Stories of Golf Stories of Golf Collected by William Knight and T

to ,* '•• THE GOLF MUSEUM AND LIBRARY United Stales Golf Associalion

Donated through the kindness of STORIES OF GOLF STORIES OF GOLF COLLECTED BY WILLIAM KNIGHT AND T. T. OLIPHANT WITH RHYMES ON GOLF BY VARIOUS HANDS ALSO SIIAKKSPKARK ON <;(>!.l< I;TC\

ENLAR(UCl) KIHTION

LONDON : W|I.I.IAM 11Kl NKM ANN

1 m IDI i i \ i i \ All n/;/ih restntd\ To JND R E W LANG AH ARDENT GOLFRR A TRUR CRirrc .i.vn

RUTS i.irri.K INIO /s nnnicA ?•/••/> PREFATORY NOTE

SMALL book containing "Stories of Golf" was ritten some six years ago, and published in the pring of 1889. It was issued under a title which was perhaps enigmatical in certain quarters—viz., On he Links. As all rights were not reserved, many of hese stories have been reproduced elsewhere, with alterations. In this edition, they are printed as origin- lly written down, and some thirty new stories are dded. The authors of many Rhymes on Golf— printed in Mr. Clark's Book on the game, in The Scots Observer, and other Magazines, and newspapers have generously put them at the disposal of the ditors. Mr. Andrew Lang has added to his kindness, n writing two poems for the first edition, by also ontributing to the second. So far as the stories are concerned, their chief nterest for the majority of readers will doubtless consist in their disclosures of character, alike in the olfer and in his caddie. viii PREFATORY NOTE Every player knows that in this game—as in the greater game, and the more serious business of life- it is endurance and pluck, courage, patience, anc steady resolve, that tell in the long run. Not showjfl brilliance, but minute attention to details, never losing heart, and making the best of each disaster; and, in , foursome, perfect command of temper, and often sacrificing what might be a brilliant stroke, in order tc "make" your partner. For these reasons, the game may be considered as one of the best disciplines to character; as i certainly reveals human nature both in its weaknes and its strength. The fact is that, when we play golf, we put aside the masks we usually wear, which conceal our weaknesses even from ourselves. Every hoy knows that, in the cricket or football field, he often gets to know his schoolmate better than he knows him in the class-form. Perhaps it is when we unbend in play that what is deepest, in man and boy alike, comes out. It will be found, for example, tha golf reveals the egoist as few other games do. The egoist cannot help letting his weaknesses escape, whether he plays, or talks, or writes of his game. One will boast of the feats of the olden time, when good play was so much more difficult than now, and tell you how there are people still living whe PREFATORY NOTE fx

remember his fine style ! He will try to persuade you that "the former days were better than now," as if Golf could be any exception to the universal law of progress. Another player may propose a match with one considerably his inferior, but the latter may wisli to try his fortune without accepting odds, finding it a stimulus to do his very best. They play equal, and the match is halved; whereupon the superior player grumbles, and says : " I really wish he had accepted odds; it always puts me off my play when a man, horn I can easily beat, won't take the odds, which ic is entitled to have." These are but samples of what occurs every day in the hundred golf-club- houses of the country. The abiding interest of all humorous anecdotes is he way in which Ihcy arc a mirror of social life and nmanners. In this respect stories of golf arc no ex eption to the rule, but rather an excellent illustration of it. It should lie added that while the SIUTIH were pass ing through the press, Lord Kingshurgh kindly con tributed several additional storien of ihe gnnic, which will be found at p. 66.

THE CI.UII IIOUMS, ST. ANUKMV:., A niuniit /.v.v.y PREFACE TO THE FIRST EDITION

WHAT has led to the publication of the few pages that follow is easily told. Every Golfer has heard numerous stories in connection with the game. Golfing anecdotes are associated with one's earliest memories of the Green, and they have given unwonted zest to many a match. As there is no game which men play from youth to old age with such unwearied zeal, none has yielded so many good stories, characteristic both of the players and the pastime. Like all other anecdotes, however, they pass rapidly through various editions, and they are altered in the process "for better for worse, for richer for poorer.'1 A few of them doubtless improve by repetition, like the old ballads and floating proverbs of a nation. Others are impoverished by the loss of those phrases which at first gave them point and local colour. Some of the very best—and especially those which xii PREFACE TO THE PIRST EDITION derive their charm from the customs of a generation that is passing away—run the risk of perishing altogether. As the Royal Game is a true picture of life, and as the character of the player comes out in the course of it quite as much as it does in his more serious pursuits, authentic anecdotes of the Green would accurately reflect the characteristics of each generation of Golfers. It has therefore been thought desirable to write down a few stories, and to publish them, in the form in which they were current in St. Andrews and elsewhere about the time of Her Majesty's Jubilee. There are doubtless many more—some of them perhaps butler than any here recorded—still hidden in out-of-the-way places, of haunting Lhu historic "greens" of Scotland; and, as this little volume is an experimental one, any contributions towards a subsequent (illustrated) edition will be gratefully re- reived, if they are sent to the care of the Publisher. A j(u rfesprit which appeared a year or two ago, entitled Shakeiftare on Golf, is issued along with these anecdotes. It is now considerably enlarged. Mr. Andrew Lang has written an "Ode to Golf" for this volume, and he has consented—with the concurrence of his Publisher—to the reprint of his PREFACE TO TUB FIRST EDITION xiii "Ballade of Golf, which appeared in his Ilalhuks in Blue China. The book is intended for golfers. Many of its allusions will be intelligible only to then).

THE CLUB HOUSE, ST. ANDKKWS, Spring 1SS9 STORIES OF GOLF STORIES OF GOLF

A Letter on Golf

THE first anecdote is an old one, and is known in various forms, just as many a myth may be traced in the traditions of each continent of the globe; but it is clear, from intrinsic evidence, that it is connected with St. Andrews, and it may reasonably be presumed to have some foundation in fact. An English lady travelling from Edinburgh to the North, via " the Ferries" (it was before the days of the Forth and Tay Bridges), afterwards wrote to a friend describing the journey. "It was pleasant enough till I got to a station called Leuchars, where two strange-looking men got into the carriage. Their clothes were shabby, their whole appearance was wild and unkempt, and though they spoke good English with little accent, it was mixed with many strange I ( 4 ON THE LINKS words which I did not understand. Niblick, Cleek, Stimie, were some which I remember, and they talked in a horrid way about clearing somebody's nose,* and running over somebody's grave; * but the worst of all was when one told the other how he had been in Hell* that morning, but his partner had taken him out with a long spoon! They seemed to be gentlemen, but must have been mad, and I was very glad when we got to the next station, and went on board the steamer which crosses the Tay."

The General The absorbing love of the game, even with those whose keenness of enjoyment of most things i,s blunted by age, was well illustrated in the case of General , who had never played until he was well on in years. The General, when at home, was a regular attendant at the parish church, where he occupied a prominent

* "The Principal's Nose:," " Walkinshaw's Grave," and "Hell " are three well-known bunkers on St. Andrews Links. A few years ago a certain clergyman tried to induce the caddies to call the last named "Hades" or " Sheol." He was not successful. STORIES OF GOLF 5 position in the front of the gallery. It was during one of those long prayers, not now so common as formerly, and when standing and not kneeling was the orthodox posture, that the minister observed the eyes of many of the congregation turned in the direction of the gallery. Looking up, he was thunderstruck at seeing the General -always a pattern of strict decorum—grasping a large Psalm-book tightly with his left hand and guiding it with the rightj now lift- ing it slowly above his head, and bringing it rapidly down, and just grazing the desk in front; and repeating these movements a second lime, with a smile of satisfaction on his face. Fortunately, the pause which the minister made soon brought the

General to "attention," and the prayer was resumed.

On Perth Inch

A player on the Perth Inch drove a remarkably long tec shot a link: to one side, and struck a poor man, who was wandering across ihe Inch, a full Imvr, and he fell down. In grief and consternation the player went up wilh all .speed towards him ; and, seeing him speechless and in evident pain and Ihilt lie was poor being only too evident (juicily slipped 6 ON THE LINKS half a sovereign into the hand of the unfortunate man he had injured. The man looked at the coin, and I then at his benefactor, and, with a wistful look, exclaimed, "And whan wull ye be cumin' oot again, sir ?"

On Bruntsfield Links

On Bruntsfield Links a similar accident took place, This time it was a young lady, walking with her mother, who was hit by a ball and knocked down. As she fell she fainted away. The player and an excited crowd gathered around her. The golfer muttered his apologies, and expressed his sorrow in the mother, who was in extreme agitation over hot child. The girl, suddenly coining to herself, exclaimed, " 0 mamma, has he hurt my new bonnet ?"

A wasted Life

A St. Andrews player, who had taken to the game in his old age, and settled in the city after making a fortune in other lands, became such a devotee that he could think of nothing else, and do nothing else than play golf at every available hour. With a sigh of STORIES OF GOLF 7 extraordinary honesty and regret, he said to his partner in the course of a round, "To think, now— just to think—that I have wasted all these years of my life that / might have spent in playing golf! It is dreadful to look back on such clays and years; and now, I'm an old man. Well, I must make up for lost opportunities, and live to some purpose in what remains 1" The same devotee of the game addressed his opponent, in the course of a match on a grand golfing day —it should be mentioned that he was four up and five to play—" Don't you think, sir, that the man who invented golf must have been inspired ?" "No more than you or I may be inspired," was the reply; " the good player is always inspired." It seemed to fall on the Colonial like a thunderbolt, for he never won another hole and lost the match !

The idle and the. busy

It used to be said of a well-known St. Andrews player that he divided all the men he knew into two classes—the idle and the busy; the idle went round the course only once a day, the busy men went round twice. 8 ON THE LINKS

The free-spoken Shentleman A well-known player, who was accustomed at times to give a free rein to his temper, and whose language on these occasions was never very select or restrained, was out for a week, and one of the quiet order of caddies was carrying for him. The caddie was afterwards asked how he got on with . " Weel, sir," he replied, " he's a varra fine free-spoken shentleman, but whiles he's jeest a wheen blaspheemerous" This remark giving rise to some merriment, and the caddie being in dead earnest, having a very high regard for his employer, and meaning rather to compliment him, added, with emphasis, " But he's a varra fine free-spoken shentleman, sir."

Various kinds of Players

' " What is the length of the course at St. Andrews ? " inquired a beginner at his caddie. " It a' depends on the play," was the reply. " But the distance round the links, I mean, for your eighteen holes." " Weel, sir, there's the like o' and , and STORrES OF GOLF 9 the professionals. They men'll gae roond ifl aboot an oor and three-quarters. But there's , and , and sic like; it'll take them twa oors and a half, an' maybe three oors, sir. "There's a hantle difference in players. There's wild drivers, tearers jeest ; and there's folk that'll pit aff time lookin' at their ba's, as if they were gaun ta< fa' doon and worship them ; and there's ithers that'] pit aff time by talkin' and talkin' aboot their play, am explaining and tellin'' ye what's garred them miss, ani what's the matter vvi' their heid or their inside, anu what's made them nervish ; and some are awfu' fond 0' blethers, and canna play a decent game without chatterin' a' the way alang. Them's no guid for much. They canna play steady for bletherin'. Of course I carries to ony man, but I dinna like to carry to the talkateevous players. They put a mon oot, even when he's carryin'; and he canna mind the score."

Other Players Another of the St. Andrews caddies was asked by a player just arrived in the ancient city, what sort of people were on the links just now. "Wee], sir," he io ON THE LINKS I said, " there's some that's never awa', and there's a lot that aye comes when the Lord comes." (He referred to the Lord Justice-General (Inglis), and seemed to think that he always brought over a contingent of golfers from Edinburgh.) "Them's fine players that come wi' the Lord; at ony rate, fine gentlemen to carry till. But there's a lot others that come blous- terin' in tae St. Andraes nooadays, that it's a sair trial to carry till." " What kind of players are these •— ? " " Weel, ye see, sir, they seem no to be jeest the genuine kind o1 gentlemen; for they raage at each ither ower muckle, and canna keep their tempers (mind ye, gowf's a gran' game for trying the temper), and they're awfu' bowstfu'. A never seed a man ploy a guid game yet that was a gowffin' bowster. No but that a guid player kens it, and is prood o't; but he neever Maws aboot it, or aboot ony ither thing, sir, in ma opeenion. Eh ! it's a gran' game gowf, for showin' what's in a mon."

Incipient Lunacy A Scotch minister, who rather frowned on "games of idleness," heard a description of golf, and vaguely STORIES OF GOLF u apprehending that players • spent many hours of the day over the game, said, " Do you mean to tell me that men out of an asylum can go on driving a ball for hours along the grass ? " " It is so, and it is the greatest luxury in life to some," was the reply. He rejoined, " Well, I can imagine them doing it for a few minutes; but is it conceivable that men with reason, men not actually insane, can go on spending a whole day, and day after day, in merely hitting a ball! I really think their friends should look after them. Depend upon it, it betokens a softening of the brain, and incipient lunacy." It was the lot of this reverend gentleman to be often in the bear-garden of debate, which he seemed to enjoy amazingly. That was apparently his relax- ation from severer studies. We are curious creatures of habit. Lang Willie

As illustrating what every golfer knows, viz., the familiar criticism of the sagacious caddie, who is at once candid, respectful, and unceremonious,— " Lang Willie " was carrying for a player, who lost his temper at his own bad play, and who, after one exceedingly bad stroke, turned round and broke his 12 ON THE LINKS club in disgust. Willie looked at him with a long and solemn face, and, after a pause, standing still, said, " Sir, it's varra fulish, It's varra fulish, sir."

The Canon A well-known St. Andrews golfer — a reverend Canon, and a most delightful partner in the game- had the habit, when playing badly, of using words which did not imply a condemnation of himself, but rather the invocation of blessing from above. He invariably expressed his annoyance in the phrase, " God bless my soul!" One day, after missing a very short and easy putt, the customary phrase escaped his lips, when his opponent at once rejoined, " He'll never bless you if you play like that!"

Poor Plav

Four rather poor players were out, and some interest was taken by their friends in their match. As they were coming in, one of the caddies of an out-going match was told to ask their caddies re- turning how they were getting on. The reply came sotto wee, with a dire and significant look, " As sure's STORIES OF GOLF 13

deith, they hauved the last hole in saxteen !" and the caddies walked on in silence. Telling this story to a caddie (the particular caddie will be recognised from previous stories), he smiled grimly and said, " It wad be a varra guid story, sir, if it were a wee bit truerer."

The surgical Operation

The last remark is so good an illustration of Sydney Smith's remark that it takes a surgical operation to get a joke into a Scotchman's head, that a similar, if not a better instance of the same truth may be told. A prelate of the Scotch ICpiscopni Church had a very unimaginative Abei'donian for his rurcUi1, The bishop was a man of rare humour and great .social gifts; and one day at dinner, when tin 1curate was present, the remark of Sydney Smith was quoted by one of the company; whereupon the usually silent man from the North said, in the musl staid and solemn staccato tone, "Well I don't <]uite see what good -the surgical operation would do lo him." This was received with a mar of good naturril laughter; but the curate of the North was quiu1 14 ON THE LINKS unmoved and unperceptive. As soon as the laughter began to subside, he went on in the gravest manner, and with the most deliberate voice, "You see, the one—is—phees\ca\,—and the—other—is— metaphees'icaV

Lang Willie again "Lang Willie," referred to in a previous anecdote, was a well-known feature on the St. Andrews links, during the second quarter of this century, and some way on into the third. It was generally believed that his origin—at any rate on one side of the family—was higher than his position, as his manners certainly were. On the occasion of Louis Kossuth's visit to St. Andrews, Willie expressed a strong desire to be present at the public dinner which was to be given to the lion of the day, and applied for a ticket to the Bailie who was in charge of the arrangements. The worthy man, full of the import- ance of his office, curtly refused the application, saying to Willie that it was " no' for the likes of him to be at the dinner." " No' for the likes of me ! " was Willie's indignant rejoinder. " I've been in the company of gentlemen from eleven to four o'clock STORIES OF GOLF 15 .laist days for the last thirty year, and that's mail" than you can say !"

Golf versus Latin and Greek

Another St. Andrews Professor, who has long since eft the city, was being taught the game by a caddie. He was lamenting his want of skill, and wondering (as even distinguished golfers often do) at his want of success, and his apparent inability to learn an art vhich to the uninitiated seems so simple. He asked his caddie for an explanation. The reply he got was, "Oh, sir, ye see onybody can teach thae laddies" (meaning the students of the University), "onybody can teach thae laddies Latin and Greek ; but Gowf, ye see, sir, Gowf requires a heid. "

The Principal Another University official (and it is said a Princi- pal) was out on the Links, and a messenger came out after him, who asked the caddie of one of the home- coming foursomes if the Principal was out, and where he was. The reply was, "Ay, ay; he's oot at the fifth hole, tappin' his ba', an' damnin' maist awfu'." 16 ON THE LINKS

The Canon

A well-known Anglican Divine, a dignitary of the Church, was golfing on the St, Andrews Links, and like every one else, got into trouble in a bunker, Stroke followed stroke, but he couldn't get out. At length his lips moving with extreme irritation and the effect of continued muscular effort, his caddie interposed, and coming up to the Rev. Canon, exclaimed, "Wull I say it for ye, sir?" A companion story to this may be given. A player who had halved the first round, missed his tec shot at the beginning of the second. His opponent said to his rival's caddie, "Say it for him": \ to which the caddie replied, " It's no worth a damn."

The Principal

An old caddie, who had carried clubs for the late | Principal for many years, said recently to his son, "Man, Maister T , yer faither didna leave his like i' the place; he took tilings sae quietly and coolly, no like thae fteein jump-a-jakes we hae sae mony o' nooadays," STORIES OF GOLF 17

Golf in the Pulpit

Taking a round one day with a caddie of the contemplative type, one of the best and most sensible that ever carried clubs at St. Andrews—a man who tnows that "silence is golden," and never ventures to speak unless he is spoken to—a noted player was seen to be in trouble, and in imminent clanger of losing his temper, if, indeed, it was not already lost, by misadventure. A remark having been made on the troubles which had overtaken this redoubtable golfer, the caddie began, "(iowf, sir, gowf's a gran' game for teaching a mon humeelity, It's faur belter for that than mony a sermon I've lieerd on a Sunday. Ye see, it brings oat a' that's in a mon, lie ean na keep it tae his sell when he's playin' gowf. lie man go on dainuin1, if he's a damnin' 111011 ; an' if he's a patient mon, he'll be a deal patienter, if lie's a good gowfer, and a deal sensibler too." "Then, if you think so much of the game, you would say it's better to play golf than go to Kirk ?" "Na, na, sir, 1 wadna jeest say thai. Hut, sir, I've heerd some men play gowf i' the poopit." 18 ON THE LINKS "Play golf in the pulpit!• What do you mean I by that?" " Weel, sir, ye see, the mcenister gied out his text and syne he took a gran' shot frae the tee, a clear hit straight on; but at his second stroke he got hunkered in an illustration, and he couldna get oot under three strokes; syne he made a guid approach wi' his iron, and lay deed; but, man, he missed the putt i' the practical application a'thegither. It was verra puir play, sir." In connection with this story, it may be mentioned that a well-known professional in St. Andrews, went out one evening (after dinner, be it noted) to hear a sermon from a divine who was not famous for clearness or consistency of argument. The preacher •got into trouble at one part of his discourse, and paused for a moment, when the professional cried out, audibly enough to be heard by many in the con- gation, "Ay, ye're bunkered there, sir ! "

A Caddie at Pan A young player, wintering at Pau, in France, and almost wholly ignorant of the language, had for his caddie a French boy who knew no English. They STORIES OF GOLF 19 managed to get on by the language of signs. At last the player made a remarkably good approach shot, and his ball lying dead, he turned round with an air of intense satisfaction and triumph to his caddie, who instantly exclaimed, " Beastly fluke ! " It was all the English that he knew !

Caddies' Advice A St. Andrews player who went out regularly carrying his own clubs, was playing a single against a friend who always employed a caddie, and who on that particular day had a remarkably good and sagacious one. At a certain stage of the game, the player who had the caddie was in trouble, and got a bit of advice respectfully volunteered to him by his attendant, to which the player who never employed one objected, as bad or absurd advice, and told his opponent that he ought not to do as advised, but to do so-and-so. Whereupon the opponent's caddie addressed him, " Sir, I've liad nane o' yer bawbees, and I'll hae nane o'yer impidence"; and, turning round to his employer, added, "Dinna believe him, sir! It's no his interest that you should win the game, sir, Ye'll aye find yer caddie's yer best adviser, sir ! " ON THE LINKS

The Same A certain player asked his caddie, " What do you think I could give Mr. on the round ? " " Weel, sir !" was the reply, " if you get a guid grip o' him at the first twa holes, ye'd be able to haud on tae him, like a weasel to a rabbit." " But what do you mean by ' a good grip ' ? " " Weel, sir, I mean if you're twa up, and dinna gie him a chance after that, sir !" " But how can I manage that ?" " Oh ! easy enough, sir, just drive straicht ahead, and dinna gie a tam for onything, sir ! " A little later in the game the caddie resumed his wise coaching rules. " Drive straicht, sir, that's the gran' thing. Ye see there's players that'll gae tae the richt, and sync to the left; they'll gae into the railway, and syne into the whins; but they canna tak' a doonricht straicht deleever. Now, sir, a doonricht straicht deleevcr is faur better than a strappin' far shot. Play you straicht, sir, it's a hantle better than playin' faur. And mind whaur the bunkers lie, and keep oot o' them. A bunker's jeest tamnation to maist players." STOIUES OF GOLF 21

Odds

Another player, taking out the same caddie, asked him, "What odds could I give to Mr. - — ?" "Weel, sir," was the reply, "if ye were in yer play, ye micht gie him a hauf; but ye see sir, ye're no that aften in yer play that ye can affoord to gie ony mon odds. " I'd advise yu, sir, no lao gie him onything ava, if ye want to will."

Derivation of the word Golf

A player from ICngland who WAS;I novice, naked his opponent (also from the Soulli) just ;is the caddies were arranging IIn* Ices " 1 say, can you tell me the derivation of the word 'golf'?" "Oh, yes," replied his friend, "I believe it In ben corruption of the words 'go off,' and iiieiins just 'drive away.'" "Indeed. All ! that's very likdy. [ wonder 1 never thought of it before; nil exceedingly good derivation.1' 1ie then addressed himself to his ball, and missed the tee shot. I lis opponent followed suit. As soon as they were, at a safe speaking distance behind the 22 ON THE LINKS players, one caddie remarked to the other, " Did ye hear' em. Sic nonsense. I'm no thinkin' gowf means tae gae off for maist players; they hae faur mair need tae gae on." As the conversation as to the origin of the word was continued by the players, and waxed somewhat keen at the next hole, one of the caddies ventured to remark, "Sir, a've been thinkin' about what I heerd ye say, but a'm no sure that yon's the meanin' o't. A think that the name for onything wad likely be taen frae what suits the maist o' players; an' they a' need tae gae on." The same caddie was narrating this conversation with the English players to another of his employers some months afterwards, and added, " It's verra queer tae me that fowks sud tak' up sae muckle time thinkin' aboot derivaations, and sic things, whan its faur mair needfuler for them jeest tae learn the game. It's ma opeenion, sir, that it sets a man aff his play tae think ower muckle aboot onything. Jeest look at thae Professors, noo ! There's nane o' them '11 ever be first-class gowfers; nor can be, in ma opeenion: for they jummel their play by carrying a hantil mair i' their heeds than's needfu'. It's ma opeenion that Providence meent gowf to be played at Sant Andraes, STORIES OF GOLF 23

jeest to prevent fellas like them frae gaen aff their heeds by thinkin' ower muckle. It's a verra guid thing, sir, tae hev gowf near a College: an' I think it's what I've heerd preachers ca' ' a Speecial Provi- dence.' "

Consolation

Amusing stories are told of the consoling remarks that caddies often make to those who are learning the game, even after any number of mistakes and blun- derings. Who has not heard the phrase, " Ey, if it had na had that kick, yer ba' wad hae been at the hole side." "Jeest talc' it easy, sir, tak' it easy, an ye'll be on the green." " A gran' shot, Sir; " "a fine shot," &c. &c. On one occasion a player, who had not handled a club for many a year, but whose arms, at least, had not forgot their cunning, addressed himself to his ball at the tee, and with prodigious force " missed the globe": whereupon the caddie remarked, "Ey, but that wad hae been a splendid shot, sir, if yu had hit the ba'!" 24 ON THE LINKS

Golf and Croquet A billiard-marker, at Wimbledon, was asked one June by a player, " why there were so few players at the table." " Oh," said he, " it is that confounded Scotch croquet they've introduced here. It's taking every one to the green nowadays. They won't play no billiards, sir, so long as they can get that confounded Scotch croquet."

Lang Willie A well-known player of the last generation had " Lang Willie " for his caddie, and at the last hole coming in—the match being undecided—asked him what club he should take for his second shot. "You'd better tak' your short spoon," said Lang Willie. The player took it, and missed ; and at once threw the club away several yards, with a strongish epithet addressed both to it and the caddie. Willie spoke no word till the match was ended. He then said to his employer, "May I speak a word with you, sir?" "Well, yes," was the reply. " Sir ! ye'ie a great deal STORIES OF GOLF 25 worse to carry till than a guid player." "You're right, Willie," the golfer replied, "and here's a shilling for you, to go and drink to my better play."

A moving Object

It is one of the rules of the game that while you may let your caddie lift any light movable object in your way, you cannot move anything that is growing —e.g., a whin, or a tuft of grass—on the course. In the very middle of the green a calf once inter- vened, and was in the way of a player, He told his caddie lo go forward and drive it off. "Stop," shouted his opponent ; "you cannot do thai." " W'hy ?" was the rejoinder ; "il's in ihu road, anil I cannot play." " Hut il's a rule of the green thai you cnn'l move anything thai in growing. Now, Hui . ialf is growing." So determined was (lie ivmonslnmi't', with a show of aJTocted earnestness, that lhc player yielded, and al the approach-Ktroke hit lhc ciilf, and lost the hole.

Thv (\\ddic irs a ( OdiIt

A University Professor was being eonHu'd by a caddie. He had heguii late and rui[uiri'il tuition, and 26 ON THE LINKS

was slow to learn. One day a friend of the Professor's met the caddie, who had occasionally carried for himself, and said, " Well, - —, how is your pupil getting on ? " " Poopil, sir I Ma poopil, sir!—what's that?" "Oh, you are teaching , are you not?" " Weel, sir, I've gaed oot wi' him ance or twice, jeest for a hole or twa." " And how does he get on ? " " Oh, no sae bad, sirj no sae bad. He'll never mak'a gowfer, ye yen j but he wad play no sae bad if he wad jeest tak' it a little bit caJmerer. Ye sec, sir, he jerks ower muckle. If he wad jeest play mair calmerer, he wadna be sae bad. Whan I had him in haund, says I to him, ' Noo, sir, mind ye, slow back, and keep yer eye on the ba'!' Weel, sir, would you believe it, he improved wonderfu'—quite wondcifil'

An Appendix to the Came

Another day the same friend of this caddie's " poopil" met the caddie again, and asked him if he had got on any better with his teaching, lie replied, "A think, sir, that ye micht gae oot wi' him, and tak1 him on yer side, and gie him a lesson yersol'." " But how do you mean ? not play a single with him?" " Na na—guidness, na! But get up a foorsum, and tak' STORIES OF GOLF 27 you him for yer pertner, and jeest let him puddle awa' for a wee bit. It'll no dae nae great herm to you, and it'll cheer him a bit; and, mind ye, he micht mak' a kind o' appendix tae the game, ye ken." " But, , I don't want my partner to be an appendix. He must be a player." " Weel, but ye see, sir, there's lots 0' fowkes in this warld that's no fit for ony ither kind o' wark; and, mind ye, sir, its no sae bad wark after a'!"

The Disappearance of a Bunker A well-known St. Andrews golfer, and a captain of the club, was lamenting the disappearance of an old bunker, familiar to all veteran players, that used to be known as "The Calf," just beyond another bunker still called " Tain's Coo." This bunker had grown too big, and became a nuisance. It was therefore resolved to fill it up; and as the spot where once it was—and where many deeds of prowess had been enacted in old days—was approached, the captain's ball lay near the old hazard. Before playing, he took out his snuff-box, tapped it solemnly, and, looking down on the spot where the bunker used to be exclaimed, " Ma guid auld freen', ye're awa'!" 28 ON THE LINKS

The Captain The renowned old golfer just referred to was so imbued with the game he loved, and played so well, that everything in life was gauged by the one standard. Hearing that the wife of a friend had just had an addition to her family, he asked, " Is it a gowfer ?" That was before the days of ladies' golf.

Young Torn Morris Another instance occurred about the year 1870. Young Tom Morris had just achieved the great distinction of having won the championship for the third time in succession, and had been warmly congratulated on his success by a group of golfers standing about the end hole. As he walked away, old G—, who, though still a fine player, was past his prime, exclaimed—with a touch of sadness in his voice— " Eh ! what a future that young man has before him!" STORIES OF GOLF 29

The Caddies "Profession"

A University Professor had for his caddie * a very silent, shrewd, and eminently douce man. At the Heather hole coming in, he saw, in the distance, a well-known and admirable golfer, to whom the game is a serious business, and who is in the habit of coming for several months of the year to St. Andrews, looking disconsolate and almost miserable. He was disabled from play, and could only walk out to watch, with envious eye, the matches of his friends. The Professor remarked to his caddie, " Mr. is surely very 111 j he looks as if his life- work were gone." " Ay, sir," replied the caddie. " Ye see he's ane 0' them that has naething else to dae. Puir things, I peety them. It's a gran' thing, sir, to hae a profession, like you and me." * It may be noted that though the word caddie is now usually spelt with two "d's," this is a modern innovation, which tends to obscure the origin of the word. It is derived from the French cadet (see Jamieson's Etymological Dictionary of the Scottish Language), and was used in Scotland for a messenger, or light porter, long before it became specially associated with golf. "Caddie" has another meaning in English, a receptacle for ten and not a constructor of tees. 30 ON THE LINKS

Enjoyment of the Game A witty old Irish gentleman, who never had a club in his hand till he was over seventy, but having once got the fever, did his best to make up for lost time, was enlarging on the charms of the game to a younger and much better player who was equally enthusiastic. " I am sure," said- the old man, " I get more enjoyment out of it than you do." " I don't see how that can be," replied the younger devotee; " no one loves the game more than I do." " True enough," was the ready answer; "but golf consists in hitting a ball. You only hit it 90 times in a round—I take 200 •strokes!"

A Scottish Caddie

The caddies on our golf-courses are a class by them- selves—a characteristic race, some with physical fea- tures that are distinctive, and all of them with manners peculiarly their own. A tatterdemalion caddie, well known on the St. Andrews Links, of very seedy appearance, and whose general resemblance to the figures set up in the fields, STORIES OF GOLF 31 with old hat and clothes, led his fellow caddies to nickname him after these scarecrows, had been engaged by a player for the day. As the player came out of the club-house, he heard some of the caddies who assemble in groups waiting for hire, cry out, " Craw-buggle, there's your mon ! " Craw-buggle is evidently scarecrow ! — Scottice, " tattie-bogle " —• and this was the name by which the caddie was known amongst his fellows. As the game went on he seemed to be an object of attention to the caddies of the home-coming foursomes, one of whom remarked in passing him, "Craw- buggle, whan did ye get oot oJ jail ? "

A high Stake On one occasion a foursome was being played by office-bearers of the Scottish Church, who were particularly eager over their game. It was a match they often played, and always with keen interest. A youth from the South, passing them on their way in from the high hole, asked his caddie, " Who are these golfers? they must be playing for a very high stake!" " High stake !" was the rejoinder, "Na, na, sir ; they chaps darna trust theirsel's to play for 32 ON THE LINKS siller!" They were "ruling elders" of their Kirk, and the devoutest of the devout!

Something on the Match

It was either on the same, or on another occasion, that a caddie was asked about these same players, whether they never played for anything. The reply was, " I dinna ken, sir, but if it's for onything it'll be for a trac'. " * The typical caddie, though not necessarily a gambler, any more than those who employ him, always likes to have something on the game; and cannot understand any one who can afford it, re- fusing to play for his half-crown, which is, or recently was, the customary stake in all ordinary matches among the members of the Royal and Ancient Club.

A Student initiated A freshman, just arrived for the winter session, was being taken out for a first round, to be initiated into the mysteries of the game, by a player of three or four years' standing at the University. The senior was a fairly good player, but not specially clear-headed in

* Anglice, "tract," STORIES OF GOLF 33 his advice or his explanations. All the technical terms were very soon made use of—" stymie, " " dormie," etc. etc. " What's ' dormie' ? " asked the junior of his friend and teacher. " Oh," said the senior (who got rather mixed in his explanation), "'dormie1 's when neither side can win." " But how should that be known till the game's finished ? " said the learner. " Oh, don't you see," replied the coach, darkening his counsel as he spoke—" don't you see, ' dormie ' 's when the game has reached that point, and the balls are lying in a position that neither one side nor the other side can possibly win the match?" " I don't see it," was the reply. The caddie, hearing this explanation given by a youth who had been three sessions at College, ventured to express his contempt for it, and for the supposed intelligence of one who could give it, by the indignant phrase, " An that's what ye ca' idication ! "

Strong and poor Play Another student, who from defective eyesight was not usually a good player, happened one day to be 34 ON THE LINKS in splendid form, to be driving well, and even out- distancing superior players. As is always the case, he was elated by the new experience, and.could not talk enough of it. His partner complimented him inces- santly, and his opponents could not deny the merits of his driving. The praise became so profuse that one of the opponents ventured to remind him of sundry putts that had been ignominiously missed. A good deal of rival chaff was indulged in, till at last the caddie was appealed to. " Didn't So-and-So do well to-day ? " " Yes," was the reply ; he drove like a roaring lion I " "I knew you would say that," replied the student's partner, in triumph. "But," added the caddie, " he putted like a kitten ! "

Excuses for bad Play Every golfer knows the excuses that are being constantly given for bad play—the state of the green, the glare of the sun, a cross wind, wet grass, the -wagging of a dog's tail, the shadow of a cloud, an opponent's chaff a minute before, something wrong with one's dubs, balls, shoes, or gloves, the having sat up too late the night before, etc. etc. "In ma opeenion," said a caddie—" In ma opeenion, a mon should necver STORIES OF GOLF 35 mak' excuses for his-sel' at gowf. It's like being dis- respectfu' to Providence. Gowfers sud jeest tak' things as they come, and be contentit. In ma opeenion some fowks like to shaw aff a bit, by bletherin' aboot their bad play; and when a mon cusses his-sel' for bad play, he doesna jeest believe it; an' it's ma opeenion he wadna like onybody else tae believe it ether."

" 'What do you find now—as you've carried clubs for a score of years—what do you find it is that mostly makes players lose their temper at golf?" " Lots 0' things, sir. There's some that losses their tempers at them that's playin' against them, whan they're twa or three up : them's varra fulish. And there's some that gets angry wi' their pairtners when they're twa or three holes doon : them's faur mair fulish. A think if they wud jeest haud their wheesht, they'd play a hantil better. Maybe the sweerin' easies them a bit. I've seed a mon's face get red wi' rage at his ain bad playin'; and whan he releeved his-sel' wi' a few damns, and was a deal calmerer and quieter, he played better. But for a' that, I dinna like tae carry tae a sweerin' mon. The play doesna gang sae cheery, and confortable-like." 36 ON THE LINKS

The young Golfers The younger generation of golfers are rapidly excelling their seniors. A caddie, observing their long drives in a game ahead of that in which he was carrying, said, "Ay, but they young fellas, sir, they mak' gran' gowfers. Their airms, sir, is sae soople, jeest like the young dowgs."

Give np the Hole In a specially important match—although to the true golfer all matches are important—one of the players got into serious trouble, and was playing five more as he approached the green, while his opponent's ball lay within easy putting distance of the hole. His opponent's caddie said to his, " Ye'll gits up the hole?" " Na, na," replied the other "faith we'll dae naething o' the kind; we niicht win yet," " Win yet, man ! what's the use o1 playin', whan yer gaun tae play five mair, an' we're close to the hole ? " " A great deal o' use. Ye see your nion micht drap deid afore it cam' tae his turn tae play again, an' syne the hole wad be oars/ Mind ye, if he was tae dee in STORIES OF GOLF 37 a moment (an' onybody micht dae that) we wad win the hole! Na, na, faith, we'll no gie up ony hole till we see it taen awa frae us by a leevin' mon." It was evidently a matter of very slight consequence to the caddie whether the opponent did " drap deid " or not, provided only his " mon " won the hole.

Posthumous Ambition A Professor in a Scottish University (not St. Andrews), playing in the old city, and being in a passion of enthusiasm for the game—though playing very badly—said to his partner, " I would give all I have ever learned if I could only be good at golf." This remark excited no sympathy, and was received in silence. Whereupon the player remarked, "Sir, I would rather have my name sent down to posterity— like that of Walkinshaw or Sutherland—by giving it to a bunker, than he the author of the profoundest book that ever was written in Literature, Philosophy, or Science."

Mr. Sutherland A good story is told of the "Sutherland" referred to in the last paragraph, whose name is perpetuated in 38 ON THE LINKS the Sutherland bunker. His language was occasionally strong and pointed, although he meant no irreverence by his vigorous speech. Such phrases as " Devilish good," or" Damn bad "—whether justifiable or not—are understood by every one, and pass simply as strong modes of utterance. But Sutherland was bolder in his use of Doric. Referring to a match, in which he had played as partner to the late Mr. B , he said, " Why, man, we could not have won it; but, by the damnedst Providence, B— holed his putt."

A Mccracle

As a specimen of caddies1 occasional talk, the following may be given : At the close of a very exciting match a St. Andrews caddie said to his employer, "Ye see, sir, yowf is jeest a game o' meeracles. Noo, wha wad hae thocht that you would hae missed yer putt o' sax inches at the fifth hole, an' that Providence wad ha' gien him sic a fine drap on the richt side o' the bunker, and sync carried his ba' straicht to the hole side. It was a meeracle, sir— a perfect mccracle." STORIES OF GOLF 39

Enemies at Golf On seeing an opponent's ball which ought to have been killed in a bunker—having been very badly played—steal quietly out of it, and lie almost teed for the next stroke, a player remarked to his partner, "There's somebody' always tak's care o' his ain." This being overheard by the caddies, the player, whose ball had luckily escaped, addressed his caddie, "What do you think of that, ? Are all golfers supposed to be children of the devil ? " " Oh, yes, sir," was the immediate reply, " yer enemies at gowf are a' deils, sir. They're a' deils at gowf. I wadna jeest say they was deils at ony ither time, sir."

The Elysian Fields An illiterate man, born at St. Andrews, who had been long abroad, and had made a fortune in some mines at the Antipodes, returned to the scenes of his boyhood, and at once began to practise the immemorial game. He had a vague remembrance of the course, and the names of the holes, the bunkers, and the 4o ON THE LINKS greens of his boyhood. Arriving at the fifth hole out, he said to his caddie (he was playing abominably, and was rather bumptious), "A'm thinkin' them's the illusion fields* we're at noo." With ready wit, the caddie replied, " Ou ay, sir, the're an illusion tae some players."

A Hole never lost till it's won

" A hole is never lost till it's won " is a well-known saying on the links; meaning that it is never lost to a golfer till his opponent has won it. A hole is often won by a player who has had the misfortune to play " three more." A rather loquacious caddie, somewhat new to the game, hearing this remark made by a player one day, said to his employer, " A canna see't ava, sir, unless it be a meeracle. If a hole's lost, it canna be won ; an' if it's won, it canna be lost. An' iJ ye win a hole, yer enemy canna win it, and ye canna baith loss it and win it yer twa sels like. If a hole's never lost till it's won, a body micht jeest as weel say that it's never won till it's lost; and a'm thinkin' that'll no' dae ava. It's a meestery, sir; a canna see through it." The matter was explained to

* The Elysian Fields, STORIES OF GOLF 41 him, but he rejoined, " A weel, sir, it may be a1 richt as ye put it; but it's varra queer like for a' that—a kind 0' meestery. Whan I was at schule, I heard the mathematic maister say that things that was opposite was equal. Maybe he was a gowfer, an' was thinkin' 0' the game whan he said it."

Lang Willie in his old age

This well-known caddie was carrying clubs one season for a not less well-known elder of the Free Kirk. That gentleman thought that his humble friend was somewhat deficient in religious concern. "Willie," he said to him, " Willie, you are an old man now, and you should really be thinking about the things above." Willie did not respond at the time, As the game went on he gave his employer a wrong club, which was used with unhappy results. The irritated player angrily asked the aged caddie what he meant by giving him that club? "I fear, sir," was the immediate reply, "a maun hae been thinkin' aboot the things aboove." It is likely enough that Willie purposely made the mistake in order to give him an opening for a repartee, 42 ON THE LINKS Lang Willie used often to go out to carry clubs in a condition in which he should rather have remained at home. On one such occasion his employer had to play " a stroke out of a bunker," which he thought he could best negotiate by stooping over the hazard from the top. He did so, missed his stroke, and fell prone into the bunker, on seeing which Willie remarked, "A weel, a weel, I mayna be always jeest what I sud be, but I am at least a hantil better than him the day."

Advice to Schoolboys A former captain of the club, and a well-known Fife magnate, was once addressing the boys at the Madras Academy at the close of their school session. He spoke to them very properly of their duties in general, and of the duty in particular of making the most of their opportunities in the admirable school at which they were being educated. When, however, he came to speak of their recreations, the whole burden of his advice was put into the concluding sentence, which was delivered with a fervour far exceeding that which he had shown in any previous part of his address. "And, for God's sake, boys, never play with your cleeks on the putting greens! " STORIES OF GOLF 43

A fidgetiy Putter A gentleman, better known to the last generation as a cricketer than a golfer, occasionally tried his hand at the Royal and Ancient Game. On the putting green he was very nervous. His partner, and his opponents, and the respective caddies, must neither speak nor move while he was addressing himself to his putt; they must not even wink, although there was no derision in the motion of their eyelids. On one occasion, after having secured the death-like silence and stillness which he demanded, he made his putt and missed it badly, whereupon he shook his clenched fist at the heavens, and exclaimed, " It was that confounded skylark, it quite put me off my putt."

Somebody must have moved A celebrated St. Andrews player of the old school, having missed a putt, in dead silence, within twelve inches of the hole, immediately remarked, "Ah, somebody must have moved." 44 ON THE LINKS

A bad Putt Somewhere in the 'fifties Mr. B and Mr. S-' both well-known St. Andrews players, one of whom im- mortalised his name in bunkers both at St. Andrews and at Musselburgh, were partners in a foursome. They had staked, as was their custom, a substantial sum on their game. The match was lost at the burn hole coming in, in consequence of a foozled putt by Mr. B. It was played on a Saturday; and on the Sunday morning Mr. S. was still brooding over his defeat. He happened to be standing as an official of the church-—at the door—when his luckless partner entered the portico. He stepped up to him, and remarked with grave solemnity, "Man, B , but that was a d d bad putt o' yours."

More Excuses for bad Play The excuses some men make for their bad play are endless. One misses a stroke, and verbally sends the place he has played from to the infernal regions, or denounces a looker-on who has not kept perfect STORIES OF GOLF 45 silence while he played. The unconscious offender next time, perhaps, addresses his partner, sotto voce, in a whisper which he fancies will not be heard. Then says the player, " It's not the speaking, it's the whispering that puts me out." The whisperer keeps silence at the next stroke; players and caddies all stand silent; the stroke is missed; and the player says, "It's not the speaking or the whispering, it's the silence that confounds me." To one of this class a caddie once remarked, "A'm thinkin', sir, ye'd play a hantil better if ye was deef." Here, too, may be recorded a story of a well- knowu St. Andrews player who missed a short putt, and having in vain sought for any ordinary cause or excuse, at last exclaimed, " How the can a man putt when there's a•• lark singing just over his head?" It was he also who on missing a tee-shot, reversed the usual excuse, and complained that he bad too many nails ill the soles of his shoes!

Three good Lies A well-known St. Andrews player, who was often irritated at the crowded state of the links, and was at times particularly unfortunate in the spots to which 46 ON THE LINKS his partner, or himself, drove the ball, used to say of St. Andrews course, " There are just three good lies on the whole of these Links, and I find them always preoccupied."

The Merit of Golf Mr. B used to recommend golf as the best of all possible games, because it "aroused the worst passions of the human breast."

Golf in old Age " It's a grand game golf," said a player one morning to his partner, after a good shot from the tee. " You can play it on to old age. In fact, it's only paralysis that stops it." " Yes," said his partner, "a man may even play it with one foot in the grave." On hearing this, his caddie interposed, "Ay, sir, it's a gran' game gowf; but a'm thinkin' that last place o' yours wad be a vera bad staunce for ony player."

The same A player of distinction had a peculiar gait; his limbs in fact wobbled a little as lie went forward. STORIES OF GOLF 47 Seeing him advance from the first hole one day, in a single, a well-known caddie remarked, "O there's Maister takin' oot his legs for a walk."

The Principal again On one occasion the Principal was playing an excellent game, but rather "skying" his balls. As the caddie was teeing ball, going out to the high hole, the Principal—not being quite sure of the direction, as the teeing ground lies under a bank—asked where he should play. " Just straicht on, sir—straicht on ; but mind, Prencipul, dinna gie us ane o' yer hallelujah shots."

Caddies' Criticism Other specimens of the caddies' criticism are worth recording. Asked how So-and-So got on with the game, one remarked, " He's a varra airilied player, sir"; of another he said, "He wabbles his clubs ower muckle, sir " ; of a third, "He plays wi' his body, sir, and no' wi' his airms. But gowf's a game for the airms, and no' for the body. A dinna like a body- player. A like tae see a mon let his airms gae frae him." ON THE LINKS

A second-class Player

" What's your match to-day ?" said a player to ( his friend at the teeing ground. " Oh, I play with Colonel ." "What sort of a player is he?" " Oh, well! I think he's a very fair second-class player." Turning to his friend's caddie, he said, " I say, , would you say that Colonel was a fair second-class player?" "Him/" replied the caddie, " He canna play a damn. He's nae better than yerselV The Laws of Nature A ball, hanging in a bad place, taken cleverly out, but falling far short of the hole, the player remarked to his caddie, " Hang it, I've foozled him." To which the caddie replied, " Ah, but ye see, ye couldna help the laws o' natur' there, sir." " Do you think," was the rejoinder, " that we can help the laws of nature at any time ?" "If ye canna help them, ye may whiles dumfoonder them at gowf. I hev seen mony a player jeest gang straicht again st the laws o' natur', baith in playin' badly and in playin' weel." " You mean, , that, all things STOWES OF GOLF 49 considered, he played better or worse than you expected ? " " Weel, but there was Providence intil't, and that's what I mean by gaun again' the laws o' natur', sir."

The St. Andrews Bunker called Hell

During a very wet season, and on a very wet day, a St. Andrews player, approaching the well-known bunker called Hell, remarked to his caddie, " There's a deal of water in Hell to-day." The caddie replied, " Ay, it's no often like that, and I'm thinkin' the real place '11 no hae ony water intil't whan fowk gets there."

Lost Ball.—Diamond cut Diamond Jack and Tom, two colliers, had a keen match for the heavy stake, to them, of five shillings. At the sixteenth hole they were "all even," with two to play. Each made a good drive, but Tom's ball could nowhere be found. " Lost ball, lost hole," he thought; and quietly dropped another ball, shouting to his opponent, " I've found it, Jack." Jack replied, "All right," but was heard to mutter soon afterwards, 50 ON THE LINKS " Confounded queer how he found that ba' when I hav't in my pouch."

Courtesy

As an Englishman and a Scotsman were going round together on a crowded public links near a large Scottish town, the talk fell on the discourtesy of the general population. " It's no use asking them to move out of your way," said the Englishman, " you'll only make matters worse. They only move more slowly, or stand still, and give you cheek. Now, in England it's very different. The truth is, the common people here have no sympathy with sport." "It all depends upon how you address them," said the Scots- man, jealous of the honour of his country; "I never have any difficulty myself." The Englishman was silenced. As they went to drive off from the next tee, there were two men in front of them, directly in their line, beating carpets. " Fore ! " shouted the Scotch player; "Fore yersel', ye blackguard," was the reply of the carpet beaters. The Scotsman afterwards explained the fury with which he rushed at the men, when he had " foozled," by saying that what he objected to was STORIES OF GOLF 51 the coarseness of the language in a public place!" He was so angry that the Englishman forebore to say anything, but he uttered to himself, sotto voce, " It all depends upon how you address them."

Out in '43 A Free Church minister, a good but not distinguished golfer, on one occasion made the very credit- able score of forty-three for the first half of a round on St. Andrews Links. In the second half he was not equally successful, but afterwards, when boasting to some of his clerical brethren of his performance in having gone out in '43, was met by the witty remark —"But we all did that."*

Excuses and Irritation Good players are sometimes very irritable when they are off their play, and talk as if they had a * The point of this may be lost to future generations, though clear enough to the one now reaching old age. The disruption of the Scottish Established Church, which led to the formation of the Free Church, occurred in 1843; and for long afterwards the seceding ministers were spoken of as " going out in '43." 52 ON THE LINKS sort of natural right to be always in their play. They proceed to curse their fate, or are excessively loquacious over their faults, to the disgust of their partners. They'll say, for example, " Now, there again, I failed by pressing," or, " My eye is quite off it." To such a player a caddie once naively remarked,." It's faur easier, sir, tae ken what ye did wrang than tae dae richt." "That's true," replied his employer, "but it's a good thing to find out what you did wrong, at every bad stroke you make." " But there's lots o1 fowks," rejoined the caddie, " that never mind what they did wrang for five meenits, and in ma' opeenion it's faur better tae dae yer best, and tae say naething aboot yer strokes, till ye learn hoo tae mend them." The same well-known caddie remarked afterwards to a player in the foursome, who had heard his remark, and expressed agreement with it, "There's lots o' fowks, sir, that kens brawly what's wrang, and yet they dae it every day; an it's jeest the same in gowf. For ma pert, sir, a likes a quiet gowfer, that doesna blame ether hissel or ithers. There's some that's ower judgematical on theirsels, and are aye bletherin aboot their fauts. It's as bad as tu be a)-e bowstin1, sir." Every golfer knows that when he has a bad partner, STORIES OF GOLF S3 itis difficult to make allowance for him, never letting him feel, by word or act, that he is not put out, or off his own play, by his partner's misconduct of the game. By the accident of a suddenly made-up match, many an average player has to take a very inferior one on his side; and, as the game advances, the frequent penalty of a bad stroke by the poor player is that his partner finds the ball in an almost unplayable spot. There are few things more trying than this to a man of good temper. He often wishes that the " foozler " had to play twice running, trusting that in his second shot the ball would be sent only two yards, but be at any rate placed in a playable position. He will say to himself, " I don't mind my partner losing a stroke by missing the globe, or driving the ball only six inches ; but to send it four yards into a bunker, or whins, or any place where I cannot have a chance of redeeming the bad play—that is the trial." On hearing a remark, somewhat like this, a caddie said, " Nae doot, nae doot, it's a sair trial tae ony mon to hae to play oot o' a dutch, or a hole, or may be a wheen; but what's the use o' sayin' onything aboot it. A'd be blowed if a'd let on." I

54 ON THE LINKS

The short Hole in One

A west-country minister of the Church of Scotland, who was an enthusiastic golfer, had taken up his quarters at St. Andrews for a month—having arranged for an exchange of pulpits with a clerical friend in Fife. He came to dine with his friend, before that gentleman took his departure for the west. On the day in question the west-country golfer had done the short hole in one, and his conversation was naturally much of golf. The lady of the house remonstrated, and said that when he came to dine he must talk of something else. " No," the west-country player replied, "it is impossible, and when I preach for Mr. I am going to preach on golf." " What will your text be?" one of the company inquired. "And he did it a second time," was the prompt reply, that is he played ' two more'; and I'll go on to illustrate the dangers of getting ' off the straight course.'" The conversation then drifted away for a little from the all-absorbing theme, only to return to it, however, on the first opportunity, which occurred on this wise. Some one remarked that a neighbouring minister had occupied three years in lecturing through STORIES OF GOLF 55 the first six chapters of the book of Acts. " He must have got into terrible bunkers," was the comment of the clerical hero of the short hole in one.

Joy in an Opponent's Misfortune

Of all games, golf is the one in which unfair play is the least possible, and most rare ; and the true golfer is of course incapable of unfair play. At the same time, there is no game in which one rejoices more in his antagonist's ill-fortune—rejoices to see his ball buried in a bunker, lost in whin, sunk in a water hazard, or driven into any place where its recovery is difficult. And it is curious how the remarks made by players, overheard by the caddies, sometimes lead the latter to entertain strange ideas of the players. Remarking once to a caddie on how one rejoiced to see his enemy in a bunker, and how delightful it was to be sure that he couldn't easily get out, " Ye see, sir," was the reply, "ye see, sir, in gowf there's nae conscience."

A Caddie's Commentary An enthusiastic but poor player once remarked to his caddie, " Now, , how is #that I always play 56 ON THE LINKS I that stroke badly ? I cannot possibly get into it." "A weel, sir, ye maun jeest pit up \vi' it. An1 am thinkin', sir, ye're jeest a wheen yeers tae auld tae learn ony better. Ye see, sir, ye canna be Providence tae yer ain game."

The Same

A novice at the game, or an inveterate duffer in its practice, generally hacks his ball a good deal with the iron or the cleek. Two caddies were carrying one day for two players, one of whom was not very certain in his aim. After the drive for the first tee, they had a dispute about the identity of the balls, both of which were new. As one of them lay much belter than the other, the caddies haggled over the point for some time. At last one of them gave in reluctantly, saying as a parting shot, "Next time I'll tak' guid care tae mark oor ba'." " Ye needna fash yersel'," retorted the other, " the gentleman your carryin' for will sune dae that for ye."

Learning the Game A professional, going out to teach a player for the first time, found it extremely difficult to coach his STORIES OF GOLF 57 employer even in the elements of the game. He missed the globe constantly, but in coming in managed to drive one or two good balls. Elated by this, he said to his instructor, "I suppose that, after a few days, I'll get into it slowly." "A few days!" was the reply; "ye'll no be within sicht o't for sax month."

The Canon again On one occasion, when the Canon was playing in a foursome, the balls of both parties lay close together, just short of the large bunker to the left of the course which bars the approach to the high hole going out. His opponent—a sailor, by the way— played first, and topping his ball, it went deep into the sand, and he relieved his feelings in words which it is needless to specify. The Canon looked rather shocked, but, addressing himself to his ball, played it also into the depths of the bunker. " God bless my soul!" ejaculated the Canon, using his favourite invocation. There was something inexpressibly ludi- crous in the contrast between the lay and clerical mode of expression under similar provocation, and the momentary annoyance of the players was soon forgotten ill the laughter which followed. 58 ON THE LINKS

Musselburgh Caddies On Musselburgh Links a player of the " unco guid " sort, having offended his caddie, the latter was heard to mutter, " If yon mon gets to Heevin, there'll be mony a Musselburgh caddie there tae."

Lang Willie again Lang Willie, frequently referred to before, was a man of some education, and had a special fondness for studying his dictionary. His employer on one occasion having conic to serious grief through no fault of his own, Willie remarked, "That's very infortunate." " Oh, Willie," said his master, " you're wrong for once ; you should say ««fortunate." " No, sir," replied the old man promptly, " I'm not wrong; if you look in the dictionary, you'll find ' infortunate, see unfortunate.' " And so it was I

The Same One more about this fine old man. Carrying C of S 's portmanteau to the station one STORIES OF GOLF 59 day he dropped it in the burn. On S. remonstrating, Willie replied, with dignity, " Ye may be thankful, sir, it was na the Bay o' Biscay."

Imaginative Strokes A young captain in the navy, before he had reached the high form which he afterwards attained, once made a stroke which astonished himself, a rare experience to a golfer, who generally thinks his best play is his average play. When congratulated on it, he remarked, "Yes, it's just one of those strokes one does in bed when thinking over the day's play."

The wooden Caddie A caddie called "old Wallace," better known as " the Ancient," had a great contempt for gentlemen who carried their own clubs; and when the wooden caddie was introduced, he looked upon it with veno- mous aversion. On one occasion, when his employer's opponent was using one of those useful and economical implements, the gentleman in question asked Wallace to stand at the hole. "Send yer ain caddie, sir !" was the short and surly reply. 6o ON THE LINKS

The Scottish M.A. Deg egree A University Professor in Edinburgh, writing to a friend on his proposals for a new scheme for graduation submitted to the Scottish Universities Commissioners, in reference to the various pathways towards the degrees of the future, made various counter-suggestions, and followed them up by the brilliant appendix: "Another idea strikes me. Mark each subject on a separate golf ball. Tee them at the first hole. Ask Tom Morris to drive them all off. Take the furthest seven, and make them the future Scottish M.A. degree."

What the Golfer has to put up with

A golfer on a northern Scottish links, in driving off from the tee one day pulled his ball dangerously near a group consisting of grandmother and bairns walking out to take the air. Nobody was hurt, but they were a good deal scared, as the ball seemed to drop upon them from the clouds. One of the children picked it up. Presently--, one of the ST0H1ES OF GOLF 61 politest of men, walked up, and expressed the hope that none of them were hurt; and getting no reply, asked if they had seen the ball. Then the old woman opened fire. " Seen the baJ! I wite we saw the ba', and neer harm felt it tae. It was nae thanks tae you that it didna kill that littl'un there. Fat business hae ye, throwin' ba's aboot the links like that, ye auld green-deevil ?" again most politely expressed his regret at having frightened them; but not seeing the ball, he asked a second time if they knew where it was. " Here's yer ba', maister," said one of the boys, showing it in his hand. But the grandam interposed, " Dinna gie him the ba', Alick. Fat on earth can an auld man like him want wi' a ba' ? Na, keep ye the ba', Alick. Ye fand it on the road. The auld grey- headed deevil, playin' aboot wi' a ba' like a bairn— it would set him better to be in his bed ! We fand the ba' on the road, sir, and we'll keep it." It was difficult to persuade the old woman that a sane and respectable old gentleman could have any justification for playing with a little white ball; but when his partner also came up, and explained golf as a well- known game, she at last gave way, and told her grandson to give up the ball "But, fling't as far as ye can, Alick "—which Alick did ! 62 ON THE LINKS

A Hebraic Anticipation of Golf There is no end to the number of ways in which well-known sentences may be adapted or transferred to the noble game. For example, a reverend (or irreverent) golfer suggests that the well-known rendering in Coverdale's version of the Psalm, " Good luck have thou with thine Honour," is a Hebraic anticipation of golf. It may be added that the same player, on hearing a reverend gentleman give out his text on one occasion, remarked, even within the precincts of the sacred place, "He'll be able to go round that course with two clubs."

Caddies described

As many of the preceding stones refer to those characteristic figures on the green who are at once the servants and the instructors of the golfer, the following remark upon the caddies as a class by a distinguished player has a special interest :— Mr. Horace Hutchinson writes :* " The caddies * Murray's Magazine, October 1887. STORIES OF GOLF 63 analyse the comparative failings of their respective masters with a keen partisanship, which does not preclude the utmost freedom of discussion. The golf caddie has probably unequalled opportunities as a student of human nature ; yet it is perhaps less frcm the use he makes of these, than from his very unusual facility of graphic description, that his conversation— if not from every point of view strictly edifying—is full of entertainment of a certain sort."

Description of a Golfer

Wishing to identify on the links a certain gentleman known to him only by name—should they happen to pass—a golfer once inquired of his caddie, "What kind of a man is So-and-So ? " " Eh, weel," was the reply, " he's jeest a bull-neckit, big-showldered, hog- backit, bandy-legit chiel; but he shapes fine for a gowfer."

A foreign Lady's idea of Golf When golfing one day with a friend on links I noticed two elderly ladies, who seemed to be observing our proceedings with intense curiosity and 64 ON THE LINKS no small amount of perplexity. On our passing near them one of them inquired, in a foreign accent, what we were doing. I told her we were playing golf; but that did not convey any information to them, so I had to endeavour to explain the game to them, I said that the object of each player was to propel the ball in the smallest number of strokes from one hole to the other, and that he who took the smaller number beat his opponent. I said wherever they saw a white or red flag they would find a small hole, into which the ball had to be put by the player with his club. We then proceeded with our game, and observed the two ladies still following and closely examining the nutting-greens. On our return we encountered them again, and one of them said, in somewhat the patron- ising tone in which a sane person might reasonably address a harmless lunatic : "Oh, we don't think you would find many halls in the holes, for we have been looking, and have not found any." Golf is a game fraught with humiliation for even good players, but to have the noble game reduced to such mere imbecility as that of walking five miles to look for balls in holes was ignominy indeed. But it had to be borne. It was abundantly evident the STORIES OF GOLF 65 ladies1 minds were too continental to grasp the idea of a British game.

Scottish Golfers' Success

The animated talk that goes on in the rooms of a golf-club as to the merits of the various greens throughout the country, is bewildering to the uninitiated, and strange questions are sometimes put on the subject. Hearing the praises of many northern links enlarged upon by a Scotchman at a club in the south of England, one of the company asked, "What is the largest course you have in the north? " "Four hundred miles," was the prompt reply. " All Scotland is good golfing ground." " And how long have you played the game ? " added the questioner. " Four hundred years—I and my forebears," was the instanta- neous response. " I have always heard that golf was a very ancient game, but I didn't know it went so far back as that." " My good sir," was the reply, " the fact is this, the origin of golf is the same as that of the human race. It was played by the father of mankind in the Garden of Eden, or wherever he first appeared; and, if he had only played a little better, he would never have been turned out. There were 66 ON TUB LINKS Elysian fields in Mesopotamia with terrible bunkers on either side; and I'll tell you what," continued the Scotchman, "some of our young fellows from the north regularly play thoir way up to London. That's how they get south, and make their fortunes. They do it all by golf. It makes a rather long game; but you see golf is a serious concern to the Scotch, and to send a young fellow to play his whole way 'up to town is a capital introduction to the hazards of aflur life." "Indeed, indeed; how very interesting!' "But it's all true, sir; that's the best of it. And one of the most exciting incidents in the journey is found by our men when they come to a Cathedral town, such as Durham, York, or Lincoln, '['hey alw ' make a point of playing over the great building. Some balls of course are lost, but not many, con- sidering; and it is a point of honour amongst all these young Scotch fellows never to pass a Cathedral without trying to play over it."

A Lord of Session on the Green A Lord of Session, whose strokes seldom went far, asked for his short spoon. " Aum thinkia'," said his caddie, « that if yer Lowrdshup wud take yer Lowrd- STORIES OF GOLF 67 ship's driver, your Lowrdshup wud wun nearer the hole, if yer Lowrdshup didna wun up till't."

Consolayshin

A player hit a boy very hard on the leg, the "rub of the green " preventing his ball going into a bad bunker. On coming up, the boy was found rubbing his leg, and crying bitterly. The player patted him on the shoulder, saying, " Never mind, laddie, ye hae the consolayshin 0' ha'ein din a gude action. Ye've din weel, and yer sufferin' for it; an' the Scriplur' says that ye maun tak1 it patiently.' "

Mystic Words

A gentleman player's caddie, whom he engaged regularly, was invariably observed, when handing a club to his master, to come close up to his ear and say something. There was much speculation as to the cabalistic words, which were evidently intended to act as a charm for a good shot—a charm which, unfortu- nately, was not always effective. One keen huntsman, after much careful stalking, was at last able to catch the whispered words—"Slow baack, an' yer ee -on the ba'." 68 ON THE LINKS

A Caddie to his Employer, who had been coached by htm for some time

PLAYER; " I have met a man to-day whom I can beat." CADDIE : " Aye, hae ye ? They're hard to find at this time o' year—(it was shortly after the autumn medal week)- but ye can fa' in wi' them at times. It's varra encouragin' tao the likes o' you, sir."

A conscientious Golfer!

A St. Andrews golfer, having .sent his ball into the road, where it lay amid not too pleasant surroundings, placed himself so that bis leg was between the ball and his opponent, who was leisurely approaching, and then said, somewhat drawlingly; " A'm sayin', MaisltT Tamsen, what'll this be that a'm playin'—will't be the like, or will't be the odds?" Opponent, emphatically: "The odd." "Oh weel, I only wanted to ken; I wis kind o' confuised like." When the match was over, a gentleman, who had witnessed this little episode, addressing the player, said: STORIES OF GOLF 69 " Mr. , what were you doing when you stood so long there talkin' on the road ? " "Dod, Maister Murray," was the reply, "ye may be sure o' this, that I wasna lowsin ma time."

The same

Another version of the same story may be appended to it, A caddie, seeing his employer's ball lying in a very unplayable spot, did sundry services to make the next shot easier. When the opponent's caddie came up, he said, " An' what was yon' that I seed ye dae, afore the last stroke ? " " A'll tak ma affadavit, before God A'michty and ma employer," was the reply, " that, at ony rate, A was'na wastin1 ma time."

The Minister's Caddie

A minister was topping his balls, and going into so many bunkers, that his misfortunes were beyond a joke. His boy caddie, seeing his state of sup- pressed emotion, came to his elbow, and whispered, " If it'll dae ye ony guid to sweer, dinna mind me." 70 ON THE LINKS

A Novice A caddie, who had a novice in hand, was heard to praise his strokes on the way round. When the novice went in to luncheon, another caddie remarked: "Yer mon seems to be gettin' on weel, from what ye were sayin'." To which the reply was : " Hum get on weel—I'd get as sune frae the yae hole tae the tither wi' a sodey waater bottle."

The second Round A well-known professional had teed the ball for a gentleman who had lunched not wisely but too well. " Tom," said he, " there are two balls there." " Drive away, Maister," was the reply; " I'se warrent ye'll hit only wan o' them, supposin' ye hit ony." Caddie's Commentary When a player makes a very bad shot, sometimes, to cover his chagrin, he brings the head of his club near his eyes, and looks hard at it. A caddie, seeing his "mon " do this, caustically remarked: " Ye'd best look inside, sir; ye'll no find the faut i' the club." STORIES OF GOLF 71

The ruling Spirit strong in Death A passer-by, struck on the head by a golf ball, fell down, and lay unconscious. Caddies carried water from the burn in their caps. Said one, " He's deid." Another added, " Aye, I'm feared he's deid." At last, the sufferer gave a sigh, and a sniffter; and, opening his eyes, yelled acrimoniously, "An' what for did ye no cry ' fore' ? " SOCRATES ON THE LINKS SOCRATES ON THE LINKS

GOING down towards the shore lately I met Critias and the beautiful Charmides, for indeed they are seldom apart. Seeing that they carried in their hands clubs not only of wood, but of iron, and even of brass, I conceived that they were bound for the Palaestra. " Hail to you, Critias," I said ; "is it permitted to accompany you ? " " Indeed, Socrates, you may, and you may even carry those clubs for me," said Critias. "But," said I, "is the carrying of clubs an art, or a sport?" " An art, if it be done for money," he said; " but a sport, if to oblige a friend, for the things of friends are common." "Will you then lend me your putter to knock 7<) ON THE LINKS yonder sophist on the head ? " I asked, but he denied it with an oath. "Neither then," said I, "oh best of men, will I carry your clubs, for it does not become one who has not learned an art to practise it," Critias was now building a small altar of sea sand, on which he placed a white ball, and addressed himself to it in a pious manner, and becomingly. "It is a singularly fine morning," I remarked; on hearing which he smote his ball, not rightly, nor according to law, but on the top, so that it ran into the road, and there lay in a rut. "Tell me, Critias," I said, "do you think it becoming a philosopher, and one who studies the sacred writings even of the extreme Barbarians, to be incapable of self-command, and that in a trilling matter such as whether a ball is hit fairly, or not fairly ? " But he seized an iron club, and glared upon me so fiercely that I turned to (Jharmides, who was now about to hit his ball for the second time. He observing that it was a " beautiful lie," I asked him: "Charmides, can we say that any lie is really beautiful or noble, or are not nobility and beauty rather the attributes of the True?" SOCRATES ON THE LINKS 77 He thereupon struck his ball, but not skilfully, so that it fell into the Ilissus, which did not seem to be his intention, but otherwise. " Socrates," he said, " you have made me heel it." " That," I answered, " is rather the function of the physician; and yet no harm may be done, for shall we not say that healing is also an art, and beneficial ? " But by this time they had crossed the Ilissus walking, one by a bridge of stone, the other by a bridge of wood, whereas I deemed it more seeming to go round by the road. Hurrying after them, I found them declaring that "the hole was halved"; and as they again stood up before their balls, with genuflexions as is customary and pious, I said to Critias : "Then Critias, if the half, as Hesiod tells us, be hetter than the hole, is he more truly fortunate, and favoured of the gods, who wins one half, or two holes, or " But as I was speaking he struck his ball not far off, but near into a sandpit which is in that place, and hard by it a stone pillar, the altar, perhaps, of some god, or the sepulchre of a hero. " What call you this place, Critias ? " I said to him, as he smote the sand repeatedly with an iron instrument. 78 ON THE LIMKS " We call it a bunker," he said. " Is it, then, analogous to what you name a ' bunk,' or even more so, for have you not observed that when the syllable ' er' is added to an adjective, then, as Cratylus says, addition of a sort is pre- dicated ? " By this time he was in another sandpit, digging eagerly with his iron weapon. " Critias," I said, " of three things, one, Either a wise man will not go into bunkers, or, being in, he will endure such things as befall him with patience, or, having called to his aid certain of the agricultural class, he will fill up those cavities, adding a prayer to the local gods, and perhaps sacrificing a torn cat! " Cut, I having said this, Ciitias and Charmides turned upon me, with imprecations and niblicks, and, having first rolled me in the gorse bushes, and hurt me very much, they then beat me with the shafts of their clubs, and, next filling my mouth with sand, they bore me along and cast me into the Ilissus, whence I hardly escaped by swimming. " Now, Socrates," they said, "is it more becoming a philosopher to speak to a man when he is addressing himself to his ball, or rather, having somewhere found a Piofessor to prove to him—he being perhaps an SOCRATES ON THE LINKS 79 old man or an amiable—that he does not understand his own business?" But, by the Dog, I was in no case to answer this question, rather I have brought an action against Critias and Charmides before the Court of the Are- opagus, estimating at several min'ae the injuries which I received, as I have already told you, A. LANG. RHYMES OF GOLF RHYMES OF GOLF

BALLADE OF THE ROYAL GAME OF GOLF

(EAST FIJESHIRE)

THERE are laddies will drive ye a ba' To the burn frae the farthermost tee, J ut ye mauna think driving is a', Ye may heel her and send her ajee, re may land in the sand or the sea; And ye're dune, sir, ye're no worth a preen, "ak' the word that an auld man '11 gie, Tak' aye tent to be up on the green ! 'lie auld folk are crouse, and they craw That their putting is pawky and slee : n a bunker they're nae guid ava', But to girn, and to gar the sand flee. 84 OAT THE LINKS And a lassie can putt—ony she— Be she Maggy, or Bessie, or Jean, But a cleek-shot's the billy for me, Tak' aye tent to be up on the green !

I hae play'd in the frost and the thaw, I hae play'd since the year thirty-three, I hae play'd in the rain and the snaw, And I trust I may play till I dee; And I tell ye the truth and nae lee, For I speak o' the thing I hae seen— Tarn Morris, I ken, will agree— Tak' aye tent to be up on the green !

ENVOY. Prince, faith you're improvin' a wee, And, Lord, man, they tell me you're keen ; Tak' the best o' advice that can be, Tak' aye tent to be up on the green !

From Tiventy-two Ballades in Blue China, by ANDREW LANG. RHYMES OF GOLF 85

ODE TO GOLF

" DELUSIVE Nymph, farewell! " How oft we've said or sung, When balls evasive fell, Or in the jaws of " Hell," Or salt sea-weeds among, 'Mid shingle and sea-shell!

How oft beside " the Burn," We play the sad " two more " ; How often at the turn, The heather must we spurn ; How oft have " topped and swore," In bent and whin and fern !

Yes, when the broken head Bounds further than the ball, The heart has inly bled. Ah ! and the lips have said Words we would not recall— Wild words of passion bred. 86 ON THE LINKS In bunkers all unknown. Far beyond " Walkinshaw " Where never ball had flown— Reached by ourselves alone— Caddies have heard with awe The music of our moan !

Yet Nymph, if once alone, The ball hath featly fled— Not smitten from the bone— That drive doth still atone; And one long shot laid dead, Our grief to the winds halh blown !

So, still beside the tec, We nieel in storm or calm, Lady, and worship theo ; While the loud lark sings free, Piping bis matin psalm Above the grey sad sea.

ANDRUW LANU. RHYMES OF GOLF 87

A SONG OF LIFE AND GOLF

THE thing they ca' the stimy o't, I find it ilka where ! Ye 'maist lie deid,—an unco shot,— Anither's ba' is there ! Ye canna win into the hole, However gleg ye be, And aye, where'er ma ba' may row, Some limmer stimies me !

Chorus—Somebody stimying me, Somebody stimying me, The grass may grow, the ba' may row- Some limmer stimies me!

I lo'ed a lass, a bonny lass, Her lips an' locks were reid ; Intil her heart I couldna pass : Anither man lay deid ! 88 ON THE LINKS

He cam' atwcen me an' her heart, I turned wi' tearfu' e'e, I couldna loft him, I maun part— The limmer stimied me 1

I socht a kirk, a bonny kirk, Wi' teind, an' glebe, an' a', A bonny yaird to feed a stirk, An' links to ca' the ba' ! Anither lad he cam' an' fleeched,— A convartit U.P.,— An' a' in vain ma best I preached— That limmer stimied me 1

It's aye the same in life an' gowf, I'm stimied, lato an' ear', This world is hut a weary howf, I'd fain be ithcr-whero ! But whan auld Uetth wad hole ma corp, As suru as Deith ye'll see Some coof has played the moudiuwarp, Rin in, an' .stimied me !

Chorus (if thought desirable).

ANDREW LANG.* • Whore's Robbie Burns iwo ? Enfonci, Robert, EITFONC(. RHYMES OF GOLF 89

A GOLF SONG

AIR—"The Maiden of Fifty-Three."

THERE never was a game like the old Scottish game, That's play'd 'twixt the hole and the tee ; You may roam the world o'er, but the game at your door Is the very best game you'll see. So I'll sing you a song, 'twill be hearty and not long, If kindly you'll listen to me, Of tees, holes, and clubs—of hazards and of rubs— And whatever else in golf may be. Of the tee, first of all—nor to///w nor to/«/ Nor that o'er which old wives agree— Of earth, clay, or sand, whatever is at hand, Come quickly and make us our tee. We get tee from the caddie—not a box but a laddie— What though ragged and roguish he be, The club's face he wipes, we go in for swipes, And off fly the balls from the tee. 90 ON THE LINKS Away through the air, in parabolas so rare, The balls fly beautifulie; But, O! woe betide 1 I've driven mine too wide, And now I'm in jeopardie.

And here let me pause while the Muse the moral draws Of hopes that too high-flying be, That dare in the dark, and overshoot the mark, Golf teaches the penahie.

In whins or in sand, in despair now I stand, And the cleek swings duhiouslie; AVho would be a funker! I'm clear of the bunker! And close Lo the hole, I see.

But all this lime, in love with my rhyme, I've forgotten mine eneniie; Alike now we lie, but how nettled am I— The villain! he is dead, I see.

The putter in my hand, around me many stand, The end of the game to see ; I borrow, and I steal, my way I slowly feel— Hurrah ! the first half for me ! RHYMES OF GOLF 91 Halved hole," says the foe; but "No"—I say— "No; Putt it out, mine enemie 1 You're dead, but not buried." He's shaky and flurried ! 0 ! a terrible miss makes he.

And here I stop again, for the Muse I find is fain To do more moralitie; " There's many a slip, but ne'er withdraw the lip, For nowhere is certain tie." I wish that were true : but 'tis certain I and you With " short holes " won't well agree ; That soon, without a doubt, we'll all be holed out, And life's round finished shall be. But still while we may, let us keep to the play, That our days in the land long may be; For headache, cold, or cough, there is nothing like golf- So here's to it, three times three 1

J F Mel,. 92 ON THE LINKS

A GOLFING SONG

AIR—"Let Haughty Gaul,"

COME leave your dingy desks and shops, Ye sons of ancient Reekie, And by green fields and sunny slopes, For healthy pastimes seek ye. Don't bounce about your " dogs of war," Nor at our shinties scoff, boys, But learn our motto, " Sure ami Far" Then come and nlay at golf, boys.

Chorus—Three rounds of JJrunLs fiolcl Links will chase All murky vapours off, boys ; And nothing can your sinews brace Like the glorious game of golf, boys.

Above our head the clear blue sky, We bound the gowan'd sward o'er, And as our balls fly far and high, Our bosoms glow with ardour. RHYMES OF GOLF 93 While dear Ecliria, Scotland's Queen, Her misty cap lifts off, boys, And smiles serenely on the green, Graced by the game of golf, boys. Chorus—Three rounds, etc.

We putt, we drive, we laugh, we chat, Our strokes .and jokes aye clinking, We banish all extraneous fat, And all extraneous thinking. We'll cure you of a summer cold, Or of a winter cough, boys, We'll make you young, even when you're old, So come and play at golf, boys. Chorus— Three rounds, etc,

When in the clumps with mulligrubs Or doyte with barley breu, boys, Go, gel you off the green three rubs, 'Twill set you on the " TM," boys. There's no disease we cannot cure, No rare we cannot doff, boys ; Our aim is ever "far and sure"— Ho come and play at golf, boys. Chorus—Three rounds, etc, 94 ON THE LINKS O, blessings on pure caller air, And every healthy sport, boys, That makes sweet Nature seem more fair And makes long life seem short, boys: That warms your hearts with genial glow, And make you halve your loaf, boys, With every needy child of woe— So bless the game of golf, boys, Chorus—Three rounds, etc.

Then don your brilliant scarlet coats, With your bright blue velvet caps, boys, And some shall play the " rocket shots " And some the " jmtting pqps" boys, No son of Scotland, man or boy, Shall e'er become an oaf, boys, Who gathers friendship, health, and joy, In playing at the golf, boys. Chorus—Throe rounds, etc.

JAMES BALLANTINE. RHYMES OF GOLF 95

SONG

FOR THE FIRST MUSICAL MEETING OF THE WARRENDER GOLF CLUB, JANUARY 1870

AIR—"A Man's a Man for a' that.

TEN jolly years awa' hae fled, Since first our Club was founded ; And oh what happy lives we've led, By healthy sport surrounded. We've raxed our arms \vi' richt gude will, And pluck baith sharp and keen, boys. Till now for golfing power and skill, We rival a' the Green, boys,

Chorus— We're blithe without, we're blithe within, And now 'mid winter snell, boys We strive in harmony to win Aboon a' clubs the bell, boys. gfi OAT THE LINKS Oh, when a hard day's darg is done, How pleasant 'tis to meet, boys, And listen to an old Scotch croon, Frae voices low and sweet, boys. And 'neath our genial Captain's sway— A chield tac a' sae dear, boys— Each singing night, like golfing day, Our joyous hearts shall cheer, boys. Chorus—We're blithe without, etc.

Then Tenor, Bass, and Treble join, And swell the happy lay, boys ; For Music is the Art divine That drives all woe away, boys. And 'neath this roof, so snug and bien, Wi' sangsters in galore, boys, There's mony joyous nights, I ween, And canty songs in store boys. Chorus—We're blithe without, etc.

JAMES TSALT.ANTINJC, RHYMES OF GOLF 97

GOLFIANA

ADDRESS TO ST. ANDREWS

ST. ANDREWS ! they say that thy glories are gone, Thy streets are deserted, thy castles o'erthrown : If thy glories be gone, they are only, methinks, As it were by enchantment, transferr'd to thy Links. Though thy streets hu not now, as of yore, full of prelates, Of abbots and monks, and of hot-headed zealots, Let none judge us rashly, or blame us as scoffers, When we say that instead there are Links full of golfers, With more of good heart and good feeling among them Than the abbots, the monks, and the zealots who sung them : We have red coats and bonnets, we've putters and clubs ; The green has its bunkers, its hazards, and rubs; g8 ON THE LINKS At the long hole across we have biscuits and beer, And the Hebes who sell it give zest to the cheer : If this make not up for the pomp and the splendour Of mitres, and murders, and mass—we'll surrender; If golfers and caddies be not better neighbours Than abbots and soldiers, with crosses and sabres, Let such fancies remain with the fool who so thinks, While we toast old St. Andrews, its Golfers and Links.

GEORGE FULLARTON CARNEGIE. Written in :833. RHYMES OF GOLF 99

ADDRESS By the Captain—A.D. i8fi—of the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews to his Crew, on the eve of setting out, after the autumn campaign, for his winter quarters in Edinburgh.

Imitated from Horace, Ode vii. of Book I. " Laudabunt alii claram Rhodou, aut Mitylenen."

SOME praise the Isles of Greece, or hieroglyphic Egypt—connecting link 'twixt two great seas; Some love the palmy isles of the Pacific—• Tahiti, Owhyhee, and the Fijis.

One loves the impregnable sun-smitten Malta, Her dresses and her tongues of every land; Another vaunts the Rock of strong Gibraltar, The friend of nations in Great Britain's hand.

One spends his time and talents in describing The Modern Athens and her castled crag : Swears she's the Queen of Cities : that ascribing Such praise to others were an empty brag. I no ON THE LINKS To me St. Andrews far beyond them all is; Her bright Links satisfy my every want, For true enjoyment she's the only "TTOXIS"— The love of all men justifies my vaunt.

I love Stmthtyrum, and it's leafy grove; I love the Links with their smooth velvet Greens; The sandy Bunkers, and the Club I love ; I love the Ladies' Links and sunny denes.

Alas ! the time has come now for our parting. And I must hie me to a southern clime ; The thought, though, keeps my heart from over- smarting, That I shall come again some other time.

As Tcucer once addressed his hardy crew, When seeking a new home beyond the sea; As he to /it's friends, I address to you These words with which I know your sympathy:—

Never despair. Where'er your Captain leads The true Apollo promises new Links : Old Mussleburgh now must serve our needs, With dear "Auld Reekie" and her curling rinks. RHYMES OF GOLF ic Brave partners in the Game, who oft have passed Along with me through darker times than these, Enjoy your dinner, for it is the last Before we tempt the perils of the seas; Drown all your cares in wine, and let's be merry, To-morrow we must cross the stormy ferry.

ANONYMOUS. 102 ON TIIH LINKS

THE HELL HOLE

WHAT daring genius first did name theo Hell ? What high, poetic, awe-struck, grand old Golfer ? Misdeem him not, ye pious ones, a scoffer— Whoe'er he was, the name he fils thec well, "All hope abandon, ye who enter here," Is written awful o'er thy sandy jaws, Whoso greedy throat may give the boldest pause, And frequent from within come (ones of fear — Dread sound of decks, which ever smite in vain, And—for mere mortal patience is Imi scanty Shriekings thereafter, as ol souls in pain, Dire gnashings of the: leelh, and horrid curses, With which I need not decorate my verses, Because in fact, you'll find them all in Dante.*

PATRICK I'UOCTOU AI.KXANHKU.

* The above scums a little mil of date. Hull indeed still exists, but OIIC'B ancient awe of il is much mitigated. In the RHYMES OF GOLF 103

altered condition of the course nobody need go into it vmless he likes, and even if the perversity of a drawn ball takes you there, your damnation is by no means so dreadful as it used to be. Time and disuse have, in point of fact, done for this fine old hazard what the labours of the advanced theo- logians are understood to have done for the other one. Neither is now by any means the terror to evil-doers which I seem to remember it in my youth. 104 ON THE LINKS

THE HEATHER HOLE

AH me ! prodigious woes do still environ— To quote verbatim from some grave old poet— The man who needs must " meddle with his iron "; And here if ever, thou art doomed to know it. For now behold thee, doubtless for thy sins, Tilling some bunker, as if on a lease of it, And so, assiduous to make due increase of it; Or wandering homeless through a world of whins ! And when, these perils past, thou seemest dead, And hop'sta half—O woe ! thy ball runs crooked, Making thy foo just one more hole ahead. Surely a consummation all too sad, Without that sneering devilish " Nivcr look it," The closing comment of the opposing cad.

PATRICK PROCTOR ALEXANDER. RHYMES OF GOLF 105

TO ST. ANDREW*

Ode iii. of Book IV.

THAT man upon whose natal hour Thy beaming eye has smiled, Inspiring with a Golfer's power, Dear saint, thy favoured child,

Ne'er shall the Turf's Blue Ribbon grace, Victorious on the course, His the first favourite for the race, Or his the winning horse.

'Tis not for him, a Golfer born, The warrior's pasan rings ; Nor his the laurel rudely torn From brow of conquered kings.

* " Horatian Lyrics," No. II.—From Blackwood's Magazine, Oct. 1872 (with a few alterations). ON THE LINKS But sunlit seas that laughing lave Bright Eden's sandy shore, Shall sound his name in rippling wave Till time shall be no more.

The deep green seas in billowy dash, And stern triumphant roar, Proclaim his name in thundering crash On old St. Andrews' shore.

In Royal Ancient records placed Amidst the sons of fame, With never-ending medals graced Great master of The (lame.

Sweet Saint ! whose spirit haunts the Course, And broods o'er every Hole, And gives the Driver vital force, And calms the I'tutor's soul,

Thou giv'st mu, to the world's last hour, A Golfer's fame, divine: I boast—thy gift a 1 liiver's power; If I can putt—'tis thine.

1 ls. N A l' llA l.1 ..*

eiia iii-ilo-phwu' of VV. A. Campbell of OrniKiry, RHYMES OF GOLF

DUFFERS YET.

BY LORD STORMONTH DARLING. With apologies to the Author of Strangers Yet.

AFTER years of play together, After fair and stormy weather, After rounds of every Green, From Westward Ho ! to Aberdeen: Why did e'er we buy a Set— If we must be Duffers yet ? Duffers yet! Duffers yet!

After singles, foursomes, all Fractured club and cloven ball, After grief in sand and whin, Foozled drives and putts not in, Even our caddies scarce regret When we part as Duffers yet. Duffers yet! Duffers yet! io8 ON THE LINKS After days of frugal fare, Still we spend our force in air : After nips to give us nerve, Not the less our drivers swerve : Friends may back, and foes may bet, And ourselves be Duflfers yet. Duffers yet! Duffers yetI

Must it ever then be thus ? Failure most mysterious! Shall we never fairly stand Eye on ball or club in hand? Arc the Fates eternal net To retain us Duffers yet? Duffers yet! Duffers yet!*

* This (irsl nppuaroil, without iho tlu'rd verso, in the Edinburgh Coni'iint In 18(19, and was respectfully dedicated to the Honourable Company of Edinburgh Golfers. RHYMES OF GOLI- 109

THE BULGER Reprinted from The Scots Observer

FROM him that heeleth from the Heel, Or toeth from the Toe, The Bulger doth his vice conceal: His drive straight on doth go. To him who from the Toe doth heel, Or from the Heel doth toe, The Bulger doth his faults reveal, And bringcth grief and woe. And the poor Slicor's awful fate, Who doth a-btilging go, Is sad indeed to contemplate : The Bulger is his foe. Hut winisu plays the proper game, Ifis ball who strikoth true, lie findeth all clubs much the same: A goodly thing to do. no ON THE LINKS

MORAL. Bulgers and Mashies, Presidents, Are for weak players made; As spectacles and crutches be For eyes and limbs decayed.

G. H. RHYMES OF GOLF m

ADDRESS TO "THE BULGER"

BY THE GHOST OF OLD PHILP

NOT " Lamb the frolic and the gentle," Of whom the waggish * Wordsworth sang ; Our Mr. Lamb's the cause of mental Anguish and despairing pang. Ah, Mr. Lamb ! I little guessed, When reading of your derring-do, You were to work your evil best To wring my heart and wreak me rue. Though dear to me our Ancient Game, Its very trials, hazards, rubs, Not mine to smirch a brother's fame—> Twas I, at least, was King of Clubs. But gruesome ferlies now I hear— My newer life's a leelang flutter— Of much, alas ! I'm filled with fear, But most I dread a Bulger Putter !

* •• Serious " might be better.—ED, ii2 ON THE LINKS Many the tale I'm told, I wis—• For gammers yam and Waghorn* blcthers— But biggest bam to me is this— That balls no more are made of feathers,

Now ghostly golfers round me crowd, And fleer and flout and mow at me, And gibbering goblins cry aloud— "A rummy maker Philp must be ! "

Nay more—a climax to my woes !— I still can hear the fiends applaud—• My first and dearest patron rose— " Tis I accuse Old Philp of fraud ! " f

Think of the heirlooms ripe with age, In dear, dead hands, the trusted, tried ! 'Tis Lamb has cursed the heritage, Has wrecked the trust, and dashed the pride !

* Waghorn, a sterling golfer of old, who being nineteen times falser than the Devil, was crowned King of Liars. lie seems to have left issue. (). I'. t It is only in a place such as this that any association between golf and fraud could even lie suggested, —0, 1\ RHYMES OF GOLF 113 'Mid geek, and gibe, and sneer, and flout, 'Mid croak of heir and fiend's guffaw, The melancholy thought will out—. " 'Deed, Mr. Lamb, I'm weel awa'!"

OLD PHILIP. •114 ON THE LINKS

ST. ANDREWS LINKS

BY AN OLD GOLFER

ST. ANDREWS, hail! In Golfiana's realm you bear the bell, Thou Queen of Links, I know thee and I love thee well, Thy billowy course so green, the murmuring sea, To golfing memory dear, but doubly dear lo me.

Fain would I in choice verse thy praises chant Thy glories, beauties, and thy merits vaunt, But with my pen, alas ! I've little skill— I'm better with my putter than my quill.

Yet will I dare to wing a modest flight, To laud the Royal Game—my choice delight Yor I'm a lover true, a thorough golfer, Weak though my incense be, 'tis all that I can offer. RHYMES OF GOLF nS Oh, joy ! the springy turf beneath one's feet, The larks above, trilling their carols sweet, The fresh breeze rustling o'er the sunny lea, Fragrant with golden gorse, or caller from the sea.

Oh, the delight! on such a glorious day, To win hole after hole with steady level play ; Straight driving, deft approach, the obedient ball Holed out in four or five—almost professional.

To carry with clean lick of choice precision O'er " Hell's " old maw, and land on sward " Ely- sian," The " Crescent " bunker nigh, thence on to soar, To neat approach, and finish off in four.

So on with varying luck, by hazards many, A taste of one, a bunker most uncanny ; But stili with stroke redeeming reach the goal, And claim in decent six the " Heather Hole."

The " high hole " reached, do pause, and view the scene; Do mark the plover cloud flash by, its silver sheen Now lost, now seen, now dark, now bright, As wheeling it careers, and revels in its flight. 116 ON THE LINKS Beyond the waters blue of Eden's placid bay, With golden sands enlaced, on such a lovely day ; And in the distance far, fleckered with clouds between, The hoary Grampian range and sunny slopes are seen. Here you may mark the ebb and flow of the daily golfing tide, And view the game in comfort from the seats the gods provide; But small would be your pleasure if you knew with whom you shared The simple wooden benches for weary legs prepared. For here, " imprisoned in the viewless winds,"'tis said, Souls of departed golfers come ! souls of the golfing dead: To expiate a common sin, loo mild to merit hell, The crime, alas! of loving golf, not wisely, but too well. For Purgatorial penance, they crowd, a woful band, Some on the benches perch, some lie around, sonic stand, Others in mid air hover, the young and flighty 1 con- ceive, But all must stay the live-long dny, from morn till dewy eve. RHYMES OF GOLF uj Doomed here to bide, through summer tide, day after weary day, In mute despair with sullen air, to watch the feeble play Of duffers on their holiday, Dundee and Glasgow bodies, Beginners, sweet girl golfers, and all kinds of owls and noddies.

Scratch players too, among the crew of ghostly gazing shades, Some wiry, old and grizzled, some young and strap- ping blades, Here all must wait in bitter hate, to purge them of their sin, While they watch the weak and feeble putts that never do go in.

Sadly they mourn departed joys, lives in folly played away, And curse the golfing demon who led them first astray. Dear phantoms, let us leave them in their penitence and shame, While we, the living sinners, resume our little game. n8 ON THE LINKS 'Tis said the " short hole " to the golfer keen, Affords the choicest bit of play of any on the green For going out or coming in to nail the hole in two Is consummation very sweet, achieved by very few.

The last, the " end hole," finished off in four, With forty-five the total outward score, Is steady honest work for any golfer Of three score odd, and yet not quite a duffer.

These be thy charms, my Golfiana fair, Tho' oft you drive your lover to despair, And foil his game with hazards and distresses, When fond, he looks for smiles and luck's caresses.

Though very fair you be, a fickle jade thou art, Of fickle Fortune's self the very counterpart. You smile, the putts go in, the game runs fair and level; You frown, and ruts and bunkers play the very devil.

But false or fickle, fond or fair, We greet you friend beyond compare— Health, exercise, and genial pleasure, You give us without stint or measure. RHYMES OF GOLF rig With thee we can the world forget, With all its worry, toil, and fret, And revel to our heart's content In joys, alas! too quickly spent.

ST. ANDREWS, September 1891. ON THE LINKS

THE GOLF-WIDOW'S LAMENT

From the Si. James's Gazette

OH ! who a golfer's bride would be, Fast mated with a laddie Who every day goes out to tee And with him takes the caddie. When Donald came to " ask mamma," Of Hymen's links he prated : The links that now enchain him are At Musselbro' located. I used to be his all in all, As he himself confesses ; But I've a rival now—the ball He constantly addresses I own I feel inclined to scoff, And get a little " fashy," When other spoons he tells me of, And raves about his masky. RHYMES OF GOLF 121 / think a club's a horrid place, As is my wifely duty : He vows his club 's a lovely face, And calls his cleek a beauty.

I hate the wretched game ! And can There be the least disguising, That it's effect upon a man, Is most demoralising?

Though Donald knows how greatly I Detest dishonest dealing, He loses honour, blames the lie, And doesn't stick at stealing.

And then the awful words they use ! (I cannot understand 'em) Like "bunker," "stymie," "divot," "fooz- le,"—taking some at random.

I cannot gauge a " niblick's charm, I can't appraise a "gutty," A "bulger" fills me with alarm ; And what on earth's a "putty" ? 122 ON TUB UNfKS

Sweet sisters mine, take warning) then, Augusta and Adolpha 1 Wed cricketers or football men, But bar, oh bar, the Golfer I L. S. RHYMES OF GOLF 123

THE GOLFER'S BIG, BIG D.

(With apologies, etc.)

I DROVK a golf-ball into the air, It fell to earth, I knew not where ; For so swiftly it flew, the sight Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a word into the air, It fell ID earth, I knew not where; For who has sight so keen and free Thai ii ran follow n big, big D?

A short lime afterward 011 the great 1 found that golf-ball round and clean; And ihe word from beginning to end 1 heard again from the lips of a friend.

(ikKVU.I.K E, MATHESON. SHAKESPEARE ON GOLF

WITH SPECIAL REFERENCE TO

ST. ANDREWS LINKS SHAKESPEARE ON GOLF

ALL the world knows that Shakespeare was its one universal genius; but probably few have as yet real- ised his extraordinary knowledge of sport, or the extent of his acquaintance with games. From his familiarity with every practical pursuit, he is by some supposed to have been a lawyer, by others a doctor, a sailor, a schoolmaster, a soldier, a printer, an apothecary, a gipsy, a spiritualist. These are, however, but trivial guesses : and it is not only in such secondary matters as History, Philosophy, Science, or Politics supply, that his marvellous knowledge is seen ; but also in the far more important sphere of human interest which concerns the sports and relaxations of the race. Probably no one—not Gervinus or Schmidt—not Cowden-Clarke, or the Bishop of St. Andrews—has 128 ON THE LINKS ever yet surmised that Shakespeare was a Golfer Proof, however, is abundant that he was not only a distinguished Player, acquainted with all the hazards of the game; but that he knew every peculiarity of the St. Andrews Links—that he had experience of all the bunkers, that he was familiar with " Walkin- shaw" and " the Elysian Fields," that he sometimes drove into the Burn, that he once did the Long Hole in three, and that his lowest score was 82. It is more than probable that when he visited Scotland as a strolling player, and went to Glammis, Dunsinane, and Forres, collecting material for Mac- beth, he also spent some time in the ancient Scottish Capital, and solaced himself, after his labours as a playwright and an actor, by an occasional round of the Links. His familiarity with the old City by the Sea, his allusions to its Castle, with its "coigns of vantage," and its "temple-haunting martlets"- This castle hath a pleasant seat—

etc., etc , are well known to every reader of the Plays. References no less apposite to St. Rule, St. Salvator, and St. Leonards, to the Cathedral, the Priory, and the Colleges, are scattered throughout the tragedies and SHAKESPEARE ON GOLF 129 comedies. It will therefore surprise no one to be tokl that upwards of one hundred allusions to the noble game are to be found in Shakespeare, and that he prized Golf more than Archery, or Tennis, or Fal- conry, or Hunting. It is unquestionable that the Game of Golf is a mirror of chief incidents and accidents of life j that, from the opening tee-shot to the final putt, it is a picture of human experience: and, while it may be disputed whether to be a good golfer is necessarily to be a good fellow, every golfing community knows that the play reveals the man, in a very remarkable manner, Hence it was inevitable that, as soon as Shakespeare crossed the Border, he should take to the game, and should dearly love it, both for its own sake and for what it reveals of human nature. The quotations which follow are a mere selection from our great dramatist's allusions to the Green, with its incidents and adventures. l3o ON THE LINKS i. On the Game in general. " Certain issues strokes must arbitrate." MACBETH, V. 4.

II. Two players meeting by accident. (First) " Then shall we have a match ? " ALL'S WELL, v. 3. (Second) " I'll make sport with thee," ALL'S WELL, v. 3.

m. A remarkably long drive from the tee. " A hit: a very palpable bit." HAMLET, V. 2.

iv. Putting too keenly en a smooth green. (1) " We may outrun

By violent swiftness that which we run at) And lose by over-running." HENRY VIII. i. i-

(2) "Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow." ROMEO AND JULIET, ii. 6.

v. Lihe, as we lie. "Like doth quit like, and measure still for measure." MEASURE FOR MEASURE, V. i. SHAKESPEARE ON GOLF 131 vi. Winning one hole by a steal, ami losing tin next two, " Didst thou never hear That things ill got had ever bad success ? " 3 HENRY vi, U. a,

VII. Pressing. " Striving to better, oft we mar what's well." LEAR, i. 4. vm, When after missing a short putt, and still thinking about it, one misses the next tee-stroke. (1) "To mourn a mischief that is past and gone Is the next way to draw new mischief on." OTHELLO, i. 3. (2) "Wise men ne'er sit and wail their loss, But cheerily seek how to redress their harms. 3 IIUNUY vi. v. 4, ix. Taking the eye off the hill. " Oft the eyu deceives, the mind being troubled." POEMS. x. Lofting over one hazard, and going into another. "Vaulting ambition .... o'erleaps itself, And falls on the other side." MACBETH, i. 7, i32 ON THE LINKS xi. You have the honour. _ "Will you shogoff?" HENRY V, ii. I.

Xn. The reply. " Let the gods so speed me, as I love The name of honour. JULIUS CESAR, i. 2.

XIII. The rejoinder. " The gods assist you! And keep your honour safe ! CORIOLANUS, i. xiv. A caddie in the way. " Stand aside, good bearer." LOVES LAH0ORS LOST, IV. I. xv. Wild driving on a gusty day. " Still, still, far wide."

LEAR, iv. 7. xvi. A low-flying hall hit straight against the wind. "He knows the game : how true he keeps the wind !" 3 HENRY vi. iii. 2, XVII. Playing from the tee opposite Walhinshaw, and going into the hunker. " How oft the sight of means ill deeds to do Makes deeds ill done ! " KING JOHN, IV. 2. SHAKESPEARE ON GOLF t3i

XVIII. In a bad bunltei; "Hamlet. Whose grave's this? Clown. Mine, sir. Hamlet. I think it lie thine, indeed j for thou liest in'l."

HA.MLHT, V. I,

xix. Playing out of a bunhtr in dry WMthtt, und sending tht ball deeper into tin sand, " Out of the smoke, into the smother."

AB YOU LIKE IT, 1, 3. xx, Seeing n ball pkiycd to t/ie very eiiga 0/ a hunkir, " To the extreme edge of hazard." AIX'H WBIX, Hi. 3, xxi, To 11 phiycr who esdipes immy luitttYils, {Ms opponent.) " Was there over man had such luck?" CVM1IBLINB, il. I. (His partner,) " As if that luck in very spite of cunning bade him win all."

TUOII.US AND CHEMaiDA, V, 5. xxii. After t aki ngai; <

XXIII. When a player on the other side has made an miexpectcdly good stroke. {Hispartner.) "O, it is excellent To have a giant's strength :" {His opponent.) " But it is tyrannous To use it like a giant." MEASURE FOR MEASURE, ii. 2. xxiv. In a bad place (e.g., the ball lying in a cup), {To the caddie) "Give me the iron, I say." KING JOHN, IV. I, xxv. To a player who uses his iron in grass, when he might have used wood. " You spare your spoons." HENEY VIII. V. 2. {The repty.) "I have not much skill in grass." ALL'S WELL, iv. 5. xxvi. To partner, on Siting opponent cut the turf uith his iron. "They hit the ground they step on." TITUS ANDRONICUS, ill. 4.

XXVN. Tu one's partner, who has the better of two approaches to the green. " We have the advantage of the ground." CYMBELINE, V. 2. SHAKESPEARE ON GOLF 135

xxvm. On a rough butting green. 'Uneven is the course, I like H not," ROMEO AND JULIET, Iv, I, xxix. On a level putting grew. " Methinks the ground is even," LEAK, iv. 6, xxx, Losing a stroke, through want of confidence, " Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win By fearing to attempt." MEASURE FOR MEASURE, i, 5. xxxi. Missing a putt within twelve inches of the hole, after your opponent has chaffed you. "Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word." COMEDY OK EKRQHB, ill. 2. xxxn. Before mulling the uppt'oach-stroht TO a hole. " And would I might lie dead." TWO GKNTLKMJiN, IV. 4.

XXXIN. After the stroke, {Opponent.) " Is ho dead?" MKKKV WIVJ2.S, ii. 3. {Partner.) " Dead, I think." MUCH ADO, iv. I. {Caddie.) " 1 says he's dead ; I'll swear't." WINTER'S TALK, ii, 11, 136 ON THE LINKS (A Rejoinder?) " Not dead, not yet quite dead." OTHELLO, V. 2. (The reply.) " Ay, but he is dead." 3 HENRY VI. ii. I. '. The player who has given a stimie to his opponent. " All ports I'll bar." KING LEAR, ii. I, xxxv. To his opponent loho has failtd to hole out because of the stimie. "Purpose so barr'd, it follows, Nothing is done to purpose." CORIOLANUS, Hi. i, xxxvi. A dead stimie; the player trying to loft over his opponent's ball. "Our fortune lies upon this jump." ANTONY AND CLEQrATRA, Hi. 8. xxxvii. Losing hole after hole continuously, (1) "One woe doth tread upon another's heel, So fast they follow." HAMLET, IV. 7, (2) " When sorrows come, they come not single spies, But in battalions." HAMLET, iv. 5. (3) " One sorrow never comes, but brings an heir, That may succeed as his inheritor." I'EUICLES, i. 4. .

SHAKESPEARE ON GOLF 137

xxxvni. Unlucky strobes and a succession of disasters. " The world is full of ruts, And thus my fortune runs against the bias." RICHARD II. Ui. 4. xxxix. A good player, with weak partner; the match all square at the turn. " 'Tis not enough to help the feeble up, But to support him after." TIMON OF ATHENS, i. I. XL. Seven down at the turn, but winning the next six holes. "Very little pains Will bring this labour to an happy end."

KING JOHN, iii. 2. XLI. The match by four, and continuing to win the byes. " Winning would put any man into courage." CVMEELINE, ii. 3. XLII. Donnie. " The task is done, and we may sleep." ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA, iv. 12. XLIII. Taking the last hole in three. " The daintiest last, to make the end most sweet." RICHARD II. i. 3. XLIV. Winning a bye, after losing the match. " That comfort comes too late ; 'Tis like a pardon after execution." HENRY VIII. VI. 2. 138 OAT THE LINKS

XLV. At the close of a match when your opponent has played well, and beaten you. " The game was ne'er so fair, and I am done." ROMEO AND JULIET, 1, 4. XLVI. The winner, after a stiff match. (1) "The harder matched, the greater victory." 3 HENRY vi. v. 2. (2) " A victory is twice itself, when the achiever brings home full numbers." MUCH ADO, i. I. XLVII. The loser— (1) " There be some sports are painful." TEMPEST, iii. I. (2) " What foul play had we ! " TEMPEST, i. 2.

XLVin. His victorious antagonist— " And I would call it fair play." TEMPEST, V. I,

XLIX. A rejoinder. "That's all one, our play is done."

TWELFTH NIGHT, V. I.

L. The defeated. " There's no such sport as sport by sport o'erthrown." LOVE'S LABOUR'S LOST, V. 2. SHAKESPEARE ON GOLF 139

U. To the player who is bumptious, and loses his temper. " A poor player that struts and frets." MACBETH, V, 5.

LIX. To the player who is always blackguarding his otvn play. "Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator; Look sweet, speak fair." COMEDY OF ERRORS, Ul. 2.

LIN. A reminiscence of the old days of Allan Robertson and Tommy Morris. " There be players that I have seen play." HAMLET, iii. 2.

LIV. A halved match. " Half won is match well made." ALL'S WELL, iv. 3.

LV. Winning the match at the last hole. " The end crowns all." TROILUS AND CRESSIDA, IV. 5. LVI. To one out of humour with himself through bad flay. " 'Tis fond to wail inevitable strokes, As 'tis to laugh at them." CORIOLANUS, IV. I.

LVU . The reply. "0, how are they wrapped in with infamies, That from their own misdeeds askance their eyes!" LUCRECE 3. 140 ON THE LINKS

LVIII. The defeated player. (1) "Things without all remedy Should be without regard." MACBETH, Hi, 2. (2) " Let us not burden our remembrances with A heaviness that's gone." TEMPEST, V. I. (3) " Wise men ne'er sit and wail their loss, But cheerily seek how to redress their harms." 3 HENRY VI, V. 4. (4) " I see some sparkles of a better hope, Which elder days may happily bring forth." RICHAKD n. v. 3. LIX. Both players, "Things won are done, joy's soul lies in the doing." TROILUS AND CRESS1DA, i. 2. LX. Motto for the player who is always oil. the links. " No day without a deed to crown it." HAMLET, V. 4. LXI. To players dilly-dallying at the teeing ground, and losing time by raising questions of precedence. "Stand not upon the order of your going, But go at once." MACBETH, ill. 4. SHAKESPEARE ON GOLF 141

LXN. To one's caddie, who has not tee'd the ball. " Give me a little earth, for charity ! " HENRY VIII. iv. 2.

• xm. In the kitchen beyond the hell hmker. (r) "He must have a long spoon that must eat with the Devil." COMEDY OF ERRORS, IV. 3. (2) " I have no long spoon." TEMPEST, ii. 2.

LXIV. The player who takes a round in summer before breakfast, to his opponent. " To business that we love, we rise betime, And go to't with delight." ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA, IV. 4.

LXV. To nn opponent, whose putt has shut the door. " And here you sty me !" TEMPEST, i. 2.

Lxvr. Getting out of a very deep and bad bunker, cleverly. " From lowest place when virtuous things proceed, The place is dignified by the doer's deed." ALL'S WELL, ii. 3.

i-xvii. Taking the short hole in one: an iron shot. The opponent : "How poor an instrument May do a noble deed ! " AN'TONV AND CLEOPATKA, V. 2. 142 ON THE LINKS

Lxvm. The flayer: "He that of greatest works is finisher Oft does them by the weakest minister." ALL'S WELL, ii. i,

LXIX. Four down at the turn {having been two up coming out). " Past, and to come, seem best; things present, worst." 2 HENRY IV. i. 3. LXX. To partner, saying, " Never mind, we'll beat them going in." "He that commends me to mine own content, Commends me to the thing I cannot get." COMEDY OF ERRORS, 1, 2. LXXI. Reply. "Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie." ALL'S WELL, i. r. Lxxn. Rijoinder. "I can easier teach twenty what were good to be done, Than be one of the twenty to follow mine own teaching." MERCHANT Ql' VENICE, i. 2. LXXIII. Reply. "The fault is not in our stars, Cut in ourselves, that we are underlings." JULIUS CESAR, i. 2. SHAKESPEARE ON GOLF 143

LXXIV. Rejoimler. " Strange it is, That nature must compel us to lament Our most persisted deeds." ANTONV AND CLEOPATRA, V. I. LXXV. Seeing a magnificent tee shot, and admiring it with a touch of envy. {The player.) " Men prize the thing ungain'd more than it is," TROILUS AND CRESSIDA, i. 2.

LXXVI. To opponent, losing temper at his partner's bad play, anil using strong language. (1) " Good words are better than bad strokes, Octavius." JULIUS M2SAR, V. I. (2) "Mend your speech a little, Lest you may mar your fortunes." LEAR, i. I,

LXXVII. Reply. " Better a little chiding than a deal of heart-break." MERKY WIVES, V. 3.

LXXVIU. Rejoinder. " I will chide no breather in the world but myself, Against whom 1 know most faults." AS VOU LIKIi IT, Hi. 2, 144 0N THE LINKS LXXIX. Talk in the Club : a player enlarging on his game. "There's not one wise man among twenty that will praise himself." M0CH ADO, V. 2.

xxx. Regular players, kept from the game by a snowy season. (1) " Now is the winter of our discontent" RICHARD III, i. I. (2) " Sweet recreation barr'd, what doth ensue, But moody and dull melancholy." COMEDY OF ERRORS, V. I. LXXXI. Reply. " If all the year were playing holidays, To sport would be as tedious as to work ; But when they seldom come, they wished for come." I HENRY IV. i. 2. LXXXII. A player expecting to find himself in good form, and playing badly. " Oft expectation fails, and most oft there, Where most it promises." ALL'S WELL, ii. 1. Lxxxm. One driving at the short hole coming in, and going info the Eden at full tide. " Of all exploits Ne'er heard I of an enterprise More venturous or desperate than this." I HENRY VI. ii. I, SHAKESPEARE ON GOLF 145

LXXXIV. Slow players in front, keeping the whole green waiting for them; and tempting others, detained in cold weather, to fulminate a little. Time travels in divers paces with divers persons." AS von LIKE IT, iii. 2.

LXXXV. Pressing, for a long shot across a difficult hazard, and missing in consequence. " The flighty purpose never is o'ertook, Unless the deed go with it." MACBETH, iv. I.

LXXXVI. The player, seeing his ball deeply buried in a bad bimher. " Here in the sands Thee I'll rake up." LEAR, iv. 6.

LXXXVII. A player to his caddie, who had given him aputter, when the iron was the more suitable .club. " Sense is not good to give putter." MERRY WIVES, V. 5.

LXXXVIII. Remark in the Club, after a match, to an indifferent player. (1) " They vent reproaches Most bitterly on you as putter." HENRY VIII. i. 2. (2) " You are abused, and by some putter." WINTER'S TALE, ii. i. K 146 ON THE LINKS

. To an opponent, who has taken three holes running by long, flukey putts. " Thou puttest up thy fortune." ROMEO AND JULIET, iii. 3. xc. To one who insists on putting out a hole, though playing five more. " Now we find A putter out of five for one." TEMPEST, iii, 3. xci. Two players dispute us to the rules of the game, and refer the point to the green committee of the club. " When two authorities are up, Neither supreme, how soon confusion May enter 'twixt the gap of both." CORIOLANUS, iii.

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In Two Volnnies^ /[to. REMBRANDT: HIS LIFE, HIS WORK, AND HIS TIME.

BY EMILE MICHEL, MEMBER OF TUB INSTITUTE OF FRANCE. TRANSLATED BY FLORENCE SIMMONDS. EDITED AND PREFACED BY FREDERICK WEDMORE. With 33 photogravures, 34 coloured reproductions of pa:n'ings and chalk drawings, and 250 illustrations in the text.

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Third and Cheaper Edition. ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON. A STUDY OF HIS LIFE AND WORK, BY ARTHUR WAUGH, B.A. OXON. With Twenty Illustrations from Photographs specially taken for this Work, Five Portraits, and Facsimile of Tennyson's MS. Crown 8vo. Cloth gilt edges, or uncut, 6s. CONTENTS. — Lincolnshire. Cambridge. Literary Troubles and Arthur Hallams Death. Early Years in London. The Begin- nings of Fame. From The Princess to In Memoriam. Maud. Idylls of the King. From the Idylls to the Dramas. Queen Mary and Harold. '1 he Falcon and The Cut. The Promise of May and Bccket, From Tiresias to Demeter. The Closing Years. The Voice of the Age.

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