Whiskerhead Dreams the Dread Chicken
by David Brennan
BlazeVOX [books] Buffalo, New York
Whiskerhead Dreams the Dread Chicken By David Brennan Copyright © 2008
Published by BlazeVOX [books]
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without the publisher’s written permission, except for brief quotations in reviews.
Printed in the United States of America
Book design by Geoffrey Gatza
First Edition
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Contents
Awful Trumpet...... 9 The Blue Death Sounds Out Summer’s Dusky Whir, for Electric Bug Zapper...... 11 Plastic Knork...... 12 Espresso Maker Milk Steamer...... 13 Good Signs to Shout Out Loud While Traveling North on I-65, Birmingham to Louisville...... 14 Clap Shoes ...... 15 Rain...... 16 Acoustical Disturbances in Flat Surfaces of Varying Substance When Impacted by a 5lb. Bag of Ice 17 The Name of My Sound...... 18 Warren Wilson College Thursday Night Contra Dance, 8:00pm to 11:00pm: a Project for 4 Weeks.19 Intimate Moments for Public Theatre: Death of a Pet ...... 20 I’ll Send You a Fruit Basket, Rap for Gas Station Pump, ~$40 Worth ...... 21 My Pedestrian Backpack Waterbottle Sloshes Viciously While I Dodge the Sloppy Cell-head Drivers of SUV Whose Blunted Attentions Corrode and Deprave Atmosphere Conducive to a Good Stroll and So Are Not Forgiven...... 23 Why Pound My Black Hole with Star?, for Lexmark Z605 Inkjet Printer with 8 ½” x 11” Paper...... 24 Over Pass Under ...... 27 All Things Bubba: All Things Considered v. The Rick and Bubba Show ...... 28 Footprint of the Chicken ...... 29 Busy Street with Lots of Stoplight, for Redneck Cyclist-Heckler ...... 30 Kid’s Station© Sing-A-Long CD Player ...... 31 Brian Eno is Sitting on My Face ...... 32 The Poem is Quite Explicit...... 33 The Fire, the Pain, the Gloom, for Pencil Sharpeners and Voice...... 34 For the Beauty of Blood, Sing: Suzanne Vega’s “Blood Sings” v. “For the Beauty of the Earth” (a cappella, trad.) ...... 35 Intimate Moments for Public Theatre: Fist, an Open Hand...... 36 The Diarist Encounters Exertion’s Static Pulse, Accompanied by Solo Yank-Start Push Lawnmower with No Gas...... 37 Wanting to Yank It, for 100 Corked Wine Bottles and Invisible Voice...... 40 Yet Never Saw an Flock of Timorous Goats, for Television and Television Remote...... 45 Two-Minute Duet, for Oral-B 2-Speed Professional Care Electric Toothbrushes with Built-in 30- Second Timers...... 46 How It is that Florescence Became Bulb...... 47
4’33’’ (The Defects of Our Hearers Remix)...... 48 A Crowd...... 50 And Chickens Rose From Out the Earth, a Round for Four Egg Timers...... 51 Chat Bits for iPod with Active Shuffle ...... 52 Diagram for Reality that Exists Within Earshot ...... 53 Watching Daniel Bernard Roumain Present the World Premiere of The Tuscaloosa Meditations, Which to Myself, Parched for Sound Straightfaced and Didactic, Appeared in a Revelation of Cherubic Halo and Pastel Robe Thrashing, in an Unraveled Pit of Angels Moshing, as My Brain’s Ulterior Lobe Perceived, Though After Days of Again Pursuing Domestic Habits I Begin to Wonder If It was Really All That...... 54 Radio City ...... 55 The Greater Pleasure, for Steak ’n Shake Short Order Hamburger Grill Cook...... 56 The Sea Long Ago as God Would Have It, for Video Game and Piano ...... 57 With Enough Lubrication It Will, for the George Winter Band’s Drum Machine ...... 58 Horny, for Car Stereo and Horn ...... 59 Outside the Old Europe Bistro...... 60 The Clapper v. The Crusher...... 61 International 4900 Dumptruck Unloading Graveled Limestone, 15 Ton...... 64 Intimate Moments for Public Theatre: The Flying Bathroom...... 65 I’m All Wired Up: Blueprint for a Song ...... 66 LaMonte Young is a Punk or Nice Hat, Bitch ...... 67 Mutherfucka!, for the Strange Double Streetlight Directly Across from 16 Lakeview, Tuscaloosa, AL, which Emits a Horrendous White Buzzing That on May 7, 2007 Began at Exactly 7:47pm while My ______and I Sat On the Front Porch Slugging Cheap Wine and Discussing Commercial Airliners ...... 68 A Passive Universe Foists Its Guilt, for Garbage Truck Compaction and Acceleration, Too Early Monday and Thursday Mornings, Accompanied by the Dawn Chorus ...... 69 The Pattern of History Ends Here, for Model Train ...... 70 Time as Emotion Measured in Shopping Malls...... 71 Trying Out New Audience-Specific Material ...... 72 The Greatest Album Ever v. The Greatest Poems Ever, for a Poetry Reading...... 73
Whiskerhead Dreams the Dread Chicken
for Paul Morley
Awful Trumpet
Ice-cream cone
without a cow.
The Blue Death Sounds Out Summer’s Dusky Whir, for Electric Bug Zapper
A forest, or wooded area. Sun just yet in the west sky. Hang the EBZ from a tree branch and plug it in. The audience surrounds the zapper in a circle, sitting on the forest floor or on fallen logs culled from close by (support local!). All face outward, away from the death. The performance continues until the bug zapper’s blue is the last light left (by which to see).
Plastic Knork*
Cutting a carrot with a plastic knork
Preceding to sever time and time again. Simile her anti- Christ. The crisis averted crisply.
Peeling an apple with a plastic knork
The postmodern is no more surprising to the Lord and no less.
Slicing mango with a plastic knork
Laughter is hell whose pits aspire.
*knife/fork
Espresso Maker Milk Steamer
That words should as far as possible resemble things, Socrates, if avoiding the clumsiness of the butcher while tracking the beat his knife techniques, consider for example our own insertions,
naked and afterwards limp, so unlike the steam spigot’s perpetual priapsis, its linear hiss.
Good Signs to Shout Out Loud While Traveling North on I-65, Birmingham to Louisville
1. Fireworks and Beer!
2. Hell is Real!
3. Now You Can Fly!
4. Nervous Charlie’s!*
5. The Booby Bungalow!
6. Love Wins!
*See no. 1. Clap Shoes
Inside, for shoes are meant to be worn out. Either while on the feet or in hand, strike shoes together by their soles in a steady four-count beat. Record this for 17 seconds. Using another pair of shoes, repeat striking at a different tempo. Record for 15-19 seconds. Repeat the process with as many pairs of shoes / sandals / slippers / boots as are available. After, play back all recordings simultaneously. Act surprised, yet remain composed. As you bow, be disappointed they applaud for only the polite amount of time.
Variations: Outside. In a closet. Underwater. Strike different kinds of footwear together: work boot against pump, trainer against wing-tip, Hush Puppy against Birkenstock. Use only one brand of footwear. Use any brand except that. Try shoes made in different countries. Try to find shoes made in your country. Lengthen the length of recording. Differ emotion.
Rain
What does rain say?
“Ouch.” “Ouch.” “Ouch.”
Variations: “Ow.” “Oof.”
Acoustical Disturbances in Flat Surfaces of Varying Substance When Impacted by a 5lb. Bag of Ice
Reason’s empire is the round of daily task. What falls outside the round, upon the rotten basis of appearing probable, is fallen independent of
the conductor’s wand outwitting its plastic’s stylistic high-science, an irrelevancy the extra-terrestrial has yet to let go.
The Name of My Sound
[a tar] Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus [baby] Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus [a tar] Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus Hello Uncle Remus [a baby]
Warren Wilson College Thursday Night Contra Dance, 8:00pm to 11:00pm: a Project for 4 Weeks
Week 1. Record the dance, 8:00pm to 11:00pm, from the back of the hall, beside the climbing wall. Mic on the floor.
Week 2. Introduce a second PA system. Starting at 8:00pm, begin to play the previous week’s recording over the new PA. The dance proceeds as normal (the band plays, the caller calls) while the Week 1 recording plays. Record this dance, with mic positioned on the floor near the front entrance of the hall, from 8:00pm to 11:00pm.
Week 3. Starting a 8:00pm, begin to play the recording from Week 2 over PA system #2. The dance proceeds as usual while the recording plays. Record this dance, with mic of the floor positioned at some point along the wall opposite the dance hall’s front entrance, from 8:00pm to 11:00pm.
Week 4. Starting at 8:00pm, begin to play Week 3’s recording over the second public address system. The dance proceeds as it should.
Intimate Moments for Public Theatre: Death of a Pet
A man sits with cat in lap, intent -ly touching its ear tips.
I’ll Send You a Fruit Basket, Rap for Gas Station Pump, ~$40 Worth
yo kid check yr roll clip cadillac done broke it now how you gonna grow yr fro? I grow mine sideways horizontal like wheat-free tamari like Pong on Atari battered and deep-fried micky-D’s apple pie not calamari I got appetite like Nicole and Paris huge but can’t stomach food I wear a hairshirt my chest got hair, sure shit, who you think you been humpin hand pump got my nose runnin fugly like the Underground yo Im hip to it, I blip to it dissect my mobile like its old school 8 years old sportin Keds to bed like sex with sneaks on in a bucket seat, test drive my ass squeak Godzilla be screamin less my Speed Stick be seemin less sweet lately, is it cause I date separately simultaneously? get yr rock off wont you be my neighborhood knock-off last thing offs yr tube-sock cloth I wear mine like the Chili Peppers sock-pocket for the testes salty and tasty like biscuits and gravy sausage gravy and biscuits at T-towns City Café a side of toast and jam, yo toe jam, yo promiscuous up in this ho jam, oh! I speak French when I need to baby you breathe too much in my ear sip dont slurp my éclair shotgun a soda and belch like the Bear I do yoga like R2-D2 I rhyme missile defense with veto I think Harlequin romance is neat yo how best to get past it Ill send you a fruit basket of vegetable soup to sop when sick, so you can think how big it is, my Ford F-250 pickup truck. fuck
My Pedestrian Backpack Waterbottle Sloshes Viciously While I Dodge the Sloppy Cell-head Drivers of SUV Whose Blunted Attentions Corrode and Deprave Atmosphere Conducive to a Good Stroll and So Are Not Forgiven
If sea is obituary had legs.
Why Pound My Black Hole with Star?, for Lexmark Z605 Inkjet Printer with 8 ½” x 11” Paper
First Movement: 107 Copies
Second Movement: 107 Copies yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYY yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy YYYYYYYYY YYYYYYY YYYYY YYY Y
Third Movement: 108 Copies
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Over Pass Under
A pastoral grass is master. Under the overpass
this coming of an hour’s shade at noon reverberates allusive tunings.
Hallelujah.
All Things Bubba: All Things Considered v. The Rick and Bubba Show
“To be controversial, they’re just so awesome they pretty much inspired me. So I wasn’t able to listen to your radio show for like a year. We got a bunch of former stoners coming in here wanting to lead worship; these former rockers have isolated everything that can be found in the human body: the medusa-like nerves, miles of intestine, precise muscles, the heart through which once a minute flows the 40 lb. organ of the skin. I dashed through the crowd looking at dead people, a passion a lot of them don’t have. I fondled a brain attended by a docent. When we find Jesus who has been taken apart we go crazy. ‘I was hungry, but now I’m not.’ ‘I know what it was like without him; I don’t want to go back to that.’ Wow, awesome, isn’t God amazing? ‘Saturday night he was pretty funny.’ Naw dude, you need to go try the ribs. They’re dangerously interactive. ‘Oh my god I’m in love.’ She has an outstanding speaking voice. It doesn’t move. Our next door neighbor, as soon as I gazed on his form I asked ‘Can you please say the word pavilion?’ How did he say it? Pervilion. I knew the man wasn’t in there. That’s an acceptable pronounciation of that in some parts of the country. Velvet Catfish. The dancers were warm and swarthy and gave off heat. A much better deal. A brand new big jazz and heritage festival begins right now. Last night he did a cutting edge documentary on black sheep one-night all-night throwdown dive bars and superheroes for pop music geeks. He said the global warming bunch are more threatening than Elvis’s guitar player. His walls are shelves of CNN lp’s. ‘Susie Q ventured into the Land of the Dinosaur.’ He’s booked everyone. The past is more moderate than we are but not so much. The new and improved record player he keeps at work said ‘He’s just a producer of documentaries. Welcome to H-E double hockey sticks.’ His infectious love of anesthesiology started at 5pm and went till 5 in the morning. Did you see the monster they videotaped on a riding lawnmower nursing a beer? They thought it was a sea cucumber. You mean it’s not even alive? It’s like a plant? Monkey In a Sack sells for $800 on ebay. Did anybody see it? The thing that gets me, now that we’re all fired up, and that’s just it, there’s some days I can’t stand what I’m saying. Because they’re attacked by the militant global warmers, in a normal society you’d go like ‘Well, here’s what other covers and pop standards are saying.’ They have the cause and effect in reverse, they’re saying it’s a greenhouse effect when in actual reality if you add CO2 to the string of R&B hits she had after her husband died that have led to gigs far beyond Europe it would shield the earth from heat. The stomp. ‘It was just so fast and powerful I fell.’”
Footprint of the Chicken
“Footprint of the Chicken”
Busy Street with Lots of Stoplight, for Redneck Cyclist-Heckler
“hhhhhhheeeeeelllllmmmeetts suuuucccckkkkkk”
“yyyyooou suucck”
“aaahaayayaayaahaaayyahayaaaahaayaa!”
Variations: “Tweety Bird.” “Fat ass.” “Pipe sucker.” Kid’s Station© Sing-A-Long CD Player
Into your Kid’s Station© Sing-A-Long CD Player insert Aphex Twin’s Selected Ambient Works Volume One disc 2. Play the track “Picture Letter.”
2’11” into the track scream at the microphone:
I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut say I whut
Brian Eno is Sitting on My Face
I am breathing though.
The Poem is Quite Explicit
200+lb. human being bouncing on a trampoline bed laden with acorns and other nuts fallen from trees and gathered hunter-gatherer style smacking the taut spring- stretched synthetic circle the sad person bounces on behind the barn with stars.
The Fire, the Pain, the Gloom, for Pencil Sharpeners and Voice
Pencil Sharpeners:
Electric Pencil Sharpener: is given 10 pencils. Crank Pencil Sharpener: is given 5 pencils. Hand-held Pencil Sharpener: is given 1 pencil.
They grind away.
Voice:
Chorus: Diaphanous Aqua Teen Hunger Force kind of love. Printer cartridge inked-out. Now I can’t write letters anymore, because I’ve forgotten how to use stamps. I get online and IM my manager the details of my last Halo game. She gives me a raise of thumbs-up. Exemplary. Skewered tofu. SpiderMan 3 on DVD. The suspense is torture. A sparrow perched on the rack of the Hummer parked down the street. The way my eyes are failing me, I’ll want glasses to read the Wendy’s drive-thru menu. Fries dipped in Frosty. The instances of my punishment are innumerable. Less. American Idol has gotten so bad I now watch every episode. Last night we had outercourse. I’ve broken two paperclips between the first instance of “outercourse” and this second quoted instance. Newton’s incantational apple. I am currently using less than 1% of my Gmail account. Of my system. “Dancer in the Dark” is by far von Trier’s worst film. Green tea the hue of dehydrated urine. Anima.
Verses 1, 2 and 3: Free-style, in the sense of infinitely all-out over-the-top never-in- your-life-again going for it.
The Fire, the Pain, the Gloom is 3’30” in duration.
For the Beauty of Blood, Sing: Suzanne Vega’s “Blood Sings” v. “For the Beauty of the Earth” (a cappella, trad.)
Old errors, thus freedom.
Intimate Moments for Public Theatre: Fist, an Open Hand
As an adult examining the fingers that years ago gripped his stepfather’s
The Diarist Encounters Exertion’s Static Pulse, Accompanied by Solo Yank-Start Push Lawnmower with No Gas
He wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 10 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse 20 to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later 30 he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 40 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse 50 to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later 60 he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later he wrote “I refuse to write a long poem.” 70 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse 80 to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later 90 he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 100 line breaks later he wrote: “I refuse to write a long poem.” 100
Wanting to Yank It, for 100 Corked Wine Bottles and Invisible Voice
Bottles:
Bloody nose sunk in foam. Telephone pole.
Voice (repeated as a lecture):
When nevermind dinner.
Yet Never Saw an Flock of Timorous Goats, for Television and Television Remote
Needed: 1. A television with a basic cable hookup, at the least. 2. A television remote control.
Directions: With volume at its maximumist potential, every 3 seconds use the remote to change the television’s channel. This is to be done for 111 minutes. Though the changing of channels will demand constant attentiveness, regarding the content on the screen and hopping out the speakers, don’t pay attention. DON’T PAY ATTENTION.
DON’T PAY ATTENTION.
Variations: Perform with multiple televisions. Employ the mute button.
Two-Minute Duet, for Oral-B 2-Speed Professional Care Electric Toothbrushes with Built-in 30-Second Timers
For 30 seconds a wide-open mouth is brushed on speed hi.
For 30 seconds the other wide-open mouth is brushed on speed low.
For 30 seconds the mouths alternating wide- open and closed are together brushed on speed hi.
While lips undulate loose to tight about the white plastic brushing attachment for 30 seconds the two closed mouths are brushed by the hand holding the other tooth brush one on speed hi one on speed low.
How It is that Florescence Became Bulb
How it is a permanent part of my equipment, that here is the future of darkness.
Variations: Tape a microphone to a lit florescent light bulb and record. On top of that recording play the a cappella of Britney Spears’ “. . . Baby, One More Time.” Or, over the florescence drone read lines 2, 5, 11, 14, 17, 23, 30 and 31 of William Wordsworth’s poem “The Tables Turned.” Play in a loop until the unread lines become apparent.
4’33’’ (The Defects of Our Hearers Remix)
snivel
itchy scratch honk nose ♪ mm ♫ fl cough cough-it cough- itty yawn ♫ ♫ “ “ ♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪ knee bang “sorry” cross legs un- “are you okay with this?” ♪ snort chuckle aircon kick on finger draw inward aroused ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♪ ring tone whiplash scratchy scratch -y scratch ♪♪♫♫♪♪♫♫ howa fi ♫♫♪♫♫♪ “oohhh” scrotum adjust itch auditori-um door ♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪ fl yawn stifle ♫ tap toe ♪ and to a sense of ♫ scratchy nose blow sniffle siren? ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♪ ♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♫clearthroat♫♫♫♪♪♫♫♫♪♪♫♫♫♪♪♫♫♫♪♪♫ uhsssigh♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ ♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♪♪♪ “drink after” ♪♪ ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫text tap♪♫♫♫♫♪♫♫♫♫♪♫♫♫♫♪♫♫♫♫ fi purse snee ♫♫♫♫♫ “sh” ♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪ ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ ♫♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♪♪ howa fi and to a sense scratchy scratch knee bang ♪♪♪♪♪♪
“a smoke” door ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♪
♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ ♫♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♪♪ howa fi and to a sense scratchy scratch knee bang ♪♪♪♪♪♪ uhsssigh♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ ♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♪♪♪ “drink after” ♪♪ ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫text tap♪♫♫♫♫♪♫♫♫♫♪♫♫♫♫♪♫♫♫♫ fi purse snee ♫♫♫♫♫ yawn stifle ♫ tap toe ♪ and to a sense of ♫ scratchy nose blow sniffle siren? ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♪ ♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♫clearthroat♫♫♫♪♪♫♫♫♪♪♫♫♫♪♪♫♫♫♪♪♫
“a smoke” door ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♪ “are you okay with this?” ♪ snort chuckle aircon kick on finger draw inward aroused ♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♫clearthroat♫♫♫♪♪♫♫♫♪♪♫♫♫♪♪♫♫♫♪♪♫ uhsssigh♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ ♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♪♪♪ “drink after” ♪♪ ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫text tap♪♫♫♫♫♪♫♫♫♫♪♫♫♫♫♪♫♫♫♫ fi purse snee ♫♫♫♫♫
A Crowd
A crowd.
And Chickens Rose From Out the Earth, a Round for Four Egg Timers
The Chronology:
A concert hall.
Upon entering the hall, each member of the audience is given an egg, raw or hardboiled.
The lights deconstruct.
Onto the stage four egg timers are carried and placed on pedestals.
A musician.
The musician sets egg timer #1 for its allotted hour.
After five minutes egg timer #2 is set for its allotted hour.
After five minutes more egg timer #3 is set for its allotted hour.
After five more minutes egg timer #4 is set for its allotted hour.
Once all four egg timers are established, each audience member, starting in the front left corner of the hall and proceeding individually row by row until reaching the person in the rear right corner of the uppermost balcony, breaks the egg he/she is holding over his/her head. This can be done at any time during the remainder of the performance, with the condition all eggs are broken before the realization of the perceived future, familiar and final “ding.”
Chat Bits for iPod with Active Shuffle
Pixies, ‘Here Comes Your Man’ 1. Lisa Germano, ‘Wood Floors’ X. So my older sister, who lives in Nick Drake, ‘Introduction’ Chicago, right? so my parents went to Cat Power, ‘American Flag’ visit her and her apartment is so small Sonic Youth, ‘Skip Tracer’ it’s like, tiny, so where do they sleep A Tribe Called Quest, ‘Scenario’ so of course my sister let them sleep in Suzanne Vega, ‘Fat Man & Dancing her room and she was on the floor Girl’ cause she doesn’t even have like a Tom Waits, ‘Jersey Girl’ couch! so they slept in there for 3 Prince, ‘Little Red Corvette’ nights and after they leave what’s the Peter Gabriel, ‘Love to be Loved’ first thing my sister finds on the Palace Brothers, ‘I am a windowsill in her bedroom? A Cinematographer’ condom! Oh. My. God. Was it Talking Heads, ‘Psycho Killer’ hers? I said and she said fuck I hope so Wilco, ‘War on War’ or else mom and dad were doing it in Neil Young, ‘Pocahontas’ my bed which is completely Wyclef Jean, ‘Interlude’ disgusting! Or did you hear about Belle & Sebastian, ‘Seymour Stine’ Jeff, when his parents went out of The SugarCubes, ‘Birthday’ town last week? When they got back Miles Davis, ‘Freddie Freeloader’ his dad said I found something in our David Bowie, ‘Major Tom’ shower I think is yours and handed The Beastie Boys, ‘Heart Attack Man’ him a condom? holy fuck! Can you New Order, ‘Bizarre Love Triangle’ believe Jeff and Gina are fucking? Radiohead, ‘The Tourist’ That’s like so romantic. The Flaming Lips, ‘Slow Nerve Y. Yr so horny. Action’ Sufjan Stevens, ‘Riffs and Variations 2. on a Single Note for Jelly Roll, Earl Y. Yr so horny. Hines, Louis Armstrong, Baby X. oh my god I love this song! Dodds, and the King of Swing, to Name a Few’ 3. Bjork, ‘Hyperballad’ Y. Would you sleep with me? Underworld, ‘Born Slippy’ X. With your gay ass? Why bother? Missy Elliot, ‘Get Ur Freak On’ Y. Yo la Tengo, ‘Autumn Sweater’ X. See? I say the word and the fuck Jeff Buckley, ‘Lover, You Should’ve goes right out of you. Come Over’ Y. I’m not gay. I made it up so I Marvin Gaye, ‘Wholy Holy’ could get close to you. Jim O’Rourke, “Not Sport, Martial X. That’s so not romantic. But ok. Art” Y. Yr sooo horny! They kiss and get back to Cosmo
Diagram for Reality that Exists Within Earshot
Record: 22 people together listening to Glenn Gould’s Goldberg Variations on vinyl. In the front room of a house. As a crescendo inklings up the door to outside opens. “Cristiana!” Shuffle of looking, coat removal and made space. The music ignores the disturbance. Play this recording in a smaller room, and record the playback. In a smaller room, record the playback of the recorded playback. Record the playback of the recorded playback of the recorded playback in a smaller room. In a smaller room. In a smaller room. In a smaller room. In a small- er room. In a smaller room. In a smaller room. In a smaller room. In a smaller room. In a smaller room.
Variations: Use increasingly larger rooms. A different name. Someone leaves. A different # of people. At a wake.
Watching Daniel Bernard Roumain Present the World Premiere of The Tuscaloosa Meditations, Which to Myself, Parched for Sound Straightfaced and Didactic, Appeared in a Revelation of Cherubic Halo and Pastel Robe Thrashing, in an Unraveled Pit of Angels Moshing, as My Brain’s Ulterior Lobe Perceived, Though After Days of Again Pursuing Domestic Habits I Begin to Wonder If It was Really All That
when he does go out the back of the really good pun squiggle mouthed / step slap demanded by deity to –attack man! why not beat-box your violin if you pedal-box its amplification? applause thrall boomp ba boomp boomp ba boomp ba boomp a barely symphonic boomp ba drum smack for a spotless and spatialized
/ God is in a foreign language an instrument a compliment to his own powers. record: panther fist sweetly on its way home overlording / from so high the strobe slows us sing Jesus. the right number of trees
Radio City
Sit in your car. Turn your car’s radio ON. FM, preferably. Set the radio to SCAN mode. Lift the volume out of its lowness; or, let it settle to barely audible. While your car’s radio scans through its receivable stations, lingering only ever momentarily before spinning forward its own digital dial, drive from one major metropolis to another, a distance of ≥ 300 km, preferably. Drive like your radio.
The Greater Pleasure, for Steak ‘n Shake Short Order Hamburger Grill Cook
Who Aristotle calls “the kind that has no natural stopping,” there is no need to wear his meanings on his faces, for
the hearer always feels a grasping hunger hearing fork and flipper smack into the meat a kind of form, force’s artificial space shortly asizzle.
Impetus never sounded so good.
The Sea Long Ago as God Would Have It, for Video Game and Piano
Play together:
Video Game: The Legend of Zelda: Windwaker, the non-combative boat-travel music.*
Piano: The opening two bars of Sufjan Stevens’ Flint (For the Unemployed and Underpaid). Repeat 1, 680 times.
*The skill in playing this part will come in discovering how to avoid all evil and music altering interaction for an extended period of time.
With Enough Lubrication It Will, for the George Winter Band’s Drum Machine
Philosophy may be false, but of pulse the lesson has proven with enough lubrication it will boom-diddy. How about that.
Horny, for Car Stereo and Horn
A Performance for the Old In and Out
Windows rolled up. Mellow soft leather interior. Park or drive in a highly trafficked area. Downtown, a shopping mall lot. Nick Drake’s Pink Moon is in your car stereo’s compact disc player.* Track 5, “Horn,” is playing on repeat. It is soft like summer beer. Which you, because in a car, cannot drink. As the song plays on repeat over and over it is very short rest your hands atop the steering wheel where they may tap out a brief beat or follow the spare melody. You want to make noise. How good that beer is sounding. How easy to sound your car-horn. Improvise short staccato bursts. Create meandering rhythmic passages that extend across many repeats of “Horn.” Drone blare the melody drifts under and over. Horn to your content. While you are happy less people around your car will be happy. Context.
*mp3, iPod, however you get off.
Outside the Old Europe Bistro
the new age meditative shit they’re piping through the patio speakers after like half- an-afternoon of mint tea and éclairs I realize is a real dude playing a real oversize gourd-on-a-stick-with-strings thingy, which is like so cool.
After half an after noon.
The Clapper v. The Crusher
The stage is partitioned into three rooms. In each room are the following items: a lamp with one The Clapper device attached. a large pile of empty aluminum cans. one The Crusher, attached to a wall.
Two performers per room: The Clapper operator and The Crusher operator. Each is dressed as his or her favorite sexual fantasy. The two may switch roles as they desire, even move to and from each room, provided the balance of two performers to a room is strictly maintained. Each duo proceeds through the performance at their own pace.
The Performance:
(Light clapping and crushing for some minutes alone.)
I clap
I crush
I clap
I am holding a goat
I clap
I am holding a goat
I crush
I clap
I am holding a there is a goat in my arms
I crush
I clap
I clap
I crush
volcano
I clap
there is a goat in my arms I am holding
blue / I crush / tornado
I crush
I rack
I clap
I rack
I am holding a goat
(Pause. 60 seconds of terror screaming.)
I crush
I am holding an
aluminum
aluminum
I rack aluminum
I clap
volcano / blue / I rack
Vatican blue aluminum
goat
I am holding an aluminum
goat / I clap
in my arms is
I crush
I clap
I crush
Vatican
I am holding
I clap
blue / Vatican / goat
I am holding
I crush my aluminum arms I clap
I crush
I crush
I crush
I crush
I rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I crush
(Repeat for 60 minutes.)
International 4900 Dumptruck Unloading Graveled Limestone, 15 Ton
ocean mind drop of me all salt and bare
Intimate Moments for Public Theatre: The Flying Bathroom
(Nairobi slums.)
Squats and shits in his own hand. Then: Roger Clemens.
I’m All Wired Up: Blueprint for a Song
Digitalized Voice:
The good is enemy of the best.
The Beats:
Treadmill runner. Insane racquetball. Distance swimmer.
The Bridge:
I’m a pig, or The Kentucky Derby.
Time Signature Shift:
A woman “reading” Vogue. A man “reading” Penthouse.
Climactic Key Change:
I locked them in the car with the engine running.
Fade Out:
Chainsaw through a cherry tree.
LaMonte Young is a Punk or Nice Hat, Bitch
Q: “Draw a straight line and follow it”?
A: poem my obsidian mallet banging your marshmallow gong
[locked groove]
Mutherfucka!, for the Strange Double Streetlight Directly Across from 16 Lakeview, Tuscaloosa, AL, which Emits a Horrendous White Buzzing That on May 7, 2007 Began at Exactly 7:47pm while My ______* and I Sat On the Front Porch Slugging Cheap Wine and Discussing Commercial Airliners
Travel to the above location. Record the buzz as best as possible. Climb the damn pole, if need be.
“More carnality is called for to combat this creature,” the diarist concluded.
Play the recording in various natural settings, e.g. a park, a forest, beside a waterfall, in a cave, between your thighs, etc.
*Insert relevant relationship: lover, dickwad, partner, manfriend, fuckbuddy, etc.
A Passive Universe Foists Its Guilt, for Garbage Truck Compaction and Acceleration, Too Early Monday and Thursday Mornings, Accompanied by the Dawn Chorus
We glimpse in the balk
a weakness for flatulent habit, an intestine warring the warning fade-out fade-in of bird song not remotely heard beside the bulge of such belly.
The Pattern of History Ends Here, for Model Train
An elevated (app. 2.5-2.75m) and straight stretch of track (app. 10m). The track ends at the edge of the elevated section, in such a manner that when the train reaches the end of the track its momentum will arc it floorward. One mic is placed upon the train engine; the other is set on the floor as near as possible to the estimated point of impact. Both microphones record to the same source. Point of impact will vary in accordance with the engineer’s ease of abandonment / ability to let it rip. Best done proper the first time. Purposeful and imminent destruction gets expensive and won’t willingly be funded forever. This is a theory of history as experienced by the reader. Do the math and let it rip into perfectly engineered submission.
Time as Emotion Measured in Shopping Malls
10 strips of Velcro, all of different length, are attached to a flat surface. They might appear like this:
or more like the wave-indicator on your media player.
All ten strips are pulled from their base at the same time. Their removal is to be so slow as to last 10 days.
Variation: Miserable makes yesteryear stick.
Trying Out New Audience-Specific Material
An audience of stuffed animals. A saxophone sweetly improvises.
Mr. Goodnight,* have you? Ring-eyed Raccy, have you? Theodore Frog, have you? Termy, have you? Alexander Anteater, have you? Bessy, have you? Alejandro, have you? Jamica Cow, have you? Fuzzy, have you? Stripes, have you? Old Elephant, have you? John Paul Giraffe, have you? My Cozy, have you? Bear Bear, have you? Mr. Peter, have you? Placido, my flamingo, have you? Duck, have you? Bellalina, have you? Mrs. Ms., have you? Oka-oka-um, have you? Lady Big, have you? and Soft Turtle, have you?
*Names will vary given who is present in your audience.
The Greatest Album Ever v. The Greatest Poems Ever, for a Poetry Reading
Procure a portable record player and a copy of Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music on vinyl. At the appropriate moment* of your reading put on side 4 of Metal Machine Music. The needle can be dropped onto any point in the record, though it is fun to pretend you are precisely selecting an exact groove on the vinyl’s surface. While the record plays read your favorite Mother Goose rhymes, as if Mother Goose is a psychobitch not fit for feeding the young’uns. When finished reading let the record continue to play and return to your seat. Or, better yet, leave and go home.
*This piece is most effective as a closer.