READ CHECK OUT THE SCROLL WHEEL ON THAT! ME! WEEK 12 EDITION | 27 May 2009

Porn 2.0 The rise of a new era

HONI’S GUIDE HEAD TO HEAD WACKTIVITIES History of Academic Paper plane vibrators >04 doping >11 champions! >21 WEEK 12 EDITION | 27 May, 2009

04 07 > Katherine Connolly feels out the vibe > Katherine Connolly and Sriram Srikumar (asst. > Michael Krasovitsky has a whine Ritalin) go head to head on academic doping > Michael Krasovitsky gives the GAMSAT a check-up 05 08 > The Women of Honi respond > Sriram Srikumar takes us round the grounds, looking into Kirby Cup, Australs and the Revues 11 > Danika Armytage takes a reality check

12 > Alex Lee and Mark Di Stefano: all porny and hot and stuff 14 > Aleksandr Wansborough peers into the Howard Diaries > Project 52 boys are here to make us laugh > William Villarica flies to Vienna to fly for Australia > George Downing on fonts

20 > Jamie Miller: all way from Cambridge > Will Atkinson cooks up a slow article > Anusha Rutnam models a new perspective

22 > Cat Montray (and a WICKED robot!) > Alice Blain lives on college (with the hair lice!)

06 > Bronwyn Cowell was nursing a hangover > David Krasovitsky takes the piss > Sriram Srikumar dreams big

EDITOR IN CHIEF Paul Mackay EDITORS Will Atkinson, Katherine Connolly, Bronwyn Cowell, Mark “Featch Bro” Di Stefano, George Downing, Giselle Kenny, Michael Krasovitsky, Alex Lee, Sriram Srikumar REPORTERS Danika Armytage, Alice Blain, David Krasovitsky, Anusha Rutnam, Joe Smith-Davies, Aleksandr Wansborough CONTRIBUTOR Christopher Hay, Michael Hing, Ben Jenkins, Jamie Miller, Cat Montray, Alex Rafalowicz, William Villarica, Patrick Wall GRAPHIC DESIGN George Downing and Paul Mackay COMIC Simon Greiner CROSSWORD Ben Jenkins PUZZLES Tom Clement

ADVERTISING [email protected]/PO Box 794, Broadway NSW PRINTER Marrickville Print and Design, Unite E1, 46-62 Maddox Street, Alexandria, NSW 2015

DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Mike Mackertich, Patrick Wall, Elly Howse and Samuel Moginie. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. Quite a few of us try to stop rape that’s not enough. Not everyone More thoughts from occurring. And not all of those can be an active women’s rights on the Women’s men work in the SRC. (Surprising, I campaigner, but it’d be nice if my know. I’ll give you a few minutes to meagre contribution to the cause Since the introduction of VSU, our Edition digest.) didn’t end with me being lumped University has contributed around as a tacit supporter of wartime rape $30 million in subsidies for student Daniel Wodak, Law V Aside from being offensive and and domestic violence. services, but has suggested that such Dear Tamsin, hypocritical, this attitude is counter- a commitment cannot necessarily be productive. To change the perni- sustained. First of all, your last report claimed cious cultures that foster crimes A Note to Matt and that “women are forced to live in a against women requires dialogue. Next month, the Federal Senate will world where we are the victims of It requires women and men to Curtis vote on the introduction of a student rape, sexual harassment, domestic engage with each other, honestly services fee; funding that will then be violence and there are no men trying and openly, about gender issues Tess Hutley, International/Global administered by universities instead to help fix this system that they and moral values. So long as men Studies I of the often politicised student created” – other than “a handful of are faced with accusatory rhetoric organisations. Some Senators have very wonderful men (some in our about how we’re all rapists and Who in Honi’s Week 11 The Column suggested such a fee will place too SRC)”. Really? This seems to be part awful – except for the handful who questioned the difference between high a price on already cash-strapped of the worrying tendency among work in the SRC, obviously – this homosexual love and homosexual students. Others have suggested they some radical feminists to assume, dialogue will always fail. It makes sex (I loved the article!). The reason will only support such a fee if the and proclaim, that all men are either it all too easy to dismiss what might the former is permitted (keep in money is directed exclusively to sport- perpetrators of, or complicit con- be valid arguments by the absurd mind this is quite a contemporary ing organisations. spirators in, crimes against women. way that they’re formulated, and to stance and something of a break- Is it a tad ironic that such universal stereotype any woman concerned through) and the latter not is less You will certainly be hearing more on rampant generalisations, based about gender violence as another to do with homosexuality (although the issue as the legislation is debated on the complete refusal to engage “angry feminist”. I don’t mean to question the sever- but in the mean-time, Honi is grateful with empirical evidence, is the exact ity of the Church’s ridiculous anti- for the ongoing support we receive source of the problem with sexist Shaun Crowe and David Batchelor, homosexual sentiments) and more from the University and the SRC, discrimination against women? In Science III to do with sex for non-reproductive without which the quality publication > Aleksandr Wansborough peers into the Howard Diaries case you missed the subtlety, the Honi, purposes. you see before you would not exist. Student publications have long been > Project 52 boys are here to make us laugh answer is yes. Yes it is. I am writing to you in disgust at last There is a passage in the Bible (Cor- breeding grounds for journalists and > William Villarica flies to Vienna to fly for Australia I don’t deny that men – especially week’s Women’s Report. Tasmin inthians I think) that states that ‘for a creative outlet for all students and to > George Downing on fonts those in the NRL – are more dispro- Dingley’s article seemed more a man to lie with another man is an lose them would be a travesty. portionately more likely to commit concerned with provocation than abomination’. It all comes down to rape, domestic abuse and sexual ha- substance. Ignoring the fact that one thing: babies. You wrote that In other news, you’ll notice that many rassment. But don’t tar all men with ‘Men’s Honi’ was a joke, it is com- “someone who is straight is perfectly of our letters this week were sent the same brush. Most men aren’t pletely offensive to insinuate that able to express love through the body, in direct response to the Women’s in the NRL. Most men don’t rape. men, by ‘not doing more’, view rape someone who is queer cannot”. That Officer’s report published in our last apathetically. is something of an oversimplifica- edition. At Honi, we too were surprised tion. According to the Bible, sex is by the accusations of sexism and criti- If the women’s movement is primarily a pure act of creation, and cism of a perceived male domination hijacked by such fringe – and its use for other reasons - such as of the paper. It is an absolute privilege downright insane – opinions, there pleasure - is tarnishing its purpose. to work with the incredibly talented is little hope for any future progress. So the frowning (to put it lightly) on women on the editorial team and I We should be moving away from homosexual sex falls less into the have no hesitation in admitting these the stereotypical, ‘man-hating’ category of homosexuality as a sin fine editors are all more capable conception of feminists. Castigating in itself and more under the encour- I - something reflected in each week’s men, as if they are a homogeneous aged abstinence from protected sex, pages and particularly on Page 8 of unit complicit in previous horrors pre-marital sex, and masturbation. this edition. Materialist Apocalypse of ‘international relations’, does Paul Mackay nothing but alienate students who And then we found, at last would usually be sympathetic to the Honeysoyt?! As murderers carry guns, feminist cause. This should not be a Oops! As priests carry in hostile country simple ‘us vs them’ issue; equality is Hannah Vieira Science/Law I Their crucifixes, and, at times, something that can only come about Don Key, Law V Like the precious letters of through mutual understanding and What I have been enjoying on a immigrants You incorrectly reported that there respect. It is amazing to think that weekly basis for some time now, it were 29 informal votes in the USU In the old tongue warm, this could come from the SRC – an appears, I have taken for granted. With hearts’ warmth in inner election. In fact they were 29 Don organisation there to represent the Students frequently enquire, “What Key votes - votes for me, Don Key! pockets, entire university. are you reading?” before tilting their heads sideways, squinting heavily You even interviewed one if my For our way was a match Daniel Graham. Arts III and saying very slowly but unmis- To ignite continents. In the cellars voters in your vox pop, even if you Tamsin Dingley (women’s report, takably “Honeysoyt” each and every did misspell my name. Cafes, little backstreet shops wk. 11), time. Take what you will from this We would display by signs its edges (that Sydney students are not as To gain from them a nod It’s quite an impressive result for a Why do you make me feel like a cultured as we imagine ourselves to made up joke donkey candidate. Perhaps a meal, or sometimes criminal? You use ‘women’ as a term be perhaps?), but I attribute this to martyrdom, of unity, to mean not only those who a lack of interest in the publication Straw for our firs; a wide country It also makes you wonder whether have been direct victims of sexual generally. Jess Pribee is a made up joke donkey Dull with suffering and there assault but for those who could just We led them wisely to our victory: candidate, since she didn’t do much as easily be in their place. Flip the Edition 11’s “News in Brief” featured better. The palaces banquets not yet cold coin. What does this mean for the a small but telling paragraph which With which we fed their hunger. word ‘men’? If ‘women’ signifies a concluded with a suggestion that Why do you insist on blocking me Yes! collective (therefore empowered) a priest had been molesting his Free tailors sticked that night out of Honi? I’ll be campaigning for victimhood, then ‘men’ suggests altar servers to further his sexual an autonomous donkey Honi - have Suits they had cut as slaves. In that every man is capable of sexual knowledge. Not only was this summer you heard what the war in Gaza has assault, and that if he hasn’t done trivialising the issue of pedophilia done to donkeys? All ate nobles’ wet as bread. it yet it’s because he hasn’t had the in our society, but rehashing a very opportunity. unoriginal attack on the Catholic Of free men, and lay down content. Church. “The Column” featured In the river, all the ice was gone Reading your report I felt guilty. another uber original attack on On the hill we sang the songs of Guilty in a way that a schoolkid who some of the church’s views, claiming SEND LETTERS & exile hasn’t done anything feels inexpli- they were “nonsensical, ridiculous CONTRIBUTIONS TO And peace came down like night cably ashamed when the principal and cruel”. Tasteless, unwarranted upon the land. addresses an assembly filled with attacks on the world’s biggest charity [email protected] wrongdoers. And your ‘there are organisation will not make Honi Les A. Murray good men’ disclaimer at the end more appealing. And if these articles Only submissions with your didn’t cut it with me. Do you want continue the way some of them are name, year and faculty to know how I help limit sexism going, people will be asking, “What will be accepted. Published in Honi Soit, 1960 and sexual assault against women? on earth is Honeysoyt?” for a while By not doing it myself. By treating yet. women with respect. Evidently >03 Honi’s Guide to... The History of Vibrators Katherine Connolly sheds light on the sordid past of playthings.

To most, the vibrator shares a place techniques mean women achieved next ten years by the fan, the kettle, with the sex-shop and internet porn ‘paroxysm’ more quickly and they the toaster, and vibrator. Now, women Impotence entrepreneur Jack as a product of our modern sexual could treat more patients in less time. could use electrical massage on their Vaisman, mastermind behind ‘nasal liberation. Many would be surprised As one doctors rather indelicately own, in the privacy of their homes. delivery technology for longer to learn the vibrator, in one form put it, “No human hand is capable of lasting sex’ has been described as or another, has been around for communicating to the tissues such By the 1920s vibrators were marketed deceptive by NSW Department of hundreds and hundreds of years. rapid, steady and prolonged vibrations, far beyond just doctors’ use. Ladies’ Health. A Department spokesperson Doctors massaged the vagina to induce and certain kneading and percussion periodicals like Needlecraft and has stated, “Jack Vaisman is not a orgasms, as treatment for an array of movements as the vibrator.” Women’s Home Companion real doctor. Also, there’s nothing uterine diseases including ‘hysteria’, a marketed them as an aid to health and wrong with men who don’t have form of neurosis. The standard medical relaxation. One product available was long-lasting sex. He should shut up and stop giving everyone unrealistic explanation for this treatment was that a home motor, which came complete expectations.” it stimulated blood to the ‘diseased with a number of useful attachments. area’ and allowed women to release These included an egg beater, a fan, an The Federal Health Minister, neurotic tension. electric radiator, a lamp and a vibrator, Nicola Roxon, has warned that which was apparently “very useful and swine flu is here, and spreading This occurred from antiquity, through satisfactory for home service”. The by the minute. The minister also the middle ages and the Victorian Star Vibrators, or ‘Such Delightful warned “we’re all going to die! era. As well as manual stimulation, Companions’ were available for $5, or Die I say! Oh God, the humanity!” women in the Renaissance used Massage Apparatus Instruments $12.50 for a deluxe edition, and were, Reports have indicated that no subfumigation. The patient would sit according to their advertisement, one cares, because everyone’s over a small burner from which fumes “Perfect for weekend trips”. Another over swine flu and busy worrying wafted upward into the vagina. To achieve this end, doctors developed advertisement claimed “Vibration is about sexy footballers. a mind-boggling array of complex, life. It will chase away the years like weirdly shaped mechanisms. Many magic. Every nerve, every fibre of your Australia signed the UN Optional consisted of a portable battery with whole body will tingle with force of Protocol to the Convention an array of different detachable your own awakened powers. All the Against Torture. Afterwards, all the ‘vibratodes’ By the turn of the century, keen relish, the pleasures of youth, will signatories hugged. Don’t worry a doctor could buy musical vibrators, throb within you.” though, it doesn’t actually mean vibratory forks, muscle beaters, hand anyone has to do anything. or foot-powered massage devices, Battery-powered Vibrator, 1883 vibrators powered by air-pressures, water turbines and pneumatic equipment with vibratory massage With the development of steam attachments and even machines powered and electric technologies suspended from the ceiling of a clinic. in the nineteenth century, dozens Excitateur Vulvo-Uterin Electrode of manufacturers started producing After the introduction of electric battery-powered vibratators. Doctors lights in 1876, homes rapidly became And you thought the Victorians were gave typically sterile justifications equipped with electricity. The first suppressed… for these new machines. Producing machine to be electrified and marketed orgasms without them was time as for individual use was the sewing consuming and difficult – mechanised machine. This was followed in the Talks between Russia and the EU, intended to repair relations, small. It’s burnt. There’s no salad, like write to the service provider in case have unsurprisingly come to a you asked. Fuck. your claim goes further. In your letter, stalemate. It’s almost as though make clear what you’re after, whether Russia is totally belligerent and Sound familiar? Sure does! Bad service it be an apology, a refund or a new doesn’t give a shit about anyone! Filing is a part of everyday life in Sydney. item. The EU is unimpressed by the Rarely a week goes past where you’re continued presence of Russian Complaints not looked down upon by some snooty If you’re still not going well at this point, sales assistant, or where your order at it’s time to call in a third party. In NSW, troops in Georgia, Abkhazia Michael Krasovitsy is sick of bad a restaurant is incorrectly taken. Well this third party may be a representative and South Ossetia, and thinks service. it’s time to act! Maybe you’ve had one from the NSW Ombudsman, the Office it’s not fair of Russia to turn off too many burnt coffees, or one off of Fair Trading or the Australian com- gas to countries like the Ukraine Picture the following. You’re in a sandwich too many. Regardless, here’s petition and consumer commission whenever it likes. But Russia has restaurant. You haven’t eaten meat all what you need to know about getting (ACCC). Each of these three bodies beef too - with the EU’s efforts to week, what with the GEC and all, so recompense from your goods or service is equipped to help you fight against engage with Eastern European decide to splurge and order a steak. provider. bad service. Though bringing in such a countries. A spokesperson third party will inevitably escalate the from the Kremlin told Honi, “Um... medium rare,” you answer There are a number of ways of ap- complaint, at times, it’s important to at “Westerners should stay away when asked how you’d like it. You wait proaching bad service. The first thing least seek some legal and professional from Russia’s buffer zone! I mean patiently, counting down the seconds to do is either to call or visit the busi- advice here. until your deliciously expensive steak ness in question with the knowledge Eastern Europe. What? Oh, and arrives. Your stomach is growling, that legally, the Ombudsman Act of Finally, your last resort is the law. dismantle NATO. Do it! Da.” but it’s coming. It’s been about 40 1974 has got your back. According to Suing goods and service providers can minutes. clause 22 of this act, “A person may be tricky however, due to the changing make a complaint to the Ombudsman definitions of “service” in the law. Nev- That’s normal, isn’t it? You quell the about the conduct of a service provider ertheless, should it get to that point, noises emanating from your stomach with respect to the provision, failure the law does provide securities against SEND LETTERS & with the thought that it’s busy. They to provide, withdrawal, variation or bad service. CONTRIBUTIONS TO look understaffed. Yeah, that’s it. It’ll administration of a community service be here soon. Another 40 minutes pass in respect of a particular person or So next time your new shoes break [email protected] and eventually, weak from hunger, you group of persons”. If, after speaking after a week, be sure to take it seriously. ask when your steak is arriving. Your to someone in the business, your There are many ways to empower Only submissions with your response: “soon”. It does arrive soon, complaint is unsuccessful, the next yourself as a consumer! name, year and faculty thank Christ. You see the waitress walk step is to write to them. A written letter will be accepted. towards your table and plop something has more validity under the law than resembling a steak in front of you. It’s a verbal discussion: it’s important to

>04 2 which will allow students from The Arts revue will coincide with the script are yet to be confirmed. Winners of other universities to enter as well. Verge arts festival in the first two Kirby Cup weeks of spring, directed by Carlo The Architecture Revue takes out Ritchie and Tom Walker. The cast of the prize for best name (so far) in Announced Debating 10 includes nine members who are our books. A Collection of Short entirely new to the revue experience. Storeys will be staged from 17-19 The final of the Kirby Plain Speaking Contingent Themed Murder on the Art Express, September and promises a new take Competition was held on Thursday it’ll be centred on Australian on our childhood tales, along with an 21st, May and attended by Justice Announced hardboiled detective drama. (obligatory) impressive set. Kirby (ret.), along with a large crowd Twelve debaters and 6 adjudicators of students, parents and staff. The have been chosen to represent the This year’s Science revue will be competition is in its third year and (defending champions) University directed by Caitlin Gillis and Jack attracted 60 participants, with 46 Bambina of Sydney Union at the annual Wasiliev and produced by Paul competing in the main draw and Australasian Intervarsity Debating Sztajer. They’re still holding auditions Borracha at 14 in the newly formed ESL draw. Tournament. ‘Australs’ is being for cast and crew through Week 12 so Organisers commented that the Belvoir hosted by Monash University this jump onto sciencerevue.org if you’re standard of the competition was year and will be attended by dozens interested. University of Sydney production notably higher this year and are of institutions from across Australia company, Bambina Borracha, the optimistic that the competition will and Asia. Director of the Debates In its second year, Commerce revue crew behind the monthly cabaret keep growing. Committee, Steve Hind, was chosen will be directed by Fraser Raeburn nights at Hermann’s Bar, are as the contingent captain. and produced by Prajyoth Mirajkar. producing a show in Belvoir Street The final was judged by a panel It will be held in Week 5 under the Theatre, Beyond The Neck, by Tom including Union staff, experienced theme Nightmare on Wall Street. Holloway. Founded in 2007 by students and a barrister. The main five former SUDS members, the draw finalists spoke on one prepared Revue Season The Women’s revue, with an all- company has since produced plays topic and one impromptu topic Kicks Off woman cast and crew wrapped and exhibitions across the country. (‘Heart of darkness’). up auditions last week. It will be Teams of students from various directed this year by Catherine All Honi readers are invited to come Congratulations to Eliza Forsyth faculties have started the weeks of Josephine-Tayeh and produced by and see Beyond the Neck at the (winner), Tim Mooney (runner up), preparation, planning and socialising Elena Collinson. Downstairs Belvoir Theatre for the Wei Jia Chen (ESL Winner) & Sophia that goes into the Revues that will special price of $20 from Wednesday Chen (ESL runner up). be put on throughout Semester 2. This is the first year that the Law revue 27th - Sunday 31st. Just call the Independent societies are formed to will be organised by an independent Belvoir Box office on 9699 3444 Interest for public speaking has also put together the shows and they’re society, traditionally organised by and quote the offer code “Beyond increased since the formation of the a highlight of the Union’s C&S the Sydney University Law Society Special”. Sydney University Public Speaking program, attracting hundreds of (SULS). It will be directed by Allegra society. A second public speaking students every year. Day and Daniel Lim. The cast have tournament is planned for Semester been selected though the themes and Cancer Nursing STAFF INTERVIEW Bronwyn Cowell speaks to Professor Kate White.

Bronwyn Cowell spoke to Professor contribution that nurses make – a asthma and heart disease – we can’t Kate White, who has just been ap- timely, quality healthcare experience. cure those, we manage them. With pointed to the newly created position cancer, we can talk about curing a of Dean of Cancer Nursing, having What is your background in patient. Cancer nurses understand previously been the Associate Dean nursing? Have you always though that you’re looking after a Why do we dream? of Research in the Faculty of Nursing worked as an academic? person, not a condition. and Midwifery. The first of its kind in One theory goes that the brain is NSW, this position is partly funded No, my background in primarily in Cancer nursing gives people the scope by the Cancer Institute of NSW and cancer and palliative care nursing. I to use both their technical and clinical switching off and reviewing the is run by a consortium of the Faculty have worked mainly in clinical roles. skills, and their personal skills. When day’s thoughts, reviewing items in its of Nursing and Midwifery and the This means I have an interest as a you’re treating a cancer patient, you’re declarative memory (stuff you can Sydney Cancer Centre at RPA. clinician in research and wanting to looking after that individual and their declare to know like trivia and quiz do better. I find nurses are always family. It’s also an opportunity to work answers). If this were true, amnesiacs Why do you think the Cancer wondering as clinicians, what they can at an advanced level, a very advanced wouldn’t dream. Amnesiacs, along Institute of NSW set up this do better and just as nurses, what they level. And cancer nursing is never with those suffering from degenera- position? can do better for their patients. boring, ever. tive diseases like Alzheimer’s, have damaged the part of the brain that Well, the primary workforce that is Nursing is now a graduate degree forms new memories and allows involved in caring for cancer patients at Sydney University. What sort of access to old ones, known as the is nurses, be they specialised cancer student should think about doing nurses or nurses involved in some a graduate nursing degree? hippocampus. So, technically, these other part of their care. The position people shouldn’t have memories was designed to maximise the poten- It changes, and I think generations to form dreams with. Yet, they do tial for nurses to have a positive impact of nurses can be different. We have a dream. on their patients, as we want to make great variety of students who take up sure nurses are educated about how graduate nursing but generally they’re to do that. Also, from a research point people who are looking for a degree of view, we always want to know what that is professionally rewarding. They nurses can do differently or better that “Cancer’s the pits.” want to go home at the end of the will have a positive impact on their day and have a feeling that they have patients. In terms of research I have focused on made a difference. Other things about the psychological experience of having the profession are attractive. It offers What do you see as your role in cancer and how nurses can help their a career path that can go in a great this new position? patients deal with the consequences many directions and you can really go of cancer. Things like body image and anywhere as a nurse – it’s a license to Working with nurses to provide really sexuality. I’m interested in how we can travel. You can work with paramedics excellent care. Also creating educa- care for our patients in those areas. in a helicopter, in remote area care or tional opportunities for nurses. More in accident and emergency – or all of broadly speaking though, my role is What distinguishes cancer those. about making clear the important nursing from unspecialised role that nursing plays in healthcare. nursing, on a normal ward? For further information about gradu- Campus hippo I think people often feel that nurses ate nursing visit www.nursing.usyd. are experts, that they’ve mastered a People often think that cancer nursing edu.au Experiments by Dr. Stickgold (Har- very basic profession. In fact nursing is must be a really negative and depress- very complex and more advanced than ing experience. In fact the majority of vard Medical School) have come up anybody thinks. I aim to render the cancer patients that you’re caring for with an alternate theory. A group of profession more transparent and well will be cured of their disease. And we amnesiacs who were made to play understood and to clarify the valuable never really think about diseases like Tetris for hours reported dream- ing about falling, rotating blocks. Of course, they had no memory of actually playing Tetris and did not know what they were seeing in their HAVE YOU GOT A BEEF? dreams. So perhaps the dreams Email [email protected] do not come from our declarative memories but our implicit ones - Can we have a wee bit less chat? these are things we know without being aware of it. Like the memory David Krasovitsky urinal edu-cakes. of where keys are on a keyboard or how to ride a bike. Picture this. You walk into a bathroom, someone with no sense of bathroom First, it is fine to speak in the toilet. your sanctuary away from the un- etiquette. And there is definitely an However, if your friend seems upset This explains why dreams are so cubicled, day-to-day bustle that has etiquette. This certain male stands with the idea of talking or you are incoherent and seemingly random; come to envelope your life as a busy within a last shakes distance from me having difficulty ‘going’, stop. Second university student. You are standing so that are streams almost converge rule; Do not touch, ever. The last rule implicit memories, unlike declara- at the edge of the urinal stage; it’s not and I am almost forced into a sword is if you are standing at the urinal and tive ones, do not come with contex- that you are shy or aren’t proud of the fight. “Oh, hey.” I try to be cadenced a friend is behind you talking to you tual information like time and place. package God delivered and you signed so he would receive the hint to fuck off don’t turn around, don’t even twist. According to this theory, we dream for, you just want other people to have but alas, he does the unforgivable… he The slightest rotation could initiate as a way of consolidating informa- more room if they should so need. The reaches out for the handshake. I look a series of irreversible actions that tion and improving learning. The sparkling silver of the metal in front of at him and ponder whether politeness may end with you embarrassed or in Tetris players improved overnight you shines with both the cascading of is closer to godliness than cleanliness. hospital because Steve the Builder more than they did during the day. urine and the shine of Mr Sheen’s bi- It’s not. When I do not shake his hand doesn’t share an affinity with your An altogether different explanation annual appearance. You are enjoying he seems to retract both in his shake urine on his pants. provides less purpose to dreams. releasing all of life’s troubles onto Mr and in his stream. It argues that when there is little Sheen’s face. Now that you have been educated go I finish before him and go to wash my forth into the bathroom with confidence external input, the brain responds Then suddenly a large slap on your hands. Once he had done the same I and if someone breaks these rules, to signals from itself. This resonance back and an echoing “G’day Dave” jolts shook his hand and began to tell him of discipline them and hopefully your is observed in all physical systems you from your safe haven and into the the folklore of toilet etiquette as I will children and your children’s children and is best understood as an echo of interminable depths of mindless prattle. tell you now. will respect the covenant we have thus previous activity. Dreams, then, are Oh god, I have obviously befriended laid… like a brick. spontaneous output from random stimuli.

>06 Academic Doping To gaffe or not to gaffe? Too late. The case for... tion is long. If we can move on from sad. Staying up for two or three days Sriram Srikumar the blunt amphetamines of today to at a time to study is just really bad for Gaffeman favourite, suave smooth- tailored medications that can boost you, not to mention the unknown ef- talker Silvio Berlusconi described It’s the supposed new demon of the brain’s concentration, creativity fects of taking off-prescription am- Emma Marcegaglia as ‘a showgirl’. the modern lifestyle. Taking pre- or computing powers, it’d simply be phetamines on a regular basis. Surely Ms Marcegaglia is the first female scription drugs in order to have the next step along a long continuum. our dog-eat-dog, success driven world president of Confindustria, Italy’s the big nights out all week and still hasn’t gotten so drunk on competi- National Association of Manufactur- cram productively the night before. Academic doping isn’t anything tion that we can think its normal ers and chairman of Italian steel new. So long as we sweep it under for people to do that to themselves? conglomerate Gruppo Marcegaglia. In truth, it’s nothing new. While the carpet and keep it outlawed, She is widely considered the most the drug of choice used to be we encourage deception and se- But, you might say, people can choose powerful woman in Italy. That’s prob- speed, it’s now prescription medi- crecy while discouraging innovation to damage their health (and happiness) ably what Silvio meant. Poor guy. He’s cation like Adderall and Ritalin. of safer and more tailored drugs. all the time to get ahead – if that’s the just misunderstood. price they’re willing to pay, why not That’s the most obvious reason that let them? If off-label stimulant use be- Barack Obama got a bit confused disallowing “academic doping” is na- comes more widely accepted, the over- during his speech about terror- ive. Nobody’s going to stop doing it. all standard of competition increases. ism at the National Archives, They’re instead going to keep lying to As more and more people are able to when he referred to his Secretary their doctors to get that prescription, cram for three days straight before an of Defense as ‘William’ Gates. hiding from help if side effects show exam, the bell-curve of what people Robert didn’t mind though. It’s and relying on whispered hearsay as are physically able to achieve becomes easy to confuse the Secretary of their source of information. If everyone skewed higher. Under than situation, Defense with that computer guy knew exactly how these drugs worked, not using stimulants becomes a dis- who made up Microsoft. they’d know that it’s not a magic ‘ge- advantage, because everyone else in nius’ pill. They’d know that it doesn’t your class is. So people are less able guarantee good essays the night before, to choose not to take them, and new, just lots of essays. This is why allowing unnatural competitive standards are it to be talked about and used freely is forcing people to engage in crazy, unlikely to lead to many more people damaging behaviour just to keep up. taking it up. Not to mention, it’s just so easy to get your hands on it that The case against... Continue this trend into business, or everyone that wants to can already. schools, and things get worse. Law Katherine Connolly firms, bankers and hospitals already While we’re shocked that a 20-some- expect their employees to keep hor- The image of someone feverishly rible hours. For grad students particu- thing could maintain hidden habits, hunched over their desk at 4am draw- risk legal punishment and lie to their larly, the attitude is pretty much work ing graphs or writing essays in a speed as long and as hard as you are physi- doctors just to “keep up”, none of induced haze with crazy dilated pupils those things have to do with the taking cally able. If stimulants are widely really freaks me out. It makes me want available, what you’re physically able of drugs itself. Boosting our immune to sit that person down and tell them systems, healing wounds, curing to do drastically increases, as does em- to chill the fuck out. Apart from all the ployees’ expectations. As for schools, pains, dealing with sexual dysfunc- ethical questions about using stimu- tion, suppressing depression... the list we all knew of the freakishly ambitious lants to get a competitive edge, the kid in the library till ten every night – of physical weaknesses that we have, whole idea of it is weird, and a little bit over time, overcome through medica- no one wants to see that kid on speed. Interested in a career in medicine? CAREERS Michael Krasovitsky is just what the doctor ordered. So many gates Whether you’ve recently sat the to the relationship between youth and or break a GAMSAT score. Studying GAMSAT, or are considering sitting knowledge. In the essay on personal for this section varies enormously Special envoy to the Japanese govern- the test next year, this is what you’ll issues, the GAMSAT markers actually from person to person, based on the ment and former Vice Foreign Minis- need to know... want to hear what your personal re- nature of their undergraduate degrees. ter, Shotaro Yachi may have suggested sponse is. This essay presents a perfect Unlike university exams, the mark that Russia return “three and a half” The GAMSAT, or Graduate Austra- opportunity to flex your muscles for each section in the GAMSAT does instead of all four of the islands off lians Medical Schools Admission Test, and show off a little, so be sure to not matter in and of itself: all that is Hokkaido. He has apologised, after is a marathon, day-long exam held in include some reference to your other needed is that you pass each section it was pointed out to him that the March. It consists of three sections, qualifications. (over 50) and, generally, get an remark was not only contradictory to the first and second being worth 25% overall mark of above 58. One friend, the position of the Japanese govern- of the overall GAMSAT score, and the having completed medical sciences ment, but also quite a silly idea. Oh third worth 50%. The first section tests at USYD, was able to study for about well. We can’t all be winners. your reasoning in the humanities and a month and achieve a score of 50. I, social sciences. Pictures, diagrams and on the other hand, having studied arts The British Ministry of Defense texts are presented and, in response, languages, studied for about 5 months accidentally sent top secret students must answer comprehensive to achieve the measly, yet satisfactory, classified blueprints of -sub or inductive questions. In 2009, score of 53. Many of my friends that did marines and military sites to a Section I featured Foucault, a comic science degrees were unsuccessful in small welding firm. Gaffeman and a flow diagram representing the science section, while another, who overheard a ministry official energy distribution in an Inuit com- studies agricultural economics, got 56. say quite tetchily, “those aren’t munity. While comprehension might Regardless of your undergraduate, this the real ones anyway and what’s sound easy, nothing in the GAMSAT section in particular will require an the big deal, it’s not like we sent is as simple as it seems. A good way enormous amount of work. them to the French! Not that to prepare yourself for this section is they’d do anything about it, to partner up with a friend also sitting If you’ve been successful in the except surrender. Chuh.” the GAMSAT and to write each other GAMSAT, you’ll now be applying to difficult questions in response to some medical schools. Be sure to research Ghanian President Mills is well across text. not just the medical schools in the uni- the economic problems his nation versities you’re interested in, but the is facing – that, how difficult the The second section, the essay section, university itself. Where will you live? Is It’s not lupus. word ‘economy’ is to pronounce. The is perhaps the strangest of the three. there good transport? These questions Ghanian ‘ecominy’ is also facing tough In one hour, examinees are asked to are just as important as the what-are- times. It seems Ghana generally is respond to a series of quotes, the first The final section, of which one can only the-gastrointestinal-practicals-like about to have all sorts of problems. on personal issues and the second on feel innate fear, tests your reasoning in genre. For those students now apply- social and cultural phenomena. In the biological and physical sciences. ing to Graduate Medicine, Honi Soit 2009, the first set of quotes related It is this section, significantly more wishes you the best of luck! broadly to intelligence and the second than the other two, which can make >07 GOT A RUMOUR? [email protected]

organisation is tied to an exponential it was the fault of a contractor, whose Falk for SRC? rise in electoral success, Andrews pub- AB steals from details she couldn’t give out, and that lished a selection of cheesecake shots Noah should call the licensee, Vince In the wake of Michael Falk’s shock your SRC of Young Liberal women in a variety Seeto. election loss in the recent Union Board of ‘seductive’ poses. The question of campaign, there has been word on the SRC President Noah White felt some- whether it is a successful interest cam- Vince called Noah back several days street that Andrew Coleman, Whigs thing was off when he saw a bunch of paign might be clarified by a comment later and admitted there was no con- svengali and one time SRC presiden- people carrying stacks of Honi around on the site that read ‘these girls are just tractor involved and that the people tial candidate, approached him with Wentworth last Tuesday. He followed about as hot as gazpacho’. Noah sprung were a couple of back- the possibility of running him for SRC them, and found them stuffing each packers employed by the AB. When President later in the year. What’s more, paper with a leaflet advertising the Noah told Vince that Honi would no it’s alleged that he offered to fund the Ancient Briton (a pub on Glebe Pt Getting rid of SA doubt run a piece ripping into the entire campaign himself. Although the Rd). Noah played the ‘President of the AB, Vince said that we were welcome Rumour Mill knows that Falk would publisher’ card and told them to stop, SRC Education Officer and Honi to and that any publicity was good make a talented leader, his reaction so they made a few snide comments favourite Elly ‘Maverick’ Howse has publicity. To back up this maxim, he when asked about the offer– miming and slunk off. been overheard rattling sabres over the pointed to the poo-in-ice-cream affair shooting himself in the head– is telling conduct of Socialist Alternative in the at the Coogee Bay earlier this year. So of his position on the matter. This basically amounts to a large SRC offices. When she was asked on licensed venue stealing advertising not only does his bar break the law, the point, she mused on the possibility space from a student publication he’s a total moron. Naughty Young of holding a General Meeting of the – though we are flattered that they student body to ban the SA from enter- thought it was worth breaking the law We obviously don’t appreciate people Liberals ing the SRC. While the Rumour Mill to get in Honi. Further to that, Honi has taking a free ride on the back of our isn’t against this move, we feel obliged strict guidelines about the advertising popularity, especially when the SRC is to note that she was, until recently, The Young Libs are reportedly in- material we publish and when AB bar strapped for cash as it is. If any Honi going around with Jacob Carswell, an dulging in some soul-searching after decided to shove leaflets in our paper readers were planning on downing a SA headkicker and president of the Tim Andrew’s unorthodox recruiting of their own accord, they bypassed that few cold ones over at AB, don’t. Not UWS student’s association before its methods came to light in the Daily process. Which is also illegal. because we say so, but rather because untimely demise in suspicious financial Telegraph this week. Following P.J it’s a really, really shit bar with no circumstances. Heaven hath no fury. O’Rourke’s maxim that the amount Noah, following up this brazen piece atmosphere and a dickhead for a of good looking women in a political of thievery, called the AB. The bar’s licensee. How do you like your free publicity manager, Connie, said that publicity now, Ancient Briton?

The women of Honi respond to that report.

Men are the architects of a world that Pointing the finger at ‘men who do who feel empowered, that they aren’t. been denied any opportunity to be systematically abuses women. Men nothing’ does nothing to empower That’s no way to move forward, and involved in Honi on the grounds of are responsible for war, economic women, encourage productive dismissing those who don’t subscribe gender. The 09 Honi Editorial team crises and the rape of your mother, conversation or engage with these to the ‘right’ kind of feminism is finds any suggestion to the contrary sister, girlfriend, daughter. They issues in any meaningful way. counter-productive, arrogant and horribly offensive. do not act against these atrocities, unacceptable. but perpetuate them. So reads SRC Like Tamsin, we believe in the need Sexuality and gender are issues that Women’s Officer Tamsin Dingley’s for a Women’s Room. But that doesn’t We believe in the need for a Women’s shape society, identity, politics and report in the Week 11 edition. make everywhere else on campus a Edition of Honi, but not because culture. Most people recognise that men’s space. Moreover, the assertion it is ‘one women’s newspaper in a these are not fringe issues, nor the This approach alienates men and that women can only feel safe in man’s world.’ Just because women exclusive domain autonomous spaces. women alike. It is destructive. the Women’s Room on campus is haven’t exclusively produced an Honi is amongst them. presumptuous and high-handed. edition, doesn’t mean women were ‘Women’s’ issues can only be solved Assuming that all women feel unsafe excluded, victimised or exploited in its by treating them as social issues. elsewhere on campus, and that any production. Violence against women, the glass contact with men is a reminder of the There is no evidence that previous With contributions from editors: ceiling and discrimination against threat men pose, brands all women or subsequent editions of Honi have Katherine Connolly, Bronwyn women are all grievous social harms. as victims, all the time. It tells women been sexist, nor that have women Cowell, Giselle Kenny, Alex Lee. CLARE WERBELOFF THE FATTER WOG

SAID TO THE Nick Kraegan, Arts (Meco)/Law III Bonnie Campbell, Arts (Meco) III 1. You can never disappoint your parents. 1. Chris Lilley’s Sorry Ranga Day – for SKINNIER WOG: They weren’t expecting anything in the us a momentous occasion redressing a first place. shameful history of discrimination and ‘OI, BRO, YOU 2. No, but we do get far more intense sex vilification… because we are so massively surprised. 2. More if you look like Mad Men’s Joan SLEPT WITH MY 3. Yes, for the above reason. But no - Hollaway, less if you resemble Fatty redheaded women are almost invariably Vautin. COUSIN AYE.’ fat troggers. 3. Being part of a dying race has a certain 4. Shag Winston, because I’m going to je ne sais quoi about it. So no, I wouldn’t. need some downstairs confirmation that 4. Marry: Lindsay (you’re totally vindicated he was a real redhead, marry Lindsay, for in bitching about the mother-in-law when the same reason, kill Cleopatra because it’s Dina Lohan), kill Churchill and shag she wore black wigs, the piking whore. Cleopatra (from Julius to Marc, everyone was doing it).

Vox Pops! George Downing talks to some rangas, sir.

Michael Giles, Sports Science III Charlie Crane, Commerce IV QUESTIONS... 1. Knowing that it is still in fact against the 1. There are a heap of things, but I’d have law to hunt redheads for sport in Australia. to say the best was not being teased at 2. For sure – after I discovered I was a school. redhead last year, girls caught on as well 2. Well, given. 1. What’s the best thing about being a redhead? and now I’ve almost had sex… twice. 3. No, I don’t find redheads attractive. 2. Do redheads get more sex? 3. Travel abroad with the pure aim of They are generally seedy and wierd. Apart 3. Geneticists have advised redheads to move to Scotland and having copious amounts of awesome and from myself, that is. interbreed to save the hair colour from eventual extinction. Would you guilt-free unprotected sex? No that doesn’t 4. Shag Cleopatra, marry Churchill, and do it? appeal to me at all. it’s a definitive kill for Lohan. 4. Shag Cleopatra (surely a minx in bed), 4. Shag/marry/kill these famous redheads: Cleopatra, Lindsay Lohan, marry Winston Churchill (I heard he’s a Winston Churchill terrible shag), kill Lindsay Lohan (for the good of impressionable teens). Affirmative Action in Union Board Elections Julia Bowes speaks to this year’s successful candidates about the merits of this policy.

At the University of Sydney Union that there was a ‘definite anti-girl vibe on feeder schools, college, debating etcetera on it because she thought ‘people (USU) Annual General Meeting in the day’, she felt that voters were ‘voting to mass mobilise.’ Yet, Watt, a former wouldn’t like it.’ 2005, a policy of Affirmative Action against AA, rather than against the girl Women’s College resident, and member (AA) was adopted. It aimed to address candidates.’ of the National Labor Students (NLS) Whereas in previous elections, when the institutional and cultural barriers that did have or could have had her own number of female candidates has been had led to the under-representation of Mel Brooks, who polled one hundred institutional support. low, female candidates such as Lauren women as both Union Board Director votes behind the highest polling male Hendry-Parsons, Jenny Williams and candidates and elected members. Yet the to not be elected to board, agreed with Rossi and Brooks both commented that Beck Mann all used the opportunity to implementation of AA has only stood as Rossi’s assessment. She added that she that NLS appeared to put most of their openly campaign about the importance a new barrier to female candidates, in felt AA had cost her ‘a lot of support campaigning effort and resources behind of having female representatives on the campaign, in the election and in their on the day.’ She noted that affirmative their male candidate, Scott Brownless. board. perceived legitimacy on Board. action had been brought in because Watt noted, however, that this campaign women often found the campaigning ‘was more challenging as a woman, as Similar campaigns from these three In 2007, following the disqualification process more upsetting than their male the men were pulling stuntsand playing self-professed feminists were notably of one female candidate, the number of candidates. But in this election, Brooks caricatures which I don’t think a women lacking in this campaign. To campaign women in the election was equivalent to noted that what made her most upset could get away with.’ She asked: ‘can on these platforms would only have quota. As such, all were directly appointed was ‘having stacks of friends ditch you to you imagine a woman riding around in drawn attention to the relative free pass to board. During the campaign, the campaign for a male candidate.’ rickshaws and getting 250 votes from the female candidates were receiving three female board appointees were it?’ compared to their male counterparts. virtually invisible – they were banned This has led Brooks to reverse her public from campaigning and their names support for the policy. She thinks many Her observation is particularly The affirmative action policy hampered removed from the ballot sheet. A policy voters still hold sexist attitudes towards disappointing when reflecting on a the female candidates’ ability to designed to guarantee a voice to women candidates, but AA does not ‘serve as campaign overrun by nauseating puns, procure support, votes and the freedom on campus had effectively silenced an incentive to run and makes it harder when the only candidate with a truly pun to campaign on the issues they felt them. The recent Union Board Elections for female candidates.’ Rossi, who worthy name, Mel Brooks, chose not to passionate about. More than that, have demonstrated the policy’s flaws also supported the policy during the buy into it. Brooks stated that she would however, the affirmative action policy once again. Honi decided to chat to the election, is also now an outspoken critic. have run regardless of affirmative action, embarrassed the female candidates female electees about whether they felt Notwithstanding this, Rossi admits but felt the security provided by the on the night. One thing the girls affirmative action had helped or hindered the existence of reserved positions for policy allowed her to run the campaign were all in agreement about was how their campaigns. women weighed heavily into her decision she wanted to run. ‘I was able to run a ‘uncomfortable’ they were made to feel to run. more serious campaign based on the in the way the votes were counted and Giorgia Rossi, the highest polling female policies I was actually passionate about, revealed at the election party. candidate believes the policy cost her Lizzy Watt, the second girl to be elected rather than the populist policies.’ votes. ‘Hundreds of people told me they to board, also told Honi ‘she would Successful affirmative action policies would be voting for boys because I would not have had the confidence to run for From an outsider’s perspective, however, instigate change at the point where “automatically” get on’, she told Honi. In Union if I didn’t know that there was the affirmative action policy hurt the candidates are selected, not after votes an election where the voters lie to the an affirmative action policy in place.’ ability of female candidates to run pro- are counted. An affirmative action candidates nearly as often as the other Watt was quick to clarify that ‘that women campaigns. Rossi told Honi policy that creates barriers, rather than way around, it is impossible to quantify wasn’t because I don’t think I’m capable in their election edition that she was alleviating pre-existing ones, and makes how many votes affirmative action cost enough’ but more ‘because I didn’t think passionate about a female mentoring women feel more, not less, uncomfortable female candidates. But Rossi was firm I had the “network”’ such as Sydney Uni program, but was not going to campaign is a truly bizarre one.

Ode to Axelrod III. The Hope Alex Rafalowicz He started out as a thirteen year old boy On the streets of Brooklyn. I. The Man Now every word is checked I know he has a big moustache Against every demographic That bristles when he chomps down on In a tiny square office, that’s closest to a cigar, his boss’s. I imagine. He is his master’s voice, His quiet voice coins phrases, Counsel to the President. ‘No drama with Obama’. Now early morning in the Whitehouse On top of his head he wears He’s the first you’ll see, His family’s skullcap. The boy who in 1968 And his big cold hands would warm a Sold badges for Bobby Kennedy. glass of ice, Covered by good scotch, That makes his eyes glaze over only so slightly, Ever so slowly. Tom Paine Aleksandr Wansborough II. The Work So he can still see the spreadsheet in His bones were lost, front of him. He had no grave, Long lists of numbers and letters, A revolution, That I know he looks at, He could not save. Like exit polls in the morning Inspite of this, They spell victory. he pursued and found, A win won on his words our liberties. That he read from the rising tide for And in so doing, change. was able to shame the Burkes, In meetings he talks ‘on behalf of the and no abilities, American people’, Thomas, or as we call you He calls out to ‘working families’. Tom, And promises that there is no such Our hero forged through pain. thing We implore you, As false hope, please, return to us, Only ‘change we can believe in’. and live again. >10 Heroes, Villains, Producers and Reality TV

Danika Armytage gets her voyeur on.

Do you remember the excitement What do you look for in the Recently a Reality TV School of the first Big Brother season in TIM BRUNERO’S RULES casting process? opened in New York and 2001? Real people, doing real things. increasingly ex-Reality Reality... on television! Choosing the contestants is about personalities are offering finding people have something that coaching for aspiring reality Well, the horse has been flogged, the ‘pops’ on the screen and you can’t contestants. Thoughts? turkey slapped, the mole ‘game-on’d take your eyes off them. and eight series later, Big Brother Big Brother is probably the show that is no longer watching. But when it People like Angelina Jolie have that a Reality Television School would comes to Reality TV, Australians still 1. Let your personality release at the pointy end of the business. be able to create talent for. But, love to watch... over time: “Don’t vomit your whole And at the reality television end of Reality TV has moved away from personality out in the first week or the business... you’re still looking the Big Brother thing where you take This week, Honi talks to Tim Brunero, so, but give enough so you won’t get for something that ‘pops.’ It’s the anybody off the street. People are runner-up of Big Brother 2005 and punched because you’re boring.” way that they talk, the way that more interested in people who have a ‘Reality TV coach’ who offers us some they interact, their self-confidence... dream to succeed in a particular area, hints on how to get cast and make a 2. Construct your character: “You’re though sometimes it’s their lack of and that’s Idol, that’s Master Chef, scene on the old school reality classics getting it on with one of the other self-confidence that appeals to people and HomeMADE, competitions like BB... people, perfect! Even talking about as well. about young professionals. it. ‘I really like so-and-so, they don’t Whilst Julian Cress, executive like me.’ Suddenly you lift out.” If you wanted to go on So You Think producer of The Block and Channel You Can Dance, you’re not going to 9’s HomeMADE says it takes a bit 3. Think like a producer: “Look get someone off the street that hasn’t more than a ‘nice guy’ strategy to at what’s going on around you studied dance on that show. And the become the reality star these days. and think, ‘What is it here that’s audience isn’t coming to the show interesting?’ If people are fighting, to see people flounder about who’ve TIM BRUNERO be part of the resolution because got no dance experience. They’re they’ll definitely show people want to see the cream of the crop What advice do you offer as a having a fight. and competition at the highest level. Reality TV Coach? I don’t know that there’s a reality TV 4. Be flirty, in a controlled way: “I school that’s going to get you ready Everyone on Big Brother when I was might already dig you sexually and for that. on it, was playing ‘the game’ as it’s have a crack. Not in a weird creepy called. What does that mean? These way, not in a way that you’re going, Reality TV is criticised as an Gretal Killeen nowhere in sight. shows run on caricature. There are ‘This is unpleasant’ but people love oxymoronic television genre. heroes but there are also villains. You that. Sexual tension is the basis How do you strive to find the can’t construct a whole personality behind countless shows.” What do Australian audiences ‘reality’ in the Reality TV that but you can know what your strengths look for in our reality stars? you produce? are. So my strategy was ‘the nice guy 5. Bully your agenda onto the show: who talks things through and looks “You can’t hide under a bush. A certain amount of modesty goes We will tell the story as it happened. out for other people and is a bit older You’ve got to get out there and a long way with an Australian We won’t change it, bend it, we won’t and wiser.’ create storylines. Create drama.” audience! You can’t just cast a take things out of context and create bunch of egotistical, self-obsessed drama where it doesn’t exist. But if I didn’t lack genuineness but I just narcissists and hope that you’ll find drama does exist and it does happen thought about what I was doing. I your audience, and there’s plenty of and we’ve filmed it, then we will use wasn’t prepared just to be a meat them out there and they always apply it. And I think people respect that. JULIAN CRESS puppet for these people who are to be on reality shows, but you have making a lot of money out of the to drill down further than that. Sure contestants go, ‘Jules are you show. Do you seek to cast ‘heroes’ and going to use that bit where I’m ‘villains’? When finding the contestants for crying?’ And I say, ‘Of course I am!’ How do you maximise your HomeMADE, it wasn’t like they’d But that will be balanced against all airtime once you’re ‘playing the There’s definitely been a trend in auditioned for every series of Big the happy moments. That’s the trust. game’? reality television over the past few Brother, missed out and now they’re We’re going to show it all. years to cast heroes and villains but I going to trying this one. It had to be, Anyone worth their salt would know think people are noticing it now and ‘Wow, this is the show for me.’ Are the ‘real people’ of reality television that reality TV is about kissing in some ways you have to do less to attract an audience, be a little less just skilled media performers playing and crying, emotional high points. characters with quirky catch phrases Anything where there’s high emotion ‘clever.’ You’ve got to think about it, or are producers finding new and of any kind. They have to truncate but we don’t cast contestants for our ingenious ways to catch them off it, they have to give you the most show to necessarily have a villain guard as they really are? Either way, reality TV is here to stay. In fact, interesting emotional moments. in there. We’d rather cast a group of people where everybody shares rumour has it Big Brother might be That’s exactly what they’re going to back in 2010. Seriously. show. the same dream, and then see what unfolds. >11 Porn 2.0 Negotiating the new sexual terrain.

Tracking the history and effects of The 1980’s and early 90’s saw without the nasty aspects of popups why the traditional porn peddlers pornography is a tough task, made the Adult Industry dictate the and payment. are starting to get a bit hot under the tougher by the problems of defining relationship between technology collar, and not in a good way. an ‘art movement’ whose intent has and culture, by shifting millions of YouPorn is a site that best exemplifies been to put changing cultures’ sexual their films to videotape, therefore and embodies the spirit of Porn 2.0. In 2006, Pamela Paul wrote a book habits on display. relocating porn into the lounge The spare, neutral interface doesn’t called Pornified, blaming the cultural rooms and bedrooms of consumers. burst with aggressive advertising, acceptance of the porn industry and While the Ancient Greeks saw According to legend, the tape wars, and the banner - pastel pink bubble its ability to be accessed by anyone at the pornographic as “written between VHS and Betamax, were writing with little stars in the O’s looks any time for such social ills as female descriptions or illustrations of settled by ‘Big Porn’s’ decision to more like it belongs in the diary of a lack of self-esteem, men’s lack of prostitutes or prostitution”, other produce their films onto videotape, 13 year old girl than the homepage interest in relationships and children more modern definitions have effectively gagging the superior of a hardcore XXX site. That’s not being able to watch hardcore porn been based around the appearance Betamax. to say that it’s without confronting while doing their homework. of women’s forearms (Muslim images and language. You’ll be cultures), hyper violence on semi But it has been on the Internet where greeted to the homepage with a Hardly new criticism, but it’s naked bodies (Tarantino’s films) pornography has not only found cheerful depiction of interracial worthwhile to consider how and even the photography of naked its true home, but also supplied the anal penetration and captions such everyone can now watch, produce children… thankyou Mr Henson. foundations for its stable erection. as “My Chubby Wife” and “Gagged, or participate in porn, and how this The Adult Industry was the innovator Fingered and Fucked” with images changes sexual politics. What pornography is, at its most behind first generation Internet corresponding to all of the above. basic, is the depiction of sexually mainstays, pop-up advertising, fee- There’s a lot in porn that could explicit material without artistic or based subscriptions and electronic It’s also the most popular porn turn any woman off not just porn, literary intent. The sole intent is to billing, while revolutionising daily website, coming in at number 47 on but the act of sex altogether. The sexually stimulate. This ontological site updates, thumbnail picture the list of the world’s most visited constant male perspective and titillation has its hardcore and galleries and embedded video. sites (Alexa rankings). To give you implicit viewing position. The focus softcore variants, professional and a sense of scale, that’s above Google on male orgasm. The language used amateur modes of production, and Talkin’ about the second Canada, Google Turkey and Google by the actors themselves, with any a whole swathe of sub genres from generation… Poland. combination of “do x, bitch/slut/ Reality Porn to Red Rhapsody whore” forming the basis of most (Google it). What we are witnessing now is the This popularity indicates a shift dialogue. Meanwhile the titles are rise of a new era of pornography, towards user-generated porn, the usual “milf/granny/underage/ It may have never won an Oscar or enabled by the online move toward with new videos, both amateur racial minority gets banged/fucked/ Archibald, but the history of this more user-generated content and professional, being uploaded cummed on/ in the bodily/facial pseudo-art has been at forefront such as YouTube and web-based everyday. But who is actually orifice”. modern cultural and technological communities, like Facebook and watching porn, and what do they change. MySpace think about it? We conducted an We could go on, because online survey with responses from unfortunately the rise of user- The 1970’s saw porn thrust deep into Closely reflecting the second 60 Sydney University students. generated content hasn’t affected the public realm, with specialised generation of the Internet many degrading aspects of theatres airing feature length dubbed Web 2.0, Porn 2.0 is all The results: 19% had never watched mainstream porn. Luckily, as we’ve films, and viewers participating in about new modes of production online porn, although 10% watched seen with the rise of niche porn communal masturbation sessions and consumption where users it at least once a day (“it’s like eating communities like feminist and queer

“YOU JUST GET TIRED OF WATCHING WOMEN GAGGING ON COCK. THIS IS WHY I LIKE GAY MALE PORN, BECAUSE THE MALE BODY IS FRONT AND CENTRE AS AN OBJECT OF DESIRE” to the brilliantly avant garde Deep can publish erotic fiction and food now” said one respondent). porn, more inclusive pornography Throat, Devil in Miss Jones and photographs, upload videos, rate 86% preferred the Porn 2.0 style of is out there, you just have to look Debbie Does Dallas. These graphic what they watch, make comments video streaming as opposed to the harder to find it. films accompanied the magazine and discuss issues on forums. It’s traditional download. One reason boom led by Hustler and Playboy, to the move from passive consumers to given for this is issues of computer (And a digression, we know, but create the economic market known active participants who are creating privacy and viral invasion. “You go is anyone else disproportionately as the Adult Industry. and sharing their own pornographic in, stream, dream and then click off” bothered by the rampantly bad culture online. said another respondent, “There is spelling and grammar that is evident The Adult Industry considered this no residue left on your computer and in the use of the word “cum”? How their “Golden Age”, as it was “an As evidenced by the names - its much more dynamic, changing can you both have cum and do era of their birth. Where sexual YouPorn, PornoTube, RedTube every time.” it? Another warning for anyone depictions where unlocked by the and the ever classy YouJizz, the embarking in the world of porn, sexual liberation movement, the Internet has conceived Youtubes The third reason for YouPorn’s any clip advertising a “facial” does contraceptive pill and the legalising of sex. Clearly, subtlety and nuance popularity is simple, and ingenious, not feature exfoliation, citrus peels of abortion”, according to 1970’s are not the pursuit of these sites, but in the way that only Porn 2.0 can be. or cucumbers. At least, not in that porn producer, Jeremy Watson. what they do provide is easy access It’s free. Only 5 respondents had ever way.) to a variety of ever-changing videos paid for porn. You can understand ONLINE SOCIAL NETWORKING IS HERE TO STAY. BUT WHAT IF WE TOLD YOU IT WAS NOT BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL KEEP STALKING OTHERS ON FACEBOOK, WATCHING CUTE ANIMALS ON YOUTUBE Porn 2.0 OR OPINING ON BLOGSPOT. MARK DI STEFANO AND ALEX LEE UNCOVER THE ONLINE ENCLAVES THAT ENABLE OPEN, FRANK Negotiating the new sexual terrain. AND CREATIVE CONVERSATIONS ON SEX. WHAT WEIRDOS! WHAT IF WE TOLD YOU USYD STUDENTS ARE LEADING THE WAY…

What we think is perhaps more sexy. Porn with two women at least before DVD release, but creating interesting about Porn 2.0 is the allows me to identify with one or online subsidiary companies that THE HONI SOIT changing methods of production. both.” aim to professionalise the arena PORN SURVEY Amateur porn is very often made not of free porn. They are reclaiming for commercial gain but for sexual With this trend comes concerns the common space by rebranding 62 Respondents exploration and expression. inherent in gay porn, especially their porn for the user-generated what one respondent identified as generation, causing the evolution of What is your gender? In our survey, 61% preferred amateur the “gay-for-pay phenomenon”, the Online Adult Industry. Male = 42% to professional porn, citing realism because “it feeds into homophobic – “the guys are usually younger and and widespread perceptions of Like SonyBMG or Universal on Female = 58% more realistic looking and so better homosexuality as not serious or a youtube, professional porn houses fantasy material”, “no stupid fake genuine expression of sexuality”. like Naughty America create What is your sexuality? orgasms” and because it “makes me ‘channels’ on youporn to distribute Heterosexual = 85.5% think I have a chance.” However, as Laura Kipnis said, new a free snippet of their larger body of Homosexual = 9.7% technologies or genres like Internet work. Other = 4.8% But another response that came porn only thrive when they confirm out was that knowing that it was dispositions inherent in the culture. But the most prevalent and real couples performing sexual acts Porn 2.0 may be an opportunity for successful business model for online How often do you watch online “because they want to, rather than alternative cultures to set the agenda porn has been that which uses porn? being paid” actually sat better with and create porn that is sexy without 60 second preview clips on a user Never = 19.7% a lot of responders, and alleviated being shameful. generated interface. Let’s call it… More than once a day = 3.3% some of the sense of post-orgasm preview porn. Once a day = 6.6% guilt. So is amateur porn more Industrial innovation 2-3 times a week = 16.4% popular because of its potential to Sites such as Brazzers, Naughty be less exploitative? Not necessarily The free component of Porn 2.0 America, Realitykings and Bangbros Once a week = 13.1% so. has cast a large shadow over the are key proponents of preview Once a month = 16.4% Adult Industry’s annual revenue of porn and offer thousands of short Once a year = 6.6% Those who preferred professional US$14 billion, a figure that exceeds clips that can be streamed from an Other = 18% porn raised concern that the lack of the combined income of Hollywood. embedded video file, “all for free regulations and safety precautions in DVD sales, which make up 40% of and with no catches”. The clips are a Have you ever paid for online amateur productions opened up the total revenue, are down 15% from quick compilation of a larger ‘scene’, possibility for a greater exploitation three years ago while old man and are arranged on the website porn? of young women. Heffner is looking to sell Playboy and according to category, views, ratings Yes = 8.1% the mansion at a discounted rate. and pornstar. They also allow No = 91.9% “You only have to see the subgenres visitors to post comments, making of ex-girlfriend or voyeur porn to The question: Is the Adult Industry consumers feel as though they a What sites do you regularly understand that the issues of privacy under threat from the Internet and part of a professional production visit? and consent are also huge” said one its proliferation of free content? process. (most popular responses respondent. With every amateur Sounds eerily familiar to the included) video comes the chance that they are panicked questions asked of other Ultimately, what we found was an online without both parties’ blessing more traditional media landscapes anonymous community of porn youporn.com, redtube.com, or even knowledge. in recent years: users that has emerged against the pornhub.com, literotica.com, spankwire.com, waybig.com, “YOU JUST GET TIRED OF WATCHING WOMEN GAGGING ON COCK. THIS IS WHY I LIKE GAY MALE PORN, BECAUSE THE MALE BODY IS FRONT AND CENTRE AS AN OBJECT OF DESIRE” hotgaylist.com, eskimotube.com, donkparty.com Is youtube signalling the death of the backdrop of a plurality of voices, Interestingly, the response from Cinema and Television Industries? images and opinions. Do you prefer download or some women was that heterosexual Is myspace replacing the role of the streaming? porn was the least appealing for Music Industry? By its very nature, porn has Download = 13.3% these reasons, and so they often Did video kill the radiostar? always had the potential to appall Streaming = 86.7% view lesbian or gay porn. As one the uninitiated, represent the female heterosexual responder aptly The answer, while never a unrealistic, mislead the ignorant Do you prefer professional or put it, “You just get tired of watching definitive no, has always involved and exploit the vulnerable, but with amateur pornography? women gagging on cock. This is why a reassessment of commercial this increased access and exposure Professional = 39.5% I like gay male porn, because the conventions, and a shift towards comes a reinvigoration of education male body is front and centre as an opening new possibilities within the and debate about a huge array of Amateur = 60.5% object of desire”. digital economy. social and political issues far beyond sex and sexuality. For other women it was a matter of Porn powerhouses Vivid identification. “I don’t like straight Entertainment Group, Hustler and porn made for men. There’s nothing Extreme Associates, are not only to identify in it, therefore it’s just not rushing to release movies online MORE INFORMATION In other news... with Project 52 JOHN HOWARD [dumb old] Mexican by birth I am as Is it just me, or proud of my [silly] heritage as I am of However law enforcement officials Dear Diary, am I completely my Australian citizenship and I find it have been quick on the defensive, despicable that Honi Soit continues to “I’m not sure why she would expect The economy is fucked and I couldn’t engulfed in vilify [stupid Mexicans] merely out of this in any way” said Senior Assistant be happier. What a blessing it is that insecurity and ignorance. So Gracias Commissioner Sean Cooper. I lost the election! Now everyone will flames? Man on Fire reports from the flames. Honi Soit [EDS - no translation “She didn’t take the detective’s think Krudd screwed our economy. available] for not only lowering the examinations, nor has she shown Incidentally, why didn’t I think to call Rudd Krudd during the election; Hey, maybe I’m way off the money quality of student journalism in any ability in crime solving or basic it would have perfectly decimated here, but I usually have a pretty good Australia but also attempting to lower investigative procedure”. the Kevin 07 campaign. Anyway, sense for these things and I just can’t the quality of life for [Stupid Mexicans thankfully, I’m not in office. But shake this nagging feeling. Maybe it’s like me, now if you’ll excuse me, I have Responding to allegations that where was I? Ah yes the economy. My the smell of smoke, the faint crackling a Sombrero to dance around. Areeba Ms Werbeloff was dangerously old friend. noise or the searing pain shooting all reeba! (The sound of guns being fired underqualified for the position and into the air)] lacked both the cognitive abilities and Although the Australian people know through my body, but it all seems to that Rudd can’t be blamed for our add up to one thing – I am on fire. people skills required to be a detective, economic situation - that was George’s Police unlikely President of her Official Facebook, fault (poor George, I miss our romantic Now I know a lot of you might think Jeremy Filton group said “Clare’s a walks), I know the Australian people; that this is a pretty hasty conclusion to to hire King’s trooper and she’ll obviously be fine, if in the end their economic ignorance jump to and you know, a lot of you may anything, it’s a loss for the NSW Police and short memories will get the better be right – but there’s just something Cross Bogan as Force, who could’ve used her charm of them. That was how I served four and super powers in the everlasting terms and was able to pass off Hawke about the way that horrified people Detective and Keating’s economic reforms as are throwing blankets at me which fight against crime”. my own. In other words Australians piques my curiosity. Sure – I might Despite her best efforts, Clare will eventually conclude Labor stuffed just be near a fire or heck, maybe just Werbeloff, the ‘King’s Cross Bogan’, “Obviously you don’t do these things the economy yet again and this will a really good picture of fire – these are who erupted to stardom after her eye for the awards, but it would’ve been pave the way for my comeback. That nice for her to receive some sort of is, once I assassinate Maxine McKew. all possibilities I could consider before witness account of a shooting in King’s running screaming, limbs akimbo Cross last week went viral around the recognition for her work” said her So, thank you George for destroying publicist in a prepared statement the world’s economy. No wonder toward the nearest body of water. internet, will not be considered as a America is my - I mean our - closest candidate for graduation from the last night. Any other police forces friend. Oh, but imagine how silly I’d look if latest round of the New South Wales wishing to hire Clare as a detective the whole thing was just in my head! Police Force’s Extraordinary and (or commissioned officer) can apply The only thing that pleases me more I’d be all wet! Gosh though, now that Investigative Designations. through her website. than the economy’s petty performance is the pathetic performance of that I think of it, I am starting to feel faint Republican rodent Malcolm Turnbull. and I was awfully covered in petrol Over-Zealous Serves the Liberal party right for just before. Petrol’s the flammable picking a ‘liberal’ leader. What we one, right? I feel as though there are Editor Attributes need is a strong conservative leader really too many factors at play here, who’s a little on the short side (nicely conversely though I also feel as though Excessively avoiding the tall poppy syndrome), I am on fire, hurtling toward death wears glasses displaying intelligence, Long Headline and has nice authoritarian eyebrows at an increased pace so I really don’t To Article – a as well as being erect for the Queen know what to believe! She’s not there (Elizabeth not Elton John). Shame Because Oh wait, yep I’m definitely on fire – Ok, Werbeloff, who described being a Moving on, I have heard that refugees/ wish I’d addressed this earlier as I now detective as “the kind of thing I think It Was Really asylum seekers/boat people/would- no longer have the physical or mental I’d be pretty good at, for reals” was Interesting be terrorists have been in the news faculties to deal with it. Ah well, you distraught when contacted earlier again. Bloody Krudd. Who the hell cares about the rights of boat people live and learn. this week, and is said to be angry that But We’ve Got aside from those communists in her “crime solving skillz” are going Amnesty International?! Why can’t unnoticed by the constabulary, “I’m No Space Left we decide who comes to this country The Editors not sure what else they expected me to Due To The and the circumstances in which they of Honi are a do, I mean, I correctly identified them come? as wogs, and I could do the gun sound, Aforementioned Bunch of what else is there?” Speaking of coming, Janette wants Long Headline me in bed. She has an orgy planned. Racists A black leather event. Looking OPINION Some Mexican writes before Fans of the 19 year-old are said to be forward to her licking my eyebrows his siesta. shocked and appalled at this latest although I’ll be thinking of Thatcher. snub by the NSW police force, who Apparently Costello is a bit sore that I write to address the flagrant and earlier this week, refused to take a legal I haven’t invited him. But even Peter statement from Werbeloff regarding is too stiff for me. Usually I like tight- insipid racism being published in the the violent incident on the grounds arses but Peter’s is excessively tight. pages of Honi Soit [EDs –It is possible We’ll make do with Tony Abbott- he the author means ‘insidious where that her account was ‘fabricated and shines as the unrepentant catholic ‘insipid’ has been used, or maybe borderline racist’. in our sex games. The game we are simply ‘hey check me out and my playing tonight is weapons of mass bottle of tequila amigo!] The standard Sources close to the Pittwater resident destruction where we have to find an of character, journalistic integrity say while Ms. Werbeloff did not expect exit strategy after premature entry. to be made a fully commissioned Should be fun. or any kind of ethical morality is that one could expect from ACA or officer, she is apparently furious she Nighty, night. Piers Ackerman, not – God forbid - was not recognised with a symbolic Australia’s leading student publication designation as an investigative [EDs – In English, the phrase ‘Ethical detective. “She’s absolutely stunned at Aleksandr Wansborough Morality’ is a redundancy but never the sheer rudeness of the NSW Police mind learning the language]. As a Force” said Tamantha, a friend.

>14 Red Bull Airwing AIM William Villarica takes Honi to the paper aeroplane world championships. To reject and repel all door knocking The Red Bull Paper Wings World Fi- little bit of skill and luck, I was for- any wind. But don’t let the simplicity proselytisers. nals took place this May in the pic- tunate enough to walk away with 1st of the rules fool you, this competition turesque town of Salzburg, Austria. place in the aerobatics category. For was serious business. The eventual MATERIALS The competition was, as could be winning, I was given a pair of avia- winner of the largest distance cat- Alas, garlic only works on vampires expected for a paper plane throwing tors, a model plane and a 24 pack of egory launched his plane just over and a cross will only encourage competition, an amazing and un- Red Bull Energy Drink. A couple of 54m, further than the Wright broth- Christians to compare notes with forgettable event. To put things into months later I was invited to compete ers were able to travel during their you. Or invite a crowd of ‘New Athe- perspective, 203 pilots from 83 na- in the Australian Paper Wings Fi- first flight in a motorised aircraft at ists’ preaching the good word of their tions took part in the World Finals. nals, held at Bankstown Airport. The the beginning of aviation history. lord Richard Dawkins. No, crosses and Red Bull sponsored the entire event, judges here were equally impressed garlic won’t work. I suspect a stake or covering all the contestants’ flights, by my paper plane (it flaps as it glides even a silver bullet wouldn’t dissuade accommodation and food expenses. through the air) and I was awarded evangelicals. So, one is left with only 1st place. The prize for winning the words and one’s own body as a de- Australian Paper Wings competition fense mechanism. was the all expenses paid trip to Aus- tria to compete against other pilots METHOD AND RESULTS from around the world. Honi tried various methods to rid our- selves of door knocking Christians. Exclusively for university students, 1. Point out that there is absolutely no the competition was divided into evidence that God exists. three disciplines; largest distance, Will flies the flag plane for Australia This proves unsuccessful (it has been longest airtime and most aerobatic. tested on Seven Day Adventurists and The rules were simple: for the largest Team Australia, anything but plain Jehovah Witlessnesses) because they distance and longest airtime catego- While unsuccessful at the world lev- will perceive an unbeliever as a chal- ries, only a single sheet of A4 paper el, I still had a blast just competing in lenge and boy, do those putrid puri- So how did I get involved in paper could be used, and the paper itself such an amazing event. One thing is tanicals love a challenge. planes anyway? My first exposure to could only be altered by folding. The for sure, I will be a Red Bull fan for 2 . A n s w e r t h e d o o r n a k e d . the competitive paper plane scene rules for the aerobatic category were life. Christians will be afraid of flesh and occurred in late 2008. Haplessly more flexible, the only rule being do not want to be infected by tempta- wandering around uni, I was lured the body of the plane itself had to be tion. in by the promise of a free-pick-me- constructed of either paper or card- 3. Afraid to disrobe? Claim to be a up courtesy of Red Bull. The catch? board. member of another faith. Not juda- I would have to enter a paper plane i s m , t h e y ’ l l s t i l l w a n t t o c o n v e r t y o u . throwing competition first. With a All events were held indoors without Buddhism will suffice, they’ll be sick- ened and contemptuous of your inner peace but a suggested faith is Islam - they’ll definitely cross you off their knocking list. Fonts Being truly scientific we at Honi used a control. A blank stare as the doorstep preachers preach at you. Alas, looking > blankly as they try and convert you Gotham is a product of the democratisation of type, a triumph of functional aesthetic over artistic in- won’t wear them down. Particularly if novation. It was created in 2000 and modeled on a form of architectural type popular in mid-nineteenth one of them is a pastor. After all, their century New York. Originally commissioned for GQ magazine by New York type foundry Hoefler & Frere-Jones, Gotham has shot to stardom in recent years, appearing as the principal font in Obama’s congregation consists of mindless campaign collateral, the pages of Vogue and, most notably, the masthead of Honi. flock.

CONCLUSION > Using pitching long since perfected Firim Didot was a bit of a hero. His brother, Pierre, was too. That’s because the two Frenchmen created by used car sales men (who actually one of the most beautiful neoclassical typefaces ever developed. Inspired by the work of Giambattista sell a better product) religious reptil- Bodoni and John Baskerville, Didot came about amidst the Age of Enlightenment. The ingenious use of contrasting stroke weights are as instantly recognizable on the cover of Vanity Fair as they are inside ians will haggle with you, their smug Voltaire’s La Henriade (1818). Stunning. confident gazes hypnotising you into submission if you attempt to strike up a conversation with them. Since you > probably don’t want to end up a be- Much has been said of Helvetica – arguably the most iconic typeface of the 20th century – and little of liever, you must get rid of the Chris- it is negative. That’s because it’s hard to argue 3M, American Airlines, American Apparel, AT&T, BMW, tian intruders as fast as possible. Re- Jeep, Lufthansa, the New York Subway, Microsoft, the Space Shuttle program and Orange were all in the member, nowadays churches send wrong for choosing it as their corporate masthead. Most people don’t notice the font, just the message hunks and babes to seduce you into contained within. And that’s why it so fucking beautiful. letting Jesus enter and fill your body. Sus much! Therefore, if you have the > guts, method 2 is preferable but, pro- Clarendon is one of the most instantly recognizable fonts in the slab-serif family, originating in nine- vided you quickly start speaking Ara- teenth century England. Hermann Eidenbenz and Edouard Hoffmann of the Hass foundry (the joint bic, method 3 will prove just as suc- that created Helvetica) revitalized the type in 1953, almost a century after it first appeared. It has an cessful. Also, you may consider taking authoritative English personality, yet appears in both corporate and playful settings. You’ll catch it in measures to prevent preachers from retro-feel books, nightclub posters, and the identities of companies from Starbucks to Honi’s favorite coming to your door such as equip- pizza haunt, Eagle Boys. ping your door with a pornographic door knob and playing loud Marilyn > Manson music and having sex at ev- Although Paul Renner, Futura’s creator, was not associated with the Bauhaus movement, his iconic ery hour of the day... including the typeface (1927) is widely considered to adopt most of the elements of the Bauhaus style. Renner be- lieved that a modern typeface should express modern models, rather than revive archaic designs. Volk- godless hours of the morning, just for swagen and Boeing can’t get enough of it, and the type is enduring something of resurgence in contem- fun. porary graphic design. It is historically significant as one of the first widely adopted sans-serif fonts. Aleksandr Wansborough

>15 PRESIDENT’S REPORT The University of Sydney Report of the SRC President, Noah White//[email protected]

On Campus per undergraduate student. The Rudd government hasn’t abolished the test without reason; NOAH’S KITCHEN Two things that seem to annoy a lot The University needs to realise this is they are doing so partly because Nanna Jim’s Jam Drops of people on campus. One; library slightly ridiculous and should bring they are decreasing the age of My housemate Jim makes these opening times. Two; internet quotas. itself inline with almost every other independence back to 22 (over 3 cookies, I stole the recipe off him, There are no 24 hour study spaces university where exceeding internet years). On one hand this is the right so actually its “Jim’s kitchen” this on campus apart from the Carslaw quotas is almost unheard of. I have direction to move to, towards a week. This will make about 20 of Access labs which you have to also been talking to the university system where welfare is universally Nanna Jim’s Jam Drops. pay to have after hours access to. about some action in this area. accessible by all those who need You will need: Particularly during Stuvac and exam it. On the other hand, scraping the + 1 cup caster sugar weeks this can create big problems If either of these things annoys you, “workforce participation” test before +125gms butter if you live far away or if you don’t you can email the vice-chancellor other eligibility requirements are +1 egg have internet access at home. Hence and tell him what you think. Just relaxed far enough will mean that + a dash of vanilla essence (not es- sential) it would be great if the major libraries go to http://www.usyd.edu.au/vice- a significant number of people will +1 ½ cups plain flour on campus could be open for 24 chancellor/students/contact.php. miss out. +1 ½ cups self raising flour mix hours during these peak periods. + some jam Are you a part time student, hoping to There are problems associated with In Canberra go back to full-time study next year as Cream the sugar and the butter. You do this by mixing them togeth- libraries that are open 24 hours. receive youth allowance while doing er and then beating the mixture There are huge staffing costs and if Amongst a raft of reforms to the so? Or maybe are you going overseas until it is light coloured and fluffy – there aren’t very many people there Youth Allowance (YA) scheme the for a while at the end of this year, and preferably with an electric beater it may not be the safest place at 3am. federal Government announced that will therefore have to reapply for YA otherwise I guarantee you will have However, I have been speaking to it would be scrapping the “workforce when you get back? Well if you’re sore arms the next day. Add the egg and vanilla essence the Libraries administration about participation”, independence test (as not 24 then it doesn’t look like you’ll and mix thoroughly. Add the flour the possibility of extending library of next year) whereby a student can be getting anything. In fact there is and knead into dough. This works opening hours and giving students qualify as independent for Youth a whole cohort of year 12 students best if you add 80% of the flour and 24 hour access during peak usage Allowance by earning over $18 850 that finished last year, a significant then add slowly after that to make periods. It look promising and I will in an 18 month period after leaving number of which have taken a year sure the dough isn’t too dry. Pat out the dough into round, flat keep you all updated about how its school. For YA recipients under out before studying in order to rack shapes about 1cm thick on a bak- going. 25 this is by far the most common up the $18 850 to qualify for YA next ing try and poke a small hole in the method with which they become year. Most will miss out. middle with your finger (not all the Undergraduate students get an eligible. way through!). Put a drop of jam in internet quota of 6 megabytes a day The SRC, in conjunction with the this hole. Bake at 180 degrees for about 10 minutes (or until they start (downloading a few journal articles The Howard government brought in National Union of Students have to go golden). could easily exceed this) which is the test after they increased the “age started a campaign to a) make allowed to roll over but only up to of independence” to 25 and at the sure that anyone who has made 42 megabytes. This is extremely low same time they introduced “work for arrangements based on the fact when compared to other universities the dole” and other welfare reforms. that this “workforce participation” and also doesn’t allow for times The rational behind it was that YA test existed isn’t screwed over by when students might be using the recipients should be “working for it suddenly disappearing, and b) internet on campus more than other it”. The obvious problem with this getting the Government to delay times. You are able to top up your attitude is that in fact means that it scrapping the test until the “age of quota but this will cost you. In fact, takes longer to complete a degree independence” comes down further every year the University receives and therefore longer to get out into (preferably to 18). $1.2 million in revenue from students the workforce and contribute back to topping up their quotas. This is $40 society. Nanna Jim EDUCATION REPORT Report of the Education Officers, Elly Howse and Rosie Ryan//[email protected]

Eurgh. It’s nearly 1am on a Saturday my imagination is running away with get rid of the whole “earn $18,000 ing. Eh? Let’s get it on, people! night, I am completely sober (having me. in 18 months since leaving school been DD at a 21st) and here I am, and you’re independent” eligibility Do you want love? writing an Honi Soit report. Sigh. Life Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick for Youth Allowance, but the age of can be difficult sometimes! Next up independence is still a pretty high 22. Or you want fame? is the council report…double eurgh. I wanna take a ride on your disco Hopefully all of you want to be fin- stick. ished your undergrad degree by the Are you in the game? I can see you staring there from across time you’re 22 so sucked in – Krudd the block Besides being the song which is ain’t go no disco stick for you! Dance the love game. completely stuck in my head, I think With a smile on your mouth and your Lady GaGa and her song can sum Guess he wants to play, wants to If you want to ‘dance the love game’, hand on your (huh!) up quite nicely the feeling in the air play if you want me to quote more Lady after the 2009 Budget. Surprisingly a GaGa lines, and if you want to I realised tonight that probably no one fair bit was in there for students, but A love game, a love game. talk about students taking over the is going to read this report anyway so you’ve probably had this drummed government armed with nothing but I’m going to crap on about the shit af- into you by Noah and Russell in last Mr Rudd certainly does want to play. knowledge, attitude and amazing fecting students. I was thinking maybe week’s reports. The current beat of Him and the rest of the government dance moves, come to the Education I’d do a Lucy Saunders in 2007 and the Krudd government is pretty ‘sick’ are using this Budget to somehow Collective every 1pm at the Chancel- offer free limes to whoever comes at the moment and it seems everyone prove that ‘Hey guys! We know lor’s Lawns. down to the SRC offices. Someone is happy. Except for Lady GaGa (who you’re doing it tough as students but would yell out to me down the cor- represents the student body). We really, we’re not as bad as the How- Don’t think too much just bust that ridor, ‘Hey Elly! I read your report haven’t yet had our ride on Krudd’s ard government.’ Mmmm yeah. Still kick every week and it’s so awesome.’ disco stick. I don’t know if it’s run yet to prove that to me, Krudd. The Hmmm maybe not. Limes are pretty out of batteries or what, but I’m still government is playing games with us I wanna take a ride on your disco expensive at the moment and I think waiting. The government wants to and it’s about time we starting play- stick.

>16 The University of Sydney GENERAL SECRETARY’S REPORT The University of Sydney Report of the General Secretary, Russel Schmidt//[email protected] in later Quality vs. Quantity false dichotomy for the time-rich arts much as you need. There is $491 mil- years, this I don’t want to dwell on the Federal students?) lion for an extra 50,000 student places is normal, but with a looming election Government’s budget, but it has been at university; for perspective USyd has against an opposition that neglected a slow week so I will. Last week I wrote So outside of Youth Allowance what 46,000 students, 30,000 of which are education when in power and with about the changes to Youth Allowance; did the government do for education? undergrad. On top of this increase an ‘uber-deficit’ putting pressure on the reason it is significant in the context universities can access another $325 government spending, there is nothing of education is because the biggest Teaching/Learning/Research million if they increase the number of to guarantee any of us will ever see barrier to participation in tertiary edu- The Government announced many low-SES students studying. any of this funding. There is also some cation is not HECS or anything else; it billions of dollars of funding. I’m not criticism that the Government’s goals is income support. Students entering a huge bureaucracy so I can’t tell you There is a $202 million ‘structural and the amount of money they have university will by and large be at a point how much because everyone uses adjustment fund’ to help universities set aside to meet them are not actually in their life when they want to/have to different numbers, but suffice to say it prepare for the influx in students as close to resembling each other. become independent of their parents. is ‘between $5 billion and $6 billion’; well as extra funding for the ‘Educa- If you choose to study then you are not exactly spare change. Perhaps tion Endowment Fund’ set up last year Conclusion? foregoing the wages that your friends most significant is the $578 million to and a massive $2.6 billion for new I agree with Ian Chubb, VC at ANU are making; the economics student out index teaching and learning funding university infrastructure. Continuing and chairman of the Go8, and it isn’t there knows this as opportunity cost! to inflation. The drastic under-funding on from the focus on science in last cause he has a name that makes me of education by the previous govern- year’s budget there is a 25% increase giggle a little bit. Whilst the govern- Whilst the dust hasn’t settled in the ment was largely due to the fact that in science and innovation funding, the ment can always do more, the result debate around Youth Allowance (and funding was not indexed, universities largest increase ever. isn’t too bad, especially against the low probably never will) the government got a number, call it $X billion each expectations of the preceding year and is always faced with the question of year, but as prices went up $X billion The Caveat the doom and gloom of the last decade. quality vs. quantity. Given there is (ar- buys you less and less lecturers. The The thing that no-one is saying that has The only way we got what we did was guably) a limited amount of money for government has however only partially to be said is that the funding is ridicu- because we put our case forcefully and education does the government want indexed funding, you get more lecturer lously back-ended. Much of the money it is the only way we will continue to more students or better students? (Or than you otherwise would, but not as that was ‘announced’ is slated to spent win. Kudos to you. WOMEN’S REPORT Report of the Women’s Officer, Tamsin Dingley//[email protected] I was disgusted by Jessica Cowell’s for women’s refuges (what women’s responsibility for their children and “choice”, because even women who article on abortion. I was horrified collective is currently doing) is ben- women’s refuges are not funded. are not “morally opposed” (absurd!) that by being posted in Honi Soit her eficial to women’s welfare. Indeed half of women who present still don’t have a choice. Abortion biased opinions would be associated The utopia of which Jessica speaks is at refuges are turned away. is not a choice between the fetus with the SRC. The only true thing she magnificent. A place where “women and the mother; it is a woman being said was that abortion is a “complex have a real choice”, women’s refuges The reality is that when women have given the same control over her body and emotional issue”. It is interesting are funded (or indeed unnecessary), an abortion it is never a lighthearted as the rest of the world is given! Fur- that in telephone-counseling the law men always take responsibility for decision. It’s not something that is thermore, abortion is only the “safe says you must state you are pro-life, their offspring and women are treated done flippantly and it is not necessary and simple solution” of which Jessica but in the written media there is ap- as the caring, loving, devoted, god- or appropriate for anyone (including speaks when it is legal, attainable parently no such law. For the record I desses they are. This is not our world politicians and religious groups) to and covered by medicare. When am pro-choice. These are the “sides” however. We live in an evil place tell us what a dire situation we are this is the case and women’s refuges that Jessica’s thinks are apparently where women are held hostage in in and what they think we should are fully funded then Jessica can start doing nothing for women’s welfare. their homes and abused by their do. Nor is it appropriate, especially preaching about morality, but until I would disagree. I think standing partners, young girls are raped by in a university publication, to write this time the rights of women to fair outside abortion clinics heckling family members, university students complete rubbish preceded by “stud- and adequate healthcare must be women in a vulnerable state is prob- are drugged and raped in colleges, ies have shown” to scare women. placed above the wishes of religious ably detrimental to their welfare, on people make mistakes, accidents It is interesting that Jessica alludes groups. the other hand I think raising money happen, men don’t always take to a society where women have ASK ABE SRC HELP: Level 1 (Basement) Wentworth Building, City Road Entry 9660 5222 or [email protected]

Abe, Dear Working and Studying,

I’m currently get Youth Allowance. This is a really serious issue and will be fined (from 10%) for the It’s not much, so I work part time as concerns many students. If you delay in payment, then you will be well. At first I forgot to tell Centrelink do not report your correct income charged. how much I was earning. Now I to Centrelink or in any other way remember it seems to late. Is there defraud them, they will prosecute If you are charged, remember that much chance that they will find out? you and YOU RISK GOING TO this is a very serious offence. Do Will I get into much trouble? Will I PRISON. That’s right, an actual NOT make a statement, in writing have to pay them any money back? custodial sentence. That would be or in person, to Centrelink. Instead quite a negative experience for most make an appointment to talk the SRC Working and Studying people I imagine. If you are earning solicitor. money “under the table” then you are unlikely to get caught UNLESS Abe This column offers students the op- someone reports you. That is, one portunity to ask questions on any- customer, boss or fellow worker that thing that may affect their “welfare”. you happen to annoy one day. That This can be as personal as a question on a Centrelink payment or as gen- really isn’t that unlikely. If you are eral as a question on the state of the earning money legally then you are world. If you would like to ask Abe a DEFINITELY going to get caught. It’s question send an email to just a matter of when. You will be [email protected]. made to pay back all of the money that you were overpaid, then you >17 The SUPRA www.supra.usyd.edu.au SAAO Striking philosophers

Corner When they were PhD students, Liz Jacka and Jean don’t apply in this case. This of course is not to argue Dear SAAO, Curthoys would have been astonished to hear the that whether or not we are competent is unimportant or I’m having trouble balancing language now bandied around the Professorial Board undecidable, but rather that you aren’t the proper people my work and study room. “Student-centred”, now a catch phrase for any to decide it.” commitments. I work evenings ambitious academic, had never entered the minds of most in a restaurant so there are on the Professorial Board in 1973 when they voted 39 to They declared a revolution in the control of knowledge: no timetable clashes, but I have early classes which 7 against the Jacka and Curthoys-proposed unit of study, “We feel, then, that those who are in a position to judge means I am really tired and “Philosophical Aspects of Feminist Thought”. our competence have already done so. This week we will sometimes sleep in and be asking these people to demand of Professor O’Neil that miss class. What can I do? The Feminist course had been approved by the Philosophy we are immediately appointed.” Can I apply for Special department, and just scraped approval through the Faculty Consideration because of my of Arts by a vote barely over 50%. That is officially where it Hardly likely to be sympathetic to this position, the work commitments? Regards, should have ended. Professorial Board voted against the course. Working Hard This led to the Philosophy Strike, where many students But professors still controlled the money. David and staff, with support from the BLF, went on strike in Dear Working Hard, Armstrong, Professor of Philosopher and a vocal opponent support of feminism and participatory democracy. A to the course, called his friend, Deputy Vice Chancellor “Women’s Tent Embassy” was erected in the Quad. The This is problem faced by a majority of students, O’Neill, who was soon to receive the paperwork to fund the strike was highly disruptive and gave the university a lot especially at postgraduate approved course. The Deputy Vice Chancellor said there of bad press. level where there are fewer was no money to cover Jacka and Curthoys salaries, so the opportunities for income course could not run. A University Senate inquiry eventually recommended that support or other means the course should go ahead. Which it did. to support yourself while Angry members of the Philosophy department – both staff studying. and students – appeared, to the Deputy Vice Chancellor’s The Professorial Board room in the Quad, unlike the The University does not horror, “unannounced” to make their case. O’Neil referred Academic Board that replaced it, has still kept the old recognise work commitments the matter to the Professorial Board. name, evoking the elite group who once ruled it. But in as ligitimate for applying for it, as elsewhere, feminism is now considered to be a valid speacial consideration unless Professors were different then. Mostly, one professor area of intellectual inquiry. you give at least four weeks notice. BUT seeing as you are ruled each department absolutely. Their job, as a matter of constantly tired and may not tradition, was to protect and uphold academic standards Hannah Forsyth is a PhD student in the History be getting enough sleep, for the good of civil society. They were the masters, department, researching The Ownership of there may be a medical controllers and protectors of knowledge. Knowledge in Higher Education in Australia. reason (related to your work Email [email protected] and study schedule) for you to Students – and many junior staff, it should be said – need extra time to complete your assignments or study for started to call them “god-professors”. “Professor O’Neil an exam. You should consult has made it clear that he believes the best decisions can with your doctor, and come only be made by those with the highest rank” said Jacka see a SAAO afterwards to and Curthoys in an open letter to the Professorial Board. discuss your options.

You should also remember Jacka and Curthoys were that the University expects among those who believed students to place their studies that it was time the control as their number one priority. of knowledge shifted away Don’t worry, we know how from professors. They ridiculous this can seem in thought that this would light of the fact that for many students, if they don’t work allow new knowledge to be then they can’t study and explored. Knowledge like would need to drop out of feminism. uni. So you should be thinking about what changes you can When “Philosophical Aspects make in your work or study schedule to allow you to of Feminist Thought” Jacka continue with both. This may and Curthoys’ open letter mean going part-time in your declared that professors studies, or reducing your work were no longer the legitimate hours, or even finding different owners of knowledge: “The work that won’t impact so kinds of things that bodies much on your ability to study. like yours usually consider I recommend you come see a SAAO and discuss this further.

Image Credit: John Burnheim papers, with thanks to Alison Bashford. >18 The SUPRA Postgrad Pages

Needs Assessment Subscribe to ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING OF THE SYDNEY SUPRA - UNIVERSITY POSTGRADUATE of International it’s FREE! REPRESENTATIVE ASSOCIATION Students in the By becoming a SUPRA Subscriber you will be able to: TO BE HELD AT 5.30PM ON City of Sydney • Access our free, confidential THURSDAY 28 MAY 2009 student advice and advocacy service SUPRA has received a copy of the above report via inter-campus • Participate in SUPRA events AT THE SUPRA OFFICES networks. A needs assessment study was funded and conducted (Cnr of Abercrombie St And and activities by the local government City of Sydney Council between January • Receive regular email updates Raglan St, Darlington Campus) and August 2008. In-depth interviews were conducted with and electronic publications 14 international students and 9 service providers from both (eGrad) AGENDA government and the private sector. • Use the SUPRA Resource and Meeting Rooms 1. Acknowledgement Of The findings of the research revealed the below list of the major • Access discounted photocopy- issues identified by both service providers and international Country ing, printing and faxing students as being of concern for international students: • Vote or run in the SUPRA 2. Confirmation Of Chair, Council elections Introductions And Apologies • accommodation • Actively participate in your rep- 3. Minutes Of The Annual • public transport resentative student association. General Meeting, 2008 • safety By becoming a SUPRA Supporter 4. Annual Report And Accounts • social isolation you will be able to: • financial hardship • Access all of the above benefits 5. 2009-10 Election Report • lack of support services 6. Amendments To The • Receive a SUPRA Supporter Welcome Pack (including SU- Constitution Comment: this is a welcome addition to available research into the PRA highlighter and t-shirt) 7. Other Business needs of international students. The fact that it was funded by a • Show that you appreciate the 8. Close Of Meeting local council is indicative of the extent to which insufficient funding value of an independent stu- within universities and private education providers for appropriate dent run organisation. For more information contact student support services has impacted on the community outside Complete your subscription online the grounds of the education provider. Rashmi Kumar (president@ at www.supra.usyd.edu.au/sub- scribe then follow the links if you supra.usyd.edu.au or 9351 Student organisations for many years have been arguing that better would like to become a SUPRA 3715) support services and more funding to existing student support Supporter. Alternatively you can services are needed so to genuinely meet the needs of international complete a form at our stalls or students once they arrive in Australia. drop into the SUPRA office. After the AGM join us for This report from the City of Sydney Council confirms what students and student organisations have been saying for many, many years – End of Semester stop turning a blind eye to what is really happening to international POSTGRAD PARTY students once they arrive in Australia and do something genuine Food and Drinks Provided about understanding their multiplicity of needs. And, this needs Raglan Street Building (G10) The Royal Hotel, to be done both inside and outside the grounds of the education Darlington Campus provider. University of Sydney NSW 2006 Cnr Abercrombie and Phone: (02) 9351 3715 Codrington St If you would like to obtain a copy of the said report please email Fax: (02) 9351 6400 [email protected] and a copy can be forwarded to you. Email: [email protected] Web: www.supra.usyd.edu.au SUPRA is re-invigorating the campaign for international travel concessions. To get involved in the Cross Campus Concessions Coalition contact Rashmi Kumar, SUPRA President via [email protected]

What’s coming up at SUPRA (see www.supra.usyd.edu.au for more information)

Thurs 28 May, 5pm SUPRA Annual General Meeting and End of Semester Party @ SUPRA

>19 The demise of the FILM SYMPHONY A CAPELLA Aussie musical Star Trek Carmina Burana Barefoot Musica Antigua & Eleven George Downing is hoping for a comeback. I’ve always thought of Star Trek as a The most famous work to be com- There are two situations in which I bit of relic. A product of a different posed in Nazi Germany, Carl Orff’s will sing without music: (a) in the time; starting when computers used 1936 Carmina Burana has (thanks in shower, and (b) when my car stereo What place does the musical have in cardboard and ending as people dis- part to the fame of its opening and is broken. Neither of those involve an modern Australia? In a nation built covered that living vicariously could closing movement, “O Fortuna”) be- audience and that’s a very good thing on mateship and sport, not art and go beyond a moderately difficult hand come a mainstay of contemporary because anyone who has heard me theatre, it has always been a challenge gesture and a Klingon phrasebook. classical music performance. This sing We Didn’t Start The Fire knows to convince the average Aussie punter The previous few Star Trek outings week, it is the combined forces of the that it sounds much better when my to get excited about a musical. Or any have not so much boldly gone where Sydney University Symphony Orches- voice is almost entirely drowned out type of theatre, for that matter. no man has gone before, as blundered tra (SUSO) and the Sydney University by Billy Joel’s. tackily over the same old ground like a Musical Society (SUMS) who scale There are currently only seven drunk Shatner singing ‘Rocket Man’. this vertiginous work, with a little help So when I was invited to “an a capel- professional shows playing anywhere from their friends along the way. la journey” in the Women’s College in Australia. Disney’s High School J.J Abrams has changed all that. His Common Room, featuring two newly Musical closed after a few weeks, Star Trek, the 11th iteration of the se- The subtitle of the work is “cantiones formed choirs and a friend’s Scrabble rather than the hoped-for 14 months. ries but essential a prequel to them profanae”, profane songs, and it is in Champion housemate, I was a little A Broadway production may run for all, not only revives the franchise, it precisely this balance of the sacred, apprehensive as to what I was getting decades, but sustain a (mostly) full injects some much-needed red mat- magisterial themes of some sections myself into. house in Sydney for 11 months, and ter into the spluttering core of sci-fi with the vulgarity and coarseness you’ve got a monster hit. It’s chalk movies. From an awe-inspiring open- of others that the piece succeeds as I needn’t have worried - these guys and cheese, but the point is that for a ing to immensely satisfying end (set such entertainment. One of the best have some serious game. The show seemingly cosmopolitan, arts-loving to the dulcet tones of Leonard Nimoy) aspects of this student-performed opened with the eleven barbershop 21st-century city, Sydneysiders (and the film takes the genre beyond warp- version of the piece is the energy and performing some original arrange- Australians generally) have little speed into a new dimension of futur- rollicking sense of fun which the com- ments of songs by Sam Sparro, The tolerance for musical theatre. istic spectacle. The bottom line is ev- bined choirs and orchestra display. Turtles and Simon & Garfunkel. As erything just works. Conductor George Ellis appears to be Chris May, eleven’s director, explains, In productions that at least break even, having as much fun as anyone in the “No musician has really made it until a pattern emerges. Priscilla, Chicago, For starters, the plot maintains a near- audience, and he brings this to bear they’ve been covered by a barbershop Phantom of the Opera, Wicked, perfect balance between Trekkie-pan- in the open, jubilant style of Sunday’s quartet”. Guys and Dolls and Billy Elliot are dering and crowd-pleasing. All the performance. household names by world renown, classic Star Trek elements are there: Following the barbershop were Bare- or via popular film adaptations, and the unshakeably logical Vulcans, a While both groups do admirably to foot Musica Antigua, an a capella all of which have started Australian suitably vengeful and (megalo)manic achieve the balance required, it is in group in the more traditional style celebrities: Bert Newton, Caroline Romulan (played by an unrecognis- the larger orchestral numbers – such who won hearts with soaring num- O’Connor, Gina Riley, Tony Sheldon. ably green but unmistakably gruff as movements “Ecce Gratum” and bers that date as far back as the four- All are big budget spectacles with Eric Bana), and of course, the skiv- “Circa Mea Pectora” in particular – teenth century. Here the Women’s costumes and sets to rival an Olympic vies. These are combined with a char- where the numbers mean the choir College Common Room came into its opening ceremony. By and large, they acter arc (the life of a certain James T. suffers in comparison. The speed, own - the acoustics bringing to life the succeeded. Kirk, from childhood to Star Fleet and which succeeds in heightening the ex- scriptural excerpts and the traditional beyond) stronger than the Fleet sym- citement, is sometimes beyond both chants such as Kyrie Eleison. On the other hand, Little Women, bol itself and the requisite sci-fisics of choir and orchestra and the piece oc- Shane Warne the Musical and time travel and singularities. A typical casionally came unstuck: there were a The night finished up with the full Pippin were without ‘celebrity’ leads, recipe, perhaps, but pulled off here few moments during the performance eleven ensemble continuing the eclec- all with small budgets, and from with such dynamism and conviction where both groups could have done tic mix of musical influences, from day one, a gamble. They crashed. that is almost impossible not to be with committing to the chosen speed. Shakespeare to The Teddy Bears’ Pic- Have Australian audiences reached propelled by the sheer kinetic energy nic. The final number, a Chris May a point of no return, where only the of everything. In the smaller, quieter movements, original arrangement, was my high- mega-musical will be profitable? It this version of the piece fares better. light of the night. The name says it all may be cultural cringe. Or maybe The casting is spot on too. Chris Pine Each of the soloists brings sensitiv- - 80s Medley. our obsession with the Hollywood invests Kirk with an infinitely likeable ity to their parts (although the higher blockbuster has brought us to expect swagger that shares a similar orbit to parts of the male solos prove difficult), Do yourself a favour - next time you the same from theatre. Priscilla, a memories of Shatner’s expansive bra- which compares neatly with the brash get a chance to see eleven or Barefoot musical that delivered that element vado but is never eclipsed by them. vocal style of other movements. It is Musica Antigua, grab it with both of extravagance, also cost $6.5 million Zachary Quinto adds a latent intensi- no mean feat to capture the drama hands. These review pages are often to open, with similar or higher figures ty to Spock and delivers his litanies of and drive behind this sixty-minute full of the latest musical trends, and being attached to the other shows logic with Nimoyian class. The youth piece, and for the sheer entertainment going to those sorts of gigs are a lot of mentioned above. of this pair and of the other cast mem- value that it brings, this performance fun. But none will put a smile on your bers on the Enterprise means that the is a great showcase of student music face like these guys. That’s not to say that big-budget bridge scenes sometimes resemble on campus. pop musicals are a bad thing. On the high school debates (not helped by 4.5/5 contrary – most established musicals the presence of an outrageous Rus- This performance of Carmina Bura- are entertaining spectacles featuring sian accent) but the chemistry of the na will be repeated on Thursday in Patrick Wall brilliant scores and highly talented Kirk-Spock duo and some inspired the Verbrugghen Hall at the Sydney performers. Yet the industry can’t rely banter give dramatic fizz. Conservatorium of Music. on the Australian psyche to support the genre. Rather than a night of The acting is strong, but what a stage 3/5 subtly and refinement – which so to play it out on. Abhram’s realisation many lesser know musicals can offer of space is just that, it all feels so real Christopher Hay – Australian audiences want flashy yet so magnificent. It’s what I imagine SEND REVIEWS, costumes, songs they can sing along TATTOO PHOTOS & Virgin Galactic will feel like, except OTHER CULTURAL to, and reality TV celebrities. Branson can’t conjure up cosmic bat- PURSUITS TO: With such a dire status quo, what’s left tles, space-diving or the millions you [email protected] spent on the flight. This Star Trek is for the fate of the more high culture no relic. It’s a glittering blueprint for SUBMISSIONS MUST theatre genres, ballet and opera? Let’s the future. What’s that about beams BE 300 WORDS. hope the unbridled escapism that and a Scotsman? AND AWESOME. live musicals offer will endure the stifling attitude of the contemporary 4.5/5 Australian audience. Joe Smith-Davies

>20 Exams at Cambridge Slow Cooking Jamie Miller puts off study and writes to Honi. Will Atkinson wrote this article tenderly and slowly. Cambridge University is in lock-down worth by their ability to parrot back Like a slug excreting a glistening trail dawned that a solution to this problem mode. For many, exams start this week. the latest leader in the Economist. wherever it goes, the average student exists. It’s just contingent on whether The college libraries feature levels of There is an unspoken assumption leaves in their wake piles of takeaway you can wake up a few minutes earlier cramming unseen since my days doing that the vomiting mess you see in the containers, empty paper coffee cups than usual to chuck all the ingredients the HSC at Sydney Grammar; some corner of the bar is, perhaps not at that and assorted grease-rent detritus. – and there’s no hard and fast rules on students have shipped in their food, exact moment, a gifted expert in his or Who’s to blame us? Suffering from what you can put in it, it’s a chance to contact lenses, doona and pillow to her field. a marked absence of time, gnawing get creative - into the pot and click it ensure maximum study time. hunger pains and a empty wallet, the on. Feel like you haven’t the time when And Cambridge caters to that. Trinity reflex towards fast food – cheap, rela- you return home at the end of the day term featured visits to Cambridge tively tasty and most importantly, easy to knock something up? Well, you’ve by genocide survivor Paul Kagame, to clean up – is always an attractive got a pot of stew waiting. Cover that genocide specialist Gerard Prunier, option. In the hierarchy of needs, the shit with grated cheese, grab a bread and possible genocidaire Hu Jintao. issue of efficiency versus nutritional roll and you’re laughing. Fire and One week in Lent term saw both a value doesn’t warrant much consider- forget: everything’s done for you, and speech by Michael Parkinson at the ation. It’s there. as a bonus, there’s little cleaning to be Union and a rowdy party at which a done at the meal’s end. girl wore around her neck a small but I’ve come to relish a home cooked meal very much alive python. One student over the course of an Arts degree, en- The beauty of slow cooking is that it spent a good month making nocturnal joying the process of making it almost can turn cheap ingredients into some- visits to St. Catherine’s College, leaving as much as its reflective consumption thing that wiser men than me have It’s no “Transient Building” small deposits to be discovered by the on the couch whilst watching the 7.30 described in ages past as ‘transcenden- Porters the next morning. Report. Like most things in life, it’s a tal’. In fact, cheaper cuts of meat are Cambridge is, if nothing else, a rarified transient pleasure, more often than actually recommended, as the tougher atmosphere. The university, such as not sidelined for something reheated cuts have the greatest scope to be it is, consists of what is essentially a or bought in the interests of time. transformed into tender, falling-apart federation of colleges, each adhering Eating shouldn’t merely be a process chunks. If you’re a vegetarian – poor to a similar structure. At the top is the of refuelling, it should be enjoyed, but sods, otherwise – then I recommend Master. This is a largely ceremonial the way we live – and whatever it is mushrooms as a substitute. With such role, with perks including immense that I do with my time – means that it wild weather over the past few weeks, stand alone houses on the college just isn’t the case. coupled with upcoming exams, now is grounds and a title carrying preten- the best time to fire up the slow-cooker sions of omnipotence. Then come the Since we pulled out the slow cooker and get creative. fellows, a mix of post-doctorate aca- from the back of the pantry for winter demics and seasoned professors, most stews, however, the realisation has Vive la stew. of whom have a teaching load while drinking a small African nation’s GDP worth of port at high table. Next are the predominantly international graduate students, many of whom adhere to aesthetic would have been so ef- the principle of being neither seen nor Model Idiots? fectively captured – even if Moss’ heard around the college grounds and Anusha Rutnam are less-than-affectionately known co-star, Mark Wahlberg would later as the “sad grads”. Finally, there are Just over two weeks ago the Metro- note that ‘she kinda looked like my the cherished undergraduates, who politan Museum in New York held its nephew’. provide the bulk of the social, sporting annual Gala Benefit, the theme for and syphilitic life of the college. Thank God I put on page numbers which was provided by an accom- And if reality television has taught us panying exhibition: ‘The Model as anything (clue: it has) it’s that mod- But what makes Cambridge is its intel- So for every restless night spent Muse’. As party themes go ‘model’ is eling shit ain’t that easy. Spare a lectual atmosphere. Most students, agonising over your dissertation’s a bit of a kick in the pants to anyone thought for Erin O’Connor who was while more than willing to be out on footnotes or the intracacies of Enron who, well, isn’t one. But never mind asked at one Paris Fashion Week the ‘lash’ at ‘bops’, engaging in ‘banter’ Accounting 101, there is always hope the fugly masses; pulchritudinous to wear a dress that included a 13- about some pasty swamp dweller they that the aptly named post-exams all- inch metal waistband. The next day just ‘pulled’, are just as comfortable day-binge known as Suicide Sunday lovelies came out in force, wearing engaging in sophisticated discussion. will cure what ails ya. gowns so extravagant and luscious, O’Connor found her body covered Not everyone judges their analytical it would have been rude to mention in burst capillaries caused by the the word ‘recession’ in front of them. contraption. In all, the night was indicative of an increased respect for the modeling Reflecting the spirit of the times, Ital- STUNNER profession and an interest in how ian Vogue responded to critics – who models can act as a mediator be- noted a distinct lack of black women tween the fantasy of the fashion de- in the publication – with a mid-2008 signer’s sketch and the reality of a issue that only featured black mod- bought and worn garment. els. Contrary to the fears that ‘black girls don’t sell’, the issue was the first Charles Worth, often credited as the in the magazine’s history to go into original true fashion designer, was reprint. also among the first to have used live models to display his garments Models are often the target of attacks in the 19th century. Movement and because they rest on their (genetic) shape came to be recognised as es- laurels. Suck it up guys, some people sential to the display of fashion. Over are born with brains, others with a a century later, Gianni Versace took face that fits the golden ratio. Don’t things a step further by crediting his hate them ‘cos they’re beautiful - just models and giving them first billing shut up and stare. e.g. Naomi Campbell for Versace.

Clearly, models are more than mere clothes horses. Without the pres- ence of Kate Moss (current supreme overlord of all that is fashion) in Cal- vin Klein’s 1992 jeans campaign, it is difficult to imagine Klein minimalist SOMEWHERE IN TIME WE’LL MEET AGAIN, ARTS III >21 If you can’t win, change the rules. SUPER 14 RUGBY Cat Montray figured out the motive behind the not-so- Super 14.

Rugby is a simple game, or at least it this would make the game far more was until SANZAR got its claws into marketable to the potential cash cows it. There was a time when rugby was knows as supporters and to fight off played during winter. Known as the the almost Mongol-like hordes of the Super 12, there were five good teams ever expanding AFL, the sleeping (well, from New Zealand, two good teams comatose) giant of Soccer and the R 18 and two average teams from South Rugby League. Africa and on any one day, Australia could field a passable rugby side with So now we find ourselves on the brink left-overs enough for two more teams. of a new era in sport, the birth of a The rules were simple enough. If you new rugby competition, to go hand in had the ball you kicked it, and if you hand with the new rules, new style of got the ball you kicked it back. It was play and the new viewers (maybe). But easy to understand, easy to play, and what has really changed? The Kiwis very difficult to watch. Just the way still smash everyone, South Africa still rugby should be. This evolved into the play dirty and Australia still can’t seem Super 14 (soon to be 15) competition, to get a team in the semi-finals. The very similar to the above mentioned Super 15 is set to fix this, with a team game but with a couple more crappy from each country guaranteed to be Australian teams. in the finals. That’s the answer - if you can’t win, change the rules. This evolution brought with it the ELV’s, the ABC’s and the Doh Ray Me’s, it should be easy as 123. The theory; instead of giving so many full- arm penalties and the game consisting Honi reckons rugby would probably entirely of 3 pointers, we change to be better if SANZAR looked a little short-arm free kicks, to induce a new more like the classy fella on your spirit of free flowing, running, exciting right. rugby football. The reality; the rugby pitch is marked like a Dalmatian with ALL HAIL SANZAR! various brown spots on an otherwise green field, where repeated scrums have occurred due to the numerous dropped balls, caused by the almost anxious desire by the players to look like they are playing spirited, free flowing, running, exciting rugby.

The powers that be thought that

The college gamble Alice Blain muses on the joys of communal living.

Communal living. It’s not really a lice cases have been reported within that, Corey Delany and his antics aside, preconceived judgements. This poor term that creates a warm, fuzzy feeling the halls. The very fact that I recently a communal living environment is the individual has probably just put their inside. It evokes images of a hostel had a conversation with one my mates only environment in which it is more more respectable and suitable clothes deep in the heart of Amsterdam. Hair- concerning her recent infestation of than acceptable to invite over everyone in the incinerator for fear of bed bugs, clogged drains. A mattress smelling of bed bugs, as if we were talking about you know, and everyone they know, for or been through a vigorous de-lice the owner’s el-cheapo fags. Well, that the weather, genuinely worries me! a few “casual” drinks. treatment. Maybe they are on their is what used to spring to my mind And what’s worse, since arrival at this twelfth course of antibiotics for the before I moved into college. While I’ve fine college establishment that I call month. Yes, every day in college is a now come to terms with the fact that home, I finally have a medical history gamble, and it’s on that note that I it’s standard to walk into Wesley and worth talking about. Let me tell you say over and out from the bedroom in have to forcibly remove my thong with I said goodbye to the common cold a which I’ve been hiding in for a good every step from the stickiness below, long time ago. Nowadays it’s all about four days. Contrary to popular belief, and quite normal to find three broken the super strength flu, tinea and ring- this poor soul is still maintaining that toilets (I’m talking smashed porcelain) worm. Yes, you heard me… ringworm. lice will never be “in”, even if everyone at St. Andrew’s College, in recent weeks else is doing it. I can’t help but feel that the various col- I guess you could say that us “folk” over leges around campus have really been here at the University of Sydney col- taking this whole communal living leges really are living the “dream” that thing a bit too far! And as a result I’m is communal living. While it may seem starting to fear for both my physical that we’ve brought back to life some and mental health. truly archaic diseases, and are creating Sup. a living standard worse that that during It’s not every day that you are advised wartime, don’t get me wrong I will let to don a medical mask and refrain you know that communal living also So, when you next see a noticeably from sexual activity to ensure you too has its advantages. I’m pretty sure that “college” looking person in your don’t become the subject of swine flu, it is only in a communal living envi- lecture and scoff to your mates because glandular fever and the likes. Nor is it ronment that sharing toiletries (…yes, they’re wearing their beat up trackies every day that you wake up to receive an toothbrushes) is considered normal and singlet in the middle of winter, announcement that a number of head behaviour. And I’m more than certain take a moment and reconsider your

>22 Page 23.

HONI CRYPTIC

ACROSS 1. Where you buy tickets to jeer Elvis away from the meth. (7, 6) 10. Cover the inside, it’s obvious! (5) 11. Cross a friend? Game over man! (9) 12. I heard the toad makes mistakes... but these have no gender. (7) 13. What you’re looking for is what you’re looking for (6) 15. However motionless (5) 16. Sex jelly too crazy for Japanese city. (5) 17. I drew messily because I was over caffeinated! (5) 19. Sweep the second best space (5) 22. Where students get plastered? (6) 23. I’m high and I’m sick doc, (puke!). (4, 2) 26. Unaccompanied with a coffee at a Wilson St Cafe. (9) 27. A dance with dips? (5) 28. Joking around like an Olympic drug tester. (6, 3, 4) DOWN 2. Prepare for business with strong rum, energy and a back- wards joke. (4, 2) 3. Cute critter’s pointless skits are XXX. (7) 4. Stevie barely hits it. (5) 5. Backless farm gear in General (7) 6. Firstly, for all Kia’s easy sorrow, she makes it up! 7. Boy takes headless bird as escort. (8) 8. Knock out Dracula in 3, 2, 1... go! (9) 9, 25 Down. Watching, watched... it goes up and down (3, 3) 14. Mucking around on Peter Shaffer’s Equus (9) BCJ 15. Italian Omelette ruined – I fart at it! (8) BUT I DON’T DO CRYPTIC CROSSWORDS! 19. Dodgy Lego- Bot broke. (7) That’s loser talk! The Honi Soit Cryptic is designed for people who don’t necessarily do Cryptic Crosswords so now 20. Reconciles but lies! (5, 2) you don’t even have an excuse. Unless you don’t have a pen. In which case get one. 21. Confuses by strapping saddle (6) 25. See 9 Down Here’s a clue: A small confusion for some animals. (6)

Find the Literal Clue LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS So, with a Cryptic, the literal clue (that’s what the clue actually means) will either be at the end or start of the phrase and if you can narrow down what the literal clue is - then the rest is easy. So the two options are ‘A small confu- sion’ or ‘Some Animals’.

Work out what’s Cryptic Then there’s the Cryptic element of the clue. In this example the cryptic element is an anagram, the word ‘confu- sion’ shows us that. Words like confusion, crazy, disorderly, jumbled, drunk, damaged...etc generally (but not always) denote an anagram. Then we need to find which letters to anagram. A SMALL has 6 letters and so does the answer..... so if we move them around (or ‘confuse’ them) - we get LLAMAS - some animals!

Anagrams are only one facet of the cryptic clue, there are many others, but as long as you are able to separate the Cryptic from the literal you should be fine.

Hope this has made things more confusing.

HOW TO SOLVE A KENKEN (BELOW)

1. Every box in the grid will contain a number, from 1 to 4. 2. Each row and column will contain the numbers 1 to 4 only once! 3. The numbers in each heavily outlined box (called cages) must combine using the mathematical operator in the top corner (in any order) to produce the number in the top corner. (e.g. the 2/ cage can have two possible entries, either 4 and 2 (as 4/2 = 2) or 2 and 1 (as 2/1 = 2))

>23 Students’ Representative Council The University of Sydney

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