EVERYBODY POOPS, EVERYBODY DIES: PICTURE BOOKS AND DEATH

By

LAURA INGLIS-EICKMEIER

Integrated Studies Project

submitted to Dr. Robert Runté in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of

Master of Arts – Integrated Studies

Athabasca, Alberta

September, 2013 Abstract

That every living thing dies is an unavoidable part of the life cycle. But when children inquire about or encounter death, the adults in their lives frequently struggle with how best to handle the subject. Providing guidance to struggling parents, teachers and caregivers is the goal of this work. Bibliotherapy is commonly used by counsellors and therapists, however the scholarly work in this field is not readily accessible to parents, teachers and caregivers. These adults do, however, frequently use picture books to help children understand a wide variety of topics. Everybody Poops, Everybody Dies argues for the use of picture books dealing with death in discussions about death with children. The author developed a web-based (Pinterest), searchable social media resource of picture books dealing with death. This annotated bibliography is categorized by the type of loss experienced (for example, “Death of a Grandparent”, “Death of a Friend”, “Death of a Pet”) or by theme (for example, “Religion”, “It’s Okay to Cry”, “Funerals”, Starting the Conversation”). This categorization will help adults to customize their search and choose books which are specific to the situation the child in their care is facing. The weblink to this resource is included in the paper. Textual analysis was performed, investigating the use of the first and third person in the texts, gender in children’s books about death, and the use of anthropomorphic animals. Suggestions for further research and fiction writing are included.

2 Table of Contents

Title Page!!!!!!!!!!1 Abstract!!!!!!!!!!2 Table of Contents!!!!!!!!!3 Appendix !!!!!!!!!!28 References!!!!!!!!!!42

3 Asking

“Do you have a grandma?”

!Such a simple question, but, when uttered by my three year old daughter, one that filled me with terror. “Yes”, I answered, hesitantly.

!The inevitable response, “Where is she?”.

!I paused, “She died and now she is in heaven.”

!A few weeks later, my daughter was in the running stroller as I worked my way up a hill. “Why is that raccoon sleeping there?” she asked, pointing to the side of the road.

!“I guess he got tired and needed a nap”, I responded breathlessly.

!I often replay these conversations in my mind. In both cases, I failed my daughter. I took the easy way, the fast way, the painless way out. I have a pillow that says “Parenting: Not for the Faint of Heart”, which sits neatly on my sofa. In these instances, however, I chose cowardice, instead of parenting. I realized that I needed to learn to be brave and started to investigate how to teach young children about death.

!

Reading

!As a teacher, I have relied on picture books and literature to teach children about the world outside and within themselves for years. Teaching through text is so thoroughly ingrained that it less a pedagogical technique and more a fundamental approach. Because of this, there is limited research supporting the practice itself.

Many experts in literacy do, however, confirm and encourage it. In their broadly- adopted text, Critical Literacy: Enhancing Students’ Comprehension of Text,

4 McLaughing and Devoogd (2004) state that “texts can . . . combine pictures and words in ways that encourage readers to understand the text on several different levels”(55).

The use of the picture book as the insertion point allows children to bring their own backgrounds, experiences and emotions to the reading and to further develop their own schema on the topic as their understanding develops. Harvey and Goudvis (2007) in

Strategies that Work: Teaching Comprehension for Understanding and Engagement also support the use of picture books for teaching, noting,

!Picture books offer certain unique advantages when we deliver instruction . . . . !We believe that interest is essential to comprehension. If we read material that !doesn’t engage us, we probably won’t remember much. Engagement leads to !remembering what is read, acquiring knowledge and enhancing !understanding(66).

Particularly when read aloud, picture books are able to engage us visually, aurally and emotionally. This multi-sensorial approach increases the possibility for engagement and interest in the material, which improves knowledge and understanding.

!Although broader society views picture books as a medium for children’s enjoyment, in schools we frequently use picture books across the grade levels to introduce difficult topics or alternative viewpoints. In my experience, they offer a starting point for discussions and an opportunity to broaden perspectives beyond students’ lived experiences. Harvey and Goudvis (2007) concur, noting both that “sometimes a thoughtful picture book may be the best way to launch a discussion about a pressing issue like racism or an unfamiliar topic”(63) and “the power of well-written picture books cannot be overestimated. Traditionally viewed as a genre reserved solely for younger children, picture books lend themselves to ... guided discussion at every grade level”(66). Death, grief and mourning are highly emotional, challenging topics for both

5 young and old. A picture book can be a non-personal, safe starting place for a conversation that is difficult for all concerned.

!Experiencing a loss can be overwhelming to anyone, adult or child. It often precipitates changes in day to day routines and environments. When combined with the loss of the person, this can lead to a sense that life ‘as we know it’ cannot go on. In his work on pet loss in death-related literature, Corr (2003) speaks to the idea that death literature reassures children that, notwithstanding the importance of the losses, life can and does go on (409). Corr also notes that death-related literature can be useful for both bereaved children and those who have not yet experienced a loss in their lives.

Death-related literature can guide, educate and support both adults and/or children as they work through the concept or experience of death in their lives (412).

!PIcture books not only help us to develop a deeper understanding, but they can also give us exposure to life experiences and paradigms outside of our own. In Critical

Literacy: Enhancing Students’ Comprehension of Text, McLaughing and Devoogd

(2004) state that “learners make sense of their world by connecting their prior knowledge with what they are learning”(21). As educators, parents and concerned adults, it is our job to ensure that the children under our care have the prior knowledge necessary to help them make sense of the what they experience in the world. Despite our desire to protect them, children will inevitably experience death, grief and loss.

Picture books and storytelling are one way to help them gain the knowledge they need to process this difficult event. In Strategies that Work: Teaching Comprehension for

Understanding and Engagement , Harvey and Goudvis (2007) state that “stories close to children’s own lives and experiences are helpful for introducing new ways of

6 thinking. . . . Readers naturally make connections between books and their own lives”(92). Making these connections draws them further into the story, and into the act of meaning-making in their own lives. Harvey and Goudvis go on to note, “Human beings are driven to find answers and make sense of the world”(109). By providing rich texts that deal with challenging issues, we help children work through this job of meaning-making and come to an understanding of death and loss. In Conversations:

Strategies for Teaching, Learning and Evaluating , (2000) Regie Routman states

!I read about others lives so I can make sense of my own. It’s not just reading for !pleasure and information. It’s a way out of my own life and into others’ lives and !cultures.... It’s a connection to humanity outside of my narrow world. Perhaps, !most important, it’s inspiration and sustenance for my imagination, my heart and !my soul. Connecting with literature has the power to humanize us - to help us !understand the viewpoints, perspectives, hopes, sufferings, and longing of !others(172).

I suggest that by allowing us to understand these in others, it also helps us to understand them in ourselves. In Helping Children Cope with Death, Wass and Corr

(1984) note that “it is obvious that books can have an important value for children. All printed materials, but especially imaginative literature of the best kind, can stimulate a child’s creative tendencies, enlarge horizons, confirm human solidarity in the face of difficulties and foster critical assessment”(69).

!In The Power of Retelling: Developmental Steps for Building Comprehension,

Benson and Cummins (2000) state that “children who have been read to at home may have heard hundreds of stories and learned to anticipate certain aspects of a story.

They come to know that fairy tales usually have kings and queens and that good usually triumphs over evil.... This sense of story helps children anticipate what might happen as they listen to or read a story themselves. Instead of the story being a lot of unrelated

7 pieces, the pieces fit within a preconceived cognitive structure, which allows the child to construct meaning by interacting with the story”(55) Experiencing the pattern of the story allows children to learn how stories unfold and helps them to take meaning from texts. By including literature about death in our reading, we give children exposure to the ‘pattern’ of death and therefore, some of the tools to help them to comprehend it in their own life experiences.

!Without prompting, children may be unwilling to share their thoughts, worries or experiences with death. A picture book dealing with death, grief and loss can be an excellent introduction to discussion about the topic. In Helping Children Cope with

Death: Guidelines and Resources, Wass and Corr (1984) note that the writer has “an uncanny gift for putting into words the various emotions death evokes in us, especially those we may think too horrible to share. In this way, children’s books are not only excellent teachers that provide the child with valuable knowledge, but they can be therapeutic and comforting as well”(90) Because of their ability to share valuable knowledge in an accessible way, they argue that “reintegrating death education into the broader curriculum.... follows the principle that topics related to death are to be found throughout the spectrum of living. Also, brief exposure to death-related topics may be less threatening - particularly for younger students - and these exposures may prepare the way for fuller and more explicit treatment at a later level”(51). Furthering that argument, in their chapter “Building the Foundation: Preparation before a Trauma” in

Handbook of Childhood Death and Bereavement (Corr, 2004), Metzgar and Zick suggest teaching about grief and loss to help children build a foundation for understanding the concepts of death and processes of grief. They suggest that this

8 must begin before an actual traumatic event, and that recognizing, acknowledging and processing life’s little losses helps to empower children to develop their own coping skills. (264)

!Picture books also give a kind of emotional support to children. Perkins and

MacKey (2008) note that “early childhood teachers know the power and comfort of reading and discussing good children’s books as a means of emotional support and sharing”(17) and suggest that “to most effectively assist children and families who are grieving, caring early childhood teachers can:... share empathetic children’s literature to facilitate the grieving process”(18). It is crucial to remember that children have not experienced the feelings of loss and grief before and have no framework for interpreting them. Picture books can provide this framework and allow children to see examples of possible responses, emotions and actions. In Overcoming Loss: Activities and Stories,

Sorenson (2008) suggests that “for children, providing activities that parallel their cognitive level through literature enables the healing process. Children enjoy reading about how children or fictional characters have coped with their endings and closures.

The experience is once removed from their own direct losses and is a way to handle better the overwhelming feelings they may encounter. It also gives a framework from which the children can identify and work through their feelings in play or experiential expression”(65). Likewise, in Handbook for Childhood Death and Bereavement , (Corr,

2004) Metzgar and Zick suggest that “books designed for child readers can be a good way to help normalize the experience of loss and its many predictable responses, thereby making the experience less frightening”(249). By taking the frightening experience and normalizing it, those working with children can help them to discuss

9 their experience and assist in the necessary grief work. The fact that an experience has been published into a book can indicate to children that they really are not alone and that others have survived similar challenges. In Talking with Children and Young

People , Turner (2006) notes that “somehow, published material in the form of the written word can assume a particular weight of authority. I have found this useful to bear in mind when attempting to reassure children and young people who often keep their worries private in the lonely belief that their situation, thoughts or beliefs are quite unique and intransigent”(10).

!With it established that picture books are an useful approach for helping children deal with challenging and emotional issues, it falls to us to establish that death is such an issue for children. In Bereavement, Grief and Mourning in Death-Related Literature for Children, Corr (2003) states that “the key structural elements of bereavement are an attachment, a loss, and a bereaved person (someone who is victimized or made bereft by the loss or ending of that attachment). From a subjective standpoint, bereavement typically involves a wide ranges of possible reactions to an actual or anticipated loss

(grief); efforts to cope with both the loss and one’s reactions to that loss (mourning; also called grieving by some authors)”(337). In Grief Counselling and Grief Therapy, Worden

(2008) discusses the debate surrounding children and the grief experience, noting

Wolfenstein’s (1966) position that children cannot mourn until they near the end of adolescence and Bowlby’s (1960) argument that children as young as six months can mourn. Worden argues instead that “children do mourn and what is needed is a model of mourning that fits children rather than the imposition of an adult model on children. A key component in children’s grief is their emotional reaction to separation. Such

10 reactions exist very early and may predate a realistic concept of death.”(231) Thus, while grief may look different depending upon the age and development level of the child, Worden submits that children do, in fact, grieve. He also notes that it is flawed to expect anyone to follow a specific, prescribed path in their grief work and suggests that a universality of grief is that “Each person’s grief is like all other people’s grief; each person’s grief is like some other person’s grief; and each person’s grief is like no other person’s grief”(8).

!In their chapter “How Bereaved Children Cope with Loss: An Overview”, in

Handbook of Childhood Death and Bereavement, (Corr, 2004) Baker and Sedney suggest that there are several types of important losses in the lives of children

(109-110). These include:

! Loss of a personally meaningful relationship - a person with whom the child had

!a personal investment. This would be the death of someone whose: company

!they enjoyed, who gave them something materially or emotionally, or with whom

!they identified in some way. This could include grandparents, sibling,

!parent, close friend, pet etc.

! Loss of an attachment figure - this is one type of personally meaningful

!relationship. An attachment figure is one with whom the child has a particularly

!intense, all-encompassing relationship that nurtures the child physically and

!emotionally. This is usually a parent, but can be a grandparent or a regular

!caretaker.

! Secondary Losses - This is the loss of an aspect of the child’s life, due to other

!losses. This could be the loss of a neighbourhood, school, or familiar

11 !playground, etc. These losses are experienced as significant and are large

!sources of stress.

When dealing with bereaved children, it is important to recognize that they can experience a loss in a variety of ways, and that their grief may extend beyond the loss of a specific person to the loss of aspects of their life that the person influenced. As well, it is important to recognize a child’s attachment to their pets as being significant and personally meaningful. In their chapter, “Children and Pet Loss”, Butler and Lagoni

(Corr, 2004) note that many aspects of modern society have contributed to children being significantly attached to their pets. Things like mobility, dual income parents, single parents and distance from relatives can mean that pets can take on key roles of emotional and social support. They note that “companion animals will play key roles in daily routines and rituals - playing together, watching tv, protect and comfort when frightened or lonely, love and acceptance and self-worth because of caring for pet needs, etc.”(180). They also note that “children who form strong attachments to their pets frequently describe them in terms used in human relationships - best friend, brother, parent, etc. When the human-animal bond is broken by the death of a pet, the grief can be intense and overwhelming”(182). It is therefore important that adults involved with the care of the child recognize that, not only can children be bereaved, but that this grief can also be triggered by the death of a pet. Thus, pet death should not be treated as a ‘practice-round’ for the real thing, but as a genuine experience of bereavement for the child.

! As noted above, children at different stages of development grieve in different ways. Worden (2008) states that “Although young children show grief-like behavior

12 when attachments are broken, they may not have the cognitive development to understand death. They cannot integrate something that they do not understand.”(231).

He references the work of Smilankshy (1987), who noted that some of the cognitive concepts that are necessary to fully understand death are finality, transformation, irreversibility, causality, inevitability, and concrete operations. But it is important to recognize that an individual does not need to fully understand death to be bereaved. In

Children Also Grieve, Goldman (2005) suggests that there is a divide between children of the ages 2-7 and 7-12, based on Piaget’s stages of development. Children between

2-7 are in the pre-operational stage of cognitive development and “exhibit magical thinking, egocentricity, reversibility, and causality in the way they view death”(74).

Children between the ages of 7-12 are in the concrete operational stage, and “want to know facts about how their person died. They have a more realistic concept of time, and are beginning to develop their spiritual belief system”(74). In

Grief in Children: A Handbook for Adults, Dyregov (2008) further refines this into the concepts and concerns of children at various age/developmental levels. He notes that, below the age of five, children do not understand that death is final. Their maturity does not allow an understanding of how the body and its parts function. To them, death is reversible. Their concerns tend to centre around the physical well-being of the dead person - getting food, staying warm, etc. They do not understand that death is universal . Because their world is based on repeated patterns (like going to sleep and waking up), they tend to view the world as cyclical. Thus, they expect that the person will just become ‘not dead’ in the near future (15-17). Between the ages of four and six, children gradually develop a biological, more than psychological, understanding of what

13 life is. While a small child can think that a heart is there to love someone, the lungs to speak and the stomach to eat, children in or approaching school age will understand that the body and all its parts have one common goal; to sustain life (Slaughter, 2005).

“When this more complex understanding of the body and its organs have developed, there is a better basis for understanding what will happen if the body’s organs fail or are damaged”(Dyregov, 2008, p.18). Through the ages of five to ten, children gradually begin to understand that death is irreversible. “Around the age of seven children . . . they develop an understanding of death as unavoidable and universal”(19)

Correspondingly, their interests start to focus on the process of dying and decomposition and what caused the death, but magical thinking still exists. Children of this age are often troubled by the idea that ‘bad’ things happen to “good people”(19).

From the age of 10 until adolescence, a child’s understanding gradually becomes more abstract as they are better able to understand the long term consequences of death.

They frequently reflect on the justice or injustice of the death. As their understanding of death as universal and inevitable becomes more developed, it also becomes more personal as they are aware of the fact that those around them will die. Often, adolescents prefer to keep this thought at a distance.

!Children experiencing bereavement have needs, just like adults. Because of their differing understanding of death, these needs can vary from those of adults.

Worden, in Grief Counselling and Grief Therapy (2008), suggests that these needs are

“meaning reconstruction and meaning making”(4). He describes meaning reconstruction as the central process faced by bereaved children and argues that this reconstruction is primarily accomplished through the use of narratives or life stories.

14 Meaning making is a process whereby the child constantly revises the meanings associated with the death. In children, this often is experienced as wondering how the person would respond to them at various stages of development, or various life events.

In Grief in Children: A Handbook for Adults, Dyregov (2008) describes specific tasks for children in grief: Accepting the reality of the loss; experiencing the pain or emotional aspects of the loss; adjusting to an environment in which the deceased is missing; relocating the dead person within one’s life and finding ways to memorialize the person

(45).

!It can be assumed that most people surrounding bereaved children wish to help them in their grief. Unfortunately, many of us feel powerless to do this and unknowledgeable about what we could do to help. Children Also Grieve discusses a number of things which hinder and help the grief process (Goldman, 2005). Dyregrov

(2008) stipulates that “Children often take language literally. They need direct and simple language explaining death”(75). Thus, cliches, platitudes and folk-tales should be avoided. He also notes that “grieving children need to feel that they are being heard and understood. Many sensitive issues will arise, and feelings of worry, sadness, rage, terror, shame, abandonment and guilt may emerge.”(75) To support children through these issues, adults need to “create a safe environment that meets the needs of all grieving children, giving them the freedom and security to express thoughts and feelings, and to feel that they are listened to in the process”(75). There is an often quoted phrase in the literature on grief work with children “What we can mention, we can manage.”(Franklin et al, 2006, Gottshall Bandell, 1998) It stresses the necessity of adults providing grief vocabulary, resources, and educational interventions. By

15 providing a safe, expressive environment, the adults surrounding bereaved children can assist them in working through their grief. If we, as adults, cannot discuss the honest reality of death, how can we expect children to do so? How would they learn this skill?.

!Having established that picture books are a reasonable way to discuss death and bereavement with children, what next? How can I use that knowledge to better address my daughter’s question, and the questions of every child who is presented with this fact of life? Comprehensive bibliographies with lists of books for this purpose already exist, and content summaries are easily available either within these bibliographies or on the internet. One can search for a topical breakdown of available children’s literature and

find many examples under headings such as “death of pets”, “death of friends”, or

“parent death”. Charles Corr has done extensive scholarly work in this field. But children’s death literature can also be examined according to themes. In Textual

Analysis: A Beginner’s Guide, McKee (2003) notes that “when we perform textual analysis on a text, we make an educated guess at some of the most likely interpretations that might be made of a text”(76). What is needed is a method of searching for picture books that categorizes them both by quantitative and qualitative themes. In the context of this research, I am characterizing quantitative themes as those which are more explicit in the text (grandparent, parent or pet dying) and do not require interpretation. The qualitative themes are those which are more or less implied in the text (having a religious perspective, addressing the emotional experience of death), and do require a level of analysis to determine. The advantage of a resource which includes both types of interpretation is that it allows parents/teachers/caregivers to better narrow their text selection to the situation at hand. A list of 20 somewhat

16 relevant books is overwhelming. The ability to fine-tune that list to 5 books which ‘fit’ provides the adult with a workable selection at a challenging time. It is the creation of this finely-tuned list which is the goal of this work.

Sorting

!To curate a selection, it is first necessary to develop a pool of resources. To do this, I began a broad web search. Using such terms as ‘children’, ‘death’, ‘picture books’, ‘grief’, and ‘texts’, I began to collate a list of books. I gathered together the lists of books on websites such as the Barr-Harris Children’s Grief Center ( http:// barrharris.org ) with the individual books I discovered listed elsewhere, found in bookstores and was loaned by friends. In total, I developed a list of 368 children’s books relating to themes of grief, death and loss. This is not an exhaustive list of all books that exist on the topic, but it is certainly extensive.

To create a working list for further analysis, I performed a search for each of the texts in the INFOntario website. INFOntario is the virtual bibliographic catalogues and

Interlibrary Loan System of Ontario public libraries. It allows a simultaneous search of

Ontario’s public libraries and identifies the number of copies of a book held publicly within the province. While I am confident that many of the books with few copies available are excellent, I chose to narrow my analysis to books that have four or more copies held in the public library system in Ontario. This narrowed my number of books to 101. Not all of the books were actually available, (because of damage, missing copies and restrictions to interlibrary loans), making 91 the total number of books in my

17 analysis. I feel comfortable stating that the majority of the books on my list can be considered easily accessible to any resident of Ontario and, likely, other jurisdictions.

!My analysis of the texts allowed for the development of categories of texts throughout my readings, as themes became apparent, rather than choosing a framework prior to the readings. Although this meant that I frequently revisited the books I read first, to ensure they did not fall into categories later developed, I believe that it allowed for the text-groupings to more accurately reflect the texts themselves, rather than my assumptions about what the texts would include. All the texts were coded for the following: Point of View, Human or Animal/nature Perspective, Gender of

Protagonist, Gender of Dying, Religiosity, Naturalism, Emotions, Questioning, Type of

Loss, Planned/Anticipated Death, Funeral, Hospital Visit, and Illness. As well, I kept additional notes regarding the issues/problems in the text and wrote a brief summary.

These data were then used to categorize each text into the following groupings: Death of a Pet, Circle of life, Aging, Death of a Friend, It’s Okay to Cry, Religion, Funerals,

Hospital Visits, Death of a Grandparent, Remembrance, Planned/Anticipated Death,

Moving to Acceptance, Death of a Parent, Accidental Death, Non-Fiction, Starting the

Conversation, Illness, Death of a Sibling, Death and the School, Normalizing Death,

Childhood Death, Afterlife, and Death of an Uncle or Aunt. Each category contains all the books relevant to it. See Appendix A.

18 Sharing

!It is my hope that people will use the categories to find specific books to help children in their lives. Additionally, I hope that the category “Normalizing Death” will be used by teachers and parents to introduce the concept of death to kids as a natural part of life. Keeping my research on a shelf and occasionally passing it along to the people that I know is not the most effective way to ensure broad access and dissemination. I decided that Pinterest was an ideal way to make my work available to the broader public. Pinterest is a social media tool that allows users to curate images into categories of their choosing. Because books are so often identified and remembered by their front cover images, being able to use that image as a visual representation of the books in the categories seemed ideal. The images link through to sites where all the information about each book is hosted, making it easy for someone to then cut and paste onto a local library site or a bookseller of their choosing in order to obtain a copy of the books for themselves.

!According to the web analytics company, Semiocast, on July 10, 2013, Pinterest had 70 million registered users. It is used by schools, by public libraries and by authors

(Messner, 2012). A microblogging tool, Pinterest is among the social media tools being increasingly used by researchers. In their survey of almost 2000 researchers regarding their use of social media in research, Nicholas and Rowlands (2011) note that 9.2% of those surveyed are microblogging as a part of their research workflow(63). The authors state that “while this analysis does not demonstrate that social networking and

(micro)blogging will become a much bigger feature of the search landscape with any

19 certainty, the direction of travel is clear and that outcome cannot be discounted”(65).

The researchers found that those surveyed tended to use the same social media tools in their work-lives that they use in their personal lives, rather than research or professional specific platforms (78). Additionally, they found that microblogging is increasingly being used to disseminate research findings, allowing the ability to

“communicate effectively with diverse audiences, often at remote distances”(78).

Clearly, Pinterest is not only an appropriate site for my research, but increasingly, for scholarly work in general.

!Pinterest is appreciated by its members not only for the ability to curate one’s own boards, but for the ability to follow the curation of others. Writing in Forbes

Magazine, Erik Kain notes, “Pinboards on Pinterest aren’t just collections of interesting photos. They’re often really great collections of photos. Rather than just searching on

Google for images and ideas about home design, you can follow curators of home design ideas. This makes searching for images a social experience.... This is the propulsion of the web. The internet as we once knew it is changing from an autonomous search-geared experience to one that is social and hyper-connected”(Kain,

2012). The use of Pinterest for a project such as this allows the sharing of my research to occur across time, space and social network. As I’ve been working on this project, I have had many conversations with people about how they handled death with their children. Repeatedly, people told me that they searched for books for their kids, only to become frustrated with the irrelevant or inappropriate for their circumstance titles that they managed to find. Clay Shirkey states that “curation comes up when search stops doing everything people want it to do”(Shirkey, 2010). Situating my research on

20 Pinterest, which is searchable and connected, allows it to fill that need. The website for my boards is:

http://pinterest.com/booksonloss

On it, users will find a board entitled About This Site. There, users will find an email address and the invitation to submit titles for inclusion on the site. I have a board for books which have been suggested to me, but which I have not reviewed. This is where user/crowd-sourced suggestions will be pinned.

Looking

!Analysis of the data gathered during this research revealed some interesting trends. Of the analyzed texts, 44% were written in the first person, 5% in the second person (these were entirely nonfiction), and 51% in the third person. Writing in the first person is more common in children’s literature than in literature in general, and it does give an intimacy and feeling of immediacy that is significantly different from the third person (Wylie, 1999). This likely explains its use in children’s literature as the intimacy of the first person develops a quick relationship with the child-reader. The ratio of texts written in the first person to the third person voice differed markedly among categories.

The first person percentage ranged from only 14% in the category of Death of a Friend and 33% in Death of a Parent to 62% in It’s Okay to Cry and 63% in Remembrance.

This may suggest that books that deal directly with a specific death may be more likely to be written in a more-distant third person voice, whereas those dealing with emotions and grief-issues are more likely to be personalized, but it must be noted that the sample

21 size is relatively small and varies for each category. More study would be required to draw conclusions.

!When examining gender breakdown in the texts, I found that there was a close to even split of male/female protagonists, with male protagonists comprising 58% and females 42% of the books analyzed. In texts categorized as “It’s Okay to Cry”, however,

80% of the protagonists are male. I wonder if an activist mentality has, rightly or wrongly, worked into these texts, with authors identifying boys as needing more help working through their emotions. The most significant finding, however, with regards to gender was that in books dealing with the death of grandparents, 72% of the grandparents are grandfathers. There is a gender match between grandchild/ grandparent in 59% of the texts. When there is not a gender match, all my texts represented the granddaughter/grandfather relationship. None of my commonly available texts represented the relationship between a grandson and a grandmother.

This gap warrants further investigation.

!In Ontario, an average of 120 children between the ages of 5 and 13 died in each of the years from 2007-2009 (Canadian Human Mortality Database, 2012). Each of those children was likely a member of a school community. A death within a school touches the lives of all the other children in it. Although I strongly argue that children need to be exposed to the concept of death from an early age, it is necessary to recognize that this will not always happen and that the death of a classmate may be the

first experience a child has with death. Because of this, I expected to encounter multiple books that brought the school and death together on the page. To my surprise, only one was included in my list of easily accessible books. Rudi’s Pond, by Eve

22 Bunting, is a touching story of a young girl, her friendship with Rudi, and the pond built at the school to remember him after he dies. It is an excellent starting point for a conversation about memorializing a fellow student, but it shouldn’t be the only book that is easily found. Losing a student is traumatizing for teachers, as well as their students.

Having a large selection of books to help a class work through their feelings is necessary.

!Another category that would benefit from additional writing would be the category of Accidental Death. There were limited texts dealing with accidental death, and of the four works, two do not explicitly state that the pet has died. Both texts that address the actual death are written in the more distant third person. Only one of the texts I read,

After Charlotte’s Mom Died, by Cornelia Spelman, addressed the accidental death of a person. Unintentional injuries were the cause of the deaths of 51 178 people, or 4.2% of all deaths in Canada (excluding Quebec) from 2001-2007 (Chen, 2013). While clearly this is not a significant percentage of deaths, it is important to note that none of them would be anticipated, so the grief process may be more challenging. Having accessible resources for people who are unprepared for a death may help the grieving process. More writing on this topic is necessary.

!Although accidental death is not well covered, Planned/Anticipated death is, but it is usually written from the perspective of an anticipated pet death. Although many of the books I analyzed for this project clearly had an impending death, most of them did not overtly discuss the death prior to it happening. And What Comes After a Thousand, by

Anette Bley is the exception to this, in that Lisa, the little girl and Otto, the old man, talk about his death prior to it happening. Research shows that children are aware of death,

23 often to an extent that we do not realize (Doering, 2010, Corr, 2004, Dyregrov, 2008).

Prior to the death of a loved one, seeing the children in texts pose the questions that a child themselves wish to ask could be beneficial. More writing in this area to fill this gap is warranted.

!Another category of interest for discussion is Circle of Life. I was surprised that the cyclical nature of life only generated nine texts. The nonfiction texts tended to handle the idea of returning to the earth better than the fiction, though Gentle Willow, a

fictional account of the life and death of a willow tree by Joyce C. Mills, addresses it beautifully. Other texts, such as City Dog, Country Frog, by Mo Willems do allude to it, but more through the changing of the seasons and renewal than from explicitly addressing the idea of returning to the earth. Most of the texts in this category were nature-based, but upon reflection, that could be more about my bias than a true reflection of the available texts themselves. A common theme in the texts I analyzed was the idea that, in humans, life continues through the memories gathered and shared across generations. I categorized these books as Remembrance, but they could be seen as a metaphysical ‘circle of life’. Thus, I may have narrowed the Circle of Life category in a way that excluded a humanistic view of the subject.

!Children’s literature has always had an abundance of anthropomorphized pigs, pigeons, lions, and tigers and bears (Oh My!). In her assessment of the 150 all-time best-selling hardcover children’s books, as of the end of 2000, Jennifer Armstrong found that fifty-two of them (35%) are about animals or feature animals as the main characters

(Armstrong, 34). My analysis revealed that thirty-eight of the ninety-one books (42%) in my assessment fell into this category, which is a higher percentage than Armstrong

24 discovered in her selection. Twenty-three of these books included animals in the story line, and fifteen of them were entirely set in the animal world. Armstrong suggests that animals are so prominent in children’s literature because they allow authors and, by extension, parents to share information about the natural world, and as well they allow children to identify with and share in the triumph of small, defenseless creatures (34).

Death is perhaps easier to see and discuss in the natural world than as a human concept, and this may explain the increased use of animals in my selection over those analyzed by Armstrong. Death of an attachment figure or personally meaningful relationship can certainly be viewed as a near-insurmountable challenge, and the example of animals overcoming the challenge may be providing a role model for children presented with a similar situation. Dobson (1977), argues that the purpose of a fairy tale is to make kids think and help them address the “darkest and scariest thoughts about separation, rejection, abandonment, and death”(175). Given the topic of the books discussed in this project, it is possible that the increased use of animals distances the topic to a point that makes it easier, both for the author and the audience, to address. Ursula K. Le Guin (2004) argues that children “have to be informed that there is an impassable gulf between Man and Beast, and taught not to look across it.

But so long as they disobey orders and go on looking, they know better. They know that we and creatures physiologically like us are mutually quite comprehensible”(23). The use of animals may cross this gulf in a way that is simultaneously subtle and profound, allowing the closeness of experience and the distance of difference in the same text.

!

25 Talking

!Working on this project has been an emotional roller-coaster. I have had to confront my own feelings around death again, and again. Many of the texts were read in my favourite cafe, and I had to ask friends and concerned passersby to, please, ignore the tears. For a brief period of time, my husband eyed any unrecognized book our daughter brought to him suspiciously and asked “Where did you find that?” to assure himself he was not going to be blindsided by one of ‘Mommy’s books’. Our daughter has been read a number of the texts, however, and what I’ve realized is that although all the categories I’ve generated are significant, perhaps the most important is

Normalizing Death. Through the experience of this project, we have spent time doing this for our daughter. She has been read books, we have talked about people, animals and plants reaching the ‘End of their Lifetime’, she has learned about cemeteries and

(carefully), about cremation. Death has been normalized for her as a part of the life cycle. It holds a fascination for her, and she is always free to start and stop the conversation. I’ve been struck by how similar her responses to the thanatological are to the scatological, and this has prompted my thinking on the nature of both. They are the factual, and the ugly. They are topics that adults avoid, and that we blanket with emotions and responses that we teach to our children. What a gift it would be to be able to address the facts, freely and separate from our emotions; to be able to separate death from the love we feel for the people and pets in our life, and our fear of losing them. It is my hope that the texts in Normalizing Death will be used by parents and teachers to do just that: to lay a foundation of understanding of the facts of death so

26 that children have a developmentally appropriate understanding of it before they must, inevitably, confront the emotional challenge.

!

!!!!!Since I was born

!!!!!I have to die,

!!!!!and so . . .

!!!!!!!(Japanese Death Poems, 1986)

!This haiku was written by the poet, Kisei, shortly before he died in 1764. With clarity and simplicity it lays out the nature of human existence. Death is both universal and guaranteed. It is the natural completion of our life cycle. Yet, we frequently hide this fact from children and deny them this understanding until they are forced into awareness. The goal of this project was the creation of a resource which could be used by those who work with children to help them understand and deal with death. But the goal moving forward is larger than that. I hope that I’ve demonstrated the need to normalize death for children by including it in our discussions, our explanations and our storytelling, as well as provided resources to help people do just that. We use literature to explain so much of life to our children. We should be using it to help with the conversations that we find challenging, so every child has an opportunity to understand why their mom doesn’t have a grandma, and what the raccoon is doing at the side of the road.

27 Appendix

Death of a Pet: Picture Books dealing with the loss of a pet and/or animal companion.

Title Author

I’ll Always Love You Wilhelm, Hans

Desser the Best Ever Cat Smith, Maggie

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney Viorst, Judith

My Pig Amarillo Ichikawa, Satomi

Big Cat Pepper Partridge, Elizabeth

Cat Heaven Rylant, Cynthia

Dog Breath Beck, Carolyn

Dog Heaven Rylant, Cynthia

When a Pet Dies Rogers, Fred

The Best Cat in the World Newman, Leslea

Tulip and Lupin Forever Levert, Mireille

Up in Heaven Clark, Emma Chichester

Saying Goodbye to Lulu Demas, Corinne

The Saddest King Wormell, Chris

The Accident Carrick, Carol

Someone Small Borack, Barbara

Goodbye Mousie Harris, Robie H.

Tough Boris Fox, Mem

Let’s Talk About When Your Pet Dies Johnston, Marianne

Alfie and the Birthday Surprise Hughes, Shirley

Harry and Hopper Wild, Margaret

Jasper’s Day Parker, Marjorie Blain

28 Death of a Friend: A Selection of Picture Books Dealing with the Death of a Friend. Some are from the human perspective and others are from the animal perspective

Title Author

Gentle Willow Mills, Joyce C.

Frog and the Birdsong Velthuijs, Max

And What Comes After a Thousand Bley, Anette

The Very Best of Friends Wild, Margaret

Tulip and Lupin Forever Levert, Mireille

Rudi’s Pond Bunting, Eve

City Dog, Country Frog Willems, Mo

It’s Okay to Cry: Picture Books Dealing with Grief and Loss. In these books, the characters express the feelings that accompany death.

Title Author

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney Viorst, Judith

Michael Rosen’s Sad Book Rosen, Michael

Big Cat Pepper Partridge, Elizabeth

When I Die, Will I Get Better? Breebaart, Joeri and Piet

Grandad Bill’s Song Yolen, Jane

Someone Special Died Prestine, Joan Singleton

After Charlotte’s Mom Died Spelman, Cornelia

Tear Soup: a Recipe for Healing After Loss Schwiebert, Pat and Chuck DeKylen

When a Pet Dies Rogers, Fred

The Saddest King Wormell, Chris

Death Janine Amos

29 My Grandpa Had a Stroke Butler, Dori Hillestad

The Heart and The Bottle Jeffers, Olivia

When People Die Levete, Sarah

A Birthday Present for Daniel Rothman, Juliet

I Miss You Thomas, Pat

Jasper’s Day Parker, Marjorie Blain

Tough Boris Fox, Mem

Let’s Talk About When Your Pet Dies Johnston, Marianne

Religion: Picture Books which include a religious perspective on death

Title Author

Cat Heaven Rylant, Cynthia

This Book is for all Kids, But especially my sister Simon, Jack Libby. Libby Died

Where Do People Go when They Die Portnoy, Mindy Avra

When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Brown, Laurie Krasney and Death Marc Brown

Tear Soup: a Recipe for Healing After Loss Schwiebert, Pat and Chuck DeKylen

Up In Heaven Clark, Emma Chichester

Dog Heaven Rylant, Cynthia

Grandma’s Gone to Live in the Stars Haynes, Max

Kaddish for Grandpa in Jesus’ Name, Amen Howe, James and Stock, Catherine

Goodbye, Mom, Goodbye Johnson, Philip E.

When Goodbye is Forever Rock, Lois

Mrs. Katz and Tush Polacco, Patricia

Funerals: Picture Books about Death and Loss that include funerals

30 Title Author

Why Did Grandpa Die? Hazen, Barbara Shook

When I Die, Will I Get Better? Breebaart, Joeri and Piet

Why Did Grandma Die? Madler, Trudy

When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Brown, Laurie Krasney and Death Marc Brown

The Dead Bird Brown, Margaret Wise

When People Die Levete, Sarah

When a Pet Dies Rogers, Fred

And What Comes After a Thousand? Bley, Anette

Kaddish for Grandpa in Jesus’ Name, Amen Howe, James and Stock, Catherine

Goodbye, Mom, Goodbye Johnson, Philip E.

My Grandfather’s House Coville, Bruce

Mrs. Katz and Tush Polacco, Patricia

What is Death? Boritzer, Etan

I Miss You Thomas, Pat

Tulip and Lupin Forever Levert, Mireille

I Found a Dead Bird Thornhill, Jan

Sweet, Sweet Memory Woodson, Jacqueline

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney Viorst, Judith

Hospital Visits: Picture Books about Death and Grief which include a visit to the hospital

Title Author

Tiger Flowers Quinlan, Patricia

When Dinosaurs Die Brown, Laurie Krasney and Marc Brown

31 Grandpa’s Boat Catchpool, Michael

Emma’s Question Urdahl, Catherine

Sadako Coerr, Eleanor

A Time For Remembering Thurman

Goodbye, Mom, Goodbye Johnson, Philip E.

My Grandpa Had a Stroke Butler, Dori Hillestad

Death of a Grandparent: Picture Books in which a Grandparent Dies

Title Author

Grandad Bill’s Song Yolen, Jane

Why Did Grandpa Die? Hazen, Barbara Shook

I Have an Olive Tree Bunting, Eve

Why Did Grandma Die? Madler, Trudy

And What Comes After a Thousand Bley, Anette

Old Pig Wild, Margaret

Grandma’s Gone to live in the Stars Haynes, Max

Grandpa’s Boat Catchpool, Michael

Grandpa Loved Nobisso, Josephine

Kaddish for Grandpa, In Jesus’ Name, Amen Howe, James and Catherine Stock

Grandad’s Prayers of the Earth Wood, Douglas

A Time for Remembering Thurman, Chuck

Grandma’s Bill Waddell, Martin

Fox Song Bruchac, Joseph

Sweet, Sweet Memory Woodson, Jacqueline

Grandma’s Gloves Castellucci, Cecil

32 Remembrance: Picture Books Addressing the Need to Remember Those Who Have Died and the Associated Feelings

Title Author

Grandad Bill’s Song Yolen, Jane

Tiger Flowers Quinlan, Patricia

I Have an Olive Tree Bunting, Eve

Where is Grandpa Barron, T.A.

Dog Breath Beck, Carolyn

Grandpa Loved Nobisso, Josephine

Sadako Coerr, Eleanor

Kaddish for Grandpa, In Jesus’ Name, Amen Howe, James and Catherine Stock

Someone Special Died Prestine, Joan Singleton

The Two of Them Aliki

Always and Forever Durant, Alan

A Time for Remembering Thurman, Chuck

Grandma’s Bill Waddell, Martin

Fox Song Bruchac, Joseph

Sweet, Sweet Memory Woodson, Jacqueline

Grandma’s Gloves Castellucci, Cecil

A Handful of Seeds Hughes, Monica

Tales of a Gambling Grandma Khalsa, Dayal Kaur

Rudi’s Pond Bunting, Eve

Knots on a Counting Rope Martin, Bill Jr. and John Archambault

A Birthday Present for Daniel Rothman, Juliet

I Miss You: A First Look at Death Thomas, Pat

33 Let’s Talk about When Your Pet Dies Johnston, Marianne

I Found a Dead Bird Thornhill, Jan

The Spirit of Tio Fernando Levy, Janice

Goodbye, Mom, Goodbye Johnson, Philip E.

Something to Remember Me By Bosak, Susan V.

Planned/Anticipated Death: Picture Books Dealing with a Loss that is Planned (pet euthanasia) or anticipated

Title Author

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf Buscaglia, Leo

Desser the Best Ever Cat Smith, Maggie

Big Cat Pepper Patridge, Elizabeth

The Purple Balloon Raschka, Chris

And What Comes After A Thousand Bley, Anette

The Best Cat in the World Newman, Leslea

Old Pig Wild, Margaret

Saying Goodbye to Lulu Demas, Corinne

Let’s Talk About When Your Pet Dies Johnston, Marianne

Swan Sky Tejima

Jasper’s Day Parker, Marjorie Blain

Moving to Acceptance: Picture Books Dealing with the Later Aspects of Grief and the Process of Moving On

Title Author

We Love Them Waddell, Martin

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf Buscaglia, Leo

Grandpa’s Boat Catchpool, Michael

Why Did Grandpa Die? Hazen, Barbara Shook

34 Big Cat Pepper Partridge, Elizabeth

When I Die, Will I Get Better Breebaart, Joeri and Piet

And What Comes After a Thousand Bley, Anette

Tear Soup Schwiebert, Pat and Chuck DeKylen

Old Pig Wild, Margaret

The Best Cat in the World Newman, Leslea

Grandad’s Prayers of the Earth Wood, Douglas

The Very Best of Friends Wild, Margaret

Saying Goodbye to Lulu Demas, Corinne

Death Amos, Janine

Sweet, Sweet Memory Woodson, Jacqueline

Swan Sky Tejima

Gentle Willow Mills, Joyce

The Heart and the Bottle Jeffers, Oliver

Always and Forever Durant, Alan

The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey Wojciechowski, Susan

Death of a Parent

Title Author

Someone Special Died Prestine, Joan Singleton

After Charlotte’s Mom Died Spelman, Cornelia

Goodbye Mom, Goodbye Johnston, Philip E.

35 Accidental Death: Picture Books Dealing with the accidental death of people or pets

Title Author

The Accident Carrick, Carol

After Charlotte’s Mom Died Spelman, Cornelia

My Pig Amarillo Ichikawa, Satomi

Dog Breath Beck, Carolyn

Let’s Talk about When Your Pet Dies Johnston, Marianne

My Favourites: These Books cover a range of issues and can all be found in other categories. Here, I’ve collected the books that, for various reasons, are my personal favourites on the topics of death, dying, grief and mourning

Title Author

Michael Rosen’s Sad Book Rosen, Michael

Big Cat pepper Partridge, Elizabeth

The Next Place Hanson, Warren

This Book is For All Kids, But Especially My Sister Simon, Jack Libby. Libby Died

After Charlotte’s Mom Died Spelman, Cornelia

Grandad Bill’s Song Yolen, Jane

The Purple Balloon Raschka, Chris

The Very Best of Friends Wild, Margaret

Tear Soup Schwiebert, Pat and Chuck DeKylen

The Saddest King Wormell, Chris

And What Comes After a Thousand Bley, Anette

Grandad’s Prayers of the Earth Wood, Douglas

36 Tulip and Lupin Forever Levert, Mireille

Emma’s Question Urdahl, Catherine

Sadako Coerr, Eleanor

Mrs. Katz and Tush Polacco, Patricia

Swan Sky Tejima

Sweet, Sweet Memory Woodson, Jacqueline

Non-Fiction: Factual Books about death and when happens when people, animals and plants die

Title Author

I Miss You Thomas, Pat

This Book is for all kids, but especially my sister Simon, Jack Libby. Libby Died.

The Purple Balloon Raschka, Chris

When Dinosaurs Die Brown, Laurie Krasney and Marc Brown

When a Pet Dies Rogers, Fred

When People Die Levete, Sarah

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Mellonie, Bryan Children

What is Death? Boritzer, Etan

Death Amos, Janine

Let’s Talk About When Your Pet Dies Johnston, Marianne

I Found a Dead Bird Thornhill, Jan

Starting the Conversation: These Books include Conversation Starters or have Natural Places to help open the Door to Conversations about Death with Children.

Title Author

I Miss You Thomas, Pat

37 This Book is for all kids, but especially my sister Simon, Jack Libby. Libby Died.

Michael Rosen’s Sad Book Rosen, Michael

When Dinosaurs Die Brown, Laurie Krasney and Marc Brown

Where Do People Go When They Die? Portnoy, Mindy Avra

When People Die Levete, Sarah

When I Die, Will I Get Better? Breebaart, Joeri and Piet

After Charlotte’s Mom Died Spelman, Cornelia

Death Amos, Janine

Who is Ben? Zolotow, Charlotte

We are in A Book Willems, Mo

Illness: Books that Specifically Mention Particular Diseases - living with it and/ or dying from it.

Title Author

Jasper’s Day Parker, Marjorie Blain

This Book is for all kids, but especially my sister Simon, Jack Libby. Libby Died.

Tiger Flowers Quinlan, Patricia

My Grandpa’s Music Acheson, Alison

My Grandpa Had a Stroke Butler, Dori Hillestad

Sammy’s Mommy Has Cancer Kohlenberg, Sherry

Sadako Coerr, Eleanor

What’s Happening with Grandpa Shriver, Maria

Death of a Sibling

Title Author

38 I Miss You Thomas, Pat

This Book is for all kids, but especially my sister Simon, Jack Libby. Libby Died.

When I Die, Will I Get Better? Breebaart, Joeri and Piet

A Birthday Present for Daniel Rothman, Juliet

Death and the School: Books Dealing with the Death of a Classmate and/or Acts of Remembrance in a School

Title Author

Rudi’s Pond Bunting, Eve

Normalizing Death: To Understand Death, Children Need to be aware of it as a Part of Life before they Experience Loss Themselves. These Books Reference Death as a part of a Larger Story and are a Good Way to Introduce Death without Making it the Focus of the Conversation

Title Author

We Love Them Waddell, Martin

Desser, The Best Ever Cat Smith, Maggie

My Pig Amarillo Ichikawa, Satomi

Frog and the Birdsong Velthuijs, Max

I Have an Olive Tree Bunting, Eve

Fox Song Bruchac, Joseph

The Spirit of Tio Fernando Levy, Janice

Sweet, Sweet Memory Woodson, Jacqueline

Swan Sky Tejima

Alfie and the Birthday Surprise Hughes, Shirley

Pond Circle Franco, Betsy

Tough Boris Fox, Mem

The Dead Bird Brown, Margaret Wise

39 And What Comes After A Thousand Bley, Anette

Grandpa’s Boat Catchpool, Michael

The Saddest King Wormell, Chris

Dog Breath, Beck, Carolyn

The Very Best of Friends, Wild, Margaret

Mrs. Katz and Tush Polacco, Patricia

Knots on a Counting Rope Martin, Bill Jr. and John Archambault

Sadako Coerr, Eleanor

A Handful of Seeds, Hughes, Monica

Tales of a Gambling Grandma Khalsa, Dayal Kaur

Childhood Death

Title Author

Michael Rosen’s Sad Book Rosen, Michael

This Book is for all kids, but especially my sister Simon, Jack Libby. Libby Died.

When I Die, Will I Get Better? Breebaart, Joeri and Piet

A Birthday Present for Daniel Rothman, Juliet

The Purple Balloon Raschka, Chris

Sadako Coerr, Eleanor

Rudi’s Pond Bunting, Eve

Afterlife: Picture Books which make a Specific Reference to an Afterlife

Title Author

Up in Heaven Clark, Emma Chichester

Dog Heaven Rylant, Cynthia

40 Cat Heaven Rylant, Cynthia

Where Do People Go When they Die? Portnoy, Mindy Avra

Grandma’s Gone to Live in the Stars Haynes, Max

The Next Place Hanson, Warren

Death of an Uncle or Aunt

Title Author

Tiger Flowers Quinlan, Patricia

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