March 2020 Vol 4 Issue 3 `150

Lisa Ray The actor, author, cancer survivor, and mother of twins on courage, success and spirituality

MENTAL HEALTH WOMEN IN FILM MISSING GIRLS Bollywood’s star-family The heroines behind Leena Kejriwal is using kid Shaheen Bhatt on the screens – writing, art and technology to battling depression filming and organising fight sex trafficking 2 | PERSONAL GROWTH

F e a t u r i n g

Every Friday 8 PM Onwards At The LaLiT New Delhi

ForMARCH Book i2020ngs Call +91 96674 00275 contents

A Few Good Women 10 The rare breed of female cinematographers

Book to Screen 14 Author Parinda Joshi on writing film scripts

For the Love of Cinema 16 Smriti Kiran of MAMI Mumbai Film Festival

F e a t u r i n g Girl Hunt 20 Artist-photographer Leena Kejriwal’s cause

An Instinctive Journey 24 Cover personality, actor-author Lisa Ray Every Friday

8 PM Onwards How I Beat Cancer, Thrice Anita Kumar recounts her inspirational tale At The LaLiT New Delhi 30

Sixty is the New Forty 33 Mala Mansukhani is many things but not old!

Making Headlines 36 Meet Italian journalist Francesca Marino 06 A Happier State of Mind Shaheen Bhatt on her battle with Cappadocia Calling depression and her new memoir 56 A magical land of caves and fairy chimneys

For Bookings Call MARCH 2020 +91 96674 00275 4 | EDITOR’S NOTE

NO ORDINARY ISSUE

his issue of eShe is going to not have to face discrimination, production at a time when intimidation and violence because my city Delhi is seeing its of the circumstances of my birth. worst ever case of mob That I can sit here and work violenceT ever since the 1984 anti- while some other mother or wife Sikh riots that killed thousands. As or daughter like me is at a funeral I write this, the US president and or searching for her loved ones in India’s prime minister are showering mortuaries. one another with words of praise I’ve said it before: Majoritarianism in the capital of India against a is unjust and inhumane. An evolved backdrop of people being murdered society is inclusive; it makes space for in cold blood, being denied medical minorities and it thrives in diversity. assistance, ignored by police, their We must correct the mistakes of businesses burnt down and looted, history, not repeat them, if we want all while mobs are incited further to move ahead. by political leaders. This issue is dedicated to the During the day, I shut off social women of Delhi: the ones who media as far as possible so that I can fight, the ones who protest, the ones focus on my work. Then, all night, who lost their loved ones, and the I scourge the news like an addict, ones who will live with the pain of have nightmares, and pray for the February 2020 embalmed in their poor fallen souls and the ones they hearts. May there be justice and left behind. peace. #StopPoliticsofHate It is purely my position of privilege that I can do that. That I Aekta Kapoor belong to a religion, caste or class Editor and Publisher that is not under attack, and I do [email protected]

Editor and Publisher: Aekta Kapoor Mentor: Kul Bhushan Kaveri Jain All rights reserved throughout the world. Business Director: Reproduction in any manner is prohibited. Executive Sales Partner: Karishma Published by Aekta Kapoor from Coral Content, Makhija C3/1 GF, Vasant Vihar, New Delhi 110057, India. Contributors: Anita Kumar, Kay Phone: +91 9818166621. Printed at Colourbar Newton, Manu Prasad, Manvi Pant, Communications, 44, Commercial Complex, Naraina Industrial Area, Phase - 1, New Delhi Maya Lalchandani, Neha Kirpal, Parinda 110028. For queries, write to mail@coralcontent. Joshi, Shweta Bhandral com, or visit eShe.in

MARCH 2020 BHUTBHUTANAN All Women's Trip April 2020 BHUTAN

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www.easeindiatravel.com www.easeindiatravel.com Contact: +91 937 1234 074 for more details Contact: +91 937 1234 074 for more details 6 | MENTAL HEALTH A HAPPIER STATE OF MIND Being born to one of Bollywood’s most famous families couldn’t shield Shaheen Bhatt from chronic depression; she bares all in a candid memoir By Neha Kirpal

ost famous for being Alia What do you think led you to the state Bhatt’s sister or Mahesh when you even tried to attempt suicide? M Bhatt and Soni Razdan’s By then, I had spent almost five daughter, Shaheen Bhatt grew up years dealing with depression on my amidst all the drama of Bollywood. own. I was also going through all But she has also shouldered all its the mental and emotional upheav- sordid secrets through her own als that come with being a teenager. trajectory of pain and personal I was convinced at one point that growth. She talks to us about her the empty, hollow, constant pain I tryst with depression, which led was feeling was never going to end. her to write a book I’ve Never Be I was convinced that the only way (Un)Happier (Penguin India), and out for me was to stop being here. her Instagram campaign to spread The moment I realised this was awareness about mental health. something out of my control, I When and how did you first realise you told my mother and she took were undergoing depression? me to a psychiatrist. Then on, I I was 12 years old when I first ex- started medication and went to perienced depression, but I didn’t see a counsellor once a week. I’ve realise what it was. Even though been on medication on and off for the word depression was a part of the past 15 years, and I find that my vocabulary, I didn’t associate it the combination of that with talk with myself. I just thought that I therapy really helps me. My family was “weird” and different from ev- has been my biggest support – they eryone, because I couldn’t be happy always make sure I have a safe and the way everyone else seemed to be. loving space to come back to. It wasn’t until I was 18 that I finally How did you finally overcome it? went to a psychiatrist and was told I Getting through chronic depres- was dealing with clinical depression. sion has involved a lot of trial and

MARCH 2020 MENTAL HEALTH | 7 8 | MENTAL HEALTH

Shaheen with her sister Alia Bhatt

error for me. It hasn’t gone away that this is something so many of completely – it comes back from us are dealing with. When Penguin time to time at varying degrees. So, approached me to write about my I keep my medication going when experiences, I felt I almost needed I need it and I make sure I talk to to say yes. Writing this book was my therapist when I have things to both difficult and very rewarding. It work through. I’ve figured out my was hard delving back into painful triggers and I’m in a place where past memories. But in the end, it I can manage my symptoms a lot has given me a deep understanding better than I could earlier. of myself. I’ve also made profound Was writing your book, in a sense, a connections with people as a result process of catharsis for you? of writing this. I never set out to write this book. How hard was it to write about your It just sort of happened. When I dad’s addiction with alcohol, your trou- opened up about my depression on bles with food and alcohol as well as social media a few years ago, the re- your insecurities to do with Alia’s fame? sponses I received were very posi- To be honest, I didn’t find any tive, and many people shared their of that hard. A certain emotion- own stories with me. I realised then al transparency is something we’ve

MARCH 2020 MENTAL HEALTH | 9

(L-R): Mahesh Bhatt, Soni Razdan, Shaheen Bhatt, Pooja Bhatt and Alia Bhatt at the launch of Shaheen’s book been raised with, and I didn’t see appreciate the good things so much the point of writing about my ex- more, because I know what it’s like periences in half measures. All these to feel your worst. things are a part of who I am, and I Tell us more about your Instagram cam- wanted to be as open about that as paign Here Comes the Sun, and the I could. My mom and sister Alia are impact it has brought about. my best friends and they’re how I Here Comes the Sun is an online get by on a day-to-day basis. awareness campaign that I started in How has this incident in your life October last year on World Men- changed you as a person? tal Health Day. With it, we want to Depression has changed me in so spread awareness and disseminate many ways. It has given me a pro- as much information as we can, found sense of empathy, which I including lists of psychiatrists and think is one of my biggest strengths. counsellors. If I had had access to I understand people a lot more be- information in a way that I under- cause of it. I make deeper connec- stood when I was younger, I would tions with people. It has also given have been a lot further along in my me an immense amount of grati- treatment by now.  tude for the good things in my life. I Read the complete interview on eShe.in

MARCH 2020 10 | WOMEN IN FILM A FEW GOOD WOMEN Only a fraction of cinematographers in Mumbai’s film industry are women – how does the skewed ratio play out in their career growth? By Shweta Bhandral

ne would think making films tographers in India working in the is a matter of skill, talent and commercial cinema space, doing O aptitude, and not one’s gen- big-budget or advertising films. Yet, der. But when one’s gender dictates for the young and old women be- opportunity, it is perhaps no surprise hind the scenes of the thousands of that women are still a minority in a films made in Mumbai every year, creative industry like filmmaking. there is a ray of hope. Only five to seven women make A cinematographer, or director to the list of the top 100 cinema- of photography (DOP), makes

MARCH 2020 WOMEN IN FILM | 11 each frame of a film come to life. she awaits that one big commercial This person is the crew chief who project to move up the ladder. heads the camera and light crews With the influx of various digital on a film or video production, and platforms, the availability of work in works closely with the director the industry has increased several- to create what we see on-screen. fold. “There is enough work for The work is demanding, physically all of us. But it’s about persistence and otherwise, but also creatively and finding the right people,” says fulfilling, which is why women are Nusrat Jafri Roy, 39, who has been drawn to it even if the industry has in the industry since 2005, and was not been very welcoming so far. DOP for Kuchh Bheege Alfaaz by

Facing page and above: Nusrat Jafri Roy in action on set; the poster of one of her projects on Amazon Prime

“Every day, I look forward to my Onir, and the Amazon Prime series, work, even if it’s challenging to get,” Chacha Vidhayak Hain Humare. says Mumbai-based Priyanka Singh, According to some counts, there 35, who has been working behind are about 2000-odd DOPs in the the camera since 2011. Driving all country of which only about 80 are her life decisions around her career, women. Not many in the industry she is clearly in love with their even know that they exist! This was work and has several documentaries reason enough for a collective to be and short films to her credit. Yet, formed in 2015, the Indian Women

MARCH 2020 12 | WOMEN IN FILM

L-R: The poster for one of Priyanka Singh’s projects; Priyanka in action for a short film

Cinematographers Collective helping each other with work and (IWCC), which has helped these techniques. “There is a sister code women build comradeship. that’s developing,” says Pooja, who Pooja Gupte, 35, who has been in has just got back from the 16th the industry since 2009 and looks Indian Film Festival in Stuttgart after the IWCC website, is of the Germany, where she was the only opinion that a lot of hard work is woman DOP from India. still required to create opportunities With more than 1,600 for women. One of the ways the commercial films released in India cinematographers do so is ensuring every year, the Indian film industry that they include other women beats even Hollywood in terms of in their teams. “In my last project, the quantity of films produced. It I made sure we were all girls on is expected to grow by 40 per cent the three cameras that we were by 2024. But most of the women operating,” she says. DOPs in the industry are being left It’s not just India, women out of this growth spurt. cinematographers the world “If the project is commercially over are coming together and viable, then it is talked about and

MARCH 2020 WOMEN IN FILM | 13 there is visibility. The men we work Priyanka adds, “Out of 10, only with do recommend us, be it DOPs two producers or production houses or the directors,” says Pooja, “but take women seriously. Our names as long as we only work on private have to pop up in conversations for films, which have a very niche the industry to know about us.” audience, widespread recognition The situation is no better outside will continue to elude us.” India. In the US, of the 250 top- The industry is shy of giving grossing films of 2018, only 4 per commanding roles to women, cent had a woman cinematographer. and there appears to be a mindset Last year, for the first time in the problem at play. No wonder only a Academy Awards’ 90-year history, handful of women DOPs are known a woman was nominated for

Pooja Gupte behind the camera in a Madhuri Dixit Production; she handles the IWCC website in the commercial film circuit. The cinematography. Rachel Morrison rest bide their time while shooting got the nod for her work as DOP documentaries, short films and for the movie Mudbound. Though digital series, waiting for the “one she didn’t win, the nomination itself step-up project” that they need, as was historic. Nusrat puts it. “Women helping Back in India, these girls from women also have a long way to go. small towns without any godfather Not many women directors go out in the film industry watch the of their way to hire a woman DOP. Oscars news with hope. Against all They also might not know that odds, they are doggedly optimistic there are so many of us around!” about change. 

MARCH 2020 BOOK TO SCREEN

Author of three novels, Parinda Joshi’s latest novel Made in China was adapted into a Hindi feature film starring Rajkummar Rao. She shares the experience of writings books versus screenplays writer should concern him- screenplay is perhaps the antithesis self with whatever absorbs of ‘whatever absorbs your fancy’. A his fancy, stirs his heart, and There are rules to be learnt and for- unlimbers his typewriter, said mats to be followed. Ironically, one award-winning American writer of Mr White’s books, Stuart Little, EB White in the early 1900s. Time- was adapted into a movie series, but less as that little nugget may sound, well after his death, so my argument Mr White would perhaps have to still holds. rethink that if he were alive today Assuming one can write a and writing for the screen. screenplay because one is experi- For one, the only use a writer can enced at the writing a book is like find for a typewriter in the current assuming one can ski because one digital age is perhaps as a prop for knows snowboarding; both sports a distinctive old-world charm kinda require familiarity with navigating Instagram photo. More important- the snow but the similarities end ly, it can be argued that writing a there. Essentially, an entirely new

MARCH 2020 WOMEN IN FILM | 15 art form needs to be studied for a mediums (that is, when a book gets novelist who wants to venture into adapted for screen) can be exciting screenwriting. It’s not all just about but confusing and challenging as tools and techniques either. It’s a well. For starters, you often go from personality thing; some people are being the solo pilot of your aircraft just better suited for a specific type to multiple co-pilots. It can easily of craft. Screenwriting, for instance, get crowded. And writers are opin- is more dialogue heavy and requires ionated. Imagine those razor-sharp a knack for it. opinions flying at breakneck speed There’s an age-old debate on in that tiny cockpit. whether books are better than the With the screen medium, while movies they inspire. The jury is still the heart of the book will be re- out on that but we can tained, everything else all agree that the two can and may be de- mediums of story- veloped or modified. telling have different Certain changes may aspects and prerequi- be for the better, others sites for what makes because you were out them good. Books of luck. Which means allow the reader to the apple can poten- be a part of the story, tially fall far from the giving insight into the tree. Really, really far. character’s thoughts But it will still be your and emotions. There’s apple. Except that it more detail, more fo- won’t look like the ap- cus on character de- ple that you originally velopment and more created. The more the depth. On the other apples differ in taste hand, the great thing about mov- and aesthetics, the more they’ll be ies is their ability to show, and the compared. And guess who the spot- overall experience of watching one. light will fall on when it comes to Books allow readers to employ their answering those questions? imagination to make their own On the bright side, this transition flights of fancy, whereas movies are will bring financial rewards and may a director’s interpretation of a writ- open up a new world of opportuni- er’s creation; they immerse you into ties. Just make sure to embrace both the story in a different way includ- the apples.  ing with music and visual effects. Find the author on Parindajoshi.com For a writer to be a part of both and on Instagram @parindajoshi

MARCH 2020 16 | WOMEN IN FILM FOR THE LOVE OF CINEMA Artist director of the prestigious MAMI Mumbai Film Festival, Smriti Kiran has turned around its fortunes in the past few years By Maya Lalchandani hile the 22-year-old Mumbai Film Festival has W seen a spectacular rise in the past five years, only a few would recognise the faces heading MAMI (Mumbai Academy of Moving Im- age), an academy and not-for-profit trust, who have run the prestigious film event since 2015 and turned its fortunes around since then. MAMI’s artistic director, Smriti Kiran, is one of those faces whose hard work is visible to all. She is the creative force leading and building the legacy of MAMI’s original founders Hrishikesh Mukherji and Shabana Azmi, and the vision of its current board members including Deepika Padukone (chairperson), Neeta Ambani (co-chairperson), Anand Mahindra, Zoya Akhtar, Smriti Kiran Kabir Khan, Kiran Rao, Rana Daggubati, Vishal Bharadwaj, is rare after 20 years. I get to build Rohan Sippy and others. this crazy ship with some of the Full of passion for her work, Sm- best professionals I have ever come riti has been with MAMI since across,” says the Delhi Universi- 2015. “Getting a gig that actually ty alumna, adding, “Every waking terrifies you and gives you purpose moment of my life is consumed by

MARCH 2020 WOMEN IN FILM | 17

Smriti Kiran with the team behind Jio MAMI Mumbai Film Festival 2019

MAMI, and I love it. The sense of one-of-a-kind. I feel grateful for responsibility that comes with my my parents because a patriarchal position drives me.” and misogynistic environment kills Daughter of now retired IAS of- women even before they die.” ficer Dr Vinod Prakash Gupta and After graduating in philosophy, a National Award-winning educa- Smriti studied law and then joined tionist Shashi Kiran, Smriti’s pro- NDTV in the late 1990s when gressive upbringing shaped her into media houses were booming. Her an outspoken individual and fierce 10-year stint took her from being feminist. “I didn’t become aware of a production assistant to head of patriarchy till pretty late because special projects in entertainment. in my immediate family there was She helmed iconic shows such as none at all. My father was and is my Jeena Isi Ka Naam Hai, Night Out, biggest champion. My brother and and later Picture This, the show I were treated equally though I do that launched the television career think at times my father was a tad of film critic Anupama Chopra. It partial to me!” jokes Smriti, who also sealed their friendship. “I have launched the very popular hashtag deep respect and tremendous love #WarriorsNotPrincesses. for Anu. She is generous and secure. She goes on: “My father sup- Once you work with someone like ports my mother in everything she her, you are spoilt for life,” she says. does. But then, I got lucky. Dad is In 2008, Smriti took a segue and

MARCH 2020 18 | WOMEN IN FILM

L-R: With British actress Tilda Swinton; with actor Ranveer Singh and TV personality Anupama Chopra

joined the film industry, working verse. “What I am doing currently with directors like Ram Madhvani, doesn’t make business sense to a lot and writing screenplay books for of people; it is not lucrative and the films like 3 Idiots. In 2011, she and work is relentless. But this makes Anupama reunited to produce The me happy and I am working with Front Row with Anupama Chopra for people who inspire me,” she says Star World. In 2014, they co-found- with her trademark candour. ed Film Companion, which is today She is still more comfortable be- one of the most credible film jour- hind the scenes than walking the nalism platforms in India. The same red carpet in a shimmery dress. “At year, the duo joined the Mumbai heart and in action, I will always Film Festival. “Our lives can be di- be the girl in overalls, sitting with vided into two parts. BM and AM: my partners-in-crime in the back Before MAMI and After MAMI,” alley post the party drinking beer, she laughs. laughing at all that happened, and Smriti’s career choices are spon- plotting what to do next. Someone taneous and that is probably the once called me a mazdoor (worker),” reason her trajectory is rich and di- she smiles. “They were bang on.” 

MARCH 2020 WOMEN IN FILM | 19 GIRL POWER These organisations are standing up for women in the film industry

WOMEN IN CINEMA COLLECTIVE on the sexual assault, which led to his eventual arrest. WCC also held Women in Cinema Collective a year-long awareness drive on (WCC), an organisation for women workplace exploitation and gender in the Malayalam cinema industry, discrimination. The group is cam- was formed in 2017 after a popu- paigning for equal pay and welfare lar actress was waylaid and raped schemes for women in the industry. in a car at the behest of powerful Malayalam actor Dileep. Led by prominent female film personali- ties, WCC submitted a petition to the state chief minister for action

HIP HIP HERRAY STUDIOS A new startup in the media and entertainment space, Hip Hip HERray Studios is India’s first digital content studio dedicated to women-only web series and filmmakers. With the backing of its own earmarked budget, the new- prominent names from the industry, age boutique will produce short and it will collaborate with women long form episodic series and films, from diverse regions of India. With helmed by women storytellers.

INDIAN WOMEN CINEMATOGRAPHERS COLLECTIVE IWCC is a forum for craftswomen and is a space for contemporaries and technicians in the Indian film to showcase their diverse body of industry, including non-cis male work. IWCC hopes to “inspire girls technicians and workers. The and those breaking out of the gender collective aim to promote talent and binary to consider roles behind the creates opportunities in industry, camera as viable professions.” 

MARCH 2020 20 | ART FOR A CAUSE

GIRL HUNT Artist and photographer Leena Kejriwal is raising awareness about sex trafficking through her art and technology project Save Missing Girls By Neha Kirpal eena Kejriwal found herself prostitution is demand driven. “As confronting a unique problem long as the common man on the L when NGOs working in the streets continues to come and buy field of prostitution and human sex, it’s difficult to keep the girls trafficking reached out to her as out,” explains Leena, who decided a fine-art photographer. Theyto bring another language to the were up against a frustrating fact: fight against sex trafficking.

MARCH 2020 ART FOR A CAUSE | 21

And so the Kolkata-based artist their lives, and then fighting to launched Save Missing Girls, a make it better. “Why should we project that aims to raise awareness wait for a girl to get trafficked to about sex trafficking throughsave her?” questions Leena, who art installations, photography has developed a systematic school and technology. Coming from a programme for municipal, public traditional Marwari family, she had and private schools. grown up in a patriarchal structure, They are also empowering helpless which she thinks strengthened her victims of domestic or alcohol abuse understanding of the role society in West Bengal. “These girls are can play in a girl’s life. Further, totally vulnerable to trafficking. We

Save Missing Girls includes a systematic school programme for municipal, public and private schools being an artist, she believes in the provide them skill training as well as power of the graphic language to a market for the goods they create, connect with the public. “So, when so that we can empower each one I set out to create a public artwork, I of them and shake the status quo in wanted it to be so graphic, minimal remote Sundarbans, which accounts and easy to grasp that it should have for 44 per cent of India’s trafficking the ability to cross all vernacular victims,” she informs. boundaries to engage the masses on Leena set out to first make the the issue of sex trafficking,” she says. public aware of an issue they are The project makes girls go responsible for. “Art was the only from disempowerment to feeling language I knew. I wanted to empowered to taking agency for create an artwork that was simple

MARCH 2020 22 | ART FOR A CAUSE

to understand and would move guerrilla art movement. “It’s proving people enough or raise curiosity to be a very powerful medium. It about what it was trying to say,” she has also served its purpose for an says. It was with this focus that she initial dialogue and is a silent yet created the Missing Girls silhouette, powerful argument in a public an integral part of their awareness space,” she says. programmes. Constructed around a Recently, the team conducted a very visual medium and storytelling school awareness programme in 15 narrations, wherein missing stencils states, including the Sundarbans. A have been left behind on the walls few months ago, a girl on the verge of the community and schools, it is of becoming a child bride came made with the intent that people upon the artwork. She called up the never forget what could happen and police and told them that she was their importance as changemakers. being forced into marriage. They Leena believes that public art were able to stop it. “Curbing a has the potential to create user grave issue such as child marriage engagement and social change plays a very important role in beyond just adding beauty to the curbing the demand for trafficking city. The ‘Missing Girl’ silhouette girls,” says Leena. has now become a part of a bigger Leena has also developed a one-of-

The Missing team has conducted school awareness programmes in 15 states, including the Sundarbans

MARCH 2020 ART FOR A CAUSE | 23

The ‘Missing Girl’ silhouette has now become a part of a bigger guerrilla art movement on walls in cities a-kind interactive smartphone role- army of thinkers and do-gooders. playing game called Missing. The They have also now launched award-winning game is designed to 12 vernacular versions in India. allow players to experience what a These will give them insights into missing person goes through when behavioural patterns of the Indian trafficked into prostitution. In it, the population, which will further their player is actually put in the shoes of research on how to address various the girl. Her main quest is to escape. pain points in society. With one million players across “People need to understand the world in more than 70 countries, that they are, consciously or the game has received a tremendous unconsciously, creating a world response. Players from across the that enables sex trafficking. Till world have been shaken by it, and we don’t make any change in the the team has received many requests demand, there will be supply,” she from volunteers who want to help cautions, adding, “Awareness equals their cause. It helped them build an prevention.” 

MARCH 2020 24 | COVER STORY

AN INSTINCTIVE JOURNEY Actor, author, cancer survivor and mother of twins Lisa Ray bares her story – with its little and large successes, failures and leaps of faith By Neha Kirpal COVER STORY | 25

ctor, columnist, model, social with your mental state, and they activist, performer, philan- are very difficult to overcome. The A thropist, television star and world also doesn’t support your theatre personality – Lisa Ray is all healing, particularly today with the this rolled into one, and then some! imagery that we see and the beauty She has also made a recent debut standards that women are subjected as an author. In her touching mem- to. Eating disorders are very much oir Close to the Bone (HarperCollins an emotional, psychological and India, 2019), she writes about find- mental disease, and is very hard to ing herself, healing from cancer and manage on your own.

Lisa Ray and her husband Jason Dehni are parents to twin daughters, Sufi and Soleil

navigating the world of glamour. Your memoir swings between two This year, she stars in AR Rahman’s fascinating extremes – the glamorous musical 99 Songs and in Season 2 world versus the deeply spiritual – of Four More Shots Please. She’s also and you’ve been authentic and even working on three more books. We compassionately self-critical at times in talk to her about her journey so far. recounting it. What does it take to look How difficult was it for you to overcome back with such objectivity at oneself? eating disorders and body-image issues To be honest, it was challenging to in your formative years? write a book even though it’s one

PHOTO: INSTAGRAM PHOTO: All these are very much connected of my greatest accomplishments

MARCH 2020 26 | COVER STORY

“Motherhood has taught me a lot of patience and love. It’s a beautiful practice of love,” says Lisa.

today. Fortunately, I have kept a lot room or relive an experience using of diaries my entire life so I had sense, memory and action. That was some actual material that I could sometimes painful, and sometimes refer to in terms of facts, dates exhilarating to do. I don’t really see and incidents. I often write about my book as a memoir; I see it as conversations that I hear, maybe my writing debut. So, the language about the patterns of a curtain in and the writing is as important as the room, things like that. It’s very anything else. It’s not just a narrative sort of impressionistic. It’s still very of my life, and it is talking about challenging – you have to draw my inner life as well. Moving on memory. You’re telling it as you from subject to object is also fairly remember it, or as you believe the significant for a woman as well. truth to be. What have you learnt about the ‘divine But I also use my training as dichotomy’ (the parallel existence of an actor by applying a particular two opposing truths), and of keeping discipline or technique by which a balance between life’s material and

you can actually travel to a particular spiritual pursuits? INSTAGRAM PHOTO:

MARCH 2020 COVER STORY | 27

L-R: Lisa’s first bookClose to the Bone; Lisa at the Jaipur Literature Festival in January 2020

That’s a great question! We talk spiritual call at one time and I about balance in so many contexts dedicated myself to that. Today, it is in today’s world; it’s a a bit of prioritising my real misnomer. I think life as a householder – there’s no such thing “LIFE IS NEVER because I’m a wife and as balance – there are PERFECT, IT’S a working mother on priorities. Life is never NEVER MEANT top of everything else. perfect, it’s never meant My spiritual practices to be. There are forces TO BE... IT’S LIKE are now integrated into or circumstances that A TIDE, EBBING my worldly life. I don’t will take our attention at necessarily have the certain periods of time. AND FLOWING” compulsion anymore It’s like a tide, ebbing to just go off into the and flowing. mountains like I did literally for six We have to be a little gentler months at some point. But at the with ourselves, and listen to the same time, that was very valuable in call. For me, there was a very deep my life, and I’m glad that I did it,

MARCH 2020 28 | COVER STORY

L-R: Lisa posed for Rohan Shrestha in a campaign to raise awareness about breast cancer; with Jason

because it provided me a foundation attachment – two very different from which I can draw on now. I can things that are normally entangled actually access that peace, because I in our lives; and when they are worked on it already. entangled, they can create havoc. So, I don’t think there’s really It takes fearlessness (or is it courage in any formula. My journey has been the face of fear?) to bare your story. At very instinctive, and I’ve fallen – it’s what point did you decide to write and not even been linear progression. publish a book of your experiences? Sometimes, you succeed; sometimes, I think this book has been in the you don’t. And it’s all okay. I think making for about 35 years – I’m just it’s more about the acceptance of a very late bloomer! Circumstances everything that happens in life. came together. But even writing What’s the most important lesson about this book has taken a few false starts love and relationships you’ve learnt? and stops. But here we are. Now Love is the most important thing. that I’m on this trajectory, I’m very But one should be able to step back committed to it. 

in order to distinguish love from Read the complete interview on eShe.in INSTAGRAM PHOTOS:

MARCH 2020 PERSONAL GROWTH | 29

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To subscribe to the free digital edition of eShe, visit eshe.in Follow @esheworld 30 | FIRST PERSON How I Beat Cancer, Thrice Delhi-based author and entrepreneur Anita Kumar shares her emotional, physical and spiritual battle with cancer

t was not the first but the third soul together but my spirit was tumour that shook the very determined to arrive at a place of I ground I stood on. Floods of zest and zeal for life after virtually memories were revived of my being at death’s door. grandmother’s suffering as the can- After consuming my organic cer consumed her together with my paternal aunt’s that besieged her stomach eventually taking residence there before the cells proliferated and permeated every other organ. My father passed away the same way: cancer. I was determined to live and that, I realise today, was a prerequisite to my recovery. I was 46, still had life force in me and an enthusiastic to- do list. After my second tumour, I visited a nutritionist who made me more aware of what foods had an acidic effect on my body, and I learnt to avoid them as far as possible. For an entire year, I only ate foods that were low in fat and were essentially alkaline. My body was still recovering from the fatigue of 32 radiation sessions. My eyes revealed the struggle to keep my body and Anita Kumar

MARCH 2020 FIRST PERSON | 31

Anita Kumar with her two entrepreneur daughters at the launch of her book Turning the Page (Om Books) green juice, I would go for an hour- else you are carrying in terms of long walk and even incorporated your emotion.” pranayama into my routine of I wasn’t even aware that I was recovery. I drank six to eight glasses carrying such heavy baggage. I of water. The long and short of it is had indeed achieved happiness that I lived by the book of healthy outwardly in my life after years living; physically, that is. of unhappiness but clearly I was Then came the third tumour. Just walking through life with the when I thought I had figured out a weight that I should have dropped. sure way to cure any further threats, It is all about the ‘inside out’, life cast a shadow on my hopes. and when we allow ourselves to At a social gathering, I happened embrace the wisdom behind our to meet a holistic doctor who asked, illness, then we are in a position “What are you carrying besides the to arduously work on healing our cancer cells that you haven’t yet soul that impacts our physical body. released? Let go, Anita.” He advised: Wisdom married to knowledge can “Kill them before they kill you. often remove the power the cancer Life is precious and it’s not worth has over us. holding on to the weight of your Though I have a strong spiritual resentment or anger or whatever streak in me, I have never been a

MARCH 2020 32 | FIRST PERSON

meditator. I began sitting in silence in process. Our cells respond to our the ease of my living room, shutting words spoken and unspoken besides my eyes and visualising those who responding to our emotions. had deeply and irrevocably hurt Merely saying, “I am healthy and me. I did this regularly to forgive happy” is not enough but rather them as I asked for forgiveness for proactively matching our actions to the hurt I may have inadvertently our words is what brings about an caused them. I would then cut the enduring change. cord and release them from my All women are creative so system with love and light. learning what makes us an individual is an essential part of our personal and spiritual growth. I have been teaching calligraphy for over three decades but once I was struck with cancer, my focus shifted from my creativity to my condition. It was only when I was reminded that we are not our illness – it is not something I owned and it was an unwanted visitor – that I disallowed it to distract me from my real purpose. Detoxifying our body is merely a fraction of the process; detoxifying the mind and heart is equally indispensable. I have battled with cancer three times in my life and I have no guarantees for the future but what I can ascertain is that I This was a lengthy process as it no longer hand over my power to had been years of hoarding onto cancer. I have made a paradigm emotions that no longer served me. shift in my attitude towards myself In effect these hoarded emotions taking absolute responsibility for my were disrupting my bio-chemistry every negative thought, word and throwing my system out of balance. action. At the point when negative I listened to innumerable emotions settle within me I make a podcasts on self-love and healing positive shift soon after. I consume the past. Affirmations and positive thoughts and ideas that nourish me self-talk became part of my healing to enable me to flourish.

MARCH 2020 JOURNEY | 33

Who says you SIXTY can’t grow younger with age? Author IS THE Mala Mansukhani is certainly an NEW example! By Maya FORTY Lalchandani his dynam- young as you ic woman think you are,” T has donned says Mala. many roles in her No wonder life – a daughter, former athlete mother, widow, Milkha Singh grandmother, said of her fashionista, book, “I think trendsetter and this book is a even a philanthro- useful read for pist. Yet, today, at everyone, not age 60, Mala just those Mansukhani who think says, “I might be they are different things to getting old- different people, er.” but one thing I am Most peo- not is OLD!” ple are awed Having battled when they various challenges meet Mala in while chasing her person, full of dreams, the author of youthful ener- Grow Younger shares gy and glowing how she turned her with health life around, and is now and radiance, full of youthful energy de- but to hear spite all the ups and downs her story she faced. “You can be as is another

MARCH 2020 34 | JOURNEY

L-R: Mala with her twin grandchildren; she ran her first marathon at age 47, and continues to run regularly

level of inspiration. When she was able financially, she found her hus- a little girl, her mother Vindri left band distant. History repeated itself, her errant husband and moved with and she cried herself to sleep every four daughters to Mumbai, where night hoping things would change. she worked hard as a seamstress, She finally opted out of a love- single-handedly raising her kids. less marriage, moving back with her No doubt young Mala’s memories mother. Divorce followed when the of deprivation shaped the course of girls were old enough. She hated her future choices. the thing people called beauty; it Mala’s early marriage to a man 13 had not served her well. years older was probably her first act A year later, a friend told her of rebellion. For a while, she sailed about Mrs Gladrags beauty pageant. through her new life, bearing three She wanted to participate even if it daughters, but sadness crept in. Her meant being married again; maybe own beauty became a source of it was a yearning for respectabili- misery. “Here comes the black and ty or some sort of validation. Her white TV,” people ridiculed the ex-husband agreed and they had a couple. Though they were comfort- secret second wedding but contin-

MARCH 2020 JOURNEY | 35 ued to lead different lives. A strange cide note stated the entire truth, friendship ensued; they even mar- thus absolving her of any responsi- ried off their daughters together. bility, and ensuring she had a right Had the divorce cured the rift? to the house. Now left with a home She was the only grandmom to full of women, Mala felt life had participate in the beauty pageant, come full circle, her mother’s sto- and winning the Mrs Courage ti- ry ran before her eyes, but only this tle proved to be a life-changing time she resolved to do it different- experience. She made a career as a ly, the best she could. boutique owner and became more She ran her first marathon when spiritually aware of herself. she was 47 and continues to run the

L-R: Mala with her three daughters; she conducts Grow Younger workshops for women above the age of 40

But life was not exactly kind. five km race today. She studied yoga Three months after her second and first aid. At 50, she climbed daughter’s marriage, her husband Kalsubai Peak in the Western Ghats. committed suicide due to financial She also helped others while she strain, which Mala was unaware of. discovered more for herself. In 2006, her life came to a standstill A believer in ageless living, she once again. His family blamed her. runs a nonprofit called Grow She shares, “I lost everything, my Younger, which encourages midlife husband, all the money and societal women to lead healthier and stron- respect. My mother went through ger lives. If anyone says to her, “Age depression. But I rose above it all.” catches up,” Mala replies, “Why not To her relief, her husband’s sui- stay ahead of it?” 

MARCH 2020 36 | JOURNALISM MAKING HEADLINES Journalist Francesca Marino’s report confirming the number of casualties in India’s Balakot strike in Pakistan had everyone asking, who is she? ver since she reported that Pa- was already being watched close- kistan had lost 130 to 170 ter- ly by Indian intelligence after she E rorists including 11 trainers in wrote Apocalypse Pakistan: An Anat- the Balakot strike orchestrated by omy of ‘the World’s Most Dangerous India last year, Francesca Marino Nation. The 2014 book, for which earned herself a new position of re- she also interviewed Jamaat-ud-Da- spect in the power corridors of In- wa chief Hafeez Saeed, led to her dia. Of course, the Italian journalist being detained by the Federal In- telligence Authorities in Pakistan overnight in a cell without a lawyer, and then deported back to Italy. She is now on Pakistan’s list of unwel- come journalists. India, however, is both welcoming and a welcome destination for Francesca, who is an Indophile inside out. From rubbing shoulders with Indian politicians, to collecting saris, to adopting an orphan girl from Banaras as a soul sister, she’s more Indian than many who have lived here all their lives. Having studied economics and management in Rome just because she wanted to show her father she could do what was perceived as a ‘male’ career, Francesca even worked in his law and accountancy firm, Francesca Marino but finally left to pursue cultural

MARCH 2020 JOURNALISM | 37 anthropology, art and literature. Growing up, I started hating my Now an independent journalist town and the backward mentality writing for prestigious publications of the society there. I felt like I was in Italy and around the world, she a citizen of the world. Strangely specialises in terrorism and politics enough, I wanted to be exactly what with a focus on South Asia. I’ve become: a journalist and a writer. We talk to her about her exciting The Plan B, as a child, was to be a life and career. ballet dancer. I even trained in ballet What was your childhood like, and what for 10 years, but then gave it up. did you want to be when you grew up? When did you start your writing career? I was born and raised in Cosenza, a What was the first big break for you? small town in Calabria. My father I started writing on culture and an-

L-R: In Italy; with Praveen Swami and Beniamino Natale at the release of her book, Apocalypse Pakistan was an avid traveller and reader, and thropology. My first big break and mine was an upper-class privileged my debut in press was when a reli- family. I’m conscious I’ve been a gious sect in USA committed mass privileged child in terms of expo- suicide. My interview with a schol- sure to art and culture. My father ar was published by one of Italy’s would take me in winter for the main newspapers then. I had only opening of the season at the Teatro written essays before that, and I was dell’Opera in Rome or at La Scala terrified. Nobody gave me tips and in Milan, and in summer at Arena it was my first real article. But it Verona. He helped me develop a went well, they liked my style, so I love for music, art and for other cul- started writing regularly for a news tures and countries. agency and other publications.

MARCH 2020 38 | JOURNALISM

What do you find most fascinating dia, more than a geographical place, about India? is the sum of the faces and voices of My fascination with India started the people I met. as a child, reading Emilio Salgari’s What’s your most memorable experience books. Then, as soon as I could, I of living in India? bought an open ticket and landed Selling bangles and prasad at the in Delhi. It was like falling in love. Durga temple in Banaras. I went The first few years, I did nothing there often and stayed for months. but travel. Everywhere, with no real Tell us about your love for fashion and your lovely sari collection. What are your favourite brands? I was seven the first time I tried to wrap myself in a sari. Back then Italian film director Roberto Ros- sellini’s wife, Sonali Dasgupta, had a famous shop in Rome and was featured in many publications, even in a kids’ magazine where they gave tips on how to wear a sari. I took a tablecloth and tried doing it. Buy- ing a sari was more or less the first thing I did when I arrived in In- dia, and spent hours in Assi Ghat watching the pilgrim ladies, trying to understand how they tied it cor- rectly. I thank all the women who, over the years, have shared tips and tricks to help me master the art and taught me about fabrics and hand- icrafts. I do prefer traditional saris, and in summer mainly Bengali cot- direction or purpose. Real journeys, tons, but I love Sabyasachi Mukher- the slow ones made with trains and jee and Raw Mango. I treasure also buses, often with two dusty bas- my Ritu Kumars. I style saris with kets under my feet, a sack of onions Western accessories, mainly Prada stuck under the seat and a couple or Miu Miu. I take care to always of children in my arms. Wanderings be impeccable because, as Coco that left you physically exhausted, Chanel said: “Be shabby and they’ll but with a heart full of light. My In- remember the dress; be impeccable

MARCH 2020 JOURNALISM | 39

Francesca in her own Max Mara bridal dress at the wedding of her Indian soul sister Sandhya in Rome and they’ll remember the woman.” Oriana Fallaci. She had reported How do you ensure your own personal from Vietnam during the war. On safety while reporting from the hinter- the book cover was a picture of her lands of Pakistan and Afghanistan? wearing protection plates and a hel- I never bothered too much about met and I thought: “God, I want to my personal safety, but I guess I’ve be her.” What inspires me every day been lucky. Many people I knew professionally is something Albert ended up killed or kidnapped. I’ve Londres said once: “There’s only been detained in Pakistan, found one line a journalist should follow: myself in potentially very dangerous the railway line.” What inspires me situations but there’s not that much as a human being is what a great you can do to ensure your safety if judge called Paolo Borsellino, who you want to do your job. was killed by the mafia, replied to What inspires you? journalists asking him whether he What compelled me to be a journal- was afraid to die or not: “If you live ist was reading, when I was 12, the in fear, you die every day. If you are books of an Italian journalist called fearless, you die just once.” 

MARCH 2020 40 | PSYCHOLOGY

Actor, singer and producer Lindsay Lohan’s career has been checkered with jail time, car crashes and substance abuse

Why Do Smart People Make Bad Decisions? Despite having everything going in their favour, why do smart and talented folks often give in to poor judgement and impulsive behaviours? By Manvi Pant

o you recall the fateful night Phaneesh Murthy’s sexual mis- of November 2009 when a conduct that eventually led to his D phone text busted golfing ugly exit first from Infosys and then legend Tiger Wood’s serial infidel- i-GATE? Or the troubled time- ity? What about tech businessman line of pop icon Lindsay Lohan,

MARCH 2020 PSYCHOLOGY | 41

TV star Charlie Sheen lost his contract and $14 million earnings to misconduct, frequent indiscretions and bouts of rehabilitation

the drug-riddled fall of WeWork The psychological reason is that founder Adam Neumann, and other for an individual to respond in a incidents like these? controlled manner, the alignment They come from different arenas, of their two brains – ‘feeling’ and but what they have in common is ‘thinking’ – needs to be in place. bad decision-making and poor im- Both our two brains have a bear- pulse control. In 2013, Dr Vivek ing on our decision-making. Daniel Benegal, professor of psychiatry, Kahneman explores this theme viv- Centre for Addiction Medicine, idly in Thinking Fast and Slow. NIMHANS, explained how some I know of a person who is an people are more at-risk of compul- emotional eater. Such people eat sive gambling, addictions, high-risk to soothe their anxiety or stress or sexual behaviours and other impul- negative emotions. If you see her sive acts. Popular self-help author just before she has a deadline or a and personal development coach presentation, you will be shocked. Mark Manson says that self-control, She is one of those kinds who or our ability to override our im- stands first in class and wins all rac- pulses, is an illusion. For instance, es, but still fears that she will fail and when people refrain from doing her world will fall apart. On the day anything that may throw them off of her deadline, her thinking brain the wheel or into a downward spi- tells her to calm down and gives her ral, in most cases, they end up do- reasons to believe that life is going ing exactly that, more aggressively. to be “just fine” even if she doesn’t

MARCH 2020 42 | PSYCHOLOGY

Top ranked American golfer Tiger Woods’ serial infidelities led to his divorce and millions of dollars of losses in advertising deals

get to hold that victory trophy. Her an Edition (2015), System 1 or the feeling brain, on the other hand, feeling brain operates automatically attaches emotional and subjective and quickly, with little or no effort elements like “value” and “judge- and no sense of voluntary control, ment” with the reward. As a con- whereas System 2 or the thinking sequence of this, she sees herself as brain allocates more attention to “unworthy” if she fails to accom- taxing and mental activities often plish her goal. Conclusion? Anxiety, driven by logic, analysis and con- stress, and hence, a sudden urge to centration. binge eat. But what follows after Perhaps my friend is more of a that is even worse – loads of regret. feeler than a thinker. Her System “I ate so much, I’m a failure.” All of 1 is more active than System 2, this originates from our two brains which is why she has a lower sense not being in sync. of controllability over her actions For our brains to be well-aligned, and hence a need for immediate they need to have a common focus gratification to satisfy her impuls- or a point of pursuance. Does that es. Talking of which, the ancient come naturally to us? No. Psychol- Greek researcher Herodotus, often ogists Keith Stanovich and Richard recognised as the world’s first his- West call ‘System 1 and System 2’ torian, says, “Make big decisions by as alternative terms for the feeling discussing them twice: once while and thinking brain, respectively. drunk, once while sober.” In mod- Going by Psychology: Second Europe- ern terms, one could say the idea is

MARCH 2020 PSYCHOLOGY | 43 to maximise the use of both brain the feeling brain goes unruly and systems – feeling and thinking. throws at you all a strong impulse, Time and again, our deci- take a pause, interpret it, challenge sion-making abilities fall victim to it, analyse it and accept it. Instead ignorance, impulse and short-sight- of self-loathing, allow your thinking edness, and our longing for imme- brain to engage with those impuls- diate gratification tends to disrupt es and work along with them in a rational thinking during complex constructive manner. situations. So, why does this hap- It’s not easy, and it never will be, pen? Why do people make unwise but don’t let hopelessness seep into decisions despite being fully aware you. No matter what you do or how

Corporate geniuses and honchos Adam Neumann (L) and Phaneesh Murthy both had falls from grace: the first due to irresponsible behaviours including drug use, and the other due to claims of sexual harassment of the possible consequences? hard you try, at some point in life, Professor of psychology at Har- you will make mistakes and give in vard Daniel Gilbert says our brains to your impulses. Remember not to are hard-wired to make irrational beat yourself too hard. Discipline is and poor choices. He also empha- empowering but start with self-reg- sises our obsession with morality, ulation first. It takes time and sever- which discourages us from taking al attempts to condition oneself to pragmatic solutions. respond in a controlled manner. This doesn’t mean we all are Finally, you are accountable only doomed to injudicious deci- to yourself. Pat yourself for the suc- sion-making all our lives. When cesses, and dust off the slip-ups. 

MARCH 2020 44 | PERSONAL GROWTH A Cause Greater Than Herself Michelle Evans in Canada and Heather Garbutt in the UK have set out to heal the world in their own unique ways By Kay Newton he Dalai Lama said the Western woman will save T the world. These two ladies are on a mission to do just that. They have different stories yet both speak of determination, consistency and overcoming odds.

MICHELLE EVANS, CANADA Based in Yukon, Canada, Michelle Evans doesn’t like labels but her clients call her a spiritual mentor or energy healer. To get here, though, she had a tough journey, especially a childhood full of trauma and abuse. Her father, a drug dealer, was incredibly violent. “He would go take care of business with a sawed- off shotgun. I learned how to cook crack cocaine in the microwave when I was 13. He broke three brother, even caring for him and of my ribs at 14. I didn’t talk to a her father’s girlfriend’s two children lot of people – what happened at when her father was in prison and home stayed at home. To this day, he his girlfriend in the hospital. “I was is an active heroin addict,” says the 12 years old. The authorities asked Whitehorse-based life coach. if I was okay and the kids could From a young age, she took on stay with me, or if I was not and the role of protector to her younger they would go to foster care for the

MARCH 2020 PERSONAL GROWTH | 45 night. I was okay. I was always okay.” up.” Then 10 years ago, she began Early on, Michelle knew what practising energy healing. Initially, kind of a mother she would be. she stayed in the “spiritual closet”, “When I got pregnant at 16, my practising only on her sons, whose sole focus was on being the mom I innocent acceptance encouraged wish I had. As my sons grew, I was her. Now, she has been working able to teach them things I had not globally for the past four years. grasped for myself.” She shares, “When you work on healing yourself, everything around you begins to heal too. The ripple effect is amazing. Healing all that trauma over the years has allowed me to also heal the relationships with my family. Which in turn allows me to have incredible relationships with my clients. When you heal yourself, you do not have to do anything to change anyone else, it automatically happens. Whether it is the cashier in the local shop or your children. When you connect to the being you were born as, everything changes.” Now as a midlife woman who had to be invisible as a child, Michelle is becoming more visible all of the But once her own kids were grown time. “I love this and at the same up, she realised she had no idea who time feel awkward. My whole goal she was if she wasn’t “supermom”. now is to help people remember “Knowing I was about to have an who they were before the world got empty nest was the catalyst in finding their hands on them. You still are an out who I truly was,” says Michelle, amazing connected being, there is whose sons are now 20 and 25. no need to find yourself, you were As a young child, Michelle was never lost. It is simply a matter of fascinated with magic (or energy as remembering. You may not always she now calls it) but she “turned the recognise it, yet you are never alone magic volume down and ignored it, and you are always loved.” thinking I must be making things Visit www.rocksolidlove.ca

MARCH 2020 46 | PERSONAL GROWTH

follow the usual academic route. Instead, she took up art and art therapy, which led her to mental health and a job in UK’s National Health Service. “I ended up working with many women who had suffered from the effects of childhood sexual abuse and it shifted my view of the world and really made me want to support women even more,” she says. In 2013, she co- founded the Counselling and Psychotherapy Centre in Old Town, Swindon, which now has 40 therapists on board. Stimulated by the training Heather received in HEATHER GARBUTT, UK California, she began to develop Heather Garbutt is a modern- her career in love and relationship day empath and coach living in coaching. “Along with Marilyn Wiltshire, UK, who is thoroughly Williams from the US, we are enjoying the second stage of her developing a 10-week programme life. “My current relationship is so for couples who want to enrich their very different from my earlier ones. relationship or are disappointed in My partner and I are both in our love. I love seeing how people who 60s and we are both learning to come in with fog and distress go love. We are very much opposites out with clarity and power.” so we live in two homes during A lot of things affect midlife the work-week and come together relationships, such as kids leaving at the weekend! It works perfectly home, health changes, losing well for us.” the lustre in your relationship, Heather’s life has always been retirement and career changes. different from the crowd. As a Heather says, “There has to be a defiant teenager she refused to sense of ‘we’, yet it cannot be at

MARCH 2020 PERSONAL GROWTH | 47 the expense of ‘I’. There will always committed love. She says it is such be tensions and differences, so you a joy to see people come alive and need to be able to acknowledge be in a position to choose a partner those and work with them.” from a stance of relaxed confidence Conscious uncoupling is another and clear discernment. Watching aspect of Heather’s work. She works women move into the second half with couples who are parting ways of their life with a new partner or people who have baggage from and zest for living is a magnificent old, toxic relationships that still reward, she says. affect them in the present day. “If Heather calls her work ‘deep they are getting divorced, we help coaching’. “It allows time for the them save tens of thousands of psychotherapeutic process. If there pounds in lawyers’ fees or emotional has been trauma, we allow time for the grief and hold the necessary space. We take time to look at where the blueprints come from, the core beliefs that lead you to the ways of thinking and behaving.” Heather’s new podcast series ‘Revolutionise Your Love Life’ covers all things to do with relationships and self-empowerment including abusive relationships and how harm to their kids. The aim is to to survive them. “We look at power part sanely and kindly, and to still and control relationships, myth- have a relationship at the end. This busting, how to leave safely and leads to cooperation, kindness and find sources of support that will respect.” hold you. Even if it may mean that The programme closest to you have to live a double life for a Heather’s heart is ‘Calling in the while, where you keep secrets and One’. In this, she helps women in build your life outside before you midlife who have been disappointed make the move.”  in relationships to find true, happy, Visit www.heathergarbutt.com.

MARCH 2020 48 | BOOK REVIEW Quest for Freedom Social and religious structures systematically deny Indian women their rights and freedom, says activist Kavita Krishnan in her new book By Aekta Kapoor

as the dream of freedom been spaces at will, at any time of the day truly achieved by the female or night, to live the way she wants? H population of India? They These questions – which are may be free to vote but are they free remarkable only because we are to choose a partner, or when or not still asking them in the 21st century to have children, and do they have – are tackled by women’s rights a say in their own education and activist Kavita Krishnan in her new earnings? Can a woman in India as- book Fearless Freedom (Penguin pire to bekhauf azaadi (fearless free- Books, `299). It looks at the several dom) – the freedom to roam public systemic reasons that deny Indian women their basic human rights, beginning with the fundamental right to autonomy. Giving examples from laws, literature and religious texts, the author points out how social structures ensure that women are confined to the four walls of the home. Once a woman’s freedom to move has been restricted, other freedoms are easy to snatch away. The patriarchal argument that it is better for women to be ‘safe’ than be ‘free’ is used time and again even in the modern day as an excuse for gender discrimination at all levels. Instead of putting the onus on men to change behaviours, the threat of sexual violence is used to frighten women into submission and confinement within homes. Further, using case studies of recent

MARCH 2020 BOOK REVIEW | 49 brutal ‘honour’ killings, the author religion strikes a discordant note. demonstrates the role of caste in While one agrees that ancient texts the denial of female agency – all like Manusmriti and many Hindu restrictions on women’s freedom customs are horribly demeaning have one subversive goal in mind, to women, it is one thing to reject she says: to eliminate the possibility misogyny and another to reject of inter-caste couplings and ensure religion itself. It is like throwing the ‘purity’ of bloodline. baby out with the bathwater. She also looks at discrimination Buddhist educator Daisaku Ikeda in workplaces, and how social says, “People do not exist for the patriarchy is perpetuated even in sake of religion; religion exists for corporate environments. people, to enable people to become A large chapter of the book is happy.” As thought-leaders and social activists, one must contribute to the evolution of religion instead of perpetuating ancient definitions that no longer serve us today. For instance, the author interprets the word ‘svadharma’ in the Bhagavad Gita as ‘caste-ordained duty’ while I prefer Sri Aurobindo’s definition of it as one’s ‘calling’ or ‘law of action’. Similarly, while I reject Hindutva, I would be wary of rejecting Kavita Krishnan Hinduism – or any religion – itself, for then one closes one’s doors to a to do with sexism powered by vast spiritual resource to understand religion, and the role of Hindutva in humanity and oneself. denying female agency. The author All said, the author’s feminist is univocal in her criticism of the intentions are in the right place. She BJP-RSS model of governance does her job effectively of bringing and indoctrination that normalises to the fore the deep and malignant gender violence, so much so cancers in society that keep women that even its female proponents oppressed and deny them that most internalise their subjugation. elusive of freedoms: bekhauf azaadi. While the book is an eye-opener Awareness is the root of change, and and makes for essential reading, this book serves well as the roadmap the author’s over-zealous striking marking where the corrections down of anything to do with must take place. 

MARCH 2020 50 | BOOK REVIEW A MAN’S WORLD Caroline Criado Perez’s data-supported book explains how women face risks to their careers, lives and health due to systems and designs that see the default human as male By Manu Prasad

he irony of a man reviewing a would keep in mind the needs of book that is about the under- a segment which constitutes 50 per T representation of women, in a cent of the users. If you’re a wom- women’s magazine, is not lost on an, you know the answer. And that’s me. But while this is indeed about what this book is about. gender, it is also about mindset. As the blurb of Invisible Women: In the past few years, I have Exposing Data Bias in a World De- tried to be more conscious of the signed for Men says, imagine a world challenges that women face at the where your phone is too large for workplace and in their everyday your hand, where the safety of the lives, and be more aware of how the vehicle you travel in has not been world works differently for them in designed with you in mind, and the things that men take for granted. medicine you have been prescribed Despite my efforts, I continue to be is wrong for you because you regularly surprised. But why should weren’t adequately represented in I have to be conscious in the first trials! In essence, a world in which place? One would think that when the default human is male. products, services, spaces and so Caroline Criado Perez uses data on are being designed, the creators and studies from multiple domains

MARCH 2020 BOOK REVIEW | 51

serve as an insightful articulation of many things that they have thought about, talked about, or attempted to change. It would give them infor- mation on how women around the world have taken them up as chal- lenges and sometimes succeeded in setting things right. For men, the best way to explain it is with a story from David Foster Wallace’s unforgettable speech: Two young fish swimming along meet an older fish swimming the oth- er way, who asks, “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” The two young fish swim on, but after a bit, one of them asks, “What the hell is water?” Men, my friends, are the young Caroline Criado Perez fish. The invisibility is all around, it manifests itself in many ways, and it to highlight how women have is by definition, invisible to us be- not been fairly represented, and in cause men built it for other men. many cases to also show how cor- Some of it is intentional, and some recting this could lead to a better unconscious because we have never result not just for women, but for questioned why. We didn’t need to humanity overall. Public transport, because we are privileged. urinals (ever wondered why there’s I think we will see the world dif- always a queue for women while ferently after reading this book. The men saunter in and out?), work- challenge for us would be to re- place practices, product design, main conscious of the inherent bias medicine, disaster relief – the pain in our thinking, our behaviour, and is everywhere. Some made me say. the way we design objects and sys- “Oh, I didn’t think of it that way”, tems. One really doesn’t have to be many made me grimace, and most a genius to understand the impact are just appalling. better representation can make, at And that is why, I believe, this is a an individual and societal level.  book that men and women should Manu Prasad is VP Marketing at read, for different reasons. Scripbox, Bengaluru, and writes on For women, it will probably Manuscrypts.com.

MARCH 2020 52 | RECIPES BREAKFAST DELIGHTS Turn up the yummy-ness and still keep your breakfast healthy with these four recipes that abound in both nutrition and taste Recipes by Kaveri Jain. Photography by Aadi Jain

MARCH 2020 RECIPES | 53 SPICED HOT CHOCOLATE

Ingredients (serves 2): 2. Heat the cream and add the 350 ml milk chocolate, mix till no lumps are left. 50 ml cream 3. Add this liquid chocolate to the milk 100 gms chocolate (chopped) and simmer for another 2-3 minutes. Spice mix: cinnamon + star anise + 4. Strain and pour into cups. nutmeg Optional: Add 30 ml of rum/vodka Instructions: to the mug and top it up with the 1. Boil the milk for 5-7 minutes with hot chocolate. Add mini or large the spice mix. marshmallows as per your liking.

CHIA SEED PUDDING

Ingredients (serves two): and pour into two jars. 1.5 cups milk of choice (cow milk, 2. Mix each jar well and let it sit for a almond milk, oats milk or coconut milk) few minutes; mix again making sure 4 tbsp chia seeds there are no lumps. 2 tsp honey or stevia 3. Cover the jar and store in the fridge Fruits and chocolate for topping for 2 – 12 hours. Instructions: 4. Top up with your favourite fruits/ 1. Divide the three ingredients equally chocolate before eating. Enjoy chilled!

MARCH 2020 54 | PERSONAL GROWTH

MUSHROOM AVOCADO AND FETA OMELETTE

Ingredients (serves one): 3. Remove from pan and keep aside. ½ ripe avocado Wipe the pan clean; add the remaining 1 cup greens (spinach, kale, cress) oil and heat on medium. 100 gms sliced mushrooms 4. Whisk the eggs in a bowl. Add salt 40 gms feta cheese and pepper and pour the eggs on the 2 large eggs heated pan. 1 tbsp olive oil 5. Cook for a few minutes till the eggs Salt and pepper to taste are set (no runny liquid in the middle). Instructions: Once the bottom starts browning, 1. Add half the olive oil to a non-stick carefully slide the eggs onto a plate. pan/skillet and heat over medium heat. 6. Layer half the omelette with the 2. Add the mushrooms and cook for sautéed mushroom, greens, cheese around five minutes till they are tender and avocado. Fold over the other half, and brown. and enjoy hot!

MARCH 2020 RECIPES | 55 OPEN SOUR DOUGH SANDWICH

Ingredients (serves two): bread, sour dough or any other. A slice of sour dough / any bread 2. Heat a grill pan, add butter and grill Tomatoes, sliced the Halloumi / cottage cheese for a Onions, sliced few minutes. 2 tsp feta cheese 3. Spread the soft feta on the hot 1 tsp butter toast; top up with sliced tomatoes and 30 gms Halloumi / cottage cheese onions. Salt and pepper to taste 4. Sprinkle salt and pepper. Finally add Micro greens for garnish the grilled cheese. Instructions: 5. Garnish with some micro greens. 1. Toast the slice of your favourite Enjoy! 

MARCH 2020 56 | TRAVEL Cappadocia Calling In a world that seeks perfection sits the odd, imperfect fairy-tale cave town of Cappadocia in Turkey By Kaveri Jain TRAVEL | 57

y adventure to Cappadocia, no less than a palace. There are a miracle of nature in the plenty of cave accommodations in M heart of Turkey, began in Cappadocia for travellers of every the airplane itself, flying down from budget – from cave hostels to luxury Istanbul to Nevsehir Capadokya hotels. Don’t miss the experience! airport. With my face stuck to the A bustling local market lay a window, I was like a little child short distance away, with all sorts spellbound with the views of the of dried herbs, flowers, pottery, honeycombed hills, fairy chimneys household goods and foodstuff like and towering boulders. dried fruit and teas on sale. I bought Cappadocia, created from a series five varieties of teas and a bag of of volcanic eruptions, is a world pistachios from a hazel-eyed girl

L-R: An open-air museum in Cappadocia; souvenirs for sale in the shape of the unusual rock formations

heritage site and a must-visit for who pulled out a bottle of syrup any travel enthusiast. My first steps when I told her I love cooking. She along the pebbled road leading to said the syrup was called pekmez, its an enchanting cave hotel were just grape molasses made in Cappadocia, the beginning of an unimaginable and is used to make a chewy dessert adventure. A 30-room property similar to the Turkish Delight. dating back to the fifth and sixth Before it got too hot I decided to centuries, a large part of the hotel visit the Goreme open-air museum. was actually a Greek mansion from This museum has eight of the best- the 19th century. Six of the largest preserved churches in Cappadocia. cave houses have been luxuriously My favourite was Karanik Kilise renovated here, and mine was with its beautiful Byzantine frescos.

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A typical dwelling in Cappadocia

I stopped for a bite at Old breathtaking landscape engulfed my Cappadocia café where I tried the very being. I ended the ride heady ever popular pottery kebab. Testi with exhilaration. is an Anatolian specialty made in a The same afternoon, I set off on clay pot or jug, usually with lamb, a hike with a couple I’d met during beef or chicken and vegetables like the ride. We started down the narrow carrots, celery, onions, garlic and canyon walls of Pigeon Valley, and potatoes. It was a spectacle to watch in about two hours reached Uçhisar the blazing hot jug being brought Castle, a tall volcanic-rock outcrop out and cracked right onto my that is one of Cappadocia’s most plate. Next up was a Rose Valley prominent landmarks. Riddled with hike, where I stood over oceans of tunnels, it was used for centuries by rippling red, rose and white rocks villagers for refuge during enemy watching the sun go down. attacks. You can also view Mount The next morning, I was up at 5 Erciyes in the distance. am, heading out for a once-in-a- My next stop was the Kaymakli lifetime hot air balloon ride. I fall Underground City, an unimaginable short of words to describe what I habitation that descends eight levels felt as I sailed higher and higher to into the earth. The construction of a height of nearly 6000 feet. The this cave city happened between the endless vastness of Cappadocia’s seventh and eighth centuries BCE,

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A potter’s wares on display

again as a refuge from invaders. Open Air Museum, which houses Finishing my day with a glass of about 15 churches, tunnels, houses, wine at the Top Deck Restaurant monasteries and mills and is a great here, watching the sky change hues, example of Byzantine art. was the cherry on the cake. Around the corner is Devrent On my third and final day in Valley, but to my surprise there were Cappadocia (I kicked myself for no large chimneys or churches to planning such a short trip – you be seen. Rather, all I could see were need four or five days at least!), animal-shaped rocks – in the shape I set off early to the Pasabag or of dolphins, snakes and even camels. Monk Valley. Standing amidst the Strange, small fairy chimneys most striking fairy chimneys and seemed to form a lunar landscape. mushroom-topped formations in It was an enchanting experience, the area was jaw-dropping. The bringing out the child in me. Monk Valley was once home to a Lunch at the Organic Cave community of hermits. In one of Kitchen and dinner at the Turkish the three-headed fairy chimneys, Ravioli restaurant were both there is a chapel dedicated to St. excellent picks for my final day. I Simeon with antithetical crosses can’t wait to go back in winter and decorating the entrance. About a see this magical land in a new light,

ALL PHOTOS: PIXABAY PHOTOS: ALL kilometre ahead is the Zelve Valley dusted with light snow. 

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COZY IN COORG Set in a tranquil little hamlet in southern Karnataka, the Ibnii Coorg is the ideal destination if you’re looking for an eco-luxury getaway By Maya Lalchandani

here’s an interesting fact about but the historical context goes back the people of Coorg in south to the days of the British Raj when T Karnataka: The Kodavas, an the Kodavas were allowed to have ethnic warrior people who speak firearms in return for their services the Kodagu language, are the to the Empire. A loophole in the law only community in India who are allowed this exemption to continue permitted to own firearms without in independent India. a license. They claim it’s because No doubt the Kodavas are a very they are very brave and responsible, valorous people, but one really

MARCH 2020 TRAVEL | 61 wonders why anyone would need private plunge pool, the works. firearms in a quiet little hamlet in the My morning view was of lakes hills dotted with coffee plantations and mists and the cacophony of the and harmless animal life. A three to cicadas. I was gently reminded that four-hour drive from Mangalore Ibnii in Kodugu means ‘dew’. Each airport, I arrived at the paperless villa seemed almost a mile away, lobby of the Ibnii in Coorg, where separated by green forest. There I was welcomed with a traditional are 22 villas like these and then greeting of chukka coffee with some wooden cottages along with kadumbuttu (rice ball with jaggery). some premium suites. Catering to a This is a seven-star property, global traveller, all the trappings spell including a cool 125 acres of coffee luxury, but the resort has limited

The Ibnii in Coorg is a seven-star eco resort known for its sustainable and energy-efficient luxury plantation. The air was heavy with its carbon footprint. The founders the smell of pine and petrichor have been careful not to disturb the as I was transported by buggy to delicate balance of spaces, and have my 1200 sq ft villa in the middle kept a harmonious balance between of evergreen woodland. It felt like architecture and nature. the lines had already blurred, like Most of the meals are served at nature and man were no longer the multi-cuisine restaurant, The separate. The magic of Ibnii had Fig, situated at a level where one already enveloped me. The villa, can overlook a beautiful water body Kopi Luwak, was pure refined and a huge expense of green. The luxury, comprising everything one cuisine boasts of the resort’s own ever needed – including a jacuzzi, a jams and pickles, even oven-fresh

MARCH 2020 62 | TRAVEL

breads. The greens and vegetables Manja, the spa, is named after the are grown organically here. A medicinal herb turmeric and the vegetarian menu is offered at the therapists entwine tradition and Ballale, where the décor represents science to create temporary bliss. the spices grown in-house and The most interesting part of the used by the chefs. One can also Ibnii resort is the way it supports the opt for the all-barbequed meals at eco-system. The resort has a large Masi Kande, and try a novel way of water catchment system that not barbequing on one’s own table. only saves huge volumes during the Early evenings are filled with monsoons, it also takes good care activities like fishing by the fresh- of their fauna and flora. A state-of-

Relaxation and being one with nature is what Ibnii is all about, whether outdoors or indoors

water harvesting lake. The resort the-art water-treatment plant also encourages responsible fishing,recycles all used water into fresh so caught fish can be let go again. water. They also have an advanced Painting on canvas is another way waste management system, and of connecting with nature through interestingly, they fine guests for art. Kaldi Kappee, the picturesque food thrown away! The amount coffee shop, allows you to brew your collected goes to an NGO that own cup. Views of a planter’s life feeds orphan children in Madikeri. are also shared. But there’s nothing It’s no wonder this resort is the like an actual walk through the first in India to bag the prestigious plantations, hearing of their natural IGBC Platinum Certification for cycles and grading processes. sustainable luxury. 

MARCH 2020 EVENT | 63 GIRLS’ DAY OUT iLeap Academy and celebrity wellness consultant Deepa Khanna Rupani announced a new initiative for women with eShe as media partner

Left: (L-R) Nicolette Bhojwani, Preetika Saluja, Deepa Khanna Rupani, Uma Sangal and Parul Banjara; below: (L-R) Deepa Khanna Rupani, Anita Panda and Kitty Khanna; below left: the event was hosted at True Tramm Trunk, Juhu, Mumbai, by iLeap, a comprehensive after- school curriculum

MARCH 2020 64 | EVENT

Clockwise from top left: Shweta Rao being awarded a lucky draw hamper by Nicolette Bhojwani, CEO of iLeap Academy; iLeap founder and chief mentor Noopur Kanchan; an Impasto workshop; (L-R) Bhavani Kumar, Ritu Gupta, Deepa Khanna Rupani, Khushbu Gupta and Rhea Kalra

MARCH 2020 RARE VIEW | 65

Invisible Boundaries A pervading Lakshman Rekha reins in women from affluent families By Aekta Kapoor he situation is so common dermatologist is being a pig that no one notices it is a about it. “The doctor says it’s T problematic one. Over green just stress, and refuses to give me tea and sugar-free biscuits served anything for it,” the 38-year-old on a silver tray, hints of suffocation svelte yoga addict mourns. She begin to show. A forced laugh craves some kind of a career, but here, a pair of pressed lips there. her husband thinks she would be “He says he earns enough, there neglecting her home duties if she is no need for his wife to earn,” stepped out to work, and besides, says one woman, an MBA and there was really no point in her mother of two teenagers, who working unless she earned sever- has so much time on her hands al lakhs a month, at least. she has begun to sprout seeds of The third woman, a few years sadness that rise above her blonde older, wiser, a gold medallist in highlighted hair like a cloud and her post-graduate years, advises follow even the Audi she drives. the others to follow her exam- The second woman has dark ple. “At the time of my wedding, patches under her eyes, and the my in-laws had a condition: they PHOTO: BUSRA OZCAN / UNSPLASH OZCAN BUSRA PHOTO:

MARCH 2020 66 | RARE VIEW

did not want a working girl. But Not everyone can reject the I wanted to do something of my situation and walk away, like I own. Yes, it took me two de- did. Not everyone wants to. It cades but look at me now.” She costs too much, and besides af- runs classes for children at home ter a while there is no longer any twice a week in their large, taste- desire for an alternative life and fully decorated basement that the Lakshman Rekha lulls you also hosts the frequent parties her into a drowsy sense of security. in-laws like to host. This is a comfort zone. You are It could be a scene anywhere safe here, your every need served in India – in swish gated neigh- bourhoods in Delhi or Mumbai, WOMEN @ WORK: or a palatial bungalow in Bhopal or Lucknow. There is an insidi- India’s female Labour Force Par- ous, pervading Lakshman Rekha ticipation Rate fell to a historic drawn around women in afflu- low of 23.3% in 2017-18. ent classes, or those on their way up the socio-economic ladder. The rate is lowest for Muslim Its perks flow generously inward and upper-caste Hindu women. – fancy cars, diamonds, interna- tional holidays, foreign education An increase of just 10 percent- for the children, decadent homes age points could add $770 bil- – but it allows no step outward. lion to India’s GDP by 2025. The job profile is stringent: the candidate must remain silent, sub- servient to the needs of the fam- on a platter. What is the need to ily, suppress her own ambitions, struggle, to earn your own way, be fit and impeccably groomed to lose honour and respect in so- in appearance, gracious in public, ciety just for the sake of personal and imperiously efficient in run- fulfilment? We must be happy for ning her army of domestic help- what we have, God is great. ers. Transgression is swiftly dealt Even so, once in a while, a tell- with insults, violence or material tale sign slips through. An angrily restrictions, perhaps a reduction wiped tear here, a hug held lon- in ‘pocket money’ or an addi- ger than usual there. Then the tional benefit bestowed on some walls close in and only a bright other candidate, the competitor, lipsticked smile can be seen.  in the home.

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68 | PERSONAL GROWTH

MARCH 2020