in DEPTH COVER STORY A dam’s Family VALUES With US pop-rock outfit Maroon ’ve slept with a talented Jessica Simpson, known internationally number of hippopota- for not one, but two achievements. If the online 5 set to get middle-aged mums’ muses,” celebrity blogs are to be trusted, Adam ended toes tapping next week in confesses candidly to things with Ms Simpson via the very 21st-century iQ down the phone as medium of the SMS text, which was probably Dubai Festival City, iQ spoke to if he was addressing nothing for the girl who invited the world to frontman Adam Levine about a sex addiction group watch her previous marriage implode on an therapy session in MTV reality show. He’s also rumoured to have lots of things, only one of which the Serengeti. Celebrity types usually see their had encounters with a number of other A-listers, we really remember “Iwords smothered in a fluffy, family-friendly including Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Kirsten blanket of sugar-coated marketing niceness, Dunst, , Maria Sharapova and Natalie so this is the sort of quote that gets publicists Portman. We’re not ones to be easily impressed sweating and journalists scribbling. Thankfully, by connections with fame, but these are all iQ’s heavily chewed biro is just about holding girls we’d like to hold hands with (well, so long firm. However, it’s half past midnight and the as Paris didn’t utter a single word and Lindsay oversized pre-school scrawl we’ve etched on washed hers first). our hastily snatched memo pad is testament to Unfortunately, men such as Adam who oc- an evening spent at casionally enjoy the the Irish Village and company of attractive then asleep on the ladies must also adhere sofa waiting for a call to what is known as the from the US. ‘Don’t worry, I’ve ‘points system’. Sexist This wasn’t Adam’s it may seem, but the opening line. The slept with a number points system is an im- lead singer of multi- portant balancing scale platinum selling US of hippopotamuses, of justice in the dating outfit Ma- game. It’s like an roon 5 doesn’t greet actually, I think unwritten, almost egali- everyone so warmly, it’s hippopotami’ tarian law of nature that although it would be ensures a relatively fair hilarious. Nor was distribution of womanly Adam inebriated and wealth amongst men. in the mood for some In its most basic form, macho man-to-man lad chat. No, we’d built up a plus must be cancelled out by a minus. A man to this. Through ruthless questioning techniques who has entertained a girl generally considered and a splash of alcohol-induced boldness, iQ to be a thumbs up in the looks department will, had teased this juicy statement from Levine, at some point in the not too distant future, share who, we believe, had no idea of the powers of a similar experience with a woman not quite so persuasion he was being subjected to. physically blessed (although we’d just like to We’d started simply enough. Aside from add that this will no doubt be made up for with his band, which has released a few albums an absolutely tremendous personality). Any guy and recorded several songs that some people fortunate enough to have clinked Champagne like, there’s one main subject matter Levine is flutes with several pretty mademoiselles will, ac- renowned for. Women. Apparently, according to cording to the system – consider it an example iQ’s much trusted sources (the internet and gos- of male chauvinism if you must, but we’re simply sip rags), Levine has known quite a few, quite stating the laws of life here – eventually see his well. And they’ve often been of the more famous accumulated ‘points’ cancelled out in similar variety. He was once in a relationship with the fashion with a number of so-called ‘rotters’.

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Words ALEX RITMAN Pictures GRAPHEAST/CORBIS, GETTY/GALLO in DEPTH COVER STORY

Now, Adam Levine, if the rumours are true – and we’re sure that they are because the in- ternet says so – has built up a sizeable stack of points through his dabbling in celebrity circles. What we at iQ were wanting to discover, was how he was hoping to deal with this surplus. Would he rather blow all his points on someone who, a rather eloquent friend once suggested, had a ‘face like a bag of smashed crabs’, someone so unattractive they’d make John Mer- rick vomit into his facebag, thus restoring the equilibrium in one fowl (or should that be foul?) swoop? Or would he perhaps prefer to spread

These are all women we’d like to hold hands with (well, so long as Paris didn’t utter a single word and Lindsay washed hers first)

it out over a few women who were not quite so unappealing, but still baring evidence of a few hearty slaps with the ugly stick? So this, after a lengthy build up that saw most of our allotted seven minutes’ phone chat spent describing the points system, was what we put to Mr Adam Levine of popular US band , and where we find ourselves now. Experienced journalists may think such style of questioning, where much of an already short interview with a potentially sensitive subject is spent asking a rather personal question, somewhat stupid. As qualified envelope and boat pushers, here at iQ we see it as a rather Thank heavens, then, that he gives a assured that he has already been working to maverick approach, but in any case, we’ve decent response rather than hanging up. maintain the balance. “Don’t worry, I’ve slept gone too far to backtrack and the Irish Village’s Any guy worried that Adam is immune from with a number of hippopotamuses,” he says refreshments are still doing much of the talking. the system due to fame or wealth, can rest poetically. “Actually, I think it’s hippopotami,”

Whether it’s spurious gossip, salacious rumour or plain interweb rubbish, 0 here are some of the leading ladies Adam Levine has been linked to

MARIA SHARAPOVA JESSICA SIMPSON LINDSAY LOHAN New balls please Pretty stupid Bats for both

PARIS HILTON KIRSTEN DUNST NATALIE PORTMAN RIHANNA Straight to video Spider’s prey iQ favourite Fun when wet

28 03-09 DECEMBER 2008 in COVER STORY DEPTH

he quickly adds in an attempt to correct which we’ve almost definitely heard some of occasion, but we’ll carry on for the sake of himself. Hippopotamuses can actually be used our friends saying they don’t mind too much – background information. And in cases like this as a plural term, but iQ appreciates Adam’s sound less like inoffensive middle-of-the-road – where it’s painfully obvious that we genuinely efforts at grammatical perfection even when romantic pop hits and instead like something know very, very little about the man, the band comparing certain women he has entertained unlikely to go down so well with middle-aged or the music – it’s a fairly essential tool. Some to large, water-dwelling African mammals. mums, something considerably more earth- ‘writers’, either through laziness or the pressure So there we have it. Jessica Simpson, Kirsten rumbling and overtly crotch-thrustingly sexual? of deadlines, even choose to copy the text of the Dunst, Maria Sharapova, Paris Hilton, Lindsay We imagined ourselves and Adam laughing popular online encyclopaedia word for word. Lohan, Natalie Portman, Rihanna. Granted, hysterically down the phone line as we each Maroon 5 have won several awards for their most of these are just salacious rumours, but attempted to ‘Shaggyise’ several of Maroon 5’s debut album, . Released in one can only imagine the horrors you’d have to June 2002, the album enjoyed major chart suc- see to set things straight after this sexy smor- cess, going gold, platinum and triple platinum in gasbord. It makes you think whether it would many countries around the world. After a hiatus be worth it. On the one hand, you’d have the from the music scene, Maroon 5 released their happy memories on which to reflect when times Would he blow all his second studio album, It Won’t Be Soon Before were low, little juicy nuggets of joy to chew Long in May 2007. The second set debuted at over during dark periods of gloom. But then, points on someone No.1 on the US Billboard 200 with first week when things were all sunshine and lollipops sales of nearly half a million. The album has you’d also have those wince-inducing images who, a rather eloquent since gone on to become two-times platinum ready to burst to the forefront of your mind in the friend once suggested, with nearly two million albums sold in the United blink of an eye, potentially sending you hurtling States alone and over 3.5 million worldwide. headfirst towards a pit of despair. had a ‘face like a Ahem. How Adam deals with it is anyone’s guess. Whether Adam Levine said anything Perhaps this is where his music, which in bag of smashed interesting or not in the remaining time, we’re case we haven’t mentioned before, quite a unsure; the notepad was an unreadable mess few people seem to like, comes into effect. crabs’, someone so of scribbles the next day. He may well have Perhaps his distinct high-pitched singing style announced that he’d fathered a secret lovechild is Levine’s own private way of fighting off the unattractive they’d with Condoleezza Rice and was funding a coup inner demons that might arise from sleeping in Belgium (Adam, if you’re reading, these with several hippos. make John Merrick are just examples; we’re sure you didn’t say Actually, another spot of internet-based vomit into his facebag? these things), but judging by the doodles, iQ research had sourced a slice of factual pie was more interested in drawing stick men and regarding Levine’s singing; he has a tendency wobbly looking 3D boxes. In any case, with the to venture in territories considerably more hippopotamus quote bagged and heavily under- high-pitched than most men not called Michael lined, we were happy with the evening’s takings. Jackson would attempt. Early on in his musical popular tracks (although, to be honest, iQ might So there we have it. Adam Levine and his career, Adam had apparently befriended a have needed a bit of help with the lyrics). Sadly, Maroon 5 are playing on December 10 at Dubai clarinettist called John Ondrasik when they we didn’t even get that far. “I met this guy, like, Festival City. If you’re one of the many millions played together at the French Woods Festival of once,” says Adam in a raised tone that suggests who have bought a Maroon 5 record then head the Performing Arts. It was from John – so the the contents of his Wikipedia entry has haunted down for a live performance of pop/rock songs internet says – that Adam picked up his high- him before. “I’ve followed Paul McCartney, Ste- that definitely don’t contain any hints of Shaggy- pitched style. Interesting? Not remotely, but vie Wonder, Sting and Lauren Hill. That’s where style ragga-tipped rumblings. with iQ’s thinking caps firmly cocked towards I got my voice from.” So absolutely no Shaggy Alternatively, if you’re a large, thick-skinned the bizarre, we wondered what would have impressions then? No. It’s always a shame and extremely dangerous semi-aquatic river- happened if instead of meeting John Ondrasik when interviewees don’t have the decency to go dwelling mammal in sub-Saharan Africa, who for a lesson in , he’d encountered firm along with any old rubbish about themselves for quite likes the look of Adam Levine but, prior to iQ office-favourite Shaggy who had imparted the sake of a few laughs, but what can you do? reading this piece, thought he was out of your his own deep-bass warbling wisdoms. Would The great online journalist lifesaver that league due to the number of hot celebrities he ‘This Love’ and ‘’ – songs is Wikipedia may have let us down on this has been linked to, don’t be shy.

And, using the ‘points system’ as carefully described in this feature, here 0 are some of the things Adam would have to face to make amends

JACKIE STALLONE DONATELLA VERSACE MARY ANN BEVAN You just wouldn’t Fashion burns victim Miss Ugly 1920

JOCELYN WILDENSTEIN PETE BURNS AMY WINEHOUSE A HIPPO That sinking feline Chap with baps Up for the crack Done.

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