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For Some, Falling Pregnant and Having a Baby Is Easy. for Others, It Can Be a Long and Arduous Journey, Fraught with Disappointment and Difficulty

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For Some, Falling Pregnant and Having a Baby Is Easy. for Others, It Can Be a Long and Arduous Journey, Fraught with Disappointment and Difficulty FERTILITY ROAD CELEBRITY SPOTLIGHT For some, falling pregnant and having a baby is easy. For others, it can be a long and arduous journey, fraught with disappointment and difficulty. Having a baby in your forties adds a further layer of complexity to the equation as TV star Marcia Cross found out. Hollywood Housewife est known for her hit TV Early life WORDS BY LOUISA GHEVAERT roles as perfectionist Bree Cross was born in 1962 in Marlborough, Massachusetts, Van De Kamp in Desperate USA. She grew up with her mother, a teacher, and her Housewives and vengeful father, a personnel manager, and her two sisters. Aged Dr Kimberly Shaw in 17, she won a scholarship to the prestigious Juilliard Melrose Place, Marcia Cross’ portrayal of performing arts school in New York City where she graduated in 1984. these determined and powerful women Cross began her career in television in 1984, working her way suggests that she is used to getting what through various soap operas and TV fi lms, before landing the role she wants. In real life, Cross is no less of Dr Kimberly Shaw in US primetime soap opera Melrose Place determined and from a young age she was in 1992. From there she made appearances in popular TV show always clear that she wanted a baby after including Ally McBeal, Spin City and CSI. She also featured in fi lms she had established a successful career. including Bad Infl uence (1990) and Always Say Goodbye (1996). Cross’ diffi cult path to motherhood is, In 2003 she returned to education and earned a Master’s Degree in many respects, not dissimilar to that of in psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, something many other women juggling life, work and which has remained a life-long interest for her. wondering how a family fi ts into it all as well. Cross has had her fair share of heart- Career success ache too, falling in love with an older man, In 2004, Cross’ career blossomed when she was cast in ABC’s losing her partner through illness, having Desperate Housewives. A year later her portrayal of character Bree to start from scratch in her thirties to fi nd Van de Kamp earned her a nomination for a Primetime Emmy Mr Right with whom to have a family and Award for Outstanding Lead Actress, Comedy Series and a Golden then battling her way through fertility Globe nomination for Best Actress, Television Series Musical or treatment. Many women can identify with Comedy 2005 – 2007. Cross continued her lead role in Desperate Cross’ life experience and this, combined Housewives until the eighth and fi nal season this year. with her determination to speak out about The show enjoyed huge success and captured the public’s imagi- pregnancy and motherhood in your forties nation as it portrayed the lives, loves and losses of a close-knit makes her a role model for the increasing group of American women and their families. Women all over the numbers of women wanting to become world identifi ed with Cross’ portrayal of Bree Van de Kamp, aspiring to mothers later in life. her emulate her grace, determination and strength of character. » 22 WWW.FERTILITYROAD.COM OCTOBER NOVEMBER 2012 OCTOBER NOVEMBER 2012 WWW.FERTILITYROAD.COM 23 FERTILITY ROAD CELEBRITY SPOTLIGHT Personal life moon and try IVF after the wedding. I had already been through Despite her considerable career success her personal life has infertility treatments. It’s very, very diffi cult to get pregnant in been a very different story. Cross fell in love at 23 with a man your 40s. It’s costly and tough on your body and your relationship”. twenty fi ve years her senior, actor Richard Jordan. She became She went on to say “I wish that I’d had my girls in my 30’s. Then I his companion until he died from a brain tumour in 1993. could be around longer for them. But they’re an incentive for me Aged 31, Cross faced life as a single woman and had to start to stay healthy, take care of myself, and live as long as possible”. over. In June 2006, she married stockbroker Tom Mahoney whom However, Cross was determined to speak even more openly she had dated for a year and a half. She was so keen to start a about the reality of trying for a baby in your forties and her own family aged 44 that she skipped her honeymoon to start IVF personal experience of this. During another magazine interview treatment straight after her wedding. she said “I don’t like the average woman being misled into thinking that fertility is something that goes on forever. When a woman Fertility treatment and motherhood at 40 gets older, they get a donor egg, which doesn’t make the baby any Cross was lucky enough to conceive following her fi rst round of less beautiful or perfect. One’s own eggs only last so long, and IVF treatment. She was then placed on precautionary bedrest in sometimes, at 43 or 44 you can have your own baby, but January 2007. However, this did not stop her from continuing statistically it’s very diffi cult. You don’t want to wait too long”. her Desperate Housewives fi lming schedule, arranging instead Unlike other celebrity women in Hollywood, Cross was also for the cast and crew to shoot some scenes from her bedroom. honest enough to admit that she conceived with donor eggs. On 20 February 2007, Cross gave birth to twin girls, Eden In an industry where youth is prized and celebrities strive to and Savannah, just before her 45th birthday. Due to complications perpetuate this in many different guises, it was a brave admission including preeclampsia, the twins were delivered 4 weeks early to make. Cross’ decision to share her story so openly was a by an emergency c-section. Luckily, the twins were healthy and deliberate one because she did not want to give other women in they were allowed home with Cross and her husband 4 days later. their forties false hope that they would be able to conceive easily Cross was the fi rst to admit that it was not easy becoming a or that they would be lucky enough to have a biological child mother at 44 and that it had been a diffi cult path to follow. During of their own. She did not want women to be lulled into a false a magazine interview she said “We decided to skip our honey- sense of security or undergo expensive fertility treatment with / Florian Schneider Inc. Companies, © 2010 American Broadcastin 24 WWW.FERTILITYROAD.COM OCTOBER NOVEMBER 2012 I don’t like the average woman “being misled into thinking that fertility is something that goes on forever. When a woman gets older, they get a donor egg, which doesn’t make the baby any less beautiful or perfect. One’s own eggs only last so long, and sometimes, at 43 or 44 you can have your own baby, but statistically it’s very difficult. You don’t want to wait too long.” unrealistic expectations of a baby at the end of it all. Statistics show that there are virtually no pregnancies from IVF in women over 45 who use their own eggs. The pregnancy rates in women over 42 using their own eggs is in very low single digits and this is not always understood or fully appreciated. Cross said in another interview “Your forties is not the time to be thinking about getting pregnant”. Legal issues Having to resort to fertility treatment in your forties to have a baby can raise other legal and practical issues too. If you conceive, as Cross did with donor eggs, you will need to manage sensitive issues surrounding the identity of your donor and the fact that your donor conceived child may well have numerous genetic half- siblings living in other families. You will need to think about how best to discuss this with your child and wider family, the timings enjoy greater career and fi nancial success than ever before, it’s of this and the longer term implications if your child wishes to easy to lose sight of the medical reality that you can’t cheat your make contact with his or her donor or half-siblings later in life. biological clock. Putting in place a specialist Will is also important for any Fertility treatment, including IVF, is not an easy option. It’s parent. This can help to ensure that your child is properly cared expensive, time consuming, stressful and there are no for in the event of your death by the right people and that your guarantees it will work. It can be punishing both emotionally and fi nancial resources are protected for your child’s benefi t. physically and it can place great strain on your relationship. In Unlike Cross, if you are unable to carry a pregnancy, you may these tough economic times, it can also create huge fi nancial want to consider surrogacy as a means of having a baby that is debts that can take years to pay off. genetically related to you or your partner. You may also wish to For those that strike gold and become forty-something combine surrogacy with the use of donor eggs or sperm. UK law parents, it’s not all plain sailing either. Parenting a young child is has not kept pace with the increasing demand for surrogacy. tiring and parents’ energy levels decline with age. Life as a Other countries take varying legal approaches to surrogacy family is a big quantum shift from life without children.
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