Pontifact 33

swic THIRTY-THREE BER NUM 1974 MER SUM

PONTIFACT LTD. MOUNTAIN sw] LONDON, WIGHTMAN /TT ENGLAND WESTMINSTER IN TRINIEl) CONTENTS

PARTNERS’ PANORAMA by Mr. McDermott 3 EDITORIAL 4

THE ROSE OF KILIMANJARO by G. H. Little . • • • . 5

The House Magazine of FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF AUSTRALIA by Nick Edwards . . . . • . 7

SCOTT WILSON KIRKPATRICK & PARTNERS LABOUR SUBSTITUTION STUDY by G. H. Little . . • . . • . 9

Cover photo: THE PARTNERSHIPS P.R. by D. Hamilton ...... • . 10

Shanes Bridge near Randaistown. Northern THOUGHTS ON RETIREMENT by Z. Matthews . . . . • . . 13 Ireland. RETIREMENT PROFILES: Shanes Bridge carries the Randaistown Bypass Zach Matthews . • ...... • • . 14 Bill Wilson ...... 15 section of the M22 Antrim to Castledawson Archie Evans ...... • . . 16 Motorway over the River Main. The bridge is a Mervyn Johnston . • ...... 16 135 metre long three span continuous prestressed concrete structure having a main span of 67 metres. THE WORLD OF BERT BADGER by Arturo Rotunda • . . . . . 18 The motorway at the bridge site passes through SUCCESSES IN INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL by F. M. Bowen . • • . 27 Shanes Castle Estate and the alignment resulted in a crossing of high skew for a bridge of this size HEY You! WHERE You Go? by Terry OtIway . . . • . • . 28 being 45° to the East abutment and 54° to the West THE KENNET & AVON CANAL TRUST LTD. by R. W. Rawkey . . . . 29 abutment. The Client required the bridge to have the appearance of one structure aligned with the CARNIVAL, IT’S A KNOCK-OUT by N. Edwards . • . . . • . 30 river, although it is divided longitudinally at the central reserve. Therefore the bridge deck has four PEOPLE IN PROFILE: K. INNES 31 box post tensioned concrete beams across its width rather than two larger multi-cell box beams NEWSLETTERS: which would have given a staggered appearance Teesside 32 to the soffit line and to the piers. To reduce the Hong Kong 33 concentrations of stress that would have resulted Bangkok • • • . • . • • . . 36 from the skew each box beam was cast and London-Basingstoke 37 Cartoon • . . . • • . • • . 39 prestressed separately before a 600 mm wide strip Stockport • . • . . . • . • . 40 of deck slab was cast to connect the boxes in pairs. Keswick • . . • . . • . . . 40

The deck is supported by reinforced concrete 53 Bedford Square • . • . . • . • • . 41 columns forming exposed piers and reinforced concrete abutments buried in the embankments. OBITUARY: John Measor • . . • . . . . • • 43 The piers and abutments are in turn supported on reinforced contrete strip footings founded on rock. CLUB NOTES: The philosophy governing the design was to Camera 44 provide a bridge which fitted the site, which is one Cricket 45 of considerable natural beauty, was aesthetically Tennis 46 pleasing and yet was functional and economical in Badminton • . . . 46 cost. Golf • . . . 47 ScDcer • . . . 48

Darts • . . • 49 Squash 51 Rugby 53 Sailing 53 CROSSWORD 54

GOODBYE PICCADILLY, FAREWELL LEICESTER SQUARE by P. F. Whatling • • 55

A CENTURY OF SOIL MECHANICS . . . • • . 55 CROSSWORD SOLUTION 56 CONTENTS

PARTNERS’ PANORAMA by Mr. McDermott 3 EDITORIAL 4

THE ROSE OF KILIMANJARO by G. H. Little . • • • . 5

The House Magazine of FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF AUSTRALIA by Nick Edwards . . . . • . 7

SCOTT WILSON KIRKPATRICK & PARTNERS LABOUR SUBSTITUTION STUDY by G. H. Little . . • . . • . 9

Cover photo: THE PARTNERSHIPS P.R. by D. Hamilton ...... • . 10

Darts • . . • 49 Squash 51 Rugby 53 Sailing 53 CROSSWORD 54

GOODBYE PICCADILLY, FAREWELL LEICESTER SQUARE by P. F. Whatling • • 55

A CENTURY OF SOIL MECHANICS . . . • • . 55 CROSSWORD SOLUTION 56 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 3 the Old

Partners’ Panorama

move from Winsley Street was the most effort involved in being the client and planning the The elegant new London office fundamental and complicated ever under use of a landscaped office building. Whilst we have 53 Bedford Square WCI taken by the Firm. In normal circumstances had sympathy for our clients’ problems in the past, a move of this nature would have been difficult our own experiences as clients are sure to increase and complicated entailing as it did not only the this sympathy in the future. complete evacuation of Winsley Street by a pre We have in fact had two teams working in the determined date but also the movement of Staff Firm on Scott House, one fulfilling the dual and equipment to no less than five different purpose of client and structural consultant and locations, namely Scott I-louse, Oliver I-louse and the other dealing with the usage and furnishing of the Soils Laboratory on theThorneycroft Industrial the building. This latter team also dealt with Estate, all in Basingstoke, and 53 Bedford Square Oliver House. and 87/91 Bond Street in London. Scott House, which provides an air conditioned The problems of finding suitable accommoda landscaped environment, requires a different type tion in London for the main London Office and of furniture, equipment and layout to that which for a small section of the Transportation Planning we have previously been accustomed and for Section were far from easy. A large number of which there has been little precedent in this The rambling old London office possibilities were examined but for one reason or Country in offices of professional engineers. To with the Oxford Street crowds another were found to be unsatisfactory or where get the most out of the possibilities afforded by satisfactory negotiations to acquire the leases the new building the opportunity was taken to broke down near or at the “eleventh hour”. provide a large amount of new furniture and In the event the repercussions of the shortage of equipment and specialist firms of consultants have certain materials and the three-day working week been engaged to advise on space allocations, types meant that neither Scott House nor Oliver House of furniture and equipment, acoustics etc. were finished when we moved from Winsley The problems of the three-day week affected not Street. We can however be thankful that with the only building itself but also the manufacture of help and co-operation of Willment Brothers Ltd. furniture and equipment, the majority of which (the Main Contractor for Scott House) we were was estimated and ordered six months before the able to move into the three main office floors at move. At the present time there remains a con the time we did. Great credit is due to them for siderable amount of new furniture to be delivered. the expeditious manner in which they constructed It had become clear by the Autumn of 1973 that Scott House. Scott House would be unlikely to provide enough At the present time we are all looking forward space for the total numbers of staff likely to be to the finishing of the building work which will required in Basingstoke together with some spare enable us to fully enjoy a very real improvement capacity for the future and additional accommo in the Firm’s working conditions. dation was obtained in Oliver House which was Whilst we are familiar with the effort required originally due for completion in April this year. .andthei’Iew to design and construct a building we have not Eventually it was decided to house the majority previously had the experience of the considerable of the Transportation Planning Section in PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 3 the Old

Partners’ Panorama

Basingstoke rather than in London thus reducing promise of the inevitable teething troubles being substantially the spare capacity in Basingstoke. It quickly overcome we can look forward to is however unfortunate that the accommodation benefiting fully from our new home and it giving we were able to obtain in Oliver House, whilst us the ability to cope with the increasing volume improving significantly on Winsley Street, is not of work ahead. up to the same standards as those we have been The Partners are grateful to all Members of the able to provide for ourselves in Scott House. Staff for their help and assistance in making The Rose of Kilimanjaro The final decisions on Sub-offices and Section possible the successful move of the large majority locations left little enough time for the final of the Firm from Winsley Street in difficult by G. .11.Little layouts to be prepared and agreed and the circumstances. We are very sorry to see that some relatively complicated arrangements for the Members of the Staff have not found it possible various moves, concentrated within an uncom to stay with us and we wish those that have left fortably short period of time, to be carried out. every success in their new appointments. Con The final run-up to the move was inevitably in versely, we are very pleased to see that a very the circumstances a hair-raising experience for large number have stayed with us. Certainly the those involved and the move itself produced number which we have retained has been more perhaps more than usual of those alarms and than the most optimistic estimates. In addition excursions traditionally associated with such we are very pleased to welcome those that have c-I operations. We finally cleared the Winsley Street joined us in Basingstoke. offices with just one day to spare! he ancient mariner had it easy: a fixing of The climber gets his first set-back before dinner: With the move now behind us, and with the A. S.McD. the glittering eye and he was away. For the Sabbath is not to be desecrated in Marangu the weary bill plodder confronted with and with Never on a Sunday’ ringing in our ears Pontifact it’s far more difficult. the climb is postponed until the Monday; Food at the Merangu Hotel turns out to be excellent The traveller, in the manner of approved tourist and after a suitable struggle with the plumbing guides, will catch his first glimpse of Kilirnanjaro there is even hot water. near Namanga, provided he can navigate his way Day one, and forced to rest on Sunday, the through the Tanzanian border. Still basking in climber starts his week on Monday. The battles self satisfaction at or successful crossing we do start early with negotiations for guides and indeed see Kili (it’s Kili to the professionals) porters (perhaps one should have dispelled earlier rising limply out of the African plains; at a any notions that we intended to carry anything distance of 60 miles it looks no grander than heavier than a camera). A guide is necessary and Editorial Arthur’s Seat seen from Portobello or, for the introduced; Godfrey, reassuringly dressed in Sassenach, Notting Hill from East Cheam. We raincoat and wellington boots. Porters? At a drive on with growing confidence. standard loading of 40 lb/porter we are given For the next fifty miles the road skirts Mount estimates ranging from two (self) to seven Meru a lesser peak of some 15,000 feet and Kili (management). Godfrey requires his own porter lies hidden behind its flanks. The last few miles to of course and as porters seem to require porters’ Marangu, the accepted base for climbers, is best porters things start getting out of hand. However, driven in the dark so stop awhile at the Hotel a spring balance is produced and after due e had hoped in this issue to present what offset by the cover picture in colour. We are Tanzanite near Moshi and partake of afternoon procedural haggles we settle for four. With great another special edition featuring the sure you will agree that a new dimension has been tea. If feeling athletic have a swim. The lazy can humour rucksacks designed for European backs African Partnership, similar to the added to Pontifact by introducing colour and we take photographs of giraffe and other miscella are inserted into kitbags on African heads and “SWKP in Hongkong” and “25 years of SWKP look forward to many exciting presentations. neous game thoughtfully provided by the manage our porters are off. We attempt to follow but are abroad” issues that have been put together over Once again we thank all contributors, proof ment for the passing safari trade. recalled by the management for a final pep talk. the past year or so. The moves to Basingstoke and readers (rumour has it that one editor was proof For the blind, the strong in constitution or like ‘Kilimanjaro (like all the good things of life) Bedford Square came upon us too rapidly, reading until I a.m. to keep the presses running!) us, the ignorant, drive from Moshi to Marangu must be taken very, very slowly’. The slower the temporarily disrupting our lines of communica newsgatherers etc for their efforts and we look in the fading daylight and Kili will suddenly rear better we are told and Moshi graveyard can tion and it was reluctantly decided to postpone forward to receiving your contributions in the in ‘full frontal’ to ones left, an impressive 19,000 testify. Moreover day two involves such terrors the special African edition until Christmas. We Autumn in time for the Christmas edition. foot of solid mountain. Conversation lapses. as jungle trails and giant heather: Tumtum trees would therefore, be pleased to receive contribu Luckily it is soon dark, conversation perks up a and the Jabberwock are feeble by comparison. tions from members of staff who have served in bit and Marangu complete with hotels and a By this time even our guide has disappeared. Africa (both past and present) and look forward Nick Edwards Mavis .Johnson surfeit of churches is upon us. Merangu Hotel is Unabashed we stroll confidently down the Hotel to presenting a bumper edition. Sergei Turceninoff Stephen Oliver our choice for the might and after due scrutiny by drive, pause (hoping for a lift) and eventually If this was a disappointment it has been some- Geoffrey Moore the management we are admitted for dinner. head gingerly in the general direction of the 4 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER. 974 5

there; just to keep the excitement down the track quiet is all and everything. Speaking is in passes a porter’s grave. whispers. Walking is an effort. Climbing is pain. At Kibo we try on our hired boots and woolly Great snow vistas appear and disappear. Silence underclothes. We also run out of sugar. and niore silence. More climbing. Can one make Day four dawns or rather starts at one a.ni. it? Can one get back? I-low much longer? Stop with a rousing from the senhi-torpor that in to rest. Start walk, stop rest. Start walk, stop dicates sleep at this altitude. The hips are now rest. Automatic automaton. At last. The top. agony after two nights on wooden boards and it Uhuru. Top of Africa. 19,340 feet. Camera. is a relief to be vertical. Some of the party after Smile, Click. Smile. Click. Book. Write name. three sleepless nights, seem not so happy at the Pause. Sit down. Stand up. Look round. Get prospect and require a bit of cheering. Hot away. Down. Down. Down. Don. Marmite laced with a malt derivative does the trick and at two a.m. we are off up the final 4,000 feet of loose scree, the weathered remains The raconteur starts as lie swaggers be-garlanded of the volcanic cone. from Mandala Hut on the last leg to the car, coke Time nods as we plod ever upwards. Six- and civilisation. thirty, 18,500 feet and we reach the rim of the To those on the way up (condescendingly), crater, just at sunrise, to be rewarded with the ‘No problem. Just take it easy’. electrifying sight of the snow mantle tinged pink To the (surprised) management, ‘Lovely view by the rising sin. An emotional moment for those from Uhuru’. with any emotion left; the pragmatic suck sweets To the (unbelieving) lunchtime gathering in and try to keep warm, the exhausted lie flaked Nairobi, out over rocks and boulders. The guides, now the ‘I-low we got stuck in the woods after dark’ guiding, watch impassively. For Godfrey its story number 346 and no doubt just another day. the ‘Porridge with Coffee-Mate for breakfast’ But to the top. Uhuru point beckons, about 2 story miles away round the crater rim and an easy the ‘Giant heather and worse’ story looking walk. Life is now a struggle. Mind and the ‘Chicken noodle coffee at Kibo’ story body disconnect, reconnect and disconnect. The the ‘How Kihinianjaro was won’ story. mountain. For the technically minded, dress is Day two, and mindful of the management’s shorts (by Millets) and suede boots (Marks and dire warnings we set off through the woods at a Spencer). sedate pace to be rewarded shortly by a fine view The first few miles are punctuated by returning of the mountain. There follows an easy stroll climbers. The garlanded successful and swagger through what indeed is quite large heather and ing and the ]imping unsuccessful, walking after four hours we reach 1-lorombo Hut, wounded. Social chat is the order of the day. 12,355 ft., anxious for lunch. Further on our porters are caught up with at a Horombo—a bleak outpost half way up a roadside hostelry, just in time for us to pay the mountain—has that half way feeling; cold and Impressions on Australia bill. The party, reinforced with banana beer, uncomfortable, and offering only rats and rest presses on, (guideless) up to the National Park. lessness. Horombo is surrounded by antiseptic Fortune smiles: a Landrover passes, the driver signs indicating ‘Litter’, ‘Foul Water’ and ‘Wash is intimidated by the porters and we all get in. Here’. Hopefully (but unsuccessfully) one looks After a slight monetary transaction we are taken for bottles marked ‘Drink Me’. three-quarters of the way to the first hut up a road After a night of gyrating on the hard wooden which British Leyland wouldn’t dare to imagine. boards which pass for beds, and of struggling Godfrey turns up three hours later, on foot and with a roof determined to be a floor, one is off efore Steve Hennessey left our Firm to were comfortable, especially the Jumbo. If you still in raincoat and wellingtons. and thankfully. emigrate with his family to Australia, I ever have to fly anywhere, a Jumbo is the only Mandala hut at 9,000 ft. is heaven on the way Day three, and the guide, still in wellington asked him to write a few words on his way to go. First stop was Prague, where we down the mountain, but on day one on our way boots condescends to join us, although in the journey and his first impressions of the continent. changed planes from a little TU-l04 to a larger up it appears a nondescript bothy with damp rear. After a steady two hour clinib we reach the From two of the various letters sent, I have com Illushin. Next stop was Athens at night where we creaking beds and a smoky fire. Our party of saddle between the Mawanze and Kibo peaks at piled a little something for inclusion in this stayed + hour, then on to Kuwait. Landed at three has now beconie four and shortly swells to a height of about 15,000 feet. Kibo hut, an Poi,tifact issue, so that those people who remem 2.00 a.m., it was hot and close with Arabs lying fourteen. Kili seems crowded. To dampen our aluminium speck in the distance, nestles invit ber Steve, our cx Systems’ Controller, can hear around the airport lounge. Took off 40 mm. enthusiasni we are treated to the spectacle of a ingly at the bottom of the circular truncated cone how lie is getting on. later and landed in Bombay at 9.00 a.ni. I have climber being brought down on a stretcher. of Kilimanjaro. A three hour dander and we’re “Arrived safe and well after a nice trip, planes never experienced such intense heat before, it’s 8 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 9 lucky it was dry heat. We were there for about the speed limit is 65 m.p.h., less in suburbs, and 4 hours and then flew on to Singapore, which it is compulsory to wear safety belts, the Aus is a beautiful place. We stayed there a day and tralians tend to drive at a greater average speed. quite fell in love with the place, although with Actually there is a growing concern out here at temperatures steady at around 28°C and humidity the rising accidents, which mostly are fatal, at 8O% all day and night one doesn’t walk about although one doesn’t hear of pedestrians crossing Labour Substitution Study too much and travels in air-conditioned buses the road being knocked down because of the fact everywhere.” that pedestrians have got so much more prefer (And this is not another machinationof thc Tory Press) “Arrived in Melbourne in pouring rain, first ence over drivers that no car driver dares take a by G. II. Little impression was of cleanliness, which is a great risk at beating anyone crossing the road. Anyway facet of life here. The couple we’re staying with I have only been swimming once on the local are typical of Australians, friendly and warm, surfing beach as mentioned above. The waves and not at all eager to take advantage of the fact are magnificent to watch, the larger ones being that we’re migrants, in fact nobody has called almost six feet high, breaking really well also. me a ‘Pom’ yet. The weather can be beautiful, I could only go in a little way as the undertow temperatures have gone up to 24C, but it’s kept knocking me over!” rained for about half the time we have been “There are no disco’s, although there are collaboration with the World Bank, technologies, capable of utilising labour and in here, and in fact several areas have been flooded.” drive-in cinemas, bowling alleys and pool tables S.W.K.P. have been undertaking a study creasing real productivities by 200 to 500 per cent. “I spent the first two weeks looking for a job in most hotels. No topless barmaids yet to be into labour intensive construction tech ‘Under new management’ (Phil Green) the and got one, which I managed to keep for a week seen at lunchtimes, shame, although I have heard niques in developing countries with the broad team is expanding in all directions and is even before they sacked me! But I have a better job that there are places where they have “double- objectives of finding and developing technologies providing advance, unofficial, overflow into now in a computer firm and things are looking acts”! Know what I mean—nudge, nudge, more appropriate to capital scarce, labour Basingstoke. Mark Sharrock has joined as much rosier. Wages are higher here, but the cost which reminds me, we’ve got Monty Python on surplus economies. Anyone who has watched ‘Hardware’ designer, inter a/ia, and has already of living is also higher, so although we are at the moment, and Kung Fu on tele, which both trains of earth-moving equipment tearing up the intervened in India to the extent of a cable better off, it’s not by much. Taxes are lower, seem to be a few months behind England, but Third World while scores of interested (and ropeway, five types of lightweight wheelbarrow, petrol cheaper, meat much cheaper, so fortun still worth watching again. I’ve lost track of unemployed) natives stand around will get the a narrow gauge railway for earthworks haulage ately necessities like travelling and eating work the pop scene, because there is no equivalent of point. and a plethora of improved hand tools, rakes, out cheaper than in England but luxuries can be ‘Top of the Pops’ or ‘The Old Grey Whistle Phases 1 and II, back in the dim and distant forks and otherwise. Harold lnsley while not just as expensive and some worse. On the whole Test’, and indeed no early morning radio years of 1970 to 1973 established that substitu engaged in measuring the productivity of donkey though everyone is better off here.” programmes playing pop music.” tion of labour for equipment was feasible in a haulage has been seen in such far distant points “This is a land of cars and it’s almost essential “Soccer is catching on quickly here, and we wide range of construction activities, and as Kathmandu and Bangkok and is currently to have one if you want to get anywhere, although watched the cup final live via satelite—what a productivity measurements of ongoing works looking for accommodation in Jakarta. I’ve got by without one so far. We’re staying match, reminded me of Sunday mornings over were taken on road and irrigation works in India, Back to India, and the Study has now settled about 12 miles from the city, Melbourne that is, the Scrubs. More popular however is Australian Nepal and Indonesia to quantify substitution to its medium term objectives under John Henley, and I travel into work by electric train. Very rules football, which is played with 18 men in possibilities. The results indicated that existing assisted by Peter Brown, of developing some of similar to the District line except that one has each team on an oval pitch about twice the size labour intensive techniques would not be the ideas initiated above, on longer term demon to open the doors oneself. When it is warm the of a football pitch over in England. It has got competitive with equipment intensive techniques stration projects. Organisation and management doors are just left open, so you don’t stand too a few obscure rules that I don’t really understand until wage rates dropped to some 8 to 10 pence is being documented and adapted by Thomas near the doorway when the train is moving.” yet, but it is good for a few punch-ups! Thinks—I a day. No consolation to a wage earner when rice Lindsey of Codecon Ltd., who have joined the “The nearest beach to us is only 5 miles as the must send home for my football boots.” is 25 pence a kilo. And in case the 10 pence a day Study as Consultants. crow flies, which is very nearly the same by car, “Well that is all for now, will keep in touch, seems unrealistic, wage rates in India and Indo Meanwhile back in London, Steve Vincent is because the roads here are on a grid system. The and love to anyone who you see, who remembers nesia were predominantly recorded in the range currently giving our Univac 1108 severe indi main highways branch out from the city and are me.” 15—25pence a day. gestion (no fault of his), myself am departing for up to 10 lanes wide, and the drivers out here Phase Ill of the Study, to which this newsletter the tranquillity of Glasgow and Phil Green while need every inch of them, believe me. Although Signed—Steve, Carolyn & J ustin. really relates, is concentrating on the develop not in Washington, New Delhi, Jakarta, Srinagar ment of (to repeat the jargon) appropriate or Lucknow keeps the whole show on the road.

As you can see he seems to be getting on well and I’m sure that we all wish him well. I will pass on one and all’s regards next time I write to Steve, and if anyone would wish to write to him I am most grateful to the members of the Firm thought I decided on a Grandfather clock but I for their generous contributions towards a retire feel that, like a picture, much depends on its I have his address which I will only be too pleased to pass on. ment present and I ask them to accept my personal appeal and finding the right one is taking NICK EDWARDS apologies for having taken so long in making up longer than I expected. Scott House my mind as to what I would like. After a lot of G. A. EDINGTON 8 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 9 lucky it was dry heat. We were there for about the speed limit is 65 m.p.h., less in suburbs, and 4 hours and then flew on to Singapore, which it is compulsory to wear safety belts, the Aus is a beautiful place. We stayed there a day and tralians tend to drive at a greater average speed. quite fell in love with the place, although with Actually there is a growing concern out here at temperatures steady at around 28°C and humidity the rising accidents, which mostly are fatal, at 8O% all day and night one doesn’t walk about although one doesn’t hear of pedestrians crossing Labour Substitution Study too much and travels in air-conditioned buses the road being knocked down because of the fact everywhere.” that pedestrians have got so much more prefer (And this is not another machinationof thc Tory Press) “Arrived in Melbourne in pouring rain, first ence over drivers that no car driver dares take a by G. II. Little impression was of cleanliness, which is a great risk at beating anyone crossing the road. Anyway facet of life here. The couple we’re staying with I have only been swimming once on the local are typical of Australians, friendly and warm, surfing beach as mentioned above. The waves and not at all eager to take advantage of the fact are magnificent to watch, the larger ones being that we’re migrants, in fact nobody has called almost six feet high, breaking really well also. me a ‘Pom’ yet. The weather can be beautiful, I could only go in a little way as the undertow temperatures have gone up to 24C, but it’s kept knocking me over!” rained for about half the time we have been “There are no disco’s, although there are collaboration with the World Bank, technologies, capable of utilising labour and in here, and in fact several areas have been flooded.” drive-in cinemas, bowling alleys and pool tables S.W.K.P. have been undertaking a study creasing real productivities by 200 to 500 per cent. “I spent the first two weeks looking for a job in most hotels. No topless barmaids yet to be into labour intensive construction tech ‘Under new management’ (Phil Green) the and got one, which I managed to keep for a week seen at lunchtimes, shame, although I have heard niques in developing countries with the broad team is expanding in all directions and is even before they sacked me! But I have a better job that there are places where they have “double- objectives of finding and developing technologies providing advance, unofficial, overflow into now in a computer firm and things are looking acts”! Know what I mean—nudge, nudge, more appropriate to capital scarce, labour Basingstoke. Mark Sharrock has joined as much rosier. Wages are higher here, but the cost which reminds me, we’ve got Monty Python on surplus economies. Anyone who has watched ‘Hardware’ designer, inter a/ia, and has already of living is also higher, so although we are at the moment, and Kung Fu on tele, which both trains of earth-moving equipment tearing up the intervened in India to the extent of a cable better off, it’s not by much. Taxes are lower, seem to be a few months behind England, but Third World while scores of interested (and ropeway, five types of lightweight wheelbarrow, petrol cheaper, meat much cheaper, so fortun still worth watching again. I’ve lost track of unemployed) natives stand around will get the a narrow gauge railway for earthworks haulage ately necessities like travelling and eating work the pop scene, because there is no equivalent of point. and a plethora of improved hand tools, rakes, out cheaper than in England but luxuries can be ‘Top of the Pops’ or ‘The Old Grey Whistle Phases 1 and II, back in the dim and distant forks and otherwise. Harold lnsley while not just as expensive and some worse. On the whole Test’, and indeed no early morning radio years of 1970 to 1973 established that substitu engaged in measuring the productivity of donkey though everyone is better off here.” programmes playing pop music.” tion of labour for equipment was feasible in a haulage has been seen in such far distant points “This is a land of cars and it’s almost essential “Soccer is catching on quickly here, and we wide range of construction activities, and as Kathmandu and Bangkok and is currently to have one if you want to get anywhere, although watched the cup final live via satelite—what a productivity measurements of ongoing works looking for accommodation in Jakarta. I’ve got by without one so far. We’re staying match, reminded me of Sunday mornings over were taken on road and irrigation works in India, Back to India, and the Study has now settled about 12 miles from the city, Melbourne that is, the Scrubs. More popular however is Australian Nepal and Indonesia to quantify substitution to its medium term objectives under John Henley, and I travel into work by electric train. Very rules football, which is played with 18 men in possibilities. The results indicated that existing assisted by Peter Brown, of developing some of similar to the District line except that one has each team on an oval pitch about twice the size labour intensive techniques would not be the ideas initiated above, on longer term demon to open the doors oneself. When it is warm the of a football pitch over in England. It has got competitive with equipment intensive techniques stration projects. Organisation and management doors are just left open, so you don’t stand too a few obscure rules that I don’t really understand until wage rates dropped to some 8 to 10 pence is being documented and adapted by Thomas near the doorway when the train is moving.” yet, but it is good for a few punch-ups! Thinks—I a day. No consolation to a wage earner when rice Lindsey of Codecon Ltd., who have joined the “The nearest beach to us is only 5 miles as the must send home for my football boots.” is 25 pence a kilo. And in case the 10 pence a day Study as Consultants. crow flies, which is very nearly the same by car, “Well that is all for now, will keep in touch, seems unrealistic, wage rates in India and Indo Meanwhile back in London, Steve Vincent is because the roads here are on a grid system. The and love to anyone who you see, who remembers nesia were predominantly recorded in the range currently giving our Univac 1108 severe indi main highways branch out from the city and are me.” 15—25pence a day. gestion (no fault of his), myself am departing for up to 10 lanes wide, and the drivers out here Phase Ill of the Study, to which this newsletter the tranquillity of Glasgow and Phil Green while need every inch of them, believe me. Although Signed—Steve, Carolyn & J ustin. really relates, is concentrating on the develop not in Washington, New Delhi, Jakarta, Srinagar ment of (to repeat the jargon) appropriate or Lucknow keeps the whole show on the road.

who matter to them about themselves and their be efficient and to give first-class service to your achievements. clients or customers. As well as being good you There is no need to emphasise the fact that must be seen to be good. companies have never operated under such Fortunately, these facts of modern professional The Partnership’s PR external pressures as they do today. Public and commercial life seem to be well known to opinion, including the activities of small but the Association of Consulting Engineers, whose

Sonic results from a recent press demonstration of computer—aided th’aughting. by Denys Hamilton, Director, Sidney—BartonLtd.

The Sidney-Barton team who work on the Scott Wilson Kirkpatrick & Partners public relations account. relations—is a rather assignment from your company and our first —public Left to right: Richard Pearson, studio manager; Denise Harvey, account executive; Denys Hamilton, grandiloquent term for a simple contribution to helping SWKP maintain that director, and Sue Newnham, secretary. operation. It really means telling “mutual understanding” with its public. people what you are doing. We in the PR business are fundamentally The Institute of Public Relations defines it as communicators. We are professionals and most— “the deliberate, planned and sustained effort to though not all—of us learned our trade as highly influential pressure groups, has a growing Guidance on Publicity booklet states unequi establish and maintain mutual understanding journalists. We may be employed on the staff of effect on their ability to operate successfully. vocally that “it is permissible for a consulting between an organisation and its public”. a company, a government department or some Far too often the voice that shouts loudest is engineer to engage the services of a public Sidney-Barton Ltd. have worked for Scott other body or we may work, as we at Sidney- the voice that is heeded, and only one side of a case relations consultant”. It goes on to say, however Wilson Kirkpatrick & Partners since the Grube Barton do, for a consultancy. Either way, our is effectively presented to the public. that “the member will be held responsible for Scott merger was announced in January, 1972. job is the same: to help the organisation or No longer can companies or organisations any act done by the PR consultant in the course The press release about that merger was our first organisations which employ us to tell the people afford to appear inarticulate, It is not enough to of his employment by the member”. 10 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 974 11

Sonic results from a recent press demonstration of computer—aided th’aughting. by Denys Hamilton, Director, Sidney—BartonLtd.

In other words, in working for SWKP we have to say that public relations embraces all aspects to watch our step and regard that little booklet of the relations between an organisation and its as our bible. public. Unfortunately, far too many companies How do we work for you? To quote the PR and other bodies do not seem to realise the truth Consultants’ Association, “the combination of of this statement. Public relations starts at the the outside consultancy and the internal PR switchboard and the reception desk. It continues Thoughts on Retirement professional is usually the strongest and most throughout the company. It is manifested in the effective” method, and that is the method company stationery and literature, in the courtesy by Zacli .7VIattlicll’s SWKP and we have adopted. We work in close and efficiency with which telephoned or written collaboration with Morris Hopkins, than whoni enquiries are dealt with and in the willingness of there is no better guide and mentor. With him we management to present a positive picture of the decide on the best way to exploit, within the company and its achievements. limitations of the ACE rules, those projects with For instance, very early in our association with which your company has been concerned and your company we were shown your film “Motor which can be talked about. way over Shap”. As soon as we had seen it we Sometimes, as you know, clients of consulting realised that in this film you had a first-class he first thing I want to do is to thank very these two root ideas that civil engineers will not engineers seem to want to operate under an promotional medium which, if seen widely, sincerely indeed all those who contributed see life in perspective. For example, if we rL’aIl.J’ Unofficial Secrets Act and if they are adamant in could do nothing but good for the reputation of so generously to my “retiring cheque” and look at the earth scene today if only to scan the eschewing publicity for their particular project, SWKP. to all who signed the splendid brochure which daily news of violence, crime, pornography, you and we have to respect their wishes. Happily, We therefore suggested that the film should be Arthur Rotunda thought up in his very active pollution and inflation it is not a very inspiring these are rare occurrences and normally we are shown to the press and, with your management’s brain and brought to material perfection with spectacle. And what is the root cause of it? free to extract what benefits we can for SWKP approval, organised a press show at the Financial his equally active hands. It is indeed a work of Scientific materialism. Scientific methodology, from the engineering works you have desgned Times cinema. The result was, in the words of art and his portraiture remarkably lifelike. A whereby we methodically sort out fact from and supervised. one of Morris Hopkins’ reports on promotional specific article—possibly a small telescope—will fiction is excellent within its own parameters The basis of our work for you is undoubtedly activity, that “the film is the best single item of be bought with the money to be a perpetual but unfortunately man has become so immersed the press release, although this is not the sum SWKP promotional material since the writer reminder of SWKP. in the things of this earth that he has to a larger total of our activities by any means. Each subject took office”. Nobody short of a raving lunatic could say extent than many would believe, forgotten who has to be evaluated. News items such as new Our job is to do all we can to help you to that I have been a roaring success as a civil he really is and the meaning of his brief mortal appointments, the placing of a contract for which maintain and indeed increase the prosperity of engineer: nevertheless, these 24 years have span on an incredibly beautiful but lowly planet, you are the consulting engineers, the winning of SWKP. This may involve the design and produc included experiences in one place and another of rotating and orbitting around a central star in a awards and the official openings of buildings, tion of literature, like the mini—brochure, the memorable importance to me. We all come to tiny fraction of the Milky Way which is itself car parks, motorways and the like—all these are Hong Kong tunnel brochure and the project planet Earth in what I am more and more con only a minute fragment of the cosmos. Civil press release material and are distributed as management leaflet. It may require us to organise vinced is a succession of lives to gain individual engineer or not, it is a not unwise reflection when widely as is appropriate. a press conference on your behalf or help with experience as we unfold and grow according to a we find oLirselves embroiled in rat races, spending A typical example of the press release was that the preparation and publicising of your part in unique pattern which corresponds to the pattern sprees, unreal materialistic notions about life, announcing the formation of Grube-Scott. This an exhibition, such as the Public Works or that of the solar system at the moment of birth. Just the ‘gains’ obtainable from ruthless competition, went out in English and German to newspapers held by the Institution of Civil Engineers two as we are uniquely complex so are these con the stresses caused by a vastly increased tempo and technical journals in both countries. It got years ago. tinually changing patterns formed by the sun, of life, the babel of noise and the babel of quite a good press, including a headline in the It certainly involves furthering your contacts moon and eight planets as they orbit and rotate conflicting ideas among the nations and within Construction Nell’s hailing SWKP as “the new with the press and, where appropriate, with the in their various courses at their varying speeds. our own. And to cap the reflection perhaps we Europeans”. On the other hand, subjects which right people in television and radio. We are here for experience and for reflection on can go and gaze up into the night sky and its lend themselves to treatment in depth, like the It is not the function of the PR consultant, as that experience within the whole. It will recur myriad lights all moving and turning like the design of Bloornsbury Square car park or the some critics seem to think, to come between the again and again in each life in different guises earth we stand on—”The Harmony of the Kwai Chung container terminal, may well be client and the press. Nothing pleases us more until we have assimilated its meanings and Spheres”, “When I behold the heavens, the moon better placed as exclusive features in a technical than to be sure that, when we have created the lessons. Then the time will come for new experi and the stars which Thou has ordained, what is magazine or a newspaper. opportunity, top level company spokesmen will ences, new lessons. These are quite different for man that Thou art mindful of him and the son In all press relations, what the consultancy be available to speak to the journalist with each individual and are quite inescapable though of man that Thou visitest him?” How can we be provides for the client is the lifting of the corn authority. they include limited freewill and therefore the materialistic, ruthlessly competitive, intellectually rnunications burden from his shoulders and In this respect, we are lucky in having SWKP lessons take longer for some than others. proud? What else can possibly be appropriate but intimate knowledge of the press and the journal as a client. Never once have our requests for an Civil engineering is both optimistic and humility and love? ists who write for it. It is our job to know what interview or an informative, technical article been materialistic in its very nature; optimistic I find myself goaded into reminding you of the press wants and only to offer material which turned down. And the results, I believe, show up because it is transforming planet Earth and what I said in my last Pontiftict article that in this we are sure stands a worthwhile chance of in the press cuttings book and the ever-increasing always making new or renewing; materialistic, transitional period between Pisces and Aquarius publication. awareness of SWKP’s achievements and poten because it is concerned so much with material the inhabitants of planet Earth are hastening It might seem a blinding glimpse of the obvious tial. things. There is always the danger because of towards tribulation and climax. We have been SUMMER. 1974 12 PONTIFACT No. 33

told what it is all about and the manner of its inner urge was brought to bear with which I Manager on the investigations and study for a the Firm expanded such that Bill’s circle of coming. It is only the day and the hour that no co-operated. So far I have no cause for regret, new highway along the East shore of the Dead friends in the office could not be wider. man knows—but the signs are given, It is not for personal freedom is a very strong factor in my Sea. His interest in highways continued over After leaving school Bill studied at the Borough doom and catastrophe for those who know that make-up. But the astrological drastic change has the past seven years and he was responsible for Polytechnic and Brixton School of Building only the Owner can govern the earth—no tenant clear reference to my bank balance too and this investigations and studies of road projects in before joining D. G. Somerville & Co. as a is fit for the job. Yet daily more clearly the Earth effect has not yet made its mark! Uganda (Mount Elgon) and Cayman Islands. He draughtsman. During the war Bill served with needs a Co-ordinator and Governor and Dr. If there is one thing I regret, it is the almost also contributed to investigation and preparation the National Fire Service and then joined Kissinger isn’t wise enough. Sorry if you don’t total lack of communications within the Firm, of reports on road, water supplies and drainage Scott & Wilson in 1945, where he worked on like this sort of thing but we are all involved and which has a stultifying effect on morale and, and other services for three major towns in the design and detailing of reinforced concrete, the cosmic clock is near to striking. indirectly, output. But, all in all, it really has Botswana. chiefly for offije blocks and other large buildings, Are you surprised from the above that I have been a marvellous experience to meet so many Zach is able now to indulge his enthusiasm for such as the Royal Festival Hall, B.N.S. Main retired five years early? We are all uniquely interesting people in so many interesting places astrology and with his other interests he doubt Factory in Pontypool, Hull College of Commerce, different and for me it has been obvious inwardly and to feel that one was taking part in a gargan less finds that time does not lie heavy on his Basingstoke and Huddersfield General Hospitals and outwardly that 60 was the right age. All tuan development project for a New Age. Thank hands. and the Police Headquarters and New Town through 1973 Uranus, the principle of drastic you all and very best wishes to you in these We are sure he will enjoy his retirement and Hall in Monmouth. change has been going square to seven of my tremendously exciting years between now and find success in his astrological future. natal planets from around the point of career, the turn of the century. I hope that we may all C. M. JOHNSTON The hard work and loyalty of Bill Wilson has ending with a square to Jupiter, my ‘ruler’, at interpret the experiences that await us in the made a real contribution to the success of the the end of January, when 1 retired. This does not highest and most positive way that our state of Firm and is not to be belied by the quiet and mean that I had to retire, but that a powerful evolution allows. unassuming way in which he went amongst us. On the 29th March Bill Wilson retired after Those of us who knew him will miss his cheery 29 years’ service with the Firm. Just about every presence but regardless of this his influence will one who served any time with the Firm back in continue through the younger men who came Victoria Street will know Bill, or “Little Mr. under his guidance. Wilson” as he was fondly known in the early We wish Bill and Win a long and happy days, and it is only regrettable that in later yeats retirement. K.A.P. Retirement Profiles

In order to avoid a short-term move to Zach wasn’t just an astrologer. He retired Basingstoke, Archie Evans has elected to retire a recently from the position of Senior Engineer in little early and will be leaving the Firm at the end the firm and his going prompts this appreciation of July. of the contribution he made to the firm’s activities Archie received his education in Municipal over the last 24 years. Engineering at the Manchester College of Zach was one of the pioneers in Nyasaland Science and Technology and from 1929 to 1935 of the firm’s overseas practice and contributed he was an Articled Pupil to the Senior Engineer much to the success of the Blantyre-Limbe Water ing Assistant to the Borough and Water Engineer, Supply scheme and to the location of a new road Bacup, Lancs. His subsequent employment in from Nkata Bay to Mzuzu. He returned to local government was broken from 1943 to 1946 London in 1954 and after a short spell on the by a period of commissioned service in the Gravesend Sewerage Treatment Works, he Airfield Construction Service of the RAF. After became involved in the Addis Ababa Airport the war he was appointed Chief Assistant Study and spent some time in Ethiopia, Engineer to the Borough Engineer and Surveyor, During 1957—8he led a team engaged on the Wembley, and in 1949 he became Deputy location of a road route up the 4000 ft escarpment Borough Engineer and Surveyor to Romford of Mambilla Plateau in Nigeria. He followed this Borough Council. with site investigations and designs for the Archie met Henry Grace during the war and Malakal and Khartoum Airports, Sudan and when in 1958 the Firm received its first motorway airports in British Honduras and Dubai. appointment, for 10 miles in South Cheshire, He was concerned briefly with investigations Archie was persuaded to head up our design in Nigeria in connection with the Jos and team on site. The Sandbach Office was our Zaria Water Supply Schemes but returned to first branch office and pioneered most successfully highway work with a visit to Jordan as Project Zach Mathews Bill Wilson our motorway practice. Our appointment for the 4 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 15

16 PONTI FACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 17

Mervyn Johnston joined Scott & Wilson in 1949 appointed to take charge. The first two projects— Today as you drive at speed and in comparative and retired last April after 25 years continuous Western Avenue, Lagos and the Maiduguri-Bama comfort and safety across the wide open bush service with our group of firms. Road both employed the techniques of pavement country of Northern Nigeria, you can see the He joined us as an Assistant Engineer in the construction which had never before been used in result of Mervyn’s work. The chances are that you newly opened Nyasaland office and initially was Nigeria. Both roads were highly successful and are either driving on a road designed by him or concerned with road and water supply work in the Mervyn contributed a paper to the Institution of designed on the basis of the thinking which he Blantyre-Limbe area. As an able Assistant to John Civil Engineers on Western Avenue and a further introduced. Henry he helped with the design of the first road paper with John Gandy on the Maiduguri-Bama For reasons of health Mervyn left Nigeria in project ever undertaken by the Firm—the road Road. 1964, and handed over to John Gandy and from Blantyre to the Airport at Chileka. With its His abilities were quickly recognised by both returned to London. Today many Nigerian flowing alignment and bituminous surfacing this his staff and clients, and thus Mervyn laid the engineers of the Federal Ministry of Works was the first road in the Protectorate to be foundation for what has developed into a continu remember the contribution which Mervyn made designed in the true engineering sense. It was ing practice in a country larger in population than to Highway Engineering in their country while ‘1 something hitherto unknown in a country where any other in Africa and bigger in area than France he was Resident Partner. I roads tended to meander along the line of African and East and West Germany combined. In 1966 Mervyn was appointed an Associate of footpaths. In 1958 Mervyn was appointed an Associate of the London firm. In this role he took charge of the Assisted by Ron Hedges and Andrew Schofield the African Partnership and since 1961 has been design of the Wadi-Araba Road in Jordan. He (now Professor of Civil Engineering at Cambridge). a Partner. continued as a Partner in the African firm, and Mervyn was later responsible for the design of the Nigeria became independent in 1960. Despite was actively engaged on roadworks in Tanzania, Lilongwe-Salima Road and the road from the changing and often difficult conditions pre Kenya, Malawi and Nigeria. For a year he was in Luchenza to Mlange and the Portuguese East vailing at this time, Mervyn was successful in charge of the Glasgow office. African Border. It was at this time that he maintaining and developing our practice. At the During the quarter of a century Mervyn has developed a particular interest in aerial photo suggestion of the client, he opened an office for been with us, we have come to know him well. Archie Evans graphy and its use as an aid to road design, the Firm in Kaduna, the capital of the Northern His outstanding characteristics have been his evolving a method of estimating flood flows which Region. At a later date a further office was opened capacity for hard work, his good judgment, was successfully used in culvert design. in Enugu, the capital of the Eastern Region. combined with a dry sense of humour, and his In 1956 the Nyasaland Firm opened a branch It was during this early period in Nigeria that ability to lead a team of engineers and inspire Lancaster-Penrith section of M6 coincided with office in Lagos, Nigeria and Mervyn was we first started work on projects financed by the confidence in the clients. His integrity and dedi the closing of the Sandbach office, and Archie World Bank and the United Nations Development cation to his work combined with his natural moved to Kendal to take charge there. A small Programme. On IBRD and UNDP projects we reticence commanded respect from all those who office for the report stage was succeeded in the began our association with the Economist came in contact with him. design stage by a large establishment based on a Intelligence Unit, a relationship which still Mervyn loves sociability and a good party, country house at Shaw End. Inevitably Archie’s continues. and we all remember the warmth of the welcome role became mainly administrative, but his During leave from the Nigeria Office, Mervyn we always received from him and his wife Rene knowledge of local government was of great accompanied by Gordon Forrest spent three in our visits to their home. In addition to his assistance in our numerous dealings with local months studying road design and construction in engineering activities and despite his unsettled authorities. For many of us work on this project the USA. This study tour undoubtedly had a existence with frequent changes of residence he in the setting of Shaw End constituted an ideal profound effect on his approach to road design. and Rene managed to bring up a family of five life, and Archie will be affectionately remembered Prior to Independence, the typical Nigerian road girls, two of whom are now married. for his role at the centre of it. had a narrow and often sunken cross section We shall miss Mervyn in our day-to-day work, During the motorway construction period and (sometimes referred to as the Drunkards Road, but we hope to be able to retain his services in its aftermath, Archie’s talent for figures won because it was almost impossible to wander off as a consultant for many years to come. We him the important but unenviable task of it). Mervyn was instrumental in persuading the all wish Mervyn and Rene a long and happy sorting out the measurement and all the pro Authorities to abandon this type of road in favour retirement. forma associated with it. I fear that this was a of a slightly raised road with wide shallow ditches dull and seemingly never-ending undertaking on each side. H.G. and we are all most grateful to Archie for the tenacity and cheerfulness with which he handled it. Archie and his wife, Mary, have decided to settle in the Kendal area where they have many Mr Neil Ranford and Miss Jenny Taplin, who They spent a very enjoyable week on the Isle of friends from the M6 days. We all wish them the were married at St Mary’s Church, Basing on Wight with their base camp (bed?) in Freshwater, long and happy life in retirement that they have Saturday July 6th, in glorious sunshine, wish to and were obviously very sorry to return to work. earned. thank all those people who kindly donated They have set up their new home in Packenham J.K.M.H. Mervyn Johnston towards a wedding present for them. Road, Basingstoke. ______

16 PONTI FACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 17

“The pliers yer looking for”. And Bert was. Lil well into her stride and was not to be put off. wouldjust shake her head and snule. “She took to gin and never ‘ad another kid Same as now, LU would ‘ai’know’d’ just where since”, she concluded dramatically. Bert’s tablets were. But Lii was,,‘t there. She had “Leave it aht Rosie”, rejoined Bert. “It don’t

gone down to Basildo,, to nurse her sister Emmy fink that’s my bovver . . . besides”, he added with who’d ‘bin too/c bad wit/i ‘fluand bronical trouble’. a grin, “I’m on the tablets”. Lii had been gone two days and Mr. Badger was Rosie let out a squawk of amusement. “Oo on liEs tod. lie didn’t like it. Like a fish out of you are a daft ‘a’perth Bert”. water and dead sorry for hiniself With a confidential finger Bert beckoned her No Lil . . . no tablets and into the bargain he closer. “I ain’t never told nobody this”, he felt another sneeze building up. Urgently lie whispered, “but every time I sneeze 1 gits free pinched his nose. sharp pains. One low dahn in the stummick, one The fact that it was a self-contained sneeze did in the groin and one near where me coxis”. nothing to mnini,nise the triplicated pain which “Yer wot?” rocketed through him. Bert gasped. Gingerly he “Coxis”.

eased hhnself out of the chair and reached for his “Good gawd . . . I never thought . . jacket. ‘‘Going ah ‘t’’, he murmured alniost to “Look Rosie, yer coxis is a little bone like the himself. ace of diamonds at the end of yer spine or

Jack, his Cardiga,, Corgi, was up in a flash. The vertibrates an’ ‘at. . . I read it in the ‘cyclopaedia” head angled in query and one front paw slightly “Well I never”. raised in expectancy. The pail, had vanished as quickly as it hail come as Bert closed the front door and stepped into the street. What he didmi‘t know was that ize was about to step into a new role as

THE RELUCTANT PATIENT.. . and thereby hangs the tale It cheered Bert to know that the ‘Baker’s Arms” wasn’t far away and at least he’d get a welcome from comfortably built Rosie. It was too early for the regular crowd and Beit settled himself on a stool at the corner of the bar. Rosie all plump and friendly beamed him a smile as she reached for his personal tankard. “No not tonight Rosie gel 11‘av a double brandy”. Rosie’s pencilled eyebrows shot up in Sensing Rosie was suitably impressed, Bert surprise. went on Y’see, years ago when we was all “You’ll wot Bert?” apes we ‘ad ta’ls. One day a group of us got fed “I’ll ‘av a double brandy”. up wiv larking arahnd on all fours an’ ‘anging “Gawd ‘elp us—you won the pools or sunnick? upside dahn by our ta’ls from the trees an’ ‘at. “No Rosie, as a matter of fact 1 Bert So the King Ape geezer ses to ‘is mates “All hesitated and lowered his voice m gittin’ you’s wot wants to learn ter walk proper can some sharp pains in the ‘bargain basement area’ “ join my gang”. A load of ‘em did, but some of And he pointed a prodding forefinger downwards ‘em didn’t. Them as was learning walking didn’t Bert Badger, Esq., winced. He’d She always knew where everything was. She had a in vague indication. need their ta’ls no more, an’ frew procreashun winced a lot lately. It was n sort of uncanny knack. Whether he mis/aid his “Well deane you don’t want brandy ... you an’ ‘at. account of the fact that he’d sneezed pliers, cigarette papers, his pools coupon or even want gin. Gin is the finest thing fer any trouble “Who’s Procreashun the King Ape?” a lot late/i’. That gave hi,,, tile pains. They were ‘The Sporting Times’, Lil always knew where to in that area. My friend Kitty swears by it. Do you “No lissen Rosie, wot I means is, they didn’t warming to subject, use ‘em no7more, and one day they all dropped sharp pains. Three of them. In the lower abdomen, find them. Most times she even knew what lie was know”, she said her “when the groin and at the base of the spine near the lookjog for before he asked her. Proper uncanny. Kit first got married she ‘ad one kid after the orf”. coccyx bone. Up until now the tablets which old Often lie‘d only get as far as Lii ‘avyer seen other . . . one after the other . . . five in five “Wot did?” . . . all Doc Murphy prescribed had alivays helped. Trouble my . . .“ and she’d say the right hand side of years ‘appened?” “Their ta’ls an’ ‘at an’ they got coxis was, Bert couldmi‘t find them, if Lil had been the kitchen table drawer”. “Er ol’ man came off night work?”, suggested instead”. around she would hai’e known where they were. “Wot are?” Bert with a brief smile. But Rosie was already “Fancy that”. l8 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 19

very second Badger sneezed. He let out Bert chuckled, “Cripes wot a name to cop “They is put there jus’ ter let us know where our wiv the uvver players . . . Chelsea need the At that a yell and blacked out again. fits don’t it Tommy . . . talk abart tall, dark and ta’ls use ter be . . . see?” points”. “Thank you Professer Bronoffsky”. A look of incredulity spread across the face “Missa Baga ... Missa Baga . . . wak up”, famished”. “Oo ?“ of the Sister. “I think you’re a schizoid”. a gentle voice was calling at the end of a very “Yus Bert an’ wot a ruddy figure . . . its the long tunnel. Bert flickered into consciousness and same all the way dahn”. “Professer Bronoffsky—you know. . . ‘im on “No, I aint m English and C of E so found himself gazing into a pair of soft brown “Y’know wot, Tom, I fink ‘er livin’ bra has the tellee . . . The Ascent of Man . . . get it?” there!”, shouted Bert. almond shaped eyes. The lips parted in revelation died of malnutrition!” “Ascent? No Rose, 1 told yer we never went At that moment the white coated Houseman of a smile, the even pearl-like teeth Tommy bellowed with laughter. In an instant, . his gentle up. . . we come dahn.. we got learned ter walk arrived, stethoscope spilling out of his appeared to have been set by a master jeweller. Sister Streak was moving hurriedly down the an’ ‘at . . . the uvver apes still wiv little ta’ls, just pocket. “What’s all the racket about?”, came cajne to halt ‘ung arahnd til someone signed ‘eni up to do his brusque enquiry. ward. She an abrupt and glared at commercials for Brook Bond’s PG. Tips”. Bert. “Be uiet”, she hissed. “Show some Rosie shrieked with laughter and flicked her consideration for other patients, particularly drying cloth at him. The air flow whipped up Mr. Harris”. With a flick of her head she indica some particles of dust from an ash tray on the ted the curtained bed in the corner and went on bar top. Bert sneezed. Violently. He let out a “He had a serious operation today and needs is to yelp of pain and slumped over the bar. Rosie rest. Your hilarity not conducive his re froze in horror and then with a shrill scream she covery”. She glared at Badger and added with yelled “Oh me Gavd, wot’s ‘appened ... Bert!” pointed significance. “You are here for observa I be keeping an eye Badger let out a sudden gush of pent up air tion and shall on you!” and gasped “Git someone quick Rose ... look Bert’s first impulse was to ask what she’d be doing with the other eye but ditched the thought arter Jack . . . doan tell Lil”. Then Mr. Bert of “Well, at I ‘av yer Badger, Esq. passed out. in favour least shan’t ruddy It must have been the wail of the siren which ‘ands all over me, will I”. t A in Sister roused Bert. His blurred vision just picked out gleam appeared Streak’s eyes a bit late Mr. Badger how do a peaked cap. “Allo Sheriff where’s the “You’re ... you ... think you got into those pyjamas, hm? We ‘anging? . . . Wot the ‘eli you takin’ me to the Bert eased himself up on one elbow. “You’re undressed you and Nurse Sing Po agreed you nick for? . . . I aint done nuffinck.” were a fine figure of a . . . He was still semi-conscious when they arrived “It’s ‘er”, snapped Bert, “01’ Stripper Nightin a little bit of a darlin’ aint yer”, he said paternally. man Goodnight”. “Plees? I don un.nerstan?” The snigger from Tommy’s bed added to at the entrance of St. Biddulphs Hospital. gale ‘ere . . . she grabs me an’ starts tearing all Bert followed the pidgin English ritual prac Bert’s embarrassment as he shrank under the As the trolley was speeding along the corridor, me gear orf . . . then she says a Chelsea player tised by all Britishers when they are speaking to sheet. Bert suddenly struggled up, his mind crystal named ‘Ouseman is commin’ ter see me . . . daft a national of a foreign land. He spoke very The morning light and a gentle smile from clear. “Oi, Oi, Oi . . . ‘old it . . . ‘old it . . . wot’s I calls it”. Sing Po made Bert feel on going on? Where’s the fire?” “1 am the Houseman. I’m a hospital doctor deliberately separating each word and raised his Nurse even keel. voice as if the listener was hard of hearing. “So solly no blekfas’ for you. Today you X-Lay. “Be quiet . . . and keep still”, snapped a and I’ve come to examine you”...... only”. clipped female voice. Bert screwed his neck round “Not wiv this raver ‘ere you aint”, said Bert “Where am I? Oo arr you?” You have cup tea in iii Loss It was a bit of a barney when they took Bert to see a severe looking Sister, eyes like marble with a glare of finality. “Missa Baga, you Hospital Ward. I into the Radiography Unit. All the personnel chips and a mouth like a thin piece of bent wire. “Alright Sister, I’ll see you in a moment”, am Nurse Sing Po”. “Where are we—Brands ‘atch?”, said Bert said the Doctor. “Sing Po, eh? from the place of a fousand were women. Ensconced in cubicle three, Bert tartly. Grim-faced the Sister left the room. sighs”. was assigned to a hefty girl, a real sourpuss, who I Hong better now? I get despite the shrouding white smock still managed The next minute he was plopped onto a bed in a “Thank Gawd”, breathed Bert and added “No Kong ou tea for With that she glided smoothly from to look like a Japanese wrestler. “Right”, she small room. Immediately the Sister was at him. “She’s got arms like a octipus an’ ‘ands like you”. the ward like wheels on heels. ordered in a brisk voice everything off and His shoes, socks, jacket and shirt were off in a mechanical grabs”. “Nice little fing airit she?”, came a voice from up on the couch”. flash. As she grabbed for Bert’s trousers he Ignoring this, the Doctor said “Tell me where the next bed. “Is there a fella here who can attend to me?”, galvanised into action by seizing her sinewy the pain is”. Badger turned and saw the wide smile of a suggested Bert timorously. wrist. “They’ve gorn now”. fellow who was extending his hand across “No”, she retorted acidly, “I have that “Oh no you ruddy don’t”, he growled. “Gone?” patient space. “Me Tommy doubtful privilege”. Then she strode off swishing Back snapped the Sister. “Be quiet, i’ve got “Yus, I only ‘av ‘em when I sneeze an’ ‘at”. the dividing bed name’s Beckett. ‘Ow are yer, mate?” the curtain round the cubicle with the backward to get you stripped off”. The doctor eyed him keenly. “Do you have In time at all they were gassing away, sweep of her hand. Bert flung her wrist away. “Not me, yer violent headaches?” no swapping confidences and ailments. Tommy was Reluctantly Bert undressed and draped his don’t . . . 1 ‘eard abart wimmin like you wot “No Doe”, said Bert, “These pains is in me a docker who had banged his head on the hold dressing gown across his midrift. attacks men!” groin . . . low dahn in me gut or abominable area of ship and kept relapsing to double She was back in an instant swinging the jib “Don’t be ridiculous I’ve got to get you as you would say, an’ also where me coxis”. a vision. As he said, “1 don’t mind getting a coupla of the X-ray machine until it was poised above ready.. . the Houseman will be here in a moment”. “Indeed”. looks all in one go at that little Chinese bit, but his mid-section. She scooped the dressing gown “‘Ouseman’ Wot’s ‘e doin’ ‘ere? . . . ‘e “Well fanks, Doe, I fink I’ll git me clobber on I don’t like doubling up that Sister Streak!” away with her free hand. With an audible intake should be dahn at Stamford Bridge training an’ go now”. on PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER. 974 23 of breath Bert shut his eyes. For the next ten fought the world of ‘im an’ I still do”, concluded “[f you men u’ere in there, you wouldnt be so Sister Streak shot forward and hissed at minutes he was X-rayed from all angles. Her Bert proudly. damned flippant!” Badger “Be quiet! Sir Adrian will get very cross”. huge arms turned Bert over with the easy abandon “Well, yer know wot they say, Sister . . “‘E’ll git craws ... ‘e’ll git craws d winced gels is 9. . . and disinterest of a Smithfield porter. She didn’t Bert, “some starved of love, uvvers stick one on ‘im if ‘e was nearer ‘00 trained even crack her face when Bert tried to alleviate grow fat on it”. ‘im?—the K.G.B.?” the proceedings by asking her whether she could “Ooo! You men!”, ground out Sister Streak By this time old Charlie had completed his do him half a dozen postcard size prints. through clenched teeth and she sped from the circuit and was soon propped up in bed again, Development didn’t take long and when she ward. all systems still connected. Sir Adrian Jenkins returned she placed her huge hands on ample An air of tense expectancy seemed to have Carr moved closer to Bert’s area. Out flapped his hips, nodded crisply to the porter and with a spread throughout St. Biddulphs. Nurses scurried hand. From the instant folder he carefully smirk said, “O.K. you can take ‘Muscles Long- to and fro in every ward, straightening bed covers extracted sothe X-ray negs. ford’ back to Ross Ward”. and tidying books and magazines. They just had Stung to retort, Bert leaned forward and time to finish and stand rigidly to attention slowly surveyed her huge frame from head to toe lining each side of the entrance to Ross Ward and said “No, I wouldn’t say yer ‘ad a good when Sir Adrian Jenkins-Carr strode in followed figure but yer gotta good bone structure by an entourage of medical staff each of whom dogs must luv yer”. It was just then that Badger spied the Rolls seemed to be holding their breath as well as Back in the ward Badger was greeted warmly Royce whispering along the driveway towards buff-coloured folders. As Sir Adrian paused, by the other patients. It seemed that his personal the Hospital entrance. As it smoothed to a stop, a Bert thought Sister Streak was going to curtsey. stand against medical authority had won their livened chauffeur sprang out, whipped like His resonant ‘Good morning’ was apparently approval. Even Old Charlie Harris looking like lightning round the car and opened the nearside addressed to the central electric light shade. A a little Hobbit who’d escaped from a Tolkien passenger door. A second or two passed then a type of greeting and dismissal all in one go. book was sitting propped up in bed giving Bert tall, impeccably clad silver-haired gentleman Only the serried ranked nurses, like a well a toothless smile. stepped Out and stood in truly regal stance rehearsed school class chorused in reply. “Ow’s it goin’ then me ol’ china”, said Bert surveying the hospital. Sir Adrian raised his eyebrows and flipped an amicably. “Oo the ‘eli’s 9this Lord Dunnerbunk? arm sideways. A folder was slipped smartly into “Not . . . too . . . bad . . . mate”, lisped Charlie ‘av a shuiftie Tom”. his hand by the Houseman who then backed breathlessly. Tommy whipped out of bed in a flash. away as if he’d just been knighted. ‘Poor ol’ codger’, thought Bert realising that “Blimey it’s ‘im!” Sir Adrian repeated this process at every bed. Lifting them one by one to the light of the even to speak was an effort for him. Charlie was “Oo?” At length he came near to old Charlie Harris window he studied intently. Then without even a living advertisement for plastic containers. “Sir Adrian Jenkins-Carr”. sitting propped up under his canopy of containers. glancing at Bert he began very quietly. “Mr. From one came the thin tube of the saline drip, “Fancies ‘is chance doan ‘e”, muttered Bert. “Right, Mr. Harris”, began Sir Adrian crisply, Badger, your concern for the welfare of Mr. poked up his nostril and secured by an adhesive “Well ‘e’s the top whack surgeon ... no “I want you to get out of bed and walk to nie”. Harris does you credit. I will speak frankly because I realise from your easy use of strip to his upper lip. High on a telescopic stand messing . . . ‘e is yer actual top man”. Badger could hardly believe his ears. “Do medical snaked another from a container of cross Bert noted how Sir Adrian accepted his black wot?”, lie yelled. terminology you are a niost informed patient. matched plasma and entered his upper arm. Yet brief-case from the chauffeur without even turning In unison the heads of the medical gathering As we know”, he continued, like lie was addres a third emerged from his middle and ended its his head. Then he ascended the steps as if he’d clicked round like a row of Coldstreani Guards sing a B.M.A. Conference, “entry was made catheter run into the neck of a container just been taught to walk at the Foreign Office. The giving eyes right. Each face registered a look of close to the duodenuni and the clearing of the visible at Charlie’s side. doorman-porter’s smart salute was not ack amazed horror. ulceric erosion gave indication of pyloric stenosis. “Cripes, matey”, said Bert indicating the nowledged. Sir Adrian never batted an eyelid. “The nurses Haemorrhage was excessive and necessitated the most meticulous tubes, “Wot time they launching yer orf?” “Gawd . . . oo the ‘eli does ‘e fink ‘e is?”, said will help you, Mr. Harris”. suturing”. Charlie wheezed his high pitched Hobbit Bert. As two of them scampered to do his bidding, Bert frowned but nodded thoughtfully. cackle. Tommy Becket grinned. “it’s like the “Sir Adrian Jenkins-Carr”, snapped Sister Bert blistered on “You can’t do that’ Yor “In such cases recovery is particularly tenuous ‘Okey Cokey, aint it, mate—yer put the left one Streak who had suddenly and silently arrived in stark, staring potty! . . . Lissen . . . that poor oh’ but as soon as is practical, the post operative in an’ pull the right one aht”. Then lowering the ward. Pointing a finger at Bert she added, bloke only ‘ad ‘is op yest’day! . . . It’s in’uman patient must perambulate in order to resist, if his voice Tommy said, “I see’d a bloke done up “You behave yourself and you’ll find that lie’s that’s wot it is, in’urnen! Doan you do it Charlie not obviate a thrombotic build, with possible . . . or at worst, like ‘im Bert . . . 1944 it was . . . arter we fished hard but he’s fair”. mate. Mind that caifter toob don’t fall aht... infarction, cardiac arrest pulmonary ‘im aht the water. . . ‘is tanker ‘ad bin torpedoed “Yeah like Mick McManus”. watch them sailing drips!” embolism. Of course, Mr. Badger vill have fully an’ blowed up. I was on H.M. Frigit Leopard”. Badger9 suddenly sneezed and doubled up in But they already had Charlie out of bed. understood my clinical diagnosis but as we are “Navy was yer?”, queried Bert I was in pain. Instantly concerned, Sister Streak started Flanking him on either side each holding aloft aware, to the medically uninitiated, it merely the desert meself wiv Monty. Smashin’ bloke forward but Bert waved her away. “O.K. O.K. a plastic container, the nurses moved like mobile means that the patient has to be exercised to ‘e was”. And with that Bert launched into a it’s only a spasm m not ready fer maternity statues of Liberty. Charlie tottered forward. avoid blood clotting. I am sure it was a small 10-minute spiel of admiration about the qualities yet”, gasped Bert. “Look at ‘mi... look at ‘irn”, ranted Bert. point which Mr. Badger temporarily overlooked”. of General Montgomery, finishing with ...“‘ E Tommy laughed. Sister Streak glared and her “I s’pose you’ll want ‘miter break into a gallop Bert nodded again. “Well thafs all right was the best General that Britain ever ‘ad. We all acid comment was virtually hurled at them. or do a tap dance in a minnit”. then, am’ it II giv yer that”. PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER. 974 23 of breath Bert shut his eyes. For the next ten fought the world of ‘im an’ I still do”, concluded “[f you men u’ere in there, you wouldnt be so Sister Streak shot forward and hissed at minutes he was X-rayed from all angles. Her Bert proudly. damned flippant!” Badger “Be quiet! Sir Adrian will get very cross”. huge arms turned Bert over with the easy abandon “Well, yer know wot they say, Sister . . “‘E’ll git craws ... ‘e’ll git craws d winced gels is 9. . . and disinterest of a Smithfield porter. She didn’t Bert, “some starved of love, uvvers stick one on ‘im if ‘e was nearer ‘00 trained even crack her face when Bert tried to alleviate grow fat on it”. ‘im?—the K.G.B.?” the proceedings by asking her whether she could “Ooo! You men!”, ground out Sister Streak By this time old Charlie had completed his do him half a dozen postcard size prints. through clenched teeth and she sped from the circuit and was soon propped up in bed again, Development didn’t take long and when she ward. all systems still connected. Sir Adrian Jenkins returned she placed her huge hands on ample An air of tense expectancy seemed to have Carr moved closer to Bert’s area. Out flapped his hips, nodded crisply to the porter and with a spread throughout St. Biddulphs. Nurses scurried hand. From the instant folder he carefully smirk said, “O.K. you can take ‘Muscles Long- to and fro in every ward, straightening bed covers extracted sothe X-ray negs. ford’ back to Ross Ward”. and tidying books and magazines. They just had Stung to retort, Bert leaned forward and time to finish and stand rigidly to attention slowly surveyed her huge frame from head to toe lining each side of the entrance to Ross Ward and said “No, I wouldn’t say yer ‘ad a good when Sir Adrian Jenkins-Carr strode in followed figure but yer gotta good bone structure by an entourage of medical staff each of whom dogs must luv yer”. It was just then that Badger spied the Rolls seemed to be holding their breath as well as Back in the ward Badger was greeted warmly Royce whispering along the driveway towards buff-coloured folders. As Sir Adrian paused, by the other patients. It seemed that his personal the Hospital entrance. As it smoothed to a stop, a Bert thought Sister Streak was going to curtsey. stand against medical authority had won their livened chauffeur sprang out, whipped like His resonant ‘Good morning’ was apparently approval. Even Old Charlie Harris looking like lightning round the car and opened the nearside addressed to the central electric light shade. A a little Hobbit who’d escaped from a Tolkien passenger door. A second or two passed then a type of greeting and dismissal all in one go. book was sitting propped up in bed giving Bert tall, impeccably clad silver-haired gentleman Only the serried ranked nurses, like a well a toothless smile. stepped Out and stood in truly regal stance rehearsed school class chorused in reply. “Ow’s it goin’ then me ol’ china”, said Bert surveying the hospital. Sir Adrian raised his eyebrows and flipped an amicably. “Oo the ‘eli’s 9this Lord Dunnerbunk? arm sideways. A folder was slipped smartly into “Not . . . too . . . bad . . . mate”, lisped Charlie ‘av a shuiftie Tom”. his hand by the Houseman who then backed breathlessly. Tommy whipped out of bed in a flash. away as if he’d just been knighted. ‘Poor ol’ codger’, thought Bert realising that “Blimey it’s ‘im!” Sir Adrian repeated this process at every bed. Lifting them one by one to the light of the even to speak was an effort for him. Charlie was “Oo?” At length he came near to old Charlie Harris window he studied intently. Then without even a living advertisement for plastic containers. “Sir Adrian Jenkins-Carr”. sitting propped up under his canopy of containers. glancing at Bert he began very quietly. “Mr. From one came the thin tube of the saline drip, “Fancies ‘is chance doan ‘e”, muttered Bert. “Right, Mr. Harris”, began Sir Adrian crisply, Badger, your concern for the welfare of Mr. poked up his nostril and secured by an adhesive “Well ‘e’s the top whack surgeon ... no “I want you to get out of bed and walk to nie”. Harris does you credit. I will speak frankly because I realise from your easy use of strip to his upper lip. High on a telescopic stand messing . . . ‘e is yer actual top man”. Badger could hardly believe his ears. “Do medical snaked another from a container of cross Bert noted how Sir Adrian accepted his black wot?”, lie yelled. terminology you are a niost informed patient. matched plasma and entered his upper arm. Yet brief-case from the chauffeur without even turning In unison the heads of the medical gathering As we know”, he continued, like lie was addres a third emerged from his middle and ended its his head. Then he ascended the steps as if he’d clicked round like a row of Coldstreani Guards sing a B.M.A. Conference, “entry was made catheter run into the neck of a container just been taught to walk at the Foreign Office. The giving eyes right. Each face registered a look of close to the duodenuni and the clearing of the visible at Charlie’s side. doorman-porter’s smart salute was not ack amazed horror. ulceric erosion gave indication of pyloric stenosis. “Cripes, matey”, said Bert indicating the nowledged. Sir Adrian never batted an eyelid. “The nurses Haemorrhage was excessive and necessitated the most meticulous tubes, “Wot time they launching yer orf?” “Gawd . . . oo the ‘eli does ‘e fink ‘e is?”, said will help you, Mr. Harris”. suturing”. Charlie wheezed his high pitched Hobbit Bert. As two of them scampered to do his bidding, Bert frowned but nodded thoughtfully. cackle. Tommy Becket grinned. “it’s like the “Sir Adrian Jenkins-Carr”, snapped Sister Bert blistered on “You can’t do that’ Yor “In such cases recovery is particularly tenuous ‘Okey Cokey, aint it, mate—yer put the left one Streak who had suddenly and silently arrived in stark, staring potty! . . . Lissen . . . that poor oh’ but as soon as is practical, the post operative in an’ pull the right one aht”. Then lowering the ward. Pointing a finger at Bert she added, bloke only ‘ad ‘is op yest’day! . . . It’s in’uman patient must perambulate in order to resist, if his voice Tommy said, “I see’d a bloke done up “You behave yourself and you’ll find that lie’s that’s wot it is, in’urnen! Doan you do it Charlie not obviate a thrombotic build, with possible . . . or at worst, like ‘im Bert . . . 1944 it was . . . arter we fished hard but he’s fair”. mate. Mind that caifter toob don’t fall aht... infarction, cardiac arrest pulmonary ‘im aht the water. . . ‘is tanker ‘ad bin torpedoed “Yeah like Mick McManus”. watch them sailing drips!” embolism. Of course, Mr. Badger vill have fully an’ blowed up. I was on H.M. Frigit Leopard”. Badger9 suddenly sneezed and doubled up in But they already had Charlie out of bed. understood my clinical diagnosis but as we are “Navy was yer?”, queried Bert I was in pain. Instantly concerned, Sister Streak started Flanking him on either side each holding aloft aware, to the medically uninitiated, it merely the desert meself wiv Monty. Smashin’ bloke forward but Bert waved her away. “O.K. O.K. a plastic container, the nurses moved like mobile means that the patient has to be exercised to ‘e was”. And with that Bert launched into a it’s only a spasm m not ready fer maternity statues of Liberty. Charlie tottered forward. avoid blood clotting. I am sure it was a small 10-minute spiel of admiration about the qualities yet”, gasped Bert. “Look at ‘mi... look at ‘irn”, ranted Bert. point which Mr. Badger temporarily overlooked”. of General Montgomery, finishing with ...“‘ E Tommy laughed. Sister Streak glared and her “I s’pose you’ll want ‘miter break into a gallop Bert nodded again. “Well thafs all right was the best General that Britain ever ‘ad. We all acid comment was virtually hurled at them. or do a tap dance in a minnit”. then, am’ it II giv yer that”. 24 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 25

“Thank you Mr. Badger”, replied Sir Adrian, funny sittin’ ‘ere waiting fer sunnick to ‘appen. was away, scrambling and clawing through the whine and just glimpsed the sand rear up like still studying the X-rays. “It is always gratifying I feel like I did in 1942. I was gun layer in a tank sand and up the ridge like a sex-starved a tidal wave. to receive the concurrence of a second opinion”. of the tenf ‘Oussars and we’d jus’ belted fer free salamander. Five days later he awoke in a military hospital Quietly continuing Sir Adrian added “1 shall days acrawst the Libyan Platter tryin’ ter git Sir Adrian Jenkins-Carr had just finished in Alexandria. He was swathed in bandages from be in the theatre tomorrow afternoon”. rahnd the back of Romniel’s 21st Panzer Div. scrubbing up and was standing imperially rigid. head to toe. Looked like a ruddy advert for Bert nodded agreeably. “Well everyone’s It was oh’ Mont’s idea . . . dead clever. Our tank A nurse with deft fingers secured the ties of the Michelin. entitled to a break now ‘n agin opes yer see comniander was Sam’ Major ‘Cruncher’ Lewis... gown and adjusted his gauze face mask. He It was a little different when lie first flickered a good show an’ at”. smashin’ fella . . . come from Popler. Near a frowned as a burst of laughter came from the his eyes in Ross Ward the following morning. The flicker of a smile passed across Sir Adrian’s place called Sidi Uman the Jerries was waitin’ adjoining operating theatre. He strode in quickly. A pair of Paddi Pants hid the bandages wound lips as he still examined the X-rays. “1 do not fer us. Jus’ as our spear’ead tank topped a Clustered around an inert Badger was the entire around the acute soreness of his ‘bargain base think I shall be disappointed”, he remarked ridge an 88mm shell got it . . . doinck! Talk about theatre staff almost in hysterics. Under the ment’. drily Good afternoon”. He walked briskly dodgy mate . . . they chucked everyfing at us penetrating spell of Pentathol an unconscious yet The still tired lids of Bert opened sufficiently to from the ward followed by his flock of devotees. got us right pinned dahn”. babbling Bert was recounting the battle of Sidi notice the pattern of the curtains shrouding his During his entire stay lie had not afforded Bert At that precise moment the doors of Ross Urnan and attendant incidents in unsurpassed bed and the emptiness on the top of his locker. a single glance. Ward spun open and two porters wheeled in the forces language. Periodically he added his fruity “Wot a ruddy birfday . . . nobody ‘ad remem

The following morning Nurse Sing Po was trolley. opinion of Sir Adrian. bered . . . ah well”. Closing his eyes Badger slowly pushing the breakfast waggon down the “‘Old tight”, said Tommy, “‘ere come Burke After ten minutes of uproarious hilarity, Sir slipped back into the oblivion of sleep ward when Bert said “‘Allo Tinkle, no cornflakes an’ Hare, the body-snatchers”. Adrian, his eyes still twinkling with amusement, He automatically knew the touch of the gentle fer me s’niorning, just scrambled egg, toast an’ In the general chuckle which followed Tommy calmed his convulsed colleagues with, “1 think hand which was smoothing his forehead as he

. . . corfee wiv flied lice an’ chow mein”. said “See yer later Bert me ol’ fruit ... don’t we had better make a start . . . O.K. your end?”, returned to consciousness some four hours later. “Velly solly Missa Baga no fud no dlink worry . . . you’ll be O.K. . . . conie back ‘ere as he smiled to the anaesthetist. It was oh’ Lil. She smiled down at him. “‘Allo today you have operlation”. right as ninepence . . . you’ll fink its yer Birfday”. “Yes, lie’s doing fine in every disrespect”, Luv, feeling better duck?”, she said. “I’ni O.K.,

“D . . Do wot?” stammered Bert. Suddenly Bert caught on. “Tommy, yer must came the apt reply. gel . . . as long as yer don’t start ‘aving a snivvle.” “Operlation for your sneezy pains”. be pyssik or sunnick . . . I jus’ remembered The Swann Moreton scalpel was held with The screening curtains were gone and Badger’s “B . . But . . . I .1’ ni ‘ungry an’ firsty”. tomorrer is me birfday! Tat ta Tosli”. rock-like steadiness when Sir Adrian made the arcing gaze slowly picked up the scene. Heading With a gentle glance Sing Po handed Bert a All the patients waved Bert off, It was evident first incision. As she handed the swab, the eyes a contingent of medical staff grouped around his small plastic bag. “Plees you put on gleen gown that within a few days lie had become a real of Sister Streak smiled down at Bert bed was a smiling Sir Adrian Jenkins-Carr. There and small hat later”. favourite with everyone. benevolently. were birthday cards everywhere and little Nurse It was nearly two when Tommy Beckett in the In the anteroom adjoining the operating L/Cpl. Badger had reached the ridge and Sing Po with her serene placidity was holding a adjacent bed awoke from a snooze. He slewed theatre, Badger gave a little chuckle as lie reversed wriggled beneath the protecting shield of the pink iced birthday cake. round and spied Badger sitting up in bed green his pill-box paper hat to reveal the slogan he’d disabled tank. He lay panting, the fiery rum Bert gave a sheepish grin a Sister Streak who gowned and wearing his little pill-box paper hat. previously scrawled in Biro, “Kiss me quick”. coursing through his blood. Over the two-way appeared well pleased. The anaesthetist arrived and grinned as lie set slung across his left shoulder came a stream of “How are you today, Mr. Badger?”, began spotted the message. “You might be in luck”, Dockland epithets froni Sgt. Major ‘Cruncher’ Sir Adrian quietly. he said, “Sister Streak is on theatre duty”. Lewis ending with something about Badger “Alrigh’ fanks, Doc”, replied Bert, wincing “Oh nie Gawd”, muttered Bert. He felt the getting ‘Brahms and List’. as lie tried to struggle up but nie coxis is squeeze of a forefinger and thumb in the cleft “Don’t worry Sam Major II git all them sore an’ ‘at”. ST of his forearni. “Don’t matter where yer put it Jerries I can whatever their names is m “The coccyx bother will soon go”, assured Doc”, lie quipped, “I’m a bit of a junkie”. doing this fer good ol’ Monty”. Sir Adrian, “because the trouble has been “Well that’s fine, Mr. Badger, because this is Bert squinted through the binoculars. All renioved”. He paused. “Mr Badger, I have real main line. You will just feel the initial nick thoughts of firing co-ordinates were banished as taken the unprecedented step of seeing you today of the needle, O.K.?” Then lie pressed the lie shouted into the set. ‘‘Yer shells is falling for several reasons. Under normal circumstances

plunger. short . . . over ter the right a bit . . . As’sit . . . a I would not reveal this to you but your... ahem...

Bert fell through a big black hole right beside bit more. . . keep goin’.. . bit more. .. as’right. colourful narrative of the battle at Sidi Unian shells Sgt. Major ‘Cruncher’ Lewis with 88mm Get ‘em! Go’rn lads keep belting ‘em . . . go’rn whilst in the theatre yesterday, plus the fact that

bursting all around. that’s it mates! Y’got ‘em . . . Giv it ‘eni!” today is an important one for you, rather alters “You O.K. Son?”, said ‘Cruncher’. Bert was Far out on the left flank, Ober-Lt. Heinz the circumstances. It would appear that my trembling like a jelly. “Here y’are Son, have a Ubbermann leaned from the turret of his Tiger surgical colleagues in Alexandria did not remove swig”, as lie whipped out a hip flask. Bert felt tank and wondered at the sudden change of the entire consignment of shrapnel you collected his stomach lurch as the fiery rum hit rock bottoni. artillery fortune. He raised his Zeiss binoculars that day in 1942. Apparently three small pieces Within the next five minutes under intense and slowly traversed the ridge beyond. He burrowed deep in fatty tissue within the area “Stone me, if it aint Pundit Neru ‘isself”, lie gunfire the spirit worked up a right old fury stopped abruptly at the crippled Churchill tank. which you have so aptly named ‘The Bargain niuttered. “Wot time do the processhun ter the within Bert. Suddenly he shot forward. “l’ni After a few seconds he snapped out an order to Basement’. A sudden attack of Hay Fever with Ganges begin?” gonna git the baskits”, and grabbing a walkie/ his gun layer Helmut Kranz. its consequential sneezing dislodged them suffi “Turn it up Tom’ replied Badger. “Taint talkie set plus the Sgt. Major’s binoculars he All Bert heard was the tail end of a whistling ciently to react adversely on nerve fibres and this 24 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 25

plunger. short . . . over ter the right a bit . . . As’sit . . . a I would not reveal this to you but your... ahem...

gave you the severe pain. I understand that Sister Streak retrieved the jagged reminders and wishes to present them as a belated birthday gift from the 21st Panzer Division”. Bert stared in amazement as Sister Streak handed him a tiny plastic sleeve containing Successesin three ‘split pea’ sized pieces of shrapnel. “Ta Sister”, he grinned feebly, “i’ll whip ‘em 4 dahn ter ‘Moosh’ Morgan’s scrap metal yard”. “Finally”, said Sir Adrian, “during your International Film Festival anaesthetical discourse, you constantly referred to ‘Old Mont’, who appears to be a very very good friend of yours. As it so happens, Field- Marshal Montgomery is also a very close friend of mine.” “Good Gawd”, interjected Bert in surprise. “In the course of conversation whilst dining with him last evening, I summarised your account could almost hear that clipped military voice of Sidi Uman . . . modifying as required”, ‘To Lance/(’pl. Badger MM. “Jo/li’ good s/roil” (UK), the Laing Film Unit (UK) Mr. Aubrey Howard, Chairman of the Congress, grinned Sir Adrian. “The Field-Marshal was most WKP Montgonrerr’ of Ala,,reiii’. Badger gripped the and their collaborators in producing the presented a design model of the trophies to impressed and acknowledged that your details picture in both hands, glanced up to the twinkling film “A Hangar for the Eighties” scored Mr. Bowen at the Banquet on the last evening of were scrupulously perceptive”. grey eyes of Sir Adrian and down again to the a notable success in the International Film the Congress; and our success was most gener “An’ I’ll tell yer sunnick else they was ... photograph. Desperately Bert tried to blink Festival which was a feature of the Building ously acknowledged by the very large inter dead accurate an’ al”, rejoined Bert. back the tears . . . tried hard to speak the words of Research Congress held in Durban, l2th—I8th national audience. The film will now go on a “This morning”, continued Sir Adrian thanks which formed in his brain but somehow May last. This Film Festival was unusual— short ‘tour’ of the major cities in Southern smoothly, “the Field-Marshal called at my home stuck in his throat. But after several gulping indeed to the best of our knowledge the first of Africa with other Class winners, of which no before breakfast. He asked me to give you this, attempts all he could muster was . . . “Well cor its kind—in that it was competitive; certainly it less than three out of the four also originated Mr. Badger.” bli”. attracted widespread interest in that no less than in the UK. Bert took the buff coloured folder. He opened From the bed opposite came a startled ‘Hobbit’ 42 entries were received from 7 different countries. This achievement is all the more pleasing in the flap and his heart gave a leap. The true to life squeal and old Charlie Harris squeaked “Nurse,. It embraced five classes for films on Buildings that our entry was one of the shortest and . photograph gazed up at him.. the keen eyes... . . Nurse . me caffity fings leaking an’ me legs viz: certainly most inexpensive of all the films shown the wispy military moustache . . . the rake of is all wet”. (I) Design and physical planning (the latter point attracted much attention and the beret and the familiar battle blouse. It was Sir Adrian sped from the ward his shoulders (2) Building Materials favourable comment from the film experts him . . . Monty! As Bert ‘s quiering lips mouthed shaking. (3) Building Methods present who felt that it carried a lesson for the words scribbled in the right hand corner he A etliro Rotunda (4) Management in the Building Process making future films of this nature); and that the and (5) Training for the Building Industry or competition was intense, with many entries froni related Professions. National Boards or Councils and other bodies For the film adjudged in each class to be the with appreciably greater resources than we have Technology has created a new type of jargon INSTANT”BUZZWORD” GENERATOR best on all counts, including excellence of tech to call upon. Incidentally, interest was not that is nearly as incomprehensible as it is sophisti nological content, clarity of presentation of the limited to the film as such !—the Hangar itself cated. We recently came across an unusual COLUMN I COLUMN 2 COLUMN 3 subject and quality of photography, a Silver and especially the erection process created much technique, called an Instant “Buzzword” Trophy was awarded; and in addition there was a attention and comment. Generator, which will help master you this 0. integrated 0. management 0. options Golden Trophy for the overall winner i.e. the As arranged in Durban, this competitive type jargon. With it, you can generate an almost I. total I. organizational 1. flexibility best film in the entire Festival. of Film Festival was acclaimed unanimously endless variety of intelligent-sounding technical Working on the simple principle that to win a excellent 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability as an idea and niany hopes were terms. race one must have a runner in it, Mr. Bowen, expressed that it would be the forerunner of 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility The technique is easy to use. Merely select a with staunch support from Philip Edwards and more. The evening showings of the finalists, held 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming digit from each of the three columns and combine Morris Hopkins, entered on our behalf “A during the Congress, each attracted very large 5. responsive 5. logic 5. the words opposite each number into your own concept Hangar for the Eighties” in Class 3. It was mixed audiences totalling about 1,000 people technical jargon. For example, select “3”, “9”, 6. optical 6. transitional 6. time-phase passed through the preliminary selection held and it would be ungenerous not to pay tribute and “0” and you generate: “parallel policy 7. synchronized 7. incremental 7. projection before the Congress opened and after the final to the outstanding care and efficiency with which options”, an expression bound to command 8. compatible 8. third-generation 8. hardware showings during the Congress, was awarded the the hosts in Durban arranged the whole event. instant respect—and confusion! 9. balanced 9. policy 9. contingency Silver Trophy for best in its Class and, better still, selected as the Golden Trophy winner. F.M.B. MORAL: Watch your language By Courtesy of Honeywell Industrial Products Group. SUMMER, 1974 27 26 EONTIFACT No. 33

in better condition. Actually there is a Thai taxi she saw something move on the floor near version of the Highway Code, but everybody her feet. Moments later she froze in terror as a seems unaware of its existence as there is only one cobra appeared from beneath the seat, had a effective rule of the road and that is the car that quick look around and disappeared back under gets there first has right of way. Taxis of course neath the seat. The taxi-driver, however, was Hey You! Where you go? follow this rule implicitly. I have been in one oblivious to the drama taking place just behind that formed the seventh lane of traffic coming him and so needless to say was rather surprised into a two-lane roundabout. When there was a when, having stopped at some traffic lights, his by Terry Ottii’ay break in the traffic from the right the resulting passenger leapt out from the back of the taxi scene was reminiscent of Le Mans and needless screaming at tbe top of her voice. Having pulled to say we beat everybody into the roundabout. into the side of the road he enquired as to what Then there is the “look, no hands” trick. the trouble was and his passenger related her When a Thai passes a Bhuddist shrine, as a sign frightening ordeal. Sure enough, when they of respect he performs a wai, which is the act opened the boot of the taxi, there was the cobra of bringing the palms of his hands together in curled up fast asleep. Whereupon the boot was he scene is any street in Bangkok. It is have a brainwave. Reaching into your tourist’s front of him. The fact that he may be driving a closed again and staff from the local snake farm hot and humid with an exotic smell of survival kit amongst the malaria pills, Alka taxi at the time does not seem to worry him. The summoned to remove the offending creature. diesel fumes in the air, and there you are Seltzers and books containing useful (but first time this happens it can be somewhat As you can see, there is no doubt whatsoever in the middle of it all, strolling along covered in unpronounceable) Thai phrases, you pull out a alarming while travelling down the road at that boring is one thing a taxi ride in Bangkok perspiration and souvenirs. Suddenly there is Tourist Map of Bangkok complete with names in speed, to suddenly see both the taxi-driver’s never is. Ideally suited for those with maso this sound approaching from behind. Beep! Beep! Thai and English and thrust it in front of the hands leave the wheel while he performs a wai. chistic tendencies or for those who like their Oblivious to this call for your attention you walk taxi-driver’s nose. However the traffic is not the only source of lives spiced with danger, a ride in a Bangkok on. But there it is again only this time louder and “Look, there it is! Down by the river!” you danger in a taxi as one poor woman found out taxi is an unforgetable experience, provided of more demanding. Beep! Beep! Old Bangkok shout as your patience starts to wear thin. not so long ago. Sitting quietly in the back of the course that you survive to tell the tale. hands by this time will already know the pheno Peering at the map the driver’s grin instantly nienon that is bearing down from behind but reappears. you are new to town and are therefore still “Oh! Hoten Olienten,” unaware of its presence. Then finally it reveals “Pardon.” itself. “Hoten Olienten. Near liver. Now understand.” “Hey you! Where you go? Wanna taxi?” (For the benefit of those who have never Kennet & Avon Canal Trust Ltd. You turn round to find the source of this verbal visited the East, it is a common habit here for onslaught and there it is in all its glory, a battered all r’s to be replaced by l’s e.g. flied lice. However old blue Datsun with a faded sign on the top the Thais go one step further and change many announcing that this coffin on four wheels is in of their l’s into n’s and hence Oriental becomes fact a taxi. You take in its battle-scarred body Olienten etc.) the office has moved to Basingstoke 1 have asked the membership secretary to send work, its bald tyres and the piece of string that “How much?” I hope that some of you will become some literature about it all to the office. holds the driver’s door in place, and decide to “For you special price, twenty-five baht.” members of the Kennet & Avon Canal The canal is divided into sections and the look for another taxi, but with no success. For anybody else it would be fifteen baht. Trust. nearest branches to Basingstoke are: “Where you go?” the grinning cabbie enquires “Twenty Baht” you reply. The objects of the Trust is to re-open the once more. By this time the midday sun has “O.K. Twenty-two baht. Number one price.” U canal from Reading to Bristol. A lot has been Hungerford—Secretary, A. J. Rumble, cooked you well past the medium rare stage and “Twenty baht and no more”, you repeat. done largely by volunteer labour but a great deal Rippledene, desperation has set in. There is a long pause. remains to be done. 15 Chilton Way, “Oriental Hotel,” you shout above the roar of “Twenty-two baht. Very far.” You start Nothing could be more pleasant than cruising Hungerford. the traffic. The cabbie’s face looks blank, and looking for another taxi. along the canal through beautiful Berkshire and then the grin returns. “O.K. Twenty baht”, the taxi-driver yells, and Wiltshire countryside far from the madding Newbury—Secretary, J. Gould, “Where?” after a struggle manages to get the door open. crowd, Ideal for anglers, birdwatchers and Newbury Loch, “Oriental Hotel”. Grin disappears again. Five seconds later you are roaring off into the Lepidopterists as well as a cheap family holiday. Newbury. “No understand. You wanna go massage? infamous Bangkok traffic which is when the fun You will be welcomed if you volunteer to help (Newbury 1548). Beautiful girls, number one massage. Very (?) really starts. repairing the locks at the week-ends (just the cheap.” The traffic in Bangkok really has to be seen job for a civil engineer), help at the Crofton Readi,ig—Secretary, Mrs. Sally Ash, “Look, T want to go to the Oriental Hotel”, to be believed. Somebody once said that he was pumping station (again running under steam at 48 Millbank Crescent, a look of amazement crosses the cabbie’s face of the opinion that the main reason for the chaos l5Ibs per sq. inch) or become a crew member of Woodley, as you pass up his bargain offer of the week. on the roads was that most people tended to the steam barge. Reading (695840). By this time you are having visions of walking drive their cars as if they were high-powered The annual subscription is £3 for a single Bangkok’s streets for ever until you suddenly bullock carts although the latter are usually person, £4 man and wife, and £5 for the family. R.W.H. 28 PONTI FACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 29

first game. It may sound easy but you should try The last farce was the three-legged race, it. Rubber legs, a good balance and the thought again similar to the previous game in that we that there is a two hundred foot drop if you fall, had to somehow kick a football in and around are the essential skills required for this game, but posts being tied together. A good understanding unfortunately none of us had these qualities and between partners is essential, because as one after finishing the game with no goals, we all might expect it can get very confusing and walked away with bandy legs and feeling a bit difficult, but nevertheless funny to watch if four dejected. legs are trying to walk forward all at once and Carnival, It’s a Knock-Out Game number four, the wheelbarrow-cum trying to kick a football at the same time! golf-cum croquet-cum football game. Yes it’s Well that wis that, and after changing out of by NickEd i’ards true, one sat in the wheelbarrow being pushed our soaking wet gear, we awaited for the result. zig-zag fashion around posts by another team Scott Wilson Kirkpatrick . . . Fourth. Just didn’t mate. The unfortunate in the barrow had to make it into the finals, but as one will expect guide a football around these posts with the aid from the above details we all thoroughly enjoyed of a golf club. Quite amusing to watch actually, ourselves and you never know next year we might and indeed we did very well, finishing joint second. do better, that is if I get any volunteers! c—i- he eight of us who took part in the above out from the changing tents to assemble outside event must have been out of our minds. in our matching football outfit. The event was part of the ‘Carnival Week’ There were a total of five games in which each held in Basingstoke each year. Our telephonists team, thirteen in all in our heat, took part here in Scott House asked me if I could manage separately. Points were awarded for each game to find a willing enough team to participate in and the points totted up at the end to find who this stupid knockabout. After twisting a few had actually won. The three top teams from the people’s arms, our team representing Scott two heats then went through to the final the Wilson Kirkpatrick was me who was kindly next night, but i’ll continue with that a little People in Profile elected by the girls as their captain (what a later. lucky chap), Grant Smith from Oliver House, Our first game was to kick a rugby ball from Paul Lankanou, Roland Weever, Bod Greir, about eight yards into a goal some 3 foot Derek Kerkhoff, and the two girls (sorry young by 2 foot. Quite easy one may think, but in the ladies) Monica McKeogh and Joan Harris. pouring rain and therefore with treacherous mud K. Innes Well this was our original tcam but due to some underfoot it wasn’t too easy, however we managed misunderstanding (cowardice I call it) Derek said about six goals in all, finishing joint 1st. A good In the last edition of Pontifact we mentioned he was unavailable so Franko Gelormini kindly start we thought but it wasn’t to last because the that a small office had been established in Singa stepped in (what a fool !). Another misfortune next game was the sack race, with two people in pore and this has now become a separate local was the absence of Joan on the evening, as she one sack hopping, crawling or whatever to a line Partnership, with Ken Innes as the Resident had to visit her boyfriend in London, but Grant’s some ten yards away, and then returning to the Partner. Jean Innes will shortly be leaving to join wife, Ann, also kindly stepped in making a truly start line, for another pair to hop off. Myself Ken to establish a new life in the East and we wish international team. and Paul went first and did very well. Tactics them every good fortune there. I made arrangements for everyone to meet in worked because I was behind Paul in the sack Ken joined the Firm in 1954 having graduated the local hostelry for a quick noggin (no not and every time I tapped him on his? we jumped with First Class Honours at Bristol University snogging) to calm our nerves—well it’s not a bad and made our run in only 30 seconds or so. and since then he has worked on a variety of excuse! I said at 5.30 p.m. or soon after, but I Unfortunately our good scoring was to end, projects including the Shell Centre, St. Andrews had forgotten the weird licensing laws around because Ann and Monica were next off, doing University, York University, the Royal Military here and so we hung around until the manager very well to begin with but alas they fell over and Academy, Sandhurst, Ronan Point Collapse finally decided to op2n up at 6.10 p.m. After my try as they might to get up they just couldn’t. Inquiry and the Hong Kong Cross Harbour tactical talk, it’s what your right arm is for, we Of course we were all laughing and so were they Tunnel, and he has been successively promoted reluctantly left in the pouring rain to the adjacent and eventually time ran out making us last in until he became an Associate in 1972. Memorial Park where the competition was to that game as it turned out. Ken is no stranger to the Far East having been take place. We were all praying that they might Our next game was probably the hardest and concerned with the Cross Harbour Tunnel for postpone the event but alas we all changed and that was the stilts game. One had to walk on many years, and he can manipulate his chop prepared for our battle with the elements as well. these stilts some four yards and then kick a sticks with the best of them!! In fact we all looked rather special as we trooped football into another similar sized goal as in our G.M.J.W. No. 33 30 PONTIFACT SUMMER, 1974 31

the Plover Cove Water Scheme, has once again Hong Kong found itself near the bottom of the priority list and has consequently been postponed for an You niay recall that in the last edition of indefinite period; careful consideration is being Pontifacr, besides lamenting over the unbeliev given to reduce the sophistication of the Airport Newsletters ably foul weather experienced during the summer, Tunnel Road access roads so that the bare mini we mentioned that a branch office had been mum in access arrangements are provided at opened in the New Territories to handle new town minimum cost. development schemes. Well, our fledgling office However, in spite of Government’s critical will introduce itself to you with its own report reappraisal o public expenditure, commercial this time but first comes an account of our activi concerns continue to expand their activities iii ties in Star House during the last six months to Hong Kong and our involvement in the private sec of a large generator outside the kitchen window Teesside dispel any notion that our operations in the parent tor has blossomed. Thus with the recent opening by followed a few days later by a few dozen bales of office have in any way become less hectic. the Governor of the approach roads and bridge, straw to deaden the noise. Comments made about The winter months on a large roadworks pro It is true that as a result of the international fuel Tsing Yi Island has become a focus of commercial rations for the CRE’s staff were not appreciated. crisis and other economic factors Governments attention with rapidly increasing demands for the ject are always quiet and our site has been no On the more personal side we have said good have been forced to take a long hard look at the formation of sites for all manner of industrial exception. Large tracts of the site have been bye to Sheila Edwards, Yvonne Pragnell and implementation of public works programmes and undertakings. Another site formation project in impassable and roadworks were reduced to pre Janet Flatman. Sheila left to take up an appoint place greater emphasis on the construction of the planning stage is of ‘new town’ proportions liminary realignment works, a small amount of of the side the Tees while the ment other of other only items of the highest priority in such pro and concerns a complete redevelopment ofTaikoo drainage and the completion of the drainage two left to assist in the Teesside population grammes. Hong Kong is no exception and a Dockyard with its ancillary sites in the Quarry measures to deal with the unexpected subartesian explosion—Yvonne presented Mark Richard to water at the East end of the job. This latter event review of public works expenditure is in full Bay and North Point districts of Hong Kong her husband Ian in May and Janet produced swing. This has meant the delay or postponement Island. was marked by the following succinct quote from Alistair James Robert in April. Congratulations! of the start of a number of projects in which we The Kwai Chung Container Terminal is never Ken Wigmore which appeared in the local press— to We have also lost Mark Stevens Keswick and are involved. For example, the Tuen Mun Road very far from our thoughts and we are currently ‘A water problem at Eston was overcome by lay to Phil Jim Mathias Hong Kong. Elgie has Main Contract, although now awarded, cannot carrying out a site investigation and study for ing drains!’ On the bridgeworks activity was con returned to the County Engineer and Surveyor’s centrated on a few major structures. Now, how begin until September; the Lower Lam Tsuen Berth 5 as a further expansion of this, now vast, office—his local contacts and battered Mini are River Training project, which is associated with cargo handling facility. ever, work is again in full swing, clouds of dust greatly missed. We have welcomed Hardy Lok are rising from well used haul roads and Olive (ex London office) as ARE (Roads); Sue Wilkin our tea-lady is receiving requests for orange juice son, Wendy Branagan and Marie Leach now do well as tea roadworks as and coffee. The staff are the typing and knitting in the General office, and becoming used to short sharp walks behind a John Pratt has replaced Phil Elgie as SARE grader-towed proofroller, followed by hurried (Roads). The readers of Teesside’s local evening conferences a over landrover bonnet which result paper have been introduced to Bill Brooks by in the exchange scraps paper with the of of Con nieans of a photo of Bill leaning on a fence and tractor’s staff; the bridges lads continue to keep gazing into a bridge excavation; the caption a close watch on the concrete—a material becom beneath the photo read ‘Work is such fun ing its variety. almost legendary for Problems when somebody else is doing it!’ have been live also encountered with services The 40 mile Lyke Wake walk was attempted by within the site—more than once the telephones John and Stephanie Simmonds (accompanied by to our main office have been cut off and Bernie their English setter Jake), George Tedbury, McQuiggan has been beseiged in his section Bernie McQuiggan and Anthony Clarke; John office by people wanting to use his ‘phone. Pratt provided logistic support. Only John, During the course of the fuel crisis and the Bernie, Anthony and Jake finished it, and all three-day week we read with sympathy the stories participants were noticeably slower on their feet of how Londoners were having to queue for petrol the following Monday. Oh yes, and we also had and how the working hours at Winsley Street an unexpected visitor in the shape of a budgerigar were being rearranged. Here in Teesside we have —but he was quickly spirited away to the Lake had virtually difficulty in obtaining petrol, no District in a cardboard box covered with an J - although at one time the Contractors were finding upturned filing tray. .., their fuel supplies low it was ‘.,.. ,,..,, running and jokingly A. FLATMAN ; suggested that it would not be long before the entire supervisory staff would be crammed into one short wheelbase landrover. Our power P.S. Comments on previous jobs very rare now— Photo of Office Team and Site Union Team. Final match of Lindsay Cup held on Merchant Navy sports supply difficulties were solved by the appearance we’re all too occupied with this one! ground SUMMER, 1974 33 32 PONTIFACT No. 33 I

Mention must be made too of our geotechnical tion and concerns the retirement of our Chief project over to John Bruce in Star House and staff and completely new project work has created experts who continue to practise the baffling Accountant, Mr. Fung Kiu Fun, after almost moved to Tsuen Wan Office to head the Tuen many problems but at the same time has given sciences of geology and soil mechanics, most twenty years with the firm. Our very best wishes Mun New Town team with Robin Osborn head us the opportunity to solve these in new ways. necessary in Hong Kong where much of our go with Mr. and Mrs. Fung. ing the Tsuen Wan New Town team. Anne Tam Transport is an increasingly major problem in engineering work has to be carried out on or That’s all from us this time but before we step transferred from Star House to handle the Hong Kong and, to mitigate this, working hours against steep slopes having widely differing aside for our Tseun Wan Office’s introductory secretarial duties and Hilda Hui learnt to handle in the Tsuen Wan office are geared to the ferry stability characteristics. Whilst on this subject report may we wish you every success with your everything from disconnected telephone lines to time-table and a 5-day week was introduced, we must record Robert Mair’s fine achievement move to Basingstoke and thank you for the the intricacies of petty cash accounting. In subsequently to be adopted also for technical as runner-up for the British Geotechnical Basingstoke bulletins which have provided some November and December further new staff staff in Star House. Society’s Cooling Prize with his paper entitled of us with very entertaining light reading over arrived from UK including David Westwood and Tsuen Wanjtself is an industrial town which ‘The Influence of Contact Pressures on the Design the past months! R.N.L.G. Jim Logan who, like Douglas Miller, came from has grown inci’edibly rapidly from a collection of of Circular Foundation Rafts for a Storage Tank Crouch & Hogg in Scotland. No longer could small villages in the late 1950’s to a sprawling Farm’. Tsuen Wan Office, one say that Scott Wilson Kirkpatrick & Partners concrete jungle already housing and providing Lastly, on engineering topics, we are now close was a firm with three Scottish names but scarcely work for nearly half a million people. Gradually to the day when the Kai Tak Airport Runway Hong Kong a Scotsman amongst us. In March 1974 David word is getting round of the restaurants and shops Extension will be commissioned and although in September 1973 a new venture commenced Westwood moved temporarily to Thailand and where one can get better value than in the main this will cause great jubilation in some quarters with the opening of our first branch design office Richard Thomson transferred from the bridge shopping areas. We even have our own hair of the office, it will have the reverse effect in in Hong Kong. The branch office is located in design section in Star House. Recently Richard dressing establishment right by the office with the others because inirnediately following the coin- Tsuen Wan on the west side of the New Terri Denton-Cox has moved into Star House to take delightful title of ‘Wong’s Killarney Hair Do missioning of the extension the go-ahead will be tories about three quarters of an hour by road or over private development projects including the House’ complete with decor combining Confucius’ given for a section of the northern end of the water from the main business and professional Dow Chemical development which is expected to principles of colour with Iatterday Art Deco and runway to be temporarily broken up for the area where the Star House office is located. The be the fore-runner of a massive petro-chemical the inevitable rotating red, white and blue barber’s construction of the runway crossing section of establishment of the branch office followed an industry investment in this part of the world. poles, providing a symbolic blend of East and the Airport Tunnel Road. The Civil Aviation invitation from the Hong Kong Government for The opening of a new office combined with new West. R.J.O./J.F.L. Department will be watching these activities with us to carry out all civil engineering design work a very wary eye. on two vast New Town development schemes, Turning now to extra mural activity, our soccer one at Tsuen Wan itself and the other further NEW APPOINTMENTS team, apparently the envy of the other Consul along the west coast at Tuen Mun (formerly I-long Kong Office tants, has had an excellent season. Of twenty called Castle Peak). The planned populations of P. Boppe games played against sides from Consultants, these New Towns for the early 1980’s are three- R. W. Luscombe PWD and Banks twelve were won, three drawn quarters and half a million respectively. Dr. Wong Hong Yau and only five lost. The inaugural contest for the The office started with a nucleus of staff from Chan Kwan Tat Lindsay Cup, a trial of strength between our site the site offices of the Kwai Chung Container R. J. Mair from London firm and office staff, was won by the white collar Terminal Project which was nearing completion Hong Kong Sites workers proving, after all, that the constantly in mid-1973, Richard Denton-Cox, Lau Yuk T. P. Conway SARE Airport Runway Extension, from Kenya firm (ex Hong Kong air in Star House must have some Leung and Woo Wing Sang, under the direction recirculated firm) therapeutic qualities. The photograph shows that of Robin Osborn who moved out from Star V. P. Boury ARE Mass Transit Soils Investigation both teams have unquestionable radiance but it House. They were followed by Fong Lee Ming J. D. Calimag low Mass Transit Soils Investigation is puzzling to note that the site team, in the front and Chan Cho Chak from Tuen Mun Road row, is apparently deficient in numbers by two section, Shen Jui Ming from Kai Tak Runway Staff T,’ansfers whereas the office side boasts an extra man. This Extension section and new recruits Ng Chau I-long Kong Office may, of course, give a clue as to the result. Sing, Joseph Ng, Li Ka Hung, Lai Kam Sing and S. Sutanadhan from Thailand The last six months have seen a further flurry Wong Him Yau. Cheung Pak Shing from Thailand (AlT) of activity in staff movements here with arrivals, In early October Bob Cattell (ex Sir Alexander departures, ‘elevations’ and matches. Details of Gibb & Partners) and Douglas Miller joined the Thailand Site the first two categories may be found in the Hong team and Bob subsequently took a site appoint D. D. C. Westwood ARE Road No. 3, from Hong Kong Kong Staff Notes whilst for the elevations’ our ment as Resident Engineer, Tuen Mun. At the Z. Khan RE Road No. 2 Lindsay resumed in I-long congratulations go to Andrew Maslowicz and same time Mr. residence Staff Departures Kong and established himself with one foot in Robin Osborn who have been made respectively Hong Kong Office Wan and one foot in Star House. In his case Partner and Associate of the Hong Kong Partner Tsuen Fung Kiu Fun the wheel has come full circle; one of his earlyjobs ship. For matches or impending matches our J. M. Eddison to London firm (Kota Kinabalu) on his in Hong Kong 15 years ago was the preparation congratulations go to David Westwood K. J. Shakespeare marriage to Elizabeth Partridge and to Richard of a report on the development of Castle Peak. Denton-Cox on his engagement to Jackie Capper. After tenders had been invited for the Tuen Mun Hong Kong Sites One last item of staff news deserves special men- Road Main Contract, David Butler handed this D. B. Slater 34 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 35

obviously added to their difficulties. Not only from all parts of Thailand. Through a series of employed staff. Helping Vic is David Westwood Bangkok this, but during the past six months there has been unfortunate mishaps Road #4 missed out on the who flew out from Hong Kong to join our team With the onset of the dry season here, progress a dramatic rise in prices of all commodities, fun but from all reports at the other three sites a earlier this year. He was closely followed by his 2O% has improved on all four contracts, with the two averaging between and 25%, with building good time was had by all with the consumption fiancée Elizabeth and after spending some time roads in the north being approximately on materials being no exception. With competitive of large quantities of food and drink. Road #3 finding out the correct procedure, they were schedule. In fact the earthworks have progressed bidding having kept the original contract prices excelled itself by giving to the world a new SWKP eventually married in Chiang Mai to which we so well n these two roads that in places it is fairly low and also there being no provision in ballad (in Thai) composed by members of the offer our heartiest congratulations. Eventually almost impossible to recognize their former state the standard contracts for compensation for staff, and members of the local press were on hand taking over as permanent RE on Road #3 will be and one can now travel along certain sections at increased cost of materials, most of the contrac to witness this auspicious occasion. Sung to the Paul Christopher who is due to arrive in July speeds of up to 8Okph which is considerably faster tors are already seeing their profit margins being tune of Moonlight Swim (before my time I’m from Grenada’where he is working for SWKP at than one could travel along the old roads. rapidly eroded away. In fact the situation has afraid) Mike Earwaker assures us that the song present. progress the where Meanwhile down South, has not been reached stage now the Thai Contrac was very melodious. However to date no record Meanwhile further south on Road #2, we so good, due in part to heavy rains at the end of tors Association have asked the Government to ing company has offered to record this master eventually had to say goodbye, at the end of last year which flooded the site and brought a consider some form ofcon1pensation for increased piece but we are still hoping. Not to be outdone, March, to Des Boon who had been RE on that virtual halt to work at times. However the road costs, and have suggested that contractors on all Head Office also had its own small party occupy road for the past year. Zafar Khan is now RE for eventually dried out and only last month the Government projects might walk off the sites if ing a single but rather noisy table in a local Thai Road #2 replacing Des. Originally from Pakistan, Contractor primed his first section of crushed nothing was forthcoming. However we will just restaurant with all the nine members of staff and Zafar is one of many such people who have come stone base although he still has a lot more work have to wait and see, but so far work is continuing their wives attending. to Thailand, decided that they liked the place a to do to finish on time. normally on all of our projects. Western New Year is celebrated here in much lot and have married and settled down here. The weather has not been the only major Since our last letter there have been several the same way as anywhere else with much the same Before taking over on Road #2 Zafar was looking problem for the contractors. In common with events of fun and frivolity with not only the after-effects. It generally takes several days after after various remedial works at the Asian Institute the rest of the world Thailand has experienced a celebration of Christmas but of the Western. New Year before work on site gets back to of Technology which SWKP are supervising. fuel shortage resulting in massive price rises (the Chinese and Thai New Years as well, all of which normal, whereas Chinese New Year in Thailand The last six months has also seen a noticeable price of petrol here has increased by over 7O conveniently take place in different months. For is a far more subdued affair than it is in say, increase in the number of SWKP visitors to in the last year) and occasional depletion of the Christmas Party it was decided that each site Hong Kong, and only really involves the Chinese Thailand. Just before Christmas Norman Childs stocks. With the contractors’ plant dependent should have its own rather than having a single population. came out from London iii connection with the upon a continuous supply of fuel this has party with the problems of bringing people in However the Thai New Year, known as Song Asian Institute of Technology. Hong Kong kran, is enjoyed by everybody. Falling on the Partners Mr. Elliott and Mr. Maslowicz paid us 13th April it is basically a religious festival as it visits in January and May respectively while Mr. is the Buddhist New Year. However Songkran Lindsay made two brief but welcome stopovers is now mainly a water festival when anybody during flights from Hong Kong to London. venturing out onto the street is likely to get a Harold Insley paid us a visit from India where he bucket of water tipped over him. Chiang Mai is is working on another SWKP project, relating [... the most popular place for this as it is an area sorry tales of entanglement in Indian red tape. noted for producing very attractive girls who are Finally from the Hong Kong Office we had two not afraid to do their share of water throwing. visitors on holiday in the shapes of Christian One of our men in Chiang Mai assures me that Buchli and John Bruce. this year they were as attractive as ever and that Lastly it just remains for us to wish the London he enjoyed the day immensely. Office the best of luck in their new headquarters This year has also been one for changes in the in Basingstoke, nainely Scotch, sorry, Scott staff. Perhaps the biggest surprise was that Barry House. Cheers. Paget, having been in charge of the Bangkok BEAU THAI office from its inception two and a half years ago, will be leaving us next month to work in Hong Kong before eventually returning to England. London —Basingstoke His cheerful and generous nature have made him many friends amongst the staff here in Thailand, This was to have been the last newsletter from and I think all of us will be very sorry to see him Winsley Street, but as usual our first (optimistic) go. Taking over the helm from Barry will be Mike deadline has long since passed and so we now Earwaker who comes down to Bangkok from present the first epistle from Scott House. The Chiang Mai where he was RE on one of our roads months preceding the Move passed by with there, and we wish him the best of luck in his new impremeditated swiftness and there was about post. Having already taken over temporarily from the Winsley Street premises no particular air that Mike as RE on Road #3 is Vic de Paralta, one of anything so drastic as an office move was pending. Staff from Road 4, R.E. Tim Parkin the longest serving members of our locally The action, when it came, was rapid, and (dare SUMMER, 1974 39 38 PONTIFACT No. 33 we say) efficient. Trevor Hancock had everyone After many years of service Zach Matthews, plotted and grid-referenced on his inch floor Bill Wilson, Archie Evans and Mervyn Johnston plans of Scott House and Oliver House: labels have retired from the Firm. We send them all best of many colours were affixed to everything in wishes for a long and happy retirement. 2?22 P sight, mountains of ‘Rentacrates’ appeared and * * * on qoeroh’n sA,//it to the plastic-sack alps of left-over disappeared, and the Our thanks are due to the two Peters (Eckert evacutton c{ Dun/thk - 5.W/< P to be seen to be believed. In the event, rubbish had and Whatling) for their initiative and enterprise in /ef/ Mn./y SfrceE did fine of actually getting the Bullen’s a job organizing the Riverboat Party as a farewell to goods out of London and depositing them at Winsley Street. It was a rattling good ‘do’ and (almost) the correct grid reference in Basingstoke. was much enjoyed by all who attended. Once we had arrived, Reg Ready and Cohn Smith * * * were on hand to make sure we all had chairs to sit on and somewhere to hang all the files. Thus Winsley Street’s farewell to us was a fire which far the number of notified casualties seem to be drove all personnel rapidly streetwards. Some of few: the Computers have safely arrived and are our rubbish had been stored outside the lifts at being cosseted on the 1st floor; photocopies are 3rd floor level and this had somehow caught fire. now obtainable, and messengers have been seen Clouds of extremely dense and pungent smoke about the place. In the early days a few mystified rapidly penetrated both 4th and 6th floors and we faces could be seen at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. each left with alacrity, thankful that the bomb scares day as if anticipating something which refused earlier in the year had familiarized us with the to materialize—i.e. the rattle of the tea trolley. Fire Exits. Fortunately the Fire Brigade were However everyone is now accustomed to the idea quickly on the scene and not much damage was of cadging a 2p piece for feeding to the Witten done. borg machine, whence are obtained hot beverages * * * of assorted colours and viscosities, but uniform Congratulations on the following awards to frothy head. We miss the personal touch, though. W. J. Maidment MICE and MIWE * * * G. E. Trigg MlStructE First impressions of Scott House are that it is I. R. M. Parker MICE quiet (builder’s work noises excepted) and com * * * fortable, and a distinct improvement on Winsley David Smith has been a keen coin collector for Street. some years now, and has set down the results of * * * some of his studies in a book called The Minor Forays into the shopping centre at lunchtime Silver Coinage which is to be published soon. more choice of eating places have revealed rather * * * than one had been led to expect—and they even take LV’s! Prior to the Move, some excitement A special mention must be made of Peter was occasioned in the Rotunda when the Roads Whatling’s achievement in winning the C & CA section syndicate of 15 received a communication Concrete Publications award for the most worthy OTHERS TO MORE IUCPAT/VE k2B5 from Littlewoods Pools informing them that they design in Imperial College’s Post Graduate course had won—30p. Following a drunken orgy in a in Concrete Structures and Technology for 1973. local hostelry, the fifteen lucky winners declared Evidently he has brains as well as talent for they would not be giving up their jobs. organizing super-aquatic entertainments. * * * * * * We congratulate Mike and Sally Legouais on It is with regret that we report the death of their marriage which took place on the 27th April Barney Halligan who passed away after a short and wish them every happiness for the future. illness on 26th April 1974 aged 58. Our deepest * * * sympathy to his widow and 2 children. It appears that the stork recently favoured only * * * those with geotechnical interests—a son for Mr. As we can no longer claim to be the ‘London and Mrs. Roly Edwards and a daughter for Mr. Lights’, having absented ourselves from the and Mrs. David Hight. Congratulations and best Capital, after much soul searching and head- wishes to all. scratching we sign ourselves: * * THE BASING VIEWERS SUMMER, 1974 39 38 PONTIFACT No. 33 we say) efficient. Trevor Hancock had everyone After many years of service Zach Matthews, plotted and grid-referenced on his inch floor Bill Wilson, Archie Evans and Mervyn Johnston plans of Scott House and Oliver House: labels have retired from the Firm. We send them all best of many colours were affixed to everything in wishes for a long and happy retirement. 2?22 P sight, mountains of ‘Rentacrates’ appeared and * * * on qoeroh’n sA,//it to the plastic-sack alps of left-over disappeared, and the Our thanks are due to the two Peters (Eckert evacutton c{ Dun/thk - 5.W/< P to be seen to be believed. In the event, rubbish had and Whatling) for their initiative and enterprise in /ef/ Mn./y SfrceE did fine of actually getting the Bullen’s a job organizing the Riverboat Party as a farewell to goods out of London and depositing them at Winsley Street. It was a rattling good ‘do’ and (almost) the correct grid reference in Basingstoke. was much enjoyed by all who attended. Once we had arrived, Reg Ready and Cohn Smith * * * were on hand to make sure we all had chairs to sit on and somewhere to hang all the files. Thus Winsley Street’s farewell to us was a fire which far the number of notified casualties seem to be drove all personnel rapidly streetwards. Some of few: the Computers have safely arrived and are our rubbish had been stored outside the lifts at being cosseted on the 1st floor; photocopies are 3rd floor level and this had somehow caught fire. now obtainable, and messengers have been seen Clouds of extremely dense and pungent smoke about the place. In the early days a few mystified rapidly penetrated both 4th and 6th floors and we faces could be seen at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. each left with alacrity, thankful that the bomb scares day as if anticipating something which refused earlier in the year had familiarized us with the to materialize—i.e. the rattle of the tea trolley. Fire Exits. Fortunately the Fire Brigade were However everyone is now accustomed to the idea quickly on the scene and not much damage was of cadging a 2p piece for feeding to the Witten done. borg machine, whence are obtained hot beverages * * * of assorted colours and viscosities, but uniform Congratulations on the following awards to frothy head. We miss the personal touch, though. W. J. Maidment MICE and MIWE * * * G. E. Trigg MlStructE First impressions of Scott House are that it is I. R. M. Parker MICE quiet (builder’s work noises excepted) and com * * * fortable, and a distinct improvement on Winsley David Smith has been a keen coin collector for Street. some years now, and has set down the results of * * * some of his studies in a book called The Minor Forays into the shopping centre at lunchtime Silver Coinage which is to be published soon. more choice of eating places have revealed rather * * * than one had been led to expect—and they even take LV’s! Prior to the Move, some excitement A special mention must be made of Peter was occasioned in the Rotunda when the Roads Whatling’s achievement in winning the C & CA section syndicate of 15 received a communication Concrete Publications award for the most worthy OTHERS TO MORE IUCPAT/VE k2B5 from Littlewoods Pools informing them that they design in Imperial College’s Post Graduate course had won—30p. Following a drunken orgy in a in Concrete Structures and Technology for 1973. local hostelry, the fifteen lucky winners declared Evidently he has brains as well as talent for they would not be giving up their jobs. organizing super-aquatic entertainments. * * * * * * We congratulate Mike and Sally Legouais on It is with regret that we report the death of their marriage which took place on the 27th April Barney Halligan who passed away after a short and wish them every happiness for the future. illness on 26th April 1974 aged 58. Our deepest * * * sympathy to his widow and 2 children. It appears that the stork recently favoured only * * * those with geotechnical interests—a son for Mr. As we can no longer claim to be the ‘London and Mrs. Roly Edwards and a daughter for Mr. Lights’, having absented ourselves from the and Mrs. David Hight. Congratulations and best Capital, after much soul searching and head- wishes to all. scratching we sign ourselves: * * THE BASING VIEWERS 1974 40 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER. 41

Penny Bramble heads the secretariat. She it and an evening cruise party on an Ullswater Stockport Keswick was who organised our early sorties at High steamer—an old Tarmac favourite. What’s happened? Much water has passed under the site of the Briery. Her window seat in the cottage must have Finally our good wishes to old friends in their Peter Donaldson had to go back to contracting proposed Greta Bridge since that first meeting contributed much to all the traffic congestion new surroundings at Basingstoke. Save us a (for Tarmac at Keswick bypass) ‘cos his donkey with our Contractor on site in the back of a car outside No. 7, and she certainly made the little patch for the end of the maintenance period in jacket wore out and his wellies started leaking. at High Briery early in January. Those were the dining room a popular luncheon venue. She 1976! SWKP were apparently unable to supply replace pioneering days when S.O.B’s were not per must however think back ruefully if not nostalgi MIKE HEDDON ments for hini. manently marked with stakes or ranging rods, cally to the many occasions she was thrust head Mike Heddon and Andy (Williams) Kellam and had to be sniffed out through the snow, long into the filing cabinet whilst feeding its wanted to work closer to their homes in Kendal There were compensations however, for Blen bottom drawer in the confines of the little Bedford Square and joined the RE’s staff on Keswick bypass. cathra, snow-clad and with the sun picking out bedroom by over-enthusiastic engineers. A good S3 Denis Martindale suddenly had an overwhelm the ridges and gullies, once seen is never forgotten. impression of our organisation is created at the ing desire to design a bus station for Bradford and outset by our receptionist/telephonist/typist/radio (The London Branch) For the uninitiated 69123 otherwise Keswick consequently went to Ove Arup’s. Torn Jackson operator, Anne Weatherill. Anne’s dulcet tones Northern Bypass entered the final phase of its has just left us to join Simon Engineering at ring out over the ether from Scott Base never In 1670 Lady Rachel Vaughan married William somewhat chequered history in November, 1973, Cheadle Heath and Alan Martindale is going to failing to alert some inveterate inspector to an Russell, son of the Earl of Bedford. Thus the when a contract for the Bypass construction was the Medical Department of Manchester Univer engineer’s pressing problem, or vice versa. fields and orchards of Lady Rachel’s Bloomsbury let to Tarmac Construction Ltd. with a starting sity (to work not to recuperate). This early influx of visitors to Keswick caused inheritance came into the possession of the date of 2nd January. At the time of writing the no little accommodation problem. Rigg Beck, Bedford family. What’s happening? site is fenced off and the earthworks are well that purple palace of ill-repute situated in what William’s father was created Duke of Bedford under way. Those locals who believed Keswick Work on Manchester—Sheffield is proceeding must surely be L.akeland’s purple-est valley in 1694 and, the family names of Bedford and get its Bypass, either on the lines described in the Christmas Pont/fact. would never North, South, became a resting place for destitute ARE’s, a Tavistock, together with Woburn and Russell, East or West stroll out to lean on the temporary clearing house for refugees relying on builders’ are still to be seen in the streets and squares in What’s going to happen? fence, chew their straws and eat their words. dreams of completion dates for more permanent Bloomsbu ry. Christine Richmond is leaving us (boo hoo) to Sceptics however who maintain that the Greta homes. Nobody ever said in as many words why These were the creation of the fourth Duke of get married and live in foreign parts (Yorkshire). Gorge cannot be spanned can yet be forgiven Rigg Beck had its reputation. The locals with Bedford who conceived the plans which were to As a result of the above departures, the Stock- since to date there is little sign of the 6th floor’s much clicking of tongues said rather inconclusive change Bloomsbury from an agricultural estate port office is now nearly empty and its atmosphere designs being expressed in concrete terms. things like “You don’t live at Rigg Beck do you?” into a little town, designed to provide homes for is frequently likened to a wake.* We have enough Our first temporary home was at High Briery and then suddenly became reserved for some gentlemen who, like the Bedfords, left their space for indoor seven-a-side football but not in a cottage scheduled for demolition under the reason. country estates to spend part of the year in enough people with one leg in fair working order contract. For the first two months this quaint Suspicions that this particular site would prove London. to take part. Also we’ve lost the ball (probably domicile was the nerve centre of operations. Here popular to Head Office staff have proved well It was towards the end of his life that the gone to Keswick in Petes leaky wellies). prospective staff were interviewed; here the founded. To date we have had visits from Duke began what was his last creation—Bedford *Note for ignorant southerners: a wake is a troops were manipulated into battle formation; Messrs. Dudeney, James, Burley, Hight, Hancock, Square. He had always admired the King’s gathering of funeral mourners, (ham butties** and here were brewed the regulation “cuppas” McDermott, Henry, Hunt, Fernandez and Circus at Bath and he began to lay out a Square and a pot of tea for 47 at the Co-op Cafe). (see RE circulars 1, 3, 6 and 10). Brian Cook Cocksedge (visiting rather than pecking order). modelled on it in one of his Bloornsbury fields. **Note for more ignorant southerners: if you arrived from Newcastle to head the establishment We were also delighted to see Beth whilst she He did not live to see it finished, an heir com don’t know what a butty is, you’ll just have to with Robin Dawson (ex Howard Humphrey) was holidaying in the area, and honoured by a pleted the work. resign yourself to a life at Basingstoke. and the writer in support. ARE’s were provided fleeting visit from Barry Paget en route from Luckily the fifth Duke was also a builder at We leave you with this epitaph from the grave by courtesy of SWKP Teesside, Glasgow and Thailand to Libya (taking the Polar Route). heart and, during his lifetime, elegant houses stone of Enoch Hill, Stockport Volunteers, who London in the shape of Mark Stevens, David On the social side we have to report that a very much in the Renaissance manner were built was accidentally ‘killed by a bursted musket in Milne, Brian Goddard and Gary Taylor, whilst combined party of SWKP and TCL staff ascended around the Square. Inside they were decorated the 36th year of his life’: the measurement is being handled by Andy the dizzy height of High Crag to observe the with beautiful plaster work and their sweeping “Crowned with glory on the hostile plain Kellam with staunch support from Maurice Summer Solstice Sunrise. Much to the surprise staircase spiralled up from entrance halls paved Sinks the brave hero for his country slain Jones. Inspectors Frank Ward (ex Ouse Bridge), of some, it appeared from somewhere behind with marble. The gracious exteriors were high On this plain grave let honouring tears be shed David Raistrick, Austin Burns and Harold Sharp Edge, Blencathra, having a habit of rising lighted with magnificent wrought ironwork on For know its tenant for his country bled Gathercole complete the technical staff. With in the North-West rather than West at this time balconies and railings. Yet nor in lands remote nor with the foe all lespect to the aforementioned, the office of year. A particularly lovable four-legged The past has seen many famous residents in Contending, felt he death’s resistless blow photograph is made more presentable by the animal rejoicing in the name of Jill (one of our Bedford Square, but in recent times there have But from the hopes of victory far apart lady members of staff who eventually numbered “Guard Dogs on Patrol”) managed to awaken been great changes in the use of the houses. At home, a shatter’d musket pierc’d his heart.” three when to our great delight our “draughtsman” most of the sleeping throng at the appointed hour Higher costs and few servants made it difficult P.S. To whom it may concern: Stockport has a turned out to be draughtswoman, Stephanie of 0443, and even provided some with their for families to occupy whole houses and so some few volunteers left but still only the one original Walls. Our local signwriter compromised with early morning wash. She’s a game girl, our Jill! were divided and more and more became offices. musket and the powder feels a bit damp. the legend “DRAUGHTSNOMAN’ for Future activities promise a darts match against Professional people—particularly Engineers, PHIL COTTON Stephanie’s office door. R.H. Harry Stanger—our testing consultants, Architects, Lawyers and Surveyors—attracted PONTIFACT No. 33 42 SUMMER, 1974 43 by the charm and character of the houses moved list is posted giving the names of the lift experts in and so the whole square took on a new life. in the firm and likewise lists of the Xerox and But the unique qualities of Bedford Square Remote Copier specialists that can be called upon have not gone unnoticed. Preservation Orders to put the wheels in motion in case of an emer prevent major alterations, and, although their gency. occupants may have changed and the carriages The Switchboard however was different, it of the wealthy have been replaced by less pic took a whole week to lose the telephonist with a turesque forms of transport, many of the houses flair for confusion which kept us running up and will stay in essence as they were in those bygone down stairs to find out, for example, why we days. were connected to G.P.O. Enquiries instead of This ‘blurb’ from the Estate Agents’ brochure Basingstoke. paints an unusually accurate picture of Bedford Furniture still arrives, and without the services John Measor Square and in particular number 53 has been of Ted Cox & Co., which for so long we have restored to its former beauty with great effect. taken for granted, engineers perforce become There are improvements such as the installa removals men. John Geoffrey Measor, BSc, ACGI, MS, In 1965 he returned full time to the Bridges tion of a miniature lift and central heating, which The brochure, like all brochures, needed to be MICE, MASCE, died in London at the age of 44 Section where, in particular, he made a very have been arranged with great discretion and read with an eye to what facts were not included after an illness which had lasted somewhat more considerable contribution to the design and the appreciation of the need for preservation of the and in this case it proved to be a very successful than three months. supervision of the structures on the Carnforth to right atmosphere. piece of traffic planning which makes possible a John Measor was born in 1929, the elder son of Farleton and the Farleton to Killington Sections The Adams fireplaces are particularly fine and continuous race track condition down the eastern Oliver and Honor Measor. He was educated at of the M6 Motorway in Westmorland. Subse resplendent with wrought iron fire baskets to side of Bedford Square, with its associated roar. Charterhouse School and subsequently at the quently he was responsible for the design of the match. There has of course been the exceptions as when City of Guilds Institute (Imperial College), structures on the Kendal Link and the Keswick Deep wall to wall carpeting, wall brackets and twelve fire engines were held up at regular L.ondon. In 1960/61 he took a post-graduate Northern Bypass. In addition he was responsible candelabra complete the feeling of elegant living. intervals by traffic jams and gave us the full course at the University of Illinois where he for the design of the Stafford Inner Relief Road Our problem has been to occupy these sur benefit of their sirens. gained his Master of Science degree. and the Lincoln Western Relief Road. reared heads roundings without spoiling the look of the build Jobs long since dead their urgent After completing his National Service in the His outside interests included sailing, ice skat pile of records at ing but at the same time maintaining an efficient requiring us to delve into the Royal Engineers, he spent about two years with ing, tennis and music. literally hours before they working unit. At the moment fluorescent ‘angle Winsley Street, Sandford Fawcett & Partners and nearly two Some of my last memories of John are of the the removals van. pois’ lamps are under test to augment the beauti disappeared into years with John Mowlem & Co. Ltd. manner in which he bore his illness. Looking There are However things are predictably sorting them I ful but impractical light fittings. In May, 1957, he joined this Firm as an back, have little doubt that John was aware selves out. Jack Redstone arrives regularly with restrictions on the type of partitions permitted Assistant Engineer and worked on the design of from the early days of his illness of the possible milkman each day carrying edicts, notes and I and on fixing to walls and ceilings, but thought the prestressed and reinforced concrete bridges until consequences which alas proved to be fatal. move and taken into memos from the heart of civilization and takes in which was given to this before the in 1958 he joined SWKP (Hong Kong) where well remember the very courageous way in back loyal greetings and requests for more consideration when layouts were planned and for about two years he worked on the design of he bore his illness knowing fully that even if he stationery. consequence things have worked out reasonably bridges on the Kowloon Foothills road and also did recover he would not have been able to lead Helen has transfered from Winsley Street, well. supervised the underwater site investigation for the same kind of life as he had done previously. troubles complete with Teapot at the ready and life begins Not that we have avoided teething a proposed cross harbour bridge. Unfortunately and in spite of his great courage on the first day—a blazing hot to seem less harsh. will to fight for survival, he died on 28th completely, After his post graduate course in the USA he and day, it took us until midday to turn Forays beyond the stockades at lunch times 1974. His untimely death came as a summers returned to the London Office and worked on a January, heating system and have unearthed new waterholes, ‘The Fitzroy’ a widow, a off the exceptionally efficient variety of building and bridge projects including great shock to us all. He leaves it was not until 9.30 p.m. that we finally contacted being currently favoured. We have even received daughter and a son. To them, and to his parents, the St. John’s Precinct complex in Liverpool, the lift emergency service and were able to visitations from ex-patriots seeking temporary we extend deepest sympathy in their sad loss. the structures on the Safi-Aqaba road in Jordan, and our Ted Cox’s assistant from his solitary accommodation in the wilds of Bloomsbury release the Wuya Bridge in Nigeria. A. S.McD. confinement in the lift. and life generally is beginning to flow. We think However we now know the release drill and a we will survive. W.E.G. PONTIFACT No. 33 42 SUMMER, 1974 43 by the charm and character of the houses moved list is posted giving the names of the lift experts in and so the whole square took on a new life. in the firm and likewise lists of the Xerox and But the unique qualities of Bedford Square Remote Copier specialists that can be called upon have not gone unnoticed. Preservation Orders to put the wheels in motion in case of an emer prevent major alterations, and, although their gency. occupants may have changed and the carriages The Switchboard however was different, it of the wealthy have been replaced by less pic took a whole week to lose the telephonist with a turesque forms of transport, many of the houses flair for confusion which kept us running up and will stay in essence as they were in those bygone down stairs to find out, for example, why we days. were connected to G.P.O. Enquiries instead of This ‘blurb’ from the Estate Agents’ brochure Basingstoke. paints an unusually accurate picture of Bedford Furniture still arrives, and without the services John Measor Square and in particular number 53 has been of Ted Cox & Co., which for so long we have restored to its former beauty with great effect. taken for granted, engineers perforce become There are improvements such as the installa removals men. John Geoffrey Measor, BSc, ACGI, MS, In 1965 he returned full time to the Bridges tion of a miniature lift and central heating, which The brochure, like all brochures, needed to be MICE, MASCE, died in London at the age of 44 Section where, in particular, he made a very have been arranged with great discretion and read with an eye to what facts were not included after an illness which had lasted somewhat more considerable contribution to the design and the appreciation of the need for preservation of the and in this case it proved to be a very successful than three months. supervision of the structures on the Carnforth to right atmosphere. piece of traffic planning which makes possible a John Measor was born in 1929, the elder son of Farleton and the Farleton to Killington Sections The Adams fireplaces are particularly fine and continuous race track condition down the eastern Oliver and Honor Measor. He was educated at of the M6 Motorway in Westmorland. Subse resplendent with wrought iron fire baskets to side of Bedford Square, with its associated roar. Charterhouse School and subsequently at the quently he was responsible for the design of the match. There has of course been the exceptions as when City of Guilds Institute (Imperial College), structures on the Kendal Link and the Keswick Deep wall to wall carpeting, wall brackets and twelve fire engines were held up at regular L.ondon. In 1960/61 he took a post-graduate Northern Bypass. In addition he was responsible candelabra complete the feeling of elegant living. intervals by traffic jams and gave us the full course at the University of Illinois where he for the design of the Stafford Inner Relief Road Our problem has been to occupy these sur benefit of their sirens. gained his Master of Science degree. and the Lincoln Western Relief Road. reared heads roundings without spoiling the look of the build Jobs long since dead their urgent After completing his National Service in the His outside interests included sailing, ice skat pile of records at ing but at the same time maintaining an efficient requiring us to delve into the Royal Engineers, he spent about two years with ing, tennis and music. literally hours before they working unit. At the moment fluorescent ‘angle Winsley Street, Sandford Fawcett & Partners and nearly two Some of my last memories of John are of the the removals van. pois’ lamps are under test to augment the beauti disappeared into years with John Mowlem & Co. Ltd. manner in which he bore his illness. Looking There are However things are predictably sorting them I ful but impractical light fittings. In May, 1957, he joined this Firm as an back, have little doubt that John was aware selves out. Jack Redstone arrives regularly with restrictions on the type of partitions permitted Assistant Engineer and worked on the design of from the early days of his illness of the possible milkman each day carrying edicts, notes and I and on fixing to walls and ceilings, but thought the prestressed and reinforced concrete bridges until consequences which alas proved to be fatal. move and taken into memos from the heart of civilization and takes in which was given to this before the in 1958 he joined SWKP (Hong Kong) where well remember the very courageous way in back loyal greetings and requests for more consideration when layouts were planned and for about two years he worked on the design of he bore his illness knowing fully that even if he stationery. consequence things have worked out reasonably bridges on the Kowloon Foothills road and also did recover he would not have been able to lead Helen has transfered from Winsley Street, well. supervised the underwater site investigation for the same kind of life as he had done previously. troubles complete with Teapot at the ready and life begins Not that we have avoided teething a proposed cross harbour bridge. Unfortunately and in spite of his great courage on the first day—a blazing hot to seem less harsh. will to fight for survival, he died on 28th completely, After his post graduate course in the USA he and day, it took us until midday to turn Forays beyond the stockades at lunch times 1974. His untimely death came as a summers returned to the London Office and worked on a January, heating system and have unearthed new waterholes, ‘The Fitzroy’ a widow, a off the exceptionally efficient variety of building and bridge projects including great shock to us all. He leaves it was not until 9.30 p.m. that we finally contacted being currently favoured. We have even received daughter and a son. To them, and to his parents, the St. John’s Precinct complex in Liverpool, the lift emergency service and were able to visitations from ex-patriots seeking temporary we extend deepest sympathy in their sad loss. the structures on the Safi-Aqaba road in Jordan, and our Ted Cox’s assistant from his solitary accommodation in the wilds of Bloomsbury release the Wuya Bridge in Nigeria. A. S.McD. confinement in the lift. and life generally is beginning to flow. We think However we now know the release drill and a we will survive. W.E.G. 44 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 45

permanent staff are eligible for membership and As one can see we have not had a very good those interested should contact the Secretary who start to the season, losing three of our matches keeps a list of members. and having to cancel two due to rain, and there The President is currently Mr. Whiting and the fore a water-logged pitch. Vice-President Mr. Sang: the Committee Mem However, some of us were on the winning side Club Notes bers are as follows:— in the President’s Match at which Mr. and Mrs. D. Smith —Chairman Hawkey kindly were Hosts for the social T. Moreton —Secretary evening held in the clubhouse after the match. S. Turceninoff—Conipetition Secretary Mr. Henry Grace and Mr. Dave Weller were the We hold regular competitions covering black and Camera Club F. Fernandez —Treasurer, Darkroom super- two captains of their respective sides. The match white prints, colour prints and colour trans intendent. was of 25 overs apiece, with Henry Grace’s team This year the Camera Club has laid dormant in parencies. The photograph shown below, cheetahs with the adopted year’s D. King batting first scoring 83 runs for the loss of 6 accordance policy at last in Nairobi National Park, was the winner in last wickets. Top scorers were John Surridge (34) and Annual General Meeting. The Club has suffered year’s Black and White Open competition. The We are the one remaining Club to retain a we John Greenfield (33) with Dave Weller getting disproportionately on account of resignations principal event of the year is the Bernard Ranger Committee and although have been subject to 2 wickets for 9 runs, Roli Edwards 2 for 24 and from the Firm and we are looking forward to a new Trophy, a colour transparency competition held in some criticism for so doing we consider that the life at new members is myself 2 for 5. lease of Basingstoke with the autumn in memory of one of our founder mem accumulated experience of the Committee of After losing their first wicket for only 2 runs, and the return of old members now on site or bers. The winner has the privilege of holding the great assistance to the Secretary, who is often one Chris Moore joined me at the wicket and soon overseas. In planning Scott House the needs of large silver Trophy for one year. Other activities of the younger members; further the division of took command of the bowling. In fact 1 was the Club have been considered and, besides a include lectures, demonstrations and an annual the day-to-day duties between three officers gives playing second fiddle to some incredible hitting fine darkroom, a movie projector will be available afternoon excursion. the Secretary more time for arranging meetings for our use. which is nowadays his chief responsibility. from Chris to most parts of the ground including two sixes. After I was bowled for 23, Peter The Club varies its activities to suit the interest Annual club membership fees have now been DAVID SMITH, of members. Most photographic activities have abolished following the recent offer of the Partners Honorary Chairman Eckert (36 not out) joined Chris and soon over been attempted by us at some time in our history. to finance club expenditure. All members of the hauled the total of 83, then continued to bat on to the end of their 25 overs, ending up with 147 runs, Cricket with Garry Turner scoring 16 runs when Chris Summer has arrived and the start of a new retired after hitting his half-century. season, although as I write this, we have just had So well done to Dave Weller’s winning team one of the worst weeks this year. It’s strange of Richard Parker, Chris Moore, Peter Eckert, really, because as soon as the Cricket Gear is once Roli Edwards, Nick Edwards, Bob Greir, Garry again taken out of the sports bag, it is time for Turner, Jeff Tetlow and Mick Dalgleish, and the inclement weather to begin. Still we hope to consolations to Henry Grace’s team of Dave get in a few overs between the showers. Hitchings, John Surridge, John Greenfield, Matches commence at 5.30 p.m. unless other Dave Jones, Peter Bennett, Dick Brown, Rob wise stated, and are played in Surbiton at Long Mansfield, Alan Barber and Peter Margesson. Ditton’s Cricket Ground, which has very good Finally a warm thanks to the Partner’s Secre facilities. taries, especially Jackie Warner and Pauline

CRICKET

The fixture list is as follows:

Wednesday 29th May i’. Travers Morgan & Partners (Lost) Friday 31st May i’. President’s Match (4.30) Wednesday 26th June v. Long Ditton Cricket Club (Cancelled) Friday 5th July v. Nyasaland Leopards (2.00) (Lost) Wednesday 10th July v. Gollins Melvin Ward & Partners (Lost) Wednesday 24th July i’. Binnie & Partners (Cancelled) Wednesday 31st July v. Harris & Sutherland Wednesday 7th August v. Franklin & Andrews Wednesday 14th August v. Cementation Wednesday 21st August v. Long Ditton Cricket Club Cheetah, Nairobi National Park, June 1973 Wedne’ day 28th August v. Howard Humphries by Steve Dawson 44 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 45

CRICKET

The fixture list is as follows:

Broad who did such an excellent job organising pair but only really came into their own in the John ‘Twinkletoes’ Surridge’s performance on Cornforth (Soils) and Roy Nicholson and Voldek the catering. What lovely grub it was too. bar afterwards. At close of play Ove Arup’s were the night he forgot his plimsoles was a traumatic Prylinski (Basingstoke). Voldek tells me he was Although half the season has gone, and now therefore lucky to be 7 sets to 5 up with 6 still to experience never to be forgotten, as was Graham bitten by the golf bug while doing a stint abroad that everyone has settled down in their new play. Walker’s appearance in his see-through, split to for the firm and I trust that was all he was bitten the waist shorts. by! I the abodes, I am looking for new blood as it were. With the going of the excuse, ‘I live too far may add that within above quoted Transport to and from the ground is usually by north’ we hope to see a much better turnout at A social evening in the local hostelry provided quartet there is indeed some fine talent. car, but failing this there is a good train service the socials. We are always looking for more ladies, a rather pleasant end to what was in general a There is, of course, a new fixture added to the between Basingstoke and Surbiton and indeed so please send in your applications, complete most enjoyable season, with the competition list this season for we have arranged to meet the between London and Surbiton. If you would like with frillies, for viewing by the Selection Commit providing just that little bit of additional interest Glasgow Office in combat on neutral ground, i.e. to represent our Firm ‘ill you please contact me tee. Every attempt will be made to return Ihen and helping to ensure greater numbers in atten Royal Birkdaje, in July. I say neutral ground, been and I guarantee that you will both enjoy playing as soon as possible, but you must understand that dance than might otherwise have the case perhaps hostile would be a more accurate descrip and meeting new faces you may not have seen Keith has only just completed his sentence at (I wonder how many saw the near naked Graham tion, but ii will be equally so to both teams. before. HM Crystal Palace. It is also intended to run a —ed.). Due to our move to Basingstoke in June, we NICK EDWARDS weekly ‘Maida Vale’ form of tennis at With regard to next year the position is some have had to find new courses to visit that will be 1st Floor Scott House Basingstoke. what vague at the moment. The facilities in convenient to our London based opponents and The Inter-Section competition will start at the Basingstoke are first-class, so the continuing new courses are always exciting. We have been Yemus beginning of July in the hope that the final can existence of the SWKP Badminton Club is solely fortunate enough to arrange matches at The New be played at the last social. dependent upon sufficient interest being shown Zealand GC, Weybridge, Farnham GC, Guild- With the coming of Spring 1974 we mourn the J. L. NUTT in the sport by those Hampshire based members ford and Badgeworth Park, Henley, all fine loss of Alan Lamb, who so recently shed the coat of the Firm. So come along all you likely lads and courses I am told. For the same reason we have of tennis secretary, and Miss L’Amour. Letters Bad,ni,ilon lasses down in Basingstoke, get ourselves organ had to abandon some of our old favourite venues should be sent to Box 25, do Staff Services. ized and lets see many more reports of the Bad such as Tandridge and Tyrells Wood. However, The fixture list for the first part of the season Despite the difficulties of the revised working minton Club appearing in future editions of by bringing the ‘Measor Mashie’ forward a month is given below. I have arranged to block book week and the power restrictions just after Christ Ponti/ict. we can still stage the event at The RAC Club,

tennis courts at Basingstoke, but at the time of mas, we were able to complete the inter-section My thanks once again to the Partners for their Epsom. I am pleased to relate that a couple of going to press no fixtures have been confirmed. tournament started in December. This was the support over the past season. players from the Glasgow Office have promised It is hoped to play our old rivals Sir Alexander first year that such a competition has been held DAVE WELLER to venture south of the border (and the Thames) Gibb and obtain a new fixture against Howard and it generally proved to be a great success with to participate in this competition. Humphries, both of which are at Reading. a total of thirteen couples having entered. The So there we have it, new players, a new fixture The first match of the season has already been final was contested by John Nutt and Eric Farrell Golf and new courses—what else could one want at played. A lack of planning (they know who they of the Soils Section and Dick Brown and Peter The start of a new season is upon us once again the start of the season? are) resulted in the team almost going south Eckert of Derek Verran’s and Joe Cassell’s and I am looking forward to it with greater Since drafting the above notes we have played instead of north at Oxford Circus station. Even sections respectively, with the Soils pair eventu optimism than I have others in the past for several some of our early season matches and the ‘Mashie’ tually the team arrived and play commenced. ally emerging as winners, despite some vigorous reasons, perhaps the main one being that it is has been fought out at Epsom. On the 1st May and Eric Farrell somewhat surprisingly piled on the play from their opponents. I hardly possible for us to have a worse record than despite heavy rain and high winds lashing the hard stuff, with Pete Eckert providing the main Memories of the season are varied but none last season when we managed to secure only one Bletchworth Park course we managed a slender win reinforcement. Keith Barnett, owing to an early can surpass the disbelief at the revelation that win. However, there are other valid reasons for over Preece, Cardew & Rider. Only one pair(Ken arrival by car, was highly prestressed but after Eric Farrell’s badminton/soccer/rugby shorts my optimism in that we have been fortunate Weir and John Maidment) braved the hostile ele some foundation work by the writer, he soon were really white. Eric also deserves mention for enough to recruit some more players to increase ments for 18 holes and squeezed a one-hole victory. relaxed and got into the swing of things. Kim his unswerving efforts throughout the year to the pool, namely George Milligan and Derek The other two pairs, who shall remain nameless, Candler and Pralib Seyan provided a very civil ensure a prosperous living, from racquet repairs.

TENNIS GOLF FIXTURES 1974 DATE FIXTURE VENUE Wednesday 1st May v. Preece, Cardew & Rider at Betchworth Park GC 2nd May Ove Arup and Partners Brondesbury Wednesday 15th May v. The ‘Measor Mashie’ at RAC Club, Epsom Friday 7th June v. Higgs & Hill at Wildernesse GC 16th May Social Roehampton Friday 12th July v. Mott, Hay & Anderson at Farnham GC 23rd May Binnie and Partners Battersea Park Friday 26th July v. Glasgow Office at Royal Birkdale GC 28th May Sir Robert McAlpine Roehampton Tuesday 13th August v. Sir William Halcrow at New Zealand GC 29th August v. Sir Alexander Park 6th June Ove Arup and Partners Brondesbury Thursday Gibb at Badgeworth GC Wednesday 18th September v. The Consultant Engineer’s Joint Meeting at Effingham GC Ilthiuly Social Basingstoke Friday 27th September v. Binnies at Farnham GC 15th August Social Basingstoke To be arranged v. Costains 48 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 49 quit after 6 and 11 holes of play and the only re Well, our winning streak had to come to an 1974 also saw the start of a new conquest in To think up excuses for our performance is deeming feature of their dismal performance is they end sometime and that happened when we the form of 5-a-side soccer. In a league of teams not easy, but here are a couple anyway. Was it were ahead when they squelched back to the met and lost 2-1 to Mott, Hay and Anderson on in the building trade with 3 divisions of 10 teams the lack of beer? In Ted’s case not enough, he Clubhouse for a hot shower and toddies! another wet and windy afternoon at Farnham. in each. Our first game on Friday 26th April saw keeps telling me, in other cases, too much I Next on the list was the ‘Measor Mashie’ and As usual Don Dudeney complained of some SWKP demolish Scott Brownrigg & Turner 10—1 expect. It wouldn’t have been women that put us the 15th May turned out to be a brilliant day hustling going on but he and Mr. Grace did —a fine start to the league season. off because every time Grant Smith played, his weather-wise and the standard of golf wasn’t too manage to stave off defeat until the 18th whereas wife Ann came along, and we won. A good omen bad either. Some 20 entrants including two William Kemp and I were swamped soon after Playing Staff: that, one may think, but really it was the expert invaders from Glasgow and Mrs. J. Maidment the turn, the only consolation being we weren’t G. Turner Goalkeeper massaging between throws that did it, or as is (bless her) took to the course and as far as 1 out in the rain so long. Our only victors therefore D. Weller Defender more truthful ,the hope that Ann might! If I am know they all returned to the Clubhouse— were Roy Burley and Gordon Trigg—well done J. Surridge Defender-Midfield sporting a big black eye soon, you will know that eventually. Due to a grave planning error on my lads. B. Southwood Attacker Grant for one, has read this nonsense. part; for which 1 have yet to be forgiven; the So there we are, two wins in three matches N. Edwards Attacker It’s good fun being a little rude about some of 19th hole was not open so players had to don and my pre-season optimism has been justified S. Hennessey Defender our players because I know that they know I collar and tie before drinking could commence. even if we don’t win any of the three remaining R. Edmonds Midfield don’t mean it (hee-hee). Starting at the top of However the outcome was as follows and in the matches. P. Eckert Winger the list, we meet the most popular player in the tradition of the Miss World competition the G. W. WALKER K. Barnett Anywhere team (only because he holds the beer and food results are in reverse order. Third place went to Golf Secretary E. Farrel Defender money), that long-haired squirt who thinks he (need I say it) Don Duderiey with 32 stableford Football runs the secretary’s job smoothly. Hey that’s me points, second prize was secured with 34 pts. by With thanks to other players—worth a I’m talking about, so forget this last bit please, John Maidment for the second consecutive year As new Secretary of SWKP FC, full of ambition mention:— and substitute after ‘the most popular bloke in and the unexpected winner was Nick Edwards and so forth, the 1973—74season saw the start of C. Ingram, ‘Spud’ Taylor, P. Maranian, D. Dent, the team’, that handsome, modest, debonair, with 41 pts. Now for the important prizes—Mike a new league—a league of London Consultants J. Buck, C. Wright, M. Slinn etc., also thanks to charming, oh I must stop, otherwise there will Taylor took the highest gross score award with comprising 10 teams. At the time of writing this Richard Targett for refereeing our games. be no room for other sports writers to say any more than a double century of strokes and Mike article, SWKP were top of this league (needless With tempus fugiting I’ll finish up by saying thing. Naturally I am not going to say anything Slinn romped away with the prize for the highest to say the article was rushed so as to keep this that I’d like to think I’ve enjoyed my stretch as rude about myself, ‘cos its all been said before and score on the two nominated holes. The ladies statement correct). Secretary of SWKP FC but with these players anyway it’s not cricket. Say, that’s a stupid phrase, prize was of course won by Mrs. J. Maidment, Our first league game paired us with Binnie & no-one could, so my way of getting back at the but it does remind me that I have to say a few who I fear will soon be challenging for top Partners. (One of the co-founders of the league). players is to hand over to Garry Turner, who is words about that sport as well—’It’s Pete Marges honours in this event. John Cullen and Don On a cold, wet, blustery, muddy day, Binnies taking over the job as Coach. They are going to son now, coming in from the sightscreen end Breaky from the Glasgow Office did not, unfor played on our experience as a league side (yes, tear out his front teeth and put seats in. (that’s fooled you, because both ends have sight- tunately, get onto the prize list but it was a yes—everyone makes excuses when they lose) and Best of luck next season, lads. screens, but Pete is a big lad, if you wear glasses I 7—0, yet is pleasure to have them enter and do hope it we lost which as our only defeat of the BRIAN R. SOUTHWOOD that is) he bowls, tripping over the eight foot mat, has whet their appetites for a return trip next season. After a fine 2—2 draw with Sir William but the cheers go up as the off, middle and leg season. Halcrow & Partners and a 2—I win over Ove Darts stumps are pierced with his three darts. I’m Now for our next match, against Higgs and Arup’s, teams began to fear playing us (mainly getting confused now, so I’ll continue writing a ‘Good luck and good throwing lads and we’ll Hill, and yet another win. Due to the move from due to having Steve Hennessey in the side). In few more kind and respectful remarks about my win the league’. This was my last sentence taken Oxford Circus I was not able to play but under the latter part of the season teams were finding elders. Arthur Melton (you’ll find him playing from the Christmas issue of Pontifrict 1973. Well the captaincy of John Maidment we managed a it difficult to score goals past us so, feeling sorry with his coloured crayons) has been a sheer we didn’t win the league, and were in fact carrying 2-1 win over our friendly but formidable oppo for them, our back four helped them out with a delight to watch this season, I mean listen to really, the wooden spoon a lot of the time, only picking nents and by all accounts the usual good time few own goals. But with 3 league games to play as his jokes are usually better than his darts was had by all. SWKP are in a fairly strong position. up some valuable points towards the end of the throwing. season to finally end in sixth place. Next is Ted, but as I have mentioned before Ted plus beer equals darts, so that sums him FOOTBALL LEAGUE TABLE up. Who’s next, ah yes that handsome chap from the POINTs SWKP v. Binnie & Partners Lost 7—0 Printing department, Spud Taylor (I’m going SWKP v. Oscar Faber & Partners Won 4—1(N. Edwards 2, D. Weller, R. Edmonds) 1. British Petroleum 66 to the opticians tomorrow). He says that he must SWKP v. Sir William Halcrow & Partners Drew 2—2(N. Edwards 2) 2. Clerical Medical & General ‘A’ 63 have hush when he is concentrating. I wonder SWKP v. Harris & Sutherland WOn 3—1(B. Southwood 2, N. Edwards) 3. Abbey National Building Society 63 what he’s like in the bath! Another happening SWKP r. Ove Arup & Partners Won 2—I(I own goal, C. Ingram pen.) 4. Esso Petroleum 60 that came out of this season was waiting each SWKP v. Sir Alexander Gibb & Partners Default SWKP claiming points 5. British Steel Corporation ‘B’ 58 week for the now famous ‘Surridge Slip’ to appear. 6. Scott Wilson Kirkpatrick & Partners 54 1 will not explain what this is, but if one goes to SWKP PLAYED WON LOST DRAWN GOALS FOR GOALS AGAINST POINTS 7. British Steel Corporation ‘A’ 48 the pub where we play, and look at the various 6 4 1 1 11 12 9 8. National Coal Board 46 hole marks in the wall, usually at the top, one 9. Clerical Medical & General ‘B’ 46 may begin to understand what the SS means. 48 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER, 1974 49 quit after 6 and 11 holes of play and the only re Well, our winning streak had to come to an 1974 also saw the start of a new conquest in To think up excuses for our performance is deeming feature of their dismal performance is they end sometime and that happened when we the form of 5-a-side soccer. In a league of teams not easy, but here are a couple anyway. Was it were ahead when they squelched back to the met and lost 2-1 to Mott, Hay and Anderson on in the building trade with 3 divisions of 10 teams the lack of beer? In Ted’s case not enough, he Clubhouse for a hot shower and toddies! another wet and windy afternoon at Farnham. in each. Our first game on Friday 26th April saw keeps telling me, in other cases, too much I Next on the list was the ‘Measor Mashie’ and As usual Don Dudeney complained of some SWKP demolish Scott Brownrigg & Turner 10—1 expect. It wouldn’t have been women that put us the 15th May turned out to be a brilliant day hustling going on but he and Mr. Grace did —a fine start to the league season. off because every time Grant Smith played, his weather-wise and the standard of golf wasn’t too manage to stave off defeat until the 18th whereas wife Ann came along, and we won. A good omen bad either. Some 20 entrants including two William Kemp and I were swamped soon after Playing Staff: that, one may think, but really it was the expert invaders from Glasgow and Mrs. J. Maidment the turn, the only consolation being we weren’t G. Turner Goalkeeper massaging between throws that did it, or as is (bless her) took to the course and as far as 1 out in the rain so long. Our only victors therefore D. Weller Defender more truthful ,the hope that Ann might! If I am know they all returned to the Clubhouse— were Roy Burley and Gordon Trigg—well done J. Surridge Defender-Midfield sporting a big black eye soon, you will know that eventually. Due to a grave planning error on my lads. B. Southwood Attacker Grant for one, has read this nonsense. part; for which 1 have yet to be forgiven; the So there we are, two wins in three matches N. Edwards Attacker It’s good fun being a little rude about some of 19th hole was not open so players had to don and my pre-season optimism has been justified S. Hennessey Defender our players because I know that they know I collar and tie before drinking could commence. even if we don’t win any of the three remaining R. Edmonds Midfield don’t mean it (hee-hee). Starting at the top of However the outcome was as follows and in the matches. P. Eckert Winger the list, we meet the most popular player in the tradition of the Miss World competition the G. W. WALKER K. Barnett Anywhere team (only because he holds the beer and food results are in reverse order. Third place went to Golf Secretary E. Farrel Defender money), that long-haired squirt who thinks he (need I say it) Don Duderiey with 32 stableford Football runs the secretary’s job smoothly. Hey that’s me points, second prize was secured with 34 pts. by With thanks to other players—worth a I’m talking about, so forget this last bit please, John Maidment for the second consecutive year As new Secretary of SWKP FC, full of ambition mention:— and substitute after ‘the most popular bloke in and the unexpected winner was Nick Edwards and so forth, the 1973—74season saw the start of C. Ingram, ‘Spud’ Taylor, P. Maranian, D. Dent, the team’, that handsome, modest, debonair, with 41 pts. Now for the important prizes—Mike a new league—a league of London Consultants J. Buck, C. Wright, M. Slinn etc., also thanks to charming, oh I must stop, otherwise there will Taylor took the highest gross score award with comprising 10 teams. At the time of writing this Richard Targett for refereeing our games. be no room for other sports writers to say any more than a double century of strokes and Mike article, SWKP were top of this league (needless With tempus fugiting I’ll finish up by saying thing. Naturally I am not going to say anything Slinn romped away with the prize for the highest to say the article was rushed so as to keep this that I’d like to think I’ve enjoyed my stretch as rude about myself, ‘cos its all been said before and score on the two nominated holes. The ladies statement correct). Secretary of SWKP FC but with these players anyway it’s not cricket. Say, that’s a stupid phrase, prize was of course won by Mrs. J. Maidment, Our first league game paired us with Binnie & no-one could, so my way of getting back at the but it does remind me that I have to say a few who I fear will soon be challenging for top Partners. (One of the co-founders of the league). players is to hand over to Garry Turner, who is words about that sport as well—’It’s Pete Marges honours in this event. John Cullen and Don On a cold, wet, blustery, muddy day, Binnies taking over the job as Coach. They are going to son now, coming in from the sightscreen end Breaky from the Glasgow Office did not, unfor played on our experience as a league side (yes, tear out his front teeth and put seats in. (that’s fooled you, because both ends have sight- tunately, get onto the prize list but it was a yes—everyone makes excuses when they lose) and Best of luck next season, lads. screens, but Pete is a big lad, if you wear glasses I 7—0, yet is pleasure to have them enter and do hope it we lost which as our only defeat of the BRIAN R. SOUTHWOOD that is) he bowls, tripping over the eight foot mat, has whet their appetites for a return trip next season. After a fine 2—2 draw with Sir William but the cheers go up as the off, middle and leg season. Halcrow & Partners and a 2—I win over Ove Darts stumps are pierced with his three darts. I’m Now for our next match, against Higgs and Arup’s, teams began to fear playing us (mainly getting confused now, so I’ll continue writing a ‘Good luck and good throwing lads and we’ll Hill, and yet another win. Due to the move from due to having Steve Hennessey in the side). In few more kind and respectful remarks about my win the league’. This was my last sentence taken Oxford Circus I was not able to play but under the latter part of the season teams were finding elders. Arthur Melton (you’ll find him playing from the Christmas issue of Pontifrict 1973. Well the captaincy of John Maidment we managed a it difficult to score goals past us so, feeling sorry with his coloured crayons) has been a sheer we didn’t win the league, and were in fact carrying 2-1 win over our friendly but formidable oppo for them, our back four helped them out with a delight to watch this season, I mean listen to really, the wooden spoon a lot of the time, only picking nents and by all accounts the usual good time few own goals. But with 3 league games to play as his jokes are usually better than his darts was had by all. SWKP are in a fairly strong position. up some valuable points towards the end of the throwing. season to finally end in sixth place. Next is Ted, but as I have mentioned before Ted plus beer equals darts, so that sums him FOOTBALL LEAGUE TABLE up. Who’s next, ah yes that handsome chap from the POINTs SWKP v. Binnie & Partners Lost 7—0 Printing department, Spud Taylor (I’m going SWKP v. Oscar Faber & Partners Won 4—1(N. Edwards 2, D. Weller, R. Edmonds) 1. British Petroleum 66 to the opticians tomorrow). He says that he must SWKP v. Sir William Halcrow & Partners Drew 2—2(N. Edwards 2) 2. Clerical Medical & General ‘A’ 63 have hush when he is concentrating. I wonder SWKP v. Harris & Sutherland WOn 3—1(B. Southwood 2, N. Edwards) 3. Abbey National Building Society 63 what he’s like in the bath! Another happening SWKP r. Ove Arup & Partners Won 2—I(I own goal, C. Ingram pen.) 4. Esso Petroleum 60 that came out of this season was waiting each SWKP v. Sir Alexander Gibb & Partners Default SWKP claiming points 5. British Steel Corporation ‘B’ 58 week for the now famous ‘Surridge Slip’ to appear. 6. Scott Wilson Kirkpatrick & Partners 54 1 will not explain what this is, but if one goes to SWKP PLAYED WON LOST DRAWN GOALS FOR GOALS AGAINST POINTS 7. British Steel Corporation ‘A’ 48 the pub where we play, and look at the various 6 4 1 1 11 12 9 8. National Coal Board 46 hole marks in the wall, usually at the top, one 9. Clerical Medical & General ‘B’ 46 may begin to understand what the SS means. 50 PONTIFACT No. 33 SUMMER. 974 51

DARTS The averages for our players were as follows: GAMES GAMES FINISHED SCORES OF HIGHEST PLAYED ON DOUBLE 100 PLL’S SCORE AVERAGE 1. Nick Edwards 12 6 7 130 62.85 2. Ted Cox 14 10 5 140 57.75

3. Spud Taylor 4 — — 98 53.58 4. Roger Abbott 9 3 3 116 50.82

5. Brian Selley 3 1 J 100 48.54 6. Paul Doo 8 7 2 100 47.83 7. Brian Southwood 5 4 3 117 44.81 8. Dave Foreman 9 4 3 119 41.71

9. John Surridge 12 — 3 120 40.23 10. Garry Turner 7 3 — 95 39.94

11. Chris Stackhouse 4 1 — 91 39.19

12. Pete Margesson 14 7 — 85 38.82

13. Arthur Melton 13 7 1 125 37.72

14. John Payn 3 1 — 85 37.52 15. Grant Smith 2 — — 93 36.43

16. Mick Melnyck 1 — — 45 30.00 54

DARTS The averages for our players were as follows: GAMES GAMES FINISHED SCORES OF HIGHEST PLAYED ON DOUBLE 100 PLL’S SCORE AVERAGE 1. Nick Edwards 12 6 7 130 62.85 2. Ted Cox 14 10 5 140 57.75

3. Spud Taylor 4 — — 98 53.58 4. Roger Abbott 9 3 3 116 50.82

5. Brian Selley 3 1 J 100 48.54 6. Paul Doo 8 7 2 100 47.83 7. Brian Southwood 5 4 3 117 44.81 8. Dave Foreman 9 4 3 119 41.71

9. John Surridge 12 — 3 120 40.23 10. Garry Turner 7 3 — 95 39.94

11. Chris Stackhouse 4 1 — 91 39.19

12. Pete Margesson 14 7 — 85 38.82

13. Arthur Melton 13 7 1 125 37.72

14. John Payn 3 1 — 85 37.52 15. Grant Smith 2 — — 93 36.43

16. Mick Melnyck 1 — — 45 30.00 54

against Clerical Medical ‘A’ Team. As I said, women he has a tendency to lose concentration Arthur scored the first winning double in the and in setting up certain delicate shots he tends final, and Ted managed the second to win 2—0 to drop them short. and thus collect the magnificent trophy, which I P,j £30 bail and I packet of Bob Martins hope you saw displayed in the sixth floor recep Vitamin tablets. tion in Winsley Street, and now displayed on the Dick Brown: Dick has been with the firm for many first floor of Scott House by the Cashier’s office. TEAM years and sadly his age is finally beginning to THE CELEBRATED DARTS Well that’s just about it. We have all enjoyed show. However during these years his experience From left to right: playing darts this season, and indeed look for ‘don’t I look pretty in photographs’ has been considerable and varied, and, because Grant ‘that’s a nice bit of plonk you have there, Nick’ Smith—Chris ward to playing in Basingstoke next season, but I think’ Turner—Brian ‘never mind the of this, his squash has deteriorated. Dick’s Stackhouse—Ted ‘I’m proud of you lads’ Cox—Garry ‘It’s mine, most of all, we are all very proud that we have a picture of me’ Southwood—John ‘the S.S.’ Surridge—Arthur ‘can you see my eye- reputation, as a cartoonist, has already spread to Cup, what about I been able to win, I believe, our first trophy from why it’s me. Basingstoke and at their next meeting the Basing- shadow’ Melton—Spud ‘1like you John’ Taylor—and that chap in the front, outside, in the name of’Scott Wilson Kirkpatrick stoke Council will be discussing measures to com & Partners. Well done! bat the latest outbreak of graffiti. After each NICK EDWARDS to where he Other players who deserve a mention are Paul a shield each to keep. It could have been a double- match Dick retires gracefully the bar may be seen sitting in a corner puffing contentedly Doo, who has gone back to his sheep I under winning evening in fact, as Ted bravely fought his Squash a he after stand, and the dark horse of our team, Roger way through to the semi-finals of the Single knock at cigar. Asked why always smoked a match he replied, I always do it once a week Abbott, yes look out for him in this year’s out but unfortunately was eliminated. However, The squash season has now finished and due to usually after a squash match, as it helps me to Donkey Derby! Also there is Brian Southwood in the team knock-out we won, with an out rising costs it has been forced upon the firm to who due to College on Wednesdays couldn’t play standing performance by one and all. It is difficult seek offers for some (if not all) of its squash relax’. Price: I cartoonist’s pencil and 5 packets of in our home matches, but proved himself to be to single out the best performance because Spud players. The following list was issued from our Bob Martins tablets. an admirable thrower in our away games. Yes, and indeed Brian were very consistent in their leaders office last week and it gives a brief conditioning the beer was sometimes off! throwing, but the glory, as in football and most description of each players abilities (if any), Kim Candler: Kim joined the firm last summer with the required. Now that I have mentioned nearly everyone, sports I suppose, goes to the person who actually together transfer fee and he has already made his mark—imprinted on as an afterthought, our performances in the wins the niatch. In this, little Arthur was superb, Peter Bentall: Peter joined the firm last year and his opponent in the first match of the season. The in League Competitions deserves to be written down finishing one game in the semi-final and one he quickly established himself as SWKP’s No. I use of a headband together with a multi-coloured (I nearly wrote written off). the final. Chris Stackhouse scored the other player. He uses the full width of the court and for outfit enables him to acquire a warlike appearance Yes, our gallant team came away with a magni double in the semi’s to win 2—1over the National a person of his age (35 next birthday) he moves which often frightens his opponents into loosing ficent cup as shown above with the team and also Coal Board, thus to go through to the final about the court well. However when playing with the match. Kim dashes about the court in ever PONTIFACT No. 33 52 SUMMER, 1974 53 decreasing circles in an attempt to reach the ball in the bar after the match, If the price of beer of the credit must be attributed to Peter Bentall, Rugb; and his philosophy throughout the game is, ‘if continues to increase and Graham plays in next who joined the firm just before the beginning of you can’t hit the ball, hit the man’. After seeing season’s matches then the allowance for a match the season, and it’s nice to know that staff services Our Firm have not played a game of Rugby in Kim in action you’ll soon see why. may have to be increased. are finally getting their priorities right. In the a little while now, but Ian Wilkinson of Planning Price: 2 headbands and a copy of the rules. Price: I bottle of 1927 Guinness. (A good year first round of the Costain Cup some inspired play Section has advised me that he hopes to be in a for Guinness). by Chris Wright and John Nutt enabled us to position shortly to arrange some matches. John Grey: John is undoubtedly one of the game’s Graham Walker: Graham only played in one beat Halcrows, but unfortunately success was Meanwhile another member of Planning Sec deep thinkers and he is probably the most astute match during the season but because of his rather short lived as we were convincingly beaten by tion, Geoff French, who left the then London player in our squad. However he is often caught Cementation in the next round. Our failure to offices in Winsley Street to work in our Plymouth at the back of the court thinking, about what we ‘unusual’ style of play he managed to completely outclass his His biggest handicap is beat Cementation was partly due to John Nutt Office oii the transportation study down there, can only guess, when he’d be better employed opponent. for he stated that he would only play in this match has been getting himself known as a Rugby playing squash. After the match, when the pace playing golf, for he holds a squash racket rather golf the game Graham often provided that the rest of the team carried some player by appearing in a local newspaper. The gets hot, John may be found in an Indian like a club. During levelling equipment, as he was having an exten article and heading which appeared in April is restaurant eating a curry. looks confused and this is because he wonders why he can never get a birdie at squash. sion built on his house. The squash secretary, as follows. Price: I thinking cap and a glass of water. not realizing what a wonderful opportunity Price: 3 boxes of golf balls—to be paid before was FRENCH SEALS HISTORIC being presented to him VICTORY Graham Hopper: Graham has only been playing the end of the golf season. to drop John from the FOR ALBION squash seriously for about one year. Since escap If anyone wishes to buy any of the above team, reluctantly agreed and carrying all that ing from the Chinese sector of the firm into the players would he or she please contact the leader. equipment down to Crystal Palace undoubtedly Rugby 13 pts. Plymouth Albion 24 pts. easy terms can be tired the team. However the story does not end detailing section he has received instruction in Viewing arrangements and Albion on their first visit to Webb Ellis Road there for after losing the first game of his match the art of squash froni Dick Brown but despite negotiated as the firm would like a quick sale. became the first side to win there since November, John stormed off the court and returned this handicap Graham has continued to play well. Last season has been quite a successful one five outshining such clubs as London Irish, Coventry, is we finished seventh in the Cementation minutes later carrying the staff, a level and the He is a hard hitter of the ball and this probably and Notts and Leicester. Three solo tries by right tripod. He set up the level in the middle of the due to the extra training the right arm receives league, our highest position for three years. Most winger Geoff French in the last ten minutes, court and started measuring the walls. His oppo swung the match for the Devon men, and all nent was so confused by these gamesmanship stemmed from Rugby’s handling mistakes. tactics that John was able to take control of the Albions bustling style, spoiling tactics game and was convincingly winning and when the quickness to tidy up mistakes, unbalanced game was abandoned due to lack of time. norm ally fluid Rugby, and they frequently found Several squash socials were held throughout them selves going backwards when in possession. the season and despite British Rail’s attempt, by French, his club’s leading try-scorer, took his not running any trains, to stop us reaching hat-trick well, twice sprinting home from inside Crystal Palace these socials were well attended. his own half. Full-back Les Ware had a com These socials were comparatively incident free petent game and never looked in any trouble, but Les (if it moves I’ll break it) Swan did manage even when Rugby forced four successive penalties to twist his knee. Some people will do anything under his posts in injury time. to get a few days off work! Ware put Albion ahead with an early penalty Finally it only remains for me to thank the goal, but Rugby skipper Alan Morris made a fine Partners for their support during the season and break for centre Roy Pebody to score and con to tell you that Kim Candler has agreed to take vert. Ware ran in for a try, but Ken Taylor kicked over the running of the squash for the next a penalty to keep Rugby in front at year. half-time. A try by hooker Barry Smith gave Rugby a KEITH BARNETT comfortable lead into the last quarter, but then came another Ware penalty and French’s Addendum three tries, one of which was converted by Ware. Keith Barnett: A regular performer, in spite of Well done from all of us, Geoff and keep those his other multifarious activities including those tries a-rolling in. as an active Member of the Institution of ‘long NICK EDWARDS and droll circulars to keep the firm amused’ Writers. On court, a sportsman who believes in playing to the gallery. Generously allowing his Sailing Club opponent to gain an apparently unassailable lead, There is very little news from this club. Minnie, ‘I Keith then proceeds to demolish him with un the Firm’s GP 14 dinghy, has been laid up for the L,4 //tZ says frani ca// ,s ou/ of p%im compromising gusto and a splendid range of winter and due to the skills, or luck of her and floop is naiLIevtz/”/’ delicate shots played off the wood. masters, she has not needed any repairs. How Price: A suitable consignment of laughing gas. ever the season is once again with us, and so far PONTIFACT No. 33 52 SUMMER, 1974 53 decreasing circles in an attempt to reach the ball in the bar after the match, If the price of beer of the credit must be attributed to Peter Bentall, Rugb; and his philosophy throughout the game is, ‘if continues to increase and Graham plays in next who joined the firm just before the beginning of you can’t hit the ball, hit the man’. After seeing season’s matches then the allowance for a match the season, and it’s nice to know that staff services Our Firm have not played a game of Rugby in Kim in action you’ll soon see why. may have to be increased. are finally getting their priorities right. In the a little while now, but Ian Wilkinson of Planning Price: 2 headbands and a copy of the rules. Price: I bottle of 1927 Guinness. (A good year first round of the Costain Cup some inspired play Section has advised me that he hopes to be in a for Guinness). by Chris Wright and John Nutt enabled us to position shortly to arrange some matches. John Grey: John is undoubtedly one of the game’s Graham Walker: Graham only played in one beat Halcrows, but unfortunately success was Meanwhile another member of Planning Sec deep thinkers and he is probably the most astute match during the season but because of his rather short lived as we were convincingly beaten by tion, Geoff French, who left the then London player in our squad. However he is often caught Cementation in the next round. Our failure to offices in Winsley Street to work in our Plymouth at the back of the court thinking, about what we ‘unusual’ style of play he managed to completely outclass his His biggest handicap is beat Cementation was partly due to John Nutt Office oii the transportation study down there, can only guess, when he’d be better employed opponent. for he stated that he would only play in this match has been getting himself known as a Rugby playing squash. After the match, when the pace playing golf, for he holds a squash racket rather golf the game Graham often provided that the rest of the team carried some player by appearing in a local newspaper. The gets hot, John may be found in an Indian like a club. During levelling equipment, as he was having an exten article and heading which appeared in April is restaurant eating a curry. looks confused and this is because he wonders why he can never get a birdie at squash. sion built on his house. The squash secretary, as follows. Price: I thinking cap and a glass of water. not realizing what a wonderful opportunity Price: 3 boxes of golf balls—to be paid before was FRENCH SEALS HISTORIC being presented to him VICTORY Graham Hopper: Graham has only been playing the end of the golf season. to drop John from the FOR ALBION squash seriously for about one year. Since escap If anyone wishes to buy any of the above team, reluctantly agreed and carrying all that ing from the Chinese sector of the firm into the players would he or she please contact the leader. equipment down to Crystal Palace undoubtedly Rugby 13 pts. Plymouth Albion 24 pts. easy terms can be tired the team. However the story does not end detailing section he has received instruction in Viewing arrangements and Albion on their first visit to Webb Ellis Road there for after losing the first game of his match the art of squash froni Dick Brown but despite negotiated as the firm would like a quick sale. became the first side to win there since November, John stormed off the court and returned this handicap Graham has continued to play well. Last season has been quite a successful one five outshining such clubs as London Irish, Coventry, is we finished seventh in the Cementation minutes later carrying the staff, a level and the He is a hard hitter of the ball and this probably and Notts and Leicester. Three solo tries by right tripod. He set up the level in the middle of the due to the extra training the right arm receives league, our highest position for three years. Most winger Geoff French in the last ten minutes, court and started measuring the walls. His oppo swung the match for the Devon men, and all nent was so confused by these gamesmanship stemmed from Rugby’s handling mistakes. tactics that John was able to take control of the Albions bustling style, spoiling tactics game and was convincingly winning and when the quickness to tidy up mistakes, unbalanced game was abandoned due to lack of time. norm ally fluid Rugby, and they frequently found Several squash socials were held throughout them selves going backwards when in possession. the season and despite British Rail’s attempt, by French, his club’s leading try-scorer, took his not running any trains, to stop us reaching hat-trick well, twice sprinting home from inside Crystal Palace these socials were well attended. his own half. Full-back Les Ware had a com These socials were comparatively incident free petent game and never looked in any trouble, but Les (if it moves I’ll break it) Swan did manage even when Rugby forced four successive penalties to twist his knee. Some people will do anything under his posts in injury time. to get a few days off work! Ware put Albion ahead with an early penalty Finally it only remains for me to thank the goal, but Rugby skipper Alan Morris made a fine Partners for their support during the season and break for centre Roy Pebody to score and con to tell you that Kim Candler has agreed to take vert. Ware ran in for a try, but Ken Taylor kicked over the running of the squash for the next a penalty to keep Rugby in front at year. half-time. A try by hooker Barry Smith gave Rugby a KEITH BARNETT comfortable lead into the last quarter, but then came another Ware penalty and French’s Addendum three tries, one of which was converted by Ware. Keith Barnett: A regular performer, in spite of Well done from all of us, Geoff and keep those his other multifarious activities including those tries a-rolling in. as an active Member of the Institution of ‘long NICK EDWARDS and droll circulars to keep the firm amused’ Writers. On court, a sportsman who believes in playing to the gallery. Generously allowing his Sailing Club opponent to gain an apparently unassailable lead, There is very little news from this club. Minnie, ‘I Keith then proceeds to demolish him with un the Firm’s GP 14 dinghy, has been laid up for the L,4 //tZ says frani ca// ,s ou/ of p%im compromising gusto and a splendid range of winter and due to the skills, or luck of her and floop is naiLIevtz/”/’ delicate shots played off the wood. masters, she has not needed any repairs. How Price: A suitable consignment of laughing gas. ever the season is once again with us, and so far SUMMER. 1974 54 PONTIFACT No. 33 55 our SWKP sailors have been causing havoc on solution but it would be a temporary measure if the Thames between Kingston and Hampton more suitable locations were found. Court almost every weekend. New members of the Firm are reminded that We are still searching for a new mooring closer if they wish to use the dinghy they should contact to Basingstoke and it seems the Thames at Read- me, in the new offices in Oliver House. Goodbye Piccadilly, Farewell ing is the most likely spot. This is not the ideal GORDON E. TRIGG Leicester Square PONTLFACT CROSSWORD by M. G. Ft. STEVENS & G. E. TRIGG (Solution on page 56)

i 2 3

‘—-7ollowing the escape to Niarobi of my After a short excursion down river we returned fellow organizer with my wife, my copy to pick up the late arrivals and begin in earnest, II:I!I;I:I:.: of CP 110 and £4 belonging to the late, the journey to darkest Greenwich. The evening great John Surridge, I have been pressed into was warm and sunny, and we were able to appre writing this account of the greatest social event ciate the beauty of the banks of the Thames, both :i:ii :I:ii:i: since the marriage of A & M, the SWKP in daylight going down, and by night returning. Riverboat Party. It seemed a pity that for most of us who worked .i:...:.I’ The evening began with anxious moments on in the metropolis for so long, that this was Westminster Pier, the rumours rife of confidence probably the first time we had seen some of the tricks and flights to Brazil, but all was dispelled pleasant things London can provide. when embarkation commenced—not only was It didn’t seem very long, however before the the trip actually taking place, but passengers were boat was returning to Westminster and the party being rewarded at the rate of SOp a head for their was drawing to an end. We hope everyone enjoyed faith in our honesty. (Now you know what it and we certainly appreciated the magnificent socialism is all about). response we received to the initial proposals. We I; The highlight of the evening was undoubtedly like to to I:.I:.:.I1! z would apologize for our failure provide the laying waste of the food table and the rugby the topless go-go dancer for the cabaret, but serum at the bar. What a spectacle—more like a following the reception she used to get from the : scene from the Decameron than a civilized gather four or five regular attenders of her performances ing of professional men and their wives—and all at the Green Man, she refused to appear before for a piece of strawberry gateau. Fortunately the a whole boat load of SWKP. food soon ran out and we were able to concen .:I:p;I.I :i:i: See you on the Basingstoke Canal. ; trate on the serious business of bidding farewell to London. PETER F. WHATLING ACROSS DOWN I. Call sign that is known to follow strange point (9) 1. Greek letter by instrumentalist (5) 5. She is the senior man? (5) 2. District points before after and among present 8. It applauds changes in synthetic material (7) times (7) 10. Cobbler’s model wildcat following end of play 3. Learning to read? Nothing in it! Well almost (4, 3) nothing (4) II. Cycle or bridle path (4) 4. Urgent call to Rod holds up the wire (9, 4) 12. Problems when horse gets inside ship (5) 5. Nitty-gritty in singing is tone (4) A Century of Soil Mechanics 13. Fifty from perfection? That’s a thought! (4) 6. Ian is wild about the French theologist in panto 16. Dismay as damage to rear of ship comes between mime (7) officer and country (13) 7. Additional measure for the road? (5, 4) A book has recently been published by the real advance in knowledge when it was published 17. The fading mist gives owl’s luncheon (8, 5) 9. Bird sanctuary in the Atlantic? (6, 7) Institution of Civil Engineers entitled A Century and contributed something of real value. 19. Colour when I am in explosive situation (4) 14. Room for learning? (5) of Soil Mechanics which traces the links between The staff will be interested to know that a paper 15. Sift noisy disturbances (5) 20. The vessel is backwardly checked every week (5) the earlier British Studies and those of the present presented by Guthlac Wilson and Henry Grace 21. Is dismal poet retarded? (4) 16. Make the Tory way, one hundred in the groove (9) 25. Dirty relative and five hundred missing (7) 17. Graduate can return the French chain (7) day. on Tile Settlement of London (tile to the under- 26. In the end anger only makes one more so (7) 18. Gangster to starboard, O.K.! (7) The volume contains a selection of papers drainage of the London Clay is included in this 27. Trade changes step (5) 22. I’d got into bed and waited (5) published between 1844 and 1946 by the Insti volume. The paper was Published by the Institu rodent in replete state is 23. Cattle by ear, say (4) 28. Socially acceptable tution of Civil Engineers. Each paper marked a tion in 1942 and was awarded a Telford Premium. soaked (9) 24. He gives the railways regal style as a rabbit (4) SUMMER. 1974 54 PONTIFACT No. 33 55 our SWKP sailors have been causing havoc on solution but it would be a temporary measure if the Thames between Kingston and Hampton more suitable locations were found. Court almost every weekend. New members of the Firm are reminded that We are still searching for a new mooring closer if they wish to use the dinghy they should contact to Basingstoke and it seems the Thames at Read- me, in the new offices in Oliver House. Goodbye Piccadilly, Farewell ing is the most likely spot. This is not the ideal GORDON E. TRIGG Leicester Square PONTLFACT CROSSWORD by M. G. Ft. STEVENS & G. E. TRIGG (Solution on page 56)

i 2 3

‘P JTl F A CTIG 6RA 7EC

A 8p L A S T I 9C I’A S T C T

D A 1RI I DjE N A G S I’i E II l’s CONjSTERNATION I N:i7I’M I D N I G H T F E4i:ii S T P 121D R ‘t I N T i o A 6 19 l2 2 NCLEANII1IF NRAGED I:Ii c.I IR 0 I lE ‘27 TREAD SATURATED Crossword Solution swic THIRTY-THREE BER NUM 1974 MER SUM

PONTIFACT LTD. MOUNTAIN sw] LONDON, WIGHTMAN /TT ENGLAND WESTMINSTER IN TRINIEl)