DThe efiler April 1, 2016 The Voice of the Students Volume 71, Issue 9 No More Nexus: Grave Changes New Reality Show About College for Campus Development Life to Begin Production at Adelphi

of tunnels is an accident waiting to BY GABRIELLE BY JESS COOPER happen, so a new approval has been put forth to halt and reverse development DEONATH As the voice of the students, we on the Nexus Building. are aware that the university has been ea- This new action of campus On Monday, March 28, Ryan gerly awaiting the opening of the Nexus (de)construction is expected to come at Seacrest took to Twitter to announce his Building. However, a recent unexpected a hefty additional cost of over $60 mil- new business venture, a reality show de- discovery will undoubtedly change the lion. But the hope of the university is picting the lives of college students and development plans for the campus in the that money can be found in selling off dorm life at various universities across the future. the remains and relics left in the tombs. country. One of the names at the top of the While doing floor work to install Nonetheless, a steady increase in tu- list is rumored to be Adelphi University, electrical cables in one of the intended ition is to be expected in the near future which was confirmed in a press release classroom spaces, construction workers to fund the beginning of this project. published later that day by Seacrest’s uncovered a brittle section of foundation team. that hadn’t been completely cemented over With the finale of “American yet. Removal of this brittle rock layer un- “A three-floor structure on Idol” swiftly approaching, Seacrest said earthed something no one could have ex- top of a massive system he was looking for his next big project. pected: an underground burial chamber, of tunnels is an accident Aside from being a radio and television which was dark and weathered by the con- waiting to happen,” host, and launching his own line of luxury struction above with strange mosaics cov- suits, Seacrest is also a reality show pro- ering the walls. Even more confusing and ducer. He has been an executive producer startling is our anthropology department’s Regardless of the costs and on shows such as “Keeping Up With the take on the find. Scholars have been in and the risks, Adelphi is assured that the Kardashians,” as well as the various real- out of the chambers since the discovery, university is pulling together its depart- ity show spinoffs of the Kardashian fam- and no one seems to be able to make heads ments and resources to ensure that the ily, “Shahs of Sunset,” “Married to Jonas” or tails of what culture has bone-deep his- Ryan Seacrest, predicted host of the deconstruction of the Nexus Building and “Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution,” tory here on the grounds of Adelphi. upcoming reality show. is timely. Not only does Adelphi hope for which he won an Emmy. photo provided by www.aceshowbiz.com Further authority inspection of the the space will be cleared by August Over Twitter, upon the wake of area indicated that these grim passageways 2016 in time for classes, we also ex- the announcement, Seacrest explained on campus, but must be able to dedicate a span further than just the one classroom. pect to avoid most of any curses that that he wanted to do a reality show that specific number of hours toward the proj- Like a giant subterranean spiderweb, these would typically come from disturbing would attract a younger audience. He ect for six weeks in the middle of the fall crypts and their passageways seem to span an ancient underground burial site. Un- also tweeted that he wanted to produce a semester. as far as the baseball diamond. So far, the til then, the staff here at The Delphian show that was about regular people tack- “I think it’s a really great oppor- administration has their focus on the Nexus encourages everyone to hang in there, ling issues to which everyone could relate. tunity that they’re providing for communi- Building. They consider the presence of an finish their spring semester strong, and “There is nothing more relatable than the cations and film students,” said sophomore underground burial site a hindrance to the make the best of any unfortunate super- college experience,” posted Seacrest. communications major Alexis Blecher. planned underground parking intended to natural occurrences that might happen The reality series will follow a “This can give us hands-on experience that be installed, as well as a danger. A three- in the near future. handful of selected students from six dif- we don’t normally get, and we’ll get to see floor structure on top of a massive system ferent American universities. Aside from our contributions aired on TV.” Adelphi, Florida State University, UCLA, Students who would like to work Cornell University, Northwestern Uni- behind-the-scenes on the show also have to versity and University of Utah have also go through a separate application process. signed on for the series. The subjects of From those applicants, 10 students from the series, from each school, will be se- each university will be selected. lected through an extensive application Applications are to be submitted process. to The Delphian by May 20. The selected “If I were here for another year students will be notified during the second or two, I would definitely fill out an ap- week of September. Production is set to be- plication to be featured on the show,” said gin on Oct. 10 later this year. senior Bianca Lastra. “I look forward to seeing friends and classmates on the show. Hopefully, seeing Adelphi on TV will make me miss it a little less.” Applications can be Although the subjects of the se- found on: ries need to live on campus, the producers of the show are allowing students to get defiler.com/docs. involved in another way. Communica- Send all applications to: tions and TV production students will be [email protected]. allowed to assist the cameramen and tech- Photo of the new archaeological site on Adelphi’s campus. nicians with the production of the reality Image provided by chi.adelphi.edu show. These students do not need to live 2 • April 1, 2016 The Defiler The Delphian A Word From the Editor

As you read through this latest edition of The Delphian, you may notice something unusual. For instance, that this issue came out on Friday, as op- posed to Monday, the usual publication day of the week. However, that’s certainly Editor-in-Chief Volume 71 not the only characteristic making this issue unique. This edition, which we call The Bryan Grilli Issue 9 Defiler, is part of the annual tradition honoring April Fool’s Day, and all of the charm and hilarity it represents. It’s an issue our staff thoroughly enjoys and is eager for News Editor Earle Hall Media Center each year, and we hope you enjoy it too! Jess Cooper One South Avenue Garden City, NY 11530 The Defiler has some very interesting news and feature stories packed into Editorials Editor it. The only catch is they’re not in fact, fact. These articles were very carefully crafted Jonathan Sclar HOW TO REACH US for the enjoyment of the Adelphi community and are intended as satirical pieces. I’d Main Office: 516-877-6935 ask anyone who reads this to keep in mind we are only seeking to uphold our yearly Features Editor E-mail: [email protected] tradition and have some light-hearted fun. We do not mean to be harmful in any way, Alexandra Wurglics shape or form. And as anyone in the Adelphi community should, we still love the LETTERS TO THE EDITOR adorable, harmless bunnies and anxiously await the opening of the Nexus building. Entertainment Editor Letters to the editor must be less than Gabrielle Deonath & 400 words and include the author’s I also am pleased to inform you that we will be publishing two more issues Danielle McDougall name, as well as affiliation to the before the semester’s end that will include stories based around real events unfold- college. Letters may be edited for the ing on our campus. Although it’s our wish that you enjoy this little break from the Sports Editor purposes of space and clarity. regularly scheduled programming, the remaining two publications will bring you all Fallon McCarthy Letters should be sent to of the factual information you’ve come to expect from us. [email protected] Production Artist April Fool’s Day is not just a cheerful holiday; it signifies that another Meghan Cody ORIGINAL ART month of the semester is completely finished. For students, this comes with the Original drawings, photographs, exciting notion that this is the last full month of school before it’s summer and time Treasurer and political cartoons can be sent to for some rejuvenation after a long semester and academic school year. It’s also a Michael Parchinsky [email protected]. Please attach reminder the seniors have only one more full month remaining in their undergraduate name and affiliation to the college. careers, as clearly demonstrated by the dwindling countdown in the UC. It’s time to Staff Writers buckle down, finish this out and reap the benefits of all the hard work.We certainly Kevin Padilla and Megan Whooley ADVERTISING hope that this issue, as well as the next two, will serve as some quick entertainment For advertising rates, email us at for you in between classes and studying. Delphian Advisor [email protected]. Liza N. Burby -Bryan Grilli SOCIAL MEDIA Editor-in-Chief Twitter: @the_Delphian Facebook: The Delphian adelphi-delphian.blogspot.com For real, we welcome new staff writers and graphic designers!

“Spoof” Transforms a Formerly Confused Audience to New Heights

instruct us: clearly, the cast, crew and us for it when it did, though. (Literally, some of the faces of the people around BY DANIELLE staff were fully dedicated to immersing for a start-time, our tickets simply said me were any indication, they were expe- riencing the same transformational sensa- MCDOUGALL us into this delightfully topsy-turvy at- “when the great yellow orb falls below mosphere. the horizon.”) We tilted our heads in al- tion. As we eager theatergoers most-perfect unison to the highest row of Following the cast’s evoca- Members of The Delphian staff with John King. Our theatre department has ambled our way on to the stage and seats where each of the actors had appar- tive grunts of what was assumed to be (L-R: Gabrielle Deonath, Bryan Grilli, John King and Danielle McDougall ) graced us with impassioned productions of huddled closely together (with some of ently been waiting quietly for us. Then, the word spoof in Serbian, they each Photo Credit: Claudio Papapietro timely works such as “How I Learned to the taller ones slithering to the back of they bestowed upon our ears the sweetest crouched back behind the seats, one by Drive,” “Angels in America: Millennium the mass of bodies to ensure everyone of sounds, a hearty, earth-rattling bellow one, to return to the position they had Approaches” and countless others in year’s a decent view), I couldn’t cast aside of one word:spoof. been at when our journey had begun. past and reminded us time and time over the sensation that I was beginning to I instantly became overcome by All that we felt appropriate to do how vital a role drama plays in fostering ascend to a higher plane of existence. chills; the cast proceeded to experiment to conclude the evening was to catch each creative energy on our campus. But, dur- I could practically feel myself becom- with thought-provoking vocalizations other in a massive, tight embrace. We had ing the first week of this March, audiences ing one with the people mashed on ranging from shrill screams to carnal, been through an unforgettable night to- were treated to an even more heightened either side of me in a way that I had grunting chants that hit me so viscerally gether, we had become better versions of experience: “Spoof,” an experimental-ar- thought impossible; each jab of an el- that all I had known about what the word ourselves – we would never be the same. tistic, vocal masterpiece. bow in the side, each cough wafting proof itself meant and what the sheer All this thanks to the relentless ingenuity Upon entering the Black Box The- over our heads from the older gentle- power of a voice could be had been com- and high-mindedness of the Adelphi The- atre, I was struck by the innovative staging man crouched behind us was a single pletely erased from my conscious. It felt atre Department. choice – that is, the fact that the stage was push further to a higher degree of psy- as though I was in the process of becom- completely bare and where the audience chological unity – what a life-altering ing a new being in that theatre, a cultur- was expected to sit. I should put empha- thing, and the show hadn’t yet begun. ally and physiologically elevated form of sis on expected, for the ushers would not Nothing could have prepared my previous self; and, if the tears on The Delphian The Defiler April 1, 2016 • 3 Meal Swipes Go Off Campus! Expected Menu

obvious and perfect choices,” said Wentz. Items BY MEGAN WHOOLEY “First on my list to recommend is A&S, especially since its 24 hours and who Hours 5 am to 8 pm Panthers, you heard right! Com- doesn’t love a 2 am bagel on their way ing to campus sooner than the Nexus home from the Hofstra Strip?” Breakfast served til 2 pm daily Building, next semester “Off Campus Why wait until next semester to Dining” will be an option for Adelphi have access to Off Campus Dining? Start- One Egg on a Roll ...... $3.00 students. This option will not be avail- ing this week, hop on Adelphi’s website able to all students. Resident students and add this option to your current meal Country Omelette Wrap ...... plan. This is a simple three-step process, who are purchasing the Gold Meal Plan $6.50 package and commuter students who are but hurry because only the first 100 students to do so will be able to use their purchasing the $500 package will have off Lighter Side Wrap ...... $5.75 campus swipes included in their fall 2016 swipes freely. meal plans. Start by logging into eCampus Vegetarian Omelette ...... These meal swipes will be ac- and clicking on “Housing Self-Service,” cepted at Cherry Valley Deli & Grill and then click on the Dining tab where the op- $6.50 Adelphi Delicatessen & Caterers. They tion “Select/Change My Plan” will come are the first of many to be added to Adel- up, and add “Off Campus Dining” to your Specialty Sandwiches phi’s “Off Campus Dining” plan. The in- spring 2016 semester. If you’re one of the stitution of this plan came after numerous 100 lucky Panthers, be kind and swipe a The Muddy Waters ...... $8.75 friend or even a stranger for a meal off complaints of extremely long lunch lines New York- New York ...... $9.75 in the UC, especially the “wrap line” be- campus. “This is a huge advantage for tween the hours of noon and 3 pm. Now, 19th Hole ...... (Roll) $8.75 with the added option of these two nearby students because more options are always delis, the line may be cut in half. Students better. Now if we can get Chipotle or Cold (Hero) $9.75 can now call in their orders to the Adelphi Stone added into the Nexus building we’ll Deli or Cherry Valley and pick them up in be set,” said Wentz. That may be wishful Wraps no time. thinking, but we can always hope. Jamie Wentz, a junior and presi- Cordon Bleu Wrap ...... $8.75 dent of the Pre-Professional Club, was among the first to be informed about the Store Address: The Forester ...... $8.75 school’s newest plan. “I think this is such 351 Nassau Blvd. Grilled Vegetable Wrap ...... $8.75 an amazing contribution to the campus. Cherry Valley and Adelphi Deli are such Garden City, NY 11530 Storefront and food displays of the Adelphi Delicatessen. photo provided by www.yelp.com Donald Trump Announces Bold New Campaign Strategy: Throw Money at Voters (Literally) campaign said that this program was and there’s no more direct way than just showed that Trump’s support went up BY KEVIN PADILLA conceived to spend his money more ef- giving it to them.” 1,000 percent. Democrats, Republicans, Ever since he announced his can- fectively. Whatever the reasoning behind Independents and even a few Green Party didacy, Donald Trump has faced ridicule “Why waste money on fancy the plan, it seems to be working in his fa- members lined up to support the real es- from both members of the media and the advertisements or events when you can vor. Thousands gathered at the first public tate mogul’s new initiative. voting public. Critics have questioned his just give it directly to the people?” said release, looking to collect even a small “I may not like what he has to promises, his business acumen and even one Trump spokesperson. “People will piece of the candidate’s vast fortune. The say, but who am I to argue with a move his name to try to bring him down. But vote for the candidate who promises to event seems to have even won over some like this,” said one prospective voter. “Be- no one was prepared for him to liven his keep money flowing into their pockets, voters. Polls taken right after the event sides it’s not like he’s going to get any- campaign by throwing money at the thing done anyway, so might as problem, literally. well vote for him it means more Today, Trump announced free money.” that he would begin throwing mon- While the campaign is ey off the top of some of the tall- planning to throw away a large est buildings in the country. Des- sum of money to fund this pro- ignating this new plan “The Trump gram, the entire program will Makes it Rain Campaign” the can- only cost Trump 5 percent of his didate plans to throw $500 million entire fortune as the candidate into the streets of the some of the has previously valued his own largest cities in America. net worth at $10 billion. This Beginning with the inau- program has seen Trump’s pop- gural release atop Trump Tower in ularity rise so high, it’s impos- New York City, Trump represen- sible to see anyway to stop the tatives emptied buckets of dollar, Don’s campaign. $20 and $100 bills randomly for a 20-minute period. The goal is to “Why waste money on host hundreds of these events in the fancy advertisements months leading up to the Presiden- or events when you can tial election, with the promise of just give it directly to the more to come if he wins the gen- Trump unveils his new plan and rises in the polls. eral election. Members of the Trump photo provided by beforeitsnews.com people?” 4 • April 1, 2016 The Defiler The Delphian Adelphi Adds Saban to Football Coaching Staff for 2020

department and approved. Construction BY FALLON MCCARTHY for the stadium, which will seat 70,000, will begin next week on the Cherry Val- ley golf course, recently purchased by the Adelphi University has taken big Athletics Department. steps toward establishing themselves as a The stadium is scheduled to be force to contend with in NCAA football, be- finished in time for the kick off of the fore even taking the field. University of Ala- 2020 season. bama Head Coach Nick Saban recently met Adelphi has a long history of ex- with Adelphi officials to sit down and talk cellence in athletics and the addition of about a contract which would start in 2020 the football team is expected to carry on and terminate in 2025. that tradition. This meeting resulted in Saban tak- ing the deal, for a slight pay cut on his end, and agreeing to start his recruiting process immediately. photo provided by www.modelfootballstadiums.com “Having a football team at Adelphi will be really cool for incoming students,” said junior Christina Palmenteri. “Having (Above) is the model of the stadium to be built on the Cherry Valley Nick Saban though? That takes it to another Golf Course (below) neighboring the Adelphi Campus. level.” Students across campus have ex- pressed their happiness and excitement at the fact that there will soon be a Panther foot- ball team. School spirit, which has been at an Nick Saban, future coach of the all-time high the last few years, is expected Adelphi University football team. to skyrocket with the addition of this new Photo provided by gamedayr.com Brown and Gold team. Many current and prospective stu- In his 10-year coaching ca- dents have been asking where the football reer, Saban has brought the team will make its home. Motamed? Will Crimson Tide to the playoffs they go off campus? Not hardly! for two consecutive years. Just last month the plans for a $100 million stadium were set before the athletics Photo provided by www.golfadvisor.com

Bunny Attacks Starting at Baseball Field May Become Campus-Wide Problem ers themselves beyond some emotional wreaking havoc and creating chaos. BY BRYAN GRILLI trauma and anxiety, there is a fear these 4. In the case your dormitory is attacks will escalate. The question infiltrated and important course papers remains whether or not this will increase are destroyed, professors have been As many of you are aware, the into full-blown assaults against the ath- given warning that, “a rabbit ate my wildlife population at Adelphi is com- letes, and Public Safety is looking into homework,” is a valid excuse for late or prised of several bunnies. These bunnies measures to prevent this from becoming incomplete homework. have come to be known as unofficial a reality. 5. Do not under any circum- mascots for the university and can be However, another main concern stances take pictures of the bunnies. It seen throughout the day hopping across is that the bunnies will expand their at- has been proven that Adelphi bunnies are the grass. However, what you might not tack radius and begin harassing the main extremely self-conscious about their ap- be quite so aware of is that these bunnies part of campus, as well as the baseball pearance and will enter into a fit of rage, are not as innocent as they appear. Sure, fields. If this occurs, the entire student and you and your phone will be in the they might look cute from a distance, body, faculty and administration might most immediate danger. but as they hop around, they are actually be at risk. 6. If you are attacked, bitten plotting nasty, destructive thoughts in “A rabbit attack on campus or scratched, seek medical treatment at their heads. would be a serious epidemic. As a com- once. Many of the bunnies test positive The Department of Athletics has muter, I’d fear walking from my car in for devastating diseases like rabies or suffered the most at the paws of these the parking lot to my classes,” said Em- Not as innocent as they may appear. tularemia. malicious bunnies, especially the baseball ily Elefonte, a junior English major. Photo provided by adelphi.edu These are simply safety warn- and softball teams, as well as the club Public Safety has issued some ings and are only to aid you in case of a teams. It has been reported these bunnies preliminary safety precautions and bunny or a fluffle (the term for a group more severe emergency. As of right now, have caused a lot of trouble over the past recommendations in preparation of an of rabbits), it is best that you walk to the the majority of the campus will function few weeks, breaking into locker rooms escalation of the violence. There are as nearest building as slowly as possible. as normal except the baseball and softball and chewing up the field, gloves, balls follows: If there is a blue light system near, you fields. In the meantime, biology students and hats. 1. Do not approach or attempt to may also utilize it, but be warned, Public and faculty are also conducting experi- “Every game they run on the feed the bunnies at any time if you want Safety is trained to avoid contact at all ments and research attempting to find out field and we have to call for time out,” to preserve your hand, arm and/or any costs. Because of this, all Public Safety what has triggered such aggression in the said Vinny Amodeo, a senior communica- other body part in reach. These animals vehicles have been prepped with small ordinarily docile species. This subject tions major and second baseman for the are not as adorable as they appear and ladders leading to the hood of the car has become the basis for many topics that club baseball team. “During one game, you will put your life at risk. where you are to remain until a safe zone will be featured on April 12 at Adelphi’s a bunny chewed out a hole near second 2. If at all possible, limit the is reached. 13th Annual Research Conference. You base and the runner fell in. We had to time you are in class and proceed from 3. Do not leave your windows can expect more information via email as cancel the rest of the game.” building to building in a timely, orderly open because they are extremely stealthy it becomes available. Although these attacks have fashion. Should you cross an aggressor and will be able to enter the building, been relatively harmless to the play-