email: [email protected] affiliates: www.mesora.org www.usaisrael.org Shlach: The Meraglim-The Spies Social Issues: "Basherte" , Shidduchim we thank this week's writers and editors

estd Dedicated to Scriptural and Rabbinic Verification 1997 of Authentic Jewish Beliefs and Practices ll Volume II, No.JewishJewishJewish 37...June 27, 2003 www.mesora.org/jewishtimesTTTlmesmesDownload and Print Free In This Issue: Basherte 1,2 Parsahsas shlach 1,4,5 Shidduchim 3 BASHERTE: God, vindictive? 5 A Dynamic Understanding of Human Relations God's warning 6 david algaze Matchmakers' flaws 6 © Copyright 2003 by the author.Ê All rights reserved. ÊReprinted with permission of the au thor. Suggested Readings: “Basherte”—the very word conveys mystery. What is death,’ applies to your mother” (Yebamot 63b). However see these and other articles at our site basherte, and do we believe in it? The word means difficult she was to Rav Yehudah, his wife possessed the “the apportioned one,” the person destined to be your spouse. redeeming quality of having a forgiving nature. Nonetheless, Maimonides' 13 Unmarried people are usually hopeful of finding their this text points to the idea that “basherte” is not always “basherte,” and many are encouraged that there is someone synonymous with bliss. Otherwise, divorces would never PRINCIPLES for them. The expression “it’s bashert” occur. The basic foundations which all similarly connotes that the event or ÊSecondly, the passage in Moed Katan must know as true. We urge you to read them: www.mesora.org/13principles.html occurrence was predestined. What is the implies that the “assignment” may be origin of this concept? modified through different means, one of God's Existence: ÊThe idea that there is someone for every which could be prayer. Therefore, that person originates in the ( something is “basherte” does not mean that Belief or 22a): “Forty days before the gestation of the it will come to pass. This concept of a Proof? fetus, a Heavenly voice proclaims, ‘The “flexible destiny” is basic to . daughter of so-and-so will marry so-and- However things may be ordained in www.mesora.org/belieforproof.htmlwww.mesora.org/belieforproof.html so.’” The Gemara discusses that the making Heaven, there is always room for man to God'sGod's Land of matches for a second marriage is as hard intervene and change destiny. does WithoutGod? as “the parting of the Red Sea.”Ê First not hold a fatalistic view of existence. On the marriages, however, are determined before contrary, everything is possible, and an open letter to the jewish community: we are born. Similarly (in Moed Katan 18b), everything can change depending on our www.mesora.org/openletter/openletter2.html the discuss the possibility of getting actions. married during Hol Hamoed, and they ÊThe Brisker Rav makes an interesting conclude that it is permissible lest one lose point regarding the application of this Parashas the intended spouse. The Gemara asks how Heavenly decree to marriage. He comments it is possible to lose the intended match, and that when Eliezer went in search of a wife the Rabbis answer that it is possible to for Yitzhak, he had a series of experiences Shlach modify one’s lot by praying. In this case, with Rivka that seemed to portend that a rabbi bernard fox someone may, through prayer, take away the Heavenly hand was guiding his steps. After person who had been designated for narrating the details of his encounter with "However, the nation that dwells someone else. Rivka, her family exclaims, “This (match) in the land is mighty.Ê And the cities There are some interesting conclusions has come fromG-d.”Ê When Yitzhak sees are large and fortified.Ê We also saw from these Talmudic passages. First, the fact Rivka, however, the Torah tells us that he there the descendants of the that someone is destined, or “basherte,” does not mean that saw that her actions resembled those of Sarah, and then he giants".Ê (BeMidbar 13:28) the ensuing marriage will necessarily be a happy one. The married her. Since Yitzhak knew of Eliezer’s story and of all In our parasha, Hashem tells rabbi who made the statement in Sanhedrin was Rav the “signs from Heaven,” why did he not accept the choice as Moshe to send spies into the land of Yehudah. This is the same Rav Yehudah who told his son, “heavenly made”?Ê To accept something strictly on the basis Israel.Ê Moshe explains, in Sefer “The verse in Kohelet, ‘I find a woman more bitter than of supernatural signs is not a Jewish trait. Yitzhak was not so (continued on page 4) (continued on next page)

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Volume II, No. 37...June 27, 2003JewishTlmes www.Mesora.org/JewishTimes BASHERTE: A Dynamic Understanding of Human Relations (continued from page 1) rabbi david algaze concerned with the signs that portended that Rivka espoused by those who are obsessed with “basherte.”Ê another person or go on yet another date. The process was the right choice; he was interested in Rivka’s No other than Rav Hayim of Volozhin spoke against of meeting the right person actually begins in us. Just actions and in her ethical traits. Only when he was this “folded hands” attitude. He explains the Mishna as an unhealthy element attracts more unhealthy satisfied that she met these requirements was he Sotah 49b in a very novel way. The mishna lists organisms, so a person who is not prepared will attract prepared to marry her. various phenomena that will attend the time of and be attracted to the wrong person. In order to attract The notion of “basherte” needs to be analyzed Mashiach: “Insolence will rise, honor will be distorted, the person who is good, you have to be good. carefully. Although the idea that there is someone for …those who fear sin will be despised, and the young The process of self-discovery and self-improvement everyone gives comfort to people looking for matches, will embarrass the elders, …the face of the generation is arduous and long. Without the effort, however, we it also renders people passive. The idea of “basherte” will be like the face of a dog; a son will not be cannot succeed.Ê Our Rabbis tell us, “He who toiled on may lead to a wrong attitude towards dating. Dating is ashamed in front of his father, and we do not have on the eve of , will eat on Shabbat.” If one does not simply the opportunity to “find” the person whom to rely except our Heavenly Father.” not prepare oneself, then the “other” will not come destined for you; it should be an opportunity to know The usual interpretation of this passage is that in soon. In fact, even when that “right person” arrives, another human being and appreciate the special view of the disasters that will befall mankind at our unpreparedness may drive him or her away. How qualities that he or she possesses. “Heavenly” products history’s end, the sense that nothing and no one can be many relationships have been broken between need no work, they are ready made. People are never relied upon except G-d will develop, and people will wonderful individuals simply because one or both “ready made” or completed. We are all works in realize that “we do not have anything to rely upon partners were unprepared? progress; our energies are in flux. Human beings are except our Heavenly Father.” Rav Hayim, however, This dynamic understanding of “basherte” may be dynamic entities, and our task is to recognize this reads the sentence “we have nobody on whom to rely of great help to mastering the dating process, and it can fluidity. except our Heavenly Father” as part of the list of be a great tool for understanding all human A corollary to this concept of our energies being in disastrous phenomena that will attend that period! The encounters. Every human endeavor, whether the flux is that people act differently with different people. sense that man will have lost his ability to effect any search for a match or a successful partnership in Just as chemical elements behave differently and change in the world or in himself, a deep sense of business, begins with a look at us. We need to look at produce different results according to the other impotence and frustration, will lead to a philosophy of who we are and how we behave. We need time to look elements in the mixture, so, too, people are different in passivity that will be expressed by this sentence, at ourselves and pray for self-improvement all the the presence of different people. This is true in all “There is nobody on whom to rely”; that is, “I am time. Instead of focusing on what may be wrong with cases of human relations and even more so in our most incapable, I am impotent, and only G-d can do.” all the dates we have gone out with, we should special and intimate relationships. Thus, when we The truth is that a healthy attitude includes a concentrate on what we can learn from the failed meet a stranger, we are not just meeting someone else.Ê heightened sense of the importance of human action. experiences. No date is wasted and no time is lost We are also--in some mysterious ways--seeing a part A proper spiritual approach should include a high level when we use them to learn about ourselves. We need of ourselves. of self-esteem and a sane appreciation of the powers to appreciate failures because they may teach us more With this in mind, we see how wrong we are when imbedded in our humanity. We must believe that there about ourselves than our successes. We need to we are disappointed on a date and put the blame is much we can do to affect the world andthat we can develop the art of learning and growing. entirely on the other person. The fault may not be in change reality both around us and within us. Ê the other person. The fault may be in us. Far from Sadly, in the dating game we have forgotten these Blessed are the hours when we suffer if they bring us being a spectator sport, dating and meeting people important facts, and we have come now to resort to introspection. should be a dynamic event that takes into account not relying on mere “signs” and “bells, lights and Blessed are the friends who tell us the truth about only how the other person is, but how he or she relates whistles” to tell us who is the “basherte.” We have ourselves. to us. The other person may not just be what we think become merely passive spectators of a “video game- Blessed are the counselors with the courage to tell us he or she is; she or he may be reflecting our energy like”-experience that will reveal to us, “You’ve got the about our defects. and our élan. Thus, the great person in your life may basherte here.” Until that “revelation” happens, there is Blessed are the days when we weep about our be closer than you think: You could bring this person nothing for us to do, nothing to change in ourselves, incomplete selves, because they are the dawn of closer by working on yourself!Ê nothing positive to affect the reality. We and everyone better days. ÊThe insistence on the traditional, passive doctrine of around us have become mere marionettes in a play we Ê “basherte” represents a descent on our spiritual ladder. do not write and we do not control. In the end, “basherte” weakens us and depresses us.Ê Certainly it is a basic tenet of that This is erroneous! As the prayer “Un’sane tokef” An active philosophy helps us more and gives us more everything is arranged by G-d and that nothing exists puts it: When the Book of Life is opened, we discover hope. The “someone for you” may be closer than you or occurs without His direct intervention. The world that “everyone’s hand seal is on it.” The meaning of thought. He or she is not in Heaven nor beyond the which G-d created, however, is a world in which man this prayer is that in the final analysis we have to sea, but within your grasp, and in your mind, and in is to perform. The comments on the verse in realize that the story of our lives is largely written by your faith in your own ability to change reality and Braisheet (2:3), “G-d blessed the seventh day… our own hands. In human relations this is translated to change yourself. because he ceased all His work which He created mean that we have to believe that our life will change Ê laasot.”Ê The Hebrew word “laasot” may be translated not when someone else comes to change it, but only Rabbi Algaze is organizing an International as “in order to create,” meaning that the world was when we change it ourselves.Ê Moreover, until we Conference for Jewish Singles on the July 4th designed for man to use his G-d-given talents to become the person that Hashem had in mind for that weekend, with workshops on the art of dating and continue and to further the process of G-d’s Creation. “basherte,” he or she will miss us. Attracting the right success in human relations. For information, call This concept of human action, or hishtadlut, stands person, the partner that will be good for us, is much Havurat Yisrael, 718-261-5500 or write us at in direct contradistinction to the passive philosophy more than a waiting game or the initiative to meet yet [email protected] Page 2

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Shidduchim: There’s Got To Be A Better Way chananya weissman

Like a lonely cry in the night, I fear this letter bluntly, that Hashem (sometimes) watches over Similarly, this system relies on a host will be the only protest to the idyllic shidduch. fools. of superficial assessments to appraise one’s So much craziness has become mainstream and suitability. The boy knew full well what to wear everyone is afraid of everyone else when it There are many imbeciles who are blessed and say in order to make a good impression, so comes to shidduchim. But it is a sin to remain with wealth and happiness. Their success is not a what does it prove that he adhered to the script? silent. vindication of their methods, only a testament to Both the girl and the boy were carefully coached Hashem’s supreme authority. Chazal adjure us on how to conduct themselves on the first three (Before I begin, a caveat. Based on recent not to rely on miracles, but to perfect our earthly dates, so what did they really learn about each controversies, I recognize that certain readers efforts in anticipation of divine assistance. Are other — how well they can follow simple may attempt to stamp me with a hashkafic label we lemmings to blindly adhere to a perverse instructions, how well they can conform to and proceed to challenge my motives in writing shidduch system simply because it works for societal pressures? No wonder there are so many this letter based on that assumption. In blindly some people? disastrous marriages. People try to devise defending the status quo, they will scour my creative questions to ask about a potential letter for a peripheral point or phrase they can And a perverse system it is. The mother in this shidduch, or they enlist professional pounce on and ridicule, while ignoring the story claims, on first glance alone, to already gossipmongers and character assassins to essential content. I ask you to resist that evil know the "essential details" of her daughter’s conduct "investigations." But this has achieved temptation.) suitor. The color of his attire and style of his nothing other than to make everyone paranoid at kippa render him "" (a meaningless all times about harming their or their children’s The gleeful mother of the bride describes her label — but this is not the place to discuss shidduch chances. This can’t be the way Hashem first encounter with her future son-in-law: "‘The labels). Presumably, she has already determined intended it. boy knocks on our door. Right on time. Black that the boy in question is of sterling religious suit? Check. White shirt? Check. Black velvet background who studies Torah with extreme A ba’al teshuvah wrote a letter bemoaning the kippa? Check. Yeshivish. diligence (most likely to the exclusion of all way ba’alei teshuvah are treated like garbage in else), with an impeccably refined character to this shidduch world, which has no mercy for an Tall, dark, handsome. Blue eyes peer out from boot. In this assessment she has surpassed imperfect history. (Strangely enough, he behind wire-rims. A learner. We already know Hashem Himself, Who thoroughly analyzes the commended the community’s shift to the right, a his essential details, as much as a 20-year-old life totality of a person’s heart and actions before shift that is surely responsible for his shidduch can have acquired." arriving at a conclusion. She did it with a single woes. To the right of what I can only wonder, as glance at his attire. the Torah commands us to veer neither to the After some polite chit-chat, the daughter right nor to the left of the truth.) I’d like to descends the stairs like a princess coming to There was a spark, a hint of "love at first sight" remind your readers that Moshe Rabbeinu greet her knight in shining armor. "Their eyes between the new couple. After three dates married a convert, the daughter of an idolatrous lock. A spark. Off they go: Date #1. Date #2. (perhaps the number has some mystical priest. Yehoshua married a convert as well, Date #3. Then the decision: is there a Date #4? significance), it was necessary for them to decide someone who, according to most commentaries, Yes! And then they married. Well, OK, I’m whether their relationship was to become was a former harlot. And Rabbi Akiva’s wife, exaggerating. But that’s how quick it seemed." "serious."Ê Now or nev er. Take it or leave it. whose father had enough money to buy the Whirlwind adventure, indeed! husband of her choice, "settled" for a lowly This article is described as Part 2 of this shepherd. It seems our greatest leaders were not family’s "whirlwind adventure" as their daughter Emshol lachem mashal. As an educated "yeshivish." Perhaps we should look farther back gets married. I can only hope that Parts 5 and 6 educator, I am well aware of a serious conflict in history than the Europe of a hundred years ago of this adventure do not appear in the Agunah facing teachers today: standardized testing. to determine what values the Torah truly holds Chronicles, which your paper commendably There is tremendous pressure on everyone for dear. prints week after week. It is no coincidence, after students to do well on such tests as Regents, all, that the tremendous increase in unsuccessful Advanced Placement Exams, and the SAT. As a Hashem has not decreed a shidduch crisis upon marriages (from unhappy to abusive) is result, many teachers do what’s called "teaching us. We have done it to ourselves. Let’s truly concurrent with a "shidduch crisis" unlike any to the test.” In other words, they teach students analyze our ways in an open and honest fashion, the Jewish people have seen before. The over the course of the year whatever is necessary and surely He will bless us with an end to this correlation is unmistakable. One only has to to do well on the test, but the students learn little terrible suffering. look. ofthe actual material. The test, which is supposed to measure their knowledge of the subject, Many readers will scoff and say that the actually measures only their ability to do well on Chananya Weissman shidduch system as described above works just that particular test. The results are essentially Founder, EndTheMadness.org fine for many people. To that I respond, quite meaningless. Far Rockaway, NY

Page 3 Volume II, No. 37...June 27, 2003 JewishTlmes www.Mesora.org/JewishTimes have realized that the spies were that the sin of the spies did not begin contradicting themselves in their with this lie.Ê The lie was the characterization of the land!Ê culmination.Ê The sin began with the Perhaps, the spies responded that statement contained in our pasuk.Ê they were afraid to contradict At first glance this seems odd.Ê In Moshe's assurances regarding the our pasuk, the spies are reporting ParashasShlach land.Ê Therefore, in his presence that the land is well defended.Ê This rabbi bernard fox they had been less than completely was an accurate and truthful truthful.Ê Now, in privacy they could account! reveal the truth. ÊNachmanides explains that the (continued from page 1) ÊNachmanides suggests that the role of the spies was to provide Devarim, that Hashem was ÊOne possible answer is that the spies never contradicted intelligence.Ê This information was responding to the request of Bnai initial report was delivered in front themselves.Ê They never retracted to be used to formulate a plan for Yisrael.Ê The people had approached of Moshe and Ahron.Ê Moshe was from their report that the land conquest.Ê The spies were never Moshe and suggested that these familiar with the land of Canaan flowed with milk and honey.Ê authorized to evaluate the chances spies be sent.Ê Moshe regarded this from his younger years.[4]Ê He Instead, they claimed that the land of succeeding.Ê If we consider our as a reasonable plan.Ê Hashem could easily dispute any negative was too rich.Ê The luscious fruit and passage carefully, we can see that agreed to the request.[1] characterization of the land.Ê The produce would sustain an especially the spies overstepped their authority. The spies returned.Ê They reported spies did not criticize the land of robust metabolism.Ê It seemed to be ÊThe spies use an odd word in our that the land was rich and fertile.Ê Israel in front of Moshe and Ahron. a perfect diet for giants.Ê But a more pasuk.Ê They say, "However, the They also reported that the land was ÊThey acknowledged its richness.Ê average specimen would be harmed nation that dwells in the land is well defended and would be Later the assembly broke up.Ê The by the richness of the diet.Ê They mighty".Ê Let us consider the difficult to conquer.Ê Upon hearing spies followed the people back to claimed that this must be the case.Ê implications of the word this report, Bnai Yisrael panicked.Ê their tents.Ê There, outside of the They had only encountered giants.Ê "however".Ê This word creates some The people refused to proceed into presence of Moshe and Ahron, the Apparently, normal human beings connection between the preceding the land.Ê Hashem punished the spies denigrated the land. would not be sustained by these rich and the following statement.Ê It nation.Ê The generation that refused ÊThis does not completely answer fruits.[5] qualifies the prior statement.Ê What to conquer the land was forced to the question.Ê Still, the people must ÊNachmanides further comments was this prior statement?Ê The spies wander in the wilderness for forty (continued on next page) years.Ê After this generation died, their children conquered the land under the leadership of Yehoshua. The Torah explains that the spies sinned and caused the rebellion.Ê What was their sin?Ê It is d ifficult to condemn the spies for reporting that the land was well defended.Ê This was their job.Ê Moshe c harged them with the responsibility of gathering intelligence.Ê They were ordered to asses the fortifications and the strength of inhabitants.Ê Surely the spies cannot be condemned for fulfilling their mission! ÊThe Torah describes their sin as propagating negative report on the land.[2]Ê This seems to be a reference to a specific statement made by the spies.Ê They claimed that the land consumed its inhabitants.[3]Ê This was a false assertion.Ê It is reasonable to hold the spies responsible for this lie. ÊHowever, this raises an obvious question.Ê The spies initially reported that the land was fertile and rich.Ê They even brought back fruit to support their report.Ê How could they reasonably claim that the land was unwholesome?Ê Why would the people believe a claim that clearly contradicted the spies' own words?

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ÊNonetheless, Moshe and Ahron did statement, but as G-d is devoid of not abandon the conflict.Ê They realized human emotion, how do we that they could not coerce the nation.Ê understand it? Instead, they resorted to petition.Ê They I believe the meaning is that had G-d were not concerned with their own not permitted the spies to spy out ParashasShlach position of honor.Ê They only cared for Israel, they would have been harboring rabbi bernard fox the welfare of Bnai Yisrael.Ê If this an incorrect notion regarding G-d. That required them to become beggars and is, their desire to send spies displayed supplicants, they were willing.[8] their disbelief in G-d's promise that (continued from oage 4) Ê they will successfully conquer Israel. If had just reported that the land was rich Golden Calf.Ê Moshe did not become a [1] Sefer Devarim 1:22-23. [2] Sefer this disbelief was not brought out into BeMidbar 14:36. [3]Ê Sefer BeMidbar 13:32. and fertile.Ê Then they added their supplicant.Ê He did not beg the nation to [4]ÊRabbaynu Moshe ben Nachman (Ramban / the open, they would remain with this "however".Ê What was their message?Ê repent. Instead, he acted decisively and Nachmanides), Commentary on SeferBeMidbar false notion, and this is not tolerable by They were saying, "Yes, the land flows sternly.Ê He rebuked Ahron for his 13:2. [5] Rabbaynu Moshe ben Nachman G-d. What does it mean that "G-d gave (Ramban / Nachmanides), Commentary on Sefer with milk and honey – just as Moshe involvement in the sin.Ê He separated the BeMidbar 13:32. [6] Rabbaynu Moshe ben them an opportunity to err"? It means promised.Ê However, what good is this sinners from the faithful.Ê He Nachman (Ramban / Nachmanides), Commentary that G-d gave them an opportunity to to us?Ê We cannot conquer the land.Ê It is immediately executed those responsible on Sefer BeMidbar 13:27. [7]Ê Rabbaynu Moshe act out this notion in reality, in order ben Nachman (Ramban / Nachmanides), too well defended".Ê Of course, the spies for the travesty of the Egel.Ê How can Commentary on Sefer BeMidbar 14:5. [8]Ê Rav that they may see this unknown did not actually say this.Ê Their intent we explain Moshe’s relative passivity in Shimon Yosef Miller, Shai LaTorah ( sentiment in reality, and the deal with was implied in the "however".[6] responding to the transgression in our 5753), volume 3, pp. 143-144. this realization of their sin via Ê parasha? repentance. G-d's goal was not the ÊThe first possibility is that the sin of Jews' loss of inheriting Israel. Giving "And Moshe and Ahron fell on the Egel was more isolated than the them a chance not to inherit Israel their faces before the whole movement to return to Egypt.Ê In the God, means "giving them a chance to realize assembled Bnai Yisrael."Ê (BeMidbar instance of the Egel, Moshe realized that their sin". In this manner, the Jews are 14:5) the majority of Bnai Yisrael remained Vindictive? enabled by G-d to face their flaw, and The scouts return.Ê They report that faithful to Hashem.Ê He enlisted the rabbi moshe ben-chaim perhaps, correct it. the land will impossible to conquer.Ê majority to punish the minority of This teaches us that Israel per se was They also deny that the land is sinners.Ê In our parasha, Moshe was Rashi in Parshas Shilach (Num. not G-d's goal for man, but rather, wholesome. They claim that the land confronted with a mass movement.Ê The 13:2) states that G-d said, "by their man's perfection outweighs the act of seems to consume or destroy its nation – as a whole – had decided to lives, I will give them an opportunity to living in the land. Since man's inhabitants.Ê The nation is discouraged abandon Moshe and the quest for the err with the words of the spies so they perfection was at stake, G-d opted for by this report.Ê The people question the .Ê Moshe had very few don't inherit the land of Israel". This man's perfection, rather than having purpose of traveling through the allies.Ê He could not act forcefully.Ê would seem like a vindictive him live in Israel. wilderness to arrive at this hopeless end.Ê Therefore, he was forced to become a They come to a consensus.Ê They will supplicant.Ê He appealed to the nation replace Moshe and Ahron.Ê Another reconsider. Without spending leader will be chosen.Ê This leader will ÊHowever, Rav Simcha Zisil Broudy take them back to Egypt. notes another distinction between the a single cent, you ÊOur pasuk records Moshe and two incidents. He explains that the sin Ahron’s reaction to the nation’s of the Egel was not directed against can support our decision.Ê The Torah does not tell us that Moshe.Ê The nation had defied the law they argued with the people.Ê The Torah of the Almighty.Ê Moshe vi gorously vital programs: records that they fell upon their faces defended the glory of the Creator.Ê In the eScrip retailers donate to Mesora for your patronage. before the nation. incident in our parasha, the nation’s It's free and easy to join, go to www.eScrip.com and: ÊWhat was the purpose of this rebellion was not directed solely against Click the "sign up" link to join reaction?Ê Nachmanides explains that Hashem.Ê The people were also 1) Click the "sign up" link on the top bar. Moshe and Ahron were beseeching the rejecting the leadership of Moshe and 2) Select Mesora or group ID 151730510. people not to perform this wicked Ahron.Ê The people sought new 3) Click on "Mesora of New York." act.[7]Ê They should not rebel against the leadership.Ê They wanted leaders that 4) List your credit and debit cards. That's it! Now, when you shop at eScrip Almighty and refuse to posses the land.Ê would guide them on a more productive retailers, they donate 1-5% to Mesora. You never spend a cent. They must continue forward and not and meaningful path.Ê return to Egypt. ÊMoshe and Ahron could not act By each of our readers joining eScrip, retailer donations will help support our programs, such as the JewishTimes, ÊThis reaction raises an important forcefully in this incident.Ê One who USAIsrael.org, and many others which continue to help Israel, question. ÊWhy did Moshe and Ahron leads through force can be accused of Jewry, and Jewish education. If you could not support Mesora in not respond more forcefully?Ê They self - aggrandizement.Ê Furthermore, a the past, this is the perfect opportunity to say thank you without behaved as supplicants.Ê They begged leader that forces other to follow is not a spending a cent. Please take a minute to support Mesora cost- the people not to act sinfully.Ê Contrast true leader.Ê If force must be used, the free, and join below. this to Moshe’s reaction upon leader has failed to prove his or her descending from Sinai.Ê Moshe worthiness.Ê Moshe realized that this Join eScrip, confidentially and free. Go to: descended from Sinai and encountered was not a conflict that could be resolved the nation worshipping the Egel – the through force.Ê http://www.eScrip.com Page 5

I Volume II, No. 37...June 27, 2003JewishTlmes www.Mesora.org/JewishTimes argument. God creates a miracle, and mate. Usually they are choosing the who are college educated are not satisfied couples it with the two first Commands, counterpart of "who they are with young men who have common "I am God", and "Have no other gods." themselves", a real match.....willing to sense and virtues, and those who try to God's God created an indisputable give exactly "help singles" intentionally keep these demonstration of His exclusive mastery what they are looking for in a mate. young men away, because they are not over all existence: An entire mountain When going to purchase a pair of shoes, professional and "good enough". Warning aflame, and intelligent principles were one does not choose a green shoe and What happened to the "sweetness" of rabbi moshe ben-chaim heard from inside those flames. God purple shoe....the shoes chosen "match" the young women? ruled out any possibility that an organism to some degree! Where is the consideration? In Parshas Shilach, (Numbers, 15:31) was at the source of the words ÊThe girls are being lectured with rules Where is the flexibility? we find God's warning that whoever enunciated. No earthly being can survive to follow that lead them to be harsh and What about the main Torah rule of "do commits idolatry "despises God's word". fire. Those present, and equally true - we arrogant and demanding of the men they unto others"? Rashi states "the warning for idolatry is today, by way of second hand knowledge date. If a man calls on a Thursday or What happened to saying a simple from God, all other (warnings) are from - are fully convinced that this intelligent Friday they are to refuse going out! What "thank you"? Would the women be so Moses." What necessity is there that God Being Who gave the Torah controls the if the man just got the information and quick to spend their own time and money admonish us in this single case? world exclusive of impostors. God could not call sooner? Also, a lunch date on a relatively unknown individual? Directing our question more towards the eliminated the notion of idolatry by the or coffee and dessert date is to be refused Hours of driving to and from a blind date answer, what would be lacking in the statement that he is God and there are no as being inappropriate for sufficient after work or when tired is not a good warning of idolatry if Moses or man, had others, while demonstrating so through exchange of ideals! Nonsense. Who is to way of preventing car accidents. been the one warning us, and not God? miracles. say that "any food" is necessary in order Ê When people intend to marry, I believe this second formulation of the Sinai was the best formulation of a to have good conversation! compromising and flexibility are what question directs us to the concept of warning against idolatry, and remains our In addition, since the earlier lunch date saves the destruction of a relationship. A "warning", and how in the case of proof of God's existence. is not acceptable, the dinner date is marriage could not survive if it were idolatry alone, is God's warning essential. expected. The young man is obligated to based on one person's demands....it takes A warning, by definition, is part of the drive long distances regardless of his own two to marry and two to make the Torah system. The asks at times, time commitments, at night when tired, marriage work, all with the help of "The punishment for such and such a The Flaws of creating an atmosphere that is conducive Hashem. crime we see, but from where is the to accident. Also, he is now required to Ê If a young man is not wearing a warning derived?" Meaning, the Torah Matchmakers spend hard earned money on someone's certain type/color shirt, suit or hat, he is system does not only state punishments rivkah nachmias - Shadchan dinner who is still unknown or "blind disqualified. What about what is inside to obligate man for his violations, but This is the big question in my heart. date". the shirt, suit and under the hat? Does not warnings also serve to deter man from Too many young people are being hurt ÊWhy is it called a "blind "his character" count or just the material acting in a certain way. One reason why and discouraged by the lack of sensitivity date"?.....because people refuse to show items he is wearing?? What of a young the Torah may record warnings, and not towards single men and women who are "photos". Is not a photo of the person part woman who is wearing the clothing that punishments alone, is to educate man on seeking help from others in finding their of the information that should be given in "should" be worn, yet is a disgrace the destruction caused to our soul through mate. Sadly, I will try to expound on addition to the rest so that there are fewer because she has lowered herself to prohibited actions . By investigating the some of the issues currently facing our sad and disappointing meetings? improper behavior. Have we not all seen ruin which results from such actions, man precious young people. Information is not given based on the people who come from a "good family may better understand why not to engage How could people say that they will "giver's" own opinion and the hopeful name", yet be one who is not a good in these acts. Man will then conquer his not work with 30 year old singles soulmates are misled until they meet and individual? Have we also not seen people drive for such actions by understanding because "they are problems"? find out the truth! Why aren't the young who come from a terribly deprived the good derived from abstention. Furthermore, how does a shadchan, let people given the opportunity to choose a background be an absolute gem? Thereby, man arrives at a life of reality alone others, state that 35 year olds and mate based on "all" the information? The Ê Why are people judging other and goodness which is only derived from over who are still single "need therapy " young men are interrogated and must be people...... is not Hashem the one and complete adherence to the Torah's and that if a man is still single at 45 or making a high salary and "be a only Judge? principles. over, he deserves "to die without professional" to meet the needs of the Hashem judges each of us as A warning then must carry with it some children"!! Is this an example of the young women who want "nice" things, individuals, according to our merits and principle whereby man is not forced to "help" they are getting? The only real even though the importance should be mistakes. Family virtues or errors do not abstain through fear. Man is encouraged therapy the single people need is to find a placed on the character and values of the enter into it when and an individual is to abstain due to his appreciation of what real match, a compatible mate and marry individual, not what he can earn a week. judged. Why is there no forgiveness of is real and good. As the argument offered and share love and family in a Torah Do we not know men who make large those who have made mistakes and to abstain becomes more conclusive, man observant home. sums of money only to be miserly and welcomed back with love as Hashem will be more convinced and his chance ÊI am overwhelmed with the lack of refuse to share it with their wives? Some does, even to the last moment of ones for abstention will be greater. sensitivity and disgusting attitudes of these young women become life? But not only is the content of an displayed by people who profess to help. depressed and disillusioned and divorced Ê If you profess to help, then help....do argument essential, but the delivery can That is not the proper behavior of a Torah because they looked "at" the young man's not hurt those who come in need. also play a role. What is the best observant or any human being! profession and not "into his heart". We are obligated to help each argument from abstention from idolatry? More and more of our young people are ÊWhat do we do with the young men other....we are one people....we have one It is a warning delivered by God Himself, facing accusations that they are "not who spent endless hours obtaining their Father in heaven and therefore we are all from an ablazed Mt. Sinai. Such a serious" about getting married because religious ordination and could not go to family. warning against idolatry which all the they are "selective" about who they college as well? Instead they obtain non Family gives love, not pain. Jews heard, is the most compelling choose as a possible professional, but good jobs. The women What is going on?

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