© 2014 Dominique C. Hill
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View metadata, citation and similar papers at core.ac.uk brought to you by CORE provided by Illinois Digital Environment for Access to Learning and Scholarship Repository © 2014 Dominique C. Hill TRANSGRESSNGROOVE: AN EXPLORATION OF BLACK GIRLHOOD, THE BODY, AND EDUCATION BY DOMINIQUE HILL DISSERTATION Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Educational Policy Studies with a minor in Gender and Women’s Studies in the Graduate College of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, 2014 Urbana, Illinois Doctoral Committee: Associate Professor Ruth Nicole Brown, Chair Professor Cynthia Oliver Associate Professor Adrienne D. Dixson Professor James Anderson Abstract Blackgirls have recently begun to receive focused attention in the discipline of education. Usually, we are compared to our White female or Black male counterparts and/or located within frameworks designed without our bodies and realities considered. Failure to recognize the simultaneity of race and gender operating in the lives of Blackgirls results in a reduction of our livelihood into gender and/or race narratives void of our specific experiences. Alongside the diminution is the unfair reading of Black femininity through lenses of Whiteness, White femininity, and Black masculinity. Attune to how Blackness and femininity differentially mark Black female bodies and the scant documentation of how we make meaning of our experiences, this auto/ethnography interrogates the dialectical between culture, the Black female body, and Black girlhood. This study foregrounds Black female bodies; mine particularly, to illumine the schooling and educational experiences of Blackgirls. It names silence, stereotyping, and shame as trends of Black girlhood and documents how they play out in Blackgirls’ and Black women’s lives. In contrast, body-activation, voice-instigation, and imagining emerged as tools for resisting, healing, and counteracting the aforementioned trends. Venturing into three community spaces—academe, Blackgirls, and my family—that reveal a feminist, body-centered praxis, transgressngroove. As a process-oriented investigation this study’s contributions highlight Black feminist (and Black girl) ways of knowing (in education), expands the budding area of Black Girlhood Studies and narratives, and introduces a praxis that mobilizes vulnerability to facilitate self-aware and body activated educational experiences. ii Dedication “Dancing Wind and Purple Skies” Blackgirls Beautiful, courageous, brave, Blackgirls Pasta Christa Deena Danielle Victory Deborah Mik Unique Sunshine Phillipi Liz Nicole Blackgirls everywhere, are dancing wind and purple skies Blackgirls, keep the show movin’ Commit to Doing Dirty Work, no matter how misunderstood, lost and shy, we may be. We share ourselves get naked in public, breathe and be. Dance and cry, cry and write, feel and express, work from our bodies. Use our wide nose, broad shoulders and forehead, lil butt, big butt, stomach, and guts hearts, thoughts, our body, our entire self, making sure they get it, need em’ to get it! Loud and quiet, Obnoxious, searching, smart and “promiscuous”, outgoing and not so much, iii There’s no bible for being a black girl! It’s stressful! When lost and unsure, We conjur and activate, our Black girl magic. Call on comforts, Blackgirls and black women spirits, dreams and ambitions, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, friends, and sisterfriends. We remember our power Broken? Yearn for more, remain open, dance, connect, and express, It is good to be a Black girl. It is damn good to be a Black girl! Blackgirls everywhere, old and open, young and tired, brave and different, Keep the show movin’. Blackgirls everywhere, are dancing wind and purple skies iv Acknowledgements To the sound of the djembe drum I praise and salute… Those fierce, quiet, not so quiet, and rebellious ancestors who walk on clouds and send the rain and wind to guide me The Village of Warrior Women who raised me and were active ingredients to my dissertation and evolution as a person My warrior who made room for this dissertation in our life we are building together and gave me an abundance of love, artistic inspiration, freedom, nourishment, and support that fed me and kept me grounded and enlivened Christa, Deborah, Deena, Liz, Mik, Nicole, Pasta, Phillipi, Sunshine, Unique, and Victory for expressing your Blackgirl realities and carving your name onto my body and spirit. I honor and celebrate you always Advisor and sistah elder Ruth Nicole Brown who dared me to not just write my dissertation but to feel it and embrace my journey as a chance to be an accountable scholar-artist, self-aware advocate, and better Blackgirl My dissertation committee—Dr. Ruth Nicole Brown, Dr. Cynthia Oliver, Dr. Adrienne D. Dixson, and Dr. James Anderson—for your challenge and support throughout this endeavor. My voice is more colorful and my convictions more cemented The Department of Gender and Women’s Studies for preparing me to be a Gender Studies scholar and for selecting me as the 2014 Donald and Barbara Smalley Graduate Research Fellow The American Educational Studies Association’ (AESA) 2013 Taylor & Francis Outstanding Graduate Research Award Committee The National Women’s Studies Association’s (NWSA) 2012 Lesbian Caucus The American Educational Research Association’s (AERA) 2011-2012 Minority Dissertation Fellowship Committee To the Village who kept me fed, full of laughter, in-the-know, and on point, I say thank you. Your presence in my journey is imprinted on my heart and I am forever grateful Sistahfriends DJ Blair E., Dee, LadySola, and DJ Lynneedenise for providing artistic inspiration, consultation, and contributing to my creative vision throughout Sounding board of mentors, sistahs, friends, and colleagues Those who were part of this process in small and major ways. v Table of Contents Chapter One Introduction ............................................................................................................1 Chapter Two What’s the Body Gotta Do With Black Girlhood?: A Review of The Literature ..........................................................................................................................26 Chapter Three Methodology: An Autoethnographic Approach .............................................85 Chapter Four When Flesh Screams: Border Crossings, Healing and Identity....................134 Chapter Five Airing Out Family Laundry: A Black Girl Intergenerational Release .........................................................................................................................................170 Chapter Six Ain’t You a Black Girl?!: Celebrating, Questioning, and Imagining Black Girlhood .........................................................................................................213 Chapter Seven A Provisional Conclusion ................................................................................258 References ...................................................................................................................................285 Appendix A Parental Consent Letter .......................................................................................301 Appendix B Adult Consent .......................................................................................................308 Appendix C Black Girlhood Studies Bibliography (A starting place) ..................................312 vi Chapter One Introduction 1 Where I am Coming From Four days before my fourteenth birthday, I pleaded to the judge to release me from juvenile detention (juve’). There I stood, in court, expressing my desire to return home to my mother. Lies. I was going to live with my teacher of Buffalo Prep, an enrichment program for inner city youth in Buffalo, New York. I longed for escape. College would be my ticket. First, I needed to get into a prestigious high school. That meant I had to complete Buffalo Prep. More than anything though, I was ready to get back to my life where I was academically challenged and, for the most part, valued and supported. I missed being free, though I’d never call life (with my mother) by that name until that moment. Six weeks prior, I found myself before the same judge angry, done with my mother, and tired of pretending I was not hurt. Did I say angry? Mom said I’d run away. I called it temporary escape, from her and family hurts of abuse and silence. Emulating my family, I gathered so called friends, weed, and alcohol to accompany me. We sure know how to turn sadness into a party. After one week, the party ended with me standing before a judge and volunteering to go to juve’, anywhere but home, til’ they found me a placement. In juve’, I was persuaded (by family members) that my presence there affected them more than it did me. Lies. After all, my family had a name, a reputation to uphold. With a beautiful, bank managing, well known in the community, God-fearing grandmother, it is hard not to feel pressure to be perfect or die trying. The shame my actions attracted to our family carried more weight than my experience. During a visit she asked, “What will they think of my granddaughter being all locked up like this Dommi?” Internalized Lesson: My body is not my own. I remember being enraged while staring past her because she seemed disinterested in me and more invested in returning everything, me included, to its proper place. I did not care what they thought about my decisions and I certainly could care less about