The Purchase A P RIIL 2277 22 00 00 66 [email protected] Purchase’s Only Weekly News Source ISSUE 113
Dispatch Botches Nunchuck Nonsense By Allison Dvornek
As the old saying goes, there are two sides to every story. After the most recent Dispatch was released on April 11, a high-ranking college official came to speak with the Independent, tak- ing issue with the way the article “Freshman Actor’s Faux Nunchucks Spur Arrest” did not present any side but that of the accused. The story ran that Mike Jones, freshman undeclared, was seen swinging his foam nunchucks around his knees in the Hub as he was practicing for a performance in a friend’s movie. As he was in line at the register, six police officers were yelling for him to “Drop it!” The police tried to cuff him twisting his arm and hitting Photos provided by University Police his head on the register. Jones was confused as to why the police were there, as he did not even consider his nunchucks to be a weapon. UPD Nabs Off-Campus Thugs The source that contacted The Thieves Robbed PSGA Office, Dorms During Culture Shock Independent felt that the Dispatch article was By Kelechi Ubozoh heavily biased towards the arrested student, and exaggerated the actions of the responding offi- The Saturday of Culture Shock was sup- computer being gone,” said Sargent. “I just cers and downplayed his involvement in the inci- posed to be a weekend filled with music, rides, really felt bad for the Indy guys.” dent. "Another staff member had noticed the and zeppoles. Instead the Purchase communi- The two thieves didn’t stop there. After nunchucks, as Jones was swinging them and ty was shocked when the Media Board office, robbing the Media Board office, they went to hitting people," said the source, "They were con- home to many news sources like The Alumni Village to continue their stealing spree. cerned for the safety of those in the Hub.” Independent, The Submission, and Free According to University Police, one of the Minutes later, University Police were notified. Words, was robbed. thieves entered an unlocked apartment in One police officer arrived on the scene and According to Assistant University Police Alumni Village looking for valuables as the walked over to Jones, pulling him aside at the Chief Peter J. Macaluso, sometime between other stood guard outside the door. It was there register to speak with him. The officer saw Jones the hours of 1 and 4 a.m. Saturday, Alumni in Alumni where the two were spotted in the act reaching behind himself, presumably for the Lounge in Campus Center North, which is con- by Rose Goldstein-Bookbinder as she was nunchucks, and the officer reacted to this move- nected to The Media Board room, was broken coming home from Culture Shock. ment, and put one of Jones’ arms behind his into with a crowbar. “As I walked in, he started walking out with back. At this point, Jones became belligerent Independent co-editor Steven Tartick my roomate’s computer,” said Goldstein- and began yelling at the officers. Three more offi- along with many others was devastated when Bookbinder. “We immediately called the police cers arrived on the scene at this point in time to he saw the Media Board crime scene. and gave them a description.” assist. “There was paper everywhere. The tapes- After the police recieved the call about the He was taken to the station and had to stay try that hung on the wall was pulled off to cover robbery, a bulletin went out to all Purchase there for an extended period, his friends having the windows,” said Tartick. “It looked like a mur- University police, parking and security officers. to come and bail him out because he acted so der scene.” It was Parking and Security Officer Brian uncooperative to the officers that had come to In addition to the two brand new iMac G5s, Artis who spotted the culprits walking across speak with him. Tartick’s digital video camera was stolen as well campus. He immediately alerted police, and A friend of Jones’, Christian Capello-Colon, as a digital camera and PSP owed by Evan moments later the two thieves were run down freshman undeclared, was quoted in The Sargent, editor of Free Words. in a foot chase by UPD Officer Lou Piriz. Dispatch as saying that the police did not even “I try not to be too attached to things, The suspects were detained, brought into give him time to speak for himself, telling him to the main thing I was worried about was the Continued on Page 10... Continued on Page 10... PSGA Students Culture Elections: Endorse Shock INSIDE Know Your Future Wrap-up Candidates PSGA Execs The Purchase Letter from the Editor apathy, this kind of careless indifference impede the IInnddeeppeennddeenntt forces of creation on this campus. The people here are Established 2001 the most original, the most imaginative human beings I Friday night, thieves broke into the Media Board Founding Editor: Glen Parker have ever had the privilege of knowing, and we are all office and robbed us of our vital equipment. However they DROWNING in a sea of our of apathy. We are SUFFO- Chief Editors: did not rob us of our spirit. They did not rob us of our ded- CATING on our egos, on the feeling that it’s not happen- Bill Reese ication and our drive. They can never rob us of the love ing because it’s not happening to US. Steven Tartick that we have for this campus and of our obligation to the But this is happening to all of us, and we continue to Assistant Editor: students who make us possible. let it happen! Emily Farrell Saturday morning was absolutely shitty. We got the Saturday night, I still felt as though I didn’t believe in Office Manager: news about the robbery as a dark, cold rain fell across this place anymore. And then I went to Culture Shock in Mark Schroeder campus. Culture Shock, the weekend of fun, excitement, the Student Center, and I saw our own Fire Flies play one Layout Editor: exuberance and campus pride, had been sullied by a of the most inspired sets that they have played in the five Kaitlyn Sudol series of thefts and vandalism, including the daring and plus years they’ve played Purchase’s stages. At the end, Head Copyeditor: calculated heist of our machines. students got up and stage dived into the audience, and I Sable Yong The rain had forced the festivities inside the student suddenly realized that our spirit was not dead; it was as Distribution Supervisor: center for the evening, and I started feeling sorry for alive as ever. Robert Stewart-Rogers myself. I was pissed off because some assholes had As the audience caught these stage divers and car- Graphic Design: stolen our gear. I was pissed off because the rain had ried them though the audience, I realized that we are all Sabrina Miller “ruined” Culture Shock. I was pissed off because this standing on the edge of a tall cliff here, and none of us are Backpage Bitch: place that I love had fallen yet again into a state of help- taking the time to stand down there and catch us when we Lauren Raia lessness and careless apathy. fall. But that audience proved to me that we are up to the Business Manager: I have been here for four years, and I have seen this task. We must catch Purchase when she falls, and we Alice Gullotta campus rise and fall. I have seen this place live through must carry her back to the place where she belongs. Writers: raging dormitory fires, ludicrous racist plays, the “theft” of I have written articles like this before, and I have stat- Patrick Cassels our beloved Henry Moore Sculpture; and in every single ed time and time again that WHAT GOES DOWN MUST Allison Dvornek case, this campus found a way to pull itself together-- to COME UP. We have come back to you this week in spite Dave Fumarola pick up the pieces and move on. of monumental adversity, and you must do the same for Kevin Rankin As Saturday wound on I started feeling as if maybe your college. Fight back against these forces of negativi- Kelechi Ubozoh this time, we couldn’t. Maybe this time they would get the ty. Be vigilant, be responsible, be involved and most Randall Ungar best of us. Maybe this time we would give up because we importantly, be positive. Kristin Whitcomb can’t change anything, because everything is set in stone That’s what led to the police recovering the property Copy Editors: and we just have to deal with it. Never once thinking that that was stolen by these thugs on Friday night. It only took Allison Dvornek it was in our power to change our community, to fight one student to speak up when they saw something suspi- Emily O’Leary back, to sound the rally call and say that WE LIVE IN A cious. In spite of a sometimes shaky relationship between Adam Tyrrell BEAUTIFUL PLACE, AND WE’RE NOT GOING TO TAKE the students and the police, they are here to help us but The Purchase Independent is a non-profit THIS ANYMORE! only if we are willing to help ourselves. newspaper, paid for by the mandatory student activity fee. Then I went out into the rain and I said “Fuck it!” It’s Everyone here at The Independent loves this place, The Purchase Independent welcomes letters from the readers. We are an open forum for cam- raining but I’ll dry off. Thieves may have stolen my com- in spite of all of the bullshit that comes along with it. We pus issues and comments about the puters but FUCK IT, my staff is still healthy and safe. We love you, the readers, for standing by us, and we all Independent’s coverage. The deadline for letters to be considered for can buy new computers, but I could never get another believe that this is not the end of the Purchase College; publication in the following issue is Tuesdays at midnight. After that, you must bribe us with candy. Steven Tartick or Emily Farrell at apple.com, I could never this is the end of a bleak era where we allowed ourselves The editors reserve the right to edit the letters for clarity. Publication of letters is not guar- get another Kait Sudol or Pat Cassels or anyone else on to be raped and pillaged by those who do not love this enteed, but subject to the discretion of of the edi- tors. my staff at The Apple Store. place. This is the beginning of a new bright era, and it Advertising space in The Independent is free. As space is limited, The Independent cannot They can steal our machines, but they will not steal starts with you. guarentee immediate publication of ads. Editors will determine which ads go in based upon their our drive. We are still here. And because we’re still here, timeliness. Outside advertisers are also wel- we will not let these forces of negativity throw wrenches “Be the change that you want to see in the world.” come. Event listings are also free of charge. To list an into the unstoppable creative gears of this campus. We -Gandhi event either call or e-mail The Independent. We prefer that submissions come to us elec- will use our voice to say loud and clear, from Alumni tronically. Our e-mail address is: [email protected] You can also leave Village to Fort Awesome: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! With Love material in the Student Government office, Room 1012 in CCN. Backpage quotes can be left in the Purchase, it is TIME FOR A CHANGE! It has gone on Bill Reese Back Page box, a makeshift container nailed to the wall outside our office, CCN 1011. too long that we have allowed ourselves to let this kind of Chief Editor, The Purchase Independent. Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Whenever we’re working, we leave the doors open and encourage people to come in and say hello. Our office hours are Tuesdays at 7:00 pm and Wednesdays at 4:00 pm. The opinions expressed in The Purchase Independent are not necessarily those of the staff of The Purchase Independent or the PSGA. The content printed in the Independent and subse- quent pull-put sections is the responsibility of the authors, not the editors. The Backpage is satirical, and should not be taken literally. Finally, no anonymous submissions will be considered. Instead, they will be used to cover the windows of our office while fucks from Brooklyn (allegedly) try to rob us again.
22 YES, WE GOT ROBBED, BUT LET’S LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE: SOMEONE FINALLY FOUND A USE FOR THE FUGLY FESTIVAL REVIEW: Fort Awesome Culture Shock ‘06 Selected as New By Kristin Whitcomb Dorm Name; Beats
What do you get when you combine fake Unorthodox Rivals blood, alcohol/other intoxicants, carnival rides, By Patrick Cassels rain, and general all around chaos? That would be Culture Shock 2006 – and what a Culture One hundred years from now (if the planet Shock it was! is survives the Great Moon War of 2025) nos- I first heard whispers of Culture Shock talgic alumni, with young bodies newly pur- back in the fall, but I could never exactly figure chased on eBay, will strap on their jet packs, fly out what “Vulture Cock” really was. When over to Lincoln Avenue at Purchase College, spring semester rolled around, I started getting and celebrate the centennial of Fort Awesome, more concrete answers when countless posts which earlier this month was announced as the about the lineup were on Livejournal and rave name of the university’s newest residence hall. reviews about last year combined with specula- The name was submitted by Jesse Heffler tion about this year were on the lips of every to The Independent as part of a campus-wide student. competition and selected by the Purchase Amongst all the gossip and grumbles Student Government Association from dozens about this year, I found my excitement mounted of finalists. with each passing day. Live music + the out- Fort Awesome, which was originally reject- doors + non-sobriety + carnival rides and Communication Corporation, but We Are ed by the college administration as “too mili- games? How the hell could that not be awe- Wolves was absolutely astounding. taristic,” is sure to draw polarizing views: Is it an some? So I tried to ignore the negativity, but I By that time, night had fallen and the rides expression of the originality at the heart of have to admit I was besieged by worries as were calling my name. Deciding to risk it, my Purchase College, or a grim sign that this cam- well. friend and I went on the Scrambler (which I pus is losing any dignity it had left. When the lineup was officially announced I referred to as the “sideways spinny thing”), Those who find themselves thoroughly have to say I wasn’t too thrilled – it sounded which scared me off the rides for that night. disgusted with the idea of living in a building very hardcore and rap, neither of which I partic- The larger part of Saturday was spent in named after a superlative made popular by the ularly enjoy. And what was up with all the bed recuperating, but 5 o’ clock rolled around Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles can take comfort Purchase bands? Couldn’t we see them on a and I was ready to put my game face on. I in knowing Heffler’s was tame relative to other, regular basis anyway? Would it rain? Would braved the rain to head over to the Stood and 100 percent authentic submissions received by things be broken and/or stolen? The negativity caught the end of Bit Shifter, who was incredi- The Independent, many of which make “Fort seemed to outweigh my previous joy and my ble and brilliant. How do you make music out of Awesome” sound like The Waldorf-Astoria: friends seemed to feel the same. When asked Game boys? I don’t know, but it was freaking how they felt about the upcoming Shock, they cool. Eagle Ager and the people dancing in Cash Cow would shrug or whine about the lineup. I started crazy fluorescent costumes messed with my Pitfall to think this would be another Purchase disap- mind in a good way. I couldn’t tell what the Pacman's Utmost Awesome Sphere of Doom- pointment where the hype outweighed the actu- show was and what the audience was – I sup- Ridden Coke Shots Off Jeff Stein's Penis al event. pose it’s the whole “breaking down the fourth White Piece of Shit But finally, Pre Shock rolled around. With wall” thing, and that was really intense. Jenny Icephantom the sun shining and the rides being set up liter- Owen Youngs I was really looking forward to Bill Reese's New Stash ally right outside my window, I sauntered over because I had checked out some of her stuff The Newer to my darling Student Center to check out the and was impressed and she definitely lived up Tears For Fears Memorial Dormitory bands. And if Culture Shock had ended there I to my expectations and I developed a bit of a Mystery Mansion could have gone away a happy soul. How can crush, I’m not going to lie. Matt & Kim were pos- you not love seeing half of Purchase strip down sibly the cutest couple I’ve ever seen – and I’m to the Please Department? Plus, Johnny a cynic, so that’s saying quite a bit. Their music Giovanni always puts on an amazing show was amazing and fun. I have to say, Purchase’s The Swamp (in drippy writing) (and he wasn’t the least bit shy about ahem, own Fireflies was the highlight of the evening – The Second Coming of Wham City Part Deux exposure) and the band Choose, was a pleas- the energy of the crowd, the music, the crowd Wham City Suburbs ant surprise. surfing, the PTV “water” bottles all added up to The Grizzlyman Memorial Dormitory Friday was spent a bit agonizingly hung one of the greatest performances I’ve seen at The Boonies over, the weather more than made up for it and Purchase. The Co-Op kept me refreshed with Oz my excitement returned when I saw the amaz- water and general merriment abounded. Purch-House ing turnout on the quad. Heading down to see Of course, there was the dark side of the Sacco-Vanzetti House World/Inferno Friendship Society, I saw some- Shock – the medical mishaps, the Indy office The New New thing I’ve hardly ever seen at Purchase – stu- being robbed, the broken vending machines Uncle Sticky's House of Chicken and Ribs dents were actually excited and showing it. I’ve and being rained out Saturday – but even all Vulture Cock Memorial Bldg., The grown used to the general apathy that seems to that couldn’t take away from the spirit of preside here, and was shocked at the moshing Purchase. Even after all the amazingness, I L'hotel D'ha-Penis and yelling and all around cheer. It’s hard not to heard a few complaints. Well people, I have Phallus-Hall/The Hall of Phallus be excited when an awesome live band is some news for you: if you sit in a corner of the Wolf-Dork throwing fake blood into the audience and the Stood on your cell phone whining then yes, The Erection smell of funnel cake and liquor permeates the Culture Shock is going to suck for you. So go Discovery Zone atmosphere. I will admit, I wandered away a bit jump into that crowd swarming around Dan Castle Greyskull and missed Dan Deacon and the Romer and enjoy your damn college years! TAPESTRY ON OUR WALL * STEVEN DOESN’T HAVE TO WASTE TIME LEARNING THE MANUAL FOCUS ON HIS CAM- 33 She tells me, although all of her songs may not MUSIC REVIEW be happy, the performance itself can be uplift- Chantilly Warwyck ing. She wants this recital be a good night out, a celebration of her time spent at this college Studio Comp Hero’s Senior Recital and hopes people can come and have fun and By Kevin Rankin engage the audience. Opening the show will be anti-folk freshmen Kyle Gilbride Chantilly Warwyck didn’t have much of a (myspace.com/mrkylegilbride). Also, Little musical background when she started studying Debbie Snack Cakes! I know if you weren’t in the Studio Composition program at Purchase sold yet, you are now! four years ago. Tonight however, she will pres- Thursday, April 27, 8PM in room 78 of the ent her musical style that has blossomed since Music Building is where you need to be to then. Before then, she was a voice and a experience the event. That’s the building past melody without the instrument and structure the dance building for everyone who isn’t a tying it all together into the solid structures they music student. If you pick up this issue too late, have become. say Friday, you can still catch her this weekend. No, I’m not talking about the village of Chantilly will be performing acoustically at northern France above Paris that is known for Friday’s Wangstock in the Student Center porcelain and lace, nor am I talking about that alongside Dr. Wang’s Infectious Disease, the ridiculous song by The Big Bopper. I’m talking Fire Flies, and a score of others bands you will about a person of the female persuasion who is love. If you even miss that one too and really playing her senior recital. If you’ve seen to create more depth to the compositions. For feel like an asshole (or if you want to see her 3 Chantilly perform her Elliott Smith, Ani Difranco, this year’s performance, aiding her will be the nights in a row without leaving this wonderful and Mariah Carey influenced songs before, this infamous Joe Ferry on bass, Mike Graves on campus) you can check her out at the Box recital will be something very different from her drums, Shane “Shenannigans” Galligan on vio- Rebellion on Saturday night, also at the usual solo-with-acoustic-guitar performance. lin, Ronin Codor (of Communication Corp. and Student Center. When I asked her what people should The Woes fame) playing the accordion, Blake expect from the recital, she responded “anoth- Reynolds on piano, Mile Alas on viola, Kira To hear more Chantilly and keep up with her er excuse to have a party,” but that was before Velella helping with background vocals and for- schedule of appearances, go here: laughing and becoming serious. With this mer roomie Rickie Gal (of Twilight of the Idle Myspace.com/ChantillyWaryck (just make recital, much like last year’s, she wants to fame) on “dinner bell.” Ding! sure you add the Warwyck, because otherwise express her songs to their fullest extent by Chantilly wants to “make people happy by you’ll find some chick from California instead). using a revolving door of Purchase musicians creating a good atmosphere” with this recital. polygamist family isn’t something that interests Grant, owns a share of Bill’s business and is TV REVIEW: everyone. For most people, polygamy is either constantly putting Bill under financial and moral something they don’t know much about or pressure. Nicki also managed to rack up over Big Love for something they have strong moral opinions on. $50,000 in credit card debt. She has been try- Bill Paxton stars as Bill Henrickson, owner ing to keep it secret for months. New HBO Show of a chain of hardware stores in Utah. He lives Bill’s youngest wife, Margene, is played by By Dave Fumarola in the suburbs with his three wives Barb, Nicki, Ginnifer Goodwin. Margene didn’t have a close and Margene. Bill has three kids with Barb, two family growing up, so she jumped at the chance On Sunday night my roommate and I were kids with Nicki, and two kids with Margene. to become part of the Henrickson clan. She rushing to get back to our apartment in time to What makes Big Love so addicting are the actually started out as a babysitter for the watch Big Love. Some of our friends may character interactions and family dynamics. Henricksons. Margene has two very young chil- desert us for it, but we get excited every Jeanne Tripplehorn plays Barb dren and spends almost all of her time home Sunday. On the path behind The Hub we heard Henrickson, Bill’s first and legal wife. She works alone taking care of them. Now she is starting a strange sound coming from the Olde. “God as a substitute teacher now that all of her kids to get stir crazy and is making friends with her only knows what I’d be without you,” was easi- are in school. After years of marriage, Bill and curious neighbors. The other wives are nervous ly heard through the open windows. Anyone Barb are still passionately in love. They even that Margene will accidentally expose them as who watches Big Love can instantly recognize steal some time alone together as if they’re polygamists. the familiar Beach Boys melody as the theme having an affair. On top of the family life, there is a dark song for the show. My first reaction was to pick Chloe Sevigny has left her openness from side to Big Love. Even though he left it years up my pace because I was missing the begin- The Brown Bunny behind to play Bill’s uptight ago, Bill has never been able to sever his ties ning of my show. My second thought was that it second wife, Nicki Henrickson. Nicki grew up with the commune. His parents and brother still was comforting to know there were others out on the polygamist commune that Bill was born live there. The boss of the commune, Roman there like me. into. She has a very powerful and famous Grant, is a very despicable villain. This gives If you are like me, you’ve probably noticed polygamist for a father. Her father, Roman Big Love an element that is typically seen in how fast the show is catching on. There have mafia movies. There is violence, scandal, and now been seven episodes aired and the num- sex- three things everyone loves in their enter- ber of fans seems to be growing with each one. tainment. Big Love premiered last month on HBO, Big Love is definitely in the water cooler following The Sopranos. Sunday nights on conversation on Monday morning-- or whatever HBO have seen such shows as Six Feet Under, the Purchase equivalent on Monday afternoon Deadwood, Sex & the City, and Oz, so there is . Will Nicki get out of debt? Will Bill and Barb were naturally high expectations for Big Love. keep up their “affair”? Will Margene get a life? HBO shows are typically known to be gritty and Will the constant homoerotic tones ever controversial, but many people didn’t know amount to ANYTHING? We’ll all have to find what to make of Big Love. A show about a out together. Big Love airs Sunday nights at 10. 44 ERA * WE GOT TO FINALLY TEST OUT A MAC MINI (BONUS POINTS: WE GOT TO NAME IT CHOCHI) * WE FOUND A PSGA ELECTION CANDIDATES For the first time ever, the PSGA executive elections will be held online on May 2nd and 3rd. The people you elect for these positions will be in charge of student life on campus for the next year, whether it be speaking to President Schwarz and the administration about concerns and problems, booking bands and events, or managing the Mandatory Student Activity Fee. These elections are not to be taken lightly, and we urge you to review the follow- ing candidates’ qualifications and intentions to best decide who is the most effective person for the job. Check your email on May 2nd and 3rd to vote.
Name: Matt Dunnam year. The whole point of being an executive is Major: New Media to make student life better. Academics Year: Junior Why do you want to run for this are why we are here, but to be a part of office? the PSGA is to facilitate student life out- What are your qaulifications and expe- I feel the job of President is the most dif- side the classroom. My academic life and rience? ficult and important position in our stu- career in student government have been I am the most experienced candidate for dent government. Having been involved directly related in that I’ve been sucessful president. In the PSGA for almost three in all levels of the PSGA and most areas at both. years, I’ve served on all of the student of student life--whether it be services, committees, have chaired three, and performances, or government--I can rep- Interesting Fact: I once organized an have initiated several successful pro- resent the student body to the administra- awards ceremony with five dollars and a grams including the effort to repair the tion and public most effectively. caterer’s phone number. vandalized murals and expand the mural program. I also cofounded and managed Where does the line fall between being WPSR which is in its second successful a PSGA executive and a student?
Name: Daniel Maldonado Why do you want to run for this As a PSGA executive, one must maintain Major: Music office? a level of maturity and be able to accept Year: Junior I feel much can be done in terms of cam- the responsibilities of representing fellow pus diversity, both cultural and interdisci- students as well as maintaining an What are your qualifications and expe- plinary. Someone of my background can exceptional academic life. rience? reflect on real campus issues. I am in a I am currently active in student affairs and conservatory and am active in many Interesting Fact: I am a percussionist in am associated with several campus clubs. the music conservatory. I am Latino, and clubs. I am also politically aware and well versed in traditional Latin folklore. come from a diverse background. Where does the line fall between being a PSGA executive and a student?
Name: Shawn Ryder leader, diplomatic, and proud to be a part Where does the line fall between being Major: History of Purchase. a PSGA executive and student? Year: Junior I feel there is no real line between student Why do you want to run for this and executive; in the end Executives are What are you qualifications and expe- office? nothing more than students. Executives rience? I really enjoy making a positive difference are students who bear the voices of their I have served as Senator for the New as in people’s lives. All of the executive peers; representing and advocating well as President of the Northeastern positions work to make a great deal of them, not themselves. Athletic Conference Student Athlete progress for the campus community, Advisory Committee, Captained the however, I feel this position is best suited Interesting Fact: I love Poptarts and Cross Country team, and acted as for my strengths. Spinach, but not together. Executive Coordinator of PAST. I am a
Name: Valerie Weaver Committee, Fall 2005. I have also been a Purchase College, being a student and Major: Cinema Studies PSGA Office Assistant for the 2005-2006 PSGA President go hand-in-hand. This is Year: Junior academic year, and I am currently an the case in all matters except when it intern at the Women’s Alternative Clinic. comes to my academic life. Before and What are your qualifications and expe- after a class starts, I am a PSGA rience? Why do you want to run for this Executive. When the lecture or class My experience within the PSGA is exten- office? work begins, I am a student. I am very sive. For CoCOaS, I have been: Film There are two parts to being president of organized and am confident that I will be Society Treasurer, Fall 2004 – Spring the student government; working with the able to handle my executive and aca- 2005, Film Society President, Fall 2005 - administration to push new initiatives demic responsibilities. I know when to Spring 2006, CoCOaS Representative, while keeping current ones moving say no to people in order to take care of Fall 2004- Fall 2005, Member of WHEN, smoothly, and dealing with student body my homework. I have no problem telling Fall 2005, Member of Cheese Club, Fall on immediate problems and issues that students that all e-mails sent and phone 2005 – Spring 2006. arise. I have put time and dedication into calls past 10 PM on weeknights will not With the student Senate, my experience the PSGA and genuinely care about its be returned until the next day. is as follows: Senator, Alumni Village, Fall progress. I want to use all resources 2005– Spring 2006, Finance Committee, available to cultivate student life on cam- Interesting Fact: This Summer I will be Fall 2004 – Fall 2005, Steering pus. working on a family friend’s campaign for Committee, Fall 2004 – Spring 2006, Where does the line fall between being state assembly. Public Relations Committee, Spring a PSGA executive and a student? 2006, Major Events Coordination As an advocate for the students of
COOL NEW WAY TO GET INTO OUR OFFICE * THE OFFICE DESKS ARE FINALLY CLEANED OFF * OUR OLD EMACS 55 Name: Lorisse Alicia Ortiz-Bentine office? the PSGA is at fault for something. When Major: Drama Studies and Spanish I would like to take a lead role with the the voice of the student is not being Year: Junior unification of the Purchase community. heard, and the community is suffering for Holding a seat on the PSGA will allow my it, the administration should then make What are your qualifications and expe- ideas to be made manifest. Frankly, I am decisions for the sake of their student rience? tired of seeing so much division within body. I have been in many leadership roles on our communities, living areas, and Interesting Fact: I’m on a mission to campus, including Resident Assistant in amongst clubs and organizations. learn how to do things that our imagina- Big Haus for a year and a half, including tions want us to, but the world we live in last summer, and being on the OAPIA Under what circumstances is it tells us we can’t. I just think we’re not Executive Board for a semester. I volun- acceptable for the administration to using a certain part of our minds. I am teered for HARP, and helped inspire high make a decision on PSGA affairs? searching for the key to unlocking the school students to go to college. The administration should be able to power of my mind. I will learn how to fly Why do you want to run for this make decisions on PSGA affairs when one day. Will you?
Name: Marina Isaac and am a member of Spoke-n-Heard. acceptable for the administration to Major: Cinema Studies make a decision on PSGA affairs? Year: Sophomore Why do you want to run for this Circumstances that effect both the PSGA office? and the administration. What are your qualifications and expe- Purchase is a good school, but it has a rience? few minor flaws that I would like to try and Interesting Fact: I worked in the office of I am a Purchase student who is involved change. my high school, senior year as an atten- in campus activities. I work at the dance secretary. Children’s Center, hosted a radio show, Under what circumstances is it
Why do you want to run for this administration interjection is when legal Name: Steven Tartick office? issues arise. However, strong communi- Major: New Media I feel my tested organizational and man- cation between the PSGA and the admin Year: Junior agerial skills, coupled with my extensive is important. Their opinions are helpful, PSGA experience would allow me to as long as defined boundaries exist. What are your qualifications and expe- strengthen the Senate. I have enjoyed rience? my productive run as a Senator, and want Interesting Fact: Besides being the edi- -Chief Editor- Purchase Independent to further my contributions to the PSGA. tor of The Indy, working for a software -PSGA Senator company, and my PSGA work, I am also -Received PSGA award for Outstanding Under what circumstances is it a magician! I perform about 50 shows a Service to the Community acceptable for the administration to year all over New York. I also have a -Chair of PR Committee, Sits on Steering make a decision on PSGA affairs? unhealthy Broadway addiction. Committee I believe that the only acceptable time for
Name: Antonio Commisso U.S.A. President (2004) There is a very fine line between PSGA Major: Political Science executive and student. As a representa- Year: Freshman Why do you want to run for this tive of the PSGA, an executive must be office? an exemplary student. An executive must What are your qualifications and expe- My previous experiences in Finance, be a visible and approachable student on rience? both in the PSGA, and on various local campus—being available to any member -Senator, Farside Residence Hall, PSGA and national level political campaigns of the student body; meanwhile having (2005-2006) have left me in good stead for this posi- the responsibility of representing the stu- -Voting Member, Finance Committee, tion. Working closely with the current dent body for a given cause. PSGA (2005-2006) Finance Coordinator this year, I feel that I -Deputy Director, Department of Finance, have gained considerable insight to the Interesting Fact: My dream job would be Brian Ellner for Manhattan Borough job and that my qualifications would working as a simultaneous interpreter in President (2005) serve this position well. Italian for the United Nations. -Assistant Compliance Officer, Where does the line fall between being Department of Operations, John Kerry for as PSGA executive and a student?
Name: Yasha Jackson organization. in the same rat race, it’s just that the Major: Acting Conservatory executive has to look out for the best Year: Junior Why do you want to run for this interest of the student body. office? What are your qualifications and expe- Our mandatory student fee isn’t always Interesting Fact: I’m an actor and I could rience? used to the best of it’s potential. I would be a million different people -> SO what- I have played a vital role in O.A.P.I.A., ensure that the campus as a whole, has ever your going through “I understand” which has been awarded the best club for more input to the where money is put. the last 3 years (all of which I have been apart of). I have put together many Where does the line fall between being events on campus, and have experience as PSGA executive and a student? with budgeting for a major on-campus R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y. We are all 66 WERE GETTING LONELY AND NOW WE HAVE AN EXCUSE TO USE THEM AGAIN * WE WERE WONDERING WHAT WE Name: Blair Gershenson GLBTU. I want to organize CoCOaS and make it Major: Liberal Studies Why do you want to run for this into a place people want to be. I want Year: Junior office? CoCOaS to be unified with a calendar so I want to serve my fellow students. I also groups can work together on events. I What are your qualifications and expe- think that I am extremely qualified for the want to make it easier for non-PSGA rience? job and can make it into a very useful tool groups to work with interested clubs. I I have a great deal of experience working for those who attend and others in the want to also have the council as a whole with individuals and I am very on top of Purchase Community. create an event for students. things. I currently serve as the assistant to the CoCOaS coordinator and have led What do you plan to do as the posi- Interesting Fact: I love crocheting … the GLBTU (as president) for 1 year, tion you’re running for? Do you have more interesting? Okay. I once went to a earning two awards during presidency for any specific goals? BBQ at Howard Stern’s house.
Name: Arthur Larsen office? tion events. GOAL 2: Create stronger Major: Gay and Lesbian Studies Having seen the improvements Claire communication between CoCOaS and Year: Junior Henry has made in CoCOaS, I want to the PSGA and its procedures. GOAL 3: continue the progress initiated by her. I Hold solid scheduled training for all What are your qualifications and expe- want to make our clubs more productive; CoCOaS representatives. rience? to work with them to put to use all cam- -Treasurer of GLBTU 2003-2004 & 2005- pus and non-campus resources at their What is one interesting fact about 2006 fingertips. yourself? -CoCOas Representative 2003-2004 I have been featured in articles in The -Stage Managed PSGA award winning What do you plan to do as the position Village Voice, Salon.com, and The Fall Balls 2003, 2004, 2005… you’re running for? Do you have any Softskull Press Book Kings and Queens: -Several years of retail and office man- specific goals? Queers at the Prom in regards to my agement experience. GOAL 1: Create an organized system for activism in the queer community. advertisement, including hiring a student Why do you want to run for this responsible for flyering for club/organiza-
Name: Meaghan Perez I plan to be an advocate for PSGA and Major: Liberal Studies Why do you want to run for this take it to the next level. My goals are to Year: Junior office? create a positive and cooperative envi- I have studied the clubs, organizations, ronment for not only the students clubs, What are your qualifications and expe- and services on campus and observed organizations, and services, but for the rience? that although there is diversity, the Purchase Student Government I am an articulate and organized inde- diverse do not work together as a whole- Association as well. pendent student, who is familiar with the hearted community. campus and knows how to negotiate time Interesting Fact: with fellow students. I am technology ori- What do you plan to do as the position I don’t shut down when faced with a prob- ented and I love to work with people who you’re running for? Do you have any lem. I am neutral and love to see peace I can both benefit from and help. specific goals? manifested in the world.
Name: Kedric Becker I want to include lots of student input and Major: Anthropology Why do you want to run for this my main goal is to provide the students Year: Junior office? with the most satisfying festival experi- I have a passion for the Culture Shock ence possible. What are your qualifications and expe- Festival, and I believe that I can coordi- rience? nate an event that will please all Interesting Fact: I have organized musical performances, I Purchase students. I have been performing music on a pro- am a musician, I have good management fessional level for a number of years with skills, my taste/knowledge of music is What do you plan to do as the position various jazz quartets. vast, I am extremely resourceful, I know you’re running for? Do you have any how to work on a budget. specific goals?
Name: Jesse Heffler Coordinator all 05/06 school year. tion you’re running for? Do you Major: Dramatic Writing have any specific goals? Year: Freshman Why do you want to run for this I plan on making a legendary impact at office? Purchase. My major events will re- What are your qualifications and I want to be M.E.C. because I know I’ll affirm our faith in the possibility that experience? do an excellent job. I had some good there are good times to be had on this I love to book. I have been booking PSGA experiences this year and campus. shows, festivals and tours since I was would like another year’s worth. a sophomore in High School. Plus, I Interesting Fact: My parents used to was General Programming What do you plan to do as the posi- sell Amway.
WERE GOING TO PUT ON THE FRONT PAGE THIS WEEK * ONCE IT WAS NO LONGER A CRIME SCENE, EMILY OLEARY 77 Name: Christina Picciano WPSR (Monday night Melting Pot, The Major: Studio Production (Music) Flipout, Culture Shock Radio). I am also What do you plan to do as the position Year: Sophomore a music student with a wide span of you’re running for? Do you have any musical tastes, and have experience specific goals? What are your qualifications and expe- booking banks for my own show. I would like to have as many of the stu- rience? dent body participating as possible by My qualifications and experiences are as Why do you want to run for this holding more publicized meetings, sug- follows: participated as an active PSGA office? gestion messageboards, and fundraising at the Culture Shock meetings, as well as I want to run because I am not only pas- by working with other clubs. Plus more T- volunteering my time to help set up the sionate about music, I want to play a shirts! day of to become more acquainted with more active role in the PSGA to give stu- the position. I host weekly radio shows on dents the best experience as possible. Interesting Fact: I can do a backflip. Name: Dexter Wiseman office? interest of the minority community and Major: New Media I feel as an African American that former other communities fairly and equally. I Year: Junior predecessors in the same position, have want to bring performers with wider inter- neglected the interest of the minority ests, such as poets, college steppers, What are your qualifications and expe- community especially when it comes to reggae, soca and dancehall performers, No rience? hiring performers who represent our as well as get performers who are less I was the former treasure and board interest. So I am running so I can try to well known to the public that still reflect a member of O.A.P.I.A. I assisted in the represent everyone’s interest fairly and new interest. Also for the genres of music Photo daily treasury affairs, like managing, equally and without prejudice. I don’t know, I would like to set up little funds, hiring artist for OAPIA events and commitees to assist me in finding acts I also maintained relations with other What do you plan to do as the position that Purchase students would enjoy that I Submitted organizations leaders who are also you’re running for? Do you have any necessarily wouldn’t. involved on campus. specific goals? Interesting Fact: I am the only African In this position my main goal would be American that I know that listens to Aqua Why do you want to run for this getting performers who represent the and Blackbox.
Name: Rivka Gal (Rickie Gal) student body, pay attention to what they Major: Music- Studio Composition Why do you want to run for this want, listen to their requests, and Year: Junior office? respond in a reliable manner. My main I want to run for General Programming goal is to put an end to the apathy at What are your qualifications and expe- Coordinator because I would like to see Purchase and to provide the school with rience? the Student Center become the fun, hap- a diverse variety of shows and events 1. DJ and sound recording person for pening place that it used to be. I hear a lot that appeal to a wider audience and the WPSR of students complaining that there is not many different interests of the student 2. Helped start the radio station from the enough to do on campus and that the body. I plan on spending a lot of time on ground up 2 years ago events are not diverse enough, and I promoting the events, because I know 3. Booked events on and off campus, want to do something to change that by that a lot goes on at Purchase and more experienced in putting together band planning events and getting the word out students need to hear about it. shows more. 4. Dean’s List student What do you plan to do as the position Interesting Fact: I helped put together 5. Studio composition major you’re running for? Do you have any the Rocky Horror Picture Show back in 6. Volunteered at Culture Shock ’05 specific goals? ’03 (and I plan to do it again!) 7. Experienced event promotor I will keep communication open with the I also intern for Joan Jett. Name: Alex Malamy how to work with a budget and the PSGA specific goals? Major: Media, Society and the Arts to make things happen. See above. Year: Senior + continue to work with the PAC Why do you want to run for this + to listen to students both on and not on What are your qualifications and expe- office? my committee for input. rience? To put on awesome shows and events. I have put a lot of love into my work at the Interesting Fact: ROOT BEER CLUB + Student Center and have more to give. I What do you plan to do as the position PING PONG TEAM (I STARTED THEM). love music and performance and know you’re running for? Do you have any I RUN THE STUDENT CENTER! Name: Scott Mason teacher, performing artist and radio show specific goals? Major: Music- Studio Composition host. My goals are to maintain and improve the Year: Graduate quality of the events at on-campus ven- Why do you want to run for this ues such as The Student Center, What are your qualifications and expe- office? Campus Center South, etc which is rience? I want to run for this office because I known for having a source of entertain- I’ve managed the MIDI recording studio understand what goes on not only during ment for the Purchase College Students, a.k.a the Beat Suite in the Music the actual performance but behind the Faculty and Staff. I will also plan to make Conservatory for 3 years and I was man- scenes as far as planning, scheduling myself readily available for desire needs ager of the Studio Composition/ and organization from being involved in and questions. Production Equipment Room for a music on both sides of the table, so I semester. In addition, I’m involved in believe I would do an excellent job. Interesting Fact: I enjoy vegetarian music as far as being a record producer, foods although I wouldn’t call myself a band member and co-founder of the New What do you plan to do as the position vegetarian. East Coast All-Stars reggae band, you’re running for? Do you have any
Name: Alaina Stamatis I feel that I can bring a wide range of per- to preserve the Student Center’s position Major: Journalism formances to campus. Being amiable, as a venue. Year: Sophomore approachable and cute, students are comfortable requesting their favorites, Interesting Fact: The Japanese use the What are your qualifications and expe- and I would be happy to receive them. phrase, “karisuma shufu” to mean rience? “charisma housewife”, like a likeable I go to a concert every week, I read music What do you plan to do as the position Martha Stewart. I am a “karisuma” per- blogs instead of going to class, and I’m you’re running for? Do you have any son: I’m undeniably lovable and full of great on the phone. specific goals? love! My magnatism translates in every Why do you want to run for this SUNY Purchase has a reputation as a field and can serve greatly for this posi- office? musical force to be reckoned with. I wish tion! 88 CLEANED THE OFFICE FOR US * WE DIDNÍT HAVE TO DELETE ALL THOSE NAKED PHOTOS * WE FINALLY GOT Name: James Blinstrub you’re running for? Do you have any Major: Biology Why do you want to run for this specific goals? Year: Sophomore office? I have many specific goals. i.e. installing I feel the student center is a very impor- surround sound, acquiring new games What are your qualifications and expe- tant, very unique establishment and I and equipment, incorporating the Co-op rience? would like to preserve and promote the into the S.C. as well as several other Have been actively involved in student usage of the student center to its max prospective plans. center management all year. I have held potential. a few managerial positions including Interesting Fact: I am interesting. Class president in high school. What do you plan to do as the position
Name: Cliff Connor Student Center. you’re running for? Do you have any Major: New Media Why do you want to run for this specific goals? Year: Junior office? Yes, I want to advertise the hell out of the Because I am not afraid of people. What Student Center. By field work catering to What are your qualifications and expe- I mean is anyone who is receptive. I will the groups that get notified the least, rience? find a common understanding or way to freshman and conservatory students. I spent three years being separated from speak to them and I love advertising. I am the general population on campus while also an actor, and I know how subjective Interesting Fact: I am a performer so the in the conservatory. Now that I am out I we the public can be to advertising. space of the Student Center does not want to draw the sub-groups on campus scare me. I am used to turning a large back together with the location of the What do you plan to do as the position space into useful arenas.
When Matt Dunnam first declared he was run- Center multiple times. This includes video game ning for President, I was surprised that he hadn’t systems, computers, and countless hours working said so sooner. Matt has been the experienced vet- off the books. He is the most qualified candidate eran in the Senate, second to only Jeff Stein in time Endorsements spent in the PSGA, and has been working side by dent, keeping the new dorm student-named, and for the position of General Programming Director side with students and the administration for the several other senate issues that were less sensa- because he knows how to coordinate people. He past three years, dealing with everything from the tional. is accessible and knows how to get people to work Chartwells Union debacle to the Vulture As far as the other candidates are concerned, together. He has spear-headed and assisted Cock/Culture Shock debate, and most recently, they haven’t attended a senate meeting all year, much less been a part of the PSGA legislative countless projects that have not only improved the moderating the discussion of the PTV-Blackface Student Center but created opportunities for stu- incident. process. The choice is clear. Vote for the candi- While the other candidates have promised to date who’s actually experienced with the Senate. dents to work and pursue their interest. This makes changes on campus to better the Purchase Vote Steven Tartick for Chair of Senate. includes but is not limited to commissioning cam- community, Matt Dunnam has already done so. -Adam Tyrrell, Outback Senator pus artist for mural work, providing funding for the The creation of WPSR and the support of media on ------Student Art Gallery, and creating studio space for Let it be known, that I, Faith Jones, co-presi- campus is due in part to Matt Dunnam working with musician, artist, and clubs. The back rooms of the Bill Guerrero, executive director of the PCA. dent of the Commuter-Students Association, Likewise, the proposal to use the Senate food endorse Antonio Commisso for Finance Student Center used to be filled with garbage and money to restore the vandalized murals was made Coordinator of the PSGA. I have known Antonio empty Beer bottles (I shit you not). Alex made a by Matt. since the Fall and I have seen first hand his dedi- good thing better and he will do the same for cam- The list goes on. When the other candidates cation as a Senator to the PSGA, more specifical- pus events. Vote for him or Puff Daddy will kill you. make promises to represent the students, keep in ly, the Finance Committee. Antonio is responsible, hard-working and -Matt Vanderlee mind that Matt Dunnam has already been doing so ------for the past three years. Vote for experience. Vote beholds wisdom beyond his years. Antonio is an for Matt Dunnam for PSGA President. exceptional freshman accomplishing more in his There is no one who knows music better than -Adam Tyrrell, Outback Senator short tenure here at Purchase than most seniors. I Kedric Becker. His love for talented performance ------have had the opportunity to work closely with was sparked early in childhood by his father, a Shawn Ryder has more relevant experience Antonio at the Advising Center where he is a devot- humble jazz musician by trade. Kedric’s taste in ed peer-advisor assisting his fellow freshman peers than anyone else running for President and is one music is unlimited and unbiased because it cross- of the hardest working and most involved people as well as students two and three years his senior. here at Purchase College. I went to New Orleans to Antonio is, without question, the most experi- es all genres and he’s always willing to listen to do hurricane relief with him in January, and he took enced candidate for the job having held numerous anything once. By constantly attending shows of all the dirtiest, most difficult jobs and worked at them positions in Finance departments on both local and kinds, his knowledge of various bands, singers, harder than anyone else there. I think that speaks national campaigns. Moreover, he is an activist by songwriters and other musicians is more than volumes to his dedication. When you bust your ass nature and has fought extensively on the side of extraordinary. Kedric himself is also a musician–a for charity, that’s true dedication. diversity, co-founding C.S.A.I. (Concerned -Adam Abdalla Students against Ignorance) and sitting on the jazz percussionist to be exact, although you can ------Diversity Initiatives College Committee. find him playing just about any object from the pots When it comes to the PSGA executive elec- Most importantly, I know Antonio will approach that he cooks with to the beer bottles that are tions, the issue of experience is up for debate. this position with an objective eye. He is smart, almost always around, experimenting with sounds Does a person running for head of Student Center approachable, professional, and precise-- essential anywhere from hip hop to rock. He has tons of qualities that a successful Finance Coordinator need to have been on five different PSGA commit- experience playing live music so he definitely tees? Of course not. However, when it comes to must possess. I know he will do a stand-up job! the position of Chair of the Senate, where one must Vote smart, Vote proudly, Vote Antonio for knows how to put on a great show. Kedric will make have an intimate knowledge of the student govern- Finance Coordinator! a fantastic Major Events Coordinator because he ment constitution and a familiarity with the rules of -Faith Jones, Co-President of CSA always wants to please the people. He’s not only conduct, experience in the senate shouldn’t be a ------willing to listen to what people want to hear but is suggestion but a necessity. Alex Malamy once saved the Earth from an eager to take advice and turn words into actions. Simply put, in my opinion, Steven Tartick is invasion of satanic space squirrels hell-bent on the most qualified candidate for Chair of the reanimating Hitler’s corpse. He is a student who Kedric wants to improve Culture Shock and Fall Senate. Looking past his position as co-editor of has proven his worth to the Purchase community. Fest by making the music and food more diverse the Independent, by which he has written numer- In the four years he has been on campus he has and appealing to all crowds and also by including ous editorials critiquing and analyzing PSGA started movie night, the ping pong club, the root more fun activities for students. As students, you issues, Steven has shown in both committee and beer club, and has been responsible for the DO get to decide how Culture Shock and Fall Fest senate meetings the intelligence, diplomacy, and Student Center for the past year (I also hear he is play out next year. Vote for Kedric Becker- he will objectivity needed to guide the Senate and make quite kind to children). Alex has demonstrated time the PSGA a more visible presence on campus. and time again that he cares about this campus make your festival experience the best and most Throughout the past year, Steven has been the and is willing to prove it. He has donated his own unique of your life! mediating voice between the PTV-Blackface inci- property and free time to bettering the Student -Patricia Abood AN INTERVIEW WITH THE UNIVERSITY POLICE * WE LEARNED THAT COMPUTER THIEVES HAVE GOOD TASTE IN 99 “Robbery” from Front Page... Police confirm that the suspects were from the station and identified by PSO Artis and stu- off-campus, and an anonymous high-ranking What’s In The Box? dent witnesses. The two suspects were identi- college personnel official claims the police have By Randall Ungar fied as Mohamed Benhalima, 18, from found a very credible connection between Brooklyn, and Mohamed Ghanim, 19, also from Benhalima and Ghanim and a Purchase Some of you may have noticed a phe- Brooklyn. College student. nomenon growing on the walls of Purchase The following morning, Purchase students The official’s claims were confirmed late College. Flyers litter the cork based bulletin discovered that the Media Board office had Wednesday night when Independent reporters boards in the Social Sciences building asking been robbed and alerted police. at first police met with a Purchase student who spoke to us the pivotal question “What’s in the box?” Now did not realize the thieves of the Media Board on a condition of anonymity regarding this could be interpreted as either mild sexual office and the Alumni Village thieves were the Benhalima and Ghanim. He said that the two innuendo or a cruel mind game. The answer same people, but they felt the crimes were alleged thieves came to Purchase with friends is unknown and to many of us going about our linked. of his for the Culture Shock festival. daily routine, we could really care less. Many A 10-hour crime scene investigation inves- “They called me on the way asking for of you reading this right now may have no tigation ensued, complete with photos and fin- directions on how to get here,” said the student. conceivable idea what we’re talking about but ger prints. “It was not a great This contradicted earlier feel- to the fortunate few who do know or at least time for a major investigation, ings among the Independent give a hoot about what is in this magical, mys- because everyone knows how and University police who felt tical parallelogram of delight, we can tell only busy Culture Shock weekend that the students were profes- what we know and say that the secret will be is,” said Macaluso. “We took sional criminals who had pre- revealed on Wednesday May 3 starting at lots of time, and everyone medeitated the thefts. “Mo and 2:30 pm. picked up the slack.” Mo are just a bunch of dumb- Students have been expressing excite- The UPD got their big asses from Bay Ridge, they’re ment all across the campus, “What box?” says break when vehicle traced not criminal masterminds,” said Cameron Berkman. “What are you talking back to the suspects was the student. about?” says Donald Pusateri; and “Well you found on campus. UPD “I kind-of hoped that it was guys told me about it so I gotta say, I’m curi- impounded the vehicle and off-campus people,” said ous,” says Jared Albert. A silly prank or an conducted an inventory Sargent, “because I couldn’t actual event, it is unclear exactly what could search. Inside the suspect’s car, police discov- really understand how anyone would not have be in the container. Details about the anom- ered “evidence of other crimes”: The G5s were respect for student-run publications.” aly are limited and little can be said about the in the backseat of the vehicle, according to The thefts have had a strong impact on the situation and its contents but one thing is cer- sources close to the investigaton. various campus publications, but other campus tain, and that is that there is a box and it’s Benhalima and Ghanim were appre- organizations have reachd out to the various going to show itself. Feelings about this can hended and initially charged with burglary in the campus publicatons. Until the G5s return from range from casual interest to full blown spiritu- second degree, though the investigation is still evidence, the Media Board office will continue al attraction: what will the box offer us as a ongoing and more charges are pending. They to run on a Mac Mini, donated by WSPR, and species, what will it say about our society and were arraigned Sunday morning at Harrison support from PTV. other boxes before it. Could it be an extrater- Town Court, and Judge Lust remanded them to Despite the setback, Bill Reese, co-editor restrial life force trying to communicate a Westchester County Jail on a no-bail status. of this newspaper, expressed confidence deep-seeded message or is it a campus wide They will appear in Harrison Town Court at 9 towards the immediate future: expression of creative spirit? Few people a.m. on Thursday, April 27th. “We are not going to let it stop us,” he said. know now but everyone will know when the “We were really proud of the job our “We can replace and rebuild, but my staff is box is finally emptied next Wednesday. people and the Parking and Security Officers irreplaceable.” Keep your eyes open a week from now did,” said Macaluso. “All, if not most of the as the gift of truth is finally opened. A cube of items have been recovered and there will be Additional reporting by Bill Reese and Patrick Cassels infinite knowledge that may or may not numerous additional charges.” change your life will soon be unlocked. All the questions regarding its existence will be answered then when oceans part, mountains “Nunchucks” from Front Page... was unavailable for comment, it is unlikely that collapse, and nature finds new meaning as save it for the station. Once there, Jones offered they have any reason to treat Jones in the man- the students of Purchase College storm the to be hit with the nunchucks to prove they were ner that they did, especially in such a crowded mall to finally find out what’s in the box… not dangerous, but to no avail. public place with many witnesses. Jones, how- At the hearing, he was sentenced to twenty ever, is facing consequences to certain actions or more days of suspension, he appealed to that he does not deny-- carrying nunchucks-- John Delate and President Schwarz, and it was and has a campus-wide audience to appeal to in brought down to a year of disciplinary probation order to muster sympathy for his case. and a writing assignment and now must wait for The only sources directly mentioned in The action by Harrison County Court. The rest of the Dispatch were the accused and his friend. The article is spent describing the repercussions of other sources, John Delate’s recommendation being found guilty on the rest of his life outside on the suspension and the letter to President college, and presents his letter to Schwarz, say- Schwarz were made by extension through state- ing that he prays that the person reading this will ments made by Jones to the paper. No impartial “Think Wide Open,” especially as Jones’ future witnesses present at the scene present were will be tarnished by this incident. found, and it is not mentioned whether UPD or Both the accuser and the accused have Chartwells were contacted for statement or com- now both spoken their piece. It is left to the read- ment. ers to decide the question for themselves what Jones still awaits action from the Harrison really occurred in this event. However, bias in County Court. this case is not an insignificant fact. While UPD 1010 TECHNOLOGY (IT WAS A MAC-ON-MAC CRIME!) * FOR ONCE PEOPLE WERE SYMPATHETIC TO THE INDEPEND- The Independent A PRIIL 2277 22 00 00 66 Purchase’s Only Weekly Satire Source ISSUE 113
INQUIRERER INVESTIGATION: Snapple Only Made From Mediocre Stuff By Chip Mordicai
The beverage industry was shaken to its very foundation today when it was revealed the famous iced tea Snapple is, contrary to earlier claims, not made from the best stuff on earth. In a thorough, 825-page report issued by the Food and Drug Administration, scientists concluded that the ingredients of the popular beverage were of a quality that could hardly be defined as “best.” “In 25 years with this institution I’ve never seen such blatant false advertising by a bever- age company,” said Dr. Phillip Havilland, head of chemistry at the FDA. Havilland’s findings showed the compo- nents of the iced tea to be admirable, but rela- tively typical ingredients not deserving of the superlative of containing the planet’s greatest Image By Sabrina Miller ingredients. “All we found in this stuff was high fruc- Mutant Dining Hall tose corn syrup, citric acid and natural lemon speculating that it is the result of their diet con- flavoring,” Havilland said. “While I applaud Sparrows Attack; sisting solely of Chartwells food. Snapple for refusing to put additives or artifi- “I’ve been warning them about this for cial flavors into their product, I cannot in good Three Dead years,” claims a Purchase biology professor conscience call its ingredients the highest By Graham Beekman who prefers to remain anonymous. “It’s been quality on earth.” clear for years that the Dining Hall food is doing Continued Havilland: “How can you bottle To many students, the sparrows that strange things to the students here, I was the smile of a newborn baby? Or the brilliant live in the Dining Hall have become another always terrified what effect it would have on glow of a sunrise? Or the fresh morning dew?” charming, harmless part of Purchase. smaller organisms. I tried to warn them, but “Well, I guess that last one you can,” he However, some students have noticed a they wouldn’t listen! They just made me fill out added. strange change in their behavior recently, a suggestion card on how best to improve my Iced tea connoisseurs nationwide felt par- including reports of them stealing food directly Dining Hall experience!” ticularly betrayed by the news, which under- from the hands of Dining Hall patrons and near- Two of the allegedly mutated spar- mines their years of devotion to Snapple, the ly flying into their heads. rows have been captured, but several remain undisputed king of the sweetened-beverage On Thursday, April 20th, tragedy unaccounted for. Animal Control officials industry. struck, leaving three students dead and seven searched the area unsuccessfully. “I used to get a sense of God-like power more critically injured. The sparrows descend- “All we found was a nest made from knowing my iced tea-of-choice was composed ed upon the unsuspecting Purchase students body parts. They’ve got a taste for human of the worlds greatest things,” said Boston- arriving in the morning for their breakfast. blood now. This will only get worse,” said the area Snapple enthusiast Mike Slope. “Now Details are unclear, but we’ve spoken to some representative from Animal Control. what am I going to brag to my friends and fam- eyewitnesses. “Get out of here! I don’t know any- ily about?” “The sparrows had large talons!” Said thing! None of it’s true!” said one Chartwells The FDA’s findings put the Snapple shaken Purchase sophomore Jessie Biele. manager before ducking into his office, Corporation, who sells millions of bottles each “They were huge, and oh God...the blood...” responding to a question about rumors that the year under the boastful claim that its compo- Biele said before she broke into sobs, unable to French fries are actually bathed in mild radia- nents are globally unsurpassed in quality, in an go into more specifics. tion for flavoring. uncomfortable—and potentially criminal—situ- It seems as though the sparrows were Chartwells has refused to comment ation. somehow mutated. Several witnesses report on the possible connection between their food Although no charges have been filed oversized beaks and nails. While there is no and the mutated sparrows. at this time, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales official word yet on what caused this change in has made it clear that the Justice Department the previously normal sparrows, some are has already started an investigation. ENT * IT FORCED BILL REESE TO FOREGO HIS EARLY RETIREMENT (OH WAIT, THAT’S NOT A GOOD THING.) 1111 They robbed us of everything but our virginity.. and the Indy
I had so many good quotes for the The Indy reminds you to vote B and I fellate beer bottles. <3 Backpage, but I was so drunk I can’t in the PSGA Executive Board remember any of them I d do him election on May 2nd and 3rd ’ through your e-mail Does not knowing how to spell I ’ ll castrate “philistine” make you one? you, you pig. Purchase Cross Country Get a new shirt. [filling the space of what would otherwise General Interest Meeting be yet another misogynistic April 27, 2006 Back Page quote] He re I am/I'm t rying 8pm (Dribbles) Second Floor S o her e I am/are you r ead y? “Saved by the Bell” is getting in the P.E. Building way of my anime. Shawn.Ryder@ purchase.edu Mattie is my #1 baby animal butt <3 for more information Hillary: I'd totally kick a bitch! Oh god! It's raining birth control THE BOX REBELLION Remember that time when THIS SATURDAY 8PM I was a rock star Looks like you found the spot during culture shock? in the student center god i'm cool. music raffles food & fun! Everybody Likes the Shiney boobies Raising money for the Addis theres nothing like raining racoons and nature. Ababa Fistula Hospital in Ethiopia. “ I d o n ’ t k n o w i f y o u r http://www.fistulafoundation.org/ g e n i t a l w a r t s l o o k (Last year we raised enough l i k e d u p l e x e s . . . ” Rock Lobstaaaa money to pay for one woman's AT TIMES LIKE THIS I WISH I entire surgery, this year we hope This sucks. And not in the good, life KNEW HOW TO TIE A NOOSE to do the same!) affirming way. Brought you by W.H.E.N. "WE'RE IN BROOKLYN BITCH!" What’s Tums spelt backwards? come to the Day of Dissent SMUT! WEAKSAUCE!! hoasted by PUSH This Friday 4/28 More books should be sold in shrink wrap Laughing time is ovah. Theater X from 2-8: 2:00 – The Beehive Collective Can’t hold me ale To B: Yes I did have an awesome 3:30 – Skeletonbreath fucking day. Thank you. <3K 4:30 - Phil Berns 5:00 – West Harlem Deet Da Dee Cup Bop Sheep "Everyone's been looking at me funny. Environmental Activists 6:00 – Broadcast Live It's like they've seen me naked 7:00 – Game Rebellion Culture Shock: or something." It’s like Vegas- what happens Whitson’s Memorial Greeting Hall 8-1: there stays there, and no one “The Goonies” was based on a true 8:00 – Today ever talks about it because story; and the events were filmed in real 9:00– Mamu Ampim they are too drunk to time. 11:00 – Spirit Child remember it 12:00 – Sankofa Community Empowerment Inc. no, really. he's a scientologist. and you - I hope the bed bugs do bite! really- offended him. morning after: holy shit! i have I have a two-part question: What is this like 5 mosquito bites! school doing about my inability to count properly? That's all. Are you washed in the blood? E: I had to switch to chewable A: Chewable Birth Control? Bronze monkeys rock E: NO, Multivitamins! Fort Awesome should have been called Thanks for the pineapple juice sug- the Bill Reese Dorm because he is just that full of himself gestion. Dance like you are being painted.