Express Football League: Week 6

To: LLLLLLloyd H. Carr

From: Rich Rod was Right

Date: 10/20/13

Re: A tale of four coordinators

So Rich Rod was fired for:

A. Trying to fit a square peg in a round hole by using and as spread option when they could not beat a baby seal in a 40 yard dash AND B. Having a revolving door of D coordinators who could not come up with a 3-3-5 scheme that stopped the opponents (hence, 67-65 versus Illinois).

Fast forward. Brady Hoke and Al ‘Bundy’ (don’t call me Mike DeBord) Borges are doing so much better. The power offense against Penn State yielded a running back with 27 carries for … 27 yards. That’s OK, the 5-start, power freshman running back did even worse. Meanwhile, our leading rusher was . The defense only gave up 40. Much better than that Illinois debacle. Hit one-week skip on your DVR. Not only does the defense give up 47 points and 572 yards of offense, but Devin Gardner shattered ’s total offense record with 584 yards. Greg Mattison migh soon be called GERG in honor of his predecessor Greg Robinson.

So here’s to you, GERG Robinson. Defense worse than you can even see. Tee hee hee Rod bless you please, GERG Mattison Eleven stuck in place when Hoosiers play Hey hey hey, hey hey hey

Does defense wins championships. So with an offensive explosion like that, you can be sure that Einar has his eyes set on and Devin Gardner as possible “Townsendian discoveries” next year. His “Gizmo Williams” picks. In fact, had they been active players, Devin would have scored a Romo-like 557 points and Gallon would have bested the EFL record with 617 points. Just sayin’.

Back to the EFL where the week average hit a low of 788 points. The Excellent Team topped 1000 to shake things up in the middle of the pack sliding ahead of the Six Peaters by 0.55 points. The Comeslackers lowered the season record low to 532, getting within sniffing distance of last (saved only by the 700-ish point scores of the Hurting Kats and Ailing Antelopes). The Kardiac Kids jumped back ahead of the AlphaMale after an off-week. Basically, just a reshuffling of different segments of the deck. One thing of note is that, for the first time, the catastrophic injury clause has been invoked as the once-proud-of-his-wide-receivers Six Peaters lost Julio Jones to the Walking Dead schoolyard. Keenan Allen has been added in his stead.

Not much else on this quick up date. Here’s hoping for something better than a lucky 700.

EFL Individual Records ALL TIME SEASON Pos Pts Player Year By Pts Player Wk By QB 582 2013 BC/TC 582 Peyton Manning 1 BC/TC RB 445 Adrian Peterson 2007 KT/CT 260 DeMarco Murray 3 BB/DB WR 591 Jimmy Smith 2000 RW/TM 354 Julio Jones 2 MR K 170 Chris Boniol 1996 ET 100 Dan Bailey 2 MR 1

EFL Team Records ALL TIME SEASON Record Total Owner Year Record Total Owner Week High 1,554 Robert/Terry 2004 High 1,462 Mike 2 Low 144 Robert 1993 Low 532 Chris/Mack 6

2