. some modulation of ship. Famed for his His swansong, how- Some commentators seem concerned the designer’s incli- notoriously painstak- ever, was disappointing. by this potential choice, however: nations towards the ing attention to detail, With only a few com- WWD claims that Tisci’s aesthetic is dark and brooding the “ultimate in arti- prehensive looks that “perhaps too dark and brooding for the aesthetic that he sanship and feminin- really paid tribute to global behemoth that is Dior.” His previ- has developed ity”, which Toledo Galliano’s talent and ous collections for Givenchy (far right) at Givenchy; paid tribute to in his mastery at Dior, his have drawn comments about his gothic Dior is a house speech, will certain- fi nal collection left fascinations, he himself cited Frida famed for ly be maintained. something to be de- Kahlo as an inspiration for his Fall 2010 traditional el- Whomever they choose, sired. Tim Blanks couture collection which contained re- egance and sub- however, this is an exciting at style.com com- 26 Friday 11 March 2011 FELIX
Games Editor: Simon Worthington
GAMES [email protected] Web Games Make games, it’s important! Each week we’re going to bring you a selection of fresh, free and fun web games that you can play right away in your browser. Unless otherwise specified, Michael Cook you’re going to need the Adobe Flash Player plug-in which can be installed from http://get.adobe.com/ IC.HACK began life as a partly-implemented flashplayer/. codebase for another game, called Dungeon- esque. I’d been writing it as part of TIGSource’s ‘VERSUS’ competition, where over sixty people developed games with a player-versus- Shellshock Live player element in the months of February and shellshocklive.com March. I had a three-hour train ride ahead of me, and I sat down with some sample code and bent it all into shape. A few hours later, I have day one of IC.HACK ready and some words for you to read. Hopefully you got a chance to play the game that came out of last week’s romping through videogame development. If you did, and if you read the articles that go along with it, you might have found things a bit lacking or hollow in places. That’s because game development is hard, and try as you might you can’t get much done in a week. I slashed everything I could out of the development schedule, and managed “Simon The Medic...”. Sigh, I WISH! to get some big, juicy core components into the game by the end of the week, but if last week’s articles achieved anything, it was merely to cedurally generated worlds of lego-like blocks, start on another pet project on the side. That’s Do you remember the DOS classic Scorched Earth or show that it could be done, not that it could be games that you control by shouting into a mi- a few weeks of spare time just archived in the like the idea of Worms but can’t condone the waste done well. crophone at different volumes, games about blink of an eye. of good fishing bait? If so, you’re gonna love this So why was I so eager to write these articles hosting orgies to gain in the stock market. So why do it? It might benefi t gaming, but multiplayer Flash artillery shooter. You and up to five and try and fi re up some interest in develop- As much as we might hate games like Farm- that’s not why you’re going to want to give up friends (or strangers) can battle it out in tanks, taking ment? It’s not because games development is ville and its ilk, they have a role in the world of your Saturday morning. Chances are you’ll do it in turns to fire all manner of bullets, grenades and an easy ride – it combines so many skills, from gaming – they bring new people in, teach them it because it’s fun. Surprisingly good fun. In even heavy drilling eqipment at each other. art to creative writing to programming, that to play with friends and help them feel happy to fact, every time I get a new prototype work- Rather disappointgly victory is awarded on points the chances of you being even average at all talk about games. The teen-focused worlds of ing or get a little dot moving on the screen for alone so there aren’t any exploding tanks to be of them are astronomically small – it’s because high-pace shooters (which I’m beginning to re- the sixtieth time that week, I get a little burst found, but watching foaming teenagers rage quit after having gamers make games is really important alise I am too slow to play any more) also help of excitement. That sense of botching things, the third subsequent air strike is satisfying enough. for the health of the gaming world. to keep gaming sexy and exciting to the world muddling through to success and solving the The weaponary on offer is varied and plentiful which I can’t think of a comparison that is suitably media. And the indie scene, always rumbling problems that come up along the way seems, means the classic issue of never getting to use the pretentious, but if I were that kind of guy I along underground no matter what goes on for me at least, to tap into the same reason I fun guns isn’t a problem here. Get some friends (or might liken it to speaking a language. As many elsewhere, is a furnace of exciting new ideas. enjoyed my degree work in the fi rst place. enemies) together for the ultimate experience. of you will know, particularly those for whom And it always needs more fi rewood. Not so much of a postmortem as a heart-to- English is not a fi rst language, keeping a lan- So it’s going to take a bit of sweat and tears to heart, eh? For more game development good- guage alive means using it often, bending it get close to a really good fi nished game of your ness, hook yourself up to the TIGSource com- into new shapes and fi nding new uses for it. In own, if you’re interested in such a thing, and munity at www.tigsource.com, and feel free the same way, we keep gaming fresh and lively IC.HACK is in no way an example of one of to e-mail me whenever for help, collaboration BattlePaint by having people hacking out insane ideas in those. In fact, since fi nishing IC.HACK I’ve put or commiseration – imperialgamedev@gmail. ironswine.com/play/1/battlepaint their spare time. Ideas that could never, ever, aside the project that spawned it – Dungeon- com. Thanks for taking part, and thanks to all ever work in a million years – but then do. Pro- esque – in a fi t of procrastination, so that I can those who e-mailed last week. A summer software success story
James McCormac tion yard. We were never quite sure what led them to this decision, but we do know that you Pandco Ltd. began life with a simple idea; they have a strong desire to get your construction wanted to change the world of gaming. And yard back… and you have a wrecking ball to after that idea turned out to be insane, they hand. decided to try and make a pretty good iPhone You smash as many fl oating balls as you can game instead. before your time runs out, being careful not In this top-down shooter, making a mess is the order Pandco was formed last summer because my to snap the wrecking ball’s string. Earn ‘hats’ of the day. The floor is splattered with the coloured brother had too much time on his hands, no to power up your wrecking ball (yay, another innards of every cube you rip into so the more it looks internship, and felt that forming his own lim- game to earn hats in) and unlock new power- like unicorn vomit the better you’re doing. ited company would be more productive than ups as you move up the ranks. If you are good The simple premise is brought to life by the graphi- recompleting Final Fantasy VII. The jury is enough you may even get to see the top rank, cal effects, and although the game starts pretty slow still out on whether he was right, but the re- and the mystery Easter egg that comes along the pace soon picks up as enemies appear in ever sult is that the world now has an awesome new with it! bigger numbers. Plus, you’ll feel the panic when ap- iPhone app called Hard Hats. The only way you will get close is by hard proaching enemies disappear amongst the colours! The basic idea of the game is that crazy fl oat- work, determination, and searching for ‘Hard ing balls have taken control of your construc- Hats’ in the App Store! Drinks Offer
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Food Editors: Dana Li Vicky Jeyaprakash FOOD [email protected] Gastronomical Musings Foodcycle: save food, save us Dana says: Ankoor Patel encourages you to get involved with them
his began when she said “Hey, Whole Foods Kensington are providing their I’ve got this lab report to fi nish kitchen and restaurant for the night and all the and I don’t have time to fi nish that wine for your meal. The dinner will be a culi- article for Felix. Can you throw an nary feast so don’t miss it! article together instead?” I joined FoodCycle ages ago when the group TAnd I said, “Yea, sure”. was just beginning at college and I had sud- F**k! Writing a Felix article is a lot harder denly “a lot of extra time in my week”. The than I thought! Are there times to ignore a hot idea behind FoodCycle was easy: get food blonde? Yeah, sure, this was one of them. But that would be wasted by shops, cook awesome I’m from Imperial and even after years of uni- meals with it and give those meals to people versity (eight!) I still haven’t learnt anything who need them. We’ve now served over 6,000 helpful. OK, enough whining! My granddad meals!! The average household chucks out always said, “Once you’ve put yourself in an £680 of food a year. (Do you remember that embarrassing situation you will fi gure out how awful fl at you once lived in? And remember to succeed.” This article won’t be witty but it’ll that guy who never cleaned his pots and left talk about a damn good idea and that should be half-eaten bowls of pasta?) The whole retail enough. I need to talk about FoodCycle. industry manages to waste almost 400,000 If all new mothers looked like this... FoodCycle is an odd group of super enthusi- tonnes of edible food. FoodCycle works with astic, super-students that fi ght crime and work shops to reduce the mountains of wasted food for humanity. You can see some members in from the retail industry. (Buy a raffl e ticket at After a week or two of general exclamation and dis- the union Every Sunday afternoon cooking tiny.cc/Aikensdinner!) gust, and a widely uttered question: “Would you, food for refugees. It is served to the refugees Cooking dinner for moi? Just dinner? But FoodCycle is more than feeding people wouldn’t you?”; The Icecreamists’ stock of breast on Monday at the Notre Dame Drop-in Centre and reducing food wastage. I joined because milk ice cream has been seized by Westminster in Leicester Square. And they love it. They re- it was something with open possibilities; you council because it’s “not safe”. I’m not sure about ceive stir-frys, curries, veggie bakes, biscuits, could do anything you want. You could throw you, but I judged silently as retweets and facebook fruit crumbles, salads… Did I mention it’s all massive parties to recruit volunteers, open a reports fl ooded my newsfeed. Excuse me as you try “FoodCycle is an veggie food? But it is good. (And we don’t ac- student restaurant or sell raffl e tickets to raise to prove your awareness of non-Imperial going-ons tually fi ght crime, see foodcycle.org.uk). funds. Find out more about Foodcycle on food- but I read the news on the day it was published. I odd group of super However, we are running a raffl e this week! cycle.org.uk where you can see all the other divulge... Tom Aikens, one of the biggest names in Lon- universities involved and learn how to play a Although the Baby Gaga delicacy (although I enthusiastic, super- don’s high end dining scene, will cook dinner signifi cant part in the operation. wouldn’t really say so myself) is no longer available for a few lucky winners on 21/03/11. His ser- thanks to the council (who knows, they might as well students that fi ght vices normally cost £150 but you can eat his be dudes who can’t be bothered to fork out for their food for as little as £5. Buy a raffl e ticket from fetish for bodily fl uids), I don’t think I would have. crime and work for tiny.cc/AikensDinner. Tom is not only donat- Buy your tickets to enter the raffl e at: You might as well suck it from the source. As long ing his time and experience but also all of the www.tiny.cc/Aikensdinner as you have consent... humanity” ingredients needed for your dinner. In addition, The producers of the dessert are well accustomed to the media glare. These are the people who made Sunday Lunch into a three-course sundae meal
for £16.99. Breast milk ice cream, no way in hell. Audrey Chew Matt O’Connor, founder of The Icecreamists, said well as the honey mustard herring in particular, he wanted to “create something with a real taste of gives a whole new meaning to taste and texture. Britain”. Breast milk ice cream, yeah. Mad about Scandinavia Seeing as how this is a Scandinavian eatery, Nigel Kheng Wei Hehn and Ricki you cannot dine without the world famous Calel review Madsen, a Scandinavian meatballs! Unlike typical IKEA meatballs, Danish ones are far more succulent and juicy. Look for this voucher every week to enjoy kickass restaurant in the heart of South Served with potato salad and deep fried carrots, waffl es at Waffl emeister for the next month and a Kensington this dish is the highlight of the day. Madsen’s half – you know you want to... next specialty is the fresh breaded plaice fi l- let. Fried to a tempting golden-brown shade, Getting tired and sick of the same old fast food? served on toast and topped with salmon and Here’s a change for your taste buds going into other seafood delights, it is a sheer stroke of the toughest second term of your life. perfection. The prawns, however, were less Madsen, the Scandinavian restaurant located fresh, but one can hardly blame them as almost in the heart of South Kensington answers all all prawns in the UK are of the frozen variety. foodie-related questions about our Northern Defi nitely try the beef patty on toast with pas- neighbour’s cuisine. teurized egg yolk. The yolk gives the tender With modern furniture and Scandinavian patty extra depth of fl avour and besides, who cookbooks neatly arranged on bookshelves, doesn’t like yolk? the red dining area coupled with blues mu- To complete your Scandinavian experience, sic gives off a relaxing and comfortable vibe. the Danish apple trifl e is a must that will an- Even before tucking in, it is hard not to notice swer all cravings for Christmas trifl e! Layers the impeccable food presentation. Their famous of stewed apple, cream and Amaretti biscuits Smushis (cold starters served on rye bread) are makes this the best way to end your meal. so delicious you wish that you could have it as your main too, especially the locally sourced Madsen Restaurant 20 Old Brompton Rd, Kassler ham selection that’s dressed with sim- London SW7 3DL. www.madsenrestaurant. ple salad crème. The selection of herring fi sh as com. 50% off at iconnectimperial.com Meatballs, where art thou in my life? FELIX Friday 11 MARCH 2011 29 FOOD The Health Service Omar Hafeez-Bore shows us how chicken is not just a fi nger lickin’ good sensation
veryone seems to love Nan- These are what defi ne the Nandos ex- dos. This makes actually perience, as much as the food itself. It writing about the place a is wondrous alchemy, a combination of health hazard, so violent small things that combine to make a reli- would the backlash be ably good eat-out. Efrom a negative piece. On the potential- But what really makes Nandos the trouble gauge used by Felix writers it jewel in the high-street crown, is the va- is only topped by ‘Doing a Review of riety of people who actually eat out at the Rector’s Face’. The situation for me this eat-out. Does any other restaurant is even more risky, living as I do with chain have as wide an appeal? Black one fl atmate who would inject peri-peri guys visit because it’s like the spicy Jerk sauce into his veins if he could, and two Chicken they love (Well, Chipmunk others who would happily settle for just says so) whilst health-conscious busi- showering in it. ness yuppies go because grilled chicken But I can deal with them. What I can’t fi ts in with their protein regime. Chil- deal with is the 20% discount Nandos dren adore the bottomless DIY drinks, gives to NHS staff. Is this some kind of teens treat it like a trendy upgrade of the unspoken governmental policy to attract fried-chicken shops they are used to and workers to the NHS? Or is Nandos just Pakistani families like the Halal meat positioning itself alongside Health as a used in over 50 of the 233 UK Nandos pillar of Britain; along with Education, restaurants. Military and Stephen Fry? Now I don’t Correction: Pakistanis love the Halal doubt that the discount leads to fewer meat. As a Birmingham-born-an’-raised deaths at the hands of distracted, spicy- (half-) Pakistani I actually lived through chicken-craving nurses. But the under- a major culinary revolution caused by lying message is clear: Nandos is not Nandos. Whilst previously the average merely a popular high-street eatery, but British Muslim’s experience of main- a cog in the machinery of society itself. stream chains was an intimate knowl- Under this kind of pressure it’s al- edge of McDonald’s fi llet-o-fi sh, the most easier to crack and just rip Nandos opening of a halal Nandos in the Paki- apart. I could be the cool, counterculture stani-packed Star City complex in Bir- hipster who is, like, so not mainstream mingham created a fervour never seen in his culinary taste. Or the broadsheet before or since. Whole communities food critic who judges restaurants would fl ock to the branch en masse as if against strange, metaphysical standards practising for pilgrimage. People would against which the actual food is too crass revel in being able to eat the non-veg- to consider. etarian option at a bona-fi de non-Asian Instead I ate at Nandos as just my restaurant. Wizened elders could drench normal awesome self. Being a thorough their chips in Extra-Hot and just pretend professional, I went three days in a row, it was an alloo curry whilst second gen- and consulted with Nasif Mahmood and eration youngsters could join in their of- Ali Kirresh, the famed Nandos Gurus. fi ce socials without having to get their I visited both the Bayswater and Shep- meat fi x from the kebab shop on the way herd’s Bush branches, and consumed in Who wants some chicken? I want some chicken. Give me some chicken. Buy me some chicken. Eat chicken now. home. And though everyone from KFC total about two whole chickens, a loaf’s to GBK have now jumped on the halal worth of garlic bread, a truckload of band-wagon, it is their original saviour chips and enough per-peri powder to be “Is Nandos just sauce is actually made from the African the Facebook groups made to argue they remain most loyal to. locked up for substance abuse. And you Bird’s Eye Chilli of Mozambique. This against the insensitivity of using Satan As far as high street chains go, Nan- know what? You can defi nitely have too positioning itself was a fi ery revelation to the Portuguese as a spokesman and all that, but guilt- dos is a success. It has sunk into the Brit- much of a good thing. community that settled there, who later ily they’d still go and choose Nandos ish palate slowly and steadily, without Or so I’ve heard. Personally I’d go alongside Health as headed to South Africa during the 20th chicken and Nandos comfort. compromising its reliably high quality, again right now if I could because Nan- Century gold rush, their spicy-chicken Because that comfortable atmosphere high-taste food. Most importantly, it is a dos. Is. Delicious. a pillar of Britain; recipes in tow. Still serving said recipes is something to be reckoned with. success enjoyed by all, and one hard to Like, crazy tasty. I hardly need to in 1987 was a place called Chickenland Do not underestimate the joy in being begrudge when the service is so friendly whip out the ol’ palette of adjectives, as along with in Johannesburg, which was bought able to pick your own sauces, and stand and its loyalty card is so rewarding. few reading this will need any descrip- by two impressed businessmen and re- them on the table like glass totems erect- As I started; everyone seems to love tion of the succulent, fl ame-grilled taste Education, Military named Nandos after one of their names ed in honour of your spice-hardiness. Nandos. And so they should. that Nandos has down pat. I might as (FerNANDO LOLZ!). Oh and appar- Nor undervalue the way you order food P.S. I am aware of the debate over well describe the colour red. Less well- and Stephen Fry?” ently ‘peri-peri’, as legend has it, was in units of chicken (1/4, ½ or whole), whether Nando’s chicken counts as known are the accessories to a meal a Portuguese boy’s mispronunciation of thereby removing the embarrassing eat- Halal by proper criteria, but have yet that are available; the spicy ‘perinaise’, the much loved chilli called ‘pili-pili’ in ing-out guessing game of which of the to investigate. This article is in no way the creamy mashed potato, the veggie (don’t forget to play the who-can-bite- Swahili. Good man. strange foreign words will actually give an endorsement of Nandos’ Halal-ility, pita mains and the choc-a-lot cake des- into-a-spoonful-of-frozen-yoghurt-for- I can confi rm none of this. But frankly, the biggest portion. And certainly do not only its deliciosity. sert (‘lovely’ according to my sauce- the-longest game!). if it was found out that Nandos chicken ignore the primal pleasure of eating with injecting fl atmate). Personally, I favour But the chicken is the thing, and that was fl ame-grilled in the fi res of hell by your hands in a rustic, wood-craft envi- Nandos nationwide. the frozen yoghurt machine due to my distinctive fl avour has its own legacy. the devil himself, people would still go. ronment, tapping into deep psychologi- (Ed - Just how we like it. I have an im- chronic, debilitating dairy addiction For a start the peri-peri powder and They’d feel bad and all, they’d ‘Like’ cal wells of warmth and homeliness. mense Nandos craving now...) STUDENTS! EN-SUITE ROOMS, STUDIOS AND SHARED FLATS AVAILABLE ACROSS LONDON. LIVE WITH FRIENDS OR ON YOUR OWN.
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Travel Editor: Chris Richardson [email protected] TRAVEL Breathtaking beauties of Bolivia I know you’d rather hear about cocaine, but instead Christopher Walmsley discovers some of the other countless wonders this fascinating country has to offer
All photos by Christopher Walmsley erhaps best known for its ex- it was perfectly coordinated with its se- ports, the landlocked South rene inhabitants, Andean Flamingos. American country that takes The next day saw us continue through its name in honour of revo- more Martian scenery that to me seemed lutionary Simón Bolívar is far more akin to the red planet than any Plesser known for its tourism. Indeed Hollywood depiction I’d seen. This was Bolivia does remain a rather unknown interspersed with seeing some putrid quantity to many outside of the narcot- geysers and a bath in a natural hot spring. ics trade. There is a story that Queen Then there was the Laguna Verde, with Victoria once avenged her embarrassed its pigment derived from copper miner- diplomat to the country, after realising als. Sadly I was beginning to take all of that it was far too inaccessible to attack, these fantastic natural wonders with a by simply declaring ‘Bolivia no lon- sense of normality. Driving on we saw ger exists’. Despite this snub and with more wildlife in the form of one of the a little notoriety gained from the book llama’s cousins, a group of vicuña lei- Marching Powder this country has be- surely ascending the rocky bank parallel come a well trodden destination on the to the Landcruiser. continent’s Gringo trail. Waking early on the fi nal day was Flying in to El Alto Airport, the high- magical. Leaving the cold lodgings est commercial airport in the world, is (completely constructed from salt) we a rather unique experience. Descent be- ventured on from the edge towards the gins, and suddenly appearing through middle of the Salar de Uyuni, and the the cloud below you is the mountaintop sun began to rise over the high altiplano runway that you feel comes out of thin casting stark, stretching shadows across air. And so a short drive down from the What were you expecting? A photo of Charlie Sheen banging 7 gram rocks? Well I’d like to see him bang some of these rocks... the crystallised white surface. This is the “Bolivia does remain “Sadly I was a rather unknown beginning to take all quantity to many of these fantastic outside of the natural wonders with narcotics trade” a sense of normality” plateau is La Paz. It is a city in a bowl, remains of a prehistoric lake, a salt des- surrounded by mountains, the most ert, completely white with only distant impressive of which being the snow Photoshop eat your heart out! mountains. It strips you of any sense of capped Mount Illuminati. distance or perspective, which inciden- As acclimatisation didn’t seem to have tally can be used to create some rather hit too hard (probably soothed by the novel photographs. After another long recommended local tea) we decided to journey back from Uyuni to La Paz and a press on south to the now desolate town squashed trip onwards to Copacabana in of Uyuni. This town was once the hub of a local minibus, the coast of the world’s rail transportation for the region as the largest navigable lake was reached: Lake mining industry channelled their goods Titicaca. This lake was the spiritual towards the Pacifi c. Its collapse left home of the once great Inca Empire, who Uyuni as a rather drab backwater, with believed that the island of the sun was one convenient benefi t that now attracts the birthplace of their most sacred god. 60,000 visitors every year: It is a par- Although the island is easily visible ticularly good base to start on an expedi- from the mainland, it took a dreadfully tion to see the great salt fl ats and lagoons long time to reach because the boats that Bolivia should be famous for. were frustratingly slow. The island itself There are some generic routes that I think they heard you were coming.... Most erotic lake name in the world? Step up Lake Titicaca is a rather harsh rocky outcrop littered these tours tend to take, and we chose with Inca ruins, sacrifi cial tables and one that would take three days, but in all. It’s easy to independently trek along reverse so that we would witness sun- resting place of the mining boom’s lo- For the next three days we traversed illusion of warmth, but several layers the rugged spine of the island, or take a rise over the vast white expanse of the comotives. It’s rather strange to look some of Bolivia’s most breathtak- were duly required to fend off the chill- detour to follow the coast before reach- salt fl ats on the fi nal day. Before ven- at these dilapidated vehicles: now they ing scenery, of arid rocky formations, ing temperatures. We ventured further ing the departure port village to watch turing into the wilderness the fi rst stop are nothing more than scrap, but in their doused with sand and sprinkled with south towards the Chilean border and another fantastic sunset. From here I was a short drive to the town’s outskirts day were the sign of modern technology sparse green shrubbery. The intense sun soon arrived at the Laguna Colorada. returned to the mainland and skirted to see the train ‘graveyard’, the fi nal penetrating the region. and deep blue sky may have given the With its waters surreally coloured red across the border into Peru. 32 Friday 11 MARCH 2011 FELIX
HANGMAN [email protected] Twatter To all; Grammer? and, SexyOsama69 spelling nerds You guys given up anything for lent? SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 The… King… Of… Suspense… Title is killing Every single thing written by this person ends, starts or includes an ellipsis. Liter- you isn’t it. ally… everything… is… so… suspense- ful… see how annoying it is? If you do I’ve given up Cleggman Are you a spelling and grammar Nazi? it, stop it. I can’t bear the suspense. You know what I mean. Do you judge What will the next part of the sentence The_Cleggomatortrontown <3 people when they use the incorrect spell- be? Will they eat ANOTHER doughnut? ing and grammar? Most of you probably They already ate three, one more would are, as you are intelligent. It wouldn’t be madness. make sense for someone who doesn’t know anything about a subject to lecture The grammar obsessive What? others on it. It would be like Colonel This person will rarely update their sta- SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 Gadaffi lecturing us on sanity (BOOM tus, write on someone’s wall or com- – TAKE THAT Colonel). I bet the sight ment on pictures. This is because they of “should of” when it actually should are not confident enough in their own say “should have” will cause you to go grammatical ability to actually commit into bouts of anger faster than Chris to clicking the share button. When they Did you guys hear something? Brown outside an award ceremony. I bet finally do, they realize an errant comma you cream yourself silly when you see “Nein! Nein! Nein! The titles are incorrect!” “Chillout and so they delete it. If they do bring SexyOsama69 an error while browsing the BBC news B&W Hitler, it’s intentional...” “NEIN!” themselves to keep it, they will use their website. Wow, you need to get laid. Or best friend, the star, to correct the error. at least start watching porn, I’m sure This is a completely normal thing to do. there is some out there that starts with I bet this is the most times you’ve seen *OCD thing to do. a teacher showing a class of 6ft 2” guys the word hypocrite (there’s another one) I’ve given up my bieber fringe and bleach blonde women how to use in a paragraph. The textspeaker Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! an apostrophe. One guy couldn’t get However, when a lecturer sends me a Y do u tlk lyk this. We r not 10. N dis is the concept, so she kept him after class. poorly worded email, or an email with not msn msngr. U luk lyk a fcking twat. Crazy thing is, she didn’t even explain it English that doesn’t quite make sense, I know you Most of the words are only one letter to him again. They just ended up having it denigrates (yes I used a thesaurus to all voted shorter. Why the fuck would that be in Noooo! We all agreed not to lose sex in 10 different positions. Weird... find denigrate, and what?) any intellec- any way easier or better. Is your time the Bieber fringe till after the Hangman for concert Some people are just very proud of tual point they are making. If a member that precious that the second you save their grammatical abilities. The type of of staff does this: point out the mistake, Felix Editor, is really worth looking like a dickhead SexyOsama69 person I am referring to is the type that correcting it in your reply. This email who wouldn’t? for? It doesn’t make you look street go out of their way to use a semi co- should be cc’d to the entire university What do you either; do you think gangstas update yeah, but I’ve lost my lon, as they feel like a grammar bad-ass and should end with “get your grammar mean I wasn’t their statuses with a smiley at the end? straighteners. Plus Bieber when they use one. game in check biatch.” Gotta keep it Do you? No, gangstas send out group doesn’t even have a bieber fringe When you think about it, it doesn’t hood... obviously. listed? That’s emails. anymore :( make any sense. Essentially, grammar It all depends on the scenario. If some- it, I’m going and spelling is just a bunch of made up thing is informal, it is acceptable to be all Gaddafi The f**king censoring c**t willyoujoinmymiliband? rules aren’t they. However, I, like you, lazy about full stops, capital letters etc. Example: “I can’t f-ing believe this am a hypocrite. I don’t mind being a People already do this, and there are dis- on this one (it s**t” hypocrite; we all are about something tinctive groups that they can be placed can’t be ‘too Let me see if I can crack your code. (BOOM, I used a semi-colon *does the into. I have done this for you, as that’s soon’ if it’s Is that supposed to say “I’m a gigantic I’m giving up my breakfast routine grammar bad-ass dance...) If you say just how I roll. The place to see this is, prickfeatures.” It wasn’t? Oh, well it that you are “not a hypocrite” then you where else, Facebook. So here are the still ongoing, fucking should have. Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! are a hypocrite about being hypocritical. types of Facebook users: right?) There has to be a mention for the person who puts “thinks” or “is” or some such in every status. They really are clinging Sprinkling coke on your special on to the past, but nostalgia has never K? hurt anyone. Except for that time I was thinking about the past in the middle of willyoujoinmymiliband? the road and got hit by a bus. Special mention also has to go to the name signer. As we couldn’t tell who it was from the name, or the photo next to The wife doesn’t want the kids to said name, or the fact that we actively catch on added you because we know who you are. So luckily their initials after the wall post helped clear up the confusion. DRUNKEN MATE OF THE WEEK There is a message to take away from Send your photos to [email protected]. this; grammar is important but it’s not the end of the world when someone For triple-WIN, send them to the Daily Mail misses out a comma. Holy shit did you just see that? I just used a semi colon Thom Yorke demonstrates the ‘grammar bad-ass’ dance (hat is optional) correctly! I am a grammatical badman. FELIX Friday 11 MARCH 2011 33
THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS Horoscopes Road sign takes Libyan Aries Taurus This week, you do a proper clean on This week, you’re getting all nuanced rebel by surprise your carpet. I mean, a shit hot proper job. and shit outside McDonalds when... You detergent the hell out of that bitch. What does “getting all nuanced” mean? You scrub it like it doesn’t know who its Phssst, if you don’t know THAT then daddy was. You use stain removal like I’ve got no time for you. It’s a swag East he’s bouncing on 22s on the West Coast. London term that you obviously aren’t You... You... take this joke too far. cool enough to have heard of. Gemini Cancer This week, you’re very aware of the This week, Barclays block your account space underneath your bed. As you’re ly- due to a security breach. When you fi- ing at night in the darkness, dark thoughts nally resolve the matter you find out that swirl in your mind about what could be fraudsters cunningly placed a live parrot hiding there. You hear a noise and pick on your shoulder. The parrot has recorded up the courage to take a peek. It’s Charlie all your information for the last 4 months. Sheen making out with P. Diddy... WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME!?!?! Leo Virgo This week, you’re really looking forward This week, you pick up your toaster and to the end of term. Especially because of your radio (who the fuck owns a radio?) the Royal Wedding. You get over-excited and head over to the bathtub to commit and cover your entire house in Union suicide. You jump in. Nothing happens. Jack bunting. Your housemates are an- You forgot to plug them in, douchebag. noyed but philosophical: “Hey, at least The Burger King Man finishes you off you didn’t shit on my pillow.” You did... with Charlie Sheen’s shrivelled balls. Libra Scorpio This week, you’re outside the JCR This week, you’re terribly upset about looking at people suspiciously. the quality of the candidates running DRUNKEN MATE <__< in the ICU Sabb elections. Not a single >__> one has got naked, covered themselves OF THE WEEK <__< in whipped cream OR showed up on my You silently fart. The wind blows it door ready and willing to go down on away. You win, again. me... I mean, goddamn! Sagittarius Capricorn This week, you’re hooked on the Union’s This week, it’s the morning, which isn’t live voting stats page when you notice particularly interesting or exciting. Ex- something disturbing. You literally have cept THIS morning there’s a gorilla on no life. You go on Facebook, no-one’s your bed. It’s wearing skinny jeans and on chat. They must be ‘outside’ or some- it wants you to go party in Brixton with thing. You cry, and click refresh. Oh a no- it. Before you can respond it jets off into tification! It’s a spam invite... Oh. outer-space. Damn happy pills... Aquarius Pisces This week, you’re smoking some crack This week, you’re queuing outside a on the Queen’s Lawn, when the Queen club when some girl pushes in front of comes over and starts bitching about you. You pull out a knife and stab your- “it’s my lawn” yadda yadda. You stand self. As you lie on the pavement, bleed- up, jab her in the eye and then deliver ing to death, you cry out, “FUCK YOU your killer line “Monarchy this” before BITCH!” At your funeral, the consensus Yeh! Who needs Transport for London anyway? Take that Bob Crow! Fuck the bus! This guy is rolling easy... kicking her in the face. is that it was a bad move... 34 Friday 11 MARCH 2011 FELIX Puzzles Editors: Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar PUZZLES [email protected] Last Week’s Solutions Crossword
The Serpent Across Down 1 2 3 4 5 6 6 7 8 9 1. Plant with dense clusters (8) 2. Of Sir Keith O’Nions (8) 1 9 10 11 9. Gratuitous (8) 3. Clear soup (8) 10 11 10 10. Genus of plants having 4. Hawaiian island (4) 12 11 2 3 4 8 12 13 spiky leaves and/or purple 5. Hormone secreted by isles of fl owers (8) Langerhans (7) 1311 12 14 15 5 6 7 14 15 16 11. Do not precisely describe 6. Identical person (4,6) 12 13 14 (8) 7. Campaign on paper (8) 17 12. Gin and vermouth based 8. Requested date (5,3) 181316 1417 20 18 1915 2016 22 drink (3,7) 13. Priority (5,2,3) 28 27 26 22 21 20 19 18 15 16 17 18 19 21 14. Stretched 24 (4) 15. Passing reference (8) 30 29 25 24 23 15. Hypersensitivity reaction 16. Attack furiously (8) 2217 23 182426 20 19 25 28 (7) 18. Not doing anything (8) 31 17. Opposing (7) 19. Mirror-like (8) 21 22 21. Walk impeded by physical 20. Car manufacturer (7) 2620 3021 31 32 3322 23 32 39 40 41 42 limitation (4) 24. Transportation vehicle (4) 22. Decider (3,7) 23 24 34 33 38 43 23. Typify (5,3) 24 25 25 25. Texas city (8) 34 35 36 37 44 45 26. Broadcast (2,3,3) 26 27. One of group of beauty and 26 39 27 hygeine products (8) The red square contained the number 26. The Imperial campus map shows that 26 corresponds to the Queen’s Tower, where the Editor was being held. Nonogram Wordoku Word Wheel 3 4 P A 1 TARGET: 14 1 2 3 1 6 8 1 4 2 R U 3 3 4 2 13 42 77 6 6 7 P Make as many words of at least 2 3 4 5 6 4 letters as you can, always using the U N 1 1 3 central one. NO plurals, conjugated 8 verbs, comparatives or superlatives, O L 4 because I said so.. There is always at 3 1 2 7 least one 9 letter word. 3 3 4 7 1 3 9 1 8 3 2 7 1 5 2 4 3 This week’s wordoku is one of the most hilarious things 5 3 you have ever seen. Alas, I can only communicate in num- bers due to too many equations. Daily Cryptic – Monday Battleships 10 42 33033 1 QN UA RE RS OT WI O N DS WC AR FI FP LT E 2 ~ UE E OX E OP N RP E OP R NE E OL II N Ahoy mates, battleships is here for fans of pirate 3 AC HS AP EP NE RI OC AN FE E TS QE RU II AD based logic. You have to fi t all of the ships to the 1 x Aircraft Carrier NT A OS S GR V HR T FR N II II MT A MI right into the grid, with one piece taking up one 1 square (so the biggest ship takes up four squares AT ST UT NR A MC TI A ME OS PN OS UO OS EN in a row, either vertically or horizontally). The 2 RI E NB E FT R DA P NR S AO T LC E LG numbers outside the grid indicate how many piec- T ES DO CI UI MA TB AL SE H MT RI AR YT EH es of ship are in that row or column. Ships are 2 2 x Battleship AY AI GB OR OS A BL NT ER RI HO AI SA TY SY not allowed to touch, not even diagonally.Some CI A NR OC HN AE RE YT UE LR YN RI TI SY TS squares have been fi lled in for you, with waves of 2 ~ the sea where there defi nitely is no ship. ~ UT AT OA AC HE TE RI LY C RL NA WR MI AS AS 2 MH UE MX EI RC UA NS AL OT PU TS CI MA AN LY 3 x Cruiser WE UF PI HE ER UY KE MA NI TP AT UI ER VA LS Apple Higher 3 NA OP OA RS TE HY ER OI DO SI SE VI NE AL TI Education Store AR DP NU R TS OH TV UI ON OI TR DI SA SA OE 1 apple.com/uk/go/save RT OT TS TE ET RS FE UE MO PG Y RP ES AU NM 2 ~ 4 x Destroyer FELIX Friday 11 MARCH 2011 35 PUZZLES
FUCWIT The Felix University/College-Wide League Leader Board Invitational Tournament League Nonogram - Police me is new and improved, with prizes TTeams:eams: for both the winning team and the winning individual. I “Am” Squidhead 182 1 1 3 Points will be awarded per indi- 1 1 1 1 2 Big Gay Al 108 vidual puzzles solved. The first 2 3 Killuminati 58 person/team to send in a correct 1 1 1 1 1 2 3 1 1 answer for a puzzle will receive 2 points per puzzle. After that peo- 2 3 1 1 1 1 1 7 4 1 1 2 1 1 ple who send in correct answers 2 1 2 1 1 2 1 1 1 2 1 1 4 5 2 IIndividuals:ndividuals: will be awarded 1 point per puz- zle. Double points are awarded for Sahil Chugani 81 cryptic crosswords. 1 1 1 Shadi Sharbain 51 Send your solutions to: [email protected] 1 1 1 Wael Aljeshi 45 for points galore! 2 2
1 1 1 Going Underground 4 3 3 Each letter in the alphabet is assigned Underground station) the sum equals the 3 a number value between 1 and 26 (see total shown. Send the Underground sta- table) and when added together for a tion that is hidden each week to puzzles. 7 specific word (or in this case specific [email protected]
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 2 1 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 2 1 1 So which London tube station sums to? 2 1 1 ______= 50 9 3
1 3
13
SLITHERLINK 1 1 1 1 3 22 2 2
1 2 The cells in a grid have to be coloured The numbers measure how many un- If you stare at it long enough, a funky, or left blank according to numbers at broken lines of filled-in squares there amusing or incomprehensible pattern 2 1 3 3 1 2 the side of the grid. are in any given row or column. may appear. Have fun, y’all! 1 2 212 1 2 3 221 2 2 1 2 31222 322 22 2 2 22 311 2 31 1 3 2
If you’ve ever played minesweeper, then around it. Lines can never cross! In the you should be able to understand this end, you will end up with a closed loop. puzzle. The number in each box repre- Just have a look at the solution on the By Outi Supponen sents the number of lines that can exist opposite page. 36 Friday 11 MARCH 2011 FELIX Puzzles Editors: Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar PUZZLES [email protected] Last Week’s Solutions NumberCross ChessSoc Chess Anagrams
Find the anagrams 21 and the letters in the Daily Cryptic – Tuesday positions underneath 8 1 21 spell out a related word. Aren’t y’all N A R R O W O N S C R I P T E 8 3 5 32 lucky? E E O E P N P E P R E E L I N 1. HICTAPTAE C H A P E R O N E E S Q U I D 5 6 0 5 24 5th, 8th T A S S R V R T R N I I T A I A T T R A C T A M O N S O O N 9 2 31 2. YTDOILRA R E B E T R A P R S O T C E G 3rd T S O C I A B L E H M I R T H 9 1 1 24 3. GADNUIL A A B O O A L T R R O I A Y Y 4th, 5th C A N O N A E T E R N I T Y S 7 7 31 U A O C H E R Y C L A R I S S 4. PAGORTANSIC- M E X I C A N L T U S C A N Y RINT E U I E R U E A I P T I R A S 37 32 24 28 16 26 24 7th, 15th N O O S E Y R O O S E V E L T 5. ZOSENO The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. A P U R S H V I N I R I A A E 1st The numbers in each row add up to totals to the RT T S E T S E UE MO G Y P S U M right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals White to play and win ANSWER: along the bottom. Daily Cryptic – Wednesday The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. GO!
T A I L O R S O B C S P A D E C O T A Sincere O B R E A D T H R N R E E L A I A H E A D Apologies P G C S P O T A I S L O T H O U T E M P T A I M P A S S E R 3 B R O O M P R R U L E R V P R O V E R B S glorious P A S T A S X O B E S E O O N A I L X G L tube W A L T Z T S A G U E station to D A E P I S T L E C E C U E O A A L E T decipher R YT ES E T KS NE UI OG HG YT P S U M In Friday’s issue of The this week! Daily Felix, the grid for the Cryptic Cross- Daily Cryptic – Thursday word in the Sports Section was printed S U B E D I T M A N T R A P incorrectly. 1. 3. 5. I E I H U A A E This was no M A E L S T R O M 10M O V E R fault of either 2. 4. Ans I F M E E I U the Puzzles 11L L A M A 12A N H Y D R 15O U S Editors or the E L N T O 14 L I Sports Editors. 151316 P 1417O P T H 18E Q 1915U E 2016S T I O N I wholeheart- 3. 4. 5. edly apologise A L N S C 21G for this mis- 2217C A T H 23E R 1824I N 19E W 25H E E L 20 take and I will H A N A E A A endeveaour 2620I N F R 21I N G E R 22M A 23S O N to ensure L F D R A 1. T I that it is not 24L I E G E 25A D E P T N E S S repeated. The crossword has E T A R S I R I been reprinted 26S C A R L E T 28 T E C H N I C with the cor- This shell, used as a form of A big, blue gemstone. It’s Also known as Hades, god rect grid this currency in Africa, once held pretty! of the underworld in Greek week (Page the life of a sea snail. mythology. His domain holds 35). the precious metals. Editor CLASSIFIEDSFELIX Friday 11 MARCH 2011 37
To place a free advert, please Felix accepts no responsibility for items/services bought/sold email [email protected] Deadline for adverts is Tuesday midnight ACCOMMODATION TUTORS LOVE
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Sports Editors: Jovan Nedic David Wilson SPORT [email protected] Felix Sports League sponsored by Guilds rugby Team P W D L F A Diff Index 1 Fencing W1 9 9 0 0 1210 607 603 5.00 2 Fencing M1 10 10 0 0 1229 919 310 5.00 day trip 3 Table Tennis M2 11 11 0 0 156 31 125 5.00 4 Water Polo W1 8 7 1 0 102 24 78 4.63 5 Volleyball M1 11 10 0 1 22 4 18 4.18 6 Volleyball W1 11 10 0 1 21 4 17 4.18 to Oxford 7 Basketball M1 12 10 0 2 917 735 182 3.50 8 ICSM Netball W1 12 10 0 2 493 312 181 3.50 9 Lacrosse M1 11 9 0 2 154 85 69 3.36 Max Joachim portantly for Messers Joachim, Jinks and Hill, tries to close the gap to 24-10 but soon after 10 Tennis M1 12 9 1 2 84 60 24 3.25 C&G Rugby no toilets. The game fi nally got underway after O’Connell took his chance to seal his hat-trick. 11 Table Tennis M1 12 9 1 2 84 60 14 3.25 C&G 44 - 29 Balliol College a two hour delay. It soon became clear that both Balliol still didn’t give up but the fi erce C&G 12 Basketball W1 9 7 0 2 464 348 116 3.00 teams wanted to play fast-fl owing rugby with defense held fast, led bravely by Jinks who 13 Netball W1 13 10 0 3 546 367 179 2.92 After a convincing win over the RSM last term, the C&G having the upper hand in the fi rst half made a number of crunching tackles. 14 Squash W1 11 8 0 3 31 12 19 2.55 the City & Guilds RFC took on Balliol College, scoring another 3 tries by Nicholas Johnstone Tries by Ridler and Tom Beswetherick round- 15 Hockey M1 12 8 1 3 46 25 21 2.50 Oxford in the annual Gin match. It was to be and two tries by Scotsman Michael O’Connell ed off a 44-29 victory for the mighty C&G, not 16 Rugby M1 14 10 0 4 344 191 153 2.43 a day of records; the most number of referees who added an extra two points with a diffi cult before a third referee was brought into the fray. 17 Hockey W1 13 9 0 4 67 24 43 2.23 seen in a rugby match and the greatest number drop-goal conversion. The victory meant that C&G remain unbeaten 18 Lacrosse W1 9 6 0 3 110 64 46 2.00 of bottles of Gin drunk in one evening. The au- At half-time with C&G leading 24-0, the ref- this season. 19 Table Tennis W1 6 4 0 2 20 10 10 2.00 thoritative word of vice-captain Graeme Ridler eree who was also the Balliol captain decided Man of the Match went to Jinks whilst Chris 20 ICSM Football M1 9 5 1 3 28 18 10 1.67 stated that the team would meet at 11.50am to get in on the action and handed over referee- McGeough reclaimed his beloved ‘distinct- 21 ICSM Hockey W1 20 10 3 7 54 48 6 1.40 only for Ridler himself to arrive late. ing duties to another player. The second half ly average performance’ trophy. Johnstone 22 ICSM Rugby M3 10 6 0 4 252 266 -14 1.40 Upon safe arrival in Oxford, we swiftly made was a much tighter affair with the hosts fi nally snatched the Twat of the Match award for at- 23 Football M1 13 7 1 5 34 20 14 1.31 our way to the ground only to discover that no putting together some good moves. Strong run- tempting a ridiculous drop-goal kick, a trait he 24 Badminton W1 13 7 1 5 44 60 -16 1.31 changing rooms were available and, more im- ning by their 8 and 10 saw them dot down two has inherited from his brother. 25 Hockey M2 12 5 3 4 22 26 -4 1.25 26 Football W1 7 4 0 3 19 19 0 1.14 27 Tennis W1 7 4 0 3 42 42 0 1.14 28 ICSM Hockey M3 7 4 0 3 11 27 -16 1.14 29 Netball W3 9 5 0 4 291 217 74 1.00 30 Hockey M3 11 4 3 4 17 13 4 0.91 31 Badminton M1 11 4 3 4 44 44 0 0.91 Ice Hockey: Double win for 32 Fencing M2 10 5 0 4 1122 1128 -6 0.90 33 ICSM Hockey M1 10 5 0 5 25 20 5 0.50 34 Netball W2 12 6 0 6 445 483 -38 0.50 35 Badminton M2 10 4 1 5 43 37 6 0.20 B team against Cambridge 36 ICSM Hockey M2 11 3 3 5 19 29 -10 0.09 37 ICSM Netball W2 11 5 0 6 341 360 -19 0.09 38 Squash M4 6 2 1 3 8 7 1 0.00 Will Mason fell foul of the referee for physical play, but de- tone for the match. This was followed up with 39 Ice Hockey M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 Ice Hockey spite three separate penalties the Devils refused 3 more in the fi rst period; by scorers Jones (40), 40 ICSM Football M3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 IC B’s 5-3 & 6-1 Cambridge to concede on the Penalty Kill. With the fi nal Liljegren (23) and Barakat (11) again. 41 Lacrosse W2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 penalty ending in the third period the Devils A confi dent fi rst period, but the Devils were 42 ICSM Football M2 5 2 0 3 14 16 -2 -0.40 The Devils were confi dent going up against the were back to 5 men and had an opportunity to determined to score again and maintain mo- 43 Fencing W2 10 4 0 6 1142 1170 -28 -0.40 bottom-of-the-league Cambridge, but remained make up for the goal-less second period. Sadly mentum unlike the previous game. Wise words 44 Fencing M3 10 4 0 6 1146 1201 -55 -0.40 cautious after their previous close call with Ox- this was not the case as the Devils slowly dis- from Dolan and Runcorn saw the team with 45 Football M3 11 3 2 6 22 30 -8 -0.45 ford Women’s. integrated from lack of energy. Unnecessarily the bit back between their teeth and ready for 46 ICSM Badminton W1 9 2 2 5 32 46 -14 -0.67 The game saw the Devils with the fi rst 3-line long shifts and sloppy changes were causing Cambridge who appeared to have just warmed 47 ICSM Badminton M1 10 3 1 6 24 56 -32 -0.70 roster this term, and some changes to the indi- the Devils to lose focus and Cambridge seized up for the second period (much like before). 48 Squash M3 9 3 0 6 17 26 -9 -1.00 vidual lines. This clearly paid off as the Dev- the chance using a breakaway to outskate the The Devils maintained the upper hand but play 49 Tennis M2 10 2 2 6 40 79 -39 -1.00 ils’ fi rst line opened with a goal by Liljegren Defence and score. Still in the lead, this did not was slowly degrading into coarse physical con- 50 Hockey W2 12 3 1 8 13 41 -28 -1.25 (23), assisted by Barakat (11) and Nolan (53), 1 serve the wake-up call the Devils needed and tact and bad passes. Defender Matt Nolan (53) 51 ICSM Rugby M1 11 2 1 8 144 427 -283 -1.82 minute into the fi rst period. The game was still Cambridge managed another shortly before the fought through to score his maiden goal of the 52 Water Polo M1 3 0 1 2 23 30 -7 -2.00 open and both teams were still learning the play game was out. Overall, a win for the Devils; but season, but this spurred Cambridge on. The Ref 53 ICSM Rugby M2 12 2 1 9 200 438 -238 -2.00 leading to a goal for Cambridge after a defen- with the negative goal difference from the Spit- appeared to turn a blind eye to the girls’ indis- 54 Rugby M2 14 3 0 11 194 356 -162 -2.07 sive mistake. Line changes were occasionally fi res still against us a 5-3 win was not enough. cretions and there were cries from the bench 55 ICSM Hockey W3 5 1 0 4 4 17 -13 -2.20 fumbled, but the Devils’ Forwards took advan- Player of the match was given to Goalie, Gem- of foul play but the Devils soldiered on until 56 ICSM Hockey W2 10 2 0 8 21 42 -21 -2.20 tage of the more inexperienced Cambridge De- ma Bale (84). a forced defensive error let Cambridge put one 57 Rugby M3 10 2 0 8 71 357 -286 -2.20 fence to dominate the play. The Devils racked A hand-picked team of two lines with the con- in. Outraged the Devils next line took to the 58 Hockey M4 11 2 0 9 15 32 -17 -2.36 up 4 more throughout the fi rst period by Wal- fi dence of a previous win under their belts and ice and scored in return, a hat-trick for Barakat 59 ICSM Badminton M2 6 1 0 5 16 32 -16 -2.50 ther Buel (87), Grabham (80), Barakat (11) ably supported by Bench Coaches Matt Dolan (11). 60 Squash M2 12 2 0 10 16 44 -28 -2.50 and Jones (40). Constant pressure prevented and Tim Runcorn (numbers 28 and 36 of the Incensed, Cambridge took to dirty tactics tar- 61 Rugby M4 8 1 0 7 59 325 -266 -2.88 Cambridge from leaving their zone and setting A-Team, the latter also club President) stepped geting center, Liljegren (23), and holding her 62 Football M2 12 1 0 11 14 36 -22 -3.25 up any play, odd breakaways were ably turned on to the ice with the game in their hands. Im- down on the ice. As the non-checking league 63 Squash M1 7 0 0 7 5 30 -25 -4.00 away by Devils’ Defence. mediately the Devils could sense Cambridge’s the Devils were unsettled by rough play and 64 ICSM Netball W3 9 0 0 9 186 352 -166 -4.00 Cambridge came back in the second period trepidation and despite their attempts to hide were not used to fi ghting as commonly occurs 65 ICSM Netball W3 7 0 0 7 134 257 -123 -4.00 with a new-found energy and challenged the it the Devils pounced. Another early goal for in A-Team games. However, they held their 5 points for a win | 2 points for a draw | -4 points for a loss Devils far more. Play went end to end and the Imperial, Barakat (11) scored on a breakaway own and would not be dragged down, nor con- puck was heavily contested. Devils’ Forwards after 4 minutes of fairly open play to set the cede again for the rest of the game. FELIX Friday 11 MARCH 2011 39 SPORT Guido’s 60 Varsity – College Cryptic Crossword 1,485 Second Pit Stop spirit at its best 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Well what else did you guys expect to see next week. 9 10 10 Medic Basketball Yes it’s that time of year again when the College does battle with Favourite sporting motto? “some of Britain’s best young brains 11 12 12 15 It’s not the size of the dog in the in the process of getting smashed fi ght but the size of the fi ght in the out of their heads”, to quote the dog. Daily Fail. What a bunch of pricks 1316 1417 1418 1915 2016 15 16 – Daily Mail guys, not the Medics. Who’s your sporting idol? What the hell did they expect to see 17 21 Lance Armstrong when they went to a students’ union, everyone having a cup of prune juice 182217 19 23 20 1824 19 25 21 How important is Varsity to you? whilst reading the latest revelation 22 Could it be described as being of why Britain is falling apart in their season defi ning? so called paper? If the Daily Mail 262320 21 23 24 22 23 Varsity is defi nitely important es- did Universities, they’d be shit. By pecially this year we have a very the way, I know this happened ages strong team and we hope we can ago, but it was just brought up in the 2524 25 26 give the 1st team boys a run for offi ce and it got me going! But I di- Hong Chen their money. Birmingham beat Ar- gress. senal in the Carling cup so noth- I’m sure you all know by now that Sum up how your progress over ing is impossible. Having said next Wednesday is going to be the 2627 28 the season has gone so far? that our season has been one of biggest sporting day in Imperial’s It has been one of the better years the best in years so we are very calendar. A day of witty banter, on Across Down for the medics this year. So far we proud of what we have achieved the most part, mega phones and 1. Middling retrospective, faded musical 1. Spray scattered to mines (7) stand 3W 2L and still have 2 more so far. bottles of celebratory/commisera- ditty (7) 2. Somehow sold mace to one living pre- games to play. tive port, topped off with a game of 5. Of course villain to manifest (5) cariously (8) Prediction for the result? rugby which, let’s face it, has to be 9. Hide inside and evade Ismaili, with 3. Projection of a wise man (5) How do you prepare for a match? Close one. 61-60 Medics with a better than last year’s performance. rational belief in God (5) 4. Just fail to break down recession brief Get the squad together, refs, peo- buzzer beater 3-pointer. The Stoop hasn’t got a clue what is 10. Left inside group of guys, time for (4,5) ple to table and an email to men- coming its way. allowance (9) 5. Do not participate in operation hustle tally prepare the squad. Is there more pressure to achieve And to all of you who enquired 11. The thing (7) (6) a result at Varsity than any of about the lovely Lindsay Hennah, 12. Drain southern and northern cup of 6. Corrupt central collection for letter (7) Favourite pre and post match your other games? you can fi nd her in Ethos on Wednes- tea (7) 7. Go bad with gold revolver (5) meal? No, we go in every game with the day. 13. Happy, positive argument (10) 8. Improved, one tangoed around Vatican Pasta of any sort/beer after beer same mentality to not cloud our Jov 15. Extraordinary individual in revolution- (8) (especially when we win=D) judgements. ary Nevada city (4) 14. Gain courage, when Mortal Kombat 18. Silly day behind (4) ends, perhaps (4,5) What tune do you listen to get Do you feel that the rugby match EVENTS 20. Transport for fish food (10) 16. Mistaken trade aid broadcast (8) psyched before a game? overshadows the other sports? 23. European fixes shingle (7) 17. Incomprehensible delinquency envel- In Flames - Episode 666 I don’t think it overshadows but BOXING: “The real 24. Test for mathematics and a fruit (7) oping street (8) it’s defi nitely a highlight of the day. 25. Position again restriction for boutique 19. Japanese fish first composer of the- How have you built up good team University Challenge: UCL (9) matic music (7) spirit amongst your players? Thoughts on ‘grazing’ becoming vs Imperial College” 26. By convention, we youth! (5) 21. Flatter an instrument up and gone (7) Reminding them to stay focused, an international sport? Friday 18th March 27. Until now, one’s abominable creatures 22. Mistakes for girl, say (6) regular socials after practice and I have no idea what you are talking St. Pancras Gym (5) 23. Primitive organ for cathedral city miss- winning games. about. 19:30 28. High-flier to ambush with simplicity, ing top (5) say (7) 24. Place to sit around 50 notes (5)
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Saturday 5 March Wednesday 9 March Women’s 1s 2 TABLE TENNIS Monday 14 March Varsity 2011 is less than one week away! Varsity is the annual event King’s College 1s 1 FOOTBALL ULU BASKETBALL Men’s 2s 12 NETBALL which pitches Imperial College against Imperial Medicals in all man- Men’s 2s 13 Women’s 1s 78 University of Chichester 1s 0 Women’s 2nd vs LSE 3rd ner of sporting activities on Wednesday 16th March. London South Bank University Roehampton University 1s 23 LACROSSE 1s 0 Men’s 1s 8 Saturday 12 March Wednesday 16 March Sporting activities will be taking place throughout the day with the fi - FOOTBALL Swansea Men’s 1s 5 FOOTBALL ULU FENCING nal event pitching the two rugby fi rst teams against each other taking Men’s 3s 2 Mens 3s 1 Men’s 1st vs UCL 1st Men’s 3rd vs UCL 2nd place in the evening at The Stoop, the home ground of professional Royal Holloway 2s 1 Brunel University 5s 1 NETBALL rugby team, Harlequins. Women’s 2s 36 Men’s 2nd vs Royal Holloway FOOTBALL Men’s 4s 1 HOCKEY Queen Mary, University of Men’s 1s 3 Imperial Medicals 3s 41 3rd Men’s 4th vs SOAS 1s The match kicks off at 19.30 and sources at Sport Imperial have London 2 RUMS 1 infomed us that there are still some tickets available for the game. Women’s 3s 44 Sunday 13 March Men’s 5th vs UCL 5th Men’s 7s 0 Men’s 3s 7 Brunel University 6s 23 LACROSSE Tickets can be bought online from the Imperial College union web- King’s College 5s 5 Royal Holloway 2s 3 Mixed 1st vs Royal Holloway site. Be sure to snap yours up before they all sell out for this show- TABLE TENNIS 1st piece event which only occurs once a year! HOCKEY ULU Men’s 2s 5 Men’s 2s 10 LSE 1s 5 University of Kent 2s 7 Dave ISSUE 1485 11.03.11
SPORT Felix Sport sponsored by IImperialmperial ssmashesmashes iitt aatt UUniWakeniWake
Elisabeth Burks ing improvements – watch this space! Intermediate Men’s saw Tim ‘Timmy’ Imperial’s Wakeboarding society com- Thio placed very respectably in sec- peted at local waterhole Liquid Lei- ond. Antoine Desmet, our only com- sure on March 2nd against eight uni- petitor in the Advanced category, was versities. With 100 students hitting up against some stiff competition. the water in less than comfortable Although his fl at water tricks are the temperatures – the competition took real deal, his 180°s off the kickers real dedication to the sport. Imperial didn’t cut the mustard, shame. brought eight people to compete in- As the sun was setting, the Wakes- cluding two girls (good ratio). kate category started. Picture being In the Beginners Men’s category, towed by the cable on a large skate- social secretary Gary Willis showed board around a lake. This is not some- he was more than just a pretty boy thing the team have been familiar in retro 80s jackets. Pulling some with. Still, no strangers to try the new sick moves on the kickers and a few and wacky Jan Jachnik, Gary and Tim tasty boardslides, he came 1st in the gave it a go. Jeered on by the rest of category. In the Beginners Women’s the team – these guys just went for it! we had two riders – Danielle ‘the They may not have been spectacular nutter’ Barnes and myself. Danielle but they were the most entertaining safely landed the funbox, but sadly ones out there! So fi nally, Timmy also the allocated time for this round of won a bonus award for Most Entertain- the competition had closed and it ing Photo of the Day – don’t try this didn’t count towards the judging. No one at home, kids. Join Wakeboarding placers here but still some promis- instead! C&G Rugby defeat Balliol: Page 38 Guido’s 60 Second Pit Stop – Medic Basketball: Page 39
SCIENCE POLITICS MUSIC TRAVEL HANGMAN
AARGGGH THE END We can learn from Odd Future are All that white stuff Do the ‘grammar IS COMING! Cuba’s health taking over the world: in Bolivia isn’t just bad-ass’ dance: Or is it?: Page 9 system: Page 14 Page 22 cocaine: Page 31 Page 32