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When the Whole World Tips: the Buddhist Teaching of Equanimity for Parents

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When the Whole World Tips: the Buddhist Teaching of Equanimity for Parents Lesley University DigitalCommons@Lesley Graduate School of Arts and Social Sciences Mindfulness Studies Theses (GSASS) Spring 2019 When the Whole World Tips: The uddB hist Teaching of Equanimity for Parents Celia Landman Lesley University, [email protected] Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.lesley.edu/mindfulness_theses Part of the Other Social and Behavioral Sciences Commons Recommended Citation Landman, Celia, "When the Whole World Tips: The uddB hist Teaching of Equanimity for Parents" (2019). Mindfulness Studies Theses. 5. https://digitalcommons.lesley.edu/mindfulness_theses/5 This Thesis is brought to you for free and open access by the Graduate School of Arts and Social Sciences (GSASS) at DigitalCommons@Lesley. It has been accepted for inclusion in Mindfulness Studies Theses by an authorized administrator of DigitalCommons@Lesley. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Running Head: WHEN THE WHOLE WORLD TIPS When the Whole World Tips: The Buddhist Teaching of Equanimity for Parents Celia Landman December 2018 Advisors: Dr. Melissa Jean and Dr. Nancy Waring WHEN THE WHOLE WORLD TIPS 1 Abstract Parents witnessing suffering in their children activate the shared pain circuitry of empathy which may lead to “empathetic distress” (Singer & Klimecki, 2014, p. 875) precipitating hopelessness and despair. These common emotions in parents dealing with children’s illness or injury are the greatest predictors of depression (Abramson, Seligman, & Teasdale, 1978; Gilbert, 1992; Wilner & Goldstein, 2001). The author offers the Buddhist teachings of equanimity as an antidote to parental helplessness and despair. Equanimity engages compassion which activates the neural network of affiliation, love, reward, and positive affect (Anālayo, 2015; Desbordes et al., 2015; Feldman, 2017; Hanh, 1998; Klimecki, Leiberg, Lamm, & Singer, 2012; Kilmecki, Leiber, Ricard, & Singer, 2013; Olendzki, 2010; Rothberg, 2010; Salzberg, 1995; Singer & Klimenki, 2014). The components of equanimity include compassion, wisdom, and unfailing love (Anālayo, 2015; Desbordes et al., 2015; Feldman, 2017; Hanh, 1998; Olendzki, 2010; Rothberg, 2010; Salzberg, 1995). The addition of compassion, the intention to actively relieve suffering, helps maintain emotional sovereignty and protects from the common occurrence of burnout due to despair and hopelessness (Desbordes et al., 2015; Feldman, 2017; Hanh, 1998; Klimecki, Leiberg, Lamm, & Singer, 2012; Kilmecki, Leiber, Ricard, & Singer, 2013; Olendzki, 2010; Romm, 2007; Singer & Klimenki, 2014). This ancient Buddhist practice supports the restoration of intention and desire to effect change and offers a radically different approach to caring for both child and parent. Keywords: equanimity, parental distress, despair, agency, compassion, protection, burnout. WHEN THE WHOLE WORLD TIPS 2 Table of Contents Rationale Paper Introduction ..................................................................................................................................4 Equanimity and Buddhist Wisdom for Parents ............................................................................4 Pain in Parenting............................................................................................................................5 Empathy, the Emotional Connector .............................................................................................5 The Difference Between Empathy and Compassion ...................................................................8 Helplessness and Despair as Predictors of Depression ..............................................................11 Parental Response to Children in Distress ................................................................................14 Social Stigmas ............................................................................................................................16 Anxious Parents, Anxious Children ............................................................................................18 Normalizing Experience and Training Creates Confidence .......................................................22 Cultivating the Practice of Equanimity .....................................................................................23 Mindfulness and Meditation ......................................................................................................23 Mindful Parenting as a Foundational Training .........................................................................25 Meditation Supports Resilience ................................................................................................26 The Buddhist Teaching of Equanimity ......................................................................................28 Equanimity Practices for Emotional Regulation........................................................................32 Developing Equanimity .............................................................................................................33 Discussion .................................................................................................................................34 Conclusion and Future Use ........................................................................................................36 References ......................................................................................................................................37 Creative Thesis Title Page ...................................................................................................................................43 Forward ......................................................................................................................................44 Introduction ................................................................................................................................46 Chapter One: Call it Suffering ..................................................................................................49 My Story .....................................................................................................................................50 The Unavoidability of Dukkha ..................................................................................................56 The Four Noble Truths...............................................................................................................59 Invitation to Experience Physical Safety ..................................................................................66 Recognizing and Allowing our own Emotions .........................................................................69 WHEN THE WHOLE WORLD TIPS 3 Invitation to Experience Emotional Safety ...............................................................................72 Chapter Two: Empathy and Compassion ................................................................................74 Understanding Emotional Empathy, The Shared Pain Circuitry ..............................................74 Carol’s Story .............................................................................................................................77 Compassion Means Action ........................................................................................................80 Mettā, Loving Kindness, The Path to Compassion....................................................................84 Invitation to Practice Loving Kindness......................................................................................87 Chapter Three: Karma and Intention ......................................................................................90 Maria’s story, Compassion Through Love .................................................................................93 Invitation to Practice Intention Setting ......................................................................................95 References ......................................................................................................................................99 WHEN THE WHOLE WORLD TIPS 4 Rationale Paper This paper offers supporting evidence demonstrating the contribution of equanimity to the wellbeing of parents facing difficulty with their children. It is my hope that these findings establish a concrete rationale for the development of equanimity as a mental health protection for parents. Parents encountering health or emotional crises in their children often become despairing and experience overwhelm and depression due to feeling powerless to create change during a painful interlude. The Buddhist practice of equanimity encourages the non-preferential acceptance of what is, discouraging falling into despair or panic. Equanimity allows for a compassionate response to the suffering of another without the emotional blending that often permeates a child/parent relationship thereby protecting from helplessness and depression. The use of equanimity to support parents is the direct connection to my creative thesis which includes the first three chapters of a manuscript written in an easily understandable style and offering Buddhist teachings on balance, wisdom, and grounding practices for parents in understandable moments of fear and uncertainty when life holds unpredictable outcomes for their children. Equanimity and Buddhist Wisdom for Parents In the first part of this paper, I will address the conditions that create emotional pain in parents witnessing their children
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