NOBODY IS WHO HE SEEMS IN HOLLYWOOD

In Memory of Theda

By

Diane Grant

16513 Sunset Blvd. #5 Pacific Palisades, CA 90272 (310) 454-6806 [email protected] www.dianegrant.com

TIME: Present

SETTING: The Alexandria Hotel in , CA

NOBODY IS WHO THEY SEEM IN HOLLYWOOD

In Memory of Theda Bara

A woman is lying on a hotel bed and is startled awake when the play begins. She is heavily madeup like Theda Bara.

DORA

(getting up and speaking to the audience.)

Oh. You startled me. Good evening. Welcome to Hollywood and the beautiful

Alexandria Hotel, the home away from home for the Hollywood elite. Did you see the bar and the lounge, the dance floor and the chandelier in the lobby? Aren’t they fabulous?

Some say the place is haunted. How very strange.

(suddenly, alarmed)

Don’t open the curtains. I don’t like the light.

(showing the room)

I know you’re disappointed. It’s not the Rudolfo Valentino suite with its big bed, and the red headboard, trimmed with gold. But I like it. This is the room where Victor and I always stayed.

Have you seen Victor? I haven’t seen him for a long time.

I met him here at the Alexandria when I was new in town, just a girl with her head full of stars. That’s why I came to work here. To see the stars.

There were so many who stayed with us. …

(to one audience member, like Mae West)

“Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”

(with Greta Garbo’s deep voice) and Greta Garbo…half hidden by her hat. and came and the little tramp, . He was English.

(She does a Charlie Chaplin walk.)

They met in the ballroom, with D. W. Griffiths – the director of Birth of A Nation.

I was a bit afraid of D.W. He looked quite strange and the bellboys called him the “polar bear” because he bought a bucket of crushed ice every morning to put in his bath.

The four of them, Mary, Douglas, Mr. Chaplin, and D.W., started United Artists right here in the hotel! I used to listen to them as they drank. They talked about making movies and about enormous amounts of money. Mr. Chaplin was making six thousand and seventy dollars for two reelers! I wanted to be part of that. Wouldn’t you?

(sighs)

I was smart and friendly and you can see how beautiful but they took the drinks from my tray and kept on talking as if the tray had appeared by magic.

Until Victor. When I saw him, I couldn’t move. He was perfect from head to toe, from his grey fedora to the thin leather shoes that shone. I soaked in his face, his emerald eyes, his Grecian nose. I longed to stroke the long silky silver hair that flowed over the collar of his camel hair coat. I wanted to put his cigarette in its ebony holder, light it with his gold cigarette lighter.

He always carried a small burgundy suitcase with beige binding and gold clasps and he knew everybody. All of Hollywood would appear at his elbow and whisper in his ear and he would leave with them, carrying that small bag.

Ten minutes later, he’d reappear, only to be kissed by one of the glamorous women and whispered to again.

One day, through the smoke, he saw me, too, and smiled, barely parting his lips.

Suddenly, he was beside me and all the glasses clinked and shook. When I swooned, he steadied the tray, then reached for a flute of champagne.

“You could be the next Theda Bara,” he said. “You are more beautiful and more sensual. And you have better legs,” he said.

(shows them off)

They are good, don’t you think?

“But, I gasped, “she’s the most exotic creature I’ve ever seen. My favorite star. I love her mysterious accent and her dark eyes.”

I’d seen all her films, A Fool There Was, Carmen, , The Rose of

Blood…. How I could I be like her? She was a vamp, dressed in veils, dripping with jewelry and furs. Sometimes, skulls and snakes. She led men to their doom.

“Nobody is what he seems in Hollywood,” he said. “Theda Bara is just a nice

Jewish girl from , Ohio. Her friends call her Teddy.”

Could that be?

I said, “I’m a nice Catholic girl from Chicago.”

He laughed.

“What is your name, sweetheart?”

“Dora,” I breathed.

“Dora. From now on, you are…Salomea. From Egypt. I’m going to put you in the movies, Salomea.” he said.

He patted his suitcase. “In here, there’s a movie script with a leading role just for you.”

Then, a woman with a white turban appeared at his shoulder. He picked up the suitcase and followed her out. Before he left, he winked at me and she glared.

(picks up a box of chocolates, offers them)

Chocolates? Anyone? I’ve kept them here for years.

(takes a chocolate, eats it)

We met in this room and he taught me everything he knew – how to walk and talk, throw my head back and laugh.

(throws her head back and laughs)

I learned to speak with an Egyptian accent.

(with a mysterious accent)

“ me, my fool.”

In the ballroom, he didn’t know me, it wasn’t time, he said, but in this room, he loved me and lifted me up and I knew my time was coming. I begged him to let me read the script but he wouldn’t let me near his bag. It was locked and he kept the gold key around his neck on a golden chain.

“When you are ready, we will read it together.”