Ireland’s STUDENT NEWSPAPER Of The Year 2005 Trinity News Est. 1947 Ireland’s Oldest Student Newspaper

Tuesday, December 6, 2005 [email protected] Vol.58 No.4 Was Enda right? The Dumbing Down Irish Language Debate TNT FEATURES page 9 In College Schol exams are likely to be scrapped within a year achieving senior freshman students rooms on campus for up to five mittee level. But it is understood rect the exam papers has also been give third and fourth year students tradition of the Provost announcing John Lavelle can opt to sit special Foundation years, free dinner at Commons that the changes could come into cited as a major reason for scrap- the right to sit Schol exams every the new scholars from the Dining Scholarship exams at the end of each night and up to three years of force as soon as the beginning of ping Schols. March. It is still unclear as to how Hall steps on Trinity Monday in Trinity College’s Foundation Hilary Term in March. But under free postgraduate education. It is the next academic year in October Trinity News understands these students will be accommodat- May could possibly be brought to a Scholarship exams are likely to be the new scheme, scholars will not known whether or not the new 2006, should they win the approval that Prof Kearney’s proposed ed when the Foundation halt under the new system. abolished within ten months, instead be chosen on the basis of proposal will affect the rewards for of staff and student representatives. changes have initially received a Scholarship examinations are This custom has been in Trinity News can reveal. College their annual examination results at scholars or the number of scholars. Prof Kearney and other cautious welcome in most quarters, incorporated into second year final place since new college statutes authorities are examining a radical the end of Trinity Term in June. The overhaul of the senior College figures are said to but may encounter some degree of exams in June. The practice of were initiated by King Charles I in new proposal that will permanently In some cases, the mone- Schol exams, initiated by the new believe that the traditional Schol resistance at College Board level. A allowing students who achieve a 1637. Any move to alter it would scrap Schol exams – a 350 year old tary value of a Foundation Senior Lecturer, Prof Colm exams in March place an unneces- number of sticking points have II.1 grade in Schol exams to gain be sure to be opposed by conserva- custom that is unique to Trinity Scholarship can exceed €50,000. Kearney, has yet to be discussed at sary burden on Trinity’s finances. already emerged, which could see exemptions from sitting end of year tive elements within the College. College. Successful students receive the College Board and is still in the The extra time demands imposed the scheme delayed or revised. exams is also liable to be ended. Traditionally, high prestigious title of Scholar, free early stages of consultation at com- on academic staff who set and cor- College statutes currently In addition, the ancient Starbucks is coming to Trinity Starbucks could be in Arts Block and Hamliton by Oct 2006 Subway and O’Brien’s also in

Projected image of new look Arts Block Cafe Photo: Cian Kennedy talks with College some of the floor space currently West Coast Coffee about the pos- comply with standards. But lets in Trinity. “We do realise that John Lavelle occupied by the Arts Block Café sibility of establishing branches Trinity College will still own and there will still be students who just Inside and the Hamilton Café for external on campus. manage the outlets. want a quick cup of coffee for a The American coffee giant coffee, sandwich and juice fran- Proposals to bring major Mr McGovern cited euro, nothing fancy. Even with the Starbucks is currently in talks with chises beginning at the start of the sandwich franchises, most likely intense competition from retailers new arrangement, we will contin- Trinity’s Feeder Schools the Catering Department about next academic year. The remain- Subway or O’Briens, into the Arts in city centre as the reason ue providing that.” Diego Cortez looks at who comes here and from where setting up two outlets inside der of the space in the cafés will Block Café and Hamilton Café are for inviting Starbucks and other McGovern is confident See page 2 Trinity College, Trinity News has stay under the direct control of the also being considered, according outside franchises into Trinity. the Catering Department’s plans learned. The coffee chain could Catering Department and will con- to Mr McGovern. Installing new “We have to move with the times will get the green light from open its doors to students as early tinue selling cold drinks, confec- deli counters run by Trinity cater- and try and give students what College authorities. But the proj- College Senators as next October at locations in the tionary and tea and coffee at cur- ing staff, similar to those operated they want. We’re in competition ect is by no means finalised. The Gearóid O’Rourke finds out who they are and what they do Arts Block and Hamilton rent prices. in Spar and Centra shops, is also with the likes of Spar and upmar- proposals will require significant See page 4 Building. The Head of College an option being examined. ket coffee shops in the city centre renovation of the Arts Block and Starbucks is just one of a Catering, Mr Eugene McGovern, Under the Catering and they’re doing great business.” Hamilton Cafés and this could number of major franchises, told Trinity News that he has Department’s plans, current staff “If you look at other uni- lead to financial difficulties and Global Warming? including Subway and O’Briens already had discussions with from the Buttery and other versities around the country, problems with planning permis- sandwich bar, that have been Starbucks about setting up inside Catering outlets will be rede- almost all of them already have sion. Mr McGovern cited a lack of Oliver North looks at whether it’s fact of fiction approached by the College about Trinity and that he believed “they ployed to the new franchised cof- outside food and drink franchises floor space in the Café areas as See page 24 setting up on campus. As part of a would be very eager to come in.” fee houses and sandwich bars. The operating on their campuses.” another potential obstacle. wide ranging review of food out- Mr McGovern said that he had franchise’s head office will pro- He added that the new Opposition to the scheme from Christmas Cocktails lets in Trinity, the Catering also made contact with major Irish vide training for staff and monitor plans would not affect the price of staff and students could also prove Department plans to set aside coffee shop chains Café Java and the products sold to ensure they food or drink in other catering out- a barrier. Rosie Gogan-Keogh serves up some seasonal cheer See page 15 College Health Trinity News Two USI in crisis after TNT returns wih features, columns, politics, books, theatre and more! Service announces See supplement double resignation Index end to free treatment emergency visit service until fur- Jonathan Drennan Clare Kate O’Mahony ther notice. Diego Cortez College News p1-3 SU & Societies p18 There was an increase of News Feature p4 Comment & Opinion Fees will be introduced for stu- 10% in student visits from 03/04 to The future of the Union of National p6 p19-20 dents availing of the College 04/05 and a 20% increase in over- Students in Ireland (USI) is in Health Service as of next October, all visits in the same period. grave doubt after the organisation International p7 Letters p21 Trinity News can exclusively Although the figures for this year was hit with the resignation of two Features p8-10 Gaeilge p22 reveal. are not yet available, Dr Thomas of its leading officers. In a shock Film p11 Inter’l Students p23 A charge of €10 will be says he is certain that they will move, USI Deputy President Ruth charged for both emergency visits indicate a further increase this Ní Éidhin and Education Officer Music p12-13 Science p24 and appointments according to Dr year. Since 2002 there has been no Daithí MacSíthigh both resigned Food & Drink p14-15 Sports Features p25-26 David Thomas, Medical Director change in the number of staff their positions just over a week Tony: ‘I have a great work- Daithi: ‘I have no working Travel p16 Sport p27-28 of Trinity College health service. members which includes three ago, plunging the country’s student movement into crisis. Ní Eidhin ing relationship with Daithi’ relationship with Tony’ Careers p17 Dr Thomas said he believed that doctors available in the morning “it is essential we introduce fees” and two in the afternoon. and MacSíthigh were Deputy speech at an emergency conference changes to the USI constitution. because existing college funding is Staff at the clinic believe President and Education Officer of blasting the influence of “careerist As a result of the resig- not adequate. that students living at home who Trinity College Students’ Union hacks” in the organisation. The nations, calls for disaffiliation from Look out for Issue 5 in January! Due to the increased previously would have used their last year before being elected to the remark was allegedly directed at USI have been made in many of pressure on the system, the health local GP, are now turning to the national body in March. Mr MacSíthigh. MacSíthigh and the major Irish universities, among clinic was last week forced to college doctor as a result of the ris- The resignations were Ní Eidhin had also had ongoing exclude students with a Dublin sparked when USI President Tony clashes with Mr McDonnell and Continued Page 6 home address from using the Continued Page 2 McDonnell made an emotional other USI officers over proposed USI explained: Page 4 2 Tuesday December 6th, 2005 News Editor: John Lavelle COLLEGENEWS Trinity News Trinity College, roysh? South Dublin private schools dominate Trinity league table not reflect the thousands of sec- Belvedere and Gonzaga are the Diego Cortez ondary students who attend the only all-boys schools to make it Institute for grinds and revision into Trinity’s top 20. All-girls Exclusive South Dublin fee paying courses each year. schools fare better making up schools are by far the largest feed- The list is dominated by eleven of the top rated schools, er schools to Trinity College, southside schools mostly with while there is also a disproportion- according to the latest figures addresses in the leafy suburbs of ately large number of co-educa- released by the University last Dublin 4, Dublin 6 and south coun- tional secondary schools on the week. The controversial statistics ty Dublin. St Andrews’ College, list. rank Irish secondary schools based High School and Loreto Beaufort Trinity’s strong histori- on the number of past pupils that all ranking highly. Only two cal ties to the Church of Ireland are entered Trinity at the start of the schools from outside the greater also evident from the composition year. Dublin area manage to break in to of schools on the list – six of the Belvedere College in the the top 20. Kilkenny College top 20 schools describe themselves north inner city is the only school scrapes in at number 20 and the as having a Protestant ethos. in the top ten which is not located non fee-paying Loreto Convent in in an affluent area of Dublin’s Cavan is the surprise package in While the latest list of Trinity’s southside. And only two schools in the list at number 14. leading feeder schools may seem the top ten are not fee paying – Despite South Dublin’s domi- to be dominated by South Dublin Muckross Park in Donnybrook and nance, some of the more well private schools, its composition Colaiste Iosagain in Stillorgan. known fee paying institutions in seems positively diverse when Both are all girls’ schools situated the area are conspicuous by their compared with the corresponding in well-to-do Dublin 4. absence from the list. Blackrock figures from nearby University Soaring ahead at the top College, Clongowes, Terenure College Dublin. Of the top 20 of the league table is the Institute College, Loreto Dalkey, Loreto feeder schools for UCD, an incred- Eddie Hobbs receieves an Honourary Patronage of the Phil last Tuesday Photo: Jose Cosgrinho of Education with 132 students Foxrock and Holy Child Killiney ible 17 are from the southside of entering Trinity - almost four times are all well outside the top 30. Dublin, just one is from the north- as many as closest rival Belvedere. However most of these schools side (Belvedere) and only two are The Leeson St ‘grind school’ has rank near the top of the UCD feed- from outside Dublin (Clongowes, upped its figures by 50% on last er school tables. Naas and the Limerick Tutorial Student Finance Survey year’s tally of 88. The figures do The Jesuit institutions of Centre). Trinity’s Feeder Schools Trinity students spend as much on fags and booze as they do on food Trinity Students get more from parents than from jobs School Location Students Gender - Katie Watson Expenditure 1. Institute of Education South Dublin 132 Mixed Sarah Sutton 2. Belvedere College North Dublin 37 Boys Many Trinity students spend more 3. St Andrews College South Dublin 34 Mixed money each week on alcohol and 4. The High School South Dublin 30 Mixed cigarettes than they do on food, 5. Loreto Beaufort South Dublin 29 Girls according to a comprehensive sur- 6. King’s Hospital South Dublin 27 Mixed vey conducted by Trinity News. A majority of those surveyed spent 7. Muckross Park South Dublin 25 Girls less than €10 per week on academ- 8. Wesley College South Dublin 25 Mixed ic related expenses, while weekly 9. Gonzaga College South Dublin 23 Boys alcohol cigarette expenses average 10. Colaiste Iosagain South Dublin 22 Girls €34. The survey, distributed in the 11. Sacred Heart Dundrum South Dublin 21 Girls Arts Block and Hamilton to 150 12. Loreto Bray Wicklow 21 Girls undergraduate students from each 13. St Dominic’s Sutton North Dublin 20 Girls of the five faculties, asked partici- 14. Loreto Convent Cavan 20 Girls pants about their sources of Cigarettes and alcohol do hold jobs, the average weekly not spend much on other forms of 15. Holy Faith Clontarf North Dublin 19 Girls income, as well as their as their weekly spending habits. Students The average spend of €34 on ciga- wage was €90. The survey showed entertainment. More than half of 16. Malahide Com School North Dublin 19 Mixed were requested to estimate the rettes and alcohol was almost the that a majority of working students those who completed the survey 17. Alexandra College South Dublin 18 Girls amount of money they spend each same as the average weekly expen- are in their second or third year of spend just one to fifteen euros per 18. Loreto on the Green South Dublin 17 Girls month on food, transportation, diture on food, which was €36. studies, with first and final year week on entertainment, which 19. Manor House North Dublin 17 Girls alcohol and cigarettes, entertain- Many students spend more on alco- students working less. includes movies, concerts, and ment, and academic expenses. hol than food however, with one nights out with friends. The aver- 20. Kilkenny College Kilkenny 17 Mixed third of those surveyed admitting to Rent age spend on entertainment is €22. spending over €60 on booze, while Students’ largest expenditure item less than a quarter of those ques- is rent. Those who do not reside Based on the survey results, the tioned spend that amount on gro- with their parents or in college dor- average expenditure per week of a ceries and eating out. mitories spend an average of €489 student living away from home is Israel Takes Aim at One World each month on rent and bills. 42% of €229. This figure reflects the Academic expenses of the students surveyed did not high cost of living in Dublin. ety’s planned activities, which topic under discussion. Rather, the the Academic Boycott of Israel.” Expenditure on academic necessi- have any rent expenses. Examining the survey David Molloy included a debate about the aca- embassy believes that there was an The Israeli embassy notes that the ties pale in comparison with the results, one student commented, demic boycott of Israel. The letter emphasis on portraying Israel in a likely defence for these debates is high expenditure on alcohol and Transport “You might think that Trinity stu- The Israeli government has focuses on the alleged bias of the negative light. ‘academic freedom’, and is quick cigarettes. Students reported an Survey results show that trans- dents are drunks, and you are accused the Trinity One World One World debates, stating that, “It is difficult to imagine to point out the apparent mutual average spend of just €9.55 a week portation costs are quite minimal, right.” Survey results certainly society of being anti-Israeli, and “Even the briefest glance at the list how a debate can be held when all incompatibility of academic free- on academic expenses, which with students spending an average reflect this observation. One can encouraging bias and intolerance. of participants cannot fail to reveal sides hold the same opinion. dom and an academic boycott. includes printing, photocopying of €11.90 per week commuting to only hope that time spent in pubs The One World society’s that this week is less concerned Experience has shown that similar The academic boycott of and books for classes. and from college. Students living comes after a hard day of studying. ‘Palestinian Awareness Week’, with raising Palestinian awareness ‘debates’ often devolve into a com- Israel in question calls for a boycott away from home are spending It is certainly evident that students which ran from November 14th to than with anti-Israel activity.” petition - one in which the winner of all Israeli academic institutions, Income more on transport however, with an would rather spend money on alco- 18th, prompted the Israeli embassy The letter also claims is whoever can express the most faculty members, and researchers, The main source of income for average spend of €35.30 for stu- hol than academic items, but per- in Donnybrook to send an open let- that the society failed to invite any extreme anti-Israeli distortions.” regardless of their personal ideolo- Trinity students continues to be dents who return home at week- haps this frivolous nature is what ter to the Provost claiming that an speaker who could be considered to The Israeli government gy or professional accomplish- their parents and other family ends. being a college student is all about. anti-Israeli bias existed in the soci- hold “mainstream” Israeli views, took particular offence to the One ments, according to the Israeli members. While just 41% of the ety’s public debates. nor anyone who could be consid- World event held on Monday the embassy. students questioned held jobs, 71% Entertainment The scathing letter was ered to present an impartial or 14th, a debate titled “For the first The One World society receive a weekly allowance from While the amount of money spent sent on Monday 14th after the objective academic view of the time in Ireland: a public debate on could not be reached for comment. parents or relatives. Of those who on drinking is high, students did embassy became aware of the soci- Trinity news SUDOKU

EASY MEDIUM HARD 7 3 6 9 4 9 2 6 8 7 9 8 3 6 9 1 7 8 3 9 6 1 8 5 3 8 1 9 3 7 9 3 6 4 5 9 8 8 4 6 5 3 1 5 1 8 6 4 3 2 3 4 8 1 4 9 9 7 8 3 7 4 1 6 8 3 1 6 4 2 3 4 8 7 5 5 3 2 4 8 6 5 6 9 4 4 3 6 5 1 3 2 7 3 6 Assistant News Editor: Úna Faulkner Tuesday December 6th, 2005 3 Trinity News COLLEGENEWS News in Brief Pavilion and Buttery bars Pav wheelchair lift both register losses for 2005 funding gets go ahead Mr McGovern said that The Board of Trinity College has The substantial modifi- restricted opening hours were the set aside €75,000 to make the cations are expected to cost in main reason for the poor perform- Pavilion bar wheelchair accessi- excess of €100,000 – the College ance. “Because of the terms of our ble. After years of delays, the Board is providing €75,000 and bar licence and security issues, we College finally rubber stamped DUCAC (the college sporting can only open from 2-11, Monday funding for the construction of an authority that owns the Pav) will to Friday, 28 weeks a year. With external wheelchair lift at a meet- foot the rest of the bill. those kind of opening hours it’s ing on November 23. Despite the funding practically impossible for any bar The new project will approval, it could still be years to be profitable.” see a lift installed to the right of before the Pav is finally opened McGovern continued, “We’re the steps of the Pav, facing out on to disabled students. The bound by national wage agree- to College Park. The downstairs Pavillion bar is a listed building ments so we have higher staff gents toilets in the Pav will also and any serious alterations to its costs than most of our competi- be modified to include a wheel- structure are likely to encounter tors. Other costs are rising as well, chair accessible cubicle, with an delays with planning permission. and we’ve been forced to put up external entrance. prices 10% this year to cover that. The smoking ban hasn’t exactly helped us either.” St Vincent de Paul The Buttery is run by the Trinity College Catering Department, and relies on other Day pulls in the cash profitable Catering operations, such as Commons, the Arts Block The annual TCD Saint Vincent de the buttery provided the most Café and commercial functions, to Paul day took place this year on money for the society. The cancel out its continuing deficits. November 16th. The day is the ‘Romeo and Juliet’ themed night McGovern told Trinity News that most important fund raising day out in Traffic also raised the char- the option of allowing an outside in the society’s calendar with ity a substantial amount of company to run the Buttery bar events and activities taking place money. Activities continued on Pav renovations cause losses in 2005 for first time in years Photo: Peter Henry had been considered in the past. from early morning until the the following day with a five a- “We did have a proposal from a night. side soccer tournament taking results. He said that the 2005 loss- sales in particular are way up,” he whatever, and it’s impossible to company two years ago. We tried This year saw an esti- place and lasting throughout the John Lavelle es (down from a profit of added. tell who bought the Bavaria legiti- to work something out but it fell mated €4,500 being raised, afternoon. €160,000 in 2004) were “very Mr Murphy said he mately and who snook it in. We through because it wouldn’t have matching the amount raised in The charity is the Both of Trinity College’s campus misleading” as they include believed that the Pavillion’s ties to are trying to combat that now by been viable without a full bar previous years. Activities ranging largest society in college with bars lost money last year, accord- €104,000 spent on redecoration Trinity sports clubs were impor- varying the types of cans that we licence. That would have meant from street collecting, cake sales over 4,000 members. ing to figures obtained by Trinity last January. tant for the success of the bar. He sell from week to week.” more security costs for the College and a music themed table quiz in News. The Pavillion bar had trad- “We were also closed for also cited “young and energetic” While the Pavilion has and higher noise levels. It just ing loss of almost €37,000 in the two months during the refurbish- staff, an “attractive location” and been consistently profitable, the wasn’t a runner.” year ending September 2005 - the ment and lost a lot of turnover as a an extensive smoking area as part Buttery bar has had “big losses for But plans are in the first time it has lost money in over result. Overall the Pav is doing of the Pav’s appeal. many years”, according to pipeline for a major renovation of Wands and sceptres a decade. While the corresponding remarkably well and our profits But students purchasing Catering Manager Eugene the Buttery bar in the future, in an figure for the Buttery bar is not average about €140,000 in a typi- beer elsewhere and bringing them McGovern. The financial results attempt to revive business. “We for Students’ Union available, its losses were believed cal year,” said Mr Murphy, who is into the Pav was impacting on the of the Buttery bar are not made are looking at doing a major job to be in excess of €100,000 last Chairman of DUCAC’s Pavilion bar’s profits, according to public but Trinity News under- on it during the summer,” said Harry Potter, Merlin the voted against the motion. The year. Bar committee. “Since we invest- Murphy. “It’s a widespread prob- stands that losses for the year McGovern. “That’s something Magnificent, Paul Daniels… the Sceptre and Wand Committee The Pav’s boss, Mr John ed in the refurbishment, business lem. You can get a can of Bavaria ended September 2005 were over that we’ll be looking into a bit world’s most incredible magi- which was set up to oversee ‘the Murphy was not worried by the has been very good. Our food up the road in Spar for €1.25 or €100,000. more in the coming months.” cians have a new addition to their difficult period of changeover’ ranks – Students’ Union and to enforce the carrying of the President John Mannion and his items had a record 23 nomina- four sabbatical colleagues. tions for the 5 positions. Trinity under scrutiny for Health charges A motion passed The motion did not almost unanimously at SU define exactly what constitutes a Continued fromPage 1 registration whose funding has Council last week has mandated wand or sceptre – thus whilst increased substantially. ing costs of local visits which can the SU Officers to carry either a Education Officer Dónal selling masters degrees Currently the health clin- range between €50 and €55. In wand or sceptre in their day to McCormack was presented with ic generates approximately half of clarified. “The College has to tion, the necessary qualifications addition, the College GPs are day duties. As the proposer of the a glittery, feathery wand by its income through staff visits and Jonathan Drennan explain this process or else we for the award of an Oxford MA are experiencing an inappropriate use motion, SF Computer Science friends when the motion passed, international students. The remain- should just give it up,” he said. widely known by employers and of the emergency time slots. class rep Neil McGough SU President John Mannion ing balance is raised from college Trinity College has been attacked “We need a convincing statement, there is no attempt to misrepresent Dr Thomas is adamant explained, “Dealing with College seemed content to use his hurl as funding. The service received a by for selling Master of we can't be having damaging pub- the level of study required.” that with the introduction of the is difficult enough – think what a sceptre, whilst Deputy paltry increase of just €2000 in Arts (MA) degrees to graduates. licity, we’ve got to be credible with The accusations leveled €10 fee in October, the health our Officers could do if they had President Tom Dillon claimed to college funding last year and with The party’s education spokes- the Irish public.” at Trinity were sparked by last service will improve. Evening clin- magic.” possess a wand ‘in his pants..’ medical inflation of 9% per woman Olwyn Enright last week In spite of Ms Enright’s month’s revelation that top govern- ics will be introduced and a new Only a handful of reps annum, the clinic finds itself described the ancient policy of and Dr Morgan’s calls, Trinity ment science advisor ‘Dr’ Barry permanent GP will be added to the unable to cover current expenses. selling masters degrees as “highly College believes that most people McSweeney purchased an unac- team, he said. Students in posses- The Health Service is questionable.” Ms Enright a UCD in Ireland and in fact Britain are credited doctoral qualification sion of a medical card or a Christine Bohan, Úna Faulkner and Bernie currently in pursuit of an extra graduate, accused Trinity of giving able to differentiate between a gen- from Pacific Western University in European health card will be Reeves €75,000 from College authorities its graduates an unfair advantage in uine masters degree and a Trinity the United States. exempt from the fees. The current which will cover existing costs and the international workplace ahead MA. The College has never regard Trinity is unique in additional charge of €10 for blood the employment of a part-time GP, of other students, as employers are the degree as a proper post gradu- Ireland as the only University to tests will be abolished and will be from January to May. Some Might Say generally ignorant about the prac- ate degree, rather “an indication of award a M.A degree after pay- included in the €10 fee. Dr When informed of the tice. maturity” after the prescribed ment, in most universities the Thomas said that without student planned charges by Trinity News, Bachelors of the univer- course of study it is. It is a histori- degree is awarded after a pre- charges, the health service would Compiled by John Lavelle Students’ Union Welfare Officer sity with at least three years stand- cal part of Trinity life that also scribed course of study for at least be forced to eliminate the sexual Stephanie O’Brien said that the SU ing can proceed to the degree of extends to Oxford and Cambridge two years. A spokeswoman for health clinic and the psychiatric “would not not oppose the Master in Arts - the fee for the MA universities. University College Dublin said the service. “Yeah, it’s basically because we’re all riddled.” charges” as the health service was is €498 and no extra period of Oxford University, in a university was “not currently The health service UCDSU Employment and Accomodation Officer Shaun Smyth already underfunded and strug- study is nacessary. Dr Gerald statement to Trinity News, said that engaging in a scheme like that in received virtually no increase in explains why 82% of UCD students have been tested for STDs gling to cope with demand. The Morgan, a fellow of the College employers were aware of the Trinity, nor are we likely to do so funding over the past few years in according to a survey in the UCD College Tribune SU has bitterly opposed health has called for the process to be degree. “This is a historical tradi- in the future.” contrast to areas such as exams and charges in previous years. “I wouldn’t have any preference between or .” Tanaiste Mary Harney makes headlines with comments ‘Fees will not return’, about a Fine Gael-PD coalition in Trinity ten days ago

“My wand is in my pants.” Harney tells students Students’ Union Deputy President Tom Dillon after a motion at SU Council waspassed mandating officers to Fox Alexander said. The for- carry a wand or a sceptre The Tánaiste added that mer Minister for The Tánaiste, Mary Harney has getting rid of fees “was the wrong Education, Noel told Trinity students that third level thing to do” and said that if she had Dempsey attempt- tuition fees will not return if the been in cabinet at the time she ed to reintroduce are still in would have opposed the policy. third level fees for The Numbers Game government after the next general But she explained that, “People students from high election. The highly significant have now made plans based on income families remarks come after an influential current circumstances and it would last year but the Compiled by John Lavelle new report urged the government be unfair to change that on them.” initiative was to bring back university charges. The Tánaiste’s com- scuppered by Speaking at an event ments come just two days after a opposition from 6.6 The percentage of first year Trinity students who organised by the Trinity Young prominent government think-tank, within the govern- attended the Institute of Education on Leeson Street last Progressive Democrats in the the National Competitiveness ment. Now, the GMB on Thursday, November 24, Council, recommended the reintro- NCC report has year Harney said that she would not duction of limited charges for third prompted specula- allow fees to return if the PDs were level education. The NCC’s report tion about a freshThe Tanaiste in the GMB with Trinity Young PD members re-elected in 2006. She said that highlighted the massive financial move to bring back university she has been unwilling to give any Mrs Harney also 4,150 The number of virgins in UCD, according to a reintroducing fees would be “a ret- deficit facing Irish education and charges after the next election. further commitments. addressed a number of other areas The has during her speech to students. She survey in the UCD College Tribune rograde step”. said that students should make Significantly, the current But the Tánaiste also some contribution towards the cost Minister for Education, Mary since followed the Tánaiste’s lead, talked at length about problems in acknowledged that the initial abo- of university. It suggests “a low Hanafin is staying silent on the telling Trinity News that “there will the Irish health service, describing be no return of fees after the next the limit on doctor training places The average monthly rent of Trinity students lition of third level fees in 1995 level of fees for students in the issue and refusing to say whether 449 had failed in some of its aims. “It’s early years of tertiary education, or not the NCC report has altered election if Labour is in govern- as ‘crazy’. The Tánaiste’s com- according to the TN Student Finance Survey not a progressive system and it followed by higher fees as students her stance on fees. Hanafin said ment.” None of the other main ments about a potential PD-Fine hasn’t done much to help access enter postgraduate, professional or eight months ago that fees were political parties could be reached Gael coalition caused a stir in the for disadvantaged students,” she other advanced courses.” “off the agenda”, but since then for comment. national media. 4 News Feature Editor: Gearóid O’ Rourke Tuesday November 15th, 2005 NEWS FEATURE Trinity News So easy to look at, USI:So hard to define. posed changes to the USI constitu- designed to ensure that SU’s and Despite the recent controversy surrounding the USI most ordinary students remain ignorant of tion. students have constant input into what exactly USI is, does, and how it has progressed since its foundation in 1959. Thus Trinity National Council is the running of the USI. However USI’s main executive body consist- due to recent events their effective- News reporter Michael Ronson sets out to cut through the constitutional red tape and remove ing of representatives from each ness has been called into question SU as well as USI full time and part by some quarters. A;so some ele- the smoke and mirrors to answer what exactly is the USI. time officers. It is convened at least ments of this structure have been four times a year. earmarked for changein the consti- It is an oft quoted phrase that you opened membership to non-univer- organise students in Northern tutional review process. cant know where your going until sity students and after a short peri- Ireland,. Whilst the 70's saw a peri- Positions on the USI Officer Board: The USI constitution is you acknowledge where you have od of twin operations the ISA dis- od of steady growth in student President: Tony McDonnell -Exactly 50% of the Board positions often mentioned in relation to the come from.Therefore one cannot banded in 1961. The USI became numbers and finance, the structure Deputy President: Vacant are now vacant following the resig- current difficulties facing the talk about what the USI is without the sole outlet for student opiion in of education remained the same. nations of Daithí Mac Sithigh and organization. It has been a major Education Officer: Vacant bone of contention in recent times looking at it’s history. In the case of Ireland. The 80s saw a number of Ruth Ní Eidhin both former Trinty the USI this means reflecting on a The sixties saw demon- key achievements for USI which Welfare Officer: Tom Lowth with many bloody battle fought in very checkured history containing strations against Vietnam organised are still remebered with an air of Equality Officer: Vacant SU sabatical officers. its name. Trinity College SU has many controversies some of which in local colleges as well as massive nostalgia today. Most notable was LGBTRights Officer: Charlie Atkinson been quite closely involved with have threatened the organisation student agitation on education. the abolition of tuition fees for Disabilities Rights Officer: Vacant - While on the USI Board Ruth and these constitutional debates, some of which have highlighted clear itself. These culminated in the spring of undergraduate students. This was Postgrad Officer: Vacant Daithí made up a three strong USI was established in 1969 with mass sit-ins in UCD and the result of years of campaigning divides within USI and within 1959 following a number of col- other colleges. USI meanwhile was and lobbying work not only by the Environmental Awareness Offcr:Vacant Trinity contingent which also includ- Trinity SU. The need for constitu- leges’ dissatisfaction with its pred- recognised by the Department of USI but alos by other interested Irish Language Officer: Aoibheann Fearon ed WElfare Officer Tom Lowth. tional change came about because ecessor, The Irish Students Education as the national body for groups in the field of education. as President Tony McDonnell put it Association. A situation close to students. USI was seen as intru- USI also gained representation on -All the members of the board of “over the past number of years USI Campaigns Officers: has lost influence and membership, what is currently occurring. The mental in the establishment of the the Higher Education Authority USI present at the last congress move to a ‘Union’ type organisa- Higher Education Grants Scheme and won tax incentives for the pro- Eastern Area: Colm Doyle and has been accused, rightly or tion was linked was of its time and gaining student representation vision of student accommodation. Northern Area: Damien Kavanagh walked out during Mr McDonnell’s wrongly, of ineffective representa- tHe eighties also saw more exam- Western Area: Roma Touhy closing remarks. tion and financial ineptitude. ples of the type of internal wran- Southern Area: Vacant It was felt that an over- gling that has plagued the organisa- haul of the constitution of the USI that governs how it operates as a tion from its birth. leges of Further Education in the USI’s supreme decision-making Regional Conferences representative body, would help The early nineties saw South for the first time. body, which takes place over a 3-4 are held for the main purpose of address these issues. To that end a USI leading the fight for the free Since then the USI has day period around Easter. All affil- electing the regional officer for the Constitutional Review Group was availability of Abortion been shaken by finacial controver- iated SU’s send a number of dele- region. The regions are established last August that Information. Although the union sies and the constant threat of gates each to attend. The number of autonomous and discuss and debate received submissions from the lost the case brought against member disaffiliation. In 2003 delegates each SU is allowed policy for the region to co-ordinate affiliate SU’s and held public meet- Stephen Grogan (president of USI UCDSU held a referendum to leave depends on the number of students and direct the work of the officer. ings. 89-90) by SPUC, USI nevertheless USI, however it was defeated by a at their college. All student unions There are also four stand- It presented twenty-one won the battle for the introduction large majority. Whether a similar can submit motions and amend- ing conferences held each year pages of proposed changes for rati- of abortion information in Ireland. referendum is in store in the com- ments for Congress, It also elects with the purpose of electing the fication at the Special Congress In 1999 after another ing months remains to be seen. the president, deputy president, part-time officers and to discuss held on the 26th of November. year of internal crisis USI under- While the history of the welfare officer, education officer and formulate policy for their These included a completely new took a Strategic Review. This in a organisation may be convoluted, its and equality officer. respective areas. The four confer- section relating to finance and a way is similar to the situation aris- structure is relatively simple. USI Most delegations are ences are: the Irish language con- restructuring of the USI Board. ing this year with the is an umbrella body, which repre- mandated to vote in a particular ference; the disability rights con- These motions were supported and Constitutional Review Body. sents the majority of college stu- manner by their respective SU’s. It ference; the environmental aware- opposed in varying degrees by the while the newly formed USI on the college boards of TCD During the early nineties Trinty dents in the country. It is made up was at a Special Congress that the ness conference and the lesbian, affiliate SU’s. TCDSU mandated opposed mass emigration, and (April 1969) and UCD. also briefly disafilliated from USI of affiliated Student Unions (SU's), latest controversy occurred. gay, bi-sexual and transgender the position of its delegation at SU believed that young people had a In 1972 the National only to rejoin a few years later.. which represent the students in However this congress differed (LGBT) conference. Council on November 14th. role to play in the education system Union of Students (UK) and USI Around this tiem USI began to their respective colleges. from others in that it was convened This structure was and in society in general. USI soon negotiated a protocol to jointly organise students in PLC’s and col- Annual Congress is specifically to deal with the pro- ‘A Chathaoirleach, members of the house...’ “I wish to salute their outstanding and valuable work which they are Association, Member of the colourful political activists. Senator Norris is one of among the other Irish universities carrying out and have carried out over many years. ...in practice the Government Committee to estab- Formerly described by a leading the most active senators in the and copper fastening for all time university representatives in the Seanad have contributed out of all lish a Sexual Assault Unit and broadcaster as “verbose and Seanad and lists among the major academic freedom and independ- Chairperson of the Fund-raising pompous” Senator Norris holds amendments he has achieved the ence, something perhaps that many proportion.” Senator Donie Cassidy during the Statements on the 7th Committee of the Rape Crisis both a gold and silver medal for amendments to the Transport Trinity Students were not aware of Progress Report on the Parliament on Thursday 18th April 2002. Centre. excellence in public speaking (Railway Infrastructure) Bill 2002, Last but not least is As can be seen through- award by the Phil. Both medals are the Sustainable Energy Bill 2001 Independent TCD Senator Shane out her career a focus on the prob- elusive and historically have only (two amendments accepted), 8 Ross, who was elected 2005 lems facing women in society has been awarded to speakers of the amendments to the Planning and 'Senator of the Year' by a jury of been very much to the fore. This highest degree. Development Bill, 1 amendment to journalists and political experts at focus has continued in her role as a Senator Norris was also a the Architectural Heritage Bill and Magill magazine's Politician of the Senator to degree that she was Senior Lecturer in the English in the last few weeks no less than Year Awards. Extremely well invited recently by Mrs. Laura Department in Trinity and also a 12 amendments accepted in princi- regarded by all in the political Bush to attend the International College Tutor between 1968-1996. ple by the Minister in the sphere Senator Ross epitomizes the Women's Forum in Washington and legacy of previous Trinity Senators. was also given the opportunity to Senator Ross is another Graduate speak at a Capitol Hill Round Table of the college receiving a BA in meeting. History and Political Science after However not all her entering the college as an views on these women’s issues are Exhibitioner in the Classics from widely supported. In a letter to the the University of Geneva. Senator editor of at the time Ross is possibly the most active of of the most recent Abortion refer- the Trinity Senators in the business endum she stated “To my certain world. He holds several very high Education, Agriculture, Labour, effectively with their duties as knowledge no doctor in Ireland has profile positions including the Gearoid O’ Rourke Industry and Commerce and Public Senators and legislators. used the risk of suicide as a reason Directorship of Barings New Administration; Six elected by the Representing Trinity are In Irish democracy Trinity College for carrying out an abortion since Russia Trust, the Chairmanship of graduates of two universities: - three senators who carry out much holds a privileged position having the X case, nine years ago. Why Close Brs. FTSE 100 fund and is three each by the National valuable work and campaigning on three Senators representing it in the should we start now [changing leg- Deputy Chair of the Scottish Value University of Ireland and the behalf of all the citizens of Ireland. Seanad, while all other universities islation], when following the Trust Fund. University of Dublin (Trinity They and their predecessors are combined only have a total of Government's instruction to send In the past he was also College). well respected by representatives three. This position harks back to such women to England is tradi- the chairman of Dillon and The Seanad normally across the political spectrum - a an era when Trinity College had tional and much less troublesome?” Waldron stockbrokers as well as meets on Wednesdays and fact that has no doubt helped representatives in the British gov- Despite the time taken up chairman of the Kleinworth Thursdays and its main business is Trinity retain its disproportionate ernmental systems in Westminster. with her duties as a Senator Dr European Privitisation Trust. His the revising of legislation sent to it amount of seats in the Seanad. In this sense the political represen- Henry has also found time to pub- interest in business affairs is further by the Dáil. However, in recent Currently Senator Mary tation of Trinity pre-dates even the lish 106 journal and newspaper reinforced by his position as former years the Government has made Henry MD, Senator David Norris Irish state itself. Trinity graduates articles in the last five years. She is Irish Times Stock Exchange greater use of the Seanad to initiate and Senator represent are closer to the action so to speak also involved in a number of other Correspondent and his current sometimes-controversial legisla- Trinity. All are independent sena- than any other in the country. high profile organizations includ- position as Business Editor for the tion. The Seanad can initiate and tors not affiliated to any particular However in this country little ing the National Economic and Sunday independent. A lesser- revise legislation but under the political party. seems to be commonly known Social Forum, the Forum for Peace known journalistic accolade is that Constitution its legislative role is Senator is about the Seanad itself so a little and Reconciliation and of course he was also editor of Trinity’s own restricted in that it cannot initiate in everyway a Trinity Senator hav- clarification is needed. the Trinity College Dublin Miscellany during his time in financial legislation. In addition to ing worked her way up through the The existence of the Association and Trust. Trinity. its legislative role, the Seanad also college as a student picking up no Seanad serves as a check upon the Senator David Norris is Politically speaking debates important issues. Indeed, less than fifteen different prizes and legislative powers of the Dail by general agreement a Dublin He has also broadcast and pub- Competition Bill. Senator Ross spent his apprentice- as the Government is constitution- distinctions along the way. She ulti- ensuring no bill can be enacted too institution. Known as much for his lished internationally on a variety Senator Norris has also ship in Wicklow County Council ally responsible to the Dáil, the mately graduated in 1968 with a quickly without proper debate. A campaigns on behalf of Georgian of literary, sociological and legal been very proactive in getting learning the dos and don’ts of local Seanad can theoretically debate B.A. in English and History of General Election to the Seanad Dublin’s fine buildings as for his topics and has lectured at interna- involved with any legislation that politics before graduating to the these issues with greater freedom Medicine, an MB, MA and MD. must be held within ninety days of work for gay rights in Ireland he is tional scholarly gatherings in may affect Trinity College. Most ‘big league’ so to speak. As a sena- and candor because the fate of a Since then she has held several sig- the dissolution of the Dáil. It is probably the most high profile of Europe, The Middle East and North recently he was instrumental in res- tor he is involved in various com- Government will not be at stake. nificant and influential positions composed of 60 Members as fol- the three Trinity senators. America as well as Ireland. He has cuing the Trinity Bill from serious mittees including the British-Irish Senators are provided by law with including Consultant at the lows: 11 nominated by the Graduating from Trinity as a foun- a well-documented passion for the technical difficulties in which it Parliamentary Body, the a range of entitlements (e.g. secre- Varicose Vein and Taoiseach; 43 elected by five pan- dation scholar in English Literature work of James Joyce and was the landed in the Oireachtas. This Bill Joint Committee on Transport and tarial assistance, mileage, subsis- Thromboembolic Clinics in the els representing vocational inter- and Language he soon went on t organizer of the Joyce Centenary was a very significant privilege for the Oireachtas Committee on tence, postal and telephone Rotunda Hospital and Adelaide ests namely, Culture and become one of the countries most Celebrations in Dublin. Trinity giving it exceptional status Enterprise and Small Business. allowances) to help them to deal Hospital, President of The Irish

6 Tuesday December 6th, 2005 National News Editor: Anne-Marie Ryan NATIONAL NEWS Trinity News News in Brief USI in turmoil: mass disaffiliation threatened Continued from Front “non student” issues that were seen MacSíthigh and Ní Eidhin organisation. When contacted, he split from USI. However, as being outside the remit of the announced their resignation from said, “I don’t know what this story Education Officer Donal One-fifth of UCD stu- Page organisation. UCD and other dele- their USI positions. In a direct is about. I definitely feel I had a McCormack is believed to be sym- them University College Dublin gations had tried to block the attack on Mr McDonnell, Mr very strong working relationship pathetic to Ní Eidhin and and University College Cork. change on the grounds that it was MacSíthigh told Trinity News that with the two of them and we’ve all MacSíthigh. A working group has dents are virgins Trinity College Students’ Union “undemocratic”. the incident at the special congress done a lot of good work this year.” been appointed to consider has set up a working group to con- Speaking in favour of the was the straw that broke the He added, “They haven’t even TCDSU’s support for USI and a A survey of UCD students’ atti- one. sider the possibility of disaffiliat- motion after an impassioned camel’s back. He said that he made any formal communication disaffiliation referendum could be tudes to sex, drugs, alcohol and Although 47% of the ing. debate, USI President Tony believed USI to be “an amateur with me about resigning.” put to students in February depend- politics has found that 74% of student populous expressed their The unrest at USI head- McDonnell said he was “tired of organisation.” Expressing his Ms Ní Eidhin could not ing on the group’s findings. undergrads at the Belfield campus disappointment with the govern- quarters has been a long running careerist hacks” who were using regret about his year at Grattan St, be reached for comment on the The loudest calls for a do not need alcohol to have a good ment, Fianna Fáil were still by far saga, with tension coming to a head the USI for their own political MacSíthigh said “I’m now clearing issue, but it is believed that she split from USI are coming from time and 20% have not yet had sex. the most popular political party, at an emergency constitutional agendas. The comments were my desk, I have a mixture of rea- shared Mr MacSíthigh’s reserva- University College Dublin and The survey was carried out by the with 38% admitting to identifying review congress held at Goldsmith reportedly aimed at Mr MacSithigh sons for departing. I found the tions about the internal workings of UCDSU Education Officer Jane UCD College Tribune among 300 with them more than any other Hall in Trinity on November 26. and some of the UCD delegates organisation wasn’t supportive of USI. The double resignation leaves Horgan-Jones has already undergraduate students in all facul- party. The Greens and Labour had The controversy kicked off during who had opposed the change. The me and I didn’t have a working half of the ten positions on the USI described the organisation as ties. 21% and 17% of support respec- a debate on a contentious amend- speech was greeted with loud relationship with Tony McDonnell. board vacant. “dead”. In an article published on While a majority did not tively, with the largest opposition ment to the USI constitution, applause by most of the delegates. We had different views and this The USI constitutional the Indymedia website last week, think alcohol was necessary for a party Fine Gael claiming only requiring that motions at USI con- Subsequently, a UCD representa- conference really was the icing on review debacle and the resignation Horgan-Jones said, “USI is no good night out, only 7% of stu- 15% of support. gress not “directly relating to stu- tive was ejected from the congress the cake for me.” have also led to disagreements longer that national union we all dents do not drink at all and 43% of Student apathy regard- dents” must receive a 2/3 +1 major- by Trinity security guards after he Incredibly, Mr among TCDSU officers. The envisage. It has not been that those who do take alcohol admitted ing national politics is quite high, ity as opposed to the normal 50% staged a “silent protest”, by direct- McDonnell, a former president of President John Mannion and a national union for quite some time, to binge drinking. 59% admitted to with ‘don’t knows’ as high as 32% +1 vote for approval. The reform ing a placard saying “careerist liar” NUI Galway Students’ Union number of the other officers are and it will not be again … USI is having tried cannabis, while only with regard to satisfaction with the had been proposed in an attempt to at McDonnell. claims he was unaware of the resig- said to support Tony McDonnell dead. Long live the student move- 14% have taken cocaine. Of the government. As many as 29% of cut back on USI involvement in The following day, nations or any problems within the and are eager that Trinity does not ment.” students survey 8% have had more students were unable to provide an than ten sexual partners, while a opinion as to whether the actions majority of 42% have had only of the Rossport Five were justified UL students express Online ‘universities’ threaten fears over safety credibility of Irish institutions Students at the University of on campus after dark. Protestors Limerick (UL) organised a protest were demanding more CCTV have any academic standing. nesses in Ireland, but none are has affected other academic insti- provide a dynamic focus for post- recently demanding increased cameras and an increased physical William Aherne Recent reports in the national recognised by either the Irish or tutions in the Europe and America. graduate teaching and research in security on campus from college security presence for the media have identified three such British government. Some of these College authorites their have the field of European Studies”. The authorites. Casteltroy campus. The integrity of qualifications universities: the Dublin online ‘universites’ claim to be expressed anger that bogus degrees DEI offers academic qualifications The protest, organised by The demonstration in offered by Irish universities is Metropolitan University, Irish affiliated with academic universi- from online institutions which such as Master of Economic Amnesty International, followed UL follows similar anxieties in under threat by the development of International Universities of ties in Ireland. claim to be affiliated with UCD Science Degree in European three attempted sexual assaults on Tralee Institute of Technology bogus college degrees being sold Europa and the European University College could damage the university’s Economic and Public Affairs college grounds earlier this year. A over sexual assaults near the cam- to unsuspecting students on the University of Ireland. All of these Dublin (UCD) has been one of the international standing in the aca- (MEconSc), Master of Arts Degree spokesperson for the group said pus. internet, many of which do not universities are registered as busi- latest victims of this scandal which demic community. Legal represen- in European Studies (MA) and that UL students no longer feel safe tatives for UCD have instructed Doctor of Philosophy. the alleged universities to discon- The Malaysian based tinue the use of UCD as an associ- IIUE states on its website that it “is UCC reprimanded ated college. a corporation validly incorporated Unfortunately there is and registered in the Republic of little more that can be done under Ireland to act as a private non-state for increasing debt international law in Ireland to tack- recognized higher education insti- University College Cork President reduced in the coming years and le this growing problem, as most of tution. The Minister for Education Gerry Wrixon was brought before complained that the debt incurred the accused universities are based of Isle of Man government granted the Dáil Public Accounts commit- was a result of government under- in foreign countries outside the the approval for University title in tee last Thursday to defend his uni- funding of third level. The univer- jurisdiction of Irish law, such as the corporation. All the profession- versity’s mounting debt. In the sity was reprimanded for purchas- Malaysia. al programmes have been bench- space of three years, UCC’s debt ing six acres in Cork city centre Another offending uni- marked by the independent QAC- has doubled, reaching just under without permission from the versity is the Irish International UK which ensures that the pro- €50m. Wrixon assured the com- Higher Education Authority. University of Europa (IIUE), grammes achieve the minimum mittee that the debt would be which operates the Dublin required professional standard”. European Institute (DEI). This claim by the IIUE is According to the DEI completely refuted by the Irish UCD Editor criticises Academic Director, the DEI was government. The virtual campus of the Irish International University “established at UCD in 1999 to communications fail- ure in Belfield 2006 Budget will not deliver A recent editorial in The University their intention to modularise and Observer, one of the student news- semesterise all stages of degree papers in UCD has criticised the programmes from September lack of communication between 2006 in a letter inserted into the college authorities and students UCD Student Guide. This which has developed under the announcement was made without for third level students tenure of the college’s controver- any consultation with UCD sial president Dr Hugh Brady. In a Students’ Union. in expenditure on dedicated promises but failing to back them advantaged backgrounds”. The The report recommended that strongly worded piece entitled ‘At Ms Nic Mhathúna was Catherine Shanahan Research and Development fund- up with investment. “This organisation has called on mem- €1.9bn be spent over the next ten the Semester’s End’, editor Sorcha also critical of college authorities’ ing. Government is fond of making bers to join a lobby of the Dáil years to meet infrastructural needs, Nic Mhathúna commented how failure to acknowledge the con- Disappointment has been The Union of Students grandiose promises but when the tomorrow for improved funding in as well as an additional €90m over “dialogue between the college cerns of the university’s staff and expressed by organisations Ireland (USI) have reacted angrily time comes to back them up with this area. the same period for minor infra- authorities and both staff and stu- their unions, following recent staff involved in third level education to the estimates, claiming that they investment they fail to deliver. The An OECD report last structural needs. Controversially, dent representatives has sunk to protests against the perceived pri- following the publication of budget offer little hope for the third-level estimates for 2006 do nothing to year on third level education in the report also proposed the rein- new lows”. vatisation agenda of senior figures estimates, which suggest that sector, which is struggling to bal- fulfil previous assurances that they Ireland found that while Ireland troduction of third level fees in She described how UCD within UCD. spending in higher education will ance its books while students con- are committed to delivering a third- was the fourth richest out of twen- order to meet the day-to-day spend- governing authorities announced increase by only €80m in this tinue to suffer as a consequence of level education system that can ty-six countries surveyed, it came ing requirements of third level year’s budget, due to be announced inadequate investment in tertiary compete on the international stage, second last for funding education. institutions. DCU marks its 25th tomorrow (Wednesday) by education. or even deliver an barely adequate Minister for Finance Mr. Brian Ahead of tomorrow’s system”, he said. Cowen. budget, the organisation launched O’Donnell also criticised anniversary Expenditure at third level a report entitled ‘An Agenda for the government’s failure to reform is set to increase by 7%, compared Education in 2006’ calling on the grants scheme, provide support Dublin City University (DCU) is A series of events with an overall increase in educa- Minister Hanafin to seek additional services for the retention of stu- celebrating a quarter of a century in marked the anniversary recently, tion spending of 9%. The main funds for students and institutions. dents at third level or improve existence. On 11th November with a range of events held by beneficiary of education spending The USI's proposals include the dilapidated buildings. 1980, 190 students enrolled at the DCU student clubs and societies will be primary schools, where expansion of options for part-time The Teachers Union of National Institute of Higher involving a fashion show, martial positions for 500 extra teachers are study, reform of the maintenance Ireland (TUI) also described the Education, Dublin on the campus arts exhibition a snow boarding to be provided over the next two grant system, capital investment in Budget Estimates as “extremely that was to become Dublin City demonstration and music all day. years to reduce class size and tack- third level facilities, support for disappointing” and were particular- University. There are currently Events culminated with a party in le disadvantage. migrant workers and immigrants ly annoyed at the fact that no 10,000 undergraduate and 700 the Helix attended by staff and stu- Total spending on uni- within higher education, and a real- money has been put aside for the postgraduate students enrolled in dents. versities and institutes of technolo- istic level of day-to-day funding for implementation of the McIver the university. gy has reached €1.2bn represent- universities and colleges across Report on Further Education. TUI ing just of an overall education Ireland. president Mr. Paddy Healy budget of €7.2bn. USI President Tony described this ommission as a Compiled by Anne-Marie Ryan Minister for Education O’Donnell criticised the “betrayal of the students of this and Science Ms. has Government for making grandiose sector, many of whom are from dis- Cowen’s budget set to disappoint third level also announced an increase of 17% Board students: message board chat from around the country

Early Medieval World exam very protest suggested, and have also deleted . Another student sought to Dublin. Other users were a little with one student admitting to hav- WITSU-sponsored Land Rover Anne-Marie Ryan easy, with the paper requiring stu- been debating which students or advice on whether it was safe to more cheerful however, with one ing lifted as many as twelve pint jeep he has been driving around The traditional end of dents to write only one essay. lecturers they would include in sleep in his car in the multi-storey contributor finding what she glasses and four shot glasses from campus.Users bemoaned the fact term dilemma of parties versus Meanwhile, UL students their top ten. car park following a night out in termed the ‘diversity’ great, with establishments in Galway city. that is is difficult enought to find exam study has been the main pre- have been excitedly anticipating A contributor to the DCU order to save on taxi money. the opportunity of enjoying the Another contributor found that the parking on campus without com- occupation of students around the their ‘Christmas Daze’ event, message board was keen to assure Potential freshers were spectacle of people from Cork and safest strategy for removing a peting with the SU for it. country in recent weeks. which takes place in the Stables bar prospective students that the uni- also seeking advice from the under- Monaghan trying to communicate glasses from a club was to put Meanwhile, the students of Carlow Semesterisation has on campus and has been extended versity is ‘neither boring nor lacks grads of NUI Maynooth on how with each other. them down your trousers. IT are bemoaning the closure of meant Christmas exams for a to three days this year. Other users a social life’. He proceeded to warn they found their university. One Students in NUI Galway Contributors to the their stationery shop and wonder- greater number of students at UCD, have been preoccupied with ‘CAO newlings’ against asking pessimistic student claimed that the were carrying out an inventory on Waterford IT message board have ing why they don’t have a dedicat- and on Friday first year history stu- whether UL campus really is as whether DCU was a fun college or only good thing about Maynooth how many glasses they have stolen been discussing whether their SU ed Christmas Day like the students dents admitted to finding their dangerous after dark as the recent not on pain of having their thread was that it only costs €2 to go back from nightclubs so far this year, president is worthy of the new of Waterford IT. International Review Editor: Doaa Baker Tuesday December 6th, 2005 7 Trinity News INTERNATIONAL REVIEW Bahá’ís denied education asking if they could return the them were passed over in the a chance to enroll — and that it was Mark Costine writes about the continued denial education to those exam results with corrected infor- admission process, while many the Bahá’ís themselves who mation. A footnote in the letter con- lower-scoring Muslim students refused the opportunity. of the Bahá’í faith in the Islamic Republic of Iran veying examination results said were accepted. Yet the government, of that incorrect names and addresses In the end, out of solidar- course, has long been aware that Since 1979, the government of Iran a very simple mechanism to crimination against Bahá’í stu- Students were asked to take a reli- could and should be corrected and ity with the rest of the 800 students Bahá’ís cannot and will not as a has systematically sought to exclude Bahá’ís from higher edu- dents, and various governments gious sub-ject examination, how- returned. who had been unfairly discrimi- mat-ter of religious principle falsi- deprive its largest religious minori- cation: it has simply required that have pressed Iran to allow Bahá’ís ever. It came as part of the whole However, no mention nated against, those ten Bahá’ís fy or misrepresent their beliefs. ty of the right to a full education. everyone who takes the national back into university. range of subject tests relating to was made about cor-recting reli- declined to reg-ister in the universi- Without doubt, then, Iran’s actions Specifically, the Islamic Republic university entrance examina-tion Apparently in response to this pres- mathe-matics, language, history, gious information. Indeed, Bahá’ís ties to which they had been accept- amount to nothing less than gov- of Iran has for more than 25 years declare their religion. And appli- sure, the government officially and so on. The religion tests were were told by EMEO officials that ed. And so, for the school year ernment spon-sored policy aimed blocked the 300,000-member cants who indicate other than one announced in late 2003 that it offered in four subjects, Islam, “incorrect reli-gion would not be 2004-2005, Bahá’í young people at denying an entire genera-tion of Bahá’í community from higher of the four officially rec-ognized would drop the declaration of reli- Christi-anity, Judaism and corrected” on the forms since the were once again utterly deprived of Bahá’ís their right to higher educa- education, refusing young Bahá’ís religions in Iran — Islam, gious affilia-tion on the application Zoroastrianism, correspond-ing to Bahá’í Faith is not among the offi- access to higher education. tion. entry into university and college. Christianity, Judaism, and for the national university entrance the four recognized religions in cially recognised religions in Iran. The Iranian government 5Like young people The government has also sought to Zoroastrianism — are excluded. examination. Iran. Shortly after that meeting, Bahá’í has continued to pursue its strange everywhere, Bahá’í youth in Iran close down Bahá’í efforts to estab- In the late 1980s, Bahá’ís sought to This, Bahá’í youth Most Bahá’í students students wrote a letter of protest to game for the 2005–2006 school desperately desire the opportunities lish their own institutions of higher mitigate the effects of the ban by believed at the time, cleared the opted for the Islamic subject test the EMEO. The stu-dents year. By mid-August 2005, hun- and insights that come with higher learning. establishing their own institution of way for them to take the examina- since, as the majority religion, expressed, clearly, their objection dreds of Bahá’ís had received their education. This is especially so Shortly after the 1979 higher education. Known as the tion and to enroll in university in Islam is taught in all schools and to hav-ing been designated as university entrance examina-tion because the teachings of their faith Islamic revolution, large numbers Bahá’í Institute for Higher the autumn of 2004. most Bahá’ís accord-ingly have a Muslims after having been prom- results. And once again, the gov- stress the importance of knowledge of Bahá’í youth and children were Education (BIHE), the Institute The removal of the data solid familiarity with its teachings. ised that they would not have to ernment had falsely printed the and learning- and because those expelled from school. The expul- offered classes in private homes field asking for reli-gious affilia- In August, however, when the state their religion in order to take word “Islam” as the reli-gious same teachings also emphasise the sions were not systematic, focusing throughout the country, augmented tion was critical to Bahá’í youth examination results were mailed the entrance examination. identification for the Bahá’í stu- importance of contributing to soci- mainly on children who were most by a scat-tering of specialized who sought to enter university. The out, government authorities had At first, EMEO officials dents. ety at large. strongly identified as Bahá’ís, but classrooms, laboratories and government had always said that if printed the word “Islam” in a data seemed to sympathise with their For Bahá’ís, the entire Over the last 25 years, they ranged across the entire edu- libraries. At its peak, the Institute Bahá’ís simply declare them-selves field list-ing a prospective student’s problem, even allowing Bahá’ís to process is cynically cal-culated to the only source of protection and cation system, from primary, enrolled more than 900 students. as Muslims, they would be allowed religion. fill out revised registration forms accomplish a number of govern- encouragement for the Iranian through secondary, to the college- The Institute, however, to enroll. But for Bahá’ís, who as a When confronted by with no religious affiliation. ment objectives. First, it apparently Bahá’í community has been inter- level, where the ban was virtually was in large part shut down in 1998 matter of reli-gious principle refuse Bahá’ís, officials cyni-cally However, even though seeks to demoral-ize Iranian Bahá’í national concern, as expressed total. when agents of the government to lie or dissimulate about their explained they did that on the some 800 Bahá’í stu-dents who had youth in an effort to induce them to through the United Nations, by In the 1990s, partly in staged a series of raids, arresting at belief, even pretending to be a assumption that choosing to take passed their examinations also met leave the country. Second, it governments, and in the news response to interna-tional pressure, least 36 mem-bers of the BIHE’s Muslim for the sake of going to the subject test on Islam amounts to the new deadline for submission of allowed Iranian authorities to iden- media. primary and secondary school-chil- faculty and staff and confiscat-ing university was unthinkable. a de facto declaration of faith in the revised forms, only ten names tify by name those Bahá’ís with One can only hope that dren were allowed to re-enroll. much of its equipment and records. With the promise that Islam. were published in an EMEO bul- outstanding academic ability, who the students and academics of the However, the government has The raids on the Institute, religious affiliation would not mat- The government’s intentions letin on 12 September 2004 might at some point play a role in world will now follow suit in maintained the ban on the entry of however, drew con-siderable inter- ter, about 1,000 Bahá’ís according- were further revealed when a group announcing which students had helping to revive the Bahá’í com- protesting the blatantly unjust Bahá’í youth into public and pri- national attention to the govern- ly signed up for and took universi- of Bahá’í students com-plained to been admitted to university. munity’s fortunes. Third, it allowed oppression that continues to con- vate institu-tions of higher educa- ment’s oppressive policies. Human ty entrance exam-inations in 2004. officials at the national It’s worth noting also that many the Iranian government to say to front the young people of Iran’s tion. rights organs at the United Nations And, indeed, no field declaring Educational Measurement and Bahá’ís received high scores on the inter-national human rights moni- Bahá’í community. The government has used called for an end to reli-gious dis- religion was on the papers. Evaluation Organization (EMEO), examinations, and, in fact, many of tors that they had given the Bahá’ís Trouble with Coca- “Wipe Cola in India Israel out” Zoe Hughes the sale of Coca-Cola products growing movement to shut down Odhran Gavin like this country is throwing its from its cafeteria. the plant, which has been met with weight around and trying to be the In a country where over hostility and violence from armed biggest boy in the playground, not 70% of the population’s livelihood police and security guards. standing up for ‘freedom’. And Students might be more familiar is related to agriculture the result of Moreover, authorities have So Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, what does the world do? At the with the allegations of human Coca-Cola’s actions is disastrous. trumped up criminal charges President of Iran, thinks that Israel very extreme, sits back and says, rights abuses that face Coca-Cola Coca-Cola has destroyed thousands against some of the key figures of should be wiped off the map of the “Bad show,” when all they’re with regards their operations in of people’s livelihoods and contin- the struggle. world? Why is anyone surprised? thinking is, “Wish we could still do Columbia as opposed to India. The ues to adversely affect thousands Not surprisingly, Coca- Come on now, this is Iran we’re that.” The rest of the countries are situation in Columbia was the main more. The extent of the damage Cola has become concerned about talking about. Iran has never been all tripping over themselves to get focus of the last two referenda, the caused by exposure to pesticides their public image and has hired a exactly the friendliest with Israel. in on the war and get a slice of the aims of which were to have Coca- and toxic waste cannot yet be fully public relations firm, Perfect It’s not the first time its govern- lucrative pie. Cola banned and to keep it banned gauged as these are long-term Relations, to develop a new image ment has suggested it – the former On the other hand, we have a from the SU shops. Coca-Cola, problems. The people who are for them in India. They also intend President, Hashemi Rafsanjani, newly elected leader pandering to however, faces allegations and impacted mostly are those from to greatly increase the marketing suggested nuking Israel about four the crowd with populist statements trouble in India also. This is due to marginalised communities such as budget from next year. The Indcia years ago. This is the same at a conference entitled “The World their overexploitation and pollution low-income workers, landless agri- Resource Centre has dismissed this Rafsanjani that reinvented himself without Zionism.” Did they expect of water resources in communities cultural workers, indigenous peo- as an attempt to “spin” away the as a potential reformer last June him to be supportive of Israel’s in India. ples, Dalits (formerly untouch- actual issues at stake. They feel after his conservative Islamic right to exist? In all fairness, it’s no There are four main ables) and women. The irony is that the only way that Coca-Cola approach. And what did the world different from Fianna Fáil’s elec- accusations facing Coca-Cola bot- that the majority of the affected can redress their conduct is to do in reaction to his threat? Were toral promises that we will achieve tling plants. Firstly, that there are people are unable to afford Coca- admit to the severity of the prob- there official condemnations by the a united thirty-two county many communities across India Cola. lems they have caused, to find European Union? Did the US say Republic some day. Was it just me, that now face severe water short- There has been wide- ways to reverse the devastation, that there were ‘concerns’ about or did I miss the enormous hail- ages as a result of Coca-Cola’s spread action against Coca-Cola and to compensate those affected. the Iranian nuclear programme? storm of condemnation that show- extraction of water from the com- throughout India. In January 2004 Holding Coca-Cola Did Kofi Annan storm off in a fit of ered down on Bertie for wanting to mon groundwater resource. the World Social Forum in Bombay accountable for its abuses, as many pique and refuse to go visit achieve this? Were we put under Secondly, Coca-Cola has barred Coca-Cola products from its Indian communities are trying to Tehran? sanctions, or thrown out of the UN, been discharging waste from its refreshment stands. In Plachimada, do, would not be the first example Nope. They did nothing. for such a goal? No? Then why all bottling plants into surrounding Kerala local residents have been where they were made to make Absolutely nothing. No sanctions, the fuss over a leader who wants fields and even sometimes into keeping watch 24/7 on Coca-Cola’s amends. In 2003, Coca-Cola de no threats of expulsion, not even pretty much the same thing? He rivers (including the Ganges). This largest bottling plant in India. In Panama was fined US$300,000 for condemnation to the Security never said “Start a war,” although leads to pollution of the groundwa- March 2004 the government polluting the Matasnillo River in Council. it’s been in the bigger boys’ inter- ter as well as the soil. Public health ordered the plant to temporarily Panama. In June of this year the But of course, what are we to ests to make out that he did. Think authorities have warned against the shut down in order to ease drought University of Michigan placed expect from the international com- about it. If Palestine became a use of water in affected communi- conditions. The village council has Coca-Cola on probation until June munity? Now, they’re not the most country on the land that it was ties. since been refusing to reissue a 2006 for “the company’s egregious even-handed of people, with unim- made up of in 1948, there would be Thirdly, Coca-Cola has licence to Coca-Cola as they have actions in Colombia and India”. peachable standards fairly applied no Israel. It’d be wiped off the face been distributing their solid waste polluted the area and destroyed the This action came after the Dispute to all, are they? of the map. No war. as “fertiliser” to farmers living in water system. Also, following Review Board (an advisory body On the one hand, we have a state But, of course, everyone’s the communities of Plachimada protests at the end of 2004 the High set up by the university) completed that has been threatening a small favourite hegemon, the USA, and Mehdiganj. BBC conducted Court in the state of Rajasthan a 10 month investigation into number of countries it doesn’t like won’t take it that way. Bush and his tests which found high levels of ruled that soft drinks must state the Coca-Cola’s crimes in these coun- with war, claiming they have puppet-masters – sorry, advisors – lead and cadmium in the waste, level of pesticides on the product tries. The board found that Coca- nuclear weapons – which this war- have been itching for a chance to which means that the “fertiliser” label. Cola violated its Vendor Code of like country actually does – and take on Iran for ages, trying to stop was, effectively, toxic waste. In Mehdiganj, a village Conduct in light of the high pesti- that they cause terrorism. Don’t them having a nuclear programme Finally, tests conducted by a vari- about 20km from Varnanasi, the cide levels in its products in India know about you, but I’m fairly sure that they are legally allowed to, ety of agencies and the government water table has been declined and its labour practices in Coca-Cola: No regard for natural resources there haven’t been many attacks by because they claim that they’ll be of India have confirmed that Coca- between 25-40 feet in the last four Colombia. The board issued a North Korean terrorists in recent naughty and make bombs. And, as Cola products contain extremely years. Coca-Cola has also been notice to Coca-Cola stating that years. Not only that, but they’ve soon as they can, they’ll start high levels of pesticides, including discharging waste into the sur- they must agree to a third party, It is vital that Coca-Cola Coca-Cola is essential if this is to actually started a war with one of another war, and the world will DDT. The pesticide levels are rounding areas and into a canal that independent investigation into be held accountable for their happen, and the continued boy- those states, and guess what? No applaud them as heroes for saving sometimes found to be 30 times feeds into the Ganges. Here, how- these issues and that they must actions and that they cease causing cotting of Coca-Cola products is nuclear weapons, and since they’ve poor, little, defenceless Israel from higher than EU standards. The par- ever, local authorities have failed to implement a “corrective action devastation to Indian communities. key to this campaign. gone in there, there’s been MORE the evil menace of nasty ole’ Iran. liament of India has since banned take action. There has been a plan” by May 2006. The international campaign against terrorism, not less. To me, it sounds

Send any articles of international interest to [email protected] 8 Tuesday December 6th, 2005 Features Editor: Liz Johnson FEATURES Trinity News WRATH- IS Society Immune to Anger?

not surprisingly, this has significant cashier for not taking his coupon. expresses your feelings in a con- Sallyanne Sweeney expores anger effects on our health. Implosive is the cashier who structive rather than a destructive in its various forms, and how it has According to the remains quiet day after day and way. American Dr. Redford Williams, then finally shoots everyone in the Wrath, when justified affected society over the years anger not only increases the risk of store’. Both the outburst of anger and channeled in a positive way ‘Holding on to anger is like grasp- universal human compulsions that heart disease and cancer; high hos- and its repression have negative can bring about great social reform, ing a hot coal with the intent of can be troubling and highly enjoy- tility levels are also often an indica- consequences. Interestingly, the as shown in many civil rights throwing it at someone else; you able.’ tion of poor health habits such as management of anger is gendered. movements and protests across the are the one who gets burned’– According to MTV, no smoking, and excessive consump- Despite Euripides’ declaration that globe. Buddha. sin ‘is as evil as the killjoy attitude tion of both alcohol and food. ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman In 1965, Malcolm X, of those who think sin is an Excessive anger can also point to scorned’, women are in fact less self-described as ‘the angriest Wrath has bubbled under the sur- absolute standard that offends a deeper issues in a person’s life. hostile than men, but are more sus- black man in America’, argued, face of every society since even holy God.’ The programme inter- The effects of anger on ceptible to depression, often a sign ‘Usually when people are sad, they before the age of Buddha. One of viewed various celebrity figures of the body are immediate: an adrena- of suppressed rage. don't do anything. They just cry the most powerful and dangerous the day who had ‘insightful’ offer- “wrath will no doubt reaching a peak during the over their condition. But when they emotions, anger now seems to be ings into the deadly sins. On wrath, get angry, they bring about a an idiosyncratic feature of the 21st Rapper ‘Ice-T’ said ‘It's necessary, January sales as you battle it out for the last remain- change.’ By refusing to give up her century world. Western culture has you have to release this tension, ing item of clothing in your size” seat to a white man on an Alabama been argued to reflect a passion for because life brings tension. We bus in 1955, Rosa Parks showed sin, a hedonistic enjoyment of release our anger when we do line rush causes heart rate and Depending on one’s how in this increasingly indifferent being ‘bad’, which today has come records. When we did ‘Cop Killer’ blood pressure to increase and management of their anger, wrath and apathetic world, even small to be viewed as liberating oneself we were angry and the cops got body temperature rises. Health can have both negative and positive acts expressing anger and indigna- from social conformity. In today’s angry back.’ problems linked to unmanaged consequences. Uncontrolled anger tion at social injustice can have secular, MTV world, the Seven Anger in all its forms is anger include headache, insomnia, can cause physical and emotional revolutionary consequences. Deadly Sins are more readily asso- so deeply embedded in modern stroke and heart attack. And wrath damage to yourself and others. In the countdown to ciated with David Fincher’s 1995 society that we have become is on the increase in Ireland, if acts However, there are ways of learn- Christmas, and the season of good- film Se7en, or Magnum ice- almost immune to outbursts of of violence are anything to go by. ing to manage your anger, as will, wrath will no doubt be ubiqui- creams, than with the acts of evil rage. Besides its extreme manifes- Figures released by the Minister for detailed in the myriad of self-help tous in every high street shop, described in the Old Testament. tations such as war and terrorist Justice, Michael McDowell, show books and anger management web- reaching a peak during the January In 1993, MTV aired a attacks, wrath has infiltrated the that murder and manslaughter are sites. Frequent exercise, for exam- sales as you battle it out for the last programme called ‘Seven Deadly everyday life of rush-hour com- up 17% and shootings up 9% since ple, has been shown to greatly remaining item of clothing in your Sins: An MTV News Special muters, school children, and even September 2004. relieve stress and frustration, as has size. Venting your frustration, as Report’, which provoked outcry shoppers. In the ruthless world we According to Jack taking note of when and why you we have seen, is not always a bad from right-wing religious groups in live in, anger is almost impossible Nicholson’s character Dr. Buddy feel angry, so that you can under- thing. But while ‘managing your America who saw it as glorification to suppress when we are faced with Rydell in Anger Management stand and thus control your wrath. anger’ during your tantrum in of sin and evil. Kurt Loader, the queue skippers, bitchy shop assis- (2003), ‘there are two kinds of Psychologist Sandi Topshop, keep in mind the advice narrator, announced at the start of tants, Irish weather, parking tickets, angry people - explosive and Mann of the University of of Dr. Buddy Rydell: ‘Temper's the the program that the Seven Deadly pushy people, grossly inflated implosive. Explosive is the type of Lancashire argues that writing your one thing you can't get rid of, by Sins ‘are not evil acts, but rather prices, bus and train delays… and individual you see screaming at the feelings down, for example, losing it’. Diary of a BESS girl Ranting - It’s a Way of Life Our girl around the Arts Block tells us how it is... Hell hath no fury like a BESS girl I actually do think that in the Brown Thomas sale. It’s wrath (anger, whatever..) is quite Liz Johnson water boiling be? Someone turns a I get fined, it would probably work fish to fry. (I choose not to make fees until her grant came through, true. I’ve seen hearts, stilettos and deserving of its title is a deadly tap on and fills a big tank with out cheaper in the long run. reference to the guy who runs the but couldn’t claim her grant until even nails broken in the race to get sin- nobody likes a crosspatch. water. Then someone presses a I use water as an exam- OTHER paper) One gets the dis- she had registered. This farce went the last pair of size 6 shoes. And Anger is a negative emotion. In The annual rate of inflation in switch which boils said water. ple, but the fact remains that actu- tinct feeling of futility. There’s no on for a couple of days until she it’s not losing out to a fellow D4 fact, it takes far more muscles to Ireland fluctuates around the 2.4% (Note, this would have to be done ally, everything in college is over- point in complaining, because there finally hit the roof and told them to that makes me mad- I can handle frown than to smile, which is rea- mark. That’s not bad, and even if it anyway to boil the water for tea priced. I love the JCR and their is no-one who can actually do any- sort themselves out. that. It’s when you see a chavlette, son in itself to be a happy bunny. was, it’s the European Central and coffee.) The only other cost I happy cheerful cheapness, but they thing about it. There should be Anyway, that hasn’t real- head to toe in imitation Burberry Premature wrinkles, anyone? I Bank who controls it now. But if can think of is the price of those live very far away in Goldsmith. some sort of ombudsman to deal ly got much to do with my original and “claddih” rings etc, walking think not. inflation is less than 3%, why, then, silly little polystyrene cups we Why don’t we mobilise ourselves with the state of college food. At gripe. The fact remains that I come to the checkout with that 50% dis- Actually, if you ever does a cup of hot water from the have to use. and demand a JCR branch in the the moment, we get a survey at the into college every day and am count Armani dress that had ‘me feel like getting angry, you should Arts Block café cost 35c. In the College doesn’t like it Arts Block. The JCR give water END of the year, spend a while fill- forced to pay 35c for a pretty small at the BESS ball’ written all over stop and think. We rule the Arts three years I have been in college it when students get clever. The fact away for free. ing it in, and then come back in cup of hot water. And the fact it. It makes my expensively pedi- Block, our society has the best has increased from a relatively that we are resourceful and think There are a couple of rea- October to discover that nothing remains that because college have cured toes curl. party reputation and we’re in okay 10c to the ridiculous level it is ahead by bringing our own teabags sons why this probably won’t hap- has changed. no effective complaints system in I think they do it on pur- prime position for husband pick- today. That’s a price hike of 350%. really irritates them. Instead of pen. One, we really have no-one to Reason two is that col- place, I fully expect to be paying pose just to piss us off. They don’t ing from the BE$$ boys and rugby And I for one am not happy about thinking of ways that they could complain about food to. Yes, yes, lege doesn’t actually care. They are around 50c next year. College even appreciate the bargain team (if you fail at that- and you it. improve the (pretty dire) coffee the SU Officers are always ready to a business, and they love making catering should be run by students they’re getting. (I mean, they’re shouldn’t- we have the advantage I do BESS. I do econom- shop facilities so that we would listen, but which one deals with money from us poor students in for students, and should stop rip- only ever in BTs when the sale is of being basically employable by ics. And yet I just cannot get my want to buy tea or coffee there, College catering? Niall Hughes is order to fund their ridiculous ping us off. It’s not fair, and I’m on.) It’s hardly as if they’re going anyone) and we are an inspiration head around how these people get they just get nasty, and charge us more concerned with beverages of bureaucratic admin staff. All these sick of it. There, rant over. to have any opportunity to wear a to those less fortunate students on away with ripping us off to such an crazy prices for water. Cold water a different variety. Steph O’Brien is admin bodies do more or less the cocktail dress in Flat Block 4, the other side of campus. Is life extent. I understand about over- is free. Heating it should not cost concerned with the effects of same job, yet seem not to be able to Knackerville. From what I’ve really so bad? No. And let’s face heads and staff costs and increases 35c. I’m actually contemplating overindulgence in said beverages, coordinate at all. Let me give you seen, they have some sort of it, if Nine West have sold out of in supply costs etc. I learnt about bringing in a travel kettle and set- Donal McCormack, well, educa- an example. A friend of mine went strange pyjama-chic thing going the shoes you want, you can that in first year. But really, how ting it up secretly at one of the elec- tion hasn’t much to do with water, to register and was told she hadn’t on for most of the day. Cheap always get Daddy to bring them much can the costs involved in trical sockets in the library. Even if and John Mannion has much bigger paid her fees. She couldn’t pay her pyjamas at “Some people are just not home from that. New York Seriously, I MEANT to get into Lillie’s. the next think the Armani on the outside doesn’t time he’s BT door- make you Armani on the inside, passing Anger- Therapy for the masses? men should through. buck up honey” their act, separate the wheat from However, if something really Kathryn Segesser contemplates the benefits of yelling in the chaff and let us BESS girls get majorly pisses you off, don’t get a circle.Is anger therapy a good means of expressing on with it. angry- get even instead. Nothing During a particularly neutralises the bitter taste of oneself? boring lecture, I weighed up anger defeat than the sweetness of When I was about seven, I decided If the screaming circle of turers/boys/any other type of life against saccharine sweetness and revenge. For example, if some that I wanted to be an actress. children was incredibly horrifying form would scare any happy go came to the conclusion that the cow gets with the ex you’re still in Insisting blindly that I was to be the at first, I quickly discovered that in lucky person. Through chatting and latter is the one to go for. While love with, or the guy you have next great thing and that mother fact shouting your head off was gossiping we can discuss small getting pissed off and demanding clearly liked for like, ages, you would only live to regret it if she very therapeutic. The problem with forms of anger and also feel good to see the manager (“Do you should strike back. Find out some- failed to support me, I made her today’s society is that we are taught about ourselves. Gossip is, after all, KNOW who my Daddy is?”) is thing murky about her past then enrol me in drama classes. So, off I to be calm and collected. Any known as being therapeutic. certainly one way of trying to get tell everyone. (She may have been flounced on the first day of the expression of character or emotion into Lillie’s, but chances are that if with a knacker or culchie at some year, and into what can only be is viewed as ‘a little bit odd’ and Unfortunately, perhaps because we you smile, flirt prettily and com- stage.) Or get with her hot older described as the circle of horror. the domain of menopausal women. frown on exhibitionist anger, we pliment the bouncer on his sexy brother/ ex boyfriend. Or break Let me explain. I walked Thus the screaming of seven year also frown on the other extreme - bodywarmer, you’re way more the heels off her one prized pair of into the classroom to be confronted olds was scary because it was so very happy people. Those of us likely to get in. Although, in say- Manolos. That should teach the with a circle of fellow seven year unlike anything I’d ever seen who go round hugging everyone - ing this, some people are just not wench to mess with a BESS girl. old wannabes all screaming loudly . Publicly displaying reference a recent Coca Cola advert MEANT to get into Lillie’s. No So smile. People like at each other. Screaming I might anger is seen as a loss of control - are classed as being just as crazy amount of smiling will change happy people, especially hot add at the top of their voices and and the root of many problems. It is as those who go round ranting and this. Armani on the outside does- happy people. Life could be so about completely incomprehensi- expected that we all act ‘normally’ raving. Perhaps it’s not anger we n’t make you Armani on the much worse- I mean, you could be ble things. Of course, it was hard to and contained. Because of this frown on then but extremeness. inside, honey. The Lillie’s bounc- studying theoretical physics. No make anything out above the noise. strict social control we tend to Is there any hope for us ers will know. And your streaky amount of smiling could remedy Why, you might well release tension on a reactionary then? Well, releasing anger tan marks are, like, a total give- that. ask? Well, because apparently ‘in level. So, for example, many peo- remains, at least for us bitter and away. releasing our anger we can connect ple rant and rave in their cars at twisted ones, as therapeutic as with our inner beings’. That’s right. other drivers, or talk to the televi- being stupidly happy. As long as My drama teacher - an American sions, disagreeing quite contented- we continue to do so in socially by the way - had stumbled across a ly with the little people in the little approved ways, such as gossiping new psychobabble that espoused box. and ranting in our cars, then we’ll the concept of anger as a means of Perhaps then, it is better get small doses of therapy and pre- relief. to release anger in small, controlled vent being classed as slightly crim- This then is what led to and measured doses as in the drama inally unhinged. all the shouting. The idea was that class. Indeed, more and more class- But be warned, scream- if we let go of our angers and other es are adopting this exercise. Not ing and yelling in circles remains a such feelings in expressing them only is it a great way to get every- thing for drama classes, however through sound, then we can release one to let go of their inhibitions - useful. But that doesn’t mean that built up tension. In other words, if believe me, it really works - but it we can’t all go and join drama we can shout and yell about it then also is a great way to unite people. classes, or set up similar private we can let go of it. Much the same Nothing, after all, unites yelling groups. Hell, I can think of concept is explored in the use of us as much as a small bit of anger. a good few things to yell about and punch bags and stress balls. It’s all The number of hoards of girls its not even Christmas yet! about using the physical to negate milling aimlessly around the arts the internal. Not a bad concept block/Hamilton merrily complain- Don’t throw chairs, yell instead! actually. ing about fellow students/lec- Tuesday December 6th, 2005 9 Trinity News FEATURES The Language Debate The Scarf colours of Following Enda Kenny’s recent comments on the Irish language, Trinity News looks at the two sides of the debate on Irish language the College teaching in our secondary schools across the country Peter Henry design already exists. can be found are encouraged to send Some of the faculty me an email. Any information on the scarves shown below may be the designs of the College's neckties is Several years ago, Gibson scarves of their respective societies, also appreciated. The email address Abandonment the Wrong Agenda Price, the supplier of College the Law Society, History Society, is [email protected]. of linguistic wealth. for teaching Irish in this country we have bilingualism as a basic scarves and ties, closed its shop on etc. The information from the sup- Máirtín Colfer So, why is the leader of are an absolute shambles. block for all secondary-educated Suffolk Street. It seemed that the plier simply reads "Law", "History", The pure wool, double Despite all the commotion, I a major political party so Students end up being able to citizens, and, in most cases, a designs of Trinity's scarves had been etc, so that has been substituted that thickness version of the TCD don’t think too many of us were adamant that it’s not worth the write three page essays on the much more fully-realised lost with the closure of the shop, with the current name of the school Association and Trust scarf can be surprised at Enda Kenny’s pro- effort? As a fluent Irish speaker, social and economic problems of European ideal of trilingualism – which would have been quite a pity. or faculty. purchased, with no minimum posal last week. Maybe we didn’t Kenny seemingly believes that the country, while at the same as well as a justified E.U. status. A call, however, to supplier of The DU Boat Club scarf is amount, from Ryder and Amies, see it coming from the leader of the removal of Irish from the time remaining absolutely clue- Why such an effort (or scarves, ties and other custom made unique among those shown below: Cambridge; telephone Fine Gael, what with their vari- education system will be ulti- less about the grammar, syntax at least a vaguely similar one) clothing, Luke Eyres of its traditional size is nearly two feet 00441223350371; Web site ous past links to the language, or mately beneficial for the lan- and even meaning of the words hasn’t already been made already Cambridgeshire, thankfully revealed wide and eight feet long! www.ryderamies.co.uk. All other we didn’t see it coming at this guage. He sees an educational they use. It’s being, to use a remains a mystery. The succes- the designs of several scarves. The Speech and Language scarves can be purchased, minimum moment in time, so soon after future where enthusiasts alone cliché phrase, beat into them. At sive governments seem content As well as holding on file Pathology Society folded in 2002, so amount six, from Luke Eyres, gaining the hard-won privilege choose Irish for study, leaving a the same time, however, this enough to sit in their apathy and the specifications of most of the one might say that its scarf design Cambridgeshire; telephone of official EU status, but the significantly smaller but more doesn’t necessarily prompt the watch their own background fade scarves shown below, Luke Eyres may as well be forgotten. However, 00441353863125; Web site topic of the Irish language in the capable group of speakers as rep- draconian measures that Kenny away in front of their eyes. You’d will also produce scarves from your the School of Clinical Speech and www.luke-eyres.co.uk. education system was always resentatives for the language. His would implement. His hopes for think a nation with such a ridicu- own designs. Newer clubs and soci- Language Studies may like to adopt going to be broached by a politi- lous amount of heritage like ours eties can create their own designs the scarf as its own. Many thanks to Rod cal party sooner or later. And, it “His hopes for the survival of the language after would want to flaunt it all over but should first consult DUCAC or There are Spearman of Luke Eyres Ltd for the was always going to question the the world, but instead it seems to the CSC, as appropriate; older asso- undoubtedly many more College designs. validity of the language in an taking such a step are – to me anyway – fanciful be more profitable to build roads ciations should consult their records scarves; readers who have informa- increasingly internationally-ori- notions” through ancient and unrivalled and old members to ascertain if a tion on the designs or where they entated system of schooling. So monuments, to knock down why all the hubbub? Well, partly reasoning behind this is that the the survival of the language after beautiful and historic castles, and due to Kenny’s fairly extreme education system is, at present, taking such a step are – to me just generally not give a fuck measures (he advocates making letting Irish down. Compulsion, anyway – fanciful notions. about the culture that has shaped the language optional after the he claims, has been tested now Realistically, what we’d be left an Irish consciousness to an third year of secondary school, for eighty years, and the results with is thousands of teenagers extent not even fathomed by essentially pitting an as-is vul- are undeniable: it’s a failure. still badly taught, slowly learning most. It’s strange how obvious it nerable language against more Unhappy with the average stu- to resent the language rather than is that there’ll be tears, decades “recognised” subjects such as the dent’s level of spoken Irish after to love it, and at the end of three from now, when we wake up and Trinity College Dublin University Lawn Tennis Club sciences), and partly due to the 10-12 years of lessons, Kenny years a very attractive looking realise how we let go of a nation- obvious historical and political believes the system is churning option to drop it. Instead, what’s al past thousands of years in the ramifications entangled in such out not competent and confident needed is a revision – an over- making only to end up as another an argument. The “language Gaelgóirí, but eleves trained haul, maybe – of the course. bland extension of an increasing- question” is and always has been merely to do exams. Most Centre the course around the ly homogenic world. a political obstacle course for Irish(wo)men are at this point spoken word, the poetics of the But anyway, whether any party to take on: its links to nodding their heads vigorously. language; make the oral exam you’re for the language or no, it once-nascent and now stabilised Fair enough Kenny, you have a fifty percent of the Leaving does both sides good to get nationalism are obvious; as a tool very valid point. But who’s dis- Certificate and the country will involved in this debate. There’s Trinity College Dublin Association & Trust Dublin University Rifle Club of cultural rebellion it dressed puting that? For years now, every abound with fluent speakers. On plenty more information to be itself as a big “fuck you” to man, woman and child that ever a practical level, a shifted had at www.cnag.ie, www.gael- British attempts to destroy an experienced secondary school in emphasis from writing to speak- linn.ie, www.finegael.com, or Irish heritage, and as a relatively Ireland has been crying out for ing turns the language from a send an email to untapped cultural resource it changes to the curriculum til classroom phenomenon into a [email protected], and decide stands alone in Europe in terms they’re blue in the face. Enda social one so it becomes easier to for yourself. Kenny is dead right: the methods assimilate and easier to use. Now Time to drop compulsory Leaving Irish University Colours University Biological Association at their native language? The son see it as a burden. People nature of it now. Ian Carey answer has to lie in the student’s feeling burdened by the language There are two main Before we start lets get one thing perception of the language and I is the key reason why the policy difficulties with this. Firstly, set- perfectly clear. Irish is not com- can testify from my time study- has failed and will fail in the ting up a Gaelscoil is not as easy pulsory. This might be a little ing it that the vast majority of my future. and it sounds and it would be hard to take for most hardened fellow class mates considered it The problem with tak- even more difficult to convert an Irish speakers but it is a rather ‘unworthy’ of their efforts. Let ing away the policy of compul- English speaking school to a simple and unassailable fact. In me be clear, I am in no way being sion is that many people under- Gaelscoil. In the vast majority of Dublin University Bicycle Club University of Dublin Choral Society my life I have never ever needed inflammatory in my assessment. standably feel that we might cases Irish speaking schools are Irish and I cannot see that chang- I would say easily 80% of my loose Irish altogether. People see set up against departmental, cler- ing. Competency at the language year were taking Irish only as Irish being taught in schools as ical and often union opposition. is not even required by public their 7th subject (meaning that the life support machine that And in the current situation administrators or local officials their points for college applica- without which a crippled lan- demand for places in these let alone Gardaí or call centre tion came from their other six guage would die. My response schools far outstrips supply. To staff. If you were asked by a subjects). would be that to prevent this make this happen government potential visitor to the country This lack of enthusi- from happening we have to look will have to pursue this policy whether preliminary classes in asm came, as far as I could see, to where the language has flour- against strong opposition. Dublin University Boat Club Dublin University Geographical Society the Irish language were neces- from the uninspiring method of ished and there is only one real Realistically, standing firm on sary your response would be teaching coupled with the obvi- example of this; the Gaelscoil. any issue isn’t generally a hall- swift and unequivocally ‘No’. mark of Irish governments. This is not something I want to “People feeling burdened by the language is the The other difficulty is see and I’m sure it is a situation key reason why the policy has failed and will fail one of respect. Due to the that the whole country feels increasing multicultural nature of rather guilty about. But denying in the future” Irish society we have to concede the reality or severity of the prob- that there are going to be people Dublin University Cricket Club Speech & Language Pathology Soc lem is not going to help us solve ous everyday uselessness of the The most successful way to give who are not interested in giving it. subject. The policy of compul- a child a second language is to their children such a grounding Two weeks ago in sion with regards to Irish can immerse the child in it at an early in Irish and we have to respect Cork, Fine Gael leader Enda only be described as a failure. age. This is used here to great that. This point is also worth con- Kenny was the first major politi- Enda Kenny’s solution of mak- success and can be seen as the sidering for people who see a cian to engage the government ing Irish non compulsory after only glimmer of hope on an oth- United Ireland as a political real- on what is the current shameful Junior Cert seems only reason- erwise bleak future for the lan- ity. Any move towards the and silent descent of the Irish able. We could take example guage. The schools are voluntary expansion of Gaelscoileanna has language into irrelevance. The from who without the (not for the students, of course, to give parents the option of an Dublin University Croquet Club Engineering and Systems Sciences question was simple how can the rather draconian policy of com- but the parents who want their English speaking primary simply average student having 1,500 pulsion managed to revive a children to have the language), out of respect. hours of Irish lessons emerge waning language to nearly one and involve teaching all subjects It is clear that we need from secondary school complete- million speakers today. The poli- through Irish. If as a nation we a more comprehensive approach ly unable to hold a basic conver- cy of compulsion is quite simply want to get serious about the lan- to Irish and Irish speakers should sation in the language. This the wrong tack. The challenge guage we would have to expand thank Enda Kenny for putting it could be seen as a sorry indict- with Irish was to instil in the the amount of Gaelscoileanna. back on the political agenda even ment of Irish teachers’ nation- pupils a love of the language so This could be part of a new if they don’t agree with every- wide but I don’t think that rings that they would go out and speak national dual lingual approach thing he has said. Some people Dublin University Equestrian Club School of Histories and Humanities true. it amongst themselves and their making primary schooling gener- will always speak Irish, we If it was the case how families because literally there is ally in Irish and secondary gener- shouldn’t fear that but we should could it be that students are capa- no practical reason to embrace it. ally in English. You could couple be afraid that people might stop ble of performing so well in other Forcing something upon some- that with a more oral approach to speaking of the importance of subjects while failing abysmally one (especially if they can see no the teaching at second level and a Irish. It is funny that the only reason for it) only makes the per- move away from the compulsory response that Minister Mary Hanafin had to the comments was that “this was cheap auction politics typical of Fine Gael”. I Dublin University Football Club School of Law think that the cheapest politics played in this debacle were when Mr. Kenny’s comments were taken as being an assault on the language or an assault on ‘Irishness’. That brand of politics is more at home the other side of the Atlantic. If we are to solve Dublin University Hockey Club School of Pharmacy the Irish problem we have to resist the uncritical knee-jerk reaction that lead to the ill attend- ed protest outside Fine Gael headquarters a few weeks ago and take on board all suggestions for a resolution. If we want Irish to live we have to stop suffocat- ing it and let it breath. Dublin University Ladies’ Boat Club School of Physiotherapy 10 Features Editor: LizJohnson Tuesday December 6th, 2005 Trinity News FEATURES The times they are a-changing Carmen Bryce takes a look at the issue of childhood obesity, and concludes that parents should look to the traditional if they are to help their children for the future. They say we are what we eat, and on a Saturday night, you ate your European governmental officials in that case the next generation of greens whether you wanted to or have thrown themselves into tack- pre-adolescents in Europe are fat, not and school dinners consisted of ling the problem at the cause with fat, fat. To take this phrase literally mash potato served up with an ice- prevention being better than cure in would mean that if we look at the cream scope and at least one form this case. consistency of the average 10 year of vegetable on your plate while Ireland, considered one old, it would be Coca-Cola and chips were reserved to every sec- of Europe’s most unhealthy coun- not blood running through his ond Friday with fish because it was tries has been especially detrimen- veins, his bones made up of candy a holy day. tal in the creation of solutions. canes and his major organs the best I also painfully remem- While controversially leading the part of a ‘Happy Meal’. While this ber wheezing around a football way for a healthier Europe with the sounds like some chirpy and pitch the size of Wembley Stadium release of the Smoking ban nearly cheesy Disney tune, ‘the kid’s in the pouring rain with Mrs Adolf two years ago, Irish officials from made out of treats,’ in reality this Hitler my sadistic PE teacher blow- both the North and South have steady rise of childhood obesity will eventually lead to a sharp “The government can only do so much... the cookie decline in life expectancy and a remarkable rise of debilitating ill- dough cannot be snatched out of a 7 year old’s nesses and depression. chubby digits” The last two decades has witnessed a phenomenal growth in ing her whistle. Children now-a been united in their determination childhood obesity throughout the days (I can’t quite believe that to introduce children to a better world, and what began in a Mc phrase actually left my lips but…) diet and improved exercise regime. Donaldized America amidst the are pampered, plump and privi- ‘Tackle it Together-Every Step MTV generation in the shape of leged. In the words of Bob Dylan, Counts’, organised by the Health fizzy drinks and video games, the times, ‘they are a –changing’, Promotion Unit of the Dublin quickly spread to Europe like some and they aren’t good. Health and Children (RoI) and the airborne virus. A recent study of The blame does not, Health Promotion Agency for Dublin teenagers showed that as however, lie in their inexperienced Northern Ireland at the Slieve many as one-quarter of 1,000 chil- hands but in the lined pockets of Russell Hotel last year was one of dren studied had a problem with the corporate world and the parsi- the first of many positive steps in This guy looks like a really irate lecturer their weight, 20% were overweight monious governmental official, resolving the problem of child obe- French Fries-fattening up the kids of tomorrow and 5% were obese. Chubby chil- leading to a poorly funded school sity in Ireland. beyond. packaging. dren stuffing their bloated faces canteen and a frustrated parent who Recognised as a “dead- The government can only The battle is an ideologi- with chocolate bars and sticky buns has no choice but to throw sugar at ly serious issue” by Dr. Brian do so much and while one cannot cal one in a society of indoctrinated HOROSCOPES is no longer cute and cuddly but the problem of a screaming child. Gaffney, Chief Executive of Health prise the cigarette out of a smok- and sugar addicted children whose potentially life threatening. This problem was courageously Promotion for Northern Ireland, er’s hand despite the ban, the cook- idea of exercise is virtual tennis on Brought to you by your resident Trinity In a intensely health con- highlighted in Jamie Oliver’s officials agreed that such a problem ie dough cannot be snatched out of the Play Station and a piece of psychics. scious society where smokers are ‘Jamie’s Kitchen’ (Channel 4) as must be viewed with the most seri- a 7 year old’s chubby digets. broccoli is as repulsive as a spoon- now considered social lepers, the chef attempted with some suc- ousness of intentions. Mr Sean As in most cases, health ful of dog poo. I’m not saying that organic trade lines the shelves of cess to improve the menu of school Power, TD, Minister of States at officials must first and foremost children should be denied the sim- our supermarkets and the down- dinners that originally consisted of the Department of Health and battle the demons of the corporate ple pleasures of childhood that Sagittarius: for it. They can’t help it, it’s the ward facing dog can lead to a chips, processed meat and sugary Children remarks that, “The surge industry whose marketing is aimed more than often come in the form Now, I’m not one to point out the way God and those funny little longer life, how is it that children in deserts. The chef, a father of two of obesity among children, in short, directly at the vulnerable and of chew bars and stick on tattoos obvious but everyone knows that things called furbies made them. the new millennium are the most infant children himself went head will result in a global explosion of impressionable who are easily that come free with a pack of bub- those people in the Malteasers ad CAO forms are means of further- out of shape and inactive young- to head with government officials illness, drained economies, create attracted by the dinosaur shaped ble gum. where they bounce around on big ing this submission. They’re pro- sters we have ever witnessed? who blamed a tight budget and nar- enormous suffering and cause mil- processed chicken, the irresistibly There is a call now, how- rubbery things are actually hold- tected by being electronic. No What it comes down to is row cost margin for the lack of sub- lions of premature deaths.” fizzy sweets and the Coke bottle ever, for a balance, the age old ing it together by a thread. The mammoth ripping up sessions a remarkably appalling change in stantially healthy meals for the It is a time to stop flap- with the action hero on the front. ‘You can have dessert if you eat all anger is obvious from their tight anymore. They deny us all our lifestyle with Play Station and young pupils. ping lips and to start to actively Campaigns such as those for Sunny of your greens’ mentality. Contrary smiles. You’ll notice a few of pleasure. Feckers. Pepsi replacing Physical Education With a 60 % rise in engage the problem; educate par- D and Cheese Strings that front an to popular belief, a few brussel those smiles round college this and healthy cuisine. Statistics show Paediatric care within European ents, improve school dinners, all rapping cast of ‘cool’ kids in sprouts never killed anyone. High week. Just remember - thread. Cancer: that Irish teens spend up to 44 hospitals in the past 5 years, gov- remove sweet filled fending their adverts, manage to fool blood pressure, heart disease and Jordan does the problem pages in hours in sedentary activities such ernment priorities need to be put machines from school halls. As the both the child and the parent that cancer, however, has and will con- OK now. I know, it makes you as TV viewing, computer games straight, starting with a focus on smoking ban reduced the percent- not only is this product full of Capricorn: question the meaning of staying tinue to do so. and homework-per week. better care, attention and resources age of smokers in Ireland by over essential vitamins and minerals but For some time now you have sane. In fact, repeated exposure I may not be old enough spent on today’s youth. 30%, will positive action by the will also give you street cred, when been bottling up a lot of anger to said pages is renowned for to qualify to say this but I recall a Faced with such dra- powers that be reduce the rate of in reality are little more than against a certain, hmm lets call breaking the sanity of any good time when sweets were a rare treat matic statistics, leading child obesity in Ireland and processed crap with attractive him/her/it an acquaintance, in pharmacology student. Its hard to your life. Now is the time to pop get past the anger but somehow The Science block fight back with... the cork, blow the fuse, unleash the knowledge that there exists in the real you. I want to see flames, fact a junior eurovision song con- I want to see wrath, I want to see test turns you from a quivering a trail of destruction that would rack of wrath into a lovely happy Diary of a make Zeus proud. Show no little pokemon. mercy, you squid. Leo: The cause of the common domes- Aquarius: tic pigeon makes you very angry Science Girl Hello. You’re very happy today and aggressive. You take up the aren’t you. Not for much longer. plight of the little harmless bird We at Trinity News are all about equal opportuni- The joy of being psychic is that and attempt to change all our atti- ties. So when this plucky Science student decided you can crush peoples hopes tudes, from Ross O’Carroll-Kelly underground in one easy sen- up. After all, roysh, it is not their to speak out against BESS and their kin, we tence. So, here it is. There is no fault that they have bladder con- thought hey! Why not!We always thought that sci- such thing as Santa or a two euro trolling problems. Anyone who store without chavs. There. That’s claims so is likely to experience ence students were pretty illiterate, but here, prov- done it. Just remember. Don’t your fist. On their face. Or any ing us wrong, is the Science Girl! shoot the messenger. other exposed body part. I am a student of the side of nature gnashing of teeth and furrowing of that brought you the atomic bomb, brow type. It is not acted on. What Virgo: electricity, the internet, GM crops, would I do? Attack with the corner Pisces: You’re right. Computers are out X-rays, satellites, silicon chips and of my calculator? I’d probably just Anger is a means to an end. The to get you. It was not accidental a calling for nerds far and wide. lose my glasses in the endeavour. end of all life form as we know that they deleted your essay. They Yes, I am a science student. Fear Although my arm is pretty strong it. Also, it s a means to killing are satan’s spawn. I hate that my wrath! Oh, why won’t you fear from heaving open the Hamilton those annoying little peacocks word! Ahhhhh! Life is just gener- my wrath? (Had to get a Simpson’s doors day in day out. that live on the roof of the al crapness but at least you’re quote in there.) No, we’re not that dan- microwave. Kill them with your working the calculator. Make like Yes, we have been gerous. Just the incompetent ones laser radar beams emitting from Harry and go for the parchment. known to unleash tremendous hor- and maybe the ones held at gun your laydar that lives on the Just leave the owls alone. They rors on the world: nuclear point in fascist countries. We all Whats Hot Whats Not inside of you fourth finger on a have nothing to do with the com- weapons, the SARS outbreak and just want to do something we find Tuesday and your third toenail puters. Honest. cosmetic ingredients that mean interesting and which we hope will from the left on a Wednesday. It 1) Snowballs, and in fact, any type 1) Coat issues. Its freezing in the absolutely nothing. Nutrilium ®, contribute positively to our under- will make you feel better. Trust with its “anti-straw” affect, is one standing of the world around us. I of snow at all. Please can we have morning but you don’t want to me, I’m half leopard. Libra: example. Yet many say that with may just be weaselling out but Bertie’s a Libra. No he’s not. Do a white Christmas? have to carry it later when it global warming, bird flu and weaseling out of things is impor- we care? No. Does this have any 2) Soup. Has overtaken Sparrolls warms up. increasing infertility that the future tant to learn. It's what separates us Aries: relevance to anger. Nope. Mind lies in the hands of the scientists. from the animals ... except the in the quest for warm nourishing 2) Jammy so-and-so’s who get This week you decide to go to you, saying Bertie makes us all From what I’ve experienced in col- weasel. anger management classes so as hot and steamy. Is that anger or food. essay extensions. You’re just pro- lege, I’d say it’s high time to crack Sure, don’t we provide to get in contact with your inner something else? Who knows? 3) The Brown Thomas window. longing the pain for yourselves! open each others skulls and feast some form of entertainment? How zippy. This of course doesn’t There’s not much floating round on the goo inside. many science-fiction movies and Classy and Christmassy 3) The BT2 window. Whats with work as you meet arguably the the Pav nowadays. Does that But is science a wrathful series have been made to curb our most annoying mushroom eating make us angry? No, we’re above the turkeys in suits? Just scary. organism ready to burst forth wrath by giving us something we banana boat wannabe the world that. Now that Bertie has come spewing radiation, pestilence and feel entitled to discuss? To point has ever seen and end up pissed into our lives. differential calculus? Is it servant out their plot holes and laugh at off before the session even to the whims of bullied, reclusive their explanation? In the words of Now introducing: Break Up Tips. Tried and tested by begins. Pity. and resentful eggheads? Or is it a Leonard Nimoy: “The following rampant beast being held at bay by tale of alien encounters is true. And only the most professional. Every paper should have Scorpio: stout-hearted intelligentsia? All I by true, I mean false. It's all lies. Taurus: As a professional resident psy- them. Substitute he for she or vica versa depending on know is I like numbers and aesthet- But they're entertaining lies. And in As a child you were a very angry chic it is very hard to conjure ic bickering should be left to pre- the end, isn't that the real truth? little fecker. Shame that age and feelings of wrath about anything. the state of things in your twisted little lives. tentious coffee-house type’s intent The answer is: No.” height has done little to change However, seeing as how I am so on being poor. So no, you need not fear that genetic fact. The end. professional, I have been able to I can be wrathful, yes. the wrath of science. It is safe in *Call him up and tell him you have an STD. This has the desired effect of summon feelings of anger. I have When a 2-in-1 cistern cleaner and the hands of us diligent and respon- channelled these into a small lit- him staying far far away fro you, and secondly, it suggests that you have air freshening product is run sible science students. Or maybe Gemini: tle underground tunnel beneath been cheating on him.Double whammy. Sure to work. through an experiment and the con- not. Bring the mind eraser device! Hubble bubble toil and trouble. the basement of the Ussher. Go trol toilets have their doors You mean the revolver, sir? Beat yourself into academic sub- forth with love. And crystalness. removed for example. But mine is Precisely. mission. Don’t hate your lecturers a silent screaming wrath; the Cinema Editors: Rebecca Jackson & Alex Christie-Miller Tuesday December 6th, 2005 11 FILM Trinity News From the video shop to Hollywood : A Directors Cut

school for kids. The next summer I too expensive, in money and time, Folk and Cracker over here) and he have never done a “proper” job – of films that Hollywood is pro- was working on my first feature to mess about. You want to be sure told me I was ten years ahead of whatever that is. The closest I have ducing, the majority being What sort of work are you James Rogan directed his with them – Willie’s War . The film that when you make a film it is myself. I have made a feature, I come, I guess, is running for a film remakes or sequels? Is this a new involved with at the moment? first feature film Dead was terrible, but it was shot on going to be good. Otherwise it’s a have made a successful TV series, I company, when I had to photocopy phenomenon or has nothing Bolt Dead when he was 16mm and I was working on cam- waste of your money and everyone have been commissioned to write a scripts all day every day on a copi- changed? What are the implica- I have been working on a screen- era. I fell totally in love both with else’s time. feature and I am starting to direct er that could only manage ten tions of this for someone who play for over a year for Portobello nineteen. Six years later film and the script girl. I was 14. commercials. I am not worried any- pages at a time. That only sharp- wants to be a film director? Pictures (they did Kolya, Dark he tells his sister Juliet Is your family supportive of what more about whether I will make ened my ambition never to work in Blue World and Birthday Girl). It’s how to make a career out you do? enough money to get by. But for all an office again. I started work on Hollywood has had one of its worst been a long haul. I never planned to Any Advice for budding Film my feature the years on record – cinema atten- be a writer. I just happened to find of doing what you love... Makers My family has minute I left that dances are dropping. Even the stu- a story that I felt strongly enough always been support- job. Since then I dios have had to admit they are about that only I could write it. It How did you get started as a If you love film try to shoot a film ive. There is a water- have never had a simply making bad movies at the has been the hardest thing I have director? on film. When you shoot digital it shed moment for moment’s boredom moment. Ever since the eighties done so far in the industry, mostly tends to end up looking worse than every filmmaker in work. When I there has been an over-emphasis on because I have had to be so cre- I have always loved film. When I you imagined it, when you shoot when the family am on a film set, I the teenage market. This produced atively self-sufficient. I am a pretty was little we never had a video film it looks better – film has a realise that it is not feel like the lucki- some good movies and many bad hard critic and, when I write, it is player so I used to go to videos magic to it that still has not been just, that dreadful est man in the movies. Now everything is about hard to live up to the standards by shops and read all the back of the matched. Also if you cannot watch word, a hobby. For world. It still lowest common denominator – if which I judge other movies. I think movies and imagine them from a black and white movie without me, it stopped being delights me that I the stupidest person in the cinema being a director is all about fash- their blurbs. I was a particular fan getting bored, filmmaking is proba- a hobby and became am paid to do what doesn’t get it then nobody will! It ioning and maintaining perspec- of Stallone blurbs and I remember bly not for you. Make sure your an abiding passion I love. The sacri- is maddening. Last year I saw the tive. As a writer, you lose perspec- being completely taken by the idea love of film matches up to making after Willie’s War. I fice is piece of first cut of the beginning of a film tive so quickly, it is frightening. I of Tango and Cash – a wealthy cop your living in such a treacherous think for them Dead mind – I don’t called Nanny Macphee – one of the have the utmost admiration for from right side of tracks teams up career. Bolt Dead was a big know what the best beginnings to a kids’ movie I directors who can write their own with bad-mouthed cop from the step, but getting a future holds. But, had seen in ages; funny, shocking scripts. wrong side and they fight the city’s Is Film School important? Fulbright to go to then again, who and original. Later I heard it had crime boss together. At eight years New York may have been an even the achievement, I feel like I am does? been cut because a six year-old girl 9. How are you planning to make a old, that sounded like movie per- I’ve been to two different film bigger one. playing a long game of snakes and found it too scary. When it was break into films again, what are fection. When I finally managed to schools, The Children’s Film Unit ladders, and I know full well that Who’s work has most inspired released it was criticised for being your options/ opportunities? see the film – I was shocked to find and NYU. At this stage in your career, right before the final square is a you? too anodyne. That is very worrying it was much better in my imagina- As a director you have no technical would you say that you have been snake that takes you right back to for someone like me – I would hate If the script I have been working on tion. A few years later, my mum responsibility – you just need to successful? What have you the beginning. I am a big fan of Orson Welles and to field criticism for some execu- comes off that will be a huge step met another mother outside my pri- know what makes a good perform- achieved? David Lynch. I admire directors tive’s market-related decision. On forward for me. mary school and they got chatting ance, what makes a good story. You Do you feel that you could be who are able to move between the other hand, I am still at the about my love of film. It turned out can learn most of what you need I have been very lucky in my better using your time in a more moods, between comedy and stage where I naively believe that she produced films for the from watching films closely. But at career. I met a director in LA (he conventional profession? tragedy, with style and intelligence. as long as what I do is good, I will Children’s Film Unit. Before I film school you have an opportuni- made the pilot for Desperate be left alone with it. I hope experi- knew it, I found myself in this film ty to experiment in safety. Film is Housewives and directed Queer as As my family often points out I What are your views on the types ence will prove me right.

presence. In Bags of films have characters, Sam Raimi’s which are modeled on Biblical Spider Man, characters. The biblically unac- The Martell Cognac Movie Making or Spider Man’s ceptable behaviour of Bess adoptive McNeill, the protagonist of the mother recites 1996 drama Breaking the Waves, Psalm 23, initially recalls the traditional French Film Festival when she is images associated with Mary Bible Bashing? close to her Magdalene. By the end of this end at the wonderful film, she is then por- new life to a story that had been hands of trayed as a Christ-like figure, sac- Dublin 2005 told to viewers since childhood, Willem Dafoe’s Green Goblin. Jim rificing herself to save her hus- Is theology relevant to And if you were feeling particular- than much of the gruel currently giving it with vim and vigor. Carey’s character, Fletcher Reid, band. Haven’t been down to the today’s society? Tadhg in Liar Liar, proclaims ‘the Truth ly absorbent to the French way of being served up on Parnell streets Peavoy delves into the The biblical epic has long since shall set you free’ (John 8:32). One Biblical stories often form the IFC yet for a bit of culture filming, lectures and question ses- megaplex. had its day. Today it is a rarity to only has to mention the words of basis for the narratives of films, and chips? Shame on you! sions had been organized to run Highlights of the filmathon were subject of film and theol- throughout the festival, giving the hysterical ‘Eros Therapie’, a see films that set out explicitly to Ezekiel 25:17 and Samuel L. even if they do not appear to do so India Clarke tells you ogy to find out. re-tell biblical narratives. The Jackson to evoke powerful images at the surface. Deep Impact has everyone a chance to understand ridiculous mix of sex and satire, Bible, however, is still extremely of the Old Testament being por- obvious affinities to the Flood what you’re missing. what they had seen, question it, lesbians and wooing, starring I study theology, without doubt prevalent on our screens. In fact, trayed on screen. story, which is depicted in Genesis and if necessary critique or compli- Catherine Frot and Isabelle Carre, one of the most unglamorous sub- almost every year, biblical refer- 7. The horror classic Frankenstein Tuesday 22nd of November saw or, on a more serious jects within the unglamorous field ences are used increasingly in Furthermore, you have the whole subverts the Genesis creation nar- the opening of Dublin’s 6th French note, ‘Cache’, directed of arts. Regularly asked what rele- mainstream movies. thing of biblical allusions. The ratives in its depiction of a scien- Film festival, held at Temple Bar’s by the slightly dubious vance theology has to do with the Matrix has several prominent allu- tist usurping divinity in the cre- somewhat exclusive IFC. Martell but always worth secular society we live in today, I In some flicks, the bible is used as sions. The Holy City is called ation of human life. The Lion Cognac has been hosting these watching Michael am often stumped. Quite simply a prop. For example in the 1993 King, has a Moses-like figure who kinds of events across the globe for Haneke, about a mid- because the frequency of the ques- comedy, Coneheads, an alien cou- ...upon my graduation I flees the land of his birth, wanders some years now and each year has dle class couple who tion has just bored me. ple, just arrived on this beautiful planned to form a cult in in the desert and begins life anew proved to be better than the next. experience paranoia One thing that can definitely be and menace over the planet we call Earth, explore their County Sligo, the mem- in a different area. He is then con- I long ago tired of telling people motel room. While the husband vinced to return as leader after said about the French is that they arrival of some ever that upon my graduation I planned examines the toilet paper, his wife, bers of which I would then experiencing a theophany. make a decent film, in fact the lust increasingly personal to form a cult in County Sligo, the picks up a copy of Gideon’s Bible induct into a suicide pact, and passion that goes into each of CCTV footage of members of which I would then their feature art forms, which truly themselves, definitely and begins to read. Not long after after relieving them of all The most direct example is the use induct into a suicide pact, after she is seen in uncontrollable fits of of the adaptation of the Jesus story most of them are, manages to ooze the Austrian-Parisian relieving them of all their hard- laughter – not exactly the response their hard-earned cash... . Many films have their main char- through all aspects; dialogue, cut, ment. residents’ best film yet. Oh, and earned cash. Alternatively, pre- Christian Brothers attempted to acters lives based around the sal- soundtrack, theme…. With current American film there was a much appreciated tending to be a priest for an hour at beat into their students for many vation and redemption story of the Mainly art house but with a few churning out a constant flow of showing of Luc Besson’s a party used to be quite entertain- years up and down the country. Zion, a biblical synonym for New Testament. Cool Hand Luke, more commercial listings, the 10 mishmashy re-runs with utterly ‘Subway’ to celebrate its 20th ing if highly blasphemous. Jerusalem. The rebel space ship is the Green Mile and the Matrix are day festival managed to satisfy unnecessary and unexplainable anniversary. In Sling Blade made in 1996, the the Nebuchadnezzar, the powerful but a few where a Christ-like fig- every mans curious French need, budgets, France seem to have pro- So thank you France and thank you Therefore, when these forms of main character, a mentally ‘retard- Babylonian king who conquered ure is the central character. there was a bit of everyone’s old tected their respect and admiration nice people at Martell for keeping humour ran dry I decided on a new ed’ man released from the state the Kingdom of Judah and favourite, Mr Gerard Depapardieu, for the big screen by maintaining a us all up to date with one of the approach. A little bit of thought prison hospital, carries a Bible destroyed Solomon’s temple in So there you go, theology is alive and even a live appearance from sumptuous and diverse attitude. most important countries partici- revealed that theology has a con- with him wherever he goes; he 586BCE. Another film entrenched and kicking in modern culture Virgine Ledoyen (hottie from The Even if you don’t like the films you pating in film at this current time, temporary relevance after all, treasures it not just for its contents in biblical allusion is Deep Impact. today. Religion, Christianity and Beach) as well as talks and discus- may have seen by the French, or if merci. including in film. Back in the but also its material presence in his In this Hollywood blockbuster (a spirituality are often derided but sion meetings being held post and you disagree with the thought of If you missed the frogs doing film 1950’s (I’m told) Cecil B. De life. On being released from hospi- mightily cheesy movie I must for filmmakers they are rich veins prior to some of the films. having to eye strain over subtitles, down in temple bar then fear not, Mille’s The Ten Commandments tal, he gives his Bible to a boy add), the President of the USA of inspiration. The Bible is a foun- Although tickets started at 9euros, which I for one do, you will always most Lasers stock a rather decent was something of a 'people’s named Frank. In doing so, his he launches Operation Noah’s Ark to dational document for western and that’s before you are made to leave the cinema with a tiny bit of little array of French fancies and favourite'. I’ve spoken to people gives part of himself, in order that save the world from a very society and its continuing impact become either a day member or something that you didn’t have there’s always next year! who still remember scenes from Frank may still feel connected to destructive comet headed our way. upon pop culture grows annually. sign up on an annual deal at the when you went in, I’m not saying the film in vivid detail. The film at him after they part. This is accomplished by a mission For this reason, to have a proper IFC, it is always worthwhile to it’s a life changing experience but the time was groundbreaking, with appropriately named Space understanding of Western society take advantage of these brief there’s more chance it will give its grand vistas and raw emotion. The Bible is explicitly referenced Mission Messiah. knowledge of the Bible cannot be opportunities to see something dif- your brain something to reside Most importantly, cinema gave more than it is used as a physical underestimated ferent. over before you make it to the pub Put down your wands! Hogwarts Vs Narnia Mary Garboden reports but Aslan has that Jesus thing would go out with me!” – the Wizard Tournament and a student Voldemort, made considerably less staying. Lucy discovers the door- messiah of the land who enlists the going on and might have some recent madness for fantasy flicks ball at Hogwarts should be enough mysterious by his appearance in way to a magical kingdom during Pevensies in his army of fauns, on the magical show pretty important people on his has been a major international to fill seats. The central narrative the form of Ralph Fiennes. You a game of hide-and-seek. She centaurs, talking beavers, and down between Harry Will Harry and his explo- phenomenon. The fact that The begins when Harry is selected to might expect this casting choice to enters it and learns that the evil many more fantastic beasts against Potter and The Chronicles Lord of the Rings trilogy and participate in the Tri-Wizard make the face of pure evil kinda White Witch Jadis (Tilda Swinton) evil. sive popularity send Harry Potter films were both mas- Tournament, a competition usually sexy, but with no nose and a pair has Narnia in her clutches and As well as trying to ride of Narnia. Aslan back to the zoo? sive hits, despite coming out in restricted to students over seven- of pretty intense contact lenses, leaves the kingdom in perpetual the coattails of Harry Potter and Aslan gives a mighty roar in the such close proximity to one anoth- teen. Our hero reluctantly partici- the result is a far cry from The winter. Lucy returns to her own Frodo, Disney, who’s behind The face of which Harry Potter stands Or is he just a flavour-of- er, shows audiences’ hunger for pates in the games, which include English Patient. world and tells her skeptical sib- Lion, the Witch and yes, even the bravely, that adorable expression the-month battling some- flights of fancy. Recently, another stealing a golden egg from a The Lion, the Witch, and key though rarely emphasized of purse-lipped determination on Perhaps director Mike thing bigger than he player has come onto the field and vicious dragon and getting through the Wardrobe, a Christian allegory, Wardrobe, is tapping into the his face. Adjusting his spectacles, the sequel-potential-packed The a hedge-maze with far more sinis- also presents a battle against the Newell’s experience with Christian market who loved Mel the wizard-in-training shouts, could dream of being and Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the ter things than Jack Nicholson dark side, but one that’s been pre-cad Hugh Grant in Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ “Boxofficia monopolisum!” will live to regret the day Witch, and the Wardrobe has lurking inside. going on for a good few years so well. Performing the balancing throwing bright light from his Four Weddings and a he hopped on a Nimbus promised to dazzle us with special And if these tasks longer (ie, since the dawn of time). act of attracting people who claim wand that hurls the lion back- effects, a cast of thousands (thou- weren’t enough, Harry, at the ever- The story begins in England dur- Funeral helped him coach Jesus as their homeboy while not wards. Aslan charges as Harry 2000? sands of computer-generated ani- so tender age of fourteen, has to ing World War II; air raids in Daniel Radcliffe’s Harry turning off more mainstream secu- pitches a snitch in his opponent’s side... mals, but still), and a hearty help- get up the courage to ask his crush London have prompted the parents lar audiences, the production giant direction. ing of Christian allegory you prob- to the Hogwarts dance. Perhaps of Lucy, Edmund, Susan, and in perfecting his hopes to have a fail-safe hit. Will Harry and his explosive pop- Whether viewers are looking for ably missed when you were little director Mike Newell’s experience Peter Pevensie to send them to the “umm”’s, “ah”’s, and We’ll have to wait until ularity send Aslan back to the zoo? escape from thoughts of the real and saw the B.B.C. cartoon ver- with pre-cad Hugh Grant in Four safety of the countryside. Little “ahem”’s. 8 December, however, to see if Or is he just a flavour-of-the- world – the only chemical sion. Weddings and a Funeral helped did Mr. and Mrs. Pevensie know Aslan’s old-school battle-scenes month battling something bigger weapons Hermione worries about Due to the success of the him coach Daniel Radcliffe’s that their children would get fur- and Christian morals can triumph than he could dream of being and are locked safely in Professor first three films, Harry is probably Harry in perfecting his “umm”’s, ther from London than they could lings about the discovery. They all over Harry’s wand and wizardry. will live to regret the day he Snape’s laboratory – or if this is a the more confident contender this “ah”’s, and “ahem”’s. imagine, through the wardrobe of go to investigate and enter Narnia hopped on a Nimbus 2000? True, simple case of revenge of the Christmas – even without these This Potter film also brings the Professor Digory Kirke (Jim together, meeting Aslan (with a Harry has the advantage of flight, nerds – “Girls in Middle Earth previous achievements, the Tri- return of the mysterious Lord Broadbent), with whom they are voice by Liam Neeson), the lion- 12 Tuesday December 6, 2005 Music Editor:Steve Clarke MUSIC Trinity News

dress stands in the doorway of a to be found here, something that Vashti Bunyan: small thatched cottage, the ele- perhaps has only remained intact Lookaftering ments of rural living clearly every- because Bunyan took a thirty year where around her. sabbatical to raise a family. The Raked Over the Coals... (Fat Cat) As a stripped-down, impressive list of guest stars that entirely acoustic album (with not adorn the background scenes so much as a single beat of percus- inconspicuously - Joanna sion), it should come as no sur- Newsom, Robert Kirby (arranger prise that there is a repetitive for Nick Drake), Esper's Otto essence to "Lookaftering," the Hauser, and Currituck County's tracks never straying too far from Kevin Barker among them - pays each other melodically, but testament to the impact Bunyan ambling along like a herd of sheep has been having unbeknownst to on the farm you can't help but her all these years. However, it's place her on. quite likely that you would not be There is a tender, ornate able to pick out these names quality to everything Bunyan amongst the chimes of recorders touches, but her shrill whisper and glockenspiels, particularly if Cian Traynor often fails to be articulate enough you're stretching to differentiate to hear the lyrics clearly - some- these songs from each other. thing that the closing "Wayward Ultimately, "Lookaftering" seems A significant influence on surprisingly unconcerned with Devendra Banhart, British folk “There is an undeni- doing everything it can to rest as a singer Vashti Bunyan recorded able beauty and even memorable work - something one only one album before retiring would assume would be a priority from music and disappearing into a sense of purity to be to an artist who has been criminal- obscurity in the 70s. Having found here, some- ly over-looked in such a period of enjoyed somewhat of a rediscov- thing that perhaps near-anonymous exile. ery in recent years - one that has It's been said many led to collaborations with the likes has only remained times that "The Velvet of Animal Collective and Banhart intact because Underground and Nico" only sold himself - Bunyan has finally Bunyan took a thirty 100 copies when it was first emerged with an overdue follow- released, but everyone who bought up to 1969's "Just Another year sabbatical to it started a band; the same could be Diamond Day." raise a family.” suggested - in a folkie context, of Amazingly, there is course - about "Just Another nothing in terms of age to distin- Diamond Day." While forgotten guish "Lookaftering" from the Hum" proves by being a hummed, folksman Bill Fay made a similar amber hues of her once forgotten wordless piece that's just as effec- return this year from the depths of pastoral folk. In fact, Bunyan tive as its siblings. While the intri- nowhere to deliver more sounds could have easily recorded her lat- cate layers of "Here Before" and from the bottom of a grandfather est offering a decade or two even the lonesome swoon of clock, Bunyan's return is one that before then, such is the timeless "Wayward" present themselves as recreates those postcard-like quality to her breathy, quavering highlights, each of the eleven images of falling snowflakes vocals and her cut-off-from-the- tracks are equally representative of across acres of farm, miles from world presence. It feels as if little the dusty, antiquated fare Bunyan anywhere. The difference is that has changed from the cover of that is revisiting. this time, a new generation will be cult release all those years ago: a There is an undeniable listening. woman clad in an apron and head- beauty and even a sense of purity Oisin Gartlan talks to The Rakes about NASA, James Joyce, and Bloc Feathers: Bex Horn" stabilise the LP's Dandelion Flower" together now Party comparisons. momentum comfortably. Here, the sounding like a blissful choir of Feathers inclusion of a distorted guitar is the strung-out angels. The Rakes are doing well for them- work for NASA. “We met on the Unbearable Lightness of Being.” was for the CMJ Festival so it was only reminder you're bound to find After the rather more selves; their debut album way up there, yeah.” However they I’d feel bad except I real- more industry people, but we sold (Cargo) that what you're hearing isn't from stripped-down and straightforward Capture/Release is out now on V2, met (and, for the record, I believe ly wanted to know why in "The out four shows in LA and at the end Cian Traynor the antiquated music sheets of cen- "Past the Moon," there is an eerie they played four sell-out shows in him- it’s the same way the Who Guilt" Alan sings “Everything was there were queues for like half a turies bygone. similarity to a blend of Harrison New York and in LA and are now met), they’ve been playing together wrong/ All the cats were dead/ and mile around the block.” From crickets to radio- and Lennon on "Come Around," a touring with Franz Ferdinand, they for three years and this is the first the phones were gone.” It was as In my ‘research’ I kept Living up to their indistinct but apt waves, "Van Bal" is an impressive- number that presents itself like a were just on Later with Jools band Lasse and Alan have ever simple as messing up the lines in finding references to Lasse as the choice of name, this 8-piece group ly eclectic mix of sounds, reverber- well-rounded, traditional gospel Holland, and to top it off Lasse been in. Alan’s never sung before, rehearsal one day, and preferring it wild boy who gets up to all sorts of from Vermont use feather-light ating with a surreal degree of bal- folk tune, completing the Feathers Petersen (the drummer) and Jamie but his deadpan complements the better that way. They are currently crazy shenanigans (always the vocals to deliver one of the best ance despite the sheer volume of experience nicely. Though the Hornsmith (the bassist) recently music perfectly. Jamie was in one rehearsing new material while on drummer). I asked him what exact- tracks I've heard this year. Opening album is arguably a little too light got the chance to talk to yours truly. other band, but when pressed said tour “We’ve got a lot of free time, ly he had done to earn this reputa- the album with falling waves of “Rest assured, they in places (even for feathers), in all, I’m new to this whole music jour- “I can’t remember anything except because we’re on first and sound- tion “When you just start touring, harmonies, there's more than a are a welcome addi- if it can catch your attention in just nalist lark, but I’ve gotten sick that it was rubbish.” check last, so we’re working on you know, you get excited, drink touch of Marc Bolan to these the right frame of my mind, this is reading NME and the like enough Having listened to the tion to the ever-blos- “The Rakes’ witty, brusque minimalist post- dreamy descents, but they can't an extremely comforting release to know what it’s all about; so here album I was intrigued by a few help but be entirely absorbing. soming folk revolu- and one among the year's best. goes: The Rakes’ witty, brusque obscure references and asked punk recalls Gang of Four and Wire. ..” While it may be a stretch to deci- tion.” Having made the transi- minimalist post-punk recalls Gang where they drew their inspiration pher some of the words, the inter- tion from CD-R to a limited run of of Four and Wire. from. Lasse replied “Matthew new songs.” I asked a few obvious lots of beer and run naked, well not play of these shimmering lines has ingredients involved. From 1,000 LPs, it may be some time yet (I’m brilliant at this! I (Matthew Swinnerton the guitarist questions about getting on with completely naked, through a serv- an addictive quality, leaving a taste "Silverleaves in the Air of before Feathers begin to gain the described the music without actual- and second vocal) and Alan write Franz Ferdinand and the Editors ice station” Jamie wants everyone that has you wanting more before Starseedlings" on, the Feathers LP kind of attention they deserve, but ly doing so, and have the prerequi- most of the lyrics. Alan tends to (also on the tour) and they gave a to know that it was just Lasse, not the song has even ended. begins to feel like it has the stamp rest assured they are a welcome site two comparisons with bands write everyday stuff, "Work, Work, few obvious answers. However, the rest of them. Musically speaking, it of George Harrison all over it - the addition to the ever-blossoming that I’ve never actually heard. Work", "22 Grand Job", stuff like Jamie did point out that they didn’t I asked for a final should come as no surprise to those same soothing voices that weaved folk revolution. Lasse has also never heard of them that, things as they are, but with feel part of ‘the scene.’ “None of us thought (how else do you wind familiar with Devendra Banhart's the warm "Old Black Hal with a and lead singer Alan Donohoe has detail. Matthew writes more poeti- know each other really. We were down an interview?) and here it is: "Cripple Crow" that Feathers guest One of the stories surrounding the band says just playing gigs and then heard “It’s nice to be Dublin.” It’s good appeared on that release, as there is that there was band Bloc Party who that they like it here, because quite a similar presence and texture that they met one day fighting over a book in sounded sort of similar. Actually they’re coming back to headline a to these songs. But no matter how a library, but I gave them a chance to make up we once played to like 50 or 60 gig at The Village on the 11th of many fad labels you attach as a pre- a new story, and Jamie revealed that in fact people with Bloc Party at this club March. fix, this is just good old timey folk. in London.” They’ve also been Flush with an range of "world" they all used to work for NASA. “We met on touring with Bloc Party in France. If you haven’t seen the video for 22 instruments (undulating guitar, the way up there, yeah.” We had a bit of chat Grand Job, you can (and you mountain dulcimer, lap harp, sitar, about the musical tastes in France should) at www.therakes.co.uk/ and banjo among them), "To Earth said elsewhere he’s never heard cal, more lyrical, he wrote and in America which involved me _objects/music_and_video/play- His Own" is another vibrant, intox- Gang of Four.) ‘Strasbourg’ and ‘Terror’.” A wee making gross generalisations about er.php?track=22. If you have icating affair, the vocals again low One of the stories sur- bit ignorantly I continued asking how ‘arty’ acts tend to be much bet- you’ve seen why the Rakes were in the mix as a rhythm rich with the rounding the band says that they questions about the lyrics, so even- ter received in France but Lasse once described as “post- David air of a time long gone winds a trail met one day fighting over a book in tually when I ask Jamie and Lasse surprised me with this: “We Brent.” into the soft and simple "Alna." a library, but I gave them a chance what their favourite books are haven’t released anything in Led by a female delivery to make up a new story, and Jamie Jamie tells me that “Alan likes America yet and still played four this time, the track is buoyed with revealed that in fact they all used to James Joyce, what is it... The sold out shows in New York. That an almost pious element, its slow, sleepy feel fading out to a strange- ly misplaced squeal of distortion Phantom (FM) Returns! before the ascending acoustics of "I Marianne Roche received 5 applications. Phantom a month before the proposed in the New Year. Obviously we can Okkervil River: missed out on it the first time Sheep Boy #4" is a nice, countri- delivered their application to the launch date when Zed FM sought a expect some changes to the station, around. fied segue that's littered with dark- BCI in Dublin’s famous purple judicial review of the BCI’s deci- but providing they honour their Black Sheep Boy Opening on a dark, ened imagery of chasing forces. Phantom FM will finally begin Ghost Bus, which no doubt made a sion to award the licence to promise to never play the “dispos- strangely alluring lullaby "Another Radio Song" broadcasting on Dublin’s airwaves lasting impression on the Phantom. Zed FM claimed that able rubbish” which dominates Appendix sequence, Will Sheff's literary skill runs through a mixture of ele- in 2006 as Dublin’s first Commission. The station was sup- there appeared to be an unfair bias mainstream radio and they contin- (Jagjaguwar) traces the steps of a group of chil- ments on the way to developing a Alternative Rock station. Many of ported by a number of individuals shown to Phantom FM throughout ue to support and promote new dren drawn into the woods, car- belated but entirely effective us are already familiar with including Paul McGuinness (U2’s the selection process and that the bands, Dublin’s alternative music Cian Traynor toonish stars twinkling above as if momentum, before being sub- Phantom, which was been broad- manager) and Frank Gleeson, fact that Phantom FM had broad- fans will be more than happy. the beginning of an epic fairytale. merged into a scene of mysterious casting on-and-off, legally and ille- owner of Whelan’s and The casted in clear breach of broadcast- While Sheff's Eels-like delivery is noises that hint teasingly rather gally, for almost 10 years. Village. Phantom FM was shortlist- ing legislation for almost 6 years questionable, the scene is brilliant- than detail the next progressive Phantom FM began in ed along with another consortium, had been over- ly vivid and storybook-like, his step - perhaps Appendix's only 1996 as a pirate radio station. Zed FM - a station whose support- looked. The case gift for words turning the pages drawback to its compact contents. Following the establishment of the ers included Bob Geldof, Niall was heard last "Last Love Song for Things reach a climax Broadcasting Commission of Stokes of Hot Press magazine and month and the Now": hand-clapping with "Last Love Song for Now," Ireland (BCI) and the subsequent Gaby Smyth, an accountant and court decided to another upbeat outing but this time major raids of unlicensed radio sta- chairperson of Amnesty uphold the BCI’s its proclamation as charged with the swoon of tions, Phantom FM was forced to International Ireland. decision, dis- the release's stand- Mariachi horns a la Calexico, cease broadcasting completely in The BCI awarded the missing Zed out moment” hand-clapping its proclamation as May 2003 as a pirate station and licence to Phantom FM in FM’s appeal on the release's standout moment apply for a licence. Phantom’s first November 2004. Reasons the all grounds. for you. "No Key, No Plan," on before bowing out on the same two applications were rejected in Commission gave for this decision It is the other hand, could be about fantastic string theme that has tied favour of other specialist stations included that they believed now hoped that absolutely anything; racing away this neat little unit together bril- which the Commission believed Phantom’s financial projections to Phantom FM will "Black Sheep Boy Appendix" with a carefree swing (and also a liantly. would be in greater demand. be “more realistic” than those of be launched in works like a distilled, alternative different style of vocal), it effec- In all, the EP format However, Phantom was granted a Zed FM and that Zed FM had the Spring. The version of one of 2005's most tively cleans the palate before a allows Okkervil River to expand number of temporary weekend “failed to satisfy” the BCI that its station received acclaimed albums, "Black Sheep gorgeous ribbon of strings takes us (but not rehash) the themes and licences and continued to broadcast music would appeal to women. more than 700 Boy." Rather than serve as a mere back to the next awaiting chapter feel to "Black Sheep Boy," allow- online. Phantom announced that job applications EP of alternate takes, it's a mini- with cinematic smoothness - it's ing them a creative license and When the BCI finally concept album that may prove to they would begin broadcasting in and will begin What the return of Phantom might mean almost as if you can feel the cam- margin for experimentation that, decided that Dublin did in fact need July 2005 and began a recruitment interviews for the be the perfect introduction to its era slowly cutting back to the un-self-consciously, pays off divi- an Alternative Rock station, they drive. This came to a halt less than 30 positions early for Dublin... predecessor for all those that story. A lumbering rhythm, "Black dends. Music Editor:Steve Clarke Tuesday December 6, 2005 13 Trinity News MUSIC Cartoon: In The House Steve Clarke interviews Jeanette C of up-and-coming Cork house band, Cartoon I’m very familiar with cartoons. bite and you think “oh my God, Jeanette C: Oh my god! Ferrero From classics like Scooby Doo thing’s couldn’t possibly get any Roche….cus I’m good enough for and Inspector Gadget, to modern better”. And then it does. It’s got the ambassador. It’s nutty and masterpieces like Samurai Jack, wisabi in it…hidden depths. sweet. I’m a fan of them all. However, until recently I wasn’t familiar Audience: Whooooooooo! Audience:: with Cartoon (capital c). I now WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! know that they are an eight-piece TN: Good answer. You’ve seen funk/soul/house collective from the TV show before, I can tell. Ok, TN: You could be a Fruit and Nut- Cork with more tunes than you we have gone on a long drive and that’s nutty and fruity at the same could legally fit into a rush-hour have broken down in say, time. Luas. Their gig in Crawdaddy two Roscommon, in the middle of the weeks ago felt like one of “From experiencing their live Jeanette C: I’m a few Kerouac’s accounts of the raisins short of a Fruit and jazz gigs in On The Road; show, their album will be quite Nut. I’d probably be a euphoric and passionate, something- equal parts Basement Whole Nut then. and not at all like those Jaxx and Screamadelica-era indie-rock gigs I would TN: Bit morbid, this one. If usually frequent. As Primal Scream, or maybe Charles you only had one day to singer and UCC music Mingus and Donna Love stuck in live, what three things graduate Jeanette C states, an elevator...” would you do? “after my degree I was hoping to go to the West Jeanette C: Smile at every End and do show tunes, but house night. Neither of us has member- stranger. God, I’d pretty much run music got inside me…those funky ship for a recovery service nor a around the place like it was an bass lines got inside me and phone so the best thing would be adventure. But I’m pretty much messed with my head. It’s a differ- to sit it out and wait for a passing like that anyway- a live for the ent way of thinking.” motorist or until daylight. How moment kinda gal- if you’ve got After negotiating their would you entertain yourself for an impulse, act on it. If you’re way onto the Oxegen bill during the few hours 'stranded'? open to things they’ll come to you. the summer, Cartoon have just So yeah, I’d sing on street corners released their first single “Move Jeanette C: Depends who I’m and tell anyone I was even remote- On” (also available to download with! ly in love with that I was in love free on their website, www.car- with them… I’d like to have been toon.ie), and are due to release Audience: the soundtrack to people’s good their debut album next February. Whoooooooooooooooooooo! memories. From experiencing their live show, it’ll be quite something- equal Jeanette C: You could play seven TN: Something serious now. parts Basement Jaxx and steps with Kevin Bacon. You ever Regardless of your religion, do Screamadelica-era Primal Scream, done that? you believe that God is a man or a Jeanette C, Karen Underwood and Barry Fitzgerald of Cartoon or maybe Charles Mingus and woman? Donna Love stuck in an elevator. TN: Not that I remember… gonna have a boat man, you’re Jeannette C: Yeah, they were a was funded by singing in grown- you don’t have many Irish Saying that, at the time of the Jeanette C: I think God’s asexual gonna have adventures on it. And production outfit, with stuff clubs…so Bob came along one funk/soul bands out there! interview, I was blissfully ignorant Jeanette C: Kevin Bacon is in so actually. parties. You could go into every released on the Brique Rouge night, said he’d really like to work of all this. I’d never heard the many films that if you name one port to collect all the crazies for label in Paris, and they would with me. I was like cool man, TN: Why did you decide to call band, and what’s more, I didn’t star you can get to Kevin Bacon TN: Like a worm? adventures. kinda contract singers and musi- whatever. But he sent me along yourselves Cartoon? even know what Jeannette, the within seven steps. I’m very good cians from around town to do some beats and a bass line and I singer who I was meeting, looked at nonsensical conversation- that Jeanette: Um…God, you’re very TN: Plausibly, you could make work with them. I was an opera wrote “Move On”. I got the track Jeanette C: Bob used to live with like. How would I even recognise seems to pass the time. deep, aren’t you? your boat Narnia, from a singer from the country, but I on Friday, wrote the melody and a Polish guy, so he’d play him the her? It was almost like a Blind- wardrobe- just like the title of the decided I didn’t want to be an lyrics on Saturday and we record- music and ask him what he Date scenario. And in that spirit… TN: Me too, I’m good at that. TN: I do go to Trinity College... book! It’d be a theme. But enough opera singer, I wanted to be a ed it on the Sunday. That was thought. He was like- “that’s like small talk. How’d you get togeth- house singer. It was that tune November 2003, and since cartoon music!” And hence the Trinity News: If I were a meal, Jeanette C: How many surrealists Jeanette: I don’t really see God as er with the band? I understand “Fade”- I loved it so much, I January 2004 we’ve been a live name. I’d be chilli made in a slow cook- does it take to screw in a light a man or a woman, its more of a… er- why? Because I’d be ready, bulb? oh God, this is far too big a con- “For people that aren’t into rock music there’s no real live TN: Who your favourite cartoon waiting and hot just when you got versation for me to get into… shit bands they can go to, and it’s nice to have something that’s character? in. If you were a meal what would TN: I have no idea. man! God, man or a woman? I’d you be? have to say a woman, cus she’s got homegrown- you don’t have many Irish funk/soul bands out Jeanette C: Me, I’m Jessica Rabbitt. Jeannette C: Fish! a twisted sense of humour? Yep. there!” Jeanette C: Well I actually work in Wagamama- I’m a corporate TN: I see what you did there. It’s TN: What would you, did you or Check out www.cartoon.ie for noodle whore…we got asked this good. Moving on… I have always have you named your boat and Bob Jackson (Cartoon’s produc- would always sing along; I band, with our first gig in the more information on the band. at work actually, in the first week, had a weakness for chocolate. why? Everybody’s got to have a er/drummer) and Darragh realised, man, I can sing this! So I Sugar Club. For people that aren’t and going by Wagamama’s menu I Which chocolate bar best repre- boat. O’Connor (producer/keyboardist) ended up singing with my friends into rock music there’s no real live would be a chocolate with wisabi sents your personality? stumbled across you singing? who were djs around town. I had bands they can go to, and it’s nice fudge cake…cus you have the first Jeanette C: Narnia! Cus if you’re no job at the time so my social life to have something that’s home-

this tide began, I had to wonder the main idea here is to conscious- room chanting ‘Fuck Bush!’ 8) But why did the guitar and (dear God) bass solos, Rogue Wave: whether their latest release, the ly give Rogue's song-writing some Public Enemy repeatedly. Not that I disagree, but crowd have to drown out his 2 and letting the awful MCs in the Descended Like aptly titled "Descended Like extra strength, building it up with a The Village, 15th if Chuck D had told them to chant minute long yeeeeahhhh boy- crowd onstage; as Flava Flav once Vultures," would be able to revive tougher exterior, however superfi- anything they would have said it. eeeeeee’? They couldn’t do any said: ‘They could get a SLAP for Vultures my ailing interest in the genre. cial that layer may be. November ‘We suck!’ ‘Fuck Saddam’, ‘Fuck better. that!’ Whereas 2004's "Out of However, the new Rahul Bery Michael Collins’ etc 9) I want Chuck D to be I don’t want to make it (Sub-Pop) the Shadow" was ostensibly a solo changes ring in a comfortable level 5) Speaking of that, I my uncle. Or my old friend who seem like I didn’t have a good time. Cian Traynor effort whose ear-candy confounded of diversity if nothing else, and found the cashing in on Irish poli- lives in a cabin with his lovely wife Purely as a show, the two hour per- listeners in all the right ways, "Descended like Vultures" is cer- Ambiguity towards something you tics a bit cheap. Now I’m not Irish, and children, who I go to see when formance was almost worth paying Rogue Wave's sophomore release tainly the better for it. "10:1," on love is a strange thing. For exam- but the hilarious joke ‘Queen I need sound advice. nearly €40 to see (that’s 30c a is the end-product of a four-piece the other hand, is the perfect exam- ple, after much deliberation, I Elizabitch’? How many people 10) Why did he cop out minute). But Chuck somewhat who have made a conscious deci- ple of sounding a little too like decided to hand over the somewhat here really care about the Queen? on talking about the other side of summed up the disillusionment I sion to inject a little more heavi- every other indie-pop band, and it's bloated €37.50 to buy a ticket to Is she as bad as Bush? And how the war against terrorism? Chuck D felt watching the stagnation of one ness into matters. In place of a a moment we, and Rogue's song- see one of my all time favourite many people have been ‘shat on’ is surely nothing but a wholly pos- of the most provocative, intelligent, hushed lo-fi quality uncannily like writing, can do without. No matter groups, Public Enemy. From a by British imperialism? Do any of itive representative of Islam, and ridiculous and downright awesome Elliot Smith, comes a more viva- how they're dressed up and filled musical and a political point of the crowd (none of whom seemed his silence on the matter of those bands ever during ‘Bring the cious spread that, instead, could be out, one can't escape the feeling view, I suppose that this troupe of to be veterans of 1916 or famine who misuse his religion was Noise’ with this slightly altered accused of sounding dangerously that these songs were all written on jokers and poets are responsible for victims) have any knowledge of noticed, at least by me. What couplet: “Some say no to the similar to some of the acts already an acoustic as simple saccharine some kind of awakening in many a what it’s like to be under the yoke would Louis Farrakhan say? album, the show/ Bum rush the mentioned. Thus, releasing this reveries (like the Norwegian confused teenager, myself includ- of the iron hands of Empire? Chuck 11) Why bother releasing sound I made 15 (or is it 16?) years album after such a slew is a confi- Wood-esque "California") and ed. And the resonance of ‘It Takes new albums? All the new songs ago.” dent move indeed, but Zach Wave's have been given a makeover in an a Nation of Millions’ to hold us “I want Chuck D to be were mediocre at best. As for the song-writing is more than able to attempt to avoid the inevitable back is one that rings loudly and my uncle. Or my old weather the seas of soundalikes, comparisons to label-mates The affectingly over two decades. But friend who lives in a and those already fond of his Shins - an inclination that seemed here I am, confused and disgrun- After the surprise success of the set to dog Rogue Wave's career tled, the resonance not yet departed cabin with his lovely soundtrack to "Garden State," “it's clear that Rogue after "Out of the Shadow." from my ears, though I sit, prostate wife and children, record companies have been only Wave's songs feel By the time we reach at home at least an hour after who I go to see when I too happy to cash in on anything infinitely catchy and "Are You on My Side," it's clear tonight’s debacle. For I feel a bearing even a feint resemblance to that Rogue Wave's songs feel infi- malaise of sorts. Let me categorise need sound advice.” it ever since. Consequently, 2005 memorable but, nitely catchy and memorable while it. has seen an unprecedented influx somewhat inexplica- you're listening to them, but, some- 1) Public Enemy have seemed to resort to mindless slo- of indie-pop releases, veritably bly, seem to lack a what inexplicably, seem to lack a scores of amazing songs. Why did gans in order to stir up the crowd. causing the good to become indis- magnetic pull; as with the previous they play less than half of them? And it worked, but I’m not sure if tinguishable from the bad amongst magnetic pull” release, it's quite easy to enjoy this 2) What’s up with the any of them knew what they were a flood of soundalikes. Whereas thoroughly without finding your- phoney bassist and guitarist? Why saying Brendan Benson, Jack Johnson, sweetened pop sensibilities will not self being drawn back to it. Yet do they have to play ‘Black Steel in 6) Why is Professor Griff and Devin Davis deservedly earned be disappointed. even if that is the case, there's sure- the hour of Chaos’? Why cant we still in the band? What is the point warm receptions early on in the Demonstrating this ly more than enough here to earn it just listen to the original AMAZ- of him? He can’t rap, he doesn’t year, the likes of OKGO, Clap Your amped-up transition, the gratifying a place right alongside the best of ING backing track. rap, he has never contributed any- Hands Say Yeah, and The New opener "Bird on a Wire" features a the scene's current crop, though 3) What happened to thing to the group. Is he still a Pornographers have marked a satu- falling guitar line cutting uncom- any commercial success may hang talking about black people? racist? He looks like a member of ration point of dulcet choruses and promisingly into the end of each in the balance of the album's tim- Admittedly the message would not G-Unit. sugar-coated harmonies. Quite verse, and the effect is pushed even ing. be fully appreciated by a room full 7) Flava Flav is amazing. simply, we're reaching a level of further with a subtle smattering of of white Dubs (or anyone not a Even though he has recently been overkill in the catchy department, electro-like feedback towards the black American), but isn’t that the revamped as a Chris Eubankesque and this cynical re-working of what song's end. Similarly, when point of P.E? To speak out about reality T.V clown, there is nothing "pop" is by the labels has left me as "Publish My Love" bursts in on a the marginalising of whole sectors like watching him, with his glittery an indie-pop diabetic. Having been gust of distortion, and has its cho- of society? This goes for anyone, sunglasses and medium-sized acquainted with Rogue Wave's rus propelled with Pat Spurgeon's anywhere. clock, the perfect antidote to "Out of the Shadow" just before thundering bass drum, it's clear that 4) Instead we get said Chuck. Flava Flav: He loves you all... 14 Tuesday December 6th, 2005 Food & Drink Editor: Rosie Gogan-Keogh FOOD & DRINK Trinity News

The Dublin Food Conspicuous Experience Consumption …With Claudia Rosie Gogan-Keogh visits the China House on Parnell Street

As I walked out the side door of the gregate over seas in some dingy new regular. It used to be on just in English in somewhat larger vegetarian restaurant where I Irish bar, the Chinese, undoubtedly, Moore Street upstairs in what font, where you find your basic Braün worked for my lunch break, I heard do it over food. could have been someones sitting local take away fare. the words, "Eat meat?" I looked This community has room but has since reopened in We had Chilli squid and anxiously around, who could have resulted in, for the first time, us more cultivated surroundings Chilli and Garlic Prawns. Ok, a lot uttered such heinous words within of seafood. A lot of chilli. But both ler to deflect all calls, but I have previously – and assured Marianne earshot of so many anal Veggies “We had Chilli squid and Chilli and Garlic were fantastic. No neon red msg been left messages advising me to that I was aware of my own radi- and Vegans. There lurking in the Prawns. Ok, a lot of seafood. A lot of chilli. But gloop or deep fried crispy batter. eat rare monkey, raw carp, fresh ance, thank-you-very-much. It was shadows was one of the Chinese both were fantastic. No neon red msg gloop or deep Just well cooked, tasty food. And tree bark and ‘macrobiotic cereals’ not till I attempted to exit that she KP's holding forth a steaming poly- dare I say it, authentic. – whatever they may be – all leapt upon me. styrene box. fried crispy batter. Just well cooked, tasty food. Two mains with rice and washed down with a cool glass of Meat, you say? Well I And dare I say it, authentic” a beer each cost just over twenty my own urine, in the hopes of ‘Please,’ she implored – clasping was the one who had chuckled to squids. Definately worth a visit shedding ‘excess pounds’ which I my wrists in her sweaty hands – ‘is myself for days at the idea of order- Irish being able to sample real across the road on Parnell Street. when faced with the quandry of red it wheatgrass?’ I wrested her off as simply do not have. Many times I only a three-time-divorcee knows ing an extra rare steak at the Chinese food. The menu has the or brown flavour 'enter meat of have considered simply passing how and flung her down onto the Christmas Party... Well, I never. The boy and I decided to Chinese dishes up front with choice here'. Marianne the number of my Persian rug. ‘Marianne,’ I intoned, The steaming box turned go all out for our two year annin- English translations. At the back favourite surgeon, Dr. ‘I have managed to reach forty- out to be full of pork filled Chinese versery last week and went to our you will find the "Chinese" menu - Topadopolous, and reminding her eight years of age without acquir- dumplings. We ate them all. ing any of the bovine characteris- briskly and without judgement that tics of the ‘mature’ woman, and I Equally as bored as I was with health food is simply for those too certainly don’t intend to start graz- those ever repetitive vegetable Not many people realise this, but proletarian to afford liposuction. ing now’. She lay in a crumpled crumbles and the likes, the car- heap on the floor, panting hoarsely, every second Wednesday is niverous Chinese staff had resor ed muttering something about her Healthy Eating Day in the That evening – after a sumptuous to going down to Moore Street to ‘glutes’. I felt that the disclosure of Women’s Wing of Mountjoy partridge dinner – I retired to the my actual age – sixty-four – would Oriental Room to powder my nose. “This is wonderfully prison. This cursed event consists be the death knell for Marianne’s of a trio of pallid Hare Krishnas After I had been in the room for but brittle self-esteem and so, exercis- ing the compassion for which I am refreshing. To see real shambling into the dining hall and a few moments, my nostrils were piqued by the yeasty sent of des- noted, I left her there to recover her live intergration on the ladelling a chilled, pea-green gruel senses before I had her ejected from a large rusty vat – all the peration, and I turned to realise that from the party and stricken from all once most quintessential future guest lists. The last I heard while dispensing what they face- I have been left mes- Dublin Street. It is now, tiously term to be ‘literature’ deal- of Marianne Fortescue, she had been pecked into a state of paraly- however, the new quin- ing with the subject of ‘Wellness sages advising me to eat sis by a flock of starlings attracted tessential” Through Eating’. These gramati- rare monkey, raw carp, by the odour of sesame-seed crack- cally-impaired tracts quickly fresh tree bark and nel emanating from her body. revealed themselves to be as buy their lunch. Makes sense when unpalatable as the matter they ‘macrobiotic cereals’ – I have concluded, therefore, that one recalls whats on Moore Street. accompany – and confusing to Health Food does more harm than My granny owned one of whatever they may be – boot, as I had always thought ‘por- good. I neither know nor want to the infamous stalls selling shoes on all washed down with a tion control’ to be a way of ensur- know why I should sully my palette Parnell Street, as her mother had ing the dilligence of immigrant cool glass of my own with chutes and seeds when I can before her. Her entire family grew workers. urine, in the hopes of devour the first of the spring lambs up around Moore Street and the and simply have any unseemly lanes in between that were demol- shedding‘excess pounds’ As I choked back my cold, green remnants sluiced clean away by the ished when the Ilac Centre was sludge I cast my mind back to a which I simply do not healing hands of Dr. Topadopolous. built. I remember the stories my dinner party I had thrown around When I think of how often Great Great Uncle used to tell of have. Many times I this time last year. In fact, it was Marianne closeted herself away, being a child, watching the rebels have considered simply my penultimate monthly dinner choking down plate after plate of in the 1916 Rising run down from before the cruel misunderstanding passing Marianne the dried seaweed while I reclined into the G.P.O. looking for refuge in the which landed me in this wretched the healing hands of Fabio the houses along there. number of my favourite place… but enough of that, I shall masseur at my favourite Swedish Now, while some of the surgeon...” not throw so much as a celery stick cosmetic surgery recovery spa, I women selling fish and fruit n' veg to the rumour mongers who circle shudder with gratitude that I never remain the area has become known me even now. The particular party Marianne, clammy and wheedling fell into a similar trap. as Dublin's biggest racial melting in question was attended by seven- as ever, had followed me from the pot. Chinese restaurants, interna- ty-eight of my closest friends – and dining room and was blocking my NEXT TIME: Aphrodisiacs – the tional call shops and afro hair a seventy-ninth guest whom I shall exit with her panting frame. ‘Oh, foods of love. salons run along side by side. charitably dub an ‘acquaintance’. Claudia,’ she exclaimed breathless- This is wonderfully This hectoring being, one ly (and I realised with a shudder [Claudia Braün is in conversation refreshing. To see real live intergra- Marianne Fortescue, has for many that in order to avoid detection she with David Turpin.] tion on the once most quintessen- years desperately attempted to gain must have ascended by the ser- tial Dublin Street. It is now, howev- admittance to my inner circle, vents’ stairs) ‘You look so youth- er, the new quintessential. chiefly through phoning the house ful, so radiant.’ I smiled with diffi- This is where all of the every few weeks to eulogise her culty – having had a sizable Chinese guys I work with go to latest pathetic dietary fad. amount of flesh from my thumbs socialise. Where as the Irish con- Naturally, I have instructed the but- injected into my lips not two days SEARCH FOR THE HOLY GRAIL Various €3.30 /4.50/€5.10 The essence of this column is cheap. But a cheap pint doesn’t have to mean a bad pint. It is with this in mind that we are including a section on drinking on the bright side of three euro. If you are taste sensitive then turn away now. The sunny side of three euro per pint comes at a cost, the bar maids with hoof dentures, the funeral time music and the refreshing taste of anti-design. This is not Dawson Street country. “The Abbey Street Strip” Spirit, Traffic and Mojo’s This weeks search for the inspiration for this article. For, dear such as Goldie. On average €7 in, go there - It sounded like the place Not only are you charged outra- Holy Grail has taken me away from friends, they proudly advertise on a you are then greeted by the possi- of dreams. Three floors of holistic, geously to get in in the first place. the usual humdrum of student rid- propped up sandwich board outside bility of either 2 for 1 cocktails or fire breathing, dancing acrobats. You are then met with a blank stare den and teenage filled establish- that all pints are €3, always. I am €4.50 500ml bottles of Tiger. Yes Wow! When I did finally get to go when you proudly hand over a ments of Dublin Pubs on the nicer however shamed to admit that this is roughly the same size as a about 2 years later it was on some crisp fiver for your pint. As well as side of €4. Yes, this week, I decid- when it came to crossing the pint, and you are guaranteed that it dodgy student night and I can’t say being robbed blind on the way in – ed I would dip a toe into the murky threshold to seek the cheap alcohol won’t taste like the watered down I was too blown away. Since then I the one security we have in life of waters of Middle Abbey Street. that was truly mine, I couldn’t. I have been back a handful of times, being able to get 4 drinks for twen- realise I am supposed to be at the “But I faltered, my and am always glad of the extra ty quid has now been torn from our Middle Abbey Street has forefront, bravely guiding those snobbery, morals and hour out. very fists. €5.10 for a pint, you emerged along with Temple Bar towards everlasting inexpensive have got to be kidding. and the Grafton Street area as one delight. But I faltered, my snob- fear of near bearded But it seems Spirit is a lot of the city’s most popular spots to bery, morals and fear of near beard- ladies and mid-nineties more hype than it is actually worth. If however you are still head for when one is considering to ed ladies and mid-nineties Atomic Atomic Kitten made It does remain one of the most pop- yearning for the excitement of paint the town red. Kitten made me stop dead in my ular clubs in the city yet judging by Spirit – why not try Sunday night. tracks. However there is always me stop dead in my the clientele outside it is far from You are guaranteed to find free The most notable estab- the probability of a take over, an tracks.” the celebrity hangout it was intend- passes that get you in before 12 lishments lorded over by the ever invasion and a claiming of what’s ed to be. Scantily clad over-weight somewhere, and Chewy of powerful Spirit have formed them- rightfully ours… Ready troops? muck one has learned to expect white chicks bedeck the smoking Backlash fame has just started selves into a nice orderly strip. from everywhere in Dublin. area while silk-shirted homies strut Ecstatic in the basement every These consist of the aforemen- Next door Traffic up and down. Each group member Sunday. tioned and infamous Spirit, its little remains the beacon of hope for this Spirit opened a few years obnoxiously stalking their chosen cousin and rival Traffic and the city. Upstairs a relatively average ago under the ownership of the prey for that evening somewhat lesser known Mojo’s but cool, trendy bar. While down- salubrious Robbie Wooton. I was next-door. stairs houses Electric City every about fifteen at the time and I The one thing I am baf- Thursday, Hospital on Friday and remember being so excited at the fled by is how on earth any normal Mojo’s was in fact my has been host to many amazing acts prospect of someday being able to person can afford to go to Spirit. Tuesday December 6th, 2005 15 Trinity News FOOD & DRINK Past Our Prime? Or Tis The Season To Be Jolly Not Even There Yet?

recreational use? Maybe I should meal in the world, (rice and mince), What does the way we live and eat say about us? have, in fact if I wasn’t such a arranged in the most complicated young fogey myself it definitely way known to man. Really a black Hanna Cherlache explores the ever sobering would have been the wisest course belt in origami would struggle with of action I could take. But instead I them. The vine leaves them selves world of the dinner party show myself up as being about as look like they are from a plant with cool as your Mum’s recently some horrible parasitical disease divorced friend who’s just discov- that was causing the vine to eat it’s ered the effects of crystal healing self, and also appear to be pre- and brought a Mongolian herdsman served in sulphur. You’d think that home from the pub last night, I’m making this up, but this “brine” announcing him to her kids as as it said in the packet, had neon

“Here he was, a forty five year old man, in a leather jacket and with a haircut that would make an ox look high maintenance, telling the audience about how his preteen daughter begs him not to play rock music in the car” It’s Christmas, four weeks of guilt Hot Apple Cup free, mindless drinking. No matter “your new Daddy!” I decide, in a yellow chunks, whilst a day glo how much we promise to our- Apple juice desperate attempt to be young and silted residue was left on each leaf, selves that we will do that 7,000 Cinniman hip to make the mistake of bringing which left them smelling like a word essay, you know it is just not Nutmeg ethnic food, as if that will make a dinosaurs fart that had been slowly going to happen. Cloves difference. solidifying since the dawn of time. I for one have decided A strange, smug sense of What’s more I couldn’t rinse the to boycott Christmas this year. Throw the lot in a pot. Let simmer that I totally know what I’m doing taste out, not even after an hour of That means no presents, no tree, for a minute or two for the perfect (and believe me, it doesn’t happen separating every single one under no turkey and no contrived friend- Christmassy drink! often), washes over me as I journey the kitchen tap. No wonder they liness to complete strangers sim- from my current state of thought there were weapons of ply because someone else said I Spicy Fruit punch Stoneybatter squalor back to the mass destruction in Iraq if this is should be. I prefer to try to be nice beautiful Georgian houses and what they wash down the sink to everyone, always, thank you 600ml fresh or canned orange streets lined in Mercedes I knew every day! I squeeze the juice of very much. And as regards the juice last year, during my Trinity Hall two lemons into the casserole dish being able to stuff your face as 300ml pineapple juice days. My destination, or the desti- I’m cooking them in to disguise the Is this the new cool??! much as you like on one particular Pared rind and juice of 1 lemon nation I remembered was the gor- taste, and feeling a bit like a culi- day – please I’m a food editor, 1 x 2.5 ml spoon grated nutmeg Is it me or are the older generation prissy American girls at Wesley to most of it up worrying about seat- geous middle-eastern delicatessen nary Saddam Hussein, I hope that that’s my job. 6 cloves out-doing us on being cool? Take shame? It seems at the moment ing arrangements, and whether or East, in upper Rathmines. Last no one’s going to catch me out, poi- My boycott, nonethe- 1 x 2.5 ml spoon of mixed spice my Mum for instance; when I start youth really is being wasted on the not it matters that they can’t bal- year, I remember constantly men- soning my own people. less, does not entail, that come 600ml water my weekend with the waltz, fox young. Whilst our parents are ance the number of males to tioning I wanted to go there, but Anyway to cut a long next Friday I will not be engaging 100-175 grams sugar trot and cha-cha every Friday night going on peace rallies and cooing females attending. All of a sudden I seeing as back then I didn’t know story short the party goes down in the mass celebration of alcohol 1 litres Ginger Ale she ends hers with a tai-chi session, things like, “but darling how can have visions of walking onto what my baharat from my bog roll the swimmingly. Maybe my ethnic for the next four weeks. That I am Crushed ice obviously to stabilise herself after you say you say that drugs are bad looks like the set of a Jane Austen wish didn’t manifest itself. I have food has had the desired effect, we afraid is unavoidable. And seeing Pared orange or lemon rind to gar- two solid days of wild partying. when you haven’t even tried them? movie, tripping up over some- visions of myself swooping in, sud- sit in a circle in the living room, how there is no contrivance here - nish Whilst I’m trying to get my head Just a line of cocaine, please, for body’s lawn petticoat face down denly finding myself in a sort of instead of the formal places I was to drink at this time of year is around medieval texts for me?” we all seem to be embracing into the pheasant, and having to be Aladdin’s cave of wonders, where dreading, and stuff ourselves with a entirely natural - it doesn’t affect Mix the fruit juices, lemon rind Monday’s tutorial she’s devouring our inner fogey. fished out by some kindly gentle- they serve you your coffee from a surplus of delicious food and wine. my moral standing. and spices in a large jug. Put the the latest Booker Prize nominated The best recent example man, (who is probably another magic lamp and do all their home My flatmate who constantly asserts To lively up your array water and sugar into a saucepan sensation. Even most of the people of young fogeyism I can think of is nineteen year old philosophy stu- deliveries by magic carpet. Instead that she’s the worst cook in the of Christmas beverages here are a and heat she associates with are younger the case of my friend Maria, who, dent whose decided to reject the I find myself standing in a gor- world has baked some cookies that few alcoholic and non-alcoholic gently to dissolve the sugar. Cool, than me, (OK, I’ll admit she’s a pri- geous little café, Spiceland at the would make Marks and Spenser beverages to tickle your tastebuds. then add the other ingredients mary school teacher, but she’s still top of Rathmines, serving the sort weep, whilst a native dish cooked from the jug. Chill. Strain the liq- more down with the kids then I “Maybe I’m not out on the town, selling my soul to of stuff that makes me consider by a Polish guest actually makes Passion Delight uid and am). Maybe it’s just a bit of a pre- the devil like young people are supposed to in this breaking the glass counter just to me consider emigrating there for a Passion Fruit juice add the ginger ale and crushed ice occupation of mine at the moment. get to. The young man behind the few irrational, taste induced sec- day and age, but I haven’t enjoyed myself so much Mango juice before serving. I think it started last week, when I till explains that they’re just a café onds. Those of us that can sing and Strawberry juice Garnish with pared popped down to RTE to see a pub- for a long time. Maybe its not so bad being a young now, but they do take away food if play the guitar do, those of us that Rum orange or lemon rind. Serves 20. lic interview with the writer Neil fogey after all. And maybe we could teach the wild I’m interested. My eyes grow wider can’t, and even the ones that really Vodka Gaiman and all I could think about as I think about the credit I’ll get if shouldn’t decide to have a go. We older generation a thing or two about having a good Brown Sugar Lemon Cider cup was how old he made me feel. Here I present my fellow guests with the talk about everything, into the wee he was, a forty five year old man, in time” amazing couscous salad I can see small hours of the morning, a cou- Mix all ingredients. It really 3 Lemons a leather jacket and with a haircut in front of me. But then I remember ple disappear for about an hour into depends on how you like it your- 100 grams of caster sugar that would make an ox look high as I write this is probably out pro- post-modern age), then spending that now that I’m a hip, conscien- the bedroom and somebody asks self but I reckon about a quarter 1 cinnamon stick maintenance, telling the audience ducing excruciating envy from the rest of the evening wiping tious young person I really should- me if I’m from New Zealand. All alcohol to three quarters juice. If 600 ml of boiling water about how his preteen daughter everyone who knows her, with her chunks of stuffing out of my hair. n’t be stealing the credit for food right, I think to myself. Rock and you can’t find these juices – look 1.2 litres of cider, chilled begs him not to play rock music in lovely new boyfriend John. As it All of a sudden, after being dor- that has probably been painstaking- roll it isn’t, I don’t think it could harder because they are out there 150 ml of soda water, chilled the car. And here I was, little miss happens, last weekend Maria’s sis- mant for so long, the spirit of rebel- ly prepared by a migrant worker. I even pass itself as all that jazz, but and make this drink rather exqui- lemon slices sensible, teaming a cardigan with ter, who she lives with during term lious youth seizes me. I suddenly decide to keep this place in mind I’m having a fantastic time. Maybe site. shoes that I could actually have time, vacated the house for a week feel so revitalised, so full of energy for the future, if I can ever afford to I’m not out on the town, selling my Otherwise try a Pare the rind from two of the mugged a granny for, worrying to go to New York, bring down the I wonder if this is how it must feel eat out somewhere that isn’t the soul to the devil like young people Multivitiman tropical juice lemons, free of any pith. Squeeze about getting home in time to be up state, have wild ten hour tantric to be a fifty-two year old at the Buttery. Luckily there’s another are supposed to in this day and age, (Kelkin is my personal favourite) the juice from all the lemons. Put for my nine o’clock tutorial the meditation sessions and do whatev- present time? I can’t let my friends place, the type that you’d never but I haven’t enjoyed myself so or various other mixtures. Add the rind, juice, sugar and cinna- next morning. Not exactly the wild er any self respecting thirty year succumb to the middle-class mess even notice if you walk past it a much for a long time. Maybe its not brown sugar to taste. Chill and mon stick in a large jug. student life now is it? old does when she’s in a cult. Maria that is dinner-partydom! I realise million times, just around the cor- so bad being a young fogey after Pour on the boiling If the spirit of rebellious and John are left with the house all that something has to be done. ner. It doesn’t look pretty but it sure all. And maybe we could teach the serve. water and stir until the sugar has youth then is still alive then I’m to themselves, so as long as the So what do I do to save is cheap in there. With everything wild older generation a thing or dissolved. Leave to cool, then really not too sure where it’s gone. walls are left standing by the time them from the clutches of the beast else I need provided by Tescos I’m two about having a good time. Add whatever alcohol you find strain into a bowl. The director of Mona Lisa Smile the sister’s back in town these two that is devouring my friends from ready to rock … well ready to bake, lying around to these next drinks Just before serving, add may have got it right when he said could probably get away with just within? Do I throw Maria’s TV out but you get my drift. they’ll be delicioud anyway! the cider, soda water and lemon that nowadays every forty year old about anything they want to. If you her bedroom window into the cul- I probably decided to slice to float in each glass. Serves wants to be twenty, but what was want proof that youth is wasted on de-sac below? Crank up her sound rustle up the two most ridiculous, 12. he thinking when he carried on to the young here it is: they decide to system onto a 1200 watts amplifier and painstakingly difficult things I argue that every twenty year old have a dinner party. playing the kind of music that’s so can think of. Falafels, which are stopped wanting to be forty in the Instead of spending their extreme it gives small children really just bean burgers, that in my 1950s? Hasn’t he talked to a young time going nuts and creating the seizures? Do I arrive with enough case turned out bright green thanks person recently? Hasn’t he seen north side’s only rival to Genghis drugs to leave us more senile than to an excess of water cress, and how we at Trinity put those preppy, Khan’s pleasure dome, they use Ozzy Osborne after only an hour of stuffed vine leaves, the most simple

So, there I was, all ready and willing to try the shiny new Starbucks off College Green. I trotted out there after a lecture, mulling over what coffee/sugar hybrid I was going to purchase…….Yet it never materialized. The shop EscapeEscape FromFrom was rather claustrophobic and jammed with people far more pushy than my lovely self. I shook myself to my senses and fled to this week’s featured establishment……‘Simon’s Place’

TheThe ButterButteryy...... Where? George’s St. Arcade How far? 7 minutes walk from Main Gate Staff? 3 artsy and obliging foreign girls, plus the ubiquitous Simon. Simon’s Décor? Cozy with posters for gigs and movies covering the walls Simon’s Prices? Cheap cheap cheap- coffee starts at about 1.20 Full? Upstairs, yes; But there’s loads more seating downstairs, and the ambiance is more relaxed too. Clientele? Students and Artisans (with the odd old hippy thrown in) PlacePlace Unexpected upside? They serve the most divine cinnamon buns ever created with Ailbhe Malone Unexpected downside? It’s a bit of a trek from College, especially in the rain… Full? Upstairs, yes; But there’s loads more seating downstairs, and the ambiance is more relaxed too. Clientele? Students and Artisans (with the odd old hippy thrown in) Unexpected upside? They serve the most divine cinnamon buns ever created Unexpected downside? It’s a bit of a trek from College, especially in the rain... 16 Tuesday December 6th, 2005 Travel Editor: Alix O’Neill TRAVEL Trinity News Jungle Fever in the Amazon Alyson Mc Evoy on her experiences during her trip to the Ecuadorian Amazon

For the past two editions I have ground and began to explore the never the same. Some told stories night and enormous slugs and fan- consisting of a single room, in the the majority in Ecuador do), but a the bustle of Quito. described the bustling highland site that was to be our home for of wandering for days, getting tastically coloured spiders scatter- centre of which was a fire. The specific local variation of Next issue I recall city of Quito, the capital of the next five days. nowhere and coming across the ing themselves along the jungle perimeter of the room was lined ‘Quecha’ – the language of native another visit to one of Ecuador’s Ecuador, and the mellow tropical The camp consisted of a same spots again and again and of floor. with hammocks and an emaciated Ecuadorians. many natural splendours. This vibes of the villages dotting small rectangular clearing, direct- the mental frustration that had tor- On our way back to dog sat quietly by the fire. We all And so my adventure time it is the Galapagos Islands, Ecuador’s pacific coastline. This ly adjacent to the river-edge and mented them. Indeed, during our civilisation we stopped in a river- tried our hand at using the blow into the Amazon appeared to be 1,000 miles off the coast of week it is the leafy splendour of surrounded on all other sides by first day trek into the jungle I side village in a part of the jungle pipe that the men of the village over in an instant. Five days had Ecuador, inhabited by creatures of the Amazon basin that takes centre jungle. Our exploring lasted all of could see how this would be so. relatively near to Coca, and visit- hunt with, and chatted with the passed before I knew what had the utmost rarity and curiosity. stage. five minutes, as we noted the open There is no imaginable way, to an ed one family living there. Their inhabitants through the guide. The happened, and it was time to re- The first thing I will say sided wooded cabin, on a raised outsider, of navigating the thick home was a large circular hut, people didn’t speak Spanish (as enter the civilised world, or rather, about any trip to the Ecuadorian wooden platform, in the centre of concentration of undergrowth, Amazon is that it is a lengthy the clearing which was to be our trunks, vines and foliage. The undertaking. It took me as long to dining area. Then we saw our same impenetrable view faces you fly from Dublin to Quito as it did sleeping area also an open sided on all sides and all sense of direc- to travel the distance from Quito area in which lay two small single tion becomes foggy and ambigu- to the jungle frontier town of Coca beds with two mosquito nets over ous. and then to navigate the Shiripuno hanging them. We were quickly The next five days were river to reach our jungle camp. informed that there was no wan- spent fishing for piranhas in the The trip to Coca was via dering alone into the jungle and so mornings and taking long silent a particularly dubious looking our exploration came to an abrupt treks into the jungle in the after- bus. The next leg of the journey, end.This stipulation sounds fairly noons. Quietly tracing the steps of the meander up the great obvious to me now, but at the time the person in front, we strained Shiripuno River, was in a long, and in the days leading up to the our eyes and ears for the chance of catching the glimpse of some lion, “Quietly tracing the steps of the person in front, we tiger, or panther. Unfortunately, such sights never materialised. strained our eyes and ears for the chance of catch- These creatures were used to cen- ing a glimpse of some lion, tiger or panther” turies of invading human beings and no group of tourists was going extended canoe type vessel. For trip, I had imagined taking mini to catch them. We did however, the first two hours of the journey solitary treks into the surrounding see a number of monkeys, the my awe at the sights surrounding jungle, just nature and me and per- black woolly monkey and another, me was incredible, the thick lus- haps the odd monkey or two... more oddly named (and harder to cious foliage literally dripped and These daydreams were quickly remember), reddish monkey. melted into the river from its put aside as I listened to tales of These are the funniest of creatures edges, the soaring tree trunks those who had ventured out alone. I’ve ever seen and I loved watch- draped themselves with vines and A group of Colombian ing their gangly arms and legs flashes of colour were provided by soldiers had once come to this fumble from tree top to tree top, brightly coloured orchids and heli- area of the Amazon in order to do accompanied by high pitched conias. These all merged to form survival training. Various soldiers shrieks at one another. the dense, impenetrable face of the were individually sent out into the One night our guide jungle on either side of the river. jungle and left to fend for them- decided to bring us on something All this held my gaze and neither selves. Local people at the time of a night hike in the area sur- my friend nor I spoke for some had warned of the dangers of the rounding our camp. We set off, time. However, as it was a five jungle, but this only increased the flashlights in hand, our steps more hour journey into the depths of the zeal of these military men and hesitant than our daytime ones, jungle and with no great variation their determination to prove their aware of the multitude of creepy in the scenery, our attention soon superiority over the natural realm. crawlies that emerge under the waned. Some found their way out after night sky. That night we came On reaching our jungle more than three weeks. Others across a tarantula, patiently wait- camp, our eagerness was instantly were not so lucky. Those that did ing for her prey to wander across revived. We tentatively took our emerge from the ordeal had been her path. We saw minute glowing first steps on dry Amazonian mentally debilitated and were flies that fed on the leaves by Alyson and friends take a dip in the Amazon Tales From Tahoe, California Klara Kubiak spills the beans on the Fast Food Nation where junk food, double chins and denial go hand in hand

Traversing the California/Nevada and photographing them in these lapse from the shock, but if they whereas a gallon of ice cream is gerate not -well I do, but unfortu- state borders, South Lake Tahoe outfits. Our selection of ‘period’ just walked to Pizza Hut they but $2.99 and numerous “One young boy asked me to airbrush out his dou- nately only slightly. Seemingly sounds pretty good on paper. An dress included every American might at least burn off enough microwaveable meals are avail- ble chin, then asked his mother if they could go to thanks to the fact that one gets Alpine style skiing village in win- historical period from the “Wild calories to have a guilt free king able for only 99cents a piece. married as early as possible, the ter, it boasts a 26-mile wide lake West” to Civil War, to the 1920’s size beverage (refills not includ- Besides the major issue Mc Donald’s for lunch. I refused; she didn’t” country has a massively high of clear, clean water, surrounded to… well that’s about it. So peo- ed) when they get there. with cuisine, another of Tahoe’s divorce rate. Which all results in by clean, clear beaches. The area ple came in, took off their own And this is the problem downfalls is the strange cross- ety it boasts. At high season you ty/ignorance/obnoxiousness of teenage newlyweds Britney and benefits from huge summer clothes, put on shorts and tops with California. Not so much of section of are treated to a mix of the inbred the public and put on my best Chad going on honeymoon with tourism trade and hosts multi- that we supplied over (hopefully) an issue in the bigger cities, but local population, proudly keep- customer service smile. American Momma and her new husband tudes of seasonal workers. their underwear, and we helped the nutritional value of Lake ing it in the family for punters, I discovered, are a com- Chuck, or Pop and his new lady, California’s side might seem fair- them on with their costumes. This Tahoe is disturbingly low. Unless generations and the huge pletely different story; they like Cindy. Yes, children, these are the ly tame, but hop over the border was a problem for me from the you cooked yourself, your break- tourist population from to have things exactly as they kind of romances befitting of a to Nevada and you’ll find numer- outset. You see, I don’t really like fast/lunch/dinner options went as places all disturbingly simi- want them. modern fairytale. ous 24 hour casinos and bars people -at least I don’t like them follows: McDonald’s, lar to Tahoe itself. Nobody This is something which And partake in this amongst everything else this state being needlessly close to me, yet K.F.C., Pizza Hut from these areas has ever becomes an unobtainable ideal fairytale we did for two and a half and been more that a 50 mile when a 30 stone woman wants to months; but as Momma said of “It became necessary to specify that we were from radius from their home place look good in fishnets and a garter. her last marriage, all good things and isn’t likely to venture else- And if things don’t turn out just the Ireland beside England, near mainland Europe, (or not so good times) must come where anytime soon. Hence we as they wanted them, they really to an end. Not being ones to tar a since there is also an Ireland in Texas; an under- were treated to quite an illuminat- like to complain. The customers whole continent with one very standable mistake...” ing breed of person. It became who really enraged me were the biased brush, we decided to give necessary to specify that we were painfully stupid and/or ignorant the rest of California a chance. has to offer; legal gambling, pur- I am obliged to fit dresses onto from the Ireland beside ones. These were simply impos- Surely it couldn’t all be as bad as chasable sex, and the novelty of obese, sweaty, oftentimes unusu- England, near sible to deal with since it was the backward, nutritionally defi- having the freedom to smoke ally hairy women. My favourite Wolfgang mainland Europe, since usually necessary to repeat the cient vacuum we had been unwit- wherever you like. part of photographing horizontal- Puck’s (a vari- ambiguities arose most basic sentence numerous tingly My travelling compan- ly challenged folk is that after- ant on the thanks to the fact that times and when your frustration sucked into? So come Labour ion and I had conveniently pre- wards they complain about how there was also an eventually got to you and you got Day, we said goodbye to Tahoe arranged jobs and accommoda- they look and want to retake the Ireland in Texas: an snappy, they didn’t realise that and headed back down mthe hills: tion and thus were leaving these picture. The obvious problem McDonald’s/Pizza understandable mistake. you were being rude and contin- the story continues, but does our shores as soon as the examination here is that there is very little one Hut theme). A trip And far be it for the ued to smile at you inanely whilst disillusionment…? timetable would allow us to. can do, even with to the local super- Americans to be ignorant staring blankly at some unidenti- After spending a few eventful $6000 worth of a camera, to market offers of/hostile to foreigners; we fied point just behind your head. days in San Francisco, we headed make Jaba the Hut look like some explana- were often commended on the And thus American for the hills -literally. Tahoe is at Jennifer Lopez. One young boy tion for the high standard of our spoken society has a strange mix of very an elevation of 6000 feet and asked me to airbrush out his dou- rampant obesity English. Admittedly it is tough modern advancements (in terms about four hours drive west of ble chin, then asked his mother if problem in the going to another country and not of technology and science), San Francisco. they could go to McDonald’s for States, although fully grasping the language, but which is strongly contrasted with Full of ignorant expec- lunch -I refused; she didn’t. other Western we struggled on, aided by those a very traditional, orthodox men- tation and innocent hope we dis- Often after countries are fast who were unaware there existed tality which pervades in other embarked and headed for “Doc these plus-sized types leave, they catching up. Any alternative names for ‘band-aids’, areas of life. It is quite common, Wenzel’s Old Time Portraits”, hop onto these wheelchair/scoot- fresh produce is ‘restrooms’ and ‘candy’. I’ve for example, for people to marry which was to be our place of er-type devices that only people exorbitantly priced, worked in the retail industry in at a disturbingly young age. employment for the next ten with genuine mobility difficulties whereas junk food is Ireland for six wonderful years While working we had couples weeks. Now what, you may well use on this side of the Atlantic. the permanent bargain of and despite being a naturally come into the studio on the way ask, is the Old Time Portrait? Our Now I’m not suggesting they cut the week. Five pieces of grumpy shite, I have always man- back from their nuptials, get their work involved dressing cus- out junk food in any way since fruit or vegetables could set aged to photos taken and then head to tomers up in ‘period’ costume their system would probably col- you back at least a tenner, soci- suppress my anger at the stupidi- K.F.C. for their reception. I exag- Careers Editor: Emma Hutchinson Tuesday, December 6th 2005 17 Trinity News CAREERS Career Focus: Entrepreneur In his continuing series, Myles Gutkin looks at the qualities needed to succeed as an entrepreneur and how best to go about achieving it

The Job but making jobs by enterprise is an put in place in all likely circum- ate your product, market it, sell it, essential component. stances. A well written plan will be and organise finances. You’ll prob- An entrepreneur discovers a public If you often think about realistic and confident with care- ably need to employ others to work need, and satisfies it with an inno- ways you could improve on prod- fully thought out plans supported for you, and expand as the possibil- vative product or service. In the ucts, and want to put yourself to with research. This should be writ- ity arises, because a larger business process, s/he takes personal risks, the test in an exciting and creative ten with great care, and the advice is generally a more stable business. but stands to gain significantly career, you may get a lot out of of an enterprise advisory service Put in however many hours it from success. This usually starting a business. because it will be used to persuade requires to get your product known involves setting up a business, prospective investors. to the target market, and ensure which has many legal and financial Getting There Financial support is a that they keep on using your prod- implications, and imposes certain key requirement at the start-up uct. responsibilities towards employees An entrepreneur needs to create phase of any business. It will be A study completed in and stakeholders. It takes creativi- something that people will trade necessary to present your business November 2002 by Goodbody eco- ty, planning, hard work and com- their money (which represents man plan to many prospective investors nomic consultants, asked what mitment to be a successful entre- hours of work) for, so it needs to be to generate funds. Enterprise advice successful entrepreneurs preneur. something consumers can’t easily Ireland can provide limited finan- would pass on to burgeoning entre- cial support to approved invest- preneurs, and the most common On the 26th of make themselves, or obtain easily at a better price and/or at the same ments, which is designated to meet suggestions were: November 2005, a report by expenses in the areas of research - Get independent advice and be Enterprise Ireland determined that standard of quality. A successful business and design, training, job creation willing to listen to it; there are around 253,000 entrepre- and acquisition of capital assets. - Think and act big; neurs in the Republic of Ireland, idea should be BRIGHT in order to succeed, that is: Contact local government grant - Be as well financed as possible at Tony O’Reilly, one of Ireland’s most successful entrepreneurs and that 63% of adults on the authorities and Enterprise Ireland the start; island consider that starting a busi- Business orientated Realistic enough to succeed to learn what supports exist to - Buy in experience, skills you smarter than their peers or superi- and aim efforts toward a desired 1971 when he was promoted to ness represents a good career lighten the burden of your financial don’t have; choice. Perhaps this is because of Innovative ors. end. Entrepreneurs decide what Senior Vice President. In 1973, he Genuinely needed risks. - Work hard, recognise and accept They tackle problems they want, plan to achieve it, and became President. He earned his the perception of entrepreneurs as Be aware that there will the commitment required; successful and independent, living Honest with investors and cus- immediately with confidence and make the plan work. Ph.D. from the University of tomers always be significant personal - Be straight with people; persistence. Most are at their best Bradford in agricultural marketing in a world of fruitful opportunities risks in enterprise, so be ready to - Get any necessary help and sup- just ripe for the harvesting. Timely to benefit from opportune in the face of adversity, since they The Example in 1980. He continued his rise and market trends lose money if things don’t go well. port required-don’t hold back; thrive on their own self-confi- became CEO in 1979 and In fact, there are many You could even end up paying off - Try to stay one step ahead of the If you have an idea that dence. Tony O’Reilly is an intrapreneur Chairman in 1987 succeeding risks involved in starting an enter- loans for several years after a busi- market, keep focused on the cus- you think will revolutionise peo- Successful entrepreneurs more than an entrepreneur, because Henry John Heinz II, the first non- prise. Obviously there’s a financial tomer/ onbeing different; ple’s lives at low production costs, can identify relationships quickly his innovations were made from Heinz family member to hold that risk, because any loans or invest- - Take chances after due considera- great! Contact your local govern- in the midst of complex situations within pre-existing businesses, but post. His guidis guidance helped ments will require a substantial “A successful entrepre- tion/trust your gut instinct; ment enterprise board or Enterprise and relate them to their business none the less, he succeeded in rev- transformthe company into an personal contribution to guarantee neur needs to be an - Develop or bring in HR skills; Ireland to discuss market trends objectives. olutionizing several industries over major international competitor, your commitment to success. In - Don’t be deterred by failure but and to apply for copyright on your innovator, a worker, a Entrepreneurs are realis- the course of his long and varied increasing the company's value fif- addition there will be the time, learn from it; idea. If you’re looking for an idea, tic about goals, and base their deci- career in international business. teen fold. He left Heinz in 1998, effort and emotional cost of build- manager and a sales- - Be flexible, not everything will some local/county enterprise sions on facts. They will recognise His success is evidence that with but still has a 2% shareholding in ing an enterprise from the grass person...” go to plan; boards have lists of enterprise sug- their own limitations and seek help confidence, intelligence and hard Heinz. roots, and possibly seeing it tumble - Have a variety of views repre- gestions for which markets have when needed.They are ambitious work, Irish entrepreneurs can have He bought 29% of down like a house of cards in a sented on your Board been identified. You should consid- and opportunistic. global success. Independent News & Media, in breeze. ness goes awry because private - Recruit the best you can possibly er what special advantage you can Entrepreneurs find satis- Dr. Anthony O’Reilly 1973. He pushed the company to Some think of starting a businesses can’t claim bankruptcy afford. bring to your business, so that it faction in symbols of success that was born in Dublin. He was edu- expand into England, , business as a way to make a lot of in the same way that public limited will be chosen over competitors. are external to themselves. They cated at Belvedere College and Australia and New Zealand money and nothing more, which it companies can. Your product can come from your Personal Qualities like their business to be praised, went on to study law at UCD. An throughout the 1990s acquiring 38 might be if the entrepreneur is psy- There will be many legal skills and talents or from your but are embarrassed by direct outstanding rugby player, he newspaper titles, over 70 radio sta- chopathic about her/his employees and bureaucratic requirements environment and its resources, or A successful entrepreneur needs to applause . played for Ireland in 29 interna- tions, cable and telecom networks and business dealings, only doing when you set up your new busi- from a manipulation of resources, be an innovator, a worker, a man- Entrepreneurs have a tional games between 1955 and the bare minimum good required ness, for which you should seek using human skills. You may need ager, and a salesperson. Many dif- considerable amount of self-con- 1970. He went to work for a con- Career Resources by law. On the other hand, a busi- private legal advice, and use enter- to study or train to develop appro- ferent types of people become trol and can handle business pres- sultancy company and then an Irish ness, well run, can generate signif- prise board advisers. You’ll have priate skills to produce, or manage entrepreneurs, due both to desire sures. They are challenged rather firm selling agricultural products. http://www.enterprise-ireland.com/ icant profits, while enriching the to: the production of a product, such and necessity, but there are certain than discouraged by setbacks or He joined An Bord Bainne (the http://www.tcd.ie/Careers community in which it’s founded. Commit to a legal structure and as medical care. characteristics that drive people to failures. Irish Dairy Board) in 1962 as CEO, http://www.goodbody.ie Think back to an Ireland name for your business. Next, you’ll need to become successful entrepreneurs. They are often charis- where he developed the Kerrygold http://www.startingabusinessinire- in which only a lucky few have Register for taxation, and set up an write a Business Plan, with Entrepreneurs must be matic and sociable, able to con- brand. In 1966 he became head of land.com/ jobs, and the rest are left unem- accounting systems and bank ployed and underfed. This Ireland detailed outlines of who you are, physically resilient and in good vince others to serve their needs. the Irish Sugar Company. http://www.businesstown.com/ how you plan to develop the busi- account. health. They work for extended Strong direction and decision-mak- of yesterday has become today Ensure that your business meets all ness, who you expect to invest and periods of time, and can’t get sick ing are characteristic of entrepre- He made his name in international largely by facilitating ethical enter- applicable laws and regulations how much is required, what the while building a new business. neurs’ leadership. business at H. J. Heinz & Co join- prise, and the wealth it generates in Arrange for appropriate insurance business will do, who it will trade Many entrepreneurs are Entrepreneurs see risk ing the company in 1969 to a population. Of course it takes and for a copyright on intellectual with, projected returns on invest- people who prefer self-determina- taking as an adventure due to their become MD of the Heinz sub- infrastructure, education and enor- property. ment over several years, and the tion, and dislike losing control. belief in their ability to succeed. sidiary in England. He moved to mous initial investment to trans- Once you’ve established contingency plans which will be They may see themselves as being They are goal-oriented, the company HQ in Pittsburgh in form the economics of a society, a new business, you’ll have to cre- Life After College As Michaelmas term draws to a close most of us are thinking about Christmas and a four-week break from 9am lectures, but for those of you in your fourth year thoughts may be turned to deadlines and what is in store for you in the world outside the walls of Trinity College. Klara Kubiak takes a look at what to expect

Final year of college brings with it things are different. Choices have great in theory, it essentially means established company. haps drink your way around briefly get involved in the cocaine Thus I find myself reluc- many things: dissertations, theses, to be chosen, decisions decided and that while you now Perhaps your lifelong Europe;work in random, terribly smuggling industry on the tant to immediately further my edu- a never before witnessed volume of while finals may seem forever have a job which you may not dream was to end up working in paid, but fun jobs using the result- American/Mexican border; help cation. It is blissfully unlikely that work and a never before felt obli- away, academic years have a nasty despise, maybe even enjoy, you such a place, but only after you had ing wages to travel somewhere else some impoverished children in a anyone will want to snatch me up gation to actually do such work; habit of slipping away like whores have never had anytime to those gallivanted sufficiently to satisfy to look for similarly underpaid yet famine-stricken country to build a next autumn, as an English and but most of all an unfamiliar sense in the night. One option open to things you can’t do when you work your inner itinerant. Ideally you fun jobs; see an llama in well and a school, and maybe of daunting panic. consideration is dong some form of for a progressive yet well would first travel the world: per- the flesh in its native environment; solve the AIDS crisis while you’re “Do you sign up for a For the first time on our postgraduate study. But these cost over there. After purging yourself relatively care-free lives we actual- money and if you have no idea of such youthful hedonistic and masters straight away ly have to make some manner of what you want kind of course do humanitarian desires, you can then or do you take a bit of life choice. The most they expected want to take, then you’re needless- happily settle into a grown-up’s job time off to discover from you in school was picking out ly squandering a considerably where you worry about deadlines a couple of subjects for Leaving amount of cash. Granted they say and commuting and whether you’re yourself in some far Cert and filling out a C.A.O. form education is never wasted, and such likely to get promoted anytime flung land?” somewhat arbitrarily at the last and such, but 5,000 euro soon. dropped on a Higher Diploma in St. But what if after shining “For the first time in Pat’s only to remember that you in your post-grad class, you inad- Philosophy graduate, to spearhead our relatively care-free hate children is not exactly money vertently find yourself in this situa- some progressive project in a well spent. tion many years too early? What well established firm. And so I can lives we actually have to So even if you do decide will inevitably happen is that happily flit from menial job to make some manner of to continue your studies after grad- before you realise it you will stop menial job knowing that the novel- life choice” uation some questions still remain. going out on weeknights because ty will eventually wear off and I Do you do sign up for a you have to work the next morning will at some stage feel compelled masters straight away or do you and a bushel of pints after a lecture to make some attempt at fashioning minute.Even choosing a college take a bit of time off to discover with a group of randomers will a life plan. I do, however, find course was a fairly uncomplicated yourself spiritually and emotional- become a glass of wine with your myself guiltily browsing through matter. Unless you were one of ly in some far flung land where colleagues on a Friday post-graduate prospectuses, in a those people who actually spiritual and emotional fulfilment evening as you talk about next manner somewhat akin to a 14 year had some kind of vocation in mind is far more plentiful than on these week’s projections. You will be one old boy’s clandestine reading of the age of 18 and opted for a fair shores? If you jump immedi- of those people who you now laugh Playboy, when I think no one will career-orientated subject, chances ately into further education what at when you see them rushing into walk in on me… are you stuck a pin in the arts list happens if it goes really well and somewhere for lunch and wound up with four years of you come out top of your class and at ten past one and rushing back to enjoyable, if relatively useless, you get offered a really good job in work at ten to two whilst you’ve study.some progressive yet well estab- been making a pot of tea last about But now time has lished company? two hours in order to avoid going to devoured our undergrad years and While that might sound If this will be you soon, it’s time to start thinking what you’ll do next year the library. 18 SU & Societies Editor: Enda Hargaden Tuesday December 6, 2005 Trinity News SU & SOCIETIES Abrakedabra - SU Council gets interesting Last week’s SU Council mandated the SU Officers to carry a wand or sceptre at all times. And that wasn’t even the most bizarre part of the evening. Christine Bohan reports back It says a lot about SU Council people they don’t (class reps who previous weekend. disaffiliate from USI. Watch this that the motion not be put, as it break away from that and allow took an effort to hold the vote. that the Sceptre and Wand get up to speak on every motion, With twelve motions space. was ‘ramming our nationality our Officers (none of whom are Naturally it passed. Committee, set up following a people who address Council as already tabled for the agenda, One active but perhaps down people’s throats’ as not all old, not all of whom are wise and Three of the sabbat offi- motion to make sure that the five ‘ladies and gentlemen’), chatting it was looking like a myopic class rep put forward four class reps are Irish. It was over- at least one of whom isn’t male) cers were nominated to sit on the SU Officers carry an object of amongst themselves when long evening motions but hadn’t gotten any- whelmingly accepted. to also carry them. He sat down Sceptre and Wand Committee, magical prowess at all times, had they’re bored and paying rapt in the Joly body to second them. There was a Other motions were to rapturous applause and cheers. but they had competition; in all, 23 people run for the five posi- attention to the big issues. What’s – and that vote on whether or not this should practical – to improve photo- The one speech against it came 23 people were nominated for the tions on it - more than twice the brought about this sea change is was be accepted as precedent; copying facilities in the School of from the omnipresent SF HistPol Committee. Seven people number of candidates than any unclear. The upshot however is before whether the reps simply wanted Nursing and Centre for Deaf rep Kevin Dillon, who prefaced dropped out when they saw how other SU Council election in the lively, involving Councils where t w o emer- to cut down the number of Studies, to try and get microwave his report with an uncharacteris- many were going for it, but at 15, past four years. everything is debated and dis- gency motions for the evening so they ovens [not just microwaves, as tic whisper, “It’d be crap if no- it was still an unprecedented What it says though, is cussed – a much rarer occur- could leave early, or if there was one sharp rep noted] on campus, one spoke against this so bear number for an SU Committee. something I still haven’t quite motions a fear that the democratic process to improve heating in the Ed with me”. There was a suggestion that all of figured out. Is Council so bored “This group is more were would be impinged upon if Burke and to lobby for the The speech that fol- the people should be allowed on with itself that it’s now passing than likely going to added to motions were proposed by just removal of the Student Travel lowed was simultaneously one of the Committee. This was being ridiculous motions for it’s own recommend that we the agenda. one person is open to speculation Card. the greatest and most bizarre puzzled over when a humourless amusement? It seems unlikely – a The first one but it was rejected. And then there was the pieces of oratory I’ve ever heard suggestion for a quorum count motion that proposed singing the hold a referendum on was to do with There was a cheer when wands and sceptres. If last year’s came from the back of the lecture national anthem at the end of whether Trinity the Electoral it was announced that the SU will be remembered for get- theatre. Council was found to be “The speech that every Council wasn’t even held, should disaffiliate Commission state- motion opposing any mili- ting water fountains and the one inquorate by four people, and so followed was one of when reps argued that it had no from USI...” ment and was tary funding of research in before it for um, er.., well any- the vote for the Committee will merit since there were non-Irish rejected by reps who Trinity had been with- way, this year’s SU could easily the greatest and yet be held over til next Council. class reps who would be exclud- rences in previous Councils than chose not to have the drawn – it had taken up be remembered for this. The most bizarre things Reports from the ed. Is there a genuine desire to you would think. motion. The second was almost half an hour of image of John Mannion strolling Officers were done at lightning see our five sabbatical officers Even Matters Arising at more interesting. discussion at the last around campus holding a magic I’ve ever heard in speed – there’s been no reports combine hard work with er, the start of last week’s meeting, The motion itself Council, before wand is, personally, not an image Council...” yet from any member of the magic to see what results ensue? usually a non-event, threw up a was straightforward – it pro- being withdrawn I suspect I’d ever be able to for- Executive Committee at all Perhaps. few discussions. The Chair of posed setting up a working to be discussed get. The proposer of the motion, in Council. An extract: “CAE- though. Maybe next time? And What it seems to say is Council went over the results of group to look into the issue of again at the Neil McGough, had prepared a SAR! NAPOLEON! JOHN that was it - Council over again that for the first time in at least the class rep survey that he’d Trinity’s membership of USI and next Council. speech, anticipating any possible MANNION! Council, if you pass until next term. four years, class reps are using instigated and promised to act on to report back at one of the first The objections people may have had this motion, it’s the first step on Whilst it wasn’t the Council to their own ends – changes suggested. The Chair of Council’s next term. But with all motion to with it – he needn’t have both- the road to tyranny. Mannion most productive of meetings, it bringing forward loads of the Electoral Commission put the upheaval in USI, the subtext sing Amhrán na ered. Council was more than will- with a magic wand will be a was easily one of the most enter- motions (both practical and forward several items for discus- is clear; this working group is bhFiann turned out to be ing to play along. His speech was threat to Council, a threat to soci- taining. And if more of this ener- impractical), arguing with every- sion, one of which was on more than likely going to recom- a damp squid – what had been wide-ranging, noting that whilst ety, A THREAT TO DEMOCRA- gy can be channelled into con- thing, cheering people they like whether SU reps had broken mend that we hold a referendum expected to be a hearty debate sceptres were usually carried by CY ITSELF. VOTE NO!” structive motions, we may just (SU Pres John Mannion), booing mandate at the USI Congress the on whether or not Trinity should was ended when a rep proposed wise old men, it was time to Council was laughing so hard it see big changes next term. No gig and no giggles as Colin Society Focus: Murphy performance cancelled DU Chess Club Conor Kostick tunes of the Chess Club have their first season, avoiding relega- Graham Neary on three Heidenfeld ebbed and flowed, as do all college tion thanks to a determined effort team has a competitive lineup. Founded around 1870 Dublin societies. Currently the trajectory in the very final rounds. This sea- With the decline of UCD who had University Chess Club is the sec- of the club is upward. Dublin son, however, the Chess Club is in fielded a very strong team for ond oldest chess club in Ireland University Chess Club play in the the promotion race again. In large much of the 1990s, DU Chess and one of the oldest college soci- Leinster Chess Union. There are part this is thanks to the arrival at Club have the highest placed col- eties. One of its early committee six divisions in the very competi- TCD of Tim Harding, Senior lege team in Ireland. members was George Salmon, tive LCU, and at the highest level International Correspondence With over 80 members whose statue is on Front Square the winners of the First Division Chess Master, to do a PhD. on the joining us this year, the Club has just to the Buttery side of the (Armstrong) represent Leinster in history of correspondence chess in able to enter a second team into Campanile. Having a former the all-Ireland play-offs, the win- Britain and Ireland, 1824-1914. Division Six of the Leinster Provost as a society committee ners of which then represent But the club is also benefiting from League with Robert O’Byrne as member would in some circles be a Ireland in international club cham- the loyalty of graduates alongside captain. The club meets every matter of pride, but here such a pionships. In 2001 – 2 Dublin players who are now at TCD hav- Tuesday night at 7pm in the Maths feeling is tainted by the fact that University won Division Four Seminar Room, Salmon was an implacable enemy (O’Hanlon) with Andrew Higgins “DU Chess Club Hamilton Building. Given the tra- of the admission of women to the as captain. In their second season have the highest ditions of the club, a college and he is reported to have in Division Three (Ennis) the team picture of Dr. Salmon hangs out- said that “women would only enter secured promotion again, with placed college team side the room. TCD over my dead body”. Indeed Kevin Barry as captain. in Ireland...” Along with the he did indeed die eight days after The step up to Division chance to play for college, there Letters Patent granting the admis- Two (Heidenfeld) was a difficult ing formerly played for strong are regular events, coaching and sion of women had been issued one, with matches consisting of school teams such as Gonzaga. games. Interested players are wel- (January 22, 1904). eight player teams rather than five With Tim Harding at come to drop in - or contact us: Over the decades the for- and TCD struggled for survival in board one, Peter Hayes at two and [email protected].

Colin Murphy, seemingly not looking for an audience.

Colin Murphy unceremoniously them, which I am not. The promo- came from sponsorship of MEAS, pulled out of the scheduled per- tors then went ahead anyway and a drink-awareness group who are formance in the Ed Burke Theatre printed up posters with my name suspicuously sponsored by as part of the Student Union’s included!” He continued to Diageo, Heineken and the alcohol-free Gigs and Giggles express his anger that his services Vintner’s Federation, among oth- campaign just 48 hours before the had been advertised without his ers - who seem like odd sponsers event was to take place. Murphy consent. for alcohol-free events. also cancelled shows in five other TCDSU President John Coupled with this is the universities, leaving several hun- fact that last year’s Education dreds of students disappointed in a “It emerged that the Officer Daithí Mac Sithigh suc- fiasco that left many un-answered promoters had cessfully proposed a motion to the questions. national students’ union body, It emerged over the fol- failed to book explicitly excluding Meas in any lowing days, after discussion on Murphy...” sensible-drinking campaigns as Colin Murphy’s website that the they were fully funded by the promoters of the Gigs and Giggles Mannion expressed his regret that drinks industry. events, 8-Ball Promotions, had the gig had to be cancelled, but The question remains failed to book Murphy for any of stated that Trinity Students’ Union why exactly the Students’ Union his cancelled performances. lost no money in the affair and that advertised these gigs without con- Murphy himself said of it had been organised by an exter- firming with Murphy first. the mishap: “It has been advertised nal body. that I am playing a pile of college However it has been gigs ... but no-one actually thought revealed that a major source 8-Ball of asking me if I was free to do Promotions’s funding for the gigs Dr. George Salmon with the Dublin University Chess Club committee, c. 1900 Comment & Opinion Editor: Patricia Van De Velde Tuesday December 6th, 2005 19 Trinity News COMMENT& OPINION The Eire of Our Ways Star...sucks? Barry Lysaght says Ireland will do us just fine. An Post, Sky and the Is the overpriced coffee any better? And how’s your Constitution are all just a little bit conscience? Niamh Fleming-Farrell on Starbucks I work in a book shop on Grafton eager to return to it. The coffee is true. Starbuck’s offers fair trade confused about things Street and so it’s oft I have the delicious, superior to most cups on coffee. Starbucks has a strong set We call it Ireland. The Australians, ‘Ireland’. But what of Article 8 – pleasure of providing tourist infor- offer in the city. The service is up and commitment to ethically Canadians and Americans call it ‘the Irish language… is the first mation to foreign customers. I’d efficient; the barristas are obvious- sourcing its coffee. Starbucks has Ireland. So why is that out of all the official language’ – aren’t they wondered how long it would take, ly well trained and well acquainted donated money to various initia- Anglophonic nations across the merely being consistent and but I directed my first American to with the menu, something that is tives in the coffee producing world, it is British companies who respectful to the ideals of the Starbucks last Saturday as she lacking thoughout the food and regions it sources its beans from. persist in ending an English-lan- Bunreacht? Perhaps, but only if gleefully exclaimed “There are drink service industry in Ireland at Even in Dublin, Starbucks is guage address with an Irish word: you’re prepared to conduct your- two things American Catholics do; present. The environment and working with the Adult Literacy Eire? Take, for example, the latest self entirely through Irish, rather they go to mass and they go to atmosphere is lovely. The store is Agency to promote awareness and Starbucks!” She then scurried out clean, warm and comfortable. The literacy in Ireland. Starbucks is the door to tell her husband the not the bad guy. Yet the voices “Take the latest copy of Sky TV magazine, which good news. And I was left to pon- “No matter how excited inside my head spurn me from the was addressed to ‘Ireland, ROI, Eire’. Talk about to der how Irish Catholics could now others got about the Starbucks enterance and away be just like their American coun- across Dame St. into the arms of be sure to be sure! It’s this sort of attention to detail terparts. opening of the Foster local coffee shops where the cof- that would have me on to An Post rather than It’s difficult to criticise Place store I just could fee is inferior and the profits don’t BSkyB should my monthly mail-mag not appear” Starbucks, or so I’ve found ever not shake an odd sense educate Costa Rican children. since I started attempting to do so. I choose to limit my of dread at the prospect copy of Sky TV magazine, which than just pay the language a one- See, no matter how excited others Starbucks visits now and opt for was addressed to my home in worded lip service which some got about the opening of the Foster of a Starbucks take-out lesser coffee in order that in ten ‘Ireland, ROI, Eire’. Talk about to may find disrespectful and even Place store I just could not shake cup cradled gently in years time I am not without the an odd sense of dread at the choice of drinking an inferior cup. be sure to be sure! It’s this sort of patronising. If we want to be polit- every pair of cold morn- all-bases-covered attention to ically correct, we can stick to the prospect of a Starbucks take-out Usually I don’t care a bean about detail that would have me on to An defining political document of the cup cradled gently in every pair of ing hands” protectionism and rather vocally Post rather than BSkyB should my history of this country (whatever its cold morning hands. Cultural favour free market economics. much anticipated and lightly lami- name is), which designates two homogenisation seems the music is amiable and its volume However there are some goods in nated monthly mail-mag not appear official languages and provides for unavoidable future of all cities and appropriate to the setting. The the world that must transcend the at my home. However, on the other ‘the exclusive use of either’ lan- here Dublin has climbed yet coffees themselves could perhaps capitalist free market and one is hand, if I was a postman perhaps I guage, i.e. not both, for any official another rung on the ladder. This is be considered overpriced at 2.60 individuality. Note I am calling it would have a right to be confused purpose (if the cause of Sky the crux, the long and short, the euros for a grande brew, but to be individuality and not nationalism at this three-pronged reference to junkmail can be described as such). essence of my entire feasible fair the portions are huge and as I or patriotism. I ask only that my country of residence: after all, So unless the rest of the address is opposition to Starbucks. said before, the quality is excel- Dublin remains Dublin as opposed countries normally only have one go hiomlán as Gaeilge, Eire should Starbucks tell us they lent. to just another city. I am happy for name each, don’t they? Don’t be Eire-brushed out (my apolo- have no plans to open more than All this considered and all major chains to be represented they?! gies). three stores in Dublin at present appreciated I still feel a certain here but not for any to dominate. On closer inspection, it But what if it’s merely (Dundrum, Foster Place and sense of disloyalty as I cross col- The collective power of the con- Harcourt St.), however there is lege green and push opened the sumer is a strong force in all capi- appears that they do: the cover of from fear of offence: the softly- Damien Duff, Eire international? the magazine is content to settle for softly approach? Articles 2 and 3 still a reasonable fear that other significantly heavy door (good for talist societies and so, if we as con- the slightly abbreviated ‘Ireland’. have been removed, meaning the Ireland’? Still, no. While we might understand addresses written fully independently owned and Irish keeping the cold out) and join the sumers decide to support Dublin’s The sports section of a previous Dail no longer lays claim to the say that the Irish rugby team repre- in Irish as well as English, it seems owed coffee shops will lose out. queue. And so, I tried to do what a diverse coffee shops the city can copy featured a picture of Damien whole island of Ireland as the sents the nation and the (more unfair that they should have to deal The queues in Starbucks since it lot of people have done and brand maintain its cultural uniqueness Duff, with the caption that he is ‘set ‘national territory’. As a result politicised) soccer team the State of with a mix and match of words opened last week are certainly Starbucks as a big nasty indecent whilst simultaneously offering the to star for Ireland in the World Cup don’t we now have two States on Ireland, both nevertheless represent from both, especially when they indicative of the impact it is set to corporation who despite the great benefits of international chains to Qualifiers’. Yet turn on Sky Sports the one island, of which one is a an entity which is named ‘Ireland’. are being used to refer to the one have on the coffee market in service offered are ultimately those tourists that simply cannot coverage of our international fix- republic? Not quite. Sadly, Articles The FAI, unlike the IRFU, has place. So give them, and us, a break Dublin. However, having visited unworthy of my, or anyone else’s, live without their Starbucks fix. tures and we see the Boys in Green 2 and 3 deal with ‘the Nation’. The always operated without an Article Sky. As an Irish person, ‘Ireland’ Starbucks twice now I find myself custom. Sadly though this isn’t are now represented by ‘ROI’ on next 8 articles deal with ‘the State’ the Sky scoreboard. British satellite (which as any political scientist “While An Post workers are required to be able to TV advertising for the match in will tell you, is quite a different understand addresses written fully in Irish as well Paris last year billed an encounter kettle of fish) and the name of that as English, it seems unfair that they should have to between France and Eire, yet curi- State is Ireland (or: an t-ainm atá ar ously it was a team bearing the an Stát ná Eire, más maith leat). So, deal with a mix and match of words from both, name ‘Ireland’ on their jerseys who a little confusingly, while the terri- especially when they are being used to refer to the turned out against the French. torial boundaries of the nation of one place” Bizarrely, British media seems Ireland are divided, the name of the more content to use initials or the State remains the same, and is not Irish language than the simple converted to Republic of Ireland, 2 and 3 when it comes to interna- will do just fine on its own. Rather English word ‘Ireland’ on its own. ROI or the Irish Republic. No tional eligibility, but the team’s sta- than throwing a token ‘Eire’ into Is it because all three apply, or Czechs we. The name of my State tus as ‘Irish’ remains. The inaugu- the mix, either give the address because they just plain don’t (apart from irritated) is Ireland. ral cross-border Setanta Cup entirely in Irish or else at least be as know? Dude, what’s my country? But what about Northern kicked off earlier this year, kind as to replace ‘Eire’ and ‘ROI’ Perhaps it’s down to that Ireland? How can we call our soc- although whether it will serve to with some recognised equivalent in grand preserve of old Blighty – eti- cer team ‘Ireland’ in the same way confuse or clarify this whole iden- English (actually, scratch that – I quette, manners and political cor- we do our rugby team, when the tity crisis remains to be seen can almost see my subscription rectness. After all, doesn’t Article 4 former has six less counties to (Setanta Sports, our nationality is being redirected to ‘the Emerald of our Constitution proclaim the choose players from than the latter? in your hands…). Isle’…). That, after all, would be name of the State to be Eire? Yes, Doesn’t this create the need for So where does all this the politically correct (not to men- but it goes on to stipulate that in the some corollary title – ‘the Republic leave Sky and our over-informed tion linguistically consistent) thing English language we should use of Ireland’ as opposed to ‘Northern postman? Well, while An Post to do. workers are required to be able to The irreality of Reality TV that is. One delusional volunteer Either these people are really des- plants if given enough soil, mois- attractive female shares a moment watch desperate people trying to at sunset yourself, cut down on Klara Kubiak picks three ex-lovers, goes on a perate to get some, or really desper- ture, heat and time. Any deviations of intenseoptical passion with find other desperate people to walk your fat intake and go out more, date with each in turn and then ate to get on TV, or just ignorant from said diet are either prised out attractive male. Attractive female happily into the sunset with, or just to make sure that the personi- Since the onslaught of reality TV, chooses which one they want to go enough to think that partaking in of the participant in the weekly walks away with a knowing and look at fat people trying to get thin fied rodent doesn’t scratch her way producers have taken the ‘let’s put on a two week holiday with, cour- this will somehow improve their confessional, or revealed by other satisfied smile on her face. in order to do they very same under your door one day while ordinary people in front of a cam- tesy of Network Two. Never ones position in society. means-stools. Our Gillian seems to My objections to this thing… The wise alternative, how- you’re trawling through personal era and see what happens’ format to to play by the book, the producers Things aren’t all that bet- really like stools, not the ones you piece of blatantly false advertising ever, may be to actually take a walk ads… a painful extreme. have added an incredibly exciting ter over the water either. Channel 4 sit on, although she may like them, are threefold: The unfortunate thing catch. The chosen one can either hosts You Are What You Eat, she just never mentioned it. 1) Apples are not sexy. Ever since though, that nothing ever does hap- spend a fortnight with someone which, for those of you lucky Anyway, she collects those of the the whole Garden of Eden incident, pen. Normal people shouldn’t be that callously dumped them many enough not to know, consists of a excrement variety in little jars, then people should know better than to on television, we are ordinary peo- moons ago (or that they ditched haggard patronising weasel telling spreads them out and rummages allow such fruit feature in a rela- ple, we live and work with ordinary because they realised they hated ignorant folk how desperately in through them with her latex-gloved tionship. It just ends badly. And people, so we don’t need to see him/her), or opt for a sizeable cash besides that, they are one of the them on TV as well. payment instead. Why, oh why, “For many people TV provides the ultimate most laborious fruit to consume, so For many people TV pro- you may ask? Well for the three by the time you’ve finished it, the vides the ultimate escapism, offer- escapism, offering some respite from their sad, mun- exes, you can almost see their moti- moment would undoubtedly have ing some respite from their sad, vation-they have a one in three dane real lives. Nobody wants to watch common passed. mundane real lives. Nobody wants chance of not only making some folk on-screen, we only have to saunter outside to 2) Apples are not free. These being to watch common folk on-screen, easy cash, but also publicly humili- the commercial times that they are, we only have to saunter outside to catch a glimpse of the public in action” ating their previous boy/girl friend. people usually have to pay for catch a glimpse of the public in The volunteer’s rationale is howev- need of her help they are. Gillian hands. So it seems reasonable to stuff. So when attractive female action. er, beyond all understanding-awk- McKeith selects an overweight, conclude that the moral of the pro- saunters nonchalantly away, pil- Television should show ward silences, bitter memories under confident volunteer and gramme is that while one can lie all fered apple in hand can we con- us unrealistically beautiful people resurfacing and full scale humilia- shames them into dieting by telling they like to themselves and others, clude that the DKNY people are involved in farfetched dramatic tion on national television? All for them what useless human beings faeces always reveal the truth in the condoning petty crime? scenarios with even more unbeliev- what? Fifteen minutes of fame (by they are. end. 3) Apple vendors in Ireland are not able results. Nobody wants to two, with an ad-break in between)? McKeith fills a table with One can’t even seem to akin to their American counter- watch a fat guy trying to lose Tg4, not wanting to be the participant’s average weekly find any respite in the advertise- parts. I.E. this is not an internation- weight, or strangers on an awkward left behind in the shamefully bad food intake in a bid to show them ments in between. Forexample, al scenario. Picture Moore Street first date, but this is what we’re TV stakes, hosts the equally fright- the full extent of their disgusting DKNY’s latest perfume ad goes as on a Saturday afternoon. (Moore being offered. ful Paisean Faisean. Here, three and immoral gluttony. follows-attractive female strolling Street back in the day that is, before In one week alone, pathetic ‘men’ each go shopping Where this all goes after down New York street stops at fruit it became the multi-cultural food numerous low-budget monstrosi- for an outfit for an equally pathetic filming one can only wonder, but if stand, reaches for apple and inad- emporium it is now.) Flirting over ties masquerading as entertainment stranger who they’ve only seen pic- Somalians get cable, I’m sure vertently the hand of attractive heads of rotting lettuce and the were to be witnessed on our own tures of. Loser A tries on all the they’d be balking in horror. And so male. Quite the gentleman, attrac- stench of fish is not everyone’s idea homegrown channels. The Ex- outfits selected especially for her, the arrogant little rodent woman tive male lets herhave the apple of modern romance. Files, though not quite as extra-ter- then decides which of Losers B, C fashions an eating plan for Fatty which she seductively bites. While So the prime time televi- restrial as its long-running name- and D she wants to go out with on McFat Fat, mostly comprised of swallowing (without chewingit sion viewer is left with little sake, is nonetheless equally dis- the basis of their shopping skills. plants, or things that would become should be noted) apple chunk choice-they can either stay in and turbing-for the state of humanity, 20 Tuesday December 6th, 2005 Comment & Opinion Editor: Patricia Van De Velde COMMENT& OPINION Trinity News Don’t be talkin’ like that Nuclear Threat Gillian Hamill openly admits to being an accentist. Why is it acceptable to the International Atomic Energy Iran before the U.N. Security discriminate based on accents? Nick Kelly Agency, which was designed to Council is toothless because Russia One wall of my Goldsmith Hall enforce the treaty. Though 187 and China have links to Tehran. I have to admit I felt no slight primary school teacher so I’d imag- the likes of TV moguls etc that versity in a different city, only to cell is dominated by a large poster countries have signed the treaty, it Any threat of US military action in degree of unease at the thought of ine she has her fill of the squab- posh accents don’t go down too come home at Christmas with a of a nuclear explosion. I do not has not been a complete success, Korea or greater Mesopotamia is writing anything on the subject of bling mucky little tykes during well with your average Joe Couch- totally different vernacular. I know have it there because I am psychot- and nuclear weaponry is an area bulletless because they are a little accents. Before you dismiss me as work hours. My dad’s got some- potato. Might I suggest that it’s not it’s easy to pick up ways of saying ic. Black and white, with palm where a little goes a long way. busy right now. an intolerable wuss, let me explain thing in common with Ann actually the posh accent that’s dis- certain words and phrases, but a trees in the foreground and an India and Pakistan both became So, in the face of reality myself. You see, normally for want Robinson, I’m ashamed to say. He liked but the posh person, especial- complete accent change in six expanse of ocean leading up to a declared nuclear powers with tests what is there to do? Be realistic. of a better word, I regard myself as too detests the Welsh accent, deem- ly if accent is used as one in a long months? Definitely a bit suspect, mushroom cloud, it is just a sweet that caught the international spy Thomas Barnett, a former US a reasonably ‘nice’ kind of person; ing it a “stupid, sing-songy voice.” line of markers that supposedly dis- whiff of origin-insecurity anyone? picture. It is awesome, in the pre- community totally off-guard. Naval War College professor, and I clear my tray away in On the literary scene, I tinguish their superior social status, These people are also making surfer dude sense of the word. It, Thanks to nuke-dealer extraordi- author of the bestselling book, McDonalds, I hold doors open for find my accentist ways are in pret- i.e., Postcode? Check, Pretentious themselves more vulnerable to much more than those cute pictures naire and Pakistani national hero, “The Pentagon’s New Map,” has a people (sometimes even when ty good company too. Observe if name? Check, Gucci accessories? accentist attacks, after all they of Snuppy the clone-dog, makes A.Q. Khan, North Korea may very plan that boldly rejects convention- they’re walking really slowly), but you will, the following extract Cheque (in the post from daddy). weren’t born into that accent, in the you realize what ultimate powers well have nuclear weapons. But of al wisdom in favor of cozying up to upon examining my conscience I from Mr Joyce’s A Portrait upon Another generally held assumption same way that Donatella Versace we, cleverest of apes, have con- all these examples, it is Iran’s saun- the way things are. His proposal is found that I had one pretty major the “Ulster voice”, “The voice, the is that posh accents are to a certain wasn’t born with a rare skin pig- jured up for ourselves. “Oh shit,” that the West should accept that Iran is going to get the bomb, and bugbear; accents. accent, the mind of the questioner extent ‘put on’ to make the rest of mentation which makes her skin is what this image elicits, “this “What Satan-given Fair enough you might offended him and he allowed the us feel “terribly pedestrian” and luminous orange, no she decided to won’t end well.” act on this while we can do some- say, everybody’s entitled to their offence to carry him towards wilful that said posh people could tone it spray it that way; ergo am I not ver- At 5:29:45 am, July 16th, right allows only cer- thing about it. Offer a trade: nukes little foibles. The thing is, if some- ily entitled to judge her on it? 1945, a countdown was begun with tain countries to pos- for cooperation in Iraq and on the Israel-Palestine issue. By co-opt- one was generally a ‘bit of a tool’, “Might I suggest that it’s not actually the posh The third type of accent a bang as the first nuclear weapon sess the ability to I would feel they were fair satirical changers are those who use their was detonated in Los Alamos. No ing Iran and ceding to them a role game, and deserving of the criti- accent that’s disliked but the posh person, especial- old/new accent on a 50/50 basis one can know how long the ticker destroy the world?” as a main actor in the region, they cism heading in their direction. ly if accent is used as one in a long line of markers without sticking to one or the other. will run, but someday nuclear can be incorporated into the global tering approach toward the door of community and economy, and will Accents on the other hand are a that supposedly distinguish their superior social For example, during the summer I weapons will turn humanity to somewhat different ball game; can was in the car listening to a radio dust, or at least lead to significant the nuclear clubhouse that is cur- be less likely to act in desperation. people actually help the accent fate status” report on New Orleans, interview- alterations to our daily routines. rently dominating the news. The dark mystique around nuclear bestows upon them? Is judging ing people originally from Derry We can’t switch this countdown The problem is that all weapons and their destructive someone on their accent akin to unkindness, bidding his mind think down a bit if only they wanted to. who emigrated there. These peo- off, not even a young Sean the nations of the world have short- power is helpful in some ways— judging them on their race or reli- that the student’s father would have They could talk more quietly grant- ple’s amalgamation of accents can Connery could defuse this bomb- term interests that come ahead of they have never been used after gion? To put it simply, am I just done better had he sent his son to ed, but I’m not so sure they’d be only be described as truly bizarre, time time-bomb (and certainly not the gauzy threat of big explosions, WWII, and Mutually Assured one big dirty scumbag of an Belfast to study and have saved able to enact a complete accent one minute they were “pure Derry” Daniel Craig), but we try to slow it a brief window of opportunity for Destruction kept the Cold War ‘accentist’? something on the train fare by so transformation at will. There are the next they were fully-fledged down. more cool pictures and then our cold—but can also be extremely In an attempt to assuage doing.” At this point I think it however lots of other people who Americans. The continual fluctua- The international com- skin sliding off of our bodies. The unhelpful when it obscures the wis- my conscience of this heinous would be expedient to let you, the have absolutely no problem with tions in rhythms and cadence was munity has established an anti-pro- US could not really reprimand est decisions. What Satan-given thought-crime, I’ve pondered that reader, know about my own accent, this. beginning to make me feel car sick. liferation regime, which includes Pakistan for Khan’s dirty deeds right allows only certain countries maybe its not just me, maybe soci- as not to disclose it would be a bit Top of the list being peo- So there you go, that’s the Non-Proliferation Treaty, and because Pakistan is a much-needed to possess the ability to destroy the ety is to blame… Seriously though, like making you sit in a dark cup- ple whose accent changes accord- how much of a low-down, good- military ally. Any threat to bring world? as with most disorders, the obvious board and listen to beauty advice ing to that of the person they’re fer-nothing accentist I am, I was people to turn to when ‘accounta- from Anne Widdecombe. I am talking to. I actually find this quite more concerned about accent than bility’ raises its ugly head are of the myself endowed with this “Ulster amusing, so long as it’s not done in a major natural catastrophe. My course, ‘The parents’TM. My voice”; specifically I’m a sort of a ‘I’m going to talk really only saving grace is that I’ve learnt mum’s definitely an accentist in a half-way house between Derry and parochially now because I’m salt of the following pearl of wisdom; just non-specific kind of way. For Limavady, but not as bad as that the earth, just one of you’ fashion. because you have a bad accent example, anytime she gets a plane makes me sound, for any of you This type is especially fun when doesn’t necessarily make you a bad home, she always finds the homely who are acquainted with the dulcet they’re on the phone as then you person, even if you are from Cork. accents so assuring and peaceful, tones emanating from the ‘Maiden can play ‘guess where the person even the little children’s accents are City’ and the ‘Valley of the Roe’ on the other end is from’. so mild and soothing you don’t respectively. Accent changers type mind listening to them, and she’s a It’s generally assumed by two are those who go away to uni- No More Nauseating Displays of Emotion Owen Corrigan puts the boot into the Best funeral. And Diana’s death. And Dirty Old Men Sally of the Spar sandwiches. Ethel Harness takes on the old man and the see? Now public displays of emotion, of girl’s misery, after all, is another due to famine, earthquake, hurri- praytell, is shocking about an old you’re too old, go away.... any kind, rankle with me generally. lazy student’s newspaper article. cane, chicken flu or, of course, man’s death? How could anyone You know how it is: you go into What is more disturbing, however, organ failure brought on by alco- have even been surprised, let alone Last week I had one of those old men do not have the self Spar, starving with the hunger, is the growing tendency towards holism. George Best, unlike many, shocked, by such a thing, especial- nights during which I could not restraint to refrain from making seeking solace only in a tuna, public emotional outpourings en was at least lucky enough to be ly in light of the endless broadcast stop myself from committing unwanted advances to young cheese and egg baguette, but masse. given a second chance in the form hours and innumerable column social solecism after social sole- (admittedly legal) girls. However, instead, perversely, you end up lis- George Best’s recent of a second liver. Why expend such inches that were given over, for cism, and each one ended up being I must hand it to the Old Man, he tening to the girl behind the count- death springs immediately to mind. effusive grief for a man who, in months on end, to the mind-numb- more cringe worthy than the last. It had to have had a really, really big er relate the trials and tribulations Why is it that usually rational peo- many other ways, led a charmed ing minutiae of this one man’s mor- was on this horrible night that I met ego to show up at a student party of her life to you – how she wasn’t ple seem to lose all sense of per- existence and who was, ultimately, tality? And I’m convinced that the Old Man. We encountered out- (and in doing so bringing up the even meant to be working today, spective when a celebrity pops held to account for his own lack of something in the British water sup- side an art gallery and I might have general age by more than a decade) how she was supposed to go to a their clogs? And not just one self control? ply was responsible for the been slightly inebriated, to cut to and romancing young girls, but I funeral, how her boyfriend just rational person – hundreds, nay It brings to mind the grotesque and inexplicable specta- the chase, for I am sure many still remain firm in my belief that dumped her, how she’s sick on top thousands, of them, all together, utterly nauseating scenes of ovine cle of mass dementia (“hysteria” is slurred words must have left my the only attentions I want from of all of that and how the managers working themselves up into a most hysteria witnessed after the deaths too weak a word) that followed mouth, I told him about the party I older men are to be the purely are horrible to her. All the while she Princess Diana’s death. was having at my house that week- avuncular kind. looks upset and like she might “Why is it that usually rational people seem to lose The one thing common end. In my mind, which may or Old men who pursue these burst into tears at any moment, and to all of these events was the may not have been clouded with unsavoury missions are often just all the while her whinging impedes all sense of perspective when a celebrity pops their frankly incomprehensible loss of tequila fumes, this was one of those decrepit old souls in search of the making of your sandwich. clogs? And not just one rational person – hun- control, loss of reason even, dis- drunken encounters with whom something that they so obviously Listen, young wan, you dreds, nay thousands, of them, all together, work- played by those who took to the you have a nice chat and whom you lost a long time ago: youth. Their say, I’m not interested. I didn’t streets to “mourn” for perfect also promptly forget. But not so for formative years must have been so come here offering you solace. I ing themselves up into a most indecorous frenzy” strangers. Breast-beating has never this Old Man for he did indeed extremely unsatisfactory that they came here seeking it - in food. seemed so hollow, nor tears so present himself on my doorstep the never quite m Now, I would suggest you do the indecorous frenzy over someone of Princess Diana and Pope John insincere or unbelievable. Surely night of the party. Young people can often be cruel same, but it looks like you’re they never knew and, most likely, Paul II. In the case of the latter, death is deserving of more deco- He behaved himself for the and the misfits find it hard to already way ahead of me on that had never met. While his death people on St. Peter’s Square were rum. first couple of hours but as time belong. Be that as it may, this is no one. Keep your problems to your- may, arguably, have been tragic it reportedly hospitalised for shock and wine went by our Old Man excuse for them to intrude on our self and stop embarrassing me, was no more tragic than any of the after it was announced that the became somewhat enthused by the youth. Theirages of age and how you, the guy behind me in the other deaths last week – whether Pope had died. Shock!? What, young flesh being paraded around desperate some are to retain the queue and just about everyone else under his nose. It was perhaps at nose on the soft creamy cheeks of attitude of young careless people. in the shop. No one cares. Oh, and this point that I noticed a peculiar these poor unfortunate damsels. On Their existence in a youthful social hold the mayo, there’s a good girl. resemblance to Satan. He was com- the other hand, to be completely group also brings with it a certain What happened to pletely bald in the middle (and very fair he seemed to have impressed sordid aspect. The fact that their Stoicism for Chrissakes? What is shiny!) and had two thick tufts of some of my male guests who company is but a mere fleeting with these people who insist on hair on either side of his head, thought he was a “total legend, obsession is a clear indication that loike” and “f***ing savage”. washing their dirty emotional linen which if one squinted resembled when they flirt with young girls it Despite these youthful admirers, in public? A good old dose of horns. His eyes by this stage had is solely for the pleasure of a night. the Old Man was asked to leave Catholic repression is what they acquired a nice red tinge, and were That these poor deluded characters which he did, though saying that he need. Nobody was depressed when hazily following cleavages around actually think that a (sober) girl was just trying to have a good time. John Charles McQuaid was having the room. His tactics in impressing might acquiest to such a request Also he seemed to be under the his Archbishop’s ring kissed. Or, said cleavages were disappointing. never fails to astonish me. These impression that it was the male failing repression, a nice recession One would think that someone ancient Homo sapiens vilify our guests who felt threatened by him would knock some sense into them. with as many years behind him meetings with their constant pur- and his presence and not the shy Not much time for navel gazing would have honed and perfected suit. There is no light hearted ban- retiring young ladies. when you’re clipping food coupons these hunting skills. But instead of ter, or discovery of common inter- The only part of this that while standing in the dole queue, cool debonair charm, he presented est, because no matter how much really puzzled me was how could young wan. the ladies at my party with an inva- they try and delude themselves, he even think, that any girl about But such individual emo- sion of personal space, an over- they have left their youth behind 20 years his junior would fancy tional promiscuity is, if not forgiv- abundance of stupid flattery (No, and no matter how hard they try him? He wasn’t even wealthy and able, at least easily dismissed. Or yeah, yeah…Ten out of ten. Really, they will always be outsiders in a didn’t own a convertible! To be better yet, trivialised. One shop- The death of Pope John Paul lead to mass hysteria you are HOT) and also a fatal ten- group of young people. dency to rest his big honking ugly serious though, it is revolting that

Comments, Tips, Hate-mail to: [email protected]. Please feel free to send comment or opinion articles to the same address. All views expressed in the Comment & Opinion section are those of the authors of the individual articles and not those of Trinity News Tuesday December 6th, 2005 21 Trinity News LETTERS

with so much ire. Well Welfare Officer Disabilities Week should be Comments about raising awareness of the Trinity News difficulties facing those with a disability in college, and also about the inequality within col- Trinity News EST. 1947 Sir, lege services. By making light of the issues Miss O’Brien has shown she poorly understands I am writing to request that the the point of the campaign she is Hands Off Our Free Healthcare Student Union Welfare Officer running, and this will do little to Would you like to write for the newspaper? Stephanie O’Brien offer a full encourage those with difficul- and proper apology for com- ties to come to her with them. Health care is a right all members of society ments she made at the last should be entitled to.For years college has main- Students’ Union Council Stephanie O’Brien would do If you’re enthusiastic and would like to join regarding Disabilities Week. tained this right for students through the college’s well to remember that in this arena words can do serious our team send an email to the relevant Health Centre. Students who may not be able to Somewhere in the middle of the damage to equality. afford a trip to a private doctor have been able to self-congratulatory homily she editor from the list below or else to avail of valuable free services on campus ensur- was calling an Officers Report, Miss O’Brien found time to Name and Details Witheld [email protected] ing their health both through regular check ups mention Disabilities Week. and in emergencies. Quickly she informed the mass- es how much work she was put- on College Park, but do not ban a sign has appeared in the Arts block, hardly the most ting into the whole affair. Then matches. Very best wishes, Buttery instructing students that relaxing surroundings. Funding of the Health Centre should be a top pri- came the point I take issue with College Park Gerald Morgan. they may not eat their own food ority for the college in all of its financial plan- – in referring to a second-hand in the canteen. Are the dining Hopefully the provision of a publicity stunt, in which she Unplayable nings. The proposed introduction of fees for vis- Very best wishes, facilities on campus, run as they microwave in the JCR will fur- would attempt to navigate parts are by the college rather than ther allow students to bring in its to the centre revealed to Trinity News show of college in a wheelchair Miss Gerald Morgan external companies, not for the their own lunch and avoid the that unfortunately this has not been the case. O’Brien proved she had forgot- Sir, use of all students? extortionate prices being ten, or missed completely the charged in town more general- point of Disabilities Week. Miss For many students, the free provision of services Those students who would ly. O’Brien informed us all that If DUFC is unable to keep its Microwaves rather bring in their own food in the centre is of vital importance. For many the this stunt would be a – and I pitch in College Park in decent from home to eat for lunch While the college catering’s quote – “bit of a laugh” (thus condition it deserves to lan- cost of a trip to a private practice is too high for rather than pay the prices col- wishes to make money back on proving the motivation behind guish at the foot of AIL them to afford. Not allowing students with a Sir, lege chooses to charge for their services is understandable, her getting in a wheelchair was Division 1. The weather on meals of an unpredictable stan- it is important to remember that Dublin home address access to the emergency more likely self-promotional Saturday 3 December 2005 in dard should not be punished by this is a university and not a pri- visit service may force students to make a choice and hardly noble). Worse still, Dublin was not so bad as to It was with satisfaction that I the college authorities for their vate restaurant. Students should she then told all those present stand in the way of fixtures at saw the Students’ Union between facing a wait of hours in casualty, or a decision. be provided with proper facili- that upon seeing her attempting, UCD and Lansdowne (and fur- Council recently pass a motion ties to enjoy their lunch and not hefty GP’s bill. The prospect of each may stop what is for some a daily trial we ther north at Ballymena and mandating the provision of At present the only dining facil- forced to the places where there them from attending either and so putting them- should feel free to – once again Dungannon). It is discourteous microwaves for use by students ity on campus where students is nothing to sell. in her own words – “point and to our opponents (in this case on campus. selves at risk.Likewise paying a bill upon each are permitted to bring in their laugh”. Co. Carlow) when we have to visit in future may lead students to ignore health call off fixtures on account of The general treatment on cam- own lunch as far as I can see is Yours, the student run JCR. The only problems which could easily be dealt with. Perhaps while reading this you incompetence in the manage- pus of anyone wishing to eat other options available are to Sarah Jones fail to see why these ill-advised ment of College Park. Ban their own food is nothing short eat outside, hardly feasible in words should have provided me training sessions in pouring rain of ridiculous. I recently noticed The Health Centre is not to blame here - the col- with upwards of thirty players the winter months, or inside the lege should be seriously questioned over its fund- ing priorities. Increased and adaquete funding Issue 4 December 6th, 2005 should be given by the college immediately and Trinity News Volume 58 students who already fund such services through the registration fee should not be asked to pay Editor: Andrew Payne Intern’al Students: Alesya Krit TNT Team [email protected] [email protected] Politics: Derek Owens twice. Deputy Editor: Jonathan Drennan Music: Steve Clarke [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Books: Chloe Sanderson & Klara Kubiak TNT Editor: Christine Bohan Cinema: Rebecca Jackson [email protected], [email protected] Rather than passing rules on the carrying of [email protected] [email protected] Theatre Editor: David Lydon wands and sceptres, the right tofree health care is Photography Editor:Karina Finegan Alves Travel: Alix O’Neill [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Fashion Editor: Carmen Bryce an issue the Students’ Union should embrace and Editorial Team SU & Societies Enda Hargaden [email protected] fight for. News: John Lavelle [email protected] Television Editor: Hannah Scally [email protected] Food & Drink: Rosie Gogan-Keogh [email protected] Assistant News: Una Faulkner [email protected] Photographs: Cian Kennedy [email protected] Careers: Emma Hutchinson News Feature: Gearoid O’Rourke [email protected] All serious complaints can be made to: [email protected] Science: Oliver North National: Anne Marie Ryan [email protected] Trinity News Trinity News [email protected] Gaeilge: Paul Mulville DU Publications International: Doaa Baker [email protected] 2nd Floor [email protected] Sport Features: Theo O’Donnell House 6 Giveaway Features: Kathryn Segesser & Liz Johnson [email protected] Trinity College [email protected] Sport: Peter Henry Dublin 2 Comment: Patricia Van de Velde [email protected] [email protected] In House Doctor: John Inderhaug Phone +353 1 608 2335 Win a copy of TN 50 Photograph of the Fortnight

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[email protected] Santa’s carriage arrives early in College Photo: Peter Henry 22 Tuesday December 6th, 2005 Eagarthóir na Gaeilge: Pól Ó Maoilmhíchil GAEILGE Trinity News Learmheas - Rodrigo y Gabriela ag saothrú airgid ar Shráid Grafton. fuaimeanna dordánach agus mór ó na mic leinn agus bhí díoma An Phalaistín Fiona Hedderman Le linn an t-am seo bhailigh said a fuaimeanna chnaguirlis a chlois- orainn nuair a chríoch said ag lán lucht leanuna. Mar sin thosaigh teáil. Ina theannta leis na seimn. Tugtar boladh bos mór agus Jericho nuair a bhí mé ann. na páipéir dhleathacha ach ar feadh Ar oíche de Ceadaoin coicîs o shin, siad ag seimn i gclubanna éagsúla. bhfuaimeanna seo , corpaigh said dóibh agus d’imigh said. Ach ar Ursula Ní Shionnáin An rud is follasaí a thug mé faoi lá. bhí mé i measc na méid mic leinn a Ansin fuair siad conradh ceoil agus stíleanna éagsúla ina gcuid ceol ndóigh, níor mhair an díoma seo dheara ná na srianta a bhí curtha ar Saighdiúir raibh ag fanacht go díocasach san thosaigh said ag taifeadhadh. friesin. Cloistear tionchar mar tháinig siad ar ais le haghaidh Le déanaí chonaiceamar na shaoirse na ndaoine Palaistíneacha. Lá amháin bhí mé féin agus mo Arts Block chun Rodrigo y D’éirigh siad go mór leis an t- snagceoil, ceol tráidisúnta, ceol ‘encore;. Thosaigh said ag seinm hIosraeligh ag tarraingt siar ón Bhí orthu cártaí aitheantais a bhei- chairde ag dul tríd pointe seiceáil Gabriela a fheiceáil. Bhí an beirt as album “Foc” i 2001 agus arís i Laidineach, ceoltíre agus fiu rock ‘Wish You Were Here’ ó Pink Gaza Strip sa Phalaistín. Mholadh th acu an t-am ar fad chun a thais- Qalandia agus bhí na sluaite ann ag Meicsiceo ag seinm san 2002 le “Re-Foc”. ceol sna amhrain. Floyd agus i stíl fior ‘Aslan’ tho- na hIosraeligh don chéim mór seo peáint do na saighdiúirí Iosraelach fanacht le dul tríd. Bhí saighdiúir Amharclann Ed Burke mar pháirt Bhí éileamh mór ar na Léirigh said na stíleanna saigh an lucht ag canadh. Mura nach raibh ach thart ar naoi ann ag argóint le mac léinn agus níl mórán trácht ar an staid den eachtraí ‘Gigs and Giggles” a ticéid don cheolchoirm seo agus tar seo dúinn in amhrain mar ‘Temple miste dom a rá bhí se chomh níos mó. Ach is ar shaolta laethúil mbliana déag d’aois. Bhí sé Palaistíneach. Bhí an mac léinn ag bhfuil ar siúl gach oíche de éis Rodrigo y Gabriel a fheiceáil tá Bar’ , ‘Strøget’ agus ‘PPA’(amhran náireach. Ach shlánaigh said fhéin na bPalaistínigh nach fhaigheann éigeantach dóibh páipéir cheadú- freastail ar ollscoil in iarthair Ceadaoin ar feadh sé seachtaine. sé éasca an éileamh seo a thuiscint. ón t-album nua). Seimn Rodrigo y agus chríoch said le amhran muid dóthain tuairisciú óna meáin nas a bheith acu chun dul isteach Iarúsailéim atá páirteach leis an chumarsáide. Tá an balla mór mill- san Iosrael agus fiú chun taisteal Iosrael. Níor lig an saighdiúir cead Is docha go bhfuil aithne Chuir said i bhfeidhm ar an tslua Gabriel le paisean ‘is le neart. Bhí beomhar agus d’ordaigh said an t- teach fós ansin ag cur isteach ar chuig bailte eile sa West Bank. isteach san Iosrael dó mar ní raibh ag mórchuid na ndaoine ar Rodrigo agus bhí choimead said suntas na fuinneamh le mothú ó gach atmaisfear arís. shaoirse agus ar mharachtáil na Gach áit a chuamar, stop na páipéir cheadúnas aige. Níor y Gabriela. Bhuel, b’fhéidir nach ndaoine go léir ó thus go deireadh. amhrán. Níor theip said chun cealg Ag fagáil amach an bPalaistínigh. Tar éis an dara saighdiúirí muid chun ár gcártaí chreid mé nach raibh an deis ag an bhfuil aithne pearsanta orthu ach An céad rud a tugtar faoi a chur ar an lucht agus iad ag athru moimint Aslan caithfidh mé a rá go Intifada i 2002 tá srianta éagórach aitheantas a fheiceáil freisin. mbuachaill seo oideachas a fháil chuala tú a gceol. Mura chuala tú, dheara ná go bhfuil said ag seinm treo an tamhrán,go háirithe nuair raibh Rodrigo y Gabriel go hion- curtha i bhfeidhm ar gach uile Cearta mar gur Palaistíneach é. Is cosúil seo achoimre gearr ar a scéalta. giotair leath–fhuaimíocht ……. thosaigh said ag seimn ‘Seven tach agus feicfidh me arís iad go saoránach Palaistíneach a thugann Ní raibh cead acu bóithre áirithe a le cinedheighilt é seo. Tháinig an beirt go hÉireann ó agus sin é. Tá sé deacair chun é a Nation Army’ o ‘The White deimhin. orthu marachtáil i daoirse. úsáid mar bhí siad ann do saorá- Saoirse Meicsiceo blianta ar leith ó shin creideamh mar cruthaíonn ceol Stripes’ i lar an amhran ‘Mr.Tang’. Ramallah naigh na hIosráile amháin. Bhí an Creidim féin go bhfuil freagracht agus thosaigh said ag seinm ceol is uirlise ar giotar. Is féidir leat Fuair an beirt acu fáiltiú www.rodgab.com Thug mé cuairt ar an West Bank, sa t-ádh liom mar gurb as a Aontas ar siúd atá guth acu labhairt amach Phalaistín, i mí na Nollaig an bhli- Eorpach mé mar bhí an ceart agam ar son daoine nach bhfuil guth acu. ain seo chaite agus chuir sé isteach dul aon áit sa Phalaistín agus san Tríd is tríd, d’athraigh an turas sin go mór orm nach raibh tuairim ag Iosrael. Ní raibh orm páipéir mo shaol agus molaim do mhic éinne sa Domhan Thiar cé chomh cheadúnas a bheith agam. Tá sé léinn eile dul agus é a fheiceáil. Tá dona is a bhí cúrsaí ansin. Bhí mé deacair go leor do Phalaistínigh na saoirse againn sa tír seo ach tá ag fanacht le cairde i Ramallah páipéir seo a fháil agus uaireanta orainn deimhniú nach baintear dínn agus thug mé cuairt ar Iarúsaileim tógann sé suas le mí iad a fháil. Tar é. éis sin, tá seans ann nach mbeidh

Cad Faoi Saol Gan Ola?

Cathain a dtiocfaidh faidh tú muna mbeadh breosla ann seo cuid mhaith ceisteanna anuas Joanna McClatchie deireadh le foinsí ola an domhain chun tusa a iompar chuig an faoi inbhuaine saol bruachbhail- seo? An féidir linn úsáid éifeach- coláiste? Samhlaigh freisin muna teach an tráth seo i domhan gan tach a bhaint as foinse fuinnimh mbeifeá in ann dul chuig an ola. Léiríonn sé, gan dabht ar bith, Tugann clár faisnéiseach, darbh eile? Cé mar a gcuirfeadh coláiste, mar gheall go bhfuil ar nach féidir leanúint ar aghaidh le ainm “The End of Suburbia”, géarchéim ola ar an ngnáthshaol lucht na hóige dul i mbun saol bruachbhailteach Meiriceá. Is grinnléirmheas ag an ngéarchéim atá againn? talmhaíochta chun go leor bídh a féidir leis an scannán seo bheith ola atá le teacht, go speisialta ag Déanann an stiurthóir, shaothrú don tír. Smaoinigh air: gruama, go dtí go dtuigeann tú cé caitheamh súil ar an cineáil saoil Gregory Greene, cur síos ar na muna bhfuil breosla ann chun ear- chomh tábhachtach is a bhfuil an t- Cuid don bhalla a scriosann talamh na bPalaistínigh bruachbhailteach, neamhéifeach- ceisteanna riachtanacha thuaslu- raí is bia a iompar isteach sa tír, ábhar. tach fuinnimheach atá ann don aite, maille le cinn eile, thar 78 beidh orainn féin chuile rud a Molaimse an scannán chuid is mó i Meiriceá Thuaidh. nóiméid an chláir seo, agus cuire- dhéanamh. Cé mar a gcuirfeadh seo go hard do chách. Má thagann Agus costas an fhuinnimh sna Stáit ann sé in iúil dúinn go rachaidh sin isteach ar bpróiséas domhandú? deireadh le foinsí na hola, cuirfidh Aontaithe ag síorbhorradh, caith- easpa ola go mór i bhfeidhm ar ár An gcuirfidh sé stad iomlán leis? sé isteach go mór ar chuile dhuine, fear féachaint ar na malartaí – agus ngnáthshaol laethúil. Cad a ndéan- Tarraingíonn an scanann agus níl dabht ar bith faoi sin. Imeachtaí anois díreach. An Cumann Club Chonradh na Block *Trip to Monasterboice and St. Gaelach: Gaeilge: Kilian's Centre (Facsimile of *Ciorcal Comhrá - Seomra an *Gach Máirt - Oíche na Mac Wurzburg Chumainn (Seomra 8) - Máirt Léinn - Ceol Beo agus gach pio- Manuscript), Mullagh - Friday, óna 7 - 9 i.n.. Is deis mhaith é nta ar trí euro. February 10th, 2006 an Ciorcal Comhrá aithne a *Ollchrinniú Chlub Chonradh chur ar baill eile an Chumainn na Gaeilge - TradSoc: Ghaelaigh agus do chuid 17ú lá de mhí na Nodlag, 20:30 *Seisiúin Ceol - Gach Luan ag Gaeilge a úsáid nó a chleach- Más ball thú, bí ann. Is é do 20:00 – An Butrach – Tar led’ tadh ag an am céanna! Bígí club! uirlis ann! *Rangannaí Ceoil – Ag tosnú i *Éigse na Tríonóide Early Irish Society: Mí Éanair – bodhrán agus (Seachtain Gaeilge Choláiste na *Jim Doherty – giotár - €3 an rang – ar Tríonóide): “Ancient Ireland and India- feadh 5 seachtanna – áiteanna 23 - 27 Eanáir, 2006 similarities in Culture, teoranta (8 spás i ngach rang) – *Turas go dtí an Ghaeltacht: Language and Society” - má tá suim agat, 27 - 29 Eanáir, 2006 Thursday, January 26th, 2006 - seol r-phost chuig *Ollchruinniú Bliantúil: 6.00pm - Room 5039, Arts [email protected] gan moill Mí Bealtaine, 2006 GaelSpell rud éigean mar seo a fheiceáil i Ach ní hea. Simplí so-dhéanta atá Máirtín Colfer dteanga na nGael, agus d’íoslódáil sé chun GaelSpell a chur ar do mé é. Anois, cé go bhfuil an ríomhaire, agus cé nach bhfuil gach Sílim go bhfuil taithí ag an gcuid is Ghaeilge theicniciúil ina bhfuil sé uile focal Gaeilge aige (nó Béarla – mó dúinn atá bainteach leis an scríofa chomh casta sin níl clú níl an focal “GaelSpell” aige, tá sé nGaeilge ar na línte beaga dearga a agam ó thalamh an domhain céard saghas aisteach), is mór an thagann suas agus muid ag iarraidh atá a’ rá aige, fós bhí áthas orm rud faoiseamh é tar éis fhoclóir Bhéarla rud éigean a scríobh as Gaeilge i mar seo a aimsiú. Bhí mé ar bhuzz Microsoft Word a úsáid le blianta. Microsoft Word. Déarfainn freisin na Gaeilge faoin am seo, agus mar Cuireann sé na síntí fada go gcuireann siad isteach ar chuile sin, thosaigh mé ag cuardaigh isteach duit má dhéanann tú dhuine chomh láidir is a chuireann ríomhchlár eile a chabhródh liom dearmad orthu, ní chuireann sé líne Ceartuchán: Is í Lucy Marah a scríobh an alt “2005 D.U.B.C díolachán sclabhaí” don éagrán deireannach. Scríobh mé an t-ainm mícheart siad isteach ormsa. Bhuel tá dea- leis an nGaeilge. Ansin, tháinig mé dearg faoi gach uile focal san alt isteach, agus gabhaimse mo léithscéal. *Na déan dearmad gur féidir leat alt a scríobh más maith leat. Seol chuig [email protected] é led’ thoil. P.M. scéal agam mar sin. air. atá á scríobh agat, agus, muna Cuimhneómaid go deo ar Tony Quigg, a bhí mar mhac léinn sa gcoláiste seo agus a fuair bás i rith an tsamhraidh. Scríobh Tony cuid mhaith Bhí mé ag pleidhcíocht An rud a bhí uaim ón uair bhfuil an focal atá á scríobh agat stuife don nuachtán seo, go háirithe faoi a áit dhúcháis, Ard Mhacha, agus bhí sé mar éagarthóir Gaeilge anseo an bhliain seo caite. P.M. thart ar an idirlíon inniu, ag a shiúil mé isteach sa roinn Gaeilge aige (agus má tá tú ag iarraidh), is déanamh iarracht teacht ar agus a bhí orm aiste a scríobh faoin féidir leat é a chur isteach san Todhchaí na Gaeilge – Fine Gael dá ionsaí cháipéisí a bhí uaim le haghaidh an fhilíocht Uí Shearcaigh, bail ó Dhia fhoclóir ionas nach mbeidh sé Ba mhaith le Fine Gael agus Páirtí a’ Lucht Oibre dul le chéile chun an chéad rialtas eile a dhéanamh. Scríobh dóibh agus abair leo: Bhéarla, nuair a chuireadh sé i air. GaelSpell. Bhí sé cloiste agam dearglínte an chéad uair eile. *go bhfuil an-suim agat i todhchaí na Gaeilge. bhfios dom go raibh orm ríomhch- cheana féin go raibh ríomhchlár Iontach! *go bhfuil orainn béim a chur ar an nGaeilge labhartha sna scoileannaí. lár nua a íoslódáil chun cáipéis mar seo ann, ach cheap mé gur Molaim daoibh é a fháil *nár cheart fáil réidh le Gaeilge éigeantach. éagsúil a fheiceáil. Brabhsálaí saghas fhinscéal baile ab ea é. Ach ar www.gaelspell.com díreach *nach vótáilfidh tusa ar son páirtí a chuirfidh deireadh leis an nGaeilge éigeantach. P.M. idirlín a bhí ann, agus Firefox an t- ní hea. Mar sin, toisc go raibh sé anois, agus do bhuíochas a chur in ainm atá air. Pé scéal é, nuair a faighte agam go héasca sin, bhí mé iúl do Dhia i mbun paidreoireachta Enda Kenny, T.D. Pat Rabbite, T.D., d’fhéach mé ar shuíomh Shionnach lánchinnte go mbeadh orm íoc as. anocht go bhfuil daoine ann atá in Fine Gael Party Leader Labour Party Leader, Tine, thug mé faoi deara go raibh Ach ní hea. Saor in aisce a bhí sé. ann rudaí mar seo a dhéanann leis Fine Gael Headquarters Labour Party Headquarters, leagan Gaeilge den ríomhchlár seo “Bhuel,” a dúirt mé liom féin, agus don Ghaeilge. Cruinneog is 51 Upper Mount Street 17 Ely Place, le fáil. Ní gá a rá go raibh ionadh “muna bhfuil praghas air, agus ainm don chomhlacht a rinne Dublin 2 Dublin 2 orm (agus áthas, ar ndóigh), chun muna bhfuil sé deacair teacht air, GaelSpell, agus tugaimid buaileadh [email protected] [email protected] caithfear go píosa cách atá ann.” bos dóibh. Tuesday December 6th, 2005 Editor: Alesya Krit 23 Trinity News International Students What is the point of Irish pubbing? Un Oasis entre la niebla (another Spanish observation) a sus presas -Pues, la verdad, no ambos estilos, aquel tipo Casa idez. -Un orujo de hierbas!- pide puerta y con frecuencia sucede Oscar Quintanilla tengo ni idea- me respondio el Toribio en Posada de la alguien en Spain, al tiempo que que todos son amigos tuyos en Acababa de apearme menos concentrado con la tarea Valduerna y ese O'Callaghan's enciende un Farias. Y mientras, cuanto sales por ella. en la parada mas meridional de -pero ahi arriba hay un pub, Tavern en Quilmore Quay, mat- sin alzar la vista de las paginas Y ya llegada la noche ese dardo que recorre la curva mejor pregustas alli, pues ahi ices diferenciales que conviene del , muestra me puse de vuelta hacia la ciu- costera de Dublin, deleitandome esta la respuesta- Claro, aun especificar. Sea el pub o sea el el vaso vacio el irlandes. El dad. En ella puedes observar sus con las atractivas vistas que, encontrandome en medio del bar, pregunta a qualquiera en la camarero entiende: rellena cientos de pubs con fachadas de especialmente entre Dalkey y campo, no podia faltar el refu- calle; todos saben donde esta. Greystones, regala la ventanilla gio irlandes por excelencia! En El modelo espanol, ...cientos de pubs con fachadas de mil colores que ponen izquierda de dicho trayecto efecto, asi era. Tras caminar normalmente estilo cutre (cate- entre tunel y tunel. Mi ticket unos cuantos metros y ascender goria especial aun por exportar) un alegre decorado a la figura perenne de los fumadores... semanal no cubria esa zona, una colina plagada de ovejas se reconoce bien por el algar- pero eso es algo que al casual que amablemente amenizaban avio que a menudo proviene de again! Sigamos con el estudio; mil colores que ponen un alegre revisor de turno no parecio mi paseo con el tintineo de sus sus adentros; discusiones en la volvamos a la calle otra vez. Si decorado a la figura perenne de importar demasiado: cada vez cencerros, ahi estaba, como no?, partida de subasta o julepe, estamos en la plaza del pueblo y los fumadores. Igualmente en el me gusta mas la filosofia del ese hogar tradicional, oasis algun arrastre bien cantado y el echamos una ojeada en busca de caso espanol encuestras bares a take it easy! Despues de serpen- entre la niebla, violonchelos y golpeo de las piezas de domino algun cartel, alla donde dice discreccion. Pero con el simple tear los acantilados sobre esa violines, regusto a cerveza fres- impactando sobre la mesa con PEP I, alli esta el bar de Spain; uso del olfato puedes ya hacer articulada culebra verde sobre ca y restos de espuma que se apasionada vehemencia. Y como bueno, alguna S tal vez no se ve parangones. Si huele a tapa de railes, camuflado con ella en la quedan en la barba. No has ronroneo de fondo el telediario muy bien, pero el tiempo no callos dudo que estes en espesa vegetacion tan tipica de entrado por la puerta y ya tiene de Antena 3 y el silbido de la perdona y el cliente fijo eso ni Kilkeny y si son las nueve de la estos parajes, se me ocurrio que la mano en el grifo del barril el vieja maquina de cafe trabajan- lo ve. Si es una plaza de Ireland, manana y el aroma es de alubias do a toda mecha. More relaxed flamantes carteles, Bulmers, con ketchup, poco probable- ...violonchelos y violines, regusto a cerveza fresca el caso irlandes; musiquita celta Guinness y otros mas, brillantes mente estaremos en Trujillo o y restos de espuma que se quedan en la barba... de ambiente y en la tele golf en bajo la lluvia, es lo que podras Zaragoza, donde como unico algun canal digital de Sport, ver. Digamos que otra linea efluvio a frito que podras sentir podia perderme entre los rela- barman. Y aqui nada de canas; hombres variopintos en la barra estetica guardan los del Aguila o a esas hora sera de churros man- jantes prados y pastos del pintas rebosantes y en hornadas! y mujeres en los sofas toman- la Mahou, tambien legendarios aneros. Eh aqui, pues, indica- famoso y countryside. -A donde Y ojo, no te pidas una media, dose su te. No hay chirridos de pero algo mas abandonados y ciones para todos los sentidos. lleva este camino?- pregunte a que eso aqui son m.. mal sillas arrastradas, sino probable- colgados al Sol desde tiempos Unos tomando sus vinos y otros una partrulla de la garda que se miradas! Hasta el pueblo mas mente alfombras que silencian de Naranjito. Modelos de bar sus grandes cervezas, tan queri- hallaba entretenida a la caza del pequeno esconde su entranable esos inevitables pasos hacia el distintos, pero no tan diferentes, da es la cultura de salir de fiesta velociraptor de carretera con su local entre sus "cuatro casas". Y toilet, despues de ese par de pin- pues en ambos casos sucede que en Espana como el pubbing en rada bien plantado a la salidad es verdad que algo similar pasa tas negras que amargan al prin- todo el mundo se te queda Irlanda. de una curva para sorprender asi en Espana. Pero existen entre cipio, pero luego bajan con flu- mirando cuando entras por la DUBLINERS DE HOY A Spanish Trinity student, Oscar Quintanilla, discovers the social life in the city centre, making an exciting comparison of the con- temporary citizens to the Dubliners by James Joyce, observing some sensations and peculiarly interesting random faces passing by. Su edad puede oscilar al mundo. “Ecco uno a qui il inquieto. Entre Tara Street y vendedores de humo, mensajeros, rado, de compostura apacible, los setenta. Tú mismo podrías lavoro ha fatto male veramente”, Sidney Parade ha mirado el reloj taquilleros…. Llega el ansiado inteligente. Hablamos de la vida y encontrártelo hoy paseando por las opinó la chica italiana que viajaba unas diez veces, ¿la obsesión de break. Se respira. Y los fumadores de sweethearts igualmente. Él ha calles de Dublin. Sobre su piel ha en el asiento de al lado. Es cierta- llegar a tiempo? Lo admiré desde buscando su vía de escape en la tenido muchas, me cuenta. Pero vivido varias décadas de transfor- mente una hipotesis, pensé yo. Su el primer momento. Es un fenó- callejuela trasera o a la vuelta de la nunca se casó con ninguna, ni se maciones politico-economicas y la rostro es carismático al máximo, meno tal vez, ¿la consecuencia de esquina. Por fin se alcanza la hora sumó a esa lista de irlandeses que vertiginosa metamorfosis social de sin dentadura, con las orejas un pasado lleno de stress? de irse a casa off o a tomarse una han traído muchos hijos al mundo, un país y, en especial, de una ciu- encogidas hacia adentro (quiza ¡Cuidado con el trabajo, senores! pinta. Y al siguiente dia receta de evitando estranos métodos anti- dad que, aún conservando en sus como metodo de autodefensa para No se olviden de vivir, que life es más de lo mismo. conceptivos enemigos de su fe algo mas que el dinero! Fin de semana. Stop. Me religiosa. Irlanda ha cambiado Allá se lanzan todas las hormigas, cruzando el Liffey Las siete de la manana voy a pasear un poco. Domingo mucho, me dice con templanza. por O‘Connel Brigde en busca de sus oficinas. de un día entre semana qualquiera. por la tarde, nuboloso. La mezcla Aquí se ha vivido mucha pobreza Allá se lanzan todas las hormigas, de gris del cielo y verde de los pra- y los jóvenes de hoy todo lo que muros y canales el alma de aquel esquivar los berridos de algun jefe cruzando el Liffey por O‘Connel dos transmite a las almas un aire tienen realmente no lo aprecian. town descrito en el Dubliners de disciplinario en exceso) y lentes Brigde en busca de sus oficinas o melancólico. Me siento a leer De fondo, a nuestras espaldas, se James Joyce, se ha visto inundada de aumento sobre nariz sobre- del autobús que les espera para lle- Frankenstein en inglés en un escuchan las bocinas de los barcos en los ultimos anos por algo más saliente, cuyo “supuesto” polvo varles a las fábricas y call centres banco de Ringsend Park, donde en el Puerto y el me explica que es que los aires tecnológicos de nue- limpia constantemente con su de la perifería. Nadie habla, reina una paz nostálgica, y aqui el ferry inglés de pasajeros. It’s stros tiempos. Lo he encontrado en dedo indice. Su gesto es nervioso, excepto quien pegado al teléfono. el tren. Se subió al Roundbound impaciente. Va cargado con todos Todos con sus mp3 auriculares y Y los fumadores buscando su vía de escape en la calle- Dart to Bray en Pearse Station y los periodicos del dia. Los abre, un destino llamado job de por juela trasera o a la vuelta de la esquina. pude observarlo con detenimiento ojea, coloca, recoloca. Vestido de medio. Parte la jornada. Negocios hasta mi destino costero en ejecutivo, con traje, corbata y de todo tipo y mil estrategias para tengo mi proprio “encounter”, time for my dinner. “Good luck!”, Santhill & Monkstown. Desde el maletin negro bien cerrado, ¿qué sacar los cuartos al turista. Riadas como James Joyce y Mahony hace me saluda. Un Dubliner más, entre primer atisbo de su presencia me se escondera dentro? Ocho bolí- de banqueros, costumer assis- cien anos en su escapada de la miles de rostros. Otra historia pareció un personaje excepcional, grafos enganchados al bolsillo de tance, camareros, store room peo- escuela a la busqueda de emo- vivida. An up -to date version of the timeless classics. digno de respetar y de describirlo la chaqueta Americana. Esta ple, accionistas, staff recruitment, ciones. Es un viejo marinero reti- James Joyce walking on the streets of Dublin 2005. De Observaties van een Onervaren Drinker Lieke Boersma discovers the Irish strategy of getting drunk by learning how to play Irish drink- ing games. Here are some unexpected observations of an inexperienced drinker.

Zelf ben ik geen goede werk gaat, hier volgt een korte uit- hier streng opgewezen en ‘nee’ ik moesten maken. Dat dacht ik dus drinker en iedereen die mij kent zal leg. In mijn geval werd er Captain moest echt nog een keer opnieuw verkeerd. Tot mijn grote verbazing dat bevestigen. Na twee glazen Cook gespeeld en waar het op neer beginnen. Ik weet niet hoe vaak ik zag ik hen ‘s morgens vroeg zo wijn begin ik al overdreven vrolijk komt is dat het slachtoffer een soort het over heb moeten doen, maar het vrolijk over de campus huppelen en irritant te doen en na de derde is rijmpje moet zeggen. Als ik me het lijkt me voor zich spreken dat ik dat het me misselijk maakte om het einde zoek. Hier valt voor te goed herinner had het iets met zeggen dat het wel zo goed is voor snorren te maken. Er moeten daar- Had ik thuis tenminste iets interessants om over te de portemonnee. Ik heb een paar bij diverse bewegingen gemaakt vertellen en hoe moeilijk kon het nou eigenlijk zijn? keer de eer gehad om van dicht bij worden en ter conclusie van elke het drankgedrag van een paar beweging neemt men een slok van me niet meer zo bijster veel kan naar ze te kijken. Ik werd meewarig eerste jaars Ierse meisjes te mogen het bewuste (vanzelfsprekend alco- herinneren van de rest van de aangekeken en de Ieren stelde mij observeren. holische) drankje. Het is van groot avond. een brede grijns gerust dat ik nog Wat me opviel is dat men belang dat dit alles in de juiste vol- De volgende morgen wel zou leren om te drinken. Ik streng een stappenplan lijkt te vol- gorde gebeurd want anders begint strompelde ik met een spierwit moest gewoon veel oefenen en daar gen om op de juiste manier het hele proces weer opnieuw. Dit gezicht en knallende hoofdpijn zouden zij me wel een handje bij dronken te worden. Het echte feest werd mij allemaal met een bloed naar de les. Mijn enige troost was helpen. begint in een bar waar zo goedkoop serieus gezicht uitgelegd terwijl ik dat de anderen hetzelfde door mogelijk bier wordt ingedronken. met verwondering toekeek hoe vier Mijn eerste observatie van de achttienjarige meisjes grote avond: ze drinken in het echt ook hoeveelheden alcohol naar binnen In the next issue we will find out what Guinness! De tweede observatie: werkten alsof het limonade was. did Santa bring us (in terms of exams, essays de drank wordt met hoge snelheid Opeens richtten zich een and 2 weeks off books) so if you would like to Opeens richtten zich een vierpaar ogen op mij en share some impressions or if you have a nice zie daar: het nieuwe slachtoffer voor de avond. story to tell us, please contact via cell opgedronken met behulp van vierpaar ogen op mij en zie daar: 0851495979 or by mail [email protected] and leave drankspelletjes. Voor mij was dit de het nieuwe slachtoffer voor de eerste ervaring met het fenomeen avond. Ik kon er onmogelijk aan your article before the 10th of January. If any drankspelletjes. Aangezien ik altijd ontsnappen. Had ik thuis tenminste questions occur to you, please don’t hesitate to al verlies met het simpelste spellet- iets interessants om over te je, (ik klamp mij altijd maar vast vertellen en hoe moeilijk kon het contact me. aan het gezegde: pech in het spel is nou eigenlijk zijn? Vol goede moed geluk in de liefde) is het niet moeil- begon ik braaf aan mijn eerste keer Merry Christmas! See you all next year. ijk om te raden hoe dit mij afging. Captain Cook terwijl mijn publiek Take care, Irsh girls do drink as much as guys do. Is it all about proving that they can handle Voor de gene onder ons die niet ijverig commentaar leverde. Elke Alesya. heavy hangovers the morning after?! weten hoe een drankspel in zijn keer als ik een fout maakte werd ik 24 Tuesday Deecember 6th, 2005 Science Editor: Oliver North SCIENCE Trinity News Global Warming or Sod’s Law? So now that we have once again realised just how cold winter is and by comparison how warm summer was, we need some- one to blame the weather on and so global warming rears its ugly head again. As is customary across the water 5 and 10˚C compared to other actually want some water) will around this time of year, as soon as areas of the same latitude. It is become drier. The changing cli- the first snowflake hit English soil indeed depressing news then that a mate will always tend toward its the trains stopped working, recent survey of the Gulf Stream least desirable state, which will be schools closed down, industry found that flow rate of water up to different depending on where you ground to a halt and blind panic Europe has fallen by 30%, the are. This is the real outcome of ensued. Over here in Dublin five water instead going to northern global warming. The New days of being too cold to do any- Africa in something called the Scientist asks this week ‘Are hur- thing but huddle round a fire and ‘subtropical gyre’. The reasons ricanes becoming more destructive drink whiskey was rewarded by behind this effect remain elusive as global warming kicks in?’ no the 13.5 minutes of snow that is but that catch-all explanation doubt they are, in places like the maximum allowed by law. And ‘melting of the polar ice-caps’ has America’s gulf coast where people both nations decided that been mooted as the most likely. are not particularly fond of them. November had no right to be this This would lead to a large quantity But I’d warrant that if, somewhere cold, after all it wasn’t December of fresh water in the surface ocean in the darkest Amazon, there is a or January, and that, of course, making it less dense and prevent- tribe that worships lightning and global warming was to blame. Eh? ing the warm water from sinking sees tempests as the chariots of the How does that work then? once it becomes colder effectively gods, that the elders of their tribe Well, one consequence halting the convection of the Gulf are gathering, even as you read of global warming that has ‘long Stream. this, to discuss why global warm- been predicted’, the New Scientist But if we look at all this ing is putting a stop to their tells us smugly, is a slowdown in with a little more cynicism it beloved stormy weather. Global the ocean current that gives appears plausible the term global warming is the reason why we Europe its temperate climes and warming is in fact a crass mis- cannot live in a perpetual May, not balmy weather, the Gulf Stream. nomer used to explain away any hot nor cold, neither dry nor wet, This conveyor of heat, oft quoted undesirable weather that comes with the first flush of an infant to deliver the equivalent of our way. Ireland will have colder summer warming the air around 1,000,000 power stations’ worth of winters but hotter summers and it us. But that would probably be a energy to Britain’s shores, raises will rain all of the time rather than bit dull now wouldn’t it? temperature in Europe by between most of it, but Africa (where they The Gulf Stream: on the wane What Next? You Decide One of the most bitter and bloody analysis) and think that a group Unicorn arguments in the science world of new animals should be select- Popular with the general public despite its protruding nasal imple- currently, that of choosing which ed together. Goldman and Pardi’s ment (the reason given by bookmakers to explain the apparent animal’s genome to map next, report claims that both methods antipathy towards the Rhino). Scientists however describe it as was dealt another setback on work as effectively as each other. “mythical” and, as such, inappropriate for experimentation. A lazy December 2nd in a report pub- Sounding, bizarrely, rather excuse. lished by a brace of officious sci- pleased with himself (and with entists, Fabio Pardi and Nick irony about as subtle as the mon- Sea Monkey Goldman. Rather than expending ument northsiders use to try to Despite looking like mud and growing from mud, scientists insist their time and energy on trying to poke God) Nick Goldman they are not in fact mud and do have genes prime for mapping. decide the matter the two thought claimed that this was a surprising Rumour is rife in the scientific community that the Sea ‘Monkey’ it a far better idea to write a paper result because “greedy algo- may merely have been masquerading as a primate and they may on what the best method of set- rithms rarely provide the best not be a type of monkey at all, what with their fondness for water tling the debate was. Whilst this solution to a problem” and muddy appearance. already sounds quite incredibly In light of the apparent pointless and bothersome, to stalemate between the two camps Daddy-Long-Legs compound matters further their the science page has come up With their entire genome mapped scientists would finally under- conclusion was that any method with a ‘third way’. Popular with stand what makes them so extraordinarily inept at almost every- was as good as any other. The the youth of today now that they thing they turn their spindly legs to. You would have thought that mind boggles with the stupidity can no longer talk, the SMS text there would be something, table-tennis or perhaps sewing, but of it all. message will provide a solution no, nothing whatsoever is accomplished with any degree of suc- The argument allegedly to all our genome mapping woes. cess by the pitiful insect. Why? boils down to a spat between sci- Text the name of your animal entists, who would like to pick (from the list on the right) to Duck-Billed Platypus animals one at a time on the basis 85133 and soon you could know A poisonous, egg-laying mammal with a beak, that only exists in of whim and fancy, and computer its exact genetic makeup! Australia? Either the Aussies are having us on or it’s an unfortu- analysts who slate this method as nate species of alien, either way by studying its genes scientists ‘greedy’ (a massively offensive will get to the bottom of it. slur in the world of computer The Unicorn: Mythical or just difficult to catch? Help Stop FAO: Simon Singh ineffable and defies description or Following a recent study showing sharp falls in the numbers of stu- explanation. The point that Singh The Rot dents taking A-level physics pop scientist Simon Singh took up his quill so spectacularly missed was that in defence of the subject for his Guardian article ‘Keats claimed that physics will attempt to explain Whispers have been circulating away the mysteries of nature, not over the past few weeks con- physics destroyed beauty. Keats was being a prat’. Here another intel- destroy its beauty, Keats was not cerning the ever-decreasing lectual heavyweight, the Trinity News Science Editor, enters the fray being a prat. This slander on the late John Keats’ name has gone amounts of genuine science to on the side on the side of the Romantic poet. be found on the Trinity News down very badly in literary quar- ters with real-life romantic poet Science page, and rumour per- Poor old Simon. It appears that the actually wrote (he’s got the gist of that runs throughout the poem and Olivia Floyer-Acland describing sists that the less nutritious ‘sci- overwhelming success of his vari- it, I’ll let it lie), we must take issue is closely associated with its title Singh recently as an “uncultured Singh, peraps forming another crackpot theory ence-substitute’ is coming ous (admittedly excellent) books with the other half-truths which character. In previous lines of the asinine bean”, harsh words indeed. straight from the science editor has instilled in him a sadly mis- seem rooted in some dark and poem Keats asserts that science The rest of Dr. Singh’s himself. Sausage expert Theo guided belief in his own infallibili- ingrained ignorance. will ‘Conquer all mysteries by rule article was spent bemoaning the O’Donnel warns that: “This ty, leading to this latest episode The line of poetry to and line / Empty the haunted air The wit and wisdom of state of physics in Britain, after cheap imitation combines small where he embarrassed himself in a which Singh is referring comes and gnomed mine’ it is not destroy- news of the 38% fall in A-level amounts of genuine science with national daily newspaper: from Keats’ Lamia, one of his most ing the beauty of nature rather physics students in 15 years, with- Answers in Genesis larger proportions of irreverent ‘John Keats talked of knowingly ambiguous poems and undermining its sublimity. out ever quite getting to the crux of ‘humour’, whimsy and specula- “unweaving the rainbow” suggest- one that has been subjected to a the matter. The real reason that (www.answersingenesis.org) tion in an effort to fool readers ing that Newton destroyed the myriad of different interpretations “Physics will attempt to there are so few students wanting into believing they are ingesting beauty of nature by analysing light and misinterpretations. None, how- explain away the mys- to take science subjects is that the a quality product” with a prism and splitting it into ever, quite so staggeringly wide of “I understand that the bible is a revelation from teries of nature, not kind of people that teach physics different colours. Keats was being the mark as Simon’s. The rainbow are the sort who will lean, in our infinite creator and it is self-authenticating However this slide can yet be a prat’ that Keats writes of being destroy its beauty” earnest, over your shoulder and and self-attesting, I must interpret Scripture with halted if you the readers submit Whilst we can ignore the unweaved by science is in fact an The normally unflap- explain to you the varying degrees articles of any length containing fact that what Simon has in his ‘awful rainbow’ it is symbolic of pable Dr. Darryl Jones once opined scripture…” of refraction for wavelengths of morsels of bona fide ‘science’ to ‘quotation marks’ bears little more the astonishing and awe-inspiring that the only apposite response to light, whilst you are trying to [email protected] than a passing semblance to Keats in nature not of beauty- a theme the sublime was “Fuck me!”- it is Ken Ham as he tries to juggle the equally difficult tasks of disproving admire a rainbow. Darwinian evolution and forming a coherent sentence. Sports Features Editor: Theo O’Donnell Tuesday December 6th, 2005 25 Trinity News SPORTS FEATURES Rugby World XV and Autumn Round-Up Geography loses its way as Southern Hemisphere nations come out on top and re-establish themselves as the true rulers of rugby’s roost

Sunderland by comparison. great one wouldn’t have led his Theo O’Donnell side to defeat against a New 9. JB Elissalde (France) Zealand team with three players in Only at World Cups is there a bet- the sin-bin. Rodney it is. ter chance than Autumn One of the few cheeky, sniping Internationals to see all of the scrum-halves playing international 16. (SA) Like world’s top rugby nations compet- rugby these days. Gregan looks old Mandela, the old man of Africa is ing against one another, so what and tired, and Kelleher, for all his still a force to be reckoned with. better time to put together a World hustle, bustle and bulky muscle 17. Kevin Mealamu (NZ) XV. So, here it is, the best of the just isn’t the game-breaker that Extremely powerful in the loose. best, picked on their form in recent Elissalde is. Pichot comes close, 18. (SA) The matches. but Elissalde is more inventive and MotorBotha. incisive. Providing Yachvilli is fit, 19. Jerry Collins (NZ) Smash, Backs France’s depth at scrum-half will smash, smash, all day long… 15. Chris Latham (Australia) be the envy of the world in 2007. 20. Freddie Michalak (Fr) Gallic flair personified. He’s devoid of flair, and equally 21. Felipe Contepomi (Arg) lacking in grace, but along with Forwards Dynamic, creative and powerful. Drew Mitchell he’s been one of the 22. Cédric Heymans (Fr) The only highlights in the woeful 1. (England) most complete winger in the game? Australian backline. Against Ireland, for example, he scored a An automatic choice. He demol- So, formalities first: breathtaking try and was outstand- ished almost everyone he came up obviously, there are going to be ing throughout. Mils Muliaina and against this autumn; a mighty disagreements with the final selec- put forward pretty scrummager. tion, particularly on the wing. Any good cases for themselves, but one of the All Black’s regulars at Latham was a cut above. 2. Dimitri Szarzewski (France) wing or fullback might feel aggrieved at not being included, 14. Rico Gear (NZ) Move over Jeremy Paul. This guy but Habana and Gear are lethal out is the best ball-carrying hooker wide. Leaving out Aurelién Rougerie since Keith Wood. Mealamu and When drawing conclu- with all his power and speed is Oliver both get honorable men- sions from the make-up of the side, harsh, but Gear seems to be able to tions, but neither have the it is alarming to note how much of score at will.. Doug Howlett was Frenchman’s pace in the loose. it is dominated by the Southern impressive when playing, but Gear Hemisphere. Of the starting XV, Gordon D’Arcy was one of the few Irish players to enhance his reputation in the Autumn Internationals was chosen against England, and 3. Carl Hayman (NZ) seven are Kiwis, two are South All Ireland Match Pics: Jago Tennant constantly showed why. He’s African, and one is Australian, Africa? No. England? No. Japan closest the team has to an Irish con- give him a path to the tryline, and rugby. are following drawn to the tryline like a BESS What a beast. The only prop that compared to four Frenchmen and has more than twice as many than tingent is Leinster’s very own generously redistributing Irish pos- suit, if less effectively. Wales are girl to Annabels. came close to matching Sheridan is one Englishmen. It is clear to see either - over four thousand clubs. ‘Orrgenteenian’ Felipe Contepomi. session to set up Mitchell’s second flying all over the place looking for a must for the tighthead spot. With that the SARFU nations have a Ask anyone who went to the last Up front, Ireland would try. Great stuff. Surely Girv the gaps and chinks in defences. Even these behemoths of the scrum huff- majority share-hold in the top tal- soccer World Cup, and they’ll tell be demolished by Hayman and Swerve could add a bit of zest to Ireland and Scotland look to be 13. Tana Umaga, Captain (NZ) ing and puffing around the pitch, ent in world rugby. Fair enough, you how incredibly well it was Sheridan. Horan is a good in the the Irish line? Compared to creating, rather than boshing in the team might be somewhat lack- the odd European like Corry or organised. Imagine what that kind loose, but he and He is one of very few captains who ing in the loose, but Szarzewski , or even the occa- of organisation, popular support couldn’t even nudge the feeble ply their trade in the backline makes up for that. Besides, who Australian pack backwards, let whilst inspiring the same level of needs runners in the forwards when “It is clear to see that the SARFU nations have a alone dominate them, as England commitment and loyalty as men your backs will always get solid majority share-hold in the top talent in world and in fact everyone has over the like Martin Johnson. His power, ball from the scrum? last year. Shane Byrne has been speed, aggression, offloads and rugby” quiet as a lamb round the pitch and above all his dedication to reck- 4. Chris Jack (NZ) his lineouts have gone from being a lessly endanger himself for the sional Argentinian like Pichot or and financial investment could do strength to a weakness since the benefit of his team make him the Probably the second best line-out Ledesma is pushing hard for inclu- for rugby! More importantly, imag- Lions. ‘O’Kelly and O’Callaghan’ outstanding choice as outside cen- jumper on earth, behind his World sion, but in any fomr-based World ine what staging such an event reads like a pretty good boiler- tre and captain of any World XV. XV team-mate, and he’s not too XV, the balance of players would there would do for the sport’s cred- room, but neither man put his hand This guy is the heart of any team he shaky in the loose either. Bakkies be tipping alarmingly south, ibility and popularity among small- up in the game against New plays in, and when that team has Botha had a good tour with the towards Africa and beyond. er nations. Zealand, and would lose out to whitewashed the Lions, won the Boks, and Ali Williams is worth a Different sides have Closer to home, what is Matfield and Jack. Ireland’s back- Tri-Nations and wrapped up a mention, but no-one from the fared well in the ten years since perhaps most worrying for Irish row was solid against Australia, Grand Slam, you know it’s got a Northern Hemisphere really put professionalism came into the rugby fans is that England and in with O’Connor getting stuck in to huge heart. Also, he looks like their hands up this autumn. game, but it would seem as though particular France are the only two the Wallabies like his life depended Predator, so you know he’s hard. the minnows have had their time in European sides who are establish- on it, but none of them have the , and must now return to the ing themselves as genuine compe- class, muscle or work-rate of bad old days when men in Black, tition for the giants of South Africa McCaw, Nyanga and So’oialo. Ireland and Australia are both in desperate need Green and Gold were talked of in and the All Blacks. Wales did well, And the backs? Well, it of solid scrummagers if they are to stop the rot awe as they approached from but were thoroughly unconvincing starts badly. Comparing Stringer to beyond the equator. This is not and start winning the big games again. against New Zealand, and lost their Ellisalde is like comparing the what was supposed to happen. nerve against a suffocating Spice Girls to Mozart. I’m actually These recent internationals, whilst Springbok side. Effectively what not even going to point out Heymans or his provincial team- their midfields, though admittedly undeniably offering up the most we have seen over the last year or Stringer’s limitations, they are mate Contepomi, Dempsey does with limited success. Gone are the breathtaking spectacle in terms of so is a return to the of the pre-pro- there clear as day for every rugby little for any side’s attacking flair. days of Kevin Maggs. Thank God. the quality of rugby being played, fessional era. This is a far cry from fan to see, and for every opposition It’s looking rather bleak The most satisfying suggest something very negative last year, when Ireland levelled player to exploit, but Ellisalde even for Ireland at the moment. Last thing to emerge from this trend was about the road this sport is going South Africa, and Wales came so shreds him at his supposed strength season the 6Nations offered a visible in the England vs. All down. SARFU’s dreadful (but pre- Grand Slam opportunity. In 2006 it Blacks match at Twickenham. dictable) refusal to include either “Rugby fans, even disappointed English ones and will be make or break for the Irish, England, even with the creative Argentina or the Pacific Islanders disillusioned Irish ones, should take heart from the not whether they can be the kings influence of Charlie Hodgson, are in the extended Tri-Nations set the of Europe – surely that is well desperate to plug away with lum- tone. The IRB’s inability to prevent thrilling spectacles we have been offered for our beyond this team at this stage – but bering backs, and – thank god – the flood of Tongans, Fijians and viewing pleasure in recent weeks” whether they can even keep their they failed to beat the Kiwis. Samoans into the All Black’s wel- Rugby Royalty: Tana Umaga is the outstanding heads above water, secure wins Hopefully they, and the rest of the coming arms is another worry. But close to beating the All Blacks, los- – passing. O’Gara vs Carter? No choice to captain our World XV perhaps most damaging of all is the ing by only a point. contest, really. O’Gara is a good recent vote that handed the 2011 Such heady days seemed player, but kicked badly when we 12. Yannick Jauzion (France) 5. (South Africa) world cup to New Zealand, rather miles away as th Celtic nations needed accuracy, and failed to than to Japan. Whilst football’s crashed to heavy defeats against direct the tea, when they needed This guy is without doubt the best The most secure line-out jumper in governing body, FIFA, and even Tana’s rampaging kiwis. Even the his experience. In the centres, centre in the world right now. He the world. It doesn’t matter who’s the dreadful International Olympic woefully bad Australia did to Ireland at least showed some breaks the line every time he takes throwing the ball in, this guy will Committee have all seen the light Ireland what they (allegedly) do to enthusiasm. D’Arcy looks back to the ball up, and he never lets his win you possession at the game’s and put their faith and money in their sheep, signalling the end of a his best, and Trimble is an encour- opposite man get the better of him. most important set-piece. new, hungry sporting nations like year of missed opportunities for aging alternative should O’Driscoll , Jaque Fourie and get injured again. Neither of them Felipe Contepomi would all make 6. Yannick Nyanga (France) have played like Jauzion or Umaga great partners for Umaga, but though. On to the back three...oh Jauzion has the edge over them. Nyanga just about edges in ahead dear. Latham tore Murphy apart of Burger and Jerry Collins. with a ripper of a sidestep on his 11. (South Africa) Collins is a huge tackler, and way to the tryline, so its one- nil to Burger gets more turnovers than a the World XV. Habana against Want a world class finisher? Shane pancake tosser at Lemon, but the Habana doing what he does best - scoring tries Horgan is an interesting one. Williams, Sitiveni Sivivatu and Joe Frenchman offers more creativity Horgan is fast and strong, and he’s against Italy and Scotland, take a rugby-playing world, will learn Rokocoko all cut defences to rib- than either the powerful Kiwi or no slouch in defence, but look at result away from Wales, and put in from their failure to score tries bons, and Cédric Heymans is the explosive ‘Bok, and he has the Habana, with 14 tries in 16 Test performances to build on for next against a side depleted by three sin- arguably the most complete winger pace of a winger, meaning he gets appearances; his pace and finishing autumn and beyond. binnings in the second half, and on earth. In two years time this to the tackle faster than roadrunner win this battle. Two - nil. As for It has been a mixed bag will start to spread the ball more, award could well be going to on amphetamines. Rico Gear taking on Tommy of results for rugby in the last few looking for space rather than young Drew Mitchell, who worked Bowe…this one would not be pret- weeks. It’s obviously unfortunate repeatedly punching holes. so hard and so stylishly for 7. Richie McCaw (NZ) ty. Bowe is a good player, but even that the gap between the top tier Defenders, particularly Australia, but if you need a try- the strongest tacklers struggle to and second tier nations seems to be South African ones, are becoming scoring machine who will find the This is a tough call. George Smith This November, European sides looked on as lay a hand on Gear. The Ulsterman widening, and it’s a travesty that too strong and too well organised line every time he gets the ball, has been the only thing worth couldn’t contain Howlett and he Japan have been shut out of for crash-ball tactics to break look no further than Brian Habana. watching in the Australian pack, their Southern Hemisphere visitors racked up the would be lost at sea with Gear. rugby’s future until 2014 at the ear- through with any regularity, and it steaming around the pitch like points - and the wins. Coming off the bench, liest, but no one can deny that the is time that teams – particularly 10. Daniel Carter, Kicker (NZ) some weird cross between Bob Eddie O’Sullivan. Where was the Ireland still struggle. Kieran standard of rugby has been breath- those with the likes of Marley and a tank, and Bonnaire Japan, Korea and China, the IRB Grand Slam? Where are the bright Campbell taking on Michalak at taking. After the last World Cup, in them – started to work overlaps SuperDan was not chosen as the worked like a dog for France, but drags its feet and sends the Webb young players for the next World scrumhalf? Think Dungannon we cried out to be spared from the and make space. Rugby fans, even IRB player of the year last week even when not playing at his peak Ellis Trophy to a nation who bare- Cup? Without key men like street party versus 14th July in negative, low-risk fare served up disappointed English ones and dis- without reason. He glides past McCaw is the best in the world. ly had the infrastructure to support O’Driscoll and O’Connell, Ireland Toulouse. I know where I’d rather by the steamroller that was illusioned Irish ones, should take defences, he kicks, chips and pass- a Lions Tour this summer. No one lacked purpose and direction. be. Or maybe Humphreys taking England on its march to glory, and heart from the thrilling spectacles es better than anyone, and you just 8. Rodney So’oialo (NZ) will argue with New Zealand’s Trimble is a good find, and it’s nice him on at out-half? Bringing for now our prayers have been we have been offered for our view- know he’s a hit with the birds as rugby heritage, but a professional to see Tommy Bowe and D’Arcy Humphreys on against Oz was like answered. New Zealand, France ing pleasure in recent weeks. We well. He’s basically Ross Corry is impressive, but So’oialo era should look to the future, not doing well, but it’s impossible to tying a lead-weight to the Irish and the Boks are only using their can only hope it keeps getting bet- O’Carroll-Kelly, only better. has better ball skills and is perhaps the past. argue that any Irishmen would players’ legs. A brief summary of huge packs to set up a platform for ter, and that teams refuse to suc- Michalak is the only other out-half even stronger in contact. Besides Any guesses which make it into a World XV. Even the his contribution: lying down oblig- their flair-players and speedsters, cumb to the conservatism that tra- in his league, but if Carter is which, Corry is becoming an nation has more rugby clubs than bench is asking too much, and the ingly in front of Chris Latham to not to kill the spirit of running ditionally surrounds World Cups. Chelsea, then poor old Freddie is impressive captain, but a truly any other union on earth? South 25 Tuesday 6th December, 2005 Sports Features Editor: Theo O’Donnell Trinity News SPORTS FEATURES Bring Back The Truly, Madly, Turkey Jonny Walls, FIFA’s long-standing critic, bemoans the plague of violence which has continuously marred Turkey’s reputation as a footballing nation and asks Galloping Major when the international body will act to curb this disturbing trend. brate what had been achieved sim- With Ireland out, the best we can hope for at the next World Cup is an enter- Jonny Walls ply because the Turkish supporters taining display of spectacular football from the world’s best players, but were such bad losers that they The violence which marred the conservatism, nepotism and Peter Crouch threaten all that, says Cillian were liable to attack the Swiss conclusion of Switzerland’s World players. O’Conchuir. Cup play-off match against Turkey in Istanbul has clearly Visiting supporters, Cillian O’Conchuir demonstrated that it’s time for meanwhile, were at a minimum in FIFA to take firm action . It’s sim- Istanbul. The fans of the Alpine ply unsafe for visiting teams to nation were advised, like the fol- The Golden Magyar team of 1954 play there any longer. lowers of all teams going to play in played with Feranc ‘Galloping Turkey, not to travel as their well- Major’ Puskas, Zoltan Czibor, Laszlo Budai and ‘Golden Boy,’ “This is a situation that has been going for years Sandor Kocsis up front. Four years and its totally unacceptable. Fans should able to later, Brazil boasted a strike force of Vava, Garrincha, Mario Zagallo support their team home and abroad in safety” and Pelé. ‘Total Football’ was Football’s world govern- being could not be guaranteed. introduced by the Netherlands ing body has launched what is This is a situation that has been Turkish fans offering their famously warm wel- team of 1974 which included claimed to be the biggest discipli- going for years and its totally Johan Cruyff, Rob Rensenbrink come for visiting supporters nary inquiry in its history into the unacceptable. Fans should able to and Johnny Rep. The victorious future conduct. However the prob- ing to anger. This is the result of post match events of 16 support their team home and Argentine sides of 1978 and 1986, lems continued for other visiting Turkish hooliganism,” wrote November. Five individuals face abroad in safety. The fact that had Mario Alberto ‘Matador’ teams over the years and then in Mehmet Y. Yilmaz a commentator investigations. Turkish players FIFA have seemingly let the Kempes, Leopoldo Luque, Jorge 1999, after another game involving for Radikal newspaper over the Emre and Alpay, Turkish assistant Turkish authorities get away with ‘El Filósofo’ Valdano and Diego Ireland in Turkey FIFA made deaths of the English fans coach Mehmet Ozdilek, Swiss this situation over the years is a Armando Maradona in its ranks. another inexplicable blunder. After Christopher Loftus and Kevin defender Benjamin Huggel and his disgrace. Irish supporters first The list of gifted teams Tony Cascarino was attacked by Speight. team physio Stephan Mayer could became aware of the perils of trav- that graced football's greatest glob- two Turkish players at the final all receive hefty bans for their part elling to soccer matches in Turkey al gathering is endless. Recent whistle, he threw a couple of Though the UEFA ruling in the trouble. But whatever the in November 1991 when Jack times have seen defensive tactics, punches to defend himself and was had just a one off effect, at least it outcome of those personal pro- Charlton’s Ireland defeated their pitiful teams and scandalous refer- subsequently banned along with was a start. FIFA have until this ceedings, the bigger problem has hosts 3-1 in a European qualifier. eeing decisions tarnish what was the aggressors. Instead of realising latest incident, failed to take any to examined- The football culture On that occasion many visiting once the ‘Beautiful Game.’ Sven Goran-Eriksson, looking remarkably uncon- that the police in the stadium were, measures to combat the plague of in Turkey. fans were denied access to the Consistency, with the exception of cerned for a man whose team is noticeably bereft at best, disinterested at restoring violence in Turkish football. When ground despite having tickets for Brazil, departed with the theft of of Galloping Majors and Golden Boys. order they took the easy option and Sweden beat Turkey in Istanbul in the Jules Rimet Trophy. punished the victim for standing October of 2001 the usual scenes As the final places for teams have seen the downfall of final 23. If not, it could come back up for himself. of missiles being thrown onto the next summers FIFA World Cup many an exciting side. The 2002 to haunt him. pitch and the visiting team having were decided, scepticism over- World Cup illustrated these points. It is the biggest show on Things then came to a their bus attacked on the way to the shadowed any excitement at the Nepotism has no place in football, earth, where the biggest and best head in April 2000 when two ground went completely unpun- world’s biggest sporting event. but harsh lessons have been dealt, players demonstrate why they are Leeds fans were stabbed to death ished. France flattered to deceive during if not learnt. France and Argentina paid bizarre amounts. It has often in Istanbul by a Galatasaray fol- qualifying. Italy, mediocre at best, are prime examples of this. shown the discrepancies of inter- lower on the eve of the first leg of But the most inexplica- imploded against Slovenia. Spain Prior to Korea/Japan national football, as giants crumble the UEFA Cup semi-final. As a ble decision that has been made at the hands of minow’s. Paul result European soccer's governing with regard to Turkish football “Though an inability to defend provides entertain- Robert says, “In football, the great- body banned supporters of during this sorry episode was est satisfaction is winning when Galatasaray from attending the undoubtedly when Istanbul was ment, World Cups are about far more than that” they say you can't.” One wonders match at Elland Road, fearing vio- chosen as the venue for the 2005 if diehard football fans would lence in reprisal. Though a sound Champions League Final. Despite did their best to avoid under- 2002, France seemed all-conquer- agree. Even so, it would be nice to decision, it didn’t address the root all that had gone before the achieving at a World Cup by not ing. Les Bleus had won the 2001 see Italy, France, Spain and problem because Turkish clubs and Turkish FA were being rewarded. qualifying and England strove to Confederations Cup, 2000 Argentina perform to the best of its’ international team were still Clearly it was felt by the powers prove their critics right, that they European Championships and the their ability. As for England, a allowed to play matches at home. that be that awarding such an event can’t win a world cup. previous World Cup. Meaningless thrilling elimination beckons once to Turkey, would bring about a At least expectations on friendly matches were deemed suf- again. After an initial stirring vic- More worrying was the greater sense of responsibility and the Swiss, Tunisia, Saudi Arabia, ficient preparation for the defence tory against a team tipped for denial that any problem existed by maturity amongst the hosts’ foot- Australia et all to perform are min- of their trophy. France were cer- World Cup glory, their dream will Post-Imperialist Diplomacy in action: English the Turkish government and much balling fraternity in the future. imal. They offer little in terms of tainly breathtaking. Three winless fizzle out in the later stages with soccer fans rising above the Turkish provocation of the country’s press. In fact there Swiss defender Stephane Grichting exciting and attractive football. games, no goals and loyalty to a Peter Crouch ending his goal was widespread anger at the ban- would surely argue that this plan defective rearguard saw Roger drought and Wayne Rooney being the game, others found their seats ning of travelling Galatasaray sup- has failed. He was taken to hospi- Three games, three defeats later It’s little wonder the Lemerre out of a job. dismissed. occupied by Turkish police and they will depart for another four free-for-all in the tunnel took place It was unlucky 13 for an Brazil will once again army personnel who refused to “Throughout the game the hosts urinated down years. Though their inability to after Switzerland had secured their Argentine side which selected a bear the heavy burden of an move. However that wasn’t the defend provides an entertainment place in the World-Cup Finals. onto the Irish while others threw missiles” 35-year old Claudio Caniggia and enthused public. Let’s all hope worst of it. A large section of Irish factor, the World Cup is much Ever since they had arrived in a 30-year old Claudio Husain they don’t disappoint. fans were seated in the bottom tear more than that. Well, it was a show Istanbul two days before the game ahead of the young, creative and Groups for the next of one of the stands with their porters from the return leg. tal and needed a catheter inserted case where the world’s greatest they had been subjected to dis- talented Juan Roman Riquelme World Cup, to be held in Germany Turkish counterparts on the top. Cabinet ministers and other politi- after being kicked in the groin dur- proved that they were a cut above graceful treatment from the locals. and Javier Saviola. The current next June, will be drawn on Friday. On a number of occasions through- cians flew to Leeds to give sup- ing the recent tunnel bust up. the rest. As their team bus approached the Albicelestes coach, Jose Pekerman out the game their hosts urinated port. Nepotism, a fear of hotel in which they were due to would do well to remember Lionel down onto the Irish while others They have had more going forward, ignorance of oppo- stay, local supporters gathered and Messi, Rodrigo Palacio and Javier threw missiles in their direction. “They blamed the inci- than enough chances to get their nents and excessive hype over pelted the coach with eggs and Mascherano when selecting his The police did nothing. Nor did dents caused by a [handful] of house in order but the Turkish FA rocks. Things didn’t get any better they catch the perpetrator of the delinquents on 65 million Turks. have failed to do so. The solution for the Swiss team when they knife attack on an Irish supporter But Leeds' and UEFA's plans of a is simple. For the upcoming Euro stepped out on to the pitch for in the stadium toilets. After the psychological war on Galatasaray 2008 qualifiers Turkey should be game as lighters, coins and glass game the buses carrying the team did not work,” wrote the Hurriyet made to play their “home ties” on bottles rained down from the and fans was pelted with stones as newspaper. neutral territory. If in the future Row, Row, Row stands. It says much for the hosts they left the ground. this problem raises its’ head again, that when the final whistle went However it must be said then the country’s clubs and the visiting players had no choice Instead of taking a hard- that not all elements of the Turkish national team should face an out- but to run for the dressing room to line in the wake of this, FIFA hand- media were blind to the problem: right ban from international com- ensure their safety. In their ed out a meagre fine and warned “This was not a simple incident petition. moment of triumph they couldn’t the Turkish authorities on their caused by some youths succumb- Your Boat even remain on the pitch to cele- Trinity’s rowing community is well represented in the two- man Irish team competing in the Atlantic Rowing Race 2005.

With food rations for 60 George Best 1946 - 2005 days the Digicel Atlantic Challenge George Best died last week at the and its two Irish rowers, Ciarán age of 59, bringing a tragic end to Lewis (a former Head of the a life that was nothing if not con- Dublin University Boatclub’s boat- troversial. house) and Gearoid Towey (a cur- Many articles in the days rent head Trinity student), today set since his death have chosen to con- off from La Gomera, Canary centrate on his turbulent private Islands to row 2,550 nautical miles life - although ‘private’ is probably non-stop and unaided across the the wrong word to choose for a Atlantic Ocean to Antigua in the man who was so relentlessly West Indies. exposed to the public eye, for rea- sons both good and bad. But sure- The Digicel Atlantic Lewis and Towey in training for their 60 Day Task ly the most fitting way to remem- Challenge is one of 26 boats from adverse winds of up to 32 knots ber such a great footballer (and all over the world to compete in the around the Canary Islands made it Other features of the offi- certainly the most appropriate for 2005 Rowing Race which is one of impossible for the Race to set off. cial race website for the Atlantic the Trinity News Sports Features the world's toughest nautical chal- Rowing Race 2005 include the section) is to put aside, at least for lenges and the ultimate test of men- The official race website, ability to monitor the weather con- now, the problems and trials that tal andphysical strength and www.atlanticrowingrace.com, ditions being experienced by the beset him and contributed to his endurance. Competing on equal designed and maintained by the rowers, giving an insight into some death. terms within their respective class- Ocean Rowing Society, allows vis- of the conditions they will be fac- Best is without doubt the es and in purposely designed ocean itors to learn more about the race ing, aswell as daily news updates finest footballer to have been born rowing boats, the teams will battle and this Irish team taking part. The aswell as photographs of the team. on this island, and we would ask for the highest accolade, to be the site also enables the general public, that you remember the moments of first to cross the finish line and in including friends and fans of Adapted from a Press Release on sublime skill that made himso the fastest possible time. Gearoid Towey and Ciarán Lewis behalf of the Digicel Team. famous and so adored by his mil- to follow the daily progress of their lions of fans. Here’s to you, The race was delayed for George Best - Sporting Legend. Born 22nd May 1946, Belfast, Died race through regular updates and Georgie. three days due to poor weather con- interactives maps. th ditions in the Canary Islands where 25 November 2005, London Sports Editor: Peter Henry Tuesday December 6, 2005 27 Trinity News SPORT Ultimate Club at Indoor Regionals Short Sport

Ben Sweeney and British nationals whilst runners up UCD had to settle for a place in the Clíodhna Ní Ghiollagáin Not Nationals competition taking Report place on the weekend directly after DU Ultimate Frisbee Club was rep- the tournament in Sheffield. resented by one team at the Indoor Overall, it was a great Regionals competition held on weekend for Trinity Ultimate, with Sunday the 20th of November. one of their teams winning the Boat Club names Regionals consisted of eight Irish beginners tournament in DCU on teams. The prize at stake was a Saturday, the other team coming the “RB McDowell” place in the British Nationals seventh place and the women’s Tournament. team bringing home the plate. Students walking through College iar to most Trinity students, and Trinity’s first game was Coming third in an indoor compe- on the evening of Saturday, 26th has been a fellow of the College against a DCU side who could only tition, in which Trinity have little November, may have been sur- since 1951. He has a long associa- field four players for the first ten experience, reflects well on the prised by the sight of a rowing tion with the Boat Club, most minutes of the twenty-five minute team’s performance. eight sitting between the cam- notably when he coxed a staff four game, because their other players Saturday the 19th of panile and rubrics, surrounded by to victory at Trinity Regatta in had slept in after the previous November saw the first Dublin a group of men. The DU Boat 1954. On that day, he received the night’s party in Doyle’s. Trinity based indoor tournament on the Club were naming their Sims traditional victory ducking when pressed hard on them using their ultimate frisbee calendar. The Evolution racing eight. The boat his crew threw him into the one man advantage, eventually event, called “whacking day”, was was baptised with Liffey water Liffey! winning the game 7-3. Trinity won aimed at beginners and hosted in and named the “RB McDowell”. At the boat naming cer- their next group game without con- DCU’s impressive sports hall. The water was poured from a sil- emony, Dr McDowell and the ceding a point against an inexperi- Trinity emerged victorious in both ver DU Rowing Club jug, which President of the Boat Club, RH enced DIT second team. In their the open and the women’s divi- had recently been refurbished van Mesdag, both said a few final group game, DU fell to sions. after suffering some wear-and-tear words. It was kept brief, however, UCC’s well drilled team. This Tournaments such as since 1877. due to the November chill. meant Trinity faced UCD’s second “whacking day” are extremely Dr McDowell is famil- team in their crossover match; important to the development of Trinity won, sealing a place in the the game of ultimate frisbee in semi finals. Ireland as they provide opportuni- Potholing Club In the semi finals Trinity ties for beginners to progress. Only faced a tough test against rivals one experienced player is allowed UCD. Both teams scored back to on the court at any one time; this heading to Co Clare Members of DU Amateur Boxing Club who took a break from boxing to run at the back points, and it was a close gives beginners more court time recent Maynooth Road Relays Photo: DU Harriers and Athletic Club game at four-all. The Belfield team where they begin to understand the The DU Potholing Club is running world’s 22nd deepest cave – the then scored three points in a row. rules more and develop a love for its next trip to County Clare in Gouffre Berger – at a depth of just Trinity replied with a point at the the game. association with Queen’s over 1km in 2004. death but the clock was against Eighty twelve-minute University Belfast Caving Club The forthcoming trip to them. This meant that Trinity had games being were played on three and DIT Caving Club on the County Clare will include an Trinity fail to regain to settle for a place in the third different courts. Three Trinity weekend of the 9th December introduction to vertical caving fourth playoff against DIT’s first teams went to try their luck: one 2005 as part of ongoing prepara- techniques. In addition, the Club team. Trinity had beaten them women’s team and two men’s tions for the 2006 intervarsity cav- is assisting research which is twice in Cork a few weeks previ- teams. Trinity’s women’s team, ing expedition. Previous expedi- monitoring water levels in ously, and were feeling confident. captained by Brónagh Ní tions which Club members have Coolagh River Cave, which is Squash Colours attended have been to France, being undertaken by the Irish DU ran out winners in a fast paced Chobhtaigh, were very successful contest, which ended 5-1. in only losing one of their six Romania, Slovenia, Croatia and Cave Rescue Association, and the Mallorca. The highlight of these Speleological Union of Ireland. David Lowry ber-two and Ireland’s representa- 3-2, in dramatic fashion. Dave Misstear was voted matches and winning the plate. The tive at the last Junior World The Men’s B section Trinity’s most valuable player of open team went further by not con- trips was an expedition to the Championships. Meanwhile, the after a promising start failed to the Tournament. This prize was ceding defeat once and making it to Dublin University 2 ladies’ and men’s “B” teams also make an impact losing all subse- well merited. He was the team’s the final where they faced the University College, Dublin 3 won their opening games. Next on quent games. However it wasn’t all most dependable player, turning newly founded Waterford IT team. Ladies’ Boat Club court was Yousef Gohary: in a doom and gloom: the ladies pulled over the disc less than any other It was a close match with the DU Squash Club took to the courts marathon one-and-a-half hours, he off an impressive victory winning and getting in some vital defensive stands packed full to capacity on Friday, November 11, in a bid to lost narrowly 9-7 in the fifth. David 4-1, led by ladies’ captain blocks. Dave Rickard took the cheering both teams on. The end sponsored row win back the Colours trophy that Lowry couldn’t pull off a victory Catherine Graham. For the men, prize for most spirited player. result was 8-5 in our favour with DU Ladies’ Boat Club’s spon- Breast Cancer, a project of the had been won by UCD the previous either and the defeat left Trinity disappointment set in as missed “Spirit” plays a pivotal role in the MVP deservedly going to Rob sored row, scheduled to take place Irish Cancer Society. No doubt the year. Morale was high, and so too needing to win both remaining opportunities were dwelt upon. The Ultimate Frisbee as it is a game whose amazing catches in the end- on the afternoon of Saturday, afternoon will also double as a were hopes, as Trinity fielded a games. Brian Byrne did his part Club lost the colours last year but played without any referees and it zone proved invaluable to the December 3rd, has been post- valuable training session. The strong side in both the Men’s A, playing at number one by easily spectacularly won the intervarsities depends on a fair play attitude team. poned. It will now take place on crew will slip at midday, and Men’s B and Ladies’ tournaments. defeating UCD’s Ray Byrne. in a whitewash; that was little con- between players. DU Ultimate Club mem- Sunday, January 15th, at refreshments will be available on All indications were Unfortunately, Kevin Humphreys solation to members on the Friday UCC won the tourna- bers are now are looking forward Islandbridge. That afternoon, an the day. good early on as Trinity took the couldn’t get the required victory night. Hope still remains, as ment beating UCD 12-6 in the to the last beginners’ tournament eight will make as many trips as it The Ladies’ Boat Club lead 1-0 through Club Captain that would see Trinity lift the tro- unavailable players will be coming final. In winning the final Cork which will be held in UCD Dublin can in four hours. Some of the also celebrated their thirtieth Karlis Zauers whose retrieval game phy, going down 3-1. UCD had back into the fold for the intervarsi- ensured themselves a place in the this weekend. proceeds will go toward Action anniversary recently. was enough to upset UCD’s num- successfully retained the Colours, ties. 100 years ago in College sport Boat Club De Courcy out best forward. On the forwards on Saturday had not been Considerable alteration has taken same day the second XV was beat- in vain. From one of these charac- place in the formation of the crews en by Blackrock second by one try teristic rushes, in which De Courcy during the past week, owing main- to nil. Owing to the New Zealand and Solomons were prominent, the ly to the fact that several members match there were no fixtures on former finished up a beautiful drib- who signified their intention to Saturday. On Monday the Colour ble by scoring a very fine try. Parke row, have disappointed. However, team went over to Cambridge; and again showed his abilities as a sure we hope that no further alteration account of the match will be found goal-kicker. will be necessary. below. On resuming, Cambridge The pairs have been tak- On Wednesday last the attacked with renewed vigour, and ing the water with varying regular- Second beat St Mary’s College Past a good passing movement amongst ity for the last ten days, and consid- and Present by 35 points to nil. their three-quarters, in which the erable improvement is noticeable Purser was mainly responsible for brothers McLeod showed their in many of them. It is too early yet the large score. The third XV beat great sprinting powers, yielded a to make any prophecies, but as sev- Lansdowne Third by 37 points to try, “KG” being the scorer. The eral are very evenly match, some nil. We are glad to see great kick was missed, and the match excellent races are to be expected. improvement in their back play. ended in a draw with ten points to We must again ask the credit of each side. “strokes” to get their crews out as Cambridge v Dublin The match was an excel- often as possible, as there is only a We played Cambridge University, lent one, stiffly contested through- very short time for practise before at Cambridge, on Tuesday 28th. We out, and, in the circumstances, per- the Term Races. It is hoped to add were unfortunate in losing the serv- haps a draw was the most satisfac- at least two more pairs during the ices of Robinson through injury tory result, for, although more than next few days; and another four in received in the NZ match. Acheson one excellent chance, nay, certain addition to those given below, will also was an absentee through ill- score, was missed by our three- probably be seen out very soon. ness. quarters, we must not forget that There is great demand Our opponents were, per- for almost the entire game our for the Dance tickets, so that any- haps, more unfortunate in losing opponents were one man short. one desiring to obtain some should their wing three-quarter, Burt- Considering the rough apply at once. Marshall, in the first ten minutes. passage we had on Monday, to Fours: (I) N Chance Cambridge were the first Holyhead, our men played DU Cricket Club Past and Present in 1905 who played The Australians in College Park. Club Captain FH Browning extremely well, some being even (bow), JK Cooper, AP Colfer, SC to score, KG McLeod registering is seated in the front row wearing white. Photo: DU Cricket Club Webb (stroke), (II) JH Morton an unconverted try after fifteen brilliant. In this latter class we must (bow), JR Biggs, JF Dougherty, minutes’ play. This reverse seemed mention Huggard, who has seldom a worthy understudy to Robinson: ly; otherwise he is a most valuable this year. The following will com- GEB Scott (stroke), (III) W to rouse our men, and following a played a better game, his kicking Association Football that is praise enough. Our for- acquisition, and puts dash into the pose the Colour team, two places Colquhoun (bow), CM Dobbs, E good kick by Quinlan, a passing and talking leaving nothing to be Last Tuesday we played a friendly wards, ably led by Sugars, though forwards. Dilworth still hesitates being left open till this afternoon: Leahy, MP Leahy (stroke), (IV), P run by our three quarters ended by desired. with Catholic University in the beaten by a much heavier pack in too much before passing, and so Goal: D Whitty; Backs: Chance, MW McCaul, LJM George grounding at the corner, for Of our three-quarters College Park, at its worst. The first the tight, stuck to their work to the gives time for the opposing defence RF Griffith, AJ Finny; Half-backs: Hewson, AA McNeight (stroke). Parke to bring off an almost impos- who, though at times erratic, half was very even, but in the sec- end, and were entirely responsible to get back and mark the rest of the A Wilkinson, E Lambkin, ———; sible goal. played well on the whole, Parke ond our forwards showed up to for our second score. Sugars, De forwards. Fottrell has showed the Forwards: ———, HA Page, HS Rugby Football We were not allowed to was undoubtedly best. George’s great advantage, and we ran out own try was a good effort. Thrift Courcy, Solomons, Burns, and winners of a keen game by three greatest improvement of late. Dilworth, B Fottrell, CM Finny. The first XV were beaten by keep the lead long, for from a got little to do in attack, but his Quinlan deserve special mention. goals to one. The forwards all Whitty was weak in goal; he hardly The Rugby Football Club Blackrock College, Past and melee inside out twenty-five KG defence was, as usual, very sound. The brothers McLeod played well, especially the right ever picked up the ball clean. Such have kindly lent us their ground for Present, on the 22nd. The defeat is McLeod picked up and dropped a Caddell, operating and Mainprice were most brilliant wing, though Page and Matthews fumbling would not have gone the match next Wednesday. Tickets to be attributed to the fact that we very clever goal. behind forwards who rarely got the in the Cambridge back division, were rather inclined to hustle one unpunished against a military team. can be had at Lynch’s, or from AJ were without Parke, Casement, On changing ends we at ball, exhibited all his old-time clev- while Harris and Hodges were another. The former is a little too Both full-backs were poor. Finny, 26 TCD. Robinson, Caddell, Huggard, once attacked; our forwards, for the erness and resource, while his part- most prominent among the for- fond of wandering, and should It has been decided that Sugars, and Acheson. Purser and first time in the match, showing ner, Smartt, has never been seen to wards. mark the opposing inside left, when the match with London United Extracts taken from TCD: A George were our best backs, and that the lesson imparted by the Irish better advantage. In a word, he was the ball is thrown in, more careful- Hospitals shall be the Colour match College Miscellany, No 196 (1905) 28 Tuesday December 6, 2005 Sports Editor: Peter Henry SPORT Trinity News Reddin to the rescue as Trinity take soccer colours for third time Reidy drilled a low shot inches threatening an equaliser. John Lavelle wide of the Trinity post. Moments DU missed two gilt later, a goalbound half volley from edged opportunities to double their Dublin University 2 DU striker Vincent O’Mahony was lead on 70 minutes. In almost a car- University College, Dublin 1 blocked by one of his teammates. bon copy of his opening goal, Five minutes before half Riordan leapt above the crowd to There were scenes of jubilation in time and O’Mahony was at it again. get his head to an inswinging cor- College Park on Wednesday, His confidence buoyed by two ner, redirecting it towards goal. November 23, as Trinity clinched goals on his Trinity debut the previ- Time stood still as the ball bounced the soccer Colours in dramatic ous Wednesday, the young striker against the post and back into the fashion with a 2-1 victory over spotted Cashin, the UCD keeper, path of David Reddin. But the big archrivals UCD. David Reddin’s off his line. His curling, dipping, Trinity striker blasted against the sensational eleventh hour winner 25-yard effort was only denied by underside of the crossbar from five means Trinity retain to the David the crossbar. yards out when it looked easier to Faiers Memorial trophy for the DU began to gain the score. The danger cleared, Steve third year in succession. The win upper hand as the interval Cashin realigned the battered goal also guarantees DU a place in the approached and their breakthrough frame with the goal line, and semi-final of the Irish Universities came just on the stroke of half time. breathed a heavy sigh of relief. League at UCD’s expense. Ciarán Brady swung in a corner Their narrow escape An impressive 3-0 victo- from the right and Trinity midfield- spurred the sky blues into action. ry against DCU a week earlier had er David Riordan rose highest, With twelve minutes left on the boosted Trinity’s confidence going cushioning the ball effortlessly into clock, the Trinity defence failed to into the match, after a hesitant start the bottom corner, the UCD deal with a UCD attack down the to the intervarsity season. But it defence still planted to the ground left flank. A high, looping cross was UCD, needing only a point in shock. One nil Trinity. was met by the head of Conor Daly, from the match to secure the top The second half followed wrong footing Eoin O’Driscoll in spot in the IUFU League Dublin the same pattern as the first. The the Trinity goal, who watched help- division, who entered the match as defences dominated and chances lessly as the ball floated over his favourites. They left with nothing. were at a premium. head and into the top left corner. Victorious: Trinity’s soccer team after defeating University College Photo: Dermot Hanaphy The first half was a tense Despite being a goal One all. affair – the cup final atmosphere, down, UCD rarely looked like cre- As the minutes ticked by read the script. there was no hesitation, no uncer- Trinity for the third year running. Pender (Hobbs), Riordan, Reddin, so often a feature of Colours ating anything. David Holt and a draw looked increasingly likely. DU had looked threaten- tainty. Reddin’s powerful header DU top the Irish Universities O’Mahony (Byrne), Brady matches, was palpable. With nei- Daniel Trimble at the centre of the As it stood, the honours would be ing from set pieces all afternoon. crashed into the back of the UCD League Dublin division. UCD, the ther side dominating, chances at Trinity defence dealt comfortably split, Trinity retaining the Colours With six minutes to go, Brady net, his fifteen minute transforma- favourites, crash out. The natural UCDAFC: Cashin, Lee, Bowers, both ends were limited to set pieces with UCD strikers Ali Pickett and Trophy and UCD progressing to curled in another corner from the tion from villain to hero complete. order is restored. McMillan, Dillon, C Daly, Fallon, and long range efforts. Conor Daly. A mishit bicycle kick the last four of the Irish left hand side. As Reddin broke And despite an injury Ready, Pickett, N Daly, Connolly UCD came close half an from Niall Daly on the hour mark Universities League. free from his marker, time stood time scare, DU held on for the 2-1 DUAFC: O’Driscoll, Hayes, hour in when midfielder Colm was as close as UCD came to But David Reddin hadn’t still once more. On this occasion victory. The Colours title stays in Dempsey, Holt, Trimble, Orr, Hockey Club hosts Trinity victors in varsity swimming Charlotta Svensson national squad swimmers; yet sweep, and one can only hope that Japanese visitors swimmers took full advantage of after last year’s and now this year’s the weekend and Dublin location to all-over win, Trinity will be able to Philip Balbirnie Dublin University Swimming Club relax after the competition. The continue its dominance in the com- is still celebrating an all-around Club is especially proud to recog- petitions to come. sweep of events at this year’s Irish nise the gold medals won by sever- Those swimmers who Dublin University 2 Intervarsities. The event, held on al of its swimmers, without whom won gold medals are: Keio University 2 the 26th of November, was hosted Trinity would not have made a full Luke Andersson 50m jointly by the Royal College of sweep of the men’s and women’s freestyle; Cian Holland 50m but- Dublin University Hockey Club Surgeons and NUI Maynooth at the all-over competition, as well as the terfly; Shane Aherne 100m back- hosted their Japanese counterparts National Aquatic Centre in all-over college competition. In stroke; Ann Marie Fenton 50m on a cold Monday night last week. Abottstown. Organisers welcomed fact, the Club which came in sec- freestyle; Charlotta Svensson 50m Keio University, the oldest club in over seventeen colleges from ond to Trinity in the all-around backstroke; Deidre Tempany 100m Japan, and founded by an Irish man across Ireland and more than two- competition, Dublin City breaststroke; Sinead Tyrell 100m in 1906, were on a tour of Ireland hundred competitors to Dublin University, was a massive 130 individual medley and 200m indi- and England to celebrate their cen- over the weekend to participate in points behind Trinity’s 237. vidual medley. tenary. the competition. A buffet meal and Despite the fact that Trinity teams also won The visitors started off general celebration followed at the Saturday was a long day of initial the 4x50m Freestyle Men, 4x50m the strongest in a truly exhilarating Russell Court Hotel. trials and then finals, many inter- Medley Men, 4x50m Freestyle match. They came out all guns The competition between varsity records were broken in the Women and 4x50m Medley blazing and were tearing their way colleges was fierce and the stan- total of thirty-four races. All of Women. through a normally sound Trinity dard was high, given the fact that Trinity’s swimmers can share in the defence with some electric pace. some participants were Irish pride of the Club’s phenomenal Goalkeeper Jonny Royds kept them at bay with a string of magnificent saves. The Japanese blitz soon faded away as fatigue kicked in and the intervarsity champions began to South Africans show their attacking flair with Peter Blakeney putting them into a 2-0 lead at the break. Things turned around for the Japanese in the sec- ond half and they pulled them- punish DUFC selves level with two very well taken goals. One was an unstop- Kay Bowen game which was a lesson in count- pable shot high into the top corner; er attack, when off a Trinity DUFC XV vs Stellenbosch one for the crowd! The Irish looked turnover in the visitors’ twenty-two University: 15 Colm Coyle, 14 to have sealed the win in the clos- Dublin University 12 metre area, they moved the ball Philip Howard (Ronan Doherty ing stages when after an open goal Stellenbosch University 38 quickly wide, and burned the 42), 13 George Byron, 12 Donal miss by Blakeney, Philip Balbirnie Trinity defence for a superb ninety Crotty, 11 Shane Hanratty, 10 played a square ball to Club Trinity hosted the world famous metre try. Johnny Watt, 9 Conor McShane, 1 Captain Adam Ward. With seconds rugby academy of Stellenbosch Five of the six David Rowe (Robert Dickson 35), to go Ward used all his flair and University on Sunday, November Stellenbosch tries came from 2 Matt Crockett, 3 Killian O’Neill, experience to drop the shoulder and 27th, on a beautiful late autumn turnovers; four from loose kicks 4 Martin Garvey, 5 Darren send the defender the wrong way day in College Park. The visitors deep in their own half. The game O’Reilly, 6 Philip Rowe, 7 Richie before firing a bullet low into the boasted many South African under- was unique in the way that virtual- Morrow (Matt D’Arcy 50), 8 bottom corner. Trinity celebrated; 19s and under-21s world champion ly the whole game was played in Gregory Herrera (Peter McFeely however, the umpires ruled the players. Trinity came out with a the visitors’ half. The broken field 45) goal ineligible for some bizarre very positive game plan and runners of the South Africans were What was to be DU reason. Thus the match ended 2-2 attacked their illustrious visitors off a sight to behold. Football Club’s last AIL match of and the teams retired to the the kick-off. They held the ball for In the second-half, the year was cancelled last Pavilion bar to celebrate the first of First XI Captain Phelie Maguire and with Keio University hockey manager Takashi the first five minutes of the game Trinity played some fine continuity Saturday as the Club’s pitch at hopefully many encounters and should possibly have scored on of their own and scored two well- College Park was unplayable. The between these two teams. Naito in the Pavilion Bar last week Photo: Adrienne Da Costa a couple of occasions when oppor- taken tries by Colm Coyle and Club’s first XV were due to meet In other Hockey news, tunities presented themselves. Philip Rowe. They should possibly County Carlow Football Club. The the first XI went down to mistakes and were trailing 3-1 by Blakeney and Stephen Findlater. hitting DU on the break as the stu- Stellenbosch showed their athleti- have scored two more with the match is to be rescheduled. Corinthian Hockey Club in an half time. Things were pulled They soon fell back again and two dents searched for the equaliser. cism by scrambling back and snuff- amount of possession they had. Readers can find a letter from Dr eleven goal thriller this Saturday. together at the interval and the stu- further goals from Philip Balbirnie The final score was 7-4. A poor ing out any possible scores. Stellenbosch were aggressive at the Gerald Morgan FTCD regarding Trinity playing strongly were pun- dents found themselves back in the and JPP van der Elfinhousin didn’t performance but things can only Stellenbosh then showed point of contact and the game was DUFC’s pitch on page 21. ished to the full by some errant game 3-2 with goals from Peter stop the Corinthian machine from get better. what was to be the story of the very physical in all aspects.

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