But my religion teaches that Additional brochures available from homosexuality is wrong. PFLAG National at www.pflag.org: . Answers to Your Questions About Sexual For many parents, this can be the most Orientation and Homosexuality (American difficult issue to reconcile. For others it is not Psychological Association) an issue at all. Though some religions still . Be Yourself! (for youth) condemn homosexuality, there are respected leaders within nearly every religious group . Faith in Our Families who believe that it is wrong to pass judgment . Is Homosexuality a Sin? on gay people, and others who not only . Our Daughters and Sons include, but also celebrate the gay people in . Our Trans Children (for parents of their communities. PFLAG NYC can refer you transgendered children) to information specific to your own religion, . Read This Before Coming Out To Your including local gay-friendly congregations. We Parents (for parents and children) also offer two brochures: Is Homosexuality a . Opening the Straight Spouse’s Closet Sin? and Faith in Our Families. . Recommended Reading List Answers to Now what? How can I support my Parents’ Questions child? about The fact that you are reading this shows that you are a concerned parent who is willing to , Gay, Bisexual show some support for your child. As with & People many other issues you may encounter within your family, you should be willing to talk, Our main monthly meeting is on listen, and learn together with your child. In the second Sunday of every month some cases, it may help for you to be able to from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. talk about your feelings, and PFLAG NYC is at St. Bartholomew’s Community House here to help you with your needs as the 109 E. 50th St. (between Park & Lex) parent of a gay child. , NY

One way you can support your child is to educate yourself as much as possible about For other meeting locations throughout the city, see our website. gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender orientation and then help reduce some of the All are welcome, including parents, homophobia that exists in our society. After friends, family members and gay, all, it is silence that allows prejudice and lesbian, bisexual and transgender discrimination to survive. people, with or without their families.

For more information, ask for our special PFLAG brochure for parents—Our Daughters and Sons. 130 E. 25th St. | New York, NY 10010 Parents, Families and Friends of Office: 646-240-4288 | Helpline: 212-463-0629 [email protected] and Gays of New York City www.pflagnyc.org | www.stayclose.org 212-463-0629 | [email protected] www.pflagnyc.org | www.stayclose.org Why did my child wait so long to tell me? PFLAG NYC holds monthly meetings in What do you do when you first find out which families help one another through that your child is gay, lesbian, bisexual It can be difficult to realize that you don’t know what can be a difficult process. or transgender? your child as well as you may have thought. It takes many gay people a long time to figure out I have gay friends, so why am I so This brochure is designed to answer some what they’re feeling. Many report growing up uncomfortable now that it’s my child? common questions you may have and feeling “different,” but not really understanding Homophobia is too prominent in our society address some of the emotions you may be why. In addition, our predominant culture to put out of our minds completely. Realize feeling in the wake of this discovery. It will teaches gay people that who they are is not that it will take time to adjust to this new take some time to absorb and process all of “okay,” causing many to internalize self-hate or information and don’t chastise yourself for this new information. Just remember that you insecurity. The fact that s/he told you means that not feeling the way you “should” about it. are not alone. According to some widely s/he is inviting you to share in a more open and accepted statistics, roughly one in four honest relationship. families has an immediate family member who I can accept that my child is gay, but is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Isn’t being gay considered deviant why does s/he have to flaunt it? Remember that you love your child, and to behavior? Gay people are often accused of “flaunting” preserve—perhaps even strengthen—your their homosexuality (or , or Being gay is not a behavior. It is an inherent trait, relationship with him/her, you must try to transgender identity) when they come out. In just as being heterosexual is. It is not something move towards understanding and, eventually, our world, we tend to make assumptions a person chooses about him/herself. Though acceptance. that everyone we see is heterosexual. As a some societies may still consider gay people Note: From this point on, we will use the word “gay” to refer to result, we tend to not be surprised or “deviants,” that definition is not supported by people who are not heterosexual, both male and female. uncomfortable when people express their prominent organizations like the American attraction to the opposite sex or talk matter- How can s/he be sure? Maybe s/he’s Psychiatric Association, the American of-factly about their straight partners, lovers, Psychological Association, the American Medical just rebelling or experimenting. families, and friends. Yet gay people are Association, and other mental health It is natural to try to think of this new made to feel they must hide these aspects professionals, who all agree that homosexuality information as “just a phase.” However, of themselves. For them, coming out is a is not an illness, a mental disorder, or an because our culture is still predominantly anti- positive way to challenge our assumptions emotional problem, but simply a fact of life for gay, there is very little chance that someone and to help affirm their self-esteem. some people. who is heterosexual would choose to live as Will my child be discriminated gay. Keep in mind that you would probably Why is my child gay? Should I take never ask “Are you sure you’re straight?” against? Is s/he in danger? him/her to therapy? Unfortunately, both of these things are Some parents feel that they would be better Although it is not known specifically what causes possible. On the brighter side, attitudes off not knowing that they have a gay child. people to be gay, most scientists agree that it is about differences in sexual orientation have Please remember that someone who has likely the result of a complex interaction between begun to change as society becomes better “come out” to you has usually gone through a biological and environmental factors. The informed. There are many places where your long and hard process of acknowledging American Psychological Association states child will be accepted for who s/he is and his/her own sexual orientation. The fact that “…Homosexuality is not an illness. It does not will be able to live in relative safety. your child told you shows his/her love for you require treatment and is not changeable.” and desire to have an honest relationship with However, until homophobia no longer exists you. It may also be a sign of a need for Many gay people or their family members do in our society, your child may encounter support. According to one study, up to 80% seek help to work through their feelings about some significant obstacles. It is even more of gay youth report feeling severe social and coming out. unfortunate when this discrimination exists emotional isolation. within a child’s own family.