FREE! Issue 4 16/12/10

Showbiz Sixth Form Sport In another TGC The rise in tuition fees Greenshaw embarked exclusive Gary Mason - has been a sore subject on their second former British heavy- for most of the older football match of the weight champion - students in Greenshaw season against discusses his new see how they decided Glenthorne High career choice. to fight back! School NASTY NICK! On April 13th Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg pledged to abolish university fees. Clegg also joined all other Lib Dem MPs in signing an NUS pledge to “vote against any increase in fees”.

Last Thursday however Clegg abandoned his pre-election pledge and ignored the pleas of desperate protesters and his own MPs as he proceeded to vote in favour for the rise in tuition fees.

Thousands of angry students took to the streets in protest of the proposed cuts but were the efforts in vain?

Nick Clegg: Confused? CHRISTMAS EDITION! It’s December, this can only mean one thing - Christmas is nearly upon us!

The Greenshaw Chronicle team have been so excited and full of festive spirit that as an early gift to you lot, we’ve decided to add an extra four pages to this edition!

So sit back and relax with a cup of mulled wine and a mince pie and enjoy the paper! Molly: The Greenshaw Chronicle’s new mascot? Tuition Fee Trauma! Protesters took to the streets on December 9th , campaigning against the proposed tuition fee increase as they chanted, danced to portable sound systems or huddled around small fires made from burning placards, but at 5.40pm, as news of the MPs’ decision reached the crowds gathered in Whitehall, events took a turn for the worse.

Within an hour, the small confrontations that had been contained all afternoon erupted into more violent ruckuses, as windows were broken, statues were vandalised and police were attacked. The violence spread as protesters apparently caught police unaware and moved towards Oxford Street.

Whilst these horrific scenes were unfurling Protestors: Dazed and confused outside; Clegg had fled the Houses of Parliament after a mere hour of debate as were already in place in full riot gear and it However, the biggest story of the night Labour MPs jeered at him with taunts such appeared that there were more police than was not the police’s anguish or the rise in as “liar” and “Pinickio”. Clegg could not even demonstrators at that point. Police horses fees but the ‘attack’ on Prince Charles and rely on the full backing of his party as The were then used without warning to push Duchess Camilla, as their limousine was Liberal Democrats were split four ways. the crowd back. targeted as they drove through the route of the protests. As protesters noticed the royals the limo tried to force its way The police then resorted to the through the crowds as students shouted controversial method of ‘kettling’ as a “You can’t knock people down!” The means of keeping the peace, but for many limousine was then splattered with paint, this simply angered them more. Barriers, kicked, rocked and pelted by disgruntled flares, smoke bombs and even snooker protesters. The Prince and Duchess balls were hurled at police by frustrated escaped unharmed. anarchists who tried, in vain, to break free from their confinement.

Those still in the square at this point were a minority of those who had marched down Whitehall and entered Parliament Square 27 Lib Dem MPs voted for the rise, including earlier in the afternoon. And as the time local MPs Tom Brake and Paul Burstow, went by and the temperature dropped and whilst 21 Lib Dems rebelled and eight the night lights came on the tension rose. abstained. Three Lib Dems even resigned in The police then opened a very narrow exit protest at the decision. at one end of the Whitehall cordon where many protesters ran to, eager to leave. Police were letting half a dozen people Six Conservative MPs also voted against through at a time, whilst hundreds of others and two abstained. However the law was Charles and Camilla fought to leave first. The weight of people still passed as the rise in fees was favoured trying to get out irritated some officers in by a majority of 21 votes. Labour leader Ed Prime Minister David Cameron stated the cordon who ‘didn’t like’ being pushed. Miliband summed up the protesters feelings that the attack on the royals was “shock- stating “This is a bad day for young people”. ing and regrettable” whilst saying “Peo- ple are entitled to protest peacefully. But this was unacceptable”. Last Thursday’s student protests were arguably more violent than their Rebecca Lawrence predecessors and resulted in the hospitalisation of six police officers and Fun Fact #1 various protesters. By 2.30pm however, An ostrich’s eye is bigger that it’s brain whilst the demonstrators were still relatively peaceful, police cordons to the road exits 2 Police Punish Peaceful Protesters

It is no secret that I support the right to left out in the freezing cold with no food, protest, but the behaviour that I have water or toilet facilities provided. Protesters witnessed by a small minority of protesters, resorted to starting mini-fires in the take note - ‘minority’ and ‘protestors’ not street to keep warm and urinating on the necessarily students, is unjustifiable. pavements as discreetly as possible. School children wearing school uniform had been The media seems hellbent on portraying allowed to leave at 6pm but this message all protesters as lazy, layabout, anarchistic had not been announced so many were still students who care more about missing wandering the streets dazed and confused. lectures than the cause the protests aim to Some protesters started committing petty achieve. I’m pretty sure it’s not just me that acts of violence such as smashing windows knows this is mere fabrication. in their frustration, but the majority of the crowd was so disapproving that this soon I attended the second student protest, stopped. which luckily for me was the least violent simply watched on as violence began to of the three, and for the most part, I unfurl instead of nipping it in the bud. I also Finally we were allowed to leave, eight thoroughly enjoyed myself. At the start of wonder why a police van full of equipment hours later than I had intended and three the march the atmosphere was electric. but missing an owner was left in the path hours later than we had been told. People of different ages, races and wealth of thousands of protesting students. I am joined together for a common cause, no conspiracy theorist but I believe the van becoming a vibrant sea of colour, placards was planted there to entice the anarchistic and noise. Until we reached Whitehall. Once protesters so the police could ‘justifiably’ we entered parliament square it became behave violently later as ‘pay-back’ for the apparent that the police were determined previous protest. not to let us go any further. Nobody tried to push through and instead made the most Seeing the vandilisation I deduced that of the situation, blowing whistles, starting violence in the crowd would spread soon, chants and dancing on the roofs of bus so it was at this point, 2.30pm that I tried to stops. leave. I was told I could not. The kettling had begun. Almost half an hour later the crowds began to get restless as protesters were eager to When news of the kettling spread through move forwards. It was at this point that a the crowds thousands of people rushed to protester who had been milling around a the exits attempting to leave, it was then ‘carelessly’ abandoned police van decided that the police became violent. To escape the to climb on it. This was greeted by screams brawls between the police and protesters of approval by the braying crowd. At this I had to force my way back through the point the ‘rebel’ invited his friends to join crowds of thousands of people which All in all I thoroughly enjoyed myself at the him and they proceeded to vandalise the was possibly one of the most terrifying protest, but being kettled was definitely the van and throw objects at policemen. experiences of my life. worst experience I have had in the past few years and I do not think the police should This divided the crowd; some found the Fast-forward seven hours later – 9.30pm – be allowed to adopt this method on masses vandalisation funny, whilst the majority and thousands of us had still been denied of ‘innocent’ individuals. appeared disgusted. During this the police our right to leave and had instead been Rebecca Lawrence Fun Fact #2 An ostrich’s eye is bigger that it’s brain

Fun Fact #3 During your lifetime, you’ll eat about 60,000 pounds of food, that’s the weight of about 6 elephants.

Fun Fact #4 Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, wind- shield wipers, and laser printers were all invented by women.

Police watch on as anarchists vandalise the police 2 3 5 minutes with... Sixth Form News Gary Mason Okay guys, so its less than a week until activities. On the plus side there was Gary Mason is a retired the Christmas holidays! But whilst a 3 day biology trip all the way too…. British boxer who fought wistfully waiting for it to all be over, wait for it … Boxhill. It rained , the food at heavyweight and let’s check out what’s been happening was awful , and some students were became British heavy- in the school. most upset with the state of the water- weight champion in proofs we had to wear…but at least we 1989. Mason was a top I’m going to start with the tuition fees, all great coursework scores! Oh…Yeah, ten contender, his main as well as it being all over the news right strengths being his it has also been all over the school. punching power, heart Last week a petition was created by In other news, the Drama department and physical strength. the year 11’s and the majority of sixth have recently held auditions for this form students, as well as a number of years school musical “Billy Elliot”. Loads Most memorable moment: Well it’s got to be be- teachers, including Mr Gardner, signed of really fantastic actors and actresses ing crowned as the British heavyweight cham- in protest…we love the team effort auditioned and with the stunning direc- pion, but then my most significant would be my guys, and it’s a shame it didn’t make a tion of Miss Hodge I am sure that this first boxing match at Albert hall, I’ve had so many difference. years production will be as entertaining memorable experiences. as the previous three shows, so lets all Next lets have a look at sixth form life, Most embarrassing moment: Well I was just com- show solidarity and go see it next year! with most students concentrating ing home in a cab when I saw someone running on January exams, there hasn’t been Emma Prothero after the taxi and I assumed they wanted my au- much in the way of extra-curricular tograph so I was shouting “Don’t stop, don’t stop” and the driver ignored me and stopped. Then I found out that the guy knew the taxi driver – that was embarrassing!

What do you do now that you’re retired: I front the Rhythmical Empowerment Movement which provides activities for health and well being and promotes equality and diversity through music and rhythm

For more information visit: http://www.rhythmi- cal-empowerment-group.org Interviewed by Rebecca Law- Student Showcase

Art Graphic Design Photography Self Portrait Advertising Eyes Ms Vilday Jason Sayer Jack McEntire (Yes we know she’s not a student - Year 12 Year 13 but it’s really good!) 4 Student Friendly Events

Christmas in Covent Garden Designer Paul Cocksedge has created the interactive installation ‘Kiss’, which invites two people to activate a lighting sequence on Covent Garden’s 50ft Christmas Tree by kissing under the mistletoe. This is part of the Covent Garden Christmas Love Market which is open every Thursday from 11am -7pm until Dec 23, plus Dec 17-19 (until 5pm Dec 19), Dec 22 and on the 23rd until 9pm. There are also many comedy gigs going on around the area, for more information go to http://www. timeout.com/london/.

London at Christmas Why not explore London’s brightest lights and decorations over the festive period by going on Trafalgar Square’s London Christmas Tour. The tour runs right up until December 29th and includes the delights of Oxford and Regent Street. Tours start at 7:00 p.m. and costings vary: £15 for adults; £7.50 for 11-15 year-olds; free for under-11s snd savings for families (2 adults, 2 children) at £39. Amy Watkins Your Letters

The Saint of Suburbia gig on Wednesday night was awesome. A lot of effort went into the Richard Clark, Head of News at preperation, planning and BBC Studios read the Novem- organising of the event and people ber edition of TGC and had gave up there spare time to help this to say: out. The bands did a great job too, with the Last Legion and Frankies “ I am impressed. It is better than Gun rocking out, even getting some university newspapers I people to jump and dance to have seen recently. Radiohead (no names needed). It did get quite lively at times too, and I’m sure pretty much everyone that The look: fresh and engaging, went had a great time. it pulls in the reader. The green boxes work well. There is too some good subbing: “Problem I think its great how much this school has changed over the last few months, the Paige” is a nice touch. atmosphere is great in Sixth Form and theres loads of exciting stuff happening. We’ll soon have our own Radio Station and we already have our own newspaper, Content: a nice mix of informa- and all this has happened over only a few weeks. tion, interviews, sports news, weird facts, pictures and opinion. The blend of serious and not-

The Greenshaw Chronicle contributors – so-serious works. If TGC were a Issue 4 diet, it would an appetising mix of protein and carbohydrate.... Editor: Rebecca Lawrence which is how it should be.

Assistant Editor: Kellie Hill Writing: the quality is high.” Production Editor: Fred McDonell

Writers: Salmaan Bhagodia Julian Marks This is high quality praise indeed Photography If you have anything that you would like George Bligh Paige Middleton and all the contributors of The Eyes us to include in the next edition of The Tommy Grimshaw Emma Prothero Greenshaw Chronicle should be Greenshaw Chronicle then please email Jack McEntire Abi Heethecharan Mike Short incredibly proud of themselves. us at [email protected] and we Itteshad Hossain Amy Watkins Year 13 would be happy to include it.

5 Too Cheap for Charity? Currently Britain gives £8.4bn annually lead to full equality in foreign trade. in foreign aid to less economically There is also the risk that if we ignore developed countries such as poverty, starvation and disease in the Afghanistan, Africa and India. The third world we create a fertile breeding Spending Review revealed the foreign ground capable of becoming pandemic. aid budget will soar by 37 per cent while World health is just that, our health. domestic spending is being slashed.And the UK will also honour its promise by Various polls have reached the same become the first country to hit a United conclusions that British citizens do Nations target of donating 0.7% of its indeed want to give foreign aid. And the national income to the world’s poor by government seem to believe that we can 2013. But in times of austerity can we afford to, so surely the decision is a moral afford to give money to other countries? one?

We are increasing aid to spend on There is no straightforward argument for children in other countries while cutting or against foreign aid. Ultimately we are child benefit at home. And despite years under the power of the coalition and if of aid many countries are still very poor. they believe that we can afford overseas So why should we do it? The reasons He’s just a child: Could you deny him aid? aid then the debate need not be raised. to give aid are pretty simple, to change Rebecca Lawrence disadvantaged lives, so why shouldn’t However, unfortunately in most cases we? aid just doesn’t have that kind of impact. Aid won’t be the reason why an economy Every month The Greenshaw Chronicle grows, or it doesn’t, or whether a corrupt runs a ‘controversial story’ which is government survives or not. Aid simply bound to provoke debate amongst our helps people survive in the meantime, and readers! if done well, encourage economic growth Next months controversial article will at a faster rate than usual. tackle the issue of whether obesity is glamourised. Whilst it has its obvious flaws, foreign aid benefits society because all countries If you have an opinion on this subject form an interconnected society. It is also please email your name and comment to important to note that conflict or disaster [email protected] and we will could bring any nation on earth to the brink get back to you. of collapse, seeking help from overseas. If Some aid is wasted on corruption. Aid we help no one we cannot expect help. Fun Fact #5 can arguably go to the wrong countries, such as India with its space programme. Porcupines float in water. Foreign Aid places a duty on stronger, No one knows those arguments better stable, more affluent nations to help than aid professionals themselves, and Fun Fact #6 impoverished people, and as we often there’s a constant process of improving rely on resources acquired in third world The world’s youngest parents were 8 how aid is delivered. countries, foreign aid will hopefully one day and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

There is also the argument that overseas aid can make countries poorer or be Editor’s Note taken by corrupt governments. For once I am agreeing with one of the Whilst a lot of us are ‘feeling the pinch’ coalitions policies! Whilst we are in times and cutting down on our spending, we of austerity, I’m sure it is obvious that should be grateful that very few of us although we are battling with the after are left homeless or starving and have effects of the UK’s longest recession on access to free healthcare. record, our country is still rich compared to the third world. Imagine for a minute that you were unfortunate enough to live in a coun- We are geographically fortunate enough try where it is normal to go hungry to not experience earthquakes on the for days, and get ill without receiving scale of Haiti’s or floods such as the likes treatment. You would want somebody of Pakistan and for this we should be to help you. Surely it’s hypocritical to grateful. Instead, I think we take this fact then be against the foreign aid simply for granted. because you live in a country where this isn’t a problem. Just a cartoon? Rebecca Lawrence 6 Your Views - Foreign Aid

Fred McDonell

Foreign Aid is a great idea and it allows us to help those less fortunate than ourselves. Also, if something horrific happened in our country and we required aid, there would be many other countries there to help us, so it only right to help others that find them self in that unforunate situation.

Ruby Lawrence

I think that Britain should give foreign aid anually. Britiain appears to be a generous and kind country as we give money to countries who are less fortunate economically. However I believe that there should be a limit as to what we give so that we can afford to look after ourselves sufficiently as well.

Michael Walker

To be honest, I think it’s pretty stupid. We need to get our own country stable and get on our own two feet before we start helping anyone else, even if they do need it. They need to learn to develop on their own without the need of money from other countries. The Weight-loss Race Judging by the horrendous picture opposite, condition, but she is to ‘big’ to fit into an MRI this lifestyle choice is not something we scanner. Hospitals cannot fit someone of her would aspire to follow. This is 49 year old girth into their own MRI Scanners so she has Terri Smith also known as the world’s fattest to be transferred to the local zoo’s scanner woman. which usually hosts elephants and rhinos as its patients. Trapped in her bed in Cleveland, Ohio, Smith is so big she cannot stand let alone move or She believes that ever since she had been even roll over. Therefore she must rely on her too big to move there is no point in eating husband and daughter to wash, feed and healthily as she cannot exercise. However dress her. she has been put on a strict diet set by the hospital to help her lose as much weight as She suffers from severe headaches which she can before it is too late, if it’s not too late Terri Smith can seem threatening to someone in her already. Caught in a Wax Romance Salmaan Bhagodia Whilst one Lady Gaga seems like more the colour and skin tones of her pokerface. than the world can handle, with her stunts Finally, the make-up artists, hairdressers and of setting fire to pianos and dressing up in stylists had to finish her off. meat, the famous wax museum of them all The project costed £150,000 per figure and has decided to clone the singer. totalled a staggering £1.2 million. In the In celebration of Stefani Germonatta, London museum, she is wearing the Philip aka Lady Gaga, Madame Tussauds made Treacy telephone hat over her Rococo coiffed waxworks that were unveiled throughout hair and Giorgio Armani suit. It echoes her the world in eight branches. The figures image in ‘Telephone’, the song that brought were made by a creative team of artists her more than 20 million followers on who worked in Merlin, West London. Facebook. The models had to be sculpted out of clay The waxworks are also being displayed in first and then moulded into wax. Next, other famous cities. Gaga loves the ‘paparazzi’ a team of expert artists had to recreate Abi Heethecharan 7 If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s predictable winners Stacey Soloman was crowned the winner about half way through, the ‘judges’ worry it’s nothing important like politics, of I’m A Celebrity 2010. Not really a surprise seem to give outstanding praise and mainly just telly. You can follow me on though is it. From day one it was pretty comments to one contestant in par- @georgebligh. Adios. obvious she would be crowned the winner ticular, this was true last year with Joe George Bligh as, she was the only one in the bloody thing McElderry (whose new song is actually to have done anything recently (X Factor bearable, Itteshad Hossain, our sports 2009). writer, will back me up on this) and also back in 2006 with although It would have been much better if some- I do agree with that one as little Ray one who is equally as funny and amusing Quinn never really had a chance. had won e.g. Dom Joly, who should have been given the winner’s title just for his When it comes to The Apprentice, that’s pure genius with ‘Trigger Happy TV’. But of a bit different, as the public have no say course, Stacey isn’t the only obvious winner, in the outcome, which is why some right as there have been a few over the years. tits have been ‘hired’ in the past.

Josie, from this year’s Big Brother is a good On a totally different note, I’m writing example. When it got to the last few weeks this on the night of the live Coronation it was a dead cert that she would win – Street episode. I’m just hoping someone mainly due to her inability to talk properly does an audible burp or fart. Anyway, if and her being a ‘nice girl’. you like what you just read then I’m on Twitter where I shove my views down The best example is The X Factor. Ever year, my followers throats regularly. But don’t Queen of the Jungle: X-Factor Xmas? It’s almost Christmas, and we’ve seen the usually a song recorded by well- ‘appropriate’ Christmas song, ‘Fairytale of end of this series of The X Factor. This can established artists. This year there are New York’ by The Pogues and Kirsty McColl only mean one thing: The X Factor winner’s several Facebook campaigns to get a to the top of the chart. song, when released as a single, will be this non-X Factor related song to the top Despite saying he will spend year’s Christmas number one. Or maybe of the chart, such as a version of John £1 million on promoting the X Factor not. Like last year, when Rage Against The Cage’s silent song ‘4’33’’’, as well as winning song, there is fierce competition to Machine’s ‘Killing In The Name’ claimed the The Trashmen’s ‘Surfin’ Bird’ (aka ‘The get other songs to the top. Only time can tell top spot due to a Facebook campaign. Bird is the Word’), a novelty song from

1963 that was featured in an episode Julian Marks This year there have been similar of American animated television series campaigns for a song to stop the X-Factor ‘Family Guy.’ Fun Fact #7 winner from being number one. In the Coffee drinkers have sex more frequently past, the Christmas number one was There is also a campaign to get an than non-coffee drinkers. It’s the End of Glee (As We Know It) Ryan Murphy, the creator of hit US musical show as early as 2012, admitting that it will comedy-drama Glee has revealed that be hard to say goodbye: “I think you have to in the future, he will have to change the be true to the fact that they are a group of cast of the show, as the current actors people who come and go in their teachers’ will become “too old” to play high school lives. They graduate and they’re gone. students. Murphy told an Australian When some of them finish their run at high newspaper that he has already started school, there will be very teary episodes. For thinking about a new cast by introducing me it will be particularly tough, but a new new characters such as transfer student, crop of actors will come in.” Sam, who is introduced in the second series. The second series of Glee is scheduled to hit British screens January 10th on E4, with a 8 Murphy suggested that some of the third series already confirmed, along with a Too old for school? original cast members may be leaving the UK arena tour, planned for June 2011. Tommy Grimshaw

8 Reviews Film: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Let it be said straight away that the seventh Directing his third Harry Potter episode, film in the Harry Potter series, achieves David Yates offers his most creative, precisely what it sets out to do, laying the thoughtful work to date. The film is darker groundwork for next year’s final episode in than its predecessors as it includes more this decade-long franchise. The long awaited action packed violence more spell-binding showdown with He-who-must-not-be- thrills and even a couple of scenes which named. would scare even the older generation. Even better news is that the shooting style in Only critics would point out that the film the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 is more dynamic does indeed stray again from the original and visceral than in the past three outings, book missing out some vital scenes (they providing a much-needed jolt of adrenalin, may be in part2?) and the fact that it with in the same way the third (and in my all the technology introduced to cinema’s opinion the best) Potter film, The Prisoner with 3D, this film lacked it. of Azkaban, stepped up a few gears from its Salmaan Bhagodia blander predecessors. Book: Music: Titus Groan – Mervyn Peake My Beautiful Dark Twisted Okay, so I think we have all Fantasy - Kanye West plainly established I’m not reviewing hot of the press Kanye West likes to keep his albums fresh and dip into another new releases, cause lets realm of music. The man face it I’m a student and I behind ‘Gold Digger’ and can’t afford it. So I thought ‘Stronger’ is always expected I’d go old school this month to produce something and review the 1946 classic extravagant, and usually Mervyn Peake’s “Titus hits the mark with an album Groan.” boasting of powerful lyrics Julian Marks and great production. This is The novel is the first in no different. a trilogy known as the The shortest non-interlude “Gormenghast trilogy”. The track is over 4 minutes, name of the caste in which portraying West’s intentions the novel is set, which is owned by the Groan family and to make every song epic, and proving that he’s passionate from inhabited by not only the family, but a selection of their track 1 to 13. Whether it’s the haunting sound of ‘Power’, the servants such as Rottcodd. Swelter and Nanny Slagg, orchestra in ‘Runaway’ or the three minute Chris Rock rant in who are all, quiet frankly, just plain strange. ‘Blame Game’, this album is over the top and proud. The album’s grandeur nature shines through with 11 features on ‘All of the Admittedly, the novel is amongst the weirdest I’ve ever Lights’, a piece of musical brilliance. read, and that’s saying something - I’ve read Iain Banks’ “The Wasp Factory.” The only way I can think to describe Altogether, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy isn’t a the story is like a kind of Gothic fairytale for grown conventional rap album, but a historical landmark in hip-hop ups? It may take you a while to adjust to Peake’s rather music. flamboyant writing style, but trust me once you get over Itteshad Hossain that it’s well worth a read. Emma Prothero Would you like to write for

Fun Fact #8 The Greenshaw Chronicle? The average bra size today is 36C. Ten years ago it was Do you have a passion for writing? Are you often told you’re 34B. opinionated? Do you have a creative streak? The Greenshaw Chronicle is constantly looking for new recruits! Fun Fact #9 If you would like to be a part of the team please email your Sheryl Crow’s two front teeth are fake. name, tutor group and the area of the paper you would prefer to write for to [email protected] for more details. 9 Problem Paige Paige Middleton I’m really struggling at school. After I’m in year 12 and having at bit of I think I have an STD. It burns to my GCSE’s I got 3 A*’s, 7 A’s and 1 B; a problem at home. My parents urinate, my testicles and swollen and and I was really looking forward to don’t know I’m a lesbian and I don’t sore and I’m producing a yellowy/ continuing this through sixth form. know how to tell them. They are green discharge. I slept with a girl However, now that I’m here I feel like I very strict Catholics and I’m scared a couple of weeks ago but she said can’t cope, the work is so much harder they will cast me out, then I’ll have I was on the pill; can I still get one? and I’m failing. I’m now receiving D’s/ no where to go. I have just fallen And what should I do? E’s. This has put so much pressure on madly in love with another girl and me and now I’m constantly stressed, I don’t know how to Paige says: especially with the January exam fast handle it. What should I do? Your symptoms sound like approaching. Gonorrhoea. You need to contact Paige says: you GP who can then check out No one can help who they fall for. Paige says: your symptoms and give you some Love is an emotion that you can’t First of all, you’re not failing. The step up antibiotics to sort you out. The pill only control, it just happens. This is the from year 11 to year 12 is the biggest stops the girl from getting pregnant, it same for your parents; they love leap you’ll ever have to make and this doesn’t stop STD’s. I would also advise you unconditionally no matter what is reflected in grades; a C at GCSE is the you to tell the girl as she may have the you do. If you’re sure that you are a equivalent to an E at A level. No matter same disease and is just not showing lesbian then your parents have to be how bad you’re feeling at the moment, symptoms. told, you can’t keep a secret like that if you’re a strong-minded individual from them forever. Do you have any you will get through this. Everyone in close family/friends that you would year 13 has been in your position, we be able to confide in first; they may all felt exactly like you and you have be able to help you break the news to two choices; you can either put your your parents. But just remember that head in the sand or you can rise above love is such a strong emotion and it and push through the difficult part. your parents are only trying to look Set yourself realistic goals, an achievable out for your future. At the moment revision timetable and make sure you you may think you love this girl, but have time to relax – don’t overload in reality how well do you know her? yourself. All of the sixth form team are Take things slowly and try talking there to support you, it’s their job to to this girl, you may find that you make sure that your head stays above just enjoy her company more than water and that you’re coping; so please anything else. also use them to your full advantage.

If you have any problems that you would like some advice on please Fun Fact #10 email Paige at: Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. [email protected] Fun Fact #11 These problems will be kept anonymous if the sender should wish. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave. 10 Pets On Parade So, as promised you have reached the extra four pages in this months Greenshaw Chronicle! These pages are full of festive fun and frolics which should help scare away the Grinch and Scrooge attitude out of you. We’re kicking things off with the pictures we received of your pets enjoying Christmas. Enjoy!

Unfortunately we only received a couple of photographs of your pets so all of the pictures below are of Molly - Rebecca and Ruby Lawrence’s cat.

Luckily Molly is so photogenic that she is able to brighten up the page by herself anyway!

Remember that you contact The Greenshaw Chronicle Thanks to Laura Underwood who sent us these team for any reason pictures of her pets (above) Jasper the rabbit and at:[email protected] Smudge the cat.

What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws. / Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering. / What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night. / How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up. / What is the cat’s favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping. /

11 Gifts for the GUYS this Christmas It’s the week before Christmas but I can guarantee that most of you won’t have finished your Christmas shopping yet. So I have scoured the web to find some of the best last minute gifts to get for your dads, your brothers and your other halves. All gifts were found on www.treathim.com Sourced by Ruby Lawrence £15 and under £25 and under £50 and under FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND You’re My Cup of Tea Mug Travel Alarm Clock And Photo Mobile Scope-Add-on Zoom

£9.99 £18.99 £39.99 This gift is a playful way Open the leather clasp to This mobile phone atta- to make him feel loved reveal a clock, with an in- chement works as a funky every time he sees it. built alarm. It can also be and functional add-on twisted to reveal a photo zoom. FOR YOUR BROTHER The Worst Case Survival Red BB Paint Ball Set Remote Control Air Discovery Heli-

£9.59 £25.00 £50.00 This challenges players to This is the perfect present Have fun with this electronic use their survival instincts for the man who likes Helicopter indoors and and skills to outlast their adrenaline based games outdoors. The ultimate boys’ opponents. and some competition! FOR YOUR FATHER Union Jack Frying Pan Lord Oliver Wise Owl Doorstop Photo Frame Clock, Family

£9.99 £21.99 £35.99 What better way to cook a This funky owl doorstop Arrange your favourite full English than with this clearly reflects his wisdom photos of family, friends union jack frying pan! and intellect.... or not. and pets to personalise

12 Gifts for the GIRLS this Christmas It’s the week before Christmas but I can guarantee that most of you won’t have finished your Christmas shopping yet. So I have scoured the web to find some of the best last minute gifts to get for your mums, your sisters and your other halves. All gifts were found on www.treathim.com Sourced by Ruby Lawrence £15 and under £25 and under £50 and under FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND Animal Slippers Giraffe Slankets - Fleece Blanket With Fine Silver Devil Tail And Red

£12.99 £22.99 £39.99 Get her feet instantly She wont be pestering This is adds a bold but comfy and warm in these you for that hoodie any- sophisticated touch to her bad boys! more (hopefully). This fits Saturday night outfit. all sizes. FOR YOUR SISTER Impressions Pin Art - Pinpres- Colour Changing Moonlight Cush- Life Charms In A Box

£12.99 £19.99 £35.99 She’ll be skilled at this For once, she’ll be rushing Your sister can now keep her shape making device- re- to bed. Simply tap the pil- treasured jewellery in a place gardless of her artistic low to start the light show. that is safe and secure. She will ability. be instantly grateful. FOR YOUR MOTHER Union Jack Frying Pan Lord Oliver Wise Owl Doorstop Photo Frame Clock, Family

£9.99 £21.99 £35.99 What better way to cook a This funky owl doorstop Arrange your favourite full English than with this clearly reflects his wisdom photos of family, friends Union Jack frying pan! and intellect.... or not. and pets to personalise

12 13 Santa’s Little Helpers

Do you ever wonder why the school closes a week before Christmas? It’s because the staff have to run off and fufil their Christmas jobs of helping Father Christmas. We’ve got the evidence right here (and some christmas cracker jokes!)

What does Santa do with fat elves? He sends them to an Elf Farm! / What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate clauses! / Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had low “elf” esteem!

Mrs Norgate Ms Hodge Shelley

Why are chocolate buttons rude? Because they are Smarties in the nude. / Did you hear about the two ships that collided at sea? One was carrying red paint and the other was carrying blue paint. All the sailors ended up being marooned.

Mr House Mr Smith Mr Adams

Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory? Because he couldn’t concentrate./ What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got little legs. / What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper. 14 But unforgettable, that’s what you are My Brazilian-via-Dudley man, my one Poetry Corner shining star You fondled with Mary and you punched Ode to Wagner Allegedly; so let’s not go there You came, you saw, you conquered You bongo’d and you conga’d You’re not a creep, you’re not a weirdo You held our hearts like you held that lion’s tail And you belong in my heart and soul And Wagner it’s torture Let me pronounce your name correctly As we mourn your departure Vavavawagner, as the legends told And look back on your epic tale And you bowed out spectacularly You arrived on stage, luminous and hairy With two bona fide wonderful shows Singing O Sole Mio to the judges below Thank god that foot faced Katie Waissel Your operatic bellows aroused feelings in us all Left you for the fires below Primal and beautiful, outshining all others With your Siamese cat Mia in tow So now you sit in your hotel room Bellowing beautiful pigeon English at the You banged, you banged wall Oh baby and you moved, you moved And I will remember you forever as you And Cheryl and Dannii looked upon you in do appearances at G.A.Y scorn I love you Wagner, with my all And Matt declared you as rude Nathan Rhodes-Brandon

Riddle: Feed me and I live. Give me a drink and I die. What

am I?

Horoscopes Fire Solution: Riddle Aries: The weightiness of the past few days Libra: A large weight should lift from your seems to be lifting. By building a solid shoulders today. The air has started to clear foundation, you’ve created a reliable launching and the winds of communication have started pad from which to take off. blowing again. Taurus: Now that you have a solid grip on your Scorpio: People may be abrasive today, but situation, unexpected things may come along you will find after careful assessment that they that change the rules again. don’t mean any harm. More than likely they aren’t fully informed. Gemini: Realize that there is most likely an easier way to tackle any task. If something Sagittarius: Don’t criticize the situation until seems too hard, ask for advice how to do the you’ve come up with a better solution. Be crea- job more quickly and efficiently. tive. You can accomplish much if you approach the situation confidently. Cancer: Be careful of the information that comes your way today. People may make Capricorn: Your thoughts may have a dreamy unwarranted claims and false accusations. You quality today. You will find that things are less to venture out on a limb. stable than they have been for the past few days. Leo: Maintain an air of detachment, Leo. Feel free to delve into your fantasy world and let Aquarius: Your emotions are soaring, and you your emotions carry you to another realm. Let should feel free to indulge in your greatest your imagination run wild. fantasies. Take a break from reality for a while. Virgo: You may find that things are much Pisces: Reward yourself with two desserts lighter than they were the past couple days. This today, Pisces. Take a bubble bath. Share your is a good time to let your physical body take a fantasies with others and express yourself. 14 rest. 15 Lions rise from the Ashes It is one of the biggest rivalries in sport, between the founders of cricket, England, and the most successful nation in the sport, Australia. Spanning almost 130 years, the Ashes is a prestigious event that both countries want to win by the end of a gruelling five test series.

Unfortunately Australia dominate, most notably from 1989-2003, winning every tournament during this period. Finally in 2005, we had something to celebrate. But for England, when they win, it’s a struggle, and when they lose, it has to be embarrassing; a 5-0 whitewash down under in 2006-07 comes to mind. But an Andrew Strauss led England bounced back in 2009 with a brilliant home win. Now it’s “Operation: Retain Ashes down under”. A confident England against an The English Cricket team: Unstoppable? inexperienced Australian side bodes well for the three lions. Captain Strauss said: “We’re but also common English rain flooding and 71 runs; their biggest win down fully prepared.” But with England, it’s always the Aussie summer. England sustained under in 40 years. a roller-coaster; the first test was, but the their dominance, declaring early on day E second was like a dream. 4 with 620-5 on the board. ven after such a win, team director, Andy Flower said there’s still much While Brisbane witnessed Aussie control; The signs were looking positive for to do. He revealed: “We won’t be England being saved by an influential an England win, but Australia almost complacent, as we still have three 235 from Alistair Cook on the final day, ended the day on a respectable 238-3. tests left. Getting carried away could Adelaide was the location for a destructive However, Kevin Pietersen struck late cost us.” Indeed Andy, but even you England onslaught. Australia won the on. The 30 year old claimed an unlikely must be ecstatic with England scoring toss and decided to bat; a decision they wicket of Michael Clarke, adding to the 1137-6 in the last two innings. The would later regret. By the end of day 1, celebration of his earlier 227 (his highest third test will be on December 16th in England cleared out the Australian batting test score for England). England claimed Perth; hopefully the England faithful line-up for just 245, with Jimmy Anderson the last six wickets for just 66 runs on will be asking for a win from Santa. claiming 4-51. Days two and three were the last day, with Graeme Swann taking Itteshad Hossain taken over by England; not only with bat, 5-91 and England won by an innings Fun Fact #14 Fun Fact #12 Fun Fact #13 During the female orgasm, endorphines People with blue eyes are better able to Impotence is grounds for divorce in 26 are released, which are powerful pain- see in the dark. U.S. states. killers. So headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex. Glenthorne 4-3 Greenshaw Originally scheduled to play Glenthorne, the However, Greenshaw managed to play better scoring from an attempted cross. However, Greenshaw football team were preparing towards the end of the half, getting a few Fry’s substitute, Max Vigor conceded a for a massive showdown. However, due attempts on goal. sloppy goal to his near post, allowing to the Carshalton Athletic Academy using Glenthorne to equalise and take the match Glenthorne High School for the college The second half began with another injury; to extra time. course, Greenshaw played Carshalton Conor Symon being replaced by player- students classed as Glenthorne students. manager, Daniel Haines. However, Conor’s Extra time did not favour the Greenshaw injury was not serious and he was able to boys, as they conceded the fourth goal, The Greenshaw boys had a tough start, return to the pitch, replacing Eugene Bongo. which was a stunning lob over Vigor. With going 1-0 down after just five minutes from Greenshaw dominated the early stages of the time running out, Symon was sent off long range effort, which busted into the top second half, eventually scoring after a free for breaking the boy’s leg. However, his corner. Just ten minutes later, Glenthorne’s kick from George Wheeler flew in for Haines to teammates felt it was a perfectly timed lead doubled due to goalkeeper, Adam Fry’s head into the back of the net. It was soon 2-2, challenge. Symon’s response to the loss was: hesitant attempt to distract the striker, who after Joey Robson sweetly struck a left foot “We lost. That’s about it really” still managed to score. The collision was worse curler passed the stranded keeper. Greenshaw for Fry, who came out with a broken foot. took the lead for the first time, with Symon Best of luck next time boys! Itteshad Hossain