325+ TOTAL MEDIA HITS CONTENT NATIONAL 1- 134 INTERNATIONAL 136- 161 BROADCAST 163- 167 National Media Coverage 3 3 January, 2016 Effective parenting has to be learnt Laila Khondkar Child Protection Director Now I understand that 'punishment' and 'discipline' self-regulate. The Positive Discipline programme was are different. Our parents brought us up in certain developed in response to the question, “If I don't hit ways, and that is how we raise our children. They my child, what else can I do?” It was pioneered by Dr. used to beat us and made us believe that it was part Joan Durrant, a child-clinical psychologist and of the disciplining process. Thus, it is a part of us. But Professor of Family Social Sciences at the University from this training, we've learnt the difference of Manitoba, Canada, in partnership with Save the between the two clearly; we have been punishing our Children. The programme brings together learnings children, not disciplining them. Sometimes they even on optimising healthy development of children, run away from us due to punishment. We did not findings on effective parenting (which is informed by have the knowledge on any other discipline tech- research in neurobiology, cognitive psychology, and niques. But our approach is going to change from emotional regulation), and child rights principles to now on.” give parents and other caregivers a framework for This remark was made by a participant of Positive responding constructively to conflicts with children. Discipline in Everyday Parenting training in Liberia. I Positive Discipline makes parents realise how have heard similar comments in other countries children think and feel at different ages. It is interest- including Bangladesh. Children face high level of ing to note that most parents have very limited violence from their parents, teachers, and caregivers understanding on child development, which contrib- in homes, schools, institutions etc. Research has ute to their conflict with children. For example, a shown that physical punishment leads to impaired parent may shout at a three- year-old child for not parent-child relationship, poor child mental health, wearing warm clothes while going out, but the child child aggression and child delinquency. When at that age does not even understand the conse- children face such violence from the people they quences of getting exposed to cold. Positive Disci- trust most (their parents), they also learn to be pline raises parental awareness that providing violent with loved ones. Many adults who punish “warmth” and “structure” is the best route to their children have experienced punishment in their achieving “long-term goals” for children (what type childhood. But this vicious cycle must be broken. of persons they want their children to become and Generally, we observe two extremes in parenting. the qualities required for that), instead of shouting or Some say “yes” to everything the children demand hitting, which many parents practice in order to without even thinking whether that will be in the ensure that children comply with the short-term best interest of the children; some others try to objectives (in the above example, making the child impose their views on their children without consid- wear warm clothes could be the example). Providing ering their opinions. Adults usually think that we will warmth is about establishing trust, respect and com- “spoil” children if we show too much love and affec- munication. Structure is about information, guidance tion and thus have to be very “strict”. These are and teaching, which is completely different from assumptions and not founded on any scientific punishment, control and coercion – which constitute evidence. All of the findings of the hundreds of studies the traditional views of parenting in many countries. on parenting, conducted over the past 30 years, can The techniques help parents understand the temper- be summarised to two main findings: children need ament of their children, as well as themselves, and to live in an atmosphere of love and warmth, and find the appropriate solutions in various situations. children need structure to help them learn. Children Positive Discipline gives them the knowledge and are most likely to thrive when their parents are tools to perform parental responsibilities in an effec- knowledgeable about child development and recog- tive way. nise how behaviour is related to a child's develop- mental stage and how they are able to emotionally 4 Positive Discipline is based on two foundational pillars-the elimination of physical and emotional punishment of children, and the promotion of the rights of all children as outlined in the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC). Some people have misconceptions about child rights and think that it means taking away paren- tal authority. In fact, the UNCRC is very clear about the importance of parental guidance. Article 5 of the Con- vention mentions, “States Parties shall respect the responsibilities, rights and duties of parents or, where applica- ble, the members of the extended family or community as provided for by local custom, legal guardians or other persons legally responsible for the child, to provide, in a manner consistent with the evolving capacities of the child, appropriate direction and guidance in the exercise by the child of the rights recognized in the present Con- vention.” These days I hear many parents complaining about their adolescent boys or girls spending too much time on the internet. It is the responsibility of the parents to provide the required “direction and guidance” on various aspects of their children's lives, which includes appropriate internet use. Observations suggest that most of us are still unaware that parenting can be learnt and think that it comes natu- rally. The fact that one can become a parent biologically does not mean that the person will automatically have the capacity to be an effective parent. Parenting is joyous as well as challenging as an experience. To guide a human being toward adulthood, teaching them all they need to know to have a happy, successful life cannot be an easy task. There are times in all parents' lives when the challenges seems overwhelming. It would thus be rewarding if all parents recognised the need to learn about parenting, and there were resources and trainings to support them in the journey. Governments should consider offering universal parenting programmes to present and future parents. 17 January, 2016 Involve fathers in childcare Laila Khondkar Child Protection Director I [email protected] Around 80 percent of the world's men and boys will become fathers during their lifetime, and virtually all men have at least some connection to children in caregiving relationships. Despite this, the practice of engaging men in caregiving is virtually invisible in public policies and discourses. The first-ever State of the World's Fathers (SOWF) report is urging us to think and take actions about this. The report is a landmark analysis of fatherhood that draws evidence from hundreds of studies covering all countries in the world with available data. Published by MenCare, a global fatherhood campaign, the SOWF report is intended to provide a period- ic, data-driven snapshot of the status of men's contributions to parenting and caregiving globally, and addresses four issues related to fatherhood; these are unpaid care work in the home; sexual and reproductive health and rights and maternal, newborn, and child health; men's caregiving and violence against children and women; and child development. I am going to focus on unpaid care work in the home and child development. 5 Let us review the status of work by women and men, There is scientific evidence that children need at and the implications. Women continue to spend least one deeply involved and dedicated caregiver to between 2 to 10 times more time than men caring thrive, and that this can be a man or a woman. for a child or older person. These inequalities persist Evolution has left men as deeply biologically wired despite the fact that women today make up 40 for emotional connections to children as women are. percent of the formal global workforce and 50 Moreover, fathers with close connections to their percent of the world's food producers. Isn't it inter- children live longer, have fewer health problems, and esting to note that men's unpaid caregiving has not are more productive and generally happier. kept pace with women's participation in the labour Gender equality will not be achieved unless men are force? Each day I meet Bangladeshi women from engaged in the care of their children and families. different socio-economic status who are engaged in “When fathers take on their fair share of the unpaid economic activities and perform caregiving responsi- care work, it can alter the nature of the relationships bilities without support from their partners. Even in between men and women and children, as both Europe, which as a region has achieved the greatest fathers and mothers will have more time for their degree of equality; women do 26 hours of domestic children, women are released from some of their and care work on average per week, as compared to 'double burden,' and fathers get to experience the nine hours per week for men. The double burden joys, satisfactions, and stresses of caring for their carried by many women reduces their ability to children,” said SOWF report author Nikki van der contribute to the household economy, as well as to Gaag. “Taking up roles as caregivers also offers men develop their own skills and talents outside the the opportunity to begin to break free from the home. In a study in Latin America and the Caribbean, narrow concepts of manhood and fatherhood, more than 50 percent of women aged 20 to 24 said providing their sons and daughters with positive role that their unpaid responsibilities in the home were models, improved health and development, and the main reason they could not look for paid work.