Technological University Dublin ARROW@TU Dublin

DIT Student Union Dublin Institute of Technology

1994

The DIT Examiner: the Newspaper of the Dublin Institute of Technology Students' Union December, 1994

DIT: Students' Union

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Recommended Citation DIT Students' Union: The DIT Examiner December, 1994. DIT, 1994

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 4.0 License Buyln1 presents for The next few weeks DIT Kevin Street DITSU sabbaticals Christmas can be a will see a 1lut of SU recently held Its are no dlffement source of much films of wildly annual fashion show. from people fn~stratlon at times. varyin1 quality. Lef Ordinary fol~ left anywhere (well, ot However, the trusty us1uldeyou their Inhibitions at much) But their book is always an throu1h the maze, home and 1ave It choice of presents option. We offer recommendln1 and loads on the catwalk may cause a raised some suflestions warnln1 as we JO. ' ~ebrow or two. PAGE4 PAGES PAGE6 PAGE II

Trou e \ I / In Store For DIT rouble is brewing for the DIT up Building). The rooms are empty but T in Rathmines, new home for down the corridor there is another room Cathal Brugha Street's Environmental which is filled with fittings and shelves Resource Management course and the which only have to be moved a few The library in waiting Social School. More than two months metres along to the rooms lying idle. took time and that "you cannot predict particular eyesore, a badly furnished lit~ after the college year began, the stu~ Ms McNulty says that the library was these things with great accuracy". He de room which the students share with dents are still without on site library originally planned to be in the old told The DIT Examiner that the library . three vending machines, one of which facilities, have a small, sparsely fur~ · building College of Commerce building would be set up and stacked with books doesn't work. It must be remembered nished classroom for a common room in Rathmines but that it was suddenly by January. that there are more than 250 students and an even smaller set up for a read~ decided three weeks ago that the Durkin "We want to move with a swoop. If attending college in the building. Again ing room. would be the location. This is denied by we were to bring the books in now and this is something which the union is leave them in hoxes, that would be trying to sort out, and representation worse for the students." have been made to Frank McMahon on All of which leaves the students in the matter I Rathmines no better off than they were "There is some talk among the stu~ at the beginning of the year. Most of dents of some sort of action, a strike or the them have long full days in college something," says Sinead McNulty. "We and if they want to study or work on are trying to pacifY them and sort it out projects they have to trek down to the but I can see where they are coming main building in Cathal Brugha Street. from and they're dead right. I'm sur~ The reading room provided is a tiny prised they've even put up with it for room with two desks and no windows. this long". And these are not the only facilities that She said that most of the courses are causing ever increasing irritation for continued on page 2 the students. The common room is a ---- Uncommonly small "They are really very annoyed about Mr Frank McMahon, A<;:ting Director it, " says Sinead McNulty, Deputy ofDIT Cathal Brugha Street. President of DIT Cathal Brugha Street's "I don't think there was ever a plan to Students' Union. "They were told ini~ locate the library in the old building. I tially that it would take six to eight mean, all the possibilities were looked weeks for library facilities to be set up at but it was never really planned to once they had moved into Rathmines have it there." and now we're in the week before When asked if he could explain why Christmas." The rooms for the library there had been such a long delay have finally been allocated but the only between the students moving into work that has been done so far is the Rathmines and the setting up of a removal of partitions between rooms. library, Mr McMahon replied simply, The library is to be located on the top "No." floor of the new building (Durkin He then added that building projects The compact reading room continued from page 1 "We are doing our best to make sure were very intensive an that students that they have good facilities and gener­ The DIT, Examiner; were in college until five or six o' dock ally speaking they are better off in DITSU, DIT Kevin Street, Kevin St., Dubli.n 8. Ph/Fu: 4183154 < in the evening. If they wished to study Rathmines than in their previous E-Mail: roryq@eybe:rspa(~.org after that they had to travel to Catha! accommodation. Brugha Street. This problem has been Ms McNulty accepts this but pointed compounded for some students by the out that things are far from rosy in the A Lively Beginning, To Say the Least fact that they moved flat to the Durkin building. She expressed the Rathmines area when they learned that worry that the students' academic per­ It's only December and already its been a feroCiously hti&y yeaifor the Dublin their courses were to be relocated. formance may be adversely affected by Institute of Technology, mostly in ways the people in the Head Officej or Jurassic The Students' Union has also made the delay in setting up the library. House, as it is known is some quarters, would have preferred it wasn't, It had widely the college authorities aware of the poor "The year is half over at this stage. I · expected, and reported, that OlT Au.ngter Street woul-d <>pen its d®t$ b;t.<:kin common room facilities in Rathmines. March, at least by the powers that be. The rest of us, seeing the plain lack of activity don't know how they can be expected to "The students are going mad about from Rathmines and the building contractor problems regarding the new site, knew pass_their exams at the end of the year it. We're trying to find out if there are different, and better. The place finally opened for the beginning of the new term with all the delays. but it was dear chat the move had been rushed and the evidence was no clearer than free classrooms we can make into a "If it isn't resolved for after in the Students' Union which was undecorated and unfinished, lacking even rudi­ common room." Christmas, the wrath of the students ments such as doors and phones. Even as this seemed close to being resolved, anoth* Frank McMahon cold The DIT will be brought down. They are very er problem develop<;<~; more correctly, it didn't so much develop as become intolera~ Examiner that if there was space avail­ annoyed and they want something done ble for the Journalism and Communications Students who had been left without able he wold be more than willing to about it." adequate equipment in this, one of the most modern educational facilities on the give it over to a common room. island. Getting no joy from the principal, Jim Hickey; the students fiqally took to the streets in protest. The two day demonstration, in which students from many course and colleges too part, was as encouraging a example of student &Oiidarity and determination as you are likely to see. And they got results, not everything they wanted, but it must certainly be counted a major victory. It never should have had to happen of course, but it gave students a sense of what they ~ achieve by work­ ing together in a way that is all too rarely seen. Now they know. And !() does the DIT. • DIT Students Union NaJ;:urally all is not to$)' , that would be too much to expect. Three months into Secretarial Service Bureau the college year and work is still being carried out on the Students' Union's shop. What a superbly planned and brilliantly dmed move this has turned oUt ito be. ' Meanwhile the buildings vacated by DIT Rathmines became the subject of much speculation among students and students' unions. With DIT Catha! Brugha Typing (laser printed) only 85p per page. Streets annexes at Marlborough Street and Sackville Place also under scrutiny (the former because it is due to be demolished, the latter because the DIT's lease on it had quietly and rather embarrassingly run out) all sorts of theories were put for­ Fax Service, Thesis Binding ward, the end result being an unnecessary and disruptive period of unpmainty for students at the beginning of the academic year. Great start, guys. In the end some courses moved from Cathal Brugha Street up to Rathmines House, the newer of the buildings in Rathmines. End of story? Not by a long chalk. The 'WOrd SJ. DIT Kevin Street College of Technology They were then and remain without a proper common room, a half decent reading room and any library whatever. We have been told that it will be ready by January. 7.30am-5pm Monday to Friday We'll see. Anything else? Bur of course. The faculty structure document was published in November and is already causing much concern and no small amount of indigna­ tion. Students in the Food Science programme in DIT Kevin Street have protested strongly about the proposed move of their course to DIT Cathal Brugha Street and - some lecturers have also expressed concern about the repercussions such a move might have. A petition of more than 600 signatures has been sent co Dr Brendan Goldsmith, President of The DIT. A response has yet to emerge from head office in Pembroke Street. With the DIT determined to push ahead with its faculty structure, the smoke is unlikely to be white. This first adverse reaction to the faculty structure will certainly not be the las£. Break Time, For Some DUBLIN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY STUDENTS UNION

The DIT Examin.er is taking a break for the Christmas and will be published again in rime for your return co college in January. For those of you preparing for STIIDENTS UNION SHOPS semester exams, we wish you the very best of luck. Try not to completely neglect Christmas. After all it wasn't designed as a time when you'd have to study. Ah progress. To the rest of you, there is little question of Christmas being neglected. To all of you from everyone in DITSU and The DIT Examiner, have a Happy Christmas and a bloody good new year.

Editor john Carroll Production Rory Quinn Printed by Datascope Ltd

Clarifications

Should you encounter anything you feel is in need of clarifica­ tion in this, or any other issue of the D IT Examiner, please con­ tact the editor and any such matters shall then be clarified in the subsequent edition OPEN WHEN YOU NEED US. 8 2 Still Performing Dispatch From The Front

t has to be seen to be believed. The so students in the room, most of them I Durkin buildings in Rathmines is sitting on the floor eating lunch and one ofthe newest properties at the dis­ chatting. I asked how they liked their posal of the DIT. OK it was fairly new home away from home. It would comprehensively gutted when the not be an exaggeration to say that there College of Commerce moved down to were one or two derisive snorts and the new premises in Aungier Street but "what do you think?" expressions. They surely the facilities for the students, have adapted t the rather unpleasant classroom facilities and newness conditions but say they are not going to notwithstanding, should be markedly put up with forever. better than they are at present. John Clarke is a Second year The common room is a bit of a joke, Envioomental Resource Management unless you have to spend any length of student. He is talking about a student rime in it. One room,three vending protest, the nature of which is not yet machines, the rattiest looking seat this clear, if the situation doesn't improve. side of a skip and any amount of stu­ Library facilities and proper common dents, most of whom are consigned to room facilities are a basic right, he says. the floor. Occasionally they borrow He did not mention the reading room chairs from other rooms for the added but Grace McDonnell, also second year luxury of sitting but then the cleaners ERM, did. She simply wouldn't study complain and take them back. It is there because it's too small. Small it cer­ understandable behaviour on both sides. tainly is, occupied by one student when Musical diversion is provided by a I looked in. And grim. Boy is it grim. I rather dejected looking yellow stereo mean a reading room should ideally be Thom McGinty, The Diceman, was in fine form when he gave a talk ana a frank with a piece of wire employed as an aeri­ devoid of distractions but if someone question ana answer session in DIT Bolton Street recently. At the talk, which took al. Sudden movement upsets the recep­ sneezed in that room it would shatter place on Wor/J AIDS Day, Thom spoke frankly ana funnily about his life, his career tion. One of the students was compelled the collective concentration. It's bloody ana life with HIV. The lecture theatre was packed, with some people consigned to the to bring in the stereo, to relieve the depressing. And then there's the library. steps ana to standing at the back of the theatre. When it came to photographs, Thom madness and the quietness. Well, actually, there isn't. simply coulan 't help but pull faces. He may not be performing on the streets anymore The day I was there there were 20 or but he is still a performer. NOBODY OFFERS D.I.T. STUDENTS Dublin ABETTER COACH SERVICE FROM DUBLIN.

' ..:.;;, SAMPLE STUDENT BUY YOUR TICKET . MONTHLY RETURN FARES IN THE COLLEGE aut WATERFORD~ __ £8.00 Tickets available in the D.I.T. Student Union Shops at WEXFORD £8.00 Kevin Street, GALWAY £9.00 Bolton Street, BALLINA £10.00 Catha! Brugha Street, (_ DUNGARVAN £10.00 Mountjoy Square, SLIGO £10.00 Aungier Street. BELFAST £10.50 For group bookings and travel information call LIMERICK £10.50 Busaras (01) 836 6111. DONEGAL £11.00 Remember, you need an I.S.I.C. Card ENNIS £11.00 with Travelsave Stamp to avail of LETTERKENNY £11.00 Student Fares. CORK £12.00 Ask about reductions on other Fares correct at time of going to press.· services with I.S.I.C. Card. You're better off on

'"l~ 0 ~rr'r' v-· . ~ BU~iiREANN

3 A Reader's Guide To The Festive

Season by Emer Devery inally, the long awaited Christmas cuts for everything, from finding a job book had discov­ Fbreak has arrived, yet not without to making hallucinogenic drugs from ered a way of the buying of Christmas presents. household chemicals (keep this book leaving their psy­ Whether you are buying or receiving, out of reach of children). If also offers chic imprint book shops offer all the answers for practical advice like jobs you cari do without suffer­ your present needs, hassle free shop­ while wearing your pyjamas and a brief ing any physical ping in pleasant surroundings. . history of the goatee. Informed, witty harm. The per­ As every student knows, money is and shot trough with a crushing apathy, fect present for PHAJOON as the book says itsel£ rarely in plentiful supply. So here is a the fairy lover w apprectate A slacker's dream present must be one sample of budget-friendly recommend­ this Christmas. don't need the laughs. ed titles to choose from this festive sea­ of the three dimensional image books son. currently on the shelves. Ultra 3D. The "Bluffers Guides" collections do For those of you interested in art his­ Are you suffering from the various Hidden Dimensions and 3D Planet are not feature on any academic booklist yet tory, great value is to be found in the for hassles associated with being a first year just some of the tides that give a new they are essential for any budding stu­ of The Art Book. It's an A-Z guide to or do you know someone who is? If so, dimension to staring and waiting for dent. Whether for study, travel or leisure 500 famous then Fresher Pressure is painters and the book for you. It sculptors, from offers advice on how to U.I++-L me-rlieval to survive as a student, ~..f-.1'--+f., p;.;:..i-f-~~++n;.:;...:;+-+++4-+ttfttm++-I*~"H"+-t+'W'i+':'.-\-1r-+ffi"*"~l modern times. suitable for those think- ltoO.JI....i.

~ere is a wonderful and potentially them with clubs a-nd only bringing ..1 ground breaking sociology thesis them to when they had been dressed up to be written about the strange trans­ and were pushed onto the catwalk. formation that even the most retiring Then, of course, the hidden beast people undergo when they dress in odd emerged triumphant and all thoughts of clothes and have lights pointed at "they're all looking at me" were instantly them. Your reporter won't be writing it replaced with thoughts of "hey! they're because he hasn't got a big beard and all looking at me" And so, the walk. only rarely wears corduroy, and even Hips pushed forward, one foot directly then only after dark. But anyone who in front of the other, head cocked arro­ wishes to attempt this important work gantly, and SWING IT. And that was has already missed out on some prime only the men. It was quite remarkable; field study in the shape of the recent confidence levels rose the more the per­ Kevin Street fashion show. It offered son was hidden by the clothes or the ample proof for the theory that we are sexier the items were. And if shades all of us a fearless, shameless bunch of were part of the ensemble, well, there show offs who only need someone was no stopping them. They attacked else's clothes to bring out the hidden the catwalk, dared the audience to do The long and the short of it. beast that is called The Extrovert. anything other than applaud and whis­ It must be made dear that some of tle appreciatively and when they came from the leather scene at the end and Not sure the 4s could take it. the models for this year's event. were to end of the catwalk, they stood, has apparently refused to give back the All of which is by way of saying, long essentially press ganged into strutting supreme in their superiority, with just gear. Of course, as everyone should windedly, that all involved are to be what turned out to be considerable one thought: I AM SEX! know, it is not easy and your reporter congratulated for displays of bravery in measures of stuff. Rough looking char­ In short, most of them made it look would rather disembowel himself and the face of peers. Ciaran should, howev­ acters (t):le organisers) took to sneaking easy; indeed Ciaran Crosbie seemed to · feed off the still steaming entrails than er, return the leather gear. up behind solitary students, striking get an indecent amount of enjoyment get up on the catwalk and do that walk.

,

.. ."It's this big!"- man with no head (but we know who it is).

The bemused expression says it all. Village people they're not

6 Nice Blokes, ATLANTIC COMPUTER SYSTEMS 4/33S All systems are built using only the highest quality components and are delivered with a QUALITY ASSURANCE Popes and a report from the factory t/ lntel486 SX-33 Mhz with 256 cache t/ Desktop or Mini Tower Case Gold Lame Shirt t/ 3 Vesa Local bus Slots I 3 PCI Slots on Pentium t/ Pentium Upgradable 128 Mb t/ 3 1/2" I 1.44 Mb Floppy Disk Drive Brian Kennedy: Carter USM: t/ 1 Mb SVGA Video Card, Upgradeable to 2 Mb Olympia, t/ 14" SVGA Quality Colour Monitor The Furnace, Nov. 19. t/ 250 Mb Hard Disk Dec. 2nd t/ VESA Local Bus 110 Card t/ 2 Serial, 1 Parallel & 1 Games Port Gold lame shirt and velvet vocals Viva post-historic monsters. UCD ents needs a good talking to! Max. t/ 102 Key Qwerty Keyboard from the man I first saw supporting t/ Power Management High Quality Green Motherboard Suzanne Vega in The Stadium five years crowd of 400 people in a venue that t/ 5 Year Factory Warranty ago. The second album, co-written by would fit about 1,200! Support: Schrum Fairground Attractions Mark E Nevin - signed by Sony, shiny guitars, raved t/ Opt 1 Year On Site Warranty about, boring, bland ... crap. We saw fell leagues short of "The Great War of COMPUTERS FROM £499 (625DX) Words". However, a Van the Man cover Jimbo and Fruitbat walking up t the seemed to boost a waning carer prompt~ Furnace so we walked in right behind 486 DX-33 £732 486 DX2-66 £799 them ... all the way in!. Nice blokes, it's ing the re-release of the first album and Pentium P60 £1155 Pentium P90 £1421 the money to tour the forthcoming good to see that life doesn't end after 35 for intelligent musos. Still using backing third. Flawless it not overemployed Full Range of CO ROMs, Soundcards, Printers vocals, enviable guitar technique and a tracks but have added drummer for the fawnish presence made for a swooning extra live feel. Lotsa new stuff and when & Software Available girly crowd and pretty good Saturday the "You Fat Bastard" chanting crowd 8-Bit Soundcard, Mitsumi Dual Speed night's entertainment. begged for Sheriff Farman, the reply was "Oh, you're so passe!" COROM Drive & Speakers £140 Shane McGowan and the The somewhat subdued crowd, most EUROP.EAN COMPUTER SERVICES of whom were sporting the custom Popes: mumsie-ironed long-sleeved shirts were Unit A2, Santry Industrial Estate Olympia, questioned as to their enthusiasm and Santry 09. 01 8427213 (Fax 01 8428349) Dec. I reminded that "this isn't an Oasis gig Prices exclude VAT @ 21% - Delivery £20 per system you know." Lyrical wizardry at work is Complete sell-out. Never before have our Carter, with gems like "Good-bye UP TO 1 0°/o STUDENT DISCOUNT people queued so early for a midnight Ruby Tuesday, Go Home Silly Cow" I gig (which didn't start 'til about 1am) giving a good kick up the brain of idola­ Support Terry Woods, ex-Pogue should try. Farman was saved 'til the end of the have stayed at home ion bed or readied parade and the depleted masses toddled his audition piece for The Saw Doctors. home contented and dea£ Yawn! McGowan has the audience control Luka Bloom: sussed ... ignore them! The policy of Olympia, Please Remain in Your Seats During the Dec. 11 Performance went quickly down the toi- let as five bouncers lined the front of the I think I got the last two tickets up stage to toss potential Shane grabbers the back for a gig which felt like it could 12/13 Eustace Street, Temple Bar, Dublin 2. have been in your mate's front room. back into the melee. Pogues' fans Ph. 6772235/6797686 abounded and standards floweJ forth: Mr Bloom, sporting a non-Moore shirt has a natural, unassuming "charisma", D irty ol' Town, The Irish Rover an Fairy Tale of New York, with his sis' dare I say, which makes the lone figure Siobhan doing her best Kirsty McColl. with the encompassing guitar sound The Popes are an energetic bunch who wandering about the stage an inoffen- , sive presence in the audience's midst. seem to complete MeG owans sideshow. The new "Spook' stuff is to my mind Close on two hours of Luka with two more appealing than his previous out- encores left the crowd sated and glad of ings and I look forward to hearing the their Saturday night's outing into the tape as unintelligibility of lyric and in- perishing cold. "Here's a song by an between banter was a feature of the American-Irish ballad writer... " he said, night. adopting a solemn tone (redeeming my r~-:---::--:::::-::::-::::-::::-:::------faith in Irish wit) as he launched into "When Dove's Cry" by His Symbolness. He also fol­ lowed the current trend ofcovering "Everybody Hurts". Luka Bloom suc­ cessfully pulled off some pow~rful inventive solo ventures, among them The Acoustic Motorbike, with Rudy and Judy, his two custom guitars, pro­ ducing a sound to eat orr· cial and Exclusive parsnips for.

by Darragh O'Toole - Suppliers of all P.A. and the bone-idle waster Disc.o Eq ip ent to D TSU Shane McGowan 7 DIT Aungier Street's It's All Going Rugby Team Scoops Sponsorship Swimmingly n the recent Freshers lntervarsities many had hoped would be the final, I Swimming Competition in Clonmel, DIT v Queen's University Belfast. These the DIT women's team thoroughly two well matched sides met in both of outswam themselves with excellent last year's fmals and shared the rewards results in all areas, including two with one victory each. This year's final firsts. was bond to be a tense affair and neither In the swimming section, they came team relaxed until the final whistle. first overall; however when these results Going into the final quarter, DIT were were combined with those from the one goal down but with sheer determi­ water polo events, in which DIT were nation and a little luck emerged victori­ knocked out in the first round, they ous with a margin of two goals. Final were beaten into second place by the score: 11-9 combined scores from UCD. Still, it In the final DIT met Trinity and it was an excellent result which the team was here that the absence of DIT's three hope to improve upon in the full inter- internationals was felt for the first time. varsities. Trinity had had a somewhat softer semi­ The men's team was hindered some­ final and really attacker in the first quar­ what by the absence of six of its best ter, scoring four goals. DIT dug deep. swimmers who were in Belfast for an Entering the final quarter, DIT were International meet against Scotland. still two goals down and when the final However, even with this hindrance, the whistle sounded, the margin was an team still managed six finalists, a third agonising one goal. It was a close thing and a fourth placing. When it is back a t and a spirited performance which, com­ full strength the team hopes to beat bined with the other results, left the favourites UCD at the full intervarsities. men's team in third place overall, behind It was in the water polo champi­ Trinity and UCD. ictured at the recent announcement of sponsorship for DIT Aungier onships that the DIT men came into With such an impressive display PStreet's Rugby Team were (1 tor): Ed McGowan, (team captain), their own and proved their worth. In behind them, the DIT swimming teams the first round, they drew University of Vincent O'Gorman, Carmel Whelan (Murphys Ireland), John Teeling and can now look forward to the full inter­ 'Limerick, who then withdrew. This Brendan Roche (President of DIT Aungier Street's Rugby Team). varsities with confidence and increased buy to the second round put them up determination. The presentation was made last week in the Students' Union in DIT against Maynooth; the team started Aungier Street. excellently and won with relative ease. Damien Pedreschi The semi- final was the match which THE IRISH TIMES

Competition

PRIZE: First 3 correct entries drawn will each receive a £20 gift voucher for DITSU Students Union Shop.

RULES: Only open to members of the DIT colleges. Employees of DITSU and THE IRISH TIMES are not eligible to enter. ACROSS DOWN 8. Fur of muskrat. (8) 1. It's continental. (6) No Photocopies - 9. Death is a grim one. (6) 2. Artificial channel for water. (8) Entries close: Friday, Jan. 13th 10. Secret. veiled. (6) 3. Pile salt on the sweet. (8) 11. Words of a musical play. (8) 4. Resin in thin plates for varnishing. 12. Continuation, of a story for (7) SEND TO: THE IRISH TIMES I DITSU, instance. (6) 5. Land suitable for ploughing or 13. I rave, son, with dislike. (8). growing crops. (6) Crossword Competition, 15. Decorative, open-work fabnc. (4) 6. Fondle, embrace. (6) The DIT Examiner. 17. Well-bred or affectedly well­ 7. Divisions, portions. (8) (to be dropped into local mannered. (7) 14. One of the four holy books of the THE IRISH TIMES 19. Set Ford to thaw. (7) Hindus. (4) Union office) 1 THE STUDENTS NEWSPAPER 22. Relating to the mouth. (4) . 16. Bitter purgative drug made from 24. Da's deuce is a Jewish sceptic. a plant. (4) (8) 18. Withdraw from, empty. (8) NAME------­ AVAILABLE FROM 27. Inveigle, tempt. (6) 20. Animal from the plane. (8) 29. Una, AI and mut are seasonal. (8) 21. Pitiless, merciless. (8) 30. Not solid. (6) 23. Filled, gorged. (7) COLLEGE------31. Solid carved image. (6) . 25. Hesitates to believe. (6) 32. Greyish-white metal used rn 26. Curved on the outside. (6) ~------lamp filaments. (8) 28. Con, he' s been picked. (6)

DitsuDublin Institute of Technology Students Union COURSE------­ STUDENTS UNION SHOPS STUDENT NO. Christmas is those pair of sky blue y­ Thankfully, to effectively combat all fronts aunty Margaret buys you, waist of the above and worse horrors which I What Christmas 26in, a full 12 years after you stopped refuse to contemplate before they are wearing them, having realised that they upon me, Christmas also means drink­ were very sad items indeed. Worse ing on levels that can only be described again, you can tell what they are before as heroic. And because it is the season of you remove the paper with excruciating­ goodwill, people have this ridiculous Means to Me ly feigned excitement because the pre­ habit of forgiving even the most heinous sent is all squishy. and disgraceful transgression. Case in point: One Christmas Eve, after lengthi­ hristmas means beating with a with much wariness. Frankly, I have never met a child who demanded to be Christmas means Christmas crackers. ly celebrating the birthday of the Chuge lump of fresh and pointy Christmas crackers are disgraceful. Saviour, a close friend of mine blocked taken to the pantomime. And to anyone holly anyone who comes out with the the kitchen sink with his vomit, then who says that it is a traditional form of dread sentence "I hate Christmas Day, Christmas is parties at relatives' fell up to bed. His mother, eager to it's the most boring day of the year." It Christmas entertainment which belongs homes which you are contractually organise the Christmas dinner, tackled may very well be, though I suspect to a more innocent and simple age: so obliged to attend because you have the problem early the next morning and such painfully unoriginal killjoys have was bear baiting and throwing small received a half decent present from then greeted her son some time later never experienced the unrivalled fun of children up chimneys. them, Brut or something. At such with a cheery "Have a good night, son?" playing in the cardboard boxes in events, Agadoo is still played because He couldn't remember of course, but which the presents were packed. If the Christmas means eggnog, which begs your relatives feel they are hip. Moshing that isn't the point. present is big enough, a new car for the questions, what is it? and, more . importantly, why? is not encouraged . example, you can actually get into the Happy Christmas. box and hide &om relatives who think Christmas could well mean Arthur you are still seven. Message to such Closely associated with this is Mulled Murphy's Mailbag folk: hair ruffling and pretend punch­ Wine. Allow me this indulgence. Wine 1------==~==~---.....,...,~ Christmas Special, dur­ ing are not acceptable forms of behav­ comes in two forms: red and white. ing which Arthur will iour to people who have gone through Mulled is a stupid word. It even sounds stupid. don a series of amusing puberty. hats. If this is the case I Getting back to those killjoys, if you Christmas means small children try­ hereby put in a request can think of nothing else to trot out but for a fully operational this pointless rubbish, shut up and stop ing out their new bicycles on Christmas handgun, large calibre. boring the rest of us. day, at 7.30am. Unable to contain themselves and indulged by sleepily Televisually speak­ contented parents, the excited young Christmas also means otherwise ing, it also means Noel 'uns are permitted to pedal up and respectable theatres encouraging men to Edmon_ds Special down the street, whizzing by each other dress up in retina splitting costumes, Christmas show from • with heart swelling pride, acknowledg­ wear suspicious amounts of make up the top of the post and call themselves names like ing fellow new cyclists with a cheery wave and generally announcing their office tower in London. "Twanky" while cavorting on a stage in Perhaps he will need to. happiness by RINGING THEIR front of impressionable children. The step outside for a adults who attend these perverted BELLS. In the name of Jesus, (appropri­ breath of fresh air and events, employing the pathetic "The ately enough) why must they have bells? ·it will be very windy. L..S-a-nt_a_C-la-'us Kids like it" excuse, are to be treated ..

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6" Irish Sausage + Regular Beverage

Offer only applies on production·.of DIT Student card 9 Criminal

developed in America by white southern The Electric Glide and there is The ultra conservatives who love order and Tush Push (Heaven help us). Oddly country music but hate sex. enough there did not appear to be any Why white? Because white people dance called The Stupid Bugger. can't dance. W<: have no rhythm and The love of order is evident in the tend to look like we're suffering full very name. The dance is conducted in have seen a vision of Hell and in it is it, for the first time I saw it live in all its scale epileptic fits while remaining on lines and everyone does exactly the same I line dancing. Harsh words? I think savagery. Sure, in the past I have beheld our feet whenever we attempt to strut thing, usually very badly. There may be not; in fact it would be more appropri­ with disbelief line dancing, but that was any stuff whatever. Line dancing some comfort to be gleaned from the ate to commend my cool reserve in the during a Billy Ray Cyrus video and they requires no rhythm at all and in fact fact that everyone on the dance floor is face of what is dearly the work of the never last long on my Tv. One glimpse consists of little more than hooking behaving as ludicrously as everyone else devil and the most grave threat to the of several · to do chick- one's thumbs in belt loops, shuffling and no-one can really snigger because respect of this country since our last . your steps are a bit odd. This is cold Eurovison victory. comfort indeed since you have to line You may be wondering what line dance in order to achieve such sad secu­ dancing has to do with Christmas week. rity. I will tell you. Christmas parties, that's What is very worrying is that once what. This fiendish creation has become the repetetive motions get into the head, inexplicably popular in the last year and it is virtually impossible to get them out, is rearing its pestilential head at all man­ at least in the short term. Hours after ner of events, Christmas parties includ­ the Jerry, June and Bob had gone back ed. Up to to now I have deliberately to whatever Valley of the Damned from avoided any event that would tend to whence they came, and the disco music place me within close proximity to line was in full swing- groovy 70s stuff- the dancing, line dancers or the music asso­ people who had partaken in this dance ciated with it and them. I attended a floor offence were still dancing in recent Christmas party, one of those ordered lines, following the moves of three companies in one room affairs the person in front and not a hint of self where everyone behaves like an idiot, respect anywhere. It was a thoroughly but I had not been told what was the depressing sight. I will never listen again featured attraction of the evening. to Dancing Queen in quite the same When Jerry, June and Bob took to the way. dance floor, clad in black jeans, black Finally to the sex. Or the utter lack of shirts with white bits hanging from it. Dancing can be sexy when it's done them and black hats, I knew something properly. Even when it's not it can be a was wrong. I began to sweat. I felt I serious turn on, especially during those knew what was about to happen and legalised groping sessions known as the when my worst fears were confirmed by slow sets. There is no touching in Line the DJ for the evening, I think I began Dancing, or if there is it is of the 'link to weep. Garth Brooks - a bad man the person next to you and swing the The DJ told us that Jerry, June and whole crowd around' variety. It is utterly Bob were going to show us some stan­ en impersonations and zap! Begone. But across the floor and clapping occasional­ sexless. We may not be able to dance dard line dances and that we should all there it was, not 10 feet from where I ly. Sometimes you turn around and go but at least before line dancing we had watch carefully because later on we'd all sat, slack jawed, gravy dribbling down the other way. In a doomed attempt to fun. be doing it. I thought it inappropriate, my chin. As Jerry, June and Bob, per­ lend the whole sorry exercise a mod­ I have one more small gripe about considering I had been invited by old formed their perverted act on the dance icum of credibility, they ( and I really do this heinous imposition on Irish dance work colleagues to jump up and shout floor, all the while grinning like mani­ not wish to know who THEY are except floors and it is this: stetsons. what I was thinking, which was: "You acs, I formed in my only slightly hazed for the purposes of a trial) have given Be very careful this Christmas. It's must for fucking joking!" brain a theory about line dancing and it what they consider are snappy names to everywhere. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Then the music started up and I saw is this: Line Dancing is a type of dance some of the dances. For example there is

10 All they want for Christmas • • •

'V/hat with the season that's in it unawares, but thought quickly. "I don't Fail party, a fair deal for Kevin Street know, that it depended on the outcome Wand because the DITSU sabbat­ know what I want but if forced, I'd set­ studen.s, voluntary euthanasia and a of the referendum, the results of which icals are always deserving of special de for ... eh ... at least 100,000,000 pints flame red Ferarri Testarossa complete were being counted as she spoke. After treatment, one of Santa's little helpers of beer, A Volvo T5 and a refill of with 6'2" blonde woman. And a pinball the votes has been counted, she decided: paid some of them a special and very Eternity." machine in my be4room ''I'd like a Women's Rights Officer secret visit recendy in order to enquire sabattical. And a party." as to their desires and needs for the Santa replies: Well Mark, I had some Santa Replies: Don't you think FF are Christmas and the new year. Their problems with your requests. I mean, doing a good enough job by themselves? Santa Replies: Party is no problem. message was carried to The Bizarrely surely the beer requested will be provid­ And about the pinball machine. With a The other is out of my hands. Sorry. ' Attired One himself and he replied ed over the Christmas period anyway, where and as he could. by relatives and the like. Why double Dan Wade, Deputy President of up? The T5 is a bitch to start in cold Aungier Street SU may well have been Colman Byrne, Overall DITSU mornings and as for your last, I think kidding when he requested the resurrec­ President has some tear inducing hopes you are confusing me with someone else tion of Charles Haughey as one of his for the future and he listed them all who has a beard. It is most certainly not presents. A curious wish indeed; not so with a hand on heart and a quivering for me to decide on how much eternity his other choices which were a peaceful lip: an end to hunger, the cessation of there should be. I could get in trouble and fulftling new year and the abdica­ all war, a single state of the art campus for this. tion of the Queen of England. for the DIT, a Toyota MR2, a never emptying wallet (sort of like the magic Santa Replies: Dan, Dan I see your porridge pot) and (a surprise this) the Ronan Haughey, President of DIT point regarding the Queen, but who resurrection of Albert Reynolds. Bolton Street SU was initially con­ would you put in her place? I don't frontational. When asked what he want­ think anyone wants to see Charles on ed for Christmas., he answered: "people the throne. Santa Replies: Well Colman, the first Colin joyce wants to be King ofEngland two are no problem, as is the wallet like you not to ask em questions like thing, but as regards the MR2, I find that, which took the wind out of my 6'2" blonde woman by your side, why Lar Moran, Alison Flanagan and jingly bobble hat I can tell you. Then, on earth would you want a pinball Sinead McNulty were absent when the he aspied a table football game in the machine in your bedroom. Unless of visit was made. This is worrying for He corner of the room, mugged me for my course ... oh. I see. Whatever you're Who Employs The Reindeer and Does 20p fare home and as he played, turned into. Pay Them Well. If they could put pen and said: ''I'd like one of these." to paper and address the letter to The Icy Wastes Where It Is Not as Much Santa Replies: No a problem, Ronan, Helen Ryan, Deputy President in Fun to Work as You Might Think, he _ _ I even know where I can get one; the K-evin Street SU said that she didn't will see what he can do. common room in Mountjoy Square. -- Colin Joyce, President of DIT Cathal Brugha Street SU, was quite definite Winter 1(1~ ~&"' and indeed mercenary in his requests, lacking as they did a little of the Wanderings Dan Wade - wants the Queen to go Christmas spirit. Still, each to his own. "I want the lotto, the English lotto ~o/lf Oa.JI:it------_.;;: the roadholding isn't the best when you and I want it to be left in Buckingham Amsterdam • Brussels • Copenhagen • Dusseldorf go over 80, and ask you to consider Palace because I'm gonna buy it and Frankfurt • Milan • Paris 6 again, and as for the last, well, I may be make myself King of England. Then I'm Rome • Zurich From Dublin IR£ 5o;w Santa but I'm not that good. I'm not going to dissolve Britain. That's my sure anyone is. Christmas present to Gerry Adams." NewYork•Boston - ~ From Dublin from IR£ 155o/w from IR£ 289 rtn Greg Hughes, President in DIT Santa Replies: Eh, I'll see what I can Mountjoy Square SU, was the only one do, Colin. Is there much air in that From Shannon from IR£125o;w from IR£239 rtn present to actually upset the bearded w one, not because of this extravagant BOAT & RAll. OPI10NS FOR 11lAvEL BEFORE 31 DEC. '94 nature of the presents he wants but Amsterdam • Brussels Boat & Train from IR£84 rtn because he claims not the believe in His Jovialness. However, the child within Paris from London fromiR£29 rt never far from the surface, he went on, having announced his Christmas heresy, GREAT VALUE SKI PACKAGES to list what he would like if Santa did - exist: world peace and happiness throughout the world. All well and phil­ Andorra from IR£299 Vermont fromiR£499 anthropic, but what about for himself, a personal gift for him alone. f~o/lfLo~~~------"I'd like a Ba Ba 3,000 Inflatable Berlin • Hamburg • Geneva • Munich from rtn Sheep ... with real wool," he answered, uK£1 09 eyes lighting up. Greg Hughes wou/J like world peace and a Basle • Madrid sheep Santa Replies: Once again, I can deliver on the first two, but there's been office of yours? Barcelona • Bilbao • Lisbon from UK£135 rtn an awful rush on the last, especially in Ciaran Crosbie, President of Kevin All fares open to students under 32 With ISIC. Fares quoted excludmg taxes. Good value fares for under 26s also available. certain universities. Would you settle for Fares from London valid for book1ng up to 31 Janu31Y- Christmas supplement applies. the 2,000. Just as good. I'm told." Street's SU, neatly blended his political , wishes with some more traditional ----~-.---:--1, USIT ASTON QUAY, O'CONNELL BRIDGE, DUBLIN 2 Mark Lee, deputy president in DIT hedonistic desires. Tel: 01679 8833 or your local Usit Office Mountjoy Square SU was caught "I'd like the destruction of the Fianna ATHLONE o BElFAST o COLERAINE o CORK o DERRY o DUaiN o GALWAY o JORDANSTOWN o UMERICII o MAYNOOTH o WATERfORD 11 D ITSU Refere:ndum. Results

he results of the recent referendum held recen~ly ~cross the Dubl~n T Institute which proposed changes to the constitution of the Dubhn Institute of Technology Students' Union are as follows:

Motion One: Motion Two:

Total poll: 1146, Total Poll: 1146, Spoiled Votes: 14, Spoiled Votes: 20, Total Valid Poll: 1132 Total Valid Poll: 1126

Yes: 947 Yes: 950 •. No: 185 No: 166

·Motion Carried Motion Carried

Motion Three: Motion Four:

Total Valid Poll: 1146, Total Poll: 1146, Spoiled Votes: 18, Spoiled Votes: 21 , Total Valid Poll: 1128 Total Valid Poll: 1125

Yes: 947 Yes: 771 No: 181 No: 354

Motion Carried Motion Carried THE

~~. ' .sr.:-~--· .... (/ function Bolton St. I Capel St. Tel. 8721716 Dublin's Premier Student Pub & The Shakespeare Bar : _~ 160 Parnell St. Tel. 8740917 .~- FA- · -·~~ - ~~- . : ' c c~·~ ~ . ~ . • ' -~; ... ~<:; - (J >:· .~- - t Du~hn s N~west Stu~ent Pub 1 ~ would !tke to wtsh all thetr customers a ~~* Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year The Four Seasons, recently refurbished and now under new management, has become one ofDub/ins Best Pubs. Always a buzz ofexcitement .. · A top 100 pub {source- the official Good Pub Guide), ;:::~~~""""

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