1 FRIDAY 01 NOV Education & Student Strategy Bolt & Spanner Felix interviews Prof. Debra Humphris We catch up with the engineers 4 39

“Keep the Cat Free”

01/11/13 Issue 1558 felixonline.co.uk

Immigration British Influence approaches the THIS ISSUE... Bill discussed at Union to make a stance on UKIP Union Council COMMENT

he second meeting of the Union Council was held on Tuesday, October 29. Th e Jonathan main issue of discussion was the Union’s response Peek’s on the Tto the government’s Immigration Bill 2013-2014. Proposed by Home warpath in Secretary Th eresa May on October 10 the Bill had its second reading on the Comment October 22 and is expected to pass through parliament and receive royal section 13 assent early next spring. Th e Bill is of potential concern to international students since it would require them to pay a minimum fee of £200 a year to use non-emergency NHS services and would place a legal obligation on landlords to check the immigration SCIENCE status of their tenents – potentially biasing them against international students. In a paper for the Council, Union President David Goldsmith wrote that “international student fees contribute FEDERICO GAMBARINI/EPA a vast amount to supporting the UK higher education system”, quoting the Student Union could help [British saying that they are “more able to fi gures from the Department of Maciej Matuszewski Infl uence] get more students to vote in campaign on political issues if it falls Business, Innovation and Skills that the election”. within their aims and objectives as a state that, in 2012, “international Reporter However, as a registered charity, society”. students contributed £7.9 billion to the Union is not legally allowed While British Infl uence seemed Skett tackles the UK economy”. Goldsmith claimed to campaign on matters which are to be satisfi ed with this response, a that the Bill was poorly researched – pro-European Union deemed to be ultra vires – that is disgruntled senior Union offi cer, who biodiversity 8 citing the discrepancy between the campaign group has matters which do not directly aff ect wishes to remain anonymous, has £200 million to £2 billion that the opened itself up to Imperial students. In his email, Coney confi rmed to Felix that they passed on government estimates is spent on potential charges of wrote that while British Infl uence the text of the original email to Paul healthcare for international students breaches of charity realised the “charity status means that Staines – a controversial right wing and the £33 million fi gure cited by regulationsA by contacting Imperial the SU can’t campaign,” the group blogger and columnist better known BOOKS the NHS itself. He went on to add Union to ask for help in its campaign would like to off er to campaign for the by the pseudonym Guido Fawkes. that he believed that “the bill would “to stop UKIP becoming the biggest Union and Imperial students on this Stains subsequently wrote about the discourage international students party” in the 2014 European elections. issue. issue in his regular column in the Sun from applying to institutions such as In an email to the Union President Replying to the email, Union on Sunday, prompting widespread Imperial College, thereby reducing and the Campaigns Offi cer dated President David Goldsmith wrote criticism of British Infl uence on social funding” and called for the Council October 17, Joe Coney, the Campaign that while the proposal “is interesting, media. Steve Crowther, the UKIP to vote “to oppose the … proposals Director at British Infl uence, wrote it is crucial that Imperial College part chairman, has been reported as set out in the immigration bill that the group believed that “a Union, as a registered charity, remains having requested that the Charity by arranging meetings with local signifi cant UKIP win would be bad neutral on party political issues, and Commission investigate the incident. representatives and campaigning with news on issues such as gender and although [British Infl uence is] not British Infl uence has played down the student body”. LGBT equality and stopping climate a political party, supporting [the] allegations of impropriety, telling Bankers vs. animals. While some members of the change”. Coney went on to off er to campaign would essentially mean Staines that “this was just a clumsily Council expressed the opinion that “host a campaign training session the Union taking a view against a worded email”. At the time of going to Discuss. 18 [at Imperial] before Christmas” and particular party”. He directed Coney print the Union had not released an continued on page 3... asked to discuss “any ways in which to the Union’s many political societies, offi cial statement. 2 FRIDAY 01 NOV EDITOR’S PICKS

MUSIC SPORT PUZZLES Classical Guide BUCS Puzzling times The start of Emiel’s guide to Have a look at Imperial’s BUCS Our puzzles our getting Classical Music. Home Fixtures in the Sport harder! Get involved! There’s Episode II : In the beginning section still time to join the FUCWIT league!

COMMENT SABB HOT DESK Survey Time SoAnother you think Confessions you could of be a a Following Union Council betterGraduate GTA? Teaching Th ink again!Assistant. Like This weekʼs Sabbs are the Union on Tuesday if youʼd Thriding is week a bicycle we travel it’s not to landsas easy like to take part in a afar...as it looks! President and the Deputy President short 5-minute survey to of Welfare and the topic is the give your views on the TeachPeek on First! the Warpath Governmentʼs proposed DoWe’ve you found want ato person change with live a student trustee recruitment. Immigration Bill go to: andkeen make wit and society a sharp better? eye, do Go and say howdy in the JCR on you agree with his opinion? tinyurl.com/ Friday between 12-13:00. Any other ImBilSurv topics welcome! Erratum We’re still looking for: Felix would like to off er our most sincere apoligies to Pokémon fans worldwide last week for accidentally publishing Pokémons as the plural of Pokémon. news reporters

Want to help us copy edit? Email [email protected] illustrators and contributors. email: [email protected] LOLCAT OF TEH WEEK: More from teh Lolcat editor Next week We fi nally get back to our comic strip Plugtime. Keep your eyes peeled!

Bonfire Night (Remember the 5th of November?) Oooh, lucky you thereʼs another ʻholidayʼ for you to get excited about! In case you havenʼt heard the story of Guy Fawkes, Google is that way -> What are your plans for Bonfi re Night There are several locations to see fantastic fi reworks from including a free event in Blackheath Park (SE London) on 2nd November (8pm), a ticketed event in Battersea Park also on the 2nd (Adv. tickets only - £6, display at 8pm) and another ticketed event in Crystal Palace Park (SE20) at 8.30pm (£6). Or if youʼve got oodles of cash you can watch them from the Shard on the 2nd November.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. THIS BROUGHT Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2013.

WEEK WASTO YOUBY

Editor-in-Chief Joe Letts News Editors Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud Features Editors VACANT Business Editor James Tsim Science Editors Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley Politics Editors Kartikeya Rana, Jash Rughani Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Chung Comment Editors Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey Arts Editor Arianna Sorba Books Editors Maciej Matuszewski, Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson, William Stocker Television Editors John Park, Emily Fulham Film Editor John Park Games Editors Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, Imran Rashid Technology Editors Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua, Osama Arawa Travel Editor, Clubs & Socs Editors Nida Mahmud, and you? Chris Richardson Sports Editors Kunal Wagle Online Editors Philip Kent, Annina Sartor, Stephen Ball Puzzles Commanders Kingshuk Dasadhikari, Oliver Price Copy Chieflets Annina Sartor, Stephen Ball Copy Editors Alexandra Hamilton, The dude with the cool headphones FRIDAY 01 NOV 3

Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud [email protected] NEWS

from page 1... Lord Darzi elected by the changes would be a “drop in Other News the Ocean” compared to the fees and paperwork already faced by Institute of Medicine international students, the consensus among Council members was in deeply enrich the IOM.” favour of Goldsmith’s proposals. Nida Mahmud The Downing Affair International Offi cer Nida Mahmud News Editor Professor Darzi is an Honorary commented on how she believed that Consultant Surgeon at Imperial “we should care for the welfare of College Hospital NHS Trust. He holds students” and that the fl at £200 NHS rofessor Lord Ara Darzi the Paul Hamlyn Chair of Surgery at fee was unfair since it would “aff ect has been elected by the Imperial College London, the institute the poorest the hardest”. Overseas Institute of Medicine of Cancer Research and the Royal Societies Committee (IOM), which is the health Marsden Hospital. Chair Charmain Li added that sector of the US National Th e research undertaken by Professor she had already had many negative PAcademy of Sciences. Darzi is focussed on attaining the best responses concerning the Bill from Becoming a member of the IOM is a surgical practice using innovative international students. high honour in the health and medical surgery and improving patient safety Despite the general support there fi eld. Last week, 70 new members and the quality of healthcare. He has were concerns that the Council and 10 new foreign associates were published over 800 peer-reviewed paper could be improved – with elected for the IOM. Th e IOM research papers. Goldsmith admitting that he had announced that the selections were BBC not carried out a comprehensive due to their “outstanding professional For those of you who were still wondering, as of yesterday the infamous survey of the opinions of Imperial achievement and commitment to “Downing Street aff air” that caused a three day whirlwind in the press earlier international students towards the service”. this year (with injunctions, rumours and all the bells and whistles) has fi nally bill. Th e Council therefore decided Professor Darzi commented that be revealed. In court yesterday, during the ‘phone-hacking’ trial it was revealed not to accept the paper but instead it’s a “great honour to be elected as that the guilty couple were Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson, two media to mandate a working group, led by a foreign associate of the Institute of power brokers with substantial infl uence in the government. Apparently the Deputy President (Welfare) Marissa Medicine. It is a rare privilege and aff air had be ongoing since its conception in 1998. Awkward for No. 10... Lewis, to research the issue further refl ects the hard work of the team that and present a new paper, with a clear I work with.” plan on how to campaign against the Harvey V. Fineberg, IOM President sections of the Bill which would aff ect said that Imperial students negatively, at the “It is an honour to welcome our highly Lecturers on strike next Council meeting on November distinguished colleagues to the Institute 12. of Medicine. Th ese individuals have Since the Council meeting David inspired us through their achievements Goldsmith has released the following in research, teaching, clinical work, statement: and other contributions to the medical “On presentation of my paper fi eld. Th eir knowledge and skills will Lord Ara Darzi on the Immigration Bill proposals Council engaged in a lengthy and lively debate on the matter. Some excellent views were expressed but Sponsored Editorial consensus was diffi cult to reach. Th is was particularly the case with SOURCE: BLOG PRESTON regard to the implantation of a Student Discounts At Following a month of negotiation and deliberation about pay, the £200 annual NHS fee. Th erefore University and College Union (UCU), Unison and Unite unions we decided that Marissa, Deputy have decided to stage a one-day national strike across the country’s President (Welfare), will be heading Fresh Hairdressers universities during Halloween. a group to investigate international While the strike action varied betwewen universities it can be students’ opinions more thoroughly 70m from South Kensington tube confi rmed that teaching at Liverpool John Moores University and reviewing the paper- potentially and Liverpool Hope University was cancelled and the Chemistry separating the resolves. I’m looking department at Loughborough was closed. Th e strikes have been forward to seeing how this pans out. triggered by poor pay conditions for teaching staff and possible Should the immigration proposals pension changes, often in contrast to rising salaries of the top posts. be rejected by Council there is a lot of lobbying that we as a student SOURCE: HUFFINGTON POST, BBC body can engage in.” Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) All members of the Union are All over clipper cuts from £10 Boris? welcome to attend the November Women’s cut and rough dry £28 meeting, which will be held at 18:30 in Women’s cut and salon fi nish the Union Dining Hall, to voice their blow-dry £38 (normally £55) opinions. Additionally, if you would Highlights from only £40 like to contribute your views to this debate you can take a 5-minute Union Sorry CASH only! survey: tinyurl.com/ImBilSurv FRESH hairdressers are off ering the Maciej Matuszewski best haircuts, prices and service in Appointments available Tuesday to South Kensington. Saturdays 9.30 to 6.30 Next Union Please call 0207 823 8968 to We are only 70 metres from South SOURCE: IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON Committee Meeting book an appointment and ask for a Kensington station at 15a Harrington As you may or may not have heard, the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson student discount. Please bring your road, South Kensington, SW7 3ES Clubs, Societies & Projects will be attending a “People’s Question Time on campus in the Great Hall student ID we look forward to seeing 0207 823 8968. Board on Tuesday 5th November. Tickets have sold out, but if you’re not lucky you. enough to have confi rmed entry you could always stick around the cash 5th November We use the best styling products Check out our website: machines while waiting for an autograph! Th e Mayor will be answering 18:00 Union Dining Hall from Wella, Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal. www.freshhairdressers.co.uk questions from the public, so bring your complaints! Tours Meeting 4 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editors: VACANT FEATURES [email protected] Interview: Introducing the Education and Student Strategy

Felix talks shop with the Vice-Provost Education

Earlier this week Felix caught up Th ere’s really helpfully an issue about by which people might say “Do you with Professor Debra Humphris, performance: that the College should know what, I had a really great idea, Vice Provost (Education) and had a be in the top three of all the leading do you know that we can do X, Y, and discussion about the new Education education indicators, which, if you Z”. Genius, you can’t see the wood for and Student Strategy that was released take that and apply to say the NSS, the trees, so engaging people is really on Th ursday. that’s really challenging, and so what important. I hope I’ve done with this is get a bit Felix: So, you’re releasing the more focused and set out some really F: Almost wrapping up, looking Education Student Strategy specifi c pieces of work that we need forward to the future, both in terms tomorrow? to do. So back in 2009 there were of this document and future strategy no MOOCs [Massive Open Online documents, is there a particular Yes. I started it in December last year, Courses], there was no plan on the timeline that we can look at for we started the process of engaging horizon about (as we knew it then) for changes, and then for the future, staff , students and alumni in thinking the rise in undergraduate tuition fees. what are you thinking? about an Education Student Strategy So much has happened just in that to give us a framework and a set of period, a strategy has got to be a living So, again, in January the College will actions to continually enhance and document. start the process of refreshing it’s take forward our education student current strategy (it will probably be the experience. So having gone through F: So, are you planning on 2014 to 2020 strategy), so we’ll start a consultation process, having got incorporating changes as more Professor Debra Humphris, Vice Provost (Education) FELIX this process and this will get wound people’s great ideas, having honed that feedback comes in from people? what we’re going to do is gradually Th e job now is to engage everybody into it because essentially we’ve done hopefully into a green paper. Having increase this because we must do it in the community, staff , students, and the education and student piece. We gone back to the community to say: So for example, there’s a workgroup on a quality basis, its no good sending alumni to help put their shoulder to might refresh it on the way, I wouldn’t “What do you think of this? What are with a commitment to streamline and 900 students back to their schools. We the wheel and move us forward. ever rule that out, and then these your comments? Having read all of the rationalise surveys, so that every time also need to think about the schools actions will take diff ering amounts input and having events with students we ask you a question as a student that we focus on because if this about F: Personally I think that with some of time. So in terms of the education and with staff town hall meetings, you should know what we do with inspiring the next generation, there of the issues you’ve raised, especially foresight process, the challenge I’m we then arrived at this Education that, what we’ve found, and what are some schools where we could the NSS, it’s important that we focus going to put before colleagues is: Let’s Student Strategy, which went to what we’re doing as a consequence. I’m probably could do a bit more of that on things and make them better think now about the 2020 graduate was formerly the Management Board of the view that less is more, fewer than in others, so we need to connect instead of just complaining which intake, because they are alive. What is back in June, and has then been to surveys followed up more diligently that up with our outreach. … So on is what some students currently do it we’re going to be delivering in 2020, Provost board again just to double and reported back in terms of the webpage, we either click on that, at times. So in terms of boosting we’ve got MOOCs, we’ve got ‘digital’, check. And then over the summer actions is probably more worthwhile and that will take you to a page which student morale, what are your we’ve got interdisciplinary research we’ve been working to set up working than thousands of surveys that you is just about that action. You’ll be able thoughts in regards to that? and disciplines merging, challenges groups around specifi c actions, so never hear… that’s not valuing your to fi nd out who’s involved, terms of all over the world, increasing we’ve now got a framework for action feedback. So, that group has started reference of the group, what progress So, through all of this, what I’ve been globalisation of higher education, for the college and so that all goes live and undoubtedly there will be changes they’re making and any links to other really clear about (and actually there’s three-year olds who do this [mimics tomorrow on the website. that will come along that we’ll need sources, keeping people looking out a statement right at the beginning [of a touchscreen gesture] and think that So what we’ve tried to do with the to adapt to, there’s a national review the window. “Actually this is really the document]), are the underpinning televisions [are touchscreen]. What website is have a website where of the NSS, so we don’t know what good that we do this, but actually assumptions around this. Th is strategy will they be like when they arrive in you can click and you can get to will come out of that next year. So, have you seen what the University of is built on three assumptions, one is 2020? How do we prepare for that? the information. We’ve put it there. you have to keep these things live XYZ does? We could be doing that. our disciplinary strength in science And we need to have a vision about We’ve put links to other sources and responsive, but you have to set So, under each of the four objectives and engineering and our commitment that because if we’re going to start the related to particular actions. We won’t a direction and start getting on with there will be links to all the actions so to a research-led education that is work to get there we have to start now do everything all at once because some really specifi c actions. that you can fi nd out anything that’s practice-based. Another assumption because we haven’t got many years left there’s too much to do all at once. going on and there will be an email is a clear commitment to strong to get to that point. So, hopefully it’s both a repository F: So, it is very easy for people to give where anybody who’s got an idea or a partnership with Imperial College of information about what’s going feedback, is that via the website? comment, and those comments (as in Union, we do this and we do this F. OK. One last question. Is there on. It should also be a two-way the consultation) will range from the together, and the recognition that any particular part of the strategy format in terms of people who want Yes, so there’s going to be one email. highly supportive and encouraging the educational experience of our that you’re really keen on, or is it to highlight great ideas, because the So for every action there will be a page to the… more colourful and more students is shaped by all members of the whole thing? Is there any one world’s moving at such a pace: people that you can click through to fi nd out anatomical. the college community: staff , students priority? who want to get involved, people about. and alumni. How Mrs Patel at the who’ve got views about particular So if you take this one about “Support F: Oh dear. student hub speaks and deals with No, I think it wouldn’t be in here if developments. It’s got to be a two-way students to return to their schools and you [and treats you] is as important it wasn’t important to the college. dialogue. college and employers to share their Well, you know all of life is here. as professor “Wonderful Wonderful” For me, it’s all important, it’s about experiences of college.” So this came giving her lecture on molecular students, it’s about there experience, F. So, what was there beforehand, from Lewis, a student in Earth Science F. So one thing that I’m picking up something or other. We are all one it’s also about our staff and it’s about was there anything at all before you who said we should do more of this is that you’re very keen on making community and building that respect the infrastructure and creating the started this back in December? because it really works for kids and it transparent and easy. Is this for everybody’s contribution is really environment to which to deliver teachers and schools. And actually, something that would be possible to important. Everybody has brilliant world, so you can’t have one bit on it’s Th e College has always had a strategy. we like to go and tell our story. So, get throughout all college? ideas, I don’t know anybody who own. If you go back to the 2010-14 strategy Lorraine Craig, who started this off comes to work at Imperial College there are some higher-level strategic in the school of Earth Sciences, has Yes, this is a college-wide strategy, this not wanting to do a great day’s work F. OK. Well, thank you very much ambitions in there about education. kindly agreed to lead that group. And is the framework we’ve set all College. and I would be mad to shut off a route for your time. FRIDAY 01 NOV 5

@feliximperial FelixImperial FEATURES

The Energy Problem: Which Way Forward? Part 2 of a 3 part feature brought to you by the London Climate Forum 2013

lead back. Fossil fuels are commonly hybrid vehicles (for which the supply can be solved. increasing the number of sources Shiladitya Ghosh perceived as being one such doomed and variety on off er is comparatively Coal mines that would be shut down of carbon emissions in worldwide LCF Organising Committee path – even though their carbon very limited). could potentially be developed to human activity. footprint is decreasing through means It may seem a naïve reason to turn harness geothermal energy instead, Finally, any energy technology that of technological development and up one’s nose at a possible future whilst petrochemical processing we choose to progress needs to be innovations such as carbon capture & energy production method, but unless facilities could be adapted to produce sustainable – a key diff erence from storage (CCS) techniques, their lack of the public is persuaded to recognise more effi cient biofuels…on the other our main energy sources in the past. ith David accessible deposits and the economic and care more about the bigger hand, nuclear power stations are not Th is heavily involves the economic Cameron & environmental setbacks associated picture and how it’s not none of their able to adapt much existing energy and fi nancial aspects of the matter recently offi cially with digging further and deeper mean business, for instance how harvesting infrastructure (including the vast and also relates to the source of the backing the that, for any country, sticking purely hydroelectric energy could lead to marine and land transportation energy; whether it is renewable or not. development of a to fossil fuels to meet energy demands them enjoying better air quality for networks that exist primarily to serve Th e energy sector is perhaps the most newW nuclear power station in Britain is only going to cause bigger problems a longer time period in the future transport of oil & natural gas.) important economic sector and its for the fi rst time in our generation, the after the short-term future comes to despite having to drive unfl ashy cars, Th is is a critical point as existing future form would also need to be able UK looks to be more comfortable than pass. there is not much that can and will get resources need to be redeployed as to sustain jobs and livelihoods, which not with accepting the presence of Another point of consideration is done about the energy problem. Solar effi ciently as possible so suffi cient means it needs to be invested into. nuclear energy production operations, the ways in which any energy solution energy could end up being our best bet new resources can be directed Furthermore, some possibilities such even as the discovery of healthy shale would factor into our lives and the on paper, with minimal climatological towards developing any given energy as biofuels are in the grey area as to gas reserves were made known last way we use energy on the personal and environmental side-eff ects, but if technology. Physical space in our whether they are renewable, however year by a British Geological Survey level. Th is is a very motivating factor no one appreciates it, it would not get environment is a precious commodity other such as solar energy and nuclear report. However, not very many which aff ects public opinion – for developed on at all. that is constantly becoming scarcer, energy are considered virtually countries around the world are in instance, consider the eff ect on the With climate change and the so the extent of utilisation of pre- inexhaustible due to their sources’ a similarly happy dilemma about private transportation sector. Some environment taking centre stage in the existing infrastructure would also sheer reserves/energy densities. choosing which means of energy communities in developed countries public consciousness more often than play a signifi cant role in determining production to pursue. Further to are more welcoming of biofuels ever before, we also tend to forget which source of energy is deemed Want to hear more conclusive and that, which one ought the UK to be replacing petrol because it would about all the existing infrastructure, most suitable for development insightful discussions about the future really pursuing as well, when climate still allow them to use their preferred equipment, systems, networks, and in a particular country or region. of energy? Come along to the London change and environmental eff ects are vehicle models, whereas they may resources related to fossil fuels that we Minimising the need for new land and Climate Forum at Imperial College considered? not be so keen on wind/hydroelectric have which will fall into obsolescence construction generally might mean a London on 9th November for a panel To know which way to go forward, energy being the substitute as it may when a new energy technology takes smaller impact upon the environment discussion on this subject and a host of we must fi rst eliminate which ways mean they have to swap to electric/ over, unless their compatibility issues and would avoid considerably other exciting talks and exhibitions.

Looking at the Education and Student Strategy Felix takes a quick look at the newly released strategy document

Th e Education & Student Strategy In order to achieve these aims College Joseph Letts document takes into consideration plans to focus on their admissions Editor-in-Chief several global factors that can aff ect process — making an Imperial the make-up of the incoming student education more open to people population, including student social form all backgrounds, improving the College has released a new Education mobility, student demographics and experience of new students joining and Student Strategy this week the eff ects the current higher tuition the College and improving outreach which “sets out our vision, aims and fees might have on future Imperial activities to schools and colleges. priorities for education and the student students. College also plans to focus on the actual experience.” Th e scope of the document However the document also looks at education experience, in terms of is a guide for the development of the outcomes an Imperial education providing improvements to teaching, the education system and student can provide for students, such as pastoral care and the university’s experience over the next fi ve years, competitiveness in an increasingly academic infrastructure. providing a strong framework for global job market. It also shows a One strong principle of the strategy improvements that students will focus on teaching, outreach activities over the next fi ve years is the availability hopefully benefi t from over this period and fi nancial support for both and ease of feedback mechanisms of time. undergraduate and postgraduate to allow staff , students and alumni a One of the unfortunate aspects of students. chance to contribute ideas that can trying to make changes in College, as Th e strategic aims of College over enhance the student experience. As with any other large organisation, is the 2013-18 period are “to achieve part of this the Education department Great opportunity to work in a that these changes can take time, which internatinal recognition: has created a new website which CHECK OUT can be frustrating for some students -As a global community of the most allows for easy communication and telecoms company as a phone tester. OUR WEBSITE who might only see the eff ects of their talented students access to information. Th ere students feedback after they have graduated. -For our distinctive education can fi nd out more information about Toughshield is an established provider of rugged However, since the benefi ts of change -For our commitment to innovation the College’s vision, its objectives and devices for enterprise customers. Gain experience and tend to fall to the next generation, it in teaching and learning, and the wider how they can make a diff erence to the be part of a growing business. If you are interested can be easy to forget that any benefi ts student experience. student experience at Imperial. please contact Veronica Kudajczyk on 0207 491 6942 or we have received were also due to those -For our outstanding academic For more information, visit the new [email protected]. who studied in these halls before us. infrastructure.” website at: tinyurl.com/q6zueqc 6 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editor: Kartikeya Rana POLITICS [email protected] Tensions Escalate Between US and Germany Kartikeya Rana analyses the implications of US foreign policy

past. US and Germany are seen to be deal between the UK and US, which Kartikeya Rana close allies but this beach of trust has prevents such spying operations Politics Editor only degraded the ties between the between the two states. Th e UK may two nations. Tapping her phone is a also be holding back from reacting as clear infringement on her personal it may have similar spying operations SA whistleblower, Edward rights and sovereignty, which makes of its own. Recent reports suggest that Snowden, has recently her response justifi able. “It will take a the UK Government Communication leaked documents lot of time”, Angela said, “to build back Headquarters (GCHQ) have been stating that the US has trust.” spying on a German data cable. Nbeen monitoring phone calls of Th ese revelations, however, should Th e validity of the information Angela Merkel and other European not come as a surprise to her as spying provided is also something that must leaders. According to a German by various intelligence services is very be questioned. Edward Snowden newspaper, Der Spiegel, the US has well known. In fact, Germany has its has provided information whilst been monitoring Angela Merkel’s own intelligence service directly under living under asylum in Moscow. As phone since 2002. Such operations the chancellor, called the Federal a former member of the NSA, he are said to be carried out by the Intelligence Service (BND), which has has information about the workings US in 80 destinations around the a comprehensive scheme of foreign of other security agencies as well. world including Brazil, Mexico and intelligence gathering. Although some Th e fact that he is only providing France. Th is has resulted in growing of the anger shown by the Chancellor CREDIT:WWW.NATIONALTURK.COM information about the American anti American sentiment in these may be genuine, it may have also been intelligence services may be because countries. infl uenced by the German public whether American companies should suff er, as any German-US deal will he wishes to further his personal Angela Merkel has shown outcry against the actions of the NSA. invest in Germany. be put under scrutiny. Furthermore, gains. Furthermore, the fact that he passionate discontent to the claims American spying operations tend to Th e US stature on the world stage it will be harder for the US to put has chosen to seek asylum in Moscow that America wiretaps her phones. be well known for states such as China has already been failing. Th e usage forward reforms through the UN is rather suspicious. Th ere is growing German people have a history of and Russia but the desire to wire tap of drones has caused widespread Security Council. Nations such as tension between Russia and the US having mass surveillance been done a close ally such as Germany may discontent as the morality and ethics Germany and France are members of regarding the situation in Syria. on them by dictatorial Communist seem strange to many. Th e decision of using remote control weapons on the Security Council and any reform Russian authorities wish to give Assad and Nazi regimes. Th is has caused may have been infl uenced by the humans is questionable. Th e relatively put forward by the US, regardless of more time to dispossess hiws chemical them to be more sensitive to such US desire to get the best deal out of high number of civilian casualties its aim, would be seen with suspicion. weapons than the US is willing to off er. situations. German authorities have any bilateral trade agreements. By caused by drones has further added It will also cause the US to fi nd it Th e damage caused to US-German asked Washington to provide an monitoring Angela Merkel’s mobile to the negative public perception harder to convince European nations relationships is one, which will take explanation. Th e US authorities have phone, the US can fi nd out how to get towards their usage. Th e spying to partake as allies in confl icts around a long time to heal. Th e US now has stated that they ‘have not and will not the best bargain out of any agreement operations carried out by the NSA the world. to conduct a complete review of its be monitoring’ her mobile phone. with Germany. It could also have been have resulted in a further degradation Strangely enough, the UK has international policy and change the Th is does not necessarily mean that done to speculate about prospective of US International relations. German not provided noticeable reactions way it takes part in international aff airs her phone was not monitored in the German domestic policy and fi nd out investments in US markets will now to the whole situation. Th ere is a to improve its stand in the world. Talks held between India and China over a border dispute Jash Rughani looks into the escalating tensions between India and China

region, Okinawa. Th ese islands matter other structures on its own side of Political actions are much Jash Rughani because they are close to strategically the frontier. Any such freeze would deliberated over to create desired Politics Editor important shipping lanes, off er rich leave Chinese forces, which are impacts and outcomes. It is not fi shing grounds and are thought to established on a plateau, in a much surprising to see the premier of a contain oil deposits. In December stronger position. Th ey already enjoy nation expecting general elections hina’s presence on the 2012 Japan said a Chinese government the benefi t of all-weather roads, making overseas trips to strategically global economic platform plane had violated its airspace over the railway lines and other structures that valid nations or delivering powerful has been colossal since the islands and had caused much political connect them to the rest of China. speeches at international summits to turn of the millennium. turmoil in both the nations. Lastly, worsening bilateral relations woo thevote banks. Similarly, It is not It has followed the In October 2013 Philippines showed would be at odds with broader gains diffi cult to understand the underlying Ctenets of inclusive growth and has resistance to China’s overwhelming between the countries in other fi elds. motives of an imperialistic state trying managed to eradicate rural poverty naval and maritime presence in the Th e value of bilateral trade, skewed to wield its infl uence on neighboring while the GDP is pegged at about 9 South China Sea and sought clarity THEHINDU.COM heavily in China’s favour, has grown countries. In my opinion, today’s trillion dollars annually. However, on China’s territorial claims. Th e past a line of actual control (LAC), from just $2.9 billion a year at the start day and age where technological the dragon country’s real problems Philippines, Vietnam, Malaysia, in the Despang area of Ladakh, a part of the millennium to some $66 billion advancements have transformed and aspirations lie outside of its Brunei and Taiwan have partial or of Jammu & Kashmir state that is annually.China and India appear to the world into a single global village, boundaries. Or so it appears from its total claims to the resource-rich and wedged between Tibet proper and the co-operate as members of the BRICS it is in the interest of each nation to relations with its neighbors. highly traversed sea while China vale of Kashmir. Th ey had reportedly group of countries, for example work cordially alongside the others. Ties between China and Japan maintained that it has indisputable been there for more than two weeks sharing a proposal to establish a new Th e infl ux of ideas across varied have been repeatedly strained by sovereignty over nearly the entire sea. and soon a small number of Indian global development bank. And even socio-economic backgrounds can a territorial row over a group of Yet a long stand-off between soldiers set up camp within a stone’s along the disputed border, the two be properly channeled with theever- islands,known as the Senkaku islands Chinese and Indian soldiers in a throw of their Chinese counterparts. countries have established limited growing infrastructure to facilitate in Japan and the Diaoyu islands in disputed part of Ladakh in September, Th e incursion was seen simply as mechanisms for managing their better lifestyles. More than expanding China.Th e eight uninhabited islands 2013 refl ects another profound China putting pressure on militarily disagreements peacefully. India’s on the arsenal, nations need to lie in the East China Sea and they problem: already it ranks as the most weaker India, presumably to extract prime minister, Manmohan Singh, bolster their intellectual capacity to have a total area of about 7 square serious confrontation between the concessions such as a freeze on the went to Beijing to discuss matters of survive global competition. Macabre km and lie northeast of Taiwan, Asian giants since the late 1980s. India number of troops it deploys along trade and border defense last week in warfare needs to be renounced and east of the Chinese mainland and accused its neighbour to the north- the border, or some block on India’s the wake of hope for peaceful ties and development of soft skills deserves southwest of Japan’s southern-most east of sending troops some 19km development of bunkers, roads or improved relations. investments. Deutsche Bank db.com/careers

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Editors: Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley SCIENCE [email protected]

How many species are there in the world? Philippa Skett discusses the diffi culties associated with determining biodiversity

studying the genetics of the humpback however - a researcher in the number or catch beautiful butterfl ies in dolphins earlier this week, it appeared of fi elds relating to species discovery forests than pick through mud for an that a family that was previously is thought to discover and describe unassuming hidden fern or fungus. thought to only consist of three species around 24.8 species on average in But taxonomic eff ort and effi ciency is actually comprised of four. Based their career. We must eventually is increasing, and with DNA on both genetically analysing and cover all the species at some point, technology allowing us to unravel the morphologically studying the Sousa right? Unfortunately, with an average secrets behind cryptic species - those genus of dolphins, it was found that expenditure per year of US$97, 000 that appear or behave as one species another genetically distinct species per researcher, answering the big but may actually be several - we might was hidden away among the three question through leg work alone be able to pick up the undiscovered already recognised based on previous could potentially cost around US$ 263 biodiversity backlog quicker than ever. taxonomic classifi cations. billion. We also need to simply cover Estimating total species numbers Currently catalogued, there are more ground - with some species is an endeavour that has stretched around 300,000 plant species, potentially only inhabiting tiny areas through the history of the life 1,233,500 terrestrial animal species, due to geological or geographical sciences, which has seen various and a somewhat lacklustre fi gure constraints, simply locating these successes and much more humorous of 98,000 fungal species. However, out-of-reach areas is the fi rst step to failures. One of the most noted estimated fi gures for the total that are tracking down more elusive animals. examples is that of Terry Erwin, an expected to exist globally, based on Th e aim now is to get the poster A new species of snake, Chironius challenger PHILIPPE KOK excitable entomologist who in 1982 current phylogenetic understanding animals of biodiversity out of the based his estimation on the tiniest and extrapolation, suggest there may spotlight and start getting excited ust how many species deforestation, global warming and dataset imaginable. After sampling 19 be in reality up to 1.5 million fungal over the more secretive species; we actually are there in the other human activity, alongside the individuals of arthropods from one species and potentially 11.4 million need more mycologists to track down world? Th is mystery is up ecosystems we are yet to explore, species of rainforest tree, he went on arthropod species. It’s still not quite the mushrooms missing in our lives. there with the other big and it is easy to understand just how to make wild assumptions concerning the same fi gure as Erwin suggested We can’t just leave it to the ecologists questions that dominate diffi cult it is to track species exiting how many species are specifi c to tree but does show just how little we still either; it has to be a team eff ort too. science,J and has been pursued by and entering the biodiversity stage. species, how many trees there are, and know about the true biodiversity out We need the geographers to pinpoint all manner of scientists over the Th at’s not to say science isn’t then adding some more in for good there. areas of interest, the geologists to years. Th e fl ummoxing phylogeny attempting to get up to speed with measure. He fi nally came to the hugely So what is the plan? Scouring the predict just what might be there and of organisms throughout history is the number of species out there. Th is over-exaggerated fi gure of there being Amazon rainforest is fun, but if we why, and even the mathematicians to one of the many factors as to why we week saw the WWF announce that possibly 30 million arthropod species, still have a staggering four fi fths of model species and scenarios which just can’t seem to pinpoint a magic they have discovered at least 441 new much to the exasperation of the rest of species yet to fi nd, amassing only we can’t study fi rst hand, such as number, alongside the natural ebbing species of plants and animals in a the scientifi c community at the time. around 400 of these over the space of 3 the progression of species numbers and fl owing of numbers of species all remote part of the Amazon rainforest Although it has been more recently years is hardly time effi cient. Not only throughout immensely long periods the time; after all, it is the ultimate goal newly explored between 2010 and estimated that 86 percent of species that, but the neglected players in this of time. Th row in geneticists, marine of genes to propagate their organismal 2013. Th ese included 258 species probably haven’t been discovered yet, worldwide game of biodiversity hide biologists and the taxonomists too to stronghold into something bigger, of plants, 84 fi sh, 22 reptiles and a it has also been deduced that there and seek are those that really never point us in the right direction, and better, faster or stronger, so species monkey that purrs like a cat. is a less than 0.00001 percent chance attracted attention in the fi rst place, suddenly it becomes so much more of come and go as fast as evolution It’s not just the ecology adventurers that Erwin was right in his arthropod like the miniscule mushrooms or the a team eff ort. Biologists need all the allows. that are having all the fun in the estimation. placid platyhelminthes. People prefer help they can get in the quest to catch Th row in the issues caused by species scavenger hunt either - after People are not put off by his eff orts to chase large cats over savannahs ‘em all. 7th rock from another sun

who used data gathered from NASA’s said co-author Robert Simpson, also Pavitar Singh Devgon space telescope, Kepler, to discover from Oxford University. Science Writer this latest exoplanet. Th e team have An interesting point to note is submitted their research paper to be that because all of the planets orbit peer reviewed in the Astronomical relatively closely to the star, previous iscovering exoplanets Journal. Lintott has high hopes, detection methods should have been nearly 20 years ago saying, “With a transiting system, able to predict the seventh exoplanet. allowed physicists to once you get multiple planets, the As Dr Lintott put it, “Everything we change their view of odds of them being false positives are know about this system tells us it the universe. We had very small.” should have been found using the alwaysD known that our Sun was not Th e star itself is just a stone’s throw automatic detection routines. But it the only star in the wide universe, away from Earth at 2500 light years, wasn’t.” but then came confi rmation that and has been noted to bear similarities Seven star systems can be quite there are star systems like ours too, to our own. One diff erence though is complicated to deal with and the with planets of all sizes orbiting one, the fact that all of the planets orbit calculations that need to be performed two or three stars at a time. Now one much closer to their star - this new can become lengthy. Looking for the dwarf star in particular, KIC 11442793 planet has an orbit of only 125 days, right transit of the planets “seems (catchy name!), may hold a record for but is almost 3 times as large as the like a task that’s perfectly designed the most number of exoplanets, with Earth, by diameter. “It actually looks for computers. But we keep fi nding, two separate research groups fi nding like our Solar System in one sense, in these niche cases, in these odd a seventh orbiting the star. with small planets on the inside and cases, in these complicated cases that Chris Lintott from the University big planets on the outside … Th at’s humans can beat the computers.” of Oxford led one research group, not necessarily what we always see,” ArXiv: 1310.5912 The Kepler Space Telescope before launch in 2009 NASA /JACK PFALLER FRIDAY 01 NOV 9

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FelixImperial SCIENCE The chaos of colony collapse disorder Laurence Pope on recent research into the humble honeybee

he modern-day bee is in Several competing hypotheses a bit of a sticky situation, have been put forward. Some blame and we’re not talking about a group of pesticides known as honey. neonicotinoids, a class of neuroactive It was published in agents introduced in the early 1990s. TPLoS One last week that scientists Neonicotinoids have low toxicity in discovered a mass-extinction of one mammals, and at the time seemed bee group, Xylocopinae, at around a good alternative to more toxic the same time the dinosaurs punched pesticides being used. And although out of the biological timeline. Th is they’re quite good at killing pests extinction is believed to be linked to they’re apparently also quite good the extinction of many fl owering plant at disrupting the bee’s in-built species. Speed forward 65 million navigation system. Th e EU recently years or so and we’ve got another bee imposed a ban, although the jury’s still problem: colony collapse disorder out amongst scientists whether or not (CCD). neonicotinoids are a major culprit in You could write a dissertation on CCD. colony collapse disorder (and indeed Other blame the aptly named I actually have), but it can be boiled Varroa destructor, a parasitic mite down to a few simple facts. Back in late that attaches to bees and inadvertently 2006 US beekeepers noticed that their spreads viruses to its host, weakening hives were devoid of large numbers the bee’s immune system. Even CCD has destroyed over 10 million honeybee hives and caused over US$2million in damage MODERN FARMER of worker bees, even dead ones. Th e more factors have been brought into bees had seemingly vanished. Over question, including the monoculture ecological phenomena CCD is likely contribute billions to the economy overall crop yield. six years on and it’s still a problem nature of farming, climate change, the outcome of a mixture of these via their ability to pollinate crops. And so research continues. For the across a lot of the world, including other pathogens and malnutrition. issues. Th ere will be no silver bullet. Without them the pollination of many sake of both the human race and the the US, Europe and parts of Asia. Bee No single factor has been conclusively Th e consequences of CCD extend crops would need to occur by hand, beleaguered bee one hopes solutions populations are crashing, and no- singled out as the major causative far beyond a potential shortage an expensive and time-consuming will soon be found. one’s quite sure why. agent of CCD, but like many complex of honey and pretty fl owers. Bees process that would very likely impact DOI:10.1371/journal.pone.0076683 Apparently money does grow on trees Fiona Hartley fi nds it diffi cult to ignore a golden opportunity for puns

oney doesn’t grow removing the gold. prospecting. Nowadays most easy- on trees, said every Going to Australia to chop down access gold deposits have been found person ever, but it trees that you can then trade to a all around the world. Deposits are turns out that isn’t cash-for-gold website when your now detected by exploratory drilling, entirely accurate. student loan runs out isn’t a feasible or by fi nding a location where gold MTh ere’s gold in them thar hills, or way to make a quick buck however. ore appears on the Earth’s surface. rather, in them thar trees. Scientists Th e amount of gold particles found Analysing vegetation above ground have struck gold – surprisingly in the in the trees is miniscule. Dr Melvyn and discovering gold could indicate leaves, twigs and bark of eucalyptus Lintern, one of the geochemists who buried treasure tens of metres below. trees in Western Australia. authored the paper, said, “We’ve done “Not only do we believe it is a way A group of researchers from the a calculation, and found that we need of stretching the exploration dollar Commonwealth Scientifi c and 500 trees growing over a gold deposit further,” said Dr Lintern, “because Industrial Research Organisation to have enough gold in the trees exploring for these deposits can be (CSIRO) made the discovery recently themselves to make a gold ring.” quite expensive, it also minimises the and published their fi ndings in the Th e scientists used the Maia detector damage to the environment because journal Nature Communications. for x-ray elemental imagining at the we are taking a very small sample Th ey say that the roots of the trees Australian synchrotron to visualise the from the trees themselves, as well as act like a ‘hydraulic pump’, taking up particulate gold. “Th is is a fi rst,” said the leaves and twigs on the ground. tiny ions of gold tens of metres within Dr Lintern. “We know that gold occurs “Th e leaves could be used in the soil below as they gather water. in leaves but this is the very fi rst time combination with other tools as a more Particularly in drought conditions that gold has been found as a visible cost eff ective and environmentally roots can reach up to 35 metres deep particle in any biological material, let friendly exploration technique,” into the soil. alone leaves. Any biological material Such a method would go some way Th e gold is transported up at all.” A Eureka! moment indeed. towards addressing the problems of through the tree by the vasculature Let’s note though that this research declining supply and quality alongside system, replacing water lost through will not prompt an old-school gold increasing demand for gold. Th ere is transpiration. Most likely toxic to rush. Th e nuggets of gold are one- also the possibility that the technique the plant, the gold is then moved to fi fth of the diameter of a human could be adapted to identify other leaves and branches in order to reduce hair – genuinely invisible to other mineral deposits, such as zinc and deleterious biochemical reactions. equipment. But this could herald the copper. Th ese can eventually be shed, thereby beginning of a golden era for mineral DOI: 10.1038/ncomms3614 Particulate gold in eucalyptus leaves CSIRO AUSTRALIA 10 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editor: James Tsim BUSINESS [email protected] Shell Ideas360 comes to students! Competition to solve the energy, food and water issues of future!

real and profi table investment. Th e tackle the food security nexus and James Tsim prize for this competition consists of provide fresh water globally? With Business Editor a National Geographic Expedition, the world population and daily energy where you will be exploring some usage per person ever increasing, can Shell Ideas360 of the most fascinating places in the you fi nd a solution? world. Shell hopes to use its resources Th ijs Jurgens, Shell Vice President to help change the world by investing for Innovation said: “As a global leader Shell Ideas360 is an international in ideas produced by students. All in energy and innovation, we aspire competition open to all students participants will keep the intellectual to drive progress in the development which aims to produce the leading property behind their ideas. Th e of a better energy system. Th e future ideas to tackle the global energy, food best ideas also have the chance to be of energy cannot be seen as separate and water issues of today. Students are invested in by the Shell Gamechanger from that of food and water, and with ideas, and believe that great you will be given a Shell mentor to invited to develop game changing ideas programme, which has invested over tackling the pressures on these vital ideas can be conceived by anyone at help you develop your idea, and build with an emphasis on innovative ideas USD$300m to date. resources cannot be achieved alone. any time. However, many great ideas on skills and industry knowledge. which can be implemented to produce Are you ready to solve the problem, We recognize that innovation starts never get off the ground, for any of a From this you will be required to number of reasons. At Shell, we want write a detailed report followed by a to make sure that promising ideas are 3-minute video presentation. Only 5 nurtured and supported. What better teams make it to the fi nal round and place to start than at university? And this takes place in the Netherlands. what better talent to support than students? ” Entrepreneurship

How to enter An Imperial student has done it before. Alex Schey studied mechanical Once you have an idea, you can engineering at Imperial and went enter as an individual or as part of a up to set up Vantage power. Straight team (max 3 people per team). You are after university, he acquired £700,000 also required to have a member of the sponsorship to build and design an university academic staff to support electric car, which he drove down your application. Once you’ve signed the Pan-American Highway, which up, you’ll have access to a virtual is over 26,000km. He them went on workspace fi lled with a collection of to develop a revolutionary hybrid inspiring videos, articles and advice to drivetrain designed to retrofi t existing spark your creative thinking and help double-decker buses to reduce fuel your idea take shape. Ideas need to be consumption by 40%. submitted by December 16th 2013. After review by Shell, the top 100 ideas If you feel like taking on this energy, from all students will be selected to water and food challenge, submit your proceed to the next stage. In this stage idea today!

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Send an email to: ‘For me, a good [email protected] night out is spent picking up moths’ business.finance. Alessandro Giusti Entomologist entrepreneurship.markets. inspiration.management. vat.finance. FRIDAY 01 NOV 11

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FelixImperial COMMENT An 80km jaunt in Wales James Ellisʼ refl ections on an ultramarathon s most regular runners felt good heretofore, I began to cramp, through muscular-electrolyte defi cit and untroubled by the outside world. of muscular fatigue. To put it mildly will testify, there comes dramatically reducing my speed. rather than fi tness. It was almost spiritual in a way, being my legs were ‘pretty’ sore. Th e balance a point when having A gem of Imperial-induced maths I reached a point where I could so completely isolated in my own was that I was within a distance to the followed a routine informed me that this regression speed up without cramping. At this little bubble, just letting my mind fi nish that, barring injury, I would be for a long time, you had pushed my fi nish time up from point I felt I was riding the crest of a wander whilst I passed lakes, through able overcome. I had also raced up the feelA compelled to mix things up and 8 hours to 10. A depressing thought! wave. Feeling that I could run freely valleys and over mountains. Th e one leader board. Th e mental battle was try something new. It’s the runner’s Giving up wasn’t an option as too gave me a lift and the whole venture issue was the diffi culty of adhering forcing myself to push as much as I mid-life crisis. Th is seems reasonable many people knew I was racing, thus I seemed like a better idea than it to my eating plan. Having been out could in order to ‘break’ those behind analogy for it involves committing to convinced myself that ignoring cramp had beforehand. Th e miles began to for over 5 hours, postulating whether me. something rash, a bad idea. For me this was preferable to inevitable abuse tick off faster and with them came I was suffi ciently fuelled became Unlike the opening stages where was entering the Wye Valley Ultra, an I would take if I assigned a ‘DNF’ to progress back up the leader board. increasingly diffi cult. I raced feeling fresh, I was now ‘red- 80 km race through the mountains of my name. For 90 minutes this struggle Th e next few hours (I can honestly Th e fi nal stage approached at the lining’ – going as fast as I could for mid-Wales. Several months on from continued; I would be lying if I said say) were truly glorious, basking 60km point. By now the euphoria of the given distance left. Th is became the seemly harmless entry form, the it fun. Despite this I was confi dent in the freedom of running through previous hours had dissipated. For the a battle between two contrasting day came along, bringing with it the that my problem was nutrition-based stunning environments, untouched fi rst time I was dealing with the issue voices in my head but I managed task of completing a race just shy to hold it together, using a series of of two marathons, with over 200m mental hurdles to focus away from of vertical ascent to contend with. the fatigue. I also thought about the My student tendencies eliminated prospective outcome and all the thoughts of pre-race nerves when I input training. Spotting the ‘200m realised that a 3am alarm was required to go’ sign was a relief. Crossing the to make the 7.30am start time. Silver line I did had an immense sense of linings in everything... satisfaction and pride, completing the In hindsight it was an event in race in 8 hours 11 minutes and 6th out four parts. For the initial 2-3 hours of the 130 starters. It was an enjoyable I was in race mode. While being a experience due to the surroundings novice at ultra running training had where it took place. It provided progressed and I wanted to push for interest and inspiration, making it a as good a fi nish as possible. A lot of pleasure (in the main) in which to be concentration went into adhering a part. Ultimately, it was an example to a nutrition programme, which of the value of spending time outdoors involved eating approximately 50g and protecting those environments. of carbohydrate and drinking 400mL Capitalising on the opportunity per hour. Th is I split into roughly half I urge you all to attend the London hourly ‘meals’, which dually served Climate Forum, a sustainability the purpose of dividing the overall conference centred on prospective task with making it easier to ‘stomach’ anthropogenic eff ects. It will be a great while running.. event with fantastic speakers. It takes Stage one ended at about 35km when place at Imperial College on November I was in a group of three, who were a 9th. See londonclimateforum.org for minute down on the leader. Having more details. Royalties from the Royalty Royal Family to throw a good party. an angel, wasn’t she? Look at all that a lot of money for us. I don’t know Because these are times of austerity! charity stuff she probably did. And how anyone calculated exactly how Christy Kelly Wait… the poor sons, ordinary guys forced much tourist money we would lose Writer So, forget the convenient Royal into such a hard position, the whole if the Royal Family disappeared, but decrees that allow the government to world watching. No wonder they go to economists are clever. Take the IMF: if overrule Supreme Court judgements, parties dressed as Nazis, it’s the stress, unemployment really didn’t exist, their used to quash the claims of the poor things! And then isn’t Kate so models would be perfect! Anyway, the he British Monarchy as forcefully displaced Chagos Islanders; good looking and clever, and a normal Royal family makes Britain money. an institution is, we can forget the fact that royalty is a remnant human being too. Th ose Royals can’t But, let’s reorganise a bit so we can all agree, quintessentially of a horribly repressive, backwards be all bad if they marry normal human make more tourist money. Th ese are British, defi ned by and cruel historical era. Forget that beings. Plus they bring in tourist times of austerity. A Royal Family political impotence, with the royalty own vast tracts of land, money. Big Brother perhaps? A sort of Ta history of starting needless wars to bought with tax-payers’ money. You see that last bit is crucial. Most Buckingham Palace zoo, where we satisfy stupid demands. A historical Forget that the symbolic effi cacy of people aren’t willing to support the can see Charles having his Duchy anachronism allowed to be a part of the Royal Family has variously been royal family without some apparent original blood-of-virgins-or-whatever the elite out of politeness, with the used to support raving nationalism utilitarian calculation. Th ey say, jam for breakfast, the Queen on the mind to its occasional utility. Th e (think Yukio Mishima and his ‘No I don’t think we really need a toilet awnd Prince Phillip being racist US needed Britain’s support during Cultural Emperor, or World War monarchy, but they make us lots of to the assembled crowds? Th e Only Iraq, to pretend it wasn’t the only Japan generally). Th e Queen appeared tourist money and it would be a pity Way is Sandringham House? It sounds ‘democracy’ going to fi ght there in Danny Boyle’s James Bond sketch to lose it’. Fair enough, these are times ghastly to me, but then, I never did uh, for democracy, and the British at the Olympics. And sure Charles of austerity! So okay, keep the Royal watch reality TV. At the very least it Government sometimes needs the looks like a horse, but Princess D was Family. I understand that they make sounds like it will sell. MIRROR 12 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editors: Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey COMMENT [email protected]

Boris: Resolute Vertebrate Jelly Part II

One cannot fault the apparent gusto transport network remedy all pledge is noble. Despite this one “London is not a Eoghan J. Totten with which Boris Johnson approaches problems. Th ese are isolated solitudes might choose to note Boris Johnson’s @eoghantotten his mayorship. His ‘9- point plan for in themselves. Th ey are desirable but support of free markets and energetic fictional metropolis Comment Editor a Greater London’ was both succinct without a focal point their full impact capitalism. Th ere is no doubt that and pragmatic. Perhaps (in my view) will be lost. In London complications the jobs will come. My concern is like Gotham City” this is the crux of any criticism that are not black and white. Th ere is only that the enterprising entrepreneurs “If the ball came loose from the back might be directed towards him. His grey. and businesses will glaze over the this might be that such an approach of the scrum, which it won’t of course, delineation of London’s foibles may Consider Mr. Johnson’s pledge disenfranchised or impoverished serves as a stepping stone to outreach. it would be a great, great thing to have prove to be a gross oversimplifi cation to create more ‘green space’ for Londoner. Th e spider’s web proves I suspect that this won’t happen. a crack at.” of a vastly complex social and Londoners. It makes sense. By defi ning to be a most fi tting analogy. Canary Soaring London Underground fares economic focal point; Boris Johnson regions for respite, city hall can provide Wharf, Pall Mall and Mayfair may may serve as substance to this instinct. hese were the words of Boris tends to focus on the latter. While more opportunities for the average lie on the strands of the web but Th e lines may have been rejuvenated Johnson on a hypothetical his pledge to create 200,000 jobs, as ‘Londoner’ to withdraw from a myriad other areas fi ll the void. Without an and the trains made punctual during bid for Th e Conservative a conduit for raising citizens out of of pressures. Th is may catalyse social egalitarian eff ort to bring jobs to one Boris Johnson’s premiership but this Party leadership, speaking to poverty, is a noble endeavour, it could cohesion, promote tolerance and and all this may continue to be the has happened in line with such fares. the BBC’s Michael Cockerell be misconstrued as clandestine and encourage patience. My criticism of case. By 2015 city hall may run the Th e poor man is short of options and Tfor a May 2013 broadcast. Th eir disengaged. the measure is its lack of focus. Green risk of morphing a sizeable income fi nds his way barred. light-hearted fl ippancy is somewhat London is not a fi ctional metropolis spaces are a means to an end; they are disparity into an irrecoverable void. Refl ections on the London 2012 endearing but they also conjure like Gotham City, where criminality not an end in themselves. Any benefi ts Th is leads into City Hall’s Olympic Games serve as a suitable images of the home counties. Th is is asphyxiated and bludgeoned into would need to be led by the people. endeavours to rejuvenate transport. closing point. I once referred to their cannot be avoided. submission. Neither will a punctual An inherent social link to the land Th e Crossrail project, in combination legacy as ‘fl at-packed’. At the close would need to be forged. Green space with the proposed airport on the of the games the gates were locked in Peckham, Lewisham or Lambeth Th ames estuary and the hypothetical and barred and decommissioning will solve nothing in isolation. Instead, ‘Heathwick’ rail link show that eff orts began without pause for breath. Bike by fashioning a cultural link to the are both concentrated and effi cient. In lanes became a thing of the past and localised community, the benefi ts particular, with the Crossrail tunnel bidding for the Stadium gathered could prove boundless. having reached the half-way house force. Th is might be regarded as a A recurrent characteristic of under Gospel Oak, Boris Johnson missed opportunity for City Hall. these social links is longevity. Th is can now exhibit active substance Th ere was an opportunity to fashion a is something that London typically to complement his initiatives. utilitarian model for London centred lacks. As a burgeoning hive of Once again I bring you back to the on cycling, culture and sport. It was causality, activity is both fl uid and ‘web’ analogy. Th e projects serve as a shame that short-term pragmatism dynamic. Continuity of Government, conduits to speed fi nanciers, scientists took precedence over a deeply-rooted justice and equality will not maintain and the well-endowed among us onto legacy. itself without the intervention of bigger and better things. Th e poor are It is not too late. If anyone can pull it city hall. Th e Mayor’s 200,000 job left in idleness. Th e counterpoint to off , it is Boris Johnson. DAILY MAIL Confessions of a GTA: Part 4 “On a fi eld trip a GTA is the best person to be” You can imagine my horror when stand at the back of a well-behaved The GTA my supervisor looked hopefully across group of people, being plied with tea the desk from me, having indicated he and chocolate by the other lecturers Anonymous really could use help on this trip which on the trip. I did not even have to was, of course, over the weekend. worry about timings or the teaching. Battered by his assurances that it never Th is the staff assured me was their rained on this trip and thinking of it problem. My main purpose seemed s an undergrad, fi eld as a paid day out, I resignedly agreed. to be to prevent the students walking trips were always best in I immediately went and cleared the into the road, which they managed hindsight. Th ose hours sale of the closest outdoor shop just pretty well on their own, with only one on a windblown moor in case. or two near death incidents. in the back of beyond So there I stood, handing out notes It turned out to, be quite sunny and inA the pouring rain seemed later like to people I did not know at 8am I could even remove my nice new quite a laugh and that time you nearly on a very cold Saturday morning. microfl eece, hat, waterproof trousers got impaled on machinery by an irate Th e weather forecast was stormy. I and gloves and pretend I was on the Scottish factory worker who did not tried desperately to work out how beach. Th is was great and was rapidly care how interested you were in the much I would be paid every second improved by a very nice three course manufacturing was, looking back, an only to realise that actually made it dinner in the hotel. I even got my “adventure”. Th e stress of fi nishing more depressing. Th en suddenly we own room. Yes, it was not a hotel notes, living with some random were all on the coach, setting off to a that I would have picked by myself, on your course who you had never hellish nowhere to look at nothing in but hey, I was being paid for this. heard speak until now, and trying particular. Not to mention the slightly random to understand what exactly your But to my surprise, I did not have layout meaning that my bathroom Professor was yelling over a gale force to look at nothing in particular, was huge, actually massive. So a nice wind, for most people were the good make notes on something I did not free dinner and pint later I could quite times of the course. I, as a keen indoor understand, or try and draw a picture comfortably fall asleep in front of the sportsman, remember it without the of a piece of equipment whose purpose TV. rose tint. was not entirely clear. Instead I got to I could get used to fi eld trip GTAing. You want us to change the picture, do you? Fine, have a unicorn. FRIDAY 01 NOV 13

@feliximperial

FelixImperial COMMENT Saudi Arabia: Is driving a human right?

2011, King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz births. With many birth defects being Tessa Daveyavey al Saud declared that women would attributed to environmental factors Comment EditorEditor be eligible to stand and vote in the and inadequate prenatal care, this 2015 local elections, and as of August, seems to suggest that banning women domestic violence is now a criminal from driving should not really be their off ence. However, despite all these biggest concern when it comes to improvements, the gender gap index reducing this. ’ve always been in love with score remains far lower than other On October 26th, many women driving. In school, when I was countries of similar GDP, global took to their cars, and posted videos learning to drive, my Physics competitiveness index, or many other online of themselves driving in teacher told me that he wished comparable factors. While progress is various cities. In contrast to similar that we were in Saudi Arabia, being made rapidly in Saudi Arabia, protests in 1990 and 2011, there have Iwhere women are banned from there is still a long way to go. been no reported arrests following driving, because then at least I’d shut In opposition to these changes, these demonstrations. According to up about it in his lessons. I remember Saudi Arabia remains the only country activists leading the campaign, the being outraged to learn this, and it’s in the world to place a ban on women attitude of Saudi men towards women always stuck with me. While I would driving. Th is is seen largely as a result driving is changing, seeing the ban abstain from describing driving as a of the culture, not any religious laws, as no longer in line with a country basic human right, it’s certainly not a and indeed, neither national traffi c where 17% of the native workforce are right that should be awarded based on regulations nor sharia law explicitly women. Th e lack of enforcement of gender. prevent women from driving. Instead, the ban throughout these protests also According to the 2013 Global women cannot obtain licences, and seems to indicate a changing mood Gender Gap Report, Saudi Arabia police are advised to remove keys amongst the government in terms of comes in at 127th out of 136 countries from any women drivers, and issue lifting the ban. King Abdullah has said in terms of gender equality. Despite them with a warning. publicly that women will drive one minor fl uctuations, their score has Sheikh Saleh bin Saad al-Lohaidan, day, but Saudi authorities are quoted improved more than any other Middle a conservative cleric and judicial as saying that “society is not ready”, a Eastern and North African region advisor, has recently gone on record view seemingly defi ed by the social since 2006. However, it remains the as saying that women who drive are media response and the vast number lowest performing in the group of more likely to bear children with of signatories on the petitions to allow high-income countries. Education clinical problems as the act of driving women to drive. for women has improved drastically “automatically aff ects the ovaries and Attitudes towards gender equality over the last few decades, with rates pushes the pelvis upwards”, which are changing in Saudi Arabia, and of women enrolling in post-secondary sounds like something that Th e Onion with global support, it can only get education now being higher for would report. Th e 2013 March of better. Th ere is still an awful lot of women than for men. A quota for Dimes global report on birth defects improvement yet to be made, but it is the number of women in parliament shows Saudi Arabia coming in second happening, and quickly. Th e success Saudi Arabia. Although it may not be to have become to Saudi women what has been introduced, meaning that highest out of all countries listed, of these protests would be a huge the biggest discrimination that they the seat on the bus was to Rosa Parks – it is now made up of 20% women. In with 81.3 birth defects per 1000 live leap in terms of women’s freedoms in currently face, it has been described a symbol of a more subtle oppression. Jonathan Peek on the warpath

a separate legal entity). oversee the running of the Union the other roles in the Union e.g. the Jonathan Peekek In fact the sweeping changes behind the scenes. Th ese people members of Union Council (the board brought in by the new constitution actually have a vested interest in responsible for keeping oversight Anonymous are so radical that the body charged seeing the Union be successful. Some of the Sabbs and Trustees as well as with advising on the impact of individuals who are familiar with how being ‘the representative body’ of the constitutional changes, the Union the Union operates often refer to the Union) the turnout is depressingly Court (which was abolished as part Sabbatical offi cers as puppets. low and the result is dramatically f there is one thing the our of the changes) provided a report Despite the issues with the new eff ected by the popularity of the Union has got right is its ability detailing some of the issues with the constitution, changes were needed. individual running. So when you then to generate endless of amounts proposed constitution which was Talking about the old arrangements think about who actually runs for the bureaucracy and suff er a longer the constitution itself. of the Union’s government the Chair posts of Sabbatical offi cers its almost constant stream of changing Anyone at this week’s Council of the Trustee Board, Dame Julia always the people who have been Iindividuals fi lling roles without much meeting would have seen a lengthy Higgins, said that the Union’s “systems involved the Union and hence got in of an idea of what they’re supposed debate about the Government’s were fl awed and failing in governance” though being popular. Th e number what we need is for people who to be doing or even being qualifi ed to Immigration Bill which culminated (Union Council Minutes 30 October of times I’ve heard people complain would actually make good offi cers complete their role. with the fi nal decision being that we 2012). that “actually none of the candidates to take an interest in the Union, and Anyone who has experienced the couldn’t make a decision at the time Aside for the issue of a constant for this Sabb role are any good” is far we (as a voting body) need to vote hours of endless joy that is Union despite numerous good proposals changing team of individuals to high to be consistent with the idea for the person who would actually Council is well aware that things can that addressed peoples points being with oversight of the Union and of the elections being the best way of be best rather than who we know be a right shambles. Our current proposed, while aware that prompt its activities, the fact that these appointing people for the posts and – unfortunately this requires less constitution was replaced last year action was needed if the Union wished individuals are selected by a popularity system of governance working for us voter apathy and actually an election with little consultation using a to actually accomplish anything contest means that it is often not the – how many of you have complained process that prompts informed voting. template that was designed by the regarding the bill. best individual that gets the post. Yes, about, or tried to do something with Th e good news is that we do have NUS despite our own Union having a If there is one thing that does help we run a College wide ballot and, yes, a club society or project simply to get at least one basic test as part of the rather more completed legal standing keep the Union running from day to we have some the best turnout for tied up in endless amounts procedural election process: if you haven’t written as defi ned in the Imperial College day it is the team of approximately 50 the “Big Elections” but if you actually matters? a manifesto or uploaded a photo then Charter (the Union may or may not be employed professionals that actually look at voter turnout for most of So what’s my solution? Well simply good luck trying to beat RON. 14 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editors: Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey COMMENT [email protected] Atheism and the Irony of Religion

week. A man is listening to a program point, the posters I have seen around worship? Christy Kelly when he hears ‘this painting is truly Imperial campus saying ‘God’s not “Dawkins always What should be noted is that, Writer iconic.’ Th e man then goes on a rant Dead – evidence for the existence of despite the same conclusion reached to his partner: ‘I hate the use of the God’. Incidentally they remind me of seems to miss the (God can be worshipped), these two word iconic. Everything is iconic another failed joke, a line of graffi ti strands of irony at work in Douglas these days (etc.) Nobody seems to with the lines ‘God is Dead, Nietzsche’ point in his criticism, Adams’ joke (there is no Babelfi sh; know what the word iconic actually followed by ‘Nietzsche’s dead, God’. if God is killed by logic, God can be rony has always been, well, ironic. means!’ Th e program then, rather Alenka Zupançiç correctly points cogent though it is” resurrected for spirit) are formally at Take for example Aristophanes, predictably, goes on to say ‘It depicts out that a funnier version of the joke odds with each other. Th is is why we great ancient Greek satirist the virgin Mary and Jesus Christ…’ would be something like ‘God is Dead, shouldn’t just dismiss the ‘God is not of whom Nietzsche said ‘that What this limp joke shows is that the and actually I don’t feel too good to believe in God again? After all, we Dead’ poster because without faith transfi guring, complementary simple take on irony doesn’t actually either…’ must recall that Wittgenstein’s famous God dies, Adams has shown that Igenius, for whose sake one pardons work – irony requires two levels to be My initial reaction, and I suspect ‘Whereof one cannot speak, thereof God is a tougher cockroach than that. all of Hellenism for having existed’, eff ective. Because the fact is here, the the initial reaction of many, was ‘How one must be silent’ that closes the Th is is why Dawkins always seems to and his play Th e Clouds. In a famous joke is not simply on the disgruntled stupid. Th ere is no proof that God Tractatus was not an assertion of the miss the point in his criticism, cogent scene Socrates muses on the origins old man from the joke, it is on the exists, and if there were it would be impotence of the that-which-cannot- though it is. Neither is it correct of clouds, their possible genesis in joke itself, because what the joke fails self-defeating because God needs be-spoken, but rather an assertion of to, as Nietzsche and the Romantics the condensation of water vapour; to see is that the man’s criticism is faith.’ Th is is of course the old Douglas the sacrosanct nature of the super- attempted, to adopt a heroic posture the clown then goes on to ridicule simply wrong. What the correct and Adams joke: the Babelfi sh is so mind linguistic (music, God etc.) If anyone of anti-theological passion, with all of Socrates, because everybody knows proper use of language fails to capture bogglingly useful that God must have doubts this just think of the meaning of Satan’s ‘Evil be thou my Good’ and so that the Gods give us clouds… Th e is that the incorrect use is precisely made it. Th is is proof for God so now You Know Who in Harry Potter. Th is on. Th is is clearly preserving the place irony should be obvious to all of us: part of the impartation of meaning. we can know, instead of having to is why I prefer the recent Pears and of God by killing God off . Aristophanes’ ironic and ‘ridiculous’ Take the word ‘literally’, as in ‘I was believe, God exists. But without faith McGuinness translation to the famous Instead our attitude to God was explanation, imputed to the sophistic literally dying’. Th e common sense God is useless, so God disappears Ogden one; the fi nal line reads ‘What properly described by Brecht. ‘If you and ridiculous philosopher, is of criticism, ‘no, when you say literally, ‘in a poof of logic’. But the true irony we cannot speak must be passed over were to fi nd out tomorrow that God course the truth. you actually mean fi guratively’, misses here is double: there is no such mind in silence.’ Here the religious element doesn’t exist, would anything change? Perhaps the above should be the point: it is through the disjunction bogglingly useful thing as a Babelfi sh, of Wittgenstein’s thought is brought If so, then you have your answer. You proposed as the actual logical formula between the literal meaning of the so for Douglas Adams, perhaps God out fully (Passover/passed over). So already need God. If not then stop for irony, that is, a refl exive turn on word and its usage that gets the existed after all; when God disappears when Douglas Adams kills off God, worrying.’ Or as Chomsky brilliantly irony itself. So take instead, a short message across. in a ‘poof of logic’ does not Douglas does he not really put him back in put it, ‘what exactly am I supposed not sketch I heard on the radio the other And this brings me to my real Adams open up the space for people the proper place for mystical divine to believe in?’

Halloween, Council Letters

and Education Dearest Felix Editor

As I sit here in my forest reading through the Joseph Letts latest issue of Felix I couldn’t stop myself from spilling my Chamomile tea all down my best Editor-in-Chief Robes. A response to my letter that actually criticises my views and calls me irresponsible! Oh Paladin you are obviously just jealous of ‘Happy Belated Halloween!’ Can I say that? me and all of Druid kind. I shall issue no such Aside from seeing scores of oddly dressed apology for trying to bring the gift of Ice Cream people hanging around the Beit Quad while to the Union. In fact I feel a kind of sadness getting back to the Felix offi ce on Wednesday that your mind cannot cope with the beauty night, I have thankfully be saved from of the substance and so it causes you physical the Halloween hype. Instead some truly pain. If you don’t want to apologise to me for interesting things have happened this week, causing me to have to make a trip to the lake including the front page stories: the debate to clean my robes, I suggest we partake in an about the government’s Immigration Bill at epic battle of the minds. Here is one to start. Union Council and the mischievous attempts I am thinking of a mysterious number that of British Infl uence. Th e Immigration Bill is when multiplied by itself it is equal to double an interesting topic, while only a few parts of the original number. Are you able to fathom the bill actually aff ect students, the measures what it is? that are concerning have the potential to do Th e Druid damage to the UK’s international desirability as a provider of higher education. During the Council meeting there was a lot of debate FELIX looking at both sides of the health measure more stringent checks on migrant residents Who won? Who (i.e. whether international students should might have on the availability of private by the Vice Provost of Education with the be charged an amount of money per year accommodation for international students intent to improve feedback and transparency in order to use NHS services), however the (both undergraduate and postgraduate). in College, while looking for ways to improve lost? You decide! accommodation measure was more uniformly However, another key event this week was the student experience. While some of these criticised, with many worrying about the the release of the Imperial’s new Education improvements might be more long term, Felix eff ect that forcing landlords to carry out Student Strategy, a document spearheaded looks forward to the future improvements. FRIDAY 01 NOV 15

@feliximperial

FelixImperial ARTS NHM’s wildlife photography never gets old

favourites, and past themes. a shallow bay. Lily Le What everyone should expect Such images are perfect examples of Writer though are massive crowds on how every piece in the exhibit to tell weekends, breathing down your neck its own magnifi cent story, and no two as you struggle on tiptoe to view the are ever the same. Th ey are so well What: Wildlife Photographer of the pictures. Take advantage of being a captioned that viewers can’t help but Year Exhibition 2013 student and go on a free period. stop and read about every last detail, Where: Natural History Museum, Th e unoffi cial ‘most popular animal’ from how the photographer took SW6 crown has been taken from last year’s the shot to the judges’ opinion and When: Until 23rd March 2014 polar bear (which surprisingly only the biological description of what it Price: £6 students, £12 adults features in one photo this year) and represents. has instead been given to the dugong, Other favourites I personally like which is celebrated in no fewer than to spot are the “I had to lie in the ow in its 49th year, the three images by Douglas Seifert. snow / underwater / in the wind and Wildlife Photographer But rather than being repetitive and rain for ten hours until suddenly X of the Year exhibition tedious, each image exposes a slightly animal popped out and by chance I has recently returned diff erent side to the sweet thing. managed to take this amazing shot” Nto its original habitat the Natural Th e fi rst of these images at fi rst explanations. Other mainstays of the History Museum. It showcases 100 seems odd, full of swimmers that exhibition include cacti under the Turtle taking a selfi e. Casual. LUIS JAVIER SANDOVAL photographs of the world around us should not feature, only for the viewer desert stars, the Northern Lights, that most will hardly ever get an actual to realise that they in fact demonstrate an uncomfortable polar bear (the piece (which is usually by no means Peacock at Sunrise by Louis Pattyn. glimpse of. the human threat we cannot seem to quintessential symbol of climate actually atrocious). A fi nal note for the trypophobics First time visitors should prepared help but burden onto everything we change), the wise old monkey, the Perhaps it is not so fun to see the age among you – be ready to avert your to be surprised, amazed, and touch. Th e divers appear to physically fi ghting animal pair, and the black and 17 and under section, and realise you eyes, as repeating patterns such extremely moved by the forces of loom over the creature, blocking out white fl ock of birds always exploited in are only just avoiding being a waste of as reptilian and amphibian scales, nature on display. Th ird or fourth the beautiful sunlight shining onto it. the shop on some gift wrap. space, whilst marvelling at the work of or fl ocks of birds from afar, are time visitors however – although Th e second image is a cheeky dugong It is also fun to annually complain photographers sometimes half your commonplace in the exhibition. But the quality of photographs has not creating pressure waves for two tiny very loudly that the judges obviously age or younger. Some in this section most pictures are void of them and it declined compared to previous years yellow fi sh to ride along in front of it. picked the wrong winner, and that this are even more impressive than the defi nitely is worth seeing, even if you –will probably not be able to help but Th e third dugong in Seifert’s trilogy is commended photograph should have adult entries. A personal favourite do physically gag at the sight of such compare the 2013 images to former a cute hoover, sucking up sea-grass on won not that atrocious unoriginal from 10 years and under includes things. Inside the home of architect Norman Swann Indira Mallik explores the V&Aʼs surreal exhibition

What: Tomorrow: Elmgreen and York Hotel (eggs, OJ and coff ee). A shower. Dragset large stuff ed vulture looms over the Michael Elmgreen and Ingar Where: Victoria and Albert desk. Dragset have created an installation Museum, SW6 Th roughout the fl at the atmosphere anyone could spend hours in. Th ere When: Until 2nd Jan 2014 is expectant, as if some great drama is such richness and depth in the Price: FREE is about to unfold. Indeed, the set of rooms they have created for the rooms, carefully installed in the V&A’s fi ctional protagonist, that leaving he Scandinavian duo Elmgreen old Tapestry gallery, is apparently Norman’s Swann home via a door in and Dragset’s Tomorrow the set for “Tomorrow; Scenes from the bookshelves, only to fi nd the bare exhibition is quite unlike an unrealised fi lm by Elmgreen and bones of wooden set pieces on the anything else you would likely Dragset”– the script can be found outside and not the solid plastered come across in the rest of the in small books by the entrance. But walls of a grand South Kensington fl at, TV&A. Everything is arranged to be the sense of reality evoked by the is quite jarring. touched, to be rummaged through. It installation is so vivid that by the time It is a remarkable installation that places the viewer in the role of voyeur, I had made my way to the bedroom, considers the objects that we fi ll our passing uninvited through the house with its rumpled unmade sheets, lives with, and the clues we leave to of Norman Swann, an aging, failed such a sense of character and place our thoughts and circumstances in architect. had taken root that it seemed hard the spaces we occupy; a fantastic Venture in, and you will fi nd to remember that Norman Swann introduction to the duo’s bold and yourself in suspended animation, © ELMGREEN & DRAGSET PHOTOGRAPHY ANDERS SUNE BERG was fi ctitious, and not simply in the innovative work. transported into a fl at that could wall bookcase, fi lled with red leather- just above; a memory then, perhaps a belong behind any of the closed doors bound books and vases and fi gurines ghost. in South Kensington. Th e entrance that could be worth quite a bit. But Past a closed door behind which hall is austere, dimly lit, and richly the plaster is moulding where the a shower is perpetually running, decorated, yet looks lived-in. Th ere water pipe has leaked, there are cold the grand rooms give way to a badly are brown shoes lined up by the ashes from a cigar in the ash tray, and refi tted modern kitchen. Domino’s doorway; a yellow post-it note on the congealing coff ee at the bottom of a pizza boxes are piled up in a corner, ornate mirror demands the electricity cup, abandoned on the table. Th ere is and packing boxes fi lled with bill be paid. a musty feel to these rooms, a seeping paintings and antiques occupy much ANDERS SUNE BERG A doorway leads to a large living sense of neglect, of a house haunted of the room. Half-fi nished cardboard room, decorated with an odd mix of by its once grand past. A small boy models of tower blocks and modern inherited antiques and rather more in a school uniform cowers in the buildings balance precariously around modern fare. A crude plaster statue of fi replace. Could he be a resident? A the adjoining study. A bowl is stuff ed

a giant head stands guard to a wall-to- huge painting of the same child hangs with room service bills from a New PHOTOGRAPHY © ELMGREEN & DRAGSET 16 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editor: Arianna Sorba ARTS [email protected] Paul Klee made 1:54 - African Art visible at Tate Kamil McClelland vistis the worldʼs fi rst defi nitely the place for inspiration Julia Zimmermann – Klee’s techniques are simple and contemporary African art fair Writer explained well enough to try out back at home. When reading the displayed which addresses politics, censorship text, you get an understanding of and greed? It creates an impossible What: Paul Klee: Making Visible the historic and art-historic context. juxtaposition that runs throughout the Where: Tate Modern, SE1 Impressive fellow artists and the whole of the show. When: 16th Oct 2013 - 9th Mar 2014 historic turmoil of the early 20th Despite this, it almost feels necessary Price: £13.10 students, £15 adults century adds depth of understanding for works from across Africa to be to the paintings you see. displayed in this way. I feel a unifi ed aking visible: what an Th e collection culminates at identity is what African art needs right unimaginative name for an Klee’s best. All the elements Klee now, with a single African voice. Th e art exhibition! – Th is was my experimented with earlier seem to be art of individual countries is not well Mfi rst thought, but the Paul combined, his style found: meticulous enough established to be represented Klee exhibition in the Tate Modern precision, bold lines, symbolism and just by itself, and so an African identity surprisingly deserves that name. fi tting colour. Th e large, thought allows it to be seen and acknowledged Th rough a collection of pictures it provoking paintings of Klee’s later by the wider world. And for a visitor conveys a lot more than “just” art: the life manage to refl ect both Klee’s largely ignorant of the diversity of artist, the context and of course the deteriorating health as well as the African art, it off ers an opportunity idea behind each picture is literally troubling political development. You to dip one’s feet into this unexplored “made visible”. get the feeling Klee had this last, ocean with minimal eff ort. Th e collection tells Klee’s story: from urgent necessity to leave behind a DENZIL HUGH DEAN It is diffi cult to summarize what fi rst attempts, to developing a personal message. Never aggressive, never A visitor at “the most signifi cant cross-sectional insight into art from the African was on display at 1:54 but pieces style, it takes you across the artist’s openly criticising, the art of his continent ever seen” generally were able to convey the diff erent phases. Klee emphasises and last years is not as light-hearted as entrepreneurship and powerful zest develops on colour, then content, or previous works, but it does quite love contemporary African art. However, it really was telling for life emanating from this young shape, and experiments with elements clearly express concern, anxiety and Raw talent exists throughout that the fair was unable to secure continent. Many looked at confl icts of most art movements of the time. urgency. So “making visible” actually the continent of colour and the continent’s leading galleries, that have arisen between cultural More than “just” Klee, you get your has a bit more substance than an exuberance, but a pitiful lack of Goodman and Stevenson of South traditions and a modern world of fi x of fauvism, cubism, abstraction, advertising gag. funding leaves the majority of Africa, which were already exhibiting consumerism, where everything symbolism, surrealism and even Th e exhibition displays a solid Iit undiscovered. However, with its at Frieze. Moreover, with only 15 is disposable. Romuald Hazoumè caricature. All in one go, Klee style. collection and well-guided run- newly burgeoning economies, a tidal galleries at the show, you felt it a bit wittily reinvented African masks out Klee has the qualities most Imperial through of Klee’s work. However, wave of new and exciting art from the lacking in material, especially when of recycled plastics and synthetic students can empathise with: don’t expect anything life-changing. continent is about to hit us, with all compared to both the PAD and Frieze hair – as if that is what the modern meticulous precision, dedication and Defi nitely go if you like early 20th the force and vitality of the dazzling fairs on that week. Such a shame, human has become – as opposed to a constant striving for innovation. century art; this is your heaven! It’s pieces themselves. Africa is the considering the quality of work that a gorgeous piece of carved wood, the From descriptions of the works you also worth a look if you don’t really place to be looking in years to come. was gathered, such as those displayed cultural norm. get a sense of his extensive cultural know your way around art of the And with El Anatsui’s huge tapestry by Th e Museum of Modern Art, 1:54 is full of surprises, especially knowledge and constant fascination early 20th century but want to give TSIATSIA – Searching for Connection Equatorial Guinea, which does not yet when you compare the cost of some with the world around him. Klee’s it a go: Klee’s many styles make for a taking pride of place in the Royal even have a physical gallery space back of the innovative and dynamic pieces passion is further shown by his great introduction! It also makes for Academy’s courtyard for this year’s in its home country. on display to the six-fi gure sums you innumerable technique developments, extravagant conversation material if summer exhibition, it seems the wave I really had no idea what to expect can expect at mainstream events like as well as his dedication to teaching. you’re tired discussing coursework is already beginning to lap against our from 1:54. Contemporary African Frieze. To be able to pick up a work Klee worked for it, but makes it look and lectures with friends. But perhaps shores. art can seem so impenetrable to an as deeply emotional as Amahiguéré so fun and easy. Th at’s admirable. don’t bother if you start with the free Th is October, 1:54, the world’s fi rst outsider due to our lack of exposure Dolo’s expressive charcoal and kaolin Th ere are a few take home messages. bit of Tate modern and realise after contemporary African art fair, brought to it. One cannot help but feel excited pieces for only £800 is virtually If you’re the type who likes to pick the 2nd room you’d rather get back to together works from across all 54 when this world, completely unseen to unheard of in the art world, and an up that brush once in a while, this is the South Ken library. African countries to the beautiful most, is suddenly revealed and in such opportunity any buyer would be a fool setting of Somerset House. Described a spectacular manner. Many of the to let pass by. as ‘the most signifi cant cross sectional works derived their infl uences from Because of this, I see a promising insight into art from the continent the African art that came before them; future for this fair, especially with ever seen’, it aimed to break new the textiles, the sculpture, the masks the Tate and Saatchi Gallery having ground and reveal this little-known that had such a profound eff ect on the purchased some of the works on art scene to the wider world in all its likes of Derain and Picasso at the start display here. Despite its issues, I glory. It most certainly achieved this, of the 20th century. However, it puts believe it will play an important role with 15 diff erent galleries exposing the it in a context that we can understand, in the burgeoning popularity of the eclectic mix of art that Africa has to tackling subjects like urbanisation contemporary African art market – for off er. and the issues that accompany it, to it solves the problem of the scattered Th e fair deliberately came to give but one example. Th is creates a and decentralized art scene on the London during Frieze to gain collection that is both challenging and continent, by scouting the art from it maximum exposure and publicity for new yet at the same time strangely and taking it to the rest of the world. an art market with a lack of funding, accessible and recognisable. Th is year’s show felt more like an infrastructure and, unfortunately, In a way I don’t particularly like opportunity to discuss the future of infl uence. Being only the fi rst art fair the term “African Art”. It places all the African art market, as opposed to of its kind, one must look more at its these works, made in cultural settings a comprehensive display of what the potential for the future as opposed completely discreet from one another, continent has to off er – something to its current state of infancy. And under one umbrella. How can the work the fair organisers were quite happy there was defi nitely a mood of great of Cyprien Tokoudagba, which gives to admit. Instead, they see this, as I optimism and possibility amongst the us insight into Benin’s spiritual world, do, as a great step forwards in making

MUSEUM FOLKWANG, GERMANY curators, patrons and artists that were be put alongside Th e Last Judgment the vitality of Africa’s art culture an wondering between gallery spaces. by Zimbabwean Richard Mudariki, undeniable fact on the world stage. FRIDAY 01 NOV 17

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FelixImperial ARTS Beautiful Madam Butterfly

Clara Clark Nevola with black veiled fi gures, who move Writer the props around the stage, visible but strangely unseen. Because of their veiled faces and identical clothes, What: Madam Butterfly with they blend into the background – English National Opera they appear not as people but almost Where: London Coliseum, WC2 as spirits. When: 14th Oct - 1st Dec 2013 In the second act, as Cio Cio is Price: Various waiting for Pinkerton’s return, they foreshadow her tragic death using herry blossom, silhouettes, coloured veils and puppets, spiralling golden fans and blood. around her as she dozes. Th ey are also Betrayal, loneliness, the puppeteers of her child (the only dishonour and regret. character to be played by a puppet A young geisha, a crass and not a person), reminiscent of the CAmerican Navy Lieutenant and their THOMAS BOWLES traditional Japanese puppet theatre young son. Puccini’s Madam Butterfl y Bunraku. Th is is very diff erent to is set against the late 19th century Here the story diverges from production she is far from a femme stationed in Japan. By the time the European Punch and Judy type obsession with Japan, an elusive historical facts, as an opera where fatale – shy, cringing, scuttling about, fi rst act fi nishes it is clear that Cio puppets – the puppets are stylised world of decadent elegance, where a naval offi cer takes a prostitute for she desires Pinkerton but is too shy Cio is a deluded, sheltered young girl but life-sized, and are moved by beautiful 15 year olds can be bought a few months would not be up to and in awe of him to allow herself to who sees laddish Pinkerton as a hero three puppeteers, making for an with the same ease and propriety as much. Th e stuff of opera is emotions be touched. coming to save her from her life as a unsettlingly human-like movement. villas with sea views. and feelings, and sure enough it Th ough this sits oddly with her sex-worker. In the fi nal act, when Cio Cio takes Th e opera starts with Lieutenant turns out that young Cio Cio San geisha past, it makes her a very real What makes this production her own life, two of these black Pinkerton at his new villa on is unaccountably besotted with character, as she persuasively displays so special is its aesthetic quality fi gures come out and unfold her Nagasaki, preparing to receive Cio Pinkerton, and sees her marriage as all the awkwardness of a young – the visual richness it maintains wedding belt, which stretches out Cio San, the rashamen he has chosen. the end of her geisha work and the teenager. Pinkerton on the other hand throughout is a modern look at into two long red veils, leaving her in Rashamen were women that could start of a new American life with him. was overly unpleasant, and because of 1900s Japanophilia: rich reds and a dramatic river of blood. be married on a monthly renewable It was at this point in the opera that this never actually emerges as a truly golds, elegant silhouettes behind Th ey are disquieting, unusual, contract by Westerners docked at my fi rst surprise came. Cio Cio San relatable character. He’s shallow, he paper screens and a huge metallic and intensely oriental, capturing Nagasaki or Yokohoma, and their (meaning Madam Butterfl y) is usually can’t wait to get back to America and ceiling and fl oor, mirroring the the essence of this production – the role in Japanese port life was that of shown like most tragic heroines – marry a “proper woman”, and all he opulent costumes. Th roughout the puzzled, coarse Western love for the sanctioned sex-worker. vulnerable but alluring. In this ENO wants is a bit of fun whilst he remains production, the stage is also fi lled East. London Underground’s Greatest Poster Designs Th e vibrant colours and elegant Clara Clark Nevola lettering hark back to an age in which Writer tube travel was intensely fashionable, the real symbol of a busy, affl uent and What: glamorous capital. Tube150 – 150th Anniversary Th e 40s posters are slightly more of the London Underground Where: sedate and show the shift in British The London Transport culture that the Second World War Museum, WC2 caused. Suddenly the focus is on When: Until 5th Jan 2014 Price: technological advances, with black and £11.50 students, £15 adults, for white photo montages boasting the unlimited admission in 12 months new safety features and improvements (1937 saw the fi rst pneumatic doors on rowds of rushing commuters, tubes). Th ere is also new emphasis on dawdling tourists and giggling the equality of the tube- we no longer schoolchildren. A sea of see fur-coated fl appers and top hatted colours, thoughts, noises. Th e dandies, but factory workers sitting new fi lm adverts. Th e delays next to business men. First class tickets

Cannouncements. Th e sound of a tube had been abolished in 1939, and TFL 1935 ECKERSLEY AND ERIC LOMBERS, TOM pulling into the platform and your shows how anyone can now pay the desperate wish to get onto it. cheap ticket to get about with comfort, advertising companies rather than Th e whole point of the exhibition is Th is is what the TFL posters have MAN RAY, 1938 speed and reliability. artists. A few notable exceptions are a how versatile, captivating and striking to compete with – and Tube150 is all of the District line, and compares the One poster, from 1944, shows the psychedelic 60s and a raving 80s poster, these artworks are – they needed to about how it’s achieved. cheap fares of the line in comparison to cityscape and a tube station with a advertising London nightlife. be displayed a huge space, not a few Th e exhibition is a collection of the rival line, the Metropolitan. patriotic paragraph underneath – so Th e collection is wonderful. Vibrant, white-washed broom cupboards. London Underground posters- the Th e core of the exhibition is in the far, nothing remarkable. Th e same interesting, funny, it really sums up Despite the limited exhibition space, type they put up to tell you that an fantastic art deco posters of the 30s, poster however was printed in diff erent 150 years of history seen through Tube150 is a must for any user of public upgrade is underway, or a new station years in which the tube boom was languages and put up across the globe the perspective of the most iconic transport in London, and will make is opening. Moving through the rooms in full swing. Th e various competing where British troops were stationed, to transport system in the world. It is you step in to the tube home with a of the exhibition is a journey through underground companies were unifi ed encourage them on, and remind them therefore a mystery to me why the whole diff erent world in mind. Th e the tube’s history, an education in in the early 30s, and the underground of their “Proud City”. London Transport museum has unequalled perk of a poster exhibition graphic arts and a recap of London’s started commissioning hundreds of After the 50s, tube posters went crowded it all into two thin rooms, is also that you can buy a reprint of your main events from the last century. Th e posters from top artists advertising through a bit of a boring phase, with with tiny little plaster board corridors favourite on your way out – defi nitely oldest poster is from 1866, the fi rst year various locations reachable by tube. poster commissions being given to blocking off one area from the other. better than the start of term poster sale! 18 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editor: Maciej Matuszewski, Eva BOOKS Rosenthal [email protected]

Student Picks Are they worse than animals? Maciej Matuszewski picks: Th e Doll by Bolesław Prus Calum Grant discusses a book about bankers It is disappointing that the nineteenth century Polish writer Bolesław Prus is not better known internation- What does investment banking look like ally. He is often eclipsed by his Henryk Sienkiewicz but from the point of view of a wide eyed mon- I have always found Prus’ fi ction to be far better written ey hungry graduate? Anyone considering and more ambitious than that of his Nobel Prize winning going into this avenue of fi nance after grad- contemporary – whose works, while certainly very en- uation should seriously consider giving this joyable, rarely amounted to much more than grown-up book a read to gain some insight into what adventure stories. kind of work and lifestyle you can expect. Probably Prus’ most famous novel, the plot of Th e Doll Th e long hours, never ending assignments, centres on the rich businessman Stanisław Wokulski and high fi gure deals, fat pay cheques, coveted his love for the aristocratic Isabella Łęcka. Much of the bonuses and sleeplessness you can expect book is focused on this relationship, as well as a more are neatly summed up in these fast paced general exploration of the nature of love. Th e Doll how- and insightful accounts. ever, is also a far more complex work – while the love af- Th ey two authors both worked for a fair plays out in the foreground, the background presents reputable New York investment fi rm for a us with a profound and fascinating exploration of Polish number of years following graduation from society in the late nineteenth century. As in many of his Ivy league business schools. Th eir stories other writings, Prus was ruthless in exposing the oppres- unfold chronologically from starting busi- sion and unfairness in the world he lived in, and is me- ness school, to getting summer internships, ticulous in examining its causes. Th e many subplots and then contracts and full time – and one re- themes of the novel come together seamlessly to form a ally means full time – positions. Th eir ex- compelling study of human nature – and the cruelty and periences allows for a wider discussion of selfi shness that is inherent within it. how the industry itself works, and its place Th ere is much in this work that reminds me of Dickens in the modern economy. I myself have some – however I have always preferred Prus. I fi nd that his friends who went into this line of work and work often has a greater energy to it – you feel that not a am now fi nally able to understand why it is word is wasted – even in a novel as long as this. I never see them, and just what they get up Th e Doll is not the best of Prus’ novels but it is it is the to all day (and night) long. easiest to fi nd as an English translation. While at times a Of course one should acknowledge that diffi cult read it is always engaging and highly rewarding. A work which, even while describing events taking place “... long hours, never long ago and far away, still feels highly relevant. ending assignments, high figure deals, Flash Fiction fat pay cheques, coveted bonuses and Procrastination by Evelyn Craven sleeplessness...”

the book was written in the fi rst place due Deadline’s next week – there’s plenty of time – to the both the authors leaving the industry for once there’s going to be no all-nighters. But through disillusionment. Th eir colleagues fi rst, I think, I deserve a break – read a book, go would probably argue they were burned for a walk, maybe write an article for Felix? out, though they would counter that they had fi nally come to their senses. In spite of such bias the authors are able to provide a true and fascinating account the inner workings of investment banking, a profes- understand how the ‘food chain’ works. Im- highly informal manner as though one was sion few people really understand but are agine my delight and surprise when turning picking the brains of an old friend. Due to nevertheless all too ready to have an opin- to chapter six and fi nding it was in fact en- this, the book does at times feel like a series Send your submissions for ion on. titled ‘Th e Food Chain’. of blog posts written by people to whom Th e book is now a decade old, but still I’m now in a position where I both un- writing doesn’t come naturally. While the our newest regular fea- meticulously encapsulates what new re- derstand such aspects of this industry, and cruits to investment banking can expect. yet don’t understand them, which is a bet- “... ninety hour weeks, tures! Reading extracts to a friend of mine who ter position than where I was previously. FLASH FICTION: Ultrashort lives this world made him laugh out loud Th is eff ectively sums up the book, in that regular all nighters, fi ction up to 200 characters at the way his job was being described. Not it provides an insight into the goings on of because the book was wrong however, but investment banking, and the very personal cocaine frenzies and the STUDENT PICKS: Send us up because his job was being summed up with and casual way in which the authors’ lives to 250 words on your favour- equal measures of accuracy and vitriol. Th is are conveyed allows one to appropriate the masochistic way in which ite book and how it changed same friend has told me of his ninety hour mindset and motivations of those drawn to you weeks, regular all nighters, cocaine fren- such a life (spoiler alert, it’s mostly greed). he is managed” zies and the masochistic way in which he What was quite unusual about this book is managed. When I question him on why though, was that it was written by more likes of Martin Lewis’ 1989 book Liars Pok- [email protected] he puts up with some of the more pointless than one person. Th ere are always two voic- er may overall provide a better insight into tasks he is set, which only seem to serve the es throughout the book, the story unfold- investment banking (and is defi nitely better purpose of gratifying his line manager rath- ing from two perspectives, with each one written), it is dated and Monkey Business is er than accomplish anything productive having their own typeface. Th ey both speak far more relevant to those going into the for the company, he explained that I didn’t very candidly about their experiences, in a city today. Union Page

The new place to eat and drink

h-bar is the exciting new Postgraduate and staff pub and café bought to you by Imperial College Union and Campus Services.

Opening on Monday 11 November and available on weekdays from 08.30 to 23.00, h-bar offers international grab and go lunch options in the café and traditional fare from hearty pies to favourite tipples in the pub. We want h-bar to be the social hub for Postgraduate students and staff on campus and have a great range of events and nights organised for the future.

Want to work in the h-bar? Applications close Friday 1 November. imperialcollegeunion.org/barstaff We respond to your feedback!

Last week Imperial College Union published its third annual National Student Survey (NSS) Response. This document is again designed to be a usesful and constructive document detailing how the College and the Union should respond to the issues raised by students in the survey. Imperial’s NSS results were the best they have ever been, and the Union improved by 6%, however there is still much work to be done.

We want Imperial’s NSS scores to be as high as possible, but this should not be our primary objective. Our primary objective should always be to ensure that every single one of our students has the best possible experience at Imperial, enjoying not only their course, but also their whole university experience. If we achieve this, the NSS scores should rise to reflect this increase in student satisfaction. We have been, and continue to be, extremely pleased with the reaction across the College to our NSS Responses and look forward to working with departments to help make the student experience at Imperial the best it can be. imperialcollegeunion.org/nss2013

Job opportunities at the Union London Climate Forum

We have the following part-time vacancies and voluntary positions available - The student-led London Climate Forum (LCF) returns to Imperial College just visit our website to apply. London on Saturday 9 November. h-bar Staff - applications close Friday 1 November, 23:59 It is the largest conference of its kind in the UK. Built on the belief that we all have We run one of the best student venues in the UK and we need a team to the power and potential to shape a sustainable future, LCF 2013 is your chance make the magic happen. to engage with leading thinkers in politics, business, campaigning, media and science. Minibus Team We are looking for people to join our team of student staff to help look after Confirmed speakers include John Sauven, Director of Greenpeace UK, John Vidal, our fleet of minibuses. the Environment Editor of The Guardian and David Hone, Chief Climate Change Advisor for Shell. There will also be interactive breakout sessions and dynamic Porterage Team exhibition stands to provide an inspiring environment for the changemakers of We are looking for a team of student staff to help us keep the Union Building tomorrow. and its spaces ready for the day ahead. Key themes of the speeches and panel discussions include policy and Student Trustees of the Union (voluntary position) - applications close economics in the face of climate change, the IPCC Climate Report, sustainable Friday 15 November, 12:00 business approaches for the future, and moving beyond the energy problem. For Help us improve and better serve the students of Imperial College London. more information, visit the Imperial Hubs website. imperialcollegeunion.org/jobs imperialhub.org

imperialcollegeunion.org 20 FRIDAY 01 NOV Editor: Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson, William MUSIC Stocker [email protected] Immersed in Fanboy Heaven Riaz Agahi reviews Pelicanʼs long awaited return

n my less pretentious corrupted the sound. Instead, what I teenage years I was a big found was a rather scathing review fan of all things metal. I that opened with the line ‘Fire the gradually, however, found drummer.’ Allegedly drummer Larry myself gravitating away Herweg totally ruined the album. So Ifrom the more pedestrian areas of the I dutifuly relistened in an attempt to genre, such as Slayer, who employed reconcile my love of the album with a classic thrash sound that infl uenced this cynically cutting attack. Strangely many. It became clear to me that the enough, though, my feelings were genre had moved way beyond that no diff erent. Tracks like ‘Far From point in the intervening 20 years. Fields’ were still as anthemic and Before long I found a vast array mindshatteringly euphoric as ever, of new sounds, from the insane jazz and while I would argue that the album inspired stylings of Behold...Th e is really all about the aforementioned Arctopus to the more minimal drone guitar interplay, the rhythm section metal approach of Sunn O))). To put it more than held its own. bluntly, my taste became the subgenre All of this extensive personal I later came to discover was quite context may seem superfl uous but derisively known as Hipster metal, perfectly explains why it’s interesting a term I would ditch in favour of to me that the very fi rst tone heard ‘cerebral metal’ or ‘intellectual metal,’ on their new Southern Lord released or something equally aggrandising. album, Forever Becoming, comes from A sizeable chunk of this music was the drums. Album opener ‘Terminal’ post metal such as Isis or Pelican, is all about the drums, in fact, with in other words an ecletic genre with a slowly developing beat smashes in tinges of post rock, metal, hardcore, violently along with a blast of feedback ambient and more. based dissonance that develops into As a hipster metal fan, or metal the guitar. For my money, the track hipster, I often enjoy looking back at is right up there as one of their most the review of the great albums of my anthemic and strikingly beautiful teens and discovering that they were tracks in their back catalogue. In fact, actually quite highly rated on sites instead of simply carrying the album Schroeder-Lebec, I think I wasn’t the and emotive when they do happen. from ambient to a stoner-rock like riff like Pitchfork. Isis’ Oceanic is a good along in the background, a job done only one a bit apprehensive about what A great example of how they’ve to ambient rumblings complemented example of an album that managed perfectly well in the past, the rhythm might be produced. With ‘Terminal,’ moved on is ‘Th renody,’ a track that by acoustic guitars to a hugely to shake off music fans’ studs and section seems to have a much bigger however, all my concerns immediately starts off like it found its way out of anthemic riff that’s brought to life leather metal stereotype to receive role, more often taking centre stage. evaporated and I was lost once again a Steve Roach album but gives way by a punchy drum line, giving a real some pretty widespread acclaim Perhaps this is explained by all in the ethereal world of Pelican’s to a particularly gigantic riff that I’m sense of catharsis until it slowly dies across the board. Sadly though, one that’s changed with the band, who’ve music. Going further into the album sure will be the inspiration of many down, replaced once again by acoustic thing me and Pitchfork didn’t see eye returned from a four year silence I started to encounter elements of moshpits to come. guitars as I nearly keel over with the to eye on was my favourite album of interrupted by last year’s EP Ataraxia/ their previous work, and really it’s the Almost 900 words in, it’s pretty deep wave of melancholy it creates. all, Pelican’s City Of Echoes. Taraxis, an EP that although posessing same old Pelican, it would be unfair clear that I’ve avoided naming Despite its relative length, I can safely I sought out their review not remnants of the classic Pelican sound, to suggest that they haven’t moved highlights, and that’s because it’s a say I felt pretty much every second long ago, expecting to see suitably seemed a little more acousticly on and incorporated new ideas but it dangerous game when it comes to and for me that’s really what Pelican’s gushing praise for an album that motivated and somehow less organic, still consists of the style of riffi ng and Pelican. Th eir musical complexity music is about. managed to seamlessly move through although it was still pretty great if I’m guitar leads that I’ve come to admire means that at least ten listens are Pelican are perfect at the art of blistering and melodic, a true odyssey honest. Ataraxia/Taraxis proved to be so much. needed to fi nally eradicate moments balancing amazing technical ability of instrumental music, where the that last output involving founding Much like City of Echoes and that may have eluded me during my with the creativity to turn that all into guitar interplay of then guitarist guitarist Schroeder-Lebec. So 2009’s What We All Come To Need, previous listens. a cohesively structured song.Th ey also Laurent Schroeder-Lebec and Trevor between the large time lapse and the the band continues to use shorter True to form, though one track seem to manage to balance a keen de Brauw was so full and incredibly addition of Th e Swan King guitarist tracks, in the four to eight minute that particularly moved me was the sense of experimentalism, within evocative that vocals would only have Dallas Th omas as a replacement for range rather than the 10 minutes plus closer ‘Perpetual Dawn,’ perhaps a their genre at least and a mash of great region that largely prevailed on their companion piece to earlier track riff into something truly emotive, earlier albums such as their fi rst truly ‘Immutable Dusk’ and arguably its and by the end of any Pelican release classic album, Th e Fire In Our Th roats mirror image. ‘Immutable Dusk’ I’m always left with a familiar spine- Will Beckon Th e Th aw. Tracks like starts off pretty vicious and slowly tingling satisfaction along with a sense ‘Th e Tundra’ even evoke memories of and melodically decays to a rumbling of melancholy that it’s over already, and their debut eff ort, Australasia. bassline in a hugely Pelican-esque Forever Becoming is no diff erent in that Where they’ve changed, though, moment as the drums and guitar join respect. is that the grandiose guitar melodies in and build up in a really emotionally I guess the summation of have lessened in their dominance, with resonant way (see: pretty much every everything I’ve said is that after a a much more sparing use augmented track on City Of Echoes) to a sludgy turbulent and controversial few years with their crunchy riffi ng as usual and behemoth, possibly the best riff of the Pelican are back, blasting eardrums the aforementioned increased role of album. like the best of them, presenting an the rhythm section, or the Herwigs. ‘Perpetual Dawn’ does the album of evolution rather than all Bassist Bryan Herweg, whose tone is opposite starting off ambient before out revolution. Pelican will always spot on by the way is the force that kicking into a less restrained form. At be Pelican and there’s absolutely drives tracks like ‘Vestiges,’ and it’s ten minutes, it’s the albums longest nothing I can fault with that fact. hard to argue that this doesn’t add a track, and they use the space created I’m gonna close my review with the new depth to the album, with their by this to really gradually move along, simple sentiment – please keep the guitar fl ourishes all the more amazing with the heart wrenching journey drummer. FRIDAY 01 NOV 21

@feliximperial

FelixImperial MUSIC Jake Bugg: The Bugg Brand Simran Sansoy watches Jake Buggʼs sold out show at the O2

was lucky enough to get that I certainly did. played from the new album was ‘Pine slower more relaxed ones. Coming he will do pretty well in the future if the chance to see Jake Jake started with a few of his Trees’, one of his more mellow songs. from Nottingham he’s been described the preview from his new album is Bugg last Th ursday at one well-known songs such as ‘Th ere’s a Th is was followed by ‘Song About as an East Midlands Dylan, although anything to go by. Going from play- of his three sold out gigs Beast and We All Feed It’ and ‘Seen Love’ and ‘Slide’. Th e tone was soon to most he would probably be recog- ing the BBC Introducing stage at the at the O2 Academy in it All’. Th e energy was great, with the picked up again though when he per- nised as a product of the last 20 years 2011 Glastonbury Festival to selling I Brixton. I’m only familiar crowd loving every minute. Th e set formed ‘Greenman’ and another one of British guitar pop. out all of his London shows at the age with a handful of his songs, so I was simple, Jake standing with his from his new album, ‘Kingpin’. By this It’s refreshing to see artists like of 19 is pretty amazing. was actually quite surprised by his guitar and support from a bassist and point most people were up dancing or Jake Bugg around, he is entertaining performance as a musician, singer drummer. Th e lighting was cool; the simply swaying along. Of course, the and talented, but the fame hasn’t got Jake’s new song ‘What Doesn’t Kill and songwriter. Some people say theme of the song and overall ambi- one Jake ended with had to be the in- to his head and probably won’t any You’ is out now on iTunes and his he lacks charisma whilst perform- ence was changed depending on what famous ‘Lightning Bolt’, the song that time soon. Unlike other overrated album Shangri La is to be released ing, but I think they are confusing colour lights were used. Th e venue kick started his career. Th ere wasn’t a artists such as One Direction, he’s a November 18. the word charisma with arrogance. itself could have been nicer, but then single person who wasn’t up on their genuinely modest guy and I expect Jake Bugg isn’t the kind of artist who again as soon as the place is dark you feet, a great way to end the gig! needs to jump around the stage or can look past the dirt and general If you’re looking for a chilled smash a guitar to grab the audience’s badly maintained décor (mainly be- night of music, then defi nitely go see attention; his music does that for cause you can’t actually see it). Half and see Jake Bugg. Even if you don’t him. Ok, so the only times he spoke way through the gig Jake began to know many of his songs, you will in between songs were to thank introduce songs from his new album, be wanting to listen to more of him the audience or to introduce the ‘Shangri La’. Th e weirdest thing was by the time you get home. Th e best next song, but like the majority of how diff erent his singing voice is to thing about Jake is the fact that he the other audience members, I was his speaking voice, probably why he can perform a wide range of music, there to enjoy his musical talent and didn’t talk much. Th e fi rst song he from the fun upbeat songs, to the

AMS album of the week Cut Copy – Free Your Mind Lou Reed’s Life Cut Copy stated on the standout track of In 1956 a boy named Lewis Al- guitar techniques that would under- sical lyrics. Reed’s work was many their previous album, “Blink and you’ll miss a len Reed was marched into a New pin his playing style for decades. In times hailed as the pre-curser to revolution”. The one and a half years that have York county psychiatric hospital 1964 Reed caught the attention of punk, however the tenderness that passed since then are, in the big scheme of by his parents and given electric some industry bigwigs by record- he portrayed in his vocals set him things, a blink. The Australian synthpop quar- shock therapy to ‘cure’ his bisexual ing a song parodying dance mu- far apart from anything that filled tet now return with their fourth album Free instincts. The effect this had on his sic at the time, and playing it on a the grimy, sweat-drenched bars of Your Mind, which whilst not quite a revolu- future career is debatable, however guitar with all strings tuned to the London and New York over the fol- tion, is certainly a revelation. Bad puns aside, speaking in 1996 Reed recalled: same note. Through this he was in- lowing decade. Free Your Mind will take you a on a nostalgic troduced to John Cale who would Drugs and alcohol were major journey to late 80s acid-house. “They put the thing down your found The Velvet Underground with themes throughout much of his This album saw the band take throat so you don’t swallow your him. 1967 saw the Velvet Under- life, with the album Berlin attesting a new approach to writing music, with frontman Dan Whitford composing the foun- tongue, and they put electrodes on ground release their most famous to that. Of his drug-taking he once dations of a new song every day for four months. He then took his creations back to your head. That’s what was recom- record: The Velvet Underground said: the band to piece together the album. To push their sound to new psychedelic levels, mended in Rockland State Hospital and Nico, but by 1968 the band had producer David Fridmann (Tame Impala/ Flaming Lips) was sought out for mixing du- to discourage homosexual feelings. begun to crumble. Frustrated at the “I take drugs just because, in the ties. When the product was polished, the launch of the album was teased by erecting The effect is that you lose your mem- lack of success they were receiving 20th century, in a technological age giant billboards in a variety of exotic locations; Mexico, Australia, Chile, and (obviously) ory and become a vegetable.” (The Velvet Underground and Nico living in the city, there are certain Wales. And what did these billboards say? Well, Free Your Mind, of course. reached 171 in the billboard chart) drugs you have to take just to keep Those giant billboards emphasize the statement the band is trying to make: Free Your In the early 1960s, whilst study- and due to differences over the di- yourself normal like a caveman, just Mind isn’t simply the title of the record; it is the ethos that they want listeners to adopt. ing at Syracuse University, Reed im- rection of the band, Cale left. Short- to bring yourself up or down.” The band themselves describe the album as a “fantasy of the next youth revolution”, mersed himself in experimental free ly afterwards Reed followed suit and drawing inspiration from the cultural explosions birthed from the fallout of the Viet- jazz and doo-wop of the 1950s. He began pursuing a solo career. He eventually beat his demons nam War and the reign of Maggy Thatcher. This feel-good vibe of liberal hedonism runs would use these influences to devise Reed’s 1972 record, Trans- with drugs, replacing them with through the record. Its effect on your mood can be staggering. And whilst listening to former, was T’ai Chi. However, they eventually it hasn’t converted me into a fully-fledged hippy, I do feel more predisposed to buying the peak of caught up with him when earlier “tie-dyed” products. his commer- this year his health rapidly deterio- The album kicks-off with the title track, and you can’t help but compare the sound to cial success. rated, forcing him into a liver trans- Primal Scream - the rhythm is locked into the stabbing keyboard chords and there are Thanks part- plant operation. Following the op he vocal samples that shriek early 90s house. From this point, the album traverses differ- ly to working proclaimed to be stronger than ever. ent dance environments. There are more mellow moments (‘Dark Corners & Mountain with David Unfortunately this did not last and Tops, Walking In The Sky), and some more obvious dancefloor classics (‘In Memory Bowie, his Reed passed away on 27th October. Capsule’, ‘Footsteps’). I’m not a huge fan of the use of the short linking tracks, but oh music was Fifty seven years after Reed un- well, by the time my current favourite - ‘Meet Me In The House Of Love (DAT SAX)’ - exposed to derwent shock treatment, New York comes on I’m too busy dancing to care. a whole new City and attitudes towards sexuality For me though, Free Your Mind doesn’t reach the same dizzy heights as their audience that have changed markedly. Lou Reed previous record, Zonoscope. This is probably due to the fond, drunken memories I have loved the dis- could claim to have played a part of dancing along to those tracks when I caught the band at Bestival, a few years back. tortion-laden in both, however the effect he had I’ll have to catch them on their next tour. Oh, and one important piece of advice if guitar and on his many fans is what will live on you’re going to see them - don’t forgot your dancing shoes. Lee Sewell the gritty, al- fondly in people all over the world. most unmu- 22 FRIDAY 01 NOV Editor: Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson, William MUSIC Stocker [email protected]

Album Review: Deaf Havana

Th e Cure) had me singing along with Emielʼs Guide to Classical Music Stuart Masson the best of them (in hindsight, this Music Editor probably made me look older than anything else). Th e tracks off the new by Emiel de Lange album were generally fairly uninspir- eaf Havana’s early ing. Th ere seemed to be a prevalence Episode 2: In the beginning... single Friends Like of the slower, more cringeworthy Th ese ends with the type of pop punk which left me, well, 1st millennia. This is a tradition of the most consonant harmonies repeated line “Nothing cringing, but the mass sing-alongs Welcome to the fi rst real plainchant that became the offi cial (notes sounding pleasant or stable D gets worse than grow- made it seem like I was alone on that. instalment of my guide to Classical music sung for catholic ceremonies. together) consisted of simple ratios ing old”. Th is show made me realise I do have a few criticisms of the band Music! I hope to start introducing Plainchant basically consists of a in the size of the instrument. Today they’re not wrong (maybe grammati- that aren’t founded mostly in bitter- the great composers and some of the male choir singing a monophonic we defi ne a note by a standard cally, but, you know…). Surround- ness. Firstly, I don’t understand why masterpieces which address the issues ed by teenagers having the time of there are 7 of them live. It just sounds raised in my column last week, but their young lives, I came to the star- cluttered. Secondly, they should play I feel it’s necessary to describe the tling realisation that I am no longer their breakthrough hit Friends Like historical and theoretical context from young. Th ere were people jumping Th ese, or at least one track from their which “classical music” arose fi rst. To up and down, there were people sing- more hardcore oriented beginnings. this end I will start at the beginning, ing along to every word, there were Th irdly, a long speech about how you or rather, in the middle; for music young couples spooning like their never thought you’d make it and you existed long before the “beginning” lives depended on it. Th en there was love everybody there for supporting and continued its course unperturbed me, stood at the back, tapping my you is clichéd and just painful to lis- for a long time afterwards. The foot along nonchalantly, and drink- ten to (OK, maybe I’m drifting back moment I am referring to is of course ing a pint of cheap lager like my life to bitterness now). the birth of the literate tradition in depended on it. To be honest, there wasn’t that music; the earliest point from which Deaf Havana themselves were much wrong with Deaf Havana. I am we have written music which is still pretty good. Th ey played their ang- the problem. Everyone seemed really performable today, and the start of a sty brand of trying-to-be-heavy pop excited as they left the building, so it rich tradition. line (that is, a line in unison) without frequency, for example middle ‘A’ punk (now you may understand the must have been top notch. However, In the 7th Century, St. Isidore accompaniment. Different styles is usually 440 Hz, while another ‘A’ demographic of the gig better…) in future, I should just leave the kids of Seville wrote that “unless sounds existed depending on the type of will have a frequency in a 2:1 ratio very well. Th e older hits, particularly to it. I did have the last laugh though, are held in the memory of man they service and historical evidence with 440. The next simplest ratio Leeches and I’m a Bore, mostly had as (probably) the only person who perish, because they cannot be indicates that the chants were is 3:2 which gives a “perfect fi fth”, me bobbing my head and smiling, brought a book, I at least absolutely written down”. Theorists such as performed differently throughout i.e. ‘A’ to ‘E’, and so on. In order and a cover of Friday, I’m in Love (by bossed the tube ride home. Boethius or St. Augustine who wrote time, but none of this was recorded. to classify the chants, theorists many centuries earlier still had the Have a listen to some examples on the would take the fi nal note and most influential ideas about music. Felix website! observe what pattern of intervals To them, music or Musica was a Neo- By the 11th Century, Guido (the difference between pitches) Platonist idea, which was not actually of Arezzo had invented a system occurred between it and its fi fth. attainable to musicians but which of staffs which allowed precise From this they developed a system only philosophers could discuss. information about the relation of scales called modes from which Musica was abstract; a perfect between pitches to be conveyed and our current system of major and measurement and division of time the revolution could truly begin. The minor keys is derived – but we will (rhythm) and harmony (pitches). Gregorian chants were now written get to that later! Nevertheless – music This retheorisation had a was of course being massive effect on the writing of performed and by musicians music. Composers could and began too. From the 9th century to use the modes to create “tonally a portion of this music articulated formal structures” – began to be written as an the fi rst being Hucbald of St. aid to the memory. As the Amand. That is; pieces of music Carolingian monks spread structured around the use of the liturgical Gregorian different modes to give contrast chant through the newly and fi nally resolution. Our modern catholic Frankish empire idea of a ‘piece’ of music was they began to make marks beginning to emerge: an aesthetic above the text to designate unit. Before this, music was not various musical ‘shapes’. seen as something autonomous These were called neumes, which existed in its own right, In other news... and initially very little was but rather as an activity in which thought of them (there isn’t one participated and which had Britney Spearʼs hits a single contemporaneous specifi c social and religious utility. Oops! I Did It Again and literary reference!) – Music So the literate revolution Hit Me Baby One More remained oral and stored in in music is now well and truly the memory, but eventually underway! Notation has already Time are being used to they would grow into the catalysed deep changes in the way keep Somali pirates at bay. sophisticated notation system that and collected into books and a system music was conceived and used Steven Jones, of the Se- revolutionised the musical art. became necessary to organise and and soon the fi rst great musical Depictions of instruments and classify the hundreds of specimens. artists came about. In 2 weeks curity Association for the ensembles tell us that music played a To develop this system theorists we will explore the works of Maritime Industry, said: big role in many aspects medieval life, once again looked back to Ancient arguably the greatest of these early “Pirates will go to any but unfortunately very little is known Greece, and specifi cally the ideas of composers, the Abbess Hildegard lengths to avoid or try to about what was actually played. One Pythagoras. von Bingen, but until then please overcome the music.” exception is the Gregorian chant Legend has it that the philosopher visit www.felixonline.co.uk where The Metro which make up the largest chunk heard the harmonious sound of anvils you can explore a selection of real Reported by . of written music surviving from the being struck and discovered that musical examples. FRIDAY 01 NOV 23

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FelixImperial FILM Revenge of the leftovers

that accompany lines such as “there’s Jack Steadman a leek in the boat!” (it’s in the trailer, Writer I’ve spoilt nothing here), but the sheer quantity on display here means laugh- ter is guaranteed frequently through- out the film. The voice-acting is pretty much Cloudy with a spot-on, although the replacement of Chance of Meatballs Mr T with Terry Crews as Earl jars 2 slightly if you were a fan of the original, and Chester V (Will Forte) is such an Directors: Cody Cameron, Kris Pearn incredibly irritating antagonist you’d Writers: Judi Barrett, Ron Barrett, almost rather the film just focused on John Francis Daley, Jonathan M. the food animals and ignored the plot Goldstein, Phil Lord, Chris Miller, entirely. Which, to be fair, does hap- Erica Rivinoja pen for a significant chunk of its run- Starring: (voices) Bill Hader, Anna ning time. Faris, James Caan, Will Forte, Andy The animation itself is beautiful, Samberg, Benjamin Bratt, Neil and the designs are near-faultless, al- Patrick Harris though the 3D (of course it’s in 3D, Runtime: 107 minutes what did you expect?) is almost a com- Certifi cate: U plete and utter waste, adding nothing to the film other than a little extra depth in some shots. Coming it at 95 minutes, Cloudy never manages to out-stay its wel- come, and although it’s never quite The original Cloudy was a wacky, as original as its predecessor it’s still a high-energy romp through the world wrong (and yet so hilariously right), blah, blah, blah. Of course, once the by sight gags, general slapstick, re- great deal better than many of its peers of Flint Lockwood (Bill Hader), inven- and the sequel picks up where the first old gang return to the island, things curring jokes or (most importantly) (it’s certainly more endearing than tor extraordinaire (well, if you count film left off: Swallow Falls (Lockwood’s get considerably more interesting… simultaneously awful/hilarious puns. Pixar’s recent output, which is a sen- rat birds and spray-on shoes as de- home island) is covered in enormous I admit, that really doesn’t do the Oh, the food puns. Once the action tence I never expected to type), and serving of such a title) and his creation leftovers, and the entire population is opening 20 or so minutes justice. De- moves onto the island, things only get it’s certainly worth a watch, whether of the FLDSMDFR (no, I am not spell- to be relocated. So far, so predictable. spite operating on a fairly flimsy plot punnier, with the ridiculously over- you’re a five-year-old or a fifth-year ing out that acronym for you, go look The main antagonist (in the shape of (which works for a kids’ film, so I’m sized array of the things dreamt up by student. Just don’t go in expecting any it up), a machine which takes water a thinly-veiled mockery of Apple and not convinced there’s much point in the writers and designers coming into real take-home messages other than and turns into food. Any food. the late, great Steve Jobs) is intro- complaining), the film kicks off by full force. There are some fairly obvi- more food puns than you can possibly Obviously that all went horribly duced, Flint goes to work for them, generating consistent laughter, be it ous (but still beautiful) cutaway gags remember.

The past is never where you think you left it

claim across the board, and beat off of Marie’s current beau Samir, played in the garden raged, all the more shocking. Fred Fyles stiff competition to win the Academy by Tahar Ramin - best known for his Bejo is stunning as Marie; both sym- Like A Separation, The Past is a film Star Writer Award for Best Foreign Language Film role in the 2009 film Un Prophete. We pathetic and maleficent, she cuts a that deals with the baggage that rela- in 2011. He is now back again, with a soon find out that Samir is still mar- emotional but brittle figure. Eagre to tionships can bring - particularly how film that explores the hidden drama ried, but his wife is in a coma follow- anger her husband, she forces him to they end. The film carries the air of an within everyday lives. ing a suicide attempt, and has been for endure the presence of her new boy- epic tragedy about it, and the audience The Past The Past is like a box of forgotten the past year or so. friend, and just before they finalise the can foresee the storm clouds looming love letters, a series of scenes that This complicated web of relation- divorce tells him that she is pregnant. on the horizon, but it never feels bleak. Director: Asghar Farhadi bring back happy memories, but also ships is put under strain, both from These actions are what begin to drive Under Farhadi’s direction, the film is a Writers: Asghar Farhadi, open old wounds. Berenice Bejo, Ahmad’s visit, and the dark secret Ma- the family apart, yet the motives driv- grown-up, serious dissection of rela- Massoumeh Lahidji (adaptation) whose breakout role as Peppy Miller rie’s daughter Lucie has been hiding; ing Marie remain understandable, tionships; despite some moments that Starring: Bérénice Bejo, Tahar in the silent film The Artist merited as the film progresses relations break and the audience can easily empathise threaten to spill over into melodrama, Rahim, Ali Mosaffa a nomination for Best Supporting Ac- down, and the family is brought to with her. She is a woman on the edge, The Past is definitely one to watch for Runtime: 130 minutes tress, and Ali Mosaffa star as a mar- breaking point. While Ahmad is an- taking to chain smoking as things this year’s Academy Awards. ried couple going through a divorce. noyed at having to endure exposure begin to pile up on top of her. Bejo Having been separated for four years, to both Samir, and his son, the mar- manages this multi-faceted role with What a difference a decade can make. Ahmad (Mosaffa) returns to Paris ried couple relationship that begins to nuance and ease, giving up a wonder- Just 10 years ago, director Asghar from Iran to finalise the legal divorce re-emerge between Ahmad and Ma- fully visceral performance that makes Farhadi had yet to release his first film, from his soon-to-be ex-wife Marie rie throughout the film makes Samir it unsurprising that she picked up the but today he is one of the hottest con- (Bejo); upon arrival he finds that Ma- feel like a stranger in the house; there Best Actress award at Cannes. Ali temporary Iranian directors around. rie has not booked a hotel for him, and is one particularly brilliant scene in Mosaffa’s restrained, almost impassive Every film he has created has won instead he must stay with her, her two which he is mistaken by a delivery presence becomes a rock upon which rafts of awards at various festivals; his daughters from a previous marriage, man for a handyman, at the house for the relationships rest, making the end last film A Separation, won critical ac- and Fouad, a young boy who is the son a job, and is left standing bewildered scenes, in which he is at his most en- Bike User Group Community Action Group union.ic.ac.uk/bike

Soup Run

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IC Cooperative tinyurl.com/iccoop 26 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editor: John Park FILM fi [email protected] 2014 at the Oscars: Be

Lupita Nyong’o (12 Years a Slave) Oprah Winfrey (The Butler) Julia Roberts (August: Osage County) June Squibb (Nebraska)

One of the many aspects the critics So talk-show host Oprah made a wel- Already awarded for her efforts by the The best scene-stealer of this year is are raving about in 12 Years a Slave is come return to the big screens this Hollywood Film Awards, Julia Rob- hands down won by June Squibb an the flawless performances of its out- year (her first on-screen role in which erts seems to be in an award-winning actress who has been steadily work- standing cast. The name that sticks she does not play herself in around mood after quite a lengthy period of ing away on the big screens since the out in this category is Lupita Nyong’o’s 15 years), as part of Lee Daniel’s star- starring in films that perhaps weren’t 1990s and is only now winning some powerful, unforgettable debut per- studded cast in which she plays the quite deserving of her star quality. The love for her brilliant comedic perfor- formance. Her role is heartbreaking, wife of a White House butler. She goes family drama she stars in is based on mance in Alexander Payne’s heart- one that is played with maximum in- through plenty throughout the film, the Pulitzer Prize winning play that warming road-trip drama. She has no tensity by the Kenyan actress who has loneliness, extra-marital affair, alco- brings the Weston family together trouble speaking her mind and with been the talk of awards circuits. This holism, family feud, loss of a son, and after a tragedy. Armed with crackling her blunt honesty comes a guaranteed category is certainly favourable to up- in every single one of her scene she is dialogue, heated drama and outland- bellyful of laughs, whilst she’s also an and-coming actresses with first-time quietly affirming and effective. “Eve- ish dark comedy, the cast gives it their endlessly supportive, loving and car- nominees having no trouble winning rything you are, and everything you all, and Roberts’ energetic perfor- ing wife and mother at the same time. the award in the end. You go Lupita have, is because butler” she says, in mance, in which she literally strangles She’s simply a joy to watch, deserves a Nyong’o. the film’s big highlight moment. Meryl Streep, is gaining attention. spot in the final five.

December is just around the corner, and film studios are lining up their critically-lauded films to take part in this year’s much-anticipated Os- car race. As with any year, there are strong contenders in every field and it’s certainly too early to be betting on a winner. So over the next few weeks, Felix Film will be giving you a breakdown of the actors, actresses and films that will be grabbing the headlines in the near future; but this is in no way a definitive list, as some of the films haven’t even been released over here yet. And kicking off our feature is the Best Supporting Actress category. Ready... Steady... Go! FRIDAY 01 NOV 27

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FelixImperial FILM est Supporting Actress

Sally Hawkins (Blue Jasmine) Léa Seydoux (Blue is the Warmest Octavia Spencer (Fruitvale Station) Melissa Leo (Prisoners) Carey Mulligan (Inside Llewyn Davis) Colour) Firmly holding her very own against She may have won her Best Support- Now who saw that twist coming? Not only is she entertaining in a highly Cate Blanchett (who gives the perfor- Strong, charismatic, and confident are ing Actress Oscar for a largely co- With Melissa Leo, who so easily fits amusing, fiery form, she shows she can mance of her career - but more about traits the gutsy Léa Seydoux brings to medic role in The Help, but Octavia into spooky, malicious, sinister roles, also sing, which is always a plus when that in a future issue) is Sally Hawk- the controversial French Palme d’Or Spencer’s name this year is certainly in starring in that massively pivotal role it comes to the awards season. Estab- ins, the poorer, younger sister of Blan- winner. The sizzling passion shared consideration for her dramatic vigour in this kidnap drama might have been lishing herself to be quite the diverse chett’s Jasmine, i.e. the Stella character between the two actresses of this film in this Sundance breakout hit that was a dead giveaway as to the true nature actress, Carey Mulligan has handled of A Streetcar Named Desire. Not only (the other being the equally outstand- also screened in Cannes where it re- of her character and the ending, but a wide variety of roles over the years does she nail the American accent, ing Adèle Exarchopoulos) are at the ceived warm reception. As the mother Leo always has that darkly magnetic and her most recent, in a movie by she’s a delightful, quirky addition to heart of this memorable love story, of a man who we know from the be- appeal: is it the voice? Is it the looks? the Coen brothers, albeit brief, is one one of the best Woody Allen films of as every aspect of their relationship ginning will be shot unlawfully in the It’s hard to say what specifically but that stands out. She absurdly missed recent years. As a kind-hearted, for- is laid out in the open for the audi- back by a mistaken police officer, her she gets the job done and it’s one she out on a nomination for her work giving, free spirit living her life as best ence. Seydoux is both cool and chic, endless sacrificing and hardworking does well time and time again. She so in Shame so here’s hoping her work she can with the resources available to with her raw intensity elevating this nature become all the more painful to effortlessly switches between a vulner- doesn’t go unnoticed this year. Every her, her Ginger strikes up a stark con- to something more than a mere saucy, watch, with her tough, no-nonsense able old lady and a sadistic, grouchy time she yells out the word “asshole” trast with Blanchett’s Jasmine. erotic romp. style exuding love and warmth. kidnapper that it’s scary. at the protagonist? Priceless...

Kristin Scott Thomas (Only God Scarlett Johansson (Her) Vanessa Redgrave (Song for Marion) Naomie Harris (Mandela: Long Walk Jennifer Lawrence (American Hustle) Forgives) to Freedom) Now here’s a slightly strange one. Jo- Her rendition of Cyndi Lauper’s ‘True Could last year’s Oscar winner be It takes a special kind of mother to hansson doesn’t actually appear in the Colours’ will reduce many to tears, as Is the new Miss Moneypenny of the looking at another nomination this comment on the sizes of her grown- film. Word is she was never even on her frail and touching performance Bond franchise looking at a possible year? She’s once again paired up with up sons’ penises. And that special kind the set of Spike Jonze’s new quirky is simply first-class. It’s been a while Oscar nomination? While most per- David O. Russell in her new film here, of mother is Kristin Scott Thomas in romantic dramedy that sees Joaquin since this great veteran has been given formance-related praise of the film is and although very few people have Nicolas Winding Refn’s dizzying, baf- Phoenix falling in love with a piece attention in the awards circuit, and it reserved for the real star of the Nelson seen it, the buzz surrounding the fling new film. Thomas is full of dry, of technology voiced by Johansson. will take a lot for a small, independ- Mandela biopic Idris Elba, Naomie movie is already quite substantial. Plus dark wit, as the drug-dealing, manipu- Whether the awards campaign behind ent film that was released quite a Harris has also been given kind words everyone in Hollywood seems to be lative, incestuous mastermind behind her voice performance is actually a se- while ago to make some sort of impact to describe her interpretation of Win- in love with the young Jennifer Law- her family’s ultimate undoing. Her rious one or not waits to be seen, but at this stage of the race, but given her nie Mandela. When it comes to such rence who can clearly do no wrong. performance is nothing short of jaw- to have a memorable on-screen ap- name and standing in the industry, impassioned characters played with She’s funny, confident and as far as droppingly shocking, with awkward, pearance with only your voice takes she just might be able to squeeze in. vigour and intensity by actors, it’s dif- the trailer goes, her sassy vibe seems uncomfortable laughs abound. She considerable skill. With such tough Hope they see her true colours shin- ficult for the awards to ignore. She to really suit her. With a release date alone is a good reason to check the competition ahead, it would be a sur- ing through, because really, that’s why may be a relative newcomer, but with in late December, the studio certainly film out. prise if this quirky choice got in. we love her. such a big role, anything’s possible. has faith - fingers crossed. 28 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editor: John Park FILM fi [email protected]

The Grandmaster cut up by Weinstein Imperial Cinema

Fred Fyles Star Writer

The Grandmaster

Director: Kar Wai Wong Writers: Kar Wai Wong, Jingzhi Zou, Haofeng Xu Starring: Tony Leung Chiu Wai, Zhang Ziyi Runtime: 108 minutes Certifi cation: PG-13 (USA) Elysium stars Matt Damon and is created by Neill Blomkamp, the brains behind 2009’s thought- It has been a difficult couple of onto the film itself. The Grandmaster colourscapes of Happy Together, even before scrapping them and coming up provoking District 9 that despite months for Harvey Weinstein. As well tells the story of Ip Man, played by Kar- the warm film grain used in his 2000 with new ones on the spot. Up until sci-fi leanings had its roots firmly as recutting his documentary of J.D. Wai regular Tony Leung, a legendary masterpiece In the Mood for Love gets a now, his films have managed to have grounded in reality. What is Elysi- Salinger after it was savaged in reviews, master of Wing Chun, a form of look in. The fight scenes are especially this sense of energy, while editing has um about? Blomkamp sticks to what he is now engaged with arguments with martial arts originating from Southern well done, climaxing with a scene at maintained the pacing, but in this film he knows best, crafting another the directors of both Grace of Monaco China. Ip Man is perhaps most the train station which is among the that is completely off. Some plot lines dystopian work exploring polemical and Snowpiercer over his liberal famous for training Bruce Lee, but most beautiful pieces of cinema I have whiz by like speeding trains, while issues such as wealth distribution, use of editing that has earned him this point is only touched upon at the ever seen. Sound, sight, and colour others linger without being truly health care and immigration by the moniker Harvey ‘Scissorhands’. end of a film which explores his early all come together to create a perfect resolved; characters are introduced as focusing on downbeat ex car thief And so it is perhaps unsurprising life, while adding a few historically balance that is completely novel, but if they have great importance, before Max (Matt Damon) who lives in a that he seems a little defensive when inaccurate embellishments. In a series also recognisably Wong Kar-Wai. never being seen again. The result world ravaged by overpopulation he goes up alongside BFI director of snapshots, we see him become While the stylish martial arts theme is a film that feels both too fast, and whilst the 1% reside on a separate Clare Stewart to introduce this year’s an expert at Wing Chun, and solve immediately invites comparisons to sluggish; it is a strange experience. luxurious space station. An accident Surprise Film - The Grandmaster by the conflict between Northern and Ang Lee’s Crouching Tiger, Hidden In the past the BFI has been at the factory where Max works legendary auteur Wong Kar-Wai. ‘We Southern schools, before the Second Dragon, this film does not have the criticised for showing safe, English- exposes him to a lethal dose of ra- tried to keep it as chronological as we World War robs him of his family, and same lightness of touch. It is a heavy language films with broad popular diation that gives him only days to could’, Weinstein explained ‘but at the he is exiled in Hong Kong. Running film, with ponderous questions about appeal; when Clare Stewart asked the live. Max’s only chance of survival end of the day, who gives a shit?’. Oh parallel to this, we have the story of the nature of love and life, but that audience what they thought the film is the precarious mission to reach dear. What follows is 100 minutes of Gong Er (Zhang Ziyi), the beautiful does not make it a bad one. In fact, it was going to be, she was met with a Elysium. cinema that - although beautiful - is daughter of a Northern grandmaster, is refreshing to see such gravitas being barrage of names that included The The Wolverine sees the return of off paced, confusing, and a little bit and a fierce fighter herself. She must brought to a genre that has had to Butler, August: Osage County, and Her, everyone’s favourite chin curtain- disappointing. avenge her father, and continue her endure countless terribly trashy films. which could all - for better or worse - donning, wifebeater-wearing X- I first feel like I should point out that legacy, but is ultimately also forced to Tony Leung gives a characteristically be described as ‘Oscar bait’. The fact Men(Man?). Wolverine aka Logan what we are shown is the American stay in Hong Kong. Their two paths restrained performance as Ip Man, that we got to see The Grandmaster aka Hugh Jackman is tormented by edit, made for Western audiences, that cross at various times throughout the one full of nuance and subtlety, while was certainly a surprise, but perhaps grief/guilt after the events of X-Men: cuts the original film down by about 45 film, and a sort-of love story emerges, Zhang Ziyi is positively effervescent not a welcome one and during the The Last Stand. He doesn’t have minutes, while adding in a number of although this is cut down in the edit in - a luminous presence on the screen, screening around 20 people walked long to mope around before he trav- scenes not in the original. It would be favour of a more action packed film. who manages to light up any scene out. Still, The Grandmaster is by no els to Asia and ends up being chased unfair to Kar-Wai to pretend that this There really needs to be a word to she is in. Unfortunately, despite the means a bad film, and the recut has all over Japan by ninjas. There’s also was his original vision for the project, describe Wong Kar-Wai films - Kar- incredible performances, direction, been widely criticised across the a bit of a love story too and a nice and since there is no UK release date Wai-an? Kar-Wai-esque? - since his and cinematography from Philippe board for being unrepresentative little ‘to be continued…’ tie-in to the on the horizon as of yet, I would urge films share an arresting visual style. Le Sourd, The Grandmaster seems of the real film. With that in mind, I other X-Men series starring J Law et readers to order an imported DVD The entire film is beautifully shot, to be missing something. Kar-Wai is anxiously await my Amazon parcel al. from Asia in order to watch the film in using every weapon in Kar-Wai’s famed for his unique, somewhat novel containing the Chinese version of the Elysium: Tuesday 05/11 18:30, its original glory. arsenal: the choppy scenes familiar approach to filming, in which he will film; hopefully it will be a real surprise Thursday 07/11 21:00 With that addendum out of the way, from Chungking Express, the garish reshoot some scenes again and again, - and a good one this time. The Wolverine: Tuesday 05/11 20:45, Thursday 07/11 18:30 Buy membership online. It’s only a £5 a year and guarantees you cheap- er films and one free film! Next week: Mud (Post-Grad screening) and Kick-Ass 2

30 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editors: John Park, Emily Fulham TELEVISION [email protected] The Amell family’s sup

Arrow: Season 2

John Park Television Editor

Things were looking good for Starling City and its masked vigilante hero at the end of its highly successful first- season run. Tommy Merlyn (Colin Donnell) was crushed under a build- ing (hurrah) leaving this less than use- less individual to say his final parting words to his best friend Oliver Queen (Stephen Amell) aka the Green Arrow. Tommy’s evil father Malcolm (John Barrowman) was also killed off (this deserves another hurrah) although not before setting off an earthquake machine that destroyed a significant portion of the city leaving 500+ peo- ple dead. The only person they forgot to kill off was Thea Queen (Willa Hol- ter Laurel (Katie Cassidy), a tough-as- to be truly enjoyed. He is a physically land), Oliver’s immature little sister nails lawyer who once used to work capable fighter as everyone who’s seen with very few redeeming features. But providing legal aid to the poor is now season 1 knows, but his assets aren’t oh well, there’s always room in season at the district attorney’s office, pros- being put to good use here. Gratuitous 2 for more deaths in Starling City... ecuting criminals, whilst also holding shirtless shots are shown like clock- right? a grudge against Green Arrow for a work in every single episode, and But Arrow is quickly looking to be- reason that doesn’t make sense and frankly it’s a method that is getting come a boring dull procedural the making it her life mission to track him quickly tiresome. first season tried so desperately to down. Only Felicity has her moments every avoid. New additions to the cast aren’t None of the major characters are episode, as without her contribution exactly working out, and isn’t it about where we’d ideally want them to be. the vigilante wouldn’t have a leg to time we tied up the loose ends relating Oliver’s a moody, hesitant hero who stand on. He may wield a bow and a to Oliver’s 5-year absence storyline now has a philosophy to not kill any- set of arrows that can do a variety of on the mysterious Asian island? Yes, one, supposedly in an attempt to hon- fancy tricks, but without her brains that’s where he went through rigorous our his memory of Tommy (huh?), he wouldn’t even know where to start training and became the buff superhe- Laurel is on a quest no-one wants her when it comes to catching the bad ro he is now. Do we really need to in- to be involved in (she should trade in guys. Plus her not-too-subtle crush on troduce more and more mastermind- her lawyer suits for a cop uniform be- Oliver, one that will go on no further like villains to fill up the time? cause she can definitely hold her own than being a mere schoolgirl crush (let As season 2 opens, months have against a fight), Diggle is as smug as us hope), is often amusing to watch for passed, and Oliver is sulking on the ever constantly clashing with Oliver sure. very same island he spent his years on how to handle a situation, how Not everything is a total disaster in disappearance. Felicity (Emily Bett Moira’s not ended up dead yet in her at the moment. With a new super- Rickards) and John Diggle (David prison cell is a mystery, Roy has po- hero in town (action heroine Summer Ramsey) come to bring him back to tential although the writers are doing Glau made a very brief appearance the city, saying that they need him to nothing to develop him in anyway, in an earlier episode of this new sea- restore order and balance to a place Lance is and Thea’s...breathing. son - hint, hint), interesting dynamic where everyone is going mental fol- Trapped in the flashback plot is could be struck up between the two. lowing the disaster. His mother Moira the younger version of Oliver Queen Will they work together or will they (Susanna Thompson) is in prison who is quickly coming to grips with be on opposite sides? Only time well having played an instrumental part his studies in martial arts and archery tell and the sooner Roy Harper suits in Malcolm Merlyn’s plot, Thea’s in (yes we GET how he learned to fight - up for action, the better, because all charge of Oliver’s nightclub (urgh), no need to take us back to the island he’s doing now is handling luggage where she’s being actively sought af- every single episode), as well as his de- being Thea’s new pet dog. And let’s ter by a superhero-wannabe pretty veloping romantic feelings for Shado get on with Moira’s trial and put that boy Roy Harper (Colton Haynes) who (Celina Jade), a female warrior and his behind us before the midseason finale, we know will end up as some sort of growing bromance with Slade Wilson because a season-long legal battle is a welcome sidekick but is taking a (Manu Bennett) not something audiences want to put mighty long time to actually show us Fun, bombastic action is no more, up with in a superhero show. “Arrow” something impressive about himself. as Oliver finds himself in action se- has certainly stumbled into the soph- Detective Quentin Lance (Paul quences that are either too difficult omore slump phase with its first few Blackthorne) has been demoted to a to follow in all the smoke and dark- episodes, but there is still hope left to regular police officer, and his daugh- ness or are far too simple and generic salvaging its reputation. FRIDAY 01 NOV 31

@feliximperial

FelixImperial TELEVISION perhero CW takeover

People does have fun in incorporating network television series can do with- worse when he has to multitask - run- The Tomorrow them to the expensive-looking action out, especially the CW network aimed ning and acting it seems, is too much scenes. It’s difficult to know how sus- at young adults. Stephen begins to rely of a stretch, and the awful narration People: Season 1 tainable such scenes are on a freshman more and more on Cara for advice, but that is a shameless copy of what they television show’s budget, but for the it turns out Cara and John are some- have been using on Arrow doesn’t help time being it’s fun to watch our he- thing of an item. We all know where smooth things over either. roes and villains zap their way around, this is headed and to be frank, it’s not The supporting cast is noticeably using their force field telekinesis and something that’s particularly worth better: Mitchell and List do a good communicate through mind-reading looking forward to. job, Yoo is an adequate comic relief, and secret call-outs. Most problematic however, is in and Pellegrino is as devious and evil John Park Television Editor Plotwise it echoes the beginning ep- the leading man, the other Amell, the as he has been in many other shows isodes of Alias and Nikita as Stephen younger cousin of Stephen Amell, in the past. ends up as a double agent posing to who is certainly generous with the Without a doubt the strongest ap- The new species of “homo superiors” work for Ultra and its leader Jedikiah amount of time he spends showing off peal here is the potential in its action seem to have everything figured out. Price (Mark Pellegrino) whilst secretly his toned physique (another require- scenes. But there is angst coming. The They possess the special powers of the feeding information to the good guys. ment for a show like this), but when it show’s still young, and with some mi- three T’s: telekinesis, teleportation, In fact there isn’t a whole lot of secre- comes to actually selling the plot, he is nor tweaks here and there, a lot of fun and telepathy. Although putting a cy when it comes to what everyone’s no way near as convincing as he should could be had in this silly but entertain- slight damper on things is the fact that thinking since everything is so clearly be. He is too awkward and somewhat ing concept. Less talking (especially they can’t actually kill. It’s no fun for spelt out for the audience, and as with robotic in his delivery, and as a lead from Robbie Amell), more action will them, and it’s certainly no fun for us. most action/adventure/spy shows that this is possibly the most disappointing be what saves this show, although the Before he figures out who he really go down this route, it’s hard not to performance of this television season. numbers this is posting aren’t looking is, Stephen Jameson (Robbie Amell) wonder why the characters, especially Things take an absolute turn for the too great in its time slot. thinks he has a problem: he keeps the antagonists, don’t take the easy hearing voices in his head, he can’t fo- way of proceeding with intelligence. cus, and he’s quite the wild child when But ultimately it’s the good guys we’re it comes to school. But he soon dis- supposed to be rooting for, so it’s covers that he’s a part of The Tomor- probably a good thing the villains tend row People, individuals with special- to ignore the best,j most obvious solu- ised powers listed above, who are also tions available. hunted down by Ultra, a powerful gov- Nothing imaginative or original ernment group that aims to neutralise takes place when it comes to charac- such advanced mutants for fear of any terisation: Stephen has daddy issues misuse of power or further mutations (is there a superhero who doesn’t that may enhance their abilities even struggle with this plot thread?), who more. The Tomorrow People live hid- abandoned the family leaving him den away underground actively trying with his mother Marla (Sarah Clarke) to find new recruits before Ultra can and younger brother Luca (Jacob get their evil hands on them, and it’s Kogan). Time spent with his new lucky that John (Luke Mitchell), Cara best buddies brings up questions as (Peyton List), and Russell (Aaron Yoo) to Stephen’s whereabouts, ones he found Stephen first, as he too, would dodges well whilst concealing his se- have faced a nasty ending. cret identity from his family and also When it comes to portraying the from his best friend Astrid (Madeleine three T’s that would be immensely Mantock). There is also a love triangle useful in everyday life, The Tomorrow brewing, something that no American 32 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editors: John Park, Emily Fulham TELEVISION [email protected]

Television is dead, long live the internet With Orange is the New Black, Netfl ix shows TV execs how itʼs done

Emily Fulham female cast, set inside a women’s Television Editor prison. Th e show follows the adventures of Piper Chapman, a white, well- etfl ix are branching educated, middle-class woman, as out. No longer content the newest inmate in a New York with being the mother federal prison. During a couple of of all procrastination ‘experimental’ years after graduating techniques (in the from college, Chapman decides to Nbattle of lab report against the entire travel Europe with her lesbian, drug- series of Gossip Girl, there can only dealing lover, who asks her to smuggle be one winner) and bringing in the $50,000 of drug money into Belgium. internet streaming revolution, the Th e consequences of the crime don’t American website has started showing catch up with her until ten years down original content available exclusively the line, when Chapman, now settled on Netfl ix. Th e fi rst test subject in down with an Adam-Sandler-lookalike this experiment was political drama fi ancé and making artisanal bath House of Cards, which proved an products for a living, is sentenced to uncontested success when it went fi fteen months in prison. Interestingly, on to be nominated for nine Emmys, the series is based off a true story: the including Outstanding Drama series. source material for Orange is the New Following this, when the cult US Black is a memoir written by author comedy Arrested Development was Piper Kerman, detailing her time in cancelled by Fox, Netfl ix bought prison after pleading guilty to money the rights and revived it for a fourth laundering for her then-girlfriend. series, to the great delight of fans Although trying to see the silver everywhere. lining in the jail sentence (“I’m going No wonder, then, that Netfl ix saw to get ripped,” she announces to her NETFLIX fi t to continue this winning streak boyfriend before departing, “and read worlds are highlighted in fl ashbacks the source of all her troubles, is Th e show also doesn’t gloss over by commissioning more original everything on my Amazon wishlist, to Chapman’s pre-prison life; after another new inmate. the brutalities of prison life, such as content to show. Orange is the New and maybe even learn a craft, you accidentally insulting the inmate chef Th e supporting cast of characters racism or sexual assault. Th ere’s plenty Black is the latest of these and is, so know?”) Chapman is about as ill- and consequently being starved out are one of the best things about of lighter moments, though - a leaving far, the most successful yet. Th is may prepared for prison as anyone is likely at every mealtime, she fl ashes back the show. Each episode shows the party for one of the soon-to-be-ex- come as surprising, as it’s the type of to be. From the strip search upon entry to the hunger she felt during a juice backstory of how a particular inmate prisoners, the hairdressing salon un by ‘risky’ show which is probably unlikely to the repulsively seedy male prison cleanse detox programme. And as if came to be there, an invariably tragic inmates and the friendship between a to be picked up by one of the major guards, this is a world completely life in prison couldn’t be bad enough, story, whether it be aiding illegal yoga instructor and a nun, to name a American networks, given that it’s an unfamiliar to that which she has come Chapman’s misery is compounded immigration, or stealing money to few. adult drama with an almost entirely from. Th e parallels between the two when she discovers her ex-girlfriend, pay for gender reassignment surgery. Orange is the New Black has one of the most diverse casts you’re likely to see on TV at the moment. Th e fact that the show’s female characters span a broad range of ethnicities, sexualities, and socio-economic classes shouldn’t be note-worthy, but, compared to similar shows out there with similar target audiences, it is. Each character is written with authenticity and respect, leading to some thought-provoking questions about the viewers own internal biases and preconceptions. Still wondering whether to give it a go? If you want to see one of the best representations of women currently on TV, this show is for you. If you want a sensitively-handled critique of America’s War on Drugs, it’s for you. Or, if you enjoyed Prison Break but felt like it could have done with more lesbians, then it’s defi nitely for you. Either way, Netfl ix has put all of the fi rst series up at the same time, so you don’t even have to wait a week between episodes; a second series is already in the works as well. If Orange is the New Black is at all indicative of the quality of TV in the internet- streaming, post-television world, long live the revolution. NETFLIX FRIDAY 01 NOV 33

@feliximperial FelixImperial GAMES The PokéPositives of X & Y Yong Wen Chua on the beauties of a world wide release!

Pokémon X & Y saw the fi rst ever week before the games were due to be that the 3DS needs. In fact, the 3DS simultaneous release of a Nintendo released, several retailers in Canada experienced a 99% increase in sales title worldwide. Combined with the and Italy broke the street date by sell- week-on-week that very weekend. fact that the encryption for the 3DS ing copies of the games early. Th us be- Now Nintendo just needs has not yet been broken two years gan a barrage of leaks about the games. to do the same for the Wii U. into its release, this has been one of It was an exciting time to wake up the most exciting release of a Poké- everyday to a barrage of posts on mon game in several years, and spell sites such as reddit about the lat- extremely good news for Nintendo. est discovery of the games, whether In the previous games, the Japanese it be of a new Pokémon, discov- games would be released months in ery of a new mechanic, or even just advance of the other localised copies, shots of the new graphics. Even two and by the time the localised versions weeks into the games’ release, there of the games are released, everything are still new discoveries being made that can be known about the game will about the game, including three have been discovered, analysed, and unobtainable legendary Pokémon. plastered all over the fan-sites on the Th e combined release of the games internet. In addition, the ability to de- before the holiday season could also crypt the games on the previous gen- spell very good news for Nintendo’s eration consoles (like the DS) meant fi nances. Th e 3DS has been strug- that hackers could dump the game, gling with its sales even two years and data-mine the game in its entire- into its release. With the games sell- ty. Th is is how they can get the exact non-obtainable legendary Pokémons. tendo kept a tight wrap on the things ing 4 million copies worldwide (not numbers and percentages of many of Th is time, howev- it revealed about the games. Even re- even including the digital copies, the mechanics you see on the various er, things are diff erent. viewers were barred from revealing and pre-orders) during the release sites. Th ey can even discover hidden, Before the release of the games, Nin- too much about the games. About a weekend, this might just be the boost Amore - not part of Armor Mayham Attention all Halo fans, this is absolutely unreal! creating a time-altering zone to slow Hitting enemies increases your however the gameplay really makes up can be adjusted to the player’s desires. down your enemies and kill’em. And adrenaline meter which can be used for it. An extra challenge is added for You also have the ability to give play- Imran Rashid the Halo inspired dart gun that fi res [space button] to slow down time the most skilled gamers in completing ers in your team AI commands to fol- Games Editor multiple homing darts that stick in your perspective enabling better a level in a time limit to achieve a gold low you though this almost always did to the target and explode. Com- stamina and agility in real time. In medal giving you extra purchasing not help with the mission or better the pleting missions also unlocks new practise, you tend not to really use it power for weapons and armour. Un- game play. To have the ability to order Armor Mayhem is a Halo and Unreal maps with the diffi culty of the mis- but it’s a fun plus for the gameplay. fortunately, purchasing more expen- your AI team is quite awesome though. Tournament inspired game set in the sions’ increasing into the game. Missions range from single-player, sive armour does nothing to your stats Armor mayhem is a must for all shoot- future when our planet Earth has run When you, your buddies and your op- team Deathmatch, capture the fl ag, - the armour is just for design which er games fans and as much fun it is to out of energy. Major corporations ponents health bar reaches zero they territory control to ‘steal the orb’. Th e I thought was a bit cheeky consider- play against other AIs this game will send teams to scavenge the universe are automatically transported to a ran- missions don’t really adumbrate any ing some of the price of the armour. hugely benefi t from an online mul- in search for more energy. Eventually, dom place on the map after 5 seconds. storyline which is a bit of a shame Another thing – the guns were small tiplayer addition where gamers can energy is detected on planet 55001 and it can be eyestrain sometimes. really appreciate the engine’s depth and to their astonishment they fi nd Th ey have tried to compensate the and appealing platform elements. infi nite energy crystals. Now you fi eld of view of the map with the must fi ght for the planet’s resources. size of the characters however I’m Get your weapons and armour on and not convinced they’ve captured the Win something fi ght for your CEO to make billions! golden balance. Some weapons are You use the [WASD] keys to direct a lot better than others so the weap- your player through various land- on size can really be frustrating. Felix Games has 1 last copy scapes, clicking on your mouse Gamers will really love the epic mu- of Awesomenauts, so do you to fi re against competition. Th e sic in this game which pumps you want grab this last copy while controls are simple and seamless. up to achieve crazy killing streaks you can? Describe in 300 Aside from your standard machine against your enemy AIs. One song words your most interesting gun, various other weapons can be to really look out for is Maze – the game experience of the picked up around the landscapes. Nightkilla and you can change the summer. Send it in to games. Health packets also drop from the music whenever you are playing to [email protected] and get sky too! As you complete missions your liking with six songs in total. yourself published as well! and earn money you can unlock Custom battles can be unlocked by more crazy weapons including the completing levels in the campaign ‘slow gun’ which gives you a shot at mode and the diffi culty of the levels Felix Games Team 34 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editor: Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, GAMES Imran Rashid [email protected] Android Humble Bundle! your own creature and then unleash- ing her on the platformer-style levels to try and collect all the fruits (why she needs fruits, I don't know). In easy mode, all of the creatures are pre-built and you only need to use them cor- rectly. However in hard mode, nearly all levels require you to build bits of Quozzle for yourself, which is very diffi cult to do correctly! You can add 'legs' and muscles to Quozzle, and that's about it. It can be incredibly dif- fi cult to predict how the legs will move due to the way the muscles work – you it for you. See the end of the review completed tickets, and a new set of problem is, the harvesters destroy the really need to see this to understand. for details of what this includes. tickets). Th e other maps available land (literally!) in order to earn you Th e interesting mechanics combined For those who have not played be- (Switzerland, Asia, Europe) can be that money, so it doesn’t take too long with the fi tting music and charming Sanchit Sharma fore, Ticket to Ride is a very popu- bought for between £2.50 and £3.10. before there’s barely any land left on graphics (though the exposed bones Games Writer lar board game which was originally Whether you are the head of board the map. Th e rest is just empty space. and muscles are rather creepy) make made in 2004 by Days of Wonder. games at Imperial (totally not me), an Unfortunately, most games end up this a great game for any puzzle lovers. Ticket to Ride is a simple game to play afi cionado, someone who plays from with a race to get enough money to The Humble Bundle with Android – each turn you can collect cards, take time to time, or have never played buy a fl yer (the only way to cross the #7 is currently on sale. For those of new tickets, or build train routes. You board games beyond the dreaded Mo- void), with the winner being decided you who don’t know what this is, the need cards to build routes, and tickets nopoly, this is a great game to pick up. by the fi rst person to fl y over to their Game: Anodyne Humble Bundle is a sale in which give you points for connecting certain opponents territory. So late strategy is A retro-style RPG a set of games are available for cities, or take them away if you fail slim in this game, but the early strategy, whatever price you choose. It started to connect those cities. It is a game Game: music and graphics make this a winner. off as an indie game only bundle, but of ruthless expansion and blocking Even if you’re not a massive fan of turn In Anodyne, you play as Young. Young’s since then it has expanded and even others to help you achieve your own Greed Corp. based strategy games, this is worth a quest is to ‘protect the Briar from THQ has gotten in on it (though goals. Th e original USA map awards a A strange twist on traditional few plays – especially with friends. the Darkness’ – this wasn’t explained they placed more limitations than bonus for the longest connected route strategy games any further from what I have played. other groups have previously done). and whilst this is the standard, other You are teleported to some strange maps sometimes change this bonus. Greed Corp is one of the most Game: Incredipede place where you fi nd your weapon – a Th e art is perfect, refl ecting the board interesting strategy games I’ve come A combo puzzle-platformer broom. It can pick up dust and put it Game: Ticket to game very well, though the music takes across. Unlike most strategy games, down in other places. Th e art style is a little getting used to. I didn’t enjoy where you get stronger as time goes on, quite cool, the music is very well done, Ride Online the music at all to begin with, but hav- in Greed Corp your position becomes Quozzle is an incredipede – a strange but overall this game didn’t really grab A popular board game in computer ing played for a week I now adore it. more precarious as time goes on. Th e creature with the ability to change me. Th e premise is not that interesting, form Online play is very easy, which is impor- entire game is based around a unit shapes. Her sisters were kidnapped though the puzzles can be. If you enjoy tant as the AI is not particularly good! called a harvester, which is the main and she wants to save them, or some- this sort of game it might keep you If you’ve ever played the Ticket Th is version of the game comes with way to earn money to buy units with. thing. Th e story of Incredipede is entertained for a few hours, but the to Ride board game, you already the USA map and the 1910 expan- Th e other methods are the beginning fairly boring and standard. Th e real half hour I’ve put into it is enough to know whether or not this is worth sion (which adds a bonus for most of turn and knockout bonuses. Th e fun in Incredipede comes in building tell me that it’s just not that interesting. A Summer at Gunpoint Aviv Beeri, winner of our contest, describes his game of the summer

Lets turn the clock back to the end sensitive data and technology from could fi nally sit down to play my way of the summer term, 2013. Th e days various people, for various reasons. through my special extended edi- were long and hard, but then the Hitting both the platformer and tion, with all of its included extras (A term ended, and all was well. And stealth genres, Gunpoint throws some- “making of” video by the developer, suddenly I found myself with much thing else into the mix: Th e ability to along with the bonus soundtracks more time for gaming. Th is in turn rewire all the electronics in the build- of the game, which sound great). allowed me to fi nally catch up with ing in interesting ways, which brings a Th is game combines everything a game I had been anticipating for a great puzzle element to this adventure. really well. Th e music and art bring year, Gunpoint. I’d fi rst learned about I’d been anticipating it for so long the game to life, as you jump across it from the developer’s blog/website because it started as a project by buildings, up and down lifts and (www.gunpointgame.com) back in PC Gamer writer Tom Francis, who tinker with the wiring that even my fi rst year. Here’s the general idea: wanted to learn to develop games with the short playing time (about 4 You are a freelance spy/private in- with absolutely no prior knowledge hours total) it was worth every mo- vestigator wearing the classic noir of how. His concept was so inter- ment, seeing the result of the game trenchcoat (with some upgrades) who esting that just had to take a look. maker’s eff orts as well as inspir- has been asked by his clients to steal Now that the term had ended, I ing me to begin creating my own. FRIDAY 01 NOV 35

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FelixImperial TECHNOLOGY Steve Wozniak at Apps-World 2013

fi nding the smaller areas of the market recognise a good idea when you see engineers. Engineering is so diffi cult If all else fails you can always or come up with radical new ideas.” one. ”At HP we were only building and they think of things to improve print your own cash. Steve started William Daubney He then went to explain how apple tools that engineer’s use. We, the your own product idea. Give it time doing this with a friend, and Technology Writer developed quickly. “Marketing is the engineers were the experts.” As such to gel.” Engineers think of new ideas, somehow it is perfectly legal to most important thing [in establishing the engineers came up with ideas “Oddball ideas that don’t pop into use it in a shop, I can’t see how, a new business]” Woz then explained which were largely ignored by HP. other people heads will come to and he didn’t properly explain it. “I nearly got arrested once and teve Wozniak, known read my rights, but I got out of it” “I by many as Woz was sometimes sell a sheet of 14 dollars the keynote speaker of for 8 dollars to random people in Apps-World 2013 at Earls the street”. Apparently they are Court, London. As a “Secret Service approved bills.” memberS of the press via my website, Besides focussing on business we I was invited and given a press pass. learnt a few thing about Steve, the Th e whole day was a very surreal most surprising of which is that he experience, basically being treated like openly criticised the new iPad Air as a member of royalty as each exhibitor not suiting his needs. “ I called my wife tries to get your attention. For the and told her I wasn’t getting a new one, keynote I got to use the special press I was disappointed with the 128GB area! (Th e front row in other words!) maximum storage” Furthermore Being sandwiched between reporters he told us that “the iPhone could do from Th e Guardian and TechRadar with a much larger screen, probably was an interesting experience to say around fi ve inches.” Furthermore to the least! that he said that Apple had taken Steve Wozniak was defi nitely the “wrong direction by changing trying to encourage us to be better the aspect ratio of the iPhone,” this at creating successful technology was followed by a large cheer from startups. With the rise of kickstarter the crowd made up of nearly entirely this was defi nitely portrayed to developers who must have agreed! us as the best time in years to He then proceeded to tell us that he start your own business venture. doesn’t have home broadband, and “Th e bigger a company is the slower only has a T1 line (1mbit/s). It takes it changes, people who buy apple to us how it was easy to grow at fi rst “Th en Steve and I started Apple, we you.” In producing and designing the hours to download a movie, and by products want Apple like products. because the media like reporting on a were going to be very market orientated product; “Excellence is absolutely the time I’ve downloaded it I don’t Any product which doesn’t fi t into business with a great idea who started very subject to the end user even important. I’ll improve the graphics want it anymore.” In fact we learnt that the Apple ideals is not the Apple from their garage. When Apple when you are running on zero dollars.” etc. give it a second try make it better.” only movie worth downloading and way, you know whether its apple became a larger company the media Th is enabled us to create completely Even though he had just lectured “watching about Apple is Pirates of or not. Th is goes back to the day got bored and left us, at this point it new product targeted towards us for quite a while on building Silicon Valley, although they didn’t get when Steve [Jobs] introduced the was hard to make an impact and only consumers rather than businesses. a good business he claims; “I am everything right, I really enjoyed it!” Macintosh. In the 1984 commercial due to some great commercials like He then continued on to explain not a businessman, I’ve certainly Steve’s currently spending most we were the new guys, [now that we the 1984 they would have gone under. how important he thinks engineers had start-ups on my own, and I of his time on various projects such are established] you can’t take Apple “At HP they turned down my are in turning a good idea into invest when I like the idea in terms as FusionIO and other start-ups and in totally new directions. Th is gives ideas [for a PC] 5 times.” To be a reality, and even improving it. “If of an engineer not whether it visiting places around the world. smaller companies an advantage in great business leader you need to you are businessman please fi nd the could or could not be profi table” Apple’s New Keynote and What it Means for You

Furthermore rather than these devices should have been included in the fi rst of new stuff . so for all you out there with older being revolutionary, they are more Mini. However with 4 times the pixels, Th e other big thing of this keynote devices, I would suggest to you to Maximilian Eggl evolutionary than anything, but I bet this display should be a real beautiful was Mavericks. While everything maybe wait a month or so, until all the Technology Editor you heard that clichéd phrase before. to look at and fall in line with the high new in mavericks has been discussed last bugs are worked out and the OS is However more so than recent years, standard that all other apple products in a prior article, the pricing was fully optimized! these iterations actually did get some follow. not. Th erefore one of the pleasant serious upgrades. Before we start Th e inclusion of the 64-bit A7 in surprises of the keynote was the s mentioned in last anything though, let’s just clear up both the Air and the Mini will lead to fact that Mavericks (Apple’s newest Th e last little thing I want to mention weeks news bubble that the new name for the big iPad some serious speed increases, which update of its operating system) is the price of Apple’s equivalent of Apple had a key note is the iPad Air, which considering its should make that graphic design/ would now be free. Previously these Offi ce. It is now also free of charge. last tuesday. Th at new weight and thickness is actually music production/gaming that much things usually cost about £20, which Yes, dear reader you read correctly, day confi rmed most quite a good name. It seems this is an more smooth. comparing to the price of windows is it costs diddly squat. If you consider rumoursA on the internet as well as attempt by Apple to create more of Now the big question, should you a steal. However if you consider how how much money Apple really makes, some pleasant surprises. However a link between their macbook range splash out? Well that really depends, if much Apple really makes from their the amount they make from their if you are looking at the news, and their tablets (maybe we might you are in the market for a new tablet OS, they may as well make it free. Its software is like a drop in the ocean. scratching your head and wondering even see a combo device some day!). A and are willing to pay the premium a great way to lure in new customers, Th erefore this strategy of off ering how this will aff ect anything in your complete redesign for the bigger iPad (£399 for cheapest iPad Air, £319 for and hopefully all new updates will be pages, keynote and numbers for free is life, read on dear reader and all shall has seen it lose half a pound as well as new iPad Mini), I would seriously free. Th erefore if you have an eligible quite a smart strategy. However, and be explained! 24% of its overall volume. At this point suggest going for either the Mini or Mac, you may as well update as you here comes the disadvantage, is that Let’s fi rst talk about the new it really just seems to fall in line with the Air. If you have just gotten the will get some nice new features (love this price only applies to new devices! iPads. Th ese two updates to existing the minimalist design that Ive so loves. last iPad it may be more prudent to that extended battery life)! However products had been predicted several Th e mini also got an upgrade by wait, as the high price does not really one little caveat. I found that my Mac weeks ago, so no big surprises their. receiving that retina display, that warrant what you are getting in terms slowed down a bit after the update, How devious of Apple! 36 FRIDAY 01 NOV Editor: Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua, Osama Awara TECHNOLOGY technology.felix@imperial. ac.uk 10 Things the Internet has Slaughtered girlfriend got pregnant and we didn’t Trolls have sex,’ propping up daily on the homepage. When the word ‘troll’ is typed/ spoken/read on the internet, it no longer refers to the great big mythical Polite beast that used to terrorize villagers in Scandinavia. Now, it means as Disagreement Urban Dictionary quite eloquently puts it, someone who, ‘posts a A quick look at any one of the many deliberately provocative message to YouTube videos’ comment section a newsgroup or message board with would be enough to prove this. No the intention of causing maximum longer can people argue with each disruption and argument.’ other in a pleasant fashion. I guess being able to hide under a user name, without anyone seeing or knowing Keeping Silly you’re the person typing the torrent of insults, lets you get away with Questions to pretty much anything really . they simply couldn’t detect if their hesitation from the local authorities. friend was being sarcastic or genuine. Now, we cannot go a day without Yourself Osama Awara It’s always with phrases such as KK seeing someone post online the meal Technology Editor (ok cool) or that Facebook thumbs they are about to devour, as if a stash up at the end of a conversation that of hash browns and bacon are the With the luxury of providing gets delivered to me after telling one most interesting things in the world. anonymity from other public users badass story that does my head in. Instragram has a lot to answer for. of the internet, the web has made the asking of some seriously dumb In no particular order, (to avoid nerd Privacy ass questions online a daily ritual. A rage) here goes: Procrastination quick browse of Yahoo Answers says Quite an obvious one to be honest. it all really, with questions like, ‘My Control With all the recent headlines Movie Stores regarding the NSA and the US Th e internet has literally killed off conspiracy to spy on everyone’s Long gone are the days of popping in productivity. Obviously, you can online activities, the internet’s been to your local Blockbusters and buying argue that the internet is full of useful a main factor facilitating our lack of The News Bubble that VHS tape or DVD that had you information that you can utilise for privacy. Haven’t you noticed by now sorted for the night. With the boom your own learning benefi t, but the every time you go on a websites, General news from around the tech world, so you can keep up of wireless internet from your Ming reality of it is that you’ll always have cookies are tracking your activities to date with the newest, wierdest and most futuristic things Dynasty era dial-up connection, a billion other distractions to take online and tailoring the content you around streaming movies/shows online has you off your pursuit of knowledge. receive? Now at fi rst this may just never been quicker or easier. With I crown YouTube and Facebook seem harmless, a cookie is just a text Motorola Announces Project Ara services such as Netfl ix or your more as the king and queen of world- fi le at the end of the day, but trust me illegal torrenting websites such as wide procrastination. Th e strangely you can tell a lot about a person just Motorola has announced “Project Ara”, an open-source initiaive to bring ‘Th e Piratebay’ getting that movie beautiful thing about YouTube is that by looking at their online activity. about modular smartphones, and “do for hardware what the Android platform you’ve been longing to watch is now you can go on it with the intention has done for software.”. Th e design would consist of an “endoskeleton”, or just a click away rather than fi ve of watching say a one 5 minute music Yahoo, Bing, basic structure, and various parts and modules that you can potentially blocks away. video but somehow end up on a purchase from various vendors. Th e idea is that you could upgrade only the ‘Kaka owns Xavi’ video. Jeeves et al. bits of your smartphone that you are interested in, perhaps even perpetually. Sarcasm and The Mystique Th is should probably be under Subtlety ’10 search engines Google has FBI Seizes US$28.5 million worth of of Your Friendsʼ slaughtered,’ but for me Google is the Now I’m sure you’re aware that when internet and the internet is Google. Bitcoins from Silk Road Mastermind someone on the other side of the Lunch world is communicating with you via Encyclopaedias written text, it is diff erent from them Before the late 90’s or early 00’s if Th e FBI has reportedly seized from the alleged mastermind of Silk Road, Ross having a face to face conversation you were ever seen taking a picture Ulbricht, 144 000 bitcoins worth approximately US$28.5 million. Forbes with you whilst their body language of your meal before eating it, you’d Wikipedia pretty much sums this all report that about 110 000 bitcoins worth about US$22 million are still at large. is in full swing. I’m pretty sure probably get sent to your nearest up. everyone’s been in a situation where lunatic asylum without the slightest Nokia Lumia Hit New Record Sales

Worldwide sales of the Nokia Lumia phones has hit a new record in Q3 of 2013, with sales in North America twice that of the previous quarter. However, most of the sales come from the lower end models of the Lumia series, like the Lumia 520.

Maximilian Eggl Yong Wen Chua Osama Awara

Oh Yahoo users, you never cease to amaze me. Technology Editors FRIDAY 01 NOV 37

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FelixImperial TRAVEL

Experience: volunteering in scenic Gorna

ICAB brings some much-needed energy to a Bulgarian orphanage

ICAB works with, the Day Centre Mandeep Dhingra was well-equipped with toys, and even had a functioning playground. Mimi Lee Th e staff , however, were untrained and unenthusiastic, so the children were often left to amuse themselves. his summer we spent two Th e toys were left to collect dust weeks volunteering in on a tidy shelf, out of reach. Th is is Gorna, as part of a trip where we stepped in. Our role was with Imperial College Aid to organise activities for the children to the Balkans (ICAB). and provide them with much-needed TGorna is a small, picturesque care and attention. It was a challenge town in northern Bulgaria with to overcome both the language and just over 30,000 inhabitants. disability barriers. It was also diffi cult ICAB is a student-run charity that to tailor the activities to the children’s typically sends its volunteers to individual needs and abilities. Bulgarian orphanages and other We organised a music day with centres to work with children. To ukuleles, keyboards and several discourage abandonment of children, percussion instruments. Th ey enjoyed the government has more recently it more than we thought they would, begun to set up day centres for and kept asking us for the “guitarra” for disabled children. Our volunteer days after. On another day we brought work was at one of such centres. some clay to the centre: it was great At Gorna Day Centre, the children are fun encouraging the children to work separated into two groups by age. Th e on their manual dexterity through younger children range from age 2 to play and we even managed to learn the 10. Th e older children are 10 and above. names for some animals in Bulgarian! While working there we found that When we were not working at the “disability” is a fl exible term: there was Day Centre we had time to explore a wide range, including cerebral palsy, the local town and nearby areas. It Down’s syndrome, autism, and ADHD. is a place where lovers of nature, Unlike many of the orphanages that history and culture can all be satisfi ed. Children rocking out on “guitarras” at Gorna Day Centre

On one of our days off , we decided to village with many historical buildings, climb a nearby hill known as the Rock. mainly churches and monasteries. Our hike began on a wide concrete It’s also where Bulgaria’s rich and path with a seemingly gentle incline. famous live (according to our travel As we got closer to the top, it changed guide, anyway). We’re not sure if from a smooth concrete road to a we saw any Bulgarian celebrities, steep and slippery dirt path. Indeed, but we did see a coach belonging to it could barely be called a path. We FC Ariston, a local football team! only knew we were going the right Th e whole trip was impeccably way because it was up and because organised and better than we could of the faded arrows spray-painted on have imagined. Bulgaria is a place the trees. When we fi nally reached the many people don’t normally consider top we were soaked (Mother Nature and it isn’t somewhere you would had decided to bless us with rain), often associate with volunteering. sweaty and muddy, but it was worth It is an unspoilt beauty and the it. Th e view atop the Rock was breath- children there are in real need of taking. We could see the surrounding love, care and attention, which it countryside for miles around. It was a privilege to provide. We would was a little bit dizzying, actually. No recommend it to anyone. It’s relatively health and safety precautions here! inexpensive and, more importantly, it We also visited Arbanasi, a pretty is an incredibly rewarding experience!

Get involved with ICAB

Visit: facebook.com/ICAidToTheBalkans Email: [email protected]

…Or attend one of ICABʼs upcoming events: Monday 11/11 @ 6:30 p.m. in Reynolds R2 (Charing Cross) Bulgarian bliss: spend your days off unwinding in beautiful countryside Tuesday 12/11 @ 6:00 p.m. in SAF 121 (South Kensington) 38 FRIDAY 01 NOV CLUBS & SOCS

RCSU Science Challenge Smoky not Smudgy Fiona Hartley RCSU Broadsheet Editor Nida Mahmud on this Sundayʼs ladies only event

As Charity Week draws to an end, this store too. Th e organisers have said you can content is even more impressive. Every year Sunday marks the return of Smoky Not “indulge in a makeover with a photo-shoot, since its birth, SnS has reached new heights Smudgy (SnS); this is a fl agship ladies only relax with our professional masseuse, get and as a past SnS organiser with very high pampering event. your hands on the latest jewellery, clothes, standards for the event, I can reassure you SnS is run by the ladies for the ladies. accessories, hijabs and much more! Have that this year’s Smoky not Smudgy will be All proceeds go towards the Charity Week your nails and henna done, pamper yourself the best ever. I’ve been refraining from campaign, ultimately helping orphans and with a facial, join in on our arabic art and shopping in the past month because I know eet Professor Lord Robert Winston. needy children in the poorest parts of the cupcake classes! Find out more at www. I’ll fi nd lots of great one-off items from the Attend a grand fi nal in a prestigious world. Last year, over 400 ladies attended facebook.com/smokynotsmudgy” SnS souk, as I always do! Th e fashion show location. Win a slice of a prize pot of SnS and over £6000 was raised; this year it Ruby Hakim has organised SnS three is always the most exciting and buzzing part over £4000. is even bigger and better. So make sure you times in the past. She commented that of the day. Th is year, the rumour is there are M don’t miss out. “having attended the past 5 smoky not two fashion shows. Th e excitement is almost Th ese chances have one factor in common: this Hiba Saleem, one of the organisers of SnS smugdy events, I can tell you fi rst hand that too much for me! I couldn’t imagine missing year’s RCSU Science Challenge. It’s big and it’s commented: “Now in its 6th year, SnS is a its the most fun day in the calendar! Th e SnS, it’s not even an option!” back, launching on December 3 in SAF. You ladies-only day of complete luxury services, turnout is always impressive and the event So girls, make sure you don’t miss out! should come to the launch event and accept the beauty treatments, fashion boutiques, challenge off ered to you. Here’s why. photography studios, a souk bazaar, master classes by skilled professionals, tutorials by Th e Science Challenge is the RCSU’s annual industry experts and two show stopping competition. It’s the perfect opportunity for you fashion shows! Ladies, indulge yourselves to communicate science in an engaging, concise guilt-free because all the money you pay and fun manner. Four high profi le judges will to pamper yourself crazy will go straight set three essay questions and a task for a video to charity! Th is year the fashion shows will category. feature fi fteen exciting designers with a show stopping collection”. Every year the selected judges give up their time Th ere will also be celebrities doing master to talk at the launch and grand fi nal events, and classes, beauty experts doing tutorials, chose the overall winners. Th ey are leaders in their as well as hairstylists, makeup artists and fi elds: academia, science, journalism, business. bloggers. Th ere are many surprises in Last year the Director of Grantham Institute for Climate Change, Professor Sir Brian Hoskins, judged one question. Th e year before Wellcome Trust Head of Communications and former Science Editor of the Times Mark Henderson was involved. IC Radio Schedule Lord Winston is the leading judge. He should be a familiar face from British television. You might have seen him on campus since he’s Emeritus Professor of Fertility Studies here at Imperial, but Check out some of IC Radio’s top shows this Stage, Screen and Beyond... 17:00 – 18:00 The Power Hour having been here for three years and only seen week on the IC Radio Schedule. Two Irish lads bringing you some excellent the back of his suit once I don’t think it likely. At 20:00 – 21:00 The Eclectic Ectoplasm banter, topical comedy and powerful the launch you’ll defi nitely get to see his face and friday 1 november 2013 An eclectic mix of anything and everything. tuneage. hear his voice, live. You could get a photograph of Th e best music on ICRadio every Monday yourself with him at the grand fi nal next year. 20:00 – 21:00 First House on Blackstreet evening. 18:00 – 19:00 Versace Palace

Th e Science Challenge is generously sponsored. sunday 3 november 2013 21:00 – 22:00 Stuartʼs Deep Bath thursday 7 november 2013 Previous winners have received tours of CERN in Stuart and Lee deliver the perfect soundtrack Switzerland and big cash prizes. In 2014 it could 15:00 – 17:00 The National Student for a Monday night bath with a mix of indie 17:00 – 18:00 Super Music World be you walking away with such treats because Radio Chart Show pop, dream pop and ambient music all Imperial students can enter the competition, Th e chart show by students across the UK 18:00 – 19:00 Faux Pas Fm regardless of faculty. Even if you hate the RCSU with unsigned and chart music - Hosted by a tuesday 5 november 2013 Chris, James and Fiona bring you a show how could you pass up the opportunity to win diff erent student station every week! that’s a bit like one of those fi lms that’s so potentially thousands of pounds? I’m going to 16:00 – 17:00 Relax-ay-voo bad it’s almost good. Emphasis on almost. guess no one hates the RCSU that much. Not even 17:00 – 18:00 The Happy Hour CGCU students. Join the Sunday fun with happymichael 17:00 – 18:00 The IC Punk Rock Show 20:00 – 21:00 TrapThursdays – random cool features and stories IC Radio’s weekly punk rock show, featuring Keep an eye out for more Science Challenge with awesome tunes (and sometimes a the choice slices of the Victoria Sponge Cake 21:00 – 22:00 The AMS Night Bus details in Felix over the next few Fridays. Look out complimentary laughing fi t!) that is punk rock. Loveable hipsters bring you a range from for our posters around campus, updated weekly. indie rock to hip hop to emo to, um, Keep December 3 free in your diary. Th ere will be 20:00 – 21:00 Earworm 18:00 – 19:00 Dr. Frogʼs Rad Hour atmospheric black metal, following a theme free food and entertainment at the launch before One hour of totally rad music, old and new. each week. the questions and prizes are announced. Th e monday 4 november 2013 guest speaker has an exciting history and the talk wednesday 6 november 2013 will be worth hearing. 14:00 – 15:00 Presidential Address Th e two presidents off their view on all 14:00 – 15:00 The RockSoc Radio Tune in at: Th e Science Challenge is coming. Are you ready? things musical, entertainment and debacles Rampage Tweet @RCSU with the hashtag #SciChal to keep Great music brought to you by the Rocksoc the mystery alive. 18:00 – 19:00 Movies, Musicals and Community! icradio.com More FRIDAY 01 NOV 39

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FelixImperial CGCU

President’s Open Letter Keeping up with the Engineers on behalf of the CGCU

Felix catches up with the City & Guilds My dear engineering friends, Union. We hear what they’ve been getting up to over the last few week and When they fi rst announced the new CGCU President what we can expect for the future. earlier in March this year, I clearly remembered how Lotanna Agu single-handedly hoisted me into the air. Above the crowd cheering for me, I shouted one of my Integrating Engineers: the way “With a most memorable campaign slogans out loud “You can to reviving the CGCU brand fresh-faced count on me!” Like many of my good friends, Lotanna committee in was counting on me to usher in an unprecedented place working year ahead for the CGCU even as I counted on all of Geeky punnery aside, the City and towards a them for their utmost support and vote to open up a Guilds College Union (better known unifi ed theme door for me to do so. as the CGCU) has bounced back this - ʻintegrating year - having spent a good while in engineersʼ - the Some say that the fi re within the CGCU had died out relative “CGC-who?” obscurity. With year ahead over the past decade, but I assure them that there will a fresh-faced committee in place promises to be always be a few of us whom its members can count on working towards a unifi ed theme a good one.” to keep the fl ame going. It is with no greater joy that - “integrating engineers” - the year my 2013/2014 committee and I have been granted ahead promises to be a good one. this opportunity to enrich the university experience of our fellow engineering students this year, to dedicate Mascotry, Slave Auctions et al ourselves to the revival of the CGCU brand name and spirit amongst all of you. One of the key priorities for the Guilds committee was a large-scale Dick Costolo, the CEO of Twitter, said: revival of some of the forgotten Guilds traditions, and an early violation of “Believe that if you make courageous choices and bet our rival’s mascot - RCSU’s Th eta on yourself and put yourself out there, that you will (after 40 years!) - provided us with just have an impact as a result of what you do. And you the platform to kick-start that. Whilst don’t need to know now what that would be or how will fi nal negotiations are still underway, it happen because no one ever does.” we’ve used this as an opportunity to bring back the Slave Auction (and We’ve made bold choices to revise our publicity have the RCSU President participate themes and methods, overhaul our offi ce, revamp our in it) in order to raise funds for CGCU website and restore our highly-coveted events and RAG; something which has not been traditions, not knowing what the outcome will be. All done since 2009/2010. Th is’ll take CGCU these came with tireless hours over the summer holi- place in the Spring term during RAG TOP: CGCU at Café de Paris; BOTTOM: CGCU Welcome Dinner time! days and sacrifi ces alongside our already hectic aca- week - so keep your eyes/ears peeled, demic schedule (it’s Imperial after all). and ideas for embarrassing things for was a perfect mix of both old and new, Academic Aff airs Offi cer (James President Saha to do handy (so long as and certainly ties back to the whole Murphy) and Welfare Offi cer (Juliet What have we achieved so far? For a start, I hope you you’re willing to pay for charity!) theme for this year. For want of a Kernohan.) It’s simple: we post times fi nd that you’re receiving much fewer emails as before better phrase to describe proceedings: up on our Facebook page (they tend (and certainly of better design and quality) and seeing Having also revived the tradition of everyone ate, drank, and was merry. to be every Friday), and you just swing more of your student reps publicizing our fantastic pieing our own committee last year as by the City and Guilds Offi ce in room events to you in person. Our CGCU offi ce is now a a homage to the Hit Squad - which has CGCU/CGCA Alumni Careers 340 if you want to get something off more desirable place for you to come visit us with your its roots and old ownership in CGCU Lecture your chest/wish to fi nd out more feedback (we are your student voice to the college!). - we’re keeping up the tradition and about getting involved/managed James and Juliet, our academic aff airs and welfare of- have agreed to have our bearers “take Speaking about our alumni (and more to get your hands on the Medics’ fi cers in particular, have so generously set aside their the cream”; again, for RA. In addition, clichés!)...the saying “old is gold” Phoenix head (we jest.) Th e team will lunchtimes on Tuesdays and Fridays to receive you on the Mech Eng building was renamed certainly has some truth in it. Th e also be hosting our own Welfare Week those matters. the City and Guilds building this year committee have worked tirelessly for engineers in the Spring (who says - a signifi cant moment that harks back on getting further involvement from only scientists get to have one?), and “But of course, Finally, we saw over-the-top attendance and reception to one of Imperial’s older milestones, the alumni of said association, Th e there’s lots lined up including cookery Guilds is more for our CGCU Welcome Dinner which ended off with back when the City and Guilds Imperial College of their days may not and self-defense classes. All in all, than just funny a roaring Boomalaka cheer. College came together with the other be identical to the Imperial of now, plenty to be excited about! traditions or constituent colleges to form Imperial but that doesn’t stop them from being social/careers Yet this is just but the beginning of a new chapter. College London. a valuable mine of information when Th at said, there’s only so much that events for the Take heart, for the best is yet to come. Bringing you it comes to careers/life advice. As the committee can do in terms of engineering back to my election results day, the relationship be- CGCU Welcome Dinner such, there’ll be an upcoming CGCA organizing events for you guys and community” tween Lotanna and me is like the CGCU and its com- Careers lecture on the 3rd of Dec publicizing. Really, we owe much mittee. For as much as the committee can do and Just this Tuesday we hosted the which will be a great chance to trade of our success to every Guildsman must do, it is ultimately the faith and dedication of all CGCU’s fl agship Welcome Dinner thoughts and ideas with our alumni - (and Guildswoman) getting out there its members upon which this union relies. and Afterparty, held at Cafe de Paris we’re taking the impersonal feel out of and playing your part. It’s thanks to after having been absent for a year. bog-standard networking events. you guys spreading the good word, Th ere are many more wonderful events on its way, Dinner tickets sold out a week in attending our events and engaging including the Dinner with Industry, Alumni Careers advance, resulting in a bit of a frenzy CGCU Offi ce Hours/Welfare with us that we’ve gotten off to a Evening and the Club Night to celebrate the end of a for It was a great chance for newbies great start so far - we hope to see momentous term! Th e ball is now in your court to get (and not-so-fresh students) to mingle But of course, Guilds is more than more involvement in the months to involved in all of them and more than that, spread the and have a posh three-course meal just funny traditions or social/careers come, whether it’s just participating C&G identity to your fellow peers. We’re counting on in a swanky setting, and to build a events for the engineering community as an attendee or even throwing us a you to take our union to greater heights! sense of community amongst the - even though there’s defi nitely more suggestion for improvement. May the engineers. With a bevy of freshers to look forward to on the calendar, rest of the year be even better for us, Sincerely Yours, present alongside some distinguished such as bar nights and club nights! and for you too! guests from the City and Guilds We’re here to look after your welfare, Lejon College Association (CGCA) - the and there’s our weekly Offi ce Hours City and Guilds College Union alumni association for engineers - it - a dedicated initiative from our www.cgcu.net

FRIDAY 01 NOV 41

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FelixImperial CAREERS More than getting a degree: developing your key transferable skills

either on line via Jobslive (http:// Careers Service www3.imperial.ac.uk/careers) or Imperial College from company websites, you will see job descriptions and person specifi cations for diff erent roles. Time write this short article on the spent reading and understanding day of the worst storm to batter the requirements for any role is time Southern England since the last well spent. Obviously you will need great storm way back in 1987. to pay attention to the academic Today the Careers Service has requirements for the role, but what of Ihad to adapt as staff were delayed the other aspects that you will most on their way into work, hampered likely see. by the travel chaos that ensued. It got me thinking about all the key Are they asking for communication employability skills that have had skills, time management skills, team to be used today to remain up and working skills, problem solving skills, running and providing a service to you a positive ‘can do’ attitude, and so guys. Problems have been reviewed, on? Any application, whether for solutions put in place, changes a Graduate level role, internship communicated to students and team or higher level study will require members briefed. All this from just you to fully assess what you have to the fi rst hour at Imperial this morning! off er. To succeed our job is not to All these key transferable skills came discount areas that you have solid into play during one short period on experience in or undersell yourself. a Monday morning, just think what Th ose reading your applications will core skills you can develop over the want good evidence of your skills. course of your studies and use to It is not enough for example to say, great eff ect in your future applications “I’m a good communicator”, you for employment or internships and need to say where and how you have placements! developed these skills. For example this could come from group projects As you settle back into the College you are undertaking as part of your academic year you are no doubt course. How many people are in the becoming aware of the myriad of group? Are you aware of cultural events that the Careers Service diff erences? Do you listen to others arranges to help you come to a career and propose solutions? Do you decision and to set you on the pathway actively involve others in the group for a rewarding and fulfi lling career. and so on. Already, by expanding on No matter what route you choose to one aspect, communication, your pursue after completing your studies, response to application questions or whether to remain in academia or laid out on your CV really comes to to go into the world of work, either life. Th is enables the reader to start through an internship or by entering to gain a more detailed picture of you a graduate training programme- you and how you might be able to use will undoubtedly have to go through the communications skills you have some form of selection process. developed.

For many this can seem daunting You will have lots of opportunity to but the key to success is giving gain these key transferable skills while evidence of what you can off er and at Imperial. Th ese can come from importantly how you have been work and experiences you are gaining gaining valuable transferable skills throughout your studies or from your during your studies. Employers are extracurricular activities from clubs looking for a well-rounded future and societies. colleague. Th ey can see you have the academic qualifi cations, but how can So, where might you start to look for you show them you have all the skills evidence of your transferable skills? and behaviours that they are looking Th e table is just a starting point but for? Often when I speak to students by thinking these areas through you they do not fully appreciate what will start to identify more as you really they have to off er and overlook key think about what you have to off er. skills they have developed or will have obtained by the time they graduate. If you are unsure how to interpret your skills in the best possible way So, what do we mean by transferable don’t forget you can get help from the skills? Transferable skills are a key set Careers Service by booking to see one of attributes that employers require of our Careers Consultants. from you. As you review opportunities www.imperial.ac.uk/careers 42 FRIDAY 01 NOVNOV

HANGMAN [email protected]

This Week In The Past ENGDITORIAL the power we receive on a daily basis is recently? See how mesmerizingly blue worth this rise and more. they are? How gently they fl icker in a draught? And sockets, they’re great. The Historian The Hangman Indeed, it is this humble writer’s Just think about it, you stick in the Hangman Contributor Hangman Editor opinion that the ~ £500 million profi ts plug and get an unceasing, rhythmic most of the ‘Big 8’ make simply does alternative current out. Th is journalist not refl ect the fantastic services and would pay just about every penny he he Boiler – Following the superiority of their energy. had just for that experience. 8% increase in the prices 2011 - Global population hits 7 billion of most energy suppliers, For sure, these rises may well result Th is is where our reporter must emphasising how you and your pathetic this editor believes we still in people having to choose between disagree with our Great Leader Mr day-to-day existence are useless at best and aren’t paying enough for our heating and food this winter, but Cameron when He says people should probably detrimental to the species at worst. Tenergy. surely there is but one choice. Who’s just “put on a [fucking] jumper”. eating baked beans when there is such Take off your jumpers, t-shirts and Whilst this increase will certainly brilliant energy to be enjoyed? trousers; whack up the heating; eat add a signifi cant amount to our yearly your toenails, because this energy’s 1986 - Th e M25 motorway is fi nally fi nished bills, surely the high quality nature of Have you looked at the gas fl ames worth it. offi cially isolating Londoners from the rest of the UK and forever giving people an accurate description of what constitutes ‘Th e North’. Storm Calm, Class Of ‘79 Deals With Their “Not pleased with simply Frustrations In Classic 70s Style boring your Too Calm 1969 - First computer-to-computer link, the friends? Email ARPANET is established. Th ankfully, such a hangman. The Hangman weird concept doesn’t gain any traction and felix@imperial. Hangman Editor we continue to share information in dignifi ed ac.uk and give printed form. boring others ollowing the numerous a go!” alerts and warnings issued for a powerful storm hitting the UK Monday, the MET 1919 - Prohibition laws passed in the USA, offi ce was quoted as saying which, in one fell swoop, heroically ends the Fthe storm was “suspiciously calm”. twin sins of drink and crime. “Yes, there were severe disruptions to train services in the south, but when are there not?” said a MET 1894 - Tsar Nicholas II ascends to the Russian Offi ce spokesperson, before adding, throne leading to years of peace, prosperity “Surely this can’t be all? Th is storm has and overall global harmony that extends to other plans.” “We’re no experts,, but this day. we do have a seventh sense for when a storm’s hiding something”.

Th e mysterious storm - for now 1618 - Sir Walter Raleigh is beheaded for at least and indeed at most - seems allegedly conspiring against James I. Whilst to have quietened down. However, this was almost certainly not the case, it was many believe this respite to be only widely accepted that he was a bit dickhead and temporary while the storm gathers so nobody really minded. “Want to its cloudy minions. One south coast infl ict your resident stated that he was “going lack of literary underground” where “no storm can 1275 - Amsterdam founded. However, as skill upon the hurt me”. marijuana has yet to be imported to Europe world?” Email and cheaper prostitutes found elsewhere, hangman. Th is reporter for one isn’t buying the attractions of the city were few and they felix@imperial. the ease with which the treacherous quickly shut it down. ac.uk and give storm passed over and is readying it a go!” the Hangman nuclear bunker for an extended sojourn. Crap Pseudo-Holiday Celebrated With Gusto The Hangman [stupid] friends”. Hangman Editor Th e holiday, for which the reasons for its existence are widely unknown, was his Th ursday, same as extensively observed. Indeed, every every fucking year, the year this waste-of-a-space festivity shitty pseudo-holiday attracts thousands of new observants — ‘Halloween’ — was by bribing them with sweets; once celebrated. Once again, again proving how pathetically easy Tpeople dressed up in a variety of people are to manipulate. frankly crap costumes to celebrate The M25 acting as both a fortress for the city of London something most know nothing about. At press time, this reporter was be- against the Great Unwashed of the rest of the UK as well as a convenient measure of which areas of the country in ing forced to done a shit cape, slick “OMG I’m having a great time” back their hair and pretend to be a Seriously, what the fuck does this the North and which in the South. even mean? If this evokes any kind of stated one partygoer with unjustifi ed fi ctional blood-sucking creature. How holiday-sentiment in you, youʼre fuck- verve. “I really love dressing up as a fucking typical. ing banned from reading Hangman [shit] mummy and sneaking up on my ever again you weird fucker. FRIDAY 01 NOVNOV 43

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FelixImperial HANGMAN

Cash And Fame the turnip STACK OF PENNIES Thankfully Still More Important Hangman’s Finest College News Source JUST WAITING FOR Than Law “NSA Spying Network OPPORTUNE MOMENT Not Extensive Enough” TO WEIGH YOU DOWN President Orders Review Into Security Agencyʼs Laziness Tioté celebrates escaping the law. aying he was unhappy with Snowden lamenting Picture Credit: Graham Stuart/AFP/Getty Images the “insuffi cient” range the lack of scale urther reassurance was of spying by the National and ambition in provided this week that the USAʼs spying Security Agency, President money and fame were far networks. Obama has today ordered a Picture Credit: Associated more important to the ruling Sreview into the extent of its infi ltration. Press of law than either the nature Fof law or any sense of justice when “Are Snowden’s fi gures right?” the mood of the Spanish public regarding Newcastle United footballer, Cheick President said in a statement, adding, the intimate details of Obamacare?” Tioté, was let off possessing and using “Were we really only spying on 35 a fake drivers’ license. world leaders?” Edward Snowden, the man who brought the pathetic extent of the US Th e ruling that Tioté would be given Commenting on the fact that this spying network to light stated “I’m just a suspended prison sentence instead left 160 heads of states completely glad I could bring these defi ciencies to of an actual one eased many people’s unaff ected the President added that the fore. I love my country. God Bless fears that the law would begin to show “How are we supposed to get a feel for America” favour to those without much money their exact opinions and thoughts?” or of whom no one had ever heard of. At press time, it was reported “Also, how come we were only that Vice-President Joe Biden was In the City, the sigh of relief was au- tapping 60 million phone calls in attempting to make up for the dible as the many wankers responsible Spain?” “Th ere must have been over a inadequacies of the NSA by dressing for fi ddling the economy and infl icting billion calls there in the last year alone. incognito and following the Mongolian 5 years of recession felt reassured they How am I supposed to gauge the exact Premier around. would never be found offi cially guilty. CANCER GEMINI TAURUS VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you buy a pet This week you buy a load This week you are messing This squeak, a small family of This week you buy a new pair This week you fi nish breeding hamster to keep you of straw and build a nest around in BioEng and you hamsters has nested in your of socks only to fi nd that they your army of hamsters, company. A few days later in the library. You become accidentally turn all your ear. *squeak!* They burrow into are live hamsters. You are ready to attack the Wolfson you are distressed to fi nd it ‘Mr Nibbles’, the library pet lecturers into giant hamsters. your brain, blurring your words unable to control where they computing suite so that you has escaped, eaten all your and live on a diet of leftover Sadly, you can’t speak hamster, and can barely squeak. You take you and so spend the rest can get a computer for once. lecture notes and run away. library muffi ns and jacket so you fail all your exams. All try to write an SOS message of the week in a hamster strip Your hamstery minions turn on It also stole your laptop potatoes. You are removed your friends can and get fi rsts. but *squeak* in the *squeak* club. You enjoy yourself and you and eat all your fi ngers. and sold it on eBay. Damn by security for sipping from Pint? desperation *squeak* wait! waste your entire student loan. HOW WILL YOU TYPE NOW? hamster... an abandoned coffee in the *squeak* and the pain You fail all your exams. corner. *squeak!* until *squeak!*

*SQUEAK!* CAPRICORN AQUARIUS SAGITTARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week you are the only This week you go to fi vesixeight This week, you are shocked This week you tell your lecturer This week you order curly This week, you must choose person who can defeat the only to fi nd that the barman and surprised when you that he looks like a giant fries from fi vesixeight, only between having a living hamster horde in the Wolfson is a giant hamster. You know suddenly give birth to a litter hamster. He thanks you for the to be served a plate of straw beard of hamsters and having computing suite. You throw a someone that went to a hamster of hamsters. This confuses compliment and you suddenly instead. You wonder if this has hamsters for hands. On the book directly into the hamster strip club, so you and your friend you for two reasons: First, they start getting full marks in your anything to do with the new one hand a beard of hamsters mothership, killing them all. hit on the barman. He takes you are hamsters. Second, you problem sheets. You are top hamster barman, but then you would be sooo fashionable, but You become known as the both to his nest and you spend a thought you were still a virgin. in the year; nobody else can remember that the curly fries they may gnaw on your face a hamster killer and everyone beautiful night together. Wow... you and your friend get full marks as the lecturer were always like this. bit, whilst hamster-hands may hates you. must have had a rough night at always nibbles on the printed aid your amateur puppet career fi vesixeight. notes. but would add a challenging aspect to masturbation. 44 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Puzzles Commanders: Kingshuk Dasadhikari, PUZZLES Oliver Price [email protected]

Crossword Clues Sudoku Crossword Each row, column, and 3 x 3 box must contain all the numbers from 1 Across: to 9. Thatʼs all. Enjoy... 1. Small booth Harder: 4. “We Will, We Will Rock You” band 6. Mister in Russian 10. Pest that comes in swarms 15. Attract 17. O2, for one 19. African anteater 20. A sort of nut 24. A violinʼs bigger twin 25. _____ Ipsum 26. Each and… 27. Anger 29. Flooded 31. US college test 32. Sumerian epic hero 33. Maggie from the ʻ80s 35. Artisansʼ association 36. Deg alternative 37. The __ Hon. 40. Malfoyʼs quidditch position 44. Soap froth 45. A type of citrus 46. Israeli border town 47. ____ Mater 48. Musk of Paypal and SpaceX 50. Colourer of cloth 51. Dodgy Matlab output 52. To do with bone 53. Element 31 Killer: Nonogram Down: No clues! Instead, the numbers in each cage must add up to the The lengths of runs of shaded squares in each row and each number in the top left. Numbers cannot be repeated in a cage. Tips: column are given. Squares can only be shaded or unshad- 2. Letters before $ in Singapore The numbers in each box, row and column must add up to 45 ed. Solve the puzzle to unveil a pretty picture. 3. Unfurling Maori fern Look for cages with only one possible combination e.g. a two wide 4. Elementary particle cage total 3 must contain 1 and 2 . 5. Artistʼs prop 7. A n i m a l r i g h t s v a n g u a r d 8. Aegean-Marmara strait 9. Period 10. Depart 11. A programme airing as itʼs filmed 12. Narrow, open-air boat 13. Indonesian skewered chicken 14. Divine tent, according to Judaism 16. Enraged 18. Abbr. from a VCR 21. ʻA Knightʼs Taleʼ protagonist 22. Kublai Khanʼs decree 28. Prefix to do with farming 30. Line Titanic operated for 34. In an abrupt, discourteous manner 38. Roster (of a team) 39. Daphneʼs pursuer 40. Grumpy 41. Music for the deceased 42. Idiot 43. Pre-Revolution classes in France 44. Experienced sailor 49. Catch 54. Orwellian Britain 55. Exclamation of discovery 56. A bit Last Week’s Solutions FUCWIT League Scoring nickwp 12.5 Puzzles in by Tues.: Jia Choo 11 1 point Yufan Zhao 10 Puzzles in by Helix 8 Thurs.: Juliette Chupin 6.5 0.5 point Adam Stewart 6 Graded scor- Emma and Ben 4 ing for difficult Gabriel Quek 4 crosswords, even if incomplete. FRIDAY 01 NOV 45

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FelixImperial SPORT

Imperial has good showing at Spooky Duathlon Vicky Solli gives her account as Imperial run against “roadkill fox”

n Sunday 27th, six Hyde Park Relays women’s route (an Matt Douthwaite, the fry up and cups So, fancy a challenge? Like to get races and the occasional party night fellow triathletes event run by ICXC in March, everyone of tea were greatly appreciated! And stuck in? And maybe are a little bit (we are athletes, except on Wednesday (plus old boy Sam should enter), and managed a pretty it meant we got to show off our race crazy? Triathlon club is awesome! nights, of course!) Email triath@ O’Neil) took to Hyde seamless transition onto the bike, t-shirts which it seems are much more Some really great people that support imperial.ac.uk to fi nd out more! Park to take part in where I felt pretty strong! Th e bike practical than medals! and push each other through training, Othe Jekyll and Hyde Park Halloween course was surprisingly fun, especially Duathlon. With the clocks going back during my fi rst few laps pretending alarms were tentatively set, not really I was racing with all the supreme knowing whether we’d unknowingly men, and had the b-e-a-utiful sound cause ourselves to turn up to the race of carbon drifting past me! After an hour early or not! A crucial race managing to count 8 laps correctly, I banana was munched and I set off into dismounted Charlie (yes, my bike has the rain at 6.30am with nerves and a name) and pulled the running shoes apprehension. With this being my fi rst back on. Th en my legs just seemed to duathlon I was relieved to be warmly give up, and turned to lead! But true greeted at registration by chairman to my style, (not great at sport, but Ed Hallett (he’s doing a great job, by always give it my best shot) I plodded the way) who helped me rack my bike round the two laps to the fi nish! In into optimum streamline setup in refl ection I did get a decent time and transition and calmed my nerves. came 33rd out of the women fi eld. Th e course began with a 4.2 km Having had my birthday recently, I run lap around the serpentine. Th en was lucky to get a new Garmin watch a quick transition onto the bike for (the 910XT) to collect data and stats a 20.8 km, 8 lap course up and down about my training and races; oh yes, South Carriage Drive (with nervously the analysis does get me excited! wet hairpin bends at each end), and Th ankfully the multisport mode fi nally a 7.6 km (two laps) run to worked, seamlessly changing from fi nish us off . After signing up for one sport to another and it even the event, I hadn’t quite realised how recorded my transitions. Now I can far the distances were, and although ponder over graphs and split times to my training had been good, it wasn’t my heart’s content, even if I do look exactly going to be a sprint! like “all the gear but no idea!” Th e aptly named Jekyll and Hyde Less about me, we had some great Park Duathlon, unlike similar races, racers out there! Milan Misak had had a prize for the best fancy dress an absolutely awesome race coming IC TRIATHLON costume. Brandishing our new sexy 25th over all and proved to the carbon awesome trisuits (yes, they have a lion junkies that you can go pretty damn on the back!) we decided to ignore the fast on a single speed! Kudos! Aimee invitation for fancy dress. But there Di Marco also put in a great eff ort after were some excellent entries including coming back from injury, to come in a road kill fox and the fancy dress 8th out of the women. Old boy Sam winner who had come as a devil and O’Neill came along, claiming he hadn’t even made her bike into some kind of done any training since his Iron Man, devil-mobile, complete with a trident! which I believe was a lie as he came in Anyway, after a quick race briefi ng 30th. Ed Hall (as Mr Hallett was for and reminder to not ‘accidentally’ the day) put in a supreme eff ort on his walk off with someone else’s bike nearly all carbon “it only weighs 8 kg” after the race, we started. Th e clouds bike, with Marcel Admiraal and Sam parted and the unthinkable happened: Jackson putting in sterling eff orts also. the sun came out! Personally, I had a Afterwards we managed to crash the really comfortable fi rst lap run, which IC Cross Country and Athletics post- was familiar as it’s the same as the Sunday long run breakfast. Cheers to IC TRIATHLON

IC TRIATHLON Above: Imperial Duathletes pose before the start of the race.

Top: The starting line 46 FRIDAY 01 NOV

Editor: Kunal Wagle SPORT [email protected]

Iceland 2013: Imperial Fellwalking Tour Diary

we went off -road onto the F roads, people removed their boots to cross. Jack Redvers-Harris soon seeing a police super jeep and Approaching Básar we walked through Brilliant start for Fellwalker a group of people raking the side of the area known as “Almenningar” hill! Several river crossings later we with crossing the river Þröngá which arrived at the collection of huts at is glacier-fed but which is widely Water Polo team in LUSL e all converged Landmannalaugar. We however were braided at the crossing point and only on Luton Airport camping, and due to the rocky ground knee-deep max. Th e landscape and decent arc, with most of our goals at 5 am for our we debated the merits of using pegs vegetation changed rapidly during Alex Lloyd-Simpson coming from counter attacks, but fl ight out to or rocks to secure the tents down this section—Birchwood and all kinds most importantly, UCL were easily Iceland. After – exciting stuff ! After having lunch of plants emerged, a welcome change Water Polo Captain disposed of. checkingW everyone had brought all we headed off on a day walk up the to the desert behind us. We met up Th e next fi xture saw us travelling the food and tents that they had been surrounds hills to stretch our leg, with Joe, who came bearing gifts of out to St Barts in Shadwell, where given a few days previously, (they had, and enjoyed a view of the solid lava chocolate, cheese and chorizo to liven Following the loss of many excellent Sophie declared she felt at home once apart from a couple of tins of sweet fl ows beneath us. Th e evening was up our diet. players this year, namely ex Team again. Upon arrival at the pool, the corn) we checked in and sat down for spent relaxing in the warm natural Th e next day was a relaxing rest day GB vice-captain Adam, we were ladies had to wait to in the changing our last English breakfast for 10 days. geothermal pool next to the campsite. for those weary from being on their worried we’d fi nd a team with as room whilst the men only swimming Charlie fi nally turned up 15 minutes Over the next four days we walked feet all day and enjoyed the bathing much quality and fi nesse as our old session ended, certainly a bizarre before the fl ight left - apparently TFL as planned from Landmannalaugar pools near the hut and the warming BUCS team this year. Fortunately we situation for all of us. A freezing cold whimsically decided to cancel all his to Baser. On the fi rst day on the trail hot chocolate. Meanwhile some of did some great work at the Fresher’s pool meant actually having to do buses. we walked through the lava fi eld and us walked up an exceptionally pointy Fair and managed to recruit several a decent warm up for once. Wasn’t Th e 3 hour fl ight went quickly then up and higher. We got our fi rst mountain – walking the furthest and outstanding players, including some really needed that much though as and soon we had beautiful views of experience of walking on the fragile highest we had all trip but thankfully girls who were actually familiar the St Barts players were knackered a glacier and the rugged volcanic Icelandic landscape, were a footstep without our heavy rucksacks. Th e with the game, which is rare. Not after only 2 quarters. Th ey also had coastline of Iceland. After passing on moss can easily kill it, and many summit had a great view. Our 6th to mention the guys we got, who an illegal sized squad of about 20 through passport and customs photos of the plumes of sulphuric gas and fi nal day of walking started early certainly know how to handle their players (maximum allowed being without an incident we got the bus rising from the ground. Th e next day with us climbing over 1000m passing balls. 13), almost double our elite 11 we into the capital, Reykjavik, checked saw us climbing over the snowing pass between the glaciers “Eyjafj allajökull” Our fi rst fi xture, last week, saw brought along. Still, this didn’t help into the hostel and went about and down to Álftinnusker. Th ere was and “Mýrdalsjökull” and climbing us pitted against UCL’s 2nd team, them in the swimming or water exploring the city. We soon found the a democratic mutiny at the campsite, Iceland’s newest hills “Magni” and a team we were initially quietly polo department. Th e refereeing cheapest supermarket, Bonus, and in led by Sally, Sarah and Katharina with “Modi”. On the way down we passed confi dent we would beat with ease. was also worse than the fi rst match, the evening the 12 of us sat down for the group deciding that they would 23 waterfalls as we approached the As it turns out, we didn’t have to something we didn’t think possible- a hearty dinner to prepare us for the rather stay in the hut away from the fi nish of the trail at Skogar. be quiet about it at all. Final score one referee was heard saying to a week ahead. biting wind and cold than camp. After After travelling back to Reykjavik ending 20-2 (a huge margin for teammate “can you take over, I don’t Th e next morning we woke up early being told by the hut warden that we we spent the following day driving Water Polo) in Imperial’s favour know the rules”. Sophie was however to get the 8am bus to Landmannalaugar weren’t allowed up any mountains around the Golden Circle route seeing saw some well-deserved celebratory kind enough to explain the rules on where the start of the trail was. Th e due to the closing storm, Charlie the mid-Atlantic ridge in Þingvellir drinks in ULU’s “Library”. Th is multiple occasions and even off ered bus’s tour guide told us we were and I settled for a brisk run around a and the Gullfoss waterfall, thanks to was the fi rst time our team had to take over refereeing duties at one traveling through the epicentre of an nearby lake before too staying in the our three drivers Sally, Jessi and Joe. played together, with many of us point - sadly they declined. Again earthquake as well as the reason why warm hut. Th e next two days saw us Our fi nal day was spent relaxing not knowing each other’s names, some great goals were scored, this there are so many horses in Iceland: walking downhill towards Básar. Here in Reykjavik before getting the fl ight it is a testament to how well we time even Stuart got one, and James “Th e land is so cheap you can buy a the scenery became less snowy and back to England. Many thanks to can complement and gel with each (not Edward) showed us all how horse, if you have one horse why not 2, turning into a black desert. We had everyone who came along and I am other as a team. Th e match itself to properly play Water Polo after and if you have two why not twenty!” to wade several rivers, only knee deep sure everyone will agree it was an began with some intimidating a great drive in to pit from the arc, As we drove deeper into Iceland but very cold, creating a lot of faff as amazing experience. synchronised stretching, led by the fi ring the ball past the defenceless “nutter” Livio, followed by some goalie. Despite the horrendous half-arsed widths of the pool. We rule breakages, we still won 9-1, a scored immediately from the swim commendable victory. off giving us an early lead. However Next on the agenda is our raucous some dodgy refereeing saw UCL tour to Aachen, Germany this quickly equalise, but that was to be weekend which is pretty much only half of their total goals scored. the highlight of the Water Polo Imperial soon slotted 18 more social calendar. We look forward passed them, with some cracking to socialising with our German shots being fl ung in from everyone, counterparts, and maybe indulging apart from Stuart. Only thing to in some Water Polo with them as really work on was setting up a well.

ICU WATER POLO IC FELLWALKING FRIDAY 01 NOV 47

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FelixImperial SPORT Imperial Thump RUMS in Shenley

James Clarke reports as Imperialʼs 5th XI football team win comfortably.

Cricket: Imperial ICUAFC lose to UCL BUCS Home Fixtures 6th November 2013

Zain Rizvi BADMINTON LACROSSE

Indoor Cricket Team Member MENS 2ND VS QUEEN MARY MENS 1ST VS LONDON 13:00 14:00 ETHOS HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND

On Saturday 26th October, Imperial MENʼS 3RD (MEDICS) VS BYE NETBALL College 1st XI travelled to the Uni- WOMENS 1ST VS PORTSMOUTH WOMENS 5TH (MEDICS) VS versity of East London’s SportsDock 13:00 GREENWICH centre to play in the fi rst round of CUAFC 5’s set off on the neither of them helped him here as ETHOS TIME TBA games of the BUCS Indoor Tourna- long trip to North London on he blazed the ball well over the bar TEDDINGTON SPORTS GROUND ment. Our fi rst game was scheduled Saturday for a matchup against when it was probably easier to score. MENʼS 1ST VS BRUNEL TIME TBA to be against LSE but our opposi- London rivals RUMS 3’s. A brief scare followed this as Klottka WOMENS 7TH (MEDICS) VS MEDWAY VENUE TNA TIME TBA tion forfeited the game, handing us Th e team’s arrival at Shenley and Yeoh’s off side trap was broken TEDDINGTON SPORTS GROUND our fi rst points of the competition. Iwas excitedly received by veteran for the fi rst time by the RUMS centre BASKETBALL Whilst this was a positive start, it footballer and long-time IC 5’s fan forward. Having not seen the ball all WOMENS 1ST (MEDICS) VS BRIGHTON took away the opportunity for vital Gianfranco Zola. Unfortunately game, however, his touch was rustier MENʼS 1ST VS BYE 16:00 match practice going into the sec- captain Clarke couldn’t fi t him into than Grant Holt’s treadmill, and the ETHOS ond fi xture of the day, against UCL the team in place of the technically onrushing Haas-Heger effi ciently dealt MENS 2ND (MEDICS) VS BYE 1st XI. superior Deasy, and he was forced to with the danger. Minutes later, another WOMENS 9TH VS WEST LONDON MENS 3RD VS BYE 19:00 watch from the stands. hopeful long ball was cleared again ETHOS Imperial won the toss and elected to A distinctly non-cagey fi rst 10 minutes by the German keeper, only for him FENCING fi eld fi rst, in order to gauge an idea saw IC getting in behind the RUMS to collide with the RUMS number 9. WOMENS 2ND VS PORTSMOUTH 17:30 of how to approach the run chase, full backs and creating a whole host Unlike in recent history, it was the WOMENS 1ST VS CARDIFF ETHOS and UCL got off to a relatively quick of chances. A lack of clinical fi nishing German who came out on top as he TIME TBA VENUE TBA start, scoring 47 off 4 overs. But, due had already caused the 5’s downfall continued to play on, despite being RUGBY UNION to a disciplined bowling eff ort from in previous games, and nerves began out by a factor of 4 when asked how WOMENS 2ND VS SUSSEX Mohit Kulkarni, Zain Rizvi and Vi- to show as RUMS started to get into many fi ngers he could see in front of 13:00 ETHOS MENS 1ST VS KENT nay Babla, UCL were not able to the match. With 25 minutes gone, him. Th e centre forward whose elbow 14:00 accelerate at the end of the innings, Nicholls fl ashed a header across the he had aggressively head-butted HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND losing their last 3 wickets for 0 runs, face of goal from a wicked Aguilera bizarrely limped off the fi eld despite FOOTBALL MENS 2ND (MEDICS) VS READING and fi nishing with an average score in-swinging corner – showing the no clear damage to either leg, and 14:00 MENS 1ST VS BYE of 104 off their 10 overs. world that her left foot is miles with no remaining substitutes RUMS TEDDINGTON SPORTS GROUND better than her vocal ability. Minutes were forced to play on with 10 men. MENS 2ND (MEDICS) VS BYE MENʼS 3RD VS BYE During the interval, captain Vignesh later another set piece delivery from It wasn’t long before their distinct Venkateswaran spoke about the Aguilera dropped to Deasy 6 yards lack of footballing ability was made SQUASH need for a sensible approach towards out, who fi ercely struck the ball even more apparent by the missing HOCKEY the run chase, as the total was not towards goal. Unfortunately for him, player, but the ferocious Sang Woo WOMENS 1ST VS SURREY daunting in any respect. However, full back Krol was too busy applying wasn’t happy with just the one man MENS 3RD VS BYE 14:00 ETHOS Imperial got off to the worst possible fake tan and considering his latest advantage as he looked to stamp his MENS 7TH VS BYE start with Vishal Nair being bowled modelling contract to get out of the impact on the game. Eventually good off the fi rst ball of the innings. Im- way, duly blocking it on the goal line. interplay down the right hand side MENS 5TH VS BYE TABLE TENNIS perial then lost incoming batsmen Th e loose ball was cleared to the edge from the tireless Han and man of WOMENS 2ND (MEDICS) VS MENS 1ST VS KCL Mohit Kulkarni for 1 and Zain Rizvi of the box where Clarke was lurking the match Aguilera led to substitute GREENWICH 17:00 (6) soon after that. It then took a to rifl e it into the top left hand corner. Petersen bearing down on goal and TIME TBA ETHOS INDIAN GYMKHANA captain’s eff ort from Viggy (25) to Despite the 1-0 advantage IC took slotting the ball home to seal the WOMENS 1ST VS MIDDLESEX steady the ship, together with Juhin into the half time break, the team result. After such a comprehensive WOMENS 4TH (MEDICS) VS 16:30 Patel (19) and soon Imperial needed were insistent that the score line was and effi cient victory, not even the lack CHICHESTER ETHOS TIME TBA 35 runs off the last 2 overs, a gettable still 0-0. Yet it wasn’t long before a of post-match treat could dampen the INDIAN GYMKHANA target given the indoor scoring sys- Nicholls free kick sent to the back spirits of the players as they returned, TENNIS tem, but unfortunately the last wick- stick was nodded across goal by Clarke triumphant, to West London. MENS 1ST VS CANTERBURY et fell soon after this, which meant and, after pinball in the 6 yard box, 13:30 WOMENS 1ST VS SUSSEX HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND TIME TBA Imperial conceded defeat to UCL by tucked past the keeper by late call up ICUAFC is sponsored by: VENUE TBA 31 runs. A disappointing result for Stilwell. Stilwell then turned provider MENS 2ND (MEDICS) VS Imperial, especially given the talent for IC’s third, sending a corner high PORTSMOUTH MENS 2ND VS KENT 15:00 TIME TBA within the team, but we will come and long where Rowley gambled HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND VENUE TBA back strongly for the next round in marvellously at the back stick to fi zz late November, hopefully with some home a classy fi nish on the volley. WOMENS 3RD VS CHICHESTER more experience under our belt. After his goal line block earlier in 16:30 WATER POLO HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND the game, Krol had the chance to Result: redeem himself as the ball fell to him MENS 1ST VS BATH MENS 6TH (MEDICS) VS TIME TBA a yard out from another menacing ROEHAMPTON VENUE TBA UCL 104-6 beat Imperial 73-6 by 31 corner. Getting his shoulders back 18:00 runs. and lifting his head are two things HARLINGTON SPORTS GROUND that might look good on camera, but “Keep the SPORT Cat Free” Editor: Kunal Wagle INSIDE [email protected] 01/11/13 Issue 1558 Devils riding bikes in Hyde Park Duathlon felixonline.co.uk

Premier League Imperial Sail Predictions Past Brighton James Cox reports from Harlington

James White

Football Columnist

Cardiff vs Swansea (Sunday 4pm, Sky Sports 1)

David Marshall’s heroics in goal have won Cardiff several points so far and the Bluebirds will be hard to break down again, but, without midweek Europa League commitments, Michael Laudrup can galvanise the Swans to earn bragging rights in Wales. Prediction: 0-1 ICURFC Everton vs Tottenham n a windy Wednesday chases from both wingers (Freshers (Sunday 1:30pm, Sky Sports 1) in west London, John ‘the man’ Mann and Tom Imperial 1st XV ‘catch me if you can’ Catchpole) gave It is remarkable how Roberto hosted Brighton Brighton’s back 3 little chance to return Martinez has managed to improve at Harlington for kicks. Following a blatant breach of the side he inherited from David GETTY IMAGES ACTION IMAGES Otheir third match of the season. Off rucking rules, Imperial 1st XV was Moyes. On a shoestring budget, he the back of a 24-0 win against their awarded another penalty, which Cox has engineered numerous successful decision to make. In front of 52,000 if things ever get hairy. inferior university colleagues, IC were put between the uprights. Forced summer signings and the Lukaku loan Geordies, I expect him to play a high Prediction: 3-1 brimming with confi dence going into onto the back foot, Brighton suff ered deal was a real coup. Spurs have been line and for Newcastle to be picked off this game with a very strong team on a constant barrage of strong runs from solid but not spectacular recently so on the break. Stoke vs Southampton paper, only missing centre Mike Floyd both IC centres, Jack Flanagan and I am backing a repeat of last year’s Prediction: 1-2 (suff ering from a bruised shoulder), Fresher Joe. It was Jack who was fi rst scoreline here. Back Lukaku to feature Saints have a fantastic core of Lovren, and albino winger Fred White (busy to break through the back line, opting on the scoresheet. Best of the rest Fonte, Schneiderlin and Wanyama, scouting next year’s fresher intake to run through rather than round the Prediction: 2-1 (Saturday 3pm unless stated) which allows them to play a pressing whilst modelling vests in Korea). Brighton full back before slogging game to great eff ect, especially away. In the fi rst half Imperial were his way over the line with half of the Arsenal vs Liverpool Fulham vs Man United Th e Potters showed uncharacteristic playing against the elements, having Brighton team hanging on. Cox added (Saturday 5:30pm, Sky Sports 1) fl air at Old Traff ord but the Britannia to stick to a very reserved and mature the extras. Craven Cottage is not the easiest place is no longer the fortress it once was. game plan to prevent Brighton from Imperial continued to dominate as Off ensively, both these sides have to go, but David Moyes simply cannot Prediction: 0-1 utilising the conditions. Brighton did both wingers came up just short of the been outstanding so far, as refl ected aff ord to drop more points here. It is apply pressure, but were let down line, driven on by the loud cheers from by their commanding positions in defence that United have mostly West Brom vs Crystal Palace by poor discipline which allowed IC the cider fuelled 3rd XV, spectators in the league. However, Liverpool struggled, so it’s just as well that their to work their way into the Brighton after a late cancellation to their fi xture. are not insurmountable away and Crystal Palace win aside, Fulham’s Although Palace showed signs half. Following a strong maul from Th e pack grafted all over the pitch, have conceded 5 goals in the last 3 own strikeforce has not really clicked of character and commitment the forwards, led well by Irish skipper Tom ‘little Lion Man’ Hedley and matches, while Arsenal lost at home into gear. against Arsenal, they still look like Mickey O’Connell (from the Gaelic Fresher ‘Vinegar Dave’ both making to Dortmund and looked a little Prediction: 1-2 a Championship side. Luis Suarez ‘Ó Conaill’ meaning “bravery of the large contributions to the tackle vulnerable against Crystal Palace. disposed of West Brom last time wolf”), Brighton gave away another count. Th e ferocious hits got the Th is should be a fascinating contest Hull City vs Sunderland out but the Baggies are a powerful, penalty allowing James Cox to put better of the timid pier-dwellers, and and I can’t call whether Suarez and attacking side and should have far too the fi rst 3 points on the board with a with shaking hands Brighton dropped Sturridge or Giroud and Ozil will be Th e Tigers have been solid at home all much. tough kick. the egg, (Lesson 1: Don’t drop the the diff erence. season and Gus Poyet has yet to inject Prediction: 2-0 For the majority of the fi rst half egg!). Cox seized the opportunity and Prediction: 1-1 the necessary belief in his players to Imperial defended well, with big hits ran in for another 5 points. Normality convince me they can add to their West Ham vs Aston Villa and strong rucking from all members was fi nally restored as his conversion Newcastle vs Chelsea solitary point so far. of the team. As Imperial easily went nowhere near the posts to keep (Saturday 12:45pm, BT Sport 1) Prediction: 1-0 West Ham have already lost 3 home absorbed the visitor’s pressure it was the score 21-0. matches this season and are hard Brighton who made the fi rst mistake. With the clock running out Imperial Th e Magpies would probably benefi t Man City vs Norwich to back with so few fi t strikers. Cox grabbed another 3 points from gave a last push and ground their way from lining up defensively against Villa perform better away and have the tee. Th e fi rst half ended at a strong to within 10 metres of the Brighton Chelsea, who have come out on top Norwich had 31 shots against Cardiff Christian Benteke to break down 6-0, Imperial happy with their position line. With pressure telling the referee in open, expansive games against and have the necessary guile to cause the Hammers defence. Th ey are due considering the conditions. awarded a fi nal penalty in the last Norwich and Cardiff recently, as well Joe Hart real problems. However, Man a result too.kick-started Swansea’s Th e second half kicked off with play of the game which duly sailed as in Europe. But their own strengths City are clearly home bankers and season. IC keen to make use of the great home to leave the score line at 24-0. lie in attack with Remy, Cabaye rightly so – no team in the Premier Prediction: 1-0 winds at Harlington, and that they Congratulations to the 1st XV for a and Ben Arfa so Alan Pardew has a League possesses a more potent attack did. Halfbacks Fraser and Cox kept mature and organised game and a Brighton pinned down, and strong solid victory.