Texas Limestone Bouldering

1 Texas Limestone Bouldering

No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing.

Inquiries should be addressed to:

Rock Hound Publishing Kyle, Texas 78640 [email protected] www.erockonline.com

FIRST EDITION

First Printing (2007)

Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Jackson, Jeff Texas Limestone Bouldering

ISBN 0-9772834-0-2 Pbk

Printed in the United States of America

Published by Sean O’Grady and Rock Hound in Austin, Texas

COVER PHOTO: MALORY COX ON ABASH, ROGERS PARK FACING PAGE: KELLY BURNS ON SENOR FUENTE, ROGERS PARK Credit: Merrick Ales (merrickales.com)

2 3 Preface

Its been 6 years since the last guide from Homo Aggro Press littered the shelves of your local bibliotech and now, like a homunculus climbing out of the petri dish, here's another: Texas Limestone Bouldering.

I know what you're thinking: Where in the hell has that slacker, the author, been all these years? I was wondering the same thing. I heard all the rumors. Fabulously rich off the proceeds from the best-selling guides Texas Limestone and Mexico Rock, he was said to be living among the Dani people in Irian Jaya wearing a penis sheath and holed-up in a debris hut farming yams. An- other report had him dug-in down in Bolivia-- acting, appropriately enough, as king of a pygmy tribe and staying whacked out on a crazy hallucinogen his wives blew up his butthole with a hollowed out reed.

That sounded about right. Depraved, red-eyed, jittery and forlorn, just the way I remembered him.

I'll admit I was happy to see the last of him five years ago when he turned in the misspelled, handwritten scrawl that became Mexico Rock, a guide to the climbing in Nuevo Leon, Zacatecas, Coahuilla and Guadalajara. He's shady. Not somebody you'd want to have dogging your tracks or knowing where you live. In fact, my mansion was ransacked soon after our last meeting and "somebody" stole all my stereos and Body Butter. I wonder who?

As fate would have it, the limestone bluffs around Central and South Texas turned out to house some of the best god damned bouldering on planet Earth and a crew of steel-tempered mutants (Texans) have been hauling their crash pads around and clambering up them for years, producing a zillion and a half of those mini-climbs known to “those who know” as Boulder Problems. These problems were cropping up fast and furious and before long there were so many problems that people began to forget where they all were. What were their names and grades? Which ones were worth throwing yourself at? Clearly, the time had arrived for a new guidebook and, unfortunately, there was only one person with enough "free-time" and tolerance for mindless in- dexing capable of writing it. Yes, I had to track him down again. Pull him out of whatever hole he'd crawled into, sober him up, kill the body lice, shave his back, disinfect his mouth and feet, give him a camera and a Big Chief writing pad and send him out to catalog all this wealth—Texas Limestone Boulder- ing.

God, it was disgusting! I'll spare you the details. Suffice it to say he wasn't wearing a penis sheath or king of the pygmies. No, he was living right here in Central Texas, in a kind of tent with no running water or plumbing, smeared in ashes, catching fish out of the creek with his bare hands and eating them 4 scales and all, singing bits of doggerel like “The trees sneeze. The sneeze tease.” Crap like that.

Luckily, he wasn't insane, or at least he was sane enough, and after a lot of rewriting, revision and Dr. Bronner's soap, I have taken his notes and turned them into something that you, the Texas Limestone Boulderer, can use to find your way to some of the grandest and most gratifying grimping in our glori- ous realm.

And if one day, at the top of that amazing V5 you finally send after minutes or months of striving, you find it in your heart to shout out a few words of appreciation for this helpful and informative tome, for God's sake man, don't thank the author, thank me,

Mr. X CEO Homo Aggro Press Austin, Texas, USA

Apologies

The author would like to apologize right now to anybody I might piss off by publishing this guide. I’m sorry. I’d like to apologize for any butt-clenching that goes on because of offensive language. I’d like to apologize for leaving your name out of this guide. In fact, I’ve included a space at the end of this sentence for you to write your name: ______(Bad Ass Mo Fo). I’d like to apologize for including your name in this guide. For getting you lost. For leaving out your secret area. For including your secret area. For long-winded digressions. For misrepresenting facts. For being too silly. I’m sorry.

5 FROM THE YANKEE An Uninformed & Paranoid Interlude (or is it a Preface?) By Andrew Bisharat

When Jeff Jackson asked me to write a bit for his new guidebook, I hid being honored—since that is a sign of weakness, which I avoid at all costs, especially when dealing with unscrupulous Texans—and showed penetrating suspicion. Never turn the key if your car runs out of oil, and never trust a first ascentionist when they tell you their new area is “awesome.” Trust me on this; these are rules I rely on to keep me safe in lawless lands.

I’ve never bouldered in Texas and, truth be told, I’d prefer to keep it that way. Texas is too big for its own good and I detest it for that. Owning too much ter- ritory drives people into xenophobic frenzies, which, as history proves, always end in bloodshed. Texans want to Win at all costs and will do whatever it takes to avoid Losing, which may as well be the eighth deadly sin down there. Just thinking about the boundless and overbearing state-pride that shoots out of every can of Lone Star makes me think I could slap puppies without remorse.

Why does every Texan feel a responsibility (or perhaps liberty?) to be on con- stant patrol in order to Keep the Peace? To wit: the ubiquitous freedom-trucks, polished and oversized, with all sorts of unnecessary antennas shooting out of the cab like a godless Russian satellite. It’s as if when you’re born in Texas, you’re handed a badge and a weapon and a road map leading to Colorado. Driving anywhere in Texas feels like creeping around a pack of sleeping rabid wolverines—a scrawny word-thief like myself doesn’t stand a chance, so I avoid Texas like Florida, another state that, for all I care, can go to the place where state’s go to die.

Wait, what is the point of this again? Ah, yes, a bit for a bouldering guidebook. Hang on … a guidebook for bouldering? That’s like using a cheat-sheet in the sack: completely uninspired and lame (though perhaps there are some women in this world who might suggest I reconsider that stance). I’m noticing a lot (2) of question marks in this paragraph so far, which leads me to believe that I’m Confused about why “Uncle Jefe” (the self-prescribed, and my favorite, nickname for this lifelong dirtbag cum scholar) even asked me to write something about Texas bouldering.

So, in case you haven’t been able to figure this out (and if you haven’t, you’re missing a frontal lobe; bouldering will be too difficult for you, so put down this book and pick up instead, “Slackline For Dummies,” which might still be too advanced for dumb-dumb you), I don’t know anything about Texas or Texas bouldering. Actually, the bouldering looks awesome. So try as hard as you can to ignore your ingrained Texas instincts to come to Colorado, and enjoy what you’ve got—a ton of slopey, pocketed limestone bathing in 100- 6 degree humid heat which, to get there, requires maneuvering around xenophobic freedom fighters in armored Ford battle-buggies looking to beat you like a drum. Yikes!

Warning

You can die bouldering or be seriously injured or mauled. You might, for example, fall and stumble backwards and crack your brainpan against an adja- cent rock or the ground. You might pull off a loose block and it could land on your head and squash your skull. You could pull off a rock and crush your spotter. You might fall and twist, shatter, break or dislocate your ankle, knee, shoulder, finger, spine or neck. You could, because of the technical difficulty of a given problem, tweak, stretch, rip or break any number of tendons, liga- ments, bones or internal organs.

BOULDERING IS DANGEROUS!!!!!

Do not depend on this book for your personal safety. Your safety is your responsibility. Good judgment and assessment of your ability are the only prerequisites for taking up climbing. Knowing when to back off and downclimb or when to completely decline attempting a dangerous problem will go a long way toward keeping your ass unbroken.

Let's get one thing straight from the start: YOUR ASS IS YOUR RESPON- SIBILITY. There are no warranties, whether express or implied, that this guidebook is accurate or that the information contained herein is reliable. Your use of this guide implies an assumption of risk and an acknowledgment of your sole responsibility for your safety.

If you fall and fuck yourself up please don't blame the author, Mr. X, the rock, the city, the government, the weather, the Gods or your momma. YOUR SAFETY IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

Don't be a putz, dude. Don't sue. If you fall and get broken, shut up and heal.

THE AUTHOR, PUBLISHER, AND PRINTER EXPRESSLY DISCLAIM ALL REPRESENTATIONS AND WARRANTIES REGARDING THIS GUIDE, THE ACCURACY OF THE INFORMATION HEREIN, AND THE RESULTS OF YOUR USE, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITA- TION, IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FIT- NESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. THE USER ASSUMES ALL RISK ASSOCIATED WITH THE USE OF THIS GUIDE. YOU ARE RE- SPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN CLIMBING SAFETY.

7 Table of Contents

Introduction 10

Plano 17

Dallas 17

Mineral Wells 19

Graham Paradise on the Brazos 23

Cleburn The Chisolm Wall 26 Hostility Boulders 26 Nolan River 31

Hillsboro Lake Whitney 46

Meridian Bee Ledge 48

Waco Tonkawa Falls 51

Belton Roger's Park 78

Georgetown South San Gabriel 98 Highway 21 98

Austin Area 57 99 Bucket Cave 101 Bull Creek 108 Bottle Cap 115 Seider Creek 117 Gooch Traverse 117 U. T. 118 Tenth Street Bridge 119 Mosquito Bridge 119 Soccer Fields 119 8 Sunken Gardens 120 Greenbelt: Barton Springs 120 Ka Knee Knee's 121 The Sink 122 The Balrog Wall 122 Campbells Hole 122 The Enclave 123 Across from Enclave 130 The New Wall 130 Gus Fruh 131 The Scumalong 141 Urban Assault 141 Almost Enlightened 142 Sanctuary 143 Seismic Wall 143 Get Some Jack 143 The Pancreas 144 Girls Are Funny 144 The Bad Boulder 144 The Tronics 146 McKinney Falls 149

Wimberley The White Trash Wall 168

Dripping Springs Pedernales Falls 170 Falls Area 170 Camping Area Wolf Mountain Loop 172 Park Boulder 172 Tobacco Creek 179 Reimer's Ranch 181 Pace Bend Park 201

San Antonio Guadalupe River Cliffs 202 Route 3160 203 281 Roof 204 Red Bluff 204

Pecos River Continental Ranch 219

9 Introduction

What is bouldering? A simple answer would be that bouldering is rock climbing without ropes. Boulder is a verb. It doesn’t matter how high the rock is. If you climb it without a rope, you boulder it.

Although this definition might satisfy the neophyte and give him or her the idea that they comprehend the basic flavor of the sport, any seasoned boulderer will affirm that you really don’t know shit about bouldering until you are standing on tiny edges, holding wrinkles twenty-five feet above a patch of foam rubber laid over hunks of sharp talus. That’s when the “no ropes” part penetrates consciousness. If you dyno and snag the lip, you’re a boulderer. If you downclimb and take off your shoes, you should probably climb with a rope. You may also wish to malign bouldering as a subset of “real climbing,” talk about your favorite pieces of natural protection and discuss ethics. Here’s an example of the way a non-boulderer might conduct him/herself when asked if they want to go bouldering. “Um, nope, I don’t boulder. I’m mainly a trad climber. I want to try out my new Black Diamond Gizmometer on Texas Flakes today at Erock. Besides, someone wiped a booger on that V4 at McKinney Falls. I think that’s unethical and disgusting. My friends and 10 I actually consume our toilet paper when we’re on the trail. Boulderer’s are always scrubbing at the rock with their little toothbrushes. Do you think the rock likes to be scrubbed?” Etc.

No, saying that bouldering is rock climbing without ropes is like saying that intercourse is kissing with other body parts. Too much is left unsaid.

Bouldering isn’t just exercise, it’s spiritual exercise. The lack of accoutrement helps open Blake’s doors of perception. Ropes and gear mediate the climbing experience. The boulderer only moves. A rock and a body. Movement and a mind. Patanjali, in his Yoga Sutras, says that “yoga is the cessation of mind movements.” On the good days, bouldering is yoga.

Bouldering is stupid. Lets face it, if George Mallory couldn’t explain why he climbed Mount Everest, then we’re gonna be hard-pressed to rationalize climbing a boulder. Why boulder? Because its fun. Bouldering is the op- posite of working. Bouldering is inane, nugatory and vain. Bouldering is completely useless.

Maybe that’s why boulderers have always been so irreverent. Bouldering is play and success has always taken a back seat to fun among Texas boulderers.

Let’s see, have I left anything out? Did I mention that bouldering is the fastest way to improve your roped climbing? Did I mention that Texas is one of the best places to boulder in the whole wide world? Did I mention the snakes, centipedes and scorpions? Did I mention POISON OAK? Did I mention sandbagging? No? Well, I see there’s still some things left to discover on your own. Bon Voyage! Buenas Suerte! And don’t forget to muckle.

Emergencies:

Here’s a stick. Bite it.

Bouldering History:

John Gill.

Later:

The specific history of Texas limestone bouldering is bigger than a breadbox, but not much bigger. In fact, I’m going to lift the entire sordid lot of it out of a brain no bigger than mine, which is a size Small. So forgive me if I forget to mention your contribution. If you don’t see your name below, it isn’t an indictment of your creativity or 11 ability. Nope, it just means that it slipped my addled brain like a wide receiver jukes a cornerback. If you do make the list, however, it means you’re a legend in your own time. Naked women/men will fall at your feet or walk backwards toward you depending on your particular fetish. You will be rich and your glands will produce an oily musk. Animals will be attracted to you and birds will perch on your arms. Children will want to sit near you at the dentist office. Your heart will be one with the infinite and your shit will smell like blooming oleander. You will find a tree that grows ten-dollar bills and own a donkey that pisses lemonade.

Really, who the hell cares? There’s a good chance that Maugi, a three-fingered Lipan Apache born near Goliad, Texas in 1605, brushed and sent all the problems anyway. So relax and take my Texas Limestone Bouldering Genealogy with a big dose of the salts. Here are a few of the Kings who have influenced Texas Limestone Bouldering by finding new rock, sending new problems or keeping everybody psyched.

Texas Limestone Bouldering Genealogy

70’s and 80’s: Father Clem, Bob Murray, Mike Head, Keith Guillory, James Crump, Bill “Copperhead” Gooch, Dave Head, Robert Price, “Montana” John Gogas, Dan McClure, Barry “Bluebeard” Wilson, Hank “The Mindless Won- der” Caylor, Scott “Stupid Brother” Harris, Greg Brooks, Duane “Onan J. Goat” Raleigh, Jack “Never Say Take” Mileski

90’s: “Lucky” Mike Klein, Alex “Dominance” Catlin, Eerik Harmes, Dave Cardosa, Paul “Rock” Clark, Tony “Jungleman” Faucett, Kevin “Charlie Nava” Gallagher, Rick “Viceman” Watson, Tom Scales, Wayne “Dr. Thrill” Crill, Adam Strong, James Harrison

2,000 - Now: Rupesh “Mysterious Muscles” Chhagan, Clayton “Irreverent Youth” Reagan, B-rad Web, Scott Steiner, Patrick “PO” O’Donnell, Matt “Tweakman” Twyman, “Wrasslin” John Myrick, “San Antonio” Joe Sulak, Chris Hagerty, Dave Hagerty, John Garcia, Dave Tekyl, Andy Klier, Andrew Oliver, “Queen” Lizzy Asher

New Generation:

You know who you are.

12 Ethics:

Ethical debates in Texas have always been resolved by trading blows to the head. The disagreeing parties flip a marked chip of limestone and the winner is awarded the first blow. The loser inclines his or her head to the side, presenting a clear shot at the temple. The winner doubles his fist tight, rears back and brings it down with all the force she can muster, seeking to bludgeon the other combatant senseless. If the first party is still standing, they take their best shot. And the spectacle goes on until one or the other, the ethical trans- gressor or self-righteous rock policeman, lies in a heap on the ground, blood seeping from his nose and ears.

The most famous instance of an ethical debate occurred in 1980 when Flana Blubberry actually killed Dingus Milquetoast with a single blow to the head because he was using the new Boreal sticky rubber to ascend the Gooch Tra- verse on Shoal Creek. “He cheated,” she said.

HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE

Sample Topo

13 Sample Boulder Overview:

Abbreviations:

SU - Stand Up Start SD - Sit Down Start LS - Low Start

Ratings:

Rating a boulder problem is like listening to Goldilocks when she says that the chair is too big. What the hell does Goldilocks know? She’s probably four feet tall, skinny as a stick bug and her ape index is negative three. Of course the damn chair is too big. It’s Daddy Bear’s goddamn chair! Boy, that story really pisses me off.

Maybe you should keep that story in mind when considering the rating of boulder problems. Height, weight, width of fingers, the presence of a vesti- gial tail; these are some things to consider when contemplating the grade of a given problem. ITS ALL REALTIVE, FOR CRIPES SAKE!

For example, I am six feet tall and my fingers look like the logs in a Salvador Dali painting. Trying to scrunch up under a roof and ram my digits into a tight, sharp pocket undercling at Roger’s Park might be a V9 contortionist circus- show for me, while Mike Klein, with his short, svelte, leprechaun physique and slender fingers might eat a barbecue sandwich at the crux and pronounce my desperate a “fluffy” V2. In fact, Mike almost always does that.

14 Rating boulder problems is like ranking poems. Who’s to say that Keats’ “beauty is truth, truth is beauty”, is a better line than Harrison’s “Older, the flavors of earth are more delicious?”

Come on, that would be silly. It is, however, what we do when we say that these three moves are V5. It’s a very smelly business, the rating of boulder problems.

Boulder problems in this guide are rated using the V scale, which was invented by John “Vermin” Sherman to grade boulder problems at the Hueco Tanks outside of El Paso, Texas. Sherman once confided in me that he wished he’d never invented the V scale because it popularized bouldering. He said that people can now compare themselves to their friends and mark their progress by this arbitrary scale and that if he had it to do over again, he never would have published the Hueco Guide and let the Frankenstein out of the dungeon. “But,” he said, “you can’t squeeze toothpaste back into the tube.”

Nope, you can’t. So we’ll use the V scale with this caveat: You can’t “rate” boulder problems. Every problem will always be reduced to three grades, the ones you can do, the ones you can almost do and the ones you can’t touch.

Consider these words, written over thirty years ago, by John Gill, the grandpa of American bouldering: “Elegance still demands attention but runs a poor second to conquest. Lacking the formal rules of other competitive sporting events, climbing overcompensates and suffers severely through a rigid soci- etal paradigm imposed by the contemporary climbing community. Great technical progress has been made in the last 20 years, but at the expense of creative metaphysical and spiritual diversification. Although there is a substantial va- riety, the philosophical premises of difficulty and risk remain inviolate. The very structure of the language we use imposes conceptual barriers. Even so slight a concession as the use of terms such as ‘5.10,’ ‘XS’ or ‘B1’ ensnares the climber in the inflexible paradigm. There are, nevertheless, other ways to approach [bouldering], ways that open the mind to aesthetic and mystical ex- periences and allow this unique medium to be a vehicle for reorientation with one’s environment; ways that are inaccessible unless we intentionally avoid emersion in the strong beguiling current of the midstream with its almost ir- resistible inertia.”

Gear:

One of the nicest things about bouldering is the simplicity in terms of gear. All you really need to boulder is a chunk of rock and some will. A pair of climbing shoes and a chalk bag will increase your enjoyment and enlarge your options. To safely ascend many problems in this guide you’ll need a spot pad. I would recommend a Metolius pad, since they are firmer and more durable 15 than other brands. If you wish to climb all day on sharp limestone pockets or jam steep granite cracks at Enchanted Rock, you’ll need a couple of rolls of tape. Curity makes the stoutest athletic tape. To round out your gear arsenal, you’ll need a brush. Any stiff toothbrush will work for scrubbing caked chalk off popular problems. The best brush is a gun brush, a toothbrush-shaped tool used to clean firearms. If you are planning on plucking a few first ascents on the granite at Enchanted Rock, you might need a wire brush to scrub off lichen. Please note that any metal brush will damage limestone. A wire brush can only be employed to clean granite. Again, if you use a metal brush on limestone it will polish or alter the holds and somebody is liable to whoop your ass or challenge you to an “ethical debate.” (See above). Finally, the two most essential tools for bouldering: brains and balls. Use your brain to de- cipher the safest way to ascend a problem. Where can you jump off? Where do you place your spot pad? Where should your spotter stand? Once you’ve used your brain and determined that a given problem is safe and doable, you can use your cojones to send it up. (Note: The term “balls” is not used in a pejorative fashion to mean the dual appurtenances that swing between the legs of men. “Balls” refers only to that quality of gusto and chutzpah necessary to ascend a given boulder problem. In fact, many women possess “balls” in abundance though no wrinkly sack dangles in the dead space of their shorts.)

Texas Bouldering Gear List

Must Have: Rock Will Should Have Climbing Shoes Chalk Bag Metolius Spot Pad Might Want: Curity Athletic Tape Gun Brush Don’t Leave Home Without: Brains Balls (see above)