Betsy Keller Founder, Connecticut Protective Moms Greenwich, Connecticut March 24 Written Testimony

Testimony in Support of SB-1060, Jennifers’ Law

My family asked me on cross examination, “Betsy, What was your husband thinking when he did …[coercive controlling behavior toward me…]”

Lawyer for my husband said, “Objection. How could she possibly know what was going on in my client’s head at the time?”

Judge said, “Sustained.”

Dear distinguished members of the Committee:

My name is Betsy Keller, have lived in Greenwich for 25 years, and am submitting this testimony in favor of SB-1060, Jennifers’ Law, to update Connecticut’s family court laws to better protect (DV) victims and their children who are seeking safety in Family Court from an abuser whose abusive behavior is coercive control and falls short of physical threats or actions.

This is the very first time I have ever spoken out about my family court case in public after ten years. My case involved ONLY coercive control and I was never ever thought I was in physical danger unlike the countless Jennifers and other protective moms I meet every month. My CPM moms are told not to discuss their cases in public due to retaliation from the family court. CPM has a survey of 100 moms in family court that I will be releasing soon and the majority of the moms were told not to bring up the in family court for fear of been blamed with parental alienation and losing custody of their children.

The Flipped Abuse Narrative In 2011, my case started with the scorched earth legal tactic du jour…a false 46-B15 restraining order filed against ME on a Fourth of July holiday Friday at 4:45 pm! I had to hide in a hotel for two weeks with my three kids and my labradoodle from the after he lied and signed an affidavit that I was dangerous and was worried I might use a steak knife. Oh and I apparently kidnapped the kids. To note, I do not eat red meat and I did not kidnap my own children.

It is 2021 and I am now a mom with three adult children (19, 22, 24) who have aged out of the system, a family court litigant for ten years and the founder of Connecticut Protective Moms (CPM). CPM is a grassroots organization of more than 150 Connecticut moms (that we know of) in family court proceedings who are dedicated to improving the Connecticut Family Court process to validate all forms of Domestic Violence (DV) including Coercive Control - emotional, verbal, financial and legal abuse, and isolation. By raising awareness and educating, YES, educating means TRAINING, for Connecticut Family Court stakeholders - legislators, judges, , family relations counselors, GALS/AMCs, forensic evaluators - on this broader definition of DV, we will advocate to reform state legislation to protect DV victims and their children. Protect them from CONTINUED abuse during and after Family Court proceedings for divorce, separation and child custody.

I founded Connecticut Protective Moms in 2019 when I realized my own never ending divorce case (now seven years post-judgement with 850 pleadings), was not an anomaly or a one off,

1 but one of hundreds of divorce cases that end up in an adversarial courtroom each year in Connecticut Family Courts. The system has failed hundreds of DV victims and their children. If you take a look from the 1,000 foot view, you will see that these “high conflict” labeled cases are all very similar and most carry the hallmark red flags of DV coercive control tactics by one abuser against a victim in a relationship including using the courtroom and legal abuse to continue. This is NOT two angry parents who keep bickering about money and the kids. Of the 30,000 cases for divorce and separation going through our Connecticut Judicial Branch every year, about 5% of those (1200) will end up in an adversarial courtroom in front of a family court judge for hearings, trials, status conferences and modifying court orders post-judgement. Most cases will resolve without going to court…because while there is anger and resentment, there is RARELY abuse in those “normal” cases SETTLED OUT OF COURT. The majority of those which are contested and litigated, on the other hand, involve a family abuse component.

Why Our DV Agencies Can’t Help Us after We Leave and Enter Family Court While there are many resources available to DV victims from one of our 18 state DV agencies DURING the abusive relationship, the only resource available to victims of post-separation abuse is the Family Court System itself.

The reality is once you leave an abuser and step foot into family court, it is not in the mission of the CCADV, all 18 state DV agencies, to assist you in a family court. But since a lawyer can cost anywhere between $500 - $1200 an hour in Connecticut, most of the moms I speak with are unable to hire counsel and will represent themselves. CCADV advocates are not able to file an appearance or represent us in family court. They can help us file motions. The few family lawyers that a DV agency can refer a victim to are unable to take on a family court case due to the fact that it could go on for years and for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Several of our CPM moms met with the an attorney referred to them and she told them not to go to court and save their money. Good advice as long as your children are not being emotionally traumatized or physically harmed during court ordered time with an abusive parent.

What is Coercive Control - Legal Abuse. My ten year case is one big red flag for legal abuse: Over 850 pleadings, dozens of 8 hour short calendar Mondays not even being heard until 4:45 pm, hearings and status conferences, over 30 days being examined on the witness stand for just myself, a dead-end 5 days of mediation and a six week bifurcated trial with 3 weeks of Financial and 3 weeks of Custody with a three hour round trip to Middletown for all involved charging by the hour every day. Just a side note, Oscar Pistorious who in 2013 shot and killed his girlfriend was arrested and charged with murder was on the witness stand for five days. As a family court plaintiff, I personally had over 30 days on the witness stand in family court, many of them full days. Why? Because lawyers bill by the hour and legal abuse rules supreme in family court unchecked. And some, not all family lawyers see an affluent litigant holding the purse strings of marital assets and signs them up for the scorched earth legal abuse strategy of making discovery go on for days, weeks and months. Not to mention the 2 million dollars my ex-husband spent of our marital assets without my permission (a.k.a access) for his lawyers.

Following the publicity of the Dulos tragedy and intense interest of the media keeping the public updated on the case, I receive 3-5 calls or emails a week from Connecticut moms in court who are suffering as DV victims and are pleading for advice on how to keep their kids safe if they are penniless and have to go to court. They are at their wits end trying to deal with court documents, court hearing dates, children’s emotional issues and on the verge of bankruptcy because they have not received support.

2 When will ALL types of abuse in a child custody trial be addressed in family court custody cases and not just for use in obtaining a restraining order (SB 6)? How many victims and children need to be harmed or die until legislators take responsibility for the wild wild west of our family courtrooms? 2007 Jennifer Magnano was murdered in front of her children when a family court judge ordered her to return from a DV shelter in CA for a family court hearing. Why? Because her abusive ex-husband wanted to modify orders and take custody of their children. In 2015, baby Aayden Moreno was thrown from the Middletown bridge in winter after his mom asked Judge Pinkus in for a continued restraining order and it was denied because he thought she and her baby were not in physical danger. And this is the same Judge Pinkus who has since retired, also gave custody of a young 5 year old girl to her criminal father Joshua Komisarjevsky. He was a criminal in a halfway house fighting in court to win custody of his 5-year-old daughter just two weeks before he tortured and murdered the Petit Family. Just this week, Alessia Mesquita was murdered by her boyfriend in New Haven and her one year old child is now left orphaned.

It Does Not Take Two To Tango - Training for Court Professionals Family court officials may be highly experienced and educated, but yet they often lack knowledge of the red flags of all types of DV, Narcissistic personality disorders of abusers and childhood development psychology. Judges may believe they have the ability to recognize these personality traits or abusers tactics in an individual standing before them. however, the pathology is covered by an inauthentic, competent persona.

Who is Training Court Professionals? There seems to be one-stop shopping for national continuing education for family court professionals. Welcome to The AFCC’s 58th Annual Conference, When a Child Rejects a Parent: Are We Part of the Problem or the Solution? to be presented live via Zoom. The AFCC widely held and popular CE credit webinars often present how vindictive mothers who allege abuse are really brainwashing and alienating their children from an abusive father a la Mia Farrow. Brainwashing of children does occur and many of our CPM moms know first hand that their abuser turned their children against them. The research shows that mothers RARELY about abuse in the context of child custody cases. PAS is the go-to strategy of abusers to use this non-scientific theory debunked by volumes of academic reports and used against protective moms to deny their abuse allegations.

Allen v. Farrow Docuseries "Parental alienation syndrome, the controversial and scientifically dubious term applied to Dylan during the custody battle, has become a frequent tool of accused abusers in court cases, according to experts interviewed in the docuseries. The filmmakers point to studies claiming that family courts generally do not accept child accusations as true when accused fathers cite PAS. The Allen-Farrow case may not make a particularly apt bellwether for cases of abuse, but if any aspect of it deserves a follow-up docuseries, it's that one.

We need training by experts in Coercive Control such as Evan Stark, Laura Richards who spoke today and respected experts in child development psychology including ACEs.

What Really is a High Conflict Divorce Case? The majority of “high-conflict” divorces and child custody cases can be explained by understanding how one parent, the abuser has a personality disorder often categorized as NPD. That parent, only one of the two parents, is often solely responsible for the high-conflict situation, fueled by the desire to maintain control that was lost when the relationship ended.

3 Parents with NPD have common features, and the most common in a family court setting is the intent to exhaust their counterpart with ends court activity, having larger incomes or support to continue battling. It cannot be emphasized enough how proficient they are at deceiving others.

Imagine being a family court judge. On one side of the court you have a father in his suit with a healthy dose of ego and presentation skills, and the other side sits a Domestic Violence victim who does not have access to the marital assets, is emotionally overwhelmed by the thought of losing custody of her children as well as being homeless. Who is crying and who gets emotional in a courtroom? The DV victim does. Overwhelming anxiety, depression, frantic acting out and exhaustion may be a result of the legal abuse. Being emotional and protecting your children is not a and this is not a legal reason to take custody of children away from a protective mother.

According to family court expert Tina Swithin of One Moms Battle, “Post-seperation abuse continues to escalate and often, far surpasses the DV that victims are subjected to while under the same roof as their abuser. After the relationship ends, the perpetrator sets their sights on the child(ren) to exert control and , to terrorize the healthy parent. Every high- conflict custody battle has three bait narratives: the abuser’s need for control, the abuser’s need to win and the abuser’s desire to hurt or punish the healthy parent, usually by using the children as pawns in a custody battle.”

A Policy Brief: Legislating Coercive Control - Jennifers' Law provides additional background information on Coercive. Control.

Thank you.

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