Music & Lyrics by Ryan Scott Oliver

Book by Kristen Guenther

PRODUCTION SCRIPT

www.stagerights.com OUT OF MY HEAD Copyright © 2011 by Ryan Scott Oliver & Kristen Guenther All Rights Reserved

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CAST OF CHARACTERS Cast Total: 6 – 4F, 2M WOMAN 1: The artist; introverted yet deeply expressive and creative. Soprano with mix belt. WOMAN 2: The hypochondriac; neurotic, emotional, in need. High belt or mezzo. WOMAN 3: The vixen; sexy, but funny. Somehow fractured. Low alto belt. MAN 1: The Catholic; young, searching, fragile but open minded. Pop tenor. MAN 2: The playboy; experienced, strong, dominating outwardly but inwardly submissive. Rock baritone. THERAPIST: Even keeled, intense, thoughtful, speaking only

SCENES In present day, free group therapy in New York City, five strangers and their therapist journey through their loves, losses, and lives in a series of selected moments from their sessions together. Man 1 has a wife, is gay, and fearing for his eternal soul. Woman 1 is an artist, struggling with a life of expectations and failure. Woman 2 is crippled by her hypochondria and fear of just about everything. Woman 3 seems to keep dating and losing the same type of man: gay. Lastly, Man 2 is the perpetual cheater, incapable of commitment and afraid of love. As the story progresses, they share and they fight, make break-throughs and relapse. Through it all, their therapist is there, with bad coffee and cheap cookies, to keep them talking and connecting. Childhood, family, exes, and identity all come into the light as the five strangers begin to trust and learn about one another. Man 1 recounts his religious upbringing, sex with his wife and starts to come to terms with who he truly is. Woman 1 begins to let go of the baggage of her childhood and past relationships, focusing on her art and the future. Woman 2 sees the toll that her paranoias are causing on her life, and meets a man who makes her feel safe, allowing her to truly plan for the future she never thought she could have. Man 2 finds what he needs in Woman 3, and the two begin to understand a new kind of love, one that is based on mutual attraction and acceptance. Ultimately, they work together to shed light into their lives and leave a little less broken and a little more brave than they began. SETTING A Group Therapy Room

TIME Present Day

RUN TIME 70 Minutes

MUSICAL NUMBERS #1 MAKING BEAUTIFUL ...... Company #2 CRAYON GIRL ...... Woman 1 #3 LOVER KILLER ...... Man 2 #4 DENY YOUR CREATION ...... Man 1 #5 PERFECT ...... Woman 3 #6 SOME OTHER WAY TO FEEL ...... Man 2, Man 1 #7 A HYPOCHONDRIAC’S SONG ...... Woman 2 #8 QUARTET ...... Company #9 SARAH FITCHNER ...... Woman 1 #10 MY OVERLY DRAMATIC WAYS ...... Woman 2 #11 TO DO ...... Man 2 #12 KAMA SUTRA ...... Man 1, Woman 1, Woman 2, Woman 3 #13 AND IF I SHOULD STAY? ...... Man 2, Woman 3 #14 MY ART IS ME/FINALE ...... Company

OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 1

SCENE 1 Lights up on MAN 1, talking to a confessor. MAN 1 I feel like I’m in prison. Not that I’ve ever been in prison, I haven’t. I just mean talking through a screen like this, reminds of the movies when the wife goes to visit the husband, he’s all in orange, she brings rice crispy treats, (because they don’t have those in jail) and they talk on that telephone thing through the glass, I’m Tim, by the way. Hi. Shit. I’m not supposed to say my name, am I, Father? Or shit. I mean say “shit” not take a “shit.” I’m sorry, I’m nervous. I’ve just never been to confession before and I’m feeling very, very… nervous… Lights up on WOMAN 1, in her studio. WOMAN 1 Hi, may I speak to Suzanne? It’s Sarah. Again… Just wanted to know if you’d heard anything yet… Ok. Make sure to tell them that the paintings do not have to be grouped with the clay model— okay. Just make sure they know they can be separated— okay, I’ll call you at the end of the day. Just to be sure. Lights up on WOMAN 2, in her room. She is eating a sandwich and reading a thick, hardcover book. WOMAN 2 Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis… Lou Gehrig’s disease… onset is very subtle… symptoms include wild muscle spasms, especially in the hands… (as she proceeds, her hand begins to gradually shake) general weakness and feeling of fatigue (long pause here as she lethargically takes a bite) …slurred or thick speech… drop-dropping things… difficulty chewing or swallowing (coughs) …and uncontrollable periods of laughing. Well at least I don’t have that, right? (she starts laughing) Lights up on WOMAN 3, at brunch with her boyfriend. WOMAN 3 Is this a joke? This is a joke. This is joke. This is a JOKE!!! You can’t break up with ME!? Lights up on MAN 2, at his apartment. MAN 2 It happened ONCE. She means nothing to me, honestly, it was just stupid fun! Not fun, it wasn’t fun, actually it was painful, I didn’t want to do it, it was an accident, it happened by accident, a two or three-time thing. Wait— when you count is it one time you see each other one time or do you count each time you had sex each time you saw each other. It meant nothing. Little pause, then softly: EACH ACTOR begins their respective lines following at *, overlapping with the previous and ad libbing at “Etc.”

2 OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT

WOMAN 1 Still nothing? * Okay, I’ll call back. Wait— Suzanne, let them know how much I appreciate their consideration. I know how important their selection process is and I know that I’m taking their time up—no, I will tell them, too, but— Suzanne, this is really important. (Etc.) WOMAN 2 Call 911! Okay… on hold… maybe I should take my organ donor sticker off— I want to donate my organs but what if they take them out and then I recover and I have no more organs left… That woman in Russia just woke up in her coffin at her own funeral only to have a heart attack and die from shock… this is so upsetting. At MAN 2’s “Stop!” ALL ACTORS stop speaking for MAN 1’s line— MAN 1 Should I just start now? Music explodes into the scene.

SONG #1: MAKING BEAUTIFUL (ALL)

Music. Lights rise slowly on MAN 1, at confession. MAN 1 (quietly) I’VE GOT A LOT TO CONFESS, FATHER. WELL, AS YOU SEE, I’M A MESS. WELL— YOU CAN’T SEE— BUT GOD, HE SURELY CAN. I’M A TROUBLED MAN, FOR EVERY DAY THAT I WAKE I THINK THERE’S BEEN A MISTAKE. Lights cross-fade and rise on WOMAN 1, in an artist’s smock, on the phone. WOMAN 1 HI, MAY I SPEAK TO SUZANNE? HI, SUZANNE— (pause) NO, I UNDERSTAND. MY WORK IS “GOOD,” AND THOUGH YOU “LIKE MY STUFF,” IT’S NOT “EDGY” ENOUGH FOR YOUR GALLERY TO SHOW. NO NEED TO SAY IT; I KNOW. She hangs up. MAN 1 WHAT AM I? WOMAN 1 WHAT DO THEY WANT? WHERE IS THIS GOING…?

OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 3

MAN 1 WHAT AM I PUNISHED FOR? WOMAN 1 I’M DRIVEN, AND DREAMING— MAN 1 GOD-GIVEN A SOUL THAT’S SCREAMING OUT— WOMAN 1 MAN 1 OUT OF ANSWERS, THERE ARE NO ANSWERS I’M FAILING I’M FAILING AND FALLING APART AND FALLING APART FOR GOD. FOR ART. WORK WITH ALL YOUR SOUL. HARD TO MAKE IT WHOLE. START TO TAKE YOUR ROLE MAKING BEAUTIFUL. TRUST THE HEART OF ME FAITH IN THE ART OF ME BELIEVE IT’S ALL PART OF ME MAKING BEAUTIFUL. (to “Suzanne”) (to “God”) AND YOU’LL SEE AND YOU’LL SEE I CAN MAKE I CAN MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF ME. SOMETHING OUT OF ME. GIVE ME TIME, GIVE ME TIME, I’LL SHOW THE WORLD THAT I’M I’LL SHOW THE WORLD THAT I’M MAKING BEAUTIFUL. MAKING BEAUTIFUL. Lights rise on WOMAN 3, at brunch with “her boyfriend.” WOMAN 3 YOU THINK THAT WE’RE LOSING TOUCH? WELL, THAT’S FINE, ‘CAUSE I NEVER LIKED YOU THAT MUCH. YOU, AND YOUR BLUE EYES AND PUFFY BROWN HAIR— ALL RIGHT. I DON’T CARE. (getting up and going) BRUNCH WAS GREAT, BY THE WAY. (snapping back at his sympathy) WHAT? I’M OKAY. WOMAN 2 appears, walking quickly and muttering to herself. WOMAN 2 OKAY, NOW IS TODAY WHITE OR BLUE…? ALL THESE PILLS, I CAN’T KEEP ‘EM STRAIGHT. COULD YOU?

4 OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT

WOMAN 2 (CONT’D) (confused, confronting herself) WHO? ME? YOU? NO. I’VE GOT A PROBLEM UPSTAIRS, (OR SO MY DOCTOR DECLARES) HE THINKS THESE PILLS HELP A BIT, BUT WE THINK HE’S FULL OF SHIT. (suddenly confused) WHERE AM I? WOMAN 3 (trying desperately to get away, lest “he” see her breaking spirit) WHAT DO YOU WANT? I SHOULD GET GOING… WOMAN 2 I’M NOT SURE ANYMORE… WOMAN 3 WOMAN 2 MY FRIEND— KYLE— IS WAITING. (AND THIS SMILE IS IS SOMEONE WAITING FOR ME? FADING OFF MY FACE.) ARE WE DONE NOW? WHAT HAVE I DONE NOW? ‘SHOULD RUN NOW— I’LL RUN NOW— I’VE GOT TO FIND I’VE GOT TO FIND WHAT’S LEFT OF WHAT’S LEFT OF MY HEART. MY MIND. MAN 2 appears. MAN 2 WOMAN 2 WOMAN 3 BURN TO TAKE HIS HAND WANT TO HATE THE MAN THEN TURN AND UNDERSTAND YOU’RE MAKING BEAUTIFUL. THINK YOU’RE BREAKING DOWN BUT KNOW YOU’RE SAFE AND SOUND NOW, LOOK AND ALL AROUND MAN 2, WOMAN 2, & WOMAN 3 YOU’RE MAKING BEAUTIFUL.

OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 5

MAN 2 SURE, YOU’LL FIND THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS THAT YOU LEAVE BEHIND. DON’T THINK TWICE; YOU’VE GOT TO MAN 2, WOMAN 2 & WOMAN 3 SACRIFICE WOMAN 2 & WOMAN 3 TO MAKE IT BEAUTIFUL. MAN 2 is on the ground floor of a large apartment building, calling up to his now-ex-girlfriend. MAN 2 BABE, I MADE A MISTAKE. GOD, I KNOW I MESSED UP. AND I KNOW YOU THAT DON’T DESERVE THIS. BUT LET ME IN FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, JUST LET ME JUST TALK TO YOU! LET ME SHOW YOU I DON’T DESERVE

YOU, AND ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU ARE, YOU, AND ALL THE THINGS WE COULD BE, YOU AND ME, WE’VE GOTTEN THIS FAR, C’MON BABE, TALK TO ME. TALK TO ME. MAN 1, WOMAN 1, WOMAN 2, & WOMAN 3 WHO AM I? WHAT DO I WANT? WHERE AM I GOING? ALL FIVE I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE… WOMAN 3 HE LIED TO ME… HE LEAD ME ON… MAN 1 HE GUIDED ME, BUT NOW HE SEEMS DEAD AND GONE… WOMAN 2 A NEW INFECTION… WOMAN 1 THIS REJECTION… MAN 2 MY AFFECTION’S CLEAR…

6 OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT

ALL DOES NO ONE HEAR? MAN 1 THE OTHERS GOD WILL GIVE ME SIGHT WOMAN 3 LOVE WILL MAKE IT RIGHT WOMAN 1 ART IS HOW I FIGHT ALL TO MAKE IT BEAUTIFUL. WOMAN 2 THE OTHERS MY HEAD WILL AT LAST UNWIND, AHH… MAN 2 MY SOUL LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND, AHH… ALL AND FIVE PATHS ARE INTERTWINED IN MAKING BEAUTIFUL.

IT’S ABOUT LOVE, HOW WE FIND IT, MAKE IT, AND THEN SCREW IT UP, AND IN MY WAY I MAY FIND SOMETHING TO SAY, MAKING BEAUTIFUL MAKING BEAUTIFUL MAKING BEAUTIFUL.

BLACKOUT

SCENE 2 Lights up. Group Therapy room in NYC. The setting is drab yet professional. We see 5 chairs at center stage, with a desk stage right and a small table stage left with a coffee pot and an assortment of cookies. THERAPIST Okay, now that we’re all here. Welcome. Welcome everyone. Welcome, to free group therapy which is awesome— our snacks kinda suck because we buy them at the dollar store, but try the cookies that aren’t Oreos but look like Oreos… They’re pretty delicious for fake Oreos. A beat.

OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 7

THERAPIST (CONT’D) But yes, welcome. Welcome to confronting our issues head on. For saying, hey— I’m gonna be the best version of myself. That’s awesome. “What lies behind us and what lies before us our tiny matters compared to what lies within is.” Ralph Waldo said, that, Emerson. WOMAN 1 sees a picture drawn by a child framed on the THERAPIST’S wall. She stares at it. Throughout her song the others enter.

SONG #2: CRAYON GIRL

WOMAN 1 WHEN I WAS FIVE, I DREW MY MOM A PICTURE, AND I BROUGHT IT TO HER ROOM SO SHE COULD SEE. SHE SAID IT WAS THE “NEATEST” BIRD A SKY HAD EVER SEEN, I SAID, “MOM, IT’S NOT A BIRD, AT ALL. IT’S ME.” (speaking) Then she said, (singing) “BUT, HON, WHAT ARE THESE THINGS? ARE THEY ARMS, OR FEATHERED WINGS?” THEN, SHE SAID THAT IT WAS GOOD (BUT SHE SAID IT ‘CAUSE SHE SHOULD). SHE’D NEVER UNDERSTOOD.

IN MY MIND THERE IS A PICTURE OF A LITTLE CRAYON GIRL WITH A CRAYON HOUSE AND A CRAYON FAMILY IN MY LITTLE CRAYON PICTURE OF A GIANT CRAYON WORLD, YOU’D HAVE NO DOUBT THAT CRAYON GIRL WAS ME. I WANT IT OUT, OUT, OUT OF MY HEAD, AND ONTO PAPER, OUT, OUT, OUT OF MY HEAD.

IN COLLEGE, I ENROLLED IN PAINTING CLASSES. MY TEACHER SAID MY WORK WAS AVANT-GARDE. WHEN I ASKED HIM WHAT THAT MEANT, HE STRUGGLED FOR THE WORDS (AND YOU KNOW IT’S NEVER GOOD WHEN THEY THINK THAT HARD). (speaking) Then he said, (singing) “WELL, THIS ALL LOOKS NICE. I’M JUST NOT SURE I WOULD LOOK TWICE.”

8 OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT

WOMAN 1 (CONT’D) BUT HE GAVE ME AN “A,” (WELL, FOR EFFORT, ANYWAY.) AND I THOUGHT, “WELL… OKAY.” IN MY MIND THERE IS A PAINTING OF AN OIL WOMAN’S WORK WITH AN OIL WAY AND AN OIL SUBTLETY IN MY ABSTRACT OIL PAINTING EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE IN MULTI-HUE, TRIADIC HARMONY. I WANT IT OUT, OUT, OUT OF MY HEAD, AND ONTO CANVAS, OUT, OUT, OUT OF MY HEAD. THERAPIST enters, and stays in the background as she observes WOMAN 1. AND NOW I’M IN A WORLD OF STARVING ARTISTS; I’M LOSING WEIGHT AND TRADING HOPE FOR SPITE. I RECALL MY MOTHER WARNING ME THAT “PAINT WON’T PAY THE BILLS.” AND YA KNOW IT REALLY SUCKS WHEN YOUR MOM IS RIGHT. ‘CAUSE NOT ONE PIECE HAS SOLD AND THE EXCUSES ARE GETTING OLD. THINK I SHOULD THROW IT ALL AWAY. TOSS THE CRAYONS, OILS, AND CLAY— ‘CAUSE SO FAR, WHAT GOOD ARE THEY? THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE SEEMS TO SAY.

IN MY MIND THERE IS A STORY OF AN ARTIST CARVED FROM STONE WORKING FOR WHATEVER FORTUNE BRINGS. HEY, MOM, YOU KNOW THAT STORY, OF THAT LITTLE CRAYON GIRL? WHEN I WAS FIVE, I GAVE THAT GIRL HER WINGS— NOW SHE’S FLYING OUT, OUT, OUT OF MY HEAD AND SHE’S NOT LISTENING OUT, OUT, OUT OF MY HEAD NO, SHE CAN’T HEAR YOU OUT, OUT, OUT OF MY HEAD OUT, OUT, OUT OF MY HEAD

FLY, GIRL. DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY SAID. Slow fade back to reality and the THERAPIST interrupts. THERAPIST straightens her back, and gets down to business.

OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 9

THERAPIST Why don’t you take a seat. (beat) I have your files and I’ve met a few of you… As the THERAPIST opens Woman 2’s file. There is a spot light on WOMAN 2. WOMAN 2 Every morning at 6:45 I hear it… “Jingle, jingle.” That’s the sound he makes when he walks… “Jingle, jingle.” You know that song “Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes?” He has bells… on his little paws. Well they’re on his collar of course, but you know what I mean, metaphorically. They get louder when he runs ahead. But then she yanks on his leash and pulls his collar. I wouldn’t do that. She makes him walk on the pavement, it hurts his feet, obviously, which I can tell because he sort of limps… I’d let him cut across the grass. It’s not illegal to have dogs on the grass; she just won’t let him because she doesn’t want to have to wipe off his paws. She’s lazy! I would love to wipe off his paws. I’d be gentle and give him a treat after so he wouldn’t mind. And when we’d take walks, I wouldn’t need a leash anyways because he’d stay right by my side, because he wanted to, not because he had to. And we’d go “Jingle, jingle,” together. I’d take him out for walks five times a day, if it would make him happy. And at night I’d sit on the couch reading and he would be there, right by my side— because I would let him on the couch even though it’s white. I’d start to doze off and rest my head on his spotted belly. And he’d try not to breathe hard because he wouldn’t want to wake me, and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything bad happening, ever, because he’d keep watch. He would protect me because he loves me. Every morning, she has him back in the house by 7AM. 15 minutes is all she lets him walk. I’d leave him play longer if he wanted. An hour at least. WOMAN 1 I once read that you can photograph a feeling. Something about the vibrations of emotions; the energy… that we’re all electromagnetic wave patterns of energy. Which is why some days everything seems to be going right and other days everything goes wrong. So, yesterday, I went to the store to buy strawberries and this man leaned across me to grab an apple, and he sniffed me. On the subway last week, a shirtless man in overalls barked at me and I’m sure he would have taken a bite out of my neck, if I hadn’t bolted off the train. Last night, when I went to use the restroom at dinner I was about to shut the door when the bus boy pushed it open… I’m pushing it closed, he’s pushing it open, our eyes lock and I’m thinking, “I am not going to have sex with you bus boy!” And then I said it, I said, “I am not going to have sex with you bus boy!” And he said, “Sólo tengo catorce años. Eso es ilegal.” I’m only fourteen. That’s illegal. But here’s the thing. If all that stuff is true, and like attracts like, then the Crazies aren’t just drawn to me, we’re drawn to each other. Like I have an energy pull that says, “Yes, please, ahhh, bark at me!” Granted, I did seem to misinterpret the bus boy, but I do seem to have a whole herd of crazies following me, and if they’re following me, if my energy is attracting them then, it’s possible, it’s (probably not but) very very possible that I am crazy, too.

SONG #3: LOVE KILLER

Lights rise abruptly on MAN 2.

10 OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT

MAN 2 OUT ON THE STREET YOU'D NEVER KNOW I AM JUST A MAN. I LOOK LIKE ANYONE. BUT UNDERNEATH A BLOODLESS HEART AS COLD AS THE STEEL OF THIS GUN WILL MAKE THE BLOOD OF CUPID RUN.

FLY, SUCKER. FLY. I'LL PLUCK YOU RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY. PULL AN ARROW FROM YOUR QUIVER. AIM DIRECTLY FOR MY HEART. I'LL PUT A BULLET IN YOUR LIVER THAT WILL BLOW YOUR ASS APART. OH! DIE, FUCKER. DIE. LET'S SEE WHO HAS THE STRONGER WILL. YOUR LITTLE LOVE BOW IS CUTE, BUT WHEN I SHOOT, I SHOOT TO KILL.

WHAT MAKES ME DO IT? I WISH I KNEW. I AM JUST A MAN AND JUST LIKE ANYONE, I FALL IN LOVE, BUT SOMETHING SNAPS. GOOD-BYE APHRODITE'S FAT SON! I OPEN FIRE UNTIL HE'S DONE.

I'LL PLUCK YOU RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY. PULL AN ARROW FROM YOUR QUIVER. AIM DIRECTLY FOR MY HEART. I'LL PUT A BULLET IN YOUR LIVER THAT WILL BLOW YOUR ASS APART. OH! DIE, FUCKER. DIE LET'S SEE WHO HAS THE STRONGER WILL. YOUR LITTLE LOVE BOW IS CUTE, BUT WHEN I SHOOT, I SHOOT TO KILL. He has now entered his own mind. LOVE KILLER. I KILL LOVE. (LOVE, LOVE.) LOVE KIL-LER. I KILL LOVE LOVE LOVE

OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 11

MAN 2 (CONT’D) I'LL PLUCK YOU RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY. PULL AN ARROW FROM YOUR QUIVER. AIM DIRECTLY FOR MY HEART. I'LL PUT A BULLET IN YOUR LIVER THAT WILL BLOW YOUR ASS APART. OH! DIE, FUCKER. DIE LET'S SEE WHO HAS THE STRONGER WILL. YOUR LITTLE LOVE BOW IS CUTE, BUT WHEN I SHOOT, I SHOOT TO KILL. Shift back to reality to the following transition which is either voice overs or projected images. The following is a fantasy or flashback for MAN 1, in the reverse he will come to reality by the end of the song, since he is starting in his head.

SONG #4: DENY YOUR CREATION

WOMAN 1 (she is very sincere) Hi, everyone! I’m twenty-two years old, I’m from Maine originally, and… the reason I want to spread the Word of Jesus Christ is because He is my Lord and Savior come to take away the sins of the world, and spreading His Word is good! And… (she thinks a moment) Chunky Monkey. Yeah, that’s my favorite flavor. WOMAN 2 Hi, I’m twenty-seven, and I was born and raised in Scarsdale. The reason I want to spread the Word of Jesus Christ is probably because my grandmother died last month and left me a lot of money, and so I have a lot of free time. (she sits) Oh! Cookies n’ Cream. Wow, guys, you’re doing so great. You know, spreading the Word is not easy. Some people really want to go to Hell. But—the thing is, when something is so hard, it just requires some extra preparation. You don’t want to force it into anyone. You have to start out gentle, then gradually push. It’s important to really use your head; you might have to poke around a little but, if you keep at it, keep workin’ hard, if you’re persistent… they will come. And then, they’ll be bending over— backwards for Jesus. The lights change; we are inside the MAN 1’s mind. MAN 1 NO. I CAN’T LOSE NOW. I’M HERE TO SORT THIS CRAZY MESS. I MUST EVANGELIZE, AND— YES! IN CHRIST, EXTOL! I’LL WIPE MY BROW AND KEEP CONTROL

12 OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT

MAN 1 (CONT’D) AND I WILL SANITIZE THIS SOUL I’LL PRETEND THAT HE’S NOT THERE. (glances) WITH THAT PERFECT DERRIERE (irritated) THIS… IS SO NOT FAIR. HOW CAN YOU DENY YOUR CREATION? WHY PUT THE APPLE THERE, AND FORBID IT? WHY TEMPT ME WITH A PLEASURE YOU PROHIBIT? WHY MAKE APPLES SO SWEET, AND MAKE PLEASURES SO SWELL, AND MAKE THIS GUY SO HOT AS HELL? WHY MUST I DEFY INCLINATION, WHEN ALL I WANNA DO IS EMBRACE YOUR DESIGN, AND KNOW A FEELING DIVINE. The lights and reality return. Wow, that’s a really funny story. I remember the first time a Priest gave me Communion— I couldn’t decide if I wanted to swallow or spit! (singing) ACK! WHAT TURNS ME OFF???

WHAT TURNS ME OFF??? OH! THINK OF FEELING SO GROSS AND DEFILED AT THETA CHI… SITTING THROUGH HOURS OF GIRLS GONE WILD (shudders) ALL RIGHT, GOOD! WHAT’S NEXT? OH! I’LL THINK OF HOT, GREASED-UP LESBIAN SEX— AND CAST MYSELF IN OEDIPUS REX! WAIT… ACK! WITH TEMPTATION CRACKING THROUGH, A HARD-ON WELL IN VIEW, WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

HOW CAN YOU DENY YOUR CREATION? WHY LEAD ME THROUGH A DESERT OF DESIRE, OF MATTHEW, MARKS, AND JOHNS I CAN’T ACQUIRE? WHERE’S THAT BENEVOLENT GOD WHO GAVE GENEROUSLY, AND MEANT WHEN HE SAID, “TASTE AND SEE?”

WHY MUST I CONFIRM MY CONFIRMATION? THE JOY OF MY DESIRING KEEPS ME SLEEPING ALONE,

OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 13

MAN 1 (CONT’D) BUT LORD, CAN’T YA THROW A DOG A BONE? MAYBE I COULD TRY IT…? LIKE GOLF OR A CATERED HORS D’OEUVRE? I CAN’T SEE WHY IT WOULD STRIKE A HEAVENLY NERVE… AND ISN’T IT THE LEAST I DESERVE?!

LORD, LET ME ENJOY YOUR CREATION! OH, SET ME AS A SEAL TO PURIFY HIM I’LL DO MY BEST TO TEST HIM AND TO TRY HIM… LORD, MY SPIRIT IS WILLING, AND MY BODY’S SO WEAK,

WOULD IT BE SO WRONG TO HAVE A PEEK? AS MUCH AS I ENJOY—DEDICATION! YOU MADE EACH MAN WITH PURPOSE, ALL I NEED NOW IS MINE SO CLARIFY YOUR DESIGN AS I’M LOSING MY MIND OH LORD, JUST SEND ME THE SIGN! WOMAN 3 No, it’s… I get it, I mean really you’re doing me a favor, by letting me go, because I should ya know be like a butterfly (butterfly?) ya, that works, kinda, like I’m beautiful and I have these amazing wings and if I don’t use them then why did I ever build a cocoon because I should have just stayed as a caterpillar if I wasn’t ya know, gonna fly, and pollinate— MAN 1 I think that’s bees. WOMAN 3 Whatever!!! (beat) Anyway, I should have known.

SONG #5: PERFECT

(singing) TWENTY GUYS… TWENTY STUDS WHO SEEMED TO BE. WELL, INTERESTING. WE HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON IT WAS A LITTLE SCARY. WE SHARED A TASTE IN RESTAURANTS, AND MOVIES, AND ALL THOSE SIMPLE JOYS, AND WE EVEN LIKED THE SAME BOYS. JUSTIN… BLAKE… TIMMY… BO… THEY WERE PERFECT, AND THEY WERE PERFECTLY QUEER.

14 OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT

WOMAN 3 (CONT’D) IF HE LIKES IT HOT AND ROUGH THEN IT’S PROB’LLY NOT YOUR STUFF HE’S GROPING AFTER, BUT HIS. JUST THE SAME, IF HE’S THE OTHER AND HE’S TENDER AND TRUE, YOU’VE PROBABLY GOT A BROTHER HE’D LIKE BETTER THAN YOU. TOUGH OR TENDER, IT’S HIS GENDER THAT WOULD MOST LIKELY DO.

IT’S A PERFECT LITTLE PLOY TO MEET A FINE, UPSTANDING BOY, AND THEN HE SAYS, “YOU’RE HOT, AND YOU’RE NICE AND YOU’RE NOT BARBARA STREISAND IN THE END.” AND ADD, “I THOUGHT I WAS QUEER, NOW SINCE YOU, IT’S ALL CLEAR NOW! BE MY FRIEND?” (faux excitement, speaks) BESTIES???!!! (sings) IF IT SOUNDS LIKE I’VE BEEN JILTED TWENTY TIMES BY TWENTY MEN WHO TELL THE SAME OLD FUCKING STORY TWENTY TIMES, I’M SORRY. IT’S TRUE.

I MEAN DON’T GET ME WRONG, THAT’S ALL GREAT, JUST AS LONG AS YOU FELLERS GET TOGETHER AND CREATE SOME SIGNED DISCLAIMER THAT WOULD HELP THIS HELEN KELLER KNOW DEEP DOWN YOU’RE (LIKE THE MIRACLE WORKER) JUST— A— FLAMER…! CAN’T YOU COMMENT ON MY DRESSES, OR INVITE ME TO “YOUR SHOW?” CAN’T YOU USE MORE WORDS WITH S’S, SSSWEETIE, SSSOMETHING! I’M SSSO SSSLOW, IT’S NESSSESSSARY… ‘YA SSSILLY FAIRY…

‘CAUSE IT’S A PERFECT LITTLE SNARE TO MISS THE “I-DON’T-LIKE-GIRLS” STARE. HE WAS ALL I COULD WANT IN A MALE. TILL HE SAID: “CASHMERE? OH, MY DEAR… WAS THAT ON SALE?!”

OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT 15

WOMAN 3 (CONT’D) NICE TO KNOW BEFORE ME, IT’S “MAYBE,” AND AFTER, (EFFEMINATELY SYMPATHETIC) “OH, BABY…! HONEY, COME HERE.” (shouts) Son-of-a-bitch! (softening, sings) EVERY GREAT GUY I DATE OPTS TO WAIT TILL IT’S TOO LATE TO CONFESS HIS DISTRESS THAT HE’S BEST IN A DRESS. CAN’T A GUY SING AND CRY DANCE AND SIGH AND BE MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR? AND HELP ME TO HEAL? ISN’T ANYTHING REAL…?

WELL, IF YOU’RE TALL, DARK, AND STRAIGHT, CALL ME UP, LET’S GO DATE. IT’LL BE PERFECT AS PERFECT CAN POSSIBLY BE (OR AS PERFECT AS PERFECTLY IMPERFECT ME). THIS CELL PHONE IS WAITING IT’S SET TO “VIBRATING” LIKE ME, TILL I’M DATING AND HOT-MONKEY-MATING. RING ME UP, WE’LL GO OUT, AND I SWEAR, I’LL PUT OUT I’LL BE SWEET— OR A SLUT! I’LL DO ANYTHING, NO MATTER WHAT! (a grave and sudden fear comes over her) …EXCEPT TOUCH YOUR BUTT… THERAPIST I think you’ve touched on something really interesting here— about creating false boundaries, where we go after people we know we can’t have or set impossible standards… MAN 2 I would love to date someone that’s smarter and funnier than me, or a girl that I can talk to for hours and never get bored… A girl that makes me laugh, a girl that makes me tingle all over, but I don’t think she exists. At least not in Manhattan or God forbid one of the four boroughs. I’d love to meet someone better looking and more interesting than me. If you know one, please give her my number, because I can’t find one anywhere. And I’m trying. I go out with a different girl every night, and hey, of course the dates are good, I mean, I don’t want to seem egotistical but I’m there and I’m interesting so yeah, the dates are fun but it’s like once I stop talking and it’s her turn, the ball drops. Like I was playing this awesome game of ping pong by myself and then someone else jumps in and fucks it up.

16 OUT OF MY HEAD – PRODUCTION SCRIPT

MAN 2 (CONT’D) The other night I met this girl who had this incredible hair, like she belonged in one of those shampoo ads ya know, she could sell her hair for money to make wigs for those people with cancer— and she actually made me laugh once but then I looked down and… Cankles. You know, ankles that don’t noticeably deviate from the calf? That’s what I was looking at and I thought… If only I could lower my standards just a little bit, I might have a stab at being happy… So I tried, we dated, I fell in love with her, blah, blah, blah, but it just bothered me ya, know that she wasn’t perfect, and I was really hard on myself for that… But it’s not my fault that she had that beautiful face, commercial hair and good personality all to end up with cankles. Really, that’s her fault, for false advertising.

SONG #6: SOME OTHER WAY TO FEEL

(singing) WILL SHE EVER KNOW THE PRIVATE LAUGHS I SHARE ALONE, WITH HER, WITHOUT HER? PAUSING JUST SO SLOW, WILL SHE EVER KNOW THE BEAUTY ABOUT HER?

WILL SHE EVER KNOW THE NIGHTS I’VE LAIN AWAKE FOR DREAMS OF LYING BESIDE HER? I’VE NEVER SEEN MY HEART SO QUICKLY STOP AND START; THE BEAUTY INSIDE HER. WAITING FOR A WALK WITH HER, DEBATING I SHOULD TALK WITH HER, WOULD IT OCCUR THAT THE JOKE IS REAL? SHOULD LOVE BE LEFT FORSAKEN, OR MY WORRIES JUST MISTAKEN? SHOULD I FIND SOME OTHER WAY TO FEEL? The lights rise on MAN 1, gazing out into space as the image of his Christian Group boy crush is projected. MAN 1 EVERYONE’S CONTENTED, THIS WORLD-IN-LOVE SEEMS SO IN BLOOM, YET I AM EXEMPTED?

TO WONDER WHAT HE MEANT AND IF THOSE WORDS WERE SENT WITH INTENTIONS ACCEPTED?

YOU’D THINK IT WOULD BE EASY, YOU’D THINK YOU’D FIND SOME WAY TO CHANGE IN SECRET SURRENDER.

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