October 11, 2012

Best wishes on this National Day. October 11 is the date used to acknowledge the importance of the visibility of , , bisexual, and people. To some, this celebration of disclosing one's may seem quirky, old-fashioned, or no longer necessary; but it is still relevant today. We know that when LGBT people are visible to their heterosexual family and peers, incidents of are generally reduced and people are more thoughtful about what they say and do. Folks are more likely to see LGBT people as whole and real instead of as stereotypes.

Today brings to mind my own journey of coming out. In 1963, six years before Stonewall, I acknowledged to myself that I was gay. I came out to my parents and a few trusted adults the next year. My school advisor recommended to my parents that I see a psychiatrist for an assessment; he even recommended one. Can you imagine the sense of relief that I felt a few weeks later when my parents and I were called into the psychiatrist’s office and told that there was nothing wrong with me – I was just homosexual (the word used at the time)? He said my parents might want some time to adjust.

Things have certainly changed in the past 48 years. And, while coming out has positive effects for LGBT communities in general, it remains a challenge for many individual people – not because it is awkward, but because it is unsafe for them to disclose relevant personal information in their environment.

I have heard LGBT people say, "This is the 21st century – come out already!" I have heard others say, "There's no reason for them not to say who they are; it is safe here." In many cases this is completely true; but not always.

The uncomfortable situation in Wisconsin today is that LGBT people are still disowned, fired, limited in their educational and career goals, shunned, teased, bullied, and belittled. Many in our state want to pin this rejection and avoidance on the behaviors of LGBT people. But, our sexual identity is not the source of this discrimination; it is the pretext for discrimination. The source of the discrimination lies in the psyches of the perpetrators, in their need to enforce outmoded and limiting views of humanity and wholeness.

People of conscience sometimes struggle with the dilemma of adhering to what they were taught or wholeheartedly embracing those whom they love. Most resolve this dilemma by going with their deepest understanding of faith; they choose to love. How they arrive at this position of love and acceptance is a journey, a journey for which there is no detailed map.

Fortunately we have many people pointing the way for others on their journeys. You can read stories of acceptance by going to www.journey2accept.org.

There are many ways to celebrate National Coming Out Day. LGBT people can decide to each tell one more person about their lives. They can talk about what is going well for them as LGBT people and where their struggles continue. Heterosexual people can introduce the topic of to other heterosexual people in their lives, noting their own love and acceptance of the LGBT people they know. For example, Jason, a new friend of mine, introduces me to other heterosexual and LGBT people in his life, making more and more connections of good people – a great model of a Coming Out Day activity. I have met his wife and anticipate introductions to their two boys. Mark, a new colleague of mine, introduced himself by telling me ways that he saw similarities between his people and LGBT people – another great activity for National Coming Out Day.

And what better way to mark the National Coming Out Day than to make a contribution to Diverse and Resilient to continue our important work? We envision a Wisconsin where LGBT people thrive, living healthy, satisfying lives in safe, supportive communities. Thanks for helping us make this vision a reality.

Wishing you a happy and zest-filled Coming Out Day,

Gary Hollander President and CEO