Creating a Caring Majority

SUMMARY From the first At Boardman School 9E The Caring Majority day of school at We have a Caring Majority program teaches Boardman, first graders are sixth graders to be No need to bully ambassadors who taught our motto, “At School No need to shout 9E, we don’t say you can’t become helpful allies to Peer mediation will work things out their peers in a school- play.” Boys and girls skip Use good manners wide effort to eradicate around at recess, pigtails flying, bullying. Each cohort of And be polite legs swinging on monkey bars. trained caring majority Treat others well ambassadors helps its Smiles abound. Children’s And they’ll treat you right younger counterparts voices call out, “Come play!” to collaborate in creating All is right with the world … We’re Boardman School 9E a more harmonious until one day, when all is not We’re Boardman school climate. right. It’s an inevitable day ... a A Great Place to Be!!! day when a child feels unwant- — To the tune of George Benson’s ed, whether another child isn’t “The Greatest Love of All” following our school’s anthem, and tells him that he can’t play, or when a child conveniently The plight of the unaccepted child, the ends the game of “House,” or soccer one who was chosen last, the one who when another child approaches. Enter was not invited to birthday parties, the the Caring Majority. one who was called unkind names, or

Karen Siris is the principal at WS Boardman Elementary School in Oceanside, NY. She is the author of STAND UP! a children’s picture book that promotes “upstanding” behaviors. Cherie Meyers teaches second grade at WS Boardman Elementary School in Oceanside, NY. She is a member of the Oceanside Federation of Teachers.

Educator’s Voice n Volume VII n Page 12 Karen Siris, Boardman Elementary School Cherie Meyers, Oceanside Federation of Teachers

the one who was merely ignored, was New York state definition of bullying brought to our attention again and again by parents as well as by the children The definition of bullying is wide and varied, and it’s hard to find two themselves. We now know that social states with the same description. The New York State Education Department suggests the following language for the code of conduct in and emotional learning plays an impor- each school district: tant role in our classrooms. Helping our students recognize, understand, and “Harassment/bullying” means the creation of a hostile environment by conduct or by threats, intimidation or abuse, including cyberbullying as regulate their feelings not only helps defined in Education Law §11(8), that engage students in learning, but has a major influence on preventing bullying (a) has or would have the effect of unreasonably and substantially interfering with a student’s educational performance, opportunities or in our classrooms (Brackett, Reyes, benefits, or mental, emotional or physical well-being; or Rivers, Elbertson, & Salovey, 2011). (b) reasonably causes or would reasonably be expected to cause a Columbine came and the plight of the student to fear for his or her physical safety; or victim turned bully or perpetrator was (c) reasonably causes or would reasonably be expected to cause brought to national and international physical injury or emotional harm to a student; or headlines. Currently, 49 states have (d) occurs off school property and creates or would forseeably create passed anti-bullying laws. New York a risk of substantial disruption within the school environment, where state legislators finally took note with the it is foreseeable that the conduct, threats, intimidation or abuse might unfortunate suicide of Tyler Clemente reach school property. and many others, and the persistent and (e) For purposes of this definition, the term “threats, intimidation or important lobbying of NYSUT and abuse” shall include verbal and non-verbal actions. (Education Law groups such as the Gay, Lesbian, and §11[7]) Straight Education Network (GLSEN). (f) “Cyberbullying” means harassment/bullying, as defined above, Many pending bills finally became laws. through any form of electronic communication. While the research tells us that the bul- lying which takes place in the lives of the (From: Amended Dignity for All Students Act: Student Discrimination, Harassment and Bullying Prevention and gay, lesbian, and transgender children Intervention, NYSED.gov, 2013.) far surpasses incidents in the heterosex- ual population (Brackett, et al., 2011) we know that this dilemma is wide- spread and can affect any student population.

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There are three Dynamics of Bullying There are three major players in the theatre of harassment: the bully (per- major players in Bullying is an age-old problem, one that causes thousands of children to petrator), the victim (target) and the the theatre of suffer through childhood and adoles- bystander (observer). Yet, it is the harassment: the cence. In order for bullying to occur, minority of kids who are using their there must be what is described as an power to inflict the pain. The majority bully (perpetrator), “imbalance of power” and a desire to of our students are bystanders so it the victim (target) be in control of a situation. In addi- made great sense to look to the power tion, behaviors typically occur repeat- of the bystanders for the answers. and the bystander edly and over time. In many cases a Establishing new social norms in our (observer). Yet, it is person who exhibits bullying behav- schools that reward “upstanding” and frown upon “bullying” behaviors the minority of kids iors wants the approval of the bystand- er as an audience. Bullying behaviors might hold the key. who are using their fall into the following categories: power to inflict n physical bullying: using physical Understanding the Bystander means to show power (hitting, the pain. There are many reasons that children punching, kicking, etc.), damaging who stand by and watch do not inter- /stealing property vene. First and foremost, they fear n verbal bullying: name calling, teas- becoming the next victim. They have ing, taunting, making offensive/dis- watched what happened to the target- criminatory remarks, verbally ed child, and above all else do not threatening or intimidating want that happening to them. In addi- tion, they feel powerless to help the n social/emotional/relational bully- victim because they have not been ing: intentionally excluding others taught the strategies to help. from social interactions, spreading rumors, gossiping, ostracizing, Even the youngest children in elemen- alienating, using threatening looks tary school understand the concept of or gestures, extortion the bystander. They do because they have all been in the situation of pas- n cyberbullying: sending insulting sively watching bullying behaviors take and threatening messages through place. When asked why they don’t social media speak up, you invariably hear the same answers, “I am afraid the bully will make me the next person he teases,” or “I am afraid he will turn all my

Educator’s Voice n Volume VII n Page 14 friends against me,” or “I don’t know Theatre of harassment what to say to the bully.” The older children may say, “I have reported it The perpetrator to adults before, but nothing ever hap- Let’s first take a look at the characteristics of the child with the bullying pens. Even when the bully gets a con- behaviors. Note that we hesitate to call this child a “bully” as the term sequence, he does it again, and again, is sometimes over used and can cause serious incrimination. Behaviors and again.” The children reveal that include a lack of empathy toward others, which typically develops in children around the age of 8. A child that displays these behaviors is they feel powerless and that they do physically and verbally aggressive and continually seeks and needs to not have the words or tools to stand feel power in relationships. He is easily slighted when not given this up to the bully. power by his classmates and may provoke fights when there has been little or no reason. Contrary to popular thought, the child with bullying behaviors has average levels of self-esteem (Olweus, 1993).

Evolution of the Caring Majority The target Social learning theory postulates that The targeted child, or victim, falls into two categories. The passive students who have undergone and victim often suffers from social anxiety, lacking social skills needed survived relevant experiences, are to defend herself against bullying behaviors. She is a people pleaser, is compliant and fears confrontation. The provocative victim is more credible role models for their sometimes not recognized as a victim at all and sometimes falls into a peers. Interactions with peers who bully/victim cycle. He is restless, irritating to others and does not have are successfully coping with their the skills to defend himself. This child is often diagnosed with attention experiences result in positive changes deficit disorder (Olweus, 1993). in behavior (Salzer & Shear, 2002). The bystander

Putting theory into action, our work In schools, it is the bystander who hears and sees what is happening, with creating a “Caring Majority” of yet does not usually intervene. The data indicates that 85 percent of students are neither bully nor victim, but instead stand by as their students who speak up against bully- classmates are either physically abused or emotionally alienated ing behaviors began. If the silent (Garrity, Jens, Porter, & Sager, 2002). According to Sagarese and Gianetti majority of kids — those that watch (2003), “bystanders make or break bullying episodes.” A Canadian study bullying behaviors take place — stand of student bystanders found that 43 percent of respondents said they by helplessly, then they are implicitly tried to help a victim. The remaining 57 percent stood by and watched, but did nothing. Of that number 33 percent confessed that they allowing this to happen. If we can should have attempted to help a victim but didn’t. Finally, 24 percent empower the silent majority to reduce responded, “It was none of my business.” the fears bullies create, then we could potentially strip the bullies of their power. It is the influence of the silent majority then, which would make the difference in the lives of so many.

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If we can empower The findings about bullying were confidential, congratulatory letter, let- shared with our sixth graders. ting them know that they had been the silent majority Interested students were asked to write chosen for a special job in our school. to reduce the fears a letter telling why they wanted to join The letter explained that with this our school’s efforts to end bullying position came a big responsibility, one bullies create, behaviors. The process evolved over that required their “best selves” to be then we could the years to include an application that displayed every day, because they were potentially strip students complete describing their now role models for the rest of the stu- understanding of caring behaviors, as dents in our school. Students were the bullies of well as their desire to stand up for oth- assured that the adults would not be their power. ers. Even in the early days of the pro- disappointed or angry if they didn’t gram, many children in the sixth grade want to take on this big job. It involved volunteered to help out. missing some time from class for train- ing, and many hours of recess time for Their letters were inspiring as they small group work as they gathered shared the good deeds they had information for their presentations and already accomplished in their short skits. They were also told any work lives. They had volunteered in soup missed in class had to be made up. kitchens; they had donated their hair to Locks of Love; they had given up their Each year sixth graders take this snacks for a friend who did not have responsibility seriously and are proud one. Based on the concept of a caring for being chosen. The congratulatory majority, students learned their help letter asks for a parent and student sig- was needed in assisting the school nature agreeing that the student community to turn around the children accepts the position and its duties, and who stand by and watch bullying that the parent approves as well. behaviors. They learned that it is important to speak up and help stamp The application asks: Why do you out bullying (Garrity, C, Jens, K, want to be a Caring Majority Porter, W. & Sager, 2002). First Ambassador? One sixth grader though, they needed to be trained in explained: how to do this and how they could I want to be a Caring Majority then transfer what they learned to the Ambassador because I believe in other students in the school. being an up-stander and helping people. I get along and work well The children waited anxiously, won- with adults and my peers. I am an dering if they would be accepted as excellent listener and I love to stand caring ambassadors. They received a up for what is right.

Educator’s Voice n Volume VII n Page 16 When asked the next two questions, with the principal to determine a good Every adult What character traits do you possess day for training. The teachers realize that would make you a good Caring the importance of maintaining a caring and child in Majority Ambassador? How have you culture and know that the more com- our building been a positive role model for others?, fortable children feel in school, the the same student replied, greater chance for academic growth. lives with the This is evidence that the Caring I have a big heart. I am very reli- knowledge Majority has become an integral part of able, trustworthy, and I feel com- our school. that when we fortable helping others. I always put walk through myself in someone else’s shoes and As we begin our day of training, the try to see the situation from their children are welcomed and thanked our school’s view. I am not judgmental and I for volunteering to work to make our doors, we walk enjoy leadership roles. I am school a caring and welcoming place. involved in peer mediation and They are also commended for their into a place of Kiwanis-Kids. It would be an honor commitment and willingness to give safety, where to be selected to be a Caring up some of their time for our mission. Majority Ambassador. They always share their own stories, every person is and a bond begins to develop within respected, and the group. Caring Majority valued. Ambassador Training We discuss the seriousness of bullying Bullying prevention and positive in schools, and share poignant videos school climate is not something new at about what can happen. They already our school. We aren’t just beginning to know quite a bit from their own expe- have discussions about bullying, we riences as well as what they have seen are actively involved in its eradication. in the news about suicides and bully- Every adult and child in our building, cides. It is important for the children every day, lives with the knowledge to realize that bullying is rarely the sole that when we walk through our reason for these suicides, and that school’s doors, we walk into a place of there are other psychological and soci- safety, where every person is respect- ological components. However, it is ed, and valued. stressed that we would never want to hear that a child’s unkindness to With the pressure for high student another ever had a part in another performance, it is becoming more and child’s desperate acts. A Power Point more difficult to pull children from presentation gives information about class. The sixth grade teachers meet continued on following page

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Being an Upstander We also use the term “allies” to define the children who befriend the targeted Directly Intervene by discouraging the bully, defending the victim, or redirecting the situation child, and suggest that at least two or away from the bullying. three allies work together when con- Get Help fronting a bullying situation. It stands to by rallying support from peers to stand up against bullying or by reporting reason, that if bullying behaviors involve the bullying to adults. an imbalance of power, with the bully wielding this power, it will take more the causes of bullying (psychological, than one child to ask him or her to stop. familial, school), the characteristics of If a group of children come to the aid of the bully, the victim, and the bystander, a target, it begins to strip the bully of his and the statistics about bullying in powers, eventually leaving him alone, schools. The focus of our discussions is with no audience for his unkindness. the importance of turning the children who stand by and watch into students who take a stand against bullying. We The Ambassadors Work talk about turning the bystanders into Once given the background knowledge upstanders. about bullying and strategies to empow- Through discussion and role playing er the bystanders, the ambassadors get the new ambassadors realize that being to work. They divide into small teams able to speak up for their friends takes and through consensus choose a lower courage. They learn about a study done grade level as their audience. They take by Charisse Nixon and Stan Davis, the information they have learned and called The Youth Voice Research Project. create their own PowerPoint presenta- In this study, 13,000 targeted students tions and skits to inform their younger were surveyed to find out the most classmates how to become upstanders effective peer interventions. The results and members of the Caring Majority in indicated that things got better for the our school. They take their work very target when their peers did the follow- seriously, and come during their recess ing: spent time with them, talked to time to develop their plan. They are them, helped them get away, and called helped with editing and revising their them after the incident to see how they presentations and when ready, a grade were doing. The least effective interven- level presentation is scheduled for each tions included: blaming the target, of the groups. It’s great to watch how ignoring the situation, and confronting they take ownership of the work they the bully. (Davis & Nixon, 2010). are doing and how they feel responsible for imparting what they have learned to their younger classmates.

Educator’s Voice n Volume VII n Page 18 The ambassadors bond with the would be to turn younger students, as they ask the chil- the silent majority dren to relate experiences of times they of bystanders into a felt left out or of times that someone caring majority of said something unkind that hurt their upstanders. feelings. Younger students were also asked about times they saw feelings The ambassadors being hurt, and what they did in those continue the work situations. Not surprisingly, most stu- with their young dents were bystanders; the children students through- who hear and see what is happening, out the year. They yet do not intervene. visit their class- rooms, share lunch Each new group of ambassadors is tables and spend amazing in their commitment and ded- time during recess. ication to teaching all the children in They are there as our school how to become upstanders. role models and friends to their The younger students listen attentively younger classmates. They listen to to the ambassadors as they stand in their problems and help them find front of them teaching them about solutions as they develop powerful and kindness, caring, and inclusion and as lifelong bonds. they give them the tools to become helpful allies to their peers. Through “The children in my class know that these conversations they come to the Caring Majority ambassadors understand that the bystanders provide can be counted on, that they have the audience a bully craves and the now become a part of their support silent acceptance that allows bullies to system, along with their parents continue their hurtful behavior. They and teachers. Students need only ask realize that passively accepting bullying if they can talk to an ambassador, by watching and doing nothing is not and it will be arranged. The help acceptable. They learn that encourag- and guidance given by these ambas- ing the bullying by laughing or cheer- sadors, their peers, can often be ing actually makes them complicit in more valuable than that offered by the bullying situation, without having an adult.” been the one who actually initiated it. Through discussion, the ambassadors agree that the key to stopping bullying continued on following page

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In the Classroom us each day adds incentive to wanting From first grade on, to be in school to learn. The common children know about element among schools reporting an the Caring Majority. increase in academic success, improved Many aspire to one quality of relationships between teach- day be a Caring ers and students, and a decrease in Majority ambassador. problem behavior, is a systematic pro- Each year, two or cess for promoting children’s [and three ambassadors teachers’] social and emotional growth. are assigned to each As one Boardman teacher explained: room, and become “Our feelings and our attitudes part of the fabric of affect the whole room. Even if we that classroom. Just don’t realize what we are doing or like the teacher has a how we’re behaving, I think we send leadership role in the out signals subconsciously and the classroom, so do the children pick them up. As soon as I ambassadors. focused on Farah’s positive charac- Before beginning this effort in any set- teristics and spotlighted her in the ting, it is essential that the school cul- classroom, everyone else looked at her ture that the importance of a safe and that way, too ... She is now branch- nurturing environment. Without mutu- ing out to other children. If the girls al respect among all constituents, ask- she seeks out aren’t very receptive, ing our students to stand up for each she joins another group. The other other will not be successful. With high- girls seem happy to have her. Things stakes testing and teacher evaluations really changed for Farah. There is that now have so much importance for no question.” both students and teachers, everyone Teachers understand that by modeling should understand the value of an envi- positive and supportive interactions, by ronment of caring and trust. Schools providing opportunities for students to have to be welcoming places. work together in the classroom, and by It is crucial to be particularly aware of developing class rules that value kind- the child who is not easily assimilated ness and preclude exclusion, they can with his peers, who may be lacking in support the development of positive social skills, and to give him an extra peer relationships and minimize special greeting each morning. harassment. Knowing that someone is happy to see

Educator’s Voice n Volume VII n Page 20 Another teacher knew her change in Positive School Culture (what we do in schools) = practice was important and effective Positive School Climate (how we feel in schools) when she revealed that her student was opening up and trusting her more. n Display warmth, positive tone, interest and involvement “When you get to know a child bet- n Talk to each other and students with respect and understanding ter, when you listen deeply to what n Alert other staff members if they are displaying unacceptable he has to share, you start to under- behavior toward a student stand his life. You can’t help but feel n Structure activities to minimize opportunities for exclusion for him. When he opened up it was wonderful. I have to attribute this Conclusion change to my own change in belief about my role in the classroom and A school community that values the to my own change in actions. importance of kindness and inclusion of all students and teaches strategies for Principals and educators must contin- standing up for others understands the ue to realize that to reach the academic importance of creating a positive goals we are striving for, we cannot for- school climate. Coupled with meaning- get the social and emotional needs of ful integration of social and emotional our students. The time spent creating learning strategies into existing curricu- positive relationships among all mem- lum, valuable strides can be made in bers of our school community is valu- creating citizens with respect for the able and essential. Mentoring diversity and uniqueness of all mem- programs such as the one described bers of our society. here are easily transportable and can play a vital role in any school commu- Talking to the children encourages our nity. Students clearly respect the opin- work to continue. When asked how ions of their peers, and with proper they feel when they stand up for oth- guidance from caring adults who give ers, some replied: their students the autonomy to share n I feel like a hero when I save a ideas with their classmates, programs person’s social life ... I feel like that such as this one have a powerful effect person looks up to me and I know in our schools. then that I am really a part of the Caring Majority. n I feel great because I know I’ve done something great today.

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We are showing n When I help I am not scared The Caring Majority plays a powerful role in teaching children that the children how to because I know my friends and classmates will support me. power of the bystander is one solution stand tall, how to the age-old problem of bullying. At n I feel anger at the bully and sadness Boardman, we are showing children to stand up for for the victim. Sometimes I am how to stand tall, how to stand up for themselves and afraid to ask the bully to stop. This themselves and others, and how to year, I’ll speak up whenever I feel it stand up for what’s right. others, and how is necessary. to stand up for We are proud of the culture of caring The Caring Majority program is part that is evident in our classrooms, hall- what’s right. of our efforts to support positive ways, lunchroom, and playgrounds. school climate as the backbone of our This is validated by parents as they bullying prevention plan. Our work to report their children’s understandings develop empathy and caring in our stu- of positive relationships with friends dents has reaped great rewards, not and family. We encourage all members only for our students today, but for of our school community, staff mem- them throughout their lifetimes. bers as well as parents, to model the Heightening understanding about rec- behaviors that we espouse and hope ognizing and regulating emotions, cou- that our students exhibit the same pled with our students learning behaviors in their daily lives. Once this strategies to stand up for themselves is achieved, we will make progress in and others has had a valuable impact changing the dynamics of bullying. on our school. Any child at Boardman Elementary School can tell you that life If you are interested in starting a around our school means being kind, Caring Majority program at your caring and inclusive to all. Our school school, feel free to contact us at bully song says it well, “Visit our school and [email protected]. We you will see, we have a Caring are happy to help! Majority.”

Educator’s Voice n Volume VII n Page 22 References Amended Dignity for All Students Act: Student Discrimination, Harassment and Bullying Prevention and Intervention, NYSED.gov, 2013. Retrieved from: http// www.p12.nysed.gov/dignityact/rgappen dixa.html Brackett, M. A., Reyes, M. R., Rivers, S. E., Elbertson, N. E., & Salovey, P. (2011). Classroom emotional climate, teacher affiliation, and student conduct.Journal of Classroom Interactions, 46, 27-46. Davis, S., & Nixon, C. (2010). Youth voice research project: Victimization and strate- gies. Retrieved from the Youth Voice Research Project: http://www. youthvoiceproject.com Garrity, C, Jens, K, Porter, W. & Sager, N. (2002). Bully proofing your school: A com- prehensive approach for elementary schools. Longwood, CO: Sopris West. Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at school: What we know and what we can do. NJ: Wiley- Blackwell. Sagarese, M. & Giannetti, C. (2003) The bystander: A bully’s often-unrecognized accomplice. Our Children: The National PTA Magazine (Nov.-Dec.) Salzer, M., & Shear, S. L. (2002). Identifying consumer-provider benefits in evaluations of consumer-delivered services. Psychiatric Rehabilitation Journal, 25, 281–288. Siris, K. (2002). Using action research to alleviate bullying and victimization in the classroom. (Unpublished doctoral disserta- tion). Hofstra University, Hempstead, NY.

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