8 I OPINIONS A SEPTEMBER 26, 2003 CoLumnist feels 'paying for cancer' a dangerous trend she can Live without

nish on her body. Needless to say, it looked fantastic. Not to mention that she seriously dam- aged her skin. ~LAURA MINERVA Then there are the guys who tan, but never admit to it. From COLUMNIST my experience it's usually the guys who are pretty boys that pretend to be low-maintenance. In reality they take longer to get number with see-through lace ready than I do (and I have dif- I apologize if you've ever around the middle. I couldn't ficult hair). Seriously guys, we caught a flash of my stomach- really handle the shirt; it was all know you tan. No one is that it's known to cause temporary way too skimpy, and made me brown in December, I don't fits of.blindness. I'm a pale look ghostly pale... a bit like care if your grandpa has a house girl; I always have been. Casper the Friendly Hooker if in Florida. Except fo? the seventh grade you will. I was pulling it off, I just don't understand why John Curtis Rachel Price Dave Tognarelli when the Casper the Friendly when my roommates yelled at you would purposely endanger Ghost movie inspired a friend to me to go tanning. I was your health to be tan. It looks Business/2004 English/Theater/2005 Voc. Perf./2005 affectionately call me Casper. I annoyed, but simply took off nice to get a little sun, but if you decided to buy self tanner and the shirt and called it a day. let yourself bake, you're essen- "Why does it matter any- "I think we should "People who know what fixed the pale problem. In all honesty, I really don't tial burning your body from the way? Isn't Califomrnia sup- elect our governors they're doing should run Unfortunately, the speckled understand tanning, a.k.a., pay- outside in. You are a giant hot- posed to fall off the country based on their body for governor ... and that orange problem was harder to ing for cancer. I'm glad dog. Ha, giant hotdog. from an earthquake soon?" fat. Yeah Arnold!" leaves the Terminator asbestos isn't the new rage in If you want to layout or go fix. out."' Years later, I embrace the soft skin because Americans tanning, it's fine with me, as paleness. I joke to my friends would be rubbing it all over long as you don't make fun of that if it were any other century, their bodies, even after the can- my paleness. Chances are if I would be considered beautiful cerous lumps obstructed our you smell sun block in and wealthy, and they would be baby soft epidermises. November, it's probably mine. the browned farm hands. My I had a friend who worked in For all those pale-haters out How do you feel about California's tanned friend Anna and I used a tanning salon and would tan there, don't worry, I'll laugh at to replicate the movie box of for free at least three times a you when you have to botox all race for governor? "Jungle Fever" while everyone week. Every class, she seemed your wrinkles away, I'm not laughed at my whiteness. I will to go up a skin shade, and every gonna lie. But I will feel sorry never be able to tan, so I might week, her nationality seemed to for you when you need skin as well get over it. change. Except for her arms, grafting done-I'll definitely Yet, it still plagues me. Last which would never get as tan as send you kind thoughts as I lay week I was trying on a shirt of the rest of her body, making her on the beach, (thanks SPF 45). my roommates-this little lacy appear to have some crazy var- Yeah, they do make it that high.

Top bunks, oversized rugs; moving Lindsay Fahey Matt Grandone Tom Bequette in to IWU. a production for freshman English Ed./2005 History/2005 Poli. Sci./2005 "It's been a media publicity "Personally, ldon't care stunt for people that want to "I think the media has Once my belongings had all been successfully what the outcome is. It taken it a bit too far, transported and sat in uneven piles outside of the make a comeback in COURTNEY HOLDEN room, I realized that the hard work had only just won't really affect me." Hollywood." but in the long run, the COLUMNIST begun. There, laying innocently on its side, still outcome won't really incased in plastic, rolled demurely up, it was: the affect me." carpet. One minor detail the imps - excuse me, advertisers - failed to mention in their product dreamed about. These are the years I always propaganda was the extreme amount of rearrang- majority of my Wednesday After spending the ing, hauling, lifting, squeezing, and general slave nights watching "Felicity" and idolizing the grace labor, required to position this oversized rug on and poise with which she juggled boys, home- the floor. Lay the floor covering before deposit- boys, college work, boys, classes, and well, ing the furniture? Now that's a grand idea! I seri- couldn't come soon enough; I was ready to fill ously believe that this was the first test: "Well, in last week's Word on the Street, The Argus asked "What are out my aps in eighth grade. Certainly Saved By her form throughout was utterly magnificent, but your opinions on IWU's new cable package?" Dave Zohfeld (left) the Bell had me looking forward to high school, we're negating points for crookedness". the dili- responded, "I like ESPN News, ESPN2 and Cartoon Network, but but even they all grew up and portrayed Thankfully however, this was one of those exams continued to gent, yet fun-loving students I with a pass/fail grading scale. (As I'm still here, getting rid of Fox Sports is unacceptable. They should have revere. Eventually however, high school flew by I'm thinking I received the former, rather than the added Fox Sports Midwest and kept Fox Sports Chicago." it was so not like My So Called Life) and the (and latter, mark.) However, due to error, his picture did not appear in the best years of my life, the college years, were Overall, I'd say moving in was a success. My final publication. The Argus sincerely apologizes for this error. about to begin. roomie ended up arriving after me, (just goes to as quickly as expect- But they didn't start quite show I could have slept later after all) although I ed. My alarm clock failed to chime at the did relinquish that holiest of holies: the top to my appointed time on move-in day, and much bunk-keeping the peace on that fateful first The End of Things Chris Nititham father's chagrin ("Come on Courtney! seemed more important than sleeping well, impression Registration ends at 2:00!"), we arrived, an extra three feet in the air. Our tastes in interi- My hopes of claim- slightly later than expected. or decorating have blended nicely with similar ing the top bunk were all but gone. (but for the record, not matching) bedspreads and We did finally make it through the long lines at mutual obsessions .:. er... fondnesses, for James address, height, Shirk-where I wrote my name, Dean and Brad Pitt. We go together like beer and weight, bra size, and preferred alcoholic beverage pizza. on an assortment of neon-colored note cards- As for my college experience thus far, well, it and from there over to my new home: Ferguson. couldn't be better. Walking across campus these seventh I had expected the worst. Living on the past weeks, breathing in the crisp fall air, relish- be a floor, moving in, I'd anticipated, would ing the warm sunshine, mocking the squirrels, nightmare. How was I going to make the million I've realized there truly is no place I'd rather be, jeans, trips necessary to carry a year's supply of no place more perfect to prepare myself to, in noodles up six flights of sweatshirts, and Ramen those infamous words of our dearly beloved, so stairs? As things turned out though, I was pleas- sadly departed Minor Myers, jr., "Go forth and do antly surprised. Smiling RA's greeted us and all good." but yanked the bags out of our hands, so willing were they to get us situated. banning Leads to ignorance; Lessons Lost in "Scary Stories" series by Alvin how can someone from a less-than-racially- which women are completely oppressed and Schwartz have all been banned by diverse background recognize that racism is every citizen has been censored to the point school boards seeking to shelter wrong? Instead of teaching America's children where they are afraid to communicate with one the children of their schools, there- that racism is wrong, schools around the country another. This fictitious novel could be our future SARAH ZELLER by monitoring the children's read- are simply pointing out the "bad words" that are if we allow censorship to continue uninhibited. COLUMNIST ing material to make their parents' used in these and condemning the text Books and their authors have important lessons jobs easier. But why is this neces- entirely. With censorship of this kind, we could to teach us. Ifwe, as a society, are refusing to lis- sary? Can parents no longer con- soon have a generation of racist, sexist, and ten because of what we perceive as problems with trol their own children? And what uncultured citizens. Is that really what we want to the text, we are limiting ourselves to an isolated about the kids who enjoy books from achieve by banning books? life inside a bubble of ignorance. Reading is the As a means for communicating ideas and these series? Will they continue to discover the Books of a sexual nature that have repeatedly most effective way to broaden your horizons, beliefs, the written word is very powerful; how- gift of reading? been banned include Maya Angelou's "I Know understand complex issues, and communicate ever, it is considered too powerful for those who For high school students, some of the most fre- Why the Caged Bird Sing"s and Margaret ideas. When books are censored, especially for believe in banning books and censorship. Sept. quently banned books are Mark Twain's "The Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale." Angelou's students, the effects can be catastrophic. As 20 - 27th is Banned Books Week, a seven-day Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" and Harper book deals with the horrors of rape during her award-winning children's author Judy Blume celebration of the works of famous authors who Lee's "To Kill a Mockingbird." Both of these childhood; for a reader of the appropriate age said, "[I]t's not just the books under fire now that have defied society's norms by using profanity, controversial books deal with the subject of racial group, this book, with a mostly non-graphic worry me. It is the books that will never be read. sexuality, or racial issues to make a statement in prejudice, and are often banned because of racial depiction of Angelou's own rape, is an excellent And all due to the fear of censorship. As always, their work, and whose books have subsequently slurs and profanity. However, how can a student means for educating anyone about the psycholog- young readers will be the real losers." been banned. ever fully appreciate the true hatred that is racism ical issues that concern sexual assault. "The (All lists of banned books and quote from Judy Often, parental concerns lead to banned books; without experiencing it in some form? Without Handmaid's Tale," while containing some sexual Blume from the American Association's the "Harry Potter" series by J.K. Rowling, the ever.reading a book that deals with issues of race, scenes, also explores the issues of a society in website: www.ala.org) "Goosebumps" series by R.L. Stein, and the Strange Happenings Colin Burke ..- r W: To Go HOAGREEDSTLY THIs IS y/ FIR YOu'RE THE sw ETCST YOUP'RE LRERSSe PRETTy Go oUTe cJtrI/ PArE iiWJ ALOACG mIE. r'Ve I'vE ACrRESToNIGHT, EP To PoRi. 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