• Abstract and Figures
• Public Full-text

Story and photos by Bill Curry The Cult of KIMBO The cult of Kimbo Slice is the purest example of successful viral market- ing in MMA history. His staged bare-knuckle backyard brawls have been downloaded and forwarded all over the globe, making him a worldwide sensation. But is he for real? was unavailable for autographs to anyone, including eight-year-old boys, because accord- ing to his main blocker and top assistant, “The man be focusing on the weigh-in at hand!” Meanwhile, Anderson Silva, current UFC middleweight champ, Ricco Rodriguez, former UFC heavyweight champ, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueria, current UFC heavyweight champ, the great Yves Edwards, and future great Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva sat calmly poolside at the Coral Gables Holiday Inn, chatting with anyone who cared to come up to them without any apparent fuss or muss, and with no securi- ty detail in sight. While they had all showed up well in advance of the scheduled weigh-ins, the MMA legends with well over 130 fights he cult of Kimbo has blown into a full- number of bodyguards that would put any scale religion. It was Showtime’s gangsta’ rapper to shame, Kimbo looked more T EliteXC who passed the collection like a modern-day Chaka Zulu with his devo- plate to a sold-out South Florida arena and tees taking themselves so seriously that you came up with a gold infusion for Kimbo’s high- had to wonder if they, like King Chaka’s follow- priest MMA producers when they matched him ers, would be willing to jump off a cliff to prove against a fading Tank Abbott. their loyalty! Perhaps the only difference Fitting the role of prophet to a “T,” Kimbo between the two is that King Chaka didn’t have looked like a mystic warrior of biblical propor- a part-time job as a security guard. tions who could hold up King Solomon’s tem- ple (and King Solomon himself!) without break- The Weighs Ins ing a sweat. Surrounding himself with a huge At the weigh-in before the fight, King Kimbo 2 GLADIATOR between them were and exactly according to the instructions on the mark on his face. It was a perfect 60 second forced to wait for the little signs, the crowd went wild, waving their payday for Tank and a perfect outcome for arrival of the tardy “Kick Ass Kimbo” signs and hoping perhaps to Showtime and their carefully crafted signs King Kimbo. get caught on camera. which had urged Kimbo to victory. Judging As his bigger-than-life poster stared menac- David Ferguson (aka Kimbo Slice) then from the reaction of the crowd, Showtime and ingly out from on-stage at the awaiting fans peeled down and stepped into the cage. With EliteXC seem to have a money messiah on their and fighters, King Kimbo huddled in a dark cor- his massive bald head buffed to a the sheen of hands in the form of one Kimbo Slice. His legit- ner of the bar area surrounded by his a Spartan shield and his gnarly beard perfectly imacy is not even an issue – to them. entourage. Like Elvis awaiting the chance to coiffed, he stalked a calm and even indifferent The manufactured hype surrounding Kimbo fling off his sequined cape in Vegas, Kimbo Tank Abbott, pacing back and forth and match- before the match was truly astounding. In a finally mustered all his strength to make his dra- ing Tank’s resting heart-rate warm-up routine. supposed neutral promotion where the best matic entrance. After an eternity of huddled Kimbo never let his eyes move off Tank, like a man is supposed to win under equal condi- prayer by him and his minions, King Kimbo lion eyeing a tasty gazelle on the African plains. tions, Kimbo was crowned before the corona- sloughed off his street apparel and stepped tion. Conversely, I have never seen a fighter so onto the digital scale of his pre-coronation. The Fight forlorn, deserted, and solitary as Tank Abbot as Tank Abbot had been sitting with his girl- When the bell rang the roar of the crowd he awaited his call to leave the backstage area friend and got up to go to the scale. But she drowned out even Kimbo’s posse. As the fight for the cage. chided the mighty one, “David, give me your got underway, the final outcome was glaringly sunglasses or you will lose them up The Spectacle there.” Tank obediently complied. As While the spectacle of Kimbo cele- the two appeared together Tank was brating in the ring afterwards with his cool and Kimbo was fierce. Tank was homeboys and superstar trainer Bas indifferent and King Kimbo was Rutten was to be expected, what was just…different. After the required somewhat disturbing was Kimbo face-off for the cameras Kimbo’s posse being presented a trophy the size of shouted to Tank as he walked off, “You an Easter Island megalith. Why the tro- gonna get some!” Tank didn’t even phy? I thought you got a trophy this break stride, perhaps still focusing on size for winning the K-1 championship not losing his shades. by beating three guys in a single night after a year of brutal qualifying tourna- The Warm Ups ments; or maybe for winning the Backstage just before the match, Mundials by submitting multiple former MMA fighter and Tank-trainer opponents over three days. But there David Herrera was saying that Kimbo King Kimbo stood, a single victory had no idea what was coming for him. having given him an Olympic-sized Tank had trained hard for this fight, trophy and apparently made him an Herrera maintained, and was going to instant legend. It was indeed an epic charge around the cage during the piece of marketing and public rela- introductions, get his heart rate up to tions by Showtime, even though it had around 170 beats-per-minute, and very little to do with the essence of come at Kimbo fully amped, with short MMA or the essence of a true sporting uppercuts, at the sound of the bell. competition. Their motto seems to be, Once Kimbo started moving back- “If you give him a trophy, people will wards Tank would be able to land a come.” And perhaps they will. If knockout blow and end the match. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin can be Honestly, as great plans go, it sounded made into a star then why not Kimbo like a great one. Slice? Tank entered the cage first and walked back and forth rather than The Future of King Kimbo “charged” back and forth, and if his pulse got evident in about four seconds of wild swinging Putting on my own mantle of holiness to even as high as 70 beats per minute it would by Tank and a few disciplined connections from match the reverence shown to King Kimbo on have been a shock. Almost as if on cue (actually Kimbo. Tank quickly “tanked” and lay with his this night by Showtime, I prophesize that King it was on cue) the crowd reached under their head pinned to the floor. Kimbo treated the Kimbo will get whole regions of acolytes from seats and produced pre-placed signs with once-feared fighter like a schoolboy does a dis- the 305 area code, the ones he kept sign-flash- “Gold’s Gym” emblazoned on one side and obedient pet. For his part, Tank took his pun- ing to via the TV cameras during his pre-fight “Kick Ass Kimbo” on the other. In small print ishment like a man. He got back up, took some antics, to be his bodyguards, He will have MMA running across the bottom of each sign were the more thumping, and lay down again. It was princesses marching into the arena before him instructions, “Hold up this card to show Kimbo over for Tank in just 46 seconds. In those same throwing flowers on the floor as he walks to the your support as he enters the ring.” If that isn’t 46 seconds Kimbo’s road to mass adulation and cage. His next hand-picked opponent will get a spontaneous outpouring of public support instant celebrity had begun. knocked out as quickly as Mr. Tank Abbott. His then I don’t know what is. Meanwhile, poor Tank next trophy will be so large it will have to be was left with nary a pom-pom to signal his The Aftermath delivered into the cage by a forklift. As all this arrival. He wasn’t wearing his sunglasses into the Tank sat on a stool the required time happens as it inevitably will, the true MMA fans ring so maybe he had lost them after all. deemed necessary by the ever-vigilant Florida around the world will have to suffer in silence State Athletic Commission to ensure no dam- until King Kimbo (that’s Mr. Slice to you) either The Entrance age had occurred, then stood up and took out proves himself good or bad by fighting a gen- As Kimbo solemnly marched ever-so-slowly his mouthpiece. He smiled ever so grandly at uine opponent in an unbiased environment down the ramp, he looked to the heavens someone ringside and walked solo out the without the pre-placed signs. Until then, all you above and the crane camera captured his rap- open gate, through the frenzied crowd, to his can really say is that we seem to be seeing the turous face for all to see. Meanwhile, on cue waiting girlfriend backstage – all without a second coming of “Stone Cold.” G GLADIATOR 3.

Load more

  2

Copy Link