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Early Childhood “My four-year-old and I have daily ‘clothes battles.’” For too many young people, childhood is a time of crammed schedules and heightened pressures. Join the fun at the Their afternoons, evenings, and First and Last Days of weekends are slotted into tight Summer Park-a-Day segments for soccer, drama, Challenges homework, music lessons, tutoring, ballet, homework, hockey, gymnastics, and more homework. Some children are so busy that they give up critical Ten best picture books sleep time to complete their schoolwork. Even during the summer, their hours are filled with scheduled activities through camp and childcare programs to keep them occupied and safe while parents work. Nowhere to go and all day to get there. While most kids thrive, some react with anxiety and other signs of increased stress. Highly scheduled children have less entertainment like watching television, play builds time for child-driven creative play that is central to active, healthy bodies. Above all, play is a simple joy healthy development. When adults over-schedule that is a cherished part of childhood. Ken Ginsburg, M.D., is children’s free time, it isn’t really free at all. Two Play also offers parents a wonderful opportunity an associate professor important elements are forgotten amid these hectic to engage fully with children. Here’s an opportunity of Pediatrics at schedules. Unstructured free play (or downtime in the not to get out of the way entirely! The key is to let Children’s Hospital of case of adolescents) not only offers benefits that them choose and direct the playtime activity. We can Philadelphia and the protect against the harmful effects of stress, but play be on the sidelines and ask how they would like us to author of Building also gives children unlimited opportunities to discover be involved, but we have to remember it is their play, Resilience in Children their own interests and competencies. Play allows not ours. and Teens: Giving Kids them to use their creativity while developing When we observe children at play or join with Roots and Wings. Dr. Ginsburg spoke in imagination, dexterity, and physical and emotional them, we have a unique opportunity to see the world Winnetka in strength. When adults aren’t directing or organizing from their vantage point as they navigate a world November, 2011 to them into activities, kids create and explore worlds perfectly created to fit their needs. The interactions several different they can master. They can conquer their fears while that occur through play tell children that we are fully audiences of parents practicing adult roles (“I’ll be the astronaut. You can paying attention to them. Parents who take the and educators at be the engineer.”). Play helps them develop new opportunity to glimpse their children’s world through presentations competencies that lead to enhanced confidence and play also learn to communicate more effectively with sponsored by FAN, resilience needed to face future challenges. Undirected their children and gain another setting to offer gentle, in partnership with play allows them to learn how to work in groups—to nurturing guidance. several other organizations. share, negotiate, and learn to advocate for themselves. If we want children to enjoy the many benefits His presentation to When play is allowed to be child-driven, kids derived from play, we need to make a determined early childhood move at their own pace, discover their own talents and effort to limit the over-scheduled, overstretched parents and educators interests, and ultimately engage fully in the passions was co-sponsored with they wish to pursue. In contrast to passive CONTINUED ON PAGE 4 The Alliance. Barbara Monier is a licensed clinical social worker with practices in Evanston and Chicago. She consults widely with parents and educators on issues related to early Q A childhood development. [or vice versa]. And, to add to the then let her come to the conclusion on her challenge, the touch-sensitive child will own. Q quite often switch preferences over time– Some additional strategies that may help It seems that Maddy, my 4½ year old going from an insistence on wearing include: daughter, and I have “clothes battles” nothing but baggy sweat pants, for 1. Create outfits: For younger children, almost every single day. I have eased up instance, to an equally strong insistence on pull outfits together on one hanger [with about letting her wear things that don’t close-fitting leggings. your child’s help]. Gather matching pants, match (plaids and polka dots, etc.) but Of course, if your objection to your shirt and socks, and clip them. That gives she’ll insist on wearing a summer dress child’s outfit is because she has chosen to her the power to choose her own outfit but on a freezing winter day; balks at wear shorts in the winter or go without a gives you some input as well. wearing winter coats, saying that they coat to the playground, you may consider 2. Control the environment: You can’t are “too bumpy;” and insists on wearing this a non-negotiable health/safety issue. control your child (at least not without a the same things over and over, even Your ultimate goal is to get your child battle), but you can control the when she outgrows them or they are appropriately dressed, but you may be able environment. If flip-flops in February are dirty. I had to wash a favorite shirt out of the question, don’t battle about them. every night for what seemed like Simply remove them from the closet so months. This did not happen with my they aren’t among the available options. If son when he was 4, and it is exhausting! certain clothes aren’t appropriate for Tired Mom school, then have separate drawers or sections in the closet for school clothes and fun clothes. Give her the power to choose A anything she wants to wear as long as it comes from the right drawer. Dear Tired Mom, 3. Let it go!: The very best strategy to Take comfort in knowing that nearly all avoid power struggles and foster parents and preschoolers have this struggle independence is to let it go and allow your at one time or another. Dressing is a time- child to make her own clothing choices. It’s honored arena for your child to assert her more important that she feel independent independence as she becomes more aware and powerful because she has some control of her own individuality and preferences. over her day. Giving her the power to select In addition to this, many preschoolers see her own clothes gives her a boost that will this as an area where they can assert some go a long way in fostering self-sufficiency choice and control at a time when, and confidence. developmentally, they can feel quite small and powerless as they continue to explore the wider world. For some picky dressers, in fact, clothing can be an important coping Q tool. Don’t underestimate the power of the My children sign up for a lot of extra- perfect shirt to function as a secret security curricular activities like most kids these days. Sometimes they decide that they blanket! to accomplish this in a roundabout way Be aware, too, that many young children don’t like whatever it is they are taking. that also teaches rather than engaging in a My 4-year-old cried every time he put on experience some degree of touch contest of wills. If you can stand it, you sensitivity, and will be highly aware of how ice skates. My 7-year-old daughter may have more success letting your decided that she didn’t like ballet after a each and every article of their clothing feels preschooler figure out for herself that her on them. Sensory sensitivity is quite real few classes. My question is–should you clothing is not quite right for the weather. insist that a child finish a class once they and should not be viewed as a child being Let her don shorts or go coatless on a brisk contrary or stubbornly willful. These kids have started or take an activity that you winter day if that’s what she’s insisting on. think would be a long-term benefit can be driven crazy by clothing tags, socks Then let her know that you are packing the that slouch, garments that feel too tight or (piano lessons) but that he/she hates? more appropriate clothing in her backpack, When should you defer to the child and too loose, scratchy fabrics, or things that saying something such as, “I think you may just feel “icky.” It can be a particular when should you insist they stick it out? end up feeling really cold, so I’m going to Perplexed challenge for these children to make the bring along your pants/coat just in case,” transition from winter to summer clothing CONTINUED ON PAGE 12 Alliance The Alliance for Early Childhood, in movable objects to invent, transform, and partnership with the Winnetka, Northfield, build their own play spaces, will be Glencoe, Kenilworth, and Wilmette Park available on Monday, June 11 at Hubbard Districts, the Kohl Children’s Museum, and Woods Park, Monday, August 20 at the our local libraries, invite you to take the Winnetka Village Green, and Sunday, “First Days of Summer Park-a-Day August 26 at Elder Park, Winnetka. Challenge” during the week of Monday, (Imagination Playground will be can- June 11 through Sunday, June 17 and the celled in case of rain.) The other Park-a- Trisha Kocanda, assistant superinten- “Last Days of Summer Park-a-Day Day events will be held, rain or shine.

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