Texas 78215 V (210) 271-3702 F: (210) 271-3767 Email: [email protected] YOU're SUCH the PERFORMER

Texas 78215 V (210) 271-3702 F: (210) 271-3767 Email: Qar.L@Safarifioral.Com YOU're SUCH the PERFORMER

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"From the smallest affair to the Grandest of Galas, Safari Floral and design is here

to meet your needs. 11

•

Floral & Design Gary Bustamante

407 Eighth Street • San Antonio, Texas 78215 V (210) 271-3702 F: (210) 271-3767 email: [email protected] YOU'RE SUCH THE PERFORMER. UALIFYING ROUNDS Join the Houston Area GLBT Community's search for a star. Houston Wed April 18 ~ Pride Idol is coming April 18. The competition is going to be fierce, and all Thu May 3D of the undiscovered talent in the GLBT Thu May 170 community has an opportunity to shine in a competition that offers fabulous prizes Thu May 31 and a performance slot on Pride Thu June 14 W Houston's Main Stage at the Celebration

SEMI-FINAL ROUND JUDGE THY NEIGHBOR. Special guest judges have been picked to Sun IJune 17 '" choose the nightly finalists. Diva Kimberly Caldwell is on hand to help with the final FINAL ROUND a judging. So join your friends at Guava Lamp and sign up to strut your stuff on Sat June 23 W stage. Maybe you will be Houston's first Pride Idol! jay, May 4 from 9p-2a. Mickey's is located at 851 Cedar Springs Rd.

dvance tickets are $20.00 and are available nline at www.brlckparty.netor at Union Jack .enswear located at 3820 Cedar Springs Rd. ..: 10 Dallas. Tickets will also be available at the oar for $30.00. Please visit www.brickparty. *'r J'wIM'f 1<... s:w\d'~ net for further details. email Jimmyat:[email protected] If you have never heard MissL spin then this is your chance..• and you won't regret it!

Now that March's Winter Music Conference is over we can expect some of the best DanceMu- sic of the year. Typically, record labels gear up all their hot new release for debut at the many WMC events. The promos are flying and DJs from all over the world run around for a week with their handsout...and the lucky ones get the goods. mix sort of gives me fever. And yes....another cover; this time Originally done by the Pointer One of the Sisters when they were still the shit. season'sfin- est comes Looking for a good compilation? Well get ready to us from for Turn It Up America. This CDwill be out next none other month and is packed with songsfrom artists li~e than Donna Georgie Porgie, Pepper MaShay, Barbara Tuck- Summer. er, Rachel Panay,and many more. And there's Thanks to more. Turn It Up America is actually a TV show the clever much like American Bandstand. The show will talents of be based in Chicago to start but we hope it gets John Kano picked up in more markets. With we now the lack of radio play we can only have a new hope that a show like this would version of take off and that dance music Can "She Works swing back around again. Hard For the Money." When I heard that there Speaking of swinging around there was going to be a new ver- going to be a fabulous party com- sion of this record, I was ing up at the sort of skeptical but Kano Brick in Dallas has turned out quite a on May 5th. gem here. He's slowed it s down, funked it up and Dannee Phann we're dancing to Donna in conjunction again! with The Brick presents " One In another cover effort, give a listed to the Night in Bang- new track by former Spice Girl, Melanie C. kok" benefit- Sister has gone off and covered "I Wand ing The Turtle Candy" and completely turned it out. Most Creek Chorale. of you will remember this track as recorded OJ Alex Laut- by the 80's act Bow Wow Wow. But actually, erstein will the original version was released in 1965 by be spinning The Strangeloves. throughout the night with a spe- Ultra Nate (of "Free" fame) has a new album cial performance by the Cha Chi DanceTroupe. coming out on May 22nd on Tommy Boy Silver Also featured will be an Andrew Christian un- Label. And we will cover that in a week or so. In derwear launch party with Andrew Christian the meantime we have plenty to chew on with products to be given away. the debut single "Automatic." While the album mix hit me a bit weird, the Digital Dogextended The host party will be held at Mickey'S on Fri-

Christian products given away throughout the event. Advance tickets are $20.00 and are available online at the club site, or at Union Jack Menswear, located at "'fVfNTS 3820 Cedar Springs Rd. in Dallas. Tickets will also be available at the door for $30.00. Pleasevisit brickpa-, Statewide ty.net to purchase tickets and for further details.

Anthony Bidulka, the first Houston Canadian to win the prestigious Lambda Literary Award for Best Houston's Gay and Lesbian Latin Organization, GALLO, Men's Mystery, brings his sleuthing invites the community to EJ's, 2517 Ralph Street, for a ways to Texasfor the first time for very special Cinco de Mayo celebration on Saturday, an exclusive May 5, beginning at 9 pm. Music will be provided by round of book the hot Latin beat of DJ Papi, and there will be bHin- signings and gual entertainment by Miss GLOBO 2005, Athena appearances Vanderbilt. In addition, GALLO's famous salsa and to celebrate the releaseof his latest chips will be available for purchase to benefit the work, Stain of the Berry: A Russell group's upcoming Noche de Gala-A Black Tie Affair Quant Mystery, the fourth novel in (BAILE 2007.) For more information, please visit the the Quant series. Lauded for his GALLOwebsite at houstongallo.org. "well-developed, endearing characters" and his use of "witty dialogue, San Antonio smart commentart and plenty of good, sharp writing," Bidulka joins Harry Connick, Jr. and His Big Band return to the Canadian writer and Derrick Murdoch award-winner, Majestic Theatre May 8th as part of his 2007 "My New TRUE COLORS TOUR - SATURDAY, JUNE 23 - SMIRNOFF MUSIC CENTRE Caro Soles, for a three city tour. On Sunday, May 6, the Orleans" tour - a musical extravaganza promoting and CYNDI LAUPER - ERASURE - DEBBIE HARRY - THE DRESDEN DOLLS duo appears at the Sources of Hope Bookstore at benefiting the rebirth of THE GOSSIP - THE MISSHAPES - MARGARET CHO - SPECIAL GUESTS Cathedral of Hope MCC,5910 Cedar Springs, at 10:15 New Orleans in the am and 12:15 pm. Then, at 6 pm on Tuesday, May 8, post-Katrine era. The Bidulka and Caro sign and share at Remember the Alibi evening will focus on MANY CHANCES TO WIN TICKETS AT MICKEYS IN MAY AND JUNE Mystery Bookstore, 8055 West Avenue, Suite 101 in San the music of Connick's Antonio. And, on Wednesday, May 9 at 6 pm, the most recent recording, WIN TICKETS AT RETRO SUNDAY DURING MAY award-winning duo lands at Murder by the Book, 2342 on, My NOLA, an Bissonnet, in Houston. For more information about the unprecedented musical WIN CONCERT TICKETS AND THE DRESDEN DOLLS CD'S tour and about Bidulka and his work, please visit antho- cornucopia of songs TUESDAY, MAY 22 - BROADWAY & MORE nybidulka.com. inspired by and aSSOCi- ated with the Crescent WIN CONCERT TICKETS - TUESDAY, JUNE 5 Austin City for his new album. BROADWAY & MORE "All These People" was Austins's Sixth Annual AGLCCPride Parade - United for the first single to be Diversity - Deep in the Heart of Texas - will be held released from Oh, My Saturday, June 2, and the deadline to avoid a higher NOLA, and 100% of entry fee to enter your float - May 5 - is fast approach- Connick's royalties from its sale, as well as a portion of $1.00 WELLS & $2.00 DOMESTICS ing. This year's parade is sure to be the best yet, and his royalties from the sales of both albums will benefit FRIDAYS - starting at 9:00 pm your support will guarantee it. For more information the New Orleans Habitat Musicians'Village, a collection about float entries and about the parade, please visit of single-family homes and elder-friendly duplexes con- the Parade website at austinprideparade.sitestreet.org. structed speCifically for needy families in the New Orleans area. Tickets for this spectacular event are $1.00 WELL· SATURDAYSstarting at 9:00 pm Dallas $47-67, and are available at all Ticketmaster outlets, including the Majestic Theatre box office, on-line at The Turtle Creek Chorale, Ticketmaster.com or charge-by-phone at (210) 224- which has brought a little bit 9600. of Big D to the world OJ AQUALIGHT through music, is the benefi- The Alamo City Men's Chorale ,. ciary of two very special presents its annual Sizzle events being held next Fundraising Bash on weekend to celebrate the Saturday, May 19 at The $2 WELLS $3 DOMESTICS accomplishments of the renowned musical ambassa- Venue, 800 Lexington BARTENDERS DANNEE & BENNIE dors. First up on Friday, May 4, a special Meet the Avenue. It'll be a high-ener- Hosts party at Mickey's, 3851 Cedar Springs, allows gy evening with dancing, fans and supporters the opportunity to mingle with food, a silent auction, cash those responsible for the following night's event, One bar and, of course, the unveil- Mickey's is an Night in Bangkok, being held at The Brick, 4117 Maple ing of the evening's signature Avenue, from 10 prn until 4 am. DJAlex Lauterstein will drink - the Sizzletini. Tickets are $25, and are available Meet Inaya Day Official Sponsor of be spinning throughout the night, and there will be a through any Chorale member or at the door. To pur- Saturday, June 30th special performance by the Cha Chi Dance Troupe. In chase tickets by phone, please call 210-495-SING. And, Gay Days Dallas 2007 addition, Bangkok will be the site of the Andrew for more information, please visit the event website at starting at 10:30 pm Christian Underwear Launch Party, with Andrew qsanantonio.com/sizzle07. June 29th and 30th ~> -~fAR DIVA between his luscious lips, my temperature soars. Periodically, I take him out for a wheel- chair stroll to the gardens, and we sit and talk and laugh .... it almost feels like a date. Well, Diva, here's the deal .... lately, I've been thinking a lot about giving him a thorough - and I do Dear Diva: mean thorough - sponge bath, with the idea being that I'd really like to help him to relax as If you had to have sex with a Muppet, which much as possible. I know that this really one would it be? For me, I'm a Swedish chef stretches the bounds of ethical patient- fucker cause he kinda looks like someone at a provider standards, but I'd really like to do leather bar. something nice for this man that has become such an important part of my daily - and fanta- Kick'in it with Kermit sy - life. I already know what you're going to say, but I just had to write because if anyone Dear Green with Envy: knows what I'm going through it's the Diva.

I guess I'd have to say Elmo. I know that sounds Horny in Hospital rather strange (hell, the whole concept of sleeping with a Muppet is pretty far out!) but I figure that any- Dear Excellent Caregiver and Sick-o: one that has an eponymous doll with the slogan "Tickle Me" has gotta be into some pretty kinky stuff Oh, honey...."stretches the bounds of ethical - and you just know that the Diva is always up for a patient/provider standards?" You're not stretching little kink....which is why I voted for Kinky Friedman. them, sweetie, you're tearing them asunder. Okay, But, I digress....! actually rather like this topic, how- judgments aside...the Diva recognizes that people in ever, because it brings to mind all of the crushes on your position run the huge risk of falling in love or cartoon characters that I had when I was a wee lust with those that they care for - it's the nature of young thing growing up in New York City. For years, the beast, as it were, whenever two people are I used to drool over Speed Racer,and there was one thrown into circumstances in which one becomes particular episode in which Speedy was lost in the dependent upon another for their very survival and jungle and all of his clothes were torn to shreds and the other gets to swoop in like Florence Nightingale his perfect sepia toned pectorals were exposed for and rescue the ailing and wounded hunk. If it the entire world - and a number of impressionable weren't so common, it would make the perfect young gay people - to see. Now, if we get into live Gordon Merrick novel. And, of course, there's always action kid's shows, then there is no doubt that Robin, the element of medical fetishism that comes into the Boy Wonder would have to be the go-to guy for play, 'cause there is something sexy about a gor- me. When I was a mere child at my mother's knee, geous man draped only in a hospital gown and I always thought that Batman was the ultimate sexy exposing all of his vitals in such a supplicant fashion. super hero but, as time has gone by, I realize that But the facts are that you, in your position within the Robin had the infinitely bigger bulge, and if you're hospital structure, cannot in any manner, shape or going for a crime-fighter then he'd sure as hell better form accelerate your relationship in such a manner. have the biggest gun. Well, that's my little walk It's not only unethical, it's also illegal. And as much down masturbatory memory lane....have fun with as I'm sure that your heart is in the right place and your freaky chef, honey. you only want to provide comfort and succor to this man, now - when he is in such an emotionally and Dear Diva: physically fragile condition - is certainly no time to even begin thinking about the kind of care that you're' I'm a nurse at Hermann Hospital in Houston, in suggesting. It's not fair to the patient, first of all, and the long-term recovery ward, and there's a ultimately it's not fair to you. At some point, this patient with whom I've developed quite a nice Adonis is going to get well and return to his regular relationship. He's 30, sort of a Jake Gyllenhaal life outside the hospital walls, and at that point he look-alike, with a body to die for and a person- might not like the idea that he had been taken advan- ality that just melts the hearts of everyone tage of at a time when his defenses were at their low- that he comes in contact with. He's been on est point - and you might not like the idea that the the floor for about six weeks now, and he's in man to whom you've invested so much time and my charge 4 days a week. I've never had feel- energy is no longer readily available for your minis- ings for a patient before, but every time I go in trations. My advice is to ask to be taken off his case, to check his pulse rate, mine goes through the at which time you can continue your relationship on roof - and, when I slip the thermometer in a purely friendship basis. 1'( tft, 0, 0'- '\I a, (J' '-- ---, Q L J'- Q L - • - :r--> J -'- IS '- - Q'-Jt: ~. April 28 Jessica Alba April 30 Willie Nelson May 01 Tim McGraw SCOPfS May 02 David Beckham Aries aMarch 21 April 19 Libra September 23 October 22 _FA"\M\IM_ Take a chance in financial dealings. The Another Libra is involved with your plans. Don't .•••.•••••"•••••'."'" Number 6 is a winner. Check your plans out let things get you down. Your good sensecould ~ with Scorpio. Don't let a loved one talk you into keep a youngster out of real trouble. Keepyour doing something stupid. Make compromises wits about you and don't let things get out of with a loved one. Study, learn and ask ques- control. It's time to bear a strong shoulder for tions. Overindulgence in food and liquids must a loved one to cry on. Venus in your own sign be avoided over the evening. signifies trouble with a companion. Your best best is the Number 3. Taurus April 20 May 20 Avoid spreading gossip, for it may come back Scorpio October 23 November 21 to you. A new deal could be right up your alley. An unusual opportunity may come your way Details are piling up and can overwhelm you and you should be ready to drop everything eventually if not attended to at once! Don't let else and go for it. Have fun today by doing jealousy cause unprecedented remarks with a something you want to do. Take time out of loved one. Friends and relatives look to you for your busy schedule to spend some time with guidance. A new deal should be right up your your beloved. Play the Number 8 to win. alley. Pisces come's front and center to help. Sagittarius figures prominently in the day's ~ Play Number 25. activities. You'll receive great news from a loved one. '.' . . Gemini May 21 June 21 • • Cancer proves to be very dependable. All usual Sagittarius November 22 December 21 and familiar matters are speeded up. Consider A former friend may ask you a rather difficult the wishes of a partner before making any favor. Cash in on the Number 13. decisions. Take care of your health. This would Communication with the opposite sex becomes be a great time to telephone a shut-in. Your more dramatic. Leo proves to be helpful on a hot Number is 8. It's a very good time for legal project. The beautiful people are beckoning to decisions, justice, investments and dealings you. There will be an abundance of ideas in the with the public. air and you'll have the chance to be selective. Catching up on work will payoff. Cancer June 22 July 21 Exercise authority wisely with tolerance and Capricorn December 22 January 19 ~ compassion. Knowing that things will turn out An unusual opportunity may come your way fairly well in the end increases your basic and you should go for it. Annoying situations moral. Take a chance on the Number 2. Taurus can be corrected. Your deliberate actions may figures out in the day's doings. You will feel be covered up in one way or another. Play the closer to your beloved. You'll receive exciting Number 1 to win. Piscesis in the picture. Don't news from a foreign land concerning your fam- let jealousy cause unprecedented remarks with ily background. A difficult subject will create a loved one. If in school, homework will come new problems for you. easy for you today.

Leo July 22 August 23 Aquarius January 20 February 18 Aries figures in the day's doings. Callyour com- A romantic aura surrounds you and those with petition's bluff, it will payoff. Keepup the good whom you spend time with. Answers to ques- work and you will go far. There is much impa- tions you have waited for will finally come to tience represented in your life at this time. you. Cancer figures in the day's doings. The Lucky Number 2 is yours. Consulting with a Number 8 will payoff for you. You may find friend about personal matters will provide new that you care more for a fascinating newcom- y insights in a current situation. er than you realized. It's a fine time to organ- ize and plan a more realistiC budget. Virgo August 24 September 22 Redecorateyour home or office this weekend. A short trip could involve a relative who seeks ~ / your advice. Check with Capricorn before pro- Pisces February 19 March 20 ceeding. The Number 4 will payoff for you. After a bad day, seek the comfort of a loved rr- The telephone should be an important tool for one. Stick to your diet and it will payoff for you your daily activities. It will be up to you how in the end. Virgo gives the nod of approval. you want to follow through on a relationship You may feel that you need some advice, go with someone new. Pay heed to your inner get some from a close friend who knows you feelings. The discovery of someone you know well. Your hot Number is 5. Study, learn and will create a pleasant situation. ask questions. The computer should be useful for you and your work efforts payoff for you. S10

Saturday, April 28th 8 am - Noon 7:45 pm - 10:30 pm Fiesta Pooch Parade Fiesta Flambeau Night Parade Alamo Heights Swimming Pool, 250 Viesca Parade Route

8 am - 5 pm Fiesta Jazz Stage Band Festival Sunday, April 29th St. Mary's University Center, One Camino Santa 10 am - Midnight Maria Fiestas Fantasias at Market Square Market Square, 514 West Commerce) 9 am - 4 pm San Antonio Cactus & Xerophyte Society Show & 11 am -10 pm Sale Mission San Jose Spring Fiesta San Antonio Garden Center, 3310 N. New Mission San Jose, 701 East Pyron Avenue Braunfels Avenue 11 am -10 pm 9:30 am - 6 pm St. Luke's Fiesta Finale King William Fair St. Luke's Catholic Church, 4603 Manitou Street King William Historic District Noon - S pm 10 am - 5 pm Eighty Years of Fiesta Traditions Eighty Years of Fiesta Traditions Witte Museum, 3801 Broadway Witte Museum, 3801 Broadway Noon - 6 pm 10 am - Midnight Fiesta Blues Heritage Series Fiestas Fantasias at Market Square Sunset Station, 1174 E. Commerce St. Market Square, 514 West Commerce Noon -7 pm A Day in Old Mexico & Mexican Charreada Noon - 5 pm Miss Margaret's Victorian House Tour 6126 Padre Drive 409 E. Guenther Street, King William District Noon - 8 pm Fiesta San Fernando Noon -7 pm Fiesta Gartenfest San Fernando Cathedral, 11S Main Plaza Beethoven Garten, 422 Pereida at South Alamo Noon - Midnight 10th Street River Festival Noon - Midnight 10th Street River Festival 10th Street and Avenue B 10th Street and Avenue B 1 pm - Midnight Fiesta Carnival Noon -1 am Fiesta San Fernando Dolorosa Street between Flores and Santa Rosa San Fernando Cathedral, 115 Main Plaza 4pm-Spm Noon -1 am Music From St. Mark's: Celebrating Our Music & Heritage Fiesta Carnival Dolorosa Street between Flores and Santa Rosa St. Mark's Episcopal Church, 31S East Pecan 4pm-7pm 5:30 pm - 2 am Tejano Explosion Reina de la Feria de las Flores Reception Cattleman's Square, corner of W. Houston and N. Acenar, 147 E. Houston St. at the Valencia Hotel Riverwalk Frio Streets 5:30 pm - 2am 6:40 pm - 8 pm Tejano Explosion Fiesta Flambeau Fandango Cattleman's Square, corner of W. Houston and Parade Route N. Frio Streets

Pho~oljrltph'i ~~udlo~ 1112 \Ue:5~ flvel\~e 210- HS-SSSS

Speaking of manly, one could never accuse the divine Sasha Andrews - she of the currentlv- reigning Miss Gay Texas USof A set - of having even the slightest bit of mas- culine energy encap- \llW sulated in her DNA, as evidenced by the set of bodacious ta- tas that she's barely TEXAS If A covered for a Fiesta- inspired femme mi- Alamo CiTEA mic review at her home bar, the Saint. Sista's got it goin' on, doncha know. We're pleased that Andrews 2 /lS we go to press, River City residents are in the throes is managing to hold up so gracefully, especially after of festive merry-making as the city shakes, rattles and she shared with us how disappointed she was that Saint roles with the hum of Fiesta. Our Town's denizens sure danceur de dique Dalton wasn't going to be on this know how to have a good time - and TRUST, your week's cover. Seems the sexy schwinger was simply trusty Alamo CiTEAcorrespondents are right in the mix. too tied up - ahem - with the birth of his first child, and Bet we've already snapped your pic! couldn't make the photo shoot. That makes three attempts at a portfolio, papis - with not an R-rated One pic that we"".,,.....,.....,....."""llr"',..... ~ really enjoyed snap-10,,;; '* ..,~ , image to show for iL.No wonder Sasha's disappointed.... ping was the one that we took of the Heat's seductive Shady Lady, who we caught back- stage giving us her very best Shirley Bassey imperson- ation. Honeys, this marks the twenty- seventh Fiesta that we've shared with the S sister, and she is wearing us out taking us to all of the events around town. Who knew there were hidden alcoves at NIOSA, we ask you. Suffice it to say that if describe the reactions of the GDLSA'sPauland CD after there's action going on, La Shady knows where it their recent sojourn to the famed Bonham Exchange is....And we know where she is, multiple nights each downtown. No, honeys, the dynamic duo was definite- week: Heat, of course! ly NOTcrying a huge spray of tears as they imbibed on the rad refreshing adult beverages that perky potent potable porer Jake supplies. In fact, they were so impressed with Jake and with the BX that they have decided to make it a permanent fixture on their rounds of SA nightlife. We're wondering what took them so long....

Capital CiTEA

When we're not busy looking for and talking about employees that no longer work there, we usually spend our time at Rain admiring all of the gore guys that stop-in to see and be seen. One of those GG's is the delight- ful dude that graced our TEA coverage last week - although in a slightly less revealing ensemble than the one that we caught him in babiest and bluest that we've ever seen just happen to night so that we could be the first in line for the club's the other night. As can be expected, your libidinous belong to the club's super sexy staffer, John F, who - While searching for our identity, we visited with Fetish Friday, an event that celebrates all things Brandon, Xavier and Amanda, who were smack-dab in reporter prefers the more revealing type of garments, though attempting to be seductive with his bangs in a Leather,Gear,Uniform and Rubber. We stumbled - and the middle of a rousing dart game, the results of which but when one is as precious as this yummy young- Veronica Lake sort of way - uses those awesome ocu- we do mean stumbled, sweeties - upon a particularly - based on the ferocity of the play - could very well ster....well, we can be quite forgiving, doncha know. lars to mesmerize all who come his way. Ahem.... officious-looking fellow in Texas Rangers' gear, and affect the future of our civilization as we know it. We certainly hope that's not too superficial.... have discovered new-found happiness with his Jack Thank Gaea that reason prevailed, and everyone And speaking of coming his way, there are more ways boots.... agreed that Amanda was the winner simply because Even though Fiesta is happening 80 miles down the to do so than you can shake a schwinger at over at she has the best smile. Oh, and we did remember who track in San Antonio, one certainly couldn't tell by the Lobo, the Guadalupe erotique that provides a thousand Then, off to Pegasusdid we go - Jack boots in hand - we are....just soze ya know. bright and brilliant attire sported by the renowned and one ways to forget your troubles and get happy. to visit with our very dear friend Jim Bowen, who has We've been known to get very happy indeed just enter- been a part of our consciousness since we discovered Cowtown TEA ing the place, and by the time we leave we're just plain giddy. Must be the oils...

Big D TEA

With the Cruisy Crossroads being such a Mecca for those of the lavender set, it's often easy to fQrget that there are a plethora of pleasing potent potable palaces away from the Strip, so Big D TEA - in a spasm of sis- terly generosity - grabbed its Cruise Camera and head- ed out to that plethora for a round of pleasing pics.

First stop was the venerable old Hidden Door over on Manwatch maven, Marcy Fletcher, who must've gotten Bowser,where - upon arriving in Big D mumble-some- that we still had one. The beefy babe was right in the the memo about turquoise being the color of the day thing years ago - we first sampled a bit of the town's middle of providing loyal customer Keith with a bit of a We were reminded once again just how very much we from Charlie's bigwig (and big other things ...) David hospitality with the then soon-to-be Mr. Texas US of A tonic to get the party started, and we were only too, too adore rhinestones when we ran into Ft. Worth's very Green. The stylin' and profilin' couple causes a sensa- Scott Free one Saturday morning after unloading the U- happy to join in the festivities. We don't think we even own Empress9 FoxieRoxieand her consort in crime the tion wherever they go - and it's not just because of Haul. Then, as now, the club was a hotbed of activity need to mention how very much we'd like to get festive other night at Stampede. While the fab Foxie wasn't their connections to all things penile, let us tell you. with Jim.... sporting any when we did that running into, she did Although, that fact doesn't hurt her, honeys.... have a trunk-full of bling that rivaled anything that While we're on the subject of festive, that's exactly we've seen at the royal palace. I made FRswear that We were just so excited about the recent Mr.Gay Austin what the back bar over at Crews Inn is every Thursday she would immediately pawn everything in that trunk pageant over at the Cockpit the other night that we ran evening, as the enticing Enrique programs the virtual and donate all of the proceeds to Rhonda Mae'sWall of out of the club and left our camera...which is so embar- jukebox with swingin' Latin tunes that almost make one Food, since a hungry stomach is definitely sadder than rassing - especially when you've got a host of images a bare ear lobe. Hey, we do what we can.... revealing the oh-so-obvious talents of both the contestants and special guests that you want to share with your loyal readers. But, fear not! Our shirt-shredding Space CiTEA bestest bud, Ty, has located the camera, and will be ~ delivering it and a recently-shredded Beefy T to our I For frequent readers of this column - there's a mileage Town Lake-adjacent swankienda immediately, if not that assured us that life in our new hometown was program, just soze ya know - it must be obvious that promptly. So, look for the pix next week! going to be quite the deal, thank ya very much. Part of one of the gazillions of reasonsthat we just adore SoBe the reason for that was the presence of such lickable is becauseof all of the treasure trails and trouser trouts While we're on the subject of lugs as David and Kenny, who welcomed us with open and perfect pees that we always find there whenever oh-so-obvlous talents, please arms and other appendages during our recent swing we walk in. But, it must be shared that there are myr- admire those of the buff beau through the club. Some things aren't as hidden as one that we spotted performing a might be led to believe...ahem. feel as if they're at Carlos & Charlie's in Cabo. While few ritual root cruising man- salsaing through the cruise corridor, we spotted 'Rique moves at Oilcan Harry's just the Next up, the Eagle, where we stopped in to view the with the world-renowned Little Bear, whose obvious other night. This dude was so hirsute hunkfest that takes place every 30 days or so affection for all things Longhorn is quite evident. Well, into the ritual that he even it is....

Finally,over on Hudnall, we stopped into the place that Yahoo! Local describes as the club "where everybody is somebody" because we'd, quite frankly, forgotten who we were and figured that someone there could tell us.

managed to add some iad other reasons why the PaCificparty palace is the elective armpit maneu- coolest place on earth, and we've decided to share just a few of those reasons with you. First, the stunning vers to the mix. We when the club presents its Bear of the Month contest. staff that always looks so damned good and treats us just love that in a man. While there, we schmoozedand partied with two of this We also happen to love so damned right...in more ways than one. Four of our month's contestants, Russell and Robert, who were favorites are the beautiful Brent, the mischieVOUS beautiful baby blues on nowhere as grizzly as we were expecting. Hirsute yes, Michael, the stunning Steve and the macho a man, and some of the Morgan- grizzly no. We were so impressed that we spent the any of whom are more than welcome to bare their souls Iy don't hurt the bottom the event that we wit- line - and the club's nessed at Tony's Corner bigwigs to be the jet- Pocket the other night, setting and globe-trot- as luscious penile pro- ting ambassadors of jectionist Justin was good will that they are. espied literally rolling in We'd love to see a the money. It's no sur- Crystal in Dubai, in case prise that the divine anyone is wondering... dude was so remuner- ated, given the talents Sisters, sisters....never that his gore gams were there such devot- obscure in our Cruise ed sisters. That's the Camera photo. Needt and other vital organs Speaking of giving us a break, that's exactly what our Mame-inspired refrain less to say, however, ~ to us at any time. mentor and longtime dearest friend Don Maines did for that we always hum we've got photographic Then, there are the fab us mumble-something years ago when he provided us whenever we run into evidence of all the friends that we always with our first job with TWT as Classic columnist. We the Crawford sisters, bounty in our oh-so-pri- see at the club, includ- lost track of the humpy hunk when we moved to LA, but I Lily and Alexa, over at vate archives, and will ing Carlos,Tim and Rob have been reunited (and it feels so good) with him just La Academia. Now, we don't have the whole story on share them in an equal- and Lana Blake and this past week. Obviously, his days with lowly journal- exactly why the dishy divas use such different shades of ly private setting with Andre. Tim and Andre, ists are long gone, as he now spends his free time lux- base, but we can only assume that it has something to our very bestest just soze ya know, have uriating in his Lovett swankienda and cozying up to for- do with the fact that the Clinique counter at Macy'swas friends.... revealed their other mer MissTexas USALauren Lanning and equally former running a special on vital organs to us quite Miss Texas Morgan Matlock. Don will, however, be light Egyptian the last Finally, we were over at frequently. And, finally, lending his considerable and formidable talents to our time Alexa dropped in. Viviana's place the magazine in the coming months as he helps us to res- But one can still see the other night, and the urrect the venerable old family resemblance, divine diva was kind TWT Entertainer of the right? enough to continue her Year contest in June. habit of introducing us He and we are just Back in the 'hood, EJ's to all the right people about the only ones still Axel was recently spot- when she presented her there's house and around to remember ted being coy and very dear friend Alex to award-winning DJ how to count the votes, seductive in a pair of us for our approval. Jimmy Skinner, doncha know.... black boxer briefs, and Alex has everything we love in a man - a pulse and dis- whose talents with our cruizy CC just cernible breathing - and we are pleased as punch to twelve inches have While we're on the sub- couldn't resist snapping=zs; report that his vital signs are all definitely healthy. been amazing H- ject of votes, we'd cast a few photos to docu- Thanks, Viv! town party people our ballot any time for ment the auspicious for years. Of Chad over at Guava event. Please notice how we conveniently included a TEA Bag Lamp for the title of photo documenting the enormity of his shoe size, so course, after all is Imagine our delight when we ran into a very dear friend Sexiest Spinmaster of that the contents of his packed pouch could be success- said and done, the the other night at the Mr. and Miss South Beach US of the Year, and not just fully estimated. We're here to tell you it isn't just his treasure trails and A pageant. The friend of which we speak is none other trouser trouts and perfect pecs don't hurt either, hon- because he's so bloody socksthat are huge, babies.... than the divine Dina Jacobs, who - for the one or two big in Japan either. eys.... of you that may still have been sucking on a bottle at And no, sweeties, not because he just happens to be so We spend a lot of time at George on Thursday nights, the time - accepted the 1979 Miss Gay USA crown bloody big everywhere. This scintillatingly sexy stud when Jahonau Reis was de-tiaraed. The last we'd has talents that just can't be captured in a family photo, heard, the jovial Ms. Jacobs was in Honolulu not doing and he always makes a visit to the Waugh watering nearly as well as she was when we spotted her at SoBe. hole an enticing experience.... Now, the chic chanteuse is back in Texas, where she not only made a special appearanceat the contests, but also went on to capture the coveted title of Miss Gay Texas US of A Classic. It was doubly delicious that night because we also had the chance to spend beaucoup time with the fagulous Bubbalicious, and with Next door at JR's, we've been friends with randy Reno primarily because - as has been previously reported - primo promoter Craig for so long that we often overlook the obvious fact that we have a thing for meat. And Thursdays are a beefy Henderson, and also he's not only a bosom buddy but a pretty fine-looking night at the club, to be sure, since those are the nights dished with our fave dude to boot. We just wish that we'd paid more atten- that Grade A prime is slapped on the grill to satisfy the femme mimic, Kofi. tion to him back in the days when we got to see so appetites of the Bayou City's most eligible meat-eaters. Look for images from many of his attributes in the dressing room at Heaven. Out in the Gay Southwest, we tried to get into Crystal Just the other night, we ran into three such carnivores the evening she was Hey, it wasn't for lack of trying, we assure you! Now, the other night and found ourselves surrounded by a In the guise of Jesse,Steve and Alex Baldwin look-alike crowned in an upcom- of course, Reno has found a modicum of happiness with sea of humanity that made movement minimal, to say Ben. We took Ben rare, honeys.... ing Lipschtyck feature. Jason, and we're completely out of the picture. Crnon, the least. Which, of course, is certainly not a bad What a nifty night... . give us a break... thing ....all those cover charges and drink sales certain- . Rare is definitely a word that can be used to describe ra[nm]{ Mr and Miss South Beach Kofi presented Mr and Miss South Beach at The Coolest Place on Earth recently. Olivia Gardner was crowned the MisS title and Neo Crawford is the new Mr. South Beach.

Specializing in Hand and Foot Reflexology

210~88S-9085

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