Psych Spec Script: "Baby You're a Firework"

by

Robert F. Peterson

Robert F. Peterson 21-15 27th Street Astoria, NY 11105

516 // 582 // 1300 [email protected] @robertfpeterson robertfpeterson.com 2.

EXT. BACKYARD - DAY Overlay: 1987 SHAWN stands in his father's backyard holding a bottle rocket. SHAWN Gus, do you realize what this means? GUS Yeah. Punishment, no TV, a lifelong scar and possible limb amputation. SHAWN You're no fun. This is liberation. This is liberty. This is our destiny! The beginning of our future as pyrotechnics, touring the world with traveling circuses and blasting the sky with showers of fire that will help solidify the dreams of kids everywhere and their dream of living life on the edge. GUS Nope. Beat. GUS (CONT'D) Not me, SHAWN. You know I always wanted to be a salesman with a wife and three kids. I don't have unrealistic dreams like you! SHAWN C'mon, Gus! You're really bringing me down. Shawn starts patting down the pockets on the front of his button up shirt. SHAWN (CONT'D) I can't find the matches. Give them to me. 3.

GUS No way, Shawn. You know your Dad is going to be home any minute and he's going to call my parents and then bye-bye fun-loving Gus and hello Burton - go to bed with no dinner - Guster. And you know tonight is taco night. Shawn continues to pat his shirt and then continues to his jeans, he starts to pat the front and seemingly finds something. He reaches in and pulls out a small box of matches. SHAWN Niceeeeeee. Now stand back, Gus, and bask in my eternal glory! Shawn opens up the box of matches, reaches in and grabs one. He goes to strike the match on the side of the box and nothing happens. SHAWN (CONT'D) What the. Shawn continues to run the match on the side of the box, at first slowly and then increasingly more frantic. This continues until he finally decides to take another, this yields the same result. GUS You see, Shawn, this was a really dumb idea. You don't even know how to strike a match and you think you're going to launch that bottle rocket into the sky. SHAWN It's going to happen. You watch. Shawn, now more determined then ever, starts taking out each match one-by-one and striking it against the side of the box. Each match increases his frustration and determination. Suddenly we hear clapping. HENRY (O.C.) Shawn, you never cease to amaze me! SHAWN Oh, shoot. Shawn throws the bottle rocket to Gus. 4.

SHAWN (CONT'D) Oh. Beat. SHANW (CONT'D) Uh. Hi, Dad. We were just, uh, hanging out. Right, Gus? GUS Yeah, Mr. Spencer, just, uh, standing around and trying to listen to the ocean. Shawn shoots a look at Gus pretty much saying "that's the best you can do?". Gus shrugs his shoulders admitting defeat. HENRY I'm proud in some ways, Shawn. I really am. You somehow avoided all my traps and I hardly even noticed you got to the bottle rocket. Of course leaving it in such an obvious place I knew you wouldn't be able to resist. Henry kneels down next to Shawn. HENRY (CONT'D) But you missed something really, really simple, and that's what is puzzling. You see, Shawn, when all the pieces don't fit it means something is wrong. Gus sees that this ticking time bomb is about to go off and tries to slyly leave the backyard and go home. HENRY (CONT'D) Gus, stay right there. Your parents are on their way. GUS Shoot. Beat. GUS (CONT'D) Thanks, Shawn, now taco night is cancelled. HENRY You live with those choices, Gus. 5.

Henry focuses his attention on Shawn. HENRY (CONT'D) Now look around again. See what the problem is. Shawn is annoyed by this request. SHAWN C'mon, Dad. I'm not in the mood. Plus you're blaming me and clearly Gus is the one with the bottle rocket. GUS HEY! HENRY Gus, don't worry I know it was Shawn. Apparently he thinks I'm blind and didn't see him throwing the bottle rocket to you. Shawn Vision takes over the screen and Shawn notices that the strike-pad on the side of the matchbox doesn't have any streaks but does have scratches. He then focuses on the matches on the floor, all of them are missing the tips. He then focuses on the remaining matches in the box and those, too, are missing the tips. SHAWN You cut off the tips of the matches? That's slightly disturbing and must've taken hours. HENRY (Contemplative) Yeah, it was kind of a laborious task... Beat. HENRY (CONT'D) But it was well worth it. Now every hour I did that will be the amount of days you will be grounded. It took me about three- and-a-half hours so we will round that up - 6.

SHAWN But, Dad, I learned my lesson and I think I already served my punishment by seeing the error in my dreams of being a pyrotechnic. So if you'll excuse me I'm going to call Gus' parents and we are going to focus on our real dream of being the next Ebony & Ivory. GUS I call dibs on Paul McCartney HENRY That doesn't even make sense - Beat. HENRY (CONT'D) I can't believe I just responded to that. Shawn, you're grounded for a week. Gus, I think I hear your parents pulling up. Henry puts his hand back on Shawn's shoulder HENRY (CONT'D) Shawn, this really is for your own good. You'll see that I was right one of these days.

EXT. BEACH PARKING LOT - DAY Shawn and Gus are walking next to each other and both have cups of ice cream, Shawn then starts drinking the melted ice cream goodness from the cup. SHAWN Kareem! Shawn mimics Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and his famous "sky hook". The slow motion footage makes us feel what Shawn is imagining, it's late in the 4th Quarter, his team is down by one in the closing seconds and this basket will win the NBA Championship. We follow the cup as it flies through the air and straight into Gus' face. GUS What the hell was that? 7.

SHAWN Gus, that was a perfect shot. It was going right into that garbage can. GUS That shot that just flew into my face was going into that garbage can over there? We see that despite the fact that Shawn threw the cup into Gus' face there was really no chance he would've made the shot given the garbage can was over 20 feet away. SHAWN Gus, you know I have a super-human arm. Remember that no-hitter I threw in little league. GUS You walked three batters and then hit Bobby Jenkins in the back. He started crying so much that he hyperventilated and couldn't finish the game and then his team had to forfeit. SHAWN It was one of my finest moments. GUS No, Shawn, it was one of your worst. You started crying too and we didn't even get pizza after because you were so upset. SHAWN That was me being sympathetic and trying to help Bobby out. It's embarrassing crying in front of all those people, he needed my support. I'm a great friend. GUS Shawn, you're incorrigible. SHAWN Yes, I am adorable. You're so sweet. GUS I can't even deal with you. Beat. 8.

GUS (CONT'D) Wait, was there any ice cream left in that cup? You better not have gotten any ice cream on me. There is a decent glob of ice cream on the shoulder of Gus' shirt. SHAWN In the 20-something years we have known each other have you ever seen me waste even a drop of ice cream. GUS Pft, I'd be lucky if you even gave me a taste sometimes. SHAWN You got that right. Both men fist bump. LASSITER and JULIA are both on the beach examining the body of a man who has apparently been the victim of a terrible pyrotechnic accident. The man's clothes are all burnt and his hands are literally blown off, as if he was holding the firework when it exploded. LASSITER Damn. JULIA Yeah, I know the feeling. But at the look of this blast he probably didn't feel any pain. LASSIDER What? I don't care about this goon! This is clearly an accidental death. Lassiter looks over to the other officers. LASSIDER Bag him and tag him, boys. Shawn and Gus reach the scene of the crime. SHAWN Doggie or Plastic? LASSIDER Har. Har. Har. 9.

Beat. LASSIDER (CONT'D) Burton, what the hell happened to your shirt? Park under a tree? Lassiter turns around to reveal that he too fell victim to a bird's droppings. LASSIDER (CONT'D) Yeah, it got me too. GUS Shawn. You said it was empty. Beat. Gus' face almost turns white as if he saw a ghost. GUS (CONT'D) Oh, damn. What the- Cut to: opening credits End of Teaser. 10.

EXT. BEACH - DAY - CONTINUOUS SHAWN Gus, don't be a wimp - Shawn vision takes over and he notices that his left hand isn't mangled but completely missing as if amputated or a birth defect. Shawn vision then zooms in on the sand behind the victims head which is now red from blood. Shawn vision then zooms in on a small line of wet sand indicating potential foul play. Shawn vision then zooms in on the shore line and even at high tide there is no chance the small line could be from the ocean given the proximity of the body. SHAWN (CONT'D) No bagging! LASSIDER What? No. Ignore him. Everyone keep going about your business. JULES Shawn, what is it? SHAWN This wasn't an accident, this man was Beat. SHAWN (CONT'D) Mur- GUS MURDERED! SHAWN What? What was that? GUS What was what? SHAWN You stole my reveal. It's like the one thing I look forward to on this job. 11.

GUS You always get to reveal. I wanted my time in the spotlight, Shawn. LASSIDER While I assure you this disagreement is enjoyable for all of us - I can't believe I am asking this - what do you see Shawn? SHAWN For a firework to do that much damage it would be too big to hold with one hand and he would have to hold it under his arm. LASSITER Or both hands. SHAWN Ah yes, Lassie, that is correct - Shawn then turns around with a shocked face and holds his arm up in the air hiding his hand in the sleeve.

SHAWN (CONT'D) Too bad his other hand was either amputated or he was... Beat. SHAWN (CONT'D) BOOOOOOOOORN WITHOUT ONE!

INT. CORONER'S OFFICE - DAY Shawn, Gus and Coroner Woody Strode are all standing in the examination room where the dead body from the beach is laid on a steel table. SHAWN So Woody, what do we have here? Woody dips a chip into a steel dish and eats it, clearly enjoying what he just consumed. WOODY I have some pate over here and let me tell you this is one of the best dishes I ever had. Nothing quite like fresh liver. 12.

GUS Oh, no. I don't play that game. WOODY It's absolutely great. You should try some, Gus. I know Shawn will try it. SHAWN Woody, we've been through a lot together, but no, that's certainly not happening. Beat. SHAWN (CONT'D) Let's go ahead and reel this back in. What do you have for us? WOODY I'm sorry but this liver is to - Beat. Woody looks around as he believes he has come up with something so clever that everyone should appreciate. WOODY (CONT'D) DIE FOR. Woody is smiling from ear to ear and looking for Gus and Shawn to react, they don't. Woody shrugs it off then goes to dip another chip in the dish and he accidently knocks it over and it falls to the floor. When he picks up the dish he leaves the contents on the floor, a full human liver. GUS (Whispering to Shawn) I think he's finally lost it, Shawn. I think he's eating human liver. SHAWN With fava beans and some Chianti. Both Sean and Gus immitate the famous Hannibal Lecter sound he makes when he is talking to Jodie Foster in the famous scene from "Silence of the Lambs". Woody picks up the human liver and holds it in his hand examining it. 13.

WOODY Good thing this guy doesn't need THIS anymore. SHAWN Woody, Gus here thinks you enjoy eating human liver. WOODY What? Woody looks at the human liver in his hand. WOODY (CONT'D) Gus, don't be silly. Woody is now shaking the liver around while he is making his point. WOODY (CONT'D) Human liver is terrible for you and tastes horrible. Shawn and Gus shoot a look at eachother and are very confused about the events. SHAWN Okay. This really went off the rails. What do you got for us, Woody? WOODY I'm really supposed to wait for Lassiter to arrive. Woody looks around making sure the coast is clear. He then signals for Shawn and Gus to come really close because he has to tell them something in secrecy. WOODY (CONT'D) I found six-dollars and seventy- three cents in this guys pockets. Beat. WOODY (CONT'D) And he had half a pack of Mentos and a stick of - Suddenly Lassiter bursts through the doors breaking up the little pow-wow between the three men. Jules follows behind him. 14.

LASSITER I really, really hope I didn't just catch you diseminating information to these two goons. Being that they are not OFFICIALLY on this case and, therefore, not employeed by this police department this could cause some problems that I would have NO PROBLEM NAILING YOU FOR! Once Lassiter's rant is over Shawn starts grabbing his head and shaking it. He is giving the impression that he is having a pyschic vision. Shawn then grabs the arm of the dead mans body. Once he does so he peaks to see who he is actually touching and quickly releases his hand. SHAWN Got it. NO big deal. LASSITER I don't have time for these games. SHAWN Alright here it goes. Shawn puts his hand to his head and goes into Psych Mode. SHAWN (CONT'D) I'm seeing two people arguing on the beach, they are alone but it's daytime. I can't tell what they are arguing about but it's getting heated. One of the people is this guy. Shawn slaps him on the chest. And quickly starts shaking his hand like he is trying to get something off of it. SHAWN EW! Beat. SHAWN (CONT'D) Now I see this poor soul walking away from the conversation. We now go into Shawn Vision and see what he is currently explaining to everyone in the room. 15.

SHAWN (CONT'D) As he is walking away he is struck from behind with some kind of blunt object. We are now back in the Coroners office where Shawn is acting out what he is seeing with Gus. Shawn grabs a steel tray and the liver from earlier falls to the floor. Everyone stands around speechless. SHAWN Sorry, Woody. WOODY Nothing a little soap won't cure. That reminds me I need to package that up and send it away for a transplant. GUSTER You're kidding me, right? WOODY Yes, Gus! Woody looks around looking for some kind of reciprocation that he is not the only one who thinks Gus is crazy for thinking he was serious about the transplant comment. No one agrees.

WOODY (Clears his throat) That's just a little morgue humor. Usually I just say stuff like that to the bodies. It's good to have a LIVE audience. LASSITER Can we PLEASE move on with this? JULES Yeah the captain is really riding us on this one given where it happened and public exposure. SHAWN Okay, Gus, get in position. Shawn grabs an empty steel tray and raises it over his head imitating what he saw. Gus turns around and takes some creative leeway. 16.

GUS (Feminine voice) Oh no! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SHAWN What was that? GUS Shawn, you know I'm taking acting classes and life is a performance. You never know who is watching. SHAWN I think that was a little heavy handed. You're pulling a Shelley Duvall right now. Woody lifts the hand of the dead body to give props to Shawn for a sweet reference. SHAWN I'm not going to high five a dead body. Woody sheepishly puts the hand down and is visually disappointed Shawn didn't oblige. LASSITER I'm going to blow a gasket if we don't move on with this mockery of POLICE WORK! SHAWN This concludes the acting portion. Beat. SHAWN Sorry, Gus. GUS Pscht. Shawn puts his hand back to his head and we are taken back into Shawn Vision seeing exactly what he is seeing. SHAWN Now I'm seeing the killer walking backwards and pouring gasoline on the sand. Beat. 17.

SHAWN (CONT'D) He strikes a match and drops it on the long stream of gasoline. It immediately lights up and continues to an extremely large firework and then... Beat. We find ourselves back in the examination room. SHAWN BOOM!!!!!! Despite the fact the usually no one takes Shawn seriously everyone was listening intently and is startled by Shawn's screaming sneak attack. WOODY Woah. You really got me there. A couple more scares like that and me and this guy will be bunk mates. LASSITER That's some story you got there Spencer. Beat. LASSITER Woody, blow his mind. What did you find? Woody grabs a clipboard and starts reading through his notes. He then leans in to talk to Lassiter. WOODY The results are inconclusive. Lassiter steps in front of Woody, turning his back to everyone, and is seething while he talks through his teeth to Woody. LASSITER What have you been doing the WHOLE time that these results are inconclusive? WOODY That's a really funny story actually. 18.

LASSITER I don't want to hear it. You BETTER get me some results and SOON. Beat. LASSITER Detective O'Hara. Lassiter turns around and bumps into Jules who is literally right on his back. LASSITER (CONT'D) There you are. Let's get out of here. This was a waste of time and money. Lassiter turns to Woody. LASSITER Expect a bill courtesy of the SBPD. SHAWN So then the SBPD would pay their own bill? Lassiter is stumped and annoyed by Shawn's retort. LASSITER Watch it, Spencer. Lassiter and Jules leave the examination room. Shawn peaks out the door to make sure they are out of ear shot. SHAWN (To Woody) I need a favor. WOODY Anything. It will have to be in secret though. SHAWN I really appreciate this. WOODY ANY time, Shawn. You know I love you and Gus. I just have to see if it calls for chicken or pork. 19.

GUS Woody, I don't think he is talking about the recipe. SHAWN Gus, I absolutely want the recipe.

Shawn's response makes Woody smile. SHAWN (CONT'D) Woody, can you please just make sure to let us know before Lassiter and Jules when you find the cause of death. WOODY You got it. Shawn pats Woody on the back and is excited that his ruse asking for the recipe got him the inside track. Shawn and Gus exit together. GUS Shawn, you know I ride and dine with you, but I ain't eating no liver. SHAWN Relax, Gus, I just asked for it so we're his first call. Plus, tuna Tuesday is tomorrow and it could pass for pate. GUS Oh, Shawn, you bad! 20.

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY Shawn, Gus, Lassiter and Jules are all in Chief Vick's office discussing what was found on the beach. LASSITER Chief, you know how Mr. Spencer gets. He is just trying to drum up some business because there is probably some kind of Chumb-a-goo- goo concert in town. GUS Lassie, that doesn't even make sense. You just combined the names of two bands that, really, have nothing to do with each other. Shawn turns around and gives Gus a fist bump SHAWN Gus, for the win! CHIEF VICK I'm busy, can we get to the point? LASSITER The point is that Mr. Spencer may have noticed that the dead guy had a missing hand. I'm not sure that there is any proof. SHAWN Chief, I had a vision when we were with Woody. It was of a man getting socked on the back of the head. The explosion was a decoy to make it look like an accident. LASSITER You're not buying this, Chief, are you? JULES It was pretty convincing. And the body DID have a lot of brusing on the back of his head. SHAWN Chief, I can prove that this was a murder. Beat. 21.

SHAWN (CONT'D) Gus, let me see how that snout of yours is working. GUS Shawn, it's not a snout. Please respect the super sniffer and it's unsurpassed excellence. Gus then sniffs, acting like he is smelling flowers and other elements around the office. Buzz walks by with a cup in his hand. GUS (CONT'D) (Very sly and arrogant) Enjoy that green tea, Buzz. Buzz stops in his tracks with a shocked look on his face. BUZZ Woah, how'd you do that? Are you a psychic now too? GUS (Arrogant, once again) No, it's the super sniffer. SHAWN Well...THAT was awkward. Beat. SHAWN (CONT'D) Chief, I'm just asking if we can use his exSMELLence - GUS & SHAWN What? Gus and Shawn fist bump SHAWN If we can use Gus to smell the ground to see if we have a case here. CHIEF VICK I'm not hiring you as of right now but if, and that's a BIG if, Mr. Burton here finds something - Gus and Shawn celebrate a little bit and then start to run out of the office. 22.

CHIEF VICK (CONT'D) And it tests positive we will investigate and hire you. SHAWN (O.C. - IN HALLWAY) (Trailing off) Thanks, Chief! You won't regret this!

EXT. BEACH - DAY Gus is on all fours and sniffing the ground near where the line Shawn found was. LASSITER This is ridiculous. How much longer is this going to take? GUS Shawn, please tell Lassie that I can't work under these conditions. I need complete silence. LASSITER Guster, just hurry it - Shawn presses his index finger on Lassiter's lips to quiet him, almost like a lover would do in a romantic movie. SHAWN Shhhhhhh. Just let him do his magic. LASSITER (Through his closed lips) Get your finger OFF. MY. LIPS. Shawn removes his finger from Lassiter's lips. LASSITER (CONT'D) He's got two more minutes. Lassiter starts to stare at his watch impatiently, chomping at the bit to pull the plug on this investigation. Gus is starting to sniff like crazy. Shawn notices and runs over to Gus and knells down with his hand on his head treating him like a dog in a joking manner. SHAWN What is it boy? What is it? 23.

GUS Shawn, remove your hand from my head and stop treating me like a dog. I'm not Lassie. SHAWN Nice, Gus! You're killing it today. Both men fist bump. GUS Lassie, Jules, come over here I think I found something. Jules runs over to Shawn and Gus, Lassiter lags behind disappointed that this charade of an investigation, in his mind, may have actually yielded results. JULES What did you find? GUS (Arrogantly) I proclaim that my special talent has procured a result that will prove my friend Shawn correct in his revelation - LASSITER Get on with it, Guster. GUS I smell gasoline right here. Jules leans down and bags the sand that Gus points to. JULES I'll get it to the lab right away. Wow, Gus, that is some sniffer you got there. Can you tell what kind of cheap cologne Lassiter has on? Gus goes over to smell Lassiter neck, needless to say Lassiter is not in on the fun and games. LASSITER If you don't get that nose away from my neck I'll permanently shoot it off. End of Act I. 24.

INT. PSYCH OFFICE - DAY Shawn is sitting at his desk and it appears as if he is diligently typing away on the computer as Gus is. SHAWN I got it! I GOT IT!!! GUS What, Shawn? What do you get? Did you figure something out? Did you figure out who did it? SHAWN Huh? No. GUS What do you mean "no". You're acting like you just discovered some kind of mystery. Gus gets up and approaches Shawn's desk. As he approaches Shawn shuffles and throws something into his drawer and locks it quickly, placing the key in his shirt pocket. SHAWN Nothing, it was nothing. I didn't throw anything into that drawer and no, I won't open it. GUS Shawn, what was it? I want to know what it is and you know I know that you hide the spare key to that drawer in the thermos of your collectable Alf lunch box. SHAWN Gus, seriously, it's nothing. It's no big deal. Beat. SHAWN (Psych mode) I'm sensing something, Gus, and it's amazing. Oh boy, this one is strong! Gus starts walking away toward the bookcase where the Alf lunchbox is located. 25.

GUS Alright tell me what it is. Did you find the killer? Was it really gasoline in the sand? Did the dingo really eat her baby? SHAWN Gus, what do you think this is? Some kind of parlor trick? Shawn then discovers that Gus knew it was a ruse the whole time and had made his way to the drawer and is about to insert the key. As Gus is about to put it in the hole Shawn slaps his hand and the two engage in a slap battle that would make two toddlers fighting over a lollipop look like a gladiator fight to the death. GUS Oh, it's on now. You know I'm gunna whip you. SHAWN Oh, simple, simple Gus - Gus slaps Shawn in the face causing Shawn to fall to the floor in a gasp that leaves both speechless, as he falls to the ground the key in his shirt pocket falls out unnoticed. Gus drops to his knees to see if his friend is okay. GUS Shaw- Shawn reaches for Gus' hand and then snatches the key, running out of the office. He gets to the door and runs down the pier when he realizes there was no pursuit by Gus. Suddenly Gus emerges from the Psych office. GUS Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, HELL NO! SHAWN Gus, I can explain. Don't get mad at me. I didn't mean to - GUS Do you really want to hurt me? SHAWN What? Of course not, you're my best friend and nothing can come between us. GUS Do you really want to make me cry? 26.

SHAWN I mean I know you can get emotional and everything but try to remember you're a grown man and only two things should make you cry. GUS Pft, yeah. Cinnabon and the ending to Mighty Ducks 2. SHAWN So you're not mad at me? GUS What? Mad? How can I be mad? Just when I thought my best friend forgot my birthday I find out that you got us tickets to Karma Kameleon. Only the best Culture Club cover band of all time. SHAWN Uh, Gus. Those tickets were meant to be - GUS A surprise? I mean they did surprise me considering my birthday was 2 weeks ago and you completely blew it off. I mean even Lassiter remembered and got me this cool present. Gus pulls out a mini pool table. GUS (CONT'D) Thanks, man, this really means a lot. SHAWN Yeah, of course. Anything for my best bud! Shawn's phone begins to ring. GUS It's Jules. SHAWN (Into phone) Yeah. Beat. 27.

SHAWN (CONT'D) (Into phone) Okay, we will be right there. Beat. SHAWN (CONT'D) Apparently the case has been solved. Someone confessed. GUS What? And we didn't get paid? Let's get down there. Both men run to the Blueberry and Gus goes to slide over the hood, gets stuck and ends up falling off the other side. 28.

INT. POLICE STATION - DUSK (CONTINUOUS) Shawn and Gus burst into Chief Vicks office, Gus has a clear limp and is being held up by Shawn. As Shawn goes to address the Chief he walks forward leaving Gus to fend for himself and allowing him to fall to the floor. SHAWN Ouch. Sorry, Buddy. GUS Oh, don't worry, Shawn. I only probably broke my ankle, I can definitely support my own weigh- SHAWN Buddy, I'm really sorry but this is kind of important. GUS Pscht. SHAWN Pscht. GUS Pscht. CHIEF VICK (Visually and vocally annoyed) Out with it Shawn, I don't have all night and I certainly don't have time to babysit you two. SHAWN Chief, Jules said you have someone who confessed to the murder on the beach? CHIEF VICK Yes, he is in holding right now and about to be booked. In the background we see Lassiter and Jules walking in front of a man in his late 30's, pretty dorky looking and weak, very nasally voice, he is walking with a clear impediment, dragging his right foot. 29.

SUSPECT Ouch, did you really have to put these on so tight? They are already so heavy. I think I'm getting a rash and look at this bruising my Mother is going to be so worried. SHAWN That's your suspect? You have got to be kidding me. CHIEF VICK Listen, he confessed and it was very convincing. He had the evidence and details only the person who committed the crime could have known. SHAWN Like what? C'mon Chief, you got to cut us some slack here. Look at Gus, he's practically begging you. GUS No, Shawn I'm down here because you let me fa- Shawn motions to him to shut up and go along with it because they are trying to salvage the case so they can get paid. GUS (CONT'D) Yeah, Chief please let us continue to investigate. CHIEF VICK No. I'm sorry guys but he confessed and Lassiter is about to get him to sign the papers to make it official. Upon hearing this Shawn sprints out of the room leaving Gus behind and catches up to Lassiter, Jules and the Suspect. SUSPECT I mean I feel like I'm going to die these things are so heavy. I bet other killers didn't get treated this way. They probably got respect and dignity. When is dinner served? Has the food been screened for my allergies and - 30.

SHAWN Hi, I'm Shawn Spencer, I'm a psychic detective with the SBPD and I want to ask you a few questions. LASSITER Shawn, what is the meaning of all this? SHAWN (Ignoring Lassiter's question) First, why did you murder him? SUSPECT He deserved to die! He hurt someone that I am deeply in love with. Someone who I would do anything for! LASSITER I should remind you that you're still in custody and anything you say will be used against you. SUSPECT I don't care! I did it! I did it! SHAWN One more question and then we are done here. LASSITER (Whispering to Shawn) What is the meaning of this? We have the right guy. SHAWN I'm a little surprised you confessed, it was clearly a devastating accident. LASSITER Okay, that's enough! Let's go! Lassiter goes to take the Suspect away from Shawn. SUSPECT And that's what I was aiming for. I soaked the fuse in gasoline and since it was so short to begin with that bastard had almost no time to get rid of it before it exploded. 31.

SHAWN It still doesn't explain why you confessed. Especially since it was an accident. SUSPECT Well that's exactly it. I had to make sure I got away with it and then I saw you on the beach and knew I was toast. SHAWN Well here is the thing. You're clearly lying. Beat. SHAWN (CONT'D) Jules, did those test results come back? JULES Yes. SHAWN And it was Kerosene, right? JULES Yes, how did you know that? Shawn goes into Psych mode and Jules smiles. LASSITER Are you kidding me with this? Shawn then feels his phone vibrate, he retrieves it from his pocket and turns his back to Jules and Lassiter. Shawn turns around quick and puts his hand to his head. SHAWN I'm sensing you're going to be getting a call from Woody shortly. He's... JULES What is it Shawn? What do you see? SHAWN He's going to tell you the results are in and the victim was killed by blunt force trama. 32.

LASSITER Trauma. SHAWN Right, trama. SUSPECT Trama. SHAWN Trama, right. LASSITER It's TRA-AW-MA. Lassiter's phone then starts to ring and he answers it quickly. LASSITER Yes. Beat. LASSITER (CONT'D) Great. Beat. LASSITER (Disappointed) Spencer, I don't know how you did it but you're right. It was blunt force trama. Beat. LASSITER TRAUMA! Lassiter takes the Suspect to the chief, Jules follows in tow and gives Shawn a big smile as she walks by as if she is proud of him. Gus finally comes hobbling into the picture and Shawn starts walking in the opposite direction. SHAWN We did it, Gus. We're back on the case. GUS How? What happened? 33.

SHAWN As it turns out it was Kerosene in the sand. GUS The super sniffer wins again. Wait, we didn't know the results. SHAWN Sometimes the Hail Mary scores the basket. GUS Shawn you just combined two sports into one, that doesn't even make sense. SHAWN Gus, it makes sense. Like the great golfer Lee Travino once said "that's one small step for man one giant leap for mankind." GUS Now you're just doing this to annoy me. You know that Neil Armstrong said that. SHAWN (Whispering to Gus) Plus the pate thing worked, Woody texted me before calling Lassiter. Gus and Shawn finally reach Chief Vick's office where Lassiter and Jules are leaving with the Suspect. LASSITER You'll pay for this, Spencer. CHIEF VICK Well you guys are back on. Now let's solve this thing. SHAWN Is he still in custody? I would like to speak to him. My senses are telling me that he did this for a Woman he loves deeply. He is trying to take the fall for her to prove his undying devotion. 34.

CHIEF VICK Yes, he is being held for obstruction of justice but will probably get off. Make it quick. End of Act II. 35.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT Lassiter enters the room and appears shocked when he sees what is in front of him. Shawn is sitting in the seat where the suspect was at one point and is in the room all alone. LASSITER What the hell happened to our suspect? SHAWN Oh, Lassie, you silly goose! Chief Vick said they couldn't prove obstruction because he didn't obstruct. And since he had no record - LASSITER What do you mean "had no record?" I tried talking to him for thirty minutes and got nothing but incessant babbling about him missing the "Sing Off" with Nick Lacey. SHAWN That's a quality show. I especially love the panel they have, really happy to see Ben Folds get in the mix, he provides just the right amount of quirk- LASSITER I've had it up to HERE with your shenanigans, Spencer. SHAWN Alright, Lassie, don't pop a blood vessel. Is that a gray hair? LASSITER Where? Lassiter walks over to the mirror and start checking his hair. LASSITER Oh my God. There it is. Lassiter composes himself. LASSITER (CONT'D) I'm happy to have this, it's the sign of a distinguished officer. 36.

Shawn gets up from the table and starts to leave the room. Lassiter follows him. LASSITER (CONT'D) Where are you going? SHAWN Uh, to solve a murder. But first to get some chimichangas! Gus, still limping, joins the two men as they walk awkwardly three abreast in a very tight hallway. GUS You got that right. Beat. GUS (CONT'D) And Lassie what was up with all that monkeying around. Were you looking for lice? Gus imitates what Lassiter was doing in the mirror and mimics a Chimp picking lice off a companion. LASSITER For your information, Mr. Guster, I was checking for a gray - wait, how did you know what was going on in that room? GUS & SHAWN Two way mirror. LASSITER You know what, I don't have time for this. There is a dead body and we have no leads. SHAWN You. LASSITER What? SHAWN You said "we have no leads" which couldn't be more incorrect if it had to be. Hearing this prompts Lassiter to get in front of Shawn and walk backwards as if to intimidate him. As they continue to walk Chief Vick is standing behind Lassiter. 37.

LASSITER Spencer you better tell me what you got or I swear to god I'll staple your - CHIEF VICK Staple what, Detective? LASSITER Staple, uh, staple - SHAWN Detective Lassiter here was just saying how he would love to staple together some pamphlets for Gus so he can relax that ankle. Gus has a big presentation tomorrow, isn't that right? GUS Yes. We are launching this new product tomorrow, it's said to help curb side effects - SHAWN Yeah, that's great. Beat. SHAWN (CONT'D) Chief we are off to stuff our bellies and then dig into the case of the heartbreaker. Shawn and Gus look at each other and make the connection that they can riff on the popular Pat Benatar song "Heartbreaker" GUS AND SHAWN (To the tune of "Heartbreaker) dream maker, love taker, Both men struggle to find the correct words and stumble to the end of the chorus. GUS AND SHAWN (CONT'D) don't you meh ah...NO, NO, NO! 38.

LASSITER (Annoyed) It's a simple song, you two are idiots. It's you're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker, DON'T YOU MESS AROUND! How hard is that to know! CHIEF VICK Detective, why don't you take a break and head home for the night. I don't know what the hell just happened here but I assure you that will be embarrassing for you come tomorrow morning. Now go home and get some sleep. LASSITER No, chief I'm fine and ready to work. CHIEF VICK That's an order. Lassiter goes to pack up his stuff as Jules comes walking in. JULES Alright, well Raymond is officially gone. Beat. JULES (CONT'D) What else did I miss? SHAWN Lassie here schooled us in late 80's pop-rock. GUS And he has a gray hair. JULES Oh, wow! I see it. Wait, there appears to be a few more sprouting up around it. CHIEF VICK Hi, everyone. Let's get back to work on this case. There is still the matter of who killed our victim. 39.

JULES Right away, Chief. LASSITER Detective O'Hara, please tell these two incompetent bozos how we do real police work. Tell me what you got on this guy. JULES Well actually Shawn gave me everything we have on the guy. It was actually kind of impressive. SHAWN Allow me, Jules. Lassiter what we are dealing with here is a man who is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Someone who, like Meatloaf, would do ANYTHING for love, including taking the fall for the woman who has his heart. LASSITER So who is it? SHAWN I don't know. All I got was his name and his address. LASSITER That's impressive to you? SHAWN I'm sorry, Lassie, but what did you get from him? Lassiter goes to stand up in a very angry manner. SHAWN (CONT'D) Now you rest and let the big boys deal with this. Shawn and Gus exit in suave fashion. Shawn starts to pull away, dramatically effecting the coolness of their departure. Eventually Shawn has to come back and assist Gus. 40.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - NIGHT Shawn and Gus turn the corner in the blueberry and turn the headlights off as they slowly park the car in front of Raymond's house. In the car Shawn and Gus are eating chimichongas and preparing for an all night stakeout if it comes to that. SHAWN Gus, this is so thrilling! GUS I can't be here all night, Shawn. I have to prepare for my presentation. SHAWN What? That was REAL? I thought you were just going with my brilliant story. GUS I've been telling you about this for weeks, you didn't make it up. But it's good to know you were doing your best to ignore me. SHAWN That's what friends are for, Gus. I'm glad I can always be there for you. GUS You're ignoring me now, aren't you? You don't even know what I have to do tomorrow. SHAWN Yes, I do. Beat. SHAWN (CONT'D) You have to take your Dad to the airport. GUS You're a real jerk someti- SHAWN Wait, did you see that? 41.

GUS See what? SHAWN Raymond just left his house and got into his car. We have to follow him. GUS No way, Shawn. The last time we followed someone we ended up at the border of Mexico and the only reason we didn't continue to follow him was because your horrible accent didn't convince the guard that we were missionaries. SHAWN (In spanish accent) What chu mean, Meng? Beat. SHAWN Okay, he's leaving. Let's give him some distance and see what he is up to. Shawn and Gus follow the car with the precision of seasoned veteran cops. For effect it is construed as a high speed chase, despite the fact that both cars are going well below the speed limit. The car they are following gets into the left hand turning lane and as Gus goes to pull behind him Shawn leans over to take a bite of Gus' chimichonga causing Gus to pull it away abruptly which then causes them to crash into the back of the car they were secretly following. GUS Really? This is absolutely perfect. First off, now the guy knows we were following him and this is a company car. SMDH, Shawn. SHAWN You did not just "Shake my damn head" me. Don't tell me you joined the Justin Bieber fan club too. 42.

GUS He's got talent, Shawn. He's the next Mark Walberg. You watch. As the two are bickering there is a tap on the window and it is Raymond. RAYMOND I - I guess we should exchange insurance information. GUS Yeah, we should. RAYMOND I shouldn't have stopped so short. Please don't get mad at me. I don't like confrontation. Shawn gets out of the car. SHAWN Hey, buddy. Do you not remember us from the police station? RAYMOND Oh, hey. You're the psychiatrist, right? My therapist always says that a psychiatrist would have a field day with me, but I don't like outdoor activities. SHAWN No, I'm a psychic with the SBPD. RAYMOND Oh, God. Please don't arrest me, I didn't mean for this accident to happen. SHAWN Don't worry, Buddy. We aren't arresting you and we will forget all about this accident. GUS What did you just say? There's a dent in the bumper. I'm not paying for this. SHAWN We will get Chief Vick to pay for it. 43.

Beat. SHAWN (CONT'D) Anyway, Raymond, listen we are still investigating that murder and we were hoping you could help us. We think the girl you tried to cover for has something to do with all of this. RAYMOND Oh, not Sandra. She's the best girl in the world. I was actually just going to see her now. She said she has an extra special gift for me tonight since I "took care of business" for her. SHAWN We'd love to join you, is that okay? RAYMOND Sure, just follow me. It's right across the street. Raymond points to a seedy club called "Dollar Dances". 44.

INT. STRIP CLUB - NIGHT Raymond is walking ahead of Shawn and Gus and is very clear that he has a destination he wants to get to right away. Shawn and Gus, meanwhile, are looking scared to touch anything or anyone in the club. Raymond speeds ahead and takes a seat at a stage where a woman, late 20's with blonde hair and very petite, is dancing. We see the woman lean over and kiss Raymond on the cheek and then slip him an envelope. Shawn and Gus finally sit down at the same stage. RAYMOND Hey, guys, this is Sandra. Isn't she the most beautiful girl ever. SHAWN Hi, Sandra, I'm Shawn and this is Capt. Crunch 'N Munch. GUS (Think "somebody stop me" from The Mask) Somebody CRUNCH ME! SHAWN (To Gus) 7 out of 10. Beat. SHAWN Anyway, Sandra, I'm a psychic detective with the SBPD and I'd love to talk to you for a few minutes. SANDRA Talks will cost you, honey. And I don't do much talking. If you know what I mean. RAYMOND I know what she means. And she does mean talking. Actually all we do is talk so I don't know what she is talking about. Shawn looks at Raymond inquisitively and trying to find out what this guys deal is. 45.

SANDRA That's because you're special, Ray-Ray. SHAWN Okay, Sandra, I'll pay you to talk. Shawn turns to Gus. SHAWN Give me whatever money you have. GUS Shawn, how is this little trip costing me so much? I only have like $15 and a gift card to Applebees that has - Gus pulls out a receipt. GUS (CONT'D) A balance of $13.47. SHAWN Sandra, does that cover it? SANDRA Sweetie Pie for that you both can talk to me. SHAWN Nope, this is a private dance, Tina. SANDRA It's, Sandra. SHAWN Right. Sandra leads Shawn to a private room so they can have their "talk". SANDRA Okay, big boy, you have me for a full 20 minutes with all that swag you're going to give me. SHAWN That's great. I'll just sit here. Sandra walks over to Shawn and is standing right in front of him. 46.

SHAWN Oh, is this your seat? I mean I can sit over there. SANDRA This is my seat, but I can just sit right here. Sandra sits on Shawn's lap and starts giving him a lap- dance. Shawn doesn't know how to handle this. SHAWN Sandra, I'm flattered by all of this but I seriously just want to talk. All of the sudden we only see a pair of legs around Shawn's face and notice that her left leg is a bare foot and her right leg is in a boot, showing her foot is broken. At this point Shawn stands up. SHAWN (CONT'D) Okay, so I'm going to sit over here and you're going to sit over there and we are just going to talk SANDRA You're the boss. SHAWN Your friend Raymond out there seems pretty smitten with you. SANDRA Yeah, he's a sweetie but he's a little needy. I want to be a rapper, my agent - SHAWN Sweet, that's awesome, cool. He told us you had a gift for him because he "took care of business" for you. SANDRA Oh, yeah. He took care of some trash that was in my life. He would do anything for me. I have him tied around my finger. SHAWN You do know he confessed to a murder, right? 47.

SANDRA What? SHAWN And all but said he did it for you. And now we have an unsolved murder and it's not looking to good for you. SANDRA Wait, you think I paid him to kill someone for me? SHAWN No, he got off, I think you asked him to take the fall for you. SANDRA No way. No way. I didn't do anything! I'll do anything to prove I'm innocent. SHAWN I think the best bet would be to come down to the station and answer some questions. SANDRA Yes, anything! Shawn is waiting outside a door that reads "DANCERS ONLY" and Gus is standing on the opposite side. Suddenly a scream is heard from behind the door and Shawn and Gus burst through to see if everything is okay. Sandra is on the floor with her phone laying next to her. SHAWN Sandra, what happened? SANDRA I...I can't believe he's gone! GUS Who is gone? SANDRA My Charles! He's gone forever! Shawn picks up the phone off the floor and sees a text message that reads "I took out the trash" with a picture of the victim on the beach. SHAWN Gus. 48.

Shawn shows Gus the phone. GUS Raymond? End of Act III 49.

INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT Jules, Lassiter, Shawn, Gus, Chief Vick and Sandra are all in Chief Vicks office. JULES We finally got an ID on the victim and, Sandra, I'm so sorry but it is Charles Pickens. SANDRA Why would someone do this? He was just a lowly garbageman. But he was my garbageman! JULES We know this is tough, but do you know anyone that would hurt him? SANDRA No. I mean he had a rough past but he's from New York, he left all those memories behind. LASSITER Listen, Sandra, I want to believe you but this is getting kind of tough. It turns out your Garbageman recently came into some serious money from a relative who passed away. SANDRA What? What do you mean? I was only dancing so we can get the money together and open a restaurant. It was going to be called "Strippers" and deal exclusively with strip steak meals. He never told me about the money, you have to believe me. LASSITER Yeah. Beat. LASSITER But we don't. You see we ran your financials and know that his money really could've helped a lot. And you played Raymond like the succubus you ARE. And let him limp in here as your fall guy. 50.

SANDRA What do you mean? Yes, I take advantage of Raymond but really...no I'm trying to care but I don't. I give him attention and he likes to do things for me. I like it. JULES Sandra, I'm sorry but this is all pointing directly to you. We are placing you under arrest for the murder of Charles Pickens. Jules walks over to Sandra and places the handcuffs on her wrists. Sean looks uneasy in the background. Shawn vision takes over and we see that he is examining the picture message that came through on Sandra's phone. Shawn keys in on the sand where you can clearly make out footprints in the sand around the body. All footsteps are the same size. Shawn vision then goes to Raymond walking where he has a subtle drag of his right leg. SHAWN (Psych mode) I'm getting something. It's from the beach. There are footsteps in the sand, but they are all the same size. Sandra, how long have you been in that boot? SANDRA I think about 3 weeks. It's actually a pretty funny story - JULES I'll confirm with her doctor. Shawn vision comes back to the night where him and Gus were staking out outside of Raymond's house. Shawn then notices that there is no signs of a labored walking, in fact Raymond is walking quite briskly. Shawn vision then goes back to the strip club where Raymond was walking in front of them and tries to oversell the walking ailment. SHAWN I got it. I can't believe we missed it this whole time! 51.

GUS What? Who is it? SHAWN It's Raymond. He's been Keyser Söze-ing us the whole time. LASSITER Is this some stupid reference that only you and Burton get? GUS Shawn, you know you better hold me back on this one. CHIEF VICK Alright, just explain it to us. SANDRA Wait, that guy from The Usual Suspects? GUS Finally! Someone gets it! SHAWN Yes, exactly like him. You see he's been playing us all this whole time. Every time he was around us he made sure to drag his foot, I guess covering his tracks in case the footprints in the sand came up. But one night Gus and I were having a stakeout - SANDRA Would've been perfect with a Strippers sandwich. Sandra starts crying. GUS No, we were having chimichongas like MEN. LASSITER Chief, I'm seriously losing my patience with these two. Can you please - CHIEF VICK Mr. Spencer, please get to it. 52.

SHAWN We were sitting outside Raymond's house and when he was going to his car it was clear he wasn't dragging his foot. In fact I would say he was slowly jogging. GUS More like speedwalking. SHAWN He was definitely bending his knees. GUS What does that mean? You bend your knees when you walk. SHAWN Gus, have you never seen the olympics? GUS You can't make correct sports analogies but now you're schooling me in Track and Field in the Olympics? You know I live tweet those events, there is nothing you can teach me. Jules enters the room. JULES I just got off the phone with the doctor's office and Sandra's story is confirmed. CHIEF VICK Cut her loose. SHAWN Sandra, do you ever remember Raymond walking without a limp? SANDRA No. Actually it seemed like he always made sure I noticed he had a problem with his leg. LASSITER This guy is sick. Lassiter takes out his gun and cocks it. 53.

LASSITER (CONT'D) Let's get this psychopath. GUS No one else is going to comment on Lassie taking out his gun and calling someone else a psychopath? LASSITER Shut it, Burton. SHAWN We have to wait. LASSITER Why? We got him strung up. SHAWN We are clearly dealing with a guy who has diligently planned this way in advance. We need to catch him in the act. Catch him walking normally. Shawn grabs Sandra's hands. SHAWN Do you think you can handle calling Raymond and convincing him to meet you somewhere soon? SANDRA Yes, anything! Lassiter cocks his gun. LASSITER Let's get this low-life stripper loving creep! SANDRA Was he making fun of me? 54.

EXT. RAYMOND'S HOUSE - DAY Jules, Lassiter, Shawn and Sandra are crammed into a small truck when suddenly there is knock on the window. LADY (O.C.) Hello! Hello! I have a bunch of kids out here and they want some ice cream. Lassiter exits the truck and looks around to see a woman with about 3 kids and Gus standing in line to get ice cream. We see that the side of their surveillance truck has the name "HARD TIME ICE CREAM". LASSITER Guster, what the hell are you doing? GUS Lassie? What is this? I'm waiting for some ice cream but this guy is taking forever. Shawn pokes his head through one of the sliding windows on the side of the truck. SHAWN Hey, Gus! How neat is this? LADY Oh, great. Sir, can I have three chocolates and one vanilla? LASSITER That's enough everyone. Lady, I'm real sorry but we are closed for repairs and Guster, get on the truck you're going to ruin this whole operation. All three men get back on the truck JULES Alright, I think we are all set. Do you need more time, Sandra? SANDRA No, let's get this creep. Jules hands Sandra a phone. 55.

SANDRA Heyyyyyy, baby. Yeah, I need a ride. Beat. SANDRA (CONT'D) No, it's not the rash again. Beat. SANDRA No, I just need a ride to work. Can you please help me? Beat. SANDRA Thanks, hot stuff! Sandra hangs up the phone and shivers as if something creepy just happened. SANDRA Okay, he should leave right away. Lassiter grabs his walkie-talkie. LASSITER (Into walkie-talkie) Okay, everyone in position to take this guy out. Remember, do not take him out if he is limping. The door to Raymond's house opens and he comes walking out of his house perfectly, no limp at all. LASSITER (Into walkie-talkie) Take him down, take him down! A mob of police officers come streaming from each side and surround Raymond. Lassiter, Jules, Shawn, Gus and Sandra leave the surveillance truck and break through the crowd of officers that are circling Raymond who is standing by his car in shock. LASSITER Gigs up, Raymond. This show is over. 56.

RAYMOND What is this all about? SANDRA You killed my boy-boy and now I'm going to kill you! Gus grabs Sandra who is somewhat intrigued by this and the two exchange some kind of romantic glares. GUS C'mon, baby, he's not worth it. Jules approaches Raymond and slaps on the cuffs. JULES Raymond, you have the right to remain silent and everything you say and do can and will be used against you in a court of law. RAYMOND How did you know? Gus goes to step forward as if he is going to do the run- through of how they caught him and Shawn quickly steps in front of him to block his way. SHAWN You see, Raymond, you really had us fooled the whole time but there was ONE big mistake you made. After trying to frame Sandra you neglected to remember her broken foot. The footsteps at the crime scene weren't big enough for that. I have to say that limp of yours almost through me off, until I remembered the night of the stakeout where you took a misstep. GUS What, boy! During the rundown? Shawn and Gus fist bump and both stand there mimicking the Paul McCartney/Stevie Wonder album color for Ebony and Ivory. RAYMOND I had to do it, he treated my girl like crud. Look how beautiful she is, she deserved more than that! 57.

LASSITER Okay, let's go weirdo. SHAWN Looks like we really... Beat. GUS (Cutting off Shawn) Took out the trash. SHAWN What? GUS Don't act like that's not where you were going with that. SHAWN No, I'm not corny like you, Gus. GUS Shawn, don't try and act cool because Jules is here. SHAWN Did you see how she was looking at me? GUS Pscht. Hell yeah BOYEE. Both men fist bump. End of show.