The WALRUS The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things: Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings. - Lewis Carroll

Vol LXVIII No. 6 St. Sebastian’s School April 2015 A Supremely Supreme Exit From Our Super-Supreme Leader By Patrick Dufour ‘18 farewell to the St. Sebastian’s com- A: There’s this one kid. Most peo- and Matt Wolpe ‘18 munity. Do you have any surprises All good things must come ple don’t like him as a person, but that you are going to unveil to the St. to an end. Abraham Lincoln was I don’t think that should keep him Sebastian’s community in your final tragically assassinated in Ford The- from singing and expressing him- address? atre, Paula Deen was viciously re- self, as every Arrow should. His moved from the Food Network, name is Jack Kerwin. A: I’m taking everyone on a trip to Richard “Dick” Nixon resigned after Australia. I plan to hide plane tickets Watergate arose, and the Jonas Broth- Q: Do you have any final words for under the pews. I’m going full Oprah. ers separated over creative differ- the St. Sebastian’s community? ences. Unlike these other groups and Q: Who has been your biggest influ- For One Final Time, 21 Guns- R.I.P. Class of 2015 leaders, President Joe Kerwin plans to A: I would just like to thank all the ence in the St. Sebastian’s commu- leave the St. Sebastian’s community men and women of the St. Sebas- nity? on a much sweeter note. Although he tian’s Country Day School for giv- has expressed concerns for the future, ing me their attention on so many A Farewell From Your A: St. Sebastian. that time has not come quite yet. We Monday mornings. I would like to sat down with our supreme leader to thank anybody who voted for me in Q: Similar to a prisoner on death row, talk about the final days of this re- the election last year, giving me this if you could choose a final meal at St. Friendly Neighborhood sounding presidency: wonderful opportunity. I know that Sebastian’s, what would it be? I have grown because of it, and I Q: What former United States presi- hope that I have done my job. A: Brotherhood and community with Senior Editors dent would you compare yourself to? By Ryan Lee’15 it’s really time to start. The message is a side of hard work. from Angus O’Rourke that says: “Yoooo Much like Walter White in Break- SENIOR EDITOR Ryan.” Then, in a following message, A: Well, I’ve essentially redefined ing Bad, we don’t want Joe to meet Q: Should John Ryan cut or keep the he says: “Do we have Walrus this week- what it means to be a leader, so it’s his demise, yet at some point we To quote the great singer Cas- lettuce? end?,” with every word spelled wrong. I tough to say that any presidents really know he must. He strikes us with cada, “What hurts the most is being so always respond with a simple yes, and be- compare. I’d say the one who came his good deeds, his immaculate close, having so much to say, and watch- fore I can do any work, he is here. Never A: The long hair is a must. I just closest was George Washington. He announcements, and his countless ing you walk away,” which must be how change, Ango. All this time, Jack Adams want him to get creative with it. I’m you are a feeling about now. We have was a bit of a trend setter. other talents. We will certainly sits in the corner of the room playing mu- looking for a mohawk, maybe even an blessed you with our presence for the last sic, trying to think of ways we can fill up miss the daily, “Howdy, St. Se- afro. Something like that. The bigger year, and perhaps we made the Walrus space for the articles we were supposed to Q: Do you believe that without your- bastian’s Country Day School,” the hair, the closer to God. a little better than before. I know how get but did not. His ideas include: Lunch self, the St. Sebastian’s community although we are fairly positive that cocky that sounds, and realistically I be- of the Month, Monthly Horoscope, Ask remains in good hands? is no longer part of our school’s lieve none of it. We were just a group the Editors, more cartoons, more quotes, Q: What is a strange talent you pos- formal name. Our President seems of ragtag guys who learned how to use a a moment in Cressotti history, and other sess that you have never bothered to A: As I said in my speech, I’ve never well-prepared to sprout wings and couple computer programs to churn out a fascinating ideas. As you can tell by the share publicly? newspaper once a month. We are no he- experienced St. Sebastian’s without fly onward to an Ivy, where he will issues this year, 90% of his ideas don’t roes. In fact, there are probably dozens of make the cut. Somehow, we get a little bit me, so I can’t say anything with cer- take part in the dog-eat-dog world A: I’m pretty good at collapsing my kids who could have done the exact same done and feel great about our prospects tainty. I will admit that I’m worried. of college government. Yikes. Due lung. But that’s pretty much the only thing, but God chose us. We were each for a paper due in two days. Somewhere Will the new hands be good? Possi- to Joe’s tragic leaving, if you walk given the divine right to become editors thing I can do that other people can’t. along the line, Edgar Escobar became the bly. Will the new hands be as good as by him in the hallway, don’t gaze of this, the most noble and conservative closer, as he would walk in on Monday my hands? Very doubtful. I’m actual- at each other awkwardly like you newspaper north of the Mason-Dixon afternoon, and would magically fix all the Q: The St. Sebastian’s community ly kind of known for my hands. They might when you see your algebra Line. problems we had with the issue. is losing commendable talent in the As a farewell, I only find it fitting to have their own Instagram account. teacher in a grocery store. Just look It’s not all glory that comes with this job. singing department this year. What take you on the monthly journey I have I’ve gotten a few earfuls from Mr. Ner- him dead in the eye, like you would underclassmen do you suppose might upon learning our skills are again called bonne over not trashing Mr. Ferguson Q: Last spring, Former President a brother, and say, “Thank you, su- have a sneaky good voice? upon to build a newspaper. It begins in enough, or putting his debate team on the Christian Kelly gave an emotional preme leader.” Mr. Drummond’s humble abode, terrible front page, but it is now water under the vocabulary tests strewn across the table. bridge. We have all loved every minute We sit and argue over what articles should bringing you this paper. To loosely quote actually be in the issue. We usually have Lebron James: “We’re just a bunch of some awful ideas, and eventually use kids from Akron who grew up and made them anyway. The articles are dispersed it,” if you define making it as becoming and Johnny begins to pray. From the an editor of a newspaper. I think some Wednesday that we give out article as- of us editors do and some don’t, but we signments until they are due a week later, have all loved the job. From our hum- Johnny is a mess. He is constantly fast- ble beginnings, trying to photoshop our ing and saying the Rosary, asking the God faces on various Star Wars characters, to that loves him to shine down on us and to this very article, which I am writing two have people actually write their articles. hours before we send this paper to the This works every time, 50% of the time. printers, we have come a long way, but We take the next few days gathering ar- also gotten worse at our job. We thank ticles and giving various students earfuls you all for reading the paper, and hope for not fulfilling their sacred duties. After we didn’t cross too many lines, break too that, the real fun starts. many hearts, or offend anyone too much. On Sundays, I come into the computer We sure had fun. probably too much fun. lab to find a Walrus already half- com From Edgar, Jack, Ango, the workhorse, pleted and a note on the desk that reads Johnny, and myself, we thank you for something like this: “I came in at seven reading, and hope the Walrus can be great after I went to Mass and did some yard in the future. work, had to leave to go play in the family wiffle ball game. –Johnny” I don’t know P.S. Guys who want to be editors next We leave you with the picture that ushered in Joe’s reign as Supreme Leader. He will be how the kid does it. I procrastinate for a year: Checks can be made payable to sorely missed. Remember Joe Kerwin, Supreme Ruler, a Legend. And, he was not a crook. while until my phone buzzes and I know Ryan Lee. Class of 2015 Leagcy: What We Will Leave Behind pect of our Seb’s experience. Having As a wise man once said—or actu- athletes leading our teams. What really Sebastian’s teaches and values. We By Tyler Wiik ‘15 achieved many of the goals we set out ally as a few wise Irish students who counts, though, is that we refused to be succeeded academically and athletical- HEAD WRITER to obtain, we can finally look back don’t actually attend Sebs once said, labeled by one title. We knew we were ly, but those were just trophies to add The coming months mark a on our past six years with a sense of “We are Seb’s, and we are better than more than just grade-obsessed students, on to the top shelf of our legacy. What tragic turning point in St. Sebastian’s accomplishment. We hoped for aca- you.” Finally taking the helm of the more than just athletes, more than just truly matters is that as a whole, we are history. Just as the prodigy-apprentice demic success, and we have achieved student community as the senior class, another group of kids getting through the Class of 2015, and for six years must one day depart from his re- above and beyond our expectations. we looked to pilot the student body on high school. we have loved each other, our school, nowned master, so too must each class We hoped for athletic success, and we to a perfect final year. As the year Instead, we strove to become and the entire family of St. Sebastian’s. take leave from Headmaster Burke were met with football titles, hockey now winds to a close, the final lasting the grade that represented all that St. That is our legacy. and the St. Sebastian’s family. While playoffs, basketball playoffs, skiing ti- question will be, “What is the legacy each passing grade forever remains tles, and victories on and off the fields, of the Class of 2015?” Throughout as an alumni presence, the physical courts, and rinks. Most importantly, history, grades get titled with certain presence in the classroom, fields, and we hoped for a family. Throughout labels, whether they are the grade of hallways is lost. As each class varies these six years, we have chanted in athletes, all scholars, or just a below- in quality, some departures are excep- Henry’s, Za-d from the stands, stuck average-at-everything class. So how tionally more poignant than others. with each other in times of pain and will we be remembered? We have the June 4th marks one of those days. triumph, and we have loved each oth- athletic titles. We have the academic The Class of 2015 is graduating. er every step of the way. Of course, production and a matriculation to As the Class of 2015, we all of our achievement could only be show for it. So what is our legacy? In take great pride in the successes that found through the best Seb’s commu- truth, the only thing to say is that we our class has achieved, of course all nity anyone could ask for. As for the loved God more, we worked harder, with the help of supporting classes Class of 2015, from academic excel- and we took better care of one anoth- and the Seb’s community. From day lence to athletic dominance to social er. Sure, we were told freshman year one, we knew that we would be a spe- camaraderie, we have come together that we had the potential to be one cial class of brothers. Now at school incredibly well as a class and more of the best classes to come through day about one thousand, that initial importantly as a part of the larger Seb’s. Sure, we have some incredible On behalf of the 72 brothers in the Class of 2015, we would feeling has proven true in every as- Seb’s family. like to thank everyone at Seb’s and say farewell for now. NEWS SPORTS An Ode to the Student Lounge Spring Sports Look To Does Not Appear in Photo: Paige 4 Add Trophies to Case (Get It?) A Class Better Than 2015 Page 8

Page 2 THE WALRUS April 2015 April 2015 The Seven Wonders of Seb’s By Jimmy Ryan ‘16 Ferguson and Mr. Wilbur used to jointly wardrobe of Vineyard Vines merchan- QUOTES of teach a special elective course, How dise to start your own business selling So, I was going to start this to Hold Your Own in a Public School clothes at absurd prices to younger Seb’s article with an eye-popping list of the Brawl (HTHYOIAPSB for short), but kids who don’t know any better? Start Seven Wonders of the World, but it that all ended after the Cafeteria Inci- here. Wanna dry those soggy shoes? turns out that that list is not actually set dent of ’02. Others argue it is actually Make like the Cross Country team and in stone (it’s not even set in the omnipo- the end of an outdoor rink, unfinished put them next to the boiler to dry. The the MONTH tent, always-correct digital “stone” of because the builders forgot they were possibilities are endless in this treasure the inter-web). But anyway, when one building on a slope when a rink has to trove, and all you have to do is enter. “Okay, Mister I-know-every- thinks “Wonders of the World,” one im- be level. Seeing as this occurred before Don’t be afraid of the gloomy atmo- mediately grabs one’s bucket list and we had Mr. Olson, I guess I can let go of sphere or the creepy centipede-things pencils in places to visit. Well, friends, this architectural blunder. thing-about-the-freaking-world.” break out those bucket lists, sharpen that inhabit the region. 4. The Hallway behind the altar in St. 7. Dunkin Donuts those pencils, and get ready to check Bart’s -Kenny Vallace ‘15 some stuff off, because we’ve got some Every great day at Seb’s is capped off It’s sneaky, but any Schola or mass en- with a nice Dunkies run—what’s that? wonders of our own here at Seb’s. Here semble member will tell you, it’s there. it goes, 7 places around campus to visit Dunks is not actually on the Seb’s cam- to Tyler Wiik ‘15 Ever wonder why the wooden structure pus? Either that needs to change or I before you graduate: at the altar juts out from the back wall 1. Henry’s Corner need another wonder of Seb’s. For now of the church? Well, there is a narrow I’ll change my position but you know, Defined not just as the actual corner passage from sacristy to music storage in the hockey rink, but as any group they’re renovating the student lounge, room that runs along the wall there. so now’s the time to get these things to “Life is too short to drive a Volk- of Sebbos at a sporting event or activ- Decorations for the church such as ity cheering on the participants of said happen: banners and fake plants are sometimes 7.0 Sebs, but between 12 and 5 a.m. event or activity. Henry’s Corner is stored here, although among the assort- swagen.” truly a sight to behold. With a long tra- This one might be the toughest on the ment supposedly lies Fr. Paris’ original list, but also the most rewarding. You’ll dition of cheering for and not against, whistle form his first year at Seb’s. Henry’s Corner is the most formidable, get to see the school without the hustle -Mr. Nerbonne 5. The Elevator and bustle of the normal day. You’ll find awe-inspiring, enthusiastic, and classy Right by the main entrance, we have an student section out there. Mr. P. doing whatever a genius does in elevator that usually goes unnoticed. the morning and Matt Guarino leading I gave you an easy one. You should be We can’t really get much use of it, right? starting this thing 1 for 7. You shouldn’t his Early Morning Club. You might Wrong! The elevator is there for those even glimpse the statue of St. Sebas- “I just had what they call in AA, even need to write this on your list, be- new students who might not yet be ad- cause, frankly, if you never once in your tian moving back to its normal position. justed to the carrying of many books up Maybe take a quick little drive up and entire Se’bs career go to Henry’s, I can’t stairs, or any who feel inclined to skip ‘A moment of clarity.’” say definitively but I think you get ex- down Greendale and Great Plain to get the three steps from the front foyer to some nice views of the school with only pelled then your high school years are the side entrance. The elevator also -Mr. Ferguson expunged from the records of history the streetlights on, or of the moon, or raises us up to see both the Will Judge of the sunrise. Plus you can get all the and you must start over at Belmont Hill. memorial tile mosaic and the chapel, 2. The White House work done you want while it is nice and two special and sacred places. And of quiet. If you fall asleep, at least you’re The one on South Street. The one where course how could I forget that it is by our beloved Headmaster Burke resides, already at school so you won’t be late. this elevator that Rafi is able to deliver While I only put 7 places in this list of “I would rather live in a card- just across from our great athletic fields delicious goodies to History Club and which are just across from our stunning essential places to visit, there are re- other groups meeting in the McCulloch ally so many more locations around the board box than be a medieval academic building which is connect- Room. ed to our shiny new science and math school. The roof for instance, or the 6. The Boiler Room in the Athletic Physics storage room where the Ryans building. If you can’t find a time when Building king.” Mr. Burke will politely invite you into keep their stash of breakfast bars and I know that sometimes there’s a sign mousetrap car secrets and where Mr. his home, maybe peek into the windows saying “Staff Only” but as long as you to see if you can find his Mark Twain Wilbur keeps his [PRIVATE]. So next -Cam Quirk show this article, I’m sure any staff time we’re on break, forget a vacation mask or his one piece headmaster suit member will let you pass. Inside there that zips up the back. around the world. See some of the great are wonders galore. Ooh, those shoes things around our very own school. 3. The Amphitheater you thought you lost in eighth grade While cool to look at, no one really were actually here all along. Need a knows what it is used for. Some say Mr. tie or belt? They’re there. Want a full Goodbye, Class of 2015!

The Walrus A St. Sebastian’s Publication Senior Editors: Jack Adams’ ‘15, Edgar Escobar ‘15, Ryan Lee ‘15, Angus O”Rourke ‘15, John Ryan ‘15

Apprentice Editors: The Irish Exchange Students Head Writers: Mac Morris ‘15, Pat McGowan ‘15, Billy McCarthy ‘15, Chris Haley ‘15, Tyler Wiik ‘15 Editors Emeritus: John Bartlett ‘14, Dan Fulham ‘14, Jack Goldman ‘14, Christian Kelly ‘14, Will Kenney ‘14 Faculty Advisor: Mr. Dan Drummond TheThe WalrusWalrus isis thethe officialofficial studentstudent newspapernewspaper ofof St.St. Sebastian’sSebastian’s School.School. TheThe WalWal-- rusrus seeksseeks toto provideprovide newsnews andand entertainmententertainment forfor thethe St.St. Sebastian’sSebastian’s community,community, asas wellwell asas toto provideprovide anan openopen forumforum forfor studentsstudents toto offeroffer opinionsopinions onon issuesissues relatedrelated toto world,world, nana-- tional,tional, andand schoolschool affairs.affairs. TheThe opinionsopinions expressedexpressed hereinherein dodo notnot necessarilynecessarily reflectreflect opinopin-- ionsions ofof thethe facultyfaculty advisorsadvisors oror seniorsenior editorseditors ofof TheThe WalrusWalrus oror ofof St.St. Sebastian’sSebastian’s School.School. What can we say? It has been great this past year as being your editors. We wanted to leave CorrespondenceCorrespondence toto TheThe WalrusWalrus shouldshould bebe addressedaddressed toto TheThe Walrus,Walrus, c/oc/o St.St. SebasSebas-- you with some iconic endings/scenes. They capture what it feels like us to leave. See if you tian’stian’s School,School, 11911191 GreendaleGreendale Avenue,Avenue, Needham,Needham, MA,MA, 02492.02492. SeniorSenior EditorsEditors andand productionproduction staffstaff reservereserve thethe rightright toto reject,reject, edit,edit, oror admitadmit anyany oror allall submissions.submissions. ToTo submitsubmit anan article,article, can guess all the movies that these scenes are from. visitvisit thethe WalrusWalrus page,page, foundfound onon thethe studentstudent portalportal ofof ourour beautifulbeautiful schoolschool website.website. April 2015 THE WALRUS Page 3 At Saint Sebastian’s Country Day School Students Celebrate Black History Admitted Students In- By Jackson McKeigue ‘17 want that to take away what this [the bly did not have a particular speaker. vited to Night at Seb’s On March 31st, The Men assembly] meant to the school, it was He believed that speakers presented, still well done but compared to years with Positive Attitudes held its an- “long periods where people go to By Miguel Espinosa ‘16 school. past, it wasn’t at the same level”. In nual Black History Month Assembly. sleep”. The new style and organiza- On the evening of April 8, a similar point of view, member of As the 2014-¬2015 school This year’s assembly, although hav- tion “worked against boredom” and as prospective families gathered at the MPA and the freshman class, Jona- year winds to a close, the admissions ing faced much adversity with the a result, he felt, overall, it went very chapel for Admitted Students Night. than Pace ‘18 recalled, “I thought it department enters its phase of at- troubling snow days of February, was well. Then, probably one of the most The event commenced with open- was rushed, but altogether I thought tracting admitted students. Hundreds particularly special. This year’s as- important perspectives of this assem- ing remarks from Mr. Nerbonne, and it came together pretty well [….] I of families have visited, researched, sembly recognized the 50th anniver- bly, being a new teacher to the school, then a prayer from Father Arens. The thought the Selma thing was pretty and applied to our school, in hopes sary of Bloody Sunday, the Selma to as well as this assembly being his very musical ability of our student body empowering. However, I liked the of giving their sons the best years of Montgomery marches, and the Voting first, Mr. Beaule. “I think it takes a was displayed, as Paul Scemama ‘18 play the best, I thought it was hilari- their lives. The process of applying to Rights Movement of March 1965. lot of work to do that, and is a really gracefully recited a piece on the pi- ous”. Then once asked how he would St. Sebastian’s, or any ISL school, is The afternoon consisted of a variety important assembly to have [….] I ano. Our writing and speaking skills compare this year’s assembly to past similar to that of a college: one must of speakers who delivered short in- thought it was a tough position they were also utilized. Austin Parsons ‘20 years he thought it was “ok” but could schedule an interview, take an en- troductions and explanations of news were put in, when preparing, having to described a typical St. Sebastian’s have been better. Although there were trance exam, and fill out an applica- clips from Bloody Sunday. A song fol- constantly change everything, it was a day, and went into full depth about his many good reviews and perspectives tion. Decisions are mailed on March lowed each presentation. Following lot to do and I was pretty impressed by math and English classes. He proudly on the assembly, current Sophomore 10. For those who have been accept- the presentations there was a well-de- it.” Then when asked how he thought referred to our passionate fan section, Will Roche ‘17, felt otherwise. While ed, the final step of choosing schools livered canticle, ensued by a student that the assembly impacted the com- Henry’s Corner, and its commendable interviewed, Roche explained how, can be difficult. To accommodate an written skit. munity he replied, “I feel it benefits behavior at the Brooks playoff game. “The assembly wasn’t even during indecisive student or family, student At the beginning of the as- the community to understand the Edgar Escobar ‘15 testified to the im- Black History Month, so I’d give it tours are offered, and an admissions sembly, MPA president, Edosa Onai- history at a deeper level, it gets a lot mediate inclusion he felt in his first a 5 out of 10”. Attempting to end on reception is planned. Such activities wu ‘15 welcomed the community and of our guys to care about the history day at Seb’s. Edgar spoke about the a positive note however, Roche end- also provide committed acceptees a introduced Father Arens to lead the more…. there are other issues that we rigor of his courses, and of the inter- ed by saying, “It was the best black preview of what’s to come next year. school in an opening prayer. Nnamdi have now and I think that with lead- est he developed in reading and writ- history month assembly ever... in the Unlike admissions tours, stu- Okwerekwu ‘16 introduced the first ers like that in the community, it gives ing. Alumni Joe Kearney ‘14 returned month of March”. dent tours allow prospective students clip of the day regarding Bloody the younger people a direction on how from Harvard to speak about his rea- Another perspective of the the chance to immerse themselves in Sunday. Succeeding each presenta- to act and how to fight for what is re- sons for choosing St. Sebastian’s. He Black History Month Assembly was daily St. Sebastian’s life. They gather tion, Ms. Christina DeVaughn and ally important in this country which shared with the audience the intensity that of the teachers. Being one of the at the lobby in the morning, and are Mr. David Coleman from Dana Hall is freedom”. The final interview that of his junior year and the merits of more seasoned teachers at the school, greeted by the warm, inclusive aura School would enlighten the com- was conducted was with Mr. S. Cres- hard work. Lastly, one of the parents, Mr. Thomasy had a very positive and of Headmaster Burke. They pair with munity with a musical performance. sotti. When asked about the assembly Mrs. Supple P ‘09, ‘10, ‘15, assumed insightful interview regarding the as- current students, and attend classes After Nnamdi spoke and the clip was the first thing that came to Magister the podium and praised the school for sembly. “I was very happy that they throughout the day. Within the class- played, Ms. DeVaughn sang, “This Cressotti’s mind was, “Matt Blue’s its development of boys into young had it [….] I thought it was better than rooms and hallways, they witness us May be the Last Time”, by Ryan Bev- valiant effort with the skit and the cue men. usual. The woman that came was an working hard and diligently. At Ward eridge. Michael Bollas ‘18 presented cards [….] I really like the idea of him Like any chapel meeting, unbelievable singer, and I loved how Hall during lunchtime, they interact the next clip, followed by the singing impersonating a teacher [….] It’s nice Mr. Burke gave his final thoughts. she sang songs from the 60s, reminded and participate in the social life of St. of “Woke Up This Morning”, by Afri- to know you guys are thinking about He acknowledged the weight of se- me of my glory days. The way it was Sebastian’s, all the while enjoying a can American Spiritual. Next, Mudia our roles as teachers, and that the se- lecting a school, and encouraged his prepared, the way they were inter- delicious meal from the cooking staff. Onaiwu ‘18 gave the explanation and niors are taking this seriously and tak- audience to pray over the issue. After spersing scenes from the civil rights When learning about a school, noth- Ms. DeVaughn once again delivered ing a strong initiative [...] I thought it congratulating the speakers, he jok- march brought up the Selma to Mont- ing is better than to take part in it it- another one of the African American was well done and Matt blue gets an A ingly referred to the five quotes that gomery thing, that this was the 50th self. Spiritual’s beautiful songs, “Ain’t for effort”. are most used by students in their anniversary of that.” Thomasy con- For this time in April, we are Gonna Let Nobody”. Once the pre- Taking into account the speeches (“The essence of life is in re- tinued, “Our guys did a pretty good encouraged to be inclusive toward our sentations ceased, seniors Will Sup- multiple setbacks and problems that lationships”, “Love God, work hard, job with the reading and the Matt prospective guests. Many are select- ple ‘15 and Joe Kerwin ‘15 gave an arose, the assembly was as always take good care of one another”, etc.). Blue thing, even though it was a little ing between schools, and their deci- acoustic version of “What a Wonder- a success. It was able to inform the Confidently, Mr. Burke proclaimed ‘amateurish’, it was good. He took a sions will play a large part in their ful World”. After the impressive ren- Seb’s community of important history his love for his work, in which he has real shot, and he really made an effort growth. As wonderful of a place St. dition, Matt Blue ‘15 played the lead and presented an opportunity for the “the greatest job in the world”. to do something different…. I thought Sebastian’s is, some are gravitating role in a short skit named “Perspec- school to come together and engage The families filed out of the it was admirable doing something towards other institutions of learn- tive”, which he wrote himself. The as- in a very interesting and serious topic chapel, and into the carpeted area of different and taking a risk doing it”. ing. By conversing with a prospec- sembly ended as the students, faculty even to this day. Ward Hall. They were treated to a va- He especially favored how the assem- tive student, or by saying a simple and guests stood together to sing the “hello”, we can make our guests feel riety of snacks, cookies, and drinks. closing song “We Shall Overcome,” more at home. Intangibles play an im- Many began conversing with teach- after which Headmaster Burke took portant role in a prospective student’s ers, admissions officers, and one an- the podium to offer closing remarks. decision of where to enroll. How we other. The environment was cheery, There were many mixed choose to present ourselves could ulti- and optimism for the future of St. Se- feelings about the assembly from the mately determine who will attend our bastian’s was bright. school community as a whole. One perspective that the assembly can be viewed from is that of current MPA Seniors Give What board member and director of the skit, Matt Blue: “It went well, […] it was different than past years [….] They Have Been Given although the skit didn’t go as well as By Greg DeMatteo ‘16 seniors to step out of their comfort planned, I thought it could’ve been Every year near the end of zones and serve those who are most worse [….] I was happy and proud April with the conclusion of all non- in need. Many students who have of it”. Blue also touched upon the ad- AP classes, the members of the se- worked in more unfamiliar territory versity that the assembly faced as he nior class head off to many different have had incredibly rewarding expe- says, “the fact that we had to work places to offer their service and assis- riences, working with disabled kids around the three snow days and being tance to those in need. This time is and adults, special needs people, Al- postponed three different times [….] truly a great opportunity for seniors to zheimer’s patients, or underprivileged all things considered I thought it went Thanks to all the MPA members who made the Black step away from their daily routines to children in the inner city. With that really well [….] because of having to History Month Assembly a success with so many ob- make a difference in somebody else’s said, he emphasized that the most im- rush everything I didn’t think it was as life. The main focus of the senior port thing is that the seniors spread Je- stacles, as well as to our guests, Ms. DeVaughn (pic- sus’s message and continue his work good as past assemblies…. but I don’t tured) and Mr. Coleman, who shared their talents. service requirement is to mimic the life and works of Jesus in his selfless no matter where they end up serving. giving of himself and devotion to all When reflecting on his senior service peoples. Through their experiences, it completed just a few years ago, Mr. Students Survive Volcano on Trip Foley ’09, who worked at Children’s several species of monkeys, croco- where you jump off a platform and is hoped that the seniors will continue By John McManmon to grow in both their love and under- Hospital with kids with organ trans- diles, and turtles. basically become a human pendulum. plants, still views the experience as ‘16 We spent the rest of our The tour was finished with a walk standing of Jesus and his teachings to On March 13th, twelve stu- very rewarding. time there visiting some local stores through trails on the forest and on sky love and serve your neighbor. dents and two teachers (Mr. Beaule William D’Orsi ’15 also around the Rio Frio, and then we em- bridges that spanned massive gorges Mr. Eaton, the head of ser- and Mr. Digan) gathered at Logan took the time to talk about his own barked on a long trip west to the city in the forest. vice at St. Sebastian’s, took some time Airport at 4 a.m. to embark on a trip upcoming time of service. Will will be of Monteverde. Monteverde is lo- The remainder of the day from his busy life as a brand new fa- to Costa Rica. Our flight had a stop working at the Carroll School, where cated up in the mountains almost five was spent traveling to Manuel An- ther to explain the service program at in Miami, and upon our arrival, we he will be assisting dyslexic children hours away, and the trip was long and tonio, a small town on the Pacific a deeper level. Mr. Eaton explained learned that the Turrialba volcano in their pursuit of knowledge. D’Orsi bumpy as we navigated narrow moun- coast. Our hotel was not more than that seniors will begin their service on had erupted, covering the Costa Ri- is looking forward to his time at the tain roads. The hotel we stayed at was two hundred yards from the beach, April 21rst and continue until gradua- can capital city of San Josewith ash. Carroll School, as he believes “it will very rustic and only had five rooms, allowing us to swim in the surf and tion with the goal that they serve for The airport was completely shut down be a very rewarding experience.” forcing the students to sleep three to play football on the beach. The next at least twenty-five hours each week, for the foreseeable future, and we Also, Will said that he was “looking a room. The next morning we woke day we traveled to Manuel Antonio especially after AP’s conclude. The had nowhere to go. The chaperones forward to meeting and working with up and traveled to a large lake. Our National Park, and spent part of the main goal of the senior’s service is eventually decided that we would new people,” as well as making many tour guide told us that there used to be day at its sheltered cove. Before we to bring the ideas of loving God and fly into Managua, Nicaragua with no new friendships that he plans to grow a city located here, but in the 1970’s knew it, it was time to return to San neighbor that are taught at St. Sebas- idea when the San Jose airport would and continue developing in the years an electrical company wanted to build Jose Airport and begin our trip back tian’s out into the larger community, reopen airport. However, once we to come. a hydroelectric dam and flooded it. to Boston through Miami. However, as well as to help the seniors live out landed in Managua, the San Jose air- Fellow senior Matt Rocco, We traveled by boat across the lake our travel troubles were not over; our the order of the day “to love God, port had reopened, but there were no who will be working at the Need- and over the ruins of the city and to 11 a.m. flight to Miami was delayed work hard, and take good care of one flights to Costa Rica until the follow- ham Children’s Center, is looking an island where we would ride horses. eight hours due to mechanical issues. another” in the final phase of their St. ing day. forward to helping to take care of Most of us expected the riding to be The 8 p.m. departure to Miami would Sebastian’s careers. The service pro- We woke up early on Sat- the little kids. Matt feels that this very controlled, but when we got on get us there at almost midnight, and gram strives to help the needy, such urday to head back to the airport; experience will be very valuable and the horses, we were given very basic there were no flights to Boston until as senior citizens and people with our flight left on time for once. Af- beneficial for furthering his develop- instructions and sent on our way: pull Monday. Once we got to Miami and disabilities, and to make our seniors ter arriving in San Jose, we met our ment as a well-rounded person. Al- the reins to the left or right to steer, through customs, it was 3 a.m., and aware of the many struggles and tour guide Eddy, and we embarked though life at the Children’s Center and kick your heel into the horse to we had to sleep on cots in an audito- challenges they face every day. Mr. on a two hour van ride to a resort in will prove greatly different from what go. Someone soon discovered that rium in the airport. However, at 4:30 Eaton also said that he encourages the shadow of the Arenal volcano in he is used to, Rocco is ready to em- the horses were willing to break out a.m., Mr. Digan and Mr. Beaule man- San Carlos, which is in northern Cos- brace the challenge, knowing that at into a full-blown gallop without much aged to find a hotel, and at 5:30 a.m., ta Rica near the Nicaraguan border. the end of the day all the benefits will encouragement, and when one horse we arrived at a hotel, and finally got Once we unpacked, we traveled to a far out way the any negative aspects. galloped, all the horses galloped. The some sleep. water park at the base of the volcano Through this new experience, he also beautiful trail that weaved through Most of us woke up at 2 that used pure spring water warmed hopes to make new friends and meet grassy mountains took us one hour p.m.,and enjoyed a late lunch at IHOP by the volcano in its pools and rides. new people before moving to Ohio af- and fifteen minutes, and we were told and walked around Miami. On Mon- We had an awesome time at the wa- ter graduation. the trail had recently taken a group of day, we finally got our flight home at ter park, and it made flight issues of With their classes coming to girls two and a half hours. The next midday. Everyone had a spectacular the past thirty-six hours seem worth- an end, the senior class looks forward day was spent zip-lining at the Cloud time, and I would like to thank Mr. while. The next day, we travelled 30 to embarking on their journey into the Forest on a course that includes over Digan and Mr. Beaule for making the miles south to the Rio Frio for a river- world of service where they will in- two miles of zip-lines. The rides trip so smooth and enjoyable, as well boat tour. The shores of the river were spire good, represent St. Sebastian’s were exhilarating, and the zip-lining as overcoming the travel problems we The best example of service: proudly, and spread the loving mes- teeming with exotic animals, such as faced. was capped off with a Tarzan Swing, Jesus Washing Your Feet. sage of Jesus. Page 4 THE WALRUS April 2015 Movies with Mac-Attack Kingsman By Mac Morris ‘15 was surprised with how much fun that he ranks in my top five vil- I had watching the film. The film lains of all time. Not because he is HEAD WRITER/ is basically a Tarantino film boiled particularly frightening in and of MOVIE CONNOISSEUR down to those elements of a classic himself (although his plot to solve SPOILERS AHEAD— Tarantino film that sell the tickets: our environmental problems by using READ AT YOUR OWN RISKS! absurd humor and equally absurd signals emitted by cellphones he (and very, very, very) graphic vio- sells to turn off inhibitors in the mind Okay, so I reread what I wrote for the lence. That being said, this film is towards violence to cause everyone prior edition of The Walrus and have not for everyone. Some of the jokes to kill everyone is certainly menac- an in-depth, objective evaluation of are suggestive—and the last shot of ing), but rather because he is just so the article I can honestly conclude the film is particularly raunchy—and much fun to watch. For example, he that I may have gotten a little carried the violence, although graphic to the vomits at the sight of blood, which is New Senior Lounge: Probably not what it will look like away with my previous review of point of absurdity, is still graphic. pretty amusing considering the fact Kingsman: The Secret Service to With that in mind, St. Sebastian’s that the film is drenched in it, largely the point that the article transformed students are basically the target audi- thanks to his own actions. Also, he into a spiteful condemnation of ence of Kingsman. has a lisp that makes the delivery Ode To The Senior Academy’s refusal to award awards Kingsman is directed by of his lines particularly humorous. to actual art (aka The Lego Movie). none other than Matthew Vaughn Other notable performances include Or I may not have. Regardless, I feel and really is the perfect movie for Colin Firth’s Harry Hart who serves highlighting his directorial strengths Lounge as if it is necessary to make amends as a mentor to Taron Egerton’s Gary and it is for that reason that I have of incorporating copious amounts ‘Eggsy’ Unwin—the protagonist of By Paige Sanderson ‘15 been made in the student lounge. chosen to write a review of Kings- of energy, utilizing sharp, witty the film. Michael Cain’s Arthur is a Some temporary like the various at- man… That is, a legitimate review dialogue, and orchestrating violent bit underdeveloped, however. FEATURE WRITER tempts at a ping pong tournament and Deep within the bowels of of the film that actually reviews the action. That being said, I found some If there is any knock on the film it some permanent thanks to the tattoo St. Sebastian’s, there is a small room film. No applause, please, no really, of the characters to be effectively is that it attempts to incorporate too parlor that came in two years ago. Un- aptly named “The Student Lounge” it’s my pleasure to go above and well-developed to the point that they many issues we face today while still fortunately, we must say goodbye to where kids of all different grades beyond for y’all and actually review are able to accomplish that which attempting to maintain the fun of the this old relic. As one of the 7 wonders and sizes, except for freshman, get something in my review. Well, here the plot demands of them, which film. For example, in addition to the of the world along with the Salty Spit- to interact with each other and play we go. is not exactly a ton of emotional issue of climate change and how to toon from Bikini Bottom (Wikipedia) games spanning from ping pong Now I got to be honest, depth—regardless, they are compel- address it the topic of class warfare it will be sad to see it go. As Robert with no paddles or ball, to games when @notagirlsname suggested ling in the context of Kingsman’s is also introduce to the plot. Despite Frost once said “Nothing gold can like black jack, five finger fillet, and going to Kingsman at the De Lux plot. My absolute favorite character that, the film still is a lot of fun to stay” and we now know that nothing everyone’s favorite, guess the stain in Legacy Place on some particular in the film is its villain Vallentine watch and well worth your time. On stained, cobwebbed or rancid can stay on the carpet, where one must guess Monday, I was not all that enthusi- who is played by none other than account of this, I give it 7 Macs. either. As much as it pains us to see it the source of each stain that covers astic about doing so. Nevertheless, Samuel L. Jackson. In fact, I would go, we know it will be going to a bet- the carpet. . The winner gets 2 rupees I went and I can honestly say that I go so far as to say (as of right now) ter place in student lounge heaven. (that’s .200 in Chinese Yuan) and a Did somebody say reboot? bus pass. It truly is a special place. No? Well, shut up! No one asked you! Condemned and built in the 1720’s, From the collective minds of Michael even before St. Sebastian’s existed, Bay, M. Night Shyamalan, the class it has become a uniting place for the of 2015, Burger King Chicken Fries school and a hub of cultural and spir- and Rob Schneider comes a whole itual nurturing. It’s the only place new student lounge experience (cue in the school were one can find beef smoke machine). The student lounge jerky dating back to the early 80’s, 2.0 will be a site for non-stop fun and an extra pair of crutches, or luke- entertainment! Located between the warm Vanilla Ice-Themed ice packs world famous St. Sebastian’s Squash from the 90’s. It’s the only place Courts and swimming pool, which is where pants are optional but crocs across from the famous St. Sebastian’s are not and where one can participate track, this new student lounge has ev- in a hot yoga class led by yoga mas- erything a high school boy who isn’t ter himself Steve Thomasy. Its door a freshman can dream of! It’s filled to is always open except for freshman the brim with all sorts of activities that and when there is a tour walking by. are fun for the whole family! From a It has become a beacon of hope for petting zoo filled with exotic ani- the Seb’s community. Even teachers mals like manatees, cuddle fish (who cannot shy away from its greatness. despite popular belief don’t like to be Mr. Sullivan once called it “That cuddled with) and a naked mole rat to place between the front office and a laser tag arena where you can laser Mr. Tull’s room” and “probably a fire it up with your friends, family, and hazard”. Quirk! If you’re not into exotic ani- There is also plenty of mals and laser tag, then test your luck history that has taken place in with the newly installed slot machines the student lounge. Me and some where instead of winning money, you fellow historians (who consist of can win Fruit Gushers or a bottle of Biscuit, a wily mouse that lives in olive oil. If that’s not enough then my pocket, and a couple canned prepared to get bouncy (get it?) in our sardines) have looked through tens trampoline room. We have, like, 2 of documents and esteemed histori- trampolines. That’s two more than the cal sources like Wikipedia, Tumblr, Belmont Hill student lounge! There ancient hieroglyphics found in is also a butler named Alfred that we the third floor bathroom stall, and managed to snag from some loser www.creedthoughts.gov.www/ billionaire who has two first names, creedthoughts to find that many earth named Bruce Wayne. Bruce, man, shattering events have occurred in what a freak! Anyways, Alfred is very our own swampy and crusty student useful if you need any assistance or lounge. For example, it is where our if you have a need to dress like a bat. founding fathers came together to Did I mention we have a whopping 2 draft the constitution. It is also where trampolines? Oh, I did? Well, I guess President Ben Franklin negotiated that about does it then. While we will a peace treaty with Klingons to end always remember the old student World War III (Wikipedia). It is also lounge, at least we can look forward Mac urges you to go see Kingsman (and also Jaws). Top: Colin Firth (King’s the 4,200th back up alternate loca- to the new one. Until next time, or the Speech) is about to destroy those kids. Bottom: Samuel L. Jackson with his lithp, tion for the Geneva Convention. next full moon, we out! (mic drop) I mean, lisp, makes his way into Mac’s top villians list. Most impressive. Lots of memories have Should We Or Should We Not Host The 2024 Olympics? By Anthony Canavan ‘15 downtown Boston, there would still some of the games outside of Boston, be traffic problems, as not everyone shipping people to Foxboro or other FEATURE WRITER would take advantage of the vans and college stadiums in Massachusetts. I hate traffic, and I’ve only it is inevitable that the shuttle would Although it’s a far-fetched idea of driven in a standstill twice in my life. never be running on time, ruining Boston hosting a well run Summer My drive is amazingly easy, West the experience for the fans. Even if Olympics, I’d want them in Boston. Roxbury to Seb’s is literally just go everyone were to take the MBTA, Imagine it, the 2024 Summer Olym- down the V.F.W. Parkway, take a it’s a garbage system as is, with only pics in your backyard. The traffic right, take another right, and Seb’s a small number of people using it. would be worth seeing those victories is on your left in just over a mile. Now we’d have at least triple the of the Americans over those damn The only time you find traffic on the number of people using it. The main Commies. An unrealistic endeavor to V.F.W. is never, ever ever. Say some foreseeable problem would be the host them in Boston, the 2024 Sum- massive, 17 day long sporting event traffic congestion due to having such mer Olympics are sure to be a blast were to come to Boston, I would an influx of people into a city that wherever they’re held. have to sit in traffic no matter where already suffers from miserable rides I go. Traffic would be a nightmare, home. Have fun. with all of the fans coming and try- Now, let’s say traffic isn’t a problem ing to stay in Boston, there’s only that somehow we make a Super T so much space. So now they have that is always on time, fits way more to stay in the suburbs, and every people, and isn’t generally an embar- single day, and in the weeks before rassment; and the shuttle problem the games, they’ll be flocking to the somehow works itself out and hotels city. Boston traffic is generally pretty are able to coordinate rides into the horrible anyways, doubling or even city to help alleviate the problem. tripling the number of vehicles all Now we have to find the field space going in the same direction, and the for Ultimate Frisbee on Tuesday traffic problem is magnified by that afternoons during Lax practice-I amount. Similarly, the traffic on all mean, the field space for all of the of the highways is terrible, and with Summer Olympic Games. Sure, we fans staying outside of Boston due have TD Garden and Fenway right to the lack of room available in the there and the surrounding colleges, city, the highway traffic will also be but in order to host the entirety of the doubled or even tripled. If they were Olympics, we’d either need to build From Top Right, Clockwise: What Anthony Canavan thinks the streets of Bos- able to put together a shuttle service multiple stadiums with space that ton will look like if Boston hosts the Olympics; How cool would it be to have the of sorts from the various hotels to Boston simply doesn’t have, or move Olympics, though; finally, the desire is strong in Boston to host the Olympics. April 2015 THE WALRUS Page 5 Comics With Jimmy The Prophet: Senior Forecasts Tyler Jackson: Will play pro- We Are Sorry To Announce That fessional baseball. In Mongolia. A.J. Jreige: Will bring peace to the The Comic You See Below Is Not Middle East. Joe Kerwin: Will jump from his From Jimmy Ryan ‘16; It Is Actu- nest and soar like an eagle, or some- thing along those lines. Travis Lampron: Will run. Far. ally From Bill Amend, The Writ- Justin Lee: Will show up to class on time just once before reverting er of The Foxtrot Comic Strip. By Billy McCarthy ‘15 back to his old ways. HEAD WRITER/ Ryan Lee: Will find and woo a Jimmy Was Unfortunately Suf- breeder via the implementation of a PROPHET sixth month plan. fering From What Is Called Writ- It is easy to mistake sum- Mario Lepore: Will become a mertime as a sort of end. Us seniors, world champion boogie-boarder. in particular, watch our time at St. Se- Shawn Lynch: Will attend Ala- er’s Block, So He Was Unable To bastian’s come to a close once and for bama just long enough to develop all. But there is a reason why we re- some raging confederate tendencies. Come Up With Anything. We fer to graduation day as “commence- Conor Masterson: Will take ment.” It is, after all, a beginning. up acting in order to play the role of Found This Comic That We Hope And isn’t that one of the highest func- Ronald McDonald. tions of a school like St. Sebastian’s? Tyson Mattox: Will move to Mi- Will Satisfy You. Thanks For Isn’t high school supposed to launch lan and open his own fashion line. us toward future successes, to send Gabe Maxwell: Will hope each each and every one of us on our own and every day that he gets a call from Your Understanding. way? In truth, we all have a lot left in Danny Higgins and cry in the corner life. Below, I’ve done my best to of- when he doesn’t. fer prophetic insight into the futures Bill McCarthy: Will always of the seniors in the class of 2015. miss his time and duties as prophet. Happy reading! Pat McGowan: Will tell his future government students all about how he Jack Adams: Will marry at 40. Or chose heaven over Harvard, how PQ 45. Maybe even 60. and CQ are better than IQ, and how Brendan Albertson: Will take John Marshall is a definite red flag. pride in the understanding that his Ryan McGuirk: Will probably ghost will loom in and around the develop a moderate ambidexterity by hockey rink for centuries. the time he gets his college degree. Greg Barletta: Will invent an Jimmy Mitchell: Will work for iPhone app for city-dwellers that cues the Red Sox, confirming once and for an orchestra of trumpets to play with all that has always sat at the head of every pronunciation of his name. the wagon. George Barrett: Will take a Mac Morris: Will admit on his spontaneous college road trip to visit deathbed that he really is William Sr. Beilin. Shakespeare. Jordan Barros: Will be king of Kevin Murray: Will work at Old his company’s lunchtime pickup bas- Sturbridge Village in an effort to be- ketball league. come one with his ancestry. Danny Beam: Will slip by the line Seve Mustone: Will have a selfie monitor fast enough to finally ride Bi- stick surgically attached to his arm zarro. because, hey, that’s what’s really hip Matt Bell: Will ditch bodybuild- over there on the West Coast. ing in favor of something more ex- Mike O’Connor: Will become otic. Maybe hot yoga. Or Zumba. food. Matt Blue: Will, at some point Peter Olson: Will take a gap year during his college career, color him- for the sole purpose of hibernating. self green to confuse others. Edosa Onaiwu: Will return to Anthony Canavan: Will join Seb’s every so often to remind MPA “I Am Ted”: Meet K.T.K. Cam Cain the armed forces only to meet a black members that meetings are on Tues- soldier named Bubba, chase a long days. DK: Have you ever fasted? DK: You’re Ted? As in the lost love, and compare his life to a Angus O’Rourke: Will change By David Korzeniowski CC: What? No. What kind movie “Ted?” box of chocolates. his name to Kobe after one too many of question is that? ‘16 CC: I’m Ted. Tom Caravolas: Will suffer jokes about being the lesser of the DK: What are your thoughts For this month’s issue of DK: During lunch period, some obscure injury while carrying beefs. on Weight Watchers? “Kid to Know” we’re going to take a do you always hang out by the Panini out some obscure task in his uncle’s Tommy Pace: Will stand front row CC: Weight Watchers is a look at a well-known sophomore. Not maker? I see you over there quite a obscure warehouse. at a Chief Keefe concert, obstructing conspiracy. It’s not real. It’s fun play- only was he one of the biggest kids in bit. How often are you there? Joey Cerra: Will live in the stu- the view of everybody behind him. ing with your belly. the school when he came in in the 7th CC: Whenever I’m done eat- dent lounge for years before Mr. Sul- Cam Quirk: Will die in the woods. DK: What your favorite grade, but he was also very talkative. ing like four servings of the entrees, livan realizes and kicks him out. Bobby Reardon: Will begin song? His physical dominance has terrified I’m like, “You know what, I’m still Colin Connolly: Will mix in a cheering for another NFL team, dev- CC: Blank Space, Taylor seventh and eighth graders for almost hungry.” So I get two grilled cheeses, healthy dose of steady buckets. What- astating his dad in the process. Swift 4 years now, and that trend will defi- slice some ham up in there, and just ever that means. Tyson Reed: Will prove that it’s DK: Are you a Meghan nitely continue. What people see on wait for them to be done. Noah D’Angelo: Will track possible to not only go pro in some- Trainor fan? the outside, however, does not to jus- DK: Have you ever gotten in down and apologize to Jon Favreau thing other than sports, but also to CC: No. tice to the man, the myth, the legend, a fist fight over the space in the Panini for his lack of self-control. be captain in something other than DK: Do you like the song Mr. Cam Cain. In order to better know maker? Matt Daniel: Will have his li- sports. “All About that Bass?” this fellow Arrow and in order to paint CC: No that hasn’t hap- cense revoked in at least three differ- Christian Reenstierna: Will CC: No. a picture of him you, I was able to sit pened yet, but it may happen soon. ent states. make a living playing recreational DK: Not at all? down and talk with him. Here is the No guarantees. I usually just take the Cedric Depestre: Will open up sports. Oh, the irony. CC: No. entirety of the interview. other person’s grilled cheese out, put an African voodoo shop and title it Matt Rocco: Will eagerly await DK: Not even a little bit? DK: Cam, how are you do- it to the side, and put mine in there. “Black Magic.” the birth of his first grandchild so that CC: No. ing today? DK: What is the biggest James DeSisto: Will endure a he can tell him all about his block in DK: What’s your least fa- CC: Goooood. meal you’ve ever eaten? Where was lifelong battle with that nut allergy of the Lawrence game. vorite song? DK: What’s it like being it? When was it? And how much did his. Real deadly stuff. John Rourke: Will be forced by a CC: “All About that Bass.” Cam Cain? you eat? Matt Doherty: Will file for - di future employer to keep a translator at CC: Um, it’s terrific, you CC: Four pounds of chicken vorce over mayo on a sandwich. his side during work hours. There you have it, ladies know? I mean…everyone knows you. wings in one sitting. It was in Geor- Will D’Orsi: Will have his sur- John Ryan: Will become a priest. and gentleman, Mr. Cam Cain. So, You get to play with your belly when- gia at my great-great aunt’s house. It name legally changed to Zinsser for Paige Sanderson: Will name his for those of you who spot the teddy ever you want. And yeah, it’s great. was for the whole family, but I didn’t his Yale diploma. daughter Brad and his son Nancy so bear sitting by the Panini maker at DK: Have any seventh and know. And I just sat down and ate all Jack Duffy: Will create his own that they can feel his pain. lunch, feel free to go up and talk to eighth graders ever been visibly terri- of the wings. odd-jobs business with Danny Hig- C.J. Santosuosso: Will break him. He’s approachable, fun, hates fied of you? DK: What’s your favorite gins. For real this time. into the spotlight with a jingle for Meghan Trainor, and loves his great, CC: Um, all of the seventh holiday? Edgar Escobar: Will continue freecreditscore.com. great aunt’s chicken wings. He’s ab- graders when they came in [were ter- CC: Any one that has food being Hispanic. Peter Scotten: Will visit a psy- solutely the Kid to Know at St. Sebas- rified]. But, you know, I’m a teddy in it. Peter Fantozzi: Will become a chologist for the sole purpose of tam- tian’s. Remember, he’s not a grizzly bear. They thought I was a grizzly DK: What’s longest you’ve priest. ing a coffee addiction. bear. He’s Ted. bear, but really, I’m a teddy bear. You gone without food? John Flatley: Will start using Doyle Silvia: Will undergo a know? I am Ted. CC: Five hours. science not to wake him up, but to put name change. His college friends will him to sleep. know him not as Doyle, but as Ed. Vaughn Gendron: Will ride his Will Supple: Will join Boston sophomore slide into Brown and be- College’s campus ministry in hopes THE of becoming a disciple to Mr. Cham- yond and somehow still find success in life. bers. Charlie Gordon: Will use his James Sylvia: I don’t know. I re- RARE hair to set fire to the rain. ally don’t. Does anybody know what Matt Guarino: Will follow East- James does in his free time? ern Time while living on the West Kenny Vallace: Will remain Coast and bug his roommate in the forever envious of the crazies at Cam- process. eron. QUESTIONNAIRE Chris Haley: Will quickly realize Geoff Wade: Will let his tornado Word Association: What is the first thing that comes to your head when I say... that his Yale sweater has no place on grow into a hurricane or, better yet, a tsunami. Watch out, Patriot League. Nerbonne Ferguson Grade Reports Parent Teacher Greatness the Harvard campus. Conferences Mark Heffernan: Will send a Mike Wadsworth: Will inherit a tape of his ninth grade chapel speech private jet and a public jet to go with Mr. Nerbonne Most Excellent Excellent Informative Partnership Class of 2015 to Interscope records and promptly it. climb to the top of the rap industry. Scott Westvold: Will write a Mr. Ferguson Blessed Deschenes Tears Class of 2015 Imperious Pablo Hernandez: Will contin- book on chivalry. Then a sequel apol- Mr. Schell No Words Wow Really You want me to Class of 2015 ue pretending to be Hispanic. ogizing for it. lose my job? Danny Higgins: Will put his eter- Tyler Wiik: Will travel back to the nal expressionlessness to good use by future. Winky face. Mr. Lynch Scholar Joy Love Partnership 2nd Period Lit entering into and eventually winning Chris Wolpe: Will pick up Class ESPN’s World Series of Poker. $30,000 in debt on his wedding day. Mr. Rest Overweight Tattoo Ughhh. Tiring Not the Juniors James Hunt: Will buy two cribs at once – one for his first child and a second for his calculator. Page 6 THE WALRUS April 2015 POINT / COUNTERPOINT Who is More Essential to Spongebob? Squidward Patrick

By Owen Finnegan ‘16 V. By Chris Haley ‘15 HEAD WRITER You would be hard pressed to find polished private community called in this wallet, which means that this Spongebob Squarepants is a television character more unap- “Tentacle Acres.” To a kid, Squid- must be your wallet.” arguably one of the greatest achieve- preciated than Squidward Tentacles. ward’s reality is repulsive and incon- Patrick: “Makes sense to me.” ments in the history of the motion pic- People will often claim that Squid- ceivable, while Patrick’s life, devoid Man Ray: “Well then take it.” ture art form. The blend of hysterical ward is an oversight, a hunk of coal of responsibilities or stress, is much Patrick: “But it’s not my wallet.” humor with superior animation, the in the gem-studded cast of Spongebob more relatable. 6. FINLAND! Spongebob series has awed critics. Squarepants. The unwavering opti- To the more seasoned 5. Squidward: “Who eats a However, the fascinating protagonist, mism of the protagonist sponge, the viewer, we are able to see the subtle Krabby Patty at 3 in the morning?” Spongebob himself, does not com- dimwitted antics of his star shaped brilliance of Squidward’s charac- Patrick: “OH BOY 3 AM! *pulls out plete the show. The dynamic duo of best friend, and even the tightfisted ter. While he seemed to be a boring a crabby patty from under his pillow Spongebob and Patrick completes the lifestyle of Mr. Krabs are more appeal- cardboard cutout of a man when we to eat.* masterful TV series. ing to the average viewer. Our cynical the viewers were younger, with an ex- 4. Is mayonnaise an instru- Most of the humor from the cephalopod has lived in the shadows perienced eye we notice the delicious ment? show comes from Patrick. Whether since the show’s orientation in 1999. absurdity that clouds Squidward. He 3. The Ugly Barnacle tale. it is mistaking Spongebob’s bubble What the majority of the audience lives in an Easter Island head, which 2. Firmly grasp it on your elephant for a giraffe, or delivering fails to see, however, is how critical makes nearly no sense. Possessing hand. FIRMLY grasp it. FIRMLY his most touching speech, the famous Squidward truly is to the show. Imag- an obvious love for the clarinet and GRASP IT! “Ugly Barnacle” speech, Patrick is ine Spongebob Squarepants without interpretive dance, and a secret love 1. Sandy: “Don’t you have central to the comedic aspect of the Squidward: the show would still be for Krabby Patties; what originally to be stupid somewhere else?” show. So where’s my evidence of grounded by Spongebob and his an- seemed like the token straight guy is Patrick: *looks at watch* Patrick’s hilariousness? Before I lay tics. His eccentric attitude and fantas- actually much more. Compare Squid- “Not ‘til 4.” out my argument, I must first state tical adventures are fairly appealing on ward to a character like Patrick: one As you can see, Patrick’s my assumption that the reader is fa- their own, and the addition of another dimensional, predictable, flat. His humor completes the show. He speaks miliar with the show. Anyone who is eccentric, oblivious side character in antics become routine after just a few some of the most famous lines in the not familiar with the show, and is thus Patrick seems redundant. There is no episodes. Squidward, however, keeps show. Without Patrick, Spongebob is a communist, and had no childhood, counter, no antidote to the poison of us guessing. He can be just as absurd a good show, but not great. Patrick will not necessarily understand the Spongebob and Patrick’s overbearing as his yellow counterpart, while also makes the show great. Patrick even references I will make. Anyway, here ignorance. To a younger viewer, one providing a refreshing tinge of real- dresses up like Squidward one day, are the top Patrick Star Moments: who perhaps shares in the aforemen- ity in an otherwise impossible show. assuming his identity, and proving 13. *Has fishing hooks in his tioned blissful ignorance, Spongebob He can be the butt of jokes, or create that he is more central to the show mouth* Does this look dangerous to would still be an entertaining show them. He is a true utility player in the than Squidward. Squidward doesn’t you? sans Squidward. However, it is in fact show. assume Patrick’s identity. He can’t 12. Phone: “Is this the Squidward Tentacles that elevates an However, the most beautiful handle Patrick’s genetically unrepeat- Krusty Krab?” otherwise childish, silly show into the thing about Squidward is that he’s like able personality. Patrick: “NO! THIS IS legends of cartoon lore. us. He grinds through his work, takes PATRICK!” There is an interesting dy- pleasure in the little things, and is one 11. BECAUSE HE TOLD namic surrounding Squidward: to the of the only characters in the show to ME TOO! younger folk he is the ultimate buzz- accuse it of its own ridiculousness. He 10. Where’s the leak, mam? kill. He enjoys peace and quiet, a good is a beautiful paradox: a boring per- 9. *Rings doorbell* I love book, and not partaking in Sponge- son, but an eccentric one; cynical yet you. bob’s silly games. To the youth, he passionate; absurd but realistic. And 8. “Leedle Leedle Leedle reminds them of their parents whom perhaps the most important paradox, Lee” they are probably watching T.V. to and the one which cements his status 7. Man Ray: “Are you Pat- avoid. Squidward takes no pleasure in as the most important character in rick Star?” what he does: he goes to work without Spongebob Squarepants: although he Patrick: “Yup.” cracking a smile, brushes off Sponge- is a blue squid, he is the most human Man Ray: “And is this bob and Patrick’s advances, and in character in the show. one episode moves to live in a cut and your ID?” Patrick: “Yup.” Man Ray: “Well I found this ID,

Some top Squidward photos (Top to Bottom): Squidward celebrating suring the best Spongebob song “Sweet Vic- Some top Patrick moments (Top to Bottom): “Does this tory”; “It’ll go to your thighs... Then you’ll blow up!” look dangerous?”; “It’s not my wallet”; “Firmly grasp it!” Celebrity Look-Alike

Our Friend and Senior, John Ryan ‘15 Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ April 2015 THE WALRUS Page 7 American Sports Masters In Full Swing (Get It?) Yankees OR Red Sox? By Jimmy Mitchell ‘15 CJ Santosuosso-Red Sox By Danny Beam ‘15 In 2014, Fowler contended at all Finally, the easy pick is Rory Mc- four majors; however, he came up Ilroy. McIlroy has won the last two and CJ Santosuosso ‘15 Please do not listen to my FEATURE WRITER just short several times, as he was majors, triumphing in the 2014 As the snow begins to finally melt colleague Jim Mitchell here. He be- the runner up at three of those ma- Open Championship and the 2014 SEBS TAKE and the temperatures gradually Jimmy Mitchell- Yankees lieves the Red Sox are inferior to his jors. Sunday, Fowler could finally PGA championship. He’s also cap- rise, spring is beginning to show its The 2014 season was a quiet New York Yankees. This could not be break through. Golf fans have been tured the US Open and needs to colors. Spring, more importantly, one in the greatest rivalry in all of further from the truth. I actually hear waiting for Rickie to hoist a major win at Augusta to secure the ca- signals the commencement of the sports. Coming off their incredible this statement and laugh and feel nau- championship Sunday in his Sun- reer grand slam. The green jacket greatest tournament in golf: The run to a World Series championship in seous at the same time. The Yankees day orange attire for years; how- slipped through McIlroy’s hands in Masters. Year after year, sports fan 2013, the Red Sox failed to retool and are the exact same team as they were ever, Rickie just hasn’t proved able 2011, when he imploded on the fi- gravitate to their television sets in finished last in the American League last year when they finished 84-78 in to make that run that propels him nal day and allowed South African early April to see the world’s best East with a record of 71-91. Similarly, to a title. Fowler has struggled this Charles Schwartzel to capture his a weak AL East. I actually take that take on one of the most beautiful the Yankees also failed to make the year, with his best finish standing as jacket. Personally, I think the pres- statement back, the team is worse then and challenging courses the world a mere 12th in the WGC Cadillac sure surrounding McIlroy will keep playoffs coming off a winter in which last year, while the last place Red Sox has to offer: Augusta National. Championship. Despite his strug- him from winning his 3rd straight the team spent about $450 million have a totally new identity. Through the years, I’ve seen it all. gles, Fowler seems to play his best major and first green jacket. My on free agents, finishing 84-78. The Last year’s Red Sox offense Dramatic comebacks, dominant golf in the biggest events and is one pick: Rickie Fowler. I think Fowler Red Sox added pieces over the off- was abysmal, atrocious, disgraceful, performances, and wire to wire fin- to keep an eye on. will finally break through and cap- season, such as Hanley Ramirez and disgusting, whatever words you would ishes have contributed to the great- Two seasoned veterans could also ture his first major championship, Pablo Sandoval, to help them com- like to use. This year’s is outstanding, ness of the tournament. It is nearly contend at Augusta. Phil Mickel- given all his close finishes recently. pete once again while the Yankees terrific, intimidating and scary. Han- impossible to predict a champion son and Bubba Watson have both Lastly, the big question look for bounce back years and health ley Ramirez will anchor this year’s heading in; however, I’ll try to tack- been very successful at the Masters. mark heading into the Masters is from their key acquisitions of Jacoby lineup, and he is already making le the undoable and pick a winner. Bubba has won two of the last three Tiger Woods. Tiger recently an- Ellsbury, Brian McCann, Carlos Bel- some noise with his 2 homerun per- First off, there are several Masters’ Tournaments and enters nounced that he would play in this tran, and Masahiro Tanaka from the formance on opening day against the contenders who could be vying for the tournament is the defending year’s Masters. Tiger has taken an previous winter. While both teams the green jacket on Sunday after- Phillies. Dustin Pedroia is back and champion. Watson, like Johnson, 8 week leave of absence from com- noon. The first is Dustin Johnson. don’t quite appear to be competing for fully healthy as shown by how he is has great length which greatly fa- petitive golf, given his struggles Johnson was suspended by the PGA a World Series crown, they are both turning on pitches and hitting them a cilitates his play at Augusta. He also with his short game and new swing last year for off course issues; how- competing for bragging rights within mile away. If his bat is hot then expect plays extremely creatively and one early in the season. Woods has sunk ever, he’s returned in 2015 in top the rivalry. Therefore, who will have the team to score a lot of runs, early cannot forget the shot he hit from to 111th in the World Rankings, his form, finishing sixth or better in a better 2015: the Red Sox or the Yan- and often. Mookie Betts is going to the pine straw in a 2012 playoff lowest ranking since becoming pro- four of his past five events on the kees? be a star in this league. After a spring which would eventually lead to his fessional. He withdrew from Torrey tour. Johnson hits the ball a mile off Even though the captain and where he hit over .400 he is ready to first major championship. Phil, on Pines in February and hasn’t been the tee and his length should shorten pride of the Yankees, Derek Jeter, re- lead off for the Red Sox. Many play- the other hand, hasn’t won at Au- seen since. Prior to his withdrawal, the par 5’s considerably, hopefully tired in 2014 after 20 seasons in the ers have already compared him to An- gusta since 2010. Like Bubba, he’s he was cut at the Waste Manage- allowing him to card some birdies majors, the Yankees are confident to drew McCutchen, high praise indeed. captured two green jackets; howev- ment Open and is a major question and, possibly, eagles. Johnson has improve upon last year’s disappoint- David Ortiz is another year older, but er, his game has been inconsistent mark. My prediction: Tiger will been in the mix in several majors ing season and return to the playoffs. he is still feared by opposing pitchers. the last few years, excluding his make the cut but won’t be in con- throughout his career; however, In the offseason, the Yankees signed Pablo Sandoval is question mark for win at the 2013 Open Champion- tention on Sunday. Making the cut, he’s yet to secure one. Sunday, he reliever Andrew Miller to help the end me. I personally am not a fan of switch ship. Phil contended at the Houston however, is a step in the right direc- could bring home his first. of the bullpen that lost David Robert- Open last week and he could carry tion for Tiger, and the sport of golf hitters and in five games this year it is Rickie Fowler could also contend at the momentum into Augusta. One needs him to return to form. Re- son to the Chicago White Sox. They clear that Pablo is a much better hitter Augusta. Fowler has seen success can never overlook Phil if he can gardless of what transpires, a great also acquired Didi Gregorius from from the left side. I believe he should on the tour at a young age; how- get himself into the mix on Sunday. week is in store. the Arizona Diamondbacks to replace pull a Shane Victorino and just hit ever, he’s failed to capture a major. Jeter at shortstop. While these were from his stronger side. Mike Napoli is the very few moves the Yankees made poised for a bounce back year. Sleep over the offseason, the current roster apnea surgery made him look like a is capable of competing in a relatively different person and in spring training weak and winnable American League a different hitter. Napoli was crush- East. ing home runs left and right. If he’s Injuries plagued the Yan- your sixth man in the lineup, you have kees throughout the year last season, a monster lineup. Xander Boegarts is making it seemingly impressive that slimmed down, but after an offseason the team won 84 games. By the mid- where he worked out with Dustin Pe- season, the Yankees had lost starting droia, expect him to be a better hit- pitchers Masahiro Tanaka, Michael ter, and a much improved fielder. The Pineda, C.C. Sabathia, and Ivan Nova worst part of the Sox lineup is the to long-term injuries. In addition, po- catcher’s position. Yadier Molina…I sition players Carlos Beltran, Mark mean Christian Vazquez was poised to Teixeira, Brian McCann, and Jacoby dominate this year, but Tommy John Ellsbury struggled with nagging inju- surgery will leave him out of a Sox ries and slumps at the plate through- uniform for the year, that means the out the season. While many doubt catching duties will be split between Last year’s Masters winner, Bubba Watson, helps this year’s winner, 21- year old Jor- this team since they’re bringing back Ryan Hannigan and Sandy Leon. Two dan Spieth, put on his Green Jacket. Spieth tied the lowest score at a Masters with -18. the same troops for the most part, the very unproven major league catchers. Yankees on paper have plenty of tal- This team has depth with Brock Holt ent and potential to be a very good who can play any and every position, team; they just need to stay healthy. Daniel Nava and Allen Craig in the Roundball: The Madness Has Ended Although there were con- outfield. sky, led the team with 20, four other cerns about his elbow at the end of By Matt Aisenberg ‘16 Winslow had two fouls at the end “I think we have five num- players scored in double digits for the last season, Masahiro Tanaka is ready of the half. The Badgers opened the ber ones,” said John Farrell about his and Robert Lemone ‘16 Badgers, including; Sam Dekker, Nigel to reclaim his spot as the ace of the half on a 17-8 run behind Kaminsky. pitching. It’s hard not to laugh at that Hayes and Bronson Koenig. Kentucky Yankees’ rotation, followed by now This past weekend, March Madness It seemed that the Crazies were in a statement. But the Red Sox pitching was led by Karl-Anthony Towns who healthy Michael Pineda and C.C. Sa- came to an end with thrilling Final hole that they wouldn’t be able to dig has the potential to be solid, but also scored 16. With this nail-biting win the bathia. With Nathan Eovaldi joining Four match ups. The teams that com- themselves out of. To make it even the potential to implode and cause Badgers advanced to the championship the rotation this year and Ivan Nova peted were the 7 seed Michigan State tougher on the Crazies, Okafor picked the team to have to win games, 12-9. game in Indianapolis. expected back by June, a healthy Yan- vs the 1 seed Duke. The later match up up his third and quickly his fourth foul Clay Buchholz is the ace of this staff. Duke’s victory is seen as kees’ rotation is one of the better staffs was between powerhouse one seeds early into the second half. This is when He has the stuff to be a great pitcher, less impressive considering they were amongst the other teams in the league. Wisconsin and Kentucky. Michigan a unexpected hero was put into the but he lacks the confidence and the supposed to win: they were playing Not to mention the combination of State’s journey was a surprise, many game, Grayson Allen. Who is Grayson durability. Next up is Rick Porcello. a clearly undersized and less talented Dellin Betances and Andrew Miller is call it a Cinderella story considering Allen? He’s a McDonald’s All Ameri- Porcello just agreed to an 80 mil- team. However Wisconsin’s victory on one of the best in baseball in the bull- their high seeding; however this goes can from Jacksonville, Florida, who is lion dollar contract extension over 4 the other hand was very impressive; pen late in games. to show that anything is possible dur- known for his hot shooting and ener- years. That is ace money right there, they won because they out hustled, out Offensively, the Yankees ing March Madness. Duke had a rough getic play. Allen was aggressive right and sorry folks, Porcello is not that rebounded and wanted it more. They have plenty of speed at the top of the start to the beginning of the season when Krzyzewski put him in, scoring pitcher. He is however a solid number killed the Wildcats on the boards, out lineup with Jacoby Ellsbury and Brett but pulled it together with the help of 10 points in 18 minutes of the second 2 started who can back up Buchholz rebounding them 34-22. Wisconsin Gardner. A healthy and formidable freshman stars Jahil Okafor and Tyus half. He would drive to the hoop and well. The third guy in the rotation and also did a great job denying Karl-An- middle of the lineup with Beltran, Jones. Wisconsin was led by Frank Ka- either make the contested layup or get the fourth guy will be a toss up be- thony Towns the ball down the stretch McCann, Teixeira, Chase Headley, minsky, Sam Dekker and Nigel Hayes. fouled. Wisconsin had no answer to his tween Justin Masterson and Wade Mi- and the Wildcats ended up settling and the return of Alex Rodriguez Kentucky was the favorite from the tenacious play. Allen ended the game ley. Miley has the durability and the for bad shots. Overall the Final Four should provide some runs on a con- beginning of the year, winning all of with 16, which is amazing considering stuff, and Masterson has something Matchup was a great one. Two number sistent basis. Overall, the Yankees are their regular season games. No surprise his season average of 4. Tyus Jones to prove. The fifth starter is Joe Kelly one seeds assured for a terrific and a solid team and should be taken se- that they were in a Final Four matchup. was also terrific for Duke, scoring 23 who may actually have the best stuff dramatic game. riously by other teams. The Yankees The first of the two games points on 7-13 shooting. The freshman on this staff and once said he believed At halftime in the Champi- clearly have things to prove; however, was between Michigan State and told his coach that this year would be he could win the AL Cy Young. I ex- onship game the score was tied at 31, currently constructed, they will have a Duke. Although Michigan State was different than last year’s disappointing pect Kelly to slide up the Sox rotation a rare occurrence for the Final Four better season than the Red Sox. a great story they were clearly out result and he sure was right. list as the season goes on. Championship game. In the first half For some reason, even matched right from the beginning Duke won its fifth national The Yankees are too old. the Badgers had a tough time getting though the Red Sox finished in last against Duke. They fell behind early title in 24 years. This victory was very There is no way around it. They are the ball to Kaminsky; however he place a season ago, most fans and and couldn’t catch up. Duke was led satisfying for coach Krzyzewski, he injury prone because of their age, stayed out of foul trouble which was a experts are ready to crown them by Quinn Cook who scored 17 points put faith into unproven players and it and that will hurt them throughout bonus considering two the Duke stars American League East champions. and had five rebounds. Cook, Justin certainly paid off. This game wrapped the year. Their lineup is probably the were on their way to foul trouble, both After the signings of Pablo Sandoval Winslow and Tyus Jones helped put up a very exciting March Madness. weakest lineup the Yankees have put the game away with a 13-3 run towards freshman Jahil Okafor and Justise and Hanley Ramirez last November, out there in a long time. Jacoby Ells- the end of the game, which extended many jumped on the Red Sox’ band- bury is their best player, after that it their double digit lead. It was their wagon and picked them as the team gets a little foggy. Alex Rodriguez third straight double-digit victory, and to beat. A few problems with that: hasn’t played baseball in over a year Duke advanced to the championship 1. They ranked towards the bottom and it’s clear the Yankees front office game. in runs scored a year ago so adding does not want him on their team. Brian The second game was a more two solid but not great hitters won’t McCain is a good catcher and I think competitive one: the match up was be- change much. 2. The team failed to Brett Gardner compliments Ellsbury tween Kentucky and Wisconsin. How- sign Jon Lester to be their ace, leaving nicely. But the rest of their lineup of ever the result of this game crushed them with the weak-minded Clay Bu- nobody’s (Stephen Drew, Didi Grego- Kentucky’s dreams of an undefeated chholz at the top with 4 other decent rious, Chris Young) will struggle. The season. The game was tied at 36 head- to mediocre pitchers. 3. The team did Yankees rotation could potentially ing into halftime, promising a dramatic nothing to fix an already weak bullpen be good, but it could also potentially finish. Both teams going back in forth with Junichi Tazawa, Edward Mujica, be terrible. Masahiro Tanaka should to the very end made it seem like and aging closer Koji Uehara. With have gotten Tommy John according to the game was destined for overtime. the top prospects are still a year or the greatest pitcher of all time Pedro This was until Sam Dekker hit a huge so away from helping this team and Martinez, but he didn’t. We will see three for the Badgers as they were on with the lack of pitching, this Red Sox how that turns out. If you’ve watched their way to extending the lead. The team is not good enough to either win the first two games of the year versus AP Player of the Year, Frank Kamin- The Cameron Crazies are going, well, crazy due to their the division or finish ahead of the Yan- the Yankees, you can see they are no win in the NCAA Championship game against Wisconsin. kees. match for the Boston Red Sox. ARROWS Sports Vol LXVIII, No. 6 St. Sebastian’s School April 2015 And, finally, the sailing team, on Wednesday, April 8th. Even though Spring Sports Shake Off Cold And which unfortunately hasn’t been able they lost, the Arrows continued to get to get out onto the water, looks to get better as they finally got used to the some races under their belt soon. Led seething seas. Are Ready To Win Some Trophies by seniors Shawn Lynch, John Flat- We encourage all to go out By Ryan Macedo ‘16 and and power from Harrington, Galla- match against Moses Brown (appar- ley, and James Hunt, they are always and cheer on the sports team as they gher, and Higgins, the team looks to ently that’s a school), the team came looking for young and new kids to fight for another coveted league title, Will Slayne ‘16 keep rolling. The perfect way to sum back strong with a huge win over No- come sail. The first time the Arrows and with so much athletic ability one Despite being delayed by up the team’s optimistic outlook was bles. One match in particular especial- got onto the water was their first race every team, they shouldn’t disappoint. the snow this year, spring sports are given to us by Michael “dougie” Ca- ly sticks out. Erik Jones pulled off an officially kicking into full gear. So far, labro, “Can’t go 15-0 without going incredible comeback, which inspired we have gotten a small taste of the 2-1, but don’t quote me on that.” He the rest of the Seb’s athletes to play winning that these teams are capable went on to say, “We are just trying to their best. After having lost the first of and we fully expect it to continue. take it one game at a time, and if we set, Erik looked to teammate Sonny This year’s teams have managed to do that we can play with any team in Huang for advice and encouragement. find the perfect combination of young, the league.” What he got, instead, was a vicious lively talent as well as experienced The Lacrosse team had onslaught of chirps, which somehow seasoned veterans. In other words, we many high hopes coming into the sea- managed to motivate Erik. He never have the potential to dominate the ISL son, and they have yet to disappoint. looked back and won the final two in all spring sports, all that’s left to do With a hard fought comeback from sets, to secure the win. When you is execute. 5-1 at half they pulled out a 9-8 victo- look at the St. Sebastian’s varsity ten- The Varsity Baseball squad ry over Nobles. They then went on to nis team, only one word can come to has great potential to go deep in the roll to a 20-6 victory over Lawrence mind: leadership. With great leader- ISL this year. With so much young Academy. Sophomore John Piatelli ship from Mr. Thomas and Mr. Rich- talent and senior leadership, the team netted 6 goals to lead Sebs to the vic- ter, they will be looking to build upon looks to have a great future. After a tory. It seemed like there was a sched- their impressive season last year. In good 5-2 start against Dexter, a solid uling mix-up and Lawrence brought addition, the juniors on the team have yet irrelevant school in the league their JV team. Mike “soup” Mack- done a great job leading by example. play, the team then lost a heartbreaker intire said “The future looks bright Weston Brach, attempting to explain to Nobles. According to Coach Schell for St. Seb’s lacrosse.” Mr. Weihman the junior leadership situation, noted it was our best hitting game of the and Mr. White have been working the that “if more people played like me, year, but we just hit at them all day. team hard, and they are a force to be we would be all set”. So, in conclu- After the 2-1 loss, the team rebounded reckoned with by any team in the ISL. sion, we expect great things from the with a hard fought victory against a The team has great young talent like up and coming Varsity Tennis Team. very solid Lawrence Academy team. the Frisoli brothers and even better Facing a slightly intimidating yet senior leadership from James Desisto, SENIOR EDITOR’S UPDATE lanky lefty, the Arrows pulled out the George Barrett, Tyson Reed, and Greg The golf team, coached by 3-2 victory with a suicide squeeze in Barletta. With the upcoming game on Mr. Jim Sullivan and led by Senior the bottom of the six, and a shut down Saturday, April 11 against Groton, the Captain Ryan McGuirk, has patiently inning in the top of the 7th. Holy team looks to keep their hot start roll- waited for the greens and fairways to Cross commit Pat McGowan has had ing. melt, but they finally had their first two very solid outings, with help from The tennis team is “pretty match on April 8th. The team trav- both Blake Gallagher and Christian good, I guess”, according to Sonny elled down to Falmouth to take on Reenstierna, on the bump, the team’s Huang. While there isn’t much to Tabor and the Arrows came out with pitching looks to be some of the best in judge the squad on, as they have only a W, 244-248 (low score wins). The the league. The lineup is also a force played 2 matches, all signs indicate Arrows aim to be strong this year, tak- From Top to Bottom: Mr. Connolly, the Speed Demon himself, that this will be a strong season. While ing much inspiration from the Masters to be reckoned with. With great speed teaches how to run on the basepaths; Pat McGowan’15 deliv- from Calabro, Seidl, and Doherty, they struggled immensely in their first going on right now. ers a pitch; Mike Calabro ‘16 puts a great swing on the ball. The Top Ten Plays From the St. Seb’s 2014-2015 Seasons By John Ryan’15 back to back champs. It’s like the the scoreboard with 33 points. Know on what he probably calls an Ave Ma- ’15 said, “That arrow went straight for shirt Major Conley spoke of: “USA- that he and Austin O’Shea combined ria, connected with Edosa Onaiwu ’15, my heart.” Wow, what a game. It is SENIOR EDITOR Back-to-Back World War Champs.” for 36 points, half of the Arrows score as he was falling out of bounds. Then, one for the ages. That play from Cal- who won a nail-biter 72-70. Jordan had In recent memory, there have Skiing should get those. The skiing on the next kickoff, the Belmont Hill abro is one of the many that could have himself a day, harking back to the days been some spectacular plays. From team has reached such a high level returner decided to bring the ball out made this list, the whole game could be when his dad played in the NBA. Bas- Malcolm Butler’s pick to win the Su- of dominance that Senior Captain of the endzone, allowing Mike Cal- on the list, but that play was something ketball blood no doubt runs in the fam- per Bowl, to any one of Mike Trout’s Seve Mustone ’15 once said that he abro ‘16 (We’ll hear from him again) to special. ily and Jordan displayed that against St. robbing of a homerun, to any one of was giving up winning NEPSACs for scoop it up, and twist his way into the And now, for the number one play so Mark’s. Pavel Datsyuk’s shootout goals, to Lent. Wow, what a sacrifice. endzone, with 19 seconds left. What a far from the 2014-2015 sports season, We now go to the ice for any one of Chris Haley’s lay outs in Engine, Engine Number great last minute, as the Arrows contin- we stay on the football field but go back number 5. Sure, I could have made Ultimate Frisbee, or to any attempt 9 comes from another winter sport. ued to a 41-10 victory. to Belmont hill. You all know what I this number six because of Zinsser’s of a bicycle kick during soccer prac- Sure, his ego definitely does not need Number three goes back to am talking about. OH!!!!!! HEL- number, but this play he had against tice by Mr. Lynch. There some pretty another boost, especially after getting ice, but sticks with Belmont Hill. On LO!!!!!! GALLLLLLAGHERRR!!!!! Milton is deserving of number five amazing plays out there. You could into the best school out there Notre a day where the NHL video game set- That kid must still be feeling that hit, and would have been higher if not for look them up. Just type in top plays Dame (I’m a little biased), but Jack tings were set to what seemed like months after his accident with a hu- some other magnificent plays. On a of sports history into your preferred Adams makes the list for coming in Rookie, or at least the goalie skill set man freight train. Of the top ten things day where the Milton goalie could search engine (Google all the way) and first at the New England Tournament. way down, the Arrows exploded for 8 that humans fear most, with num- not catch a break, with not much time you can watch to your heart’s content, He beat the second place finisher by goals, beating the Sextants 8-4. Oh, ber four being death and number one left in the game, Will D’Orsi, with the especially since YouTube now auto- two seconds. Count it: 1 one thou- and I almost forgot. Christian Reensti- public speaking, getting destroyed by puck being played by a Milton player matically plays the next video, forc- sand, 2 one thousand. There. That’s erna had a hat trick. That’s right, throw Blake Gallagher must be number two on the boards in the Arrows’ offensive ing you to spend hours upon end at a lot of time for a swim race, espe- your hats on the ice, my friends. Reeny or something is wrong with this world. zone, somehow stole the puck from the your computer. But, there hasn’t been cially 100 meters (or 328.084 feet tickled the twine three times, in what Only few people have had the privilege guy, skated in front of the net, deking a video made for the Seb’s Top Ten for those inclined to the US system). is probably the greatest night of hockey to be wrecked by Blake, some of them and dangling his way down broadway, (Sure, a Spanish class tried to during Good for you, Baby G, for making it he as ever played (I’m not making fun include the entire Thayer team, whom pushed the puck past the goalie, and Foreign Language Week, but it isn’t on this list. Now go, tell your friends of you, Reeny. I’m just saying what I Blake carried for twenty yards on the darted over to the screaming and jump- as comprehensive as this list you are all about it. think is true). way to the end zone. I don’t know if ing fans in Henry’s just starting their “I about to read). Unfortunately, many Number 7 is from a dif- Now for the top two. They I want to be on that list. That Belmont Believe” chant, dumbfounded by the of these weren’t captured on film, so ferent winter sport. Jackson “Five” are from two of the most freakish ath- Hill kid’s grandkids must be feeling utter display of talent before them. It they will be unable to be played in Mr. Mannix, a late substitution for GMo, letes at the school, with number two that hit right now. was truly something to behold. Thomsay’s room years from now. But, came into BB&N game late with the coming from none other than Mike Number 4 Bobby Orr goes these will live in the memories of those score close between the Arrows and “Doug” Calabro ’16. At the NEPSAC So that’s my top ten. You back to the fall season, when the Ar- there who witnessed these legend… the Knights. Mannix went on to bowl game that the Arrows were in- may come up with some more/different rows Football team took on Belmont WAIT FOR IT……………………… score the final 10 points for the- Ar vited to, where it seemed like scoring one’s but I was under pressure to write Hill. I may be recounting this story DARY moments. And here are the rows, including a three pointer with was free, Mike Calabro was handed the this, because I have a Western Philoso- totally wrong, but this is how I remem- Top Ten (sorry if I missed any) so far fewer than 10 seconds in the game. ball late in the game, and weaved his phy Exam tomorrow and the only rea- ber it. Belmont Hill scored, making it of the 2015 season: What a dagger. If only Jerian Grant way into the end zone, where he pro- son I’m writing this is because the Wal- 10-7. After a nice long drive, Blake Number 10, batting, Mike could have hit that…ooh don’t get ceeded to drop the ball, grab an arrow rus minions decided not to submit their Gallagher’ 17 (We’ll be hearing more “Dougie” Calabro..oops, I have been me started on that. But, Mannix hit from his quiver, and let the arrow fly articles. But, I had fun with it. Look from him soon), scored on a one-yard struck by baseball fever. It’s getting a huge shot that helped the Arrows in into the jumping fans of Henry’s Cor- for more great plays this spring season. run, giving the Arrows the lead with a warm out, and Mr. Connolly’s fungos their successful basketball season. ner who made the trek out to the game. So, I guess this is goodbye from one of minute left in the first half. On the en- are coming back. Anyway, at num- We stay on the hardwood I already used this one (look in the is- your Senior Editors. Until next time. suing kickoff, Jack Duffy ’15 stripped ber ten is the Skiing team, for win- for number 6, with Jordan Barros sue that has this game covered), but I the Belmont Hill player, recovered by ning NEPSACs, again. That’s right, having an absolute money game am going to use it again. Seve Mustone against St. Mark’s, where he lit up Seb’s. Geoff “Wade-o Tornado” Wade, Varsity Varsity Lacrosse: Varsity Golf: Results Hotchkiss: W, 8-4 Tabor: W, 244-248 Nobles: W, 9-8 Rivers/St. George’s: 4/15/15 Varsity Baseball: Lawrence: W, 20-6 BB&N/St.George’s: 4/22/15 Dexter: W, 5-2 Groton: W, 14-1 St. Mark’s: 4/23/15 Nobles: L, 2-1 Lawrence: W, 3-2 Varsity Tennis: Ultimate Frisbee: Groton: W, 7-0 Moses Brown: L, 15-0 Belmont HS: 4/14/15 Varsity Sailing: Nobles: W, 11-4 N. Andover: 4/16/15 Scituate: L, 3-0 Groton: L, 8-7 Milton: 4/24/15