DATING on the NET Teens and the Rise of “Pure” Relationships
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Dines68.qxd 7/26/02 12:46 PM Page 696 68 DATING ON THE NET Teens and the Rise of “Pure” Relationships ◆ Lynn Schofield Clark ◆ Studying Teens and the Internet . This study on dating and the Internet emerged out of a broader qualitative study on the role of media technologies in the domestic context of the household.1 Over the course of a year, I conducted a series of inter- views and observations with 15 families and two focus groups, devoting between 4 and much more than 30 hours of conversation, observation, or both to each family. A total of 47 teens and 26 of their family members were included in the interviews, groups, and observations. An additional six families (14 teens) were interviewed by an associate researcher on the project, who has corroborated my findings. From the families interviewed, three teenagers were selected for the further study of Internet use: Elizabeth, a 15-year-old white female from a lower-income single-parent household; Jake, a 17-year-old white male NOTE: From CyberSociety 2.0: Revisiting Computer-Mediated Communication and Community, edited by Steven G. Jones, 1998, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. Copyright © 1998 by Sage Publications, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Sage Publications, Inc. 696 ◆ Dines68.qxd 7/26/02 12:46 PM Page 697 Dating on the Net ◆ 697 from a middle-income blended (two-parent, the teen’s chat room participation altogether. second marriage) household; and Michael, Despite the frequent warnings concerning a 15-year-old African American male from the dangers facing teens on the Internet, a lower-income single-parent household. parents were largely unaware of the content These individuals were chosen because they of the chat rooms; the limits were set based represented “information-rich cases,” in on what in some cases were alarmingly high that I expected that they would yield find- bills from their service providers.2 ings that would contrast from expectations Much like the adults on the Net dis- and from each other due to their differing cussed by Rheingold (1991) and others, social, economic, and political positions teens seemed to be drawn to Internet chat within the wider culture (Yin, 1994, rooms by the promise of fantasy and fun. pp. 45-46). I also selected them for their As Kramarae (1995) noted in her critique of ability to be thoughtful, articulate, and the overwhelmingly male population in responsible, as I wanted to train them to cyberspace, the males far outnumbered the serve as leaders of what I have called peer- females in teen chat rooms as well. Yet led discussion groups, focus groups that there were also differences between the were led and participated in solely by teens. communications between teens and those I This format was adopted as a means to witnessed on the adult chat lines. Perhaps more closely observe how teenagers most obvious was the “age and sex check,” “really” talk about these issues when an the frequent request that resulted in the adult is not present. sharing of ages and genders among partici- Whereas my research primarily is based pants, often serving as a precursor for those on these interviews and observations in of similar ages to break off into a separate “real life,” I supplemented the knowledge chat room of only two persons, which the gained through these methods by “lurking” girls, at least, agreed constituted an in teen chat rooms. Elizabeth also allowed “Internet ‘date.’” . Sometimes these ini- me to read many of the e-mail exchanges tial conversations between two teens would she had had with her online male friends. last for several hours. The topics of conver- Although many of the teens discussed sation mirrored those one might hear at a using the Net for school-related research, teen party. Internet dating, much like the the teens in my study primarily used the Net practice’s counterpart in “real life,” exists to communicate with other young people in within a specific environment that in many the teen chat rooms of Microsoft Network, ways, not surprisingly, shares similarities America Online, and the teen lobby of with the other social contexts in which Yahoo! These “socially produced spaces” teens find themselves. Thus, we turn to a constitute a form of “synchronistic commu- discussion of the environment of teen chat nication,” in that the posts are ephemeral rooms within which (or out of which) and immediate (Baym, 1995; Jones, 1995). Internet dating occurs, beginning with a They are seen by all those in the chat room review of the practice in its historical context. at the same time, and answers to various queries posted to the chat room often over- lap, creating a cacophony of conversation. ◆ Most of the teens with whom I spoke had Teenagers and Dating: experienced similar periods of intense A Brief History experimentation in the chat rooms, some- times devoting more than 4 hours a day to online chats for a period of several weeks or Teenage “dating”—the casual romantic even months. In most cases, however, this interactions between males and females (or, period was followed by parent sanctioning, even more recently, between persons of which either severely limited or discontinued the same gender)—is a relatively recent Dines68.qxd 7/26/02 12:46 PM Page 698 698 ◆ The Internet phenomenon. Historians argue that it from the establishment of the practice. He emerged among middle-class teens in the wrote, “Before dating, parents had tended 1920s during a time of gender role to construe strictly girls’ obligation to enter upheaval (Bailey, 1988). With the rise of marriage untainted by even a hint of scan- both compulsory education and restrictive dal, and they supervised courting accord- child labor laws during this era, teens of ingly, limiting both its occasion and the set immigrant and farm families who once had of eligibles.” As parents were more con- been expected to work, as well as teens cerned with their daughters’ reputations from more privileged classes, were now sent than their sons’, “girls were far more con- to school. Education was cemented into the strained by parental oversight” (Modell, American teen experience, affording 1989, p. 95). Whereas dating in the early increased public opportunities for young part of the [last] century still required the people to interact with one another under male to take initiative, it shifted control minimal supervision by their parents. over the girls’ interactions—and by exten- The rise of the “dance craze” in the sion, her sexuality—from her parents to her 1920s also has been linked to the emer- peers. It thus served as a potent aspect of gence of the practice of “dating” (Modell, youth rebellion against parents and their 1989). Whereas some teens in the decade traditional ways. Whereas girls of this gen- before had attended community dances that eration would not be considered sexually were sponsored by neighborhoods or other liberated by today’s standards, dating social clubs (and hence had fairly strict enabled girls to play a more active role in social restraints that limited the “tendency constructing and maintaining heterosexual to overstep moral rules”), it was the open- interaction through informal rules of con- ing of a dance “palace” in New York City duct. Dating required teen boys to negotiate in 1911 that ushered in new practices sur- with teen girls and their peers directly, rounding dancing and dating (Modell, rather than through their families. To a sig- 1989, p. 71). The large dance halls that sub- nificant extent, dating shifted the approval sequently sprang up in urban areas made and sanctioning of romantic relationships dancing with relative strangers an accessible from parents to peers. and intriguing new option for teens. The Dating then, as now, consisted of going dance style of the period, as it moved away to movies, dances, or restaurants. As such, from formal steps and toward increased dating, and by extension romance, quickly free expression and physical contact, came to be linked with leisure and con- encouraged the establishment of casual het- sumption, as Illouz (1997) argued. erosexual relationships in a way not previ- Moreover, as the rising consumerism of this ously seen. era encouraged immediate gratification, During the same era, film houses multi- young people began to think of self-denial plied throughout urban as well as rural for its own sake as old-fashioned, seeking in areas, and weekly attendance at motion pic- dancing and dating some fulfillment of the tures increased dramatically. The darkened sexual tensions of adolescence (Fass, 1977). theater and the heightened emotions film Whereas chaperoning and “calling” were evoked offered further opportunities for steadily replaced among middle-class teens physical closeness. Whereas films often by the practice of dating, however, those were attended by groups of teens, they teens of all races with less means were less quickly became vehicles for the exploration likely to date. Part of this is due to the fact of exclusive intergender relations as well that these teens were usually encouraged to (Blumer, 1933). lighten the family’s financial obligations Modell (1989) credited middle-class girls either by seeking employment or marrying. of this era with actually initiating the prac- By the middle of the century, however, tice of dating, as they had the most to gain in part due to the popular romanticized Dines68.qxd 7/26/02 12:46 PM Page 699 Dating on the Net ◆ 699 narratives of the practice in film, television, tionships with boys and was even “dating and magazines, “dating” became an inte- four guys at once.” “Usually I act a lot gral part of the teen experience in the more aggressive when I’m on the Internet,” United States.