THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE Vol. XXV No. 0.5 ELECTION SPECIAL 2015 30 April 2015 WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT? A GUIDE TO THE RADLEY MOCK ELECTION o - after 5 years of waiting, way more than 4 with its potentially dazzling policies. Or will its policies Conservative defectors to UKIP, 3 weeks of not tempt you and its attempts be dashed by the Liberal S holiday, 2 thrilling debates, Election Day is just Democrats as they take flight from the boughs of a one week away and things are hotting up. We’ve Conservative coalition – a bumpy nest for them since already seen two parties – the Liberty Party and Green 2010. As public opinion would have it, the Liberal Party – disappear, so things are not looking good for Democrats, upon vacating the nest, will drop like a freedom or for the environment. Oh well. Who is there stone and be fallen upon by the increasing weight of still left to vote for? Nigel Farage’s UKIP. Will this be true at Radley? Like the previous election (and probably all elections As for the two heavyweight parties – Labour and before that) this is being hailed as the ‘most important Conservatives, under Edward Whitbread and Oliver for a generation’. Horridge respectively – Public discontent with who’s to say that they still politicians continues to deserve your precious grow and has given a vote? Both claim to be ‘the helping hand to the rise party of the working men of UKIP and the Green people’ and Labour seem Party. It is extremely to be doing well in digging unlikely that a single their thorns into the side of party will win an the Conservatives. The overall majority Conservatives claim that outside the Radley they have turned the bubble, but let’s see economy around but will what happens behind the roots of these claims be the sometimes closed nothing but lies deep doors of Radley. down? Will the Empire Party (BEP) emerge from the shadow There is a fantastic and large choice for you at this of Conservatism with Archie Clifton-Brown at the helm Radley Mock Election. Therefore, we at the Chronicle and take your vote? Perhaps you think that money have decided to create this issue, which is what the BBC doesn’t actually grow on trees and that the poison apple would call (and so we have done so too) an ‘Election of UKIP under George Dillon-Robinson is not for you. Special’. Contained within the following pages you will Or perhaps with your vote you will allow UKIP to cut find an article written by the leader of every party itself free from its origins within the Tory ranks and to battling it out on 7th May for your vote. It’s their germinate and prosper. But what about Mebyon opportunity to tell you who they are and what they’re Kernow (Cornish for ‘Sons of ’)? Why not see about. All of the candidates were given the same word what George Trelawny and his team stand for before limit; the articles of the minor parties just happen to be you kick them back into the long grass. shorter. We hope that you will be engaged by what you read and also informed, so that you can make a good The Green Party, with their dynamic leader Charlie decision on 7th May based on policy, not just whether Rothbarth, might actually be the one to catch your eye you like the Party’s colour or not.

– – — I N S I D E — – – Why Vote Labour • Liberal Democrats: The Party of the Centre • #TORYFORGLORY • The British Empire Party • Why Believe in Britain? Why Vote UKIP? • : A New Age of Politics• and much more… 30 April 2015 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE WHY VOTE LABOUR ‘m a recovering Conservative. You, reading this, won't affect them: austerity may ruin economies, but it probably continue to battle with that affliction. It is wins elections. not a matter of compassion, or differences, - there I The only positive sounding consequence of their time in are compassionate Conservatives and compassionate office has been job-creation. But even this is hardly the lefties. It is not a matter of intelligence - abundant and full picture. Cameron has created a low skill, low wage lacking in their own ways on each side. No - it is a economy, based largely on very serious and very matter of perception. Perception is everything - we seek damaging job insecurity. In 2014 the number of part time to adjust our reality based upon how we perceive it. I workers who wanted full time jobs was 1.3 million, seek not just to present you with a different option, but double the pre-recession number. The number a different view of reality. of people earning less than two-thirds of the Because something is clearly going wrong. median hourly pay was 5.2 million - a Ordinary people have suffered this record. Wages haven't been squeezed to this government the most. Household bills extent since 1860. Tax revenues have, are up by £300 since 2010 and rail fares therefore, dropped. The only reason we are are up on average 10 percent, while wages now seeing growth is, according again to the have fallen. Two-thirds of those hit by the OBR, the fact that Osborne began to back bedroom tax are affected by disability. Since off his austerity measures, measures he 2010, 3.2 million people are underemployed seeks to put in place again. (look it up), up from 2.3 million in 2007. Average incomes remain 4% below their pre- Things need to change. We will ensure that downturn peak, even below their level in 200,000 new homes a year are built by 2020, 2010 and household incomes are lower by giving first time buyers first priority. We will 3.3% on average a year. More children who are fund 8,000 more GPs, 20,000 more nurses and 3,000 in poverty come from working houses than more midwives. To pay for this we will put a tax on workless ones. Supposedly properties worth over £2 million. Despite what Thatcher Conservatives are the party of business, yet this really claimed, there is such a thing as society, and the only applies to big business. Small and medium sized wealthiest have done the best out of it. It is fair, businesses, the backbone of our economy, have had therefore, that they give back enough to ensure that all their business rates increased by more than 10%, while of society gets good treatment. Look at it from a broader big business and multinationals have had corporation perspective: the Mansion tax affects 0.5% of the houses tax cut by £10 billion. The use of food banks has in this country, half of which aren't even owned by increased by 109% since 2010. In this economic British citizens, and will bring in an estimated revenue paradise Cameron claims to have fashioned for the UK, of £1.7 billion. We will guarantee cancer tests will come households are £1,127 worse off a year while the within a week, and treat mental health with the same income of the lowest 10% of earners has dropped by seriousness as physical health, in the knowledge that, over 4%. We have seen the greatest fall in wages over often, they are inextricably linked. We will abolish zero a Parliament since 1874. hours contracts, scrap the bedroom tax, abolish the non- Cameron's economic record has hardly been much dom status and raise the minimum wage to £8 an hour. better. He deplored Darling's These are just some of the suggestion that we should ‘…you only need to look at the ways we will work towards a halve the deficit by 2015, state of our country. The fairer and more productive claiming that he could get rid society. Our other plans are of it altogether. He hasn't even Conservatives have failed, the outlined in our manifesto. managed to achieve half of Liberal Democrats have failed and that - as a share of GDP it In order to make this choice, simply is not down by half. It UKIP want to blame you only need to look at the was £153 billion in 2010-11, immigrants…’ state of our country. The and will be £90.2 billion in the Conservatives have failed, the current tax year. We have the lowest production growth Liberal Democrats have failed and UKIP want to blame since the 1920s. We are £300 billion more in debt than immigrants for structural and financial issues that they originally planned. Two-thirds of economists believe have in no way exacerbated and, in many ways, helped. austerity has harmed the economy more than they've I am standing for Labour because I know how great helped it. The Conservatives must face it - the weight Britain can be. And it can be a hell of a lot better than of expert analysis falls against them. Of course, that this mess.

2 30 April 2015 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS: THE PARTY OF THE CENTRE n this short tract, I will outline why you should vote The second threat we will have to face as a generation is for the Liberal Democrats this Mock Election, and an inevitable political revolution. The Liberal I especially why, if you’re traditionally a Democrats are a party that look toward the future; the Conservative voter. other parties are blind to this future problem. But it is serious. Global inequality is disastrously large. There are The Liberal Democrats are a party that put education 80 men in the world who hold as much wealth as 3.5 first. We were responsible for the Pupil Premium billion other people; that’s half of the world’s introduced by the government, and in the future we population, matched by a number of people equivalent want to increase the Pupil Premium for the early years to the size of a Radley boarding house. The recent to £1,000 per pupil per year. We also want to help Occupy protest movement in America, and the current young people by doubling the number of businesses rise in the popularity of left wing parties globally, and hiring apprentices, and also to insist that every particularly in Europe, is indicative of a slowly emerging child is taught by a properly qualified teacher. resentment towards those at the top. In a few decades Eliminating child illiteracy time, this will be a serious issue, and there will be huge completely is a priority. political upheaval. If this happens, people like you will So, why us over the others? Read come out the worst off. To prevent this, a vote carefully. Our generation will grow now for a centrist party like the up to face, unexpectedly, two big Liberal Democrats, which will problems. These two problems will be enact fairer policies, and help the for us to deal with. By voting for weakest in society as well as the the Liberal Democrats, we will richest, would prevent a future launch a pre-emptive strike on political revolution, which would be these future problems, by catastrophic for those who find themselves at the top taking steps to forestall them of society. now. The first of these problems is Vote for the Liberal Democrats. We will not leave this the threat of our damaged environment: generation with a huge debt to deal with, because we will Climate Change. We are the only main party that has balance the books by 2017/18 by raising money through put this issue at the front of our manifesto. We are very a responsible combination of cuts and taxes, which are concerned about the environment, and about rising necessary. This way, we will keep the economy on the greenhouse gases, for the following reason. There is a road to recovery, whilst at the same time stimulating critical point, a threshold value of greenhouse gases, economic grow which will in turn mean that we will be which if exceeded, will bring about environmental and able to tax less in the future. Alternatively you could vote economic catastrophe. There will come a day when we for the Conservative Party, which would lead to short- will have pumped so much term chaos and economic CO into the atmosphere, 2 recession, because they that our planet will be ‘We will not leave this generation promise a referendum on irreversibly damaged, and with a huge debt to deal with, because our EU membership: the economic activity and something that as a gesture growth of nations will be we will balance the books by 2017/18 is irresponsible, and will completely interrupted by by raising money through a cause disastrous instability forces beyond our control. responsible combination of cuts, and and uncertainty in the This is why we need to markets. And if we do accelerate our move taxes…’ leave Europe, it is towards generating energy estimated by the Centre for Economic Performance that from renewable sources. And even without the threat of our GDP would shrink by nearly 10%, meaning a higher climate change, the economic reasons behind such a deficit, meaning higher taxes for everyone, and more move are also very convincing. Think of the jobs that cuts and austerity. It would also mean months and will be created if we start these building projects, and months, maybe years, of negotiations and campaigning investing in green energy. A move to greener energy and debate, during which the government could be will act as an unprecedented stimulus to our economy. focusing on the economy. And in the long-term, of It is for this reason that the Liberal Democrats would course, a Conservative vote would lead to political introduce a ZERO CARBON BRITAIN ACT, with a revolution, and further chaos. But hey, if that’s what legally binding target of zero greenhouse emissions by floats your boat… 2050. Not only is this achievable, but, unfortunately, we do not have an option.

3 30 April 2015 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE #TORYFORGLORY y name is Harry Constant, I am the humble It is our dear hope that we might be able to call Britain deputy to the conservative candidate. I am great again without sneers about how that would appear M speaking to you today but I am by no means to be a misnomer. As such it is our intention to raise the alone since I am but a minor cog in a complex and well- percentage of GDP dedicated to the defence of this oiled machine composed of some of Radley’s sharpest country to 2.5% so that we might retain our reputation as minds. I refer to the cabinet that has come together in a legitimate power on the world table. This is of support of our candidate. It is my rare delight to be particular importance to our nation given the various writing for you all. In essence, by the end of this spiel crises in the Middle East and the great bear that has you will have a pretty good idea of what we aim to awoken from hibernation in Russia. After all, these are accomplish and why it is a good idea to consider voting only the threats we are already aware of let alone all the for us. unforeseen nightmares that may lurk in wait for the unwary. Our man goes by ‘Oliver Horridge’ among friends but various cults that spring up around him refer to him only On the subject of Russia, the current economic sanctions as ‘The Olympian’. He is a man whose most common are hitting their economy hard and therefore we consider criticism comes from the good KJR: ‘Stop looking that to be the preferable course to pursue at this time. pretty, Horridge’. Yet, this fair flower of our Whilst I am already talking of foreign policy, it seems nation does not lack for thorns; his wit and appropriate to speak of Europe. It is our party’s razor-sharp intellect have proved the bane goal to renegotiate terms with the EU that are of many on the Radley debating floor in in keeping with the current position of the days gone by. UK and that might strike a fairer balance of contribution to rewards. We will then Primarily, our ideal is to take the grant the British people a referendum entity that is the and on our membership to the EU, do what we must in order to ensure because it is their right. good-health for the whole body. We do not, as some might have you believe, My parting thought for you, good care for the top 1% of earners but in fact readers, providing you have made it this our policies aim to keep the whole in good far, is that Labour sounds too much shape. As such, we plan to scrap vanity projects such as like hard work when we could in all honesty achieve a the HS2 fast train so that we might re-direct that money better result having suffered less for it than we might into areas which might benefit a greater majority of the under a Labour or a Labour-led coalition government. country. Nor do our policies cover only the upper For further detail and a full break down of all our policies echelons but we aim to increase the lowest tax threshold see our manifesto which will be published soon. so that those starting out on their ventures might gain in a more rewarding, and therefore encouraging, way. Cabinet Ministers: Following a consultation with the titan that is Mungo Prime Minister – Ollie Horridge Fawcett, we have various ideas for the education system Deputy Prime Minister – Harry Constant that we believe will cut unemployment figures and Chancellor – Charlie Bracken reduce the burden on the benefits system to promote Foreign Secretary – Ed Biggart economic growth in our nation. Among them is one Home Secretary– Charles Stevens policy that we lovingly term ‘Britain Works’ or ‘Brit Defence Secretary –Henry Tregear Works’, if you will. Education Secretary – Mungo Fawcett Health Secretary – Finn Salter On the financial front we intend to lower the top rate of Justice Secretary – Charlie Stone income tax to circa 42% so that hard-earned money Business Secretary – Hugo Besley might stay in the hands of those who gained it through Energy/Climate Secretary – Hal Armstrong their own dedication and grit. A country is composed of International Development Secretary – Harry Lloyd individuals, when a country thrives as individuals then Transport Secretary– Harry Ryan there is benefit to be had for the collective. For it is our Environment Secretary – Ed Bailey opinion that retaining a greater proportion of their own Wales Secretary – Will Greed earnings leads the top band of taxpayers to contribute Chief Secretary to the Treasury - Bertie Maher more to the economy in the form of perhaps starting their own companies or in utilising the spare income to Attending Cabinet: provide business for many and various others in Great Party Chairman – Henry Roberts Britain. Leader of the House – Charlie Clifton-Brown Director of Communications – Ben Mills 4 30 April 2015 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE THE BRITISH EMPIRE PARTY alutations all, of our strategy. If the answer is that one did not approve of the Empire, one shall exeunt as nothing can be done One might have a slight idea on the policies and to save these countries. Our imperialisation shall replace the ideals of BEP but it is most wise and couth all monetary foreign aid. S to provide a deeper insight as one would and should be in state of desire to hold an informed view on Finance Issues: The East Indian Company shall be all parties, including yours truly; BEP, before voting. reinstated, as a company of such magnipotence is a necessary attribute for any state to have. The British Empire Party is founded on matters pertaining the views of Imperialisation. Unlike other Tax shall be lowered, benefits will be abolished along minority parties, one intends to cover all concerns and with the asinine Mansion Tax. streams of policies in an entirely coherentific way. Defence and Offence: Taxes for the rich will be optional Naturally, one would not want to exert certain idolisms and the rest of the Empire will be heavily taxed. 55% of on a nation and such imperialisation will be an act of GDP shall go forth into the budget of the military. the promotion of an autexousious auturgy. Full dress shall be reintroduced and ‘taking One might wonder what our policies the king’s shilling’ along with it. If one are, where we stand on the political was one of more leniency to the left spectrum of today. One may wing ideas, one might have outraged at postulate and ponder no longer, as it is the seemingly cruel thought of no our manifesto whence these answers benefits. Fear not for this is where shall reveal themselves to you very shortly. your anger shall subside. The Whither shall we go first? Perhaps to the unemployed have one year, gap year issue of health. exclusive, to find a job. If one does not meet this requirement, then one shall be Health Issues: All classical ‘values’ of forced to choose between a five year ‘health and safety’ will be abolished as they conscription, of full pay, of either a military are pointless and a cynicocracy regarding the or a factory vocation. Transfers will be allowed competence of the people will not be allowed to return. in certain circumstances. The alabandical party of UKIP have covered the idea of Education: Grammar schools will return as one will National Health Service as opposed to an International want to avoid conscription and thus one will need a full Health Service. Alas we disagree with this exclusion of education in order to obtain a job. One shall start such people in need of a Great British service and so we schools at thirteen years of age and grade boundaries will propose to reform this idea. We propose that subjects of be made. Britain should not have to pay for the NHS, people of the Commonwealth and The Empire should pay fifty Internal affairs: We shall be in an unequal union with percent of the postulated fees and that all those who do Scotland, Ireland and Wales, we being the senior partner not include themselves in the afore mentioned and capital punishment will be a part of an attempt to categories will be made to pay one hundred percent of reduce crime rates. the fees via money or labour. Hunting will be legalised and Foreign Issues: The density One shall, in a fashion suited to the mandatory for all school of immigration into the UK ideals of the Empire of old, children, and badgers, will be vastly amended as the cormorants, and herons, will Empire grows without colonize and introduce systems of be legal to hunt. cloakative or superficial rule and democracy.’ HS2 will be abolished. effort for the simple reason that Britain will not be the only MEDC in the limelight. All forms of energy including nuclear, coal and oil are Instead the other countries of the Empire will be in an encouraged. improved state of such magnitude that all humans of the Finally, all prisoners shall be sent to Australia. world need fear not from the fallaciloquence of the Labour Party and the remarks of apanthropinization We are counting on your vote, and may God Save the from UKIP as we shall have created an Empire where Queen. no-one feels the need to move to other countries for My most humble valedictions, their benefits. One shall, in a fashion suited to the ideals of the Empire of old, colonize and introduce systems of rule and democracy. Each country shall, after reform, Archigrapher of the British Empire Party hold a referendum to show their approval or disproval 5 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 30 April 2015 WHY BELIEVE IN BRITAIN? MEBYON KERNOW: A NEW AGE WHY VOTE UKIP? OF POLITICS any different people have asked me this question 8,615. multiple times on different occasions. Maybe my M If I asked you what this statistic represented, what patriotism clouds my views or perhaps I was meant to 9 would you say? be born in the age of imperialism. But I have discovered it is because I actually believe there is potential in The answer is, alarmingly, the average number of people Radley and the United Kingdom, but most politicians represented by each individual MP in Westminster. This seem to be stuck in the dark ages. should not be so. In an age of apparent democracy, it is idiotic to suggest that 98,615 people could channel all of This new breed of politics can be different. We can get their concerns and wishes through one individual. rid of the two parties’ same policies ideology that has been going on for centuries. We are not a revolution. Contrary to popular belief, ‘Mebyon Kernow’ is not a We are not prejudice. We are merely a party that Cornish Independence party. It is a Cornish Nationalist believes in Britain. party which campaigns, simply, for the greater of powers to more local areas. We want a

Cornish Assembly where the thoughts of Cornishman can be heard and where locals can make the decisions that affect their day-to-day life. Although Cornish, the

party sympathises with the rest of Great Britain and, if elected into parliament, will campaign for constituent assemblies across the rest of the United Kingdom. Everyone should have a say in the way in which their We believe that Europe is wrong. The fact is that the local area is governed, so it makes no sense for whole idea of paying £55 million a day for a trade individual constituencies to adhere to policies dreamt up agreement when we could get the equivalent to a USA by politicians who are, quite frankly, completely out of free trading policy is ridiculous. But that’s not all: what touch with the constituencies which their policies can you might forget is that around £2.1 million jobs we quite damagingly effect. have lost since the free movement act was passed have only recently been claimed back 40 years on. But what depresses me most about that is that no government has dared question EU regulations, never said no to a regulation from Brussels that would affect our country’s jobs. We therefore will: MPs are so tightly controlled by party politics that a lot of the time they are limited in their influence over key 1. Hold an in/out referendum of Europe as soon as issues, which can severely affect their constituencies. possible We want the reestablishment of English Regional 2. Go through as many EU regulations in the next five Assemblies and the devolution of internal politics from years as we can in order to ensure that they are Westminster to these assemblies. actually benefiting us Westminster’s days are numbered. The time of a central 3. Install an Australian point border system government, one of merely 650 representatives for our 4. Reform the country so that unemployment is 3.4% entire nation, is gone. We need local legislatures that (the pre-EU rate) by 2024. alter politics depending on local issues. Rule Britannia Vote for MK and you will get your piece of England back.

A SHORT MESSAGE FROM THE GREEN PARTY When asking for an article from the Green Party, the Chronicle received the following reply…

he Green party refuses to have anything published, in order to save trees.’ ‘T

6 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 February 2015 HUSTINGS IN THE COFFEE SHOP ou always know that an event in the Coffee Shop something which the Green Party’s open-door policy on will be attended when people start piling onto the immigration does not reflect. staircase in order to get a seat. It was no different Y Liberal Democrats: at the Hustings on Monday 21 April, when all the Mr Gidopoulos began by persuading the audience that candidates for the Mock Election presented themselves leaving the EU would be a disaster. It would cause ‘two and their policies to us… years of uncertainty’ and ‘shrink GDP by 9.5%’. He Labour: warned of the trade we would lose, but did not think It was a strong start from Ed Whitbread. Despite there about the possibility of having a trading agreement with being a strong contingent of the huge Conservative the EU, like Switzerland. He was quick to promote the Cabinet in the room, he did not hold back in viciously Liberal Democrats’ large impact on the coalition, attacking the other parties. Just like Ed Miliband, he providing reliability and stability during the past five spoke directly down the camera room to Oliver years. He seemed to suggest that the Liberal Democrats’ Horridge and gave him a piece of his mind. The U-turn on Tuition Fees showed that they had a tricolon of Equality, Freedom and backbone, given the economic situation that we were Fiscal Responsibility summed up in at the time. As the party of the “Libertarianism 2.0” (whatever that is). centre, the Liberal Democrats was He mentioned the Budget Responsibility put forward by Mr Gidopoulos as a Lock, which means that all promises on provider of balance between Labour and the Labour manifesto are audited by the the Conservatives. Office for Budget Responsibility, thereby Mebyon Kernow: guaranteeing us a manifesto which isn’t Mebyon Kernow is not (at least until Cornwall hiding a black hole of a few billion pounds. Ed has the potential ability to stand on its own two himself admitted that he is surrounded by feet) a nationalist party. Instead it is for the friends who are millionaires, but despite that devolution of power from Westminster to parts of compassion and responsibility were necessary in the UK. George Trelawny talked about the order to create greater equality. London-centric focus of the UK and the need to Conservative: distribute wealth across the UK. After all, in some Oliver Horridge was very much dressed for the parts of the UK, the average income is 75% of the occasion. A large blue tie showed where his EU average. The eradication of the pasty tax, a allegiances lie and his slicked-back hair rather tax with a heavy impact on Cornwall and their reminded me of the Prime Minister. And he infamous pasties, would be abolished. Overall, didn’t have notes. He showed off the ‘good Mr Trelawny had a positive, yet realistic record’ of the Coalition and we were once outlook for Cornwall and the UK as a whole, again bombarded by the ubiquitous phrase ‘strong which was welcome among the numerous exaggerations economic plan’, which Osborne and Cameron seem to which had come and were to follow. say on an almost minutely basis. His defence policy was BEP: different from the actual Conservatives, with his This was the one that everyone had been waiting for. A committing to spend the recommended percentage of party wanting to spend 55% of GDP on defence and GDP on defence. His boasting of the number of spread democracy and the word of God to all parts of Radleians within the Cabinet was a show of force to the the ‘empire’. Mr Clifton-Brown began by labelling the minimal numbers of the other parties. Let’s see whether other candidates as ‘stale’ (Conservatives), ‘Cornish’ quality can truly overcome quantity. (Mebyon Kernow) and ‘Greek’ (Liberal Democrats), Green: adding that he wouldn’t trust a Greek with the British Next it was not a tie which burst forth from the speaker, economy. His voice drift more towards Received but a large white flower. The Radley Green Party is a Pronunciation as the speech went on and a quick excerpt self-confessed ‘one-man party’ under the leadership of of ‘Rule Britannia’ featured somewhere along the way. Charlie Rothbarth. He called for deprivatization, a Although perhaps amusing, Mr Clifton-Brown almost taxing of McDonald’s and other fast-food outlets and became offensive and misconceived when he mentioned the controversial scrapping of our Trident nuclear rebuilding the Empire ‘one brick, bullet and colony at a deterrent. Such phrases as ‘end austerity’ and ‘a Robin time’. The BEP’s attraction for voters across the year Hood Tax’ were used, but are these really deliverable? groups is its ridiculous and risible policies, but it must Mr Rothbarth mumbled something towards the end of remember not to trivialize the atrocities and millions of his speech about having a strong immigration policy, deaths which occurred at the hands of the British Empire. 7 30 April 2015 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE RADLEY ELECTION POLL OF POLLS 2015 THE CHRONICLE BRINGS YOU THE LATEST NUMBERS Previously, Editors of the Chronicle had to ask 4. Should we remain in the EU? Radleians individually for their answers to question. Now, with the help of technology, we bring you the 27-Apr-15 first ever poll to be done electronically. Some of the Yes: 70.6% questions have been asked to Radleians in the past; No: 29.3% we have reprinted them below with the date and year in which they were previously asked. 5. How much should we invest in public services? 27-Apr-15 1. Would you say that you are interested in Politics? More: 27.5% Jun-05 Apr-15 Less: 21.4% Yes: 63% Yes: 92.4% The same: 51.1% No: 37% No: 7.6% 6. What would your top spending priority be? 2. Who do you think you will vote for at the upcoming 27-Apr-15 Radley Mock Election? NHS: 25.0%

Education: 36.3% Defence: 18.4% Jun-05 Oct-06 Welfare: 11.3% Con: 62% Con: 91% Pensions: 3.1% Lab: 21% Lib Dem: 5% Other: 5.9% Lib Dem: 9% Lab: 4%

None: 9% 7. Do you think that Scotland should be fully

Mar-08 Radley Result 2010 independent from the rest of the Con: 66% Con: 47% United Kingdom? Lab: 11% UKIP: 30% Jun-07 27-Apr-15

Lib Dem: 22% Lib Dem: 16% Yes: 70% Yes: 16.4% None: 1% Lab: 7% No: 30% No: 73.8%

22-Apr-15 28-Apr-15(after Question Time) 8. Did Question Time change your vote? Con: 34.0% Con: 31.8% Empire: 33.2% Lab: 28.3% Yes: 49.8% Lab: 13.4% Empire: 25.9% No: 50.2% Lib Dem + UKIP: 6.5% UKIP: 7.0% Green and M K: 6.0% M K: 5.9% 9. Which candidate won the debate? Lib Dem: 4.2% Green: 3.2% Whitbread: 63.6% Clifton-Brown: 16.8% Horridge: 8.6% 3. Who would be your second choice? Dillon-Robinson: 6.7% 27-Apr-15 (before Question Time) Gidopoulos: 4.3% Conservatives: 28.2% Trelawny: 3.8% Empire: 18.9% Rothbarth: 1.4% UKIP: 14.3% Liberal Democrats: 13.8% Labour: 12.6% Mebyon Kernow: 8.4% Green Party: 3.8%

8 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 February 2015 POLL RESULTS ANALYSIS stance towards Europe, the membership of which is overwhelmingly endorsed in question 4, will change as ow, I may not be Nick Robinson, but I do know we get to know the arguments more. N when to get excited about the results of political polls; we are now able to bring you results to one Thank you to all those who took the time to participate decimal place, when previously we were all about in the survey and to TCL and RKM for their time in integers. The set of results on the opposite page creating it and sending it out. highlight a shift of opinion in certain areas and a predictable lack of change in others. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US It seems that, ever since the The Chronicle celebrates its 10th Birthday on 6th May referendum last year, the general interest in Politics 2015. We have spent 10 years providing you with among the public has increased, which we can see from opinion, satire, polls and a seemingly endless amount of the set of answers in Question 1. Overheards from around the College since our first ever Radley remains a Conservative stronghold, although issue. Many of the characteristic features of the over the past few years its iron grip on Radleians has newspaper were in place from the start – the distinctive begun to loosen. This is, however, probably down to the and somewhat old-fashioned two-column format and emergence of minor parties, such as BEP, Mebyon the logo on the front page. Kernow and the Green Party, at this election. There has been a policy of anonymous articles from the That said, looking at Question 8, 9 and the most recent start, in the tradition of the original Radleian, Harrovian, poll (at time of printing), you can see that Question Time and similar school newspapers and it must be said that has had a large impact. Almost 50% of those who this has attracted criticism, so much so in fact that this attended changed their mind because of it, and the warranted an article ‘In Defence of Anonymity’ on the sublime performance of Ed Whitbread seems to have cover of the Gaudy issue 2005. We will once again bring made a difference. But will Radleians put personality you that article. and policy before party? OK, Mr Whitbread might be a We are looking to recruit Editors and Assistant Editors good debater, but does that really mean that we are to write, review, commission, edit, proof-read, work on going to give up the Conservatism that courses through the page layouts and our intranet editing site; there are our veins because of a debate we watched which great opportunities to get early experience of featured him? journalism, editing, managing writers and seeing your The real question is whether Labour can convert own work in print regularly. Please contact ISY (a Whitbread’s debating strengths into actual votes. It is founding father of the Chronicle), CESM or any of our interesting to note the Mr Horridge has come away from Editors if you would like to get involved in some way – Question Time with rather more cuts and bruises that he all are welcome, from the Shells upwards. was hoping, but will that really make a difference? Now, with a very special 10th Anniversary Issue, we will Question 6 digs deep into the personal opinions of those remind you of (and also bring to you for the first time) who took the poll and reveals what they hold dearest to the finest pieces ever to have graced the hallowed them. Some are looking far (or perhaps not very far) into yellow pages of Radley’s longest-running, solely boy- the future, at life after work. It is interesting to see that, run publication, with numbers from our 10-year history although we at Radley may not be affected by what (such as Overheards published, and the word count of happens in the State Education sector, it is there that we longest rant ever written on the secretive Chronicle want money to be invested. The NHS, something which Courseforum site) in all their glory. we all use, came second. We hope that you will enjoy them. That is not say that we are against spending money on public services like the NHS. In fact, over a quarter of us think that we should put more into public service. Half of us would like to almost ring-fence public spending, something which the parties like to say that they’re so that they can look like their tackling the deficit while not cutting essential public services. As mentioned above, it seems that the Scottish Referendum has had an impact on opinion with regard to Scotland. Is it because we now know more about the debate after so much in-depth analysis last year? If so, with a possible referendum on the horizon, perhaps our 9 30 April 2015 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE QUESTION TIME MONDAY APRIL 27 – NEW THEATRE he Radley Mock Election has been an enthralling George Trelawney for Mebyon Kernow (Sons of event so far; it is extremely refreshing for a Cornwall) considered himself a Frodo Baggins – on a T school event to put a significant amount of power mighty quest to take back a country ruled by an evil and freedom into the boys’ hands, as many parties force. Being a proud Cornish man himself, he attempt to cover, with campaign posters, as much of the recognised that independence for the county was a long surface area of the school as they can get away with. shot, and instead focused on policies that would bring greater devolution and more power to local authority for Following each leader’s brief outline of their party areas to govern themselves. George made a convincing manifesto in the Coffee Shop, a poll was conducted by and coherent argument; proposing that there is too much TCL – the results of which were not hugely surprising: diversity in public services across the country and that the Tories led with 34%, followed closely by the Empire giving areas the right to govern themselves would allow party on 33.2%; Labour led the losers’ brigade on them better suited policies. A libertarian’s dream, with 13.4%, followed by the Lib Dems and UKIP on 6.5% the campaign’s tagline: ‘An Englishman’s home is his and the Greens and Mebyon Kernow on 6.0% (you can castle.’ get the results of the other polls and incisive analysis on page 8). However, the party leaders had hardly a chance Charlie Rothbarth stated boldly his role for the Green to flex their muscles in a couple of minutes, so we could party was as Treebeard – protecting the country’s forest only really expect an account of the pre-existing from the evil Lord Sauron and ‘opening the flood gates political views at Radley. Question Time in the New to wash the capitalists away.’ Although Charlie had the Theatre, streamed live to the world, would be the real lowest word count of the leaders that evening, moment for any party to make answering questions multiple it or break it. ‘of course the most privileged times with ‘yes’, he spoke with thought and clarity – The event took the traditional should give the most back to the although perhaps with views format of the BBC night-time country…for the poor it’s a matter that may not show: the Warden acting as have agreed with herself, such chairman with the seven of life and death, for us it’s a as a slightly bizarre proposal candidates either side of him. matter of Val d’Isere or Verbier.’ to increase drone warfare. TCL leapt around the audience with a microphone for those asking the pre- George Dillon-Robinson replied with a rather more selected questions. As a means of summary, the final obscure Aomer, Lord of the Riders of Rohan – a question, put forward the Politics Department, was: if patriotic knight who leaves Rohan (the UK) after being you were one Lord of the Rings character, who would surrounded by the country ruled by Mordor (Brussels). you be? George made it quite clear that he didn’t like Brussels having a say in British domestic policy, he represents a Archie Clifton-Brown for the British Empire Party was party of realism, not xenophobia, and finds it abhorrent the first to answer: Lord Sauron, he replied - a powerful that we pay £59 million a day for our place in the EU leader to rule his mighty kingdom. Given his absurd when we could be trading with the entire world. policies, Archie put on arguably strong performance of However, when asked to raise their hands by the the evening, displaying sharply and eloquently his Warden, the majority of boys agreed that there should ‘common sense’ rhetoric, with a brilliantly entertaining be an EU referendum, but would vote against leaving if theatrical style and plenty of anecdotal evidence as back we did have one. This would explain their place in the up – dismissing Yannis Gidopoulos’ claim that HSBC polls. were considering relocating as a response to the EU referendum after ‘he had lunch with a banker’ the day Yannis Gidopoulos didn’t tie into any Liberal Democrat before. A well-thought out and comprehensive argument as to why he would be Dain II Ironfoot, but he manifesto was also evident, as he gave his party’s stance did suggest that Horridge should be Gandalf – ‘as he’s not just on world conquest, but also health policy: going to need some sort of magic’ to sort out the proposing to privatise all public services, ‘apart from the Conservatives’ £20 million ‘black hole’ in their budget. odd school,’ and allow only fully British citizens to have Yannis gave a typical slick and intelligent performance, free healthcare. When he was asked how they would playing perfectly to the role of ‘giving a heart to the fund this - given the fact they would spend 55% of their Tories and a brain to Labour’. In this manner he focused budget on defence - he cleverly replied ‘most of the on the humanitarian side of issues such as immigration population are technically just subjects, not citizens, - suggesting a time when 1,375 Syrians have died trying anyway.’ He concluded by telling the boys to vote BEP to get to Western Europe is not a time for xenophobia - ‘if they truly love their country.’ and displaying a sensible rationalistic approach on 10 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 February 2015 economic issues such as the EU – stressing the fact that always sticks up for the little guy.’ Ed, in my opinion, leaving could shrink our economy by 9.5% and create was by far the most impressive candidate of the night. chaos in the markets. It’s a shame that many of his To receive the most spontaneous applause as Labour points were drowned out by laughter at Dillon- candidate in a room almost entirely composed of Tories Robinson’s disagreeing facial expressions on the screen is an incredible feat. The boys began to hiss loudly as he – it was a wise move from whichever cameraman mentioned mansion tax, he responded with ‘of course panned away from him. the most privileged should give the most back to the country [to fund the NHS] – for the poor it’s a matter of Ollie Horridge saw his role in the Conservative party as life and death, for us it’s a matter of Val d’Isere or the Elvish knight Elrond – fighting through the Verbier.’ Turning boos and hisses into laughter and battlefield with his common sense policies and long- applause in a matter of seconds is testament to his term economic plan, which has proved time after time unparalleled skill as a speaker. His arguments were to be successful. In true Tory style he backed up his convincing and he delivered them with brute force, points with convincing evidence and impressive claiming ‘I’m not running for Labour despite my proposals, such as to completely end debt by the next background, but because of my background’ and parliament. Ollie noted that the IMF has labelled concluding with ‘a condition of truth is to allow Britain’s economy as the fastest growing in the Western suffering to speak – I listened, and it’s speaking vote world as a result of Conservative policy. He also Labour.’ emphasised the fact that countries with previous socialist governments, such as Spain and Greece, were The Warden encouraged everyone to vote not just based now economically the worst off, and the French – under on who you most agree with, but to also take into Hollande – are migrating to London. account who has done the best campaign. Whatever the final result is, I don’t believe it’s going to be as The final candidate to speak was Ed Whitbread, predictable as we once thought. comparing himself to Samwise Gamgee – ‘the one who

INDEX

What’s it all about? 1 Why Vote Labour? 2 The Liberal Democrats: The Party Of The Centre 3 #ToryforGlory 4 The British Empire Party 5 Why believe in Britain? Why vote UKIP? 6 Mebyon Kernow: A New Age of Politics 6 A Message from the Green Party 6 Hustings in the Coffee Shop 7 Poll of Polls 8 Happy Birthday to Us 9 Question Time 10

EDITORS ASSISTANT EDITORS Joshua Dernie (A), Yannis Gidopoulos (E), Alexander Matthew Isles (A), Arthur Dingemans (C), George Grant (E), Felix Barbour (F), Edward Whitbread (H), Eaton (E), Alex McGee (F), Christoph Wallendahl (F), Mr Charles Scott-Malden and Mr Ian Yorston Henry Tregear (G), Charles Saunders (H), Edward Walker (H), Joshua Bowesman-Jones (J) and Bernard White (K) Contributions and correspondence on any topic are welcomed from all current or former members of the Radley community: please be the first to send to [email protected] or to ‘The Editors, The Chronicle, Radley College, Abingdon, Oxon. OX14 2HR’. © Radley College 2015. Printed by Radley Reprographics 11

Please recycle the Chronicle once you have finished Writers and Artists wanted: We are always open reading it – either by leaving your copy in a good for new members. If you think that you might be condition for others to read, or by putting it in a paper able to read, write or count then please do not recycling bin. hesitate to email [email protected], CESM, ISY , or, if you are feeling particularly adventurous, one of our Editors (previous page in case you were wondering).