March/April/May 2009 Bi Women Vol. 27 No. 2 • Allies A newsletter produced by the Boston Bisexual Women’s Network, for women everywhere

Why I Am a Bi Ally How To Be an Ally To a

by Cathy Renna Bisexual Person by Ellyn Ruthstrom ne of the most interesting parts of being an ally—for me at Oleast—is the reaction of other people. “I had no idea you was walking down the street in Jamaica Plain a few days ago when were [fi ll in the blank]” has been said to me so many times I Itwo people with clipboards approached me and asked, “Do you cannot count. I consider it a compliment, which always confuses have time for gay rights?” I cheerfully replied that I always had people when I then say “Actually, I am not [fi ll in the blank], time for gay rights and stopped to listen to their pitch. Th e young why do you think so?” man took the lead and giggled a little, looking at the woman with Th e two most common communities for whom I consider him. He seemed new to the task. He began, “Th e Human Rights myself a strong ally and hear this about are the bisexual and Campaign is a gay and lesbian organization…” leather communities. I often joke that the thrill of being thought I stopped him there, “I thought it was a gay, lesbian, bisexual, of as bisexual or a leather dyke is well worth the fl ack I take for my and transgender organization.” outspokenness. More simply put, being a married, monogamous and vanilla (ok, maybe with a few chocolate chips), Kinsey 5.9 Ruthstrom continues on page 14 (big crush on Sting in high school), I need all the excitement I can get. But seriously, this is the most frustrating thing I experience as an activist and as an active member of the LGBTQ community. Robyn Ochs Receives Task Force’s Why we do not look at our own biases or internalized phobias Susan J. Hyde Activism Award about our sexual identity or behavior is truly beyond me. Oh right, phobias are irrational fears and people need to recognize n January 31, 2009, at the National Gay & Lesbian Task that for themselves. Sigh. OForce’s Creating Change Conference in Denver, Robyn was I have stopped trying to explain that and now simply see given the 2009 Susan J. Hyde Activism Award for Longevity in the myself as a truth teller who just takes every opportunity possible Movement. Th e award comes with a beautiful plaque, inscribed to confront biphobia (amongst others) when I see it. One of my with the following: “We hear your clear voice, we see your staunch friends jokingly says my business card should read “reality based advocacy, and we respond to your loving insistence that our activist.” He seems to think we are a rare breed. movement includes all of us.” Th e award came with a check, which Sadly, this blatant prejudice and ignorance still happens in Robyn has been happily using to make donations to BBWN, the front of me, often in the company of people I do not expect it Bisexual Resource Center, the Massachusetts Transgender Political from. I was recently at the NGLTF Creating Change conference Coalition, and La Red: Th e Network for Battered Lesbian, Bisexual and even there, at a dinner with colleagues I consider friends, and Transgender Women. She plans to use the remaining funds the comments were made that “I don’t know any bisexuals,” “I to promote the forthcoming editions of Getting Bi, which will be would not date a bisexual,” and “I don’t think anyone is really released in 2009 in English, in Spanish and in Chinese. bisexual.” If they made those comments and inserted the word gay or lesbian, I noted, what would their response be? Discussion ensued. I hear them say “I never thought about it that way.” Th en we had dessert. I hope I made a diff erence. Welcome to my world. So here are my reasons for being an ally—which I duly trotted out at that dinner—which might help others in combating the ignorance around bisexuality: 1) Basic non-judgment and respect given our own personal experiences: who are we to judge or disbelieve someone when they tell their story? If I expect to be given the benefi t of the doubt about my life how can you impose your own bias on a group of people and deny their truth or their existence? 2) Science: intrinsic human traits, like sexual orientation, gender identity or, for that matter, handedness, are complex, fl uid and fall across a spectrum. Th ere is no binary when it comes to things like sexual orientation, gender or whether or not you favor your left of your right. Th e handedness analogy is the one that people understand best; I use it all the time. I know people like

Renna continues on page 14

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 1 From your editor HONOR ROLL Th e theme of this issue is “Allies.” Th is topic is very Next in Bi Women important to me. Th inking back to the “bad old days” The Bi Women theme Jen Bonardi when out bisexuals were even fewer than today, and we were subjected to relentless biphobia, having our for the June/July/August issue: Fennel identities, our commitment to the LGBT movement— Carla Imperial and sometimes our very existence—challenged, I LABELS Megan Jewett remember how much it meant to me to when a lesbian Language is inadequate to convey Deb Morley or gay man would speak up against biphobia. the richness of our complex realities. Ellyn Ruthstrom I’d like to give specifi c thanks to my friends Warren Does the word “bisexual” work for Miriam S. Blumenfeld and Leah Fygetakis, two oases in the desert. you? Why? Why not? Have you found Lisa Silveria Warren, a gay man, initiated SpeakOut’s name change in Tracy which “Th e Lesbian and Gay Speakers Bureau” became other words that work better for you? “Th e Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Speakers Bureau.” I still Laurie Wolfe Are you seeing generational remember the day when he came up to me and said that diff erences around labeling? Gail Zacharias he thought it was time to change the name. I nodded and Robyn Ochs agreed, but inside I was thinking, “You’re crazy. Th at will Let’s talk about LABELS. and never happen.” Well, I was wrong. It did. And I think everyone who it really helped that a gay man (rather than a bisexual Deadline: May 10, 2009 wrote for this person) initiated this change, which, after much process, Upcoming themes will include: issue. ended up being passed by a large majority of votes. My friend Leah, who identifi es as lesbian, was so upset by the The Youth Issue; Trans/Gender; Fantasy; biphobia she witnessed that she suggested we organize Choice; Out at Work; and more. And many more and facilitate dialogues between lesbian and bi women, fabulous people! which we did. You know who I’m delighted to off er you a range of articles on Send your suggestions for future topics to the subject. From a bi perspective, Ellyn Ruthstrom you are! gives advice about how to be an ally to bi folks. Rea [email protected] Carey, Cathy Renna, Gina Siesing and Jenn off er lesbian perspectives on being allies to bi women. Dave Herman, Submit to Bi Women! Bi Women a straight man, talks about being partnered with a bi is published woman, and Lindsay Maddox Pratt off ers a genderqueer quarterly. perspective on the meaning of being an ally. Faith Send articles, calendar entries, Cheltenham brings in issues of race in the context of the letters, black-and-white art, news, Editor: Prop 8 debate and broadens the discussion. I also want and views to: Robyn Ochs to emphasize that being an ally is a two-way street. Stand up for others as you would like them to stand up for Bi Women Arts & Culture you. If you live in Massachusetts, please consider getting Editor: P.O. Box 301727 Lisa Silveria involved in the movement to get “gender identity” added to the Commonwealth’s nondiscrimination laws. Contact Jamaica Plain, MA 02130 MassEquality (massequality.org) or the Massachusetts Calendar Editor: Ellyn Ruthstrom Transgender Political Coalition (mtpc.org) for more or via e-mail to information and to get involved. [email protected] In addition to our articles on the theme of “allies,” Sign up for our we include a new poem by Lindsay Maddox Pratt, and new email list! our regular features: our Bi Woman of the Month, news briefs, local bi coverage, including our events calendar and If you do not want your name Send an email to: info about local nightlife for women. Our Bis Around the published, please tell us. biwomenboston- World column takes us this time to Eva Lee in China. subscribe Remember, ladies: this is YOUR newsletter. Please @yahoogroups. consider supporting us with your dollars (if you have All articles and art appearing in this com any), and please consider writing something for the next issue! newsletter are copyrighted by the Bi for now, authors and artists. Robyn

Th e Boston Bisexual Women’s Network is a feminist, not-for-profi t collective organization whose purpose is to bring women together for support and validation. It is meant to be a safe environment in which women of all sexual self-identities, class backgrounds, racial, ethnic and religious groups, ages, abilities and disabilities are welcome. Th rough the vehicles of discussion, support, education, outreach, political action and social groups related to bisexuality, we are committed to the goals of full acceptance as bisexuals within the gay and lesbian community, and to full acceptance of bisexuality and the liberation of all gay and transgender people within the larger society.

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 2 Bis Around the World: Eva Lee in Beijing, China by Robyn Ochs

doing the bi label for political reasons— Robyn Ochs: Eva, what a pleasure it is to bi? How old were you? Who did you tell? we just have to take one step at a time speak with you! Please tell us about yourself. What happened? with the LGBTIQ movement. Currently I’m physically more into masculinity and Eva Lee: I was born and raised in Macau, a EL: I knew I was attracted to beautiful spiritually more into femininity. But I’m former colony of Portugal in eastern China boys from age 10. I didn’t realize that I still open to possibilities—I currently that was returned to China in 1999. It’s was attracted to androgyny until I met my have a crush on a FTM (female to a small town with a population of only lifetime entanglement—she was 14 and I male) and I think he’s very cute and has 200,000. In 2000, when I turned 18, I was was 13. I didn’t know I was sexually attracted the tenderest heart. But I’m not doing admitted to one of China’s top universities to her for a very long time. We were just relationships, so it will pass and next in Shanghai. My mother disapproved of “best friends” until the summer I turned time I could see myself falling for a MTF! my wish to attend because she believes that 17 when it became very apparent that we girls should stay close to home and get just were much more than friends. I decided to RO: What words are used to describe enough education to get a stable job, then confess my love, otherwise I would burst. lesbian, gay, bi or non-heterosexual marry and have children. Th at’s how she But I was afraid and embarrassed to say it people in China? lived her life. I knew all along I would likely directly—so I brought it up casually when become a clone of my mother if I didn’t take we were chatting online. I asked her what she EL: “Lala,” for lesbians—it mimics the control over my own fate. I started tutoring thought of two girls dating each other. She pronunciation of lesbian in English; younger children when I was 13, earned paused for a few minutes and wrote back: “Shuang,” meaning double, for bisexual; some money and saved most of my part-time “I’m not gay.” I was very hurt. I felt rejected. “Tongzhi,” meaning comrade, for gay. income. I didn’t argue with my mother when I did tell a guy friend about my love for a For non-heterosexual people, we now she screamed that she was not going to let girl, and he gave me moral support. have the term “Ku’er” mimicking the me go to Shanghai for school; rather the next Th en I decided to stick with guys—I pronunciation of the word queer in morning I went and paid for my own tuition. dated a bunch of guys in college. When I English. But it’s a new term so not I brought myself tickets and everything and was 23 I moved to Beijing for a guy I loved very commonly used yet. In China’s I went. Since then I have lived in Shanghai but we didn’t work out. Th en I met my fi rst gay history, gay men were called “glass” and then in Beijing. I never want to go back girlfriend in a lesbian bar and we felt in love (boli), “rabbit” (tuzi), etc. There was and live in a small town. Growing up, I had and moved in together. I thought we would no word for lesbians in the past, or if little in common with my peers. Chinese girls be in love forever! So I told everybody that there was, it’s not commonly known. of my generation were raised to be obedient I was in love with a woman. I came out to and put their own needs after those of their my colleagues, my classmates, my friends RO: What resources—if any—are avail- parents, husband and children. Fortunately and some of my family members. able for LGBT people in Beijing, and for my mother has two younger sisters who But a year and a half year later, I how long have they existed? are rebels like me—they didn’t marry but accidentally ran into my fi rst female love in traveled the world whenever they could. I our hometown. We hadn’t seen each other EL: There are always a few gay bars, knew I had to take care of myself in order to for eight years! But this time the attraction mostly for gay men. Gay men usually be a free woman. I’m one of the handful of was at its strongest ever—so I told her that went to the parks too. Th e LGBT scene girls from my high school class of over 150 I had been in love with her eight years ago. in Beijing began to thrive in the past who now live elsewhere in the world. I just wanted to make peace with myself. She was stunned. She eventually said that three years. When I fi rst came out in 2005, there were just weekly gatherings RO: Tell briefly your coming out story. she has been in love with me, even after all for lesbian and bisexual women. Our How did you become aware that you were the years we didn’t see each other. She didn’t even remember saying that she organizing was in its infancy, with wasn’t gay! We fell madly in love only about 10 women active in lesbian this time and I broke up with organizing. Over the years, the team has my fi rst girlfriend for her. But grown to more than 40 people, counting unfortunately she’s a closeted only those who are consistent with person and I love myself too their activism. Our regular activities get much to live in the closet, so it around 20-30 people, and our annual didn’t work out. girls party got almost 300 people in 2008 I’ve had quite a few and over 400 in 2009. Th ree years ago, I relationships and none of them never would have imagined this. worked out—so I’m staying Another indicator of progress is the away from relationships for a clubbing scene. Th ree years ago, there while! Now I’m an out bisexual was only one lesbian bar and a Saturday woman in my community and I lesbian night at a straight bar. It’s funny don’t give a damn ifsome people and awkward to run into my ex’s exes, have a problem with me. I actually don’t like labels but I’m Eva Lee, continues on page 12 Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 3 Getting Bi in a Changing Landscape: a view from Creating Change ‘09 by Amanda Morgan at Kinko’s…) at the workshop presented scale at which they were not. How much time by BiNet’s president, Luigi Ferrer, and we waste privileging another sexual identity over only heard about Creating Change Stewart Landers from the Department our own… Ifairly recently. In the winter of ‘08, I of Public Health: Bisexual Health: What After that burst of light, it was back to heard that there was “some gay organizing Do We Know and What Do We Do. Even offi cial Task Force business until I joined the thing” that my college was sending some though I missed the fi rst twenty minutes Bisexual/Fluid Caucus where I was finally students to, all expenses paid. Sounded thanks to my Kinko’s debacle, it was confronted by something which I had been intriguing, but it was too late for me to get already a breath a fresh air to be in a room (mostly) successfully avoiding thinking about involved and I was too consumed with my full of bis and bi allies. I hadn’t fully felt all day. It had been hovering in the back of my senior thesis to really give it much thought. how gay-centric my life had become until brain like a sore spot that only hurts when you Despite my outspoken political nature, I I sat down in that circle. Th is was a feeling touch it but never really goes away. Th e previous didn’t have much contact with OPEN, that would become more palpable as the evening we had been blessed by the inspiring the LGBT student group on campus. day wore on. Listening to other folks presence of labor organizer Dolores Huerta. My organizing centered more around the share their stories of remaining closeted Only one problem—she left the B out of the Women of Color Organization, which with their health care professionals as LGBT. Sigh, I thought to myself. Typical. But was home to many queer and bi women well as the costs of coming out, I felt the she probably didn’t mean it right? But it doesn’t and allowed me to address issues of racial old bisexual fi re coming back to me as I matter what she means, making us invisible is and economic justice at the same time as recalled viscerally the biased treatment not excusable. Yes, yes, I know, but… And then issues surrounding sex and sexuality. (as well as the false information) I had there were so many other things I had to do and It was my passion for intersectionality received from my old gynecologist. Why take care of I was distracted form this argument that led me to becoming the Vaid fellow is it so diffi cult for medical professions to with my inner-bi, until Rea Carey’s State of the at the National Gay and Lesbian Task tell the diff erence between behavior and Movement address. Again it was Lesbian! Gay! Force Policy Institute in September. I identity? And how dare someone be a Transgender! I kept waiting for the bi but it was ecstatic to be in a place that “focuses provider of sexual heath and not know or never came. Bye Bi. Hello, that familiar pain on racial and economic justice broadly understand how my sexuality functions in my chest and stomach. It sits and grows and defi ned” and within an LGBT context. and how I may or may not be vulnerable feeds off of my own bi-phobia as long as I stay As January began, and so with it the to disease! silent. I looked around for an ally but I couldn’t frenetic push towards Creating Change, After a brief break (i.e. another visit fi nd one. Just a bunch of happy gays and non-bi I was excited to see this conference for to Kinko’s…) I returned to the same room identifi ed queers and trans folks. It seemed like I myself while simultaneously representing to experience Robyn Och’s workshop was the only one who was upset, so I pretended the Task Force. Crossing Lines: Identity and the Sexuality like I wasn’t. At the conference, I somehow Spectrum. As someone who spends a lot Of course I wasn’t alone. It only felt that way managed to expand my already tightly of time thinking (and obsessing about) and the caucus was a wonderful reminder of this. packed schedule to accommodate nearly boundaries and boundary crossing, I was We had all noticed our lack of representation a full day of bi-related activity whilst pleasantly surprised by the new things I and thankfully Robyn had done something maintaining all my (numerous) Task learned as well as by how much fun I had. about it. She read us, with Rea’s permission, an Force related commitments. And I I was aware of Kinsey and Klein but not of email exchange between her and Rea before and am sure glad that I did, because of all Michael Storms and his scale. Moreover, after Rea’s realization of her accidental omission. my wonderful experiences at Creating I was simply enlivened by the number of Rea agreed with the need to make amends and Change, those are the most memorable folks who showed up to the workshop scheduled a meeting with Robyn for early the and inspiring. and were so engaged in this unpacking of following day. We at the caucus spent some time I began Friday (well, after my 7:30 assumptions concerning sexual identity discussing what we would like Robyn to bring a.m. NGLTF staff meeting and an hour and behavior. With all the bi-phobia and to Rea. What do we want? What do we need to bi-invisibility members feel welcome and to advance as a movement in of our community have our own right? What exactly is a bi issue? What e x p e r i e n c e d — w h o are we organizing around? What can we form our would have thought that movement around besides inclusion in the LGT? there would be such a We came up with many answers and display of enthusiasm! possible solutions. Among them, we decided Robyn’s exercise wherein that we want to see a bi inclusivity section in folks created their own the Creating Change program book analogous multi-level sexuality to the sections on transgender etiquette and scale throughout time creating accessibility as well as bi inclusivity illustrated so beautifully training for all conference presenters. Who how tenuous these among us hasn’t sunk down in our chairs or categories to which we felt our cheeks go fl ushed when a purportedly grasp really are. Everyone inclusive LGBT space suddenly feels distinctly fl uctuates and many folks idealized a place on the Morgan, continues on next page

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 4 Morgan, continued from last visibility of bisexuality. We discussed gay or trans but defi nitively not bi? Th is possible new terms that would be is unacceptable, especially from presenters more inclusive of our community at a conference on LGBT organizing, and members while not reinforcing the must be stopped. A section on bi inclusivity gender binary. Th e conversation also would address such issues as language moved beyond Creating Change and usage (don’t forget the B in LGBT, say the Task Force as we discussed larger diff erent sex or same sex couple instead issues facing our community, such as of gay or straight couple) and assumptions the domestic partnership being legally (don’t assume people in different sex restricted to same sex couples only relationships are straight and don’t assume in certain spheres. Believe it or not, people in same sex relationships are gay) there are those of us who would prefer domestic would, similar stories around the room. Hopefully, this would help to alleviate the partnership to marriage—for everyone—even if We do have complex and multilayered invisibility and the hostility that has been we are in diff erent sex relationships. So how do we identities that expand beyond and felt by community members at Creating address this part of the marriage movement while within the bi, but we are all fi ghting Change. still being supportive of the gains made by our gay to be seen and heard and not defamed. We also want to see bi youth and lesbian brothers and sisters? We are fi ghting for the right to marry leadership development, a Task Force In short, even as we celebrated the recognition (or not marry and still have benefi ts bisexual leadership roundtable, increased of Robyn’s incredible longevity in the movement and have our partnerships recognized visibility especially of bi people of color (Congratulations on the Susan J. Hyde Activism respected and celebrated) whom we and bi youth, more bi programming Award, Robyn!), we realize we have a long way chose and we fi ght for others to have (not at confl icting times), the bi tool kit to go. Th ere is no bisexual organization in the those rights as well. And we all feel (a project undertaken by an intern last U.S. that has the resources to have a paid staff . sharply the pain that comes when these summer) completed and released and, Many attendees were not even aware of BiNet or things are lacking, as they often are. of course, who doesn’t like the sound of the Bisexual Resource Center. Here we are trying We are all hungering for a movement the National Gay Lesbian Bisexual and to reach across communities while it seems we and an active supportive community. Transgender Task Force? are barely aware of each other. Yet, when we did Th anks to everyone I met Friday, I am Actually, many of us do have some meet and reach out to one another at the caucus beginning to see how that’s done. degree of contention with the label as well as at the bi dinner, which was held after bisexual even as we struggle to promote the caucus, we found, as I believe we knew we Amanda lives in New York City.

On Being an Ally Rea Carey, Executive Director, Th e Task Force community even though “lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender” was written right there in front of my eyes and I’ve said it thousands Th e Task Force builds the grassroots power of the lesbian, gay, of times. I had no idea I had done this, but fortunately, a woman bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community. As part of a who has been a role model, teacher, and friend to me—Robyn broader social justice movement, we work to create a nation that Ochs—took the risk of being my ally and pointed out my mistake. respects the diversity of human expression and identity and creates She did so with care, fi rm clarity, and respect. By Robyn being an opportunity for all. ally to me, she gave me the gift of allowing myself to be a better ally to the bi community and I decided to publicly apologize for hen I came out as lesbian in the early 80s at the age of my mistake. What happened in the hours and days afterward W16, other friends of mine, both young men and women was powerful. Dozens of people including conference volunteers, were coming out… or in most cases forced to hide in the closet activists, and staff of our movement’s organizations came out to me with the door just barely cracked open. Most of us identifi ed as bi and said how hard it was to be openly bi in their community, as either gay or lesbian. Not bi and not trans. And, yet, I knew family or organizations. that some of our friends were likely bi and although we didn’t Unfortunately, we still have a long way to go in this country have the word “trans” then, I knew that many of us were gender and in the LGBT movement to embrace the true breadth of human non-conforming and were harassed for it. It wasn’t until much experience and sexuality and to affi rm the lives of our bi brothers and later that a number of my friends had the courage, strength sisters. I believe that when one person is left behind, or ignored, or or support to come out as bisexual. As they did, I found my disrespected in our community, we are all left behind, ignored and role as an ally to be important to them and to our friendships disrespected. And, when any one of us has the strength to speak the because so many gay, lesbian or straight people rejected them truth about who we are and who we love, that is a gift to us all. or refused to believe the truth they were telling. Sadly, this is To be a lesbian who works to be an ally to the bi community still the case today. is a life’s work. It is an ongoing experience of learning, taking risks, I felt the power of being an ally—and having an ally— admitting mistakes, speaking out and standing up for others who again recently when, during my speech at our Creating Change may not always be able to speak for themselves. It is to challenge conference I was incredibly nervous and did something that is ourselves and each other to be better allies each and every day. Th is quite unlike me: I didn’t say “bisexual” when describing our is a challenge I happily accept.

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 5 Internal Allies, Always Learning: Snapshot of a Dialogue by Gina Siesing and her friend Jenn hetero and queer, reinforced this belief over [I shared my refl ections above with Jenn, the years. and Jenn sent her wonderful refl ections Gina’s Refl ections: Because I love my friend Jenn and below back to me. We agreed to shape a know she’s a right-on woman, it was shared piece for Bi Women....] was in Northampton, in the campus center relatively simple to challenge her, to at Smith College, hanging out with a I encourage her to acknowledge that a) Jenn’s Refl ections: good friend from the martial arts world and people who identify under any label can talking in a far-ranging way about feminist be faithless or faithful, dishonest or honest, and queer politics, organizations we’ve messy in their relationships or skillful and have been thinking more about my known and loved, personal growth journeys, forthright; b) self-identifi ed bisexuals are I“biphobia” and why it seems to be a etc. It was a rich, heart-warming, though- one of the original and most fabulous groups diffi cult one to get over..., and I think, provoking conversation. At some point, Jenn to refuse rigid boxes, “queers” par excellence, somewhere in there..., there is something pointed out that, once we feel empowered and in my experience one of the most likely to do with privilege, heteronormative with the knowledge we can and will take care communities of people to refl ect deeply privilege, the ability to walk in and out of ourselves, it’s our responsibility to stand up on personal journeys, to value integrity of that privilege. I have more sympathy/ for others also. I agreed and mentioned that and clear communication, and to question understanding/admiration for those of I occasionally have opportunities to speak inherited cultural beliefs and prejudices; our trans brothers and sisters who openly up when people say ignorantly bi-phobic and c) it just ain’t right to harbor prejudice embrace that “trans” “label”: not one or things, assuming or not caring that people against a group of people. I told her about the other, but something new and diff erent in hearing range may identify as bi and/or the long history of the Boston Bi Women’s that doesn’t fi t into our binary gendered care about bi people. Th ese moments always community, which impressed her since society. I have the same disdain for lesbian pain me because the people I most often she has a deep appreciation for women’s women whom I see “assimilating” to hear uttering bi-phobic jokes or comments history and community. I recommended heteronormative standards. I think I am a purport to be feminist, queer, and politically the Bi Women newsletter and some books counter-culture elitist! aware. Yet they somehow consider maligning on bisexuality as a way to move through old As we discovered when we began another group of people acceptable. It’s beliefs and into a happier place, and Jenn talking more about your experiences with always shocking. was very open to getting past her “trouble bi-folk, you have encountered people who Jenn bravely admitted that she “still has with this one.” are challenging that heteronormative view trouble with this one,” meaning that she’s not I think of myself as an “internal ally” of the world, who are saying, “Hey, don’t comfortable with bisexuality. What a great because I have identifi ed as bi in my life make any assumptions about me; I may opportunity! Here we had been agreeing and because I think we’re all potential be a woman with a man right now, but I about the wonderful inclusiveness of “queer” allies for each other: it hurts me at least am not ‘straight.’” My experience with said and “dyke” as labels for ourselves and our as much as it hurts my bi lover or friend girl who done me wrong and the bi-girls I communities, and we’d been talking about when someone expresses biphobia in my met at Smith had been more, “After a few the interconnectedness of various forms presence. It especially hurts if I don’t fi nd drinks I’ll fool around with a girl, but in of oppressions, and yet! Jenn revealed a a creative or courageous way to speak up the public eye I want to be on the arm of not-uncommon belief born of a particular or to acknowledge the biphobia explicitly a guy, with all the privilege that goes with experience and a particular interpretation with the people I’m with. Every one of these it in our society.” of that experience: she had once dated a moments is an opportunity for taking back I am excited to experience more of women who left her for a man in a painful our integrity and for healing ridiculous, but the politically minded bisexual community way; she concluded from that experience that persistent, prejudices. Here’s to alliance, you’ve been a part of! Thank you for “bisexual” women were not to be trusted to fi nding our voices, and to a world of challenging me! because they might hurt her in this way. respect for the diverse and evolving humans And of course large portions of our culture, we are.

Brunch Coordinator Invites You to Host BBWN potluck brunches are a great way to meet other bi women Do You Know Web Design? in the Boston area. We try to hold a brunch in a member’s home each month so that people can relax and share food We’re looking for someone to get biwomenboston. and experiences in a safe space. Deb Morley is the brunch org, our new website, up and running. If coordinator, so please contact her at [email protected] you are interested, please contact Robyn: if you are interested in hosting a brunch. And check out the [email protected]. It’s the perfect calendar on pages 15-16 for upcoming activities. We hope you volunteer job, as you can do it from home, in your can join us. pajamas, or even in your birthday suit.

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 6 Lisa and Me by Dave Herman

ack in college, I told my girlfriend that I had once briefl y dated a boy, and she very nearly dumped me. A man who would Beven consider kissing another man did not fi t the role she had imagined for me. So years later, when I fi rst met my partner Lisa and she told me she was bisexual, my immediate reaction was relief. I could let the cat out of the bag right away; no need for secrets. But as fate and hormones would have it, I’m straight—bored by football, able to sing every lyric to Les Misérables, but nonetheless primarily attracted to women. (I might make an exception for Neil Patrick Harris, but nobody’s 100% consistent.) So after the initial euphoria of fi nding someone to accept me as I am, next came the gradual recognition that my partner and I do not have the same sexual orientation. I doubt I could fully explain quite what this means in practice. It’s both entirely personal and something we are still learning about. I know it hasn’t always been easy for Lisa, nor has it for me. Relationships between the sexes are diff erent from same-sex relationships, and that has to mean Lisa’s missing something. For me, I think it demands a certain level of confi dence, one I don’t necessarily always have, to know that I am not everything to this woman I love. By the time we met, Lisa and I had had enough of childish and co-dependent relationships. We were each seeking a complement, not a human crutch. I am sure we have more tough conversations ahead. But I have a partner who is honest with herself and accepting of me. And we both enjoy pointing out cute girls to each other. What more could you ask for?

Dave is a graduate student at Northeastern University. When he isn’t traveling for academic conferences or industrial committee meetings, Dave enjoys playing the piano for his sweetheart and her cats.

similar experience. At the same time I was indeed, to value it, I am fi ghting against the Expanding Allies questioning my ability to be an ally to him tendency to repeat the hurtful comments by Lindsay Maddox Pratt while I was depending on him to be mine. that I hear. At the same time, forgiving I began to be critical of myself for not being myself when I do repeat them can go great orking in gender-justice work, the able to speak up due to my own emotional lengths towards dissipating their negative Wsubject of allies comes up frequently state when I recognized that speaking up charge. As Patty Griffi n poignantly sang, in my life. “How to be a good ally” is an was exactly what was called for. Th is self- “everybody needs a little forgiveness.” ongoing conversation that I have with criticism only served to exacerbate the This leads me to my final (for the faculty and staff at the college where I problem—it did nothing to help me become moment) comment on allies: if you are work and lead workshops in transgender a better ally to him and stopped me from ever unsure of what someone needs/wants sensitivity. As someone who is also in the being an ally to myself. from you as an ally—ask! Not one of us process of coming out as genderqueer, it is It is easy to slip into self-criticism which knows what is needed in every situation. also a conversation that I have been having can, oh so quickly, lead to internalizing Have compassion for your own moments with friends who wish to support me in my the oppression and becoming our own of ignorance and uncertainty, and don’t process. I would say that I am rather more perpetrators. Th is makes it vitally important be afraid to ask for guidance. While I say versed in the concept of allies than your when doing ally work to have compassion this a lot when it comes to addressing average person, yet when it comes to being for ourselves, our mistakes, and our own preferred pronoun use (by the way I prefer a good ally to fellow queer or genderqueer sensitivities, understanding that each of us ze and hir) it applies to so much more. We friends I fi nd that I still have a lot to learn. is going to have moments and situations should all feel more empowered when we Being a good ally to someone who is in which we are unable to stand up for see a fellow queer/gay/bi/trans community facing discrimination similar to that which someone in our community. Not being able member who looks like they may need an I face myself is more diffi cult than I ever to speak up in the moment does not make ally to ask them what that would look like. expected. How do I respond when I myself us bad allies. On the contrary, it creates the We may not always be able to give exactly feel triggered by the comment/behavior in opportunity to expand our perception of what they may need, and that’s okay. But by question? How do I support others while at what ally work can look like. asking we are saying, “I value what you have the same time recognize that I myself may Ally work does not always mean to say and I am willing to listen.” Something need support? addressing the discriminatory or ignorant as simple as that can go a long way in this A couple of months ago when I was remark in the moment, it may mean lending battle against oppression. beginning transitioning with pronoun use, a an ear, empathizing, letting someone know friend of mine with a similar identity found that they are not alone, or that there is Lindsay lives in San Francisco and studies himself struggling with how to be an ally nothing wrong with feeling hurt. Opening psychology and queer studies at City College to me. Having spent years teaching people up our defi nition of ally work also makes of San Francisco. Ze has many interests, how to be allies to him in his process, he room for greater ability to be allies to including acting and poetry. One of hir poems found himself stumped when faced with ourselves—what a novel concept! By appears on page 11. the need to be an ally to someone with a working to accept my own identity and,

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 7 Revolution No. 8 I’ve been waving a sign on street corners since H8 passed: “Black Queers.” Responses have varied—from honks of support to looks of disapproval from both blacks and whites. A black woman came up to me By Faith Cheltenham at a rally and asked me if I didn’t think the sign was offensive to black people. I said, “It’s who I am, and people should know.” “Gays should protest black people! Th e new confl ict is gays vs. blacks, and blacks vs. gays. And black gays vs. themselves. It’s gonna be are,” she said, “but I cannot support your will embrace queers of color as essential great.” marriage to a woman.” Honest, and very to winning this fi ght. —Stephen Colbert to the point—“marriage is religious,” “it is When I fi rst began going to my representative of the black family,” it’s the favorite restaurant-bar, the Abbey, nearly I’ve been waving a sign on street corners new tent pole for the Christian right, and 10 years ago, I was usually the only black since H8 passed: “Black Queers.” Responses it’s held aloft by the moral high ground in the place and often got asked if I was have varied—from honks of support to assigned to blacks by mainstream culture. lost. Th ese days there’s less need for the looks of disapproval from blacks and whites. It’s really not a good thing for anyone, for customary head-nod African-Americans A black woman came up to me at a rally when the backlash against proponents of employ to recognize strangers in strange and asked me if I didn’t think the sign was H8 begins, African-Americans are fi rst in lands. In my family I’ve been able to off ensive to black people. She looked around the line of fi re. African-Americans did vote see progression as well: My mother still as if there were a person in charge of things disproportionately for Prop. 8, and as a speaks in tongues, but she now believes like this, someone who could head-nod in community we are also disproportionately God made me a certain way. She hasn’t disagreement. aff ected by HIV, the cops, access to quality found a way to see my love as the same, I said, “It’s who I am, and people should education, and glass ceilings. as worthy of tradition, but I’m still going know,” fl ipping it over to reveal another Somehow I see a correlation. I see ties to sit at her table and try. slogan: “We Do Exist.” When I carry the between bigotry, fear, and ignorance—but I need my LGBT community to sign in the middle of a crowd, it faces in and how do you get beyond that to love? support my eff orts, while it understands then out, equally interchanged—a message “This God = Love stuff I just don’t at the same time that there are to my communities. get,” says the black pastor on the corner discriminations that only people of color “We’ve been going up to the church of La Cienega and Centinela, in the face. Perhaps we’ve all spent too long every weekend to volunteer. You know they predominantly African-American Ladera creating separate “safe spaces.” We need want to sue our church if we refuse to marry Heights neighborhood. “Keith,” as I’ll call to get uncomfortable in our skin so we them?” my dad says. him, came up to us as our fl ag-waving wound can grow new ones fully free of internal My dad used to come to rallies I down, saying he had a couple of questions. bigotries. It’s been unfortunate to see planned for National Coming Out Week at At fi rst Keith didn’t know a single gay “Gay Is the New Black” and similar signs University of California, Los Angeles; he was person. As the corner grew colder, Keith springing up during rallies. Or hearing the fi rst family member I chose to come out remembered his cousin who’d moved away comments like “What is this? A Latino to as a lesbian (and then as a bisexual). He and didn’t keep in touch. “Married for years rally or gay rights? Why are they chanting respected and comfortably got along with my and now he has a partner up in San Fran.” in Spanish?” transgender girlfriend, always saying, “I love I asked Keith, “Do you know how Th e truth remains: People of color you for who you are.” many of us are gone from the table during have fought for civil rights in the past and “Th ey” got to him and to most of my Th anksgiving?” still fi ght. People of color have the most immediate and extended African-American “Your choice, your choice,” the usual experience changing hearts and minds family over the age of 21. Mormons deviously response. over generations, and the same must targeted one of their most unlikely allies for A multicultural group of us—including happen for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, a campaign of misinformation. Enemy of blacks, Latinos, Jewish, and non-culturally and transgender community—so why my enemy won the day, but I actually fi nd identifi ed—kept talking to Keith, and each not fi nd the overlapping pieces as key to the subsequent discourse regarding “black of us had diff erent ways of approaching the solving the puzzle? backlash” highly encouraging. phobia. I prayed that God would bless his Anger is getting people to talk and heart with understanding as he had mine. “Quite the contrary, maybe a making them ask hard questions. I met I wanted to argue the biblical points I long homosexual could be the most an African-American couple who shared ago reconciled between me and my Jesus. I revolutionary.” —Huey Newton, their experience volunteering for No on 8 wanted to bring up Huey Newton’s support Black Panther Party cofounder. even while they dealt with discriminatory for the Gay Liberation Front in the ‘70s. comments from within. Since we all happened Others took the legal route, talking to be at the same rally, we walked over and about Social Security and insurance benefi ts. talked to Lorri Jean of the Los Angeles Gay One or two just wanted to shout “equal Faith is a blogger, activist and poet. Read and Lesbian Center. She was aghast, saying, rights” in his ear as they continued to make more of her work at www.faithish.com. s “We’ve got a lot of educating to do in our the circuit around us. We were as diff erent own communities.” as can be, yet united for the same cause Th is article fi rst appeared inTh e Advocate, Instead of continuing to talk to my and fi nally representing every side of the November 14, 2008. It is reprinted with loving mother about how hard the struggle rainbow. permission. is for black queers, I asked her if she voted I’m more hopeful than some of my yes. “I love you and accept you as you African LGBT peers that the mainstream

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 8 NEWS BRIEFS Equal Rights in Nepal Nepali MP has said his “eyes were fi lled with tears” when he Aread the full written decision of the country’s Supreme Court on a writ petition from four organisations representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and intersex people. Majority of Mass. Legislators A summary decision was issued in December 2007, when the Co-sponsor An Act Relative to court issued directive orders to the Nepal government to ensure the right to life according to their own identities and introduce Gender-Based Discrimination laws providing equal rights to LGBTIs and amend all the dis- criminatory laws. and Hate Crimes Th e fi nal judgement was issued today. 104 of 200 Massachusetts legislators have signed on as It reiterates that all LGBTIs are defi ned as a “natural person” co-sponsors of this bill which will prohibit gender-based and their physical growth as well as sexual orientation, gender discrimination and protect transgender people in Mas- identity, expression are all part of natural growing process. Th us sachusetts. Please go to www.masstpc.org, fi nd out how equal rights, identity and expression must be ensured regardless our legislator voted, thank them if they have signed on as of their sex at birth. sponsors, and ask them to vote for the bill if they Th e writ petition was fi led by Blue Diamond Society and other have not. Help make Massachusetts 3 LGBTI organisations in Nepal demanding the protection and a full equality state. defence of the equal rights of sexual and gender minorities. “Reading this decision my eyes were fi lled with tears and I felt we are the most proud LGBTI citizens of Nepal in the world,” said Sunit Pant, Nepal’s only gay MP. “A legal note of point has been raised for the new constitution of Nepal while ensuring the equal rights to individuals, like the Out Bi Politician bill of tights from South Africa, and non-discrimination provi- sions on the grounds of sexual orientations and gender identities Newark, Delaware City Councilman Ezra Temko must be introduced.” introduced and got support from the City Council for an Th e Court has also issued a directive order to form a seven- anti-discrimination ordinance based on sexual orientation member committee, with a doctor appointed by Health Ministry, and won support to add gender identity to the city’s non- one representative from National Human rights commission, the discrimination clause in its personnel policy. He also got Law Ministry, one socialist appointed by government of Nepal, the Council to agree to research health benefi ts for the a representative from the Nepal police, a representative from city’s domestic partners and the creation of a domestic Ministry of Population and Environment and one advocate as a partner registry. representative from the LGBTI community, to conduct a study And, on top of that, he came out of the closet into the other countries’ practice on same-sex marriage. publicly, in an interview with the Newark Post: Said Based on its recommendation the government will introduce Temko, 23: “I’m bi. I’ve dated girls before, but I’ve been a same-sex marriage bill. with my boyfriend, Drew, since August and we’re planning (from www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-9597. to get engaged this summer. During college, I was in html) a very inclusive environment that embraced everyone, instead of accepting norms as legitimate on face value. I was able, in this environment, to explore who I was and realize that I’m bisexual. I always assumed I would end up with a girl; then I met Drew.” (from the newarkpostonline.com) Equal Marketing

So, I just saw this cute IKEA commercial. It Americana shows a lady assembling a chest o draws and there is another lady there just speaking about how much I don’t know if anyone has already seen this or not, but she saved and how easy it is to put together but she I was at Walmart the other day looking for a “Th inking fi nishes with “and now with all of that money you of You” card and saw something I never thought I saved you can go and by some new clothes to go in it, would see. You know how cards have the little dividers and maybe meet a new man or woman, I don’t judge.” in between them, For Him, For Her, Love, etc. Th ere –posted by Peter on one of the bi lists was one that caught my eye since it said, “Coming Out” I read the rainbow colored card and it was pretty good. I just never thought I would see it at Walmart here in Kansas City. –posted by Kelly on one of the bi lists

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 9 Bi Programming at the APA Convention

by Kimberly Jorgensen, MA the symposium on bisexuality research earlier in the day, I was able to talk informally with Ron Fox, Emily Page, Bobbi Keppel, Robyn he annual convention of the American Psychological Ochs, Alan Hamilton and others as a junior colleague and community TAssociation (APA) was held August 14-17 at the Boston member. For a psychologist-in-training, this is the equivalent of Convention and Exhibition Center. During this year’s meeting Hollywood celebrities. I not only met celebrities, but I was convention the Society for the Psychological Study of Lesbian, welcomed and supported by them. Gay, and Bisexual Issues (Division 44) hosted several formal At one point during the discussion hour, the focus shifted programming sessions as well as informal opportunities for to experiences of bi professionals in rural areas where affi rming discussion and networking. In addition to several interesting organizations and services are scarce, giving two of us the chance to LGBT-related programs, there was one symposium dedicated express our frustrations about serving and living in sexual minority solely to current research on bisexuality as well as an informal communities in North Dakota. Th is opportunity to share about my life bi discussion hour in the Division’s hospitality suite. and work and get feedback from successful people in the bi community As a bi woman and a doctoral counselor-in-training at the was exciting and refreshing. Being in a room full of bisexual-identifi ed University of North Dakota, I am always eager to hear about new people and supportive others was a privilege I am rarely able to research and meet with the researchers and clinicians working experience. I returned to the Midwest reenergized in my activism and with LGBT people. I am personally invested in their fi ndings, outreach eff orts. I made new professional and personal contacts and am and I also aim to serve LGBTIQ people in my counseling excited to take part in next year’s bi programming at APA in Toronto! practice. I am working on a dissertation about minority stress and the experiences of people with sexual identities beyond Kimberly is a doctoral student in Counseling Psychology at the University heterosexual or homosexual. At the convention I had the pleasure of North Dakota, serves part-time as the GLBTA Programs Coordinator at of meeting and talking with many noted psychologists and the University of Minnesota – Crookston and is active in several local and professionals who have produced pivotal work that has informed regional advocacy eff orts. She is a co-chair of the Bisexual Empowerment my own research. It’s always exciting to meet the author of a Conference (BECAUSE) to be held in Minneapolis, MN, April 17-19, book or an impressive research article I’ve read. 2009. For more information: www.becauseconference.org. My favorite experience of the conference was attending the Bi Discussion Hour hosted by Division 44. After seeing

Hong Kong Pride 2008. Eva Lee is 2nd from the left

Jen shares a poem at the January poetry brunch at Fennel’s house

Faith Cheltehnam

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 10 The Mapping of my Body by Lindsay Maddox Pratt Women’s Nightlife

I stand before you, uncertain and wavering, in the Boston Area in a moment of still light, pregnant with the weight of its potential. If I stripped down before you, showed you my parts like a patient THURSDAYS spread before your view Women’s Dance Night at the Midway Café would you understand me less? 3496 Washington St, Jamaica Plain Or would the anatomizing 617-524-9038 lend itself like a map open upon the dash, www.myspace.com/wonkyproductions letting you trace my latitude with your fi ngertips till you fi nd the corresponding number of my heart? Would you think FRIDAYS “I know where you are”? Dance night at PURE Would you use it now 10 pm - 2 am to catch me and hold me under a pin? 75 Warrenton St, Boston Find a glass case to keep me in? 617-417-0186 I draw a broken line along my breasts. SATURDAYS Under fl orescent lights Second Saturdays at Machine Nightclub I see bruises 1254 Boylston St, Boston, 21+, $10 and past scars of misunderstood wishes, www.dykenight.com but in this streetlight-fl ooded room it’s all a faded yellow and I am thankful for the friendly ambiguity of shadows, Every Saturday at Randolph Country Club making a marriage of New look. New atmosphere. Everybody welcome. silicone lines and fl esh. RCC, 44 Mazzeo Dr., Randolph 10 pm - 2 am. 21+, $5 What would a young girl do www.myspace.com/peachesrcc with my boy’s yearning but pretend or walk away, SUNDAYS leaving me to the solitude Women’s night every Sunday. Doors open at 7, Th e L Word at 9. of my sweet disaster? DJ msladyj with an eclectic mix from house to jazz. No cover, complimentary appetizers, 21+ In the dull glow of evening I regret this fear of cartography which makes me answer him in tears, so he can never fi nd his way into my home and I can stay an undiscovered country. And then, of course, there are always BBWN’s fabulous potluck brunches for bi Lindsay, 24, lives in San Francisco and studies psychology and women and our friends. Our brunches are Queer Studies at City College at San Francisco, and works held in women’s homes, and ALL women are welcome. See our calendar with the Gender Diversity Project, an organization focused on (pp. 15 and 16) for details. transgender activism within Education. In addition, Lindsay is an actor, artist and singer.

PRIDE BRUNCH ORGANIZERS AND VOLUNTEERS WANTED for our tradiional “brunch before the March on Saturday, June 13th. Please send an email to Ellyn: [email protected] if you are interested in helping out

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 11 Eva Lee, continued from page 3 since everybody went to the same places. It’s almost like Th e L Word. my life—I was treated as secondary to boys when growing up But we now have a slightly bigger selection. As far as I know, there are and I had to fi ght a lot harder for the same rights they have. four lesbian bars and three Saturday lesbian nightclubs in Beijing. It’s Th at’s not how I think things should be. As for LGBT activism, not many, but still a substantial improvement. Even in Hong Kong I believe that I must do my part if I ever expect my rights to be or Taipei, there are fewer than four! Th is change gives you an idea of acknowledged. I saw how things change over time under a lot how lesbian identity has grown stronger. And I can tell you, only a of activists’ eff ort, and I want to be part of the change. Doing very small number of the lesbians I know go to lesbian bars regularly. this empowers me to express my true self. But these bars seem to making some good money. RO: What are your plans or visions for future activism? RO: You have traveled extensively and made connections with LGBT activists abroad. What value, if any, do you see in international EL: I’m committed to be part of the growing activism in activism, in particular in keeping in touch with bi activists in China—I’m pretty hopeful that I will be able to marry a person other countries? Do you think the movement in China has been of my same sex, if I want to. And of course, all kind of anti- inspired/infl uenced by movements in other countries, or has been discrimination laws to protect LGBT people will be in place. I an inspiration/infl uence on others? predict that this will happen within 20 years.

EL: International activism has defi nitely helped and will continue to help our activism in China, simply because it shows that we are not alone in this fi ght—we can support and learn from each other! Personally, I get so much positive energy from my international peers! Th eir dedication and bravery have been my source of strength and driving force. Th ey made me an LGBT activist. I do think China has been infl uenced by movements in other countries—look at our vocabulary for LGBT people! China has been inspired by Western infl uences, some good and some bad. In terms of the LGBT movement, I’m positive that it’s a good infl uence for us.

RO: Why do you participate in LGBT activism? What do you get from doing this? Why do you stay involved?

EL: I just have a passion to fi ght injustice. I have been a feminist all

UPCOMING CONFERENCES:

True Colors Conference in Storrs, CT, March 12-14. For info: www.ourtruecolors.org. For LGBTQIA youth.

Bisexual Empowerment Conference: A Uniting, Supportive Experience (BECAUSE) 2009—April 17-19, 2009; Minneapolis, MN. Th e BECAUSE Conference is the premier weekend event in the Midwest for bisexuals, queers, trans, bi-curious, questioning, and all others, regardless of identity. Th is conference is open to everyone! Register today and bring a friendLocation: Coff man Union, University of Min- nesota, 300 Washington Ave. SE, Minneapolis, MN 55455. Register today at http://www.becauseconference.org/. Robyn Ochs will be the keynote speaker, and there will be a broad selection of workshops.

Bi Media Summit: Putting the B in LGBT. May 30, 2009. A day-long conference in New York City at the LGBT Center. For more information: Sheela Lambert (212-928-3558 or [email protected])

Th e Bi Health Summit—part of the LGBTI Health Summit—will be on August 14, 2009 in Chicago, IL. To submit a proposal, register to participate, volunteer to prepare for the Summit, or for info, please visit www.2009lgbtihealth.org and click the “Bi Health Summit” tab.

Transcending Boundaries is excited to announce planning for our 6th conference, and we need YOU to help make it happen! TBC fo- cuses on the bisexual, intersex, polyamorous and transgender communities, and welcomes all those whose sex, gender and/or sexuality don’t fi t society’s usual either/or categories. Never felt like you quite fi t in? Transcending Boundaries might be for you! We hope to hold the conference somewhere in the Northeastern US in either late 2009 or 2010, and need organizers and volunteers of all talents and experience levels to make this happen! While we defi nitely need local volunteers, help from a distance is also welcome. Whether you’ve chaired cons before or never volunteered in your life, you can make a diff erence and have a great time doing it by be- ing a part of TBC! We are looking for volunteers and organizers from outside the box! If you’d like more info or are interested in getting involved, please contact Lisa at [email protected].

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 12 Bi Woman of the Month: Dina Perrone

isa Silveria, our last Bi Woman of the Month, interviews Dina really sink into our father’s head. He eventually came over to the LPerrone in this issue. Dina is... read the interview and fi nd out! house. Our father was fi ne. My mother was equally shocked and suspicious, but relieved. She indicated that sometimes my father Lisa Silveria: Dina, we’ve been friends now for just over a year, really surprises us. She was absolutely right. though it seems like ages ago when we fi rst met. You really are one of my dearest friends, and to think—we met online. I was LS: Th at’s amazing. I suppose we should never underestimate the relatively new to the area and you were about to move to Boston ones who love us. Do you have any advice for our readers who from New York. I was hoping to make some friendships other might be thinking about coming out to their loved ones? than with the young people I interact with every day and you were looking to make some connections before you moved to a new DP: I recommend having a strong support group who can talk you city. We couldn’t stop talking the fi rst evening we met in person, through it, and can be there for you throughout the process. and quickly became friends. It was refreshing for me to have such a wonderful friend who was also bi. I know you felt similarly. LS: When you casually came out to your mother years ago, her Would you care to discuss why it was important for you to have reaction was one that many of us might be familiar with. Can you a bi female friend? tell us about her reaction, as well as your feelings and response to her reaction? Dina Perrone: Interestingly, I recently had a similar conversation with another bi female friend. She was complaining that her DP: When I came out to my mother, she exclaimed, “I always straight best friend just did not grasp the relationship problems wanted to be a grandmother.” I told her not to fret, since I wanted with which she was dealing. Often, those who are not bi do not to be a mother. Still, she does not really talk about it. really understand the confusion or the issues bi people face. Many stereotypes and assumptions surround bis in general and bi women LS: I know your roommates’ dog and children are keeping your in particular. It is nice to have a friend with whom you can share motherly desires occupied at the moment, but at our age our and with whom you relate. biological clock often starts ticking its loudest (I know mine is). What are your current thoughts (or plans if you have any) about LS: While you came out to your mom years ago, you only recently parenthood? came out to your father. I know you were particularly nervous about coming out to him. Can you tell us about this experience? DP: I want to have a child—maybe two. Since I am getting older and, you are right, that clock is ticking, I would like to have a DP: I was very fortunate to have the coming out experience child within the next few years. I know that could mean that I about which many dream. When I fi rst told my brother that would be doing it without a partner. I am okay with that; I actually I was going to fi nally come out to our dad, he pressured me think—while tough—it would be great. Th e most important factor to wait. I could not wait any longer. It was time. My brother is having some support—family or friends. Two of my friends and I assured me he would help in any way that he could. Our father often discuss the possibility of getting a place together and helping has quite a short temper and upsets easily. My brother cre- each other raise our children. Oddly, in a recent New York Times ated an extensive plan that would prevent, well at least would Magazine article, the author discussed a group of women who do neutralize, an explosion. My brother, mother and I were certain just that. It was quite comforting for us. that my dad would not take it well. My brother and I reviewed the extremely likely course of events: 1) I tell my dad. 2) He is LS: Th e theme of the previous issue of Bi Women was “Children furious. 3) I take my grandmother (who lives with them) to the in our lives.” Th is of course isn’t limited to our own children, but store to escape the rage. 4) My brother arrives at our parents’ is open to all children in our lives. You are godmother to a number home to put out the fi re (i.e., talk to my dad and help him of children. Would you be interested in telling us a little about put things in perspective). 5) I would return to the house, and these beautiful (I’ve seen pictures!) children and your relationship everything would be great. Th is plan was ingenious. with them? When the day arrived, my mother was very nervous, but very glad that she would be working and, hence, inaccessible and far DP: I am very fortunate to have three godchildren—Hali, Gabriella, away from the events. By mid-afternoon, my brother was in posi- and Fausto. Th ey are so cute and so sweet. I take my godparenting tion, and I was ready. After a lot of procrastinating and with much responsibilities very seriously. While I am still not really sure if there fear and hesitation, I told my father that I am bisexual. He said, are any particular responsibilities, I want to, and try to, be a part “okay.” Confused by his calm, even nonexistent, reaction, I asked of their lives. Unfortunately, we do not live in the same state, so if he knew what that meant. He accurately defi ned it, and said he I do not get to visit and play with them as much as I would like. kind of knew that about me. He stressed that it is going to be very But, with the Internet and webcams, I am able to see them quite diffi cult for me, as most are not tolerant. And, because of that, he regularly. Th ey are wonderful. worried. He gave me a hug, and told me that he loved me. Goodness, just saying it now brings tears to my eyes. It was LS: Any fi nal thoughts? absolutely perfect. I phoned my brother and mother to relay the amazing news, DP: Th ank you for being an awesome bi female friend. and inform them that the plan was not necessary. My brother thought I was kidding, and then, suggested that perhaps it did not

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 13 Renna, continued from p. 1 I was once on Good Morning America, relationships are diffi cult and being left talking about Anne Heche and her new sucks no matter who someone leaves you simple, black and white, easy or hard. Too relationship with a man after her break-up for—which resulted in some not nice bad. Reality is complicated and frankly, with Ellen Degeneres. I spoke up strongly emails from lesbians and a good deal of more interesting. for her, in a non-judgmental way, in fan mail. A few even started out with, “I Seems simple, no? Well, as someone addition to educating the audience about didn’t realize you were bisexual.” Guess whose life’s work has been all about activism the reality and existence of bisexuals. What how I replied to those. and education related to LGBTQ issues, I rarely tell people is that the producer the on-going denial and unwillingness to loved me because I was honest and said overcome one’s fears, learn about bisexuality I had dated and been in relationships Cathy, a media relations expert and as a and not be inclusive in our thinking is not with a number of out bisexual women. leader within the LGBT community, was a just irresponsible, it is dangerous. Consider So when the question was asked by host major force behind the success and growth the marriage equality debate, the on-going George Stephanopoulos “Does the lesbian of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against AIDS epidemic, the struggle for family community feel betrayed?” I answered as Defamation (GLAAD), where she worked equality and so many other issues. To not honestly as I could. “If they feel betrayed, consider the needs and nuances of how they are being ignorant and disingenuous.” for 14 years. Cathy served as a primary the bisexual community plays a role in the I followed up with a message about how spokesperson for GLAAD, as well as its bigger picture or is impacted by the legal we should all wish Anne—and Ellen—the fi rst National News Media Director. She and cultural implications of these issues is best and that the reality is that we don’t is currently managing partner of Renna unconscionable. really know them, but we do know that Communications.

Ruthstrom, continued from p. 1

He was a little startled but tried to last three, fi ve, or ten years that I am no Ask me, if appropriate, about my recover, “Oh, yes, it is but it’s just so long longer bisexual. other-sex relationships and my same- to say…” Celebrate bisexual culture along with sex relationships. Bisexuals live our “Th at’s too bad,” I said, “because I’m me. We have a vibrant and rich cultural lives in multiple ways. Some of us are bisexual and HRC’s record on inclusiveness history within the bi community. Not only monogamous and we would like to discuss is really poor. Sorry, I can’t support you do we have fabulous examples of cultural that relationship openly with the people in today.” communities that accepted and practiced our lives, no matter whom it is with. Some Sadly, there are still many national bisexual living/loving—Bloomsbury Group, of us have more than one relationship going GLBT organizations that give short shrift Greenwich Village, Harlem Renaissance— on and we’d like to be able to share that to bisexual and trans visibility within but from Sappho to Walt Whitman to with others without feeling judgment. their outreach and policy development. Bi Virginia Woolf to James Baldwin to June If there is some sort of bisexual activists constantly try to claim our space Jordan, we have many daring voices that scandal in the news, don’t use it as an within the greater GLBT community, have expressed love beyond the monosexual opportunity to make derisive remarks often feeling our work gets erased like a confi nes. about bisexuals generally. As we know, sand castle below the high water mark. Please don’t try to convince me that all communities have examples of “bad I’ve drawn up a few tips that can people who lived bisexual lives in the behavior,” and painting everyone with certainly be taken into account by past would have been gay if they had lived the same brush doesn’t create much organizations, but my main focus was today. You don’t know that, I don’t know understanding between us. on the individual level. Straight allies can that, and your insistence that it is true says When I’m not around, or any other benefi t from these recommendations, but that you believe that people were bisexual bisexual, speak up when bisexual people I know that a lot of them come from my only out of necessity, not by desire. I believe are being defamed or excluded. It’s great experiences with gays and lesbians over there have always been bisexual people just when we can witness your support, but the years. as you may believe there have always been I’d love to know you are helping us even Believe that I exist. Despite ongoing gay and lesbian people. when we are not looking. You’ll be the best scientifi c research that seems so determined Validate my frustration with the gay ally possible! to disprove the existence of bisexuality and lesbian community when they ignore I’d love to hear your response to this plus the general lack of interest by the or exclude bisexuals. Please don’t try and list and add some tips of your own. You can greater gay and lesbian community in defend an action such as a keynote speaker email me at [email protected]. acknowledging us, we really do exist. who is addressing a GLBT audience but When I tell you I’m bisexual, please consistently says “gay and lesbian” when don’t try to talk me into redefi ning my referring to all of us. It bothers me, so Ellyn is the President of the Bisexual Resource identity into something more comfortable even if you don’t think it’s that important Center and the Calendar Editor of Bi for you. Please don’t tell me that if I haven’t yourself, please don’t try and talk me out of Women. been sexual with more than one sex in the my feelings.

Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 14 Calendar, continued from page 16 we’ll head over to a local eatery for a late lunch and some socializ- ing. Email Ellyn at [email protected] to join the group. marketing to reach out to the LGBT com- munity, and discuss some ways the com- May munity can fi ght back. Co-sponsored by The Nat’l LGBT Tobacco Control Network. For info & RSVPs (appreciated but not Wednesday, May 6, 7 p.m. Bisexual Social and Support Group necessary), contact Gillian at 617-927-6028 (BliSS). (See March 4th) or [email protected]. Saturday, May 9, 2-4 p.m. Monthly meeting of BFLAG. (See March 14th) Friday, March 27-Sunday, March 29. WAM! Women, Action & the Media: MIT Monday, May 11, 7 p.m. Straight Marriage, Still Questioning. Stata Center, Cambridge, MA. A confer- (See March 9th) ence for journalists, activists, & everyone who has a stake in achieving gender justice Tuesday, May 12, 7-9 p.m. BRC Board Meeting. (See March 10th) in media. Info: www.centerfornewwords. org/wam/. Friday, May 15, 7:30 p.m. Mouthful: An Open Mic for Open Minds, Center for New Words, 7 Temple Street, Cambridge. (See April March 13th)

Wednesday, April 1, 6:30-9 p.m. Bisexual Saturday, May 16, BBWN “Lilac Saturday” Potluck Brunch, noon Social and Support Group (BliSS). (See at Robyn’s in Jamaica Plain. Please bring a potluck dish or drinks th to share. Email Robyn at [email protected] or 617-413-2717. March 4 ) A great opportunity to meet other bi and bi-friendly women in the Boston area. Tuesday, April 14, 7-9 p.m. BRC Board Meeting. (See March 10th) Saturday, May 16, 11:30 a.m. Saturday Bi Brunch. (See March 21st)

Friday, April 10, 7:30, Mouthful: An Open Thursday, May 20, 7 p.m. Bisexual Social and Support Group Mic for Open Minds, Center for New (BliSS). (See March 4th) Words, 7 Temple Street, Cambridge. (See March 13th) Bi wants you!!! Saturday, April 11, 2-4 p.m. BFLAG. (See Women th March 14 ) SUBSCRIPTION RATE for Bi Women Monday, April 13, 7 p.m. Straight Mar- (sliding scale) riage, Still Questioning. (See March 9th) ___$0-20 pay what you can Thursday, April 16, 7 p.m. Bisexual Social ___$20-39 (suggested) and Support Group (BliSS). (See March ___$30-$99: Supporter 4th) ___$100 on up: Goddess Friday, April 17-Sunday, April 19. BECAUSE Conference (Bisexual Empowerment Conference: A Uniting, ______Renewal Supportive Experience) in Minneapolis, ______New Subscriber Minnesota. Robyn Ochs is keynoting. NAME______More info: www.becauseconference. org. ADDRESS______Saturday, April 18, 11:30 a.m. Saturday Bi ______Brunch. (See March 21st) EMAIL ______

Sunday, April 26, noon. Bowling with Please send my Bi Women ___by email ; ___by postal mail; ___both ways BBWN. Meet up on the 2nd fl oor of Lanes & Games near Alewife in Cambridge for BBWN, P.O. BOX 301727, Jamaica Plain,, MA 02130 a few games of “big ball” bowling. Then Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 15 The “Bi Offi ce” is the Bisexual Resource CALENDAR Center, located at 29 Stan- hope Street, behind Club March listen: the goal is to build a community of Cafe. For info call 617-424- writers and readers that supports women 9595. Wednesday, March 4, 7-8:45 p.m. Bisex- and their allies. $5 donation requested. ual Social and Support Group (BliSS). Meets 1st Wednesdays and 3rd Thursdays Saturday, March 14, 2-4 p.m. Monthly at the Boston Living Center, 29 Stanhope meeting of the Boston branch of the Ongoing Events Street, Boston. All bi and bi-friendly national organization Blind Friends, people of all genders and orientations Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgen- Last Fridays: are welcome to attend. 1st Wednesday der People (BFLAG). Meets at Club Café, Bi Women’s Rap. 7:30-9:00 meetings are peer facilitated discussion 209 Columbus Ave, Boston 2nd Saturdays. p.m. at the Cambridge groups, sometimes with a pre-selected Are you a GLBT person who is visually Women’s Center, 46 Pleas- topic or presenter. 3rd Thursday meetings impaired? Are you a friend of a GLBT ant St., Cambridge. For info are 7-8 p.m. check-ins, discussion, and an- person who is visually impaired? The and discussion topics call national organization’s aim is to provide 617-354-8807. nouncements followed by social time at a nearby restaurant. Only want to socialize? mutual support, to provide information Meet the group at or shortly after 8 p.m. about sources of information in formats in the lobby of the Boston Living Center. useable by visually-impaired GLBT, and to 2nd Mondays: encourage inclusion of those with visual Straight Marriage, Still Friday, March 6-Sunday, March 8. Bi- impairments in the activities and programs Questioning. Email kate. inclusive National Lesbian Health offered to sighted GLBT persons. e.fl [email protected] for Summit in San Francisco. For more more info. details, visit www.lesbianhealthinfo. Thursday, March 19, 7 p.m. Bisexual org/NationalLesbianHealthSummit. Social and Support Group (BliSS). (See th 1st Wednesdays, 3rd Monday, March 9, 7 p.m. Straight Mar- March 4 ) Thursdays: riage, Still Questioning. A peer-led sup- BLISS: Biseuxal Support port group for women in a straight mar- Saturday, March 21, 11:30am. Bi Brunch. & Social Group, 7-8:45 riage/relationship struggling with sexual Bi Brunch (a mixed gender bi group) is p.m. The group meets orientation or coming out. If interested now always the 3rd Saturday at Johnny D’s at the Bisexual Resource in attending, contact kate.e.fl ynn@gmail. on Holland St. in Davis Sq. in Somerville. Center at 29 Stanhope St. in Boston. Call 617-424- com. Meets 2nd Mondays. 9595 for info. Saturday, March 21, BBWN Potluck Tuesday, March 10, 7:00-9:00 p.m. Bi- Brunch, hello spring” brunch at Steph’s in sexual Resource Center Board Meeting. Arlington at noon. This lunch is being co- 3nd Saturdays: All bi and bi-friendly community mem- hosted by Steph Miserlis and Deb Morley. bers welcome to attend. Email Ellyn at Please bring a potluck dish or drinks to Biversity Brunch, 11:30 [email protected] for more share. Contact Steph at smiserlis@gmail. a.m. at Johnny D’s, Davis info. At the Boston Living Center, 29 com or 781-859-5959. A great opportunity Square, Somerville. Stanhope St. near Back Bay station on the to meet other bi and bi-friendly women in Orange Line. the Boston area. Sign up for our Thursday, March 12-Saturday, March Tuesday, March 24, 6:30 - 8:00 p.m. Bound- new email list! 14. True Colors Conference (for LG- less/Fenway: Become A Moving Target: Send an email to: BTQIA Youth) in Storrs, Connecticut. How Big Tobacco and Alcohol Target More info at www.ourtruecolors.org. the LBT Community. Dinner 6:30 p.m. biwomenboston- Presentation 7-8:00 p.m. Come join An- subscribe Friday, March 13, 7:30, Mouthful: An drea Quijada of the New Mexico Media Open Mic for Open Minds, Center for Literacy Project for a presentation that will @yahoogroups. New Words, 7 Temple Street, Cambridge. rock your socially active socks into action. com Meets 2nd Fridays to turn the mic over to Come hear the truth about how the to- your original writing in any genre, and bacco and alcohol industries are targeting munch on tasty noshes while you chat in- formally about writing and whatever else CALENDAR continues on page 15 comes to mind. Come to read or come to Bi Women • P.O. Box 301727, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 March/April/May 2009 • Vol. 27 No. 2 • page 16