NEWS

May 13, 2010 Barefoot and Progressive's Voting Tour Volume 21, Number 9 by Joe Sonka and David Schankula of BarefootAndProgressive.com WWW.ACEWEEKLY.COM

twitter.com/aceweekly Feel free to bring this guide with you UNITED STATES REPRESENTATIVE IN CONGRESS can make it to the city council. He hopes to take over facebook.com/AceWeeklyFans to the voting booth on May 18th as your 6TH CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT the Vice Mayor's seat, so he can refrain from call- George Pendergrass (R) - Pendergrass is a George- ing out Newberry on every one of his giant disasters EDITRIX roadmap through all those funny names like that last granstander we had. Unless he winds Rhonda Reeves town emergency medical pilot who believes that on the fancy voting machine screen. those struggling in these hard economic times up reporting to the aforementioned grandstander. ART DIRECTOR should get assistance from family, friends and Which would be awkward. Clif Dickens churches, not the government. Get your own George A. Brown Jr. - "Unabashedly UNITED STATES SENATOR PRODUCTION MANAGER damned plane, sickos. pro-business," George thinks the Herald- Cailyn Huston James Buckmaster (D) - Buckmaster is a John T. Kemper, III (R) - Kemper is a Lexington de- Leader "is out-of-touch with the citizens CONTRIBUTING WRITERS family physician whose policy positions veloper who says that he will fi ght against "liberal of Lexington." He must have made been (ONLINE + PRINT) mirror the Republican Party platform. lies" and the "global warming hoax," and calls abor- embarrassed when the paper gave him a minor-en- Kevin Faris, Keegan Frank, We assume he was confused when he Rob Morris, Megan Neff, tion "The American Holocaust." He fi led for bank- dorsement in this race. Dave Overton, Kakie Urch, fi led for offi ce as a Democrat. ruptcy last year, but at least he's not Dudley Webb. Kathy Plomin - Former head of United Todd Wright, Andrew Wyllie Jack Conway (D) - Kentucky's Attorney Mike Templeman (R) - We'll let John Cheves at the Way of the Bluegrass and a board mem- —— General supported the health care reform Herald handle this one: "Retired coal executive Mike ber at LexArts and a bunch of other great WEBMASTER bill and is pro-choice. When he's not busy Templeman is running for Congress with no apolo- organizations, Plomin used her time at Matt Sparks winning the Bluegrass Stakes, he's woo- gies for a career that includes bankruptcies, debt the candidate forums to endlessly recite the words ing you with his dreamy eyes. "listening, agreement, understanding" over and —— lawsuits, unpaid taxes and environmental messes Daniel Mongiardo (D) - The Lt. Governor left by his strip-mining companies in Appalachia." over in an impressive abuse of political platitudes. DISPLAY ADVERTISING is a family values candidate who would Ismael Shalash - Shalash couldn't be bothered 859.225.4889, ext. 235 Perry Wilson Barnes (R) - Barnes is the owner of [email protected] have voted against Obama's health care a mail-order dance and exercise record business to attend any candidate forums this spring, so we CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING bill and calls mountaintop removal won't bother wasting energy writing about him. 859.225.4889, ext. 237 in Nicholasville. But Washington has too many of —— "mountaintop development." He touts Kentucky as those types already. Ralph Ruschell - Ruschell is a wealthy real estate a tourist destination because we have no sharks. Matt Lockett (R agent who owns race horses. He is running as the Darlene F. Price (D) ) - Co-founded the Conservative Please request writers’ guide- - Darlene is a for- Freshmen Coalition with other fi rst time Tea Party "common man" candidate. lines via email at rkirkland@ mer customs agent crime fi ghter, with Don B. Pratt aceweekly.com prior to candidates around the country, saying they'll vote - The Hairy-Liberal always submitting queries. ACE is both Navy and sailor-mouth experience. as a bloc, or tea brick. He also opposes the new refuses to endorse Don Pratt even though not responsible for unsolicited While we can commend her for the fi ne materials. ACE is published 50 health care reform law, though considering he's a they love everything he's ever stood for. times a year. work on the frontlines of the Drug War, we're sad Nicholasville funeral services salesmen, who can A Lexington fi xture, Pratt resisted the that her presence in this race allegedly scared Gate- blame him? Vietnam War, fought for local ownership of water copyright © 2010 wood out of running. Garland "Andy" Barr (R) and once submitted a pair of his own underpants Maurice M. Sweeney (D) - Hmm... Is he the Andy - Sweeney is a Barr who's the reporter for Politico.com? What's into evidence at a LFUCG meeting. WE LOVE MAIL! Louisville businessman with many years that? He's Andy Barr the Fourth? Oh, well we're out Steve Kay - Steve's run for offi ce a lot SEND LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: of experience in civil service. In a world but he's never quite won and no one's [email protected] of room. 250 words or less. Or mail to: where it didn't take millions of dollars to sure why. He's a mediator, a facilitator 185 Jefferson Street become a US Senator, he would get more than 1% MAYOR and an all-round decent guy - all things Lexington KY 40507 of the vote. Include full name and Jim Newberry - Our current Mayor is responsible the LFUCG could use. Another big plus: His fi rst daytime phone. John Stephenson (R) - The former KY for everything good that has happened in campaign ad was kinda like a pleasant Ambien trip. superintendent of schools says America Linda Gorton To submit a calendar listing for Lexington over the past 4 years, except - Linda's been on the consideration, email acelist@ needs to do "a U-turn back to God" and council for 12 years. Some might say that aceweekly.com. for the giant hole in the middle of our gave his answers at debates in the form of —— city, the water rate hikes, and all of the means she's ineffective but in Linda's DISPLAY AD DEADLINES singing gospel hymns. He is also W.C. Field's dop- spending scandals. Just ask him! case it means she actually cares about her ARE EVERY FRIDAY pelganger. FOR THE NEXT WEEK’S ISSUE: Teresa Ann Isaac - Losing by 25 points in the last job and her community. She's an ordained deacon at C. M. "Trey" Grayson (R) - KY's Secretary Email [email protected]. election would have stopped most people 2nd Presbyterian Church and trained nurses in the Space reservation, production of State used to be known as a "moderate Army Reserve. We're trying to be snarky here, but art, and payment should be from running again, but Isaac is tougher delivered no later than Fridays Republican", before that became about as Linda has anti-snarked us into submission. by Noon than most people. And tweets more. popular as the scientifi c method among Jim Gray Christopher Hignite - A couple dirty cops maybe Republican voters. He now assures us he's as far- - Don't you just hate those people who are always right about everything? killed a Madame, and then there's the stuff about DISTRIBUTION right as they come. immaculate conception and Chuck Ellinger at a Ace is free, one per reader. They're so annoying. You say, "Oh, it's Gurley L. Martin (R) - Martin is an 86- Removal of more than one cloudy," and they say, "Actually I think bachelor party and... if he gets through the primary paper from any distribution year old who brings his birth certifi cate to at least this race will still be amusing. point constitutes theft. it's clearing." And it is. Damn grand- candidate forums in order to emphasize Ace racks and boxes are private standers. Gray's trying to take all the fun property. Distribution of any that Obama is a foreign-born Muslim. PVA other publications in an Ace out of watching Lexington's mayor make horrible, He's been known to brag at these events that he's rack or Ace box constitutes embarrassing mistakes. It's terrifying. Renee True (D) - True hopes to become the high- criminal trespass never raped a woman, and the lynching he attended (trespass includes but is not Skip Horine - Horine is running to est paid elected offi cial in Kentucky, adding a PVA limited to: college publications, in 1929 was not of a black man. avenge his mother's murder at the hands salary to her already healthy retirement pension she Yard Sale fl yers, tagging, and Rand Paul (R) - Paul is the spawn of both so on). of the Lexington police and the City Hall collects after having quit this job two years ago. True presidential candidate Ron Paul and Lib- cronies who seek to cover up the truth. enjoys Fox News, traditional marriage, and putting DISTRIBUTION erty itself. His hobbies include Tea Par- her family members on the PVA payroll. Karen Burns Same old boring political cliches we hear every year. ties, shooting assault weapons, and crimi- David O'Neill (D) - 'Bout the only bad thing you nalizing abortion even in cases of rape and incest. COUNCIL AT-LARGE can say about O'Neill is that he's been sober for fi ve John Scribner - To our knowledge, years which really just means he's got more will- Chuck Ellinger, II - Ellinger shows us all Scribner has never attended a candidate power than most people. It's also worth noting that that the American dream is alive and well. forum and might not actually exist. he headed up the Fayette County Democratic Party If you are the son of a longtime elected of- and led it to massive voter turnouts and since he fi cial also named Chuck Ellinger, you too became the PVA he's cut the offi ce's expenses and 4 ACE May 13, 2010 NEWS brought it into the 21st century. Sannie Overly (D) - First elected back in Must love sales! 2008, she won all four counties in her dis- STATE SENATOR trict. While earning her law degree, Sannie ACE, Lexington’s Weekly Newspaper, is currently 12TH REPRESENTATIVE DISTRICT worked full-time in engineering. At Christ- interviewing for one part-time Ad Sales Rep: Alice Forgy Kerr (R) - Kerr likes the music mas she breaks out an awesome portrait of • Outside Sales Experience Required Santa and hangs it above the fi replace. of Taylor Swift and the politics of George • Lexington Market Experience Required W. Bush. What she doesn't like is horses, or at least, the horse set don't like Alice. She's • Advertising/Ad Sales Experience Preferred continually voted against the various bills Joe Sonka and David Schankula write for one This position is perfect for longtime Lexington sales pros who LOVE set forth to save the thoroughbred industry of Kentucky's most-viewed political blogs, bare- OUTSIDE SALES and appreciate: a part-time schedule, a 20-year product and now... footandprogressive.com, and contributed this that delivers RESULTS, and 50 opportunities a year to generate revenue week's Guest Guide. and bonuses. Andrew M. Roberts (R) - Alice is being chal- lenged in the Primary by Andrew Roberts, Please submit an email outlining your Lexington sales experience an equine veterinarian. State Democrats (no CareerBuilder Templates, please!) to: [email protected] (and the horsey folks) have targeted Kerr for removal in the general, but could Rob- erts do it in the primary?

STATE SENATOR 22ND REPRESENTATIVE DISTRICT Tom Buford (R) - Buford's the incumbent and he's been endorsed by Kentucky Right to Life and, would you believe, the National Rifl e Association. He also managed to trick Coach Cal into shaking his hand and that's one of four photos you'll see on his cam- paign website. Chad Crouch (R) - Chad registered www. tombufordforsenate.com and then fi lled the page with evidence that Buford is a clos- eted-Democrat. He also says Buford's spent nearly $50,000 of the taxpayers' money tak- ing trips to tropical locales.

STATE REPRESENTATIVE 45TH REPRESENTATIVE DISTRICT Matthew Vanderpool (D) - The 45th has long been resented by one of Kentucky's most notorious conservatives, Stan "The 'Stache" Lee. So Vanderpool is taking Stan head on: by championing equal rights, health care re- form and the American dream. Michael Coblenz (D) - An intellectual prop- erty attorney, Michael likes Neil Young, Im- manuel Kant and The Big Lebowski. Also, his campaign logo is a red clip-art airplane with his name written in blue across it.

STATE REPRESENTATIVE 62ND REPRESENTATIVE DISTRICT Ricky Hostetler (R) - Ricky was compelled by his love of Kentucky to divert time from his electrical contracting business to run for offi ce. He believes gays shouldn't get mar- ried, that mountaintop removal is awesome and that health care reform is not. Ryan Quarles (R) - Grew up on the family farm and has three degrees from UK and one from Harvard. He's also done time in DC with Mitch McConnell and he's cute as a button!

STATE REPRESENTATIVE 72ND REPRESENTATIVE DISTRICT Dwaine Curran (D) - All his campaign ma- terials are printed with local vendors and he'd require that all state vehicles come from local Toyota or Ford plants. He's a Marine veteran and served in both Desert Storm and Iraqi Freedom. 5 ACE May 13, 2010