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JustBetweenUs By Emanuel Feldman

y mother used to admonish us based and used for beastly and hurtful efit to careful speech. The Psalmist with her favorite saying: “Not purposes. Therefore the pervasive (34:14) offers a prescription for those Meverything that one thinks warnings about utilizing this Godly who desire life: “Netzor leshoncha mera should be spoken, and not everything power. Because it is so potent, “motza usefosecha midaber mirma,” “Guard one speaks should be written.” She sefasecha tishmor” (Devarim 23:24) your tongue from evil and your lips tried, not always successfully, to teach “carefully watch the emanations of from speaking guile.” An evil tongue us to be careful with words. your lips.” Therefore, “lo yachel de- includes gossip, slander, vile language, These days, after WikiLeaks, my varo,” “do not profane words” (Bamid- vulgarity, coarseness, profanity, false- mother’s words turn out not to be just bar 30:3). Koheles 10:20 puts it starkly: hood, or using hurtful words. The an old wives’ tale. Her motherly warn- “Of hashamayim yolich es hakol, uba’al elixir of life is to keep our lips pure and ing has now become the virtual Bible of kenafayim yagid davar,” “The bird of unsullied. It gives us serenity and calm the diplomatic corps. Cables are now the air transmits the sound, and the that is the guarantor of a good life. far more circumspect, negative opin- winged creature relates your speech. ” Pure lips and a pure tongue—which ions about individuals are carefully (Is this the origin of “a little birdie told means using speech to comfort, guide, sanitized, and increased self-control me”?) And at Berachot 8b makes teach and pray—create a pure soul and about what one writes or speaks is the it explicit: “Aznaim lakotel,” “The wall a healthful body unsullied by envy and order of the day. In brief, diplomats has ears.” It is not happenstance that of hatred and distrust and suspicion that today know that if you don’t want it re- the Ten Commandments, two deal poison life and, like poison, shorten it. peated in public, better not say it or with the power of speech: Do not speak But it is not only individuals who write it even in private. Which is good God’s Name in vain, and do not bear are affected by loose words. All of soci- advice for non-diplomats as well. false witness. And Pirkei Avos 5: 1 tells ety is. We live in a global village where Jews have always known about the us that God formed the world through words have become almost meaning- double-edged sword that is speech, His own power of speech: “With ten less, where with a click one can send how it can soothe and heal or wound utterances did He create the world. . . ” toxic rhetoric around the world in sec- and destroy. “Maves vechaim b’yad However, the real reason we should onds, where technology has made it lashon,” says King Solomon in Proverbs be careful about what we say or write possible to advertise oneself un- 18:21. Death and life reside in that all- is not the fear that our nasty talk might abashedly (Twitter, YouTube, Face- powerful weapon we call the tongue. ultimately be found out. Even if the book), where the manic use of When God, in Bereishit 2:7, walls did not have ears, even if winged instantaneous communication has sti- breathes into Adam the nishmat chaim, creatures did not transmit our words, fled careful thought and civil discourse, Pr the breath of life, and Adam becomes a we must still be careful with what es- where malevolent and not benevolent R nefesh chayah, a living being, Onkelos capes our lips. Because evil speech— speech is the norm, where everyone Coun and Rashi translate nefesh chayah to even if no one ever hears about has a megaphone and everyone is a mean that Adam, unlike the other crea- it—harms not only others but our- broadcaster who has nothing to say tures, was now given the power of selves in hidden but very real ways. It and keeps on saying it. speech. Ironically, that which distin- is detrimental to our spirits and to our WikiLeaks has caused great harm Thi guishes us from the beast is often de- souls. It demeans us and diminishes us and embarrassment. But it bears in its as individuals. Consider: How can the wake an important lesson: human Emanuel Feldman served as rabbi in At- same lips that utter prayers to God also speech comes with a warning sign: lanta for forty years, is the former editor of Tra- utter blasphemies and obscenities? Caution! Dangerous! Handle dition magazine, and is an op-ed columnist for How can the same mouth that says With Care! the Post. He has taught at Emory Baruch Ata Hashem also say things that Moral of the story: After all is University and at Bar-Ilan University, and is wound and hurt and destroy? said and done, mother is, of course, the author of nine books, most recent of which is  Tales Out of Jerusalem (Jerusalem, 2010). Beyond that, there is a positive ben- always right.

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A Weekend of Discovery… A Lifetime of Love Orthodox Union Marriage Enrichment Retreat intb ,hc

Summer Marriage Retreat July 15-17, 2011 Camp Visitation Weekend Woodcliff Lake Hilton 200 Tice Boulevard, Woodcliff Lake, NJ 07677 www.hiltonwoodclifflake.com

MARRIAGE ENRICHMENTSKILLS WORKSHOPS: Make your good marriage a GREAT marriage / Enrich your relationship / Enhance your communication skills / Strengthen your bond as a couple / Understand and accept differences / Unite in decision making / Improve team parenting / Work together, not apart Full Service Spa / Special Pool Hours

Special Presentations by Rabbi Steven and Yael Weil Presenters to Date: Alex Bailey, Ph.D., Scott Chudnoff, M.D., M.S., FACOG; $350 pp, double occupancy Rabbi Mordechai Glick, Ph.D.; Nina Glick, Ph.D.; Tobias Jungreis, Marital Woodcliff Lake Hilton, Woodcliff Lake, NJ Counselor; Josh Kohl, Certified PAIRS Marital Instructor; David Pelcovitz, Ph.D.; For online registration and brochure Rachel Pill, L.C.S.W.; Lauren Roth, LSW; and Marcy Schaffer, Ph.D., visit www.oucommunity.org and Sylvan Schaffer, Ph.D. This weekend is geared for happily married couples, who want to communicate and relate on an even deeper emotional level. The weekend, for adults only, is free from daily distractions and routines, allowing couples to concentrate on one another and strengthen their marriage commitment.

Information and Registration: Frank Buchweitz, National Director, Community Services and Special Projects, (212) 613-8188, [email protected] for a complete schedule and registration information. www.oucommunity.org

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