I L UQ e DECEMBER 199: music that made that magazinc what it is today. Such as the finc local artists ... Truce Slaughterchrist, Kaotic, Wickec Innocence, Fatal Cause, etc. Yo[ Dear Dickheads, pool the ensuing herd over-popu- probably don't even know kno~ This is written in response to lation would have caused, but some of the bands because faggo the last letter regardingtheGrowin' noooo-- you nimrods have to go ass queer indulging bands are morc Graphics ad (SLUG #59). Before and shoot enough of them to keep important. Don't get mewrong, no I PUBLISHER I you start trying to tackle a problem them from eating themselves out every band you put in this maga JRRuppel as broad and established as sex- of house and home and spreading sine sucks like Anger Overload bu EDITOR ism in advertising, why don't you black tongue disease amongst I don't think they need three ful try working on your reading com- themselves--SO DON'T CALL US pagesevery monthon whenthey'rc Jo Yaffe prehension skills. The ad said PUSSIES! I mean, after all, you're takin' a shit or when they're not PHOTO EDITOR "GRAPHICS, meant to be seen the gtlys that would rather put a The magazinethat Ienjoyed, loved and not heard."This is the purpose fast bulletthrough adeerthan have charrished, is dead now--that one Robert DeBerry of graph~cs.The T & A character a coyote munch on the entrails of was Sat-Lake-Under-Ground,tna WRITERS was created as a response to still-living fawns too weak from was a magazine for everyone be. Scott Vice, Chris Salisbury sexualobjectification.It is intended hungarto run away -the way that cause everyone was involved.Yoi William Athey, Helen Wolf to disgust and offend. The human nature (or at least the nature that cared enough to be versatile witt body in itself is not degrading, our we have contributed to with our the mag. And there was no favor , Chopper, Stim Boy, Ivar perceptions are what degrade and housing developments, vegetable ing. Some of the shit is just plair ~OI~TRIBUTING you my friend find that a womans farms, etc.) works things out. Faggy. And 1 Quote from issue WRITERS nakednessdegrades her. You are Ijust can't believe how f udting #59, Red #5"Question SLUG: Wh) Debra Buckingham the sexist you cry about. This Ignorant you are!!! Don't you hate the Band? (Dan) I had a crush or Lara Bringard character is the ideal for a lot of deer? Isn't that why you shoot Chad. (Steve) Yeah, we had s CARTOON people and you are not going to them? Don't you realize that if you crush on Chad and the only wa) change that by expressing aclichb would just let us have our way we could hump him was 1 he wa T.E. Miller opinion about an issue you have these deer would be wiped out in a in the band. (Dan) then we founc Special Thanks To: partially thought aboutand haven't few years? Look at the Kiabab out he likes girls. (Steve) Jawsh is Beth Sutton, Margie Alban, bothered to pay full attention to. area in Northern Arizona--when in the band cause he looks like Dan Keough, Private Eye Good Luck, we kept all you Elmer Fudds out of Tommy Lee..." 2 words: FUCKIMG Dayna Kerns that huge, healthy herd for just a FAGGOTS. If t hey want to be gay + and Maile few years, the damn deer almost fine, but not in a music magazine SLUG IS: A monthly ublication Dear Dickheads, vanished-but then you guyswith Oh, but then again this is an alter. and is put together by $e efforts ol Please put this letter where all your scientific bullshit got back native guide and review. Salt-Lake. many people. It is published by the fifth o each month. People inter- He-manovert violence monger Jon ~ in there, shot things up, and now it Under-Ground. Isalute you I'llmi= estedin conhibutin to the publica- Titus will be sure to see it. I am of looks likethe animalswill bearound you and goodbye. SLUG Alterna tion must send stuff to the post of- course writing in reference to his forever! What's the deal? DON'T Piveguide and review. FUCKYOU, fice box The opinBZ letter which appeared in the No- YOU DISRESPECT THE ANI- GET BETTER SHlT IN YOUR those of the writers and are not nec- vember 1993 edition of the illustri- MALS AS MUCH AS WE DO? MAG, AND REMEMBER HEAW essarily those of the people who put ous SLUG. AND WE'RE WIMPS? Hmph. The IS WHEREYOU CAME FROM!!!! this together. Titus-dude--just because we hot lead you and you're buddies A Salt Lake Under Ground Fan believe in love and attend spew is no match for the death I SLUG AD SALES I Greenpeace meetings and like to couched in our ignorant, emotion- cuff off an occasional hackey-sack ally-rooted environmental hippy- around doesn't mean we're pus- ass ideals. We're not the cry-ba- getting letters likethisbecausethe) sies! Why, just by living in houses bies, you are. Don't evershow your are sofucking infantile Idon't ever we've managed to dispossess any red-neck, gun-toting, blaze-orange, need to respond. I think you saic number of living creatures of their homophobe ass in Bandaloops or things just fine and you really tok existence. Just think of the deer you'ltfind itpackedtotheshiny-red us. I'm crying, where did we gc and the antelope that used to play rim with alfalfa sprouts, flannel, wrong? But, I would like to poin' down here in the Salt Lake Valley and Doc Martins faster then you out, that nowhere does this rag - now sure, some of them have can scream "NRAI" claim to be a music magazine managed PO move up into the Peace and Love And, if you'll read the cover, pi mountains where they're momen- Audrey Smiley will notice that the paper is nc tarily undisturbed by development longer called "Salt Lake Unde~ (development facilitated by our Dear Dickheads, Ground." It isn't underground, no1 hippy or non-hippy economic This lettergoesouttothepiece has it ever been, if it was under, presence here) but we have man- of shit magazine called SLUG Al- ground, then it shouldn't be avail, aged to scare off a great deal of the ternative guide and Review. I have able to the public. Plus, what's natural predation (wolves and been browsing through the last wrong with things being gay cougars don't like to hang around couple of issues and I'm rather homophobe Ibet if you lost all you1 people very much, even +r per- pissed off at how down hill this music you owned that had at leas haps especially -when we don't magazine has went. And Iwas just one gay member, you'de ,have bathe). We should have been able curious if you guys even care about nothing left but your Def Lepparc to kill off all the damn deer with the the heavy scene in Utah. You know disease, starvation, and shiigene what scene that is... You know the 10 OLW@ DECEMBER 1888 albums. If you think we wouldn't Dear Slug, rint a gem like this, you're crazy. Of all the worthless legions of THERE hWST BE SOMETHIhG IN .. CClue in butt nut, you just set the bad letters you have printed, last THERE. alternative scene back 10 years. issues letter from Jon Tiius was ARTISTS EITHER THrlT OR I AM BLIND. OF And by the way ...I'm a faggot. definitely not one of them. In fact I COURSETHAT MAY 'BEA POSSIBIL- J.R. Ruppd . will crawl out on a limb and dare [Ti, CONSIDERING THE ALL TOO say it was ... brilliant. Perhaps you NOTICE! lN,TOXICATINGLOOK ON YOUR Dear Dic&Rea&, should give him a column, like Starting next month, FACE. MAYBE I'M JUST THE LAST TO 1 Hil How are youlshutupl First, Helen Wolf. You could call it The covers of SLUG will KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING; OR Helen Wolf. Every one knows that "Psycho Corner." After all, anyone be done by you. Art [F YOU'RE THINKING AT ALL. NO . 1 Utah morning shows suck, but, who knows J.T. will tell you he's a 3NE CAN SAY FOR SURE, THE thanks for opening our eyesl Shut dangerously unstable person with should be in black & DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WANTING 1 Up! Debra, (or God or whatever) a short fuse. Sort of like jackingoff white and will fit into a iFHAT YOU BELIEVE IN, OR BELIEV- Go kill something! So what about a bobcat in a phone booth. But in 8 1 /2 X 1 1 format. LNG \$'HAT YOU WANT. fruits, vegetables, and nuts? these times of Madonna, Hillary Second color must be MAYBE THAT'S BULLSHIT. Sounds lib agroupof yourfriends! Clinton, the country music epi- [HERE MUST BE SOMFTHING IN Hal Shut up! Wallace-Shut Up! demic, and perfume salespeople, on a separate sheet rHERE. (Go Pisburg). Stimboy, nobody isn't it refreshing to hear a voice with crop marks at- FITHER THAT OR I AM DEAF. cares. Your mom doesn't even like a beacon in the night. A sick tached. No restrictions 3EAFENED BY THAT SAME SOUND care. Inever even readyourarticle! and twisted voice, yes, but a voice or specific themes will HAT I THOUGHT SO MAGICALLY AS Hal Don't bother, just be quiet. filled with conviction, fearing not be required. The pur- 4 CHILD, AND NOW, IT JUST SCARES Jeffty-Nirvana Rulesl And Cy- who might take offense. While al- pose is to get more ME, I SCARE MYSELF. FEAR IS THE . press Hill? Ha! Shut Up1 If you most provoking them as to say XEW RULER OF THE UNKNOWN. want to hear some kick ass Rap1 "sure I'm a bastard, but I'm not artists from Salt Lake (or 3UT I \FILL \VALK TOIVARDS THAT Metal SO WUTl Michael Jackson."Could he be the somewhere around . ~OUND,COMING'OUT OF YOUR new Andy Warhol? No, think Mr. Thanks, I there) noticed. Artist ' MPUTH AND'N~BEAi~~id, WILL I? stu Titus' infamy will last much longer P.S. Buy or copy Word Perfect. than fieen minutes. He'sthe Jerky chosen will receive a $50 gift certificate from Okay? Shut up. Boys live. He's the choice of a new :ITHER THAT OR 1 Ahl DU'L~B. generation. He'stheonly man alive Raunch (or something LIKE WE MINDLESS STARE OF. ekrr Dickheads, who is actuallyflirting with turning else if desired). Send to Just a quick comment about into a cartoon character. Balls the . the issue P58 record review of the size of Texas, the temperament of SLUG or drop at Nirvana In Utero album. Gee what Hannibal Lechter andtrue satirical ",Raunch in protective a surprise, SLUG wannabe punk passionate attitude. Yes, Jon has covering please. rag had to trash anything by Nir- left us all behind. Trapped like rats Please leave spqce for vana. Hey, Jew, I bet you never in an aqueduct, we can only hope a logo or draw 'one on even listened to it cause those that like the Pied Piper, he will lead ALL. THE EVER LONGING SPIRIT OF sellin'sut, corporatewhores aren't us down the path of righteousness, the artwork. If you HOPE. THE ONE THAT WANTS NOT good any more because they are or maybe just to a real seedy bar. need more info call FOR THE TRUTH, BUT A on a major label. What a crock of Well that's my opinion (that & a 468-6294 or track one shit ...but typical for SLUG! Helen nickel won't get you shit). of us down. Wok ... You rule! Forever in awe of our Dickey beloved Mr. THUS, Thanx, SLUG STAFF G
859 EAST 900 SOUTH
NEXT TO MODIFIED 53-891
I CAI I FOR AN APPOINBMFNK I DECEMBER 1888 0 8fLW@ L W@ m DECEMBER 1883 along The Spinal Cord" ana, of bt you1 :nor clamelsf01 course, "Crosstown Traffic," $25 and saw 'em in half. b) I1 which will receive heavy rotation Ross "Giant Sucking Sound' on MTV, VH-1 and CNN. Second Perot hates it, it's gotta be cool Pick: White Zombie--Unplugged. The U.S. could gain lumber frorr What really killed River Phoenix? Canada and oil from Mexico, we jockstrap, cricket-dick. All pro- J.B. (Ogden, UT) in turn could supply them with fessional sports are rigged and HW: Hairball Massengil and John Tesh cd's- regulated by the federal govern- I'm thinking of getting into music totally fair. c) Think of it this way ment (who in turn are merely journalism, where should 1 start? when was the last time the gov. Y ou~oets. .. of the Trilateral Com- W.A. (SLC, UT) ernment did anything for you ef- mission and the CFR). it's all an HW: The Deseret News. Ap- fectively and inexpensively?Take Helen Answers elaborate dog & pony show to parently,they'll hire any hackwho a prozac, Hillary. Your auestlons keep Joe Six-pack and Jane can punctuate and fetch coffee. Who are the kings of Utah Who is Christ? Who is Satan? pun-chclocktoo busy to question Myself, I started at Sassy: "Cute grunge? C.B. (SLC, UT) the Man. By the way, sportsheep, band alert-The Changel" B.P. (SLC, UT) HW: Unfortunately, David Karl "What Contract?" Malone Are these questions from actual HW: Amphouse Mother. un Xoresh really WAS Christ; go fig- spends about as much time at readers orjust the product ofyour ti1 the singer O.D.ed (the ULTI?1 ure. Satan is either Dave Gahan Hardee's as you spend in the twisted imagination? MATE grunge statement). cur/ ,f Depeche Mode or Rod Decker. skybox. J.T. (Orem, UT) rently, although One Eye hav My boss is an asshole and my job HW: Yes the chin-weed action down, I' My Boyfriend is demanding oral ' sex from me, what should I do? sucks, what can I do? Is Cindy Crawford's workout video have top fly the flannel for Moch T.D. (Murray, UT) S.G. (SLC, UT) really harmful? What is the latest Joe. HW: Tell him to learn yoga HW: Cut the brakeline on his fitness tape in stores? You're a rude, cynical bitchTa Beemer or start your own busi- you're always raggin 'onmy ba 1 so he can do it himself or suggest R.B. (Holladay, UT) the Sears We! n' Dry vac. ness and live in fear of your em- HW: Well, my nephew devel- will you apologize? My girlfriend is demanding oral ployees. oped tendonitis after watching T.W. (ALC,LIT) sex from me, what should I do? Whatwill be next year's biggest- Cindy's video for eight hours HW: Nyet, comrade. You'r D.H. (Murray, UT) selling album? alone in his room, so use caution. an adult and-if I've bothered t HW: Start mowin', Champ! K.C. (Sandy, UT) The newest exercise tape on the mention you-a reasonablestyli Will the Jazz go all the way this HW: Music-biz insider's early shelves is "The Natalie Merchant public figure (I.E. fair game), vear? favorite is the Rodney King Expe- Workoutn--whileit's pure heaven sue me or get over it. Remembe ,- -- 11 A.G. (WVC, UT) rience: Smash Hits.~ingles/vid- for the 5 or 6 of you who've fanta- no publicity is bad publicity (u W: Wake up and smell the eos include "Purple Face," "All sized about Natalie in sweaty less you're Courtney Law or Jo spandex, it's even better for the Buttaf ucco). rest of us because Valium Voice I just finished listening to th never sings on it. Daughters Of The Nile tape, wil Ir Are nipple-rings painful? turn into a blood-sucking freak I PROJECT ,,,..a I M.L. (Provo, UT) T.C. (Kearns, UT) HW: Only if you lift HW: Blood-sucking? No. 1/ Autonomy House Collective is announcing cinderblocks with 'em. What's the best cheap beer? I PROJECT BOOKS in an effort to open to the public a What are your feelings on a) Gun G.P. (Magna, UT) non-profit collectively run alternative bookstore. control; b)NAFTA;c) The National HW: The classics Healthcare plan? Keystone, Black Label, Freedom of the press must not be ignored in these L.K. (Logan, UT) allget the job done, butth everchanging new days. Our goal is to achieve an HW: I'm not aqualified politi- are numbered. Next year easily accessible resource of new and used alternative cal analyst, but hell, that's never test-marketing our own and intelligent literature. Specializing in anti-au- stopped Michael Stipe! a) Ciga- brew, SLUG Dry: "That warm, fl thoritarian and independent titles, in addition to rettes kill more people than guns, club draft taste--in a canl" knives and Dr. Kevorkian com- contemporary literature of all kinds in most fields of bined-see if Mayor Dee Dee will interest. WE NEED YOUR HELP!!! We are currently accepting donations of: - Money; large or small, to obtain new books. - Used books of all kinds. - Volunteers interested in working with an autonomous collective PLEASE HELP UTAH READ I BETWEEN THE LINES!!! Sterile Professional Private I I If you can assist in any way, call: 11 I 801-467-8282 1361' South State ~treei By Appointment Only Salt Lake City, ~taq I THANK YOU II I I I DECEMBER 1888 QL 0 Z,
DOZEN GARLIC I ROLLS WITH ANY 1 LARGE PIZZA \-*=--,,,--,,,,,,, \-*=--,,,--,,,,,,, -TWO LOCATIOIS- DOWNTOWN 322-FREE
1624 8011th1100hst a 8fLU@ e DECEMBER 1993
P018~IDEA Wwwr mts Germany's Lost and Found We Wt Bun (which is also a well-established mail It is with great se order operation) is responsible for chow that I regard the final offeriq this fine sampler of bands on their from Portland's legendary POlSOC roster. International crust and grind IDEA. Thirteen years of uncompro galore, and what a variety! mising, cynical, catchylcrashinghad Among them, the UK's CON- core now foddler for history book CRETE SOX and HERESY should due to the severe illness of guitaris be recognized by many, as well by Pig Charnpion.So,whatistheirpartiq two cuts from SIEGE'S 1984 classic gift? 11 songs in which all banc "Drop Dead." Particularly mention- members get their kicks in. From thc able are the cuts from Discharge experimental "Jessie's Arms' cbnes DISFEAR, and the furious (penned by bassist Myrtle Tier)t Swdih bands--UNCURBED, NO the riff-laden "When I say Stop" (tq SECURIW and especially the god- guitarist Mondo) to the all-oul 1'ieCRUDES.S.-fu&nghot!Three thrashing cover of "Endless BM. sneers for Sweden for producing ades for the Pussyfooter" (originally these killer bands. by Japan's greatest, G.I.S.M.), W6 30 songs by 13 bands on 4 CD Must Bum fails not to satisfy. Lyrics krless than 4 0 dollats-get it while of the month 0y Pi Champion: '1 you can! once had plans, such big plans but I -8laim hpMm let them slip through the holes in my hands ..." Adios, POISON IDEA and grad for 13 years of effort and The Anti-re League sacrifice. You are appreciated and Thii is acompilation of tracks by will be missed. Sniff. one of the '77 era's most criminally -sIBjm hbpkiiM underrated bands. The ANL made a few singles, two studio albums and TOW CHAOS one live album, the seledions here representing many of the singlesJB- WeamtMMwe,We . sides and some seledions from the wethe Punks first album We Are heLeague and spikk hair, bullet belts, studded the live album (recorded in Yugosla- leather and cirded A's are rare sigh via). Mercifully, nothing from the dii- anymore. '80s revivalism? Nope, $ appointing 2nd album was included. thb: "This recod is dedicated b ths Imagine the Sex Pistois with tal- punk movement, the most powerfu ent, sincerity and authenticii and the movement ever and to smash thc genuine sneering face and "so- system ...I1 fucking-whad" gob-spitting nihilistic Mid-tempo and fast Discharge COMING IN JANUARY futility that characterized the late 70's style powerthrash with a seriiur UK punk Musically? Skw and mid- grinding DOOM feel, especially inth FOR LUNCH I tempo melodic power chords and bassline. Intelligent peacepunk lyr sing along choruses (which were no ics throughout and Bridgete's vocak EXCITING EXOTIC doubt reflected in the '80s and '90s on "IntroPain, Agony, Defeat" are t Oil and skunk) that doesn't sacrifice definite bonus. PUso chedcout "Fud TOPLESS DANCERS aggressiveness even when heart- the System," and "Pledge of Defi breaking. (8.g. the song "For You," am." wriien tor a roadie killed in the So, f you can rernemkr pun1 Falklands is far fmrn a ballad, but is before it became a jwenescent sa 1 21 and Older Welcome Most Shows ThreeBucks wdedsuchthatevenhe mostbrain- ciaHashion dique dominated by rid dead alcoholic should be touched). kid conformists inbig pants, you'll fec Other recommendationswould have right at home. Available thmugl 1 BEER POOL DARTS to include the dassic punk singles Chaos Records, P.O. Box 2721 "Streets of London," "So What" and Chino, CA 91708-2725. And tw ~ OPEN 11AM-2AM "Queen and Country." Enjoy a paper fingers in the air back at you. sack fullof model glue and turn it up. -6laineHogl6n MONDAY THRU SATURDAY --Blaine Plogkns I DECEMBER 1883 BLU@ a WJB GIVING SUCKS! SPEND ITON YOURSELF OfTHE- 8LL W@ 0 DECEMBER COVER, 1898 AM@ i I I
. , . , I.. ~naczzip . t. wound up in acollaboration a varied crowds that seem to follow some of I ,. ,. . ..--" :?<, ,~ ,,: , :. , , .:. ,: ,.. ,:!,d...: ,.:,, ..>. !;: .....,:.. ,,..- .,g- ;, , . . influences and talents. You have the other bands. This is a shame. seen their faces in Viims Willing, They are good andthey areoriginal. Truce, Alcohol Death, Hair Farm And if you have everseen them play and probably a dozen other bads. they will knock you on your ass. l Chudcles has been around since One time Iran into an old friend some of the very first punk bands (whoalmostnevergoestoshows)at reared their ugly heads umpteen the Bar & Grill one night when Anger years ago. Histalent and knowledge Overload was playing. Iasked him, of both musicandthemusicbusiness what he thought after the show and : could push the band right out d our all he could say was 'Whoa, they big riletown. sound like afuckin'freighttraincomin' I.was hangin out with &ad right at you." I couldn't agree more. Collins (Raunch) today and when I Their sound is fast hard and they told him Anger Overbad was going create an amazing variety of sounds to be on the cover, his first words with what they play. (often sarcastic) were very compli- I have seen them about four mentary of the tape he heard of the bands newest material. Now if any of you know Brad at all, know he isvery song@ mund different. They are picky aboutthemusic he likes. When canstarlffy experimenting with new I asked A.O. about their recording , sounds and techniques they ad to session, they too were very positive their music. When Iaskedthemhow about the end results. These are fie that worked in the studio, they felt of the least egotistical people Ihave ever met. I lookforward to hearing it myself. Their.'release on the new SLUG Compilation is better than anything else on the 90 minute 22 song tape ... hands down. fact that no one person is a pri When I asked them what they music writer. The songs are w planned to do with this relatively collectively by the band and e expensive recording the room went member ads his own part quiet. In a nut shell. The band has song. Since everybody's inf PHC beensendingtheirmusicaroundthe and musical styles vary so world and things lookgoodforthem. ads a lot of interesting textu It was refreshing to see a band who layer to their sound. group of guys and the music they G.G.AllintoAerosmith, butlfindthat was taking real action with their tal- produce, but they always seem to getting to know the band was a lot ent. create some of the best music from betterthanaword forword interview The thing that impressed me the Sab Lake scene. Before I start that usuallydoesn'tmakeany sense most about my chat with these boys babbling, Isuppose some introduc- later. was something they said when I tions are in order. Anger Overbad is Isat across from Chuckles, the asked them if they had anything a five piece band that includes: vocalist and lyricist for the band. I more to say about their band-"We Speedyguitar; Gene Gene-Drums; have known him for a long time but are proud tosaythatwedon't sound town. But, Chuckles-voice; Johnny Bendgui- forsome reason Iknowalmastnoth- like any other bands in Salt Lake." I peopleare tar; and Brent-bass. I really should ing about his musical drive. The have noticed in the past few years love them.
have forced them to give me their band is easily one of the toughest , thata ktofthe bandssound a bitoo these guys propergiven names but then Iwould .bands I have ever encountered in much like Iceburn, Bad Yodelers or be writing for the Utah Chronicle. the past seven years 1 have been The Stench. Anger Overload is I did one of my world-famous involved with the alternative music fighting for a new sound. This is by interviews over coffee at scene. This is one of those bands farthe bestwaytogoin the long run. Coachman's and walked out with a that knows what they want and are Theonlyproblemis,theydon'tcatch pad of paper with nothing but the making it happen. the tail end of anybody else's scene bands names on it. We shot the shit They come from the burbs and and get in on the hip cool trendy DECEMBER 1883 m BfL UGB
t 4700 South 900 East #26,S.L.C., Ut. 84117
t (801) 269-8338 We've been asked to leave Ivy Place
So Come-In Before We 're Gone! 1
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I- . . Solmnd@rden I 4 ... * 3 I -. Pink Floyd ., ., I I Ministry ( ...... adnmre! I jLZ! kzk:in kuRA Lip Serviee Clotbrg Sale 1 i David Bowie Boot atid Sloe Liqwidatim Tb Snxitl Syd Barrett Trolls, Gargoyles, My Bloody Valentine Tori Amos Skeletons Rage Agnst the Maelline flue'ic Pibeo: Velvet Und-14 Stickers and Patc' LIP Sex Pistols Blaek Crowea
Bad Religion Queen -Al:------Sex F:-,l------Talking Heads Nine Inch Nails I T-- TS I Suzanne V+ I XTC Porno for Pyas , Sistem of Mercy Bathaus 1 d Bondage Designs Pew Farell Closed Sunby 'MI 8LW@ * DECEMBER 1883
GRlsWALD PREDlCTSl Arm, exhausted from touring and ever bittertowards the increasing Starring Stimboy. commercialization of Seattle re. A couple of weeks ago I was locates to Branson and takesover unwillingly dragged to one of the lease on the Johnny Mathis those "classic rock" reunion tours Steak Pit. After extensive reno. featuring, I think, like the second vation, it is re-named "The Clas- cousin of the original drummer of sic Rockers of Grunge Review.' Savoy Brown and a few of his His band includes Jennifer of L7, pals. It was worse than some of Stone Gossard, Matt Dillon and the later TSOL tours. The only Duff. The drummer is Hooter. In guy I liked was the bass player fact, Hooter plays for every band because I think he dated Mick in Branson. This leads to sched- Ronson's sister or something. I uling problems and traffic snarls don't know. All I can say is it was but the end result is a masstrans a collection of peripheral one hit port system that President Dole wonders and the crowd of grey calls "The best in the free world.' beards (and blond and brunette Not to be outdone, Perry beards too) was soaking it up and Ferrell builds a theme park on tho BEST RATES & ROUTES FOR THL .IOLIDAYS paying premium prices to do so. outskirts. It promises fabulous I have no problem with nos- rides. insread of a regular Ferria LET US SHOP THE AIRLINES FOR YOU! talgia for its own sake, but I sure Wheel, It has a Ferrell Wheel, as hell wouldn't want to make a And of course there's the Axl Rose career out of it. I have no more Violent Mood Swing which look desire to re-live the 1960's 70's just like a regular swing set till i or the 80's than I have to admin- pulls a gun on your girl friend ister my self a lighter fluid enema. Finally, there's the main attrao As far as nostalgia goes, at the tion, the Eddie Vedder Emotiond the end of the Reconquista I'm Roller Coaster which is actually a sure people were nostalgic for lot of fun but as soon as you gel the Inquisition. It must have been off, all you can say is how much a barrel full of laughs, I know I you hate it. Then you get a lot ol would much rather see thesinews money and Shannen Doherty pulled out of a packgentiles than stalks you. to be inflicted with puka shells In related news, Shelbj and bell bottom dungarees. Downard, Bob Cooper and Bearing this in mind, rather Stimboy mount their "All Sta~ than dothe typical end of the year Conspiracy Theorists" tour and best of list, I'llgive my prognosti- immediately contract pancreatb cations for the century to come... cancer. (Call that acoincidence?l Taking a tip from the Vegas Kurt Kobain (or is it Kurdl crowd, Perry Ferrell, who has Cobain?) and Courtney Love grown weary of booking become the new Jim and Tamml Lollapalooza tours and stealing Faye. The only difference is, Kul musicians from Thelonious Mon- and Courtney make more sensc ster establishes the the Perry and end up with a lot less cash. Ferrell Cabaret on the outskirts If you don't like Row thingr of Branson, Missouri. He performs sound so far, I do have one god re-enactments of Tristan Tzara's prediction. Garrison Keillor is pll more obvious works in cahoots out to pasture in Minnesota tg with Diamanda Galas and Nina perfect hiscurefor insomnia. Ton Hagen. Soon, Andy Williams dies Waits takes his place and th( and another showcase venue is listeners of public radio are nevet left vacant. The Andy Williams quite the same. Theater is rechristianed the "Paul Westerberg Celebrity Theater." Happy anglo corporate mall AVAIUBLE NOW AT: Along with Boxcar Willie, Paul facsist christian new year - RANCH, KEVIN METAL SLOP becomes the major draw on Main Hail Caesar and have a gooc r PISSBER~(BOOTHILL VILLAGE), Street, Branson. Saturmlia CRANKY'S CINNAMON BEAR, Soon, even Boxcar Williedies Lovc AND LIVE AT OUR lABULOUS SHOWS but in their zest for nostalgia, the Stimbo * ~eo~lestill flockto Branson. Mark - DtlxlvmR l-SflW@ LOWEST=PRICED=LIPSERVlCE=CLOTHING FASHION-VICTIM FUTURE=VISIOW GIFTS SEASON'S BEATINGS IT'S CHRISTMAS,,,COME & GET IT
BLUE -DUTIQUE & FUTON CENTER I I 21ST SO. llTH EA. 485-2072 7 DAYS A WEEK I 1 SLa@ DECEMBER 1883 that the shit was gonna' hit the had to cry foul and get prote tion fan, and it did, and now you from the big gad Japs. Th i t was people want us to save your truly a cluster-fuck. asses. Well that was what was But some people made going to have to be done. But money. Big business' and big ' Back in the dimages, when minority; we were having too then when it comes time to pay business men came out ahead. Reagan el. all got busted and good a time making money. We the bill, everybody begins to And now, back to the future, to were broughttocourt, they never didn't question where the money whine and want the old ways where we are today, they come went to jail because people was coming from-there were so back where they could spend out of the woodwork. People like weren't able to go all the way few poor people around and most without caring, but what they Ross Perot who come up and through with it. With actually people, the people who were don't realize is that that money's say that we don't have to pay the finding them guilty and condemn- supposed to be making all that all gone. We spent it all. Reagan bill. That things can be the way ing them to the full extent of the money, didn't know anybody who borrowed heavily from the Japa- they were, just listen Po me. It's law, which is what is supposed was poor-the distinctual class nese and gave it all away to the same Republican rhetoric Po happen. They didn't go to jail, lines being much more certain small third world piss pots in the crap and like junkies who re- because if it were true, if they and tangible back then-that the belief that the corrupt money- , member the hollow promise of a really did sell US down the river, making money voices out num- grubbing so-called governments good time, people who made then that meant that it was our bered the poor ones and even would spend it all on buying new money back with Reagan, step fault-yours and mine, the people when they did hear the poor, high-tech weapons from us to up out of the gutter and throw who voted for them in office. We they didn't want to believe them. hold off the Red Bearded Ghost their voices in for suppart. The believed them and we put them But then the bottom really of Lenin, and then would be so truth is, Perot is a millionaire there. We agreed with them did fall out and the Republicans eternally grateful to us, they who made his money in busi- when people told us not to, to waltzed out of it by blaming it all would in turn start buying and ness, and it's for damn sure that beware, that what they were on the people who were trying to trading with us. Only to buy our he made a lot in the eight years saying was wrong, that we'd bet- fight them and were telling us to weapons, then where were they of Reaganomics and he wants a ter watch out 'cause the shit'll hit fight 'em all the time. Then those going to get any more money? return to those glory days. He's the fan and soon. And if they did same people came to power be- You got it: drug selling. And got his money and he's keeping indeed sell US down the river, cause everyone needed help and where else but the world's most it. If you want yours, he'll show then that meant that everything were willing to do anything to get lucrative drug market-US1 Hey, how to work for it. that we believe in by being U.S. back on their feet, and those all that crap about drug interdic- NAFTA would mean a lot of citizens, all of it was a sham and people now in power were say- tion was just that, crap. Drug competition from a lot of other a lie. And we were no better. ing, See? We told you that you prices went down during that companies for the same mar- But nobody wanted to be- were gonna' have to pay and time! Cocaine was cheaper and kets that Perot probably already lieve those people, that small moreplentifuI!Yahoo! You could has a good control of. NAFTA 'buy quarters of blow for $201 would drop the importlincome What a bargain1 taxes already up between the Of course the other part to U.S. it's 1.5%. Perot already Reagan's brilliant brain-surgeon knows this; his son has a com-, piece de resistance was that the pany right on the other side of Japanese were going to be more U.S./Mexican border so he can cooperative and buy our inferior take advantage of the cheap la- goods from us. Well they didn't, bor and the lower importation and car company AMC went out tax. of business only to be bought up Just a last bit of things that by Chrysler who called foul and make you go Hmmm. When run- had the Reagan government slap ning the speller program on my cry-baby protectionist tariffs on computer for this piece, when it all incoming Japanese cars. came up to "Ross" in Ross Perot, Harley-Davidson, the makers of the first suggestion that it gave the finest poser bikes in the was "Robsn. Hmmm. * ~ world, finding itself on the street after its mother, AMF split, also
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Highest Cash Paid think they could put For Vintage on half the show1 they did at the1 Musical I Speedway a few 1 years ago. They opened their set with a whole lot of energy and yes, their new singer 1954-59 Fender Stratocasters ...... $ 2,500 - $5,000 sounds a lot like their old one. 1960.75 Fender Stratocasters...... $ 300 - $2,500 They played 1958-70 Jaguar Jazzmasters ...... *...... $ 250 - $1,000 "Quicknessnofftheir last album and 1948-55 Telecasters...... $ 1000 - $4,000 "Risen off their new 1956-75 Telecasters...... ,...... $ 300 - $2,000 album, my personal favorite. Switching 1952-75 Precision-Jazz Basses...... $300 .$2,000 back and forth from 1963-65 Mosrite Ventures Models their punk sound to their reggae mate- Vibramute Tailpieces...... $ 300 .$3,000 rial made for an in- teresting and enter- Mosely Tailpieces., ...... $300 .$1,000 taining show. Defi- 1952-56 Les Paul Gold Tops ...... ,...... ,.....,..$ 500 - $2,000 nitelyworthtpewait and door priee. If 1957-61 Les Pauls-Custom,S tandard ...... ,..$3,000-$15,00G you missed it, too also L5, Super 400ts, Byrdlands, Prices Vary bad...it was great. 1 1963-64 Firebirds 500 - $2,000 --Chopped I ...... ~.~...... $ BAD BRAINS 1965-ON Non Reverses ...... ,,...... ,....,.....$300 - $750 PRONG 1954-75 Gretch White Falcons ...... $1,000 - $10,000 BOUNCING SOULS 1958-68 Country Gentlemen ....,...... $500 - $2,000 I BARK MARKET Bar 8 Wl - Novmd~w17 OLDER MODEL DV8 - Wovember 8 First up tonigM was Bouncing Welltostart off, Iwas in linefor Souls, and old-style punkbandthat GUITARS, BASSES, AMPS, CATALOGS & PARTS cbse to one hour. Iwasn't sure if it earned their name on stage. The ALSO Charvel, Jacksen, lbanez Guitars was going to be worth it or not. band was certainly dressed wall I Anyway Itoughed it out and finally too. The lead singer was dressed WE TAKE TRADES! got in. And boy was I glad. Prong like Peewee Herman and the gui- had already started. Impressive. I tarist was wearing leighder hosen. saw these guys at the Bar & Grill, This was there second night in a Guitar Strings $2.50 set and wasn't that pleased, but on row in Salt Lake and they played it this night these fuckers surprised good tonight. Bass Strings $8.50 set the hell out of me. In return, they This would bethesecondtime put the fear of God in me. This I have seen SNFU. Being an older nytime band is heavy fuckin' something. I type of punk band you would think don't know why but I kept seeing these guys would have slowed Charles Manson on stage. things down for the MTV genera- Most Guitars under $500 Next up was Bad Brains. This tion. Hell no, theyfuckit up. TigMer could have been a real let down than your girlfriends mother, they BUYoSELL TRADE because one: I wasn't sure if the ripped through an hour and a half new singer was going to perform of rawness. Top Cash Paid as well as H.R.; and two, I didn't --Chopper I 2850 So. Redwood Rd., Suite #4A West Valley City, UT 84119 GIANNI IS GOD Call JERRY (801) 974-0383 I POSTCARDS STICKERS POSTERS TEE-SHIRTS
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IF TIN MMISTLES ARE anyone you can talk into doing it. MADE OF TIM, Teams can go from one to a jillion, including waterboys, cheerleaders FO6HORNS MADE OF? ("Watch That Fogl Watch that About 10 years ago, while Fog!), coaches and groupies. working as a news director for a Teams may include small furry radio station I won't name to avoid animals, Republicans, imaginary gettingfired from it again, the sports beings and inanimate objects with director and 1 were loafing in the cute names. bossesofficeone morning, ourfeet -What do you wear while fog- up on his desk-he wasn't due to watching? Well, if you really must arrive kr a while. Dan and I were know, Isometimes weartight-fitting staring out the window, wondering lavendersilkshortswith dainty lace how we got into a job where we had trim ... to get up at 430 a.m. and pretend -Nononono, that's not what I we liked it. meant I meant do you need spe- We watched an Alfred cialshoes, helmets or otherarmor? Hitchcocky fog, as sluggish as we To watch fog? Now you're kidding. were, oozing low over the land. -When's the best time to He pointed, grunted. "Look," watch fog?You might thinkthe best he said. I looked, nodded, and time to watch fog is when there is grunted. fog to watch. Normally, you'd be Ipointed, grunted. "Fog," lsaid. right. But this isn't a normal humor He looked, nodded, grunted. column. Sometimes, youcanwatch He pointed, grunted. "Thick," for fog competitively. Such fog- hesaid. 1 looked, grunted, nodded. watchers can often last a long time, Ipointed, grunted. "Peasoup," so bring asacklunch and asleeping I said. He looked. "No thanks," he bag. said. -Where's the best place to Thus a new sport was born- fog-watch? Outdoors is usually competitive fog-watching. best, because that's where fog Competitive sports has been most often is. But since fog is so strictly for the youthful, healthy, often cold, many fog-watchers unfat and noncommotos~until compete indoors. There's usually fog-watching. a lot of fog in the editorial off ices of It's the sport of the go's, for the Millard County Chronicle people who feel like they're in their Progress too. 90's. No suffering uncomfortable -Will ESPN broadcast fog- sweat, dangerous accelerated watches? When network execu- heartbeat rates, ugly, bulging tives figure out that Monday Night muscles or embarrassing clear Football is about as exciting as complexions that are the unfortu- major league fog-watching, you'll nate by byproduct of more ener- see more of it on TV:. geticsports. As afog-watcher, you -Are fog watchers into drugs? with MY NAME don't even have to show up to wear A vicious rumor. Just because a a team t-shirt and hat. person sits motionless staring at Here are answersto questions the horizon for days on end, most often about fog-watching: mumbling "Oh, wow, man!" and -4w, c'mon, are you kidding? drools a bit doesn't mean that Have I ever kidded you? person is a drug user. Fog watch- -Okay, ho&s itplayed?Each ing is a clean, family sport that competitor starts with 100 points. doesn't need artificial enhance- The first one to show up loses 50 ment to enjoy. 115 So. West Temple points. The last one to leave loses -Do fog-watchers get paid a A Private Club for Members 50 points. Those who missed the lot? This one sure doesn't. No Restrictions team bus and stayed home ... win. If this is morethan you wanted -Who can play? Anybody to Know about fog-watching, skip who really wants to. Fog watchers the last few paragraphs. If toy want are great for people with nothing to know more, write to me at 1437 better to do. Economists are good Canyon Rd. #A-6, Kemmerer WY fog-watchers. 83101 and I'll make up something. You can play with yourself or --Media Man!!! . . a @LL U@ NOVEMBER 1883 contract. Just such a comic is stands poised to invade Czecho- Renee French's GRlT BATH. slovakia. But in a ceremony de. Thedebut issue of this inexpli. signed for the benefit of the press, cable title features a mixed bag of scientist Phineas T Horton unveils stories, from one-pagers like "Nose Whe Human Torch," a synthetic Fruit" (in which a young girl puts man with the ability to light on fire, PICKLE there's more to it than that Abe raisins in the nose of a deceased Suddenly, the world is a bit more waxes almost philosophical as he relative during a memorialservice), miraculous for ordinary humans, WPMRamd Nustratad by muses on going "alondo that to the self-explanatory and when asuper-powered, pointy- oylrra-lU cold bed." As Abe sits alone in his "Fistophobia," to the repulsive eared man appears in New York PlYdrlL](rnEyB~ chairwiththecat, theominous roar "Silktown" (in which middle aged and Holds the police at bay, a new Chances are, unless you're of animals in a nearby zoo can be men fondle each other, a racoon era for mankind is ushered in... one of those comic fans who goes heard ... eats part of a boy's face, and the All this is seen through the around digging through the back Yeah, l'sweird. It'salsoquirky, delights of eclair-eating are eyes of a photographer Phl through the back of the racks in intelligent, and &arming. Horrocks graphically depicted). Sheldon, an everyman of sorts on search of obscure stuff, you've imbues the work with his person- -If the description of this work hand for the advent of the age ot never heard of Dylan Horrocks. aliiy, and hiscynicalcharactertake sounds wearied and disgusted, it's super-heroes. Soon; super-beings More's the pity. You see, Horrod $gi+ z' ? 'TATTO&?& 4 4. .: 11 1 ?' %; BY TERESA ,o\ , ,' -kc.- , * , ,,: ,, IA.B. TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRl DAY SATURDAY I---- UB FOR MEMBERS h I'-. .-- J ZOO 8LU@ DECEMBER 1983 Mtreal. Canada is a county away bands. We're just guys in our 20's who from Minneapolis, Minnesota. What the wereinfluencedby themusicfrom 1976 two have in common is the to 1980. DOUGHBOYS, acanadian quartetthat SLUG: The band you're most often bsmany of its punk-pop musical compared to is HUsker DU. Do you find cues from the Minneapolis 'all-rock" that comparison fair? SLUG: Your new racord (The were stripped c I to the guitar and bods, Husker Du and the Replace- John: To some extent, yeah. HUsker Doughboys' major-label debut, Cnrsh) drums, which is what we are live. mats. Singerlguitaristhunder John DO really influenced a whole genera- is probably your best and most con- SLUG: Speaking of your live perfor- KastnerphonedSLUG 10 days before tion of bands. not just us. sistent effort to date. You've also been mances, how do you think they diir the bends co-headliningstint with The SLUG: Actually, a lot of your early quoted as saying it sounds the most from your records. Buucdcs on November 23. musical experience IS in the punk-rock like you. John: It's never redly possible to du- The Doughboys are: John genre, isn't it? John: Definitely. This really is the way plicateyour live soundwhenyou reowd, Kastner-guitar and vocals; Jon John: Yeah, quite a few people in the band sounds. For acouple of years because them are no fans to push you Widdalee Cummins-guitarandvocals; Canada still rhember mifrom the we've bean kindof getting off the track, harder. And, our fans really push us to PeterArsenault-bassguitarandvocals; Asexuals. We wanted to be Black Flaa" but we're back. Ican honestly say that our limits, musically. Paul ~ewman-drums back then. this is our best album. SLUG: Well, John, good luck on the $LUG: Even though you're all Canadi- SLUG: How do you think your sound SLUG: On Crush, you worked with tour and have fun playing with your ans, I would definitely say you guys and your music have changed since Daniel Rey (the Ramones, L7, lggy heroes (the band has been co-headlin- sound American. those days? Pop). What do you think he brought to ing shows with both Redd Kr6ss and John: We grew up listening to Ameri- John: We've been all over the musical the recording sessions? the Buzzcocks.) can bands, especially theRamons, and map since then. We've tried pop, funk John: He was great b work with. He John: I'm sure we'll have fun. I 'iust that's bound to show up in our music, and psychedelia. But, we always come made sure the pop was in the pop and hope you guys enjoy our show. But, we're not writing our songs with back to the punkandhave always kept the punk. He basicallymade sure things 4ffRopHb the intention of sounding like other the POP. WE HAVE SO1 cmnmmy FOR EVERYBODY,., 111 A~USIC... NEW & U--3 COMPACT ---- IMPORTS=LOCALS=SPECIALORDERS 1202 North State Street Despitepopularmiscon~~ptions, Muc: Well, we really don't try to the U.S. doesn't have a monopoly on take our music too seriously. I think great rdcore music. In fact, Cana- some of our songs do say something, dian l? ardcore acts (including No if you read between the lines. But Means No and DOA) have enjoyed some are definitely tongue-in-cheek. long and successful hardcorecareers. We all are. And don't forget SNFU, whose har- SLUG: What were the drcum- monic punk is always at least amus- stances of you guys getting back to- ing, if not outstanding. SLUG caught gether and what's the status of the uptoSNFUguitarist Mark'Muc" Belke band? before the band's stunnina Nov. 17th Muc: We've been back toclelher sho\i; with the BOUNCI~GSOULS. for 2 112 years now, but when we Helping out (and recording) was originally broke up (in I=),we'd KUTE's Kurt Geltz. been togelher for 8 years and had SNFU is: Chi PiVocals, Muc been out mthe road most of the time. I THE ,\LTERI.ITIVE ,k\D I..E OBrIOUS I Belke-Guitar and backing vocals, A lot of it had to do with us wanting to Bunnt Belke-Guitar and Wingvo- branchout and try differentthings (the .4s,Davey-boy Rees-Drums. BdkesfmedtheWheat Chiefs, while . SLUG: Unfortunately, even Chi Pi joined Little Joe). It's still on though Canada has a lot of great kind of a show-by-show basis. The bands, most Americans probably know first show we did for this tour was your country for Bryan Adams and incredibly bad. But we all play music Rush. Do you see that changing for live shows. It's hard to tell where anytime soon? things will go for here. Muc: Well,otherbandsjustaren7 SLUG: How has your music getting the exposure they deserve. changed since you began and also There's a reluctance on the part of the since the breakup? Mgger record labels to take a chance Muc: Not that drastically. We've on Canadian bands. matured in our songwriting and play- SLUG: The whde Nirvana thing ing. but we're still not taking things has really changed the faceof "under- seriously. We also get along better. ground' rock. Even Bad Religionhas SLUG: Ialmostforgot to askthis. signed to a major label. Do you think but do you see yourselves as the pro- that you will finally get the attention totypical Canadian hardcore band? A Great Selection Of Music... you deserve? IUso, is thereacanadian punk sound? SLUG: Ithink it was a good step Muc: On the first, not really. The Buy Sell Trade for all of us, but for whatever reason, Canadian punk sound is hard to de- I we haven't been attracting a bt of scribe. There's definitely a personal- attention. Epltaph (the labelowned by ity crisis for it. 1don't know, maybe not Bad Religion's Brett Gurewitz) was real thrashy, but fast and loose with a Imports to Locals I the only label interested in having us. melody. SLUG: Sorry if I'm kind of SLUG:Thanksfortakingthetime Compact Discs & Cassettes speechless but that's incredible. out. It looks like we saved you from Wngof Epitaph, you guys seem unloading the equipment. New Releases Always On Sal like a great acquisition for them. Yet Muc: Ah, that's Chi's job. you have nothing in common with any of the others, although your sense of --Jeff Reptib 2600 So. We. ~ountfifda 292-3759 I humor is somewhat akin to NO FXs. I 557 Bryan: It's helped us to keep ow Swls then add portions of 'SOS-styled loyal fans. rockabilly, funk and straight ahead rodc Greg: Yeah, we're probably writing to make something unique and memo- even more for the fans than we are for rable. Bouncing Souls granted SLUG a ourselves. We won't compromise for brief interview before they nearly up- them. SLUG: is il fairtosay you guyswem food to eat and a show to play. Bryan: So long as the fans have an Bryan: I'm not sure it's fair to them, open mind and the food is pretty good. butls fairto us1 (laughs) Yeah, we really that would be ok. We're not looking br liked Op Ivy ad their energy. We liked huge success, just some mildty adoring their punk aggression, and they didn't fans (laugh). dwell on the negatives. They were al- SLUG: I understand that, I think ways upbeat. That's something we hope Greg: Well, all my heroes aren't on we can king across in our music. major labels. We're not looking to make SLUG: Op Ivy also started out in it on MlV. We just like catching the live ska. How did you guys begin? wbe. Greg: Almost he same way. We SLUG: You've gotten to play with were about half and half ska and punk someof thgse heroes, loo. Do you think Butwe've kindof movedon in out tastes. that teaay helps you as a young band? That'snotto putdownska, it'sjustthatit's ban: It definitely makes it more something that other bands do better. exciting lor us. We've got meoneelse SLUG: When you say that your to ty to impress besides the audience. tastes or styles have moved on, how do Live is definitely the most fun of you think that changes your music? music for us, and probably our fans loo. Greg: Well, we're getting better and SLUG: That doesn't necessarily better at what we do over the last five mean that you don't enpy recording years. But we'll continue to evolve into though? what, Ican't say. It could be something Bryan: Actually, that's not really our cxwnplebalydfferentfmmwhatwe'redoing favorite part We haven't had lhe bestof now. ' luck reading. It just doesn't sound like SLUG: 1 noticed that both of your us unless we've got an audience. releases (they have an EP and 7inch SLUG: Don't you have enough available from P.O. Box 974 New materiel for an album? Have you consid- Brunswick, NJ 08903)are self-released. ered recording live? Haven'tyouguysbeen courted by tonsof, Greg: Most of the live recordswe've --recodabek% - - - -h~dof~L\bl~~nd~~ Greg: We used to get bts of little album one of these days. Wen we getoff bibsandnibbles from labels, but nothing the road. really maBrialized. Wejustfiguredifhy SLUG: Yeah. well,when its treating 1 59.99 WHEREEVER .YOU FND LOCAL MUSIC I weren't interested then screw them. you so well, tskind of hard to stop. CD RELEASE PARTY Bryan: Yeah, we refuse to solit Bryan: ltwouid be nice to have a Me I anylhing from labels. That's only so and a home for a while. But this is really Thursday, December 9th I much wasted energy that we could use what we low. for something else. SLUG: One of these days, gy @ BURTS TIKI LOUNGE SLUG: On one hand that's bad be- swear. You'll break it big. cause you guys deserve a bt more ex- Btyan:Andthenyoucanw@about 726 South State Street posure but at the same time, it almost us for Rolling Stone. CD9sAvailable at Party for $7.00 makes your musicmore honest because SLUG: Uh-huh. Yeah, sum. you're only accountable to yourselves-- plus get a free gift we can't mention you also have stated kind of a grass- Info 468-6235 Iroots following with each show that you Why Icraved pdice violence isn't The miasma of that bug was obviously so hard to phathom. It wasn't just be- hallucinogenic, because no sooner had I cause Ian is a skinhead, 9waggart son it started-to really irritate me than the of a bitch, who can't even preach on visions began to appear. I saw ugly par with Bono - it was mainly cuz the things. I gaped in horror at a cirde of people there didn't seem to mind this hacky-heads kicking around what 1 If you haven't been keeping up with teachings of funk drummer Carmine cocksucker's attitude- they even liked swear was a stuffed leather testicle. SLUG over the past five years. here Appice. Indeedfusion had come to the it. People applauded for this guy spit- My perception expanded, and 1 are some things that you may have pioneers. ting out the same pablum as me grand saw people in black clothing slinking missed. Spring came to the pioneer's win- daddy (who's a local church official) around wishing they had British ac- ter quarters, and the journey could does in his speeches at scout meets: cents. Worst of all, I had a revelation bruarv 1989 continue. However, the failure of their no drink, no drugs, no girls, brush your about rap music that had nothing to handcarts in the fall called for an al- teeth, etc. with the music Tupelo was playing. It UTAH'S WHTE SQUL HWII#GE ternate means of transportation. It was So, when Ian said the opening was just a flash of insight into the me. D& revealed to Brigham. prayer, everybody present dutifully vacuous, dark heart of rap, and now -r(Rrrlrwrlm =Seekthe train, bywhich passage bowed their heads in reverence and I've forgotten it completely. Suffice it to UlhrwdhrwDnvltnwtWum can be made to the chosen land that I respect. And as Ian spake of the evils say that the whole experience was of the stage dive and the dam pit, verily homifying. Clearly, the Beast is atwork Utahns are forever haunted by hath resewed for thee." did the masses turn their minds to pure here. the pioneer heritage that was respon- This train was indeed the coveted soul train, the very one that inspired the thoughts of rebellionagainst the vices; Things hadnot improved much by sible for taming this rugged state and a good lowfat diet, a healthy fitness the time the Blasters came on. The building stake houses upon it. Reli- popularcable TV program "Soul Train'. are And so, passage to Utah was gained. program and the lynching of spics. combination of the Evil Seed in my gious references continually made That's what happened. veins, the bug effluvium in my nostrils. in its honor, andliquor laws are justified During the several days journey, more divine gifts were embellished upon What should've happened, of and the unpleasantlittle Mystery Burger ' in its name. However, there is an un- course, is a different thing altcgether. in the Union building in my stomach dermining factor to Utah's pioneer Brigham. A golden saxophone was 1 presentedto him on the second day of The minute Elder McKaye opened his was unsettling to my delicate consti- iegacy. Consider it the crux of why mouth we all should've stormed the tution. In fact, before the Blasters had things happen the way they do, as well the trip by the musical group Earth, Wind and Fire, who were aboard the stage and packed his preachy mouth finished their second song, Iwas in a as sound the way it does. As can be with greasy french fries, crammed e state of true gastric distress. But the heard and felt today, Utahns share a bain as enbrtainers in the lounge car. The days passed, and the pioneers needle in his arm and butlhrcked him music was great. Ithink legacy of soul, white-soul. with a bottle of Robitussin. That'd learn --Clark Steoey This faith was alleged to have eventually left the train at the emigra- ' tion, canyon station which overlooked him. been commanded to Brigham Young Too bad Fugazi ain'ttllacal band. by divine order while Mormonism grew the Salt Lake Valley whereupon Brigham proclaimed, %is can't be the Then they'd be desenredy shit on by stale in Illinois. As evinced in the writ- everyone. No one, either in SLC or Iku ~osterii~cabband ten accounts of early Mormonism, place, it doesn't looklikeGary, Indiana at all.' Brigham was then informed that outside, takes a SLC band seriously Pumtulos, '...For lo. Brigham, the chosen In nine days I am going home to saw he indeed looked upon the promised (though Ihear the Soapbox Kids were ong, time to change. Troubled autographing their plectrums for pre- Connecticut. I've been her for 3.5 times came when news rcached valley, and not the birthplace of the Jackson Five. With confusion set aside, pube girls at the Tooele Arts Fest not months now and if Istay any longrer I'll Nauuoo that Tina hadindeedforsaken too long ago, which doesn't really vomit my vitals on the Wasat& Front. Ike, and the light of Godshone not from attention was focused on naming the contradict my thesis). You hicks out here really suck. the magical land of Motown. BriBham new city of the pioneers. Brigham ini- tially chose Funkytown, but at the dis- -me Christ Brothom You talk about how Utah is hell -we! hen saw li-ht to the west. A hart of puds, il's not Utah, it's you. You are all cheribim surround ed him as he stood sent those less musically inclined, Salt Lake City was settled upon, because it such Dickskins. before his brethren and spake, 'The You're all so tense about what kingdom of Motown has fallen. Let us sounded much like Motor City. Their odessey had been fulfilled, and the you are (a punk, a mod, a hippie, a purney to the westtorebuilditl'Cheers TUPEUJ CHAM SEX and the skatcr, a thrasher, etc). I've decided of aBreement sounded in response. pioneers settled in their new home. Tales of this journey arestill told in that you are all products of incest. To He continued: "Let us file inpilgramage overcome being inbred mutts, you try jam sessions citywide, and the influence The story of the Tupelo Chain Sex to Utah, for there the family Osmond to attach yourselves to some form of hath erected for us a new Motown by of Brigham'sdimveriesare still viewed / Blasters show on the U of U campus with the samefreshnessthatwdcomed rebellion. YOU drink b&r? Millwaukee's which we may paypraises unto God.' is one of base savagery and Best? 0000000H. how rebelliousl it over a century ago. To this day, the paganistichedankm. llearned of the Ans so the exodus was planned, and I'll leave some toe cheese in the upon turning their backs upon Illinois, 24th day of each July is held in praise show just hours before it sW,but it of the day Tower of Power's hit sihgle restroom of the Delta Wminal of the the venerable Brigham spoke. "Hy sounded like a damn fine oppurlunity SLC airport for all of you little screw wemy,c'monl'Andso, thejouumey ?Squib Cakes" reached #Ion the re- to pick up a gallon or so of the Cribari gional charts. Indeed, the legacy of Evil Seedand define awhde new code ups. began. ' Love Alwyr, Brigham Young's pioneers lives on, of barbarism. This I did, and conse- However,the pioneers hadtrouble Jake Mnllory and white soul streams through the qum@ my impressions of the show reaching their promised land of Utah. P.S. Your Underground Bites. veins of Utahns. are limits d toa few vivid and (perhaps) They had assembled their handcarts P.P.S.-The Sex Pistols just broke up. of green wood, which shrank and rot- idevant MIS. Don't cry, I heard Johnny is starting a Firs! off, we all how that Tupelo ted, rendering them useless. Hence new band. they were forced to winter near Des 3w.Cum was supposed to play Mayfestamonth Moines, Iowa, where where time spent POOH61UI earlbr. There was much gnashing of Feb,'m 19go",.. uneventfully until Brigham, through This ain't alternative band ass- teeth when they didn't show, not to alleged divine orderj discovered in the lickingweek Just because Ian McKaye menlion rendiiof tisdye and casting My Db(lrest Dkkhends, forest incredible gifts for his people: gave birth (anal birth) to straight-edge, down of new rage jewelry. Reportedly, Jake Mallory's letterin last months "As Brigham wankred the wood, he and is some kind of sacred cow in the one disappointed fan threw hersdft to SLUG ins~iredafew sleazv comments came upon a shaft of light of Minding 'scene,' doesn't qualify him for un- the ground and sprained her mantra. (tobekninthe nicestway of course). intensity, encased in which were the conditional head. Better late than never, though, First thing Jake, I went to the gitk of the lord." That Fugazi gig at the Speedway and Tupelo put on a fine show. I think. restroom at the Delta terminal Mng These gifts were of paramount a month or so back was one of those Actually, all Iremember was a strange for that tasty tidbit of toe cheese you importance to Brigham and his contin- rare occasions where Iactually wanted insect spraying some fetid goo in my promised us, but all Icoukt find was a gent. Discovered by Brigham that day the cops to show up and randomly beat face while Itried to study it under the large puddle of semen you spedon were a complete collection of albums and arrest people. Cuz anything would magnification of the empty Cribari the floor. Jake, please don't make by the fusion band Tower of Power, have been better than a straight edge bottle. Things went downhill for me promises you can't keep. and golden plates inscribed with the sermon that night. from there. Being a 'Hid-PUB myself, I sort QLW@ m DECEMBER 1883 December of looked forward to seeing your vitals pose attending peace rallies and vomited across the Wasatch Front; I marches are nice, though they're not COMING TO coukln't see your vitals anyway be- my cup of tea(besides, doesn'tit strike cause my foreskin must have been some of you as hypocritical that we TOWN pulled up over my eyes. shout 'no blood for oil," but subse- Jake, Iwant you to know, I am not quently waste hat resource by driving The Psychdogical a product of incest. I am a product of to the Capitol Building or buying the hQlkaioll8 ot good old fashioned Chnstian asexual new Sting tape). reproduct~on.For your information instead otsending xeroxed cop- uimna8 Jake, we already knew the Sex Pistols ies of form protest letters (which helps ffcowsethere'sno broke up. 1 knew 6 months ago. Your continue the deforestation of tropical sank3 cbus, as we're bkl mother told me while she was giving rain forests that are so in protest-vogue when we're young. But me a hand job out in front of the these days). Dare to starl discussions when there was ajoly, fat Speedway Cafe. in your homes, yourwork, your school. bringer of presenb, as our I'd like to thank you personally for Write individual and personal letters to parentsandthewevision opening my eyes to the "scene" here your representatives. would td us, the wintar that bites so hugely, dude. I have sent Sure, these protests look good, sokkabulywashe'sea- your name into the LDS missionaries, but do you think they're actually mto bejdly."Ndonlydo in Connecticut to save your evil, cum- changing anyone's minds? Let's face many of us have fond guzzling soul. God Bless You. it, our war-mongering enemies are as memoriesofthe~tar Love 1Ya Babe. intractable as we. Make your voices wondetfand: Christmas Rick heard individually and collectively. Mcatan and presents un- P.S. Come on back any time. We have Lastly, let's not forget next election der he he, but the pewask, underfying ohen the first expare chklren haw 1D some Christian values we'd just love to day to vote the bastards out who sup- theme of Sank Claus-as-a-Christian.oos- m~~9ood~~~usedproperfy, show down your throat. portedthe Btish regime and got us into sibly Chlist him&, can case can&- lcan~themtoTBBljithatanybeCef,m the war in the first place. Isuppose we ablemsBmatimuponluhreexaminaliOn matler how deep and &wished, cen be could also dropa bomb or two on these ofthechristianmylh. abmd by futher examination, ie., new Februarv 9 991 guys for good measure, as well. Just Santa Cksis a Chris- badih, WI#tLHhwrllrnTrnfi remember, though, thatyoudidn'thear derived,atleastnparthSaintNii, IfywdoWhingsasachikl,Santa it here. palron saint of chikfen. iswatchhg.Whenycugmwup,theM, Protestem, PmtWs and -Chris Robin Once Christmas became a muti-M- Jesus Christ presumably, thsow. As lion dollar indusby, the meda-&wLking the chibgmw up, in- of wonying ProtmtMusic? Mi, amamWq not ot he Christian about '@ng ad in hir stoding" for dune $991 populatian, bul m a nabbn of consumers. Chris8nas if lhey were W,their &ions "Now the urgency and energy Dear Dickheads, hlyembeddedSantaClausin0~1~nowdeterminetheettmalfateoflRei has turned into complacency, and prlnt this In your useless as~embodinent&spiritofChrismas. martd soul. the schools and universities are lime al rag If you want. It's (Theincom~idcapMsmdChris- Payno~bthemanbdind turning out a brand-new breed of time more people statted (or started hanny is ms:The Bible MISus not to theamh.'Oz,fFwnlhe~ofOr,was young conservatives... " again) stirring up some shit In this hawabwdcepital,"andbadthesin dearfyafake,buthow&wekmvhtlhe --Ray DaviesThe Klnks bwn. So, Igot some complaints. Fuck of greed. There is much hypomywtwe ChrisfanPsligionisntaput-on,jusPlike his politics-is-outwe're-gonna-be-the- religion is concerned.) Santa?P~hestMyofJesuswas~ "Help save the youth of America, next-Seattle bulishit. I've read a num- Santa Claus is Wi,"ow par-, apareble bdxmsomeone's~knof help save yauth hon: themselves..." berof your featured band write-ups (do en6 would thmabningty say to us; in fact hu-, in irs perfect stale. In la4 (he -4iIrV. Bram-- actual intervtews sometime. instead of mtxbbareinontheGreatLieToklto skydChristmssilthe~sofMaahew, Interpreting what the band iealiy said) Srnal Chkfen. llWsright, while the kids Luke and John vary msiderably The war has started and may al- that have slaggedoff politics and social am baming abwt hir environment at and present irremndable mhdidhs, ready be over by the time this column commentary:l don't glve two cents wch as he star hat alided Ihe wisemen. is printed. And if that's so. then thank about Salt Lake bands becomlng suc- ihensdureofvirgin~,andhg~erod~ Jah. If not, let's try and figure out why cessful. Bettertogetthe locals thinking the&-whyxmech&and* alleged pugeof newborns. today's protest marches have turned and questioning whars around them. dDnP obey heir parents: why should the -The $dl of chtisb~s,M, has .into little else than a pseudo-hippy, All the littie potheads are gonna be Iddstustthem,nthelightdsuchiies?(IYs been expkitd by big business, hdiq granola fashion show. pretty surprised when they're on the primarily Santa and the Easter Bunny, for ~ingiireceiversandthepmamd No longer do we have Phil Ochs, first bus to the Humeboldt County drug Chrisijans, while the Tooth Faky seems o~ingii~.ll'sbecometheh Bob Marley or even the Clash as the concentrationcamp, aren'tthey? What mono-.) ofwwwhen'beaceonhand- voice of ageneration. Though we have the fuck is success, anyway? Getting SantaClausandthehe,&&l, songwriters as talented as Billy Bragg signed to a major and being bled dry for howew,tothechhthatbeliiinhim- and Elvis Costello, today'scallow youth the bloodsucking consumer machine? their wn senses prow U-tis to them. Santa auvearkig.ofaxrse,enyadof& would rather listen to such 'socially- Fuck success. And on SLUG, I realize lives at the North Pole, with his wile, lNho tofelbwhunanbemgsisdmk&,but,b conscious" blowhards assting, U2 and it's what everyone makes of it, but are pqares his meals, and his ehes. who quolea bumper slidcerthataftimddmine Midnight Oil. Instead, such whiners as you letting it be whatever it wlll be? rnakedldthebysthathe~ot sawupt~~,WhenIgiveWbhepoor, Suzanne Vega and Tracy Chapman SLUG is a music calendar1Advo ad- December 251h. Hirnelhod of delivery is, they call me a saint When Iaskwhy the are looked upon as insightful. Praise vertising bit with some two-bit bicker- of axuse, nothi shact of miraarbus, iC poorhawnokod,heycelmea~ Jah that here are still punk-rock and ing thrown in and a lot of hot air. So, go lusWng disamtms. nist" regga bands, although those too are on imitating the safe path of Private So,youm~wantbUIink~tlhiB being corrupted. Eye and KJQ and getting your fat-ass year, while you're hanging yow Chimas Let's learn lessons from the 'real" advertisers. No threat means no meet at the mall is an imposter, hanrever, [itsto staw off Ihe excess dadoms (and hippies, those who were there during change. SLUG isn't any panacea, just andlhattheir~6iustteUthemhtthe teratdogii molecules)aeatedas a result the 60's and 70's; let's listen listen to a cute and cuddiy pacification for the oftheearth'sangleof~~he the now-peaccful Vietnam vets; let's true alternatives. sunatthirimeofyear:Chiishn&b listen a little and not be concerned so Nothing personal, foMoreendIheChrisSanhdidayispaegl much with ourselves. Mike Cadson w. What can we do for peace? I sup- DOCD/Use Your Brain --Eric At zbbenyi COMES 17th South Main 484-0800 SLC'S BEST GUITAR STOREaaaPERIOD!