ISSUE 1614 FRIDAY 23rd OCTOBER 2015
The Student Newspaper of Imperial College London
Familiar themes I spent my morning with the at Frieze Chinese President
PAGE 23 ARTS PAGE 6 COMMENT
PRESIDENT XI COMES TO IMPERIAL The General Secretary of the Communist Party of China met with students and scientists while on a state visit
n Wednesday, Chinese President Xi Jinping stopped off at Imperial to celebrate collaboration between Chinese Oinstitutions and the College. Imperial proudly repeated the statistic that since 2003, the number of UK papers published in Nature with a co-author in China had jumped from 3% to 22%. President Jinping, affectionately nicknamed Xi Dada by his fans, was given a drawing of Queen’s Tower and two 3D printed models of the Great Wall of China, one the width of a human hair. Accompanied by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, and Imperial regular Prince Andrew, Xi met President of Imperial College Alice Gast and several students during his visit. Xi held an umbrella as Professor Gast walked him across Dalby Court from the business school to the Hamlyn Centre. Some Chinese news agencies misreported that she was merely a “tour guide”, rather than a woman earning over £400,000 a year to lead Imperial. Xi’s wife, Peng Liyuan, a famous... continued on page 3 rd PAGE 2 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk
Contents A word from the Editor News 3 Editor-in-Chief Grace Rahman Comment 4 News Editor ello, and welcome to rather than David Cameron. Cecily Johnson Science 7 this, another issue of Although I regreted not Comment Editors your beloved FELIX. shouting FREE TIBET or STOP Film 8 Tessa Late and Vivien I can’t quite believe EXECUTING PEOPLE or Hadlow you’re reading my editorial when something at Peng Liyuan when I Music 10 there’s so much smashing content bumped into her on Thursday, the Science Editors H Jane Courtnell and Lef this week. It’s very sweet of you. reality is that nothing negative is Games 13 Ooh I feel warm and fuzzy now. getting reported by the Chinese Apostolakis You might’ve noticed, but we’ve media anyway. Clubs & Societies 19 Arts Editors only had the ruddy president of Should we, as a university, be Indira Malik, Jingjie China in this week. He swung by associating, even if on a business Features 20 Cheng and Max with Prince Andrew (again – he level, with someone who condones Falkenberg can’t keep away) and heir to the the kinds of civil rights abuses Arts 21 tory throne, George Osborne. Not we see in China? Yes, financial Music Editor a great gang if you’re into human contributions to research as a result Cale Tilford Food 26 rights or tax credits for the disabled. of President’s visit appeared even Film Editor We watched the Panorama episode before he did. And yes, this money Fred Fyles Business 27 on President Xi, we asked Chinese goes to super useful causes. We have polite discussion, rather than full students what they thought and thousands of students who adore on celebration would’ve been more Welfare Editor Welfare 28 we saw the crowds that gathered to this man and enjoyed his visit. For appropriate. To be honest, if college Noor Mulheron greet him and his A-list wife (who those reasons, I think it was right want to collaborate with Chinese Hangman 29 in real life is a stone-cold fox by the that he came here. institutions and companies, for Sports Editor Kunal Wagle way; I accidentally bumped into her But when we have the world academic and most likely financial Puzzles 31 coming out of RSM on the way to stage with a President of a country reasons, it has to court President Xi. Copy Editors college caf for a Muller corner). whose practices on something as So I do kind of get it. Mattin Mir-Tahmasebi, Sports 32 Basically, he’s a really flaming fundamental as human rights, we so But I don’t know guys, maybe I was Jack Steadman and popular leader. He’s adorable, looks adamantly disagree with, should we just bitter ‘cause I wasn’t allowed to Ahmed Ibrahim FELIX, Beit Quad, like Winnie the Pooh and for fans be showering them with gifts? shake his hand. That would’ve been Prince Consort Road, outside the business school on a I’m not saying we should’ve thrown an awkward one to explain though. Technical Babe Luke Granger-Brown London SW7 2BB rainy Wednesday morning, this was red paint at the man, PETA-style, ‘What do you do?’ ‘I’m a member of Tel: 020 7594 8072 comparable to the Queen visiting, but maybe a Corbyn-esque level of the free press.’ Oh dear. Lead Singer Printed by Iliffee Print Cambridge, Jack Steadman Winship Road, Cambridge Registered Newspaper Cover Picture by ISSN 1040-0711 Thomas Angus Copyright © FELIX 2015
Hey you. Wanna copy edit? If you h8 speling misteks and want to get involved in FELIX, this is a good way to start. Come to the FELIX office (West Basement of Beit) at midday on Monday 26th and hang out. And send us an email at [email protected]. Let us know, we’re needy. felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 3
NEWS [email protected] Imperial medics fight contract changes A strike ballot follows the demonstration on Whitehall that saw 20,000 flock to parliament
Cecily Johnson and the reclassification of ‘normal News Editor working hours’ to include Saturdays and later evening finishes, moving from 7pm to 10pm. ver 20,000 people took Protesters have argued that the part in a protest march extended hours would negatively in London against affect the quality of patient care, as proposed government “overworked” junior doctors would changes to junior doctors’ contracts be expected to work up to 90 hours last Saturday. Protests also took O I! C! S! M! is not what these protestors were shouting. Photo Credit: Grace Rahman place in Belfast, Nottingham and Dundee. They would Medical students, NHS workers each week. This would be only the second time us through genuine negotiations and members of the public joined be expected Jennie Watson, ICU Deputy in 40 years that doctors have taken and their threat to impose new the crowds of junior doctors President (Welfare), who is also a industrial action, the last time being contracts that we believe are unsafe who marched on Westminster in medical student, said it was good to a strike over a pension dispute in for patients and unfair for doctors, objection to the planned changes, to work up see “so many of my fellow medics out 2012. leaves us with few options”. which are due to be introduced next fighting for the future of the NHS, The decision to ballot BMA On the topic of industrial action, August. to 90 hours the patients and our profession”. members had not been “taken Jennie said, “I’m sure there will The proposed terms of the new The British Medical Association lightly”, said junior doctors’ leader be plenty of ICSM students and contract include a pay cut of up to each week (BMA) has announced that a strike Dr Johann Malawana. “Thealumni on the picket lines if there 30% for those in some specialties ballot will take place next month. government’s refusal to work with is a strike”.
The reddest red carpet for this president Grace Rahman business school foyer. At one point four day visit. Editor-in-Chief Alice Gast made a speech directly This trip paid off for Imperial addressing the unpopular politician. quicker than you might have “Chancellor, you have said that imagined possible. Before President continued from front page you aim to make the UK ‘China’s Xi even arrived, a plaque was ...folk singer in her own right, also best partner in the west’. Imperial unveiled to celebrate a £3 million came along. She was given a cape by College London strives to be just donation from a Chinese financial the Data Science Institute, whose that.” services company. The Hamlyn scientists had analysed 700 photos Xi and his wife have been staying Centre for medical robotics and the of her to get accurate measurements at Buckingham Palace during their Data Science Institute will benefit and design ideas for the item. A UK from the perfectly timed gift. Xi Dada drew quite a crowd. Photo Credit: Thomas Angus / Imperial College based Chinese designer then made We think Just in time for the visit, Imperial’s the piece. Associate Provost of Academic it was to see their home country’s levels. However, his visit has been The MailOnline reported that Partnerships, Professor Maggie leader in their university town. met with some criticism. Pockets Peng “dissolved in laughter” at the this is the Dallman described the Chinese “[His] visit and Britain’s of protesters lined Pall Mall as Xi gift, making this, we think, the first student body in sweeping terms in hospitality show that both countries made a journey down the road to sidebar of shame click-bait article to first sidebar an article for China Daily. are willing to resolve current issues.” Buckingham Palace in a carriage. come out of Imperial College. On “Almost every day I meet brilliant said Xinyang Yuan. The BBC’s political editor, Laura Thursday, the first lady returned to Chinese students,” she said, adding A popular leader back home, Xi’s Kuenssberg, asked Mr Xi why the South Kensington to visit the Royal of shame that the Chinese community at father held important roles within British public would want to do College of Music. She was seen Imperial “are no shrinking violets.” Chairman Mao’s government, business with a country with such a emerging from the building with MailOnline According to college, there are before being imprisoned during the “deeply troubling attitude to human our very own Professor of Science 2000 Chinese students currently cultural revolution. rights”. The British steel industry and Society, the broadcaster Lord article to studying at Imperial. Although commonly referred to is also unhappy over the visit, as Robert Winston. One such student, Hongze Zou, as ‘president’ for western appetites, it coincides with parts of a large While his extensive tax credit told FELIX he thought the trip was Xi’s official title is General Secretary steel corporation here going into cuts were being discussed at Prime come out of “a good opportunity for Chinese of the Communist Party of China. administration, which many say Minister’s Questions, George students and the school”. Several He’s spoken openly about his aims is down to the influx of a cheaper Osborne was waltzing about the Imperial others commented on how exciting to end corruption at the highest Chinese product. rd rd PAGE 4 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 5
COMMENT [email protected] COMMENT [email protected] What is a “working royal” anyway? Hating on Graduation is hard Are the royal family still relevant in a democractic society? Graduation only disappoints by being difficult to find its flaws
raduation day. Supposed The grandiosity of the venue really after. hate on graduation, but I couldn’t, so he Duke of York was at their tax exemption and legal to be a milestone, right? does drive home the fact that you While I did moan about socialising now I hate myself. Imperial last week to privileges that would make any true One of the happiest can now put those three little letters in my last column? Raving it up host the Pitch@Palace believer in a free market and/or days of your lives, some after your name, and at the end of with my homies at the reception Bootcamp to find finalists democracy wince, add to the feeling people (morons) say. Well, not if I, the day, I did achieve something was pretty darn fun. I smashed for [email protected], an event where that all might not be quite as good Gthe Angry Grad, have anything to pretty special and unique – just like my fair share of champagne, had I didn’t fall brightT young entrepreneurs get to value for money as the Privy Purse do with it. the other 800+ people I graduated one too many a photo shoot, and pitch to industry experts, CEOs and makes it seem. I was proper excited for it to be a with. generally just jammed like the baller people with lots and lots of money. Many more issues spring to mind, ‘mare, and my God did the day start The RAH, as British as it may I am with my coursemates. on stage Since stepping down as the UK’s once the question is asked. Prince off that way. I got stuck in traffic, be, cannot balance out the guju It was quite cathartic really, seeing special representative for trade and Charles’ little spiders make it clear The Angry Grad locked in toilets and stripped of my community of ICL. I salute you, as we’ll probably never all be together investment in 2011 after concerns he hasn’t the restraint of his mother Columnist gown (who the FUCK designed Shahs, Patels and Chowdrys, for again – they’ll be finding cures to ... and I did about the company he keeps, Prince when it comes to the separation of them to attach by Velcro? I couldn’t making my face crack a smile. Y’all cancer across the globe while I still Andrew has championed this kind politics and the monarchy. Prince even swing my cape around like just kept appearing, like food at your can’t perfect rolling a round chapatti Eamonn Postlethwaite of start-up, supporting hackspacey Harry makes you wonder whether Hazza P without some sort of grandmother’s house, and my God – so we did just savour the moment. indeed look Columnist vibes around the country at various the monarchy might always be such gown-related disaster). do I love you for it. I’m not sure how to describe it, as university campuses and techspots. well respected ambassadors around I was all set to miss frolicking Moreover, instead of us Asians it is an emotion I am unfamiliar In fact, previous finalists of the the world for these blessed lands, across the stage, and that really sticking out like sore thumbs with with, but I believe the common peng Pitch@Palace series were Imperial’s as unlikely it is that he’ll ever be would have made a fantastic rant. our names, which debatably were folk call it ‘being content’. Even very own YOYO app. crowned. But, alas, I made it and was ready to invented on scrabble boards, the my tutor pointed out that I came While I am broadly supportive Indeed I am not bothered that the pinpoint and critique all the flaws of Robinsons and Smiths amongst the across as overwhelmed, which made P.S. WTF was that weird drum of these kinds of schemes, it got Queen has such political clout, but G-DAY. crowd were the ones that shocked an amusing change to my usually bell thing on stage? Someone me thinking about the painfully The Duke of York looks at a low-cost incubator at the Pitch@Palace Bootcamp. I feel that if the head of state of my Whilst, yes, if we were in the us. underwhelmed state. For those of enlighten me via the Editor please. euphemistic sounding “working Photo Credit: Layton Thompson / Imperial College London country embarrasses, misrepresents USA, I would major in moaning, We may have finished the you yet to graduate: you have a lot P.P.S. To those who read my royal” designation that gets used or stands opposed to my view of there’s no way I can fault the venue. ceremony with God Save the to look forward to. last column: I didn’t fall on stage regularly to describe members of Controversially, should the police protection at the expense of the world (and a sufficiently sized It pains me to praise, but it’s gotta Queen, but that didn’t stop us from I’m gonna sign off – I’m heaving (unfortunately, no one did), and I the royal family. financial situations of the Duchies the London Metropolitan Police. group of others’), as symbolic as the be said: it doesn’t get much better playing Where’s Wally with the and need a chunder because this did indeed look peng. DOUBLE How many working royals are worsen, the amount paid per annum The budget (as obfuscated as it is, it royal family may be, they should be than the Royal Albert Hall. white people before, during and article is sickeningly sweet. I tried to WIN. there? Almost certainly more than through the Sovereign Support seems that revealing the cost of royal deposable. you think. For example, the Duke Grant is protected and can only rise security is in itself a security breach) How long before the monarchy of Kent and the Princess Alexandria over time. puts the most comprehensive stops being seen as a beautiful and (34th and 49th in line to the throne, While the introduction of the estimate of the cost of protection respected remainder of a bygone as of May 2015) are considered Sovereign Support Grant has for all royals who receive it has age and starts being laughed at working royals and receive a 24 removed the issue (to some extent) been put at £100 million, a figure anachronism in a world slowly The modern-day hypocrite hour security detail from the of categorising which royals are that already dwarfs the Sovereign moving towards democracy? Kudos Metropolitan Police. considered to be “working” and Support Grant. to Prince Andrew for doing good he inner hypocrite has environment! But no matter, the society his good little hypocrites (or Since 2013, the royalty have therefore are on the Civil List, it When all the ancient and work, but I’d much rather you were been lurking within tree lives to see another day. That’s revolutionaries, should I say). been removed from the Civil List also appears to have allowed the obscure, modern and hidden, and just an ordinary bloke. you for some time. until the environmentalist flies There’s not enough time in the day (of people kept by the State) and Keeper of the Privy Purse (in charge otherwise generally unknown costs Occasionally it appears home one week later (after let’s face to list every common way in which instead get a single payment from of the financial management of the of the royal family are added up, in its most obvious form, whereby it, a bit of a jolly), and the locals stop people say one thing and do another. the Sovereign Support Grant, royalty) to take part in some quite the pressure group Republic (which Their tax saidT hypocrite exclaims, “I don’t hiding the flame throwers. I think in many ways, we’re all guilty which is around 15% of the financial shameless spin. may be biased, but the report is very watch trash TV,” and then binge The next species of hypocrite, of it. We form strong opinions on takings of the two Royal Duchies For example, the figure paid well made) estimates the true cost watches 20 episodes of Keeping up and one whose cause seems to have crises we see on the news, yet when (the Queen and Prince Charles) through the Sovereign Support to the British Tax Payer (including exemption with the Kardashians. Of course, been reignited recently, is the anti- it comes to acting on those views, plus other royal holdings, on which Grant for 2015-2016 will be around revenues from the treasury and “I only watched it to see what all capitalist. The person who preaches perhaps by giving money to a good no tax is paid. £40 million, which one could argue those that would otherwise be the fuss was about”. Sadly, not how much better the world would cause, many are reluctant. is a relatively small price to pay collected by the treasury) as £334 and legal fooling anyone. However, generally be if it weren’t being strangled by big Even something like celebrating for the tourism money, soft power, million. speaking a hypocrite can take many bad businesses and our consumerist Christmas every year when not As symbolic and warm fuzzy glow of patriotism There was a popular figure of privileges Jennifer Eden forms. ways. Of course, they vent their believing in God could be seen as we all occasionally (yes, even me) £500 million said to be brought in Writer There’s the environmentalist who frustrations on capitalism via their hypocritical. Without trying to get feel when we think of our long- by the royal family through tourism recently saved a tree in Bolivia from Apple smartphone, on a profiteering too deep, we’re all hypocrites each as the royal established monarchy. It allows very that was produced by VisitBritain. would make being chopped down. How did they social media site, while sipping a and every day. The key is to not be positive comparisons to other states This, if true, would more than allay do that? They travelled 6000 miles can of Coke, most probably wearing so obvious about it. family may with intact monarchies and even to the financial arguments above. in a fuel guzzling jet; hacked away clothing from Topshop or Primark. Stop showing everyone that a handful of states with an elected However the reader might be any believer a path in the rainforest to get to Russell Brand is a glaring example: piece of bark you picked up in the head (see Italy). However, this interested to note that this is simply the tree; then set up camp, only to with a net worth of £15 million Bolivian rainforest (now a soya bean be, they figure pales in comparison to even a a quarter of the figure they judged in the free realize that the tent has flattened a and a new book being launched plantation), and the photos of you conservative estimate of the full cost was due to “British Culture and rare species of ant. each week, need I say much more tickling a monkey’s armpit. And of maintaining our monarchy. History attracting tourists”. I don’t They proceed to piss off the about the hypocrisy of this socialist please, please stop following that should be For example, regardless of the really want to start on why such an market locals who need the land to grow champion. What’s scary is that his curly haired moron because you reform of the Civil List system, estimate is flawed. soya beans, which make the soya followers/fans/minions actually soak have nothing better to do than rant deposable many minor and even obscure Added to this, the bizarre legal milk that you consume because up the mouth farts he’s churning about a system that, so far, is the Put down the monkey.. Photo Credit: members of the royal family receive entities that are the Duchies, with wince it’s supposedly better for the out, making a whole section of UK best we’ve bloody got. Ian Markham/faunaforever rd PAGE 6 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk
COMMENT [email protected] My morning with the President of China Alice Gast then welcomed the some of the research that really I showed Xi Jinping what it’s like to be a student at President and the First Lady to highlights the College’s relationship Imperial with a short speech, with China. Firstly, he visited the Imperial highlighting strong links between Data Science Institute, which is Imperial and China, and the directed by Professor Yike Guo, n Wednesday, Imperial Imperial collaborates with Chinese benefits to both parties. She hoped and the Hamlyn Institute, directed was honoured to partners working on cutting edge Imperial could become “China’s by Professor Guang-Zhong Yang. welcome President Xi research. The key focus of the visit best academic partner in the West”. Both of these institutes will benefit Jinping of the People’s was the announcement of a series from a new £3 million grant by the Republic of China. The trip to of new Imperial-China education It was China UCF group to fund research. Othe College was part of a four and research collaborations, which On the tour he was presented with day visit to the UK, which was will benefit both Chinese students examples of research from both the first state visit by a Chinese wanting to come to Imperial who a huge institutions, including a data-driven leader in ten years. In addition to will now have access to more analysis of the political and social visiting Imperial, the President also scholarships, and the research impact of China’s “One Belt, One met with Prime Minister, David community in terms of funding for honour Road” policy, and technological Cameron in an extremely important Imperial PhD students to study in innovations in medical robotics that meeting regarding the building of a China and research grants. to shake have revolutionised healthcare. Eleanor Johnstone new power plant at Hinkley Point, The President and the First Finally, President Xi met some Writer Somerset. Whilst in the UK he is Lady, Madam Peng, were greeted students of the College, and a guest of the Queen, residing at upon their arrival to the College hands exchanged a few words with Buckingham Palace. by His Royal Highness the Duke each of them. This gave him the Imperial and China have very of York, who then introduced opportunity to ask what life was strong connections, which is why the them to Imperial’s President Alice with the like at Imperial, both in terms of President and the Chinese Embassy Gast, Provost James Stirling, academics and activities outside were so keen for the visit to happen. and Chancellor of the Exchequer President! the classroom, including College In addition to the amazing Chinese George Osborne. They were also funded expeditions and heading the student population at Imperial, there presented with flowers by Union Following the speech, the Student Union. are also many Chinese researchers President Lucinda Sandom-Allum, President and the rest of the It was a huge honour to shake working in the College, and and GSU President Luicheng Guo. delegation were given a tour of hands with the President! Can we ignore human rights abuses in China? Are we supporting suffering by allying ourselves academically?
ccording to the College despite the president hosting the president on his visit. He has been access to the world-class education website, we are the UK’s UN World Conference on Women praised by Chinese state media available here is something that number one research just three weeks ago. for “not stressing human rights” makes me feel proud. It is wonderful partner with China. In George Osborne, the Chancellor and focussing instead on business that Imperial students will be given a speech welcoming Xi Jinping, of the Exchequer, accompanied the potential. He’s said he wants the the opportunity to study in China. ProfessorA Alice Gast, president of UK to “stick together [with China] I just hope that this does not mean the university, said “brilliant students and make a golden decade for both we benefit from an alliance where and academic collaborations are our countries”. Although economic our partner is responsible for stifling making both the UK and China growth in China has slowed, it free speech and disrespecting its stronger, more prosperous and ready still accounts for about 25% of all citizens. to deal with the challenges of this global growth, which is why he Imperial experts and their century”. Surely these challenges of wants China to be the UK’s second Chinese partners are working the century should include opposing biggest trading partner by 2020. As together on cutting-edge research Simran Kukran inequality, imprisonment without China’s economy transitions, there in fields including nanotechnology, Writer trial and the persecution of ethnic is an opportunity for British firms bioengineering, computing, minorities? to provide financial services which advanced materials, environmental Google ‘Chinese President’ and the UK specialises in exporting. engineering and public health. before long you’ll be greeted with The benefits for the country (and Research in these fields will a whole host of human rights university) in collaborating with has already made a difference – abuses. Amnesty International has China are clear. It was announced improving the quality of life for said that the authorities “severely this week that more of the best people worldwide. Does turning a restrict freedom of expression”, and Chinese students will be given blind eye to the state of affairs in the have criticised China for harassing, state scholarships to study here, and country we are allied with mean we detaining and torturing activists support will be given to Imperial’s that are inadvertently fuelling the and their families. For example, PhD students to study at Chinese abuse suffered by so many? Can we since president Xi Jinping has come Universities. I am honoured to be divorce ourselves from this state of to power, eleven women’s rights Xi Jinping is in the UK as a guest of part of a diverse student body and affairs and just focus on the science? activists have been imprisoned, the Queen. Photo Credit: AOL the idea of more people having A girl can dream. felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 7
SCIENCE [email protected] Women are needed to increase productivity Madeleine Webb While some goals are explicitly observation, even sort of a running data showing that disadvantages for countries, where an estimated 13% Writer linked to research – climate change, joke, that Imperial “has no girls”, a women in agriculture also include a of the population goes hungry, sustainable energy and clean water statement that all too often extends lack of opportunities that drag down would benefit the most from such – two targets could find less obvious into the wider world of research. the efficiency of the whole system. measures. ast month the United common ground in STEM circles. Women in the UK fill only 9% of As the FAO’s official statement So the question remains: if an Nations adopted a new Those being Goal 2: Zero Hunger non-medical STEM posts and this explained, “if women had the same increased female presence is what’s manifesto to change and Goal 5: Gender Equality. is a problem, not just for equality access to productive resources as needed how do we achieve that? The the world. Sounds Although the relationship between but for science itself. solution presented by the director dramatic, but the Global Goals for STEM and feminism throughout These issues have been thrust back of African Women in Agricultural LSustainable Development are the history has been complicated, to put into the spotlight over the weekend It is as Research and Development, Dr. new benchmark to measure our it kindly, new data shows that the pay due to the Borlaug Dialogue Wanjiru Kamau-Rutenberg, is a progress as a species for the next 15 gap is narrowing, even if progress is conference, which focuses on food much about difficult one: change the culture of years; and it turns out the scientific admittedly slow. The key problem is security in the developing world. The scientific research. She stated the community may be the key to now seen to be encouraging women Borlaug convention created waves goal is “as much about institutional unlocking such high ambitions. into STEM careers. It’s a common this year when the central message institutional transformation as it is about emerging from the discussions had investing in individuals”. an unexpected emphasis on the transformation A problem this complex needs need for female researchers. to be address on multiple levels if The convention wasn’t all talk as it is about meaningful change is to happen. A when it came to including women wide range of measures to improve either, with 3 key heavyweight investing in conditions of maternity leave, equal female speakers including Chelsea pay and encouraging interest from a Clinton the Vice Chairwoman young age are essential for success. of the Clinton Foundation and individuals Scientific culture does have Florence Chenoweth, the Minister at least one thing going for it of Agriculture for Liberia. This men, they could increase yields on though; science likes to aim high. wasn’t framed as an issue of political their farms by 20-30%”. In all likelihood not all the Global correctness but instead a matter According to World Food Goals will be met by 2030, but by vital to achieving the “Zero Hunger” Programme, if there were equal continuing these discussions the goal set for 2030, perhaps one of the opportunities for farmers the research community can make more most ambitious targets on the list. number of undernourished people of an impact on more sources of The UN’s Food and Agriculture in the world would decrease by inequality than they could have ever The UN Assembly Hall, where the magic happens Photo Credit: Wikipedia Organization (FAO) have collected 150 million people. Developing predicted. Money is green? Bank of England in awe Jane Courtnell at the Lloyds leading insurers produce renewable energy at a lower for renewable energies. Lacking slowly investing more to have a Science Editor gathering earlier this year. price. The only thing needed is that support, it is not surprising that the future that works with nature for a Carney emphasised how a initial investment, to kick-start the “evil” oil companies are doing little sustainable energy supply. All that’s potential economic crash poses renewables industry. to change their main energy source. needed is other companies, such as eports dooming the a huge threat as insurers invest Governmental bodies have this However, small steps are being Exon, to be convinced that a greener Earth as we know it are heavily in fossil fuel assets, likely kick-starting ability. With the EU taken. Shell has predicted that by approach will benefit the company not novel concepts. For to be rendered worthless under the targeting to limit global warming 2050 oil and gas will still play a economically in the future. all the much needed effects of climate change. A fourfold at 2 degrees from pre-industrial central role, but this will plateau Although there is no silver bullet scaremongering in the media, increase in losses related to extreme levels, it is counter-intuitive for by 2100. As a company, it aims solution, a lack of funding by Rclimate change as a threat sits on a weather events in the last thirty the UK government to cut funding to meet the 2 degree target and is governmental bodies is a limiting pedestal. It’s a threat that respects years has already been recorded. factor to the growth of renewables. no boundaries, operating across all At present it is considered too Without public demand, it is borders. However it’s only recently expensive for companies using oil, unlikely that governments will that the financial repercussions of coal and gas to invest in alternative aspire to invest in such bodies, and such a crisis have started stepping energy sources. Infrastructure to such demand is in turn unlikely to into the mainstream. extract fossil fuels is already there, present itself, when the result will Companies and investors are the investment has already been probably be tax increases. realising that any inconvenient made. It is a huge risk for companies It is ultimately a vicious cycle, expenditures to reduce the effects to disregard these current assets controlled by profit and power. of climate change now will provide when the future of renewable The public does not care enough to financial benefits in the future. energy sources and their economic invest, thus the politicians similarly Science and our economy should not success is unknown. lack interest. The public will not care be considered as separate entities but However, as more money is poured until the effects are immediate and as two parts of a dynamic system. into these technologies, the price this lack of immediacy ultimately This was stressed by Mark Carney, will decline. Competition between fuels our complacency towards governor for the Bank of England, companies will result in demand to Mark Carney: Big money, big... ego Photo Credit: Wikipedia climate change. rd rd PAGE 8 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 9
[email protected] [email protected]
FILM The ProgramFILM fooled far too many people. sympathise with the character of with some of the editing choices villain, and Red Army’s is provided The subject matter of a false Armstrong for around the first third – headlines documenting his by Viktor Tikhonov, the ruthless idol turns out to be the best thing of the movie, and as he becomes wins and names of random new coach who – while driving the team Crimson Peak is an education in terror about Stephen Frears’ new film The increasingly entangled in the web characters flash onto the screen in to victory – ruined any chance the Dir: Stephen Frears. Script: John Program – the idea of the world and of his own deception, a venom seeps such silly pop-art style that it looks players had at a normal life; in one An exploration of the nature of fear from gothic master Guillermo del Toro Hodge. Starring: Ben Foster, Chris media championing people who are into the performance so deep that like it was pieced together on an memorable anecdote, a player recalls O’Down, Guillaume Canet, Jesse not all they seem is a relevant one you can almost feel flecks flying off old laptop – other pieces of editing that they were trained so hard that Plemons. 103 minutes. at almost all times in this age, and his tongue onto your face. work well, such as cuts between members of the team began to Tom Stephens makes for an important story, one But a good story and a great Armstrong’s motivational speeches urinate blood. Through sketching in Writer here’s not too much I that is told compellingly by the film. lead performance, however, does and scenes of the team injecting Tikhonov as the arch-enemy, Red remember vividly from There is a certainly a debate to be not a good film make, and The syringe after syringe of dope. Scenes Army gains dramatic clout, but this Crimson Peak the first decade of my had on the ethics of doping in sport Program’s flaws often lie in the like these remind you of just how is tempered by the niggling feeling life: trips to north-east – should it be considered cheating if little details. Frears does a fine job ridiculous the scam became – and that the explanation is too simplistic: London’s Walthamstow Marshes, everyone does it and you physically with individual scenes, camera of why this movie is an important sure, Tikhonov seemed heartless, theT layout of my primary school movements, and conversations, one: it reminds us to question our and probably was, but the wider Dir: Guillermo del Toro. Script: playground, and the occasional but never fully delivers a sense of idols, and to not believe great stories context of what factors in the USSR Guillermo del Toro, Matthew awesome sleepover. But there Ben Foster the cinematic, and the film can simply because they’re great. It’s just would lead to such an appointment Robbins. Starring: Mia Wasikowska, remains from those days an image sometimes feel as if it were made for a shame the execution of it makes it are never really explored. After all, Jessica Chastain, Tom Hiddleston, in my head of a bright yellow strip TV – there’s no really breathtaking sometimes feel a bit damp. not all evil actions are performed by Charlie Hunnam. 119 minutes. of rubber that I’d pulled onto my gives a moment or setpiece, whether in the bad people, a statement reinforced wrist, with a word engraved into it sporting or the human drama. The TOM STEPHENS at the end of this film, when it is that filled me with a kind of warmth script too is thoroughly uneven: revealed that Fetisov, held up as a ’m not sure whether seeing that I’d never really understood magnetic Chris O’Dowd does well as David skating hero, was personally invited too many movies has left me at the time, but I recognise now Walsh, the sports journalist on a Red Army to become Minister for Sport by bored of most of the emotions to be some form of pride. The mission to expose Armstrong, when Vladimir Putin – a leader who they usually elicit, or if there’s word was “Livestrong”, the name performance he’s involved in actual dialogue, is perhaps the greatest threat to just something a bit wrong with me, of the cancer-based charity that but many of his lines and those European human rights. Ibut when I plan to watch a film that Lance Armstrong, big-time of the people he speaks to are Dir: Gabe Polsky. Script: Gabe But brevity is the soul of wit, classes itself as a horror I’ve begun cycling champion, philanthropist as Armstrong riddled with awkward exposition. Polsky. Starring: Slava Fetisov, and omitting a thorough historical to want to come out of the cinema and all-round incredible guy, had The only other cast member who Vladislav Tretiak, Scotty Bowman, analysis allows Polsky to focus not just scared, but disturbed. I’ve established. I barely knew anything can’t win without it? – and The comes across well is Jesse Plemons Vladimir Pozner. 84 minutes. on the heroes of the story – the believed for a while now that the about the exact scale of Armstrong’s Program deals well with both sides as Floyd Landis, the cyclist who Russian Five, the quintet who led true measure of a horror movie is not apparent achievement (which, as it of the issue. got caught doping and decided to n my experience, when the team to victory time and time whether it makes you jump, but if it turns out, was massive), but to me, It documents the rise of bring Armstrong down with him; watching a documentary, it again. Aided by snazzy graphics – instead makes you stare emptily into he was quite simply a hero; I had Armstrong from not-so-humble pretty much all other characters are helps to have at least a slight all Cyrillic lettering and socialist- space for days after seeing it, start seen him on TV, he won stuff, and beginnings to seven-time winner badly written, badly acted or both. interest in the subject. It’s a realist cartoons of overjoyed peasant bringing up matters of existential he helped people, what else could of the Tour de France, and his This is especially true in the case lesson I learnt myself when I went women – the film weaves together despair in friendly conversation, and you possibly need to be one? But fall from an honest, ambitious (if of Guillaume Canet’s performance to see Asif Kapadia’s 2010 film nearly half a century of skating Jessica Chastain as Lucille Sharp in Guillermo del Toro’s Crimson Peak Photo Credit: Universal Pictures I lose hour after hour of sleep because what’s worrying today is that there’s obnoxious) cyclist to a sociopathic as Armstrong’s manager Michele Senna, despite having nothing short history into a rich tapestry, one of fears of what’s lurking in your a good chance I would have thought megalomaniac. Ben Foster gives a Ferari – several times I found myself of complete antipathy towards the that manages to combine high cupboard. Sensory shocks like jump jump scares here and there, Crimson Hiddleston), an English aristocrat violence that allow the movie to who we are”. With this statement exactly the same thing had I not been magnetic performance as the man thinking, “Did he really direct him entire industry of Formula One. drama with touches of humour. scares are all very well for transient Peak is one of those rare horror seeking financial help for a mining remain unmistakably a horror. Del and the film he shows that he a child at the time of his reign over – his early earnestness is perhaps to say it like that?” Needless to say I did not enjoy it. Indeed, the film is threaded with adrenaline bursts, but a film that movies that is not just a horror invention from Edith’s father Carter Toro shows that he hasn’t lost a jot understands the real root of drama the cycling world, because clearly he the only reason that one could While there is also a problem And so the thought of sitting down numerous moments of levity, from says something truly horrifying movie; it is much more. ( Jim Beaver). At a party thrown by of his production design skill that and horror: it doesn’t lie in monsters to see Red Army, a film that centres an ex-KGB agent speaking to his about the human condition delivers Edith Cushing (Mia Wasikowska), Edith’s childhood friend Dr Alan made Pacific Rim so pleasing to the and ghosts, but in real people. around the sport of ice hockey – a granddaughter to muddled Russian a psychological shakedown that a young writer in late 19th century McMichael (Charlie Hunnam), eye. The film is simply gorgeous The actors all rise to the situation, topic about which I know essentially idioms that clearly have no English sticks with you forever. Buffalo, New York, is struggling Edith meets Sharpe’s sister Lucille from beginning to end; the including a charming Charlie nothing – did not fill me with joy. equivalent, a feature that lifts some So when I saw the first trailer to kick-start her career; perhaps ( Jessica Chastain), a serious sweeping, Victorian-era backdrop Hunnam, an understatedly fiery How I was mistaken. of the gravitas such a complex topic for Guillermo del Toro’s latest film because she lacks the talent, but woman with a chilling stillness of crumbling Gothic architecture Mia Wasikowska, and an excellent Director Gabe Polsky, himself a can bring. Crimson Peak – all unfinished- more likely because she is a woman. about her. Sharpe draws Edith’s juxtaposed with the clanking Tom Hiddleston. None, however, keen hockey player, takes the classic His first documentary feature, Red looking CGI, random audio silence Enter Sir Thomas Sharpe (Tom attention, and then her affection, machinery of mining equipment deliver a better performance than approach of using a singular example Army marks an incredibly strong for suspense, and that classic cheap with his mysteriously charming air make for the vivid atmosphere of Jessica Chastain as the terrifying as a metaphor for something greater; debut from Polsky. While he has scare of a loud bang-scream sound (essentially his Tom Hiddleston- a twisted period drama with a hint Lucille – her character represents in this example, the Soviet Union a habit of making himself very quite a few too many times – I ness), but also riles the suspicions of steampunk. Each shot has a the best things about psychological ice hockey team – who completely ‘present’ in the film – including became a bit nervous. Furthermore, Guillermo of Carter and McMichael. Carter path or position that feels perfectly horror, as she turns out to be in fact dominated the field from 1954, the the frequently-muddled questions although his previous film, Pacific decides to take action, and the planned and – evidently polished the most terrifying monster in the year after Stalin’s death, up until the he asks his sitters, zooming out Rim, displayed del Toro’s strong resulting events lead to Edith after the making of the trailer – the movie. It all builds to a nail-bitingly dissolution of the USSR in 1991 – to reveal parts of the recording sense of craftsmanship, it was del Toro being whisked away to the Sharpe CGI has an impressively physical, gripping climax with surprising take the metaphorical weight of the equipment, panning across someone nonetheless bundles of simple and family home Allerdale Hall, an tangible feel to it – the ghosts that amounts of genuine emotional Cold War upon their broad, well- who is speaking; he’s certainly no thoroughly commercialised fun. ancient, decaying mansion literally haunt the mansion have a look heft. It’s not a perfect movie – built shoulders. Told largely through Frederick Wiseman – these don’t That heart-sinking trailer moment understands being swallowed by the English that appears (typically of del Toro’s there’s the occasional cheap jump the eyes of Russian legend Slava interfere with the overall effect of was now about five months ago – countryside surrounding it, with work) simultaneously hypnotising scare or off line of dialogue, and Fetisov, Red Army is a story almost the film.Red Army may document to have its release coincide with the crimson-coloured clay seeping and horrifying. it’s slow to start – but del Toro has too unbelievable to be true; with the position ice hockey held in approaching Halloween season, del the real root through the floorboards. What’s most impressive about the managed to recreate the melding the international reputation of the Soviet life – a fast, brutal sport in a Toro kept this new finished film It is within this house that the true film, however, is that the characters of stunning production design and USSR, and with it socialism itself, ruthless regime – but, like the team under wraps for quite some time action of the story begins: with this and the drama itself take centre narrative depth that made films based on how the players would itself, Polsky handles the material – and thinking back, it’s a relief to of drama change of setting the plot shifts from stage, not the ghosts. Del Toro has like the fantastical Pan’s Labyrinth perform, the stakes were nerve- with a lightness of touch, and true know how much it differed from the an intriguing romance story to a said of his approach to filmmaking so good, and has shown that when rackingly high, elevating an already- finesse. finished product. The wobbly CGI nebulous gothic mystery, punctuated that he interprets “the good and the horror genre, although so often dramatic sport to Dostoyevskian is fixed and then some, and while and horror by bursts of startling, blood-soaked bad in our lives through monsters done wrong, can be truly stunning levels. FRED FYLES there are still somewhat irritating imagery, and moments of shocking and fables” that help him “grasp at its best. Ben Foster as Lance Armstrong in Stephen Frears’ The Program Photo Credit: StudioCanal Of course, every story needs a rd rd PAGE 10 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 11
MUSIC [email protected] MUSIC [email protected] Protomartyr’s return holds no surprises Beach House’s latest is dream-popfection Henry Eshbaugh I’m really moody, I walk to the park more aggressive and animated. To Cale Tilford Lucky Stars is no different in an almost anthemic climax, Writer and let black mascara be washed be frank, there’s nothing especially Music Editor this respect; it’s a continuation whilst ‘Somewhere Tonight’ down my face by my own salty tears, interesting, but he definitely gets of their sound that presents the ends with Victoria Legrand’s as I talk to a withered oak tree – the job done. dream-poppers at their best. unwavering, ethereal vocals olly gee, am I an angsty “the only thing that understands my On first listen, I wasn’t particularly t’s rare to see bands produce Recorded at the same time as against the swells of an organ. emo. The only clothing suffering.” taken by Scott Davidson’s bass such consistently great music, Depression Cherry (and only released I own is black. Black And what is an angsty emo guitar. Lines fit into the background and the few that do offer a few months after), their latest like my soul – my without angsty emo music? This well, but didn’t do anything on substantial evolution of their album strips out many of the layers The heart, which screams constantly in week, to free my inner 14-year-old their own – it seemed. My first sound over time. Beach House, of sublime production that Beach G who nobody understands, I listened impressions don’t match up with I House have become known for. most to The Agent Intellect, the third reality – take ‘Pontiac 87’, where Luckily, their music still sounds warm When I’m album from the Detroit-based post- the nifty-sounding descending line The sort of and fuzzy - the sort of stuff you’ll punk project Protomartyr. serves as an excellent counterpoint want to snuggle up to in winter. melancholy really moody, At first, these guys ticked all stuff you’ll The festive jingle of bells and the boxes on the ‘forgettable and dream-like keys remain, but they I walk to the generic’ checklist: weird name, faux- Casey is want to there’s now a aggressiveness intellectual album title, and cover art exposed underneath. Although have ever “with an, um, grim aesthetic that… positively it’s name might suggest otherwise, park and let uh, like totally reminds us of the snuggle up Depression Cherry is certainly the cyclicality of history or something, less depressing album of the two; been man,” their producer reminds them overflowing Thank Your Lucky Stars is the most black while sucking down the third doob to in melancholy they have ever been. The rest of the album sounds this hour (seriously, how does he with There are times on the album like any other Beach House mascara afford all that weed? Broke students winter where the band shows their record, it’s lavish and dreamy want budgeting advice). Oi mate, there’s something on your head. Photo Credit: Hardly Art sound is capable of expanding. with hazy keyboards and drum Dolls aren’t only for girls - fuck gender stereotypes. Photo Credit: Bella Union Then I sat down and listened to it. existential on the other hand, have released The unconventional beginningmachines driving it forward. be washed And again. And again. Oh, shit, it’s Peppers. Very cool indeed. for that matter. Without Casey’s six albums that all sound very of ‘All Your Yeahs’, which feels It was a pleasant surprise when it’s certainly more of the same, the among the royalty of dream-pop. good. torment The most distinct part of the lyrics, there’s not a lot there that’s similar, each a slight refinement more conversational (by Beach Beach House announced their darker and increased loudness of the Thank Your Lucky Stars by Beach down my Greg Ahee spins slow guitar album is probably Joe Casey’s changing the game – rather than of the one before. Thank Your House standards), leads into second album of the year, and whilst record prove that the duo are still House is out now on Bella Union lines, favouring single notes over baritone half-singing. Casey stand on the shoulders of giants, chords. The normally-thin sound to the guitar. On ‘Dope Cloud’, the is positively overflowing with they’ve opted to hide behind them. face by my is overdriven and smeared out by a bass felt as if Davidson was literally existential torment and a pent- However, they definitely have sown cranked-up reverb pedal. The result pulling the rest of the band towards up rage – opting to sing about seeds of a unique identity – ‘Uncle own salty is an ominous wall of swirling sound the end of the song – very cool. topics like Satan as a teenager and Mother’ is a standout track in terms COMING SOON that fits in elegantly over the drum The niftiest groove, worthyspecious ideologues in the audience of (as Sokal put it in his seminal and bass. of special mention, came at the of a papal visit to Michigan in paper) transgressing the boundaries. TO THE MUSIC tears Speaking of the rhythm section, beginning of ‘Uncle Mother’, and 1987 (witnessed by the frontman Four Tet All Nighter they seem to be straight Joy featured an excited bassline with himself ). Ominous warnings are SECTION: writhing agony about the horrors Division. Drummer Alex Leonard splattered drumming and one hell interspersed – on ‘Dope Cloud’: Rather than of the human condition and the has the same plodding rhythm of a guitar hook – it almost felt “You dedicated your life to prayer / DEMO REVIEWS bleakness and depravity of our as Stephen Morris, but will like they got drunk and forgot That’s not gonna save you, man.” stand on the dismal existence. Sometimes, when occasionally lapse into something they weren’t the Red Hot Chilli Casey’s delivery is one of the most striking sonic elements of Send your demos to the album. The singer’s baritone is shoulders reminiscent of Ian Curtis – but the [email protected] delivery differs. Casey’s delivery is of giants half-spoken, an understatement that seems to underscore the album’s WARNING: thesis of disaffection. they’ve So, the album is technically alright, If you can’t handle but how does it feel? To answer that, opted to hide one night, when I felt particularly criticism, please don’t melancholy, I got drunk, hit up a park, and slumped under a tree to behind them send us your music. listen to it front-to-back. We vibed, The dark can be fun and exciting – the Four Tet All Nighter was neither. Photo Credit: Crack Magazine Protomartyr and I – I felt the burn Overall, this album is a well- of Rust Belt resentment deep in my executed continuation of the status Cale Tilford to the music, all focused on the man electronic producers. and most of these were when Four soul. I wouldn’t say it was a spiritual quo. I wasn’t satisfied. It’s not game- Music Editor A night in the centre of the stage, walled in I expected one of the greatest Tet played some of his more high- experience, but it definitely took the changing, but good background by a cube of screens and flashing nights of my life, verging on a profile reworks including his recent Angsty Factor to a solid 9. music while you and your goth bathed in lights. religious experience. Instead, it was remix of Eric Prydz’s Opus. My biggest gripe with this friends get together and scribble in he last time I spent a night Last Friday (and almost half a year a night bathed in white mediocrity, To call the all-nighter album, though, is that they don’t your diaries about how your parents at Brixton Academy the later), I returned to see a pitch-black devoid of any diversity or variation. disappointing would be an do anything new. Sonically, Joy just don’t get you. air was thick with smelly white stage lit only by a few lamps. This The incessant bassy drops and understatement; I left disillusioned Division’s Unknown Pleasures is a marijuana and fruity was Four Tet’s modern alternative uninspired samples quickly grew not only with my love for Four Tet perfectly good substitute – or any The Agent Intellect by Protomartyr is vapour. The fully engaged crowd mediocrity to the last supper, bringing together tiring. There were few moments and his musical output, but the state A withered oak tree – the only thing that truly understands you. Photo Credit: Old Oak School of Dao pretty good album in the genre, out now on Hardly Art swayed,T bobbed and even lurched some of London’s best DJ’s and where the crowd truly came alive, of London’s electronic scene. friday 23 OCTOBER
coming up! Date Event Time Location Friday 23 Impulse 20:00 - 02:00 FiveSixEight Wednesday 28 Halloween ACC 20:00 - 02:00 FiveSixEight & Metric Wednesday 28 Wine Tasting 19:30 onwards h-bar Friday 30 BPM 20:00 - 02:00 FiveSixEight & Metric Every Tuesday Super Quiz 20:00 - 22:00 FiveSixEight Every Tuesday Cocktail Night 18:00 - 23:00 Metric Every Wednesday CSP Wednesday 19:00 - 01:00 Metric & FiveSixEight Every Wednesday Sports Night 19:00 onwards Reynolds Every Friday Double Dip Fridays 16:30 - 21:00 h-bar Every Friday Reynolds Cocktail Club 17:30 - 00:00 Reynolds imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 13
GAMES [email protected] Fear the Human Resource Machine Tomorrow Corporation’s prophetic puzzler paints a disturbing future for mankind
Cale Tilford chill. Music Editor The alternative, combining the mass factory work force of the past with the precision and intelligence apitalism has of modern technology, could lead manufactured its at least lead to a society with some own demise in the illusion of value and purpose. inevitable future of Luckily, there is actually a game full automation. As machines underneath Human Resource Cand artificial intelligence begin to Machine’s warped prediction of permeate every possible industry we the future, and it’s pretty great. will soon see a workforce without Having previously developed Little work; tomorrow’s corporation will Inferno, World of Goo and the less be a human-free dystopia. It will well known, but still excellent dual- be faster and more efficient, free screen puzzler, Henry Hatsworth, from the slow and unsteady hands Tomorrow Corporation are experts of man. Society seems blind to this when it comes to designing inescapable doom, and the one innovative puzzle mechanics. solution that has been discussed, a Whilst Little Inferno required the universal basic income, is likely to Human Resource Machine is a big ‘fuck you’ to captialism. Photo Credit: Tomorrow Corporation face large opposition. There is only one logical solution: There is increasingly found its way into programming. As a Computing with oversized heads contrast make man the machine. This is the mainstream with titles such as student, the majority of the game the backdrops constructed the uncompromising vision that only TIS-100 and Spacechem, Human provided little challenge, but there from distorted monochrome Tomorrow Corporation presents. Resource Machine presents you with were some puzzles later on in the photographs. It will be instantly We, as humans, must play an a number of simple commands game that momentarily caused me familiar to those who have played essential role in the future of one logical (with more added as the player to question my degree choice. So any of Tomorrow Corporation’s automation by becoming fully completes each puzzle) which it’s easy to imagine that players with previous games, although this time programmable and allowing must be ordered to create basic little programming experience will machines to dictate our lives, so solution: algorithms. A small worker, whose find the game frustratingly difficult. we can increase our efficiency appearance you choose at the There are a number of optional levels A satirical beyond all previous thresholds of make man start of the game, proceeds to run (which are substantially harder) and man. Compare this to a universal around the room following each optimisation challenges, offering a basic income which – within the command in the player’s solution. greater challenge to more capable take context of a post-capitalist society the machine Two conveyor belts, IN and OUT, players. No matter what your skill – gives all citizens an unconditional represent the input and output of a level, it’s incredibly satisfying to sum of money. Without regular player to repeatedly buy and burn computer, and a small area of tiles watch as your worker speeds around on the work it’s easy to imagine the entire items to progress, their newest on the floor represent its memory. the screen upon correctly solving a population slowly devolving into a puzzler tasks the player with The jump command is essential puzzle. modern demoralised mass of web-surfing automating the actions of an office in allowing players to create loops When it’s not warning us of our sloths. The creative types among worker in order to solve increasingly of computation to be applied to impending doom, Human Resource us would be complacent to believe complex problems. each input. Throughout forty or so Machine is also a satirical take on workplace that they might be spared from Best described as a programming levels, the game provides a basic the modern workplace. Each level this potentially endless Netflix and puzzle game, a genre which has introduction to assembly-like represents a year in the life of your they have gone for a slightly darker worker as you slowly climb the palette - a mixture of dreary greys corporate ladder or in this case, and greens that perfectly match the elevator. By the game’s end (and game’s bleak outlook. The music about 40 years of work) your worker from Kyle Gabler is surprisingly has visually aged with grey hair and upbeat, taking inspiration from the wrinkles, a comment on the millions modern electronica scene. Sonically, stuck in the same corporation for it’s similar to his previous work on their entire life. The level select World of Goo, easily one of 2008’s screen emulates the floor selection most memorable soundtracks. panel of a lift with not so frequent If for a moment you ignore coffee breaks indicated between its deep and prophetic themes, large sets of levels. By revealing the enjoyment a player gets out more about the world in these of Human Resource Machine short and ambiguous cut-scenes, will ultimately depend on their the developers are able to capture familiarity (or lack of ) with the painful crawl towards the next assembly programming. It’s as moment of respite in the lives of unwelcoming to non-programmers office workers. as the future is to those who aren’t All of this is presented in made from metal. Who knew programming could be this cute. Photo Credit: Tomorrow Corporation warped cartoonish style; workers Out now on Steam thefoundryw3 thefoundryw3
new bar at woodward hall
Opening Hours 30 % Mon-Thu 11:00-23:00 20 % Fri 11:0 0 -23:30 Student discount Sat 08:00-23:30 Student discount on drinks Sun 08:00-23:00 on food
Just a few minutes walk from North Acton Underground Station
North Acton Underground Station The Foundry Bar & Kitchen Unit 2 Woodward Buildings 1 Victoria Road London W3 6FA
thefoundryw3.co.uk
“Tip o’ the mornin’ to ye” from Gaelic Sports felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 19
CLUBS & SOCS [email protected] Comedy Society cracks up campus Our very own Imperial comedians are bringing LOLs to Metric Peter Munton Writer Okay I was
hose of you who weren’t drinking your sorrows joking, it away during fresher’s week at Tiger Tiger or the RCSU pub crawl, may have wasn’t foundT yourself wandering into the darker depths of Imperial’s social civilised at facilities. Creeping into Metric on the first Monday of term you would have been pleasantly surprised. all Instead of the bass and sweat combo usually found in the infamous the audience returned to their seats nightclub one would have found with apparent eagerness, maybe a delightful and civilised stand up because Imperial’s own comedian comedy night entertaining freshers and president of Imperial Comedy, and (brave) returning students. Arran Hobson-Sayers, was about to Okay I was joking, it wasn’t take centre stage. Or maybe it was civilised at all. Comedy, guys! because of the beer. The most fun you’ll see people having in Metric any time soon Photo Credit: Imperial College Union The night kicked off with some Arran welcomed the freshers in observational comedy from Carl true Imperial style by giving them most as h-bar welcomed another responsible for fun social nights [email protected] to find Donnelly, gently warming up the advice on the wild nights that they host of comedians this time to out to comedy clubs throughout out when the next writing meeting audience with his natural story would surely experience under the entertain the postgraduates, who London, it’s a society where anyone is, or the next social. Alternatively, telling ability. After the interval, Union’s rigorous social calendar. we all know like to spend their and everyone is welcome. come along to the next comedy However, Arran later warned about free moments listening to stand If you are interested in joining night which will be in the Union the consequences of such drunken up comedy and not working. Not Imperial Comedy you can email Bar on Monday 2nd November. He reduced adventures, stating “...it’s all good wasting any of the postgrads’ until you wake up and Mary Berry precious time, the first set was is in the bed beside you”. delivered by comedian Matthew the If you ask me, that just makes it Osborn, keeping his comic timing better. After the thunderous applause on point. Up next was yours truly (I audience died down, the next comedian made won’t go into detail here). his way to the stage. Andrew Watts Losing his stand up virginity electrified the audience pouring out Akash Jyoti then took to the stage, to boyish emotional mid-life crisis stories. Of apprehension was present in the course, being students, none of us room. Akash then unfurled a kooky could relate. But what the hell, we and eccentric performance bringing giggles (you laughed anyway. Anticipation was unconventional energy to the bar. then rife for the arrival of Hasan The audience laughed throughout Al-Habib, perhaps Imperial’s most a first performance worthy of note. know who famed comedian. He comically Following on from Imperial described his long and arduous Comedy was Shazia Mirza, who journey, fighting against all odds to dispatched brusque one-liners, you are) as escape Birmingham to the salvation one after the other. Particularly that is Imperial College London. engaging the (few) female postgrads invites you to he made The headliner for the evening was in the room she whipped everyone ‘French’ comedian Marcel Lucont, up into an outburst of laughter. DISCOVER OUR WORLD and learn about the unique opportunities at Oliver Wyman who decided to teach the students The last spot saw comedian and that will accelerate your career. his way in the room a thing or two about life sex symbol Earl Okin headline the in the wider world. Dryly delivering show. Hugely musically talented on COMPANY PRESENTATION ROYAL SCHOOL OF MINES BUILDING, IMPERIAL COLLEGE bawdy wit he reduced the audience guitar, he erotically made his way LECTURE THEATRE 1.31 – LEVEL 1 through a to boyish giggles (you know who through an assortment of songs TUESDAY 27TH OCTOBER you are) as he made his way through with heavy sexual innuendoes 6.30PM FOR A 7PM START a collection of meticulous sex throughout. Probably the most collection of poetry. And so, the first comedy action anyone in the room would To attend please register via JobsLive night of the year came to a close. get all year. Get there faster
But it would not be too long before Imperial Comedy performances Oliver Wyman is a leading global management consulting firm that combines deep industry knowledge with meticulous specialised expertise in strategy, operations, risk management, and organisation transformation. With offices in another venue opened its doors to can be seen every month down in DISCOVER 50+ cities across 26 countries, Oliver Wyman works with the CEOs and executive teams of Global 1000 companies. the unique humour of Imperial the union bar; from writing and OUR WORLD An equal opportunity employer. sex poetry Comedy. performing stand up to sketches, The dimly lit basement known to Imperial Comedy does it all. Also rd PAGE 20 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk
FEATURES [email protected] Free education for all! FELIX interviews the National Campaign Against Fees and Cuts about their protest
Kieran Ryan working class students. They’ve gone ways. beyond just costs. Writer on from the raising of tuition fees in And as if they couldn’t stop at When you 2010 to £9,000 to targeting loads of that, there is also the PREVENT FELIX: Could you speak a bit aspects, in Further Education and programme for tackling ‘extremism’, about the barriers that exist for n the 4th of November in Higher Education as well. As which tries to force lecturers and international students? do nothing there’s going to be a an example: they have completely university councillors, amongst M: The government is heavily big demonstration removed maintenance grants in others, to report students who don’t attacking international students. you let the in London, calling Higher Education for students fit in with ‘British values’. Which One of the biggest things is the for free education, and Imperial starting next year. And a National is ridiculous because it means reduction in the post-study work dominant Ostudents are going. It’s been Union of Students (NUS) survey that you could say in a seminar visa. It’s ridiculous that international called by the National Campaign in July revealed that over a third or something that you think we students are forced out of the Against Fees and Cuts (NCAFC), of students would have chosen shouldn’t have the Queen as head of country after finishing their degree. forces call the a democratically organised group not to go to university without the state, as her involvement in policy Everyone should have a right to live, of students in both Further and maintenance grant system. and government is undemocratic, work and travel where they want. shots Higher Education. Their demo last And in Further Education the and according to the law you [The foreign secretary, Theresa May year got a good 10,000 people on 24% cut in February was followed could legitimately be reported and recently announced plans to reduce deportation if they resist and protest, the streets. by a recent 2.5% cut once the monitored by the government for this to no time at all – students so I think there is a very real pressure A group of Imperial students Conservatives won the election. saying that. So it’s absurd and an would be forced to leave as soon as on international students to not are going to this demonstration as This has directly led to the attack on our freedom of speech. It’s they have graduated.] fight against the attacks on them. an Imperial bloc – the third this The only way to stop this and the year mobilising our students, after government changes I mentioned Imperial Medics joined a protest before is if as many people as against proposed changes to junior possible challenge collectively. So doctors’ contracts. while the pressure is there, if you Organised by our Deputy feel you can get involved and come President of Welfare, Jennie Watson, on the demonstration then please Campaigns Officer Andrew Tranter, do and we can all fight together and yours truly, the bloc aims to show against these changes. that there are Imperial students who believe in free education, and FELIX: Imperial is pretty are willing to do something about apolitical, and apathetic towards it, but also to spread the word that politics, and our student elections there are students who are political, are very apolitical. However, we are organised, and who make things have one of the highest turnouts happen. for our elections in the country. Do If you want to come along, or you have any remarks about apathy just find out what it’s all about, among students today? search ‘Imperial goes to the Free Ed M: Well, I did about 20 minutes National Demo’ on Facebook. of leafleting for the Demo last week, To get a flavour of what the Imperial students protested last Saturday against planned NHS contract changes. Photo Credit: Grace Rahman and the responses from Imperial demo’s objectives are, I sat down students were all like “Oh yeah I with Monty Shield, a member of the disadvantaging of working class also the case that the government International students are also do believe in free education”, and National Committee of NCAFC. and international students and are using this policy as a way of now forced to pay £150 to use the the only thing was that they didn’t migrants because it led to massive legally targeting, monitoring and NHS – a service that should be free yet know the demo was happening. FELIX: Could you give a brief cuts for the English for Speakers discriminating against Muslim for everyone. So, about apathy: not fighting overview of the demo, and what it of Other Languages course in FE students across the country. We On the 17th of November the something like this is not the same stands for? institutions, which thousands relied really need to fight it. National Union of Students is as staying neutral towards it. When M: We’re fighting against the on and will now have around 16,000 But then it’s not just a negative organising a walkout in universities you do nothing you let the dominant government’s education cuts and places cut nationally. There are also demonstration, it’s not just against across the country to protest against forces call the shots, and in this case fighting for a better, fully funded, plans to freeze the loan repayment the current system; it proposes a attacks on international students – that’s the government - apathy lets free and democratic education earning threshold at £21,000, which vision for a better education system. the idea being that home, EU and the government in power do what system. The government is attacking will force poorer earners to pay non-EU students will all walk out it wants to do unopposed. So really more. FELIX: Cool, what’s that vision? together in solidarity. the choice is: let the government M: So when we say free, partly continue to attack working class The FELIX: That’s because ofthat means getting rid of tuition FELIX: I’ve had a couple of students, let it continue to attack inflation? fees and supplying universal living international students say to me international students and migrants. government M: Yeah, so inflation and the grants for everyone, but we also something along the lines of: “I Or oppose those attacks together. average wage rise over time, but the want a fully liberated university don’t want to start shit in a country Because as sad as it is, if we don’t is attacking threshold for repayment stays the system – part of NCAFC’s policy where I’m a guest, I could get kicked oppose it together, it will happen. same. So over time that £21,000 is to fight for universities to be out”. What would you say to those But what is exciting is that our is worth less and poorer people run democratically, by a mixture students? opposition can make a massive international will have to pay more in relative of students, workers, and academic M: The government attacks difference. terms. So as I say, they are attacking staff. We’re fighting to get rid of all international students and at the The protest takes place on Wednesday students working class students in all sorts of the barriers to education that go far same time threatens them with the 3rd of November. felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 21
ARTS [email protected]
the night begins with sugar by Natasha Sajé Salt Lake City here in our state of yes and smug crystalline over mountains and horizon melt such pretty clouds such drifting light who is it enough for what kind of person lives in this sweetness this clear beauty and does not utter a single oh or no or even I my hand clapped over my mouth my tongue caught by what’s left in the right hand the dominant and clenched what’s right in the left hand easily tossed catching instead malaise a coma of indifference swirling in our stunning vestibule mourning the self just getting by in a theocracy of pretense and defense here in my state of smog and so what
Photo: Dents du Midi in Clouds by Ferdinand Hodler
Are you a keen and creative writer? Want to tell people what it’s really like at Imperial?
Whether you are a fresher or a returning undergrad or postgrad, you can apply to join our student blogs team by: • sending us 600 words about your start of term experience, or • submitting a photo or video blog about Welcome Week – don’t forget to caption your photos!
Send your submission by noon on Monday 26 October to [email protected]
Accredited by ➔ www.imperial.ac.uk/studentblogs rd rd PAGE 22 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 23
ARTS [email protected] ARTS [email protected] The hilarious world of Ahir Shah All hail the Frieze? The upcoming young comedian takes on London’s top comedy venue in style The commercial bomb is dropped on the latest and greatest in contemporary art Max Falkenberg ticket is going for an extortionate a little cramped. Thinking of all Max Falkenberg With a lightning fast delivery and Arts Editor £35, rising to over £60 if you include the great galleries in London, the Arts Editor material of mind-boggling detail, Frieze Masters. Who said the swarms of people at the Frieze make Shah’s set insists on your full focus, art world isn’t accessible? Having everything a little claustrophobic. and it gets it. Jumping from smoking, he dirty side of the cycled over from an early morning You can enjoy yourself at the Tate he sharpest, most to ISIS, to the environment, Shah art world isn’t always lecture, I’m quite keen on dropping and it’s hard not to have a good politically charged covers immense ground, beautifully obvious, but Frieze my bag in the cloakroom, but with time at the Serpentine. Yes it gets comedy I have ever seen weaving his words from one topic to London is making an impressively long queue and busy everywhere, but the Frieze is – period. Of course what the other. You could just call him a every effort to scream it in your charging £5 per item, I think I’ll particularly oppressive, and the art I’ve seen is somewhat limited, but face.T The fair ranges from the dull pass. I talk an exceptionally grumpy dealers don’t help. thatT changes little; Ahir Shah is This isn’t just to the exceptional – as you would security guard into letting me skip I walk past “Truck” by the exceptional. There are many great expect from any art fair – but the German artist Birgit Brenner and comedians who make you laugh, commercial machine seems to overhear the exhibitor arguing with and some who make you cry, but comedy, this bleed through everything. Located Frieze is a husband and wife over the price of few can make you think and feel in a giant glorified marquee in the work. €85,000 the dealer insists; like Shah. Distant isn’t just another Regent’s Park, Frieze London in its particularly that’s the art world these days he set – everything is funny, but funny is a political thirteenth year claims to offer an quips. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all with a purpose. unrivalled breadth and vision into for art being valued and I don’t find As a well-educated, British born lecture contemporary art. In many respects oppressive; €85,000 so unreasonable, but there comedian Shah could play on his it succeeds and given enough is a brutality to witnessing such Indian roots and build a clumsy comedian, but calling him a preacher patience, the Frieze is quite an the art dealers ruthless negotiation in what should set on cultural stereotypes, but he might be more appropriate. This is experience. Everything is on offer be an enjoyable event. It feels so doesn’t force it. He has an amazing high praise, but it’s justified. Shah is and everyone will be impressed, but heartless and it seems to go against appreciation for his place in society, a poet with unparalleled vision, and the atmosphere is all wrong. don’t help so much of what art stands for. Of and he says so much more about his he achieves this at no cost to his side Arriving at the exclusive complex, course I’m an idealist in that sense, heritage than many others would. splitting comedy. Many won’t get the word’s “Deutsche Bank: Main the queue, but only press get that but I wish it didn’t have to be like Shah knows he’s an idealist, but his jokes, and for some it’ll be too Sponsor” are splattered left, right lucky; the commoners can wait. this – a few make their millions and he also knows the hypocrisy of his much to bear, but if you can stomach and centre. The place is crawling With over 160 exhibitors from the rest can’t get by. western views. This isn’t just comedy, it, Shah’s work is a must see. with security and I feel distinctly 27 countries, I’m quite taken aback I’ve put quite a negative spin on this is a political lecture about Until 24th October at the Soho judged for not wearing a suit or by the scale of the Frieze. I try to the Frieze and yes the elitist air is people like him and people like us. Shah giving his sermon at the Edinburgh Fringe. Photo Credit: Laughing Horse Theatre... So go tonight! some kind of felt smock. Apart from work my way through reasonably rather unpleasant, but I’m here for the odd cluster of art students, the methodically, trying not to miss the art. The bulk of the fair is made crowd is made up of businessmen too much, but it’s not easy. I get up of stands from a selection of well- and what I assume are art investors. that they’re trying to put the whole established galleries including the We are so ahead of the time – it’s a blow up FELIX! Photo Credit: Frieze I’m not surprised since a standard range on show, but everything feels likes of the Gagosian and the White Cube. Their work is unsurprisingly The real reason to come to Frieze decadent and impressive, but on is for Focus – a selection of thirty Hamlet Panopto’d into the Union the whole the display is rather or so up-and-coming galleries predictable. Walking around, I spot curated by the Frieze to show the Imperial students enjoy Cumberbatch’s performance without leaving campus everything from Anish Kapoor to newest, edgiest work. Here the Francis Picabia – contemporary art names on the walls aren’t familiar, Peter Munton was apparent due to the ease of were laughing at. but everyone knows the next few Writer transmission and lack of buffering. Aside from these minor stars are hanging here somewhere. National Theatre Live provided a occurrences, the show was easy to It feels so This is the dealer’s first destination smooth and intimate experience follow, with superb sound and visual when they get to the fair and I’m veryone’s had that moment for the audience. It’s rare in theatre quality; the rumbling bass and heartless and pretty sure everything is already when you wake up and to zoom in on actor’s faces and sharp lighting effects made it feel sold by the time I get there on day just cannot be bothered like you were actually in the room. three. Personal favourites include a to get up, get dressed The level of detail was astounding, it seems to series of works by Harold Ancart and make it to your 9am lecture. See every something you might not get sitting from the New York based gallery ESo instead you decide to stream it at the back of a theatre, from the go against so CLEARING, but I’ll leave my live from home via Panopto. When heartbreaking intricate designs of the set to torn picks of the Frieze for the next page. Imperial Cinema decided to take up photographs indicating that much of what Admiring “Waterfall” by Chinese part in National Theatre Live and tragedy is imminent in this famous artist Li Jinghu, a staff member stream Benedict Cumberbatch’s emotion Shakespearean play. from exhibitor Leo Xu Projects Hamlet from the Barbican straight Cumberbatch’s performance as art stands for can’t help but try and sell me the into the Union Concert Hall, it expressed Hamlet filled the air with an excited work. It’s irritating, but I still admire was all these students that thought buzz of an aggravated and disturbed Cumberbatch in zoomed-in glorious HD. Photo Credit: Johan Persson yes, but nothing new. A number of the quality of what’s on show. The ‘Score! I don’t have to travel across see every heartbreaking emotion adolescent. What he excellently live works are on display and the fair reality is that this isn’t a gallery central London to watch this, I can expressed. This also meant however, displays to the audience is the emotional development of a would- to hang on every word of the show has commissioned a series of Frieze but a commercial event. It’s super just watch it from the union!’ that when something happened on emotional torment of a son who be king struggling to grow up in with anticipation, perched at the projects, but the masses of people interesting and I will definitely go First off it’s important to say stage and it was not in shot, the has lost his father, while trying to very different world. Cumberbatch edge of their seats. and the scale of the fair makes it again (if I don’t have to pay £35 for that Panopto wasn’t responsible for cinemagoers became very confused, wrap his head around an enduring succeeds in drawing the audience For the rest of the NT Live season, pretty hard to focus. I guess I’ll plan a ticket), but it’s a once a year event. the live stream of the show, which wondering what the actual audience puzzle. What is also seen is the in to sympathise with Hamlet, and check out www.imperialcinema.co.uk Oh look! It’s a cardboard truck! Would you like to buy it for €85000?... “Truck” by Birgit Brenner Photo Credit: Frieze better next year. Turn over for my picks of the Frieze! rd rd PAGE 24 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 25
ARTS [email protected] ARTS [email protected] The great and glorious from this year’s Frieze as chosen by the experts – FELIX!
Max Falkenberg Wenyu/ Zhu Weibing, Wondering Arts Editor where to go, 2012, Li Jinghu, Waterfall, 2015. Anish Kapoor, ello and welcome to Untitled, 2014. my completely official selection of the best of Right Page, Middle: Kerstin the best at the Frieze. Brätsch/ Debo Eilers (KAYA), It’s not what anyone else seems to Sprepper_Schnaken Table #1, 2015. Hhave chosen, but what do they know. I’m sure I missed half the fair but 4 hours was enough for me. Anyway, in no particular order I present the great and good from this year’s show.
Left Page, Clockwise from top left: Xavier Veilham, <
Right Page, Clockwise from bottom left: Urs Fischer, Dr. Nope, 2010. Albert Oehlen, Baum 31, 2015. Ji rd PAGE 26 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk
FOOD [email protected] How to cook meat Reverse-searing is the the most impressive way to cook a steak on a student budget
Sanjay Bhattacharya Perhaps the lack of sauce Béarnaise Writer is what’s held you back last year, so it’s only fair to treat yourself to that, the triple cooked chips, and a token he next time you get the rocket salad. family come to London Or is it actually the skill – the fact and take you out for a that you just get to sit there, idly meal, pause for a second swirling your Chianti (just like at the before you order the steak. I mean, wine tasting your friend at Durham fine,T it’s not your credit card, and it’s took you to) and chatting about typically the most expensive item on the latest batch of freshers, whilst the menu, so surely you’re getting pointedly avoiding all conversation your money’s worth? You certainly about your own degree, before a wouldn’t pay that much when you steak appears, cooked just the way go out on a cheeky date to Nando’s, you like it. Of course, that’s medium rare; you have to show yourself off as a real connoisseur in front of your parents, so they see how well you’re Just like at maturing at uni. Besides, it’s how he You don’t have to serve it on a slate, but it does help. Photo Credit: weeklygravy.com orders it on Man vs Food, so it must the wine be the best way, right? But, with the laws of we’re looking to use the minimums Let’s cut to the chase: you’re Is this thing on? thermodynamics (which, as a supplied in student halls. ordering it because you hate cooking But how do you get to that lovely Biochemistry student, I’m not Why not instead of using water, tasting expensive cuts of meat at home. temperature? Is it all about the white going to attempt to understand) in using air as your cooking medium? I used to. Spending £10 on a nice hot coals in a disposable barbecue, mind, having a flaming hot grill is That’s how a regular oven works, and steak, only to have a crisis moment or maybe the lovingly passed down the worst thing we can do. By the so that’s the secret: cook your steaks, your friend when it comes to actually cooking cast iron pan from gran? Again, let’s time the heat has spread through and all your nice thick cuts of meat, the beast. But let’s break it down, have a think. the steak, and you’ve taken your in the oven first. But not too hot – and dispel a few myths along the Unless you’re dealing with very careful temperature reading, the you’re going to have the oven set at at Durham way. This isn’t my own investigation cheap steaks, yours should be a nice, outside will resemble the charcoal the lowest it can go (most should – far from it, it comes from the chefs thick cut piece of meat, and I’m you’re cooking over – well past the do about 100°C, but the lower you I’ve worked with, as well as some talking 1 inch at the very least! It’s golden brown caramelised sear we can go the better), so that the meat took you of the excellent literature available why meat counters tend to be better want. So you switch to the pan, and warms up slowly. It can take up to 2 online that explores the world of for them: you can get them cut to again, it’s just too hot! There will hours for a particularly thick steak, to scientific cooking. size. Cooking for one? Ask for a be a nice grey band of overcooked but in that time, you can be doing thick piece from the scrag end, and meat around the edge, with a tinge anything. Just check it after half an How do you take it? get a slightly narrower cut. Stay at of pink in the centre. Fine, you can hour and watch as the temperature but that’s different; this is a time For a start, what do we mean home date? Share a steak. You just labour over it for hours with a lot of rises. It couldn’t be simpler than to treat yourself. It’s not like you’re when we say “medium rare” so want a nice thick piece of meat in butter, patience and constant (every that! missing out on anything else on proudly to the waiter – as if they your mouth at the end of the day. I 30 seconds) flipping, but that’s far the menu – who really knows what insult you for assuming you might mean, who doesn’t? too much work for a busy student, Sear it up half of it is anyhow? Foams, airs, have it any other way?! Well, as a right? Now that you’ve taken your deconstructions: all are meaningless scientific institution, we should take Naturally, you can do all sorts of perfectly cooked steak out of the when you know exactly how juicy, an objective stance – medium rare It’s how he things: leaving the meat out to get to oven, you could just dive in – but meaty and delicious that steak is 57°C. Nothing to do with how room temperature (which actually it hasn’t got any of that beautiful will be. It’s a safe choice. But, ask it feels compared to the palm of takes well over 4 hrs, not exactly crust. That’s ok – fire up that grill yourself - what am I really getting your hand, or anything to do with orders it speedy), only flipping it once (how or heat a pan on the hob until it that I can’t do myself? how long you cooked it for on one could that ever help even heating?) smokes when oil is added, and Is it the meat? Well, maybe. side, or even if you brought it out and a myriad other supposed tricks quickly brown the outside of the Kitchens have access to some better of the fridge an hour before cooking on Man vs to get your meat to cook better, steak, flipping regularly so you don’t quality meat than you might pick up – this is simple fact, temperature very few of which have any sort of burn any spots. Or put it under the from many of the lower end shelves determines doneness. So how do scientific grounding, and even fewer hottest grill your oven can manage, (and sorry, but Tesco’s Finest doesn’t you tell? Food, so of which work. and watch it carefully. Now, that’s really cut it), but lots of the meat Well, spend £12 on Amazon, and how meat should be. You’ve just counters at many a supermarket you can get a digital instant meat it must be Let’s get technical completed your first reverse sear! now stock some very good meat: dry thermometer. Basically a metal So, let’s rewind: how to get Named as such because unlike aged, well marbled, and cut properly. probe with a thermocouple inside, something to that perfect normally, the sear came last. And free range, higher welfare it takes a reading in seconds, and the best temperature? Well, if I was to run an The above also applies to chops chicken is now standard, along with you get to know exactly when your experiment in the lab, I’d use a water of all kinds, whole and jointed fowl, Welsh lamb and heritage pork. Fine, meat is just so. 53°C for rare, 65°C bath, which is exactly what many and large roasts – slow, low heat to it’s not the cheapest by far, but I’m for medium (for beef at least. All way, right? modern chefs have turned to, in the bring up to temperature followed by rooting for quality over quantity. the other temperatures you can find form of sous-vide cooking. But the a brief trip to hell to crisp. Take your Is it the accompaniments? online). Life is so much easier now! gadgetry is far too much money – pick of meat, and enjoy! felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 27
BUSINESS [email protected] Last orders as craft beer steals market share Will a mega-merger in the brewing industry save big beer?
Alastair Heffernan region. Writer Instead of a potentially value- destroying mega-deal, the firms owner’s might have been better n the UK back in 2006 the served by the company improving majority of pubs served mostly its prospects at home. identical lagers on keg; variety One way it could do this is was achieved by a changing by dealing with the elephant in assortment of warm cask ales that the room: craft beer. Instead of Ioften left younger drinkers wanting. reverting to its more monopolistic In the US, the situation was similar; tendencies of the past decade, bars served a narrow range of such as attempting to limit craft indistinguishable beers: Bud Light, breweries’ access to the market by Coors Light, Budweiser and the throttling distribution lines, the like. Any variety found came in the big brewers could diversify their form of expensive import beers like offering. They could set up beer Guinness. incubators in the manner of tech By 2015 it might appear that start-ups, bankrolling small brewers, nothing has changed: Bud Light advertising their products and is still the USA’s most drunk beer, helping them to market. beating its equally bland rival Miller In this way AB InBev would Light by over $3 billion in sales. Yet The Apprentice did beer once, remember? This is not the same at all. Photo Credit: BBC / Boundless undercut its current products with the experience of going out for a its own brands. To those that would beer has unquestionably changed. The biggest of all, AB InBev 2018, and has sold off investments allowed: national antitrust agencies rather the big beer companies stay Drinkers are now met with a (producer of Bud Light and in other assets not essential to (bodies that watch out for the out of the craft beer market, the smorgasbord of choice thanks to the Brazilian favourite Skol) is brewing. These easy profit-boosting growth of monopolies) will demand reality is that if AB InBev promotes rise of craft beer. These are highly responding to the encroachment moves have undercut the potential the selling off of assets to prevent a California pale ale or sour beer flavourful beers made by small, of the craft brewers by buying impact AB InBev may have had. the dominance of the new company. in the future as it does Bud Light its rival, second largest brewing Areas where they might have The most obvious goal of AB today, it would encourage more conglomerate SABMiller (maker hoped to cut costs, in the arguably InBev is, surely, geographical. people to drink better beer, and in It is difficult of Miller, Peroni and Grolsch). bloated South African operations SABMiller has a foothold in Africa, doing so, grow the market for better The acquisition, provisionallyof SABMiller, will meet strong with a near 90% market share in quality brews. A bigger market for to realise announced last week, will cost AB governmental opposition as local South Africa and a small presence craft beer benefits all producers and InBev some $104 billion and will politicians seek to safeguard jobs. in the important Nigerian market. will ensure that even more pubs produce a global superpower in If AB InBev will struggle to AB InBev’s CEO, Carlos Brito, are supplied with the good stuff. A efficiency brewing, responsible for around one make radical improvements via claims that the acquisition will world with declining sales of dire in three pints consumed worldwide. cost-cutting then perhaps synergies allow his firm’s brands to be sold in lager must be a better one. gains when Yet, even this industry titan might will justify the acquisition. In the the rapidly growing African market. As it is, AB InBev has bought a not be able to save big beer. jargon of mergers and acquisitions, Yet this is not as simple as it company with an almost identical breweries are That’s not to say that AB InBev synergies refer to the sharing sounds. Importing brands such portfolio of beers as itself. While doesn’t have form in the field of of resources by two firms, thus as Budweiser would make them African growth might sustain it billion dollar acquisitions. The reducing overheads and increasing prohibitively expensive. Even for a while, the new company will on different company was born out of a deal profits. A challenge to this is that brewing the beers locally may be continue to face declining sales that saw Belgian based InBev buy the two firms operate in different tricky; barley is expensive in Africa under the pressure from craft beers. continents US brewer Anheuser-Busch. InBev regions; it is difficult to realise and local brewers have responded If other markets such as Latin took a firm with flat lining shares efficiency gains when breweries are by developing alternatives based America and Africa ultimately make and ruthlessly trimmed the fat, on different continents. on cassava and sorghum. It remains the move to craft, then perhaps AB independent companies. From cutting back on everything from Where the two firms do share to be seen whether AB InBev’s InBev will end up wishing it had dedicated brewpubs like The Craft free baseball tickets to corporate territory such gains might not be offerings can gain traction in the gambled on quality not quantity. Beer Co. to curmudgeonly chains jets. The new company, AB InBev, like Wetherspoons, almost every saw its share price increase tenfold pub sells some amount of craft beer. from its acquisition in 2008 to This visible change in pubs and today, justifying the premium InBev A $104 billion dollar whip-round bars on both sides of the pond is paid for AB. The firm would seem As most companies don’t sit around with over $100 billion in the bank (Apple being a glaring exception to reflected in the numbers: in the US, well placed to repeat this story of this rule) AB InBev are looking to finance their deal using debt. They will achieve this by selling a rumoured craft beer volumes were around 5 success with SABMiller. $60 billion of bonds. This cash will be used to buy out around 59% of the shareholders of SABMiller for million barrels through the early The problem is that SABMiller £44 a share (the price is in sterling as SABMiller is listed in London). The remaining 41% of the shares, noughties before rapidly growing is not Anheuser-Busch. SABMiller belonging to two of the major shareholders, are being offered a partial share swap. Instead of buying the to 22 million today. This double has seen solid share price growth remaining shares, AB InBev will offer in the region of half an AB InBev share for every SABMiller one, in digit growth in production goes since 2004, rising from £5 to over against the negligible change in beer £35 a share in recent weeks. In addition to a small amount of cash. Based on the current share prices, this amounts to a significant discount consumption over that time: craft addition, it has undergone its own to the shareholders getting all cash. The reason the two big shareholders would accept getting a worse offer breweries are stealing market share cost-cutting programme, projecting is that receiving shares instead of a cash windfall will prevent them receiving a massive tax bill. from the big players. savings of $500 million a year by rd PAGE 28 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk
WELFARE [email protected] Mental health Self-care and looking after helplines and resources
If you are concerned about your number one own mental health or that of a Noor Mulheron loved one, there are people out there Welfare Editor you can talk to who can give you advice, or will be there to listen.
elf-care is a term that refers Helplines and Online to anything you choose to do Resources that is a step towards taking care of your physical, mental If you are distressed and need or emotional health. Practising someone to talk to: Sself-care is a key aspect to keeping yourself productive, motivated and Samaritans happy while on a busy schedule Phone: 08457 90 90 90 like the one typically present at uni. (24 hour helpline) Self-care can be as small as trying to www.samaritans.org.uk accept you needed more sleep when you had that nap rather than being For issues with anxiety: annoyed at yourself for not keeping on working, or as large as deciding Anxiety UK to set aside a few hours to make Phone: 08444 775 774 yourself a blanket fort and watch (Mon-Fri 09:30-17:30) a movie in it. It can be easy to get www.anxietyuk.org.uk wrapped up in everything you need to get done, and it is hard to notice No Panic or accept when you really need a Phone: 0808 800 2222 break. When you are feeling run (Daily 10:00-22:00) down, let yourself take some time This is what the FELIX office looks like. Not. Photo Credit: Pinterest www.nopanic.org.uk out to look after yourself, because you deserve it! Relaxing cinnamon and 4. Fill up the rest of the mug popcorn, chocolate bars, For eating disorders: Writing down some “recipes”for nutmeg drink with milk/milk substitute and almonds, crisps. self-care can help a lot, and can also stir again. 4. Find some comforting music, Beat serve as work-motivators because 1. Take your favourite mug and 5. Consume to your heart’s a book or a movie you love. Phone: 0845 634 1414 you can give yourself a target and fill the kettle. content. 5. If desired, grab a person to (Mon-Thurs 13:30-16:30) then a self-care based reward 2. Take a small teaspoon of cuddle along with your soft- www.b-eat.co.uk afterwards. To get you started, here cinnamon powder and a The blanket fortress toys (OPTIONAL). are some self-care “recipes” I like to smaller teaspoon of nutmeg 6. Cuddle up in blanket fort with For addiction: use, ranging from the simple to the powder/mace and put in mug, 1. Make a blanket fort using soft toys/person and watch lovely-yet-elaborate. with a generous squeeze of sofas, blankets, quilts, pillows movie or read while drinking Alcoholics Anonymous honey. and so on. your drink and eating your Phone: 0845 769 7555 3. Fill mug up to halfway with 2. Furnish blanket fort with soft snacks. (24 hour helpline) Practising boiled water and stir until the toys and fairy lights. 7. Continue until you feel www.alcoholics-anonymous.co.uk honey, cinnamon and nutmeg 3. Make a hot beverage and slightly less icky. are mixed in. obtain some snacks e.g. Narcotics Anonymous self-care Movie time Phone: 0300 999 1212 (Daily 10:00-midnight) is a key 1. Get some popcorn of choice www.ukna.org (can be any flavour or type) and a cup of your favourite aspect to beverage. College Resources 2. If you want to have a meal too, then prepare it (e.g. you Student Counselling Service keeping could make yourself a hotdog Phone: 020 7594 9637 meal to be extravagant, or your Email: [email protected] yourself favourite pasta bolognaise etc). Imperial College Health Centre 3. Pick your movie. Phone: 020 7584 6301 productive, 4. Turn off the lights and make Email: [email protected] a comfortable place to sit to watch the movie - if desired, You can also go to your academic motivated put on some fairy lights for an or personal tutor regarding pastoral atmospheric feel. issues, especially if you think your This cute little self-care zine is right up our alley. Photo Credit: Twitter 5. Watch the movie and snack mental health might be affecting and happy @floreashelby contentedly! your academic performance. felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 29
HANGMAN [email protected] DEMOCRACY IN ACTION CAPTION Hangman runs for a position you don’t care about COMPETITION his week, Hangman [Manifesto begins] just voted for or why, we’d like to made the mistake of Hello, fellow human! Hangman offer you 3 policies that are entirely looking at the Union here. We’re running for the position legitimate and will definitely be website, and accidentally of [somebody check which position enacted if we get into power. got dragged into the orange and this is] because we feel really 1) Free chocolate or some shit, we blueT portal of hell that is the Big strongly about [whatever this don’t know. Elections. As you’re no doubt position is for]. Believe us when we 2) Shut up. unaware, there were elections for say you’ll definitely want to elect us 3) We promise not to ever bother some majorly important Union after reading this. you with this rubbish again. positions this week, including the This is the part where we’d put Unlike that dirty socialist Jeremy Ethics and Environment Officer. some sappy life story or rubbish Corbyn, we have zero interest in We told you it was important. about our history and how what we democracy, so you won’t have to Ethics are important, as is the did that one time in Year 7 means worry about electing anyone into environment (provided you’re a we were born for this job, but that this job again. Wouldn’t that be a filthy hippie). stuff requires effort to come up with load off your mind? No more silly Unfortunately, Hangman didn’t so you’ll just have to imagine it. little elections? really feel any of the candidates were Maybe imagine something heart- [Manifesto ends] truly up to our exacting standards, wrenching and movie-worthy. Like If you have been affected by any of so in the spirit of democracy we’re the start of Up. Imagine that. Cry a the issues raised in this column (and completely ignoring the rules/ little. Keep reading. God help you if you have), then go results and putting ourselves In order to convince you to put a complain to someone else. Or email forward for the job. Because shut ‘1’ in the box next to Hangman and Hangman and call us wankers. up, that’s why. then immediately forget who you Your call. “Oh God, another bloody immigrant.” TAURUS CANCER GEMINI VIRGO ARIES HOROSCOPES LEO
This week the usual guy is This week to celebrate the This week after making This week you discover that This week you finally realize This week whilst looking writing the horoscopes so Chinese President’s visit you friends with some medical your Horizons German that Imperial is not the for internships you stumble the mediocrity that has been decide to occupy the Library. students you learn that they course is not all it’s cracked magical place you had built it across ADLT industries. forced upon you will now be You then decide to introduce have all received free iPads, up to be as it seems the only up to be and is in fact where Being an electronic engineer, marginally improved upon. the death penalty and kill and when you get a chance other people that applied for you will learn to resent the you assume that you are You wouldn’t believe how 2700 people, defying any you have a look to see what it were Chinese Engineering course you do, scientists, your going to get some hands on long these actually take to international laws or pressure, educational use they provide; students and the whole teachers, your lecturers, even experience with advanced write. Like at least a full hour. and torture any political or however all that’s on your lesson is spent learning how the Library Café workers lighting technology. You end Tough. religious activists. Oh wait, friend’s iPad is vibrator apps to ask for different types of who sell you your sweet, up being a mopper on a porn that’s actually China. and Angry Birds. screwdrivers. sweet jacket potatoes. set. SCORPIO AQUARIUS SAGITTARIUS CAPRICORN PISCES LIBRA
This week you discover that This week you discover This week as a School of This week you realize that This week you discover that This week you decide to try if you have any particular that although your biology Medicine student enjoying the amazing mate you had in making a reference to the milk for the first time. You penchant for The Big Bang personal tutor has been very your free iPad, you learn first year who you always got fact that the events of Back wake up disembowelled at Theory, literally all of your chummy with you, she does today that in the contract that drunk with may not actually to the Future 2 took place the bottom of the Mariana friends will leave you and not appreciate you referring you signed for your free iPad be a reliable housemate. on Wednesday is not an Trench. Pint? never speak to you again, to her as your ‘conservation it says that you are no longer Unfortunately you learn interesting character trait [This was sent to Hangman. rendering you socially lower trap queen’ and you have to allowed to complain about this after he violently expels and if you really have to use Hangman doesn’t understand than that racist kid you met attend a sensitivity training anything at Imperial or on waste from both ends in your that in real conversation then it. Maybe you do? If not, send in freshers’ week. session. your course. Did I mention room after a night out. you should probably piss off. a better one to hangman@ how I got a free iPad? imperial.ac.uk] NNECTION ThePIMLICO Inspire Volunteer with Imperial’s Encourage leading tutor programme, The Pimlico Connection. Motivate To apply or for more information, visit imperialcollegeunion.org/pimlico
Linking Imperial students with the local community C mmunityConnections felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 23rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 31
PUZZLES [email protected] FUCWIT Solo Efforts 1st Cherry Kwok 11 2nd Harry Secrett 10 3rd Nicholas Sim 9 4th Ho Chin 7.5 5th Sach Patel 6 =6th Grace Chin 3 =6th Jeremy Ong 3 Groups 1st Parmesan 9.5 2nd Gap Yahhhh 6.5
Points available 12 Slitherlink 1 Rectangles 2 Crossword 4 Sudoku 5
Across 14. Tinted 28. Sea floor 3. Punctuation mark 17. Betrayers 1. Assign 16. Contented 29. Swimming style 4. Union drinking vessel 18. Baby buggy 5. City district 19. Leaves workforce 30. Estimates (damages) 6. Most apprehensive 20. Frame for glass 9. Misting up 21. All of two Down 7. Cosmos 21. Dress tops 10. Layout 24. Images of gods 8. Genuine (4,4) 22. Short-haul plane 12. Wild youths 25. Enticement 1. Resources 11. Immediately (1,1,1,1) 23. Positive electrodes 13. Corn bundle 27. Redox mnemonic (3,3) 2. Manoeuvring space 15. Measuring rod 26. Long for
Rectangles Divide the grid into rectangles or squares each containing a single number which corresponds to the number of cells in that piece.
Slitherlink Join dots to make a single continuous loop. The number in each cell indicates the number of lines surrounding it.
Solutions MegaNonoGram Last week it was a picture of a baby or a doll.
Email your solutions to [email protected], before midday on Wednesday! rd PAGE 32 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk
SPORT [email protected] Throwing Joubert under the bus A statement from the governing body undermines some of rugby’s greatest qualities
Jonny Pratt row forward jogging backwards to thrive we need referees. Being Writer ten metres with a “Yes sir” after hung out to dry on the biggest stage conceding a scrum penalty that nine by World Rugby is not the right times out of ten they won’t agree way to be treating those at the top ast weekend the quarter- with. It does not matter whether of their profession. Craig Joubert is finals of the Rugby World it should have been a scrum or a an excellent referee. The manner in Cup took place, with the penalty. The referee gave a penalty, which he sprinted off the pitch at Southern Hemisphere so it’s a penalty, drop ten metres and the end of the game is unacceptable teams winning all four matches. and should be addressed, but I hope LThe final game, between Scotland The referee that he continues to have a long and and Australia, turned into one of successful career. the most fascinating games of the To those of you who feel that this tournament, with a controversial is always witch-hunt has been appropriate, 78th minute penalty kick ultimately I implore you to go out, take a proving the difference between the refereeing course and take charge of two sides. right, even a few games yourself. After hearing Take a look at the byline on the comments from the Back-of- World Rugby’s website: “Building Beyond 4th XV fans, imagine how character since 1886”. With that in when they amplified this would have been in Craig Joubert sprints off the field at the end of a thrilling, but controversial, game mind, I don’t know what “character” Twickenham on Sunday. at Twickenham on Sunday. Photo Credit: Matt Dunham/AP the match official selection are wrong committee is trying to build with its statement on the controversial final prepare to go again. The statement th call in that game. For those of you released by World Rugby only Home fixtures: Wednesday 28 October who haven’t read it, the statement serves to undermine this approach. reads that “the appropriate decision, Indeed, the entire basis of World BADMINTON HOCKEY RUGBY LEAGUE therefore, should have been a scrum Rugby’s statement hinges upon to Australia for the original knock- whether you consider that Australia’s MENS 1ST WOMENS 4TH (MEDICS) MENS 1ST on” and not the penalty which Nick Phipps “intentionally plays vs CARDIFF vs HERTFORDSHIRE vs ST MARY’S ultimately proved the difference the ball” according to Law 11.3(c). between the two sides. I cannot Even with the benefit of the WOMENS 1ST MENS 3RD help but feel that World Rugby has multiple angles that we have had vs BATH vs PORTSMOUTH RUGBY UNION thrown Craig Joubert under the bus access to, I am yet to be convinced with this statement. either way on this point. The MENS 2ND MENS 6TH MENS 1ST What is the point of this referee has to make this call in real vs SURREY vs READING vs KCL (GKT) statement? Is it for aspiring referees time, and as I was watching live I to remember at some point in their immediately thought that it was MENS 4TH (MEDICS) WOMENS 5TH (MEDICS) MENS 5TH (MEDICS) future? If so, their various regional a penalty. There will be many who vs ST GEORGE’S vs KCL vs SURREY and national associations can pass argue that the referee should have this down to them. Is this a pseudo- been able to refer to the Television BASKETBALL WOMENS 2ND apology to the Scottish players and Match Official (TMO) on this call. vs KINGSTON MENS 3RD management? If so, speak to them How many decisions are we going MENS 2ND vs ESSEX privately about the matter. The only to refer if this becomes the norm? vs KINGSTON purpose I can see is to shift the blame Is it any penalty decisions with 5 LACROSSE on to Craig Joubert for the decision. minutes left on the clock, with 10 FENCING TENNIS If this is the route we are now minutes? Indeed, what about all the MENS 1ST going down, I invite World Rugby penalties that aren’t given? In many MENS 3RD vs PORTSMOUTH WOMENS 1ST to provide us with an opinion on rucks there are moments where vs UNIVERSITY OF vs NOTTINGHAM every penalty given (and not given) some referees would call holding LONDON WOMENS 1ST during a game. Perhaps at the end of on, while others would give a split vs SURREY MENS 3RD the tournament we would then have second longer. Should the TMO WOMENS 2ND vs ROEHAMPTON a lovely table of could haves and be watching for all of these in the vs BRUNEL would haves. Yes the link between last few minutes? It simply does not NETBALL this last minute penalty and the produce a workable game if we go VOLLEYBALL final result is obviously clearer, but down the route of assessing these FOOTBALL WOMENS 3RD (MEDICS) in reality it counted no more or less kinds of penalty decisions. vs BRUNEL MENS 1ST than any of the preceding points. For any fans holding a grudge, the MENS 1ST vs BRUNEL As will have been drilled into wrong call was made at the lineout. vs MIDDLESEX WOMENS 8TH (MEDICS) every rugby player from the moment Execute your set piece correctly and vs READING Fixtures are subject to they picked up the ball, the referee take the referee out of the equation. MENS 2ND change is always right, even when they are The reality is that Scotland were one vs WESTMINSTER wrong. This is a part of the beauty successful lineout from a World Cup of this sport, seeing a 20 stone front Semi Final. Ultimately, for the game