Kerry’s Choice

She’s been the leading lady to two Oscar winners, yet for actress Kerry Washington, taking the lead in her own life has been challenging. Now, having faced her personal demons, she tells Jeannine Amber she’s poised for new heights

Kerry wears an Elie Saab dress, a Michelle Flaherty belt, PHOTOGRAPHED BY DANIELA FEDERICI STYLED BY AGNES CAMMOCK Yves Saint Laurent shoes and a Lorraine Schwartz ring. .

132 ESSENCE | JULY 2007 visit essence.com JULY 2007 | ESSENCE 133 I than haveitputmeinacornerandshutdown. I’malive.Ishouldembrace theadventure ratherunknowns inmylife, tsunami, shethought, Washington saysthatwhenshewoke upthemorningafter AFTER THESTORM ton’s motherwasdiagnosedwithbr as ifIhadputmyselfinacorner.”At thesametime,Washing- r she says.“SuddenlyIwaslosingmyanonymit totakemy picture,” in pajamas,becausenoonewasevertrying ner sensitive,findstheseencounterscompletely un- admission very price ofblossomingfame.ButWashington, whoisbyherown thought of me.” me, orwhatthey knew always goingtobeincontrolofwhoknewme,howthey Me he startssaying,‘Your asswasincredible in[SpikeLee’s] had gonetocollege with.“Ilethimintomypersonalspace.Then him, sheresponded warmly,thinkinghemustbesomeoneshe toheronthestreet. Kerry!” “Hey, Althoughshedidn’trecognize happy? Whatwillmake otherpeople. Whatwillmake we havetomakechoicesfor she continues.“ way shehassupportedmemywhole life. portunity f “Like, withmymother’sbreast cancer.Ithought, rather thanlettingmy life, controlme,” theactress mylife says. that cameinthewakeof in r past Januar hi oe a encmltl etoe.“twasjust…gone,” “It destroyed. she says.Thatmomentchanged everything. completely been had hotel their lag dian Oceanandwould killalmost300,000people,struck thevil- severalcountriessurroundingtheIn- tsunami, whichaffected persuaded thecoupletospendnight.Thenextmorninga of Washington’s extendedfamilylivinginBangkok.The droppedtheir waytobeachfronthotel,they bytoseesome making avacation.Before David Moscow,flewtoThailandfor 134 eally scared, scared ofmycareer. trapped Ifelt andpowerless, “S T But sometimesthingsget weird. Likethetimeamancalled “The other thing it affirmed for meisto trust myinstincts,” “The otherthingitaffirmedfor In December2004,Washington andherthenfiancé,actor e thecouplehadintendedtovisit.Washington awoke tofind ,’ ”sherecalls withashudder.“Itmademerealize Iwasn’t emission). So despitetheswirlofaccoladesandawards shows emission). So ving. “Iusedtobethegirlwhowould showupattheairport o another actress, theseintrusionsmightbetalliedupasthe o Istartedlookingf ESSENCE or us to move closer together, for metosupportherthe closertogether,for or ustomove y, f | ound herselfsinkingintodepr As women ofcolor,we’re like constantly feeling JULY 2007 talk to me about mywork.”talk tomeabout Ilikewhenpeoplewantto job asahostess.“So she supplemented heractingwithapart-time hattan’s EastVillage, where asrecently as2001 Angelica’s Kitchen,avegan restaurant inMan- says Washington, sitting in inacornerbooth knew herandwantingtochat.“IlovewhatIdo,” store—acting asifthey the street, atthegrocery beleaguered theheat. wasbeginningtofeel wife, who shoneopposite JamieFoxx asRay Charles’s Washington,and Kerry talent thewide-eyed t wasthefallof2004. Suddenly peoplewere cominguptoher—in Okay. Asscar them or waystobeapositiveparticipantin Ray happy? ButwhenIdecidedtostay , theactress, whoturned30this east cancer(she’scurr ed asImightbeaboutallthe Ray had justhittheaters, ession. y, andIbecame Here’s anop- She Hate ently him a o fguilt andshame.” was alot of It w foodaway as “I used tocope. ally lend my life tothem.” ally lendmylife working, Igivemyselfovertomycharacters,”shesays.“Iliter- to ensur day expense, Washington paidSpensertoshowuponsetevery w up is intense.For herroleasatransgendered prostituteinthe matic shoplifterin the life ofanotherwoman’sthe life manin a desperateUgandanin wife Washington virtuallydisappears. It’snotanactress wesee,it’s ten overshadowstheirattempt toinhabitacharacter,on-screen of- murder. Unlikesomeofhercontemporaries,whosecelebrity audiencesasayoungwomanmerized laidbare byherfriend’s month, togritty indieflicks like w Washington “Itwasmybestfriend.” a waytocope,”shesays. lowed byendlessworkouts toerasethedamage. as “Iusedfood r ballerina, suffered throughwhatshedescribesasanabusive Washington, whohasthepetiteframeandhighforehead ofa But allthisf THE PRICEOFPERFECTION like fromaction-packed blockbusters of roles,starringineverything opportunities Black for women, she’sbeentapped anarray for itsdearthof for oftencriticized herwell.Inaprofession served intuition andgowhere theloveis.That’smyguidinglight.” then I’vereally triedtostayinthatframeofmind—totrustmy Since I shouldjustmoveinthedirection oftheloveIdeserve. likethereIt felt wassomuchlovecomingfrommyfamily,and likeIwas‘supposed thatnight,itdidn’tfeel in Bangkokfor to.’ to communicate my feelings. Insteadofliterallystuffing them to communicate myfeelings. me used to.Therapyhelpedmerealize thatmaybeit’sokayfor is alif tionist andImeditate.Learning howtolovemyselfandmybody which Istilldotoday,”saysWashington. “Ialsoseeanutri- ing somethingwaswrong,ap lating. There wasalotofguiltandshame.” and hours.K hoursand butinsteadgotothegymandexercisefor brary, driven towardIwould perfectionism, tellpeopleIwasattheli- passed out.Butthen,becauseIhadthispersonalit shesays,“sometimesuntilI andeverything,” “I’d eatanything of icecream, entire jarsofpeanutbutter, andplatesoffries. elationship with food andexercise:compulsiveovereatingelationship withfood fol- orking withtransgendered activistValerie Spenser.Atown her ould hideinherdormroom,bing Her actingap Washington finallysoughthelpafterherdanceteacher, sens- coming If recent history isanyindication,Washington’sIf recent lighthas history Fantastic Four: RiseoftheSilverSurfer elong process.ButIdefinitely don’tstruggle the wayI e theactr a Lif ocus cantakeitstoll.For yearsasacollege student, s m eeping mybehaviorasecr e IsHotinCr pears effortless, butWashington’spears effortless, preparation ess’s perf Lift y best friend. friend. Therey best , amanipulativetemptress sashayinginto ack ormance rangauthentic.“WhenI’m The LastKing ofScotland town proached her.“Istartedtherapy, proached The DeadGirl , W eing onwholepizzas,pints I Think I Love MyWife I ThinkLove ashington spentmonths et waspainfulandiso- , whichopenedlast , inwhichshemes- visit essence.com y thatwas , acharis- .

HAIR, YUSEF/FACTORY DOWNTOWN. MAKEUP, SHAWNELLE PRESTIDGE/WALTER SCHUPFER. MANICURIST, JIN SOON/JED ROOT. FOR CLOTHING DETAILS, SEE WHERE TO BUY. amicable andbased more onthecouple’ssense thatthingsjust on whatmyheartistellingme todo.” basedonbloggers;line. ButIdon’tlivemylife based Ilivemylife wasn’t Black. Iknowpeoplewere iton- makingcomments about itwasn’t ahuge“So departure metobewithsomeonewho for Rico,”saysWashington.who are fromNepal,Thailand, Puerto New”), thesplithadnothingtodowithrace.“Ihaverelatives American blogdismissivelydescribedhimasher“Something years. Althoughtherelationship wasinterracial(oneAfrican- almostfive with herfiancé,whomshehadbeenlivingfor charmingly optimistic,eveninthefaceofherrecentbreakup ofself-help-yaffirmations.Warmand plenty andthoughtful,she’s references,guage metaphors,yoga terminology lacedwithliterary herlan- ing hermind.She’swildlyexpressive anddeeplyanalytical, metoexpress maybeit’sokayfor down withfood, myself.” Washington wasmutualand saysthebreakup lastFebruary These daysitappears thatWashington hasnoproblemspeak- Jeannine Amberisseniorwriterfor E says. “Maybeevenmiraculously better. Iholdonto that.” ment dissolved—Iknowtheother sideisgoingtobebetter,” she mother wasdiagnosedwithbreast cancerorwhentheengage- I firstsoughtouttreatment myeatingdisorder for orwhenmy “No matter howbadthingsare—whether itwas theperiodwhen course, thatdoesn’tmeanithasn’tbeenpainful.” out. We thoughtthatinstead,maybeweshouldwalkaway.Of to work things level, wewere doingemotionalgymnasticstotry profound realized thateventhoughwe loveeachotheronavery she says.“ButIdidn’trushthings;letmyintuitionguideme.We likepickingplanning thewedding,Ididn’tevenfeel outadress,” weren’t working thanonwhodidwhattowhom. >> FOOTAGE OFOUR COVERSHOOTWITHKERRY WASHINGTON. Still, Washington herlight. isdeterminedtokeep following VISIT ESSENCE.COM TO WATCH EXCLUSIVEBEHIND-THE-SCENES SSENCE JULY 2007 . | “When wewere Renta dress. an Oscardela Kerry wears ESSENCE [ 135