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PPuutt iitt oonn 9900..11,, SSttoonnyy BBrrooookk Vol. XXIX, Issue 6 | Wednesday, December 5, 2007 2 Upcoming Campus Events Festival of Lights! Annual Kwanzaa Banquet Merging White Dwarf Stars news Dec. 5, 6:30 pm, SAC Auditorium Dec. 6, 8 pm, SAC Ballroom A Dec. 7, 7:30 pm, ESS 001 Stony Brook, a Quilt and the Fight Against AIDS

remembrance. By Alex H. Nagler The Quilt monitors, clad in white, brought a clean, sort of medicinal atmosphere to the Each one of those patches event, providing comfort to represents a human being who those who needed it and serv - died needlessly from this cen - ing as guardians of the quilt tury’s plague. Each one of those should anyone attempt to step squares is a life lost. This quilt on it. They were accompanied in question was the Long Is - by representatives from land portion of the AIDS Me - CHOICE, who were on hand morial Quilt, which came to to inform students of the SAC Ballroom A. The quilt was proper techniques of safe sex, on display for World AIDS give out free condoms, and re - Day, which is December 1. mind everyone that free AIDS This display was the largest tests were being administered showing of a single portion of the next day at the Student the quilt on Long Island. Health Service building. A somber mood greeted In closing, I leave you with students as they walked into the words of Tony Kushner’s the Ballroom. They were given Angels in America . In his final a handout detailing some of speech to the audience, former the facts about the quilt. These prophet and AIDS survivor twenty five blocks represent Prior Walter leaves with his the lives of over 200 individu - farewell and prayer for hope. I als, all from the Long Island feel that in light of the quilt, it area, which was one of the first is as fitting now as it was when suburban areas to feel the cold initially published. blow of the disease. In the cen - “…I want to be around to ter of the room was a blank see it. I plan to be. I hope to be. piece of cloth that students This disease will be the end of could sign that would be us, but not nearly all, and the brought with the quilt as a dead will be commemorated token of its day at Stony Brook. and will struggle on with the A steady stream of names of living, and we are not going the departed were read out by away. We won’t die secret volunteers, which was the sole deaths anymore. The world noise (save for the footsteps of only spins forward. We will be those paying their respects) citizens. The time has come. that broke the heavy silence of Bye now. You are fabulous creatures, each and every one. And I bless you: More Life. The Great Work begins.”

Alex H. Nagler is lumen, phosphor, flour, candle.

Thebetteralternative?Optical lousforthestatetopurchasemachines latkeisakindofpotatopancake,and News In Brief scansystems.“Opticalscansystems thatareproventohaveanundervote theyaredamntasty.Hillelput1,000of areinherentlymoresecure,reliable rateasmuchas40%higherthanopti - thesedelectabletreatsintheUnion Compiled by James Laudano andauditablethantheirATMstyle calscansystems,”saidJonGreen,an - Ballroom,andaskedtheuniversity touchscreencounterparts,”saidStony otherNYPIRGProjectCoordinator. communitytohelpdevourthemall!In ProfessorsCallforOpticalScanSys- BrookNYPIRGProjectLeaderJake “Furthermore,publicpollingisanarea fact,theywerealsogivingoutfreet- tems to Replace Lever Voting Ma- Conarck.Opticalscansystemshave ofgovernmentthatcannotdisplay shirtstogoalongwithyourcarbohy - chines thevotersfillouttheirballotbyhand suchahighrateofinefficiencyorpo - dratefix.Youcanbetmanyofushere orwiththeassistanceofanaccessibil - tentialdisenfranchisement.” at The Press werethere,andwestill UniversityprofessorsacrossNew itydevice.“[Touchscreenstylema - havethestomachaches… Yorkareleadingamovementtopre - chines]haveproventobepenetrable, ventthestatefromadoptingtheflawed andareinherentlysubjecttothird StonyBrookGetsSomeLatkeLoveon YetAnotherMuggingHereAtStony computerizedvotingmachinesused partyoperation,”addedConarck. Monday,December3 Brook! onElectionDayinsomestates.New Eachcountyinthestateisslated Yorkisnowentertainingdifferent tomakethedecisionbetweenthetwo At7:30PM,onMonday,Decem - Justkidding.Ha!Oh,butstillbe ideasconcerningwhattousewhenthe typesofmachinesinthenearfuture. ber3,theStonyBrookHillelFounda - careful. statereplacesits20,000mechanical “Computerizedtouchscreenvot - tionforJewishLifeheldaLatkeeating levervotingmachinesin2009. ingmachinesareinferior.Itisridicu - event!Forthosewhodonotknow,a The Stony Brook Press AAE-Zine3

KKiinnssmmaann // SSvvaajjaannaa Sax in the City Jazz at Wang by Chetan Prabhudesai backgrounds and playing instruments Nov. 29, 2007 from very different cultures, the players all combined the sounds from their in - vajanam is a word in the ancient struments into one glorious whole. Indian language Sanskrit. It There were standouts, sure: When each means “kinsmen,” and it is a fine member was given the opportunity to Sdescription of the bond between saxo - solo their instrument before the audi - phonists Dr. Kadri Gopalnath and ence, royal was able to elicit a tremen - Rudresh Mahanthappa. Through the dous ovation from the crowd through his very different styles and sounds that em - brilliant drum solo, which contained a anate from their respective instruments, number of patterns that rotated. When it together they form a stunning combina - was Abbasi’s turn, he tuned his guitar to tion that bridges American Jazz with In - sound like a sitar, bringing the fusion be - dian classical (Carnatic) music. They tween East and West on display even performed at the Wang Center on No - closer. An unexpected highlight came vember 15, along with the rest of a group when it was De Rosa’s turn – the called the Dakshina Ensemble. Resem - Acoustic Bass is typically not the instru - bling neither a typical Jazz concert nor ment that drives the audience crazy, but an Indian classical kutcheri, the show De Rosa managed to impress with the known as Kinsmen/Svajanam opened awarded the Padmashree by the Presi - no less talented: Violinist A. Kanyaku - dexterity of his fingers to maneuver the the minds of many in the audience. It dent of India – one of the highest honors mari is one of the most decorated female not-so-nimble instrument. was produced by the Asia Society, which an Indian artist can receive. He is musicians in India. Pakistani American And it wasn’t just the solos that im - brought another Indian classical musi - known in India as “Saxophone Guitarist Rez Abbasi is considered one pressed, either. Sriji and royal combined cian to these shores over 40 years ago – Chakravarthy” (The Emperor of Saxo - of the top jazz guitar players in New their percussion skills (traditional and the famous Ravi Shankar. phone). Through thirty years of per - York. Acoustic Bassist Carlo De Rosa contemporary, respectively). The two When most Americans familiar with formances, festivals, awards, Bollywood has performed with, among others, John saxophonists, Mahanthappa and Gopal - Jazz music are asked to name a famous soundtracks, Doctoral degrees, and Coltrane’s son, Ravi Coltrane (can you nath, both played with a style that re - saxophonist, many think of John teaching students to become the next guess who he was named after?). flected both American and Indian Coltrane or Charlie Parker. In India, great Indian saxophonist, Gopalnath has Poovalur Sriji plays the mridangam cultures. The string instrument players, however, the saxophone is not a com - truly experienced the life of an Indian (which resembles two tablas attached to Kanyakumari, Abbasi, and De Rosa, monly seen or heard instrument. While music legend, not unlike Ravi Shankar. each other from the bottom). He per - backed up the saxophonists. It all Mahanthappa considers himself an In - By contrast, Mahanthappa has not formed on the album Tabula Rasa, melded superbly, and left the audience dian American, using his ancestral cul - been playing as long – he’s only in his which features Western musicians like with seven individual performances to ture to help him push his brand of 30s. However, he is already piling up the Bela Fleck and was even nominated for remember, which were part of the one contemporary jazz forward, Gopalnath awards. A Guggenheim fellow, he a Grammy. “royal hartigan” (yes, he group performance that brought it all to - learned the saxophone in India in 1975, comes from the famed Berklee College spells his name like that) is the drummer. gether. and performed his first concert two years of Music. His most recent album, Code - He has published books about African The performers were not related, but later. Carnatic music does not typically book, was named one of the Top Jazz tribal rhythms. a name like “Kinsmen” suits the Dak - feature saxophonists, which meant that Albums of 2006 by The Village Voice, With this much musical talent in one shina Ensemble perfectly. By blending Gopalnath had to innovate adaptations Jazztimes, and more. Like Gopalnath, room, how was the actual concert? Ex - together Jazz and Carnatic music, Ma - to conventional song structures to fit the Mahanthappa has also performed at cellent, it turns out, due to the strong hanthappa and Gopalnath made East instrument to the music. He was even many jazz festivals worldwide. chemistry between the Ensemble mem - and West one. The rest of the Dakshina Ensemble is bers. Despite coming from very different Richard Park Islanders Hockey Star Keynotes SBU Citizenship Ceremony by Yina Chun and ing the Minnesota Wild, Mighty Ducks of also includes two game-winning goals with his family. He explained that sports Chetan Prabhudesai Anaheim, Philadelphia Flyers, and the against his former team, the Flyers. wasn't important to him until when he Oct 20, 2007 team that drafted him in 1994, the Pitts - "Richard exemplifies the type of char - was a little bit older. He was inspired to ichard Park might acter players we want to be New York Is - play hockey when his sisters took up ice appear to be just an landers," says Islanders General skating. With his passion for hockey, he average Korean Manager Garth Snow. "He's a team-first crosses lines of both Korean and Amer - Rguy, with an above-average guy who plays with his heart on his ican culture, making the tie between his build. However, it might be sleeve and battles every shift." In his family and his career inseparable. "For surprising to find that he is tenth NHL season, he has already me to take up a sport [hockey] that my actually a professional scored three goals and eight points as of family had no idea of what it was, it was hockey player – certainly this writing (putting him on track for a ca - bringing our whole family into a different not a typical career path for reer high), and signed a contract exten - culture." most Asian-Americans. sion keeping him on the Islanders The tremendous energy Park has put Park plays Right Wing for through 2010. into his career is inspirational and we the New York Islanders, We spoke to Park when he came to can all take something away from it. One and recently signed a con - Stony Brook University to give the bit of advice Park gives to anyone Yin - tract extension with the team. He was burgh Penguins. He has also had the keynote address at the Citizenship Cer - who has a passion for what they do is to born in Seoul, South Korea, and he is honor of playing for the U.S. team in the emony, where more than 100 new citi - “just get out there and have fun”. Com - the second Korean-born person to play 2002, 2004, 2005, and 2006 World zens in the Stony Brook community ing from someone like Richard Park, in the NHL. Championships, as well as the 1994 and were sworn in with the oath of U.S. Citi - these words take on a life of their own Since scoring a goal in his very first 1995 World Junior Championships. Park zenship. The ceremony was held at the and hopefully will lead from one succes - NHL game in 1995, the 31-year old Park is coming off his best season points-wise Charles B. Wang Center. sor to the next - and more Asian Ameri - has been playing professional hockey in the NHL, in which he scored 26 points Park was born in South Korea; at the cans in sports like hockey. for well over a decade, for teams includ - (including ten goals) in 82 games. This age of three, he came to the U.S. along www.aa2sbu.org/aaezine excerpts in SB Press Vol 18 N 4 Dec. 2007 Weekly meetings Wednesdays 5:00PM at our office in Student Union 071. 4 Vol. XXIX, Issue 6 | Wednesday, December 5, 2007 Editorial Board editorials The The Business Editor Bryan Hasho Managing Editor Rebecca Kleinhaut Never Trust Your Associate Editor Alex H. Nagler Business Manager Adina Silverbush Board of Trustees “Production” “Manager” Jesse Schoepfer Whensomethinggoeswrongat theaveragecollegestudent,whoisgen - levelemployeesofLongIslandUniver - No News Is Good News StonyBrook,studentsareusuallyout erallyuninformedaboutthehappen - sity.Attendantsatthemeetingweretold James Laudano Matt Willemain forthebloodofPresidentShirleyStrum ingsofthehigherpowersoncampus, theBoardofTrusteeswasunavailable Kenny.However,here’swhattheyneg - everythingseemedfine.However,boil - thatday;theywereeventoldthatreal Features Editor lecttorealize:ifitweren’tfortheBoard ingunderthesurfacewasanunshake - estatemogulRogerTilles,whowas Jonathan Singer ofTrustees,Shirleywouldneverhave ableproblem.SouthamptonCollege’s servingontheBoardatthetime,was Arts Editor takenoffice. budgetdeficitwasgrowing,andthe playinggolf. Madeline Scheckter SUNY’sBoardofTrusteesisthe amountofmoneythatitwasborrowing Needlesstosay,SouthamptonCol - Photo Editors governingbodythatokaysyour fromotherLIUcampuseswasbecom - legelearnedthehardwaythatitisim - John ‘Caboose’ O’Dell diploma.Theyhavethepowertoelect ingunmanageable.Duringthesummer portanttokeeptabsontheBoardof Roman Sheydvasser anddemotethepresidentsatevery of2004,studentsatSouthamptonCol - Trustees.Luckily,Southamptondidnot campus.Feelingcramped?Theyregu - legereceivedlettersfromFedExin - reachitsexpectedfateasthesitefornew Copy Editors Alex Berkman latetheflowofadmissions.Areyoulost formingthemoftheimpossible:their McMansions;however,hundredsofstu - Nick Eaton inthelabyrinthofDECrequirements? collegewouldnotlivepastthefollow - dentslosttheirdegrees,theirmoney Katie Knowlton Theyregulateyourcurriculum.The ingyear. andtheirhome. Editor of Juicy BoardofTrusteesisinvolvedinthe Understandably,Southamptonstu - Now,withparkingfineincreases GC mostessentialdecisionsofyourcollege dentswantedanswers.Mostofthemdid andanexpectedtuitionhikeoffiveper - career. notevenknowthatthecollegewashav - cent,theimportanceoftrackingthe Webmaster Chris Williams Sowhyisitthatnobodyknowsthey ingmoneyissues.Finally,LIU’sBoard agendasandinternalchangesofthose exist? ofTrusteeswascalledout,andthey whoshapetheSUNYsystemispreva - Audiomaster Onemightarguethatkeepingtabs scheduledameetingtocomespeakto lentasever.Wehaveatwo-tiered Vincent Michael Festa ontheBoardofTrusteesliesatthebot - thestudents,facultyandparentsonthe trusteesystem.TheentiretyofSUNY Ombudsman tomofthelistofimportantthingsin Southamptoncampus. (sixty-fourcampuses,countingallcom - Sam Goldman life.However,ourownlittlesistercam - Aftermonthsofreschedulingtheir munitycollegesandCornellthree pusinitspre-StonyBrookSouthamp - meeting,fliersfinallywentupwitha times)isoverseenbythesystemwide Minister of Archives tondays,sufferedfromacaseofapathy dateinFebruary.TheAvramTheater BoardofTrusteesinAlbany.Sincetheir Alex Walsh regardingitsownTrustees,andthe wasunusuallyfullasunfamiliarfaces responsibilityissovast,theyarerepre - Distribution Manager campusclosedin2005. tooktheirseatsatthefootofthestage. sentedbylocaltrustees.AtStonyBrook, David K. Ginn Hereishowithappened. Allwasrelativelypeacefuluntilonestu - thelittleknownStonyBrookCouncil, Layout Design by StonyBrookSouthamptonwas dentaskedthemembersoftheBoardto chairedbyDickNasti,actonbehalfof Jowy Romano onceSouthamptonCollege,asatellite introducethemselves.Theaudience theSUNYtrustees.VisittheSUNYand campusofLongIslandUniversity, quicklydiscoveredthatthepeoplesit - SBUwebsites,takealookattheirfaces, whichwasfoundedbyQuakers.Itoffi - tinginfrontofthemwerenotthe andmakesuretocalltheirbluffwhen Staff ciallyopeneditsdoorsinthe1960’s.To trustees;theywerevariousotherlower thetimearises. Najib Aminy Antony Lin Kotei Aoki Cindy Liu Ross Barkan Cat Lund Shaun Bennett Tia Mansouri Andrew Bernstein Mariana Martins J...... C Leeza Menon Diabeetus Revisted Douglas Cion James Messina Whiskers T. Clown Jamie Mignone Jessica Cordero Steve McLinden Caroline D’Agati Dana Murray WhothehellisWilfordBrimly,and goddamnit.Theworldhasgonetohell HeadOnApplyDirectlytotheFore - Alisha D’Andrea Ben Van Overmeire Joe Donato Rob Pearsall whyshouldIcareifhehasdiabeetus?I andwe’rejustsittingherewatchingWil - head. HeadOnApplyDirectlytothe Michael Felder Andrew Pernick Joe Filippazzo Jon Plaisted meanseriously,thereareworsethings fordBrimleytalkabouthowLiberty Forehead. HeadOnApplyDirectlyto Amelia Fischer Jon Pu intheworldthanWilfordBrimly’sdia - MedicalSupplycansaveyoumoneyon theForehead. HeadOnApplyDirectly Andrew Fraley Matthew Rammelkamp Jamie Freiermuth Nirmala Ramsaran beetus.Imean,like,theCookieMon - yourdiabeetustestingsupplies.What totheForehead. HeadOnApplyDi - Ilyssa Fuchs Kristine Renigen sterdoesn’teveneatcookiesanymore. thehellisdiabeetus?GoawayWilford rectlytotheForehead. Rob Gilheany Berta Rezik Joanna Goodman Dave Robin It’sridiculous.TheCount?Hecounts, Brimley. Stephanie Hayes Joe Safdia Marta Gyvel Natalie Schultz buthedoesn’tsuckblood,he’sa vampire Mo Ibrahim Scott Silsbe MC 900 Foot Jesus Rose Slupski Elizabeth Kaplan Amberly Timperio Alexander Kahn Lena Tumasyan Olga Kaplun Marcel Votlucka Jack Katsman Alex Walsh Shirley Strum Kenny Brian Wasser Larry Lamb Ed Zadorozny Write for e P! The Stony Brook Press is published fortnightly during the academic year and twice during summer session by The Stony Brook Press , a student run non-profit or - ganization funded by the Student Activity Fee. The opin - ions expressed in letters, articles and viewpoints do not necessarily reflect those of The Stony Brook Press as a whole. Advertising policy does not necessarily reflect We’, like, the only incorporated editorial policy. For more information on advertising and deadlines call (631)632-6451. Staff meetings are held Wednesdays at 1:00 pm. First copy free. For additional copies contact the Business Manager. The Stony Brook Press Suites 060 & 061 Student Union par on campus. And junk. SUNY at Stony Brook Stony Brook, NY 11794-3200 (631) 632-6451 Voice (631) 632-4137 Fax Email: [email protected] Meetings Every Wednesday at 1PM, Union Building 060 The Stony Brook Press 5 E-mail your letters to [email protected] letters Radio Free Stony Brook

Oneoftherealgemsintermsof besthip-hopthatcanbeheardhereon arenumerousmoresuchasScreamthe universityexpressionandlifestylecan LongIsland.AlongwithPhantom,151 SoundonalternateTuesdaymornings befoundonthesecondflooroftheStu - andIke,theshowfeaturesTheFirst andDJCutSupreme’smidnightFriday dentUnionbuildinginroom266.Itis LadyFeliciaandGrownManTil,who show. therethatoneofStonyBrook’smostvi - helporganizeandmaketheflowofthe However,theradiostationalso,un - brantsubculturescanbefound;Stony showallthemorebetter. fortunately,ranksamongthemost BrookUniversity’sradiostation,WUSB StreetFMhasbeenontheairfor under-appreciatedaspectsofStony 90.1.Withstudents,alumniandcom - eightyears,andhasinterviewedmany Brook’scommunity.Whileseverestu - munitymemberstaskingtheairwaves, celebrityartists,includingEminem.In dentapathypenetrateseveryfacetof WUSBisaparamountexampleofthe additiontotheirradioprogram,the StonyBrooksociety,theradiostationis artisticpotentialandprowessouruni - StreetFMcrewalsohostspartiesand especiallyaffectedbyit.Thelistener versitypossesses. openmicevents,aswellastheirown baseofWUSBisnotnearlyashighas Amicrocosmoftheradiostation’s publicaccessprogramonchannel20, thestation’squalitywarrants.Yetcer - collectivetalentcanbefoundevery “StreetFMTV.”Theirmottois“Weare tainlyifmorestudentslookedtowards Mondayevening/Tuesdaymorning thebestthingonaMondaynightTues - showslikeStreetFM,andthemany frommidnightto3am.Thatparticular daymorning,”andyouwouldbehard othersuperbprogramsonWUSB,the slotisfilledbyDJPhantom,DJ151,Ike pressedtoprovethemwrong. stationwould,onceagain,regainitsfor - InfamousandtheirshowStreetFM.For StreetFMisjustoneexampleofthe merglory. thosethreehours,WUSBpipesoutthe manystellarprogramsonWUSB.There

DearEditor: Hesawthepeoplealllivedinfear Hethoughtthatmaybethey’dlistento InatownnearAlbequerqe Apuppettellingthemwhattodo Livedamostconcernedyoungboy Youknowhegotsomestringandhegotsomewood HesaidlatelyIhavenoticed Hedidsomecarvingandhewasgood Folksdon’tlivewithpeaceandjoy Andfolkscamerunningsotheycouldhear Withfrownsandworryontheirfaces TheyoungNewMexicanpuppeteer They’relostanddon’tknowwheretogo Nowhispuppetshowswereclever HesaidI’llgetthepeoplestraightened Andhemadethepeoplelaugh Byputtingonapuppetshow Whenhegotacrossthemessage TheyoungNewMexicanpuppeteer Towalkalonglifesopenpath Hesawthepeoplealllivedinfear Theybuilthimhisownpuppettheatre Hethoughtthatmaybethey’dlistento Deckedoutwithspotlightsyellowandred Apuppettellingthemwhattodo Andthentheywrotehimupinallthepapers Youknowhegotsomestringandhegotsomewood Andthisiswhatthestorysaid Hedidsomecarvingandhewasgood Itsaid... Andfolkscamerunningsotheycouldhear TheyoungNewMexicanpuppeteer TheyoungNewMexicanpuppeteer Hesawthepeoplealllivedinfear FirsthecarvedoutyoungAbeLincoln Hethoughtthatmaybetheywouldlistento Abewillteach‘emcivilrights Apuppettellingthemwhattodo ThenakingnamedMartinLuther Youknowhegotsomestringandhegotsomewood Sothey’drecallhispeacefullfight Hedidsomecarvingandhewasgood OldMarkTwain,hiswitandwisdom Andfolkscamerunningsotheycouldhear Willsurelyshowthemlifeisfun TheyoungNewMexicanpuppeteer Buthesmiledwithsatisfaction Whentheprinceofpeacewasdone Sincerely, TheyoungNewMexicanpuppeteer Mr.TomJones

Deareveryone,

TomJonesgivesyouthemotherfuckingbusiness.

Bryan Vol. XXIX, Issue 6 | Wednesday, December 5, 2007 6 Inside the Features section- Tuition Increase? Thursday is Movie Day! The Suck-olian features Page 7 Page 8 Page 10 Off-Road Engineers

BrookMechanicalEngineeringDe - camehere.“IrememberwhenIvisited rockcrawlandendurance. By Cat Lund partment,PresidentKenny,Provost StonyBrookinhighschoolthatthe “It’salwaysreallyintenseduring RobertMcGrath,andBriggs&Stratton Mudwolvesteamwashere.While competition,”Gordeevsaid.“You’real - eStonyBrookSeawolvesare arethisyear’s“platinum”and“gold” doingmechanicalengineeringatthe waysreadyforsomethingtogowrong, knownthroughoutcampusasoneof sponsors.eyalsohavetwenty-four AirForceAcademyforthreeyears,I buthopingitwon’t.” SUNY'sdivisiononesportsteams.But silversponsorsandelevenbronze. participatedinsimilarprojects,but Allvehiclesonallteamsare wehaveheardofanotherStonyBrook Eachyear,theteamspendsonese - nevercompeted,”Davissaid.“Lastyear equippedwithaten-horsepowerIntek success:theMudwolves. mesterdesigningthecarandthenext whenItransferedtoStonyBrook,I modeltwentyengine,donatedbythe eMudwolveshavebeensteadily semesterbuildingit.eteamworks knewI’dendupwiththeMudwolves.” Briggs&StrattonCorp. climbingthroughtheranksinoff-road onthedesignofthecarfortwentyto AttheendofMay,theteamloaded JudgesfromHondarankedthe vehiclecompetitionsoverthepasteight thirtyhoursperweek,andoverseventy upcarnumberfiyintotheStony SouthDakotacompetitions.Atanother years.Since1999,whentheteam'scar toeightyhoursaweekfabricatingthe Brookmotorsportsboxtruck,todrive competitioninJune,wheretheteam placed57th,theyhaverisentothird wenttoRochester,NewYork,the placethisyearintheSouthDakota judgeswerefromToyota.eteam competition. placedtwentiethatthiscompetition. Ledbyseniormechanicalengi - “eToyotajudgeslikedsmaller neeringmajorJeanChristianBrutus, cars,andourswasalittlebiggerthan presidentoftheteam,andprofessor everyoneelse's,”Brutussaid. Lin-ShuWangofthemechanicalengi - isyear'svehicleovercamea neeringdepartment,theMudwolves numberofproblemsduringcompeti - teamdesigns,builds,testsandraces tion,butstillprevailed. Bajastyleoff-roadvehiclesforcompe - “Weblewtwotiresduringthe titionsacrossthecountry. SouthDakotarace,whichreallyslowed eteamhasaboutfiymembers. usdown,andinourRochestercompe - Comprisedofgraduatesandunder - tition,weflippedthecarafewtimes graduates,mostlyguysandafewgirls, andbroketheaxle,”Brutussaid. theteamisanextracurricularactivity eimprovementoftheteamcan forengineeringmajors. becreditedtoexperience.Manyteam Brutussaidthathefirststarted membershavebeenontheteamfora SB Motorsports buildinggo-kartswhenhewasakidin Giving those logs the business. fewyears. Haiti.“WhenIheardabouttheMud - “Peoplewho'vebeenhereafew wolvesteamasafreshman,Ithought, carinthespringsemester.“It'salways outtoSouthDakotafortheBajaoff- yearslearnwhatgoeswrongandwhat ‘OfcourseI'lljoin,’”hesaid. alotoffun,butalotofhardwork,be - roadvehiclecompetition.eyloaded mistakesnottomake,”Brutussaid.“We FundingfortheMudwolvescomes causeweallhavetobalancehomework upthetruckwithsparepartsandtools. alsolookataboutahundredothercars fromalargenumberofdifferent andschool,aswellasbuildingthecar,” AdvisorsBobMartinandHenryHon - atthecompetitionandgetideasfrom sources.Outofthe$30to$40thousand Brutussaid. ingman,bothprofessorsofmechanical that,too.” thattheteamneedstocoverparts,tools MikhailGordeev,aveteraninhis engineering,drovethetruckouttothe isyear'svehicleisaworkin andthetripsouttocompetitions,about fihyearontheMudwolves,andthe competition.estudentteamhopped progress.Itsdesignshouldbecom - twothirdscomesfromtheUndergrad - team’sdesignmanager,saysthattheen - aplanetoDenver,rentedfourvans,and pletedinDecember,anditshouldbe uateStudentGovernment,andtherest tireprocessisateameffort.“I’min drovetothecompetitionsiteinRapid fabricatedandbuiltbytheendofthe comesfromsponsors.eCollegeof chargeofmakingsureeveryoneonthe City,wheretheystayedforthreedays. springsemester.Withexpertdesign EngineeringandAppliedSciences,the teamparticipatesinallaspectsofthe Judgedinseveralcategories,theve - skillsandalittleluck,theteamhopes undergraduateresearchoncampusat productionofthevehicle,”Gordeev hiclesarecritiquedontheirdesignre - toplacefirstnextyearinboththeir StonyBrook(URECA),PoletechFlag - said. port,whichincludestheteam'ssales westerncompetitioninIllinoisand poleManufacturer,Polarisoff-roadve - WilliamDavis,atransferstudent presentationanddesigncost.eyare mid-westerncompetitioninMontreal. hicles,andGailHabicht,VicePresident fromtheAirForceAcademy,knew alsoevaluatedbasedonthevehiclesac - ofResearchatStonyBrook,theStony abouttheMudwolveslongbeforehe celeration,maneuverability,hillclimb, 1e Li2le Penguin and Me

Australia. The website (www.thelit - every penny. I have had far superior an enjoyable evening of good wine. By Alex H. Nagler tlepenguin.com) describes this vintage wine, but these wines cost much more Oh, and as a disclaimer: Don’t as a “deep, brilliant red. Freshly ripe than six dollars, and for what I paid, it drink and drive. Or be an idiot with In celebration of the seventy-fifth strawberries and juicy blackberries en - was delightful. Deep red in color, its your liquor. Some of us are trying to anniversary of the repeal of prohibition, tice the palate into a meandering river bouquet smells of cherries, vanilla and enjoy it, not pound an obnoxious num - I decided to purchase a bottle of wine of black fruits and spice.” I knew noth - a slight hint of pepper. Rich in texture, ber of “brewskies.” for myself. Being cheap, I decided I ing of this description when I saw it. To it tastes of the aforementioned vanilla, wasn’t going to spend more than ten me, all that mattered was that it was six as well as cherry with a light buttery Alex H. Nagler is totally 21. Seriously. dollars on this bottle, as I simply don’t bucks and it had a penguin on the label. sensation. The aftertaste is a lovely have money to piss away on wine. This I was instantly sold. earthy feeling that lingers long after the was a beverage to be consumed slowly Having returned to my dorm with wine is gone, but it is worth it. As with a meal, not something to pour in a my bottle, I opened it, removed the everyone who I let sample it com - shot glass and consume quickly, like cork, and let it sit for approximately mented, this does not taste like six dol - my usual vodka. This was wine, and twenty minutes while watching Scrubs lars worth of wine. It could most damned if I was going to pay too much online. I then poured myself a glass definitely pass for a wine costing twice for a bottle of merlot. with which to watch 30 Rock , took a to three times as much. Upon entering the store, I was im - sip, and could not be more delighted Here’s to you, Little Penguin. What mediately drawn to the display for “The with what I had purchased. started as yet another penguin themed Little Penguin,” a 2004 Merlot from For a six-dollar wine, this is worth object to decorate my room turned into The Stony Brook Press Features 7 E-mail The Press at Want your club/organization to be featured in a future Club Spotlight? [email protected]

theBoard.DonaldBoyce,theStudent setat3.4%,meaningthatfeeswillcon - creasesinfees,”Boycetoldhisfellow By Rebecca Kleinhaut AssemblyPresidentandonlystudent sistentlyriseatthisrate.Feescanalso trustees.“Icannotsupportthistuition trustee,wasthelonedissenteropposed increaseonthebasisofneed,andevery hike.” eSUNYCompactPlan:Compact totheplan.TrusteeH.CarlMcCall, individualcampushas Dorms,EmptyWallets whoisarecentadditiontotheBoard, thepowertosetitsown abstainedfromthevote. fees. Despitetheexpectedsurgeinac - SUNYCompactisdescribedonthe Insteadofusingin - ceptedapplicationsforthe2008school SUNYwebsiteas“apartnershipbe - creasedtuitionasatool year,studentswillfaceanothertuition tweenSUNY,thestate,studentsand tofundnewprojects, increasetocomplementtheircrowded majorstakeholdersthatwillprovide PresidentAntonelliis dorms. comprehensiveandconsistentfinancial pushingforthestateto OnNovember29,theSenateofthe supportforSUNY.”eplanhopesto increasetheirSUNY UndergraduateStudentGovernment implementsmalltuitionincreasesintu - funding. (USG)passedaresolutionagainstthe itionoverthenextfewyearsinaneffort “estateshouldbe proposedtuitionincreasethatpassed toavoidexcessivelylargejumps,suchas pickingupthetab,”said throughtheBoardofTrusteesearlierin the28%tuitionhikein2003.ispast Antonelli. theweek.eBoardofTrusteespro - inconsistentgrowthratehasbeende - Withitspassage posedthatin-statetuitionshouldin - scribedas“tuitionroulette.” throughtheBoardof creaseto$4,570,withoutofstatetuition AccordingtoChiefFinancialOffi - Trustees,SUNYCom - risingto$11,140peryear. cerKimberlyCline’spresentationtothe pactwillmovetothe USGPresidentJosephAntonelli trustees,financialbudgetingwouldin - NewYorkLegislature draedtheresolutionaerSUNY’s cludeanincreaseinfull-timefacultyfor forfurthervoting. BoardofTrusteesapprovedthetuition allSUNYcampuses.Itwouldalsoin - Whetherornotthein - increaseaspartofaproposedspending cludemorethan$500millionfor creaseintuitioncanbe planforthe2008-2009schoolyear.e “GreeningSUNY”andprovidingenvi - justifiedremainstobe resolutionexpressedAntonelli’sdiscon - ronmentalsustainability. seen. tentwiththefinancialplan,forwhathe Anincreaseintuitionwillalsobe “Ifullysupportthe believesareindeterminateideasforthe complementedwithanincreaseinfees, manyinitiativesofthe additionalspending. suchasaboardingfee,mealplanrates, operating “Wecannotwholeheartedlysupport andtheStudentActivityFee.esefees budget…[but]thebur - anincreasewithoutadefiniteplan,”said increaseeveryyearduetotheHigher denofincreasedcost Antonelli. EducationPriceIndex(HEPI),which hasalreadybeenplaced eplan,nicknamed“SUNYCom - gaugesthecostofcollegeeducationon ontheSUNYstudent pact,”passedoverwhelminglythrough anannualbasis.Currently,theHEPIis populationwithin - Nathan Shapiro to Race in Kentucky Derby

emovetosendNathanShapiro passedbyDarthVader(R-DeathStar) “Hey,he’shunglikeahorse.What By Skip Tracer totheKentuckyDerbywasanotherway andwaskilledbyJedistormtroopers. canIsay?”O’Raechlyadded,whoplans topromoteStonyBrookUniversity’s “OK,thatlastparagraphwassonot torideNathanShapirounopposed. 50thAnniversarycelebrationbesides funny,”addedJonathanSinger,feature “If-if-ifNathanShapirodoesn’t Inaunanimous15-0voteonurs - usingbanners,mascots,andre-painting editorofthePressandteammemberof win…theKentucky…Derby,thenI’llset day,theUSGhasdecidedtosend theZebraPathasifitwereaWhite NYPIRG. thewholebuildingonfire,”saidMilton NathanShapirototheKentuckyDerby Stripescandy-coatedChristmasfantasy MintJuleps,aKentuckyDerbytra - ofOfficeSpace. toraceforthegold.Shitcannotbemore land. dition,willbeservedbygenuineKen - NathanShapiro,VicePresidentof ironicthanthis. eoverallreactionofallapathetic tuckycolonelsposingasStarbucks USG,wasextremelyupsetuponlearn - “NathanShapirohasrepresentedus StonyBrookstudentscampus-wide, art-fagsandbesoldatthederby,where ingofthevotethathewentonamass andmadeuslookgoodforUSG,sowe whenlearnedofthismeasure,wasmet StonyBrookstudentswillbeableto vetospreeandvowedtoupgradefrom proposedtosendNathanShapiroto withaveryloud,astoundinginternal purchasethemontheiroverpricedmeal Shapiro’sGaveltoor’sHammerLevel bringhomethecup,”saidJoeAntonelli, silentanger,andwasfinishedoffwith plancardforthelowpriceof$2,450.00, 60,notbeforesettingaGuinnessWorld presidentofUSGandheadSoprano. studentsnotgivingadamnandlocking upfromacharitable$1,000servedin Recordforhittingagavelmoretimesin Inanotherunanimousdecision,the themselvesintotheirrooms. 2006,courtesyofChartwell’s. aminutetothepointofmasturbation. USGhasalsovotedtotakeawayfund - However,onestudentwasactually OddsforNathanShapirolookvery “isisarealsickearlyAprilFools’ ingfromtheStonyBrookCatNetwork, pissedoff. goldenasoddsare4-5thathewillwin jokewhichwasprobablyorchestrated SBVAC,andtheCollegeDemocrats, “Itisappallingandextremelyun - thederbyandmaygoontoaccomplish bytheUSGonbehalfofRobertJ.Ro - plusaportionofthestudentactivities justifiablethattheuseofstudentmoney theTripleCrown.NotsinceAlysheba, mano,”saidShapiro—straightfromthe fee,tosendNathanShapirotothe wouldbefilteredthroughtheuniver - SeattleSlew,orSecretariathasahorse horse’smouth. ChurchillDownsandhavehimracein sityandendupataRepublicancon - drawnsomuchattention,press,and Otherwordsandphrasesnotused thederbythisspring. spiracytotryandkeeptheminpower unicornlove.etrifecta,ifhit,will inthisarticleduetoplacementbutrel - “Great,sowherearewetosend thatwouldoppresstheentirenation,” onlygarnerameasly$5.95,youcheap evantanywayare‘nohorsingaround’, sick,le-leaningliberalfelineswithout quotedMattRammelkamp,amember bastard. ‘getoffyourhighhorse’,GaryDell’A - healthinsurance?”,complainedNick ofNYPIRGashewaseatinghisKFC Asforwhothejockeywouldbe,In - bate,‘AManCalledHorse’,and‘reverse ‘Pussy’Eaton,staffwriterandjohnde - anddrinkinghisCoca-Colabeforehis dependentBrianO’Raechlymaybe cowboy’.Dingdong. faceroftheStonyBrookPress. gunwastakenawaybygun-controllaws verywillingandable. Features Vol. XXIX, Issue 6 | Wednesday, December 5, 2007 8 Food For Thought Yes, Alex. I did notice. -- The Press This Thursday: Films of Student Power

peoplehave equal accesstothere - Port Huron Project ,astoryofpromi - By Najib Aminy sources,education,protection,and nentstudentactivistsinthe1960’s. libertieswhichareaffordedtousin Thepurposeofthiseventisto theConstitution,”saysJeremy bringawarenesstothestudent Theindividualholdsthepower Crucetti,PresidentoftheSDSchap - movementandpresentachance tospeak,butdoessaidindividual terofStonyBrook.SDSprovidesa forinterestedstudentstolearn havethepowertobeheard?The forumforstudentstocollaborateon moreabouttheevolutionof groupholdsthepowertobeheard, beliefs,ideas,andcauses,andtojoin studentradicals.Inaddition, butwhataboutthepowertoact? togethertocreatesolutionstoour theSDSaimstorevealand Throughouthistory,itwasgreator - problems.Unalignedwithanypoliti - explaintheimportanceofa ganizationskillsandmassparticipa - calparty,SDShopestoimplement powerful,yetsilent,commu - tionthatallowedbothvoicestobe societalandpoliticalchangesthrough nity.Thiscommunityhasthe heardandactionstobeacted.From democraticprogramsofeducation abilitytochangethewaythings theBostonTeaParty,totheCivil andactivismthatwouldbenefitthe aredone,politically,sociallyand RightsMarch,tothecountless country. economically.Thisgroup?Students. proteststhatgoontoday,numbers TheSDSplanstoenactsuch TheSDSalsoplansonremovingthe andorganizationarethefoundation aprogramofeducationonThursday, stereotypeofstudentradicalsbeing toprogressinanycause.Asstudents, December6,bypresentingaseriesof flagburning,potsmoking,treehug - theabilitytoessentiallygetup,stand moviesthatwilleducateviewerson gingpeople.Rather,theyhopeto upandfightforourrightshasgrown theimportanceandeffectsofstudent showcase“studentswhostandupfor everimportant,yetdifficultatthe activism.Entitled “ReelRadicals- whatisrightratherthanwhatiseasy. sametime.Ourrightsarecontinually StudentActivismandDocumentary Studentswhostandonthesideof beingchallengedinnewwaysandon Film”theSDSwillshowthreemovies thosewhocannotstandforthem - differentdays.However,aone-man thataimatsparkingstudentaction. selves,ratherthanthosewhostood armycanshoutandscreamfortheir Thefirstofthethreeis The Corpora - onotherstoprosper”,saysCrucetti. thevoicesheardandtheactionsseen. causeandexpecttoseelittleresults, tion ,amovieabouttheriseofcorpo - OnThursday,December6in Thetimeisnowforalltogetupand whereasanorganizedarmyofmany rateconglomeratesandtheireffects SACRoom303,from12:00to4:00 standupfortheirrights,becauseif expectsnothingbutresultsandmore. onsocietyandtheworldwelivein pm,studentscanattendandnotonly youhaveyettohearitthroughthe Sowhathappensifyouareinterested today.Thesecond, The Weather Un - becomeeducated,butalsobein - grapevine,theriseofstudentac - ingettingyourvoiceheard?Orwor - derground ,isabouttheriseandfallof spired.Crucettisays,“Wetrulybe - tivismmayshootthesheriffofinjus - riedaboutgettingyourrightstaken “TheWeathermen,”amilitantfaction lievethatthestudentmovementin tice,butalsokeepthedeputyofrights away?Orifyousimplyjustwantto ofSDSintheseventiesthathopedto theUnitedStateshasunlimitedpo - andequalityalive.Allittakesisone getinvolved? bringtroopsbackfromVietnam.Es - tential,andtheonlythingthatwe steptobeginajourney.Inthiscase, EnterStudentsforaDemocratic sentially,thepurposeofthismovieis needisformoreandmorestudentsto thatjourneyisonetogetourvoices Society(SDS).“We,asanorganiza - toexpresstheradicalaspectofstu - get involved .”Ittakesonethoughtto heardforthegreatergood. tionandindividuallyasachapter,are dentactivism,explainedCrucetti. leadtovoice,onevoicetoleadtoac - tryingtocreateasocietyinwhichall Thethirdmovietobeshownis The tion,oneorganizedgrouptogetboth Lincoln’s Repeal

wecannothallow—thisdrink.e By Jon Pu bravemen,soberanddrunk,who drankhere,haveconsecratedit,far aboveourpoorpowertoaddordetract. reescoreandfieenyearsago, eworldwilllittlenote,norlongre - ourfathersbroughtforthonthis memberwhatwesay(norshouldwe), continentanewamendment,con - butitcanneverforgetwhattheydid ceivedininebriationanddedicated here. tothepropositionthatallmenare Itisforusthethirsty,rather,tobe createdwithaburningthirstforal - dedicatedheretotheunfinishedbeers cohol.Nowweareengagedinagreat whichtheywhodrankherehavethus celebration,testingwhetherthis farnoblystarted.Itisratherforustobe amendment,oranyamendment,so herededicatedtothegreattaskremain - longconceivedandsodedicated,can ingbeforeus—thatfromthesehonored Art?I longenduresobriety. drunkswetakeincreaseddevotionto Wearemetinagreatpartyofthis thatcauseforwhichtheydrankthelast eatart! celebration.Wehavecometodedicate fullmeasureofvodka—thatwehere aportionofthisfihofwhiskeyasa highlyresolvethatthesedrunkards Submityourart, finaldrinktothosewhoheregave shallnothaveboozedinvain—thatthis photography,short theirinfinitewisdomsothatour nation,drunkunderthetable,shall storiesandpoemsto drunkenanticsmightlive.Itisalto - havearebirthofinebriation—andthat [email protected]by getherfittingandproperthatwe alcoholofthepeople,bythepeople,for rightfuckin’now,for shoulddothis. thepeople,shallnotperishfromthe inclusioninour But,inalargersense,wecannot earth. literarysupplement dedicate—wecannotconsecrate— The Stony Brook Press Features 9 E-mail The Press at Want your club/organization to be featured in a future Club Spotlight? [email protected] Conspiracy: Inside the Teddy Bear Picnic

mostofthepatronshaveunpackedand apiñata.eeffigywouldbepractically gunsopenfireonthehelplesscreatures, By Nick Eaton settledin.ougharmedguardstake nondescriptifnotforthewords“Alex andthoughitishardtotell,itappearsas postsabouttheperimeterofthevast Jones”scrawleddowneachofitslimbs. iftheyarelaughingintheprocess. woodedarea,itisnotdifficulttospota Iftherealmofconspiracytheorieswere Whocouldtakepartinsuchahor - Fewpeoplehaveinfiltratedthetop largebonfireinthedistanceanditsac - baseball,AlexJoneswouldbeA-Rod.If rendousact?Althoughitisbasedsolely secretTeddyBearPicnic.Fewerstill tivityisilluminatedbytheglow. itwereprofessionalwrestlinghe’dbe onwhatcouldbeseenfromafarand havelivedtotellaboutit.eannual isistheTeddyBearPicnic. ChrisJericho.Ifitwere…yougetthe cannotbeconfirmed,theattendeesin - conference,heldbysomeofthemost oughnopapertrailexists point. cluded:GeorgeW.Bush,DickCheney, influentialpeopleintheworld,hasbe - (invitationsaremadein eeventsarehardto DonaldRumsfeld,JohnAshcro,Bill comethesubjectofnumerousconspir - personandnominutes decipherwithoutaudio,butmuch Gates,HugoChavez,ShirleyStrum acytheoriesandurbanlegends,andit arerecorded),itis dancingandspeak - Kenny,HillaryandBillClinton,Joe hasevenspawneditsownnursery widelybe - ingisinvolved.All Lieberman,NoamChomsky,Tucker rhyme.Muchlike“BaaBaaBlack lievedto ofthestagesofthe Carlson,CarsonDaly,KurtLoder, Sheep”and“RingAroundeRosey,” havebeen meetingleadupto BarackObama,RudyGiuliani,Mitt “eTeddyBearPicnic”holdssignifi - foundedby theburningofthe Romney,MikeHuckabee,JohnEd - cancebeyondthewhimsicalentertain - noneother AlexJonespiñata. wards,DennisKucinich,ChrisDodd, mentitprovidesyoungchildren.Some thanpresident Uponcuttingthe JoeBiden,WayneGretzky,A-Rod, ofthedarkerelementsofthegathering eodoreRoo - rope,theeffigy ChrisJericho,BruceLee,JeanClaude arehighlightedinthelyricstothe sevelt,anditis plummetsintothe VanDamme,BillyJoel,JoeyLawrence, rhymewhichwarnchildrenwhowish thoughttohostthe fire,immediately theentirecastofHighSchoolMusical, toviewtheTeddyBearPicnicto“goin mostpowerfuland burstinginto yourmom,yourdad,anyonewhodis - disguise”orto“notgoalone,”andthat, wealthyindividu - flames.Bowling agreeswithAlexJones,thatkidthatsat infact,it’s“safertostayathome.”While alsintheworld. ball-sizedflamesseem behindyouinEnglishandDavidK. theselinesmayappeartobemeaning - roughhigh-pow - tobeleapingandrunningfrom Ginn. lessrhymes,thedarkandforbidding eredprismbinocularsonecanviewa thefire,andfaintgunshotscanbe LittleelseisknownabouttheTeddy tonesignifiesadeepermeaning. fewdozenindividualssurroundingthe heard.Aercarefulexamination,itap - BearPicnic.Eventhispeekintothe It’smid-NovemberinMonteRio, bonfire,donningwhatappeartobebear pearsthatthepiñatawasindeedstuffed worldoftheconspiringelitehasputour California.Anunusualamountoftraf - skins.Danglingfromthetreeshigh withsmallpuppiesattemptingtoflee livesatstake.Perhapsinthefuturethe fichasbuiltuparoundtheBohemia abovethebonfireiswhatcanonlybe theareawhileburningalive.Members truthwillbeuncovered…beforeit’stoo Grovecampground,butby11:00pm, describedasaholloweffigy,notunlike ofthePicnicwieldingriflesandhand - late.

DearIlyssa, onlyfantasizedaboutwomenbutwrote whilepointingatherperfectnipples(ok malehomosexuality,aroseapproxi - manylovepoemstothemaswell. maybethat’sgoingalittleoverboardon matelyatthesametimeas‘lesbian’. ismightsoundtoosimple,butIwas MuchofSappho’spoetrydealswithre - mypart).Althoughmuchofherpoetry Finally,itisunclearwhentheword wondering,wheredidthewordlesbian lationshipsbetweenwomenfrom wasdestroyedbyreligiousfundamen - lesbianwasfirstusedtodescribe camefrom?BecauseIheardithad friendshiptolovetosexualattraction. talists(wewillcallthemtheChristian womenwholoveotherwomen,butit somethingtodowithanisland.And Althoughitisunknownwhetherornot Coalition),thefewpoemsofhersthat canbetracedbacktothe1800s.How - howdiditbecomepopular? Sapphoactuallyhadany ever,thetermdidnotcomeintopopu - anks, realsexualrelations laruseuntilthelesbianfeministeraof Brett withwomen the1960sand1970s.Ifyouwouldlike toknowthehistoryoflesbianism,that DearBrett, isanentirelydifferenttopicwhich Asyoualreadyknow,theterm Iwilltrytocovernextissue. lesbianreferstoafemalewho ishomosexualorawoman Yourstruly, whoisattractedtoother Ilyssa women.Youwereonthe PleaseNote:e righttrackwhenyoumen - viewsandopinions tionedithadsomethingto expressedinthis dowithanislandsoletme columnaresolely explain. theviewsandopinions ewordlesbiancomesfrom ofonememberoftheLGBT theGreekIslandofLesvoswhichwas communityandarenotnecessarily formerlyknownasLesbos,wherethe orwhether theviewsandopinionsoftheStony poetSappholivedin600B.C.Sappho shejustthought BrookLGBTAgroupand/ortheLGBT wasmarriedtoawealthyman,which aboutdoingso,itcametobeassumed remainedclearlyshowedherloveand community. gaveherlotsoftimetoengagein“artis - aerherdeaththatshehadbeenho - infatuationforwomen.us,theterm tic”pursuits.Eventuallyshebecamethe mosexual.Onherfreetimeshelikedto Lesbian,whichfirstmeant"aninhabi - Ifanyonehasanyquestionsfeelfreeto leaderofagroupofwomenwhogath - takelongwalkstoplessonthebeach, tantofLesbos",latercametoreferto e-mailmeat eredtoreadandwritepoetry.Sappho whilecheckingoutotherwomenand homosexualwomen.eequivalent [email protected] wasanintellectualandpoetwhonot solywhispering,“Suckmebeautiful” term,sapphism,whichalsoreferstofe - Features Vol. XXIX, Issue 6 | Wednesday, December 5, 2007 10 Food For Thought You know, if anyone ever looked at the placeholder Lorem Ipsum text, took the translation, and really thought about it, they’d realized Cic - ero didn’t account for the rise of S&M in modern cultures. True story. —Alex H. Nagler The Statesman : You Get Less For Your Money

tion base normally is approximately 50 ciation Incorporated reported an in - tion Manager, as his job entails physi - By Alex H. Nagler percent ads. Major corporation spon - come of $165,493 to the IRS. This cally delivering the paper to the stands sors pay for these ads, and they help the gives the Statesman a total of $160,531 throughout campus. Total income is not Your student activity fee is what paper sustain their standard of credibil - in non-USG related funding. Much of reported as a separate corporation be - subsidizes clubs so they can spend ity and accountability. Normally, these this goes to pay their printing bill, but a cause The Press has its taxes done money on events that the student body papers are not funded by a student good portion is for payment to their ed - through the USG and is part of a much as a whole can enjoy. This $93 fee, body. This, however, is exactly what itorial board. The Press , on the other larger budget. which you pay annually alongside your happens with the Stony Brook States - hand, receives $32,450 in funding from In Volume XXVI, Issue 1 of The tuition, is the lifeblood of clubs. Some man , the self-styled paper of record at the Undergraduate Student Govern - Press , former Executive and Managing clubs find other sources of income to Stony Brook. ment. On average, approximately Editors Joe Filippazzo and Mike subsidize their needs, using sponsorship The Statesman receives $26,835 $2,000 in ad money is received to help Billings took it upon themselves to in - where applicable. For newspapers, this from the Undergraduate Student Gov - subsidize extra costs, such as t-shirt vestigate the content of The Statesman , sponsorship comes out of ad revenue. ernment (USG) in direct pay, up dra - printing and computer upgrades. Also, dealing with their advertising content, A professional newspaper with profes - matically from the previous term’s no one associated with The Press gets reprinted content (anything from previ - sionally written content and a subscrip - $4,962. However, the Statesman Asso - paid with the exception of the Distribu - ous issues), original content (staff pro - duced content), submitted content (non-staff material, content from major newspapers and University press re - leases) and other miscellaneous con - tents, defined as “Anything else, i.e. staff box, dead space, and, um, other stuff.” Their findings highlighted that the average issue of The Statesman in 2004 was 37 percent ads. This same year, The Statesman reported $150,070 in income. After deciding to see what changes had been made in the past three years under a new administration, I took it upon myself to see what the current state of ad content was in Volume LI of The Statesman . Defining an ad as any type of advertisement, such as house ads, university sponsored ads, USG ads, or outside sources, I combed issues 1 through 22 for any ad content. I then took the number of pages of advertise - ments in the issue and compared it to the number of pages in total. For ads smaller than a quarter of a page, I meas - ured them and calculated using the mar - gins used by The Statesman , how many would count as a full page. Inserted ad - vertisements, such as those for under - wear, local eateries and movies were counted as both one page of ads and one page of the total issue. The results of this study, in both chart and graphical form, can be seen alongside this article. The findings speak volumes. The Statesman has an average issue of six - teen pages of length, and is 42 percent (roughly seven pages) of ads. Were these seven pages of combined ads seven total pages, the average issue would have a page of advertising as every other page. The Press , on the other hand, averages three pages of total ads (predominantly humorous in- house ads) that span the course of a twenty-eight page issue. Students pay nearly $27,000 a year for seven pages of paid advertising from private companies, the USG and the administration combined with lack - luster journalism. This is part one of a two-part story. Hopefully, next term The Statesman STATESMAN Continued on next page The Stony Brook Press Features 11 E-mail The Press at Want your club/organization to get a fair piece of that sweet pie? [email protected] The Statesman... Continued

STATESMAN from previous page In conclusion, I quote Joe Filip - few pages of garbage on a biweekly Oh shit! will have reduced its ad content or will pazzo, and restate the charge he made basis.” at least request less money from the in his article—“From this point for - Stay tuned for the second install - Nagler gave budget when drafting its proposal to the ward, The Stony Brook Press is the of - ment of this feature, coming this Spring USG. The Senate was right two years ficial newspaper of Stony Brook to a newsstand near you. ago in reducing its budget to under University. We have clearly proven our - them the $5,000—enough to keep it a funded selves to be the best publication on Alex H. Nagler does too have original club, but less than the amount needed campus while The Statesman has thoughts. to help pay its editorial board. squandered student funds to produce a business ! Vol. XXIX, Issue 6 | Wednesday, December 5, 2007 12 Arts Calendar “Swallow This” Performance Film Screening: Talk To Me arts&entertainment Dec 5, 12:50 pm, Union Auditorium Dec. 7, 9:15 pm, Staller Center No Country for Old Bitches, Bitches!

Thisstartstheethicalquestions— allinone.Yeah,he’sthatevil.Henot yousuck!Well,youhalfsuck,forifit By Justin Meltzer whetherornotheshoulddowhathe onlydoesn’tthinktwicebeforekilling weren’tforyouthemoviewouldn’thave does.Heplaystheroleverycalmly, them,hedoesn’teventhinkonce.To happened.Butyoustillsuck. goinghomeand,there,notpaying somefolks,though,hegivestheoption Thisfilmhasitall;violence,money, Whenrunningfromapsycho - muchattentiontothefactthathejust todecidetheirlifeonacointoss.Ifthey drugsandmorebloodydeaththanyour pathickillerwithnoregardforhuman foundtwomilliondollarsoutonthe callitright,theydon’tdie.You’dbetter momonherperiod.Ihighlyrecom - life,afterhavingstolentwomilliondol - range.Whenhiswifeaskswhat’sinthe callitright,otherwiseyouknowwhat mendtoeveryonethattheyseethis larsfromadrugdealgonewrongand bag,hesimplysays,“It’sabagfullof willhappen.Didyouguessit?Yep,you film.Forthosewhoarefansofbrilliant carryingsaidmoneyinanunmarked money.”“That’llbetheday,”replieshis die!Inhisquesttoseizethestolenfor - movies,thisonetrulydelivers.And, satchel,you’dbestbeonyourtoesatall wife;tothathecomesbackandhasto tune,hehastotrackdownLlewelyn. mightIaddthatIfeelJavierBardemis times.Thenewmoviebythewriter/di - restrainhimselffromsmackingthat Fromthereitgetsnasty,especiallygiven thebaddestbad-asstohaveevergraced rector/producerCoenbrothersisatour bitchclearacrosstheface.“Mindyour - Chigurh’sweaponsofchoice;asilenced thesilverscreensinceAnthonyHop - deforceintermsofbothforceand self bitch ,”hescreams…inhismind.In shotgunandacattlegun.Believeme, kin’sHannibalLecterorJohnTravolta’s tours. No Country for Old Men opens Texasduringtheearly80’sitwascus - youdon’twanttoknow. characterin Battlefield Earth …wait, andstartstochoke,butitcomesback tomaryforhusbandswholivedintrail - Themoviedeliversonsomanylev - scratchthatlastone.JavierBardem withabang.Andnotjustone,either; erstohittheirwives.Itwasjustaway els.Itisultrarealistic,inthatpeopledie wouldhavekilledhiminthefirstthree thismoviehasmorebangsthanIhad oflife,likepotatoesaretoIrishmenor whentheygetshotintheheadandhave minutesofthatmovie.Infact,that withyourmomlastnight.Oh,snap! opiumistotheChinese. tohealtheirwoundswhentheyget wouldmakeaperfectremake.Icansee Theprotagonist,LlewelynMoss Asthestoryprogresses,weseethe grazed.Thestoryissolid;itisbasedon itnow,RogerChristianandtheCoen (pronounced“Lou-Ellen”),playedclev - realstarofthemovie.JavierBardem thenovelofthesamename.Now,I Brotherspresent Battlefield Earth The erlybyJoshBrolin,isoutantelopehunt - playstheout-of-his-mindkillerwitha haven’treadthebook,butIbelievethat Directors’ Cut – The Three Minute Ver - ingonedaywhenhestumblesupona tasteforbloodandnoconscience.Heis theCoenbrothersdosuchagreatjob sion. US-Mexicocrossborderdrugdealgone AntonChigurh(pronounced“Sugar”) onthisfilmthatI’msureitfarsurpasses awry.Hetracksdownthemoney,takes andheistheequivalentofCharles thenovel,andyoucanquotemeonthat itandruns.(Hey,freemoney,right?) Manson,Al-QaedaandSweet-and-Low one.YouhearmeCormacMcCarthy, 1e AVN Awards: About and Analysis expoboastsmanyattractions.Vendors beforeawindowlitinblue.Becauseit pearinsoloscenesin Stuntgirl ,are - By Madi Scheckter sellvideos,toysandnovelties,distribu - islooselyframed,onegetsthesenseof freshingchangefromthecoy,childish tioncompanieshandoutpostersand enteringaroominwhichthisishap - looksoneseesinmorecheaply , orless samples , andeventhebiggestindustry pening.Theseshots,whichbelong tastefullyproducedwork. ThefirstAVNAwardsweregiven starssignautographsandposeforpic - moretotherealmoferoticathantothe Mr.ZipperJtZmakesuseofexperi - outinFebruary1983(coincidentally, tureswithfans.Ontopofthat,industry realmofporn,areimmediatelyfollowed mentalfilmtechnique,andrunsback - exactlywhenIwasconceived).These memberscannetwork,negotiate , and byatightly-framedshotofahalf-naked wardsfootageofherwalkingdownthe awards,ofwhichfewerthantwenty learnmoreabouttheindustry.The womanspreadeagleand,finally,doing hallway.Oneisthendisorientedbya weredistributed,werefarmorehumble eExpoholdsseminarsonlaw,technol - somethingpornographic(i.e.,playing fastpandownanon-descriptbrick thantheelaborateceremonytheyare ogy,marketingandthegrowingfemale withherself).Thissceneisshotwitha buildingtosurveyatoplesswomanlift - today.Intheinterceding25years,the consumerbase.Althoughthetwoare bluefilter,givingitarathercoldlook— ingupherskirtinanalleyway.Wethen awardsgrewintoaninternationalevent unaffiliated,itishardlycoincidencethat the“NewYork”stylefromwhichJack returntothewomanfromthehallway worthyofbeingcalled“theOscarsof theInternationalConsumerElectronics theZipperwillsoondepart.The asMr.ZipperJtZfilmsfromabove.The Adult.”Therearethosewho,perhaps ShowoverlapswiththeexpoAEEfor womanislookingatthecamerawithan cameraworkimpliesdomination,but takingtheAcademyAwardsquiteseri - twodays.Pornographycanbeamajor expressionbothlasciviousandchal - thewomangrinsupatthecameraand ously,willbalkatthatdesignation,but catalystintechnologicaldevelopment lenging,daringthehornyconnoisseur havenoillusions:theAVNisthemost anditthrivesinnewmedia—themost tocontinuewatching.Thisexpression PORNO Continued on next page prestigiousawardinpornographyand obviousexampleofwhichliesinthein - canbeseenonallthewomenwhoap - toreceiveoneisanenormoushonor. famousRule#34—ifitexiststhereis Thisyear,therewillbeover100awards pornofit . givenoutincategoriesasdiverseasBest TheAVNAwardshonorAadulten - CinematographyandBestSquirtingSe - tertainersforachievementandartistic ries(formerlyBestSpecialtySeries, developmentofthemedia.Notsur - Squirting).Theawardstatueitselfis prisingly,anAVNcancatapultacrafts - quitetasteful,anartisticallyappealing manorwomantosuperstardom.To glasssculptureetchedwithanabstrac - understandthedifferencebetween tionofacouple(aheterosexualcouple cheappornographyandthatwhichis onviewablesamples,thoughperhapsit worthyofan“AdultOscar,”Iwatched isdifferentforawardsinnon-hetero - Stuntgirl , a2005winnerwhichturned sexualcategories). directorJacktheZipperintoa(porno - OnJanuary12th,the25thannual graphic)householdname. AVNAwardswillbeheldattheMan - Thefilmopensinblackandwhite dalayBayEventsCenterinLasVegas, withaheavilyeyelineredwomanlook - onceagainagrandfinishtotheAVN ingthroughalargecut-outcircle,which AdultEntertainmentExpo,heldatthe onecanonlyassumeisoneofthose SandsExpoCenter.Theexpobeginson much-fabledgloryholes.Beforeany - January9thfortrade-onlyattendees , thing“adult”happens,itcutstothe andopenstofansthefollowingday. credits,shotinblackandredandremi - Whiletheclimaxoftheweekendisun - niscentofoldfilmstock.Thisisfol - doubtedlytheawardsceremony,the lowedbyabacklitwomandancing The Stony Brook Press Arts & Entertainment Now in Theatres 13 No Country for Old Men Ginn v. R-Kamp: The Spoofening Stuntgirl Dinty Moore: Stew to Remember 1e AVN Awards Continued PORNO from previous page raraarefilmedinwarmtones.Mr.Zip - filterusedonthefilm.Althoughit,of wardsbothLockwoodandJaymes,is exposesherbreasts.Thissortofmixed perdoesnotfilminthe“disembodied course,oftenfocusesonhervagina,and oftenfilmedwithherfaceatthetopof signalbetweenactressandfilmictech - pussy”styleoftenseeninhardcore theemphasisisonhernakedness,she theframe,onceagainanexampleof niqueissomethingMr.Zipperdoesin - pornography;heoftenfilmsingfrom hasaraw,powerfulenergy.Thedance JtZ’sMr.Zipper’semphasisonfemale crediblywell,anditisoftenjustas thehips(orlower)up.Heoftenshows isreallyratherempoweringtowatch. pleasureduringtheactsdepicted,and disorientingashisoftensurrealstyleof Venus’facialexpressions,emphasizing Theteaseofthedanceisfollowed emphasisthatsubmissiveandconsen - shooting. theimportanceofherenjoyingtheex - bywhatisperhapsthemostsurreal sualarenotmutuallyexclusive.Al - Thesequickscenesarefollowedby perience.Fadesfromshottoshot, sceneinthefilm,anintensedream-like thoughLockwoodisthemalepresence twoevenfastershots,bothofwhichare ratherthanquickcuts,giveitasoft,wel - sequencewhichhasbecomeMr.Zip - inthescene,andmostpornshowsex - beautifullyshotandgobyquickly comingfeeling.Thefilmmakesuseof per’sspecialty.Thisscenewasfilmedin cessivemaledomination,itisclearthat enoughthattheyarenearlysubliminal. non-pornographicreactionshots,such theGreen dDoor,asexclubinLas Ms.Jaymesiscallingtheshots—yeah, Thesearefollowed asclose-upsof Vegas,onValentine’sDayduringa includingthemoneyone. bymyleastfavorite Venus’faceora swinger’sorgy.Whatthecameraisfo - Theclosingcreditsareperhaps sequenceinthe simpletwitchof cusedonisallthatislit,andthelighting whatdepartmostfrombargain -bin film,anincredibly herfoot.Overfive isstark,likeaspotlightwithoutafilter. porn.TheyrollwhileactressTinaFa - disturbingscenein minutesintothis Byusingtimelapsesandmontage, talecavortsinashower,fullyclothed whichaboundJes - hardcoresex quickdisorientingmovement,andby andheavilyarmed.Sheposes,laughs, sicaJaymeshops scene,forexample, speedingupthefilm,thefilmtechnique lookscoylyatthecamera—generally downahallwayin thereisashotof addstotheclubatmospherethatisfur - behavinglikeabeautifulbadass.Sheis ahotelinNew Venus’cleavage– therbolsteredbytheclubmusic.After filmedinblackandred,givingthecred - York.Hermake- sheisstillinher thefrenzyinthemainportionofthe itsasexy,dangerousatmosphere.Al - upissmudgedall braandafishnet club,thereiscalminamoreprivatearea mostentirelyunexpectedinadultfilm, overherfaceand shirt. 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Fromhere,JtZMr.Zippertakesthe Usingthisfilmasanexample,itis beingappealingtoanymanorwoman Hardcoreshotsaremorefocusedon viewertoHollywoodforapunky clearthatgoodpornographyemploys whoenjoys consensual sex,butonecan - movementdownthecurvesofherbody girl/girlgirl-on-girlscenewithKimberly elementsoferoticaaswellasthethings notdenythatitaddstotheoverallsur - thantheclassic“behindtheballs”shot, KaneandJessicaJaymes.Aftertheirsex whichthat makecomposehardcore realatmosphereofthefilm. whichnooneloves. scene,inwhichJaymesdominatesKane porninordertoshowcasethatwhich Furthermore,itispartiallydiffusedat AftertheVenusandManuel (whichpersonally,Ifoundboring),the makessexsomethingpeoplewanttodo. theendofthescenewhenshelaughs “moneyshot,”thereisaquickshotofa filmchangestoblackandwhiteand Mr.Zipperusesexperimentalfilmtech - andjokestotheunseencameraman. beautiful,sinisterwomaninablood- KurtLockwoodpurposefullyentersthe niquetodisorienttheconsciousanden - Thissceneperhapstellstheviewer spatteredshower,oneoftheshotsthat room.KurtLockwoodisatalentworth ticethesubconscious.Thewarmtones moreabouttheauteur’spersonalemo - madeJtZ’sMr.Zipper’sstylesoappro - lookinginto;Ipersonallyamafanof inwhichmostthefilmisshothavea tionstowardsthegreatstateofNew priatefortheRazordolls’filmdebut his,partiallybecausehelookslikeJon comfortable,welcomingfeel—just Yorkthanittitillates:heisanativeNew (2006’s Razordolls ). BonJoviandRichieSamborahada watchsomeHGTVifyoudon’tgetthat. Yorkerwhocurrentlyresideselsewhere. InaJames -Bond-inspiredscene,a babytogetherandI’vealwaysbeena Stuntgirl isporn,thereisnodenying He , quiteclearly , wasentirelyfinished womanwearingonlyjewelrydancesfor hugeBonJovifan(makeyourownplat - that;itisalsoart,andthatiswhatmakes withthisgreatstate. thecamera.Onegetsthesensethatshe inum-selling1986BonJovialbum itworthyofanAVN. WedepartfromNewYork,andar - isenjoyingandinchargeofherown joke).Thissceneisshotmainlywith riveinbeautifulLasVegasattherather sexuality.Thesceneappearstotake warmtones,butseveralframesare seedyDelMarHotel.Inthisaward- placeinsomeone’sbedroom,givingthe showninblackandwhite.Kimberly winningscene,VenusandManuelFer - sceneanintimatefeelinspiteoftheblue Kane,thoughbehavingsubmissivelyto - Top Television Shows For the Week From the TV Guru FridayDec.7 leftthisseason.Ifyouneedagreat theBaltimoreRavens.TheColtsare By Andrew Bernstein Friday Night Lights -NBC-9:00pm- showtowatchonFridaynight,thisisit. doingalotbetterthantheRavensthis Thisamazingdramaisinitssecond Youcanalsowatchfullepisodesofsea - season,butitstillshouldbeanexciting season,anditisoneofmyfavorite sontwoonlineatnbc.com. game.TheColtshaveaverypowerful ThursdayDec.6 showsontelevision.Basically,it’sabout SaturdayDec.8 offenseledbyPeytonManning,andthe Survivor: China -CBS-8:00pm- asmalltowninDillon,Texaswhoall Saturday Night Live -repeat-NBC- Ravenshaveoneofthebestdefensive Thisisthefifteenthinstallmentofthe lovetheirhighschoolfootballteam,the 11:30pm-Iknowthisisn’tanew teamsdespitealacklusteroffense. SurvivorFranchise,andI’vebeenhear - DillonPanthers.It’snotjustafootball episode,butit’sworthwatchingagain. MondayDec.10 ingthatthisseasonisoneofthebest show.Thisshowismoreaboutthe ThisepisodeisthebestofWillFerrell, How I Met Your Mother -CBS-8:00 onesinawhile.Ithinkthefirstseason playersandtheirfamiliesinthetown. whowasoneofthefunniestcastmem - pm-Thisshowisthefunniestsitcomon wasveryentertainingandthesecond Thewritingissuperb,theactingispow - berson Saturday Night Live inthelate television.Thecomedyhasatruly wasalsoverygood,butIdidn’treally erfulandreal,andthecastisextremely 90’s.Heportrayedsomegreatcharac - funnycastthatincludesNeilPatrick watchthenexttwelveseasonsbecauseI talented.Thisshowdidn’tgethighrat - ters;youprobablywillseehimplayAlex HarrisasBarney,AlysonHanniganas hadbetterthingstodoandtheshowgot ingslastyear,butitwassocriticallyac - TrebekonCelebrityJeopardy,President Lily,andBobSagetasthenarratorand repetitiveandboring.Idoknowthat claimed,theyearnedanotherseasonon Bush,JamesLipton,andmore.AllIcan olderTedfromthefuture.Thisshow theratingshavedroppedconsistently anewnight.Sofarthisseasontherat - sayis,Ithinkweneedmorecowbell. hasitsownstyleofhumorwhichmakes witheachpassingseason.Youcanalso ingsarenotthatgood,buttheydohave SundayDec.9 itnewandoriginal.Suitupandwatch watchfullepisodesonlineofthisseason aloyalfivetosixmillionfanbase.This Sunday Night Football -NBC-8:15 thiscomedy.Youwon’tbesorry. atcbs.com. showwasverypreparedforthewriter’s pm-Areyoureadyforsomefootball?! ThefinalewillbeonDecember16. strike,sothereremainsevenepisodes TheIndianapolisColtsfaceoffagainst 14 Arts & Entertainment Vol. XXIX, Issue 6 | Wednesday, December 5, 2007 Billboard’s Top 4 Albums Syriously Syrian My Hand Is Like A Shark Fin Popcorn-Ass Play Streetz Art 1 Warria 2 The Coolest of J’s, L’d by L’s 3 Baltimore Ravens 4 Young Warria An Epic Battle: Beowulf versus 300 ’s Leonidas

restaurantwiththesetwoatyourtable? theplotofthecharacters?Was“Prepare By Douglas Cion Idonotthinkeitheroneofthemknows forGlory”abetterrepresentationof 8.SlowMotionAction themeaningof“indoorvoice.”Thedia - LeonidasandhisactionsthanBeowulf’s Ohhellyeah!Whatisbetterthana loguesofbothfilmsareverystrong “PrideistheCurse”?Iwouldreallyhave gory,bloodybattlesceneinwhichafew (Thisismyopinion.HearwhatI soundingandtheyconsistedofone tobeonsomethingillegalifIdidnot incrediblyjackedmenslaughtering havetosayaboutitthenfeelfreetode - knockout,powerfulstatementafteran - saythatthisonegoestoLeonidas.Hisat hundredsofno-namedextras?Slowing cideforyourself.) other.However,thebestscreamhasto leastgivesapositiveperspectiveonthe itdownsoyoucanreallyseehowawe - Itisalwaysfuntoseethenarrative gotoBeowulf.Technically,when narrativeofthefilm.BigBadBeowulf somethesceneis. 300 …absolutely 300 ! ofafamousorhistoricalwarrior,but LeonidasscreamedbeforeXerxesatthe comesoffmorelikeNegativeNancy Leonidas,inparticular:Iwillneverget doesanyoneelsebesidesmeeverpon - endofthefilm,itwasmutedbythe withawhinytaglinelikethat. enoughofbadguysrunningintoyour derquestionslike,“Whoisthebigger voiceoverofthenarrator.Therefore,we shieldoryouthrowingyourspearatthe badass”or“whowouldwininafight?” neverhearhisscream,andweheard 6.Queen speedofan80-year-oldwomandriving Yeah, Alien vs. Predator attemptedto enoughyellsandgruntsfromBeowulf Sparta’sQueenGorgotakesthe ontheSouthernStateParkwayatnight answerthatforuswithpossiblythe thatwecouldfillthediegetictrackofa cakeonthisone.Beowulf’squeen whenitisraining. worstspin-offoftwomoviefranchises porno. (Wealthow)didnothingthatimpressed ever,butsometimesitisbetterleftupto me.Sure,shecanplaytheharpand 9.Army theimaginationandtheopinionofthe 4.BattleCry sing,butdoyoureallythinkthatiswhat Leonidas’armyofSpartansversus audience. ItwouldbeadrawifLeonidasdid Beowulfwasinterestedin?Hell,helit - Beowulf’sGeats…Ionlyneedtwoex - Theyear2007usheredinnew,rev - nothavesomany.Beowulftrulymakes erallygotnakedrightinfrontofherbe - planationsforthisone.First,Spartans olutionaryideasintheartoffilmmak - himselfknownwith, “IamRipper… forehisbattlewithGrendelandsheran areSpartans.Second,Geatsjustsound ing.Newadaptationsof Tearer…Slasher…Gouger.Iamthe off.Now,QueenGorgowasoneofthe silly. cinematography,withZachSnyder’s TeethintheDarkness,theTalonsinthe sexiestcharactersIhaveseeninafilm Withoutanydoubt,aSpartanPha - 300 , andfollowinginitsfootsteps, Night.MineisStrength…and inalongtime.Notonlywasshecom - lanxwouldcrush,destroyandslaugh - RobertZemeckis’ Beowulf in3Dat - Lust…andPower! I am Beowulf !”This mittedtoherhusbandandhisideals, teranarmyofGeatland’sfinest. temptingtogiveus“somethingdiffer - ent.”Letusnotgetcaughtupwiththe 10.WhoWinsinaFight? actualfilms…Letustalkaboutthechar - Theoneyouallhavebeenwaiting acters.Theyareverysimilarfilmsbe - for… causetheyportrayiconicfigures,but Intheredcorner,weighinginat seriously, who kicks the most ass ?Witha 250lbswithoutarmor,fightingoutof competitionconsistingoftencate - Sparta,Greece,TheKingoftheSpar - gories,letusseewhorankshigherin tans:Leonidas! theeliteB.A.M.Fs.(Sorryforthetaste - Inthebluecorner,weighinginat lessDaneCookreference…butmost 140lbswitharmor,fightingoutofGeat - likelyyouareafanofhisifyouareread - land,(somewhereinSweden),theman ingthisarticle.) withsomanynicknamesthatIrefuseto saythemall:Beowulf! 1. BestHair Iwillhatemyselfforeverbecauseof Withthebushyblack-as-the-night thisone,butIamsadtosaythatBe - braidedhairofLeonidasagainstthe owulfwouldwininafight.Therewould golden,straightflowofBeowulf’ssurfer benouseofweaponsamongstthetwo; haircut,thisawardhastogotoBeowulf. itwouldjustbeano-holds-barred Doesanyoneelserealizethatwithall brawl.Yes,Ihavemockedthesizeand thefightingandbattlingBeowulfdoes maybethetoughestofallcategoriesto butshewasalsowillingandopentotry - portrayalofBeowulf,buthedoeshave inthefilm,hisperfecthairpartisnever decide,butLeonidas’“Thisiswherewe ingcertainthings.Thinkaboutthat anadvantageoverLeonidas.Thereisno messedup?Iwonderwhatconditioner holdthem…Thisiswherewe oneforamoment. evidencethatthecharacterknownas hehasinGeatlandthatkeepshishairso fight…Thisiswhere they die! ”plusthe Beowulfisarepresentationofareal straightandperfectlikethat.Iassume iconic“This…Is… Sparta ”isjustway 7.GoldenVillian person.Therefore,heisanepic,fic - Leonidasdidnotconcernhimselfwith toobooyahhhhforBeowulf’svocalre - Ohyeah,eachfilmhada gold guy . tionalcharacter,whichallowshimtobe dailyhygiene. sume.“This…Is…Sparta”inmyeyes Theyalsowerebadguystoo…these grantedsupernaturalthingslike willremaininiconicvalueforeverwith filmsmayhavemoreincommonthenI strength,speedandendurance.Hecan 2.BestPhysique oneslike,“I’llbeback,”“YippieKyeYay,” originallythought.Grendel’sMother, swimfromonecountrytoanother,hold Handsdown…Leonidas.Evenwith “Lifeislikeaboxofchocolates,”“Iam theSeaWitch,andXerxesbothwerere - hisbreathforhoursatatimeandhehas the3D,Beowulfwasstilltoopuny.He yourfather,”ohyes,Icouldgoonfor - lentless,brutalanddeliveredmoresex - thestrengthtoripamonster’sarmoff. lookedlikehecouldfitinasizetwo ever. ualinnuendothanallthree American ThereisadocumentedLeonidasin dressforhisSweetSixteen.(Heisa very Pie moviescombined.Okay,calmdown Greekhistoryand,therefore,hispor - pretty man) .Hedidhaveadecentsix- 5.Tagline/Catchphrase kids…youseeAngelinaJolienaked(in trayalhadtobehumanized.Thatiswhy pack,butjustlookatthecoverofthe Eachfilmwasadvertisedandpro - amatterofspeaking).Iswear,Iknew hecouldnotmatchuptoBeowulf. DVDboxfor 300 .Leonidas’six-pack motedreallywell.Previewswerebeing therewassomethingspecialabouther Inconclusion, 300 isstillinmytop hasasix-pack.Morethanbeach-mus - shownforbothmoviesintheaterstwo body;Ijustdidn’trealizehowshinyit fivefavoritemoviesofalltime,and Be - clebicepcurlsforthisSpartan. seasonsbeforetheirboxofficedebut, was.KudostoBeowulffordoingitwith owulf comesnowherenearthattome. andinternetmarketingplayedasignif - thehottestseacreaturesincethe The Enjoyallthecomplimentsandvictories 3.BestScream icantrolewith 300. Thequestionhere: Little Mermaid, andthatiswhythiscat - IgaveyouoverLeonidas,Beowulf;your Couldyouimagineeatingata whichtaglinewasabetterportrayalof egorygoestohim. moviestillsucked! The Stony Brook Press Inside the Opinion section- 15 Serious Art Critique, or Shameless Self Indulgence? Eyeballin’ The Future Page This One Page 16 opinion Yellow-Colored Consternation: An Examina - tion of Societal Struggle and Macromedia

Willemainhasprovideduswithartthat Willemainprovidesuswithapara - withinayearorso;thereislittle By James Laudano isripewithallegory.Forexample,the mountexampleofthefamousphrase “oomph”init.Exacerbatingthisfaultis Press Art Critic slightlyangledupwardascentthatJoe “eroadtohellispavedbygoodin - Willemain’sill-advisedchoicetouse undergoes,whileonlythreeseconds tentions.” MacromediaFlash.WhileFlashisin - Contemporaryartpridesitself,par - long,isindicativeofthestruggleof Wealsofind,uponcloserexamina - deedpopularthroughouttheInternet, adoxically,onbothitstopicalityand everydowntroddenoroppressedindi - tion,thatJoeisadisconnectedindivid - itisrarely,ifever,usedasanart alsoitscompletelydesultorynature.Of - vidual.Onecantakeitanotherstepand ual.Literally.elinethatformsthe mediumtoday.And,unfortunately,the tentimes,apostmodernyoungartisthas saythatJoe’sclimbisanallegoryforthe sphere,servingasbothJoe’sheadand lackofpunchinthespecificworkofart towrestlebetweenmakinghisorher difficultquestofentireethicandso - torso,isnotconnectedattheend.Itis preventsthisdatedmediumfromserv - workmeaningfulwhilealsokeepingit cioeconomicgroupstoreachfullequal - leopen,signifying,perhaps,thatthe ingasa“fresh”ormemorableartistic completelynon-conformingand ity.WhenJoereacheshisdestination,he oppressedpeopleoftheworldarenever choice. “fresh.”Weoenseesuchabalancing letsoutthatunique,painedgrunt.Once trulycomplete.eunderlyingsocietal ereisalsotheissueofthework’s actgoawrytodaywiththemanypopu - again,Willemainprovidesuswitha difficultiestheyfaceforcetheminto title,“First.”Personally,Ifeelthatthe larpiecesofworkthattheartcommu - viewintosocietalstrugglebydemon - beingdisjointed,brokenindividuals. title“First,Middle,andLast”would nity—andsocietyingeneral—just stratingtous,throughthatgrunt,that OneshouldalsonoticethatbothofJoe’s havebeenmorefitting.Aerall,Joe’s simplydoesnotunderstand,regardless whenthedowntroddenandforgotten feet—conveyedbytwoshoe-likebrown strugglecomesnotonlyfirst,interms ofhowhardtheytry.Itisthisconflict finallydoreachequality,theyhaveno shapes—arebothtwo-dimensionaland ofpriority,duringhisdailyroutine,but thatMattWillemain,anup-and- choicebuttoletoutacatharticexhale rightwardfacing.is,clearly,signifies alsopermeateseveryothermomentof comingartistwithseeminglylimitless oftheirconqueredfrustrationsand thatJoeisalwaysmovingin hislife.Namingthiswork“First”de - potential,tacklesheadoninhislatest tribulations.However,allisnotwellfor onlyonedirection—upward tractsfromtheoverallmessageofJoe’s opus ,simplytitled“First.” Joe,foraerhereachesthisplaneof and,inthiscase,totheright.He unendingstruggletorisethroughthe emediumusedbyWillemainto equality,heissimply“refreshed”by cannotchangehiscourse,andis ranksofsociety. createthispieceisnoneotherthanthe theviewerandsentonhisdifficult forcedtohaveaone-trackmind Whiletherestillremainafewminor popularinternetformat,Macromedia journeyagain.atisoneofthe tosimplysurvive.Finally,wenotice questionsthatonlyMr.Willemaincan Flash.In“First,”Willemainshowsusa manybeautiesofWillemain’spiece. thatJoehasasmileonhisfacethrough - answer,wedoknowthatthispieceis, brightyellow,pseudo-sphericalentity You,theviewer,refreshthewebpagein outhisjourney.istellsusthatJoe fornow,successfulinpluckingour slidingacrossthescreenatanapproxi - ordertowatchthiswonderfulworkof Downtroddenisagoodmemberofso - heartstringsandmakingusfeelforJoe mately35-degreeupwardangle.When artoncemore,onlytoagainknockJoe ciety.Heconsciouslychoosestobea Downtrodden.epiecehasitsdefi - thisentity(let’scallhimJoeDowntrod - downintopovertyandpain.Willemain coginthemachine.Heputsonahappy ciencies,butitisstilloverallsound.Like den,orjustJoe,fromnowon)reaches istellingusthatitis everyone ,notjusta face,howeverpainedhetrulyis,sothat PierreSchaeffer,ClementGreenberg hisdestination–apointnearlyone- few,thatholddowntheoppressedand hedoesnotupsetsocietyasawhole.He andRenatoPoggiolibeforehim,Matt thirdacrossthewidthofthewebpage– under-privilegedindividualsinthe isa“trooper,”sotospeak. Willemainsucceedsinusingavant- wehearanexasperated,somewhat world–andyouarejustasguiltyasthe Butdoesitallwork?DoesWille - gardemeanstoconveyhismessage.He painedutterance:halfexhale,half nextpersontodiscoverthispieceof mainsucceedindeliveringhismessage? deservesapplause—albeittentativeap - grunt.enitends.ewholeprocess work.Willemainisawarethatbyre - Shortanswer:yes.Longanswer:per - plause—forhisefforts. clocksinatjustoverthreesecondslong. freshingthiswebpageyoureallyjust hapsnot.Withallofth e abovetech - IfyouwishtoviewMr.Willemain’s Asfortheactualmeaningbehindthis wanttoseeJoe’sworkoncemore—you niques,Willemainconveyshismessage “First”youcanfinditatthewebsite piece…well,thatwarrantsalittlemore wanttobeeducatedagain.However withsomesuccess.Buttheworkofart http://www.mendax.org/users/mvwx/ explanation. wellintentionedyouare,youserveto haslittlestayingpower.Ifearthatthe oldflash/first.html. Bymakingthispieceofwork, harmJoe.Bymakingthisdecision, artcommunitywillforgetthispiece Astro-Nuclear Physics But No AirNet? laptopandIreallyhavebecomebud - rareoccasionsIdidattendclass,I somethingforsomecrazyparticleac - By Ilyssa Fuchs dies.Ibringhereverywhere,andshe’s learnedonemajorthing;physicsisone celeratingexperimentthatIwould alwaysthereforme.ToobadIcan’thave ofthedrivingforcesbehindcomputers. neverunderstand?eirlaptopsare sexwithher;well,thatisifyoudon’t Withoutphysics,computertechnology uselesswhenitcomestotheinternet Ifyou’relikemeandyourlaptopis countinternetporn.Ihavenoticedthat wouldn’texist,andIwouldn’tevenhave andthePhysicsbuilding.isseemsto attachedtoyourbodyatthehip,you althoughAirNetisaccessibleinade - alaptoptodragallovercampus.With beaproblemthatreallyneedstobe absolutelylovethefactthatalmost centamountofplaces,itisn’tavailable thatsaid,Ifinditextremelyfunnythat fixed.eschoolshouldconsiderput - everywhereoncampusyouhaveaccess everywhere.Oneofthoseplacesthat inabuildingwhereexperimentsare tingsomeofourmoneytowardsex - toAirNet,StonyBrookUniversity’s AirNetisneveravailableisthePhysics donewithnuclearparticles,andastro- tendingAirNettoeverywhereon wirelessnetwork.Onalmostalllaptop building.Ihavetwoclassesinthe nuclearphysicsistaught,thereisno campus,sothatwecanaccess computersthathavewirelessnetwork - Physicsbuilding,andIalwayshaveto wirelessinternetaccess.ecommon WikipediaandBlackboardnomatter ingcards,(assoonasthereisanetwork anticipatesavingPDFsandLexisfiles personwouldthinkthatoutofallthe whereweare(nottomentionourFace - withinreach),yourcomputerautomat - beforemyclassstartsbecauseIknowI buildingsthatwouldn’thaveinternet bookaccount,ourMyspace,oure-mail icallyconnectsyoutoitandthenallyou won’thaveanywirelessthere.Iknow access,Physicswouldbethelastone, andourbuddylists).Wearepartofthe havetodoissignintoAirNetinorder everyoneisprobablytiredofmecom - andtheywouldbewrong.Asaside wirelessgeneration.Wirelessforall! toaccessprettymucheverythingonthe plainingaboutthings,buttome,this note,Iamnowapoliticalsciencemajor, OthernotableplaceswithoutAirNet internet(except,ofcourse,peer-to-peer wholesituationisjustironic. soitiseasyformejusttosavethefilesI orwithlowconnectivity:PsychA,the filesharingprogramssuchasLimewire, BeforeItransferredtoStony needforclassbeforeshowingup.Ionly fihflooroftheLibrary,thesecond becauseGodknowsthepowersthatbe Brook,Iwasanengineeringmajorat havetwoclassesinPhysicsanyway,but flooroftheSAC,andinsidetheclass - wouldn’twantyoutoillegallydownload BinghamtonUniversity.Fortherecord, Ihadtotakeastepbackandwonder: roomsinJavits(wirelessworksinthe orsharefiles). Ihatedeveryminuteofitandhardly whatdophysicsmajorsdowhenthey lobbybutcan’tpassthroughthebrick Overthecourseofthissemester,my everwenttoclass.However,onthefew wanttoaccesstheinternettolookup walls…orsoI’vebeeninformed). 16 Opinion Vol. XXIX, Issue 6 | Wednesday, December 5, 2007 Meetings Wednesdays 1pm Make your opinion heard! Write for The Stony Brook Press . Union Building Room 060 Ignorance is No Longer Bliss

Iamanindi - smearing,advertisementsandappear - week,thatmeansverylittle,butthe publicanside,Isimplyhearthemgoing vidualwhoholds ances.Allonecandoissimplywatch medialovestoamplify.Apollthata ateachandbashingtheDemocratic littlefear.Ilaughat theblacktrainoflies,corruptionand majorityofthestudentpopulation Party,specificallyHillary. clowns,sleepin two-facedcandidatesrollonbyuntila knowslittleabout.Thisiswherethe Iloseinterestandmoveonwithmy thedark,and candidateischosen. problemlies.Theproblemoverknowl - day.Lifegoeson.Butthen,ahorrific thinkspidersare Yet,asthebillowofdeceptionisleft edge. enlightenment:IrealizeIamnotthe okay.Notgreat, risingintothenation’sairwaves,weas HereIam,watchingtheRepublican onlyone.Infact,Iamsuretherearea Najib butokay.However, students—asAmericansandaspeo - debate,attemptingtosortoutright goodmajorityofstudentshereatStony Aminy Ihaverealizedthat ple—havetheabilitytovoteandchange fromwrong,liefromthetiniestbitof Brookandnationwidethatknowvery whatIfearismy thecourseofhistory.History.Look truth,politicianfromcandidate.Then littleifanythingatallabouttheelection. ownarrogance.Yes,ignoranceisbliss, backintothesepasteightyears,andsee ithitsme:Iknow nothing .Idon’tknow Whatscaresmeisthatweasstudents butpersistentignoranceisarrogance howmuchhaschanged.Despite muchaboutanyofthecandidate’sposi - havethecapabilitytomakeasignificant andasignofstupidityandimmaturity, whetherourbelovedPresidentBush, tions.Hell,therearesomepeoplethatI differenceinhowthiscountrywillbe simplythestubbornnesstobewillingto Fuhrerofthefreedomland,Premierof didnotevenknowwererunning.AsI run,butthatmanyofuswillfailtoact learn.IrealizedthiswhenIheardafew theAmericandream,Czarofdemoc - amlisteningtothedebate,Ibeginto oracthastily.Myself,Ilacktheknowl - studentsconversingoverHillaryClin - racyandthefreeworld,wasrighteous formulatethefrontrunnersfromthe edgetomakesuchadecisionabout ton’slatestdropinthepolls.Ingeneral, inhisactions;theworldhasforever restofthepack,alongwithafewdark whomtovotefor.Forothers,itcouldbe Ithinkverylittleofthepoliticalrealm, beenchangedbyhisdecisions.Whether horses.Butinthebackofmymind,I thelackofwilltovote,orsimplytheig - asitisnothingmorebutanopenforum weaspeople,societyorhumanityac - amawarethatthisistheveryfirsttime norancetomakeadecision. forthewealthyandpowerhungrytolie, ceptorrejectit,hisfootstepsarestill Iamlearningthestancesofmanyof Thefutureliesintheeyeofthebe - manipulate,andcorruptthesacred there. thesecandidates. holder.Theracetothe2008electionis worldinwhichwelive.SoIintrudedin Iamnotpromotingacampaignof Nowthewriter’sstrikedoesnot farunderway,andthoughitisnota theirconversation,voicingmyviewthat “VoteorDie”(bitches)asPuffDaddy, help,forIhavelostmyhourofbliss sprint,itisanenduranceraceinwhich politicsisthedevil’sgameandsuch. SeanCombs,P.Diddy,orMr.“IThink withbothJonStewartandStephenCol - moneyisshed,notsweat.Thegoalisno Maybeitis,maybeitisn’t,whoisto IamHotShitbutCan’tComeupWith bert,inwhichIattainasignificant medal,rathertheOvalOffice.Thekey know? anOriginalSongifmyLifeDepended amountofknowledgeabouteachofthe towinning:sellyoursoultothedevil. What is knownisthatthe2008 Onit”did.Rather,Iamemphasizing candidates.Butwhatthisalsomeansis Theambition:greedanddesirefor electionraceisheatingupascandidates that,collectively,thestudentpopulation thatImustdevotemoretimetoactually power.Thechoiceastowhowinsthis arebecomingmorevocalandaggres - haspotentialtobethearbiterastowho readingandresearchingmoreabout battleroyalliesinourhands.Ifone sive.WiththenotoriousIowaCaucus winsthisupcomingelection. thesecandidates.Iamreluctanttocon - choosesnottovote,okay.Ifonedoes, comingupJanuary3;andFebruary5 This,however,iswhereignorance formandjumpontheObamaban onemustbeknowledgeable.Notto markingSuperTuesday,thedaywhere comesintoplay.Isattherelisteningto wagonformanyreasons.Idon’tbelieve soundcliché,butwithgreatpower nineteenstateswillbedeterminingboth twostudentsconverseandagreeover thehype,IquestionOprah,andsimply comesgreatresponsibility,andsuchthe theRepublicanandDemocraticcandi - thefactthatHilarywasgoingtoloseto put,Idon’tknowwhathestandsfor.All righttovotecomestheresponsibilityto date,itseemsasifthecoalisnowbeing Obamasimplybecauseofapoll.Apoll. IhearaboutisthatHillaryisdoingthis, beeducatedandwiseinsuchadecision. shovedintotheengineofpolitical Apollthatchangespossiblyeveryother andObamaisdoingthat.FromtheRe - Tomorrowstartswithtoday. Berkman to World: Don’t Hit the Ladies tionstowardsthatwomanarewrong. considered. professionalwrestlingviewers.They ByAlexBerkman Itisespeciallydisturbingwhenthe ThepeopleIhavemetinlifelead areyoung,ignorantorboth-andall viewersofprofessionalwrestlingare metoapproximateafewthingsabout areobviouslyimpressionable.Apor - OnThursdaynight,Nov.29,Iwas trayalofviolenceagainstwomenwith - sittinginmyhousewatchingtelevision outrepercussiontoanimpressionably whenIcameacrosssomethingvery stupidaudienceiswrong. disturbing. Iunderstandtheargumentthat Whilechannelsurfing,Ifound professionalwrestlingisfakeandit’s TNAprofessionalwrestling.Isawa onlyentertainment,butthatdoesn’tfly man,whowentbythenameChristian here.Cagegrabbed,shookandthreat - Cage,forcefullyholdingawoman enedthiswomanbackstage,notinthe (wholookedveryfrightened)byher wrestlingringduringamatch. upperarmswhilethreateningherwith Idon’twantforittoseemasifI’m physicalviolence.Withhisfaceclose onthecensorshipbandwagonwithJoe enoughtoher’stotellwhatshehad LiebermanandTipperGore,butvio - eatenlast,hespewedsomenonsensi - lenceagainstwomeniswrong.The calstorylineaboutbeingscrewedover. leastthatTNAcandoforputtingsuch Afterfinishinghisapparentline,he garbageontelevisionistoshowCage pushedheraway,leadinghertoyell, receivingagloriousbeat-downforhis “Getyourhandsoffme!”andexited actions. theroom. MaybeI’mtheonlyonewhofeels NotonlyisTNAandSpikeTV thisway.Iwasraisedtorespectevery - puttingsweatymeninspandexontel - onewhodeservesit,neverdiscrimi - evision,buttheyarenowshowing nateandneverharmwomen.Shame viewersthatviolencetowardswomen onTNAandSpikeTVforputtingsuch isacceptable. anactonaregularlywatchedtelevision WhetherornotthisCagecharac - program. terwonorlostaboutthatnight,hisac - The Stony Brook Press Opinion 17 Bert Scott is a fucking flag eater! Number 57 ain’t havin’ it.

What Ma2hew Rammelkamp Didn’t Al Qaeda: Insur - gents, Rebels Or Tell You About Illegal Immigration Enemy Combatants? ByNickEaton Withtheex - veilingthis(not-so)secretNewWorld milesandtheybrokethelaw.Ignorant ceptionoftheno - Order.ere.I ’vesuspendedmydis - citizens,whoIcall “small-picturepeo - Fueledbyfierceemotions, tionthatthe belief.So,now,what ’sthesolution? ple, ” seethisbasicrelationshipbetween manyAmericansbecomeindignant powersthatbe Haveyouawarehouseofweaponsand illegalimmigrantsandthelawandlook upontheuseoftheword“rebel”in havepurposefully, vehicleshiddenaway?Amade-from- nofurther.eirfrustrationandanger conjunctionwiththeterrorist andsofarsuccess - scratchsupercomputerandahightech developsintoracismandhate , which groupAlQaeda.Themilitantor - fully,madesignifi - teamofsubversivegeniusesclicking notonlyfuelsSouthAmericannation - ganization,knownfortheirhandin Nick cantand away,monitoringtheGlobalistsand alism , butalsonullifiestheircredibility. theattacksonSeptember11,2001, Eaton calculatedstrides tracingcallsattheBilderberg?Where ecorruptMexicangovernment, hasfactionsscatteredacrossthe towardsworld isthisundergroundandhowcanIjoin? rollinginmoneyandabsentthecaresof worldworkingtowardsIslamic domination,MatthewRammelkamp I’llpostonyourmessageboardsand theirdissatisfiedworkingclass,ismore dominanceandtheupendingof (whosecommentaryappearsinissue joinyourmailinglist,putupflyerson thanhappytooverlooktheborder.e non-Islamiststates.Harnessing fiveof e Press ) andIagreeonalotof campusandwritearticlesfor e Press . corporatistAmericangovernment , too , guerillatacticsandperformingacts keyissuesregardingillegalimmigra - Dowehaveacoolacronymforaname? hasbenefitedfromthedirtcheaplabor. ofterror,thegreaterAlQaedanet - tion.Whatheseesashyper-intelligent Yousee,Ijustcan ’thelpbutbeapathetic It ’sbecomeanunintendedtriangle workcanhardlybeconsideredlit - tactics,Iseeasunexpectedconsequence aboutanallpowerfulshadowgovern - tradefortheTwenty-FirstCentury,now tlemorethanamilitantterrorist andhumanopportunism.Regardlessof mentifyoudon ’tprovidemewiththe beingexploitedandperpetuatednotby organization.ThepresenceofAl whichsideyoutake,there ’sonething toolstotakeitdown. asupersecretorganizationbutby busi - QaedainIraq,however,presentsa thattheRammelmeisterneverseemsto WheredoIbegin?Yes,itisoen nessmenwithbusinessmindsets. newchallengeforclassification. provideyouwith:solutions. overlookedthatglobalizationhasacted eanswerisnottodriveoutto TheexistenceofAlQaedain I’llbite.Ashadowgovernmentof asasteroidfortheeconomiceliteacross Farmingvilleandspitonmigrantwork - Iraqisadirectresultofthepresence financialandpoliticaleliteshassecretly theworld.Undercuttingtheeffortsof ers.It ’snottodeportthemandbuilda ofAmericanforces.Muchofthe developedaplotinwhichminorshis thelowerclassbypromotinga “world hugefence.esolutionisn ’ttopro - insurgencyhasturnedtotheor - intheworldhaveconsequencesthatare economy, ” organizationslikeNAFTA videamnestyandignorethegreater ganizationinordertoaidinthe carefullycontrolledtoallowaseriesof andtheWTOhavemadeitnearim - problem.Ouranswerliesinsupport - fightagainstAmericanoccupancy. eventstounfoldlikedominoesandlead possiblefortheproletariatofanysec - inganinterventionistgovernmentthat SeeingtheU.S.asaforeignaggres - eventuallytoaninternationalgovern - ondorthirdworldcountrytosurvive takesanactiveroleinprogressiveinter - sorandanimperialisticforcewith mentwhichwilleradicatealargepor - whenfacedwithglobalcompetition.As nationalaffairsratherthanprofit-turn - allbutaltruisticambitionsinthe tionofthepopulation,restrictfreedoms aresult,manySouthAmericanshave inginoilrichcountries.eMexican country,theenemycombatants andharnessslavelabortoincreasetheir soughtsalvationonAmericansoil. peoplearecryingforhelp,crushedbe - haveappealedtotheenemyoftheir profits.Notonlythat,butasmallpor - HereiswhereIplaytheoppositehand neaththebootoftheirupperclass. enemynotonthebasisofcommon tionofthepopulationhasnotonlybeen inthis “chickenoregg ” argument. Americancitizensmayobjecttotaking goals,butsimplytosynergizeand brilliantenoughtouncoverthetopse - Globalizationdidnotoccurbecause politicalactionagainsttheMexican redoubleeffortstoresistwhatthey cretandmeticulously worldleadersforesawtheabundant government,citingthattheplightofthe seeastheeventualestablishmentof power-grabbingopportunities.Abun - Americanworkingclassshouldbea anAmericanpuppetregime.In dantpower-grabbingopportunities greaterprioritytothegovernmentthan thisway,regardlessofthetruein - wereabusedbyopportunistgovern - thatofthosearoundtheworld. “Ifyou tentionsofmilitaryactioninIraq, mentsupontheiroccurrenceasconse - putachainaroundtheneckofaslave, thecountry’sdivisionofAlQaeda quencesofglobalization.ereisno theotherendfastensitselfaroundyour forcesis,inessence,rebelling doubtinmymindthatglobalization own. ” Ourfateshavebecomeentan - againstaconstitutedauthority. wasintendedonlyasasystemofworld - gled.Tosolveourimmigration “prob - Theyhaveassumedahostileand widenetworkingofthebourgeoisie. lem ” wemustaidillegalimmigrantsin insubordinateattitudetowardsan Rarelyhavemenwithmoneyand solvingtheirown.Tobuildafenceor establishedadversary.Theyfitthe powercometogethertoaddressthe grantamnestyismerelyshortterm:a verydefinitionofwhatitistobea plannedop - plightofthe “lesser ” classes.Toinsinu - temporarydamtocurbtheflow.We “rebel.” eration,but ate,though,thatfreetradeinitiatives mustbecome “big-picture ” citizens,ex - Theworditselfseemstores - hasalso andillegalimmigrationaremerecheck - aminingnotonlythecausesandtheef - onatewithpositiveconnotations. beenal - pointsinagreaterschemetodestabilize fectsbutalsothecausesofthecauses WiththeAmericanDreamhaving lowedto thecontinentandjustifymartiallawin - andthecausesofthosecausesaswell. beenbuiltontheconceptofanun - live,publish evitablyleadingtotheconsolidationof Weneednotfallvictimtoinfinitere - derdogrisingtothetop,citizens bookson powerinthehandsofthefewisjust gressioneither.Inacampaignyear haveanaffinityforrebellionina thetopic, preposterous.Iwillnotdenythatthis wherethereformationorobliterationof historicalsense.TheUnitedStates buildcareers routeisprobable.ButIvehemently NAFTAandtheWTOhavebeendis - mayhavecometobeasadirectre - basedupontheir decrytheideathatthoseintelligent cussednumeroustimes,thealteration sultofrebellion,butwecontinually “theories ” andeven enoughtodreamupsuchatreacherous ordestructionofglobalizationmustbe - failtoacknowledgetherebelswho broadcasttheirviews andgeniusplotwouldbefoolish comeakeyissuetoAmericancitizens. aredemonizedfromtheAmerican overtheradio.More - enoughtoletslipenoughdetailsthat RatherthandiscussingOprah ’sen - worldviewonadailybasis.Con - over,Rammelkampisa theirevilplansarenowavailable dorsementorHillary ’shair,letus,for sidertheRussianRevolutionand partofthisminority throughAmazonandtheKampenator ’s once,becomeactivelyengagedcitizens. ourhalf-centuryColdWarwiththe andasastudentat facebookwritings . Motivatingthemassesisnotquiteso SovietUnion.WereRussianrebels StonyBrookUniver - Okay.Enoughwiththebashing. difficultasyoumaybelieve.Evenapo - heraldedasheroeshereinAmer - sity , isobviouslyfar Mycommentsaside,Rammelkampis liticalAmericansseemtohavestrongly ica?Wemustdistanceourselves moreintellectually definitelyontosomething.LouDobbs polarizedviewsofillegalimmigration. fromthepositiveandnegativetaint superiorthananyone wouldhaveAmericansbelievethatille - eyhavethemotivationbutlackdi - oflanguageasaresultofhabitand else(accreditedor galimmigrantsareblameworthy.Aer rectionandpurpose,educationandre - historyandinsteadviewtheworld otherwise)andis all,theyarethecriminals,aretheynot? sources.Ifallelsefails,Molotov objectively. dedicatedtoun - eyhoppedthefence,theywalkedfor everything. Sports Vol. XXIX, Issue 6 | Wednesday, December 5, 2007 18 Food For Thought I’m using this space for my prediction that the Pittsburgh Pirates will make the playoffs as soon as 2009. -Bryan

Red Sox Acquire Santana for Goulet

idationattheprospectoffacingSan - precipitouslysinceanOctoberinjury. ingfortheNationalLeagueCy-Young By Sporty McRealpersonton tanaintheclashofAmericanLeague Earlyinnegotiations,MinnesotaGen - award(in1968and1973),wasunavail - MLB Reporter Extraordinaire Eastpowers.“Helookslikeanoldman eralManagerBillSmithmadeclearthat ableforcomment.AccordingtoRed whenhe’ssittingdown,butgethimon anytradecenteredaroundGoulet SoxChairmanomasWerner,San - eBostonRedSoxtodayadded wouldrequire tanawillbeintroduced,asauniformed halloffamerockandroll/latinfusion additionalpieces memberofthesquad,totheBoston guitaristCarlosSantanatotheir40- asinsurance. mediainagalapressconferencein manroster.Santana’scontractwaspur - Smith,appar - earlyJanuary.Wernersaid,“eRed chasedfromAAAPawtucket entlyplacatedby Soxareproudtoacquiretheonlyplayer immediatelyfollowingthetradeoffor - Esptein’sassur - toworkwithbothBoDiddleyandBo merRedSoxminorleaguecrooner ancesthatGoulet Jackson.Santana’sswaggerisevident RobertGoulettotheMinnesotaTwins, hasgoodpoten - onthe1981hit“Winning.”at’sthe alongwithasessionbassisttobe tialforrecovery, kindofRedSoxourorganizationneeds namedlater. revisedhisinitial aswelooktorepeatasWorldSeries eannouncementwasmadeby demands—for Championsforthefirsttimesince ExecutiveVicePresident/GeneralMan - centerfield 1916.” agereoEpstein. prospectand TwinsthirdbasemanNickPunto Santana,60,bringsaveteransensi - WorldSeries expressedexcitementtobeplayingwith bilitytoaRedSoxstartingrotation heroJacobyElls - Goulet.“Asachild,Ifoundasecret that,whilegenerallypraised,hasbeen bury,Academy thrillinplayingmyparents’oldRobert specificallycriticizedforitspoorgrasp Awardwinner Gouletrecords.Morerecently,he ofmelodyandrhythm.Santanaisex - andDVDnarra - wowedmewithhisperformanceasa pectedtoslotintothesecondstarter’s amoundandbehindasixstring,and torMattDamonandsubstantialcash stealthypestharassingfatiguedoffice spotbetweenstaffaceJoshBeckettand thatoldmanisenoughtoputthefear considerations—downtotheunspeci - workers,beforeretreating,Spiderman- JapaneseimportDaisukeMatsuzaka. ofGodintoeventhiscountryboy.” fied,littleheraldedbutprolificbassgui - like,acrosstheceilingintheEmerald DivisionrivalMattStairs—theso Goulet,74,ajourneymanbest tarsessionplayer. Nutscommercial.Tobeplayingwitha calledBlueJay’sBlueJay—when knownforthreestintsintheRedSox Santana,whohaswonnine legendlikeRobertGoulet—wow.” reachedforcomment,inhiswinter organization,wasonceconsidereda Grammyawards(onein1988andeight Gouletwasunavailableforcom - homeinWarmSprings,expressedtrep - stud,buthisnumbershavedropped in2000),andtwicefiguredthirdinvot - ment. Chuck Knoblauch: Best Second Baseman, Or Simply 1e Best Player, Ever?

ChuckwonRookieoftheYearhonors BlassDisease,”orsimply“theyips.”is ingendtohiscareercertainlyshould By James Laudano thatyear,andhisfuturelookedasbright tragicconditioncausedChucktolose barhimfromnotonlytheHallofFame, astheWorldSeriestrophythenencased allabilitytoaccuratelythrowabaseball butalsoanytalkofbeingthegreatest oseofyouwhofollowbaseball intheMinnesotaclubhouse. tofirstbase.Onaverage,athrowfrom baseballplayerever.”Well,toyou,good knowthatthe2008HallofFameballot Chuckwentontobat.312,.333, thesecondbasementofirstbasespans sirormadam,Isay“poppycock.”Chuck wasrecentlyreleased,withatotaloften and.341duringthefollowingyears,and aroundfiyfeet.Howcouldaformer Knoblauchruled:endofstory.Hisstun - candidateseligiblefortheveryfirst laterwonaGoldGloveAward—in goldglovewinnerhavetroublemaking ninglyerrantthrowsintothestandsof time.AmongthemisEdwardCharles 1997.However,thiswasnotenoughfor sucharoutineandsimpletoss?Noone YankeeStadiumandhismeteoricplum - Knoblauch,betterknownaroundthe Chuck.Hedesiredtobeapartofthe hadanyanswers.eproblembecame metintoobscurityandretirementwere nationsimplyasChuckKnoblauch. big-time,andvocallyassertedthe sotroublingthatin2000anerrant valuablebydemonstratingtoprofes - isarticleintendstonotonlyconvince stancethatheshouldbetradedtothe throwactuallyflewintothestandsbe - sionalbaseballhowvulnerableweall youthatChuckdeservestobeen - NewYorkYankees.Aerall,wheredo hindthefirstbasedugoutandstruck are—nottomentionthefactthatwatch - shrinedintheannalsofCooperstown, baseballplayersgowhentheywantto thewifeoffamedsports/politicalcom - ingahighlypaidprofessionallobarou - butalsotodemonstratethatheis taketheirgametothenextlevel?Why, mentatorSteveOlbermannintheface. tinethrowthirtyfeetoffthemark amongthegreatestbaseballplayersever abigmarketteaminabigmarketcity, YankeemanagerJoeTorrehadno providedgreatentertainmentevery inthehistoryofthisprolificsport. ofcourse.Andwhofitsthatdescription choicebuttomoveChucktolefield. nightonSportsCenter,andKnoblauch ChuckKnoblauchburstuponthe betterthantheYankees? ChuckneededoutofNewYork,and single-handedlyfilledblooperreelsfor MajorLeaguescenein1991withthe eYankees,muchliketheTwins fast. decadestocome.Andfinally,theword MinnesotaTwins.Chuckhadbeentheir whenChuckfirstcametothem,were Fortunately,ChuckdidescapeNew Knoblauchactuallymeans“garlic”in firstrounddrapicktwoyearsprior ontheprecipiceofincrediblesuccessin Yorkin2002,whentheKansasCity German,anddon’tyouthinkthatsays andtheTwinswereeagertopromote 1997—theyearChuckwasindeed Royalssignedhimasafreeagent.Un - somethingabout…something?I’lllet theiryoung,phenomsecondbasemen tradedtotheorganization.Tojump fortunately,Chuck’soffensivenumbers youthinkthatover,andinthemean - tothe“BigLeagues.”eTwins,ateam aheadjustatadinourstory,theYan - atthispointsimplyslumpedsomuch time,I’llhopethatduring thathadbeengraduallyimprovingtheir keeswouldwintheAmericanLeague thattheRoyalsdeclinedtoextendhis mynexttriptoCooper - organizationovertheyearsimmediately pennanteveryyearChuckwaswith contractintothenextseason.Sensing stownIwillbepresented preceding1991,werepoisedforstar - them,winningthreeWorldChampi - theend,Chuckannouncedhisretire - theopportunityto dom.ItwasChuckandhisnew,youth - onshipstoboot. mentin2003,breakingtheheartsof gazefondlyat fulenergy,whowouldshoveMinnesota Coincidence,orKnoblauxcellence? millionsacrossthenation. aplaqueded - intothatstardomtheysoverymuch However,allwasnotwellinNew Now,youmightsaytoyourself, icatedtoour sought.eTwinswouldwintheWorld YorkforChuck.In1999,Chuckdevel - “Sure,Chuckhadsomegoodyearsearly hero,Edward Seriesthatyear,withChuckbatting opedarareanddebilitatingcondition on.Andyes,hedidwinfourWorldSe - Charles over.300duringtheplayoffs.Naturally, knownthroughoutbaseballas“Steve rieschampionships,buttheembarrass - Knoblauch. The Stony Brook Press Features 19 SSuubbmmiitt ttoo oouurr LLiitteerraarryy SSuupppplleemmeenntt

OOrr YYoouu GGeett TThhee BBuussiinneessss

Submiit your artwork,, short storiies and poems to [email protected] by Deecemberr 8th,, or briing ‘‘em iin to oour offiice, Student Uniion Rm. 060.. CCreate your massterpiiece todayy!