R4680 NEWS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW (inc VAT)

noseweek222 APRIL 2018

l Vodacom l Resilient l KPMG l Nedbank l BMW

l Snakes in suitsCLEAN UP00222 104042

TIME 771025 9

Your favourite magazine is now ISSUE 222 • APRIL 2018 available on your iPad and PC

R45) (inc VAT

NEWS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW

k218 ee DECEMBER ewThe spy at nos Nkosazana’s side Paedophile thief mining the 2017 Waterberg

Gender dilemma

Page 27 00218

104042

771025 9 FEATURES 7 What WikiLeaks reveals about Cyril Makhosi Khoza sinks According to documents, the Presidenther clawsis liked into Zuma’s ANCby 4 Letters business, but remains a socialist at heart 6 Editorial 8 Black to the future 31 Smalls Ethekwini Metro is taking a leaf out of the Afrikaner nationalists’ book with new job reservation rules AVAILABLE 9 Death do us part ON YOUR COLUMNS Syndicates are muscling in on Durban’s funeral industry to exclude white and Indian-owned TABLET 26 Books businesses

27 Not Rocket 11 Medical aids: who’s scamming whom? Science Doctors and pharmacists say evidence is being Download your fabricated to strong-arm money out of them digital edition today 28 Letter from 14 Vodacom’s fraudulent charges They’ve got to pick a pocket or two both single issues and Umjindi subscriptions available 20 Resilient isn’t 29 Down and Group faces the dreadful truth Out PLUS never miss a copy – 21 No sacred cows with back issues available to 30 Last Word Analyst and researcher Gareth van Onselen is even- download and store handed with his tongue lashings of all South Africa’s major political parties DOWNLOAD YOUR DIGITAL 24 Joburg valuation crisis EDITION AT The latest round has roots in a dodgy tender awarded www.noseweek.co.za to the company that messed up 5 years ago or % 021 686 0570 25 A pain in the BMW Dealership’s sloppy work wrecked owner’s car then they slapped him with a R362,000 quote for repairs

NOSEWEEK April 2018 3 Letters

Red riddle road moment and changed his mind. There is every indication that the Knowing well about the Catholic IN A HEADLINE IN THE CONTENTS PAGE OF banks could have something – a lot orthodoxy from the beginning, he nose221 you refer scarily to the “evil – to hide. It is noteworthy that they instead set out to confirm, through Rissians” who robbed Hillary. Who be only ran for cover when the Guptas his own original scientific observa- they? became a hot issue in the press. Public tion and reasoning, that Copernicus’s Alter Karpes exposure was the risk they were most theories were correct. Fairmount, Johannesburg concerned about. Prior to that they Jim Phelps were happy to collect the fees for Fish Hoek , Cape Town Shorthand for Rich and Risky making massive cash transfers to Russians. Clever, hey? – Ed. funny destinations. – Ed. n LONG AGO, WHEN TIM NOAKES WAS under the spotlight, someone said Not so Resilient ANC scumbags “This is a rich person’s diet.” He replied, like the old headless French I’VE JUST READ NOSE221. SEEING I HAVING JUST READ THE LATEST EDITION OF queen: “Let them eat offal.” Well, the have some Fortress A and B shares Noseweek, I’ve come to the conclusion, French are the only ones to know [Fortress is part of the Resilient yet again, that the ANC and its leading what to do with offal. group], I thought I might get rid of members must be the most corrupt, I did not see in your article the them before the shit hits the fan. crooked, devious, dishonest, greedy, real causes of obesity, which are the Seems I’ve been too busy lately to incompetent and inept politicians God fast-foods that poor people consume. look carefully at my small portfolio ever put breath into! The world will be A tired mother gets home and hasn’t and also put the lower value down a far better place without them. the energy to cook for a family to the Steinhoff debacle. However, Nick McConnell nagging for MacDonalds. She spends on closer inspection I see that my B Howick, KZN a huge amount on this daily rubbish. shares have gone down 60% over the Coke is cheaper than milk. Everyone past month. I’m going to sell both Noakes misled? is hungry a lot of the time, and Fortress A and B shares on principle needs more and more. The Peninsula as these crooks (along with Steinhoff, ONE THING THAT GETS ME ABOUT THE School Feeding scheme provides the etc) are making us poorer. pro-Noakes hoo-ha is why he only healthy meal the children who I’d be better off at the casino. At was such a strong advocate of remain in some of the schools, get. least they offer free drinks. carbo-loading in the first place. He Until these systemic problems are Vic blames this all on being misled by his addressed LCHF discussions are not Muizenberg UCT professors, the dietary ortho- relevant to our people. doxy and the suborning power of Geri Goldblatt I would have thought that if it’s the pharmaceutical, carb and sugar Marina da Gama, Cape Town all about principle, you should industries, and not on his own inad- have sold your Fortress shares equate research. n I HAD BREAKFAST WITH A COLLEAGUE long ago; Noseweek revealed the My mother brought up our family who railed against Noakes for the fraudulent operations of the direc- on a low-carb diet based on her faith “nonsense” he spoke. I said I think tors and their associates years ago in John Yudkin’s wide-selling book Noakes will be proven correct; he’s – see noses136&137. And again in The Slimming Business, published doing actual scientific research, not September 2015 (nose191). – Ed. by Penguin in 1958. I have her copy anecdotal or “population studies” to this day, all marked up with her where people are asked what they n IN YOUR NOSE221 EDITORIAL YOU NOTE enthusiastic notations. Why didn’t eat: “How much alcohol do you drink how various banks and stockbrokers Noakes not take this pioneering each day?” – Er… have for several years successfully scientist’s work on carbs and sugar Did I know of the “China Study”?! resisted subpoenas to reveal their into account when he first presented Yes, I said, and to my mind it’s unsci- records of transactions involving the himself as an authoritative dietary entific and discredited and was done Resilient property group to SAPS adviser? This prompts one to ask: by people invested in the business investigators. if we shouldn’t have believed him of nutrition. It is only regarded as When, if ever, will a bank be success- then, why should we believe him scientific because: 1. That’s the way fully subpoenaed to show full details now? Suggesting that Noakes is a nutrition science was done then; 2. It of where the money went? modern-day Galileo is too rich for had a pre-ordained conclusion that Do the banks have something to my stomach. It’s like saying Galileo supported the authors and other big hide? had a money-making book strongly businesses. D R Gohl advocating the Ptolemaic universe He didn’t like that. Later I found Helderkruin, Roodepoort published before he had a Damascus out he runs a sideline business

4 Letters

promoting “whole foods”. Hello-o! “As the committee, we have Accept help to cut road carnage (I ate egg and bacon, he ate a moun- protected the project for long and tain of fruit and muesli). we are is at the stage where the FEBRUARY WAS YET ANOTHER MONTH OF Pete Ess project will come to a halt until horrifying carnage on our roads – Montclair, Somerset West all outstanding matters are dealt costing way more lives in a month with and Sanral comes back to the than Listeriosis caused in a year. And you were both happier for having committee – made up of four chiefs – If the opposition parties had the choice. – Ed. to find solutions and give feedback on campaigned for the introduction of all outstanding issues.” measures to curb our road carnage as Sanral’s Amadiba crisis Our government is talking about other countries have done with great giving the land back. But they are success by way of the internationally THANK YOU, NOSEWEEK FOR YOUR taking the land away from us. coverage of the Amadiba’s struggle acclaimed Vision Zero road safety Nonhle Mbuthuma plan, we could almost do away with against Sanral. Spokesperson, Amadiba Crisis Committee On 23 of February, the Regional the Road Accident Fund levy, which Manager of Sanral in Eastern Cape, Ruffled Russian tweets together with its knock-on effects Mr Mbulelo Peterson, led an infor- costs South Africans billions of rands mation meeting in Lusikisiki about AFTER READING RIAN MALAN’S PIECE ON each month. the N2 Wild Coast Toll Road. When the US obsession with Russian tweet When Sweden and Australia offered finished, he had to listen to complaints campaigns (nose221), I found another our government help to cut our road about the whole stretch of the N2 great article online that your readers carnage they were ignored – and project, from Mbizana Business might enjoy: (World News Daily: hundreds of thousands of road deaths Forum in the north, to Port St John in Information Clearing House(“News have occurred because our govern- the east, to Lusikisiki in the south. you won’t find on CNN or Fox News”). ment failed to act. Mr Peterson replied that Sanral had The piece, which unpicks the Russia When will those responsible be held come “to apologise”. He said he knows BS, is called “Mueller’s Comic Book accountable, along with those respon- there are “complaints from every- Indictment: How to Prosecute A Great sible for Marikana and Esidimeni? Richard Benson where in Pondoland”. His apology was Big Nothingburger”. Road Safety Action Campaign confusing. He did not apologise for: Philip Smith Queensland, Australia Cape Town l Sanral’s refusing to negotiate the demands of Njanda and Ngwenyeni villages in Khanyayo; lwhat Sanral’s contractor, Mamlambo, is doing in Lusikisiki; l Sanral’s destroying the reputation of traditional leaders and violating customary law; l not answering the “N2 Chiefs”, who are getting scared of their communities instead of getting rich; l Sanral having kept their protest letters secret from the Environmental Monitoring Committee and the media. Peterson did not know why he was apologising. It was just ukudlulisa ithole kunina [Passing the calf to its mother]. The two letters from the “N2 Chiefs” surfaced in February. Let their protest against Sanral and their fear of the AmaMpondo be known. I quote: “People do not trust Sanral anymore as all promises were not met, yet the awarding of the bridge has been final- ised. The chiefs are now being treated as though they sold land to Sanral, as Our deficit-reduction plan is simple, but it will all the commitments the chiefs signed require a great deal of money for have not been met.

NOSEWEEK April 2018 5 C

Editor Editorial Martin Welz [email protected] Assistant Editor Jonathan Erasmus Leave no stone unturned Special Correspondent HE WORK KPMG DID FOR THE GUPTAS HAS minute his name appeared on the agenda, Jack Lundin resulted in a decline in public trust in KPMG and Investec sent senior counsel rushing Designer the chartered accountancy profession, to challenge his locus standi (his legal status to Tony Pinchuck the CEO of the South African Institute of testify), clearly hoping to shut him up before he Sub-editor Chartered Accountants (SAICA), Terence can open his mouth. Fiona Harrison NombembeT told the Ntsebeza Commission at its Also objecting to this complaint being consid- opening session in February. ered by the commission was advocate A E Bham Contributors As Business Day reported, Nombembe called SC, acting for Ms Bavhana Sooku, the KPMG Sibusiso Biyela, William Douglas, on the Ntsebeza Inquiry to “leave no stone un- audit director who allegedly signed off on several Michiel Heyns, Bheki Mashile, turned” in its investigation of the alleged miscon- legally non-compliant annual accounts of JCI Sue Segar, Harold Strachan, duct of the SAICA members who worked for the Ltd, the company Kebble used as channel for Anne Susskind, Mark Young “big-five” audit firm and its consultancy arm. his thefts and which has for several years now Cartoonists KPMG SA came under fire most recently for been controlled by Investec. Bham argues that Stacey Stent, Dr Jack its role in the audit of Gupta-owned Linkway the Ntsebeza Commission is being conducted in Trading, that was used to channel taxpayers’ terms of the constitution of the SA Institute of Accounts money to fund the Gupta family’s 2013 Sun City Chartered Accountants (SAICA), which forbids Nicci van Doesburgh wedding and other family interests and adven- the institute to investigate a complaint already [email protected] tures. The money was to have been used for the raised with a related body – in this instance, Subscriptions upliftment of indigent Free State dairy farmers. the Independent Regulatory Board for Auditors Maud August The international auditing firm also came IRBA. (Sooku is a member of both.) [email protected] under fire for its SARS “rogue spy unit” report, Bham goes on to point out that complaints, Advertising which was used by SARS’s Gupta-endorsed new similar to those now raised by Blersch were 021 686 0570 commissioner, Tom Moyane, to justify his contro- already lodged by other Randgold shareholders [email protected] versial firing of then deputy commissioner Ivan with IRBA in 2013. (Typical of such lame-duck Pillay and head of investigations, Johan van self-policing professional bodies, IRBA has yet to

All material in this issue is copyright, and belongs Loggerenberg. The actual KPMG report on the report an outcome.) to Chaucer Publications (Pty) Ltd, unless otherwise SARS “rogue unit” has never been made public Whether these objectors succeed or not could indicated. No part of the material may be quoted, but, faced with the public outrage that followed be an early test of the commission’s courage to photocopied, reproduced or be stored by any the firing of Pillay and Van Loggerenberg, KPMG take on major vested interests. electronic system without prior written permission. hurriedly announced it had withdrawn the Disclaimer: While every reasonable effort is taken to ensure the accuracy and soundness of the contents of report’s conclusions, recommendations and legal LSO JUST AS NOSEWEEK WAS GOING TO PRESS, this publication, neither the authors nor the publisher opinions – those used by Moyane to justify his Nedbank lost another round to Dorothy will bear any responsibility for the consequences of actions – but not the report in its entirety. Brakspear, the 84-year-old English widow any actions based on information contained. Printed And in a Judas-style gesture, KPMG refunded A who is determined to expose the South African and Published by Chaucer Publications (Pty) Ltd. SARS the (patently outrageous) R25-million fee banking group’s shabby and unlawful dealings it had charged for the report. Also on the Ntsebeza Commission’s agenda is related to its offshore banking and trustee KPMG’s role in covering up what happened to subsidiaries on various island tax havens. the close-on R2 billion that Brett Kebble raised In nose220 we reported that Nedbank had from the sale of shares he stole from listed asked the Royal Court of Jersey to allow them company Randgold, in order to invest the cash not to have to file responses to the feisty widow’s in other companies in which he and friends had charges prior to their bringing an application a vested interest. Investec and Allan Gray being to have her entire case struck out. The court SUBSCRIPTION RATES amongst those friends. refused and instead ordered the bankers to file their responses in three weeks. Print As revealed in various issues of Noseweek over the years, Investec has made extensive use of Next, Brakspear brought an application to SA only R420 its own “tame” auditors, KPMG, to help ensure force the bankers to produce their records, Neighbouring states (airmail) R620 those stolen shares (or their current value) were including ledgers and journals, related to Europe, Americas and Australasia R760 never recovered by the shareholders of Randgold. loans they claimed under oath to have made. Internet edition KPMG also provided cover for the fact that Brakspear says the loan claims were fabricated 1 year R305 Investec and Allan Gray shared handsomely by Nedgroup executives, inter alia to justify a Combined in, or otherwise benefited from, the proceeds of contrived liquidation. Print+Internet (SA only) R520 Kebble’s crimes and ensured they were not crim- Also at stake are various shady Panama inally prosecuted for their role in the theft and/ “structures” created by bank trustees. Despite To subscribe the bankers’ vigorous opposition, the court gave By phone (021) 686 0570 or cover-up. Conflicts-of-interest and charging massive fees for NOT doing the proper audits them three weeks to produce all their banking Online (pay by credit card): required by law have been the name of the game. records – in advance of their own application for www.noseweek.co.za Allan Gray has simply hung around as In- a strike-out. Email [email protected] vestec’s silent (very silent) partner. As Noseweek May the wheelchair-bound Ms Brakspear, who went to press, former Randgold director Johann appeared in person and unrepresented, live to (Note: cheques no longer accepted) Blersch was scheduled to testify about these see the outcome of this grotesque case. The Editor Further information matters to the Ntsebeza Commission. The Call (021) 686 0570; fax 021 686 0573 or email [email protected] What WikiLeaks reveals about Cyril

HORTLY AFTER CYRIL RAMAPHOSA’S on MTN’s billion-dollar buy-in into conscience cannot repeat. election as President of South the Syrian cellular market, said that Stratfor did have some more prac- Africa, WikiLeaks founder Ramaphosa (who at the time was the tical observations to make, namely that Julian Assange tweeted: “172 MTN chairman) “remains a committed doing business in South Africa needed documents from WikiLeaks’s socialist despite his recent business political cover, and that Ramaphosa archivesS referencing South Africa’s success”. was one to provide it. In a 2008 fore- new president”. On November 19, 2007 analyst Dele casting document, Stratfor wrote: What these documents revealed was Olojede told US diplomats that while “Private industry in South Africa has predictable: Ramaphosa is liked by President Thabo Mbeki “has essen- built BBBEE partnerships to comply business, Western governments and tially sewn up the nomination as ANC with the ANC government’s goals for Israel, while it is widely accepted that president at the upcoming December the initiative. Such empowerment he remains a socialist at heart. 2007 party conference” (when in fact partnerships have included several The documents that Assange refers he was defeated by Jacob Zuma), it high-profile and politically connected to come predominantly from two was Ramaphosa who was “the best- black businessmen, including Tokyo sources: the Global Intelligence Files, qualified candidate for the job”. Sexwale, Cyril Ramaphosa, Patrice consisting of a trove of information And then there’s a document, “Some Motsepe, Mathews Phosa and Saki that belonged to a Texas-based intel- Light Conspiracy Reading”, that was Macozoma. As a result, those men ligence firm, Stratfor, which sells released by Stratfor in 2001. Titled have become tremendously wealthy. intelligence to large corporations; and “High Treason: an Intelligence Report Detractors of BBBEE, say the initia- the infamous CableGate database on South Africa”, written by Gunter tive has created dollar-denominated which saw WikiLeaks shoot to fame Schickelgruber, the pen-name of an billionaires while it has not led to in 2010 and is made up of US diplo- anonymous author whose disposition is any significant reduction in economic matic cables. Most are simply reports revealed by his choice of Hitler’s birth inequality. of news events at the time that happen surname as a pseudonym. The report “In any case, BBBEE partnerships to contain a passing reference to claimed not only that Ramaphosa was between private industry and politi- Ramaphosa. a member of a secret society within the cally connected tycoons have been a A few contain a bit more. In a 2006 ANC, but also made a series of defama- means of complying with government’s forecasting document, Stratfor said tory claims that even Noseweek in good BBBEE goals.” n that if either Mathews Phosa, Ramaphosa or Stent Tokyo Sexwale ran for president in 2009 they Hawks raid Jacques Pauw’s guest house and restaurant for secret documents would “have the backing of the greater South African business community and the pro-business wing of the ANC”. Within the CableGate files, in February 2010 former Israeli ambas- sador to South Africa, Dov Segev-Steinberg, told US diplomats that people within the ANC with whom the Jewish state could work, were Phosa and Ramaphosa. The ambassador stated at the time [but which continues to be the case] that Israeli- South African relations were poor. In July 2006 Michael Danke, a Counsellor at the US Embassy in South Africa, while commenting

NOSEWEEK April 2018 7 Black to the future Ethekwini Metro is taking a leaf out of the Afrikaner nationalists’ play book by introducing a new form of job reservation, writes Mitzi Kaplansky

THEKWINI METRO HAS EMBARKED ON FFRET is led by Bonga Shongwe who billboards, recycling services, security an aggressive strategy of job res- has been characterised as a “mafia boss” and the built-environment professions. ervation for black Africans, much in the local press. He is a member of During the conference the city’s like the National Party did for the infamous Delangokubona Business head of Supply Chain Management poor Afrikaners in a bid to shore Forum which has earned a reputation Andre Pietersen kept referring to upE dwindling support. for invading construction sites, bran- “the demographic I’ve been told not to In February the metro hosted what dishing firearms, and halting all work mention”, intimating that that group may have been the country’s first while demanding 30% of the contract’s was largely responsible for “RET” Radical Economic Transformation value (nose211). having failed in the city. That demo- Conference – reinforcing a policy Numerous local businesses have had graphic, it emerged, was the city’s shift towards job reservation for black to obtain court interdicts against the Indian business community – or as Africans. But the ANC-run municipality forums (that are now a part of FFRET), one attendee informed the writer, “like appears to be scapegoating Indian busi- including the ANC-led KwaDukuza the Guptas”. nesses for its own internal failures – Municipality which incorporates To help Durban break down race blaming them, as a demographic, for the coastal hamlet of Ballito. They groups under the umbrella of “black”, the city’s shrinking economic growth. described Delangokubona’s modus Pietersen said the city could now The city has been controlled by the operandi as “Mafia-style assaults”. differentiate by using the term “Black ANC for 15 years, dominating the In Durban, FFRET persuaded the Business Enterprise (BBE)” to repre- metro with 57% of the vote in the 2016 city to pay them off with a conference. sent Indian, or “Other Black” and local government elections – reflecting In February 2017 the council adopted “Preferred Business Enterprise” to a 4% decline from 2011 – while the DA a “Radical Economic Transformation represent black African. grew by just over 5% to 26,92%, and the Policy Framework”, citing former presi- “Out of the spend going to BBE, 94% Inkatha Freedom Party (IFP) which, dent Jacob Zuma’s call for practical was for one particular target group at 4.2%, is on an upward trajectory implementation of a “RET”. The frame- and I don’t have to say… (Indian). The throughout the province. work did not explicitly say contracts are executive council approved a ‘Preferred Conference delegates called for reserved for black Africans, but this is Black Enterprise’ category, to correct simplicity in the tender system, fair- now what is now clearly understood by this ‘distortion of spend’. We deserve ness of opportunity, and no corruption. the phrase. applause for this,” said Pietersen – Yet the metro has for years abused In May 2017, Durban Mayor Zandile who appears to be coloured. Section 36 of the Municipal Finance Gumede said the city was unapologetic Pietersen said the city had to go Management Act, which allows the city about promoting black economic trans- through “legal gymnastics” to reserve to circumvent all tender processes. In the formation. She said “those who want to contract jobs for black African busi- main these tenders have gone to selected do business with the city must get used nesses. “For a long time we were told tenderprenuers such as the politically to black”. we could not do set-asides. Now we connected Mpisane family or the Gcaba The framework originally required have those set-asides and that’s what brothers, who are known to be relatives that contractors who were awarded we call Contract Participation Goals. of former president Jacob Zuma. tenders in excess of R30m must We had to work our way around the The city, which has been embroiled ensure that 30% of their subcontrac- legal system. We said we are not going in several large-scale corruption scan- tors are local black African businesses. to call it ‘set-asides’, we are going to dals, has recently embarked on a policy However, the conference was told that, call it ‘Contract Participation Goals’.” of restricting media access to council in reality, subcontractors must be used The city’s official position is that decision-making bodies. in any contract awarded. without “RET” black African protests The Radical Economic Transfor- The “RET” framework also specifies will remain violent. mation Conference was organised by the industries which provide services A source in the municipality said the a recently registered non-profit called for the city. Called “low-hanging fruit”, city was playing a dangerous game by the Federation For Radical Economic these include bakeries, suppliers of trying to placate the thuggish “forum” Transformation (FFRET) with the groceries, detergent manufacturers groupings and could find itself in a metro footing the bill of roughly and suppliers, toilet paper, office furni- position where it cannot deliver on its R1 million. ture, construction material, footwear, promises. n

8 Death do us part Armed and organised syndicates are muscling in on Durban’s funeral industry to exclude white and Indian-owned businesses from operating in KZN townships and rural areas. Jonathan Erasmus reports

HILE A CALL TO “BAN” WHITE and Indian undertakers from operating in town- ships and rural areas around Durban was al- waysW dead in the water, it points to a worrying Mafioso trend developing in the East Coast city. Increasingly, loosely formed organ- ised-crime syndicates acting under the guise of “business forums”, “associ- ations” or “federations” are disrupting industries, sometimes at gunpoint, and demanding their slice of the pie. These radical groups appear to have the ear of both the eThekwini munici- pality and the KZN government. In January the National Funeral Practitioners Association of South Africa (Nafupa) announced the ban, as of 1 February, warning that if any Indian or white undertakers continued to host funerals, or drive, or bury, corpses in the townships, they would be met with violence. Nafupa president Muzi Hlengwa (left) and secretary general Nkosentsha Shezi Speaking on SABC Morning Live in January, the association’s secretary- general Nkosentsha Shezi alleged that cial ANC leader, Sihle Zikalala, inter- there was a conspiracy against black vened, but the brewing race war over funeral practitioners, preventing the right to put a body six feet under them from getting work from the Road These radical was only averted when a back-room Accident Fund which was a regular deal was struck with Doves. supplier of dead people for burial. Doves is in fact a fully-fledged black- “Big white business and Indian groups appear to owned funeral company. companies have colluded with our On 4 February Nafupa’s president own government to stop us from doing have the ear of Muzi Hlengwa announced that Doves work,” he claimed. “The only way would help them secure an insurance Indian or white-owned businesses licence, assist by constructing facili- should be allowed to work in town- both the eThekwini ties they could use with the transfer of ships is if they moved there and sent skills, and help them access work via their children to the “overcrowded the Road Accident Fund (RAF). schools with broken windows”. municipality and Nafupa said it had also met officials Doves Funeral Services and Avbob, from Home Affairs and the RAF and two of the largest undertakers in South called for them to “speed up processes Africa, responded by rushing to the the KwaZulu-Natal we agreed on”. It said the [apartheid] High Court in Durban to obtain inter- ideal of reserving previously classified dicts against the association’s threats black areas for black business only, of violence. Provincial minister for government could be achieved peacefully. Economic Development and a provin- What the association failed to

NOSEWEEK April 2018 9 mention is that their office is based in Durban’s lower Berea just outside the Zuma and Nafupa scratch CBD and not an apartheid-era “black area” like the townships of Umlazi or each other’s backs KwaMashu which they claim to repre- sent. Their business neighbours are LIKE A MURDER OF CROWS, BIRDS OF A Doves and Avbob. feather flock together. And like any mafia they had no On 8 March Nafupa held a dinner intention of stopping their extortive in honour of former president demands. In February they continued Jacob Zuma, where they honoured to harass Avbob until it was forced him with an “Achievement Award” back to the High Court to interdict the for his stance on Radical Economic association and Hlengwa for being in Transformation. violation of the January order. Among the guests were the Judge Moodley postponed the matter pariahs of South Africa, including to 6 March telling Hlengwa to provide the mafia-styled Delangokubona reasons why he shouldn’t go to jail. SA Business Forum, and Zuma On 4 March Hlengwa told a press defenders, the Unemployed briefing that Avbob was “cashing in on People’s Trust and Black First black people” and said: “Everyone is Land First (BLF). making money off black people. Avbob At the event, Zuma was reported has 5.5 million lives they insure and to have blamed “powerful” whites 80% are black people. That equates for his removal. to 4.4m blacks who have policies or Also involved in the dinner was who are covered by them‚ and they VBS Mutual Bank – which was are a white company. We must make placed under curatorship three it a black company. They must hand days later by the South African over the company to us. We want our Reserve Bank over serious people; the black people are ours. We liquidity issues. vow to take Avbob and make it ours‚ The bank and the association whether they put us in jail or not‚ this have a long-standing banking will happen‚” he said. partnership. VBS infamously Two days later, after all his fighting loaned Zuma R7.8m to pay for the talk, Hlengwa sent his wife to a man’s non-security related upgrades to battle. She told Judge Nkosi that her his Nkandla home. hubby was sick. Both court orders Zuma also supported Nafupa’s were confirmed as well as a contempt- claim saying: “Indian must bury an of-court and a costs order that were Indian, white must bury a white and awarded in Avbob’s favour. African must bury an African”. n Avbob asked the court to suspend the imprisonment of Hlengwa for a further six months on condition that the second-highest ranking. In 2017 it he or his association did not threaten was accredited as a “Top Employer” by the company again. the Top Employer Institute, a global Avbob spokesman Marius du Plessis certifier of employee conditions which said in a statement the company had has also accredited Anglo American “always been willing to engage”. Platinum, Airports Company SA, “Their demands were completely Clicks, and the law firm ENSAfrica. unrealistic and irrational. NafupaSA Avbob’s 2017 annual report stated demanded among other things that that its income rose 16% to R3.1 billion Avbob pay them 30% of Avbob’s annual and the number of funerals conducted profits to shut down their campaign, grew for the fifth year running. The and to set up fully functional funeral company says that it has been selling parlours for Nafupa SA. into the “black” market since 1946. “We will not allow the benefits due The members of its board of directors to our members (Avbob is in fact a are: Frik Rademan (CEO); PA Delport mutual assurance association; the (chairman); Zee Cele; MPP Nyama; NA largest in Africa) to be plundered Cowie; HA Lambrechts; Deno Pillay; by violent minorities with narrow GL Marx; and Tracey Cooper. The agendas of personal enrichment.” company insures 5.5 million people Avbob has a level 2 BBBEE rating, and has more than 6,000 employees. n

10 Medical aids: who’s scamming whom? Doctors and pharmacists say evidence is being fabricated to strong-arm money out of them for purported fraud. By Jonathan Erasmus

OR YEARS MEDICAL AID PROVIDERS with challenges faced by its members have claimed that medical with medical aids, has stated they are practitioners were robbing being unfairly targeted, even racially them blind through various in- profiled as automatic suspects by tricate medical aid fraud scams the medical scheme forensic depart- –F fraud that is often blamed for the ments, and have lodged papers with above-inflation increases that mem- the North Gauteng High Court in an bers need to swallow on a yearly basis. attempt to force the medical schemes But now a number of doctors are to rethink their approach in dealing claiming that they are the ones being with allegations of fraud. They are cheated, extorted and left bankrupt asking that they be seen as innocent by the very same medical insurance until proven guilty, not the reverse, as industry, as it attempts to claw back now appears to apply. losses that amount to a financial black The types of medical aid fraud keep hole – the industry’s annual losses to on evolving, but broadly speaking its fraud are estimated at anything up to purpose is to make sure the medical R20 billion, depending on the source. schemes pay for something or The medical aids’ primary weapon, someone they do not normally cover, it emerges, is to pressure accused or to extract undue money out of the doctors to sign an acknowledgement schemes for purposes of self-enrich- of debt (AOD) committing to pay back ment. the money they’ve allegedly stolen. To counter this crime the insurers An AOD seen by Noseweek, that was have devised complex algorithms to drawn up by Discovery Health (Pty) detect anomalies within the supply Ltd, allows the debtor no slack, even chain and when irregularities appear dictating that the debtor cannot raise they are flagged for further inspection. certain defences in future litigation They might then send in a “probe” to get out of the debt, including errore Discovery Health CEO Jonathan armed with a secret camera to spy on calculi where they could claim the the alleged fraudulent practitioner Broomberg accuses pharmacist medical scheme made an error in its by pretending to be a real client. The calculations as to what is owed. Previsha Harripersad of lying probe will try to persuade the practi- It also states that “by signing this tioner to commit a fraudulent act, as agreement you are exercising your the computer suspects is his or her own free choice without inducement or claims she was forced to sign “under custom. coercion”. Which by several accounts duress”. She claims the “evidence” The insurer then uses the video does not quite describe the real situ- against her is a complete fabrication evidence and data they’ve collected to ation. and maintains she has been finan- make the medical practitioner sign an Several practitioners believe they cially ruined by the AOD policy. AOD rather than pursuing criminal had little choice but to sign the However Discovery Health CEO charges. AOD or face financial ruin and huge Dr Jonathan Broomberg says The AOD is not for the debt that the reputational damage. In one such Harripersad is telling porky pies. administrator can prove through the case Durban pharmacist Previsha Meanwhile, the National Health evidence gathered by the probe, but Harripersad says she has been Care Professionals Association rather an extrapolation of what was fighting Discovery since 2013 over two (NHCPA), a body of black medical thought to have been fraudulently AODs totalling R1,250,000, which she practitioners initially created to deal claimed over a period of time. For

NOSEWEEK April 2018 11 xxxxxxxxx

instance Medscheme Holdings (Pty) when the “evidence” presented by the Ltd, which administers 18 schemes medical scheme to make her sign an including the Government Employees AOD does not stand up to independent Medical Scheme (GEMS) which is the interrogation, wiggling out of the AOD second-largest in the country after the A lawyer says the is nearly impossible. Discovery Health Medical Scheme, She signed two AODs, one of R1m quantifies the value of the loss over a and another of R250,000 in rela- three-year period. manner in which tion to her two pharmacies; Main If a doctor refuses to sign the AOD Pharmacy and Hill Street Pharmacy and disputes the allegation of fraud respectively, both based in Pinetown. or fails to service the AOD timeously, the administrators She has since closed both businesses. the administrator freezes all claims by She believes that because the South that practitioner from all the schemes African Pharmacy Council cleared her it administers. This includes freezing are recouping of wrongdoing, she shouldn’t have to claims made by members who paid repay the debt. cash upfront at that facility. Discovery Health reported her to And in an industry where the funds could easily the council in 2013 and presented the market is concentrated between two body with the evidence they used to big administrators, falling out with sanction her. But in February 2015 them can instantly destroy a prac- be construed as the council Registrar’s Complaints tice or business. Two such players are Review Panel (RCRP) found “in Medscheme and Discovery Health. extortion respect of the complaint lodged Both Medscheme and Discovery are against [Harripersad]” that there is respondents in the NHCPA’s applica- “no further action due to insufficient tion to have section 59(3) of the Medical evidence or unprofessional conduct”. Schemes Act (which allows medical practitioner. I’m also fighting the They considered the matter closed. aids to withhold funds if they suspect extortion [and AODs]. The schemes are Discovery’s Broomberg, said in a fraud) deemed unconstitutional. powerful but we are raising the funds written response to Noseweek, said Dennis Sibuyi, a Sandton-based to take this matter to court. We buried the SAPC ruling doesn’t “change the lawyer representing the NHCPA, said a colleague in the Eastern Cape in fact that Harripersad’s pharmacies, the manner in which the administra- December who took his life because of by her own admission and backed tors are using the AODs to recoup the stress this issue has caused,” said up by our clear evidence, submitted funds could easily be construed as Buthelezi. In the insurers’ quest to root fraudulent claims”. extortion. out fraud they demand access to patient “In our view, the SAPC should “We are not saying fraudulent files. “This violates patients’ confiden- explain how it can allow professionals medical practitioners mustn’t be pros- tiality and if you don’t give them the which it regulates to get away with ecuted. We are just saying that due file, including historical information criminal conduct of this kind,” said process must be followed. For instance going back several years, they will stop Broomberg. if the doctor has submitted claims of your payment,” said Buthelezi. Harripersad said no solid evidence R1 million and the medical aid scheme Represented by ENS, Discovery’s had been presented to her as to how suspects R100,000 of this could be forensic chief Marius Smit argues Discovery arrived at the total AOD fraudulent, then they must still pay in an 87-page replying affidavit that figure of R1.25m. Her pharmacies the R900,000 and obtain a court order NHCPA’s claim that section 59(3) of were, according to Discovery, caught empowering them to retain the rest. the Act is unconstitutional, is “nothing on camera charging flip flops, sex Right now they just unilaterally with- more than an empty assertion which is stimulants, snacks, nappies and baby hold the entire sum under the protec- wholly bereft of any fact”. formula to a medical aid account and tion of section 59(3) of the act, which Since 2014, Discovery Health has falsely claiming the client bought we deem is unlawful,” said Sibuyi. reportedly recovered R1,680 billion vaginal rash applicators instead. But A date for the application has yet to in fraudulent claims of which a large Harripersad claims they’ve never be set. proportion would have been recovered shown her a receipt from the store. Founder and secretary general of based on AODs. Broomberg said Harripersad had NHCPA Dr Prudence Buthelezi said “The use of AODs to recover fraudu- “offered to repay R1,250,000” and the if doctors refuse to sign the AODs lent payments from medical service settlement amount was “based on her presented by a scheme they are told providers has been determined lawful calculation of how much she estimates “you won’t get any clients from the by the Supreme Court of Appeal,” she gained in fraudulent claims”. He medical aid” and in some cases this said Smit. The use of “probes” was said Discovery did not extrapolate the has led to colleagues’ taking their own lawful and medical aids had a duty to settlement. lives. check patient records when data they “Harripersad freely admitted to the “I am fighting the use of probes received needed to be checked and veri- dispensing of non-claimable items, that are often conducted by untrained fied against the doctor’s file, he said. expressly, and said that “this is what persons who attempt to entrap the But as Harripersad has found, even was needed to be done to survive in Pinetown”. Ms Harripersad then sent was “crystal clear” the “allegations of Durban for R1m. But Harripersad an email to Discovery Health, thanking duress are far fetched” and he stated is defiant. “I refuse to pay them the Discovery Health for resolving the that even if she was threatened with money. I did not commit the acts of matters,” said Broomberg. arrest, “there is nothing morally repul- fraud they are claiming. If I committed Harripersad denies this exchange. sive or legally wrong with their respec- a crime then why have they not laid In December 2017 Harripersad tive warnings, call them threats if you criminal charges against me?” filed papers before the High Court in will, that they will press criminal Asked this question, Broomberg Durban for an urgent interdict against charges against the defendant unless responded: “We have had extensive the R1m debt for Main Pharmacy and [she] pays back [the money]”. prior experience in reporting similar to force Discovery Health to settle A second provisional sentence was matters to the SAPS and these matters claims at her King Edward Pharmacy obtained on October 2015 against are simply not followed up. For this in Umbilo, Durban. However it was Harripersad in the High Court, reason, we did not report this matter dismissed as not urgent. to the SAPS.” In her founding affidavit she claims By 29 April 2013 Discovery informed she was forced to sign an acknowl- Harripersad that unless she started edgement of debt while locked in making monthly payments of R23,300- a windowless “interrogation” office a-month, as agreed in the two AODs “as while several months pregnant, at The pharmacist of 8 May 2013, no further claims will Discovery’s Sandton HQ. be paid to your practice, neither will In an emotional affidavit Harripersad we reimburse your Discovery patients wrote: “This inhumane, merciless claims she was who pay your practice directly”. torture of an eight-months’ pregnant She has yet to service the debt and woman by Discovery Health’s repre- forced to sign judging by her poorly stocked phar- sentatives is gruesomely shocking macy in Umbilo, visited by Noseweek, and unendurable. The only way to get there doesn’t look like there is much out of there was to sign this thumb- a document in the kitty. sucked, extortive acknowledgement l In the six months ended December of debt with a capital sum of R1m, 2017, Discovery Health’s income was lacking any commercial purpose.” while locked in R276 billion, and its after-tax profits This is not the first time that for the same period rose 30% on the Harripersad has used the courts to try previous year, to R2.7bn. to get out of the AOD debt. In January a windowless Discovery directors have not always 2015 she raised a similar defence been squeaky clean either. Fifteen-odd of “under duress” when Discovery years ago the entire top hierarchy, successfully obtained a provisional ‘interrogation’ including then-CEO Adrian Gore; sentence against her for R250,000 executive director Barry Schwarzberg; owed to the medical insurer through Aubrey Cimring; Neville Koopowitz; an AOD signed regarding her Hill office while several Alan Pollard; Shaun Matisonn and Street Pharmacy. Dr Maurice Goodman all used an Heard at the Pinetown Magistrate’s “illegal offshore structure” to hide their Court, Magistrate S Hlatshwayo was months pregnant earnings from the taxman (see noses brutal in his judgment, claiming it 92&95). – Ed n

Cellar Door open After Hours Monday - Friday 09:00 - 17:00 tasting at Saturday 09:30 - 15:30 96 Winery Road

Cnr of R44 & Winery road, between Somerset West & Stellenbosch | GPS: 34° 1’ 39.06 “ S 18° 49’ 12.83” E Tel +27 (0)21 855 2374 | [email protected] | www.kenforresterwines.com

NOSEWEEK April 2018 13 Vodacom’s fraudulent charges – the saga continues

ODACOM REJECTS, IN THE object or ask for an explanation. strongest possible terms, Hundreds of customers have com- the inference that it seeks plained to Noseweek – through Hello to share in the spoils of Peter and other consumer and social fraudulent activity on its media sites – and engaged with network,”‘V CEO Shameel Joosub told Noseweek on social media platforms Noseweek shortly before we went to when the subject was raised. press. He was responding to questions It is clear from available evidence related to widespread complaints by that most victims are unaware that Vodacom customers who are victims of they have been – or are still being – fraudulent “content provider” deduc- scammed, having had airtime effec- tions from their airtime. tively stolen from their accounts with “We have a zero-tolerance approach the collaboration of Vodacom. and take a hard line in the event that In a separate response, the chair- a third party contravenes any agree- man of the Vodacom board’s ethics ment they may have with Vodacom committee, Saki Macozoma, told or the Wireless Application Service Noseweek: “I take the issues you raise Providers Association (WASPA’s) code seriously enough to copy my response of conduct,” Joosub assured Noseweek. to both the chairman and the CEO. “We have suspended and terminated “I can assure you that Vodacom does the services of WASPs in the past and not allow any criminal activities to will continue to investigate reported take place on our network. Across the transgressions and then ensure we Vodacom and Vodafone Groups there take appropriate action. are clear policies and vigorous defences “We also ensure that affected against unscrupulous elements trying customers are fully refunded on first to fleece our customers. contact with Customer Care; in fact “In the Social and Ethics Committee we pass the large majority of credits we pay particular attention to any prac- to customers. Standard practice is to tice that has the effect of defrauding or refund the customer first and then treating customers unfairly. investigate the query/allegation later. [What of the practice of content “We continuously enhance our providers being allowed by Vodacom systems to eliminate fraudulent to put through charges on Vodacom activity. For example, we make regular customers’ accounts without their improvements to our double opt-in knowledge, let alone consent? – Ed.] solution to make it clear to customers “The function of the Committee is what it is they are subscribing to, the to ensure that adequate policies and subscription term and the amount programs are in place. An important they will pay.” element of this is that our customers That, Dear Reader, is how things are educated constantly to be vigi- should be; unfortunately it does not lant and not expose themselves to tally with the experience of the thou- scammers. sands of Vodacom clients who discover [Noseweek has noted that it is they have been the victims of such common practice for Vodacom’s frauds – without any attempt having Customer Care to first respond to been made by Vodacom to inform complaints of “content provider” fraud them of the deal, let alone obtain their by suggesting that the customer has consent to it. Nor does it tally with been negligent and is therefore respon- the often-shabby, evasive treatment sible for the charge. – Ed.] they get from Vodacom’s agents or the “With specific reference to third Vodacom CEO Shameel Joosub Customer Care line when they call to party content providers, I am not

14 Vodacom tales

able to comment on the details without alerting Management to the cases that you cite and getting their response. [Such a widespread, persis- Cell phone provider tent and ongoing complaint, and you are unable to comment? You still do not know about it?– Ed.] “I can say categorically though that there is no way that Vodacom would picked my pocket allow or collude with such content providers to scam our customers. If there are any loopholes in our systems that allow that – and I am not aware By William Douglas of any – I can assure you that they will be closed with immediate effect.” [That would be wonderful. HAVE THREE CELL PHONE CONTRACTS WITH Noseweek looks forward to hearing Vodacom through their dealer Chatz Connect. The contracts started in March 2016 and September 2016. Throughout the It is clear from contract period my billing balances varied onlyI slightly from month to month and did not available evidence raise any suspicions. But my billing account suddenly increased by that most victims R322.96 for September 2017; and by R407.84 for October 2017. I was told it was due to “content are unaware that services” to which I am subscribed, wittingly or unwittingly. The assistant explained: “Content they have been – or Services is what the technological boffins call WASPs (Wireless Application Service are still being – Providers). Your account can suddenly receive extra charges in rand value (not charges for data or airtime or sms messages) for these scammed WASP services that, unknown to you, subscribe you to their sites without you even having to how and when you intend to close this give them authorisation. For instance, you very profitable (to Vodacom) “loop- would Google ‘movie times’ at a cinema and hole”.] these services would hack your IP address from Macozoma concluded his statement Google and then subscribe you unknowingly with the real eye-opener: to their site and charge you for this unwanted “Finally let me also assure you that service. Usually a Pop Up would appear on your the Social and Ethics Committee screen and even if you click, ‘Do not accept’ or gets a quarterly report on customer ‘Decline’, you would still be subscribed.” complaints and they are analysed The assistant also told me – aparently for us so we are able to understand believing this nonsense herself – that there is them, how they are handled and no way that Vodacom can stop this as “most of what the trends are. At no stage have these sites are situated in foreign countries.” the complaints that you highlight By law, Vodacom cannot add charges to my surfaced to indicate a material trend.” account on behalf of a third party, when I have l The world is – once again – on fire not given Vodacom permission in writing to about Vodacom’s “content provider” do so. I do not have a contract with that third or WASP frauds (Noseweek ran a party either. It simply means there are two cover story on the subject back in fraudsters involved in misappropriating my 2009), but Vodacom management has money, not just one, and they are probably still not briefed the company’s ethics acting in concert, since Vodacom is, after more committee on the problem? Seriously? than a decade of experience and complaints, Maybe the real misunderstanding, way better informed on how these frauds take then, is that management sees it as a place than any of its customers can possibily be. profit opportunity, not a problem to be And it gets to pocket a share of the loot. dealt with by the ethics committee. Vodacom has taken my money and paid it to Read the report that follows. Then a third party without having seen any evidence Vodacom ethics committee you be the judge. – Editor. n of a valid contract entitling the third party to chairman Saki Macozoma

NOSEWEEK April 2018 15 claim payment from me, let alone claim such services having been rendered. it from Vodacom which has no authority Despite my earlier complaints, in to act on my behalf. January this year, I received another Neither did Vodacom bother to inform Taking my money billing item on my Vodacom account me – by way of a proper account – that – for R114.14 for “Vodafone live!”. I specified: to whom they had paid my have not subscribed to it and have not money, for what service, when it was without my consent received any contract for this billed supplied and on what authority they subscription. I have not given Vodacom had paid for it with my money (after is theft. Hiding it or Vodafone live!, permission to bill me taking a handsome cut for themselves). for this supposed subscription in the Taking my money without my knowl- amount of R114.14 per month, or to edge or consent is theft. And they hid amongst the myriad deduct it from my Vodacom account. it amongst the myriad other charges This constitutes yet another fraudu- on my bill (as an anonymous “content lent transaction by Vodacom/Vodafone. service” item). Pretending ignorance other charges is This is how it is advertised on Google: and innocence when I question it, is both “Vodafone live! is a treasure trove of fraud and an attempt to defeat the ends mobile entertainment. You can down- of justice. fraud load music and cellphone games, watch I would love to see the invoices mobile TV and so much more. Available rendered to Vodacom at the end of each to all Vodacom customers, you can access month by the various WASPs and fee- these providers send me an invoice spec- Vodafone live! Directly from your cell- aggregators that it has chosen to host ifying the so-called services I allegedly phone – and best of all, browsing is free. for its own profit for more than a decade used or signed up for. And at no stage “1. Vodafone live! is free to browse. – at huge expense to its clients. did I receive an sms to subscribe to these 2. A content fee is payable for content I have signed for a specific package providers, or to confirm my subscription, bought. 3. The user is always advised of with Vodacom, one that provides for or advising me of the terms and condi- the content fee payable for content and the supply of mobile telephone services, tions of such a contract, or giving details such user must first accept the cost prior nothing else. I checked my itemised of the rates for their services. to downloading content. 4. An SMS sent billing, and all it said, buried amongst These WASP service providers, Opera to 31116 is free. 5. A WAP-enabled cell my regular charges, was: “Content Telecom (Oxygen 8) and MT Digital phone is required to access Vodafone Services.” (MobiTeacher), refunded me in October live! content.” The Independent Communications 2017 for these charges, thus indicating l Here is an example of a similar Authority of SA (ICASA) made a ruling that they did not have any proof of incident reported to consumer website in 2013, which the WASPA adopted: that, lawful subscription to their services. Hello Peter by “WH Hough” another for cell phone subscribers, the service They had the audacity to say afterwards unhappy Vodacom customer in January provider must apply a double opt-in that if I have any other problems, I can 2017: “Since October 2016 I have unsuc- rule. This meant that content providers contact their website, unsubscribe@ cessfully tried to cancel a Vodafone live! have to send a subscription confirmation waspa.org.za, to assist me further, even subscription on my Vodacom contract. I message by sms to the subscriber, as though I never subscribed to them in the have used the 082111 service and have prescribed in the double opt-in process. first place. been into the Vodacare Shop in Century That sms must include: I still maintain that their actions were City in November to do this. I… am • a confirmation that the end-user fraudulent and constitute a crime. still being charged for this service for has subscribed to the service; Oxygen 8 Communications is January 2017. • a description and the name of the a member of the JSE, is based in “The Vodacom call centre is not avail- service concerned; Randburg, and its CEO is Tony Gordon- able and I have held on for 45 minutes • contact details of the premium Smith, a UKZN graduate whose hobby to speak to a consultant, without any rate service provider; is fencing. success. I have smsed STOP ALL • all costs levied against the end- MT Digital (sometimes known as to 31050 on numerous occasions user for using the service; MobiTeacher) is based in Germiston and received feedback that I am not • details of how to unsubscribe and South. It has two directors: Jan Goeree, subscribed to any value-added service, terminate communication from the a Dutch citizen, and Mohammad Nader yet the Vodafone live! subscription still service. Soufan. Both give Dubai as their place gets added to my monthly statement. None of the above rules were applied of residence. WH Hough.” to my supposed subscription by the The actions of Vodacom are fraudu- I have provided all the above infor- providers whose charges were billed to lent; they added the WASP charges to mation to the SAPS for further inves- my Vodacom account, namely: my Vodacom account without confirming tigation as I believe it contains enough • Opera Telecom (t/a OperaInter- whether I have in fact subscribed to evidence to warrant the directors of active/Oxygen 8 Communications); these WASP providers; without asking these WASPA services, and Vodacom’s • MT Digital (MobiTeacher). for proof of my subscription; and without directors and executives, being charged In fact, I do not have a clue what these asking for an invoice that detailed the with fraud and theft and various other services are. At no stage did Vodacom or services I allegedly used and proof of offences. n

16 Vodacom tales

Emmarenta, Jhb: Stunning house on the Ridge for rent: Newly built, architect designed, latest solar An evil, well-planned technology, 80% of the grid, 3 beds, 3 baths, huge open plan living and kitchen, study, open fre place, underfoor heatng, fbre connec- ton, parking for 5 cars, boomed area, alarm system, best security through steel conspiracy shuters, beautful garden - not too big. Near CBD, Universites, Rosebank. Rent R24,000 per month + extras, phone 072 244 5345. By Mark Young

S A CONSUMER JOURNALIST, I HAVE been digging around on several Noseweek of these WASP fraud cases for some time and I have come to the conclusion that the entire effort is is read organised,A syndicated theft and fraud on an industrial scale. Aside from the cases highlighted by my by 40,000 and Noseweek’s various recent tweets, I will emphasise just one case which shows me that a host of illegal links have to be people each in place. I cannot see how the network in the one I highlight cannot be complicit in this theft. It is wickedly efficient and well planned – an organised racket – to from several places – one being Prime month. exploit uninformed consumers. Meridian Direct – on the former Vodacom Jean is a SASSA pensioner. She had number now attached to an MTN SIM. a pay-as-you-go line with Vodacom. She She had specifically ticked the box on the had the same phone number for more MTN contract that denied permission for than a decade and often had money any marketing on that number. To advertise vanish from her balance. Her family put MTN also promise faithfully on their it down to her being forgetful or making site not to provide personal data to unre- input errors or forgetting to switch off her lated third parties. contact Nicci data link when not needed. Sandra’s mother Jean had had her A few months ago, to assist her mom, Vodacom number (RICA-registered in her daughter bought her R200 airtime her name) for a decade or more, then, 021 686 0570. and suggested she use it to buy data within two weeks of its porting to MTN, bundles and SMS packs so that the time for her to start getting SMS messages could not then vanish. They typed the from Prime Meridian (PM) – and others voucher in, got the confirmation the R200 – addressed to “Sandra” is more than a had been loaded and then immediately bit odd and provides a hot, loud, smoking started the bundle purchase process. gun. IF YOU RENT PROPERTY When they selected the purchase option, The leak could only have come from they got a message to the effect that MTN’s database. They deny it but, given KEEP THIS NUMBER there was insufficient airtime available that the contract was taken at a franchise to make the purchase. store, it is possible the franchise store is I CAN HELP YOU WITH Vodacom was, apparently no help and at fault. trotted out the standard “costs you have However, mother and daughter asked PROBLEM TENANTS incurred” excuse (on a pay-as-you go?) So, me to follow up. I sent PM a letter and got I CAN ASSIST YOU WITH THE to assist her mom, Sandra transferred a reply – essentially claiming the number the number to an MTN SIM as an add-on came from a “lead generator” (of itself a RENTAL HOUSING TRIBUNAL to her own contract with a fixed monthly violation of POPI) who had told them the data bundle, airtime and SMS package. number was found in the public domain. IF YOU DON’T NEED ME NOW, The first thing that raised her ire was They happily supplied links to the YOU WILL LATER that, within two weeks of the transfer, website that was apparently the source of her mom started getting SMS messages the “public domain” data. Trouble is, these JOHN: 082 901 0824

NOSEWEEK April 2018 17 links lead to a listing of an American On looking at Jean’s phone, I found the Copy of message to me: author’s book where the middle of the two SMS messages from MTN – appar- “Hi Mark, I had loaded R300 airtime ISBN number contained the series of ently for her to confirm that she had and made two short calls, then bought digits that formed the mobile number activated the service – and which had seven-day data, R79, but when I they spammed! not yet been replied to. The service had checked my balance a few days later, my This is clearly a case of the lead gener- NOT been confirmed by the client yet it balance was R60. It is only because it ator having discovered a clever ploy to had already resulted in a charge against was so apparent this time, that I called. duck its legal obligation to make disclo- her number. Previously I hadn’t loaded much so wasn’t sure of the source of the data – trying Apologies all round by WASP provider sure if I’d just used the airtime somehow. to protect its mole and/or its own butt. and MTN, but no refund for the day of “The lady then told me about the Someone obviously put the number into service already billed. subscription and tried to explain that it google and spun the story with the first Then we ran the USSD codes on Jean’s could have happened when I downloaded link they found with the numbers on the phone and found five (Yes five!) WASP something else. I’ve been unemployed page in their reply to PM. services listed. She’d only had the phone a while so definitely would not have Of interest is that the lead gener- on the MTN service for less than a month. subscribed to some random anything. ator firm’s website provides no contact On Sandra’s phone the same 5 had been She couldn’t describe what it was and number nor will PM supply it. All very activated. said it had happened to other people. She illegal and dodgy. I have dumped the browser history of also said she would try to find the number That PM swallowed this BS about the phones and trawled through it, as of the company, as they no longer had it, “public domain” is another story alto- MTN said the owner must have visited and would get back to me. I haven’t heard gether. Anyway, we are on round two of links to subscribe to the services. Oddly, any more. I also asked how to trust that that and waiting for PM to make disclo- there are no SMS confirmations on either this wouldn’t happen again in the future sure otherwise the client is going to lay of the phones for four of those services without my knowing? I don’t recall her criminal charges against MTN, the store, (all of which are apparently members of response. She then unsubscribed me.” and Prime Meridian. WASPA) and the fifth is – you guessed I have personally found dozens of Wait, there’s more. Back to the WASP it – an MTN service. No surprise – there service subscriptions on several consumer nonsense. are no SMS confirmations for that one phones while investigating this story. A day-or-so after they alerted me to either. The total cost of these billings Having received messages of thanks from this issue, the elderly lady, Jean, called would have exceeded R1,250 per month more than 125 Twitter followers for my me again and said she was getting SMS per device – more or less Jean’s entire tweet on how to detect and to unsubscribe messages about having subscribed to a pension from SASSA and a huge, unsus- from all service subscriptions – invari- service. She was scared to touch anything tainable, chunk from Sandra’s budget. ably, they were surprised to find them on so she switched off her phone and drove Surely such billing practices violate their phones after seeing the Tweet – I to me to show me the messages. the FICA requirements for responsible did a rough calculation based on their Turns out that she had apparently lending/credit etc as well? responses and the daily totals involved, been subscribed to a service simply by and found that that tweet had saved just doing a quiz on Facebook that was sent l SILONDIWE SENT ME A SCREEN-GRAB OF HER those people – who happened to see and to her “by your friend”. Her friend denies communication from Vodafone on Twitter. act on my Tweet and had bothered to say ever having done so, and perusal of her Hers was a Vodafone live! subscription. thank you – roughly R137,000. FB account proves this to be true. Following up on this at a Vodacom My Twitter audience is small. This The WASP provider confirmed the store, I found that all Vodafone mobile problem must be massive. subscription was already active but devices (prepaid and contract) have a I feel that there needs to be a huge refused to supply the evidence of the Vodafone live! app installed by default. fuss made about this as it is a monstrous alleged FB and webpage visits and the To get to the first screen of the app and racket, making millions on a daily basis. originating IP, claiming it was “con- use it, involves a subscription step that is As you rightly said, most consumers fidential proprietary information”. so well disguised it is sickening. being fleeced by this (not on Twitter) are

18 Vodacom tales

unsophisticated and are simply having to shrug shoulders and put up with their odacom runs the largest mobile is also chairman of PPC and a long- airtime going to naught. Vnetwork in South Africa. (It has 70 serving independent director of There needs to be a national amnesty million subscribers across Africa.) Remgro Ltd. The board has a Social on all WASP subs on a given day for all pay-as-you-go SIMS and thereafter The company is 64%-owned and Ethics committee whose brief they should be outlawed on pay-as-you- by Vodafone UK. Jabu Moleketi is includes overseeing Vodacom’s good go devices. Those who miss their ring- Chairman (Tel. 082 371 2222). Shameel corporate citzenship, social responsi- tone services, daily horoscopes etc, can Joosub is CEO (Tel. 082 990 0633) and bility and ethical behaviour. Headed re-subscribe by going to a store and filling Till Streichert is CFO. by Saki Macozoma (Tel. 083 200 1300), out a formal application for the services – Moleketi was deputy Minister of the Chairman and CEO are also then there can be no misunderstandings. Finance in the Mbeki cabinet and members of the board. n That is, of course, in the absence of a total ban on these crooks which is what I favour. The fact that they can work account. Reassured, he loaded R29-worth 2.Current airtime balance together in such a devious manner indi- of airtime on his phone. The next day he 3.Prepaid price plan (Example: per- cates to me they should not be allowed found that R15 had again disappeared. second billing, Vodacom 4 Less, Vodacom near the public’s money at all. He quickly transferred the remaining 4U Prepaid). Thank you. Vodacom I am happy to help Noseweek on this R12 to another cell phone number he and Customer Care” project so that we can make as much of a once again called 082 111. They could not Krisch immediately supplied the fuss as possible. or would not tell him how he had become required information. Vodacom Customer Seeing as I already have an extensive subscribed once again to Vodafone live!. Care’s reply: “Our telephonic interaction list of who to call, also happy to investi- So on February 6 he sent them the on [number] refers. Please be advised that gate any specific cases as well. following email: “Dear Vodacom, Can you I have logged a service request through to be so kind and provide me with your elec- our back office as they are best equipped FROM THE ABOVE, READERS WILL HAVE tronic records as to how I have agreed to to assist you. gathered that the latest, most ubiquitous Vodafone live! subscriptions? (If this is not “Your reference number is:… We will content scam is run in-house by Vodacom too much trouble.) Werner Krisch (Senior contact you in 24-72 hours. Regards, itself, now determined to take all the loot, engineer, Examiner and ship surveyor)” Busisiwe Mhlongo” not just a cut of other people’s scams. Vodacom’s response: 7 Feb: W.K. to Vodacom: “It is now 24 It’s a special new Vodacom App called “Thank you for your email. Please note: hours later and no one has contacted me.” Vodafone live! When you, as a Vodacom this is a system-generated email that 8 Feb: W.K. to Vodacom: “What don’t customer, send the sms message “STOP requires your response in order to be you understand? Can you f… answer the ALL” to 30333 (or 31050), all content- processed. After that, a Customer Care question?” provider subscriptions being charged to agent will contact you within 24 hours. Vodacom reply: “Thank you for your your account will [should?] be cancelled Protecting your Vodacom account from email. I emailed the consultant who – except one: Vodacom’s own in-house fraud is important to us, so before we handled your query and requested urgent scam content provider, Vodafone live!. can help you with your query, we need feedback. Regards Charne Petersen, That takes a lot more patience and skill to verify that you are the owner of this Customer Care eService Team” to kill off. account. Further Vodacom reply: “Thank you for The following is a typical exchange “Please reply to this email with these your email. According to our records feed- between an objecting client and Vodacom: three bits of personal information: back was provided as follows: ‘Please note, 1.Last recharge amount all recurring Vlive Subscriptions will be WERNER KRISCH discovered On New Year’s cancelled at the end of the subscription Day 2018 that he had been charged a period’.” fee on his Vodacom account for an unso- It took Werner Krisch till 14 February licited content service. On January 2 he There needs to be a – six weeks – to get Vodacom to cancel the called the Vodacom help line on 082 111 service he had never subscribed to. They to complain. They told him it was an have still not refunded their charges for “internal” WASP and that they had huge fuss about this the “service”. On March 9 he received cancelled all content services charged to this sms: “You have subscribed to Vuclip his number. Games @ R5/day. Enjoy.” When he followed up by filing a as it is a monstrous Krisch is not enjoying the appar- complaint on Hello Peter, Vodacom gave ently endless game of fraud one bit. He him R55 worth of free airtime – which immediately went through the cancel- was unaccountably gobbled up within racket, making lation routine and told Noseweek: a day. In the light of his recent experi- “From now on it’s war on Vodacom ences, he decided to load only data and – until they never again dare traffic sms on his phone. A month later he called millions daily in these frauds. 082 111 and they confirmed that he had “The ignorant poor need our protection no content subscriptions running on his from these low-class thieves.” n

NOSEWEEK April 2018 19 Resilient isn’t

N RESPONSE TO CRITICISM, BOTH REAL Resilient’s announcement concluded creating yet another little shock for and rumoured, on 12 February, with an assurance that: “…there is shareholders. And it’s a dangerous Resilient Reit Limited – which no reason for shareholders to exer- precedent to create: your employees has been notorious in these col- cise caution in their dealings in the only enjoy the upside of share owner- umns since 2011 – issued a state- Company’s securities.” ship with absolutely no risk – their mentI via the Stock Exchange New A significant number of share- employers collect any downside. Service (SENS) which began: holders thought differently. At the end We have yet to learn how much is at “Resilient is satisfied that market of December, Resilient had still been stake here, either for employees or for participants have a thorough under- riding high, with its share price at a shareholders. standing of the investment case the remarkable R151.16 a share – a 50% The same drama, on a much bigger Company offers. Resilient will continue premium on top of its Net Asset Value scale, is unfolding with regard to the to engage constructively with its audi- (NAV) of R100.75. Enough to place it in Resilient companies BEE trust’s share- tors, investors, analysts and the JSE the JSE’s Top 40 companies. holdings, also funded with company with the purpose of disclosing all the But within two weeks of that loans. information required to conform to February all-is-well SENS announce- On 31 December 2017, the combined applicable standards. ment, Resilient’s share price had net asset value of the Siyakha Trusts “It is for the market to judge whether dropped by 55%. It’s three major associ- was R4.9billion. a narrow focus on tangible asset value ated companies had done equally badly, They had borrowed close on R10.3bn provides an adequate reflection of the or even worse: Fortress B shares – hith- to buy their shares. With their shares investment case for Resilient or any of erto a very popular holding – plunged now worth half their loan debt, the the companies it has invested in.” 63%; NEPI Rockcastle was down by trusts are effectively bankrupt. It went on to list a number of other 46% and Greenbay Properties down Conversely, the Resilient companies factors – such as quality of manage- by 49%. stand to have to write off half the ment – which influence how a share Another bit of trouble that Noseweek money they advanced to the trusts. price is arrived at. foresees lying ahead for the Resilient Until now Resilient group compa- (In their assessment recent critics group directors arises from the fact nies have been charging the trusts such as 36ONE have argued that that many of its more senior employees up to Prime+2% interest on the loans, the share prices of companies in the are now deeply in debt and very raking in over R800m in this way each Resilient group are suspiciously high unhappy as a consequence of the year. Suddenly the party is over. relative to their net asset value, and radical drop in the market value of the And then that niggly little question: produced stock exchange data which group’s shares. why lend trusts with an operating/ suggests their share prices may have Both Resilient and associated welfare budget of just R20m per year, been artificially stimulated by “delib- company Fortress have allowed – no, a massive R10 billion? erate and frequently concealed” inter- encouraged – their employees to buy Was it perhaps to fund another group share trading.) the companies’ shares with loans surrogate in-house trader in the group The Resilient SENS statement provided by the parent companies. You companies’ shares? To whom was continued: “The Company does not could get up to 20-times your annual the greatest benefit accruing? Seen determine the market price of its salary as a loan for this purpose. another way, questions arise about shares and 36ONE’s untested allega- The result is that there are now that forbidden thing called “fronting”. tions of concealment, deception and numerous young “property asset There is little chance of the trusts share price manipulation are not managers” who had been earning R1.5 finding alternative sources of finance: substantiated and will not stand up to million per year who are now R30m in Currently no banks will accept independent scrutiny.” debt to the company for shares worth Resilient group shares as collateral It went on to suggest that 36ONE’s half that amount. for loans. (Nedbank is already heavily, views were more informed by its large They are down, therefore, by a cool sadly exposed on this front.) short position [it’s plan to profit from R10m-R15m. They would have to work And when it comes to BBBEE trusts, speculating on an anticipated drop for no pay for 10 years to pay off the forget about it! Resilient has already in the share price] than by objective debt. That’s assuming the companies announced it is in the process of analysis.” don’t decide to write off their debts, “unwinding” the trusts. n

20 No sacred cows Analyst and researcher Gareth van Onselen is even-handed with his tongue lashings of all South Africa’s major political parties. By Sue Segar

E RECENTLY SLAMMED CYRIL Van Onselen is underwhelmed Ramaphosa’s State of the by Ramaphosa and finds the over- Nation Address as “heavy joyed response to him by many on rhetoric, short on quan- South Africans “both fascinating and tifiable goals” then he lam- annoying”. “It’s fascinating because, bastedH Mmusi Maimane’s response under Zuma, corruption and good as “visionless”. He raised the ire of governance became the benchmark for the EFF when he noted their nation- managing a country. Those are impor- al caucus has had a 60% turnover tant and I don’t want to undermine rate. Now, prolific political columnist them but these are not the end, just a Gareth van Onselen will be scrutinis- means to an end. The end is to imple- ing key national issues in his new role ment a vision and a set of policies.” as Head of Politics and Governance at He fears that in five or ten years’ the liberal research and policy think- time, South Africans will look at the tank, the South African Institute for growth rate, unemployment, and basic Race Relations (IRR). education, “and they’ll see that, yet Interviewed by Noseweek about his again, no great strides have been made new job, Van Onselen says it allows on any of them”. He says Ramaphosa’s him to do what he loves, primarily way of governing through consensus to write and analyse politics and will usher in an era of mediocrity. ideas. “There’s nobody sitting on your He says it was evident from shoulder. That’s a wonderful envi- Ramaphosa’s State of the Nation ronment if you’re interested in ideas. Address that “his solution to a great Secondly it’s a liberal institution and I many problems is to convene a council, consider myself a liberal,” he said. Gareth van Onselen a committee or some kind of Codesa- One project Van Onselen has worked like meeting of minds to reach a on since joining the institute in consensus on the way forward”. January has been the completion of a R2.5 billion and projected to be R3bn “He had one on unemployment, one paper titled “Political Musical Chairs”, by 2021. By way of comparison, the on redigitalising, one on reindustrial- analysing the turnover rates for direc- Council for Scientific and Industrial ising. He had one for everything. At the tors-general and ministers in Jacob Research (CSIR’s) total budget is end of the day you’re not articulating Zuma’s administration between May R3bn. VIP Protection has developed an ideal, a goal or a hard outcome. All 2009 and July 2017. He found there had into a monster. Nobody knows how you’re saying is, let it emerge through been 175 changes to DGs across about it operates, who it reports to, or how consensus. If you put 50 people in a 40 departments. DGs, he said, were many personnel it has. I want to room, the result will be an average just as infected with the Zuma disease pull together enough information to that’s not threatening to anyone, that as his cabinet. The average time a DG describe the nature of the beast.” doesn’t achieve anything significant and minister worked together was He’s passionate about the state and is held hostage by all the vested between seven and 11 months. of South Africa’s libraries and the interests in the room. You can’t govern “If Ramaphosa wants this adminis- national archives, how much money is by consensus. You need to bring people tration to deliver, he must solve polit- allocated to them, and what state they on board and explain decisions. But ical uncertainty and administrative are in. About 11 libraries were recently the whole point of being a leader is to uncertainty. He must ensure DGs are shut down in the Eastern Cape due to a convince people of what you stand for, competent, in place for a long time, and lack of money and about 15 have been not to be convinced by what they stand able to work with their ministers. He destroyed in service delivery protests for. That’s the whole problem with must make competent appointments.” in the past six or seven years. Ramaphosa.” Van Onselen is also looking into the “It’s kind of an attack on reading and Van Onselen says the ANC’s policies expenditure on VIP Protection since the world of ideas. That’s before you after 24 years “have failed on a number 1994. “It started with a budget of about get to the archives which are literally of significant issues”. R50 million a year. This year it’s at falling apart, in some cases.” As for the opposition parties, he says

NOSEWEEK April 2018 21 the big question now is: “What will the parties that pledge their support to has tapped into its heart and will DA do post-Zuma? the governing party in implementing always be the first impulse for a lot of “The question is equally relevant to its vision or offer their help in real- people unless you make a very compel- the EFF. The DA invested too much of ising this goal. The thing is, you need ling case otherwise.” their brand in opposing Zuma. They to believe in something as a political Van Onselen has previously said had to oppose him, as there was a party, have a vision to offer people. the DA is “all tactics and an endless moral and political crisis, but they did At the moment, the DA seem to be stream of gimmicks” and “doesn’t it at the expense of developing a series offering South Africa the same thing seem to have a strategy or know where of strong alternative policies to those as the ANC. It’s not a vision, it’s it’s going”. “It certainly can’t define a of the ANC, so that once Zuma was merely mechanics. They’re offering vision at the moment. Understanding removed from the equation they were good government and clean govern- the difference between strategy and left with an empty cupboard. ment (both of which are under threat tactics is very important in politics. “To make it doubly problematic, in Cape Town). But that’s what you Strategy is a long-term vision of how Ramaphosa is riding a huge wave of expect. The difference is their position you are going to move from point A optimism and hope. As is evident in on the economy and basic education to point B. Tactics are the day-to-day Maimane’s response to the SONA, and how do the values and outcomes decisions you make to implement the they seem to have been charmed by differ from the ANC? The opposition strategy. that, too, so they failed to take a hard must offer an alternative.” Voters, he “The DA is good at defining prob- line or set out differences, probably said, need a clear idea of their options lems but it can’t really say, ‘this is because of fears they’d cause offence or “they will just go with power”. our vision for South Africa and this or go against the national mood. “South Africa is a conservative, reli- is how we’re going to get there’. It “There are not many opposition gious, nationalistic society. The ANC doesn’t seem to know itself. All it does Scion of an academic dynasty ARETH VAN ONSELEN IS THE SON father was the doyen of Wits, an abso- His mother’s defining book was of renowned historian and lute towering figure. So, between my Women of Phokeng – which tells the author Professor Charles van parents and my mother’s father, there stories of 22 black South African Onselen and DA MP Belinda are a lot of academic types in our women from a small Transvaal town. Bozzoli, who is also a former family. I’m sure people have images “I remember the whole process of her deputyG Vice Chancellor (Research) at of families like ours having seminars writing that book. I was around her Wits University. around the dinner table and stuff, but office at university during the holi- Gareth, 41, who has a brother and a it doesn’t manifest like that. days, while she interviewed people. sister, was born in Switzerland while “They were highly intelligent “Wits was a great adventure, I used his parents, who still live in Joburg, people and they taught me the love to lurk in my parents’ offices. There were working abroad. “I loved my of ideas, questioning and thinking were books and corridors everywhere. childhood. I’m a very nostalgic person about things. They taught me abstract It was like an academic Hogwarts..” by nature and I yearn after many of thought and to appreciate ideas for Van Onselen graduated from Wits in the things from childhood – a time of what they are.” 1997 with a BA in General Sociology discovery, of newness – and the way Van Onselen has many memories and History. In 2000, he obtained his the world felt when you were young.” of being at Wits with his parents and Master’s in General Sociology. His father read “the classic books of their work merging with his life. In 2001, Van Onselen became a like The Hardy Boys and had a char- “We used to go with my father when researcher for the then Democratic acter he’d made up, modelled a bit on he was interviewing Kas for his book Party and in 2004 was appointed Tintin I think, who had a dog and a The Seed is Mine: The Life of Kas Chief of Staff for then DA leader Tony mortal enemy, Captain Schmidt. My Maine, a South African Sharecropper Leon. In 2005, he became Director father would lie next to me and make 1894-1985.” The book, which won the of Research and, in 2009, he was the story up. Then he’d say, ‘I have Alan Paton Award in 1997, described the party’s Executive Director of another chapter to tell you tomorrow’.” the effect of the land laws on one man Communications. In 2012, he became Bozzoli, who is currently DA Shadow and his family. the DA’s Director of Political Analysis Minister of Education, is the daughter “We’d drive off to Kas’s plot which and Development. He resigned in of Guerino Bozzoli, the esteemed late was in a rural township just outside early 2013 to pursue his writing. He former University of Witwatersrand Rustenburg. My sister and I would was a senior political reporter for Vice-Chancellor who was famous for build a little fort in the back of the car. The Sunday Times and has written taking on the apartheid government’s Kas would sit outside with my father columns for, among others, Business plans to ban black students from Wits and talk, while we played in the car. Day since 2010. and curb student protests. “My grand- Those trips were great adventures.” Van Onselen joined the DP soon

22 is make day-to-day decisions based on this is dependent on the DA’s having what it has read in the newspapers in a policy framework and it doesn’t have the morning or what its polling says. one yet. It’s working on it, and keeps It doesn’t seem to have a longer-term saying, ‘it’s coming’. You can’t commu- At the moment, the DA thought-out process which consist- nicate a vision unless you have it ently explains its actions. Tactics grounded in a policy framework – and without a strategy are just sound bites that’s missing. seems to be offering and gimmicks and leave you with the The IRR’s former Chief Operating impression the institution is hollow, Officer Gwen Ngwenya was recently reactive and superficial. appointed Head of Policy in the DA and South Africa the same The opposition needs “to put the sworn in as an MP. Van Onselen says economy in front and centre,” said Van she is “exactly the tonic needed for the Onselen, adding, it is also the key issue party that has neglected policy”. thing as the ANC. It’s on which the ANC has fundamentally “The problem with the DA at the top failed, whoever was in charge. level is that there are too many cooks. “The DA needs to become the cham- There are basically three different not a vision, it’s merely pion of growth and jobs. It should DAs being run by different people: the talk about jobs relentlessly, how to first is Maimane’s DA – a small cohort create them and save them and how involving those close to him in his mechanics to become a country that encourages office and in Parliament – who have foreign direct investment and makes one vision for the party. Then there’s it easy to start a business. But all of a second DA that revolves around the mechanics of the party, run by James Selfe and DA CEO Paul Boughey; and there’s a third DA – a loose affiliation, which is the mayors of all the metros, who are running another DA, the Scion of an academic dynasty DA in government. Those three DAs are not properly aligned and are not after leaving university: “It is a weird He reveres George Orwell and lists talking to each other. There’s no sense story. I’d finished my Master’s and as one of his heroes the British moral of cohesion and common purpose. As a moved to Cape Town. I wanted a job philosopher, Anthony (AC) Grayling, result the party is stuttering and lacks as a researcher for eTV and followed author of, among others, The Meaning conviction.” a journalist around for a week. We of Things. He also likes drawing and So, how can the DA right itself? went to Parliament to get comment on has created his own cartoons, which “These things are relative. I don’t the Arms Deal from the DP. I clearly involve a character, “a little blue man, think the DA is in a crisis. It all boils remember the moment we entered massively depressive and melancholy down to potential growth. It will be the Marks Building and I thought, ‘I who pontificates on some life circum- hard for the DA to lose support in want to be in this room’. I didn’t care stance or another in a kind of sad 2019. What the real damage recent anything for student or national poli- way.” events has done is to the DA’s ability tics. I’d never have guessed politics Asked whether he loves South to win over more voters. It has reduced was something I’d want to do, but the Africa, Van Onselen says: “I have its ceiling, particularly amongst black bug bit and I’m totally addicted now.” a contradictory attitude to South voters, which would have been very People who have influenced his life Africa. On the one hand, I’m deeply big, probably, prior to Helen Zille’s include Ryan Coetzee, the former depressed by it as I regard it as a colonial tweets. Since then, it has been strategist and CEO of the DA, as mediocrity – it doesn’t value excel- further reduced through the fallout well as David Maynier, DA shadow lence and it is consumed by a lot of with Patricia de Lille about Day Zero, Finance minister (“one of the most superficial things it shouldn’t be. and then through the election of principled people I know, a paragon of On the other hand I absolutely love Ramaphosa. virtue”), Tony Leon (“a brave and good it as it’s a frontier democracy. We’ve “So the DA is now talking to a person”), Helen Zille (“a powerful been in a degree of hibernation for smaller number of people willing to intellectual force in the DA”), Mbali so long and have only been back in listen to their message. It needs to Ntuli (“a very brave woman, who was the democratic world for 20 years, so focus on those people by talking about assigned a constituency deep in ANC/ we’re discovering things which other the economy; differentiating itself IFP territory and travelled there by democracies have long since estab- from the ANC, and talking about the herself”). lished, like what is accountability and ANC as an institution, without making Van Onselen has written two what is transparency. these ‘big man’ political speeches. books: Clever Blacks, Jesus and “We haven’t sorted it out yet. “It also needs to clean up various Nkandla: The Real Jacob Zuma in Talking about and interrogating the internal problems so that it can start His Own Words and Holy Cows: The fundamentals as if they were some- focussing on external messaging Ambiguities of Being South African. thing new really animates me.” n rather than explaining internal chaos.”

NOSEWEEK April 2018 23 The EFF, Van Onselen said, has a “The ANC’s greatest skill is its the ANC would get 60% of the vote or similar problem to that of the DA: ability to suck opposition parties into more, while the DA might get roughly “how to communicate what they stand debates on its terms.” 24%. for without Jacob Zuma”. In the months ahead, besides the “I think the ANC’s percentage is in “They have been very good up to “usual characters”, Van Onselen will the ascendancy as things stand and this point on the back of Zuma. The also closely track the people in charge that of the DA, is in decline. If they other pillar it had, because it’s a much of political organisations, who repre- carry on along these paths, then the smaller party and less able to articu- sent internal party decisions. “I like to DA will have a real problem, as the late itself on a wide area of levels, follow what James Selfe says for the closer it gets to 22%, the more of a was land, and the ANC has stolen its DA because he represents internal political crisis it will have. It will even thunder by advocating redistribution party decisions and structuring; simi- have a political crisis if it gets to 24%. without expropriation. The EFF will larly with Ace Magashule in the ANC It will be very difficult to explain such differ with them and have a fight but and Godrich Gardee in the EFF. small growth after eight years of Jacob it will be a fight on the ANC’s terms in Van Onselen hazards a guess that, Zuma. They do have a real battle on terms of what the ANC has proposed. if the 2019 elections were held today, their hands.” n

Joburg valuation crisis long in the making

HE LATEST PROPERTY VALUATION (noses202,203,211,212&215). million. But that was not the first crisis in the City of Johannes- When undertaking the 2013 tender issued for the contract. Nearly burg has its roots – as Noseweek General Valuation Roll, Evaluations a year earlier the exact same tender readers will know – in a dodgy made such a hash of the process that had been advertised and closed in tender contract awarded to the the ANC-led city objected to a record January 2016. sameT company that messed up the val- 71,552 over-valuations in poor areas, Then, Evaluations was the third- uation roll on an unprecedented scale while at the same time – for some lowest bid, at R167,2m, but somehow just five years ago. mysterious reason – it failed to notice Bid A654 was never finalised or The city is finalising its 2017 General that the company had also grossly awarded to the winning bidder, DPP Valuation Roll, having updated assess- under- (repeat, under-) valued a large Valuers (Pty) Ltd. ments of nearly 900,000 properties. number of properties belonging to the The tender lapsed, which resulted in The new valuations, which directly super-rich, some even being blessed its being re-advertised and – behold! affect property rates, will be effective with a zero rating. They ranged from – this time around Evaluations found as of 1 July. the Rupert company properties, the it possible to shave R67,3 million off At the time of Noseweek’s going to Guptas (obviously), the Oppenheimers, their original bid price, undercutting print Mayor Herman Mashaba stated the Sexwales, and the madly wealthy everyone else. that 8,000 properties had been over- Douw Steyn, to the flash Sandton One of the bidders who lost (but valued and he had ordered these to and Melrose Arch buildings of some asked for his name to be withheld as be redone. Mashaba blamed the “inde- of South Africa’s best-known mega- the industry he works in is small), pendent municipal valuer” for the corporations. said it was “not surprising” that cock-up. It was only after Howick-based Evaluations was facing problems. Meanwhile Gauteng Premier David pensioner and rates crusader Dr “Their price was simply too low. All Makhura also chipped in by saying Robert McLaren uncovered the ludi- the other bids were upwards of R144m “these rate increases will negatively crously low prices, that some were because that is what it would have affect the real income of families”. revalued. McLaren, a stickler for fair- cost realistically to value all the city’s Some properties reported increases ness has now been banned by both properties”. The city had budgeted of between 20% to 100%. The roll is the cities of Joburg and Tshwane from R320m for the contract. currently available for comment. lodging any more valuation appeals, He said Evaluations was simply Both politicians have quickly presumably because they find the running on too lean a team and more forgotten that their respective polit- under-valuations so embarrassing. problems were likely. ical parties, when in control of the The DA-led council, has disingenu- The city has tangled itself in such city, appointed the same “independent ously claimed it had no choice but to a knot with its crooked valuations municipal valuer”, Evaluations appoint Evaluations. They claimed the process, it is destined to cause finan- Enhanced Property Appraisals – a tender process was started when the cial, administrative and legal mess known ANC-backed company whose ANC led the city and any delay when in all directions. Imagine the havoc past is anything but stellar. the DA took over would significantly in the city’s already chaotic rates Noseweek has reported on prejudice the ratepayer. billing department! We’ll keep you this issue for nearly two years Evaluations’ winning bid was R99,9 updated. n

24 A pain in the BMW Dealership’s sloppy work wrecked owner’s 316i then they slapped him with a R362,000 quote for repairs

N TUESDAY 20 SEPTEMBER 2016 They paid for a hire-car for a week, Rob Wilson of Morningside, and then gave Wilson a loan-car for a Sandton took his BMW 316i, further two weeks. But 30 days later, bought new in 2013, to his Wilson’s car remained unrepaired, still nearest BMW agent, Sandton parked in BMW Sandton’s yard. Auto,O to have a fluid leak fixed. This Then an apologetic Paul Mhlanga work was completed under his BMW called Wilson to inform him that Motorplan the same day, and early the someone at Head Office had decided next morning he set off for Pongola in this was a claim BMW didn’t need KwaZulu-Natal, near the Swaziland to settle. A curt note dated 7 October border, to meet up with some clients. followed, repudiating Wilson’s claim After travelling about 150km, that they repair or replace the car, and near Ermelo he noticed the vehi- pointing out that in the maintenance cle’s temperature rising and soon a plan contract he had signed, there warning message appeared cautioning was a clause that excluded all claims him to slow down: engine overheating. arising from damage caused should He immediately called the Sandton the driver continue driving when the Service Advisor, who said he should temperature warning light was on. proceed slowly and try to find some BMW also demanded their loan-car top-up water. “I stopped and put what Irate: BMW owner Rob Wilson back. When Wilson refused to return it water I had into the radiator, but this while his own car remained unrepaired made little difference to the tempera- mood instantly switched from nervous at their garage, they used Tracker to ture,” he recalls. to furious. And those overseas clients trace their car to Wanderer’s Golf Club He continued driving extremely waiting for him in Pongola still needed and, while he was on the golf course, slowly, constantly phoning Sandton to be taken to O R Tambo Airport to stole it back. BMW for advice. Phone records show catch their flight back to Germany. Ryan Barwell, Operations Director five calls at the time to Sandton Auto’s BMW On Call proved problematic so at Sandton Auto, had told him that a landline (081 381 3251), in addition Wilson eventually arranged for one of new engine would cost about R350,000, to other calls to BMW On Call and the his own fleet cars (not a BMW) to drive plus R12,000 for labour. The car’s esti- service advisor’s cell phone. from Johannesburg to rescue him. The mated value was only R240,000 (if it At the first toll booth on the highway visitors were ferried from Pongola to had an engine that worked). The quote he stopped, got a large bucket of water, Ermelo at Wilson’s expense and all for the repairs then miraculously filled the radiator and waited for the ended well that day. dropped to around R170,000. Wilson engine to cool down before proceeding Initially BMW Motorplan apologised wasn’t happy with that estimate either on an extremely dangerous section of for the inconvenience they had caused and had the car towed to an “alterna- the N17 before Ermelo, where hijack- and for their bad service. Paul Mhlanga tive” BMW repair workshop, where ings and muggings are a common of BMW Financial Services, in an the job was done for R133,155.38 – occurrence and signs warn motorists email of 30 September, apologised for less than half the original quote from not to stop for their own safety. the totally unacceptable service from BMW. The vehicle’s temperature soon shot both Sandton Auto and BMW On Call. Last year Wilson had summons up again, so he reluctantly stopped to He wrote that Wilson could have been issued out of the Johannesburg await a tow-truck from BMW Ermelo. “treated much better” with regards Magistrate’s Court, suing BMW Stranded in the early morning on the to his business being affected by “the Sandton Auto for that amount, plus side of the road in a shiny BMW was failure of your vehicle”. R4,000 – the cost of having the car unnerving. “We fully agree that the service trucked from Ermelo to Johannesburg. When the tow-truck arrived it was offered to you was not a true reflection BMW Sandton’s first response was to discovered that a bottom hose had of our standards,” they wrote. apply to court to have the case thrown dropped because they had failed to On Tuesday 11 October (2016) BMW out as they believed it was “frivolous fasten the hose clamp the previous day Financial Services again apologised and vexatious”. The magistrate did not in Sandton Auto’s workshop. Wilson’s for the delay in resolving the matter. agree. A trial date has yet to be set. n

NOSEWEEK April 2018 25 Books MICHIEL HEYNS

Rage. Giving birth to murder

HIS NOVEL CAUSED SOMETHING OF A STIR IN fraught relationship with her lumpish, prob- its original French, and won the Prix lematic daughter, to see that she can only Goncourt, France’s most prestigious regard an apparently idyllic little family like literary prize. The stir is easy to un- Paul and Myriam’s with deep ambivalence. derstand: Lullaby (Chanson douce in The novel can be variously read as a French)T is unabashedly brutal. The novel’s study of a burgeoning psychosis or of the opening sentences are: “The baby is dead. It LULLABY class divide in a city such as Paris. Louise, took only a few seconds.” We discover in the by Leïla Slimani like servants everywhere, has the most next page or two that a nanny has murdered Translated from the French intimate knowledge of her employers’ lives, her two charges, a baby boy and a little girl. by Sam Taylor whereas they don’t have an inkling of hers; The rest of the novel traces, in pitiless (Faber) indeed, they cannot really imagine that she detail, the process by which a perfect nanny has an existence outside their need of her. can turn into a child murderer, and the Thus, when Myriam catches sight of Louise novel’s achievement is to make it seem plau- walking down a street in a distant part of sible – that is, given this particular set of Paris, “For the first time she tries to imagine, characters. in a corporeal sense, everything Louise is A young professional couple, Paul and when she is not with them.” But there is Myriam, with their careers on the up and no way she can imagine a life so destitute up, decide that they need a nanny for their of everything she takes for granted in her two children, the baby, Adam, and a little own life; Louise, on the other hand, “has only girl, Mila. They vet the applicants carefully, one desire: to create a world with them, to and are delighted when Louise turns up. find her place and live there, to dig herself a She entertains the children endlessly, keeps niche, a burrow, a warm hiding place.” the apartment spotless and cooks delicious As “the accumulated anxieties and meals. She seems to have no wishes of her tensions that their progeny has insinuated own, other than to make the children happy between them, husband and wife, mother and keep the parents contented; but we are and nanny” escalate, and Louise senses the told, early in the novel: “The silent apart- precariousness of her position, she becomes ment is completely under her power, like an more and more embattled, and conceives the enemy begging for forgiveness.” idea that if Myriam were to have another Louise, then, has the power of the under- baby, she, Louise, would become truly indis- class; but what drives her to murder? Since pensible. But, so her increasingly deranged we know from the first sentence that she reasoning tells her, the couple cannot will kill the children, that question is the conceive another child amidst the distrac- main narrative driver. It gradually becomes tions of their existing children: “Mila and clear that Louise is morbidly fixated on this Adam are an obstacle to the baby’s arrival… family, that they represent everything she’s Her desire for that baby is fanatical, violent, never had. She desperately does not want blindly possessive.” to lose them, and at the same time resents To my mind, passages like this impoverish her exclusion from their world. As she plays the novel, in seeming to reduce Louise’s hide-and-seek with the children and hides murderous rage to a single cause. The from them, “She watches them as if she’s “explanation” cannot encompass the whole studying the death throes of a fish she’s just tangled web of social circumstance and caught, its gills bleeding, its body shaken by psychological conditioning that this deeply spasms.” disturbing novel so brilliantly weaves. Still, Louise,“like a dog with its legs broken it is a novel to be read – but only if you’re by cruel children”, is a deeply damaged feeling robust and reasonably cheerful: person: we are given enough of her dreadful this is not a book for a melancholy Monday marriage to an abusive husband and her morning. n

26 Not Rocket Science SIBUSISO BIYELA

Gender dilemma. Lost for words

OU ARE EITHER A their values. woman or a man. Intersex people have When a child is been long considered less born you are an- than human and with nouncing it’s a baby their humanity lost, so girlY or a baby boy. too is their dignity. Many These are the immortal people feel the need to words of a young fire- decide for them how they brand Julius Malema. He should act; “You are a boy, once said that the word you must act like one”, hermaphrodite does not or the classic question I exist in his home language hear when people cannot of Pedi, and so concluded decide whether a person that the physical manifes- is male of female, “What tation itself does not exist. are you?” This was in response The late intersex to the 2009 controversy rights activist Sally surrounding track cham- Gross rejected the term pion and South African “hermaphrodite”. In a sports darling Caster Mail & Guardian opinion Semenya after the media piece, she said that the had labelled her as such. Champion athlete Caster Semenya Greek mythological con- His sentiments are notations of the word perhaps reflected in a shocking were akin to making them recent article in the Mail & Guardian cally assigned since “most parents mythical creatures. “We are real (“Intersex babies killed at birth are disturbed by the appearance of people: ‘intersex’ describes us more ‘because they’re bad omens’”), by Carl the genitalia” of their newborn. This adequately.” Collison, where traditional midwives is according to a July 2014 story that Gross helped change the defini- admit to murdering newborns when appeared on The Atlantic news site tions of sex in the Judicial Matters they cannot announce that “it’s a baby which features a lawsuit by parents of Amendment Act of 2005 to include girl or a baby boy”. an adopted child who was surgically intersex people, which in turn worked To be exact, 88 out of 90 tradi- assigned as female but who identified to humanise them. “Now, by statute, tional birth attendants and midwives as a boy at seven years old. we are bona fide human beings in admitted to killing intersex babies at Granted, the indigenous healers South African law, protected from birth, in interviews conducted by a resort to murder, while the Western discrimination on the grounds that we Northern Cape LGBTI rights group, method is to decide for the child what are intersexed.” reports Collison. a “normal” life will be for them. The numbers of intersex people “A quick, merciless twist of its neck Perhaps qualitative interviews are hard to come by and confirm, but later and the newborn, the ‘bad omen’, conducted informally (not as part of, estimates range from an incidence of is gone,” said one traditional healer say, an official PhD research project) by one-in-500 to one in every 2,000. It is who was also training to be a nurse. a group representing the interests of scary to think how many are killed at The traditional healers apparently intersex people cannot be solely relied birth, how many others are not consid- justified these baby murders as “an on to paint a picture of South African ered human by law, and how others act of love”, as they believe they are communities’ behaviour towards such have their sex determined by a society “saving the mother from too many individuals. Yet it does highlight some- frightened by anything other than questions from the community”. thing very troubling, since traditional “normal”. The stigma against intersex children healers are the custodians of beliefs I cannot imagine what it is like to can also be found across the pond as held by their communities, and can be be told by an influential leader in the intersex infants have their sex surgi- a reflection of those communities and community that you do not exist. n

NOSEWEEK April 2018 27 Letter from Umjindi BHEKI MASHILE

Apartheid. Water under the bridge. Not

OY OH BOY, TALK ABOUT THE ANGRY measure of the challenges we face as a too often, threw the line: “What would black man. Yes folks there is a nation with water scarcity. you know about a black man’s suffering lot of anger in Mzansi. Being Then of course, being the comedian here in South Africa when you grew up the scribe that I am, I am con- that I also am, I threw in a story that in America?” stantly being asked my opinion succeeded in making the fellow laugh. I wasn’t having it. I am in my early aboutB everything from politics to busi- This was about when I attended the 20th 50s and, despite leaving for the States ness, to, say, the mining charter. But anniversary of this-here Nose. I shared at the tender age of eight, I too expe- one of the most challenging opinions with him how the Nose had booked me rienced apartheid. I wasn’t done. I I have been asked recently was about into a guest house that was so fancy I also threw in a challenging question the water crisis in our fairest Cape. was almost afraid to use the toilet. As and commentary. First: “Do you think Now here is the problem that any man knows, no matter how many living in America as a black man is occurred during this Q&A session: one times you shake it, there will always be all hip-hop and Michael Jackson? You fellow radical said he had a not-so- that drip that makes its way on to the guys have just been given free educa- funny answer to the Cape crisis: “Hey, seat. Yes, I know the rule; lift up the seat. tion. I had to work in the mess hall at to save water they should instal bucket (Hey, I am telling a story here to a very the military college to supplement my toilets for the people of the Cape.” angry young man, so I am allowed to soccer scholarship. Ouch! embellish, thank you very much.) “And speaking of scholarships, are “Whites need to know what it feels But just when I thought I had won you aware that many a young black like not to have water services,” he him over. I just happened to add how man in America prays for and relies on reasoned. But what this fellow’s the guest-house owner had mentioned getting a sports scholarship to attend comment demonstrated was the anger that members of the British royal college or varsity?” that persists among our young black family have also stayed there on I continued, “Look here, my angry folk, especially the [jobless?] men. several occasions. friend, as it has been said many a time, Clearly this is a troubling attitude, No, he was not impressed. “What the you need to focus your energy on the which might explain crime such as heck do I care about the British royal positive; some guest-house owner in farm murders. And unfortunately family when the Maginsi (the English) the Cape being subjected to a bucket some of our government officials don’t have been stealing our gold?” Ah! toilet is not going to help you in any seem to be helping matters by uttering Hey, how about another beer? I way.” He had to laugh at that. comments along the same lines. asked, trying to save my butt. Of course Yes, we most certainly have a And surely, those who insist on he accepted. But alas, it did not do disgruntled sector of the population demonstrating with the old flag are not much to save my argument. Instead he here in Mzansi. So I think that next helping either. turned the tide on me and, as happens time I am confronted by such an angry Yes indeed we have come a long fellow I will duck and dive because, way since the days of that dreaded man oh man, our people can get easily apartheid nonsense. But it appears riled up and violent over the smallest of that Madiba’s calls for reconciliation things. Albeit the pain still left behind have fallen on some deaf ears. So how by apartheid is no small thing. does one respond to a comment like But it is not for Bheki to ease the the young fellow’s, because clearly his pain and anger of such a young man. mind is made up and he harbours a lot That should be done by our politicians of anger? who have a responsibility not to agitate Well, take a page from the Bheki and stir an already boiling volcano. Mashile book of diplomacy: you buy For tomorrow that young man will the young man a beer, sit him down be greeting me as I walk past the and try to educate him about life’s Barberton Prison having perhaps been social, political and economic realities convicted of some violent crime. To him, and challenges. You try to point out, that would be okay, because he is an as I did, the good things that Mzansi angry young man and no one tried to has to offer, while throwing in a Michael Jackson ease his pain and anger. n

28 Down and Out ANNE SUSSKIND

Aussie inequality. Trickle-up

HE WIDE BROWN LAND OF AUSTRALIA Farrelly (of whom your columnist is getting wider and browner. definitely has columnist envy): Each day, an area equating to “The Kiwis get Ardern, Canada more than 1,500 football fields’ gets Trudeau. Somehow, they get worth of native woodland and to elect actual human beings who scrubT is being cleared in Queensland, fight for real things. We get Mr alone, says the World Wildlife Fund. Hollow and Mr Beetroot, a sham It’s a hotspot, the “only deforestation and a vegetable…” front” in the developed world, and Our PM, who once crossed the results in the bulldozing of an esti- floor for climate change, is now mated 45 million animals yearly in “desiccated by hypocrisy and bound the sunshine state. by fossil-fuel addiction”. In her The clearing also drives sediment column on the growing inequality into rivers draining into the Great in Australia, Farrelly says: “There’s Barrier Reef, starving the coral of Roland Gopel and his of-grid establishment no trickle-down. Trickle-down was light and exacerbating the effects of always a lie. There’s just trickle- climate change for the reef. grub came at his new partner’s expense up.” While the recently elected Queens- when he said it was a “grey area” Off the grid in his own country, a land Labor government has prom- whether the baby she’s carrying is his, man living in a caravan on his prop- ised to make stricter laws, conserva- because he was out of the country for erty 700km from Perth is being fined tionists say New South Wales’s new ten days at the time of conception. He $50-a-day by his council for not having laws (of 2017) are even worse than says, however, he will love the child as running water or sewerage, breaching Queensland’s and could lead to a his own. regulation. He has also been fined doubling of clearance rates. Michael McCormack, the new deputy $1,000 under WA’s Caravan Park and In the Northern Territory, it’s PM and a former newspaper editor, in Campground Act and ordered to pay been reported that a property called 1993 editorial about gay Australians $3,000 in court costs. Tipperary has had 50,867 hectares and HIV/Aids, discussed their “sordid “I refuse to pay a fine for living. I approved for clearing in the past six behaviour”. “Unfortunately gays are refuse to be homeless,” said Roland years, an area almost ten times the size here and, if the disease their unnat- Gopel, 58. of Manhattan. ural acts helped spread doesn’t wipe At my charming, long-suffering The despicable, hypocritical Barnaby out humanity, they’re here to stay.” He Bondi pharmacist, John, I was pipped Joyce (alias The Beetrooter), he who apologised afterwards. at the post by an older South African opposed a cervical cancer vaccine for Reasonable Australians are having a woman, of the purple hair brigade, in a girls claiming it would cause promis- fit of envy of their nearest neighbour, hurry to be served before anyone else. cuity, has had to quit as deputy Prime little cuz New Zealand, whose new PM, She was, she said “double parked”. The Minister after a poorly judged fight- Jacinda Ardern, given 60 seconds to list pharmacist, served her straight away. back over his pregnant girlfriend for her government’s accomplishments, Then, at a meeting at my son’s whom he left his wife of many years rattled off: “We started KiwiBuild, we school, who speaks up? Of the five and mother of his four daughters (who banned the sale of state houses, we parents unhappy with a new assess- found out about the pregnancy on page introduced the Healthy Homes Bill, the ment system, three are South African, one of a tabloid newspaper). winter energy payment, we extended whiney Joburg, elegant Durbs Joyce, who had also banged on about paid parental leave, we banned micro- and little old me from Cape Town. welfare cheats and dole bludgers, is beads, set up the Pike River Agency, Afterwards I seek out Durbs who says alleged to have organised cushy jobs started the work on the climate change he thinks it’s because we are the smart for the girlfriend, who had been his commission, increased the minimum questioning ones. Ha ha, we are the media adviser. PM Malcolm Turnbull wage, committed to equal pay, we intro- entitled. Which one? In Rose Bay, I ask responded with a “bonkban” on minis- duced child poverty legislation…” and a shop assistant what she thinks of all ters having sex with staffers. on she went. the South Africans she serves. In reply, The last salvo from the red-faced Commented columnist Elizabeth sign language for zip your lip. n

NOSEWEEK April 2018 29 Last Word HAROLD STRACHAN

In the pink. When WW2 came to Durbs

AM A NATURAL LIVING ARCHIVES OF songs that Poles have it really gave his ivory cigarette holder, and now the City of Durban, KZN, so to you the chicken-skin, man, and he was and then say Teodor you are so tin, speak, going right back to the day the only person I’ve ever heard sing a so fragile, you must more eatink, and our city went to war against Adolf national anthem as if he believed in it. lean forwards and push across a great Hitler. March, march Dimbrovsky! he would crock of greasy greens or oily soup IMy whole family is part of that cry, springing to attention to do so. with his officer’s baton. Eatink some very history. My sister had a military My cousin, now, she had a fat civilian soup, he would say, unctuously, eatink Polish boyfriend called Viktor, you see, boyfriend called Theodor from South some niice soup with cabbages and though I should really hesitate to call West Africa, and he was on Hitler’s beans and butter, eatink some niiice any man so elegant a boy; let us rather side but quietly so, subtly, though meats with fats and bloods and pota- call him a gentleman-lover. And I’m when later I went off to wage war on toes, and Theodor would bounce up not sure whether I should call him A. H. he told my ma he hoped I’d get and down and chuckle Ja mein Gott! Polish either, since he came from East killed. I didn’t mind too much, he was a and give Rommel a piece of pork on his Prussia where upper-class soldiers caricature of a pudgy German colonial, special saucer. wore those definitive scars And lo it came to pass that across their faces as badges Viktor was afforded some of military passion. Indeed quiet sardonic glee when one Viktor had a certain regard day Police Sergeant Petrus for Germans, except their “Hoender” Kok arrived on lower classes, but I tell his 750cc Harley Davidson you, in the matter of pure crime-motorcycle with side- seething historical hatred car containing a bloody big of Russians, he was pure Zulu in khaki, known as a Polish. Indeed he and others Government Snake, with a had just been released from bloody big wooden club for Russian prison camps, the physical side of things though how they got there since he was not permitted to I could never understand. carry a firearm. Also a Ford Still can’t. Skinny and V8 police van with steel mesh starved they were sent to on all openings, containing Natal to get fattened up and certain plainclothes police tanned and go and bliksem officers who were here to the Germans this time arrest Theodor as a German round. sort of quaint. He had this cat called spy – just as he was tucking his servi- Anyway, he was an officer in the Rommel, also fat, the colour exactly of ette in his collar – and stick him in a Polish army, and when I say elegant, the Wehrmacht field grey uniform, and police cell. dear readers, I mean you haven’t seen on Sundays he and Theodor would sit Maybe shootink him, said Viktor military elegance yet. Lean, rangy, he at our kitchen table and view pots of to me on the side. But history being wore one of those rakish caps with a thick German soup and roast meats a random process, in a way Theodor square top and riding breeches with and steaming side dishes and Theodor got his own back. Soon enough when braid down the seams and brown would bounce up and down with a they’d got all these skinny Poles nicely riding boots, and on one special parade chuckle and say My God, Rommel, plumped up again they put them I saw him wearing a sword. Rumour good food and fresh! and Rommel one day aboard a ship for England, had it he had in the Royal Hotel would reply RRRommmell! and they’d got as far as a bit north of menaced a waiter with this sword Theodor was round and flabby with Cape Town when round about beddie- because the wine was wrong, but I bulging greedy eyes and Viktor hated byes time a prowling long-range don’t believe that. Part of his extreme him exquisitely, not because he was Kriegsmarine U-boat plugged them, gentlemanly code was that one doesn’t German but because he was low class. and as their ship sank slowly in the ungraciously bully those grovelling Vulgar. He would sit at the table where west, Viktor was brought ashore in a about for survival at the bottom of Theodor and Rommel were doing suit of pink silk pyjamas with a dainty the social pile. And romantic! When their Sunday guts up, sit in exqui- floral pattern and no riding boots. Viktor sang those passionate patriotic site machismo and smoke through C’est la guerre. n

30 Smalls ads must be booked and paid for online. Book at: SMALLS www.noseweek.co.za

FOREIGN HOLIDAY ACCOMMODATION 5 star Knysna hotel suite Rental income + Lawyer.co.za is a new website for members private use No admin and maintenance of the public with extensive information Paris apartment Centrally located Mon- hassles Ideal syndication R2.65m; about lawyers and the law in SA. Research torgueil (2nd) Reasonable rates, internet, TV, Email: [email protected] or call the law, or find a law firm. Also available in etc; [email protected]; 082 652 0706. Afrikaans at www.Prokureur.co.za +33 62 034 6710. Alleged forgery? Questioned signatures? Bordeaux Self-cater in historic, river-side FOR SALE Document fraud? FDE / handwriting village in wine lands. From €73/night. Go expert Cape Town; www.fdex.co.za to www.bordeauxwinelands.com or call Tinus & Gabriel de Jongh paintings Richard Wands Specialist divorce attorney +27 (0)81 869 2325. bought, sold and valued for estates and in all aspects of family law. Email: insurance; 021 686 4141; dejongh@yebo. [email protected] or call LOCAL HOLIDAY ACCOMMODATION co.za; www.tinusdejongh.co.za 074 148 5602 or 011 463 4551. Klein Bosheuwel Bishopscourt, Klaassens Plastic pallets bought & sold. (New Road, 200m from Kirstenbosch Gardens international legislation for exporting on SERVICES Rycroft gate. Tranquil B & B in an acre of wooden pallets! ISPM15); gardens. Call 021 762 2323; www.premierpallets.co.za or 083 756 6897. French lessons (Jhb) or translations (coun- www.kleinbosheuwel.co.za Ex-SANDF Military Surplus Clothing, trywide). Sorbonne-degreed native French Arniston Stunning seafront home perched Tents, Vehicles, Camping Gear, etc. Go to speaker from Paris. For more information on cliff top overlooking beach. Breath- www.southafricanmilitarysurplus.co.za call 071 356 8279; or email taking position and panoramic sea [email protected]. views, 5 bedrooms, 3 en-suite, serviced; WANTED Get away from it all Come and learn to 082 706 5902. make artisan bread in Wakkerstroom. Your unwanted frearms, left from de- Call Jeff on 082 900 2760 for details. Central Drakensberg Share Block Cottage ceased estates or simply a bother to keep? for sale with a beautiful view of Cathkin [email protected] is looking for a Peak. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, variety of weapons to add to a forensic col- PERSONAL 150m². Email: lection used for research. [email protected] or call 083 646 1995. The Seven Passes Initiative is a rural youth development project. Call LOCAL PROPERTY FOR SALE LEGAL, INSURANCE & FINANCIAL 044 850 1267. Desperately poor school ‘learners’ need Nosing around for property in Langebaan Jurgens Bekker Attorneys, Alberton. Com- your monetary support. Every Rand or the West Coast? Call Melanie Mouton- mercial and litigation. Call 072 011 3670 counts; www.asf.org.za Creugnet 079 378 0000 or email or email [email protected] Please donate to organisations, such as [email protected] Jurgens Bekker Attorneys, Bedfordview www.outa.co.za, that fight against abuse of Want to rent-buy-or-sell your home in Commercial and litigation. taxpayers’ money. Somerset West (Cape) Contact Diane at Call 083 294 9995 or email Wishing Mervyn Gafney a fantastic Seeff Properties by email di.fullard@gmail. [email protected] birthday and first year of retirement. Love com or call 082 331 8227. Jurgens Bekker Attorneys, Cape Town your family. Bushman’s River, Eastern Cape Vacant Commercial and litigation. Call Please keep supporting Noseweek – Brian stand R970,000; 078 989 2957 or email Bergh [email protected] [email protected]

SMALLS ADS IT’S EASY TO SUBSCRIBE The deadline is the 24th of the month, two months prior to publication. Never miss an issue...Free delivery...Enjoy big savings Ads are prepaid at R200 plus VAT for up to 15 words, thereafter R15 per word plus VAT. ONLINE Subscribe at PHONE Call 021 686 0570 Please note that multiple (long-term bookings) are now www.noseweek.co.za or with your credit card or fax available online. email [email protected] 021 686 0573 or 0866 773 650 BOXED ADS Boxed ads are 6cm (1 column) wide, and are charged at R900 for the first 3cm and R250 per additional cm (length) plus VAT. PLEASE NOTE: Cheques are no longer accepted in payment. Payment is due within 30 days of invoicing. Please contact [email protected] to book or phone 021 686 0570. Apart from having SA’s top investigative magazine delivered to your door, you could also win one of five Ken Forrester wine packs. DISCLAIMER Subscribe now and stand in line to score. Although Noseweek does reject obviously questionable ads, it can’t run checks on every ad that appears in the magazine. The CONGRATULATIONS TO APRIL WINNERS: magazine doesn’t endorse the products or services advertised Mr Martin Frizelle, Pinetown; Ms Jacquitta McKowen, Bromhof; and readers are urged to exercise normal caution when doing Mr B Quinney, Somerset West; Mr D Roelofsz, Edenvale; business with advertisers. Dr CH Sparg, Rondebosch

NOSEWEEK April 2018 31