members.toastmasters.org Speaking Eye to Eye

® TOASTMASTERDecember 2009

Talk Smart at the HolidayOffice Party Speaking to Children How professional speakers Tips for a work with younger audiences. New Year’s Eve Toast

Speaking About Social Responsibility VIEWPOINT TOASTMASTER

Publisher Daniel Rex Editor Suzanne Frey Associate Editors Beth Black Paul Sterman Graphic Design Susan Campbell

TI OFFICERS AND DIRECTORS Founder Dr. Ralph C. Smedley (1878-1965)

2009-2010 OFFICERS

International President Gary Schmidt, DTM Clackamas, Oregon Senior Vice President Pat Johnson, DTM The Secret of Victoria, British Columbia, Canada Second Vice President Michael R. Notaro, DTM Alameda, California Third Vice President John Lau, DTM Your Success Kuching, Malaysia Immediate Past President Jana Barnhill, DTM, AS Lubbock, Texas
Executive Director Daniel Rex When my employer and mentor, United States Senator Mark Hatfield, Mission Viejo, California retired after 45 years in public service, he was asked by many people what his secret was to longevity and success in politics. His reply: Building personal relationships. Not education, or intelligence, or financial resources. 2009-2010 DIRECTORS Lyle Appleyard, DTM Pamela McCown, DTM The secret was people. Stonewall, Manitoba, Canada Pasadena, Texas Of the many benefits we receive in Toastmasters, one of the greatest is the Sal Asad, DTM Earleen Norris, DTM people we meet and the friendships we form. Our network of Toastmasters Richmond, Virginia Truckee, California Theo Black, DTM Keith Ostergard, DTM friends can help us in all aspects of life. Wayzata, Minnesota Beijing, China Ken Cawley, DTM Michael V. Raffety, DTM This is certainly true for me. Earlier this year I was between careers. When San Jose, California Chicago, Illinois I attended the Toastmasters Board Meeting this past February, in California, Pamela Christopher, DTM Mary G. Russell, DTM Past District 5 Governor Sheryl Roush took my photo and posted it on Union Grove, North Carolina Temple City, California Susan Dalati, DTM Poh Kim Siong, DTM Facebook, a Web-based social networking site. Lynn Peterson, a commis - Manotick, Ontario, Canada Singapore Kristal DiCarlo, DTM Heath Suddleson, DTM sioner for Clackamas County in Oregon, is a Facebook friend of mine who Westlake, Ohio Potomac, Maryland saw my Toastmasters photo and sent me a message asking if I had applied Emmy Hager, DTM Tim Swearingen, DTM for the job of Clackamas County public affairs manager. I was not aware the Auburn, Washington Chandler, Arizona Ron Kirchgessner, DTM Annelie Weber, DTM job existed. Because of Toastmasters – where I met Sheryl – and because of Greenwood, Indiana New Windsor, Maryland Facebook – where I was connected to Lynn – I found my current career. Thank you, Sheryl and Lynn! TOASTMASTERS INTERNATIONAL Our Toastmasters friendships can also lead to love. My friend Naomi P.O. Box 9052 • Mission Viejo, CA 92690 U.S.A. invited me to my first Toastmasters meeting. I joined Toastmasters because (949) 858-8255 • Fax:(949) 858-1207 Voicemail: (949) 835-1300 of her encouragement. Many years later, I introduced Naomi to my Toast - members.toastmasters.org masters friend Doug, who later married her. You never know where your Toastmasters associations will take you! CONTACTING WORLD HEADQUARTERS For information on joining These are just a few examples of how Toastmasters, and our connections or building a club, visit: www.toastmasters.org to others, change our lives, and in so many different ways! Article submission: [email protected] At your next club meeting, look around at your fellow members. Are your Letters to the Editor: [email protected] best friends there? Does the meeting include mentors who guide you, speak- To change address, log in to: members.toastmasters.org ers you emulate or leaders you learn from? Our involvement in Toastmasters is much more than improving our personal communication and leadership skills. Toastmasters offers us the opportunity to build our network of friends, The TOASTMASTER Magazine (ISSN 00408263) is published monthly by Toastmasters International, Inc., 23182 Arroyo Vista, Rancho Santa Margarita, CA 92688, U.S.A. Periodicals postage paid at Mission Viejo, CA and additional learn from our peers and discover the rewards of helping others. mailing office. POSTMASTER: Send address change to The TOASTMASTER Magazine, P.O. Box 9052, Mission Viejo, CA 92690, U.S.A. Perhaps the club members sitting next to you will help you find your Published to promote the ideas and goals of Toastmasters Inter national, a non profit educational organization of clubs throughout the world dedicated next job, introduce you to your future spouse or support you when you to teaching skills in public speaking and leadership. Members’ subscriptions are included in the $27 semi annual dues. need it most. That is the power of relationships. That is the potential of The official publication of Toastmasters International carries authorized notices and articles regarding the activities and interests of the organization, Toastmasters. Your journey of building relationships starts now! but responsibility is not assumed for the opinions of the authors of other articles. The TOASTMASTER magazine does not endorse or guarantee the products it advertises. Copyright 2009 by Toastmasters International, Inc. All rights reserved. Repro duction in whole or in part without written permission is prohibited. Not responsible for unsolicited material. Toastmasters International, The TOASTMASTER, and the Toastmaster Inter national Emblem are trademarks of Toastmasters International registered in the United States, Canada and many other countries. Marca registrada en Gary Schmidt, DTM Mexico. Printed in U.S.A.

International President Printed on Recycled Paper

2 TOASTMASTER December 2009 December 2009 TABLE OF CONTENTS Volume 75, No. 12

ARTICLES &DEPARTMENTS FEATURES 2 Viewpoint: The Secret of Your Success By International President Gary Schmidt, DTM

4 Letters to the Editor Give Them a Great Goodbye 5 My Turn: My Ice Breaker Good eulogies give new meaning to life. Surviving the roller-coaster ride By Cyrus M. Copeland of that first speech. PAGE 8 By Richard Stanley

6 Profile: As if They Were His Own How TI gave a humanitarian the courage to transform the world’s orphanages. By Julie Bawden Davis Speaking to Children 12 The Most Difficult Speech: the Eulogy How professional speakers The remembrance of a loved one work with younger audiences. provides comfort and closure. By Linda McGurk By Theodore Lustig, DTM PAGE 14 17 How To: Tips for a New Year’s Eve Toast When toasting, remember your ABCs. By Michael Varma, ATMG, ALB

19 Funny You Should Say That! Clink, Clink, Clink. (Gulp) Delivering Bad How to be first-rate when you celebrate. Business News By John Cadley How to be clear yet comforting. 20 Talk Smart at the Holiday Office Party By Kathy S. Berger Stay clear of conversation faux pas PAGE 24 that can derail your career. By Don Gabor

22 Manner of Speaking: Speaking About Social Responsibility The Toastmasters Vision: Toastmasters International empowers people to achieve their full potential and realize Use your communication skills to their dreams. Through our member clubs, people throughout the world can improve inspire, educate and help others. their communication and leadership skills, and find the courage to change. By Heather O’Neill, CC The Toastmasters Mission: Toastmasters International is the leading movement devoted to making 28 Speaking Eye to Eye effective oral communication a worldwide reality. A meeting of the eyes denotes Through its member clubs, Toastmasters International helps men and women learn the arts of speaking, listening and thinking – vital skills that a meeting of the minds. promote self-actualization, enhance leadership potential, foster human By Mike Landrum understanding, and contribute to the betterment of mankind. It is basic to this mission that Toastmasters International continually expand its worldwide network of clubs thereby offering ever-greater numbers 30 2009 Article Index of people the opportunity to benefit from its programs.

TOASTMASTER December 2009 3 LETTERS Do you have something to say? Write it in 200 words or less, sign it with your name, address and club affiliation and send it to [email protected].

Enjoying the Fun for the Long Run vertical printout, because some Aquino, and showed how inspiring It was quite refreshing to read the lecterns are very difficult to use. it was that even a plain-spoken per- letter written by Steve Richards from For over 40 years I’ve tried just son can make a difference in the Luxembourg (“Am I the Only One?”, about every style Bill Matthews world, earn the admiration of great June). There are members out there, mentions and settled on the use of speakers and be respected by others. like Steve and I, and hopefully many full notes, as it gives me power This article is a good motivator more, still enjoying the Toastmasters over the creative use of word to speak up, and where else can we experience out of sheer fun. This is choices. To “turn a phrase” while find a safe place to practice other my first year in a Toastmasters club ad-libbing is very difficult. Thanks, than in a Toastmasters club, with and I love to attend the friendly Bill, for the four tips for success. people around us who are dynamic, meetings. Not only have I met lovely They are noteworthy. encouraging and supportive. and supportive people with whom Larry Hurley • Bay of Quinte Toastmasters • Trenton, Ontario, Canada The article made us Filipinos I can easily chat – I also go there proud. Cheers! for the fun and laughter. Maribeth Young • El Presidente Toastmasters Looking from the Outside In Mandaluyong City, Philippines Last but not least, I go there to I was captivated by the article gain confidence in public speaking. “Know Thy Culture” (October). So Ecstatic About Evaluation Article While I understand that for some the many articles about understanding Carol Dean Schreiner’s article professional benefits brought to them cultural differences contain recycled, “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly” by Toastmasters are outstanding, for heard-it-all-before information. This (August) is the best magazine article many others the benefits of social was a great look at listening to a I have read since I joined Toast mas - interaction, the enjoyment of listening “typical” American speaker from an ters in 2006. to the stories of their fellow Toast - outside perspective. I laughed, I read it twice in one go with masters, and the laughter and fun learned a lot and came away feeling great interest as it capsulized the far exceed any other expectations. enriched for having read the piece. essence of the Toastmasters evalua- Andrea Daniel • Western Lectern Toastmasters Thanks for an A+ article. Baulkham Hills, Australia tion process. Immediately, I scanned Dena Harris, ATMB • Blue Moon Toastmasters Greensboro, North Carolina the “Handy Evaluation Checklist” A Note of Praise that ran with the article, which I As soon as I noticed the headline Remembering Cory could use for my future evaluations “In Defense of Using Notes” on the of impromptu as well as prepared My congratulations to you for cover of the August Toastmaster, my speeches. Being the current VPE of another exciting issue of Toastmaster heart rate increased. Cheers for Bill my club, I will promptly adopt Ms. magazine and to Corin Ramos for Matthews’ article, “The Script as Schreiner’s suggestion that evaluat- her fantastic article, “Cory Aquino: Friend and Foe,” for his guiding ing the speech evaluators become The Philippines’ Plain-Spoken points on using full notes for public a standard feature of the General Leader” (October). I was moved and speaking. It’s about time someone Evaluator’s meeting role. impressed by the content. It was a stepped outside the Toastmasters’ Gamini Senanayake, CC, CL • Wayamba Toastmasters tribute to our dear president Cory mantra-like call for speaking away Kurunegala, Wayamba, Sri Lanka from the lectern and avoiding the use of notes. As I teach a yearly course on Professional Photographers Needed public speaking and presentation We’re seeking professional photographers’ submissions for skills, I always encourage writing use in Toastmasters publications and PR materials. Please out a full script and speaking from submit photos of real Toastmasters speaking at a lectern, it (even when using a PowerPoint applauding in an audience, pounding a gavel, answering presentation). I show how to print Table Topics or performing other TI-related activities. For out your script at 18-20 point size, more information, visit www.toastmasters.org/prophotos. and I urge bringing a horizontal and

4 TOASTMASTER December 2009 By Richard Stanley MY TURN

Surviving the roller-coaster ride of that My Ice Breaker first speech. Okay. Here I go. The Toastmaster seems to be listening. It’s time for Red. I see a flashing red. That of the Day has completed my intro- the joke. I’ve rehearsed this joke. means something. I am out of time. duction and the last few precious It is perfect and will really put me How?! I just started, and I want moments of safety are gone. It’s time over the top. I tell it. Blank expres- more time. to rise and walk to the podium ... sions from the audience. Polite “In conclusion ...” I mean, lectern. laughter maybe, but mostly no Unoriginal and awkward. Again. I feel a sensation. I recognize it laughter. What happened? Maybe I am not Abraham Lincoln yet. as the same feeling I get when the I remind myself not to panic. I leave the lectern, exhale in relief guard rail clicks in front of me on a Keep going. I look at my notes, try- and decide that speaking is really roller coaster just before it starts to ing to find the right spot. Just keep like riding a roller coaster: It’s scary move. Whatever happens, I am now talking; get back into the rhythm. and thrilling at the same time; full committed to seeing this speech Okay, I’m back on track. of ups and downs. And just like all through. Feelings of excitement, fear Suddenly, my mind goes blank. great roller-coaster rides, I want to and acceptance of the inevitable Everything is gone. The universe run back in line for another go. But well up within me. stops and empties. It refills with maybe with a better planned joke. I scan the audience of eager faces audience. Lots of full of anticipation. They all look at audience, but me, smiling with encouragement. no words. I can “The important part is That’s right, smile – I should only blink. realizing that you have do that. Now words. I should say “Uh ...um... you some words. What was that clever see ... like...uh,” my something worth saying.” introduction I had written out? I mouth continues can’t remember. I stare at my notes saying, while my mind tries to That’s the story of my first and they look like ants crawling figure out what to do. Toastmasters speech. Now I’m the on a page. Time is ticking by. Stop! Calm down. Breathe. president of my club, but parts of Say something! Breathe deeper. that experience have been repeated “Hello, my fellow Toastmasters ...” Time is ticking. Expectant faces in nearly all my speeches. Not original, but good enough. It keep looking at me. Those encour- When new members ask me for ended the silence. aging smiles reappear. I look at my advice about their Ice Breakers, I The words are starting to flow. notes again and pick another spot. tell them not to worry about sharing They are similar to what I wrote and “Another thing is...” pearls of wisdom, because that’s rehearsed, but not exactly the same. Awkward, but it will have to not the important part. The impor- I keep paraphrasing all the eloquent do. I missed some important points, tant part is realizing that you have and meaningful sentences I had some great stories, but it can’t be something worth saying, and saying labored to perfect. I was not expect- helped now. At least the words are it will not kill you. ing that, but it’s okay. I am speaking. back and flowing. So don’t be discouraged when Yes, actually speaking! I was doing The audience is engaged again. your speech stalls as your mind what I thought I could never do. I’m feeling it now. The words are goes blank or a joke falls flat. It A few weeks ago, after months coming easily and I am going in a happens to all of us and we all of watching others speak, I finally direction I hadn’t planned to. A know what it’s like. T worked up the courage to give my joke comes out of nowhere. Every - first speech. Between then and now, one laughs loudly. How did that Richard Stanley is president of Fluor I’ve paddled through swells of enthu - happen? I tell another joke and they Discovery Toastmasters and a pro - siasm and tidal waves of self-doubt. laugh again. This is great! I have cess engineer at Fluor Corporation But now I am speaking, and it’s them in the palm of my hand. in Irvine, California. You can reach not bad. I can talk and the audience Abe Lincoln has nothing on me. him at [email protected].

December 2009 TOASTMASTER 5 PROFILE

How TI gave a humanitarian the courage By Julie Bawden Davis to transform the world’s orphanages.

As if They Were His Own or Jim Luce, a trip to Indonesia starting a nonprofit to build orphan- to help a friend changed his ages around the world.” Fown life. On a drive through Just two weeks after he finished the the countryside in 1995, the former proposal, his mother died suddenly. Wall Street investor made a fateful Luce was stunned to learn that she visit to an orphanage. had willed him part of her estate so “I’m not sure why I stopped, that he could start an organization for but I felt compelled to do so,” says orphans. Not long after, his brother, Luce. “The facility was clean but Rick, who had been struggling with visibly struggling with poverty. cancer, also passed away. But before There were six volunteers to care he died, he made Luce promise that for 200 children.” he would realize his dream. One of those children, a 10-month- “On his deathbed, Rick said he old boy, stood up in his crib and took my vision seriously, and he reached out his arms when he saw was leaving money in his will for Luce. “It was incredible,” says Luce. the project. He also made me “Energy flowed between us, and it promise to become a Toastmaster was as if he was saying, ‘I’m your so that I could learn to effectively child.’ I fell madly in love instantly.” communicate my vision.” Keeping Right then and there, Luce decided his word, Luce joined the Roosevelt to adopt the child, who he named Island Toastmasters in New York Linda Stanley is a Chicago-based Mathew. Nine months later he took City, where he was a member from officer of Orphans International, the boy home to New York City. 2001 to 2008. as well as a past member of the As excited as he was about Roosevelt Island Toastmasters. She adopting Mathew, Luce felt haunted Taking Action says the speaking and negotiation by the other 199 orphans he had Today, Luce credits Toastmasters skills Luce acquired in Toastmasters left behind. After telling his mother, for giving him the direction and help him on a regular basis. a child psychologist, about his feel- courage to make his dream a reality. “Jim is very positive and animated ings, she suggested he stop com- He heads up the New York City- when he speaks, and he inspires plaining and do something about it. based nonprofit Orphans Interna - confidence while sharing difficult “To humor my mother I began tional Worldwide, which has opened issues facing orphans,” Stanley says. working on a feasibility study orphanages around the world in “For instance, he is in Sri Lanka today regarding orphanages, which ended countries such as Haiti, Indonesia, writing for the Huffington Post from up being 350 pages and took two Tanzania, Sri Lanka, the Dominican personal interviews he is doing with years to write,” he says. “She agreed Republic and India. The group’s children’s aid workers from the civil to edit the proposal, which looked mission is to help orphaned and war conflict zone. His speaking and at how orphanages are built tradi- abandoned children grow to become listening skills are carrying him tionally and how they can be design - solid citizens of the world, and its through these challenging discussions.” ed differently so that the occupants basic principle is simple: Everyone Luce ran the organization while can bond with adults and become involved in the organization must working on Wall Street, but in 2004, more mainstreamed into society. The treat each child in their care as if when Northern Indonesia was dev- document also addressed the idea of he or she were their own. astated by an offshore earthquake

6 TOASTMASTER December 2009 for Humanity, while his mother was a leader in the Civil Rights movement. Luce’s energy and capacity to help others seems to know no bounds. Stephen Chen, co-founder of Green - Soul Shoes, which strives to put shoes on underprivileged kids throughout the world, says Luce has been a mentor and a powerful influence. “I’ve been inspired by Jim’s passion and his mission,” says Chen. “The fact that he took a vow of poverty is amazing in itself. I admire his concept of global citizenship, which really resonates with me. He has a good macro-view of the world, and he’s as adventurous today as when he started.” When asked what keeps him Jim Luce, with youngsters motivated, Luce says, “If this were in a Haiti orphanage. The four children. While these were merely academic, I would never be former Toastmaster heads up Orphans International successful, he eventually found that able to sustain the energy needed Worldwide. a full-care model works better in to move forward. But it is all too many countries. Such a system real. I have come out of airports incorporates extended family care- around the world, and been greet- takers in a community-center setting ed by a dozen kids holding ban- that created the deadly that includes vocational training for ners that say ‘Welcome Home, Indian Ocean tsunami, the caretakers so that they can theo- Uncle Jim.’ To know these children the need for orphanages retically afford to pay for the chil- when they come into Orphans skyrocketed. dren in the future. Health support is International – often in poor physi- “Two weeks after the 2004 tsuna- also offered, as well as computer lit- cal and emotional health – and see mi, I was in Indonesia standing in eracy and English language training. them year after year, growing into the mud trying to figure out what to Luka Martin is director of happy, well-adjusted individuals, do with all of the orphans,” he says. Orphans International Tanzania. A is my greatest reward. “We found a village that wasn’t native of the country, he has been “My ultimate dream is to see an hurt, talked to the village elders and impressed with the organization, end to orphanages in my lifetime, got them to agree to build a project and especially Luce. “Jim is a great with all children in need placed there.” During that trip he realized man,” he says. “He is open to with extended families.” that he could no longer divide his everyone and has offered his life to For more information about loyalty between Wall Street and help others. The world needs a lot Orphans International Worldwide, helping orphans, so he made a life- more Jims.” visit www.oiww.org. The James altering decision to quit work and Jay Dudley Luce Foundation donate all of his money, including Learning Compassion Early www.lucefoundation.org funds his 401K, to Orphans International. Born and raised in Ohio, Luce the administration of orphanages. “I wanted to commit myself to was – not surprisingly – the type of For information about Jim Luce, helping orphans for the rest of my kid who picked up stray animals; visit www.jimluce.com. T life, and I couldn’t do so halfheart- his first was a mutt that he got from edly,” he says. “By giving away all the animal shelter when he was 7. Julie Bawden Davis is a freelance of my money, I knew that I was in Both of his parents were highly writer based in Southern California it all of the way.” active in social change: His father and a longtime contributor to the Initially, Luce created orphanages led protests against the Vietnam Toastmaster. You can reach her at from small homes that could house War and was involved in Habitat [email protected].

December 2009 TOASTMASTER 7 The remembrance of a loved one By Theodore Lustig, DTM provides comfort and closure.

The Most Difficult Speech: the Eulogy ven for those used to speaking life (youth, working Ein public, delivering a eulogy years, old age, etc.) or can be overwhelming. If the deceased a partic ular character- is a beloved relative, close friend or istic (sense of humor, co-worker, personal emotions can generosity, artistic cloud clear thinking and self-con- ability, etc.), can help trol. But if asked, it is an honor and in finding a focus. a challenge that should be accepted. The best eulogies At many funerals, the religious are sincere in thought, purposeful improved the organization or the leader presiding over the service is in language, well paced and just workplace environment. the person giving the eulogy, yet long enough to achieve your You, as the speaker, should too often it’s painfully apparent that desired goals. Mean ingful anec- accept that the audience is not there this person, though well-intentioned, dotes drawn from your own to judge you, but rather to pay did not know the deceased well – experience, or from family and respects to a loved one or friend. or at all. Thus, his words may offer others who knew the person, Your delivery should be brief, but little comfort or closure to grievers. add valuable perspectives. clear; appropriate, but not trite. If A more personal and knowledge- you are so overcome that you can’t able approach is required. But how Provide Insights, Not Chronology continue, there is no shame in does one choose the words and A eulogy should be an evocative stopping to regain your composure. demeanor that will fulfill the purpose remembrance of the deceased’s As Shakespeare once wrote, “Tears of a eulogy? life. Avoid presenting a simplistic water our growth.” Having given eulogies for both chronology from birth to death; “Don’t worry about delivering my father and mother, and perhaps rather, talk about what that life a perfect speech,” writes Garry a dozen close friends, I know how meant to those who loved or Schaeffer, author of A Labor of Love: How to Write a Eulogy. “No one expects you to have the delivery “No one expects you to have the delivery of a great orator or the stage pres- of a great orator or the stage presence ence of an actor. Just be you; that is enough.” of an actor. Just be you; that is enough.” “Writing and delivering a eulogy is a noble gesture worthy of thought daunting this responsibility can knew the person. In one of his last and effort,” adds Schaeffer. “This is be. Here are a few suggestions for speeches, Martin Luther King Jr. an opportunity to make a contribu- delivering what may well be the prophetically noted that, “the quality, tion to a memorial service; a contri- most difficult speech one could not the longevity, of one’s life is bution your friends and family will ever give: what is important.” remember for a long time. As with any other type of speech, If you’re a relative, address the “Think of a eulogy as a gift to how you organize the eulogy is individual’s contribution to family yourself and others. Embrace the critical. Among the first things to life, stressing what characteristics opportunity to brighten an other- decide is the purpose you wish to or personal qualities will be most wise dark time.” T achieve. To best attain that purpose, missed. If you’re a friend, talk about should the tone be solemn, light or how the friendship started, its basis Theodore Lustig, DTM, is a member something in between? Sometimes and what you gained from that of the Round Rock Chambermasters a unifying theme, built around a relationship. If you’re a work col- club in Round Rock, Texas. He can specific period in the individual’s league, illustrate how this person be reached at [email protected].

12 TOASTMASTER December 2009

Speak to Chi

By Linda McGurk

rutally honest and easily distracted, B children have a way of unnerving even the most experienced speakers. But professional classroom speakers know that with the right preparation and an open mind, there’s no need to fear a young audience.

14 TOASTMASTER December 2009 them to feel like you’re an equal, but not like you’re trying to be like them.” Paul has presented his anti-bullying and character- building school assembly programs to more than 600,000 children, and says his own kids, who range from ages 11 king to 21, have helped him develop his puppet show over time. By stepping into their world – watching shows on Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel, finding out what music they listen to and doing a lot of research on the Internet – Paul has been able to create school-assembly programs that kids relate to and that effectively tie in with the appropriate age group. He also stays up-to-date with ildren new technology and communicates his message through a Web site, a Facebook page, a blog and Twitter. Keeping up with the times, he explains, is absolutely necessary if you are to succeed when speaking to children. “You’ve got to keep your eyes and ears open for How professional speakers what’s going on. For example, my characters don’t talk work with younger audiences. about CD players anymore – they talk about iPods,” Paul says. “When I started out, Power Rangers were really big. Today it’s SpongeBob SquarePants.” So shed your adult clothes, bring out your best props and get ready to entertain. This is how you speak to the Make It Fun and Use Visuals primary-grade crowd and have fun doing it. Kids are ready to be entertained and are more likely to Whether you’re considering a career as a motivational take your message to heart if they’re enjoying them- speaker for kids or just want to make an occasional pre- selves in the process. And frankly, they don’t have the sentation at your local elementary school, many lessons attention span required to sit quietly and listen to a can be learned from those who specialize in speaking to stranger tell his story from behind a lectern. Jim Jordan, children. They’ll tell you that young audiences can be a motivational speaker specializing in educational unpredictable, boisterous and demanding. More often school-assembly programs, says a sense of humor is than not, the kids are only attending your presentation essential for anybody wanting to succeed as a speaker because they have to and, unlike adults, a group of first- in an elementary-school setting: “Kids love to laugh. graders are unlikely to pay attention to you or laugh at They laugh like 200 times per day, while adults only your jokes out of sheer politeness. That doesn’t neces- laugh 15 times a day. When I come into the classroom, sarily make them a more difficult audience, but definitely the first words that come out of my mouth are, ‘I hope a different one. you guys are ready to have fun!’” Jordan was a professional clown for 20 years before Put Yourself in Their Shoes becoming a motivational speaker, and he uses magic If you’re like most adults, you probably don’t remember tricks to get his message across because they help keep what it was like to be seven years old and dreaming the younger children stimulated and entertained. “For about becoming an astronaut or a pop star. When we’re K–3 students, pretty much everything is visual, because young, we have the whole world at our feet, but as we if you speak to them for two or three minutes on end grow older and are bombarded by messages about what they’ll end up in a coma. As the age bracket moves up, we can and can’t do, our youthful innocence slowly I use less magic.” However, Jordan points out that the dissipates and we start living our lives in our heads magic is only a tool to communicate his character- rather than following our hearts. If you’ll be speaking building and anti-bullying messages, and he is careful to elementary-school children, then reconnect with your not to sacrifice content for entertainment. kid instincts, advises Richard Paul, an award-winning Jerry Jacoby, a professional speaker also dubbed, “the motivational speaker and ventriloquist. Kid Motivator,” uses comical stories and music to deliver “When you talk to kids, you’ve got to think like a kid. his program “Real Character is No Accident,” which teaches You’ve got to be a little goofy and take off your adult children about honesty, integrity, respect and responsi- hat,” Paul says. “Remember what it was like to be a kid bility. “My contents are never presented in a serious, and let it come out through your adult self. You want teaching way. The kids don’t want to be preached at,”

December 2009 TOASTMASTER 15 he says. “My pieces are all short and full of comedy. You plunge right into his program, telling real-life and fiction- don’t want to give the kids too much time to think.” al stories, playing the guitar and singing songs that tie into his character-building and anti-bullying themes. “I Keep It Moving get the audience involved with echoing [the messages], One of the primary differences between a presentation and I bring a lot of kids up to help me. That’s always a geared to kids in a school assembly and one for adults winner; they love to volunteer. I never pick a child who in the workplace or corporate conference is the pace doesn’t want to participate,” Jacoby says. “I always want and energy level. As a general rule, the younger the the first row of kids to be seated close, about five feet audience, the faster the program needs to move and the in front of me. I prefer not to be on a stage, unless more animated the speaker has to be. “If I have a char- there’s a huge audience. Most of the time I’m on the acter out, I use it for four to five minutes and then I floor, because I want the kids who are supposed to help move on to something else,” says Paul, the ventriloquist, out to be able to come up really quickly.” about presenting to kids in the primary grades. “The Jordan also uses audience participation to reiterate his stories are shorter and I get to the point more quickly.” message. For kindergartners, for example, he illustrates how to rise above the other schools and glow in the com- “Kids love to laugh. They laugh like 200 times munity by letting the kids pass around a magical floating per day, while adults only laugh 15 times a ball. For the primary-grade day. When I come into the classroom, the students, he’s found that quizzes work well for review - first words that come out of my mouth are, ing the message, and the ‘I hope you guys are ready to have fun!’” kids love the animal balloons he hands out for prizes. “It’s got to be about them, you’ve While adults may happily sit through a 90-minute got to dangle a carrot in front of them,” he says, because presentation, Paul usually caps his elementary-school “they ask themselves, ‘What’s in it for me?’” programs at 45 minutes, and keeps it even shorter than that if the presentation is outside, where he has to Tell Them the Rules compete with more distractions. The key is keeping the A common fear among those who don’t have experience program action-packed and varied. “Never stop talking speaking to kids is that the audience will become dis- and never go backstage to get something, or you’ll tracted or rowdy. This problem can be avoided by taking totally lose the kids,” he says. two actions: Keep a good command of the stage and be Keep in mind that moving the program along swiftly prepared to present yourself with authority. Kids need doesn’t equal speeding up your speech. In fact, the aver- boundaries and it’s important to let them know in age adult speaks at a rate of 160 – 170 words per minute, advance what the rules are, and that you will be the whereas children from ages five to seven only can process center of attention during the presentation. about 124 words per minute, according to a study by Ray “I tell the kids that if they want to say something, Hull, an audiology professor at Wichita State University. If they need to raise their hands,” says Melanie Jones, a you speak too quickly and don’t articulate the words clear- professional classroom speaker and founder of the non- ly enough, you risk overloading children’s central nervous profit organization Speak to Children. Jones, who left a systems and impairing their ability to absorb and process corporate career 10 years ago to speak to children about new information. That means a child who appears inatten- personal values, adds that she asks the kids to keep their tive could, in fact, be having difficulty understanding you. hands on their desks and their eyes on her. During the presentation, Jones moves around the Let the Kids Participate classroom and makes frequent eye contact with the chil- Kids are egocentric, and successful speakers often tap dren to make sure they are paying attention. “Sometimes into the youngsters’ desire to be seen and heard. Engaging you’ll have kids who are unhappy, maybe because their the children in the presentation is one surefire method parents are going through a divorce, and they’re acting to grab and keep their attention It can be done in any out. A child might throw a fit and you don’t know why. number of ways. When I have kids who don’t follow the rules, I give When Jacoby enters a school assembly, he’s already got a student lined up to help introduce him. Then he’ll (Continued on page 18)

16 TOASTMASTER December 2009 By Michael Varma, ATMG, ALB HOW TO

When toasting, remember your ABCs. Tips for a New Year’s Eve Toast s a professional magician Agenda Ability I’m constantly asked, “Can Toasts are most engaging when Whether you’re an executive used Ayou show me a magic trick?” three primary elements are clearly to talking to a crowd or just start- I smile and consent to conjure up a defined: Why are we celebrating? ing out in Toastmasters, be sure to miracle or two. It’s an occupational Who are we honoring? And what evaluate your skill level. Practice hazard. Toastmasters are constantly is the point you as the toaster want one or all of the Special Occasion faced with requests for similar com- to make? Knowing what you want Speeches (Item 226N) at your club mand performances – for instance, to say keeps you calm, even while and you’ll no doubt receive valuable to stand up and “say a few words” standing in front of a party of people feedback. Some people get very at family gatherings, or holiday with all eyes focused on you. nervous when they have to talk in meals, or to give a toast to the Use a succinct sentence to front of a group. Even seasoned New Year. To avoid a real-life, explain the agenda spur-of-the-moment Table Topics and set the foundation “Say something pithy test, remember to be prepared and for your toast. For follow the ABCs of toasting. To example, “I find when and spirits remain light; begin a well-thought-out toast, families pause their say something serious consider the following three A’s: busy lives to gather audience, agenda and ability: from five different and people become cities and share stories, reflective. Take advantage Audience our holiday meal times Parties and gatherings are a melting become magical.” of this precious time pot of ages, genders, relationships, and use it wisely.” educational levels and ethnicities; all these folks carry high expecta- tions for Toastmasters to speak with speakers frequently talk poise and confidence. Feeling the too fast, causing spectators pressure? Take a deep breath ... to ask their neighbor, exhale. Release that mental stress “What did he say?” By by asking yourself some questions honing in on your skills beforehand about the audience you’ll through practice, you can be facing. Answer those questions build the experience and and your anxieties will vanish as self-confidence necessary fear of the unknown dissolves, espe- to communicate effectively. cially when you stress the positive. For example, you might ask, V V “What is the age range of this audience?” Answer: 20- to 40-year- s the author of the book olds. So you say to yourself, “Yeah, ATasteful Toasts, the no kids!” Or you ask, “What’s my question I’m asked the most relationship to the people here is, “How long should a toast tonight?” Answer: They’re friends be?” In a word: short. Be as and family. So you say to yourself, brief as possible. It may seem “Great – no co-workers or boss!” like a cliché, but leave them In addition, the more you know wanting more. If you are about your audience, the easier it is going to speak for as long to create the appropriate content as five minutes, you’d better for your toast. be outstanding and bring

December 2009 TOASTMASTER 17 your Grade-A material. For first-time vision of prosperity for 2010. Yes, Celebrate toasters and experienced speakers I am refering to the New Year’s Eve When both hands of the clock alike, I recommend following the toast. And as promised, it’s as easy point to 12, you can celebrate the three B’s: be brief, be bold, be done. as A, B and now C: communicate, fact that everyone’s goals will be commemorate and celebrate. established and resolutions made. Be Brief Give a toast to motivate listeners Two minutes is a terrific target Communicate to be better in their personal and time for a tasteful toast. Keep your Your first remarks before the mid- professional endeavors and to face remarks short and simple and your night hour will slow the hands of the future with confidence. Raise toast will have a greater effect. If time, and party participants will your glass to celebrate the achieve- you hit five minutes, the snore gather round for a message of inspi- ments to come. bore alarm will begin to sound. ration. A short joke will bring laughs followed by a few seconds of silence. V V Be Bold These golden ticks of the clock are Enunciate clearly and project your when people will look to you for your erely reading this article will voice to the back of the room to next witty comment – it’s human Mnot make you an expert or ensure everyone can hear your words. nature. In this pivotal moment you smooth-talking toasting machine, Display poise and confidence. control the room and set the mood. but it will start you on the right Say something pithy and spirits remain path. Similarly, I can read how to Be Done light; say something serious and peo- perform a magic trick but it requires When finished, sit down. Avoid ple become reflective. Take advan- practice until polished to a quality the urge to take a bow or return for tage of this precious time and use it performance level – that’s no illu- an encore performance. Remember, wisely. Know what you want to say sion. Make a resolution to follow the purpose of a toast is to shine a before you say it. the three ABCs of toasting and gentle spotlight on, and pay tribute practice in front of friends or family, to, a specific person or event. Commemorate and your audience will cheer as Say your toast and then return The new year means a fresh start you bring in the new year. T the attention to the honored guest for many people. It’s a time to and festivities. remember the past before stepping Michael Varma, ATMG, ALB, is a into the future. It’s also a time to member of BergenMeisters V V acknowledge the struggles you’ve Toastmasters club in Orange, encountered and obstacles you’ve California, and the author of the ec. 31 will soon be here and overcome. Place your thoughts on book, Tasteful Toasts, available from DToastmasters across the globe paper and you will be poised with www.toastmasters.org/shop. will be called to convey, with con- words that honor the sacrifices and Reach him at www.michael viction, a reflection on 2009 and a commemorate the victories. varma.com.

Speaking to Children mindset and may not be for every- Whether your aim is to talk at a (Continued from page 16) one, but successfully using your tal- local elementary school or become ent to help kids make the right a professional motivational speaker them a choice: They can either stay choices in life can be a rewarding for kids, these tips will help you get or leave, and I tell them that we experience. “Go out there and have your message across. You can help can talk about it afterward.” fun,” Paul suggests for those who young people grow up stronger, The good news is that a speaker want to tackle a young audience smarter and better prepared to face who’s engaging, entertaining and for the first time. “Know that you the future. T energetic rarely needs to worry touched the heart and soul of a about losing the kids’ attention or child today. If I can get a kid to Linda McGurk is a communications respect, at least not on the elemen- stop bullying or to want to do specialist and freelance writer tary-school level. Speaking to chil- something with his life, then I based in Indiana. Reach her at dren definitely requires a certain have accomplished my goal.” www.mcgurkmedia.com.

18 TOASTMASTER December 2009 FUNNY YOU By John Cadley SHOULD SAY THAT!

How to be first-rate when you celebrate. Clink, Clink, Clink. (Gulp) When you tell someone you’re a him or her in a new light, such as, 459,368 toasts I’ve heard so far in Toastmaster, they might reasonably “Most of you probably don’t know my life – I have yet to hear so conclude that you are a master at that Jack is a CIA operative ...” much as an original syllable.) giving toasts. And yet what Toast- Technically, you’re not supposed Finally, honor your butterflies. masters really give are speeches, to write your toast out and read it Everyone says not to be nervous, and Rule No. 1 of toasting is that it from the paper, but I would encour- but what are the chances of that? should never be a speech. Those age you to do it anyway. Then if It’s like standing in front of a firing listening are poised with various you faint, someone else can read it squad and having someone say, libations that they are eager to and you’ll still get the credit. “Relax, this will only take a minute.” drink, and if you talk for more than Don’t try to be funny. Humor Besides, the very custom of toasting a couple of minutes you are very requires talent and timing, which came into being precisely because likely to become toast yourself. I have noted to be in short supply of nervousness. This was back Lest any Toastmaster suffer that among the general population. when poisoning was in vogue fate, I offer here a few brief obser - Don’t try it. I once attended a among Greek royalty. If the King vations that may prove valuable the wedding where the best man gave felt threatened, he’d lure his sus- next time you’re asked to perform what he thought was an uproari- pected enemies to the castle under this time-honored ritual. ous monologue about the groom’s the guise of a friendly feast, slip a First, you need a festive occasion. past romantic exploits. The bride little arsenic into their wine, and You can’t toast, say, a dehumidifier. was furious, her mother was in have them carted off to the bone Weddings, anniversaries, retirements, tears and her father was making yard. Consequently, any invitation baby showers – anything that denotes a phone call to have his future for a meal with the Big Guy was both a joyous achievement and the son-in-law’s kneecaps broken. greeted with a certain ... nervousness. promise of still better things to That’s not funny. This led to the guests insisting that come. I’ve always thought divorce And please, don’t cry. Yes, it is an the King take the first sip. You fits that description nicely but you emotional occasion but sobbing is see, in those days, “a drink to your don’t see divorced people toasting not something people like to watch health,” had a far more literal mean- each other, for some reason. while they hold crystal champagne ing. Even the clinking together of You also need an audience. flutes over their heads, especially glasses was originally meant to spill You can’t propose a toast in an when your nose is running and you some of your wine into the next empty room. It shows you’ve have nothing to wipe it with. What’s guy’s, so if he was poisoning you, missed the point. worse, it makes the toast about you, you could return the favor. Make sure everyone has a glass. and it’s not about you. Hence, if you have to give a It looks funny when nine people Avoid clichés. Standing up and toast, here’s my toast to you: May are raising one glass, and even more announcing, “I would like to pro- your verbiage lack verbosity, may comical when they all try to drink pose a toast” is like saying, “Hi, your sentiment be unsentimental out of it at the same time. folks, I’m standing up here in rent- and may your words sparkle like Know what you are going to say ed, ill-fitting formal wear performing the champagne (or cider) you’re ahead of time. A memorable toast a task I couldn’t avoid, although I dying to drink. T rarely starts with, “Boy, you’ve really did briefly consider leaving the caught me by surprise, here ... ” It country.” People know that. Say does, however, usually contain some something original. (And when you John Cadley is an advertising copy- little-known fact about the honoree do say something original, please writer in Syracuse, New York. Reach that helps those assembled to see tell me what it is, since – in the him at [email protected].

December 2009 TOASTMASTER 19 Talk Smart at the Holiday Office Party By Don Gabor

s a Toastmaster, you know that all speaking is public Stay clear of conversation Aspeaking – whether you are giving a Table Topics faux pas that can derail presentation at your local club or making small talk with your career. colleagues and clients at the holiday office party. Of course, your hand when you meet a mem- if an “ah” or “um” slips into one of your speeches, probably ber of the opposite sex? You might be surprised, but plenty of people no one (except perhaps another Toastmaster) will ever know. are confused about this critical part of introductions at office gatherings. However, make one of the following party is a sure-fire way to attract Blame it on decades-old etiquette conversation faux pas at the holiday attention, but not the kind that will that instructed a gentleman to wait office party and your career and boost your career. This blunder can for a lady to extend her hand first, professional image could be headed quickly send your prospects for but that is as passé as a lady drop- for trouble. Here are the most com- advancement into a downward ping a hankie to start a conversation mon career-crunching mistakes: spiral. Never forget that the office with a handsome passerby! Today, party is a business – not social – not offering to shake hands with a Making inappropriate situation, where most of the rules member of the opposite sex will 1comments – even in jest of business etiquette apply. peg a man as sexist and a woman Nothing can ruin a budding or even as unsure of herself. Therefore, at established career faster than, “let- Not shaking hands when the office celebrations and everywhere ting your hair down,” in a way that 2opportunity presents itself else, for that matter – excluding keeps your colleagues whispering, If it is a part of your culture to for religious, cultural or physical “Can you believe what he said?” shake hands when introducing reasons – both men and women Using sexual innuendo or telling yourself or greeting people you should take the initiative to shake off-color jokes at the holiday work know, do you hesitate to extend hands with everyone they meet.

20 TOASTMASTER December 2009 Talking only with become a bore to the other guests. lectures about his or her pet social 3your officemates On the other hand, if you are too issues. The trap often begins with Chatting for a few minutes at season - tight-lipped, then people may see the seemingly innocent words, al office gatherings with your work you as secretive, defensive or “Don’t you think that ... ?” or “In buddies is all part of the fun, but if lacking interest and enthusiasm. my humble opinion ....” However, you stay ensconced in your closed circle of friends for too long, new co-workers, prospects or others “The holiday office party is a great place will quickly cast you and your col- leagues as cliquish, disinterested to make small talk, establish rapport and and not open to outsiders. Staying build better relationships with your in one place too long, whether you are talking to someone or nibbling colleagues, acquaintances and clients.” on the appetizers, will also give the impression that you’re shy, self- conscious or lacking confidence. The remedy is to exchange infor - if you rebut with even a few words Instead, chat with your buddies mation about various light subjects you’ll be in for an earful – and not for a few minutes and then move at about the same rate so that you the kind of conversation that most to different areas of the room to both know what the other enjoys people at parties enjoy. Further - introduce yourself to others you and likes to talk about. Offer some more, discussing controversial top- want to get to know better. information and then allow the other ics in this situation often polarizes person enough time to fully respond people who otherwise get along. Asking more than three closed- with information of their own. The best thing to do when someone 4ended questions in a row brings up a political or controversial “Do you work in our office?”, “How Complaining or gossiping subject is say, “I never discuss such long have you worked here?” or 6about colleagues or clients topics at parties.” Then it’s up to “Who is your supervisor?” Yikes! You might be tempted and it may you to change the discussion to a You’re at a holiday office party – not even be well-deserved, but never less volatile subject. a job interview or an interrogation. get involved in a gripe session Asking three or more closed-ended about a colleague or client while Holiday Office Parties Offer questions in a row will certainly stifle attending a holiday office party. Golden Opportunities to Hone conversation and make others feel As obvious as this faux pas is, Your Communication Skills uncomfortable. Instead, show atten- people seem to do it all the time, The holiday office party is a great tiveness and a desire to find com- especially after a few drinks. Even place to make small talk, establish mon ground by asking open-ended if you’re not the one making the rapport and build better relation- questions that encourage others to crass remarks, if word gets back to ships with your colleagues, acquain- elaborate and reveal free informa- the “offending person” you will still tances and clients. As long as you tion. Begin questions with “Why ...” pay the price long after the party focus on upbeat subjects that lead or “What do you think about ...” is over. If possible, politely excuse to sharing common professional and to accomplish this. Then based on yourself from the conversation as personal interests, goals and experi- what you hear that interests you, quickly as you can. However, if ences, you’ll have plenty to talk about respond with follow-up questions you find yourself stuck with this while boosting your career and and information of your own. group, then take the initiative and honing your communication skills! T bring up something that moves the Talking too much or discussion to a more positive topic. Don Gabor is a professional speaker 5too little about yourself and author. His newest book is “So, enough about my job! Let me Talking about politics or Turn Small Talk into Big Deals: show you a picture of my kids 7controversial subjects Using 4 Key Conversation Styles (cats, car, etc.)!” Sure, people love It never fails – there always seems to Customize Your Networking to talk about themselves, their pets, to be at least one person at the Approach, Build Relationships, kids and grandchildren, but if you office party who likes to snag and Win More Clients (McGraw- are the one doing all the talking at colleagues into heavy political Hill Professional). Reach him at the office party, you could quickly “discussions” or offer long-winded www.dongabor.com.

December 2009 TOASTMASTER 21 MANNER OF SPEAKING

Use your communication skills to By Heather O’Neill, CC inspire, educate and help others.

Speaking About Social Responsibility

hat is the difference powers to save the environment, skills and become financially between Superman and or is there another worthy cause literate and work-ready. It gives WBizarro? How about you can champion? Ask yourself me the opportunity to see how Wonder Woman and Catwoman? how you can encourage, educate, much fun kids have while they Spider-Man and Venom? All of these inspire and motivate people with learn valuable life skills. As an comic book characters have similar your presentations. Here are a few added bonus, my sons think I’m powers, but the hero in each pair ideas to consider for your company pretty cool for doing it! uses those amazing powers for or for you, personally: Pat Kelly is a member of my good while the villain uses his or Toastmasters club – the Barnum hers for evil. While I’m sure that Serve the Community Square Toastmasters. She has no Toastmaster uses their speaking If you work for a company, give a inspired me and many others as a abilities for dastardly deeds, we presentation that encourages your teacher and Toastmasters mentor might want to ask ourselves: “Am I fellow employees to band together for an amazing 50 years. A longtime doing enough good with the skills on a project you are passionate and resources I’ve been given?” about. You could center your talk We have a responsibility to our- on positive ways to benefit your selves and to our audiences to take community. The camaraderie, - our message to a new level – to positive energy and constructive help people grow, give, be ... better. results will stimulate future action. As U.S. President Barack Obama When people work together, the said in his inaugural address, “What possibilities are endless. is required of us now is a new era of responsibility – a recognition ... Help Those in School that we have duties to ourselves, You can help people not just by the our nation and the world ...” speeches you give, but by the Whether you speak to corpora- actions you take. For exam- tions, small businesses, local ple, many have drawn on libraries, schools, others in your their Toastmasters experi- own company or simply to those ence to work with young at your Toastmasters meetings, people, volunteering as there are ways to incorporate an teachers, tutors and altruistic message. mentors. I volunteer These days, corporate social with Junior responsibility is highly valued in Achievement, the business world. Many compa- a program to nies strive to be environmentally help K-12 conscious, donate to a roster of students charities or ask their employees to develop volunteer for various nonprofits. entrepre- Can you use your super speaking neurial

22 TOASTMASTER December 2009 elementary school teacher in Con - been overly critical,” she says. “When What are you grateful for? necticut, Pat uses her communication I evaluate the kids’ speeches, I Tell yourself. skills – sharpened over years of always congratulate them just on Who and what inspires you? Toastmasters training – to help the fact that they did it! They got Tell the world. students, and she happily gives up there and spoke. Some of the countless hours beyond her normal students are more confident than Nourish the Individual classroom time. One experience in others, so you really want to I am always reading. I believe particular stands out for Pat where encourage the others.” that if I can learn even one bit she made a difference in a young Dean volunteers through Retired of information that can help me, man’s life as well as her own. The and Senior Volunteer Program my family or an audience I’ll be high school student wasn’t allowed (RSVP), which presents Speak Up! speaking to, then the effort is back into his school due to behavior It is a large volunteer network in worthwhile. We can think that issues, so Pat tutored him two hours the United States for people 55 and way about our presentations too: a day for six months. over. (For more information, visit If we can help just one individual, “He worked hard, one-on-one, http://www.seniorcorps.gov/ then we have provided a valuable without the distractions of a regular home/site_map/index.asp.) service. What might your audience school day,” she says. “He went on Toastmasters like Pat Kelly and need from you? Perhaps a chance to graduate with his class and that Bryson Dean have used their talents to think about how they can over- was a proud moment for him and and time to positively impact young come personal challenges. Or for me.” The extra time she spent working with this student made all the difference. “Toastmasters are often in the Another longtime Toastmaster, Bryson Dean, is helping young enviable position of truly making people as well. The 70-year-old a difference in the world.” retiree from Iowa City, Iowa, volun- teers her time and efforts to Speak Up!, an eight-week non-Toastmasters people. Whether you mentor some- some ideas on ways they can program that teaches the basics of one as a volunteer or simply focus improve themselves. Or inspira- public speaking to fifth graders. on benevolence in your paid tion to create change. “We explain what a lectern is, we engagements, your attention to the Find your passion – your talk about how to organize a individual can make a difference. superpowers, if you will. Speaking speech, brainstorm ideas with the from the heart will make for more kids, have them write down their Stay Positive During Tough Times persuasive, commanding presenta- ideas, and then after about three or Author and former Toastmaster, tions. And remember this: Whether four sessions they start giving their Mary Marcdante, explores many uni- you’re giving a speech, doing speeches,” says Dean, a member of versal and positive subjects through volunteer work or fighting for a the Old Capitol Toastmasters in her books, blogs and presentations. particular cause, your influence Iowa City. During these often-difficult days, can improve one person’s life or Noting that she was a very she notes, “It’s so important to keep rally an entire community to take shy youngster in school, Dean yourself and the people around you action. Toastmasters are often in the says the most important Toast - in a mindset that ignites inspiration, enviable position of truly making a masters principle she draws appreciation and enthusiasm – the difference in the world. And they on is the value of giving three key qualities that help you don’t even have to wear tights. encouragement and generate inspired action during Now, that’s super! T support. “Some of challenging times.” the previous For a practical tip on staying volunteers motivated and passionate about life, Heather O’Neill, CC, is a member in the Marcdante suggests asking yourself of the Barnum Square Toastmasters Speak Up! these three questions each day: in Bethel, Connecticut. She is a program writer, speaker and environmental had ap - Who do you appreciate? advocate. Reach her at heather@ parently Tell them. takingcaregreen.com.

December 2009 TOASTMASTER 23 Delivering Bad

Business News By Kathy S. Berger

have some good news and some bad news ...” How to be clear You know the joke. Someone offers upbeat yet comforting. information. The good news/bad news “ pair has been a staple of comedy “The good news is that a customer asked if your for years, but it’s not a lesson in work will appreciate after your death. When I told communication. him it would, he bought all your paintings.” Delivering bad news to employees, customers or clients The punch line follows, often involving health, is far from funny. It is usually a difficult task, making even the best law or religion. communicators uncomfortable. Unfortunately, it is also becoming “The bad news is that he was your doctor.” more frequent in today’s trying I economic times. Leaders and 24 TOASTMASTER December 2009 managers are an nounc- The Neutral Beginning ing layoffs, acquisitions, Start with a simple statement of relevant information re organizations, that everyone in the audience can agree to. This neutral changes in benefits, sentence helps draw in the audience and set the stage budget overruns, with facts about the environment that led to the circum- schedule delays and stances at hand. low returns. The mes- “Our business has been affected by the closure of the sages are delivered to factories on Second Street,” is an example. The statement

“Delivering the bad news in the first sentence is usually too abrupt and doesn’t give the audience enough time to anticipate and prepare for the message.”

large groups, to small should be a fact that everyone recognizes. Depending groups and in one- on the situation, you may state the importance of some on-one conversations. element, such as customer satisfaction, or point out a Is there an easy challenge that everyone can recognize as being difficult. way? No. But there The neutrality encourages listening; if the first sen- are techniques to tence is not something most people will readily agree make the delivery of with, they will form arguments in their head or stop bad news more effec- listening. Delivering the bad news in the first sentence tive, and knowing the is usually too abrupt and doesn’t give the audience techniques makes the enough time to anticipate and prepare for the message. delivery easier. Those listening may reject the message or start distancing As with any communication, start by analyzing your themselves from it and fail to absorb it. audience and identifying information the audience will Briefly stating a significant, evident fact also sends a understand and accept. One easy way to pull the entire signal that the message is serious and has been well- message together is to follow a standard outline. It isn’t considered. This sets the right tone and gives the audi- the one-two punch of the good news/bad news joke: ence time to prepare for a serious message. One sentence Few people appreciate humor in serious situations that is all that is needed – don’t drag it out. involve undesirable outcomes. Instead, effective deliv- Phyllis Davis Hemphill, co-author of Business ery often contains these four elements: Communi cation, calls this neutral beginning a “buffer,” because it helps cushion the blow. A neutral statement both the speaker and audience can agree on Boiled-Down Bad News The bad news in one sentence Once you’ve set the stage, immediately deliver the bad The impact of the news on the audience news in a simple, clear statement. Avoid building sus- Supporting details and facts pense, and leave no doubt about your message. Choose words that are not likely to stir emotions. Each element is important; together they can help “The negative should be given once, clearly and not you deliver bad news to an audience of any size. repeated,” advises Nancy Schullery, professor of business

December 2009 TOASTMASTER 25 assessment will help us understand within four weeks which jobs are in jeopardy.” Still having the audience’s attention when you give such important information depends on the effective- ness of the earlier pieces. If they were not delivered clearly or seemed overwhelming, the audience may have shut down. A few more examples illustrate the simple outline:

“Our schedule to manufacture and assemble the system has been disrupted by the flooding at our supplier’s location. The original delivery date has slipped, and you will have the system on March 10. We have confidence in this date because ...”

“The rising cost of health insurance threatens our ability to keep prices competitive. In order to stay in business, the employee contribution to medical benefits will increase in January. Depending on the coverage you elect, your costs will range from ...” information systems at Western Michigan University. Schullery, a member of the board of directors of the “The LX-C program was an important part of Association for Business Communication, suggests our long-term business plan. Losing that proposal avoiding negative terms such as “unfortunately,” means leaner years ahead and the possibility of “dismal,” “mistake” and “misunderstanding.” layoffs in 10 months. The most vulnerable jobs “We will be closing this store in four months,” is are in ...” an example of a simple, clear statement of bad news. “The shortfall in county funds is causing cut- The Connection to the Audience backs in many areas. Each library in the county Your next job is to answer the question that has system will have fewer operating hours starting popped into the audience’s head: “What does this mean next month. Beginning May 1, this branch will to me?” Many times this portion of the message literally be closed ...” contains the word “you.” This may not be possible when you are speaking to a large group, but it’s impor- Some circumstances – such as issuing reprimands tant to be specific. Use numbers to quantify the situa- within an employee discipline system or handing an tion and provide dates to answer, “When?” individual employee a layoff notice – may require fol- For example: “About 60 percent of you will be relo- lowing a prescribed procedure or script. In such cases, cated to other stores. The other 40 percent will receive be sure to consult with Human Resources or Legal advi- layoff notices at the end of next month.” sors. If no guidelines are available, analyze your audi- ence, then use the elements outlined here: Supporting Facts Follow up with details, reasons and projections about Tips for Delivering Bad News the future. This supporting information often becomes Be honest. Give accurate information. If you don’t the substance of your delivery, showing that the mes- know the answer to a question, say you don’t know. sage is realistic and grounded in fact. You can provide If you don’t know it off-hand, explain when you implementation details. If appropriate, explain other can provide the information accurately and then options that were considered and the reasons why they follow through. were rejected. Here is an example: “We are assessing skills and Be open. Avoid “sins of omission” by providing as evaluating the needs at the West Tanner, Centerville and much information as you can. The audience will sense Scottsdale stores to determine which employees will be when important information is being withheld, even if able to move into positions there. The results of the everything said is true. Being open is an important part

26 TOASTMASTER December 2009 of earning trust. If you know but can’t share, explain Be specific. Saying that customer orders have dropped why you cannot and reveal when you will be able to from 15,000 to 4,200 in one month clarifies the magni- provide the information. tude of the problem. Details like this also make it evi- dent that the facts have been analyzed and that actions Keep your message – and language – clear. It is easy are based on a clear understanding of the situation. Such to get tripped up in your own words trying to soften the information fosters trust that others are taking the best blow, but masking reality is misleading and makes sort- actions to remedy or at least adjust to the situation. ing out the truth later even more painful. Avoid distort- Avoid words like “very”, “dramatically”, “apparently”, ing the truth and notice if you are relying on big words “obviously” and even “of course”. Anticipate questions – they are often a signal that you are not being direct. and be prepared with backup information.

Acknowledge the emotions and reactions of the audience. If there is an upside, share it – but do not dwell on it. Once you state that you understand the anxiety of audi- Overall, keep the tone of the message positive. Avoid ence members, for example, you remove their impulse words such as “bleak” or language that is similarly to interrupt and express their emotions. Remember that pessimistic or hopeless. Don’t overdo it or stretch to even those indirectly affected by the news may need to find a silver lining. It is difficult for employees, for adapt in some way, and change is usually stressful. example, to take comfort in the positive effect their Acknowledging such feelings will also put you in the layoff will have on the company. right frame of mind to address the subject appropriately and will help you choose language that is most sensitive Deliver the news face to face. In-person communica- to the feelings of others. tion is more difficult, but more credible. It allows eye contact with all audience members in a small group and Keep your own emotions in check. Even if you are with some even in a large group setting. The personal upset by the news, try to present it without showing delivery of bad news signals its importance, suggests your own distress. To others who are more negatively leadership competence, and usually signifies a level of affected than you, a display of emotions may seem concern or care. insincere or offensive. As employees become more dispersed globally, Don’t make the message about you. Don’t say how the opportunity to deliver bad news face to face may difficult it is for you to deliver the news or try to play decrease. Webcasts may help reach geographically dis- on the audience’s sympathy. One manager, caught up in persed employees at the same time with bad news, in a expressing how tough the conversation was for him, forum that at least tries to simulate face-to-face delivery. dragged out the delivery of a layoff notice from 10 min- Also, the widespread use of computers to communi- utes to 45, confusing the employee and unnecessarily cate company news may eventually make sending bad extending the agony for both of them. More messages news in an e-mail more acceptable. If you are delivering should contain “you” than “I.” You can speak from the heart, but be aware “Don’t say how difficult it is for you that the audience may resent any senti- ments that do not seem sincere. to deliver the news or try to play on the audience’s sympathy.” “Don’t apologize,” cautions Schullery. “It implies fault,” she explains, and as such should be avoided in situations where litigation the bad news in writing, craft your message using the could become a possibility. Apologies also invite skepti- same four-part sequence: cism and resentment if the audience disagrees with the 1) Get attention with a neutral statement that implicitly action taken. gains the audience’s agreement. 2) Deliver the bad news clearly and briefly. 3) Do what you can to answer, “How Start early. When provided with even the earliest indi- does that affect me?” 4) Provide the details and cations that change may be necessary, employees start to supporting facts. And leave the joke book at home. T figure things out for themselves. They begin to prepare for and accept ensuing bad news as more details emerge. Kathy S. Berger is a freelance writer living in Los Alamitos, Starting early, when sales are first lower than expected California. She has written several articles for the for instance, fosters trust and minimizes surprises. Toastmaster. Reach her at [email protected].

December 2009 TOASTMASTER 27 “The eyes have one language everywhere.” GEORGE HERBERT (1593–1633)

A meeting of Speaking the eyes denotes a meeting of Eye to Eye the minds. t’s rush hour on the subways of New York City. People are By Mike Landrum Ijammed together, forced to physically invade each other’s personal space for an entire journey. New Yorkers know the But where eye contact is valued, make eye contact. Too many speak- only way to cope is to avoid looking at anyone’s eyes. Thus, ers believe that a constant scan of the audience with their eyes, back we create a psychological barrier well understood. Indeed, many speak - and forth like a lawn sprinkler, to communication, a protective ers who practice what they consider will do the job. I recently visited a shield of intentional indifference. “eye contact” fall short of the true church where the minister read her It’s a powerful demonstration in purpose and meaning of the act. sermon from the pulpit, glancing reverse of a vital element of human Of course, speakers also need up every now and then at the back communication: eye contact. to respect cultural differences in this wall of the room, high above her That’s why one of the primary area. While direct eye contact is congregation’s heads. This tech- rules in Toastmasters is to “speak to valued in the United States, it can be nique is taught in some books as people’s eyes.” The importance of considered an invasion of privacy a way to reduce stage fright, but in speaking eye to eye with your listener in some places – Asian countries, my experience it seldom diminishes goes without question: It’s hard to for example. When speaking to fear and cannot increase under- trust someone who won’t look you in such audiences, don’t focus on one standing of your message. the eye. But the actual nature of that individual for too long – it could Those who just give the audience exchange of glances is not always embarrass them. a quick glimpse of their baby blues

28 TOASTMASTER December 2009 are not making eye contact. Trying empathy – all these and countless Years ago, I experienced a vivid to talk to everybody is actually talk- other messages are being sent your demonstration of the value of eye ing to nobody. When we sit in an way as you speak. The process of contact. My friend invited me to a audience listening to a speaker, we receiving these messages is called party – a gathering of deaf people want to feel spoken to, directly and “reading your audience,” and it’s a held in a school gymnasium. When personally. Therefore, the proper crucial skill if mindset for the speaker shouldn’t you want to per- be, “Let them see my eyes” – but suade or inspire “Trying to talk to everybody is rather,“Use my eyes to see theirs.” them. Read the actually talking to nobody.” Who is the better judge of effec- effectiveness of tive communication: the transmitter your communi- or the receiver? The receiver is cation with the audience as you we entered, I saw about 50 people the only one of the pair to know speak, and if need be, change your lining the walls around the perime- whether the ideas being expressed tactics to engage them more. ter. I wandered out into the middle have landed and are well under- In her book It’s Not What You of the floor, but my friend pulled stood. You, the speaker, are the Say, It’s How You Say It, master me back to the side. “You’re inter- transmitter, so you don’t know how speechwriter Joan Detz writes, rupting conversations,” he said. well you are doing...unless you “Good eye contact builds rapport, Indeed, I began to realize that also become a receiver. The pur- fosters trust and creates a more the room was filled with animated pose of eye contact is to create a likeable persona .... We rely on eye dialogues between people up to give-and-take relationship with contact [from a speaker] to judge 50 feet apart. They told stories with your audience. truthfulness.” their hands, their face and their “Every audience is a treasure When you think of your eyes as emotions. Though I didn’t know trove of experience and wisdom receivers rather than transmitters, it American Sign Language well, I that no speaker can match,” writes changes your style as a speaker. could easily catch the drift of most Lee Glickstein in his book Be Heard Now you can become interested in of the stories and enjoy the laughter Now. “The way to tap this treasure your audience as a group of indi- along with everyone else. is to put a priority on the relation- viduals and speak to them one at It was a powerful reminder about ship with the audience.” a time. How? Deliver a full thought what makes successful communica- to each person you look at. Lock tion. Toastmasters must establish See if They Understand eyes with that listener and see the both sides of our two-way signals: Here is how I believe good eye response in her eyes. Then pause, Too many speakers think their only contact should work: As you find another person and deliver the job is to talk and the audience’s trans mit your message – with your next thought. Read his eyes as you job is to listen. Wrong! If you want words, your facial expression, speak. If you feel that method slows to be a successful speaker, you posture, tone of voice, gestures – you down, all the better – most must learn to read the crowd with you watch your listeners’ eyes to speakers tend to rush. your eyes as you speak. In doing determine whether or not they One description of a successful so, you take responsibility for the understand. Just as any telephone speech is “a conversation, ampli- reception as well as the transmis- has two elements – one for sending fied.” It’s useful to remember when sion of your speech. and the other for receiving – so do considering eye contact that a The speaker’s eye is a subtle public speakers. In our case, our good, steady meeting of the eyes and powerful tool. Bear in mind the voices and bodies are sending and in conversation denotes a meeting words of the famed English writer our eyes are receiving. No one of the minds. G.K. Chesterton: “There is a road would fail to put a phone to their from the eye to the heart that does ear and only use the transmitter, so Eyeing a More Relaxed Style not go through the intellect.” T we must not ignore our reception An added bonus to good eye devices – our eyes! contact is that it throws your Mike Landrum is an executive speak- The human eye is extremely attention off yourself and onto er’s coach and speechwriter in New expressive. There’s a lot to be your listener. Self-consciousness York. He has recently published a learned by looking into the eyes of hinders a speaking performance. volume of essays titled The Best of your audience. Smiles, frowns, bore- Focusing on others can help you the Passionate Speaker. Reach him dom, excitement, understanding, relax and perform naturally. at www.CoachMike.com.

December 2009 TOASTMASTER 29 As Ol’ Will Would Say… John Cadley ...... February Let’s Talk Sports John Cadley ...... March Filled with Funny Paul Sterman ...... March Aristotle, Syllogistically Speaking John Cadley ...... April Technically Speaking John Cadley ...... May No Parking Any Time John Cadley...... June In Times Like These John Cadley ...... July Make Your Roast a Tip-Top Toast Gene Perret ...... August Something Catchy John Cadley ...... August Mad About You John Cadley ...... September Enjoy a Refreshing Wax Tadpole John Cadley ...... October It’s Academic 2009 John Cadley ...... November The Power of Observational Humor John Kinde, DTM, AS...... November Clink, Clink, Clink (Gulp) Article Index John Cadley ...... December

Club Meetings & Contests Disarm Them With Debate Skills Language/Speech Writing No One Loses in this Speech Competition Dave Zielinski ...... April Tips From a Legendary Speechwriter Colin T. William, DTM ...... March Speech Project #2: TV Star! Paul Sterman ...... January Thinking Like a Loser Diana J. Ewing ...... June Walking a Fine Line John Kinde, DTM, Accredited Speaker. . . March Turning Accents Into Assets Judith Tingley, DTM, Ph.D...... March How I Conquered My Contest Fears Sher Hooker, CC...... June Route 66-Speak Angie Palmer, ACS, ALB...... March Here’s How to Work a Room Patrick Mott...... June Speechcraft Superheroes Lin Grensing-Pophal ...... June Who Said That? Eleanor Guderian, ACG, CL ...... July Effective Solutions for Team Conflict Fred Shapiro ...... August The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Renée Evenson ...... July Nelson Mandela: Expert on Adapting Carol Dean Schreiner, DTM ...... August Call Me Councilman a Speech to an Audience Dan Winterburn, DTM ...... September Mind Your Toastmanners William H. Stevenson, III...... September Dee Dees, DTM, PID ...... September Helping Others Speak What’s Your Hook? Scotty Burch, ATMB, CL...... September How a Hunter Captured His Game Kevin Caroll ...... November Beth Black, CC ...... November Breaking Down Stereotypes Easy as ABCs Corin Ramos ...... October Michael Varma, ATMG, ALB...... December Know Thy Culture Communication Forence Ferreira, ACB, CL...... October Leadership A Better “I” Contact Speaking of Business Janet Perez Eckles, CTM ...... January Janelle Thomas...... October Different by Design David Brooks, DTM ...... March Selling My Skills to a School Speaking About Social Responsibility Kealah Parkinson, ATMB ...... February Heather O’Neill ...... December Toastmasters’ 2009 Gold Gavel Recipient: Bruce Tulgan Leading by a Tale Talk Smart at the Holiday Office Party Staff...... May Caren Neile, Ph.D., ATMS/CL ...... February Don Gabor ...... December Talking Through Tough Times at Work Give the Gift of Listening Speaking Eye to Eye Dave Zielinski...... July Patrick Mott ...... February Michael Landrum ...... December Cory Aquino: The Philippines’ The Art of Bragging Plain-Spoken Leader John Spaith, ACS ...... February Humor Corin Ramos ...... October Crucial Conversations Big Words? Big Deal Reflecting on Ralph Smedley’s Words Barbara Neal Varma...... March John Cadley...... January Watt Pye, DTM ...... October When Table Topics are Real Humor Can Help You Through Delivering Bad Business News Florence Ferreira, ACB, CL...... April Fran Capo ...... January Kathy Berger...... December

30 TOASTMASTER December 2009 Membership/Club Building Be (A)ware of ‘The Room’ CCs and Other ABCs A Little Creativity Goes a Long Way Gene Perret...... November Beth Black, CC...... August Eleanor Guderian, ACG, CL ...... January It’s Not Just a Room Meet Toastmasters’ 2009-2010 International Lift Your Club’s Quality Bar Angela Hatton, ATMS, CL ...... November President: Gary Schmidt, DTM Janet Reese, ACS, CL ...... January Eulogies 101 Staff ...... September Infuse Your Club With Vitamin C… Creativity Cyrus Copeland...... December Toastmasters…Then and Now Craig Harrison, DTM...... January Speaking to Children Staff ...... October It’s All in the Name Linda McGurk...... December View From the Top Tammy A. Miller, DTM, PID ...... February My Ice Breaker Staff ...... October Be a Champion of Change Richard Stanley...... December A Few Words From Famous Toastmasters Narges Nirumvala, ACB, CL ...... July The Most Difficult Speech: the Eulogy Staff ...... October Help in Hard Times Theodore Lustig, DTM ...... December Memories of Mashantucket Beth Black, CC ...... July a Staff ...... November Cooking Up a Learning Lab a Craig Harrison, DTM ...... August Tech Topics Do You Blog? Toastmaster Profiles Ventura Club #24: Going Strong Since 1934 Lin Grensing-Pophal ...... May Scaling Summits Katherine Wertheim, CC, CL ...... October Toastmasters in the Social Networks Julie Bawden Davis ...... January Broadening Your Horizons Joe McClesky...... May Molding Future Leaders Paul Sterman ...... October PowerPoint Made Easy Julie Bawden Davis ...... February Narges Nirumvala, ACB, CL ...... May Fighting the Floods Personal Growth Sidestep the PowerPoint Trap Julie Bawden Davis ...... March Step Away From Self-Sabotage Ellen Finkelstein ...... May Giving Hope to the Homeless Judi M. Bailey ...... January What’s New with Web 2.0? Julie Bawden Davis ...... April A Long Walk On a Short Plank Dave Zielinski ...... May On the Road to Self-Discovery John Efraimson ...... March Presenter Remotes Julie Bawden Davis ...... June Bringing Comfort and Hope Dave Zielinski ...... August When Public Speaking Is No Cake Walk… Natalie Bourré...... June Offering Pointers on PowerPoint 2007 Paul Sterman ...... July Finding Sunshine in Sechelt Dave Zielinski...... September Silencing the Doubters Margaret Page, ACS ...... June a Julie Bawden Davis ...... August Aiding Australia Speaking for Animals Judy Murphy, DTM...... June TI Info Michele Long ...... September Where’s the Proof? In Memory of William “Bill” O. Miller (1924-2008) Staying With It Ann Maxfield, ATMB...... July Bennie Bough, DTM, PIP ...... March Katherine Wertheim, CC, CL ...... October Cultivating Hope Global Representation & Support Articles Overcoming a Unique Challenge Victor Parachin ...... July Staff ...... April, May, July, August Carl Duivenvoorden, DTM...... November Everyone is Talking About the As If They Were His Own International Convention Julie Bawden Davis ...... December Presentation Skills Staff ...... April Speak Up! Rick Moore, ATMB ...... February That’s Not My Voice - Is It? 2009 Mailing Statement – For U.S. Post Office Use Only Nancy Sebastian Meyer, ATMB, CL . . . February How to Handle a Heckler Frank King and Jan McInnis ...... April The Equation for Persuasion John Coleman ...... April Lessons from the Ancient Greeks Robert Oliver...... April Be the Star of the Show Patricia Corrigan ...... June When the Ace of Hearts Refuses to Flutter Dean Sheetz, ACS, CL ...... August The Script as Friend and Foe Bill Matthews ...... August Getting an Education Rich DiGirolamo, ATMB ...... September Emotional Intelligence Sushma Subramanian ...... September 10 Tips to Finding Your Style Moira Beaton, ACB, CL ...... September

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