“Drop the Mic” Writer Submission Written by Kelsey Amentt

Nora May and Jermaine Johnson 3 Arts Entertainment 9460 Wilshire Blvd 7th Floor Beverly Hills, CA 90212 310-888-3200 Jackie Onassis vs. Marilyn Monroe

ROUND ONE Jackie: There’s more than hot air blowing up your skirt Lookout, blondie, you’re in for a world of hurt Mama was a flapper, your daddy no one knows A ward of the state with hand-me-down clothes I’d say you worked hard and kept your chin-up But really you started in Hollywood as a pin-up Not trying to be crass, don’t want to be mean But you should pack your bags, Norma Jeane

Marilyn: Tell me to pack my bags? Let’s unpack yours. Only time they let you out is for white house tours. Wants what she can’t have like a spoiled brat Stockbroker pa, socialite ma teach you that? You boast about your art degree like a cultured jerk But I understand cause you’re a real piece of work. Your look is old, and your style is getting stale And don’t forget Camelot’s just a fairy tale.

ROUND TWO Jackie: I was born and bred for elegance and grace You were taught to get them titties into place Called the blonde bombshell, but really you’re a dud Stealing men left and right, get your own stud Divorced three times, the next one’s a bargain Been with so many men, you better start chargin’ Your rise to stardom was filled with scandal So much drama, even you couldn’t handle

Marilyn: My life might be dramatic, yeah, what of it? It sounds like it’s something that you covet You say you’re educated. You got your degree. I didn’t know an M.R.S. came with such a fee. You come off like an ice queen, but I understand Cause Cuba’s got you in the palm of their hand. I loved all my husbands, you did it for the money. Now which one of us is the gold-digger, honey?

ROUND THREE Jackie: You know your legacy is more pop than culture And what was left was picked apart by vultures. They call you a sex symbol but you’re just a mess. Swallowing pills to “alleviate” the stress. Bit parts to stardom, you couldn’t play the part Unless it involved stealing some man’s heart. They call sex with you the Seven Year Itch So keep your hands off my man, you blonde bitch

Marilyn: Let’s talk about the elephant in the room Yes, you were the bride to JFK’s groom A trophy wife on the arm of the president “Perfection” like yours sets a precedent. You say Jack loved you, a memory you’ll guard, But my “Happy Birthday” made him real hard. Your relationship was like a cheesy cake topper But that stunt in Dallas was a real showstopper.

Boyz II Men vs. Rascal Flats

ROUND ONE Boyz II Men: From Philadelphia, born and raised, Topping the charts with constant praise, We’ll make love to you one sweet day While Rascal’s got you rolling in hay. I’m talking bout these country boys Singing with a twang in their voice. Their ears are burning, ours our toast Cause their music is what hurts the most.

Rascal Flatts: Sorry, we missed that, you put us to sleep Like all your ballads that just make us weep. You’re like some frat guys singing acapella. You better run home like Cinderella. Purely old school, y’all are a throwback, Hoping your hair will some day grow back. By the end of this you’ll be begging please Cause we’ll have you on bended knees.

ROUND TWO Boyz II Men: Excuse me, but can you repeat that again? Who has a whole street named after them? We beat ourselves on the Billboard Hot 100 That’s called success if you’ve ever wondered. You like to say the broken road is blessed But that’s because your songs are a mess. Even on your best day you fall a little flat. How bout some silence? We like the sound of that.

Rascal Flatts: We play our instruments, you just learned how. We’ve sold out packed stadiums up until now. From Hannah Montana to Justin Bieber, People are catching that country fever. You may have been around the block before But challenge us, and we’ll come for more. We’re a little bit country, you’re all R&B But there’s only one winner, and that’s me.

Brittany Murphy Roast Jokes

Brittany Murphy got her big break in Clueless as Tai. In the movie, Alicia Silverstone’s character gives her a makeover to make her a hottie. Just like those plastic surgeons and cocaine did for her in real life.

She didn’t even have to audition for the part in Clueless. She walked into the casting session and looked so much like a deer in headlights they hired her on the spot.

The girl is so ditzy, she didn’t realize she was even being typecast for her roles in “Clueless”, “Bongwater”, and “Girl, Interrupted”.

Brittany’s performance in “8 Mile” got critical acclaim. In that one, she plays Eminem’s love interest who bonds with him over being the poor, pale, white people in a black neighborhood.

She then landed the lead role in “Little Black Book” where her character meets her boyfriend’s exes after stealing his palm pilot. Pretty sure that’s also what Britt nicknames herself when she’s giving a handjob.

She even had a career as a singer, but that lasted about as long as her stint on Broadway. Don’t remember that? Neither does anyone else.

But don’t let them pressure you into anything, Brittany. I know being the spokesperson for Jordache jeans can be rough, but you don’t have to do cocaine to fit into them.

Brittany’s been called difficult to work with, but that’s just because of her learning disability.

She’s also been known to hook up with people on set. First it was Ashton, her co-star in “Just Married”, then it was a talent manager, then a PA. Her latest beau is a deconstructed set from her last movie. That relationship’s really falling apart.

Brittany’s mom moved them out to LA when she was young to get her a head start with acting. It’s like the start of “Gypsy”, but with an ending like “Grey Gardens”.

Brittany and her mom are so close they even share a bed. I hear they also share Simon. It’s like hosting a 70’s key party at a family reunion.

She tries to be Marilyn Monroe when she’s just a sober Anna Nicole Smith.

Did you know scientists have actually used Brittany’s laugh to stop monkeys from breeding. Try it on any date you have. Trust me, it’ll work.