Part One
777ththth January 2003 --- 222222 ndndnd January 2004
Kolhapur, Maharastra 7 January 2003
In 1978 I had an extremely vivid dream of Srila Prabhupada. It opened with me finding myself in a forest at night. Up ahead I saw an encampment a group of persons seated in a ring around a fire under a very large tree. I came nearer and discerned these men to be sadhus. All at once I was astounded to see that on a simple wooden platform placed in the center of the group sat Srila Prabhupada! He was wrapped from head to foot in a brown chadar. I ran forward and fell prostrate in the dust, His Divine Grace on my left, the campfire on my right. Not only did I fall into dust, but into shock as well. My sweet Lord, Srila Prabhupada is here again!
I raised my head to see him smiling reassuringly at me, his face glowing yet ancient looking in the dancing firelight, his eyes sparkling yet dark like glistening pools of oil. I couldn't find a word to say to him. But the only thought on my mind was, "How can I serve you, Srila Prabhupada?" In 1978 that was a profound and at the same time poignant question, now that His Divine Grace had physically departed this world. He nodded his head from side to side in his characteristic manner and, still smiling, said only this to me:
"Why don't you write?"
I awoke. Stunned, I could not take what I had just experienced as anything less than a direct darshan of my spiritual master. I had just gotten from him, in all my worthlessness, a direct order.
Since that time I labored to fulfill that order by writing three books that were published in the 1990's. This E journal, appearing here under the title In2-MeC , is in further pursuance of that order. (If you find the title puzzling, well, think about it!) I call it a journal but I will not be limited to merely recording the things I am doing "in real time. " Here, I'll be writing. For Prabhupada.
When I was in high school and college I used to think I was blessed with a talent to write. But in fact it is only a blessing if you can write for Prabhupada and Krsna. It is a curse to write for one's own self. My very senior Godbrother, His Grace Brahmananda Prabhu, related to me that the only time he saw Srila Prabhupada actually curse someone was when a gifted disciple turned down writing for Prabhupada to write for himself. Srila Prabhupada offered that, If you desire to make a name for yourself as an author, we can give you all the credit for writing Nectar of Devotion, which is ready for publication. This person refused, got to his feet and turned to walk away from the spiritual master of the universe. In transcendental anger, Srila Prabhupada called after him, "Those who are envious and mischievous, who are the lowest among men, I perpetually cast into the ocean of material existence, into various demoniac species of life. Attaining repeated birth amongst the species of demoniac life, O son of Kunti, such persons can never approach Me. Gradually they sink down into the most abominable type of existence. " His Divine Grace actually cited only the Sanskrit of these verses (Bg 16. 19 20), but there you have the meaning. And indeed this person sank into abomination and many years later died most painfully of AIDS.
Save me, Srila Prabhupada! Please accept this attempt to serve your lotus feet.
2 All right, so since it is a journal too, what am I doing "in real time" these days? (Let's not forget, time is Krsna! We have to spend it for Him. ) Since December 31 I have been in this city of Mahalaksmi, Kolhapur, which Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu visited to have the darshan of the enchanting deity of the Goddess of Fortune who resides here in separation from Lord Vaikuntha Isvara (Venkateshwara, or Balaji, who dwells at Tirupati in Andra Pradesh). I will be here until the end of January. There is a community here of several hundred ISKCON devotees and congregation. Hence, I have ample opportunities for preaching. I've spoken at a Krsna conscious New Year's festival to some 500 celebrants, given a number of classes on Bhagavad gita, and am now holding a four day seminar on chanting the holy name, going through the 11 verses of Kali Santarana Upanisad.
The association here is very blissful. I hope in the next few days I can acquaint my readers more intimately with the Kolhapur devotees.
As per my usual routine, I worship Shaligram every morning with puja and a yajna. That takes about two and a half hours. More about that some other time. I do several hours of study each day too. I have a lot of verses I want to learn within the next two years.
It's been a long time since I had contact with my first temple president, HH Satsvarupa Maharaja, but whenever I come across one of his uncountable books, I'm in his thrall. In my study session of a few days ago, I found this passage of his. As soon as I read it I knew I would have to reproduce it here in In2-MeC . It's taken from From Imperfection, Purity will come About.
But some say, I grew up in gurukula with the devotees. I was forced to participate in Krsna consciousness. I didn't choose it. Now I want to check out the material scene. I can't repress it, it's breaking out of me a desire to tour the town and to see what the materialists enjoy. I want to go to night clubs and dance. I want to find out who I am and I think the nondevotees can help me. They have so many teachings and ways. Perhaps I'll go to college. It's not that only Hare Krsna people are good. In fact, I'm beginning to think they're shallow. I don't want their company, at least not exclusively. I want to be with people who can think for themselves.
Satsvarupa Maharaja then comments:
It sounds feasible in some respects. I know you have good reasons to feel this way and you've convinced yourself. You won't listen to me why you should be patient and find all that you need within the wide bounds of devotional service. I will pray for you, but I won't go with you. I am satisfied with bhakti.
It's not only gurukula veterans who argue in this way. Yes, I too have a version of this argument! While writing my three books on philosophy, I had to acquaint myself with the ideas of Western thinkers. I found that some of these philosophers express themselves very well. They formulate penetrating questions that challenge some of the stock answers I learned to rely on in ISKCON. After finishing the philosophy books, I began writing a novel. So I delved into the works of stylish authors who, while not devotional, were at least pessimistic about life in the material world Raymond Chandler, for example, who wrote that after sunset the streets of Los Angeles got dark with something more than night. I studied plotmaking and
3 techniques for holding a reader's attention. They have so many teachings and ways. Yes they do.
Well then? The Aborigines of the Australian outback also have so many teachings and ways. But am I interested in that? No way.
Now let's get real about what's going on here. It's all a question of how a living entity is attracted to the modes of nature. Yup, we're talking about taste. Certain manifestations of the three modes I find interesting. The formative ideas that stand behind the culture of the West, for example. Other manifestations leave me cold. That's right, I couldn't care less about the Dreamtime myths of Downunder, though I've met Australians (devotees, no less!) who think that's the sixth Veda or something. Another example: I never in my life cared for sports. I know devotees who've lived in Sridham Mayapur practically all their lives who still read the sports page for the cricket scores. Anyway, as they say, "Whatever floats your boat", right? But what floats boats sooner or later sinks boats. That's where all paths of the progress of mundane ideas finally end up: under the waves of birth and death.
In reality, anarthopasamam saksad : I, the spirit soul, have no relationship to any manifestation of the modes of material nature. It's like being intrigued by cloud formations, finding familiar forms in them "Oh, there's a hand! There's a woman kneeling to pray! There's a giant bird!" Accepting for argument's sake that those clouds, amazingly, really are shaped the way I see them, what can they do for me? Well, beyond exciting me for a very short time, nothing. But in fact, those shapes exist only from my perspective here on the ground. Up there, the clouds have their own shapes. They would look completely different to me if I was able to rise up from the earth and float among them. Moreover, clouds seen either from the earth or the sky are ever changing. And finally, just what are clouds anyway? Only ephemeral water vapor.
So these material attractions, however we try to defend and preserve them, are insubstantial from where we really sit as spirit souls.
Yet at the same time, they pose a grave danger to the welfare of our real nature, which is consciousness. They can cover our remembrance of Krsna. Fascination for the simulacra exhibited by clouds in the sky diverts our attention from the sun. Forgetfulness of the sun, the source of our eyes' seeing power, invites the clouds to completely cover our vision. This is where repeated birth and death begins.
Bhuliya tomare, samsara asiya, peye nana vidha byartha : "O Lord, forgetting you and coming to this material world, I have experienced a host of sins and sorrows. "
Of course, one can argue yukta vairagya "Sure, material interests are there, but I am engaging these propensities in Krsna's service. " That is indeed the process. Go fishing, yes but don't get wet!
Speaking of remembrance. . .
4 THE FIRST TIME I MET SRILA PRABHUPADA
You may have seen my Godsister Mahamaya Devi Dasi's book, Srila Prabhupada is Coming! My Personal Memories of His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. Therein she recalls that she joined the Boston ISKCON temple in January, 1971. At that time, ISKCON Boston was located at 40 North Beacon Street in Allston. The building, a three storey weatherboard house, still stands today. ISKCON Boston, of course, is now located on the more fashionable Commonwealth Avenue.
I had joined that North Beacon Street temple a few months before Mahamaya Devi Dasi. Actually, I must admit I don't remember her (Emily, as she was known in those days). I was a temple devotee, she was a press devotee, and she moved to New York with the ISKCON Press in April '71. In any case, her book is most valuable for my writing of this story, for she accurately records dates that I'd long forgotten.
After the press pulled out, Satsvarupa dasa Adhikari remained temple president for several more months until he relocated to Dallas by Srila Prabhupada's order. The vice president was Harer Nama Prabhu, whom I greatly respected. Rukmini Devi Dasi, wife of Bharadvaja Prabhu, stayed on for a while as pujari.
Most of the rest of us were uninitiated, and we were just a handful Audry, Rosemary, Carol, Carolannie, Thomas, Larry, Jill, James, Barbara, Donna, Paul, Martin, Victor, Nancy, Jody, Joseph, and me, Roger. Though I was just "Roger Prabhu" (we did not use the terms "bhakta" or "bhaktin" then), I was the cook of quantity prasadam for the devotees. The few initiated devotees shared the Deity cooking for Their Lordships Jagannatha, Baladeva and Subhadra.
In July 1971, Srila Prabhupada flew in from Detroit to install Sri Sri Radha